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March 3, 2025 14 mins

Have you ever found yourself overwhelmed with commitments you didn’t even want to take on in the first place? What if the secret to reclaiming your time and productivity wasn’t another planner or time-management hack—but simply learning how to say no?

If you often feel drained, overcommitted, or stuck in a cycle of doing things for others at the expense of your own priorities, this episode is for you. People pleasing may seem harmless, but it’s likely one of the biggest roadblocks to your productivity and peace of mind.

In this episode, you’ll learn:
✅ How people pleasing secretly kills your productivity (and what to do about it).
✅ A simple decision-making method—the Love and Fit Test—to break the cycle of saying yes too often.
✅ How to say no with confidence, without guilt or awkwardness.


Hit play now and start reclaiming your time and energy by breaking free from the habit of people pleasing!


Featured on the podcast
Ep #61:11 Ways to Say No Effortlessly & Guilt Free, To Stop People Pleasing



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Life can be overwhelming, but on this podcast, you'll discover practical strategies to overcome overwhelm, imposter syndrome, and negative self-talk, manage time effectively, set boundaries, and stay productive in high-stress jobs—all while learning how to say no and prioritize self-care on the Overwhelmed Worki...

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Transcript

Episode Transcript

Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Michelle Gauthier (00:00):
Every time you say yes to something that
you don't want to do, you'resaying no to something else.
You're listening to OverwhelmedWorking Woman, the podcast that
helps you be more calm and moreproductive by doing less.
I'm your host, MichelleGauthier, a former Overwhelmed

(00:21):
Working Woman and current lifecoach.
On this show, we unpack thestress and pressure that today's
working woman experiences andin each episode, you'll get a
strategy to bring more calm,ease and relaxation to your life
.
Hello friend, if you had toguess at one thing that really

(00:42):
keeps you from getting thingsdone, what would that thing be?
I will tell you what I think.
It is based on my experience incoaching hundreds of women and
that answer is people pleasing.
We think a lot of times that inorder to be productive, we have
to have planners and apps andtime blocking, and I agree that
all those things are important.

(01:02):
But if you were able to removepeople pleasing, remove the
habit, it's just a habit.
Sometimes people say I am apeople pleaser, but you just
have the habit of peoplepleasing.
If you could remove the habitof people pleasing from your
life, you cannot imagine howmuch more time and space you
will have in your brain and inyour actual time to get things

(01:23):
done.
So today I'm going to talk toyou about how people pleasing
secretly kills your productivity, how to do the love and fit
test, which is a super easy wayto break the cycle of people
pleasing, and then how to say nowithout guilt or even
awkwardness.
So by the end of this episode,you will have learned all the

(01:44):
things that it takes to stop thehabit of people pleasing, and I
will give you a few veryspecific steps that you can
start, starting today, as soonas you're finished listening to
this podcast.
I want to tell you right now ifpeople pleasing is something
that you really struggle with,and, although you'll listen to
this episode and learn from it,if you end up thinking, okay,

(02:05):
that's not enough for me.
I'm going to need I've got aserious habit of people pleasing
and I'm going to need a lotmore than that I want to tell
you that I do have a spot openfor one-on-one coaching right
now.
If you have been thinking aboutpotentially coaching to stop
feeling overwhelmed, to stoppeople pleasing, to learn how to
say no and just to make yourwhole life feel better, I've got
a spot open.

(02:25):
If your intuition is tellingyou that you should reach out to
me and learn more about that,please do so.
Click on the send me a messagelink in the show notes.
Send me a message and we willfigure out a good time for a
free call.
Let's get into it.
Okay, let's first start out bytalking about how people
pleasing secretly kills yourproductivity, because a lot of

(02:47):
times when I start working witha client and they realize that
they're a people pleaser,they'll say things like well,
I'm just trying to be nice, or Ijust I like to help others, or
I was raised to help others, orwhatever it is, and that's okay.
You can do all those thingswithout being a people pleaser.
The problem is that every timeyou say yes to something you
don't want to do.
So let's say, at work they askyou to be in charge of the

(03:09):
company picnic.
It's got nothing to do withyour job, but you're just kind
of a social person and you'regood at pulling things together.
So they ask you to do it andyou want to say no, but instead
you say yes because you don'twant anybody to be upset with
you and you know that you coulddo a really good job at it and
you know if someone else does it, it won't be as good as if you
do it all those things.

(03:30):
So let's say you commit to that.
I want to emphasize that if youget asked to do the company
picnic and it has nothing to dowith your job, but it sounds
super fun to you and that'ssomething that you absolutely
love to do and you say, yes,great.
I'm not suggesting that youshould never say yes to anything
.
I'm suggesting that youshouldn't say yes to things that

(03:50):
you actually don't want to do.
So let's think about how muchtime that this will take up.
You say yes to the companypicnic.
That's hours and hours ofmeetings and planning and phone
calls and coordinating probablysome in the evening because you
have to do your real job duringthe day.
Then there's the day of whereyou have to get there early and
recruit your whole family tohelp you set up and stay until

(04:12):
it's over, and just the amountof hours.
So let's just conservativelysay that that's like 15 to 20
hours extra on top of your job,your family, your house, your
kids' sports, everything elsethat you have going on.
So how does that kill yourproductivity?
It's a simple math problem inthat case.
So there's 15 to 20 hours thatyou have just dedicated to

(04:35):
something that you don't want todo, and by doing that, you've
lost 15 to 20 hours where youcould be doing all those things
I just listed your job, going toyour kids' sports practices, I
don't don't know.
Making dinner for your family,laying on the couch and watching
Netflix at night instead oflike searching the best parks in
the area as an example.
So every time you do somethinglike this, whether it be that

(04:58):
example.
Or you take on something extraif your kids on a team and they
ask you to be like the teamparent and you don't want to do
it, or you're always the one whohosts the family holidays and
birthdays and events and youdon't want to be that person, or
maybe you just find that youare constantly checking your

(05:18):
phone because you feel the needto immediately respond to other
people's texts so that they'renot upset with you.
That's people pleasing too.
Every single time you dosomething like that, it is a
time drain and it's taking timeaway from where you could, a be
relaxing or, b getting somethingdone that you actually want to
do or need to do.
So even though people pleasingcan seem like a harmless habit,

(05:42):
it's really taking up a lot ofspace in your brain and a lot of
time.
So what to do about this?
I have a method called the loveand fit test, and I've talked
about this on other podcastepisodes, but what it is is
essentially a really simple wayto make a decision decision.
What I find a lot is that womenwho are people pleasers and

(06:04):
don't know how to say no whichare, you know, tied together
very closely often say yesbefore they even stop and
evaluate if they want to say yesor no.
Just yes is their automaticanswer, just like taking a
breath.
So this love and fit test is away to train your brain to pause
and stop and think about if youactually want to do the thing.

(06:25):
So here's what you do.
If somebody says to you hey,would you like to be in charge
of the company picnic?
I want you to ask yourself twothings.
This is the love and fit test.
Number one do I absolutely lovethis idea?
Is this something that isexciting to me, and would I do
it even if nobody expected me to?
So I gave that example at thebeginning and said if you're the

(06:46):
kind of person where runningthe company picnic sounds
absolutely perfect to you, thengreat, you'd say yes to this.
I would personally say no.
And then the second question ofthe love and fit test is does
this fit into the life I'mtrying to create?
So please note, this isn't justdoes this fit into my schedule,
but does this fit into theoverall life that I'm trying to

(07:08):
create?
I'm always trying to create alife that is free from overwhelm
and is not stressful.
So for me, for my example do.
I absolutely love this idea.
No.
Does it fit into the type oflife I'm trying to create?
No, so that's easy.
If it's no for both, then youjust say no.
And if you're right nowthinking, but I don't know how
to say no, I'm going to get tothat in just a minute.

(07:29):
So hold that question.
If the answer is yes, for both,so, yes, I absolutely love this
idea.
And, yes, it fits into the kindof life that I'm trying to
create for myself.
So maybe you're trying tocreate a life that is more
social, where you're doing morefun things, and this just sounds
really fun to you.
So if the answers are yes andyes, love it and it fits great,

(07:50):
that's a yes, go for it.
And then, if there's one yesand one no, that's where you
have to pause and just be honestwith yourself and decide.
So we've got the absolute noand the absolute yes, and then
we have kind of this maybe.
So let's just talk through that.
So let's just say do Iabsolutely love this idea is a
yes, I love event planning.

(08:11):
I'm really good at it.
I know I'll be able to get itdone.
It sounds like fun to me tothink about fun games that
everyone can play at the picnic.
And then the second questiondoes it fit into the life that
I'm trying to create?
I'd have to say no, that isn't,because what I'm trying to do
is work just from eight to fiveand not on weekends, and not do

(08:33):
anything extra right now, basedon where my family is and where
I am.
So you've got a yes it soundslike fun, you love the idea and
a no to does it fit into thetype of life that I'm trying to
create?
That's when you have to decide.
So in that case I would sayit's a no, because it depends
how dedicated you are to thetype of life that you're trying
to create.
But I would always say tochoose that one for sure.

(08:56):
Maybe the opposite is true,maybe it doesn't sound like any
fun to you and you're a no onthe.
Do I love this idea?
But you're a yes into is thisin line with the type of life
I'm trying to create?
So maybe at work you're tryingto get more visibility, or
you're trying to spend more timewith your co-workers or you're
trying to do more fun things.

(09:17):
So it's a no, I'm not thatexcited about it.
Yes, it does fit into the typeof life I'm trying to create,
then you just have to decide.
I personally would say that'salso a no, but you decide for
you.
So, again, the main thing to dohere is pause before you say
anything and feel free to buyyourself some time with that too
.
If you need to do the love andfit test and you really need a

(09:37):
second to think about it which Ifeel like you should, you would
you can always say oh, thanksfor thinking about me, I'll need
to get back to you on that.
It is not an emergency 99.9% ofthe time.
It's not an emergency to getback to someone quickly, and you
can always buy yourself sometime to do the love and fit test
.
So let's say you go through itand the answer ends up being a

(10:00):
no for you.
The third thing is how do yousay no without the guilt or the
awkwardness?
Just in general, saying nodoesn't mean that you're mean or
you're selfish or you'reunhelpful.
It just means you're clear andclarity is a gift.
And thinking about if you knowsomeone who says yes when they

(10:21):
mean yes and no when they meanno, what do you think about them
?
Do you think that those peopleare mean and selfish and jerks?
I don't.
I'm thinking of the people inmy life who are very straight up
and direct and will tell me yesor no, and I am grateful for
their clarity, because if theysay yes to me about something, I
know they really mean it.
If they say no to me aboutsomething, I know they really

(10:42):
mean it.
I absolutely love it.
I feel like it's very clear.
So think about that.
What you're doing is you'regiving someone a clear answer.
Don't judge that it's mean orrude or who else is going to do
it, etc.
Etc.
So you kind of get it set inyour mind and remind yourself
I'm not mean or selfish orunhelpful, I'm clear.

(11:04):
And then you have to just saythe word no.
A couple things about saying no.
First of all, you can simplysay no, thank you.
I have a whole episode that islike 20 different ways to say no
.
So if you need more ideas, goback and listen to that episode.
I'll link it in the show notes.
But you can simply say no,thank you.

(11:24):
No itself is a completesentence.
You do not have to giveexplanation.
In fact, I think not givingexplanation is much better than
giving a whole bunch ofexplanation.
So if I were to say no, I don'thave the capacity to do that at
the moment, but I hope you findsomebody great for it.
Done Instead of no.
I'm really trying to spend moretime at home with my family and

(11:46):
I'm really sorry.
My work is really busy rightnow and I really need to keep my
weekends freed up.
My kids are doing a bunch ofsports and blah, blah, blah.
You don't have to justify it.
You can say no anytime you wantto say no.
So, even though it's painful,try to say no politely.
No, thank you.
However, you want to say it andthen just leave it at that.
You do not need to give a big,long explanation and just

(12:08):
another reminder.
A lot of times when we say no,we and we're people pleasers
we're thinking a lot about whatother people are thinking about
our response.
So if I say no, they're goingto think I'm X.
I just want to remind you thatyou can never know what someone
else is thinking about you.
You can guess, but you cannever really know what they're
thinking about you.
So they might be thinking wow,good for her, she really told me

(12:31):
the truth and stood up forherself.
Or they might be thinking oh,she's not a team player, why
wouldn't she do that?
It doesn't really matter whatthey're thinking, it really
doesn't.
Just let them think whateverthey want to think, not your
problem, okay.
So, to summarize, if you wantto get more time back in your
life, a quick way to do that isto stop people pleasing.

(12:52):
And to stop people pleasingwhen someone asks you to do
something, use the love and fittest and then communicate no as
concisely and clearly as you can, without too much explanation.
Give that a try.
I would love to hear how itgoes.
Send me a message and tell meabout your successes or troubles
in saying no.

(13:14):
Okay, let's talk aboutMichelle's do less for more
success tip this week.
My do less for more success tipcomes from my niece Skylar.
I learned this from her andwhat she does on Sundays is
she's got like a rolling rackcloset thing like you might see
in a store.
She has that in her room and onSundays she hangs up what

(13:35):
outfit she's gonna wear everyday during the week.
This was like a good tip whenkids were little and I was
trying to think about that stuff, but I wouldn't think about
that for myself or for she's 18years old or for you know, an
older teen, but I absolutelylove that she was doing that.
Think about that for you and howeasy it could be if, while

(13:56):
you're putting away your cleanlaundry, if you just laid out
the outfits that you're going towear for the week.
Give it a try and let me knowhow that works for you.
Okay, if this episode resonatedwith you, I would love for you
to pass it on to a friend.
And if you want to dive deeperinto boundary setting and taking
back your time, make sureyou're on my email list.
This is something that I talkabout and will often send out

(14:19):
freebies and other tools thatyou can use to make the most of
your time.
The link is in the show notes.
Have a great week.
Thank you for listening to theOverwhelmed Working Woman
podcast.
If you want to learn more aboutmy work, head over to my
website at michellegauthier.
com.

(14:41):
See you next week.
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