Have you ever found yourself frustrated by someone’s actions, wishing they would just change? What if the key to peace of mind was simply letting them be?
We often waste energy trying to control or change others—whether it's a critical family member, an inconsiderate friend, or a coworker who never gives credit where it's due. This episode introduces the Let Them theory, a simple mindset shift that helps you focus on what you can control—your own response.
In this episode, you will:
- Learn how to reduce stress and emotional exhaustion by releasing the need to control others.
- Discover how to set boundaries without unnecessary conflict.
- Gain practical strategies to protect your peace while maintaining relationships.
Hit play now to learn how this one mindset shift can instantly free you from frustration and help you regain control over your emotional energy!
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Life can be overwhelming, but on this podcast, you'll discover practical strategies to overcome overwhelm, imposter syndrome, and negative self-talk, manage time effectively, set boundaries, and stay productive in high-stress jobs—all while learning how to say no and prioritize self-care on the Overwhelmed Working Woman podcast.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Michelle Gauthier (00:00):
If someone is doing something that you don't
like, instead of getting upsetabout it, you're just going to
let them do that thing.
You're listening to OverwhelmedWorking Woman, the podcast that
helps you be more calm and moreproductive by doing less.
(00:20):
I'm your host, MichelleGauthier, a former overwhelmed
working woman and current lifecoach.
On this show, we unpack thestress and pressure that today's
working woman experiences, andin each episode you'll get a
strategy to bring more calm,ease and relaxation to your life
.
Hello, friends, today we aregoing to be talking about the
(00:44):
Let them Theory.
If you have not read the Letthem Theory, Mel Robbins' new
book, this is going to give youa great overview of what the
theory is and how it can applyto your life, and I'm even going
to share with you how, readingthis book before I went on
vacation with my most darlinghandsome man friend from having
so many silly, pointlessarguments.
(01:04):
It's just an amazing concept,and I'm going to tell you all
about it.
What I'm going to tell youtoday is how the let them theory
can just instantly free youfrom stress and frustration, and
it's super simple.
Why so much of our overwhelmcomes from wanting people to be
different than they are Reallife examples of how to use this
mindset shift to stopoverthinking, over explaining
(01:27):
and overdoing for people whodon't deserve your energy.
And then I'm going to give youa simple, actionable little
challenge that will help youtake your power back and allow
you to stop being overwhelmedand annoyed by other people's
behavior.
Sounds good.
Right Before we dive in, Iwanted to let you know that I am
wrapping up the group coachinggroup that started in January
(01:50):
and finishes up in April, andI'm going to be launching a
brand new one, a new group ofwomen for a 12 week program.
If you aren't familiar with italready, it's called the Good
Life Group Coaching and it's forwomen who are high achievers
and are feeling overwhelmed andwant to learn specific skills
(02:11):
like how to stop people pleasing, how to say no, how to create
the life that you want to have.
Each week you will get groupcoaching with me, as well as
videos that you can watch onyour own time.
I designed this based on myyears of experience working with
one-on-one clients, and I havecreated videos that teach every
single concept that I feel likeis imperative to being able to
(02:35):
change your life, to feel lessoverwhelmed.
So, if you're interested in it.
There is a link in the shownotes where you can get on the
wait list and then, as soon as Iopen group coaching, you'll be
the first one to be notified.
If you have any questions aboutit, you can just also use the
message me link and ask me anyquestions that you have.
I just wanted to give you aheads up on that so that you can
(02:56):
start thinking about if thatfeels like a good fit for you.
Okay, let's get back to the letthem theory.
So, first of all, what is thelet them theory?
It's super simple.
So if someone is doingsomething that you don't like,
instead of getting upset aboutit, you're just going to let
them.
If your co-worker takes creditfor an idea that you have,
(03:26):
you're going to let them.
If your mom has super strongopinions about how you should be
raising your kids, you're goingto let her, and instead of
making it mean something aboutyou you're not good enough, or
you're doing something wrong, orthey don't respect you or they
don't like you.
You just let them be who theyare and then you decide what you
want to do.
(03:47):
I'm sure the first thing thatyou're probably thinking is so I
just let people act like jerksand I don't have to do anything
about it.
And yeah, that's correct,because let's just play it
through.
Let's use the example of yourmom has a lot of opinions about
how you should be raising yourkids.
Let's just say that your momthinks that your kids are on
their devices too much and shesays something to you like you
(04:09):
know, back in our day it wasgood for kids to be bored, and
your kids are never bored andthey really shouldn't be looking
at their devices all the time.
If you go down the path theopposite of let them, where you
are trying to take that on, makeit mean that you're a bad mom
or you're doing something wrong,and then take it on to try to
change her mind and explain howit's just different now and how
(04:31):
you feel like you're doing thebest you can, etc.
Etc.
The chances of you changing hermind or her behavior are just,
first of all, not very likelyand, second of all, not worth
your effort.
All you have to do is say I'mgoing to let her, I'm going to
let her have that opinion, butwe're not just saying forget
about it, ignore it, don't worryabout it.
(04:53):
What we're saying is not justlet everyone act like a jerk and
just don't worry about it.
It's very in line witheverything we talk about on this
podcast, which is put thingsinto two categories things you
can control and things you can'tcontrol.
You can't control your mom'sopinion, so just let her have it
.
You can control your ownopinion and what you think.
(05:13):
So after you say let them, solet her have her opinion, then
you say let me, what am I goingto do?
So let me decide if spendingtime with my mom is good for me
or let me decide that I'm notgoing to let her opinion bother
me anymore.
Have you ever sent a really long, thoughtful text to someone and
(05:33):
they just reply with a K andyou're like oh my gosh, did I
say something wrong?
Did they not read the text?
Are they mad at me?
Should I clarify what I meant?
No, you just let them.
Just let them be a person whoresponds with just a K and then
you get to decide Let me, let mekeep engaging, let me just
forget about this conversation,let me just notice that about
(05:58):
this person.
So I actually do know a coupleof people whose text responses
are very short.
They might talk to you a lotmore in person, but they're very
short text responses and youcan just choose to make that
mean absolutely nothing.
This one little mindset shiftcan save you so much mental and
emotional energy.
Remember how I was talking atthe beginning about how I had
(06:19):
read this book right before Iwent on vacation with the
handsome man friend and we'retraveling through the airport.
Keep in mind that I traveledfor business for years and years
Plus.
I have a super efficiencyfocused brain, so everything
that I do related to travel Ipack very light.
I know exactly where I'm going.
I have TSA pre check, I knowexactly the outfit I'm wearing.
(06:40):
Everything for me is just boom,boom, boom done.
That's how I travel.
He's kind of the opposite.
He's not in a rush, he likes todo things slowly.
His career has not requiredlike a ton of travel like mine
did, so he doesn't travel asmuch as I do.
He doesn't like it like I likeit.
So as we're going through theairport and we're getting ready
(07:00):
to go through security, he likepulls over to the side and he's
like oh, just a sec, I got toreshuffle my stuff and get ready
to go through security and inmy mind I'm like, get ready to
go through.
What are you even talking about?
Like I have everything exactlywhere it needs to be.
I can just grab the things thatI need and go through security.
And then it hit me.
I was like, let him reshufflehis stuff before you go through
(07:21):
security.
We had like another hour beforeour flight left.
What did I care if it took fiveminutes for him to put things
in different pockets and takeoff his watch and do whatever it
was that he was going to dobefore we went through security?
And then let me, let me justtake a deep breath and relax and
not make a big thing of it.
So that's the kind of thingthat could very easily turn into
(07:45):
just bickering or some kind ofunnecessary fight.
But remember that you alwayshave the power to just let them.
Let it be.
So.
Let's talk about why this works.
So most of our stress andoverwhelm when it comes to
relationships comes from wishingpeople were different than they
were.
So you wish your friend wouldbe more considerate, you wish
(08:10):
your boss was more laid back, oryou wish your boss gave you
more positive feedback.
You wish your sister was lessjudgmental.
But you know this if you'vebeen listening to this podcast
and you know this from your lifeyou can't change people.
So trying to control them,explaining yourself, convincing
them to try to see your side,waiting for them to act the way
(08:31):
that you want, it's exhausting.
Okay, let's say, at work, yourco-worker is constantly late to
meetings and you aren't.
So if someone has a questionand she's not there, they're
going to turn to you and so youfeel like you have to pick up
the slack for them.
You have the option to getreally annoyed and complain
about it to your otherco-workers and see them
frustration every time you sitdown on time and then she's not
(08:53):
there.
Or log in on time and she's notthere.
But if we apply the let themtheory to this, you just let her
be someone who's always lateand then you decide do you
adjust your expectations?
Do you just know she's notgoing to be there till 10
minutes after the meeting starts?
Do you set a boundary and sayI'm not going to cover for you
anymore if you're not there?
(09:13):
I'm just going to say you'llhave to ask Jennifer, I don't
know.
Letting them so letting her belate doesn't mean you're okay
with it.
It just means you stop beingemotionally attached to it.
You have no control over it, soyou can just detach from that
situation.
So here's how to apply the letthem theory in real life.
(09:35):
Again, it's so simple Just letpeople show you who they are and
then just let them be who theyare.
So, for example, if you have afriend who consistently cancels
on you, last minute let hercancel on you.
And then you say, let me notschedule anything else with her.
Or let me just roll the diceand schedule something with her,
(09:57):
knowing that chances are thatshe might cancel.
If you have a co-worker whoalways takes credit for your
ideas, let them.
They probably aren't going tostart giving you credit.
And then your part the let meis you're no longer going to be
frustrated by it, but you get todecide.
So do I want to talk to myco-worker about that?
Do I want to talk to my bossabout that?
(10:18):
Do I want to speak up in themeeting and say actually that
was my idea in the first place?
And here's kind of what I wasthinking in that area.
Another way to apply this toyour life is just to stop taking
things personally.
Don't make it mean anything.
If someone was really rude toyou.
Maybe they're just having a badday.
Just let them be rude.
If someone doesn't reply backto a text or an email you sent
(10:41):
them, maybe they're just busy.
Just let them not respond.
If someone judged your choicesand told you something was a bad
idea, chances are I feel likethis is true like 90% of the
time it's probably not about youat all.
And so what if, for today, youjust decide like nothing is
about me and I'm just going tolet people be who they are?
(11:02):
If you are able to focus on whatyou can control and use the let
them theory, let them doesn'tmean you have to accept bad
behavior.
It means that you recognizethat the power is in how you
respond.
So, for example, let your momjudge your parenting and then
decide if you want to change thesubject or set a boundary.
Let your friend cancel on youand then decide if you still
(11:26):
want to make plans with them.
When you stop wasting energy ontrying to change people, you
get your piece back.
So, in summary, the only thingthat you need to do, and the
main thing you need to take awayfrom this episode, is that when
someone behaves in a way thatyou don't like just let them.
Don't take it personally, don'tmake it mean anything.
(11:49):
Just release the need tocontrol the way that someone
else is responding and thendecide how you want to respond,
which is always in your control.
And my do less for more successtip for this week is when
someone does something thatnormally would stress you out,
like pulling off to the side toreshuffle things in your pocket
(12:09):
before you go through security,just let them.
This one shift can free youfrom so much unnecessary
frustration and exhaustion.
Just give it a try and see howmuch lighter you feel, and I
would love if you'd send me amessage and let me know how this
worked for you.
So just a reminder that I amgoing to be opening group
coaching and the signups willprobably begin at the beginning
(12:32):
of April.
So reach out to me.
Either get on the waitlist orsend me a message if you have
questions, but I wouldabsolutely love to talk to you
if you're interested.
It really is such a greatprogram and it is such a fun and
great way to be around otherwomen who are also trying to
change their lives.
It turns out to always be thefavorite thing.
I take a survey at thebeginning and say what are you
(12:54):
nervous about?
And people usually say being ingroup coaching.
And at the end I say what wasyour favorite part?
And they say the other peoplein group coaching and like the
bonds that they end up sharingwith these other women.
So it really is so much fun.
Okay, that is it for today.
I hope you have a wonderfulrest of the day and I hope that
(13:15):
you just let them let everyone.
Thank you for listening to theoverwhelmed working woman
podcast.
If you want to learn more aboutmy work, head over to my
website at michellegauthier.
com.
See you next week.
If someone is doing something that you don't
like, instead of getting upsetabout it, you're just going to
let them do that thing.
You're listening to OverwhelmedWorking Woman, the podcast that
helps you be more calm and moreproductive by doing less.
(00:20):
I'm your host, MichelleGauthier, a former overwhelmed
working woman and current lifecoach.
On this show, we unpack thestress and pressure that today's
working woman experiences, andin each episode you'll get a
strategy to bring more calm,ease and relaxation to your life
.
Hello, friends, today we aregoing to be talking about the
(00:44):
Let them Theory.
If you have not read the Letthem Theory, Mel Robbins' new
book, this is going to give youa great overview of what the
theory is and how it can applyto your life, and I'm even going
to share with you how, readingthis book before I went on
vacation with my most darlinghandsome man friend from having
so many silly, pointlessarguments.
(01:04):
It's just an amazing concept,and I'm going to tell you all
about it.
What I'm going to tell youtoday is how the let them theory
can just instantly free youfrom stress and frustration, and
it's super simple.
Why so much of our overwhelmcomes from wanting people to be
different than they are Reallife examples of how to use this
mindset shift to stopoverthinking, over explaining
(01:27):
and overdoing for people whodon't deserve your energy.
And then I'm going to give youa simple, actionable little
challenge that will help youtake your power back and allow
you to stop being overwhelmedand annoyed by other people's
behavior.
Sounds good.
Right Before we dive in, Iwanted to let you know that I am
wrapping up the group coachinggroup that started in January
(01:50):
and finishes up in April, andI'm going to be launching a
brand new one, a new group ofwomen for a 12 week program.
If you aren't familiar with italready, it's called the Good
Life Group Coaching and it's forwomen who are high achievers
and are feeling overwhelmed andwant to learn specific skills
(02:11):
like how to stop people pleasing, how to say no, how to create
the life that you want to have.
Each week you will get groupcoaching with me, as well as
videos that you can watch onyour own time.
I designed this based on myyears of experience working with
one-on-one clients, and I havecreated videos that teach every
single concept that I feel likeis imperative to being able to
(02:35):
change your life, to feel lessoverwhelmed.
So, if you're interested in it.
There is a link in the shownotes where you can get on the
wait list and then, as soon as Iopen group coaching, you'll be
the first one to be notified.
If you have any questions aboutit, you can just also use the
message me link and ask me anyquestions that you have.
I just wanted to give you aheads up on that so that you can
(02:56):
start thinking about if thatfeels like a good fit for you.
Okay, let's get back to the letthem theory.
So, first of all, what is thelet them theory?
It's super simple.
So if someone is doingsomething that you don't like,
instead of getting upset aboutit, you're just going to let
them.
If your co-worker takes creditfor an idea that you have,
(03:26):
you're going to let them.
If your mom has super strongopinions about how you should be
raising your kids, you're goingto let her, and instead of
making it mean something aboutyou you're not good enough, or
you're doing something wrong, orthey don't respect you or they
don't like you.
You just let them be who theyare and then you decide what you
want to do.
(03:47):
I'm sure the first thing thatyou're probably thinking is so I
just let people act like jerksand I don't have to do anything
about it.
And yeah, that's correct,because let's just play it
through.
Let's use the example of yourmom has a lot of opinions about
how you should be raising yourkids.
Let's just say that your momthinks that your kids are on
their devices too much and shesays something to you like you
(04:09):
know, back in our day it wasgood for kids to be bored, and
your kids are never bored andthey really shouldn't be looking
at their devices all the time.
If you go down the path theopposite of let them, where you
are trying to take that on, makeit mean that you're a bad mom
or you're doing something wrong,and then take it on to try to
change her mind and explain howit's just different now and how
(04:31):
you feel like you're doing thebest you can, etc.
Etc.
The chances of you changing hermind or her behavior are just,
first of all, not very likelyand, second of all, not worth
your effort.
All you have to do is say I'mgoing to let her, I'm going to
let her have that opinion, butwe're not just saying forget
about it, ignore it, don't worryabout it.
(04:53):
What we're saying is not justlet everyone act like a jerk and
just don't worry about it.
It's very in line witheverything we talk about on this
podcast, which is put thingsinto two categories things you
can control and things you can'tcontrol.
You can't control your mom'sopinion, so just let her have it
.
You can control your ownopinion and what you think.
(05:13):
So after you say let them, solet her have her opinion, then
you say let me, what am I goingto do?
So let me decide if spendingtime with my mom is good for me
or let me decide that I'm notgoing to let her opinion bother
me anymore.
Have you ever sent a really long, thoughtful text to someone and
(05:33):
they just reply with a K andyou're like oh my gosh, did I
say something wrong?
Did they not read the text?
Are they mad at me?
Should I clarify what I meant?
No, you just let them.
Just let them be a person whoresponds with just a K and then
you get to decide Let me, let mekeep engaging, let me just
forget about this conversation,let me just notice that about
(05:58):
this person.
So I actually do know a coupleof people whose text responses
are very short.
They might talk to you a lotmore in person, but they're very
short text responses and youcan just choose to make that
mean absolutely nothing.
This one little mindset shiftcan save you so much mental and
emotional energy.
Remember how I was talking atthe beginning about how I had
(06:19):
read this book right before Iwent on vacation with the
handsome man friend and we'retraveling through the airport.
Keep in mind that I traveledfor business for years and years
Plus.
I have a super efficiencyfocused brain, so everything
that I do related to travel Ipack very light.
I know exactly where I'm going.
I have TSA pre check, I knowexactly the outfit I'm wearing.
(06:40):
Everything for me is just boom,boom, boom done.
That's how I travel.
He's kind of the opposite.
He's not in a rush, he likes todo things slowly.
His career has not requiredlike a ton of travel like mine
did, so he doesn't travel asmuch as I do.
He doesn't like it like I likeit.
So as we're going through theairport and we're getting ready
(07:00):
to go through security, he likepulls over to the side and he's
like oh, just a sec, I got toreshuffle my stuff and get ready
to go through security and inmy mind I'm like, get ready to
go through.
What are you even talking about?
Like I have everything exactlywhere it needs to be.
I can just grab the things thatI need and go through security.
And then it hit me.
I was like, let him reshufflehis stuff before you go through
(07:21):
security.
We had like another hour beforeour flight left.
What did I care if it took fiveminutes for him to put things
in different pockets and takeoff his watch and do whatever it
was that he was going to dobefore we went through security?
And then let me, let me justtake a deep breath and relax and
not make a big thing of it.
So that's the kind of thingthat could very easily turn into
(07:45):
just bickering or some kind ofunnecessary fight.
But remember that you alwayshave the power to just let them.
Let it be.
So.
Let's talk about why this works.
So most of our stress andoverwhelm when it comes to
relationships comes from wishingpeople were different than they
were.
So you wish your friend wouldbe more considerate, you wish
(08:10):
your boss was more laid back, oryou wish your boss gave you
more positive feedback.
You wish your sister was lessjudgmental.
But you know this if you'vebeen listening to this podcast
and you know this from your lifeyou can't change people.
So trying to control them,explaining yourself, convincing
them to try to see your side,waiting for them to act the way
(08:31):
that you want, it's exhausting.
Okay, let's say, at work, yourco-worker is constantly late to
meetings and you aren't.
So if someone has a questionand she's not there, they're
going to turn to you and so youfeel like you have to pick up
the slack for them.
You have the option to getreally annoyed and complain
about it to your otherco-workers and see them
frustration every time you sitdown on time and then she's not
(08:53):
there.
Or log in on time and she's notthere.
But if we apply the let themtheory to this, you just let her
be someone who's always lateand then you decide do you
adjust your expectations?
Do you just know she's notgoing to be there till 10
minutes after the meeting starts?
Do you set a boundary and sayI'm not going to cover for you
anymore if you're not there?
(09:13):
I'm just going to say you'llhave to ask Jennifer, I don't
know.
Letting them so letting her belate doesn't mean you're okay
with it.
It just means you stop beingemotionally attached to it.
You have no control over it, soyou can just detach from that
situation.
So here's how to apply the letthem theory in real life.
(09:35):
Again, it's so simple Just letpeople show you who they are and
then just let them be who theyare.
So, for example, if you have afriend who consistently cancels
on you, last minute let hercancel on you.
And then you say, let me notschedule anything else with her.
Or let me just roll the diceand schedule something with her,
(09:57):
knowing that chances are thatshe might cancel.
If you have a co-worker whoalways takes credit for your
ideas, let them.
They probably aren't going tostart giving you credit.
And then your part the let meis you're no longer going to be
frustrated by it, but you get todecide.
So do I want to talk to myco-worker about that?
Do I want to talk to my bossabout that?
(10:18):
Do I want to speak up in themeeting and say actually that
was my idea in the first place?
And here's kind of what I wasthinking in that area.
Another way to apply this toyour life is just to stop taking
things personally.
Don't make it mean anything.
If someone was really rude toyou.
Maybe they're just having a badday.
Just let them be rude.
If someone doesn't reply backto a text or an email you sent
(10:41):
them, maybe they're just busy.
Just let them not respond.
If someone judged your choicesand told you something was a bad
idea, chances are I feel likethis is true like 90% of the
time it's probably not about youat all.
And so what if, for today, youjust decide like nothing is
about me and I'm just going tolet people be who they are?
(11:02):
If you are able to focus on whatyou can control and use the let
them theory, let them doesn'tmean you have to accept bad
behavior.
It means that you recognizethat the power is in how you
respond.
So, for example, let your momjudge your parenting and then
decide if you want to change thesubject or set a boundary.
Let your friend cancel on youand then decide if you still
(11:26):
want to make plans with them.
When you stop wasting energy ontrying to change people, you
get your piece back.
So, in summary, the only thingthat you need to do, and the
main thing you need to take awayfrom this episode, is that when
someone behaves in a way thatyou don't like just let them.
Don't take it personally, don'tmake it mean anything.
(11:49):
Just release the need tocontrol the way that someone
else is responding and thendecide how you want to respond,
which is always in your control.
And my do less for more successtip for this week is when
someone does something thatnormally would stress you out,
like pulling off to the side toreshuffle things in your pocket
(12:09):
before you go through security,just let them.
This one shift can free youfrom so much unnecessary
frustration and exhaustion.
Just give it a try and see howmuch lighter you feel, and I
would love if you'd send me amessage and let me know how this
worked for you.
So just a reminder that I amgoing to be opening group
coaching and the signups willprobably begin at the beginning
(12:32):
of April.
So reach out to me.
Either get on the waitlist orsend me a message if you have
questions, but I wouldabsolutely love to talk to you
if you're interested.
It really is such a greatprogram and it is such a fun and
great way to be around otherwomen who are also trying to
change their lives.
It turns out to always be thefavorite thing.
I take a survey at thebeginning and say what are you
(12:54):
nervous about?
And people usually say being ingroup coaching.
And at the end I say what wasyour favorite part?
And they say the other peoplein group coaching and like the
bonds that they end up sharingwith these other women.
So it really is so much fun.
Okay, that is it for today.
I hope you have a wonderfulrest of the day and I hope that
(13:15):
you just let them let everyone.
Thank you for listening to theoverwhelmed working woman
podcast.
If you want to learn more aboutmy work, head over to my
website at michellegauthier.
com.
See you next week.
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