Episode Transcript
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Elyse Conroy (00:01):
The confidence is
going to multiply the more that
you get out of your comfort zoneand start just taking the steps
.
Because if we think about it,think about overwhelm.
Overwhelm is coming from thatoverthinking, and confidence is
not built through overthinking.
It is done through takingaction.
Michelle Gauthier (00:17):
You're
listening to Overwhelmed Working
Woman, the podcast that helpsyou be more calm and more
productive by doing less.
I'm your host, MichelleGauthier, a former overwhelmed
working woman and current lifecoach.
On this show, we unpack thestress and pressure that today's
working woman experiences andin each episode you'll get a
strategy to bring more calm,ease and relaxation to your life
(00:41):
.
Hi, friend, welcome to today'sepisode.
I'm excited to introduce you toour guest, Elyse Conroy.
She's a former beauty industryexecutive turned confidence
coach, and she brings incredibleenergy.
You're definitely going to feelher energy through your
headphones today, or howeveryou're listening.
In today's episode, you willdiscover some powerful insights
(01:03):
on confidence and how itdirectly impacts your ability to
handle overwhelm.
You'll learn why confidence andoverwhelm are deeply connected
and how building confidence canactually reduce stress the five
biggest confidence blockers thatmight be keeping you stuck and
Elyse is going to offer a simplemindset shift that will help
you stop waiting to feelconfident and start taking
(01:26):
action instead.
So if you've ever struggledwith self-doubt, imposter
syndrome or just overwhelmed byall the things, this episode is
going to give you tons of toolsto shift your mindset and start
showing up with confidence.
Let's get started, Elyse.
Thank you so much for beingwith us today.
I'm so excited to have you.
Elyse Conroy (01:45):
Yeah, thank you so
much for having me.
Michelle Gauthier (01:46):
I'm so
excited to be here too.
Yes, and I didn't say this inthe intro, so I'll say it now
Elyse has the highest level ofnatural energy of any human I
think I've ever met in my life.
You're going to feel it comingthrough your headphones or
however you're listening today.
She is so energetic.
You can't help but be energizedin her presence.
It's magic.
Elyse Conroy (02:04):
Yay, Brace
yourself people.
Michelle Gauthier (02:13):
Oh my gosh,
start by telling us a little bit
about, because I know you'vehad a whole big career in the
makeup industry.
So tell us more about what youused to do and how you became a
coach and why, specifically aconfidence coach.
Elyse Conroy (02:22):
Yes.
So it's so interesting becauseI always think back to the fact
of if you told me this is whereI would be 20 years ago, I would
not have believed you.
I probably would have looked atyou like you're crazy and had
two heads.
But my history came in thebeauty industry.
So I worked for 15 years doingproduct development, marketing,
sales, branding all the thingsfor some of the biggest beauty
brands in the world.
And the reason I ended upgetting into beauty was because
(02:45):
I was bullied really bad as akid and I used to seek refuge
inside of my mom's makeup drawer.
She sold Avon.
She had a pink, sparklylipstick that it just made me
feel really good about myself.
So as a little girl I had thisdream that if I could just make
the makeup, that women wouldfeel confident and they would
feel amazing.
Michelle Gauthier (03:04):
You are
kidding me.
I can't believe that's yourbackstory! That makes so much
sense.
Elyse Conroy (03:08):
Oh my gosh, yeah.
So I had no idea that it wasgoing to take me on this wild
journey.
My whole dream as a little girlwas to work for Estee Lauder.
That's where I ended upfinishing my corporate career.
But I wanted to be abicontinental businesswoman.
I wanted to make makeup allaround the world, and that's the
beautiful part about the beautyindustry is, I spent a lot of
time working in between LA, newYork, hong Kong, all across Asia
and different factorieseverywhere and in Europe, so I
(03:30):
was based a lot of the time inMilan.
Dream come true, beautiful job,loved it.
But what was interesting is Inever saw this ending.
I thought I would finish mycareer as a CEO or as a VP of a
big beauty brand, but in Octoberof 2018, I was on a business
trip in Milan and my dad gotdiagnosed with cancer.
So he had been very sick and Iflew home right away.
We got the diagnosis and I, forthe first time in my adult life
(03:53):
, I decided I was going to putfamily first, because up until
that point, it had always beencareer, and I made a very bold
decision to just walk away frommy role.
I had every intention of goingback.
But when I stepped away it's ascheesy as it sounds I really
had a soul calling because Iwent back to why did I start
doing this work in the firstplace?
And getting to the top, youstart seeing that you're losing
(04:14):
the connection with the consumer.
It becomes about money and I'msitting around boardroom tables
with old white men in suitstalking about retouching women's
dark circles under their eyesto make them feel insecure so we
can sell more product.
And I'm like, hold on, we'vegot to do a gut check.
This is not the vibe, this isnot what I'm trying to do.
I'm trying to offer women morethan a temporary solution,
because what was happening isthey'd wear my product and then
(04:35):
it would.
They'd wash their face at theend of the night and there goes
their confidence and their innersecurity and their beauty right
down the sink.
And I had to treat this from theinside out, because that's
truly where confidence comesfrom, and I never saw myself
being a coach.
I did not see this in the cards, but I had gone on my own
personal development journey toreally help myself feel better
because working in corporate Iwas burned out.
I had low self-confidence ascrazy as that sounds, but I lost
(04:58):
myself in my last job and whatbrought me back to life was
really doing the inner work andreally figuring out how to build
confidence from the inside out,because I tried losing the
weight, I tried fixing myselffrom the outside in, but it was
really an inside job.
So I knew I had a formula and Ihad to get this into other
women's hands, and I've nowhelped thousands of women across
the world create confidence andnow focusing specifically on
(05:20):
career, that is such an amazingbackstory.
Michelle Gauthier (05:23):
I absolutely
love it.
And I love, too, that you stillyou know, every time I see you
you've got like the makeup onand you're still all that like.
You still enjoy that.
You're not like, oh it doesn't.
You don't need to have that tobe confident, which I'm sure is
what you say, but I love that.
You still carry that with youlike your little girl magic of
putting on your makeup.
Elyse Conroy (05:43):
It is because I'm
an artist and so for me my face
is my canvas and I will be abeauty junkie until the day that
I die.
Like there's sometimes you'llsee me and I'm wearing blue
lipstick and crazy like pinkeyeshadow.
But I just love using my faceas a canvas and it's a really
fun form of expression for me.
And let's be real, I'm still asmuch as I want to say I'm not
in the beauty industry anymore.
There are 75% of the women Icoach are in beauty.
(06:03):
I can't get away from it.
It's always going to be a partof me.
It's really beautiful to giveback to an industry that I love
so much and really helptransform the industry from the
inside out, because thatstraightens a little bit of love
.
Michelle Gauthier (06:15):
Yes, I bet it
does.
I bet it does.
Oh my gosh.
Okay, that's great.
Thank you so much for sharingthat with us and I love that you
took your little girl dream tohelp women have confidence.
Help yourself have confidence,to help women have confidence.
That's so amazing.
So you are talking right now tothis audience of overwhelmed
working women.
So when you're saying you wereburned out and overwhelmed,
(06:36):
we're all like, yes, everybodyhere knows what you mean.
So we talk a lot on this showabout mindfulness and people
pleasing and how to say no, butI have never done a show that's
just purely talking aboutconfidence.
So I'm really interested in ifyou think building confidence
can reduce overwhelm.
If there's some tie betweenbeing more confident, you know,
(06:58):
how do you think those twothings tie together in your
opinion?
Elyse Conroy (07:02):
Yeah, I think they
are deeply connected because
oftentimes overwhelm blocksconfidence.
And I noticed there's fivespecific things that when the
overwhelm is high, theconfidence is low.
And what I see happening is thefirst thing is overwhelm often
breeds doubt and doubt is theenemy of confidence, because
when we're doubting ourself,we're thinking about a to-do
list, right.
When we're overwhelmed and thatto-do list is never ending,
(07:23):
your brain's going to startsaying, oh my God, can I really
handle this?
And next thing, you know thatdoubt is just chipping away at
your confidence and you don'teven realize that it's happening
.
The second thing I see is oh God, let's talk about
decision-making fatigue and howthat really starts to erode your
confidence and self-trust.
Because the more overwhelmedyou are, the harder it is to
really make decisions.
So you get into that spacewhere confused mind doesn't make
(07:44):
decision.
It's eating all your energy.
You have no energy left to givefrom because that loop in your
mind never closes.
So you might have a lack oftrust in your abilities to
actually even make the rightdecision and that makes
confidence feel out of reach.
So that's the second thing Isee.
Third thing is overwhelm keepsus in survival mode Very
challenging place to be too, andI think when you're in survival
mode, I think of trueconfidence as being something
(08:06):
that really comes fromgroundedness and clarity.
But when you're in overwhelm,that your nervous system is in
fight or flight and this isreally making it feel impossible
to feel self-assured and trulygrounded in who you are.
Next is boundaries right Lackof boundaries.
And when we're in overwhelm,usually we're saying yes to
everything and not saying no.
And when we take on too much,here comes eroding confidence
again, because it keeps you in acycle of exhaustion and
(08:27):
self-sacrifice.
And the last thing confidencecreates calm, and there's
nothing that feels calm aboutbeing in overwhelm.
So when you're feelingconfident, your self-trust is
going to be high because you'regoing to be able to trust that
you can actually handle all ofthe things on your list the
challenges, the setbacks andprioritizing what really matters
.
So I think that the whole ideaof confidence relating to
overwhelm is we've got to justtry not to do everything and
(08:49):
just trust ourselves to actuallyjust follow through with what
really matters.
Michelle Gauthier (08:53):
Yes, yes,
okay.
So I think I heard a resoundingyes, that confidence and
overwhelm are tied together, andyou gave us five great examples
of why that is true.
So I love when you said thatwhen is it?
When you're confident, you feelcalm and grounded.
Is that what you said when youwere talking about number three?
Elyse Conroy (09:15):
Yeah.
So I think confidence really itcreates that calm, and I
actually merged the two words.
I'm going to approach thedictionary and have them put
this in there, because I like tothink about being calm-fident.
Right, because when you're inthat state of calm-fidence,
you're just in a zone, you're ina flow, you're in a vibe, and
when the challenges do come,it's not like we fall apart.
We actually keep it together,we keep our feet on the ground,
(09:37):
versus just flying into thestratosphere with panic and
anxiety and then the overwhelmgoes to the next level.
We don't want to do that.
So when you're calm, you'rejust in yourself, your
self-belief is high, yourself-trust is high, you're just
taking action, you're makingspace for all the overwhelm to
come, because you know that'swhat life is just going to serve
you up.
Michelle Gauthier (09:52):
Yes, and you
can handle it.
Yes, absolutely Okay.
So if we want to get started onbuilding our confidence, where's
the first place that we shouldstart?
The pink, sparkly lipstick andthen what?
Elyse Conroy (10:09):
I think confidence
is always going to start with
clarity.
So I have a formula that I loveteaching the women that I work
with.
It is called care, so theformula itself stands for
clarity, action, resilience andenergy, right?
So if we're not feeling clear,everything else is going to feel
shaky.
So we've got to know what do wewant?
What are we doing?
Who are we?
Who do we need to be to do thething?
Where are we going next?
Right?
And I find that women who arein a place of high overwhelm and
(10:31):
low self-confidence typicallydon't have the answers to that
question, any of those questions, right?
They're just spinning out intheir head and they get into
confusion and analysis,paralysis and all the things.
So we want to really knowclarity first, right?
What do you want to do next?
What is the number one thing onyour to-do list that you've got
to get done to actually movethe needle?
And can all the other thingswait so you can actually go
prioritize self-care, right?
Michelle Gauthier (10:53):
Yeah, and I
find I'm wondering if you find
this with your clients too.
But I find that my clients willbelieve that they don't have
clarity and maybe they don't inthe moment, and that they don't
know what they want and theydon't know what they think is
fun anymore.
But once we get to a calmerplace, they remember.
I don't think coaching isusually about becoming someone
(11:14):
different.
It's like going back to youressential self and the clarity
that was always there, but it's.
It's almost like it's blocked orwe're unable to access it when
we feel overwhelmed, or whatword do you use to describe
non-confidence?
I don't know what that word isInsecure, insecure.
(11:35):
There you go.
Elyse Conroy (11:35):
Insecure yeah.
Imposter syndrome Highself-doubt right yes.
Michelle Gauthier (11:38):
Yes, all of
those, yeah.
So I think if you're one ofthose people who's out there
thinking, well, I'm not clear,so I can't have confidence, just
know that it's in there, likeyour clarity and who you are is
in there, and believe that it'sthere and that it is possible to
get back to that, yes, and Ithink the one thing to look for
(11:58):
is when your brain serves youthe answer I don't know, because
when you just stay and I don'tknow, you're never going to
access the actual truth that'swithin you and our brain will
just accept that as truth.
Elyse Conroy (12:08):
It'll be like,
okay, cool, we answered that
question on to the next thingand it's going to offer you a
million more questions that day.
But we want to really getbeneath that first layer of I
don't know and I like to thinkabout when we don't know the
answer to things.
What is something that delightsyou, that excites you, that
creates a spark within you, thatbrings you back to a sense of
self?
And I know that year after Ileft my corporate job, I really
(12:29):
went on.
2019 was like my eat pray loveyear.
I went on 15 trips.
I was just trying to figure outwho the heck I was, and the
first thing that I went back towas a child thing or childlike
thing that I love to do, andthat was camping.
And it was so interestingbecause I never would have
thought, coming from this bigcareer and find the globe, I
didn't think that camping wasgoing to bring me home to myself
(12:50):
, but I was outside.
I knew that that was justevoking this nostalgic sense of
connection to who I was, and itwas so interesting because I
didn't think that that was goingto be something that brought me
home to myself.
But when I got to that point ofknowing it was because I knew I
wanted to be outside.
So what could I do?
That was something outside thatmade me happy and my husband
and I bought an RV.
We went on all these campingtrips all across the country and
it was amazing.
(13:10):
But I had to get underneaththat first.
I don't know, because theanswer until I started answering
things was I don't know, andthat's normal for most of us.
Michelle Gauthier (13:18):
Yeah, so what
do you if your client does, if
their brain serves them and Idon't know, and they say that to
you, what do you say back?
How do you get them to godeeper?
Elyse Conroy (13:27):
Usually I say I
don't knows are not a viable
answer in this coaching session.
Okay, but I say what if you didknow?
Because somewhere in you you doknow.
So I always love to give womentheir power back when they think
that they don't know, becausethey do know.
They just either haven't giventhemselves the permission to
admit what they really want outloud or they haven't gone deep
enough to actually create theanswer for themselves.
(13:48):
And I think that once you getquiet and the overwhelm is low
and you can actually hear whatyour brain is saying and what
your gut is saying and what yourheart is aligning to, then you
can get to the real answer.
I remember I started workingwith a healer in 2019 in my Eat
Pray Love year, and she's likeyou have too much going on in
your head.
She's like I don't know how youget anything done.
I'd be scared to be in yourhead.
I'm like I'm scared to be heretoo, because there was, there
(14:09):
was no silence.
It was like an unsupervisedtoddler running around with
scissors in my brain all daylong and I really struggled to
be alone outside, and I want youto stare at a leaf on a tree
for an hour and I looked at herand I was like you have
certainly lost your mind.
That is such a waste of timeI'm not going to do that.
You don't understand.
I have stuff to do, like myto-do list is never ending and
(14:30):
she's like that's the problem.
That's the problem, right thereis.
You create no stillness to evenconnect with what your truest
desire actually is.
You've got to get quiet and Iwas like, oh, and then I went
and started the leaf and she wasso right and I'm still annoyed
to this day that she was right.
But look, set me free A reallong time though.
Yeah, it was a really long time.
Yeah, and those first 10minutes it felt like that could
(14:51):
have been 10 hours.
Yes.
Michelle Gauthier (14:53):
Oh my gosh,
that's like I just had this
experience.
I've never.
I had never done this before,but I just tried salt therapy.
Where you sit in this room,that has like then, have you
ever done it before?
Elyse Conroy (15:04):
All the time.
Michelle Gauthier (15:05):
Yes, Okay,
okay.
So I had never done it and Iyou can't really feel anything
specific.
It's just quiet and you'resitting there and you have no
phone and you're just, you know,on your own, and it was such a
weird feeling.
It was 45 minutes long.
It wasn't that long, but I thenumber of things that I thought
about and, you know, not from apanicky place, but just like I
(15:28):
wonder what that person is doing.
Well, I should do that ideathat I had, and it was.
I kept thinking what time is it, how long have I been in here,
and I had to remind myself likesomeone's going to come back and
get me.
But it is exactly what you'retalking about, where at first it
feels uncomfortable and then itwas like I hope no one ever
comes to get me.
This is awesome.
I love this, because if I didthat at home, I just fall asleep
(15:49):
, for sure, yeah, but it wasjust because I was somewhere
different and whatever.
It was such an interestingexperience.
So I guess what we're tellingthe listener is try some
stillness, go sit in a salt room, go stare at a a leaf.
I just heard somebody give anexample of they ate an almond
for four minutes one almond,like chewing, and really
noticing all the things aboutthe almond, I was like, oh, that
sounds kind of gross, but likesomething like that, to slow
(16:12):
yourself down is always good,okay, so we got the C.
Oh wait, before I go on, Iusually try to keep my
interviews to 30 minutes.
I didn't tell you that at thebeginning.
Elyse Conroy (16:29):
So, okay, okay.
So we've got the C.
Now what's next?
Okay, now we're going to starttaking action.
Right, because confidence isgoing to generate with action,
and most of us wait to takeaction, because we're waiting to
feel confident, but no couragecomes first.
Michelle Gauthier (16:37):
So we've got
to say that again for the people
in the back row, because Idefinitely think that's true.
So many times we will say, ashumans like well, I don't feel
comfortable doing it, so I'm notgoing to do it yet.
And so what Elise is telling usis take the action and feel the
confidence that comes after youtake the action.
Okay, A hundred percent.
Elyse Conroy (16:57):
Yeah, because the
confidence is going to multiply
the more that you get out ofyour comfort zone and start just
taking the steps.
Because if we think about it,think about overwhelm.
Overwhelm is coming from thatoverthinking, and confidence is
not built through overthinking,it is done through taking action
.
So the more steps you take, themore confidence you're going to
feel.
So just think of one thing thatis going to push you ever so
slightly out of your comfortzone this week and start doing
(17:18):
that, and that could be okay.
I'm only going to do one thingon my to-do list and just trust
that that's enough.
Michelle Gauthier (17:24):
Yes, oh my
gosh, and everyone just like
fell over dead when you saidthat.
Elyse Conroy (17:28):
Yes, but to all my
perfectionists out there who
think it has to be perfect,where is overwhelm coming from?
And I just think ofperfectionism as nothing more
than a protection mechanism fromour brain to keep us safe from
failing or getting judged orgetting it wrong.
It's just keeping us safe froma feeling we don't want to feel.
So just notice what that is,because a lot of times that in
(17:49):
itself is creating so much moreoverwhelm than actually just
doing the thing.
Michelle Gauthier (17:51):
Yeah,
absolutely, absolutely Okay.
Elyse Conroy (17:54):
Okay.
So our next is R.
So resilience.
So setbacks are going to beinevitable, even when it comes
to getting through a to-do listright.
There might be something whereyou're like, okay, I know, I
have a toddler, this happens tome all the time.
I say I'm gonna on his nap time, I'm gonna get through the
thing, and then we have a badnap time, right.
So that is normal.
Life is 50-50.
You're gonna have curve ballscome, you're gonna have things
(18:16):
that take you out of the game.
So I also have a high level ofconfidence because the two go
hand in hand.
So anytime a setback comes,just make space for it, choose
not to see it as a problem, Justsay you know what.
Okay, so we're here.
That confidence coach onMichelle's podcast told me this
was going to happen.
So what can I do to be resilientand I use all opportunities
like that, when a challenge doescome, to understand myself more
(18:38):
, to learn, to grow, because Ireally see everything.
Everything is really, insteadof being a setback as a setup,
as cheesy as that sounds,because every moment, life is
trying to teach me something.
It's not happening to me, it'shappening for me.
And when I really stoppedlooking at it as more being a
victim of like all these badthings are happening and I could
never get the things done.
That's when my life reallychanged, because it gave me my
power back.
(18:59):
So when the setbacks do come, Ilove to just use that as a
moment of okay, so I failed.
This is just feedback that'sgoing to inform my next best
success.
I'm not going to characterassassinate myself.
What am I going to learn fromthis?
And then I just keep it moving.
Michelle Gauthier (19:11):
Yes, I love
that.
Can you tell us an example?
Because you're obviously such asuccessful, butt-kicking kind
of person.
So can you tell us someexamples of times when you have
failed and just been like OK,I'm going to move on?
Elyse Conroy (19:25):
Yeah, absolutely.
So.
I went through a really hardreturn after coming back from
maternity leave because when Ileft on maternity leave, my
business was on fire.
I mean, level 10 could not havedone anything wrong.
It was just everything I wasdoing had turned to gold and I
took a year and a half off and Imade the assumption that when I
got back, everything was justgoing to be business as usual,
(19:48):
and that was not the case.
I had five zero dollar launchesand it was the biggest slice of
humble pie I'd ever eaten.
And I kept telling myself am Idone Like?
Did I get washed up?
Did people forget about me?
Is this over?
Did I ride this momentum waveas far as it was going to go?
And when I actually sat backand I started evaluating, okay,
how did the industry change whenI was gone?
How did I change?
How did everything move while Iwas gone?
(20:10):
And then I started learning andI actually did deep dives on
everything that didn't work.
I started looking at who Ineeded to be to make my business
succeed in this new chapterbecause, let's be real, the
person I came back as aftermaternity leave was not the
person that I left, as I hadgrown into a hundred different
versions of myself.
I had went to the, you know, allthe way through the fire as I'd
gone through that process, asany mama can really attest to
(20:32):
going through this and I had tostart building my business from
there.
And it was so interestingbecause once I just got real
with myself and I went home towhy am I doing this in the first
place, and I came home to mywhy and really just got my feet
back on the ground and just letmy ego go, everything started
working again.
But had I have not been willingto see all those times that I
fell on my face, that I justembarrassed myself publicly.
(20:54):
All of the times people werecongratulating me because from
the outside in it looked verysuccessful, but nobody even
clicked my email link.
And I'm over here like, oh myGod, you know, and just choosing
to not tell myself a negativestory about that and see that it
was actually happening for me Iwouldn't be here now with so
much more success I've createdmore success now on the other
side of having my baby than Idid before I left but had I have
(21:16):
not seen that I wouldn't behere.
So I won't fail with confidence.
To me that's just.
It's just going to be feedbackthat informs my next best
success.
Michelle Gauthier (21:22):
It doesn't
mean anything negative about me.
I think fail that's such agreat point, because failing
with confidence is like, okay,yes, I failed, like I didn't hit
the goal that I wanted and also, I'm fine, let's find out what
it is that happened or how can Ido it differently next time, or
whatever.
And I think, too, that you knowsomeone like you who started a
(21:42):
business, who has a podcast, whoappears like you have it all
together all the time.
It's good for people to hearyes, I totally failed.
I tried to sell something fivedifferent times and nobody
bought it.
And look here, I am supersuccessful because I had the
confidence to just keep going.
And I know, in my case, likethe business failures that I
have had well, I've had plentyof failures in life, some of
(22:04):
them business.
But when I've had thosefailures in my life, I have to
feel that sadness or whateverthat feeling is.
But exactly to underscore yourpoint of the A, the previous one
I can't feel more confidentwithout doing anything.
I have to feel confident bytaking action, by saying, okay,
I'm going to try again, I'mgoing to do this next time, so
(22:27):
just continuing to move forwardafter failures.
Okay, thank you for sharingthat with us.
I think that's really helpfulto everybody listening.
Elyse Conroy (22:35):
All right, the E,
let's wrap this up.
So energy, so obviously burnoutis going to kill confidence.
It is very challenging to showup as your very put together,
confident self if you have noenergy in your tank.
So I think when you'reexhausted, making decisions is
challenging.
Being productive is challengingand when I think about I used
to work 110 hour weeks I was themost overweight I've ever been.
(22:56):
My skin was gray.
I was flying 100,000 miles ayear.
There was no time for me toactually pour back into myself.
So I was that person that waspeople pleasing, putting
everybody else's needs at thetop of the list while mine came
at the bottom.
And now, in this stage of life,I am so unapologetic about
applying up copious amounts ofluxurious self-care.
I have a high self-care game.
(23:17):
I don't take any days off whenit comes to self-care and I want
everyone listening to.
Just think about the one thingthat you are doing right now,
because we all do somethingwhere it is leaking your energy
and it is killing yourproductivity.
And for me, that wasoverthinking, it was
perfectionism, it wascomplaining, it was just being
in a space where I wasdeprioritizing myself and I
(23:37):
think every day we plug ourphone in, we charge our cars, we
fuel our cars.
Why are we not doing the samething to ourselves?
So if you're in a space whereyou're overwhelmed because
you're skipping a lunch break oryou're working after hours or
you're prioritizing yourhusband's needs, your kids'
needs, everybody else's needsbefore you, where do you fall
into your to-do list and whatneeds to happen for you to
(23:58):
become number one and not seethat as selfish or bad or guilty
, like so many women are?
Like oh, you're just sounapologetic with the self-care.
Like don't you feel guilty,you're a mom and I'm like that
is why I'm an incredible mom,because I'm actually showing up
present.
Michelle Gauthier (24:14):
I'm not
showing up, you know, with a
brain fog that I can't even seethrough.
Yes, yes, absolutely, and Ithink it's just another example
of you have to take the actionfirst.
You have to do the self-carefirst, because if you wait
around to see what spare time isleft where you're like, oh my
gosh, I have an hour, whatshould I do for myself?
Like it's never going to come.
If you're a mom and you'reworking, it's just, even if
(24:36):
you're not a mom, if you'reworking, because when you were
working all these hours, youweren't a mom yet and you still
didn't have any time forself-care.
So we can't even blame it onbeing a mom.
It's just.
If you're a person who ispleasing everybody else before
you please yourself, you arenever going to have the time to
take care of yourself.
Elyse Conroy (24:52):
No, and I want
everyone listening to to just
think about the things that youaren't doing.
So let's say you have to getyour car tuned up, you have to
make a doctor's appointment, youhave to clean out your closet
how much time are you actuallyspending thinking about those?
Because that's eating yourenergy too.
So if your whole idea of beingenergized and combating
overwhelm and you're justoverthinking, of course, you're
going to be feeling overwhelmedwith no energy.
(25:13):
So we've got to make that shift.
Just do one thing today whereyou say, okay, I'm going to make
this doctor's appointment, I'mgoing to plan this car service,
I'm going to clean out one partof the closet, and just make it
easy for yourself, because forso many of us, we think we have
to do it all at once.
We don't.
We can just do one little thingand you will be shocked how
much energy you are going togain by just chipping away at it
and doing micro steps.
Michelle Gauthier (25:33):
Yeah, that's
such a great.
That's such a great tip too.
You have so many great tips.
I love it.
Thank you, okay, I feel like wecould go on and on, but I have
a work specific question andthen I want to ask you the two
questions that I always askevery guest who comes on the
show.
But I think a lot of times inthe women that I work with, who
(25:54):
have big jobs, like you used tohave and I used to have a lot of
times they will still haveimposter syndrome or feel like
they lose their confidence inhigh pressure situations like
difficult conversations orgiving a big presentation.
So do you see clients in yourpractice who are, you know, in
general fairly confident, butthey have these specific spots,
(26:17):
like a blind spot almost, wherethey don't feel confident or
they feel like they're being animposter, and if so, what should
they do?
Elyse Conroy (26:25):
Yes, such a good
question.
And every single woman I'veworked with has struggled with
imposter syndrome.
Not enoughness, perfectionism,people pleasing this is all
normal, because these are allsymptoms of low self-confidence.
So, imposter syndrome so manypeople are new to this term,
which is funny, because for me,I'm like this is just so in me,
but it's really a psychologicalphenomenon where we feel like a
fraud.
So I love to use this as anexample, because 80% of women
(26:49):
have struggled with this, but wedon't talk about it.
It's not like we go to dinnerwith our girls and they're like,
oh, where'd you feel like animposter this week?
So I think we've got to airthis out.
Maybe we should.
Maybe we should start doingthat.
Yeah, high-powered dinnerseries of how did I feel like a
failure this week, or whateverit is, because this is normal
and for so many women we thinkthat we're alone, the only one
facing this.
You're not.
So the women that I coach theirdirector at C-suite level,
(27:12):
every single one of them hasfaced imposter syndrome.
So I think it starts withnormalizing this and realizing
it's not just a you thing, thatthis is going to come up anytime
you put yourself in a biggerroom, anytime that you leave
your comfort zone, you're gonnafeel fear, doubt, insecurity and
you're gonna have limitingbeliefs come up, and this is
normal.
So I've gotta de-stigmatizethat, because for so many people
that's where they feel like, ohmy God, this is a problem, and
(27:33):
then we don't know how to dealwith the discomfort when that
comes.
So we end up quitting or we endup shop or watch too many
episodes of the Real Housewives.
Whatever your vice is right,yeah, oh, when you're in that
space, what I would I reallyencourage you to think about is
who is the most confidentversion of you and what does she
do and not do every single day,and just write that down for
(27:56):
yourself.
So if you're going into a bigmeeting and you are thinking of
your to-do list and you'reoverwhelmed by how many meetings
you have, okay, confident mewalks into the meeting not
worrying about her to-do list,not panicking herself with
things that are not here.
She's present.
She's only focused on what'sright in front of her.
Really, get yourself into aplace of accountability, because
then you just need to show upas if you were already that
(28:17):
version of yourself and that'sgoing to help you become her
that much faster.
So, normalizing it and thenjust holding yourself
accountable to show up as whatconfident you would do in that
situation.
I think that's half the battle,right there.
Michelle Gauthier (28:32):
I love it.
I absolutely love it.
That's great advice and I dothink it's so funny when you're
coaching someone who's sosuccessful and you find out they
have imposter syndrome and,like you said, everyone has that
, all women have that at somepoint in time, and you would
never think from the outsidelike, oh, that person that's
like me, asking you about yourfailures, like you just perceive
that this person is totallyconfident, has it all together
at all times and I think it'snever true, which is kind of
(28:54):
nice.
Elyse Conroy (28:54):
Yeah you know it
is.
Yeah, people are always shocked.
Oh sorry, I keep interruptingyou go, go, go, no, no, go,
please, no.
People are always shocked whenI tell them I'm a confidence
coach and I feel insecure and Ihave self-doubt and they're like
wait, but you teach confidenceand I always say sometimes we
need to teach what we need tolearn the most.
So I'm a human being.
I have the same jerk brain thatsays the same thing, like my
(29:16):
inner mean girl.
I named her Sasha, and Sasha isfierce, just like Beyonce's
alter ego.
She comes in hot and my goal inthis is to turn the microphone
down on her and just keep moving, because I don't want to engage
with the thoughts and that'sthe relationship I built with
them.
Now they come, but I just don'tentertain them in the way that
I used to.
Michelle Gauthier (29:32):
Yes, yes,
exactly Exactly.
And I am an overwhelmed coachwho gets overwhelmed, and I
actually am grateful for that,because I feel like I still know
how it feels.
I've been working on this forseven years.
I can get rid of it veryquickly, but it still comes, and
I think that's good for us ascoaches to still know how that
feels.
And it just I mean, when yousay that to me, I'm like, yeah,
(29:52):
you're just a human.
You know, you're really good atconfidence and teaching people,
but you're just a human afterall.
Have you I'm sure you haveheard that saying like, may we
all have the confidence of amediocre white male?
It's like all these highpowered, you know women who are
just killing it and they're likeI don't know if I'm good enough
(30:13):
.
So you just everybody justneeds to think about.
Elyse Conroy (30:20):
Yes, there's
actually a thing it's called
confident power posing.
It's something I teach, andthere's one post in particular
called the relaxed boss pose andthink of the stock images that
you would find of a white mansitting at a boardroom table
with his arms back and his feetup.
I'm like get into that pose.
I want you showing up with thatlevel of unapologetic
confidence where you can just bethat same white dude in the
suit right, bringing that vibeinto it.
Michelle Gauthier (30:40):
We can hate
on the men on this show because
none are listening.
It's fine.
Elyse Conroy (30:59):
We If we can hate
on the men on this show because
none are listening.
It's fine, we won't offendanyone and if we did, I don't
really care.
Okay, so here are the twoquestions that I ask every guest
on the show.
So this is a breathing exercisethat is actually from the Navy
SEALs that they use in peakmoments of stress.
So the way that this works isyou're going to breathe in for
four seconds, hold at the topfor four seconds, release for
four seconds and you're going todo this four times.
So this is a very simple boxbreathing exercise where it
(31:20):
brings you back to what's calledhomeostasis.
So when you're in a high momentof stress, anxiety, if you are
going through a fear or doubt orinsecurity, imposter syndrome
fueled spiral, just bringyourself back to the present by
doing this quick 48 second resetbreathing exercise.
It changes the game for meevery single time.
Michelle Gauthier (31:37):
I absolutely
love that and I second that, and
I also love that you can do itright in public, sitting in the
boardroom.
You can do it right in public,sitting in the boardroom.
You can do that and nobodyknows that you're doing any
special breathing.
That is such a great suggestion, okay, and then what's
something that you do in orderto do less, to save yourself
time?
Elyse Conroy (31:54):
Yes.
So I figured out something whenI went on maternity leave and I
basically evaluated my workloadand I cut 75% of the work from
my workload and decided that Iwas going to give the remaining
25% 100% of my effort.
And the reason I did this is Iwas thinking about okay, with
the energy I have, with the bombthat's coming, that is my baby,
I'm not going to have the timeand the energy to do what I was
(32:16):
once capable of doing.
And I wanted to get ahead ofthis.
And when I realized, when I wasable to cut that 75%, I
realized how much was fluff andhow much of what was on my to-do
list wasn't actually a priorityor a needle mover or
contributing to any greater goodof success or happiness or
wellbeing for me.
And I kept that actually sinceI've come back from maternity
leave, because now I'm able tojust have the leanest workload
(32:39):
as possible but the maximumlevel of efficiency and
productivity, with the lowestamount of overwhelm and stress
and that methodology.
I feel like you can apply thisfor anywhere in your life, but
for me in business, that hasabsolutely changed the game for
me and I show up confident rightto every situation because I'm
not overwhelmed by the work thatI'm doing anymore.
Michelle Gauthier (32:57):
Yes, oh,
that's so amazing.
I absolutely love that and itjust falls in line with, like,
the 80-20 type rule.
I know it's not exactly 80-20,but just the idea that, like,
you get like that 20% of thingsthat probably really make your
business run you're doing,you're doing that and then an
extra 5% too, exactly, I love it.
I love it.
That's great.
(33:18):
Okay, so where can people findyou?
If they're interested inlistening to you, following you,
hiring you, where should theygo?
Elyse Conroy (33:25):
Yes, visit me
inside of the Confidence Lounge.
That is my free weekly podcastwhere I talk all things career
confidence and you can learnabout working with me on my
website, wwwsoulmakeupcom.
And definitely come hang outwith me on LinkedIn.
At Elise Conroy it'sE-L-Y-S-E-C-O-N-R-O-Y.
It at Elise Conroy it'sE-L-Y-S-E-C-O-N-R-O-Y.
(33:46):
It is my favorite place to be.
I am building the mostbeautiful community of women who
want to build career confidenceand overcome that hideous
imposter syndrome andperfectionism.
So come join me there.
Michelle Gauthier (33:52):
I love it.
Okay, let's just talk aboutLinkedIn for a second, because I
feel like, especially afterhaving a corporate job for a
long time, that's like the placewhere I never go hang out for
fun things.
I'm so excited that you have afun, cool community on there.
I'm going to come hang aroundyour area of LinkedIn.
Elyse Conroy (34:11):
Please do, because
I want to make LinkedIn a
funner, more pink, sparkly place.
Michelle Gauthier (34:16):
You know I
love fun and pink.
That's perfect.
Elyse Conroy (34:18):
Yes, yeah.
I feel like I'm totally thatpsycho who enjoys LinkedIn over
any other social platform,because I'm so obsessed with
success and business, so I enjoyLinkedIn over Instagram.
It's like embarrassing to admitout loud.
Michelle Gauthier (34:29):
Oh my gosh,
You're the only person I've ever
heard say that I love it, butyou're kind of making me want to
like Instagram now.
So I mean, you're making mewant to like LinkedIn now.
So good job, okay, thanks forbeing here.
Thank Thanks for being here.
Thank you so much for having meon.
(34:49):
Thank you for listening to theOverwhelmed Working Woman
podcast.
If you want to learn more aboutmy work, head over to my
website at michellegothiercom.
See you next week.