#145| 4 Signs You’re Stuck in People Pleasing Mode & How To Shift Into Self-Respect Fast To Reduce Overwhelm: Overwhelm, Productivity, Time Management & People Pleasing

Do you find yourself saying “yes” when you really want to say “no”—even if it’s 9:30 pm and you're in bed?

If you're constantly putting others first, feeling guilty when you set boundaries, or terrified of disappointing people, this episode will hit home. Michelle breaks down how the people-pleasing habit silently fuels burnout and how even high-functioning women unknowingly stay trapped in it.

In this episode, you will:

• Discover the 4 subtle signs you're stuck in people-pleasing mode (and may not even know it).
• Understand the root beliefs behind why you prioritize others at the cost of yourself.
• Learn a simple but powerful tip to begin rewiring your response—starting with one small pause.

Tune in now to start shifting from chronic people-pleasing to confident self-respect—one boundary at a time.

Wondering why you're overwhelmed? Take my "why am I overwhelmed" quiz to find out the source of your overwhelm, and what to do about it.

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Work With Me - Interested in working with me 1-on-1, taking a class, or joining one of my coaching groups? Message me here to get the scoop.

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Life can be overwhelming, but on this podcast, you'll discover practical strategies to overcome overwhelm, imposter syndrome, and negative self-talk, manage time effectively, set boundaries, and stay productive in high-stress jobs—all while learning how to say no and prioritize self-care on the Overwhelmed Worki...

Episode Transcript

Michelle Gauthier (00:00):
It's 9.30 pm, you're in bed reading a book,
getting ready to go to sleep,and you hear your phone buzz and
you grab it and you see a textthat says hey, can you help me
with something real quick?
You're listening to OverwhelmedWorking Woman, the podcast that
helps you be more calm and moreproductive by doing less.

(00:23):
I'm your host, michelle Gothier, a former overwhelmed working
woman and current life coach.
On this show, we unpack thestress and pressure that today's
working woman experiences andin each episode you'll get a
strategy to bring more calm,ease and relaxation to your life
.
Hi, friend, thanks for joiningtoday.

(00:45):
What would your answer be at 930 pm, when you're just about to
go to bed, if someone textedyou hey, can you help me with
something real quick?
If your answer is, I mighthesitate and really not want to,
but I would reply, of course,and maybe even get on the phone
with someone.
In today's episode, here's whatwe're going to look at Four

(01:05):
subtle but powerful signs thatyou're probably stuck in
people-pleasing mode.
Then we're going to look at why.
What are the deeper beliefsthat are driving that
people-pleasing behavior?
And then I'm going to give youa quick tip that is a great
first step to get out of thatpeople-pleasing mode.
And notice by the way that I'mreferring to it as the
people-pleasing habit or beingthat people-pleasing mode.
And notice by the way that I'mreferring to it as the

(01:25):
people-pleasing habit or beingin people-pleasing mode because
I don't like the idea that aperson is a people-pleaser.
It is just a habit.
It's a habit that has beenlearned over time, and the great
news about habits is they canbe undone.
You can get a new habit tobecome a person who does not
people-please.
Okay, so let's jump into thesigns that you might be stuck in

(01:49):
people pleasing.
Sign number one is you say yesbefore even checking in with
yourself.
I hear this so much from thewomen who I work with that yes
is truly a default and almostlike a placeholder.
And when your default answer isyes, like a placeholder, and
when your default answer is yes,even when it costs you your
time, your energy or your peace,you might be in people pleasing

(02:10):
mode.
This is reminding me of thatcomedian who used to say you
might be a redneck.
If this is, you might be apeople pleaser.
If the thought behind that,that action of just saying yes,
could be something like if I sayno, they'll think I'm selfish.
But remember that yes isn'tgenerosity, it's just fear in
disguise.
You're afraid that someone'sgoing to think you're selfish or

(02:32):
not a team player or not fun,or whatever.
It is that you're worrying thatthey will think about you.
Sign number two is you only feelvaluable when you're helping
others.
So if you're not doingsomething or being productive or
doing something for someoneelse, then you feel unimportant.
And the thought behind that onethat could be driving that

(02:54):
behavior is something like ifI'm not useful, I'm not lovable,
or if I'm not helping someone,kind of what's left, who am I
without that?
But just a reminder that yourworth was never meant to depend
on how much you do for everyoneelse or what your job is or how
much money you make or any ofthat stuff.

(03:15):
Your worth just is You're human, you're alive, You're worthy,
you're enough.
Sign number three you avoidsaying no because you don't want
to disappoint anyone.
Sign number three you avoidsaying no because you don't want
to disappoint anyone.
You go along with plans youdon't want agree to favors you
don't have time for, just tokeep the peace.
The thought behind this onemight be they'll be upset if I

(03:36):
set a boundary or if I say no.
But the truth is, anyone whorespects you will respect your
no.
And I find when I'm interactingwith people who are not people
pleasers and are good at sayingno, I trust them so much because
I trust if they say yes theyreally mean it and I trust if
they say no that they reallymean it too, and I love that.

(03:57):
I love the straightforwardnessof that.
Sign Number four is you'realready overwhelmed but still
saying yes to more.
So even when you feel stretchedtoo thin, you keep piling it on
.
The thought behind this one Iused to have this thought big
time is I should be able tohandle it all.
We also like to look around ateveryone else and perceive that

(04:19):
they are doing it all.
Let's say you're sitting in thebleachers at a baseball game
and there's all these otherworking moms there and you're
like they all have it alltogether.
's say, you're sitting in thebleachers at a baseball game and
there's all these other workingmoms there and you're like they
all have it all together and Iam just a disaster.
So you keep saying yes tothings because you think you
should be able to hand it all.
I used to love to be seen asthe girl who could handle it all
.
Who knows what people areactually thinking about me, but
in my mind I was spending a lotof time trying to get people to

(04:42):
think that that is a recipe forburnout.
Let me just tell you that forsure.
So if any of those four signs,or all of those four signs,
resonated with you and you'reshaking your head yes, and
you're like, oh crap, I'm reallydoing that.
One of those things or all ofthose things, let's just look at
the why behind it.
How did you maybe get here?

(05:02):
The first thing is we have beentaught women specifically have
been taught that being nicemeans being agreeable and
selfless and easy and alwaysavailable.
So maybe no one ever sat youdown and said that.
No one ever did that to me.
They didn't sit down and sayyou have to be agreeable and
have a smile on your face and dowhat other people want you to

(05:24):
do.
But society kind of teaches usthat and I think for generations
of women that has been seen asour value.
Quote unquote.
But really, people pleasingisn't kindness.
So we think, like I used to sayI know, I'm just nice and I
don't want to say no to people.
I just want to remind you thatpeople pleasing actually isn't

(05:46):
kind and what you're actuallytrying to do is coming from fear
.
You're trying to control whatsomeone else thinks about you.
So, for example, when I used tobe the person who could do it
all, I wanted people to thinkthat about me.
So I wasn't being nice.
I was trying to control the waythat they were seeing me so

(06:06):
that I felt comfortable.
So of course it feels hard tosay no.
Of course it feelsuncomfortable to set boundaries
when this is how we were broughtup or raised or what society
kind of told us to do.
But the truth is peoplepleasing is just a habit and all
habits can be unlearned.
Just like you can learn a newhabit, you can unlearn an old,

(06:28):
bad habit.
So what to do about ?
this Truly getting out of peoplepleasing, which is something
that I work on with every one ofmy clients?
It is a process to understandwhat is underneath it and what
beliefs, like the belief that Iused to have about I have to be
the person who does absolutelyeverything for everyone at all

(06:49):
times.
Until I changed that corebelief, I wasn't able to change
my people pleasing behavior.
So it really is a process tojust figure out what's beneath
it and then start practicing newactions, start practicing and
learning how to say no.
So it's not just a quick.
Here's one step for you to stoppeople pleasing.

(07:11):
But I will give you one tipthat is a great first step in
the right direction, and that isanytime someone asks you to do
something, start building in thehabit just to pause.
Just buy yourself enough timeto think about it.
Say something like thank youfor asking me, I'll have to get

(07:32):
back to you.
Or if it's something via text,just remember oh my gosh, I
don't have to immediatelyrespond to a text.
I can pause and think about it.
This week, the only thing thatI want you to try to change is
just having that pause.
Even if you make a pause andyou say yes, even when you want
to say no later, it's still astep in the right direction.

(07:53):
If you're really sick of beinga people pleaser and you are
ready to start working on it, Ihave a one-on-one coaching spot
open right now.
We can get to work.
Get down to those beliefs andhow you were socialized.
We can work on changing thoseand then change your behavior
and, before you know it, youwill be a person who does not

(08:13):
have the people pleasing habit.
Dm me if you're interested inthat spot.
I'd love to help you shift frompeople pleasing to powerful
self-respect.
Have a great week.
Thank you for listening to theOverwhelmed Working Woman
podcast.
If you want to learn more aboutmy work, head over to my

(08:35):
website at michellegauthier.
com.
See you nextweek
.