Do you say “yes” when you really want to say “no” — just to avoid guilt or keep the peace?
In this episode, Michelle sits down with her former client Tasha, who reveals her journey from lifelong people pleaser to confident boundary-setter — a challenge many working moms face daily at home and in demanding careers.
In this episode, you will:
- Discover the power of pausing before responding to requests so you can answer honestly
- Learn simple mindset shifts to protect your time and speak up without fear
- Hear practical, real-life strategies that helped Tasha stop automatic people pleasing for good
Press play now to learn how to break free from people pleasing and start living life on your own terms.
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Life can be overwhelming, but on this podcast, you'll discover practical strategies to overcome overwhelm, imposter syndrome, and negative self-talk, manage time effectively, set boundaries, and stay productive in high-stress jobs—all while learning how to say no and prioritize self-care on the Overwhelmed Worki...
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Tasha (00:00):
Because I was a people pleaser, I avoided having hard
conversation.
Michelle Gauthier (00:08):
You're listening to Overwhelmed Working
Woman, the podcast that helpsyou be more calm and more
productive by doing less.
I'm your host, MichelleGauthier, a former Overwhelmed
Working Woman and current lifecoach.
On this show, we unpack thestress and pressure that today's
working woman experiences andin each episode you'll get a
strategy to bring more calm,ease and relaxation to your life
(00:31):
.
Hi, friend, I have a greatinterview for you today, which
is my former client, Tasha, andif you're a person who's ever
struggled with people pleasingor setting boundaries or saying
no without guilt, this episodeis going to be a great one for
you.
When you listen, you'll learnhow to build in a pause before
responding, which Tasha willtell you is the one of the keys
(00:54):
to learning to stop peoplepleasing.
You'll learn how to stop sayingyes out of habit or guilt and
how to confidently setboundaries at both work and home
.
Tasha was really generous insharing all the details.
She shares her journey frombeing a total people pleaser to
a confident decision maker, andshe explains the practical
strategies that she used tolearn how to stop people
(01:16):
pleasing, and you can startusing those today too.
So by the end of this episode,I have a feeling you'll feel
really empowered to protect yourown time and speak up for
yourself and make decisions thatfeel good to you.
Let's dig in.
I think you're going to reallyenjoy getting to know Tasha
today.
Thank you so much, tasha, forbeing with me today, of course.
Tasha (01:35):
Thanks for having me.
Michelle Gauthier (01:36):
Yeah, can you tell the audience just a little
bit about yourself, like whereyou live and what you do, and
then I will jump into somequestions about coaching, like
where you live and what you do,and then I will jump into some
questions about coaching.
Tasha (01:46):
Yeah, so I live here in Towson, maryland.
I am a wife, a mom of two kidsthat are 14 and eight.
So I have a son that's 18 andthen a daughter that is 10 late.
They keep us very busy.
Michelle Gauthier (02:08):
Yeah, yeah.
So you're working at a what Iwould call a high stress job and
you also have your kids, are atthat age where you're doing
still a lot of driving for themand taking them places, and et
cetera.
I think it's very relatable.
Tasha (02:18):
Okay.
Michelle Gauthier (02:19):
So how did you feel before we started
coaching, did you?
Tasha (02:24):
feel, before we started coaching, before coaching, I was
always a people pleaser.
To be honest, I wanted toplease everybody that came in
contact with myself.
So you know, because I was apeople pleaser, I avoided having
hard conversation.
I hated them.
And you know I was always inother coaching group.
(02:48):
I should say Never did theone-to-one coaching but I did,
you know, group coaching.
But you know, one day my bosssuggested you and I meet.
So she was like you should doone-to-one coaching and I was
like great.
And then once you and I met,you know, I felt like we really
kicked it off and was lookingforward to our weekly meeting.
Michelle Gauthier (03:09):
OK, good, I love that.
So when you, when you were moreof a people pleaser because
spoiler alert we're going totalk about how you aren't
anymore but when you, were apeople pleaser, did you realize
it?
Tasha (03:21):
No, I didn't.
Michelle Gauthier (03:23):
Okay, and that is so so common Me neither.
When I was a major peoplepleaser, I always thought, well,
I'm just nice and I want peopleto like me and you know those
kinds of things.
So if somebody is listeningright now and they're like, oh,
I might be a people pleaser,Just know you're not alone.
If you haven't realized thatyou're a people pleaser yet and
you're realizing it now, Just areminder.
(03:45):
It's a habit and it's a habitthat can be broken, and we're
going to talk about how.
So, how did if we're stayingwith the problem how did being a
people pleaser impact your worklife?
Tasha (04:00):
I would say because I always wanted to make everybody
happy.
I would say because I alwayswanted to make everybody happy.
So you know, what I did herebefore is my boss came to me and
was like can you create thiscall center?
Like we're getting a lot ofphone calls like create this
call center, and I'm like don'tknow how to, but sure you know I
can figure this out.
And with doing that, you know Ihad to have a lot of hard
(04:22):
conversations with the team on,like how they take a phone call.
You know we deal with death anddisability here, which is not
fun conversation, yeah.
And you know when a loved onecalls in, you know we want to
have that empathy there and someof the team members on my team
didn't always have that empathyand I have so much empathy to go
(04:44):
around for everybody, yeah.
So I had to have a lot of hardconversations, especially if
someone calls in and goes, youknow my mom just passed and the
team members saying okay,instead of oh, my gosh, I'm so
sorry you're going through this.
So there are times that I hadto like have those hard
conversations with them and itwas hard for me because I wanted
to.
(05:05):
I didn't want to hurt theirfeelings, yeah, yeah, but I know
, at the end of the day I had toand it took a lot for me to
have
Michelle Gauthier (05:17):
those kind of conversations, especially when
you have had, like, differentpositions where maybe you didn't
have to have those hardconversations as much, but as
you kept moving up in theworking world which you have
been doing for what?
15 years?
Just getting promoted, promoted, promoted, you get more
responsible positions and thenyou have to have more of those
kinds of conversations.
Yes, so when we startedcoaching, a lot of times when
(05:40):
I'm first talking to people,they're like well, when am I
going to feel better?
Because I work with people forsix months, as you very well
know, and so they want to knowwhen am I going to start feeling
better?
So what would you say to thatquestion?
When did you start feelingbetter?
How did you know?
Oh, this is working.
Tasha (05:58):
I noticed it was working because I started saying no.
Oh, this is working.
I noticed it was workingbecause I started saying no and
I had to set boundaries, whichwas something new for me.
Michelle Gauthier (06:07):
I never wanted to really do that before.
You guys can't see Tasha's faceright now but she said I'm
saying no and had this look likewhat the heck?
Tasha (06:14):
All of a sudden, the word no is coming out of your mouth
for the first time ever out ofyour mouth for the first time
ever, yeah, and then I alsonoticed whenever we do
performance reviews here and Imet with my boss, who I've been
with her for almost 11 yearswithin this company.
Yeah, and it just started offbeing her and I, so she saw
(06:35):
Tasha coming in, who couldprobably barely write an email
when I first started.
So she literally sat me down andshe was like you are completely
different.
She was like you're way moreconfident and that really felt
amazing to me, like wow, shesees it.
So if you know other people arestarting to see it, then okay,
this is working.
Michelle Gauthier (06:53):
Yes, exactly.
And then, when you feelconfident, you're so much more
likely to have those toughconversations and be upfront and
honest with people.
Okay, great.
So what do you think was one of, or some of the best things
that you learned in coaching?
Tasha (07:09):
I learned to pause before saying yes and I gained
awareness around my automaticpeople pleasing skills.
Yes, that was skilled, I don'teven know, but it actually came
down to the kids.
You know, there are times thatI would come home, walk in the
door and they I got bombardedwith a thousand different
(07:29):
questions.
And when you go from working inan office and dealing with
people every day and managingpeople and then you have to go
home and you're stilltechnically working, you're a
mom, like being a mom is afull-time job.
So then it's like I need thatdecompression time to reset
myself and with the kids, youknow asking me a million
(07:49):
questions and before I even putmy curse down Now, after saying
hold on, I just walked in thedoor and saying that for like a
solid month the kids don't askme anymore.
I walk in and they're like heymom, how was your day?
And don't ask me a millionquestions as soon as I walked in
.
Michelle Gauthier (08:11):
Yes, that is such a win and I think that is
also really common that when youget, I'm just picturing
everyone like walking in theirback door and their kids running
up to them.
I feel like it's the sameeverywhere Mom, can you take me
here, can you take me here?
And when we're saying yes, inthat moment it's really just our
way to say, like give me aminute.
I don't want to have the wholeconversation with you about no
or why this won't work right now.
I just need to like set down mybag and go, change my clothes
(08:32):
and get a drink of water andlike pull myself together a
little bit.
So I think, by you not evenbeing available to evaluate the
question, like don't ask mequestions right now, just give
me a few minutes and then I willbe able to say yes or no.
And do you feel like you sayyes when you want to say yes and
no when you want to say no toyour kids now?
(08:54):
Because I remember at thebeginning you said I feel like I
say yes to them too much.
I don't know what too much is,but I remember you telling me
that.
Tasha (09:00):
Yeah, no, there is definitely time, and the kids
will joke.
Now They'll ask me somethingand I'm like no, and they're
like you just said no and I'mlike, yeah, the answer is no.
Yeah, and they're like, oh, canwe do that?
No, and they ask me like abunch of random things and they
just laugh now because they'relike, wow, mom's saying no, yeah
, look at this.
Michelle Gauthier (09:19):
Mom's got it, yeah.
And it's another reminder, too,that when we change in a way
that's good for us, sometimesother people don't like it.
So let's take your boss, forexample.
She liked it.
She was like this is great.
You're, you know, moreconfident.
You're saying no to youremployees, you're having these
hard conversations and your kidsare like wait, where's that mom
who would always say yes, yeah.
Tasha (09:52):
I don't know if it's just because my kids just adapted to
it so quickly.
My kids are very adaptable,which is, I think, a blessing
more than amazing.
Michelle Gauthier (10:01):
Yeah, that is especially.
Two of them usually might getone who's easy going.
But yeah, that's amazing.
Yes, ok, great.
And then you mentioned buildingthe pause in to your people
pleasing nature.
So how did you do that?
If you went from not realizingyou were people-pleasing to
trying to stop, how did youbuild in that pause?
Tasha (10:25):
I just took a minute and like, would breathe, instead of
just automatically just jumpingright into like the yes or the
no, like I just take a minuteand like I breathe, that way I
know, okay, like, what answer doI really need to give this
person?
Michelle Gauthier (10:39):
Yes, yes, I just saw this meme yesterday
that was like you don't need torespond to everything in one
second.
You're not Amazon prime,exactly, we feel like we have to
like the second.
You get a text, our body's like,ooh, this is an emergency, you
have to respond to it, even ifit's not important.
And so, being able to pausewhen someone has asked you a
(11:02):
question and even to say thingslike to your kids I don't want
to answer this right now.
Or don't ask me any questionsright now, or to a boss or an
employee thanks for asking me.
I just need to think about thata little bit like buy yourself
some time if you're not good atsaying no yet.
Once you get good, you can justquickly evaluate and be like no
or yes, but at first you justneed to build that pause in
(11:22):
there.
Tasha (11:23):
Yeah, and that's one thing that you actually taught
me, because I would get likeemail, you know, like seven
o'clock, eight o'clock at night,and I thought I had to respond
to it right away.
And with your coaching, you'relike no, you don't.
Michelle Gauthier (11:38):
Yeah, yeah.
But what happens when you dothat is people send you those at
eight o'clock at night andexpect you to respond so I can
teach them how to treat you.
And obviously you're a veryreliable employee and get to the
office in the morning andanswer your emails.
What?
Tasha (11:50):
difference does it make Right?
Michelle Gauthier (11:52):
Right Okay.
What was your favorite thingabout coaching?
Tasha (11:58):
Getting to see you weekly .
Honestly, there are so manytimes that I was like, well,
like wow, michelle really getsit.
You were so relatable and youunderstand, like the working
slash, mom life, which was, youknow, very helpful.
And there's also times Iremember I would join the call
(12:20):
and I would be in tears likeworst day of my life, you know,
with work or even if it was home, I felt like I was able to
express a lot of things to youand you would just help me get
through it.
And then there's times that I'mlike well, michelle, I think I
need to talk about budgets todaybecause I just am a hot mess
with budget.
(12:40):
Yeah, you know, you gave me alot of tip.
My husband gave me a lot of tipand just, I think it was, I
don't know, two weeks ago.
I'm officially debt free, whichfelt amazing.
Michelle Gauthier (12:52):
That is amazing.
I know you were totally workingon that.
Tasha (12:56):
Oh yeah, what a great win , yeah.
Michelle Gauthier (12:58):
So it's interesting when we're doing
coaching for six months and wemeet every week, because at the
beginning of the session Ialways ask everyone for wins and
then I say what do you want towork on this week?
And so, let's say, you came tome for coaching about people
pleasing, but that day you werefeeling really stressed about
your budget.
I was like, let's talk about it, because the tools that we use
for anything can be applied toanything.
(13:19):
So, yeah, hey, before you spend, pause and ask yourself why am
I buying this?
Do I really want to?
And tell yourself okay, I'mcapable to manage my money, so I
absolutely love that.
Congratulations on being debtfree.
That was amazing, great feeling.
Oh, that's the best Good.
So, just in general, how wouldyou say your life is different
(13:40):
now compared to before westarted?
Tasha (13:43):
I feel like now I just get stuff done.
You know, before I alwaysthought about everything and I
would just do well on thelittlest things, but now I just
get it done.
My mind is clearer Sometimes.
Yeah, my old patterns stillwant to come into play, but I
know how to manage them better.
Michelle Gauthier (14:02):
Yes, and I think that's the ultimate goal,
because my old patterns stillcome into play and I'm doing
this like every day for sevenyears, eight years now, of doing
working on my mindset, but theyjust come up.
But it's not a big deal, justto be like, oh, I noticed.
I felt this is me, not you.
I felt the urge to people,please someone, and I noticed it
and I'm not gonna do it, butthat's interesting that it still
(14:24):
came up and then you just moveon.
It's not, it doesn't even haveto be a big deal.
Yes, yes, okay, great.
Now I'm gonna ask you the twoquestions that I ask everybody
when they're on the podcast.
What is something that you doto make yourself feel less
overwhelmed?
Tasha (14:40):
Well, coming from a girl here who had the worst anxiety
ever, I use all the breathingtechniques.
There are times that you'vetaught me breathing techniques.
I went through therapy and, youknow, learned a bunch of
breathing techniques throughthat and I always use them.
You know, before a bunch ofbreathing techniques through
that and I always use them, youknow, before having hard
conversations or if it'ssomething that's still outside
(15:01):
my comfort zone, that I'm notreally sure about yet.
But I always remind myself thateverything is okay, yeah, like
everything's fine, and I justbreathe.
Michelle Gauthier (15:11):
Yes, yes.
And that's such a good tipbecause breathing is always with
us and you can do it withoutother people even noticing, like
if you're doing squarebreathing or something like that
, you can just be counting inyour head, you know when you're
in public or in a meeting orwhatever it is.
So that's a great tip.
What's something youconsistently do to save time or
do less?
Tasha (15:32):
I started ordering groceries online only because it
saves me time, now that I don'thave to go to the grocery store
for an hour or so.
I do, you know, onlinegroceries I'll either pick them
up, get them delivered but italso helps me avoid those
impulse buys that I, you know Idon't overspend now on groceries
or even Target.
(15:59):
We'll do Target online ordersor anything online, instead of
me actually physically going tothe store.
Because one, it saves time andthen my budget.
Yeah, the nightmare if I walkinto a store.
Michelle Gauthier (16:13):
Yes, it's saving you time and money.
This is good for your budgetand your time that's great.
Ordering online from Target isa great idea because I just went
in there last night real quickto pick up something for dinner
that I was going to grill and Iwas like I better just run by
the summer dresses.
Let's see if they have any cutetank tops and then all of a
sudden you're like, oh, do Ineed some new self-tanning
(16:36):
lotion?
And pretty soon you're like$100 in on just going in there I
was picking up like bratwurstto put on the grill and pretty
soon you pick up all thesethings.
So that is a great tip.
Yeah, yes, okay.
So what would you say tosomebody who's thinking about
doing one-on-one coaching?
Tasha (16:54):
Take the chance.
Like honestly take the chance.
Like honestly take the chanceand especially if they're like a
mom that's in the businessworld, like definitely set up a
call with you.
Michelle Gauthier (17:06):
Like you totally get it like, yeah, so
helpful yes, yes, I've beenthere and I'm also still there.
You know, it's like being aworking mom is always the same.
It's just different how you canhandle it.
Okay, great Well, thank you somuch and congratulations on
being debt-free and notpeople-pleasing and being so
(17:28):
much more confident.
That is just something thatwill keep on serving you
throughout the rest of your lifeand we are just for the
listeners.
We did coaching together forsix or nine months and we're
finished now and we've beenfinished, gosh, since January.
Maybe we've been finished forlike six months and this stuff
is still going and the skillsare ongoing.
(17:48):
So, great job and thank you forsharing your story.
Of course, thank you.
Hope you enjoyed that interviewtoday and that you were able to
get some great tips about how tostop people pleasing and make
more confident decisions.
If this is an area where youstruggle and you're interested
in working with me one-on-one,like Tasha did, I will drop the
(18:09):
link in the show notes.
You could always just send me amessage too if you're
interested in doing that, butI'll drop the link where you can
first of all read a little bitmore about what one-on-one
coaching is like and then youcan schedule a free discovery
session with me to find out ifit's something that you really
might want to do.
All right, have a great week.
See you soon.
Thank you for listening to theOverwhelmed Working Woman
(18:35):
podcast.
If you want to learn more aboutmy work, head over to my
website at michellegauthier.
com.
See you next week.
Because I was a people pleaser, I avoided having hard
conversation.
Michelle Gauthier (00:08):
You're listening to Overwhelmed Working
Woman, the podcast that helpsyou be more calm and more
productive by doing less.
I'm your host, MichelleGauthier, a former Overwhelmed
Working Woman and current lifecoach.
On this show, we unpack thestress and pressure that today's
working woman experiences andin each episode you'll get a
strategy to bring more calm,ease and relaxation to your life
(00:31):
.
Hi, friend, I have a greatinterview for you today, which
is my former client, Tasha, andif you're a person who's ever
struggled with people pleasingor setting boundaries or saying
no without guilt, this episodeis going to be a great one for
you.
When you listen, you'll learnhow to build in a pause before
responding, which Tasha willtell you is the one of the keys
(00:54):
to learning to stop peoplepleasing.
You'll learn how to stop sayingyes out of habit or guilt and
how to confidently setboundaries at both work and home
.
Tasha was really generous insharing all the details.
She shares her journey frombeing a total people pleaser to
a confident decision maker, andshe explains the practical
strategies that she used tolearn how to stop people
(01:16):
pleasing, and you can startusing those today too.
So by the end of this episode,I have a feeling you'll feel
really empowered to protect yourown time and speak up for
yourself and make decisions thatfeel good to you.
Let's dig in.
I think you're going to reallyenjoy getting to know Tasha
today.
Thank you so much, tasha, forbeing with me today, of course.
Tasha (01:35):
Thanks for having me.
Michelle Gauthier (01:36):
Yeah, can you tell the audience just a little
bit about yourself, like whereyou live and what you do, and
then I will jump into somequestions about coaching, like
where you live and what you do,and then I will jump into some
questions about coaching.
Tasha (01:46):
Yeah, so I live here in Towson, maryland.
I am a wife, a mom of two kidsthat are 14 and eight.
So I have a son that's 18 andthen a daughter that is 10 late.
They keep us very busy.
Michelle Gauthier (02:08):
Yeah, yeah.
So you're working at a what Iwould call a high stress job and
you also have your kids, are atthat age where you're doing
still a lot of driving for themand taking them places, and et
cetera.
I think it's very relatable.
Tasha (02:18):
Okay.
Michelle Gauthier (02:19):
So how did you feel before we started
coaching, did you?
Tasha (02:24):
feel, before we started coaching, before coaching, I was
always a people pleaser.
To be honest, I wanted toplease everybody that came in
contact with myself.
So you know, because I was apeople pleaser, I avoided having
hard conversation.
I hated them.
And you know I was always inother coaching group.
(02:48):
I should say Never did theone-to-one coaching but I did,
you know, group coaching.
But you know, one day my bosssuggested you and I meet.
So she was like you should doone-to-one coaching and I was
like great.
And then once you and I met,you know, I felt like we really
kicked it off and was lookingforward to our weekly meeting.
Michelle Gauthier (03:09):
OK, good, I love that.
So when you, when you were moreof a people pleaser because
spoiler alert we're going totalk about how you aren't
anymore but when you, were apeople pleaser, did you realize
it?
Tasha (03:21):
No, I didn't.
Michelle Gauthier (03:23):
Okay, and that is so so common Me neither.
When I was a major peoplepleaser, I always thought, well,
I'm just nice and I want peopleto like me and you know those
kinds of things.
So if somebody is listeningright now and they're like, oh,
I might be a people pleaser,Just know you're not alone.
If you haven't realized thatyou're a people pleaser yet and
you're realizing it now, Just areminder.
(03:45):
It's a habit and it's a habitthat can be broken, and we're
going to talk about how.
So, how did if we're stayingwith the problem how did being a
people pleaser impact your worklife?
Tasha (04:00):
I would say because I always wanted to make everybody
happy.
I would say because I alwayswanted to make everybody happy.
So you know, what I did herebefore is my boss came to me and
was like can you create thiscall center?
Like we're getting a lot ofphone calls like create this
call center, and I'm like don'tknow how to, but sure you know I
can figure this out.
And with doing that, you know Ihad to have a lot of hard
(04:22):
conversations with the team on,like how they take a phone call.
You know we deal with death anddisability here, which is not
fun conversation, yeah.
And you know when a loved onecalls in, you know we want to
have that empathy there and someof the team members on my team
didn't always have that empathyand I have so much empathy to go
(04:44):
around for everybody, yeah.
So I had to have a lot of hardconversations, especially if
someone calls in and goes, youknow my mom just passed and the
team members saying okay,instead of oh, my gosh, I'm so
sorry you're going through this.
So there are times that I hadto like have those hard
conversations with them and itwas hard for me because I wanted
to.
(05:05):
I didn't want to hurt theirfeelings, yeah, yeah, but I know
, at the end of the day I had toand it took a lot for me to
have
Michelle Gauthier (05:17):
those kind of conversations, especially when
you have had, like, differentpositions where maybe you didn't
have to have those hardconversations as much, but as
you kept moving up in theworking world which you have
been doing for what?
15 years?
Just getting promoted, promoted, promoted, you get more
responsible positions and thenyou have to have more of those
kinds of conversations.
Yes, so when we startedcoaching, a lot of times when
(05:40):
I'm first talking to people,they're like well, when am I
going to feel better?
Because I work with people forsix months, as you very well
know, and so they want to knowwhen am I going to start feeling
better?
So what would you say to thatquestion?
When did you start feelingbetter?
How did you know?
Oh, this is working.
Tasha (05:58):
I noticed it was working because I started saying no.
Oh, this is working.
I noticed it was workingbecause I started saying no and
I had to set boundaries, whichwas something new for me.
Michelle Gauthier (06:07):
I never wanted to really do that before.
You guys can't see Tasha's faceright now but she said I'm
saying no and had this look likewhat the heck?
Tasha (06:14):
All of a sudden, the word no is coming out of your mouth
for the first time ever out ofyour mouth for the first time
ever, yeah, and then I alsonoticed whenever we do
performance reviews here and Imet with my boss, who I've been
with her for almost 11 yearswithin this company.
Yeah, and it just started offbeing her and I, so she saw
(06:35):
Tasha coming in, who couldprobably barely write an email
when I first started.
So she literally sat me down andshe was like you are completely
different.
She was like you're way moreconfident and that really felt
amazing to me, like wow, shesees it.
So if you know other people arestarting to see it, then okay,
this is working.
Michelle Gauthier (06:53):
Yes, exactly.
And then, when you feelconfident, you're so much more
likely to have those toughconversations and be upfront and
honest with people.
Okay, great.
So what do you think was one of, or some of the best things
that you learned in coaching?
Tasha (07:09):
I learned to pause before saying yes and I gained
awareness around my automaticpeople pleasing skills.
Yes, that was skilled, I don'teven know, but it actually came
down to the kids.
You know, there are times thatI would come home, walk in the
door and they I got bombardedwith a thousand different
(07:29):
questions.
And when you go from working inan office and dealing with
people every day and managingpeople and then you have to go
home and you're stilltechnically working, you're a
mom, like being a mom is afull-time job.
So then it's like I need thatdecompression time to reset
myself and with the kids, youknow asking me a million
(07:49):
questions and before I even putmy curse down Now, after saying
hold on, I just walked in thedoor and saying that for like a
solid month the kids don't askme anymore.
I walk in and they're like heymom, how was your day?
And don't ask me a millionquestions as soon as I walked in
.
Michelle Gauthier (08:11):
Yes, that is such a win and I think that is
also really common that when youget, I'm just picturing
everyone like walking in theirback door and their kids running
up to them.
I feel like it's the sameeverywhere Mom, can you take me
here, can you take me here?
And when we're saying yes, inthat moment it's really just our
way to say, like give me aminute.
I don't want to have the wholeconversation with you about no
or why this won't work right now.
I just need to like set down mybag and go, change my clothes
(08:32):
and get a drink of water andlike pull myself together a
little bit.
So I think, by you not evenbeing available to evaluate the
question, like don't ask mequestions right now, just give
me a few minutes and then I willbe able to say yes or no.
And do you feel like you sayyes when you want to say yes and
no when you want to say no toyour kids now?
(08:54):
Because I remember at thebeginning you said I feel like I
say yes to them too much.
I don't know what too much is,but I remember you telling me
that.
Tasha (09:00):
Yeah, no, there is definitely time, and the kids
will joke.
Now They'll ask me somethingand I'm like no, and they're
like you just said no and I'mlike, yeah, the answer is no.
Yeah, and they're like, oh, canwe do that?
No, and they ask me like abunch of random things and they
just laugh now because they'relike, wow, mom's saying no, yeah
, look at this.
Michelle Gauthier (09:19):
Mom's got it, yeah.
And it's another reminder, too,that when we change in a way
that's good for us, sometimesother people don't like it.
So let's take your boss, forexample.
She liked it.
She was like this is great.
You're, you know, moreconfident.
You're saying no to youremployees, you're having these
hard conversations and your kidsare like wait, where's that mom
who would always say yes, yeah.
Tasha (09:52):
I don't know if it's just because my kids just adapted to
it so quickly.
My kids are very adaptable,which is, I think, a blessing
more than amazing.
Michelle Gauthier (10:01):
Yeah, that is especially.
Two of them usually might getone who's easy going.
But yeah, that's amazing.
Yes, ok, great.
And then you mentioned buildingthe pause in to your people
pleasing nature.
So how did you do that?
If you went from not realizingyou were people-pleasing to
trying to stop, how did youbuild in that pause?
Tasha (10:25):
I just took a minute and like, would breathe, instead of
just automatically just jumpingright into like the yes or the
no, like I just take a minuteand like I breathe, that way I
know, okay, like, what answer doI really need to give this
person?
Michelle Gauthier (10:39):
Yes, yes, I just saw this meme yesterday
that was like you don't need torespond to everything in one
second.
You're not Amazon prime,exactly, we feel like we have to
like the second.
You get a text, our body's like,ooh, this is an emergency, you
have to respond to it, even ifit's not important.
And so, being able to pausewhen someone has asked you a
(11:02):
question and even to say thingslike to your kids I don't want
to answer this right now.
Or don't ask me any questionsright now, or to a boss or an
employee thanks for asking me.
I just need to think about thata little bit like buy yourself
some time if you're not good atsaying no yet.
Once you get good, you can justquickly evaluate and be like no
or yes, but at first you justneed to build that pause in
(11:22):
there.
Tasha (11:23):
Yeah, and that's one thing that you actually taught
me, because I would get likeemail, you know, like seven
o'clock, eight o'clock at night,and I thought I had to respond
to it right away.
And with your coaching, you'relike no, you don't.
Michelle Gauthier (11:38):
Yeah, yeah.
But what happens when you dothat is people send you those at
eight o'clock at night andexpect you to respond so I can
teach them how to treat you.
And obviously you're a veryreliable employee and get to the
office in the morning andanswer your emails.
What?
Tasha (11:50):
difference does it make Right?
Michelle Gauthier (11:52):
Right Okay.
What was your favorite thingabout coaching?
Tasha (11:58):
Getting to see you weekly .
Honestly, there are so manytimes that I was like, well,
like wow, michelle really getsit.
You were so relatable and youunderstand, like the working
slash, mom life, which was, youknow, very helpful.
And there's also times Iremember I would join the call
(12:20):
and I would be in tears likeworst day of my life, you know,
with work or even if it was home, I felt like I was able to
express a lot of things to youand you would just help me get
through it.
And then there's times that I'mlike well, michelle, I think I
need to talk about budgets todaybecause I just am a hot mess
with budget.
(12:40):
Yeah, you know, you gave me alot of tip.
My husband gave me a lot of tipand just, I think it was, I
don't know, two weeks ago.
I'm officially debt free, whichfelt amazing.
Michelle Gauthier (12:52):
That is amazing.
I know you were totally workingon that.
Tasha (12:56):
Oh yeah, what a great win , yeah.
Michelle Gauthier (12:58):
So it's interesting when we're doing
coaching for six months and wemeet every week, because at the
beginning of the session Ialways ask everyone for wins and
then I say what do you want towork on this week?
And so, let's say, you came tome for coaching about people
pleasing, but that day you werefeeling really stressed about
your budget.
I was like, let's talk about it, because the tools that we use
for anything can be applied toanything.
(13:19):
So, yeah, hey, before you spend, pause and ask yourself why am
I buying this?
Do I really want to?
And tell yourself okay, I'mcapable to manage my money, so I
absolutely love that.
Congratulations on being debtfree.
That was amazing, great feeling.
Oh, that's the best Good.
So, just in general, how wouldyou say your life is different
(13:40):
now compared to before westarted?
Tasha (13:43):
I feel like now I just get stuff done.
You know, before I alwaysthought about everything and I
would just do well on thelittlest things, but now I just
get it done.
My mind is clearer Sometimes.
Yeah, my old patterns stillwant to come into play, but I
know how to manage them better.
Michelle Gauthier (14:02):
Yes, and I think that's the ultimate goal,
because my old patterns stillcome into play and I'm doing
this like every day for sevenyears, eight years now, of doing
working on my mindset, but theyjust come up.
But it's not a big deal, justto be like, oh, I noticed.
I felt this is me, not you.
I felt the urge to people,please someone, and I noticed it
and I'm not gonna do it, butthat's interesting that it still
(14:24):
came up and then you just moveon.
It's not, it doesn't even haveto be a big deal.
Yes, yes, okay, great.
Now I'm gonna ask you the twoquestions that I ask everybody
when they're on the podcast.
What is something that you doto make yourself feel less
overwhelmed?
Tasha (14:40):
Well, coming from a girl here who had the worst anxiety
ever, I use all the breathingtechniques.
There are times that you'vetaught me breathing techniques.
I went through therapy and, youknow, learned a bunch of
breathing techniques throughthat and I always use them.
You know, before a bunch ofbreathing techniques through
that and I always use them, youknow, before having hard
conversations or if it'ssomething that's still outside
(15:01):
my comfort zone, that I'm notreally sure about yet.
But I always remind myself thateverything is okay, yeah, like
everything's fine, and I justbreathe.
Michelle Gauthier (15:11):
Yes, yes.
And that's such a good tipbecause breathing is always with
us and you can do it withoutother people even noticing, like
if you're doing squarebreathing or something like that
, you can just be counting inyour head, you know when you're
in public or in a meeting orwhatever it is.
So that's a great tip.
What's something youconsistently do to save time or
do less?
Tasha (15:32):
I started ordering groceries online only because it
saves me time, now that I don'thave to go to the grocery store
for an hour or so.
I do, you know, onlinegroceries I'll either pick them
up, get them delivered but italso helps me avoid those
impulse buys that I, you know Idon't overspend now on groceries
or even Target.
(15:59):
We'll do Target online ordersor anything online, instead of
me actually physically going tothe store.
Because one, it saves time andthen my budget.
Yeah, the nightmare if I walkinto a store.
Michelle Gauthier (16:13):
Yes, it's saving you time and money.
This is good for your budgetand your time that's great.
Ordering online from Target isa great idea because I just went
in there last night real quickto pick up something for dinner
that I was going to grill and Iwas like I better just run by
the summer dresses.
Let's see if they have any cutetank tops and then all of a
sudden you're like, oh, do Ineed some new self-tanning
(16:36):
lotion?
And pretty soon you're like$100 in on just going in there I
was picking up like bratwurstto put on the grill and pretty
soon you pick up all thesethings.
So that is a great tip.
Yeah, yes, okay.
So what would you say tosomebody who's thinking about
doing one-on-one coaching?
Tasha (16:54):
Take the chance.
Like honestly take the chance.
Like honestly take the chanceand especially if they're like a
mom that's in the businessworld, like definitely set up a
call with you.
Michelle Gauthier (17:06):
Like you totally get it like, yeah, so
helpful yes, yes, I've beenthere and I'm also still there.
You know, it's like being aworking mom is always the same.
It's just different how you canhandle it.
Okay, great Well, thank you somuch and congratulations on
being debt-free and notpeople-pleasing and being so
(17:28):
much more confident.
That is just something thatwill keep on serving you
throughout the rest of your lifeand we are just for the
listeners.
We did coaching together forsix or nine months and we're
finished now and we've beenfinished, gosh, since January.
Maybe we've been finished forlike six months and this stuff
is still going and the skillsare ongoing.
(17:48):
So, great job and thank you forsharing your story.
Of course, thank you.
Hope you enjoyed that interviewtoday and that you were able to
get some great tips about how tostop people pleasing and make
more confident decisions.
If this is an area where youstruggle and you're interested
in working with me one-on-one,like Tasha did, I will drop the
(18:09):
link in the show notes.
You could always just send me amessage too if you're
interested in doing that, butI'll drop the link where you can
first of all read a little bitmore about what one-on-one
coaching is like and then youcan schedule a free discovery
session with me to find out ifit's something that you really
might want to do.
All right, have a great week.
See you soon.
Thank you for listening to theOverwhelmed Working Woman
(18:35):
podcast.
If you want to learn more aboutmy work, head over to my
website at michellegauthier.
com.
See you next week.
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