#167| 3 Signs You’re Trapped in People Pleasing & How to Break Free Without Guilt or Overwhelm: Overwhelm, Productivity, Time Management & People Pleasing

Have you ever said “yes” just to avoid awkwardness—even when you knew it wasn’t right for you?

In today’s episode, Michelle shares a surprisingly relatable moment where she—an actual life coach—found herself people pleasing during a business call. Whether you're constantly worried about being liked, struggle to say no, or overthink what others think of you, this episode will help you spot and break the cycle.

In this episode, you will:

• Learn 3 subtle but powerful signs that you’re people pleasing without realizing it
• Understand what people pleasing is really costing you (emotionally and professionally)
• Get practical tools to start setting boundaries and speaking up without guilt

If you’re tired of second-guessing yourself or putting others’ comfort above your own, hit play now to reclaim your time and truth.

Wondering why you're overwhelmed? Take my "why am I overwhelmed" quiz to find out the source of your overwhelm, and what to do about it.

Send Me a Message - Have a question, comment, or just want to say hi? Message me here, I'd love to chat!

Work With Me - Interested in working with me 1-on-1, taking a class, or joining one of my coaching groups? Message me here to get the scoop.

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Life can be overwhelming, but on this podcast, you'll discover practical strategies to overcome overwhelm, imposter syndrome, and negative self-talk, manage time effectively, set boundaries, and stay productive in high-stress jobs—all while learning how to say no and prioritize self-care on the Overwhelmed Worki...

Episode Transcript

Michelle Gauthier (00:00):
What would I choose if I wasn't worried about
their reaction?
You're listening to OverwhelmedWorking Woman, the podcast that
helps you be more calm and moreproductive by doing less.
I'm your host, MichelleGauthier, a former Overwhelmed
Working Woman and current lifecoach.
On this show, we unpack thestress and pressure that today's

(00:23):
working woman experiences, andin each episode you'll get a
strategy to bring more calm,ease and relaxation to your life
.
Hi, friend, thanks for joiningme today.
Today I'm going to tell you astory about how I just very
recently got in a situationwhere I realized, a few minutes

(00:44):
in, that I was totally peoplepleasing, and it just reminded
me that even when you'reeducated on people pleasing and
have worked really hard not tobe a people pleaser, sometimes
it sneaks up on you.
So when you listen, today I'mgoing to tell you three subtle
but powerful signs that you werepeople pleasing, and you might
not even realize it, what it'sreally costing you if that's

(01:05):
what you're doing, and how tostart breaking the habit without
guilt or shame or spiraling.
So here's what happened.
If you're ever curious aboutworking with me one-on-one, the
first step is booking a freeconsultation.
So when someone signs up forone of those, they're taken to.
First of all, you start on apage that explains all about the
coaching into.
First of all, you start on apage that explains all about the

(01:27):
coaching, the cost, how long itis, all that stuff.
Then they go to a form where Iask a couple questions what's
going on in your life right now?
How do you wish you could feelsix months from now?
What do you want to work on incoaching?
And it's designed to help usboth get clarity and make sure
that coaching is the right fitfor that person.
So the other day I got a newform and it didn't have the
actual answers on it, it justsaid I'd rather talk about it on

(01:48):
the call.
Totally fine, not everyonefeels like typing it all out or
they feel uncomfortable typingit to someone who they don't
know yet.
So the call was booked and Iget on the call at the time that
it's scheduled.
And then here's the plot twistAbout 30 seconds in I realized
that this guy wasn't looking forcoaching at all.
He was trying to pitch me on hisbusiness.

(02:09):
He's asking questions about mysocial media, whether I have a
podcast, who my audience is.
So he booked my free consultmeant for women who are
overwhelmed and thinking aboutmaking real changes and
potentially working with me forcoaching, and used it as a sales
opportunity for himself under acompletely false premise.

(02:30):
And I'll be honest, I stayed onthe call longer than I should
have.
He was asking me questionsabout my business and I was
answering them and I'm thinkingin my mind I don't think he
actually wants coaching.
But I hung in there because Ididn't want to be rude and I
didn't want to make it awkward.
Let's just pause on that for asecond.

(02:50):
I didn't want to make itawkward.
He scheduled on my consult tosell me on his business and I
didn't want to make it awkward.
So once I directly asked himare you on this call because
you're considering coaching withme?
He said, I mean not right now,but like maybe in the future or

(03:11):
maybe I could refer someone toyou.
And that was when I was likeokay, people pleasing, time is
over here.
And I said okay, listen, thiscall is for people who are
interested in one-on-onecoaching and you booked this
call knowing that.
But what you're actually doingis trying to sell me on your
business.

(03:31):
If you wanted to do that, agood way to do that would be to
send me a message on LinkedInand he said, oh my gosh, I'm so
sorry if it came across that way.
If it came across that way,what other way would it come
across?
That is the truth.
That is what is happening here.
So this is your reminder.
I am a coach who helps peoplestop people pleasing, and here I

(03:53):
was.
I mean, I'm happy to say, Ionly wasted about five or 10
minutes of my own time.
I only wasted about five or 10minutes of my own time, but I
all of a sudden was moreconcerned about making it
awkward for him.
So here are three ways that youmight be doing something
similar to what I did the otherday.
These are kind of hints thatyou might be people pleasing.

Number one (04:15):
you worry more about being liked than being honest,
so you say what someone wants tohear instead of what's actually
true for you.
This might mean you'resugarcoating feedback or
avoiding conflict or agreeingwith something just to keep the
conversation nice, which isexactly what I was doing.
You find yourself in thissituation where you're doing

(04:42):
that.
You can practice saying thingshonestly in small ways, like,
actually I have a different takeor I'm still figuring out how I
feel.
So you don't have to becompletely bold and in someone's
face about it if that feelsreally uncomfortable to you, but
make sure that you are notworrying more about being liked
than telling your truth.
Number two is the idea thatsaying no makes you mean or

(05:05):
selfish.
This is like a classic guilttrip.
You've been conditioned tothink that the word no is a
rejection of the person or theirneeds and like you should be
helpful.
So you say yes, even when youdon't have the time or the
energy or the desire.
This definitely came up for me,I think, in the situation that
I just described to you, because, as a person who owns her own

(05:26):
business, I am always supportiveof other entrepreneurs.
So had he sent me a message andsaid I really think I could
help you with your businesshere's what I do.
I do videos for social media Imight have responded and said
okay.
Or if somehow someone hadintroduced us, I would have said
tell me about your business,maybe there's someone I can

(05:48):
refer to you, maybe I would beinterested in it.
So I felt like I was being meanor selfish, saying no to him,
but he approached me in thecompletely wrong way.
So I think, in this case,saying no did not make me mean
or selfish.
I think he was the one who wasmaking the selfish choice in
this particular situation.

(06:09):
And the third clue that youmight be people pleasing is you
focus more on what the otherperson might be thinking than on
what you actually want.
So will he think I'm rude?
Am I worried about making thisperson mad?
Who will they tell that I'm nota nice person?
And when you're doing that andthinking like that, it's all

(06:30):
this mental gymnastics going onin your head and it takes up so
much space that there's no roomto even ask what do I actually
want?
So I did that exact thing andonce I realized what do I
actually want right now?
And you know what I wanted todo right now Call my sister back
.
Because my sister had called meI was like shoot, I thought I
was going to be on the phone fora whole hour.
Now I see I'm not going to beon the phone for a whole hour,

(06:52):
so I'm going to call my sisterback.
So what I want to choose is tocall my sister instead of let
this guy pitch me on somethingI'm not interested in that I did
not ask for.
So if you find yourself in thissituation, it's really great to
say what would I choose if Iwasn't worried about their
reaction.
So if I wasn't worried what theother person would think, what

(07:14):
would I do in this situation,and that can really help you get
clarity about what you want todo.
So, in summary, if you sawyourself in any of these, or you
have recently been in asituation like I was, where you
were being too nice quoteunquote for too long.
I say nice in quotes because Iwasn't really being nice.
I was just trying to controlhow I thought that he was going

(07:37):
to feel about me or my business.
So just remember it peoplepleasing is just a habit and
it's a survival strategy that alot of us were taught, but it is
definitely one that you canunlearn.
So today we learned if you caremore about being liked than
being honest, if you thinksaying no makes you a bad person
, or if you're much more worriedabout what someone else might

(07:59):
think than what you actuallywant, you could be people
pleasing.
The good news is you don't haveto do a 180 overnight, but you
can start practicing any of thethings that I just mentioned
just tiny acts of honesty orboundaries or self-awareness and
eventually that adds up to realchange.
If you feel like people pleasingis a big problem in your life,

(08:21):
guess what you can do aconsultation with me.
It's free, it's an hour longand we will talk all about what
is happening with you and yourlife and I'll tell you all about
coaching and we can see if it'sa good fit.
Now, if you use that time totry to sell me something, I will
cut off the call after fiveminutes.
You can set up thatconsultation with me.

(08:41):
Fill out the form that I justtalked about and we will talk on
the phone.
We will chat on Zoom for about45 minutes so that I can see
what's going on with you, tellyou a little bit about coaching
and see if we are a good fit towork together.
Have a great week and be on thelookout for people pleasing.
Thank you for listening to theOverwhelmed Working Woman

(09:06):
podcast.
If you want to learn more aboutmy work, head over to my
website at michellegauthiercom.
See you next week.