#185| 3 Reasons Why Forcing Productivity Is The Reason You’re Stuck (And What Actually Works): Overwhelm, Productivity, Time Management & People Pleasing

Do you ever feel like the harder you push, the less actually gets done?

If you’ve been caught in the cycle of clenching, controlling, and forcing outcomes—whether at work, at home, or with your kids—you’re not alone. In this episode, Michelle unpacks why tension drains your energy and how real productivity thrives when you create space to breathe, soften, and receive.

By listening, you’ll discover:

• Why clenched-fist energy keeps you stuck and exhausted.
• How to recognize when to soften versus when to stand firm.
• A simple mindset shift to create calm, sustainable productivity without the grind.

Press play now to learn how letting go of control can actually help you get more done with ease.

Wondering why you're overwhelmed? Take my "why am I overwhelmed" quiz to find out the source of your overwhelm, and what to do about it.

Send Me a Message - Have a question, comment, or just want to say hi? Message me here, I'd love to chat!

Work With Me - Interested in working with me 1-on-1, taking a class, or joining one of my coaching groups? Message me here to get the scoop.

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Life can be overwhelming, but on this podcast, you'll discover practical strategies to overcome overwhelm, imposter syndrome, and negative self-talk, manage time effectively, set boundaries, and stay productive in high-stress jobs—all while learning how to say no and prioritize self-care on the Overwhelmed Worki...

Episode Transcript

MichelleGauthier (00:00):
Have you ever been so tightly wound trying to
make it happen that nothinghappened?
You're listening to OverwhelmedWorking Woman, the podcast that
helps you be more calm and moreproductive by doing less.
I'm your host, MichelleGauthier, a former Overwhelmed

(00:20):
Working Woman and current lifecoach.
On this show, we unpack thestress and pressure that today's
Working Woman experiences.
And in each episode, you'll geta strategy to bring more calm,
ease, and relaxation to yourlife.
Hi, friend.
Today I want to share with yousomething that my coach said to
me earlier this week.

(00:41):
She reminded me of somethingthat we learned from our life
coaching instructor, MarthaBeck.
And that is nothing beautifulcomes from a clenched fist.
But think about that.
I think it's so smart becausewhen we're forcing things and
trying to make things happen,then your hand is close tight.

(01:03):
And when your hand is closedtight, you can't receive
anything.
You're not open to ideas orhelp or relief or taking it easy
or just seeing what might playout.
So if you feel like you've beenin that mode of forcing
productivity from a place oftension or trying to control
things, this episode is going tobe your invitation to try

(01:24):
something different.
I'm going to explain to youtoday why tense energy just
doesn't get results and thatactual productivity requires
spaciousness and letting go alittle bit.
And that when you can soften,it leads to momentum of the
sustainable type, not the typethat you have to just force it

(01:45):
all the time.
So the reason why my coach Leahsaid this to me this week is I
was sharing with her how my sonis going back and forth, in a
good way.
He's evaluating what he wantsto do after high school.
So we're thinking about atechnical school because he
really loves cars.
We're looking at a college thathas a car restoration major.
He was considering the army fora while.

(02:07):
So we have all these thingsswirling around.
And when things start to feelstressful, which they always do
to me when there isn't a plan inplace.
So we're in that kind of freefall of investigation and that
feels uncomfortable to me.
My signature move to makemyself feel better.
I'm saying this from theself-actualized place of Leah
telling me this, but she wasspot on, is that I just try to

(02:29):
control something and I forcesomething to happen.
And so I just said, it's sohard.
I think I need to do this, andthen he needs to do that, and
then we need to do this and thisand this.
And it's just so hard.
And she said, I think it isreally hard because you're
putting so much pressure on it.
You're making it so hard.

(02:51):
What would happen if youweren't holding on so tightly?
How would that affect whathappens with you and your son as
you're trying to figure thisout together?
And I was like, Oh my gosh, ofcourse.
Of course.
So although there was a chancethat I could have gotten
something done by being like,okay, sit down.

(03:11):
We're gonna look at this, we'regonna fill out this form.
You've got to do it right now.
Maybe we would haveaccomplished something, but it
would have been so tense and hadwould have not been in the
energy of us just being like,okay, what sounds interesting?
What should we try to look intonext?
What are all of our options?
And so she really helped me seeand reminded me of that quote

(03:33):
that if I unclenched my fists,we would still get the decision
made, probably in the same or anearlier amount of time, because
it would reduce all of thepressure.
And you know, when we feelpressure, our kids also feel
that pressure.
And my son - definitely wasproud of him for saying it so
nicely.
But he's like, Mom, you'remaking me feel like this is a

(03:55):
really stressful thing.
And I don't want to talk aboutthis with you right now.
Okay?
I love you, but I don't want totalk about this with you right
now.
He said it so well.
But yeah, I really needed tojust unclench my fists.
And I wrote down three thingsthat I could do on my side and
that I could focus on, and thenjust let the rest naturally come

(04:17):
about.
Obviously, if you have kidswho've gone to college, you know
there is a certain schedulethat you have to follow.
So it's not like, oh, let'sjust chill out and see what
happens, but it's involving him.
When do you want to do this?
This is the date that it has tobe done.
When should we work on it?
Instead of just being in chargeof everything all the time?
When we really truly want to beproductive, we do need some

(04:41):
spaciousness.
Spaciousness lets us havebetter decisions and maybe make
room for new ideas and gives usthe ability to pivot or receive
help.
So if you think about havingthe ability to force an answer
or to absolutely make somethinghappen is a good skill to have

(05:01):
and can be useful, but I thinkit's useful like one out of a
hundred times.
Like we have this story in myfamily.
You guys probably know that Ilove decorating my house.
And like, oh my gosh, this wasbefore I had kids, so it's got
to be like 20 years ago.
I went to Home Depot because Iwas going to paint our bedroom.
I had in mind the color that Iwanted.

(05:22):
I found the color and I said tothe person at the paint place
at Home Depot, I think this isthe color I want, but I'm not
sure.
But of course, since I'm in abig hurry and I'm forcing this
project to get done as soon aspossible, like it was the
weekend and I was going to getthe whole thing done over the
weekend.
I wanted to just buy the paint.
I didn't want to think about itor get a sample or anything.

(05:44):
I said, Can I buy the paint?
And if I don't like it, can Ireturn it?
And he's like, Yeah, sure, youcan.
So he mixes it up for me.
I buy three gallons, I go home,I paint it on the wall.
Of course, I don't like it.
And the next day, my husband atthe time and I are going to
Home Depot.
He need to get something else,and I'm going to return this
paint.
So I take it back to the paintcounter, and the guy's like, No,

(06:06):
you can't return paint whenit's been custom mixed like
that.
And I was like, Well, you needto tell your employee that.
Of course, that person wasn'tthere.
I was like, you need to tellthe other guy that because he
told me that I could.
So I would like my money back,please.
And he's like, We can't dothat.
So I get into the closed,clenched fist, like, you are
taking this paint back.
Meanwhile, my husband is atanother area.

(06:28):
He's getting wood cut orsomething.
And he's near the manager ofthe store and he hears on the
manager's walkie-talkie, can youcome up here?
There's some lady who thinksshe's returning paint.
And my husband was like, Oh no.
He knew. He knew I was inclenched fist mode.
So the manager comes up andtells me all the reasons why
they can't return this paint.
I'm like, I don't know what youhave to do, but you are going

(06:49):
to give me my money back.
I will never try to returnpaint again.
I clearly understand yourpolicy.
Someone told me that I could.
You have got to give me mymoney back.
So anyway, they did eventuallygive me my money back.
And I promise to never ever buypaint and try to return it
again.
My husband was embarrassed thathe knows me and tried to, you

(07:12):
know, walk away from me, and hewas just rolling his eyes at me.
And this is a situation whereit feels like I had to do that.
Like it was, I didn't want tobe wronged.
I didn't want someone to walkall over me.
They had told me that that wasthe case and I needed to do
that.
But now it's like a joke in ourfamily.
Okay, do we need to return somepaint to Home Depot or are we

(07:34):
going to be able to like bechill about this situation?
So it's really good to knowwhen you need that energy
because sometimes you do.
And I'm thinking of other timeswhen I've had to like fight for
something for one of my kids,or if someone's being, it's
really if anyone's being crappyto anyone in my family, I can
get into that clenched fistforcing, listen, here's what's

(07:55):
going to happen situation, or ifsomeone's in a dangerous
situation, like when my son hasdriven really fast and been
grounded from the car, it takesforcing just to be like, nope,
you are not doing this.
You are not driving.
We are not in a collaborativespace.
I am making the rules and youare following them.
But being able to recognizewhen you need that return paint

(08:15):
to Home Depot type energy, orwhen you can be in the energy of
collaboration and receiving andcalm energy, like I can be with
my son about his collegedecision.
The other thing is when you'reable to soften and unclench your
fist and open your hand, likeif you open your hand right now

(08:35):
and just look at the palm, itjust reminds you, okay, I can
receive.
I am available to see whatcomes to me.
I personally think the bestanswers come to us when we think
about what we want and then wedon't try to force anything.
We take steps in the directionand then we see what happens.

(08:56):
If you are approaching life,like if you're approaching your
work week with that kind ofsustainable momentum where
you're open and not clenchingand not forcing unless you're in
a situation where you have to,you can really be the most
effective.
And I personally think eventhough it feels like we're less
productive because we're notjust forcing everything, you get

(09:18):
so much more done more quickly.
And at the end, you don't hateeveryone you're working with or
you're not mad at everyone inyour family.
So ask yourself this week,where am I forcing?
Where am I clenching my fist?
And what would it look like tosoften?
Because that's not giving up.
That's just really choosing abetter, easier way.

(09:38):
And I really challenge youtoday, when you're listening to
this podcast, look at a placewhere you could soften up and
open up your hand and be open tosomebody else's idea or be open
to a different time frame thanyou were thinking about.
Because when you unclench yourbody, your schedule, your grip
on how it has to go, you giveyourself access to calm

(10:01):
productivity.
You don't need to grind harder,you just need to let go.
Okay, I'm gonna be done now.
Thank you so much forlistening.
I hope you have a very calmlyproductive week, and I will see
you on Thursday.
Thank you for listening to theOverwhelmed Working Woman

(10:23):
podcast.
If you want to learn more aboutmy work, head over to my
website at michellegauthier.com.
See you next week.