#186| How People Pleasing Kept You Safe — Then Left You Stuck in Overwhelm: Overwhelm, Productivity, Time Management & People Pleasing

Do you ever feel like you can’t stop saying yes—even when you’re exhausted and know it’s not serving you?

If you’ve been praised your whole life for being agreeable, or you believe saying “no” is selfish, it’s no wonder people pleasing feels impossible to break. This episode unpacks why your brain defaults to “yes,” even when you’re craving peace, balance, and boundaries.

By listening, you’ll discover:

• Why praise and approval reinforced your people-pleasing patterns.
• How black-and-white thinking (“yes is nice, no is mean”) keeps you stuck.
• What’s really missing when you try to set boundaries—and how to replace it with ease.

Hit play now to learn why you’ve been stuck in people pleasing and how to finally move toward a calmer, more confident you.

Wondering why you're overwhelmed? Take my "why am I overwhelmed" quiz to find out the source of your overwhelm, and what to do about it.

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Work With Me - Interested in working with me 1-on-1, taking a class, or joining one of my coaching groups? Message me here to get the scoop.

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Life can be overwhelming, but on this podcast, you'll discover practical strategies to overcome overwhelm, imposter syndrome, and negative self-talk, manage time effectively, set boundaries, and stay productive in high-stress jobs—all while learning how to say no and prioritize self-care on the Overwhelmed Worki...

Episode Transcript

MichelleGauthier (00:00):
Over time, your brain starts thinking that
being agreeable equals beingloved.
And that's some pretty powerfulwiring.
You're listening to OverwhelmedWorking Woman, the podcast that
helps you be more calm and moreproductive by doing less.
I'm your host, MichelleGauthier, a former Overwhelmed

(00:22):
Working Woman and current lifecoach.
On this show, we unpack thestress and pressure that today's
Working Woman experiences.
And in each episode, you'll geta strategy to bring more calm,
ease, and relaxation to yourlife.
Hi, friends.
Hello.
Do you ever wonder why peoplepleasing feels so hard to stop,

(00:44):
even though you know that it'sreally not serving you in your
life?
Today I'm going to break downthree powerful reasons why you
are probably stuck in peoplepleasing and why it actually
makes so much sense.
When you listen today, you'lllearn why saying yes has felt
safer than saying no, how praiseand approval might have kept
you locked into this habit, andwhat's really missing when you

(01:06):
try to set boundaries.
So let's get into it.
I have to first say that I'mrecording this in my office with
the door closed like usual, butmy daughter and one of her
friends are here, and they'reboth taking a child development
class.
And so they have, as part oftheir assignment, they have
robot babies that they have hadto bring home to take care of,
which is killing me.
It is hilarious.

(01:27):
It's so spot on, like being areal mom.
But every time the babies cry,I can hear the baby cry and then
they both scream at the top oftheir lungs.
So if you hear any like babycrying or screaming, I'm just
telling you everything's okayover here at our house.
We just got some robot babiesand some teenagers who are
trying to learn how to get themto stop crying.
Oh my goodness.
Okay, I digress.

(01:49):
Let's get back to peoplepleasing.
So there are a couple reasonswhy you might be stuck in a
people-pleasing habit.
And the first one is thatyou've been praised, like
low-key praised, or given goodfeedback for being a people
pleaser for your whole life.
Saying yes got you lots of loveand approval and safety.

(02:11):
And when something's worked forthat long, it's no wonder that
your brain doesn't want to letgo of it.
So, for example, at home, maybeyou were the kid who was the
easy one who didn't make waves,who always did what she was
supposed to do.
And even now in your family orin your friendships, you're the
one who everybody counts on.
Like they count on your yes andthey count on you taking charge

(02:32):
of things.
And so over time, your brainstarts thinking that being
agreeable equals being loved.
And that's some pretty powerfulwiring.
And it feels risky then to doit any differently than that.
This history of people pleasingcan also show up at work.
So if your boss compliments youfor always being the one who

(02:52):
takes the extra work, I used toreally pride myself on getting
projects that other people hadtried to do and failed, and then
they would give them to melike, give me the hardest thing.
Yeah, give me the one thateverybody else is struggling
with.
Let me be the hero.
Let me say yes to the crapproject that nobody else wants.
And I you also then become yourteam's go-to because you never

(03:16):
push back and you've beenrewarded with more
responsibility instead of morehelp.
So if that sounds familiar toyou, the idea that you have been
praised for people pleasingyour whole life, it makes sense
that you're stuck in it now,stuck in a pattern, stuck in a
habit, not stuck in this for therest of your life.
The other reason why you mightbe stuck in people pleasing is

(03:37):
that you may have grown upbelieving that if you say yes,
it's nice.
And if you say no, it's mean orit's selfish.
So somewhere along the way, youpicked up that belief.
And even when your plate isfull or you don't want to do
something, saying no in your gutjust feels wrong.
So, for example, at work, youmight feel bad turning down a

(03:59):
meeting, even if somebodyschedules it at 6 p.m., which is
clearly your family time, or ifyou can't help, you
over-apologize.
Like, I'm so sorry, I feel soawful.
I hate to say no.
And then you go into this hugeexplanation about why you can't
do it.
And saying yes to everything athome means sometimes being a
pushover to your kids, being theone who always hosts

(04:19):
everything, volunteers foreverything, all of that.
And because of this black andwhite thinking, where your brain
has made it mean that sayingyes is nice and saying no is
mean, it keeps you stuck in yesmode.
Just like the first point thatI made, that you've always been
praised for being a peoplepleaser.
If you've internalized thatsaying yes is nice and saying no

(04:40):
is mean, both of those thingscombined really give your brain
the message that saying yesfeels safe and being liked feels
safe.
So it makes sense that there'dbe some resistance to trying to
change that.
And then the third, you don'tknow what to say instead of yes.
A lot of times when I'm workingwith my one-on-one clients
about their people pleasing,what we realize is they don't

(05:02):
even pause to see if they wantto say yes or no.
They just say yes as a default,like as a placeholder.
So you might say maybe when youmean no, but usually you're
just saying yes even when youdon't want to.
And you're stuck in thatbecause you don't know what to
say instead of yes.
You're just used to keepingyourself safe, quote unquote

(05:22):
safe and saying yes.
Like a coworker walks up andasks you to cover for them
again, and you're like, okay,yeah, I can do it.
Or you want to say no to a newproject, but your brain just
panics and you're like, okay,yeah, I'll figure it out.
That's fine.
And if a friend asks you to goto happy hour instead of a clear
no, you just really would feelguilty about saying that.

(05:43):
Maybe you just ghost her orjust say yes, even though you
don't want to do it.
So I just want to reassure youthat nothing has gone wrong
here, that you have somepatterns in your brain, probably
from the way you were raised.
And if you're a woman in the USat least, it seems like most of
us were raised in this way.
These are the things that couldbe keeping you stuck in people

(06:05):
pleasing.
And the first step to get outof people pleasing is
recognizing what's going on.
Why am I here?
How did I get here?
Why is this a problem for me?
So if you've been stuck inpeople pleasing, there's nothing
wrong with you.
You're not broken.
You've just been trained tohave this habit.
The good news is there'stotally another way.
If you are sick of being apeople pleaser and want to learn

(06:28):
how to stop, this is the exactwork I do with my one-on-one
coaching clients.
So if you want to start workingon this now, reach out to me.
We can set up a freeconsultation.
In fact, there's a link in theshow notes where you can do that
and we can talk about exactlyhow we would solve this problem
in coaching.
I'm also, this is like I'mdropping a little Easter egg

(06:49):
here.
I'm working on a class thatwill teach you how to stop
people pleasing without guilt.
So stay tuned for more of that.
I would love to help you getunstuck from this habit.
Okay, looks like we've made itthrough this episode without any
baby crying or teenagescreaming.
So that is a win on my side.
I will see you later this week.

(07:10):
Thank you for listening to theOverwhelmed Working Woman
podcast.
If you want to learn more aboutmy work, head over to my
website at michellegauthier.com.
See you next week.