Ever look around and think, “Everyone else seems to be doing this right — why am I the only one struggling?”
If you’ve ever felt behind, like you’re missing some secret everyone else knows, this episode is your reminder that you’re not alone — and that comparison might be the silent source of your stress, self-doubt, and overwhelm.
In this episode, you’ll discover:
- Why your brain is hardwired to compare and how to stop it from running your life.
- How comparison feeds imposter syndrome and keeps you feeling “not enough.”
- Simple mindset shifts to replace comparison with clarity, confidence, and calm.
Press play to learn how to step off the comparison treadmill and start defining success on your terms — with more peace, presence, and self-trust.
Wondering why you're overwhelmed? Take my "why am I overwhelmed" quiz to find out the source of your overwhelm, and what to do about it.
Send Me a Message - Have a question, comment, or just want to say hi? Message me here, I'd love to chat!
Work With Me - Interested in working with me 1-on-1, taking a class, or joining one of my coaching groups? Message me here to get the scoop.
Want More? - If you love the content of this podcast, you'll love our Simple Sunday newsletter too. When you sign up, you’ll receive a simple dose of inspiration, practical tips, and a little fun—designed to help you start your week with simplicity and intention. Sign up here
Life can be overwhelming, but on this podcast, you'll discover practical strategies to overcome overwhelm, imposter syndrome, and negative self-talk, manage time effectively, set boundaries, and stay productive in high-stress jobs—all while learning how to say no and prioritize self-care on the Overwhelmed Worki...
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
MichelleGauthier (00:00):
Everyone else seems to be doing this just
right.
Why am I the only onestruggling?
You're listening to OverwhelmedWorking Woman, the podcast that
helps you be more calm and moreproductive by doing less.
I'm your host, MichelleGauthier, a former Overwhelmed
(00:21):
Working Woman and current lifecoach.
On this show, we unpack thestress and pressure that today's
working woman experiences.
And in each episode, you'll geta strategy to bring more calm,
ease, and relaxation to yourlife.
Hi, friend.
Have you ever looked around andthought, everyone else seems to
(00:42):
be doing this right?
Why am I the only one who'sstruggling with this?
If you do think that you arenot alone, it's one of the most
common things I hear in myone-on-one coaching.
For some reason, we all havethis perception that everybody
else, whoever ever everybodyelse is, is pulling this off.
So life, balance, work,parenting, whatever it is,
(01:02):
better than you are.
And I want to talk aboutcomparison today because I don't
think comparison is always bad.
I think that it can be used forgood, but what I see nine times
out of ten is that comparingyourself is not helpful.
So when you listen today,you're going to learn why
comparison is hardwired intoyour brain, how to recognize
(01:23):
when it's secretly fueling yourimposter syndrome and overwhelm
and just adding stress to yourlife.
And then, of course, what youcan do instead so that you can
feel more grounded and confidentand in control of your own pace
and your own life and whatworks specifically for you.
So let's start off by talkingabout the psychology behind why
(01:43):
we compare.
Back in the 1950s, apsychologist named Leon
Festinger introduced somethingcalled social comparison theory.
And what this theory says isthat people determine their own
social and personal worth bycomparing themselves to others.
And that's especially true whenthere's no clear objective way
to measure success.
(02:04):
A clear objective way tomeasure success is like a grade.
So your social success and yourpersonal worth, they don't have
a grade.
So we use other people to beour measuring stick, so to
speak.
So we compare our parenting,our productivity, how much can
you get done in a day?
Our bodies, our routines, ourrelationships.
(02:27):
In my case, businesses.
So other people who ownbusinesses, I'm always comparing
my business to theirs becausewe really want to know am I
doing okay?
I'm going to look around atother people and then I'm going
to decide if I'm doing okay.
And in a situation wherethere's no gold star or a
scorecard or an A, our brainsjust look around us and use
(02:48):
other people as a referencepoint to figure out if we're on
track.
So our brain does thisautomatically, just like I talk
about on this podcast all thetime, Thoughts come into our
head automatically without ourcontrol.
And we can't really controlthat our brain's going to go
towards comparison.
For example, I just went to mydaughter's parent teacher
conferences this week.
(03:08):
And as I was buzzing around theschool, there's tons of parents
in there.
I noticed that most of the kidshad two parents at the parent
teacher conference.
So I automatically comparedmyself and thought, okay, well,
I'm just one parent at thisparent teacher conference.
Most kids have two parents atthis parent teacher conference.
So I'm like looking at thesituation to see how I fit in.
(03:29):
And how I fit in was I'm mostlydifferent relative.
There are two types ofcomparison.
One is upward comparison, whichis where you look at people who
seem to be doing better thanyou are.
So, for example, you findsomeone who you perceive to be
more fit, or a better mom, or aharder worker who has the same
(03:50):
type of job as you have, or moresuccessful than you are.
Whatever it is, you're lookingup to people who you perceive to
be doing better than you do.
It's funny, in the momdepartment, there's always that
mom who kind of has it alltogether.
There always seems to be thatmom, especially when the kids
were little, there was that momthat had like the bag, and the
bag wasn't like full of randomstuff falling out in receipts
(04:13):
and all that.
It was like snacks, likehealthy snacks and water and
band-aids, and just kind of likethe mom who had everything that
you might need if you're at thepark and there's like a little
injury or someone gets hungry orthirsty.
I definitely always did upwardcomparison with that mom.
I'd be like, ooh, I hope I havea diaper in the car.
So upward comparison makes youfeel behind.
(04:35):
Downward comparison is lookingat someone who seems to be doing
worse than you are, right?
So that mom has absolutelyeverything she could ever need.
She has on a cute outfit toboot, and then you see the other
mom who's just like appears tobe a hot mess and is just barely
hanging on, and you're like,okay, at least I'm not as bad as
she is.
(04:56):
And if you think about that,whether you compare upward or
downward, neither one of thosereally make you feel good.
It doesn't ever make you feelgood to be like, ugh, that
person is a mess.
I'm so glad I'm not them.
Like, that's just a yuckyfeeling, too.
So the whole point of this andthe point about telling you
about social comparison theoryis just to know that this is
what our brain does.
(05:16):
When we don't know where werank, our brain tries to rank us
by comparing ourselves to otherpeople, either upward or
downward.
Since we can't really help thatour brain does that, the thing
to do is just to simply noticeand then decide.
Decide what you want to makethat mean, what you want to do
about it.
For example, when I was talkingabout the parent-teacher
conferences, if I notice thatI'm one parent and there are
(05:38):
many two parent people there,what I decided to make that mean
was nothing.
I don't think the teachers aregoing to think anything of it.
I don't think it's going tonegatively impact my daughter.
I don't feel like I need toexplain, like, oh, I'm going to
let the other parent know whatwe're talking about here.
I just made it mean nothing.
I could have made that mean awhole variety of things if I
(05:58):
wanted to.
The other problem withcomparison is it can create
isolation because it fuels thislie that you're behind or you're
not doing as well.
And, you know, Brene Brown'sresearch shows that once we feel
that way, if we sort of feelshame about where we are, that
we isolate.
So this is what creates thatthought that I mentioned at the
(06:19):
beginning of the podcast ofeveryone else has it together
and I'm the only one who doesn'thave it.
Why is this so hard for me?
Other people just seem to knowwhat to do.
I feel like I'm missingsomething, or this is the one
that makes my heart hurt themost.
There's just something wrongwith me.
Normal people do it this way,and I just can't do it that way.
And I hate that because, firstof all, I think everyone feels
(06:44):
that way at some point.
I've never talked to anyone ineight years of coaching,
hundreds of people who don'tfeel like this about something.
And I think that that's reallya comforting thought if you're
feeling like that to know, okay,I'm not the only one.
Everyone thinks this aboutsomething.
I was on a business trip whenmy daughter was really little,
(07:07):
and I was looking around theroom.
It was a big meeting, and I waslooking around the room and
looking at all the other womenwho were at my level and above
and comparing myself to them andthinking, oh my gosh, I bet
they're not just completelyoverwhelmed right now.
Like what it takes to go out oftown and coordinate the
schedules and try to be preparedfor this meeting.
(07:27):
And I was just comparing myselfas like the lowest on the totem
pole as far as having the job Ihad and keeping it all
together.
And after the meeting was over,I ended up having a
conversation, just like a casualsocial conversation with
another woman who was in theroom who was like two levels
above me.
And she mentioned that she hada full-time nanny and a
(07:52):
stay-at-home spouse, and shestill felt overwhelmed and cried
on the way home from work mostnights.
And her saying that really,really made me feel like, okay,
I'm not alone in this.
I'm not alone.
And so I always encouragewomen, if you're feeling alone
and isolated and like you'recomparing yourself and feeling
(08:12):
like you're at the bottom of thebarrel, to tell someone.
Social media is also liketerrible for comparison because
you're comparing your internalexperience of your life to
somebody else's like beautifullypolished highlight reel.
So let's talk about what to doand the way out, the way out of
(08:34):
this comparison track.
The antidote to this, thesolution for this is connection
and compassion and clarity.
So, like I mentioned, thatwoman, we were just having a
casual conversation, and I hadmentioned that I had a new baby,
and we were just talking, andshe really took that opportunity
(08:55):
to connect and give I didn'ttell her how much I was
struggling, but she knew, sheknew that I must be.
And she gave me compassion andtold me about her story, and it
just made me feel so muchbetter.
I think anytime I've had groupcoaching where somebody says, I
feel like I'm failing at this,and then other people are like,
(09:16):
oh my gosh, same, absolutely thesame.
Everyone realizes it's not justme.
So, how you can break the cycleis to tell the truth.
If you want to be the one totalk about it to someone else,
go to someone you trust and tellthem, oh my gosh, I'm just
majorly struggling here.
It's funny, last night I textedmy best friend.
I'm so tired that I couldliterally start crying right
(09:39):
now.
And she just wrote backimmediately, like, I know
exactly how you feel.
I get like that too.
So just tell someone yourtruth.
Social media-wise, if there areaccounts that make you always
feel behind, unfollow them.
And then let's go back to thefirst step, which was notice.
So notice I'm comparing myselfto other people.
And then ask yourself, whatdoes success look like for me
(10:02):
right now?
And what are some of the thingsthat I'm proud of about what
I'm doing?
So, success for me right now isgoing to look completely
different than success for youright now.
Even if I were to try to findmy closest comparison.
So let's say I'm like, I find asingle mom with two teenagers
who go to two different schools,who owns a business, a life
(10:23):
coaching business, and has thesame clients, same number of
clients that I have.
So, like the same kind of loadthat I have in life.
Let's say I compare myself tothat person, still not a fair
comparison.
Like we're gonna havecompletely different skills,
priorities, where we want tospend our time.
So comparing yourself tosomeone else just really doesn't
work.
(10:43):
Okay, so in summary, we compareautomatically, you can pause
that, you can notice that, andyou can decide what you want to
make it mean.
When it's making you feeloverwhelmed, stressed, like you
have imposter syndrome, then thething to do is to ask yourself
the question, what does successlook like for me right now?
(11:06):
And anywhere you see anopportunity to share that with
someone else, to share yourstruggles with someone else, or
just to have an honestconversation with someone in
your same boat, I think you willdefinitely feel better.
If this is hitting home foryou, just please know you're not
alone.
You're not the only onestruggling, I promise.
You're not the only onewondering if you're doing it
(11:26):
right.
And on Thursday, I'm gonnashare a little bit more on
comparison and some stories frommy own life about how I let
comparison, you know, wreckthings.
How I let comparison steal thejoy out of some things that I
loved and what I learned when Ifinally realized it.
So I will talk to you onThursday, but thank you for
being here and keep showing upfor your own story and your own
(11:49):
goals.
Thank you for listening to theOverwhelmed Working Woman
podcast.
If you want to learn more aboutmy work, head over to my
website at MichelleGauthier.com.
See you next week.
Everyone else seems to be doing this just
right.
Why am I the only onestruggling?
You're listening to OverwhelmedWorking Woman, the podcast that
helps you be more calm and moreproductive by doing less.
I'm your host, MichelleGauthier, a former Overwhelmed
(00:21):
Working Woman and current lifecoach.
On this show, we unpack thestress and pressure that today's
working woman experiences.
And in each episode, you'll geta strategy to bring more calm,
ease, and relaxation to yourlife.
Hi, friend.
Have you ever looked around andthought, everyone else seems to
(00:42):
be doing this right?
Why am I the only one who'sstruggling with this?
If you do think that you arenot alone, it's one of the most
common things I hear in myone-on-one coaching.
For some reason, we all havethis perception that everybody
else, whoever ever everybodyelse is, is pulling this off.
So life, balance, work,parenting, whatever it is,
(01:02):
better than you are.
And I want to talk aboutcomparison today because I don't
think comparison is always bad.
I think that it can be used forgood, but what I see nine times
out of ten is that comparingyourself is not helpful.
So when you listen today,you're going to learn why
comparison is hardwired intoyour brain, how to recognize
(01:23):
when it's secretly fueling yourimposter syndrome and overwhelm
and just adding stress to yourlife.
And then, of course, what youcan do instead so that you can
feel more grounded and confidentand in control of your own pace
and your own life and whatworks specifically for you.
So let's start off by talkingabout the psychology behind why
(01:43):
we compare.
Back in the 1950s, apsychologist named Leon
Festinger introduced somethingcalled social comparison theory.
And what this theory says isthat people determine their own
social and personal worth bycomparing themselves to others.
And that's especially true whenthere's no clear objective way
to measure success.
(02:04):
A clear objective way tomeasure success is like a grade.
So your social success and yourpersonal worth, they don't have
a grade.
So we use other people to beour measuring stick, so to
speak.
So we compare our parenting,our productivity, how much can
you get done in a day?
Our bodies, our routines, ourrelationships.
(02:27):
In my case, businesses.
So other people who ownbusinesses, I'm always comparing
my business to theirs becausewe really want to know am I
doing okay?
I'm going to look around atother people and then I'm going
to decide if I'm doing okay.
And in a situation wherethere's no gold star or a
scorecard or an A, our brainsjust look around us and use
(02:48):
other people as a referencepoint to figure out if we're on
track.
So our brain does thisautomatically, just like I talk
about on this podcast all thetime, Thoughts come into our
head automatically without ourcontrol.
And we can't really controlthat our brain's going to go
towards comparison.
For example, I just went to mydaughter's parent teacher
conferences this week.
(03:08):
And as I was buzzing around theschool, there's tons of parents
in there.
I noticed that most of the kidshad two parents at the parent
teacher conference.
So I automatically comparedmyself and thought, okay, well,
I'm just one parent at thisparent teacher conference.
Most kids have two parents atthis parent teacher conference.
So I'm like looking at thesituation to see how I fit in.
(03:29):
And how I fit in was I'm mostlydifferent relative.
There are two types ofcomparison.
One is upward comparison, whichis where you look at people who
seem to be doing better thanyou are.
So, for example, you findsomeone who you perceive to be
more fit, or a better mom, or aharder worker who has the same
(03:50):
type of job as you have, or moresuccessful than you are.
Whatever it is, you're lookingup to people who you perceive to
be doing better than you do.
It's funny, in the momdepartment, there's always that
mom who kind of has it alltogether.
There always seems to be thatmom, especially when the kids
were little, there was that momthat had like the bag, and the
bag wasn't like full of randomstuff falling out in receipts
(04:13):
and all that.
It was like snacks, likehealthy snacks and water and
band-aids, and just kind of likethe mom who had everything that
you might need if you're at thepark and there's like a little
injury or someone gets hungry orthirsty.
I definitely always did upwardcomparison with that mom.
I'd be like, ooh, I hope I havea diaper in the car.
So upward comparison makes youfeel behind.
(04:35):
Downward comparison is lookingat someone who seems to be doing
worse than you are, right?
So that mom has absolutelyeverything she could ever need.
She has on a cute outfit toboot, and then you see the other
mom who's just like appears tobe a hot mess and is just barely
hanging on, and you're like,okay, at least I'm not as bad as
she is.
(04:56):
And if you think about that,whether you compare upward or
downward, neither one of thosereally make you feel good.
It doesn't ever make you feelgood to be like, ugh, that
person is a mess.
I'm so glad I'm not them.
Like, that's just a yuckyfeeling, too.
So the whole point of this andthe point about telling you
about social comparison theoryis just to know that this is
what our brain does.
(05:16):
When we don't know where werank, our brain tries to rank us
by comparing ourselves to otherpeople, either upward or
downward.
Since we can't really help thatour brain does that, the thing
to do is just to simply noticeand then decide.
Decide what you want to makethat mean, what you want to do
about it.
For example, when I was talkingabout the parent-teacher
conferences, if I notice thatI'm one parent and there are
(05:38):
many two parent people there,what I decided to make that mean
was nothing.
I don't think the teachers aregoing to think anything of it.
I don't think it's going tonegatively impact my daughter.
I don't feel like I need toexplain, like, oh, I'm going to
let the other parent know whatwe're talking about here.
I just made it mean nothing.
I could have made that mean awhole variety of things if I
(05:58):
wanted to.
The other problem withcomparison is it can create
isolation because it fuels thislie that you're behind or you're
not doing as well.
And, you know, Brene Brown'sresearch shows that once we feel
that way, if we sort of feelshame about where we are, that
we isolate.
So this is what creates thatthought that I mentioned at the
(06:19):
beginning of the podcast ofeveryone else has it together
and I'm the only one who doesn'thave it.
Why is this so hard for me?
Other people just seem to knowwhat to do.
I feel like I'm missingsomething, or this is the one
that makes my heart hurt themost.
There's just something wrongwith me.
Normal people do it this way,and I just can't do it that way.
And I hate that because, firstof all, I think everyone feels
(06:44):
that way at some point.
I've never talked to anyone ineight years of coaching,
hundreds of people who don'tfeel like this about something.
And I think that that's reallya comforting thought if you're
feeling like that to know, okay,I'm not the only one.
Everyone thinks this aboutsomething.
I was on a business trip whenmy daughter was really little,
(07:07):
and I was looking around theroom.
It was a big meeting, and I waslooking around the room and
looking at all the other womenwho were at my level and above
and comparing myself to them andthinking, oh my gosh, I bet
they're not just completelyoverwhelmed right now.
Like what it takes to go out oftown and coordinate the
schedules and try to be preparedfor this meeting.
(07:27):
And I was just comparing myselfas like the lowest on the totem
pole as far as having the job Ihad and keeping it all
together.
And after the meeting was over,I ended up having a
conversation, just like a casualsocial conversation with
another woman who was in theroom who was like two levels
above me.
And she mentioned that she hada full-time nanny and a
(07:52):
stay-at-home spouse, and shestill felt overwhelmed and cried
on the way home from work mostnights.
And her saying that really,really made me feel like, okay,
I'm not alone in this.
I'm not alone.
And so I always encouragewomen, if you're feeling alone
and isolated and like you'recomparing yourself and feeling
(08:12):
like you're at the bottom of thebarrel, to tell someone.
Social media is also liketerrible for comparison because
you're comparing your internalexperience of your life to
somebody else's like beautifullypolished highlight reel.
So let's talk about what to doand the way out, the way out of
(08:34):
this comparison track.
The antidote to this, thesolution for this is connection
and compassion and clarity.
So, like I mentioned, thatwoman, we were just having a
casual conversation, and I hadmentioned that I had a new baby,
and we were just talking, andshe really took that opportunity
(08:55):
to connect and give I didn'ttell her how much I was
struggling, but she knew, sheknew that I must be.
And she gave me compassion andtold me about her story, and it
just made me feel so muchbetter.
I think anytime I've had groupcoaching where somebody says, I
feel like I'm failing at this,and then other people are like,
(09:16):
oh my gosh, same, absolutely thesame.
Everyone realizes it's not justme.
So, how you can break the cycleis to tell the truth.
If you want to be the one totalk about it to someone else,
go to someone you trust and tellthem, oh my gosh, I'm just
majorly struggling here.
It's funny, last night I textedmy best friend.
I'm so tired that I couldliterally start crying right
(09:39):
now.
And she just wrote backimmediately, like, I know
exactly how you feel.
I get like that too.
So just tell someone yourtruth.
Social media-wise, if there areaccounts that make you always
feel behind, unfollow them.
And then let's go back to thefirst step, which was notice.
So notice I'm comparing myselfto other people.
And then ask yourself, whatdoes success look like for me
(10:02):
right now?
And what are some of the thingsthat I'm proud of about what
I'm doing?
So, success for me right now isgoing to look completely
different than success for youright now.
Even if I were to try to findmy closest comparison.
So let's say I'm like, I find asingle mom with two teenagers
who go to two different schools,who owns a business, a life
(10:23):
coaching business, and has thesame clients, same number of
clients that I have.
So, like the same kind of loadthat I have in life.
Let's say I compare myself tothat person, still not a fair
comparison.
Like we're gonna havecompletely different skills,
priorities, where we want tospend our time.
So comparing yourself tosomeone else just really doesn't
work.
(10:43):
Okay, so in summary, we compareautomatically, you can pause
that, you can notice that, andyou can decide what you want to
make it mean.
When it's making you feeloverwhelmed, stressed, like you
have imposter syndrome, then thething to do is to ask yourself
the question, what does successlook like for me right now?
(11:06):
And anywhere you see anopportunity to share that with
someone else, to share yourstruggles with someone else, or
just to have an honestconversation with someone in
your same boat, I think you willdefinitely feel better.
If this is hitting home foryou, just please know you're not
alone.
You're not the only onestruggling, I promise.
You're not the only onewondering if you're doing it
(11:26):
right.
And on Thursday, I'm gonnashare a little bit more on
comparison and some stories frommy own life about how I let
comparison, you know, wreckthings.
How I let comparison steal thejoy out of some things that I
loved and what I learned when Ifinally realized it.
So I will talk to you onThursday, but thank you for
being here and keep showing upfor your own story and your own
(11:49):
goals.
Thank you for listening to theOverwhelmed Working Woman
podcast.
If you want to learn more aboutmy work, head over to my
website at MichelleGauthier.com.
See you next week.
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