#190| Why Comparison Is Quietly Draining Your Joy (And How To Take Back Control): Overwhelm, Productivity, Time Management & People Pleasing

Do you ever feel like you were doing great—until you saw someone else doing “better”?

In this episode, Michelle shares two real-life stories—one from a spin class and another from a business mastermind—that reveal how comparison can quietly steal our joy and distort our sense of success. If you’ve ever felt less-than because of someone else’s numbers, lifestyle, or achievements, this conversation will hit home.

Listeners will learn:

• How comparison tricks your brain into thinking you’re failing—even when you’re thriving.
• A simple mental shift to help you define success on your terms.
• How to stay grounded in joy and confidence no matter who’s “ahead” of you.

Press play to discover how to stop comparison from robbing your happiness—and finally start measuring success by what truly matters to you.

Wondering why you're overwhelmed? Take my "why am I overwhelmed" quiz to find out the source of your overwhelm, and what to do about it.

Send Me a Message - Have a question, comment, or just want to say hi? Message me here, I'd love to chat!

Work With Me - Interested in working with me 1-on-1, taking a class, or joining one of my coaching groups? Message me here to get the scoop.

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Life can be overwhelming, but on this podcast, you'll discover practical strategies to overcome overwhelm, imposter syndrome, and negative self-talk, manage time effectively, set boundaries, and stay productive in high-stress jobs—all while learning how to say no and prioritize self-care on the Overwhelmed Worki...

Episode Transcript

Michelle Gauthier (00:00):
We have the power to think about that and
analyze that and say, do I wantto compare myself in that way?
You're listening to OverwhelmedWorking Woman, the podcast that
helps you be more calm and moreproductive by doing less.
I'm your host, MichelleGauthier, a former Overwhelmed

(00:21):
Working Woman and current lifecoach.
On this show, we unpack thestress and pressure that today's
Working Woman experiences.
And in each episode, you'll geta strategy to bring more calm,
ease, and relaxation to yourlife.
Hello, friend.
Today we are again talkingabout comparison.

(00:41):
We talked about comparison onMonday, so we're just doing a
little comparison week, so tospeak.
If you haven't listened toMonday's episode, which is
episode 189, you can go back andcheck that out.
You don't have to listen to itbefore you listen to this one.
But if this story resonateswith you, you can find out more
information about why wecompare, what happens when we
compare, and how to shiftyourself out of it.

(01:02):
I think comparison cansometimes be useful, but I feel
like that's a sliver of thetime.
Most of the time it isn'tuseful.
And sometimes we do itunconsciously and make decisions
based on that unconsciouscomparison.
A couple of years ago, I startedgoing to this spin class.
It was at a gym that I hadnewly joined, and it was really
fun.

(01:22):
I was new to it.
I didn't really know how to doit right, but I loved the music
and the energy, and especiallythe instructor.
And I used to sit by this womanwho be ended up becoming a
friend, and we would kind ofcommiserate about how hard it
was, but in a good way, we lovedit.
We thought it was so fun.
And eventually the instructordecided she was going to leave
to teach at a new studio, cyclebar.

(01:42):
You might have a cycle bar.
So I followed her.
And this was like a the firstone was at just a regular gym.
It wasn't a super high-techsetup, but cycle bar is kind of
like soul cycle.
The bikes are all connected toa system.
And so when I followed thissame instructor, there was one
difference in the class, and itwas this giant leaderboard.
So at every class, your statswere projected on the wall, your

(02:05):
ranking in the room, yournumbers, your place, all that
stuff.
And it was so crazy whathappened because the minute my
effort was compared to somebodyelse's, and I saw that I was
like, I would say I was usuallythree-fourths of the way down
the board, maybe even lower thanthat.
And the bikes all had numbers.

(02:25):
So I could look at the personnext to me and be like, how is
she doing so much better thanI'm doing?
And I'm trying as hard as Ican.
So the comparison really suckedthe fun out of it for me.
If you think about the sameinstructors bringing the same
energy, the same kind of music,the same kind of workouts,
everything was the same exceptfor the comparison.

(02:46):
So what had just brought metons of joy and enjoyment a week
earlier made me feel like, oh,I'm actually not good at this.
I was wrong.
I thought I was having fun andenjoying this, but I was wrong
because now I'm not good enough.
And so I never said, oh, I'mgoing to stop because I'm not on
the leaderboard, but I foundthat I just kind of slowly
stopped going.
And when I look back now, Irealize I let comparison steal

(03:09):
my joy.
Like, why does it matter if I'mat the bottom of the
leaderboard if I end covered insweat and I really enjoyed
myself and I loved the music andI loved the people in the class
and the instructor.
But that's kind of whatcomparison does.
It can take something where weare succeeding and feeling good
about it, if we're justcomparing to ourselves and make
us think that we're failing atit.

(03:31):
It kind of tricks you intothinking, well, if I'm not
winning, I just shouldn't dothis anymore.
It doesn't motivate you.
It just shrinks you and makesyou want to leave.
And we do this, you know, spinclass is an easy example, but we
do it in parenting and inbusiness and in relationships
and in our goals.
And I think the truth is I was,I was never doing it wrong.

(03:52):
I was just thinking of it inthe wrong way.
After I'd been a life coach fora couple of years, I've been a
coach for eight years now.
So it was maybe like three,four years into my business.
I joined this mastermind groupwhere you had to be making a
certain amount of money in orderto join.
And every month, as part ofbeing in this mastermind,

(04:14):
everyone would talk about andactually fill in a spreadsheet
that everyone else could see ofhow much money you made that
month and how your business wasdoing.
So the grading system was basedon like how much income you had
brought in.
And the goal was to help usgrow our businesses.
So I think it makes sense tomeasure that on money.
But what I found is when I gotinto that mastermind, I was

(04:37):
like, oh my gosh, this means I'mreally doing it.
Like I'm successfully owningthis business.
I'm making enough to support myfamily.
I was so excited about it.
And then once I got in, it wasleaderboard syndrome all over
again.
And it really made me comparemyself to others.
There are people in this classmaking millions of dollars.
And suddenly what I thought wassuccessful and great made me

(04:59):
feel like I shouldn't even behere.
So instead of looking at it as,oh, I've got this opportunity
to be with all these other womenwho are successful, my brain
did the same thing as it did atCycle Bar.
And it was like, oh my gosh, Idon't think I can ever do that.
Should I just quit right now?
Made me totally forget theimpact that I was having on

(05:19):
women's lives who I was helping,made me totally forget the
lifestyle that I was able tocreate for myself because of
this business, meaning I can goto my kids' soccer games, I can
drop my kids off at school, Ican not work on the weekends.
It made me forget all of thatbecause the measuring stick was
suddenly how much money are youmaking?
And I could actually go on andon about various different

(05:42):
experiences in my life.
And I'm sure that as I'mtelling this story, maybe you're
thinking of some of yours whereyou thought you were doing just
fine and you were maybe evenhappy with yourself until you
compared yourself.
I'm even thinking of college,the place where I went to
college.
It's kind of like if you dowell in high school and then you
go to a good college and youget to college and you're like,
oh my gosh, everybody here issmart and does well.
And then you get throughcollege and you get used to

(06:04):
that, and then you go tograduate school, and it's the
same thing all over again.
It's like you keep getting putin these pools where you try to
rank yourself.
And if you compare yourself toomuch, you can just end up, you
know, quitting cycle bar, thatequivalent of life.
So I'm sharing these two storieswith you just to remind you
that comparison does happen.
I talked about this on theMonday episode 189, that it's

(06:27):
just part of how our brain worksand it helps us try to find our
place by seeing who's better orworse, air quotes on both of
those.
And what we have the power todo is to think about that and
analyze that and say, do I wantto compare myself in that way?
What about me?
What's my measuring stick?
What's the most important thingfor me?

(06:48):
So, for example, in thatbusiness group, maybe my most
important measuring stick was,can I go to my kids' soccer
games and have a successfulbusiness?
And maybe somebody else's was,can I make the maximum amount of
money that I could make?
Because that's more importantto me than being able to go to
my kids' soccer games.
Like you, everyone is runningtheir own race, playing their

(07:08):
own game.
So focus back in on whatsuccess looks like for you and
make your decision based onthat.
If you're feeling overwhelmedand you don't exactly know why,
comparison could be one of thethings.
It could be people pleasing, itcould be your time management.
There's lots of things that itcould be.
And I just want to remind youthat I have a free quiz, which

(07:29):
I'll put the link to here, thatcan help you figure out the main
cause of your overwhelm.
And it doesn't just tell youthe problem, it tells you what
you can do about it.
There are some worksheets, um,there are specific podcast
episodes.
So if you're feelingoverwhelmed, you can take that
free quiz to find out why.
Okay, have a great week.
See you next week.
Thank you for listening to theOverwhelmed Working Woman

(07:55):
podcast.
If you want to learn more aboutmy work, head over to my
website at michellegauthier.com.
See you next week.