Do you feel a wave of guilt every time you say “no”? What if the real reason you’re overwhelmed isn’t your schedule—but your inability to protect your energy?
When you listen, you’ll discover how your upbringing, cultural expectations, and fear of disappointing others may be quietly draining your time and peace—and how to finally stop it.
In this episode, you will:
- Learn three distinct types of “no” and exactly when to use each one.
- Get nine word-for-word phrases you can use right away to set clear, kind boundaries.
- Discover a mindset shift that makes saying no feel empowering instead of guilty.
Listen now to learn how to say no with confidence and reclaim the calm, spacious life you actually want to live.
Featured on the podcast
People Pleasing Purge Course
Wondering why you're overwhelmed? Take my "why am I overwhelmed" quiz to find out the source of your overwhelm, and what to do about it.
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Life can be overwhelming, but on this podcast, you'll discover practical strategies to overcome overwhelm, imposter syndrome, and negative self-talk, manage time effectively, set boundaries, and stay productive in high-stress jobs—all while learning how to say no and prioritize self-care on the Overwhelmed Worki...
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Michelle Gauthier (00:00):
If saying no makes you feel guilty or selfish
or like a bad person, it'sprobably influencing you to not
say no because who wants to feelthat way?
You're listening to OverwhelmedWorking Woman, the podcast that
helps you be more calm and moreproductive by doing less.
(00:21):
I'm your host, MichelleGauthier, a former Overwhelmed
Working Woman and current lifecoach.
On this show, we unpack thestress and pressure that today's
working woman experiences.
And in each episode, you'll geta strategy to bring more calm,
ease, and relaxation to yourlife.
Hi, friend.
(00:41):
Today we're talking about oneof the most complicated,
emotionally loaded words in theEnglish language, which is no.
Such a short word, but it packsso much punch and has so much
guilt and all kinds of thingsassociated with it.
So if you've ever said yeswhile your body on the inside
was like no, or if you've saidsure and then instantly
(01:02):
regretted it, or if you knowyou're overcommitting yourself,
but you feel too guilty to backout, this is going to be a great
episode for you.
In this episode, you'll hearthree types of no and when to
use them.
And I'm going to give you ninereal life phrases that you can
borrow word for word.
So you can save this episodeand keep coming back to it to
remember how to say no.
(01:22):
And I'll also give you amindset reframe that makes
saying no way easier.
Let me start off by saying (01:27):
if there's a situation where you
want to say no and you know youwant to say no, and you feel
badly about it, just remindyourself it isn't rude, it's
honest.
And being honest, in myopinion, is always kinder than
being dishonest.
The thing about saying no isit's actually a skill and
(01:47):
probably one you were nevertaught, especially if you're a
woman.
You were probably raised toknow your quotes, know that the
most important thing was to putother people first or to make
sure other people were happy,and that you were seen as
likable and easygoing, whichmeans saying yes, even if you
don't want to.
The great news is you don'thave to master a script for
(02:08):
every situation.
You just need a couple go-tocategories that help you say no
in a way that feels good to you.
Okay, so here are the threecategories of no, plus three
exact phrases you can use.
The first one is the warm butfirm no.
This is for when you care aboutthe person and you appreciate
the invite, but it's still a nofor you.
(02:29):
So, for example, your friendinvites you to dinner and you
don't have other plans, butyou've just been looking forward
to a quiet night in.
This literally just happened tome, and it's probably happened
to you as well.
And you know that you want tosay no.
The way that you cancommunicate that is to say,
thanks for thinking of me, I'mgonna sit this one out.
(02:50):
Or that sounds so fun, but I'mjust not up for it right now.
Or I wish I had the capacity,but I'm trying to keep things
really simple this week.
And here's what not to do inthese kinds of no's and any kind
of nos.
Go into a whole bunch ofdescription.
Like, don't feel like you needto overexplain.
For example, I normally would,but I've had the most exhausting
(03:14):
week and I just need to go tobed, and my kids did this, and
my work was like that, etcetera, et cetera.
Most of the time when youoverexplain, it's completely
unnecessary.
And I think it almost makes youseem guilty when it's totally
okay just to say no.
I would rather just stay home.
And of course, along with thewarm but firm no, you can always
(03:35):
just say no thanks, or evenjust no.
No can be a complete sentenceon its own.
The second type of no and someexamples of how to say it is the
boundaried no.
So this is where you have aboundary and you know your
boundary, and you're just sayinga firm, unapologetic no.
It's for when saying yes wouldcost you your time, energy, or
(03:59):
your sanity, or just go againsta certain boundary that you've
set for yourself.
So let's say your extendedfamily asks you to host
Thanksgiving again this year,and you've done it the last
three years, and you're maxedout, and you promised yourself
that you wouldn't do it.
Some of the ways that you cansay no in this type of situation
is to say, that's not somethingI have space for this year.
(04:21):
I'm keeping my energy reallyprotected this season.
So it's a no for me.
I've already committed my timesomewhere else or to something
else.
Again, you want to make surethese are true.
You don't need to tell a lie,you can just tell the truth.
So I'm keeping my energyprotected this season is really
true.
Another one I tell my clientsto use all the time, and you're
(04:43):
welcome to use this too, is tosay, my life coach is teaching
me or making me say no to thingsso that I can have more space
in my life.
So I have to say no.
You can totally blame me as youwant to, because if you're
listening to this podcast, I'msort of your life coach.
The third category is the no fornow.
So this is when you see anopportunity that actually is
(05:04):
exciting and you want to do it,but the timing just isn't right.
If it's genuine, if yougenuinely would like to do the
thing, but just not do it rightnow, then this is the type of no
you want to say there.
Again, make sure that's true.
If someone invites you to dosomething, let's just say
someone invited me to do like abourbon tasting.
(05:25):
I don't ever want to do that.
I don't like bourbon.
I don't want to learn to likebourbon.
I don't want to do that.
So I would that would just be adifferent category of no for
me.
But for example, someone justasked me to be a guest on this
panel of women who owned theirown businesses, and it seemed
really cool, and I really likethe person who was coordinating
it, but frankly, I just did nothave time.
(05:46):
If I had said yes, I would havemade myself feel overwhelmed.
So I was like, nope, I justcan't do it.
So if you're in that situation,you can say, I'd love to join,
but I can't this time.
Please keep me posted if you'redoing this again, which is
exactly what I said in thissituation.
And they said we're never gonnado it again.
And I was like, shoot, I'msorry to miss the opportunity.
(06:07):
You could say, This is soaligned, I'm a no for right now,
but I hope we can collaboratefurther down the road.
Or can you circle back with mein a couple months?
I'd love to talk about thiswhen I have more space.
Again, only use this when youmean it, because if you say this
and you don't mean it, thenwhen they come back to you,
you're just gonna have to say noagain.
Okay, so those are three typesof no.
(06:29):
Each of those, I gave you threeexamples for how to say it.
So you've now got nine verbatimthings that you can say
depending on the situation.
So what comes before you say nois figuring out if you want to
say yes or no.
And what comes after saying nois making sure that you don't
feel guilt and that you're notoverthinking after you've said
(06:50):
no.
So you kind of have the middlepart right now in this
particular episode, which is howto exactly say no.
Those other two parts are oneof the many things included in
the class that I'm teachingstarting next Monday, November
3rd, called the People PleasingPurge.
If you are a person who wouldcall yourself a people pleaser
(07:10):
and you know that it would bebetter for you if you stopped
that people-pleasing behavior,but you're not sure where to
start, I know exactly where youshould start.
It's starting next Monday.
We are going to be doing theseclasses live.
It's a three-week class.
We have class twice a week, andit's going to be live.
Eventually, this is going to bea video self-paced course, but
(07:31):
right now I'm going to beteaching it live.
So you can ask me all yourquestions.
I can coach you as you aregoing along in learning not to
be a people pleaser anymore.
In the show notes, there's alink with all of the details,
all of the things that you'lllearn in that class.
And registration, like I said,is open right now.
(07:52):
And it is only going to be openuntil Saturday.
So if you're listening to thiswhen it comes out on a Thursday,
click on that link like rightnow and sign up for the class if
it feels like it's a great fitfor you.
I would love to teach you howto just stop people pleasing in
its entirety.
It is so freeing, and you willnot believe how much space you
have available in your calendarand your brain when you're not
(08:15):
constantly thinking about whatother people are thinking of you
and if you want to say no or ifyou want to say yes.
Have a great rest of the week.
Don't forget to practice sayingno.
Maybe take one of these phrasesand use it once this week and
see how that feels for you.
See you Monday.
Thank you for listening to theOverwhelmed Working Woman
(08:37):
podcast.
If you want to learn more aboutmy work, head over to my
website at MichelleGauthier.com.
See you next week.
If saying no makes you feel guilty or selfish
or like a bad person, it'sprobably influencing you to not
say no because who wants to feelthat way?
You're listening to OverwhelmedWorking Woman, the podcast that
helps you be more calm and moreproductive by doing less.
(00:21):
I'm your host, MichelleGauthier, a former Overwhelmed
Working Woman and current lifecoach.
On this show, we unpack thestress and pressure that today's
working woman experiences.
And in each episode, you'll geta strategy to bring more calm,
ease, and relaxation to yourlife.
Hi, friend.
(00:41):
Today we're talking about oneof the most complicated,
emotionally loaded words in theEnglish language, which is no.
Such a short word, but it packsso much punch and has so much
guilt and all kinds of thingsassociated with it.
So if you've ever said yeswhile your body on the inside
was like no, or if you've saidsure and then instantly
(01:02):
regretted it, or if you knowyou're overcommitting yourself,
but you feel too guilty to backout, this is going to be a great
episode for you.
In this episode, you'll hearthree types of no and when to
use them.
And I'm going to give you ninereal life phrases that you can
borrow word for word.
So you can save this episodeand keep coming back to it to
remember how to say no.
(01:22):
And I'll also give you amindset reframe that makes
saying no way easier.
Let me start off by saying (01:27):
if there's a situation where you
want to say no and you know youwant to say no, and you feel
badly about it, just remindyourself it isn't rude, it's
honest.
And being honest, in myopinion, is always kinder than
being dishonest.
The thing about saying no isit's actually a skill and
(01:47):
probably one you were nevertaught, especially if you're a
woman.
You were probably raised toknow your quotes, know that the
most important thing was to putother people first or to make
sure other people were happy,and that you were seen as
likable and easygoing, whichmeans saying yes, even if you
don't want to.
The great news is you don'thave to master a script for
(02:08):
every situation.
You just need a couple go-tocategories that help you say no
in a way that feels good to you.
Okay, so here are the threecategories of no, plus three
exact phrases you can use.
The first one is the warm butfirm no.
This is for when you care aboutthe person and you appreciate
the invite, but it's still a nofor you.
(02:29):
So, for example, your friendinvites you to dinner and you
don't have other plans, butyou've just been looking forward
to a quiet night in.
This literally just happened tome, and it's probably happened
to you as well.
And you know that you want tosay no.
The way that you cancommunicate that is to say,
thanks for thinking of me, I'mgonna sit this one out.
(02:50):
Or that sounds so fun, but I'mjust not up for it right now.
Or I wish I had the capacity,but I'm trying to keep things
really simple this week.
And here's what not to do inthese kinds of no's and any kind
of nos.
Go into a whole bunch ofdescription.
Like, don't feel like you needto overexplain.
For example, I normally would,but I've had the most exhausting
(03:14):
week and I just need to go tobed, and my kids did this, and
my work was like that, etcetera, et cetera.
Most of the time when youoverexplain, it's completely
unnecessary.
And I think it almost makes youseem guilty when it's totally
okay just to say no.
I would rather just stay home.
And of course, along with thewarm but firm no, you can always
(03:35):
just say no thanks, or evenjust no.
No can be a complete sentenceon its own.
The second type of no and someexamples of how to say it is the
boundaried no.
So this is where you have aboundary and you know your
boundary, and you're just sayinga firm, unapologetic no.
It's for when saying yes wouldcost you your time, energy, or
(03:59):
your sanity, or just go againsta certain boundary that you've
set for yourself.
So let's say your extendedfamily asks you to host
Thanksgiving again this year,and you've done it the last
three years, and you're maxedout, and you promised yourself
that you wouldn't do it.
Some of the ways that you cansay no in this type of situation
is to say, that's not somethingI have space for this year.
(04:21):
I'm keeping my energy reallyprotected this season.
So it's a no for me.
I've already committed my timesomewhere else or to something
else.
Again, you want to make surethese are true.
You don't need to tell a lie,you can just tell the truth.
So I'm keeping my energyprotected this season is really
true.
Another one I tell my clientsto use all the time, and you're
(04:43):
welcome to use this too, is tosay, my life coach is teaching
me or making me say no to thingsso that I can have more space
in my life.
So I have to say no.
You can totally blame me as youwant to, because if you're
listening to this podcast, I'msort of your life coach.
The third category is the no fornow.
So this is when you see anopportunity that actually is
(05:04):
exciting and you want to do it,but the timing just isn't right.
If it's genuine, if yougenuinely would like to do the
thing, but just not do it rightnow, then this is the type of no
you want to say there.
Again, make sure that's true.
If someone invites you to dosomething, let's just say
someone invited me to do like abourbon tasting.
(05:25):
I don't ever want to do that.
I don't like bourbon.
I don't want to learn to likebourbon.
I don't want to do that.
So I would that would just be adifferent category of no for
me.
But for example, someone justasked me to be a guest on this
panel of women who owned theirown businesses, and it seemed
really cool, and I really likethe person who was coordinating
it, but frankly, I just did nothave time.
(05:46):
If I had said yes, I would havemade myself feel overwhelmed.
So I was like, nope, I justcan't do it.
So if you're in that situation,you can say, I'd love to join,
but I can't this time.
Please keep me posted if you'redoing this again, which is
exactly what I said in thissituation.
And they said we're never gonnado it again.
And I was like, shoot, I'msorry to miss the opportunity.
(06:07):
You could say, This is soaligned, I'm a no for right now,
but I hope we can collaboratefurther down the road.
Or can you circle back with mein a couple months?
I'd love to talk about thiswhen I have more space.
Again, only use this when youmean it, because if you say this
and you don't mean it, thenwhen they come back to you,
you're just gonna have to say noagain.
Okay, so those are three typesof no.
(06:29):
Each of those, I gave you threeexamples for how to say it.
So you've now got nine verbatimthings that you can say
depending on the situation.
So what comes before you say nois figuring out if you want to
say yes or no.
And what comes after saying nois making sure that you don't
feel guilt and that you're notoverthinking after you've said
(06:50):
no.
So you kind of have the middlepart right now in this
particular episode, which is howto exactly say no.
Those other two parts are oneof the many things included in
the class that I'm teachingstarting next Monday, November
3rd, called the People PleasingPurge.
If you are a person who wouldcall yourself a people pleaser
(07:10):
and you know that it would bebetter for you if you stopped
that people-pleasing behavior,but you're not sure where to
start, I know exactly where youshould start.
It's starting next Monday.
We are going to be doing theseclasses live.
It's a three-week class.
We have class twice a week, andit's going to be live.
Eventually, this is going to bea video self-paced course, but
(07:31):
right now I'm going to beteaching it live.
So you can ask me all yourquestions.
I can coach you as you aregoing along in learning not to
be a people pleaser anymore.
In the show notes, there's alink with all of the details,
all of the things that you'lllearn in that class.
And registration, like I said,is open right now.
(07:52):
And it is only going to be openuntil Saturday.
So if you're listening to thiswhen it comes out on a Thursday,
click on that link like rightnow and sign up for the class if
it feels like it's a great fitfor you.
I would love to teach you howto just stop people pleasing in
its entirety.
It is so freeing, and you willnot believe how much space you
have available in your calendarand your brain when you're not
(08:15):
constantly thinking about whatother people are thinking of you
and if you want to say no or ifyou want to say yes.
Have a great rest of the week.
Don't forget to practice sayingno.
Maybe take one of these phrasesand use it once this week and
see how that feels for you.
See you Monday.
Thank you for listening to theOverwhelmed Working Woman
(08:37):
podcast.
If you want to learn more aboutmy work, head over to my
website at MichelleGauthier.com.
See you next week.
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