Do you ever find yourself instantly frustrated or hurt by someone else’s behavior—at work, at home, or even over text?
In this episode, Michelle breaks down the life-changing mindset of using the Most Generous Interpretation—a way to separate someone’s behavior from who they are, so you can stop spiraling into stress and take back control of your emotions.
In this episode, you will:
- Learn how to give others the benefit of the doubt without ignoring boundaries
- Discover how to replace judgment with curiosity and calm in any situation
- Understand when to apply (and when not to apply) the Most Generous Interpretation for healthier relationships and a lighter emotional load
Press play now to learn how one simple mindset shift can help you feel calmer, kinder, and more in control—no matter how anyone else acts.
Wondering why you're overwhelmed? Take my "why am I overwhelmed" quiz to find out the source of your overwhelm, and what to do about it.
Send Me a Message - Have a question, comment, or just want to say hi? Message me here, I'd love to chat!
Work With Me - Interested in working with me 1-on-1, taking a class, or joining one of my coaching groups? Message me here to get the scoop.
Want More? - If you love the content of this podcast, you'll love our Simple Sunday newsletter too. When you sign up, you’ll receive a simple dose of inspiration, practical tips, and a little fun—designed to help you start your week with simplicity and intention. Sign up here
Life can be overwhelming, but on this podcast, you'll discover practical strategies to overcome overwhelm, imposter syndrome, and negative self-talk, manage time effectively, set boundaries, and stay productive in high-stress jobs—all while learning how to say no and prioritize self-care on the Overwhelmed Worki...
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Michelle Gauthier (00:00):
Remember, it's the behavior, not the
person.
You're listening to OverwhelmedWorking Woman, the podcast that
helps you be more calm and moreproductive by doing less.
I'm your host, MichelleGauthier, a former Overwhelmed
Working Woman and current lifecoach.
On this show, we unpack thestress and pressure that today's
(00:23):
working woman experiences.
And in each episode, you'll geta strategy to bring more calm,
ease, and relaxation to yourlife.
Hi, friend.
Thanks for joining today.
Today we're going to be talkingabout the most generous
interpretation or MGI.
That is essentially using themost generous interpretation of
(00:45):
someone else's behavior to stopyou from feeling stressed out by
essentially giving them thebenefit of the doubt.
I'm going to tell you moreabout what it exactly is and how
to do it, how to use it in reallife situations.
And then finally, we're goingto talk about when to not use it
because I know everyone's mind,mine included, would go to,
(01:08):
yeah, but that can't always bethe case.
We can't always give someonethe benefit of the doubt or the
most generous interpretation.
And I think that's true too.
So we're going to talk aboutwhen not to use it.
This episode will help you feellighter and more in control of
your own emotions when you startgiving people the MGI, most
generous interpretation.
(01:28):
As with most, as is the casewith most episodes, I get
inspired by things that I see inmy own life or in my client's
life.
And it reminds me, yes, I needto talk about that on the
podcast.
And I've had a couple thingslately where I have been able to
switch into the MGI version andhave the most generous
(01:49):
interpretation of someone else'sbehavior and noticed once again
how much better I feel.
And when I feel better, I canhandle a situation more calmly.
So let's get into it.
MGI is a psychology term, and Ilearned about it from Dr.
Becky.
If you don't know who Dr.
Becky is, she is a parentingpsychologist and she wrote a
(02:12):
book called Good Inside.
I just saw that Time magazinenamed her the Millennial
Parenting Whisperer.
I love that.
What a great title.
Anyway, I heard of MGI from Dr.
Becky, and I just thought thatit was such a fantastic idea.
She talks about it in terms ofraising children, and I think
it's great for parenting, butit's also great with just anyone
(02:34):
who you run into.
And the basic concept is thatyou separate the behavior from
the person.
So last week, one of myteenagers was very upset with me
because you know, sometimeswhen you're a parent and you
have to have boundaries or tellyour teen or even a
(02:54):
two-year-old, I feel like thisbehavior is just, it's different
words and different situations,but it's the same kind of
thing.
Sometimes they just lose theirmind.
And I had to remind myself,this child, I'm trying not to
use gender, this child is a verygood person who made a bad
choice.
And so I think the first andmost important point of MGI is
(03:16):
separating the behavior, what aperson is doing or saying from
their identity.
So when kids are little, wedon't tell them you're a bad
kid, right?
We tell them you made a badchoice.
And honestly, I still use thatwith my teenagers.
I will say, you are such a goodkid.
And that was a bad choice.
So let's talk about why youmade that bad choice.
(03:39):
So separating that, and I thinkthat's really helpful to both
me as a parent to remind myself,and to the child, because who
of us wants to think becausewe've made a mistake of any kind
that we're a bad person?
Nobody does.
So instead, in that moment, youask yourself, why are they
behaving this way?
Could something else be goingon?
(04:00):
What is the most generousexplanation for this behavior?
What could they be strugglingwith?
And that was definitely true ofmy teenager, that they were
really struggling with somethingand the frustration was coming
out in bad choices and talkingto me in a way that I do not
approve of.
I do not approve of thatmessage.
When you use MGI, you canreplace judgment with curiosity.
(04:25):
And then you can usually get tothe bottom of the situation
much better.
And this is just such a goodreminder of like the old adage.
I know my mom taught me thisand my nanny used to say it too.
Is you never know what's goingon with someone else.
And as a person who talks topeople all day long who are
trying to improve their lives,you just never know.
Sometimes people have thehardest stuff going on.
(04:48):
And you might just sit next tothem at a soccer game or, you
know, be in a work meeting withthem and you just have no idea
what's going on with mostpeople.
So let's think a little bitabout how you can use this.
And I'll give you some examplesof using it in different places
of your life.
So again, that the real key isjust to in the moment you see
(05:08):
someone's behavior or you hearthe words that they say and you
pause and think, what is themost generous interpretation I
could have of this person'sbehavior?
In friendships, you know, whenyou're in adult friendships and
sometimes you text someone oryou ask them if they want to do
something and you just don'thear back from them, or they say
no a bunch of times in a row,your default could be something
(05:32):
like, she's just ignoring me, orshe doesn't want to hang out
with me, or what did I do tomake her angry?
But if you switch that to beingcurious, like what else could
this behavior mean?
What's the most generousinterpretation that I could have
for this?
You might think, I bet she'sprobably overwhelmed or
distracted.
I've totally been there too.
(05:52):
I will just wait until she getsback to me.
And I just had a funnysituation, actually.
The handsome man friend wasbeing very empathetic and sweet
and listening to me on aThursday night.
I call it Thursday night tired.
There's something aboutThursday night.
I'm always just so tired.
It's like you've almost made itthrough the week.
And I was just essentially intears, like, I'm so tired.
(06:15):
I'm in charge of everything,all my same thoughts that I go
back to.
And he's like, What issomething that I could do to
help you?
Just anything, something Icould do.
And I was like, There'snothing.
And then I'm like, you knowwhat would be amazing if you
made the bed.
So he doesn't live with me, butwhen he stays over, he gets up
(06:37):
after me.
And there's just somethingabout walking back into my
bedroom later in the day andhaving a made bed that makes me
really happy.
And if it's just me, when I getup, I can make the bed.
But if he's there, I'mobviously not going to make the
bed when he's still in it.
So I said, you could make thebed.
That would be amazing.
So the next time I went into myroom, I was pleasantly
(06:58):
surprised to see that he hadmade the bed.
And the time after that, andthe time after that, and the
time after that.
He makes the bed every singletime, like without fail.
And when I look at the bed andthe way that the bed is made
compared to how I make the bed,there are a couple key
differences.
The first is there nothing ishappening with the sheets at
(07:19):
all.
The sheets are just left ashowever they were when we slept
in the bed.
And he pulls the covers up overthe sheets.
And then I have many throwpillows that go on my bed.
I think there's like five.
He finds this annoying.
I find this cute.
And so he throws them towardsthe top of the bed.
So we've got like the kind ofrumpled comforter and then just
(07:40):
like haphazard pillows.
So what I could think in thatsituation is okay, he's saying
he's gonna help me, but hedoesn't really see me.
That's not the way that I makethe bed, that's not the way that
I like the bed made, et cetera.
But if I go to the mostgenerous interpretation, what I
could say is, that is so sweet.
He made the bed.
(08:01):
He heard me.
He knows that that is one areathat would make me really happy.
And he made that bed for me.
And you know what?
Now I'm very practiced at thisMGI thought.
It makes me smile when I see Iuh and I don't fix it, by the
way.
I don't fix it.
And it makes me smile everytime when I see those haphazard
pillows, or I'll pull back thecomforter at night and the
(08:23):
sheets are like all crumpledunderneath the comforter.
So I made the choice to decidethat that means when I see the
bed made, he heard me, he lovesme.
And I could, if I wasn't usingMGI, I could just be annoyed
every single day that oh, hemade the bed, but he didn't do a
good job and he doesn't careabout me and all the negative
(08:43):
things that I could make thatmean.
The same thing can be true atwork.
Somebody drops the ball and youcan decide that they are an
unreliable person, or you couldsay they're really overloaded
right now.
So there's a million placeswhere you can use this, but the
reason why, I think it's nicebecause we give the other person
the benefit of the doubt, butit also helps you from getting
(09:06):
annoyed.
So now when I walk in mybedroom and I see that bed made,
it makes me happy, it makes mesmile instead of me being
annoyed with it.
And that's just great for me.
Okay, so now probably comes thequestion of Michelle, you're
always talking about boundaries.
What if someone is consistentlyhaving this behavior and I
don't want to MGI it away?
And you know what I would sayto that?
(09:28):
You're right.
You shouldn't.
So if you feel like there's apattern and you're being
disrespected, or at work, forexample, if someone on your team
just drops the ball onsomething and you say, okay,
maybe she's just having a badday, or maybe he had a fight
with his wife this morning, oryou give them the most generous
(09:48):
interpretation.
You can't just continue to dothat forever.
The good thing to do whenyou're in that situation,
especially if it's with anemployee or your kids or
something, is say, Well, tell meabout what's going on.
Tell me why that happened, tellme what's going on to get
curious about it.
And then just know that it'sstill helpful for you to use MGI
(10:09):
to try to understand what'sgoing on with that other person
and to get your brain in a calmplace.
And then you can ask yourself,okay, is this a pattern?
For example, at the beginning,I mentioned that one of my kids
was very upset the other day andvery mad at me for ruining
their life with boundaries.
And if if one of my childrentalked to me like that and was
(10:30):
that upset every single day oreven once a week, I would
definitely take differentaction.
I would obviously still careabout them, but I would set a
boundary.
I would find someone else forthem to talk to.
I would try to see what's goingon with them.
I would maybe meet with theirteacher.
So it's totally okay.
Like the goal of this isn't tojust ignore someone else's
(10:51):
behavior and pretend it isn'thappening.
It's just to calm your ownbrain by giving them the benefit
of the doubt so you can decidewhat to do next.
So you can have a most generousinterpretation and also set a
boundary.
It's really not aboutpretending everything's fine.
It's just staying in your ownhead, your own calm brain, and
(11:12):
refusing to let frustration turninto unnecessary suffering.
So next time, and maybe it'llbe even today, someone
disappoints you or confuses you.
Try to just ask yourself,what's the most generous
interpretation of this behavior?
And remember, it's thebehavior, not the person.
Okay, friends, that's it.
I hope you have a fantasticweek.
(11:33):
If you love this episode or thepodcast in general, and you
would leave us a review on Appleor Spotify, that would be
absolutely amazing.
We continue to get morelisteners, and we're currently
ranked at top 1.5%.
I would love to get to top 1%.
That means we get shown in manymore places to people who need
(11:54):
what we're sharing here.
Have a great week.
Thank you for listening to theOverwhelmed Working Woman
podcast.
If you want to learn more aboutmy work, head over to my
website at michellegauthier.com.
See you next week.
Remember, it's the behavior, not the
person.
You're listening to OverwhelmedWorking Woman, the podcast that
helps you be more calm and moreproductive by doing less.
I'm your host, MichelleGauthier, a former Overwhelmed
Working Woman and current lifecoach.
On this show, we unpack thestress and pressure that today's
(00:23):
working woman experiences.
And in each episode, you'll geta strategy to bring more calm,
ease, and relaxation to yourlife.
Hi, friend.
Thanks for joining today.
Today we're going to be talkingabout the most generous
interpretation or MGI.
That is essentially using themost generous interpretation of
(00:45):
someone else's behavior to stopyou from feeling stressed out by
essentially giving them thebenefit of the doubt.
I'm going to tell you moreabout what it exactly is and how
to do it, how to use it in reallife situations.
And then finally, we're goingto talk about when to not use it
because I know everyone's mind,mine included, would go to,
(01:08):
yeah, but that can't always bethe case.
We can't always give someonethe benefit of the doubt or the
most generous interpretation.
And I think that's true too.
So we're going to talk aboutwhen not to use it.
This episode will help you feellighter and more in control of
your own emotions when you startgiving people the MGI, most
generous interpretation.
(01:28):
As with most, as is the casewith most episodes, I get
inspired by things that I see inmy own life or in my client's
life.
And it reminds me, yes, I needto talk about that on the
podcast.
And I've had a couple thingslately where I have been able to
switch into the MGI version andhave the most generous
(01:49):
interpretation of someone else'sbehavior and noticed once again
how much better I feel.
And when I feel better, I canhandle a situation more calmly.
So let's get into it.
MGI is a psychology term, and Ilearned about it from Dr.
Becky.
If you don't know who Dr.
Becky is, she is a parentingpsychologist and she wrote a
(02:12):
book called Good Inside.
I just saw that Time magazinenamed her the Millennial
Parenting Whisperer.
I love that.
What a great title.
Anyway, I heard of MGI from Dr.
Becky, and I just thought thatit was such a fantastic idea.
She talks about it in terms ofraising children, and I think
it's great for parenting, butit's also great with just anyone
(02:34):
who you run into.
And the basic concept is thatyou separate the behavior from
the person.
So last week, one of myteenagers was very upset with me
because you know, sometimeswhen you're a parent and you
have to have boundaries or tellyour teen or even a
(02:54):
two-year-old, I feel like thisbehavior is just, it's different
words and different situations,but it's the same kind of
thing.
Sometimes they just lose theirmind.
And I had to remind myself,this child, I'm trying not to
use gender, this child is a verygood person who made a bad
choice.
And so I think the first andmost important point of MGI is
(03:16):
separating the behavior, what aperson is doing or saying from
their identity.
So when kids are little, wedon't tell them you're a bad
kid, right?
We tell them you made a badchoice.
And honestly, I still use thatwith my teenagers.
I will say, you are such a goodkid.
And that was a bad choice.
So let's talk about why youmade that bad choice.
(03:39):
So separating that, and I thinkthat's really helpful to both
me as a parent to remind myself,and to the child, because who
of us wants to think becausewe've made a mistake of any kind
that we're a bad person?
Nobody does.
So instead, in that moment, youask yourself, why are they
behaving this way?
Could something else be goingon?
(04:00):
What is the most generousexplanation for this behavior?
What could they be strugglingwith?
And that was definitely true ofmy teenager, that they were
really struggling with somethingand the frustration was coming
out in bad choices and talkingto me in a way that I do not
approve of.
I do not approve of thatmessage.
When you use MGI, you canreplace judgment with curiosity.
(04:25):
And then you can usually get tothe bottom of the situation
much better.
And this is just such a goodreminder of like the old adage.
I know my mom taught me thisand my nanny used to say it too.
Is you never know what's goingon with someone else.
And as a person who talks topeople all day long who are
trying to improve their lives,you just never know.
Sometimes people have thehardest stuff going on.
(04:48):
And you might just sit next tothem at a soccer game or, you
know, be in a work meeting withthem and you just have no idea
what's going on with mostpeople.
So let's think a little bitabout how you can use this.
And I'll give you some examplesof using it in different places
of your life.
So again, that the real key isjust to in the moment you see
(05:08):
someone's behavior or you hearthe words that they say and you
pause and think, what is themost generous interpretation I
could have of this person'sbehavior?
In friendships, you know, whenyou're in adult friendships and
sometimes you text someone oryou ask them if they want to do
something and you just don'thear back from them, or they say
no a bunch of times in a row,your default could be something
(05:32):
like, she's just ignoring me, orshe doesn't want to hang out
with me, or what did I do tomake her angry?
But if you switch that to beingcurious, like what else could
this behavior mean?
What's the most generousinterpretation that I could have
for this?
You might think, I bet she'sprobably overwhelmed or
distracted.
I've totally been there too.
(05:52):
I will just wait until she getsback to me.
And I just had a funnysituation, actually.
The handsome man friend wasbeing very empathetic and sweet
and listening to me on aThursday night.
I call it Thursday night tired.
There's something aboutThursday night.
I'm always just so tired.
It's like you've almost made itthrough the week.
And I was just essentially intears, like, I'm so tired.
(06:15):
I'm in charge of everything,all my same thoughts that I go
back to.
And he's like, What issomething that I could do to
help you?
Just anything, something Icould do.
And I was like, There'snothing.
And then I'm like, you knowwhat would be amazing if you
made the bed.
So he doesn't live with me, butwhen he stays over, he gets up
(06:37):
after me.
And there's just somethingabout walking back into my
bedroom later in the day andhaving a made bed that makes me
really happy.
And if it's just me, when I getup, I can make the bed.
But if he's there, I'mobviously not going to make the
bed when he's still in it.
So I said, you could make thebed.
That would be amazing.
So the next time I went into myroom, I was pleasantly
(06:58):
surprised to see that he hadmade the bed.
And the time after that, andthe time after that, and the
time after that.
He makes the bed every singletime, like without fail.
And when I look at the bed andthe way that the bed is made
compared to how I make the bed,there are a couple key
differences.
The first is there nothing ishappening with the sheets at
(07:19):
all.
The sheets are just left ashowever they were when we slept
in the bed.
And he pulls the covers up overthe sheets.
And then I have many throwpillows that go on my bed.
I think there's like five.
He finds this annoying.
I find this cute.
And so he throws them towardsthe top of the bed.
So we've got like the kind ofrumpled comforter and then just
(07:40):
like haphazard pillows.
So what I could think in thatsituation is okay, he's saying
he's gonna help me, but hedoesn't really see me.
That's not the way that I makethe bed, that's not the way that
I like the bed made, et cetera.
But if I go to the mostgenerous interpretation, what I
could say is, that is so sweet.
He made the bed.
(08:01):
He heard me.
He knows that that is one areathat would make me really happy.
And he made that bed for me.
And you know what?
Now I'm very practiced at thisMGI thought.
It makes me smile when I see Iuh and I don't fix it, by the
way.
I don't fix it.
And it makes me smile everytime when I see those haphazard
pillows, or I'll pull back thecomforter at night and the
(08:23):
sheets are like all crumpledunderneath the comforter.
So I made the choice to decidethat that means when I see the
bed made, he heard me, he lovesme.
And I could, if I wasn't usingMGI, I could just be annoyed
every single day that oh, hemade the bed, but he didn't do a
good job and he doesn't careabout me and all the negative
(08:43):
things that I could make thatmean.
The same thing can be true atwork.
Somebody drops the ball and youcan decide that they are an
unreliable person, or you couldsay they're really overloaded
right now.
So there's a million placeswhere you can use this, but the
reason why, I think it's nicebecause we give the other person
the benefit of the doubt, butit also helps you from getting
(09:06):
annoyed.
So now when I walk in mybedroom and I see that bed made,
it makes me happy, it makes mesmile instead of me being
annoyed with it.
And that's just great for me.
Okay, so now probably comes thequestion of Michelle, you're
always talking about boundaries.
What if someone is consistentlyhaving this behavior and I
don't want to MGI it away?
And you know what I would sayto that?
(09:28):
You're right.
You shouldn't.
So if you feel like there's apattern and you're being
disrespected, or at work, forexample, if someone on your team
just drops the ball onsomething and you say, okay,
maybe she's just having a badday, or maybe he had a fight
with his wife this morning, oryou give them the most generous
(09:48):
interpretation.
You can't just continue to dothat forever.
The good thing to do whenyou're in that situation,
especially if it's with anemployee or your kids or
something, is say, Well, tell meabout what's going on.
Tell me why that happened, tellme what's going on to get
curious about it.
And then just know that it'sstill helpful for you to use MGI
(10:09):
to try to understand what'sgoing on with that other person
and to get your brain in a calmplace.
And then you can ask yourself,okay, is this a pattern?
For example, at the beginning,I mentioned that one of my kids
was very upset the other day andvery mad at me for ruining
their life with boundaries.
And if if one of my childrentalked to me like that and was
(10:30):
that upset every single day oreven once a week, I would
definitely take differentaction.
I would obviously still careabout them, but I would set a
boundary.
I would find someone else forthem to talk to.
I would try to see what's goingon with them.
I would maybe meet with theirteacher.
So it's totally okay.
Like the goal of this isn't tojust ignore someone else's
(10:51):
behavior and pretend it isn'thappening.
It's just to calm your ownbrain by giving them the benefit
of the doubt so you can decidewhat to do next.
So you can have a most generousinterpretation and also set a
boundary.
It's really not aboutpretending everything's fine.
It's just staying in your ownhead, your own calm brain, and
(11:12):
refusing to let frustration turninto unnecessary suffering.
So next time, and maybe it'llbe even today, someone
disappoints you or confuses you.
Try to just ask yourself,what's the most generous
interpretation of this behavior?
And remember, it's thebehavior, not the person.
Okay, friends, that's it.
I hope you have a fantasticweek.
(11:33):
If you love this episode or thepodcast in general, and you
would leave us a review on Appleor Spotify, that would be
absolutely amazing.
We continue to get morelisteners, and we're currently
ranked at top 1.5%.
I would love to get to top 1%.
That means we get shown in manymore places to people who need
(11:54):
what we're sharing here.
Have a great week.
Thank you for listening to theOverwhelmed Working Woman
podcast.
If you want to learn more aboutmy work, head over to my
website at michellegauthier.com.
See you next week.
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