Welcome back to Book Club!
Are you living a life that looks “perfect” on paper but secretly feels misaligned, heavy, or strangely empty?
In this episode, Michelle discussed Finding Your Own North Star by Martha Beck. The book breaks down why high-achieving working women often feel overwhelmed even when everything looks successful from the outside—and how that inner discomfort is actually a powerful message from the parts of you that have gone quiet.
Listeners will learn:
- The difference between your social self and essential self—and how misalignment triggers burnout
- How to identify the activities that genuinely light you up (even if you think you’ve “forgotten”)
- Simple steps to follow your own North Star without making dramatic life changes
Hit play and discover how to reconnect with what makes you feel alive—so your life finally feels as good as it looks.
Featured on the podcast
Finding Your Own North Star by Martha Beck
Wondering why you're overwhelmed? Take my "why am I overwhelmed" quiz to find out the source of your overwhelm, and what to do about it.
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Life can be overwhelming, but on this podcast, you'll discover practical strategies to overcome overwhelm, imposter syndrome, and negative self-talk, manage time effectively, set boundaries, and stay productive in high-stress jobs—all while learning how to say no and prioritize self-care on the Overwhelmed Worki...
Episode Transcript
If your life looks great on paper, but
something about it just doesn'tfeel right on the inside, you
are not alone.
You're listening to OverwhelmedWorking Woman, the podcast that
helps you be more calm and moreproductive by doing less.
I'm your host, MichelleGauthier, a former Overwhelmed
(00:21):
Working Woman and current lifecoach.
On this show, we unpack thestress and pressure that today's
Working Woman experiences.
And in each episode, you'll geta strategy to bring more calm,
ease, and relaxation to yourlife.
Hi, friend.
Thanks so much for joiningtoday.
Today is our 200th episode,which I am super excited about.
(00:44):
I can't believe it.
It's so funny when you juststep by step keep doing
something and all of a suddenyou look back and you think, oh
my goodness, 200 episodes on thepodcast.
That is amazing.
I just want to take a secondand say thank you to everybody
who has been a listener, who haswritten a review, who has
passed this podcast on to afriend.
I can't thank you enough.
(01:04):
It continues to grow and getmore popular, which means more
people are hearing this messageand hopefully living much less
stressful, less overwhelminglives.
So thank you so much for allyou have done to get us to this
200th episode.
I'm excited that today's topicis also in line with that
milestone.
Today I'm talking about a bookby Martha Beck called Finding
(01:25):
Your Own North Star.
If your life looks great onpaper, but something about it
just doesn't feel right on theinside, you are not alone.
If that is the situation thatyou're in right now, and that is
the situation that I was inbefore I made a whole bunch of
changes in my life, but one ofthem being completely switching
my career to become a lifecoach.
When I was feeling that way inabout 2017, I didn't know what
(01:49):
was wrong or why it just didn'tfeel right.
And finding Martha back, I alsodid my life coach training
under her.
She's written lots of amazingbooks, but finding her and
reading this book really helpedme and is one of the things that
made me basically transition mywhole life and quit my 20-year
corporate career and become alife coach.
(02:10):
You might not need to make achange that big depending on
what's going on with you, butthis is a great book if you feel
like something is off on theinside.
When you listen today, you'regoing to learn why we all have
two selves, the social self andthe essential self, and what
happens when they're out ofsync, what your burnout or your
overwhelm is trying to tell you,and how to start following your
(02:34):
own personal North Star withoutblowing up your life.
It doesn't have to be a superdramatic, I'm not doing any of
this anymore.
Two weeks ago, I mentioned thatI was going to start reviewing
some of my favorite self-helpbooks to just teach you the
points that are in the book.
And then if it's something thatfeels like it really resonates
with you, maybe that's a bookyou want to grab and read.
In today's episode, I'm going tofeature a book that is near and
(02:56):
dear to my heart called FindingYour Own North Star by Martha
Beck.
The basic premise of this bookis that we have two selves
inside us.
One is the essential self, andone is the social self.
The essential self is who youare, it's your soul, it's who
you would be, no matter whereyou were born, what culture you
(03:16):
were born into, what country youlive in, what language you
speak.
It's just the part of you thatknows what brings you energy and
ease and joy.
And then your social self isthe version of you that has been
shaped by rules andexpectations and sometimes
things like people pleasing.
Neither one of these things aregood or bad.
For example, one thing that Ireally love and have always
(03:39):
loved is cars.
I love cars.
So my essential self would seea beautiful car and think, oh my
gosh, I love that car.
It'd be so much fun to drivethat car.
But my social self is the onethat figures out how do I get
that car?
How much is that going to cost?
How do I finance it?
My social self is the one whogoes to the DMV and gets
everything registered.
You need your essential self totell you your own truth, to
(04:02):
show you what you are attractedto, what things you're good at,
what gifts you have.
And then you need your socialself to be able to adapt that to
the rules of your society inorder to make it happen.
So there's no problem abouthaving these two selves.
The problem comes when the twoselves are out of alignment.
When those two things arecompletely out of sync, that's
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when you start to feel anxiousand burned out and overwhelmed.
You get a good case of theSunday scaries because there's
something about your life whereyour social self is really
leading the way and youressential self has gotten way
too quiet or might not even bepresent.
There's a quiz right at thestart of the book that asks
several questions to see howmuch of your essential self is
(04:47):
showing up in your life rightnow.
And I have definitely gotten tothe point in my life where my
essential self is showing upmost of the time, if not all of
the time.
But in previous versions, likeback in 2017, when I was feeling
really stressed and overwhelmedand working a ton and really
working my way up the ladder ina job that was not a great fit
(05:07):
for my essential self, but was agreat fit for my social self,
you just start to feel reallyout of alignment.
So some of the questions sheasks at the beginning of the
book, there's a bunch of them,but I'm just going to give you a
few examples here are my lifefeels like a great adventure.
Is that often, sometimes rarelyor never?
Or I laugh out loud often,sometimes rarely or never.
(05:28):
I feel overwhelmed by gratitudeoften, sometimes rarely or
never.
Things just seem to work outfor me.
I get so involved in projectsthat I forget to stop or lose
track of time.
And every time you answer anoften, that means you're really
connected to your essentialself.
And if it's rarely or almostnever, you're probably more
(05:50):
connected to your social self.
So what to do about it?
Well, there's a whole book totell you exactly what to do
about it.
But in general, the wholepremise of this book, and she
gives very there's quizzes andthings you can fill in in the
book.
It's almost like a workbook insome ways.
But the good thing that shereally helps you do in this book
is not to like create a newlife with purpose, but to learn
(06:13):
how to notice what lights youup.
A lot of times when I firststart working with a client and
I'll say, What's fun for you?
What do you do for fun?
They'll be like, I can'tremember.
I've just so busy checking allthe boxes that I don't even
remember what I really like todo.
And so Martha Beck in this bookwill teach you how to notice
what your essential self issaying and how to bring small
(06:36):
pieces of that into your life.
So for example, my essentialself is creative.
I love to work on my house.
I love to decorate my house.
I like to do hand lettering.
I'm not a good artist like adrawer, but I'm good with
letters and I like to writepeople cards and I like to paint
sometimes.
It just I have a creativestreak in me.
(06:58):
And so that doesn't mean that Ineed to quit my job and become
an artist.
It just means that when I'msitting down and watching TV,
now I have a little bin full ofblank cards and pretty markers
and some books that I use andsome workbooks with different
lettering styles.
And when I sit down, sometimesI can just pick that up and do
(07:18):
that little creative thing.
So it's not like you need tojust completely change your
whole life.
It's just starting to do alittle bit more of things that
your essential self reallyloves.
If you just even take a secondand think right now, what really
makes you feel super alive?
Maybe you feel super aliveafter mentoring someone at work,
or you totally lose track oftime when you're organizing your
(07:41):
closet.
That's not random.
That's your North Star, youressential self shining through.
And when we don't give spacefor that essential self to
really be part of our day-to-daylife, several things can
happen.
One being burnout, stress,overwhelm.
Sometimes people get physicallysick when they're out of
alignment like that.
Sometimes you'll just forgetthings or self-sabotage
(08:04):
yourself.
Like there's lots of examplesin the book about what can
happen when you're living toomuch in your social self and not
enough in your essential self.
But the good news is you don'thave to blow up your whole life
or be perfect at this.
It's enough to just take onesmall step, like the markers
that I'm talking about.
If you just take one thing fromthis podcast, what I would ask
(08:24):
you to do today is think, whatis something that really lights
me up?
Where is somewhere that I losetrack of time or that I just
absolutely love?
When is the last time I didthat thing?
And how can I bring that smallthing into my life this week,
even?
And if this is really speakingto you, I highly recommend that
you get this book.
I have recommended it to a lotof people over time, and I think
(08:45):
it has been very influential inthe lives of many of my
clients.
Okay, that's it for today.
Thank you again for being herefor this 200th episode and have
a great week.
Thank you for listening to theOverwhelmed Working Woman
podcast.
If you want to learn more aboutmy work, head over to my
(09:06):
website at MichelleGauthier.com.
See you next week.
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