January 15, 2024 • 32 mins
Are you tired of constantly feeling overwhelmed and putting everyone else's needs before your own?
In this episode, I'm joined by coach Lindsay Dotzlaf. We dive deep into the struggles of overwhelm and share how making your own rules based on what works is the key to combat overwhelm.
In this episode you will learn how to:
- Identify and prioritize the tasks that truly matter to you, while letting go of those that drain your energy and add to your overwhelm.
- Make intentional decisions and and set clear boundaries can lead to a more balanced life.
- Simplify your work and personal life, allowing space to spend time on what truly brings you joy.
Ready to reclaim control over your life and break free from the cycle of overwhelm? Tune in to this episode now and start implementing actionable strategies to live with greater intention and peace of mind.
Featured on the Show
Lindsay Dotzlaf Coaching
Mastering Coaching Skills podcast
Connect with Lindsay on Instagram
Send Me a Message - Have a question, comment, or just want to say hi? Message me here, I'd love to chat!
Work With Me - Interested in working with me 1-on-1, taking a class, or joining one of my coaching groups? Message me here to get the scoop.
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Life can be overwhelming, but on this podcast, you'll discover practical strategies to overcome overwhelm, imposter syndrome, and negative self-talk, manage time effectively, set boundaries, and stay productive in high-stress jobs—all while learning how to say no and prioritize self-care on the Overwhelmed Working Woman podcast.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Michelle (00:04):
Hey, I'm Michelle Gauthier and you're listening to
the Overwhelmed Working Womanpodcast.
Thanks for joining OverwhelmedWorking Woman.
This week we have a guestexpert and our guest is Lindsay
Dotzlaf.
She used to be my coach and Iasked her to be on the podcast
because she taught me some veryimportant things, many of them
(00:25):
just by being herself.
She was always so intentionaland calm and she's extremely
successful.
I feel like there's so much outthere today, lots of hustling
and doing as much as possible asquickly as you can do it.
Lindsay just does not take thatapproach and I admire that and
I love that.
I actually don't know very muchat all about her family life or
(00:47):
how she balances that andmanages to pull off not being an
overwhelmed working woman, orat least appearing so.
You can tell me, Lindsay, maybethat's not true! Thanks for
being with us today.
Say hi, tell us a little bitabout yourself and your business
and your family.
Lindsay (01:04):
Hi, I'm so happy to be here and it's so funny you said
that, because when I read theemail you sent me I was like how
does she actually know?
What if I get on here and I'mlike, "my life is a mess!"?
It just made me laugh.
Michelle (01:14):
I just can't imagine it.
You have such a calm demeanor.
You're either an amazingactress or it's true.
Lindsay (01:23):
It is mostly true.
I think that you're on theright path, but I'm so glad to
be here.
Thank you for asking me.
My name is Lindsay Dotzlaf.
I am a coach.
I teach coaching skills.
I help coaches be amazing atwhat they do and build
businesses that they just reallyfeel settled in.
A lot of what you see for me isso much of what I just help
(01:44):
teach my clients when it comesto structuring their businesses
and just knowing how to coach ina way that just feels great to
them.
Michelle (01:53):
Awesome.
Good.
And family- wise you have twokids, correct?
Lindsay (01:57):
Yep, I'm married.
I have two kids.
I've been married for almost 18years, I think?
That's a really long time.
I have two kids, two girls.
They are 11 and 13.
Michelle (02:09):
Okay, perfect.
I have a 13-year-old girl too,so I know that.
I know how that feels for sure.
Lindsay (02:14):
The 13-year-old is like pretty great.
The 11-year-old, she's thesassy one.
Michelle (02:19):
That's funny because my 16-year-old's an older one,
so the 13-year-old's the sassyone.
I feel like the second one isusually the sassy one.
For sure, yes, and I'm theoldest.
Are you the oldest?
Yes, of course.
Yeah, I feel like we have theoldest child personality.
We do, yes, for sure.
Okay, so first of all, tell usa little bit about your business
(02:39):
and I'm looking at it from thespin of how you run your
business, from a place of calmand intention, like I said in
the intro.
That always impressed me aboutyou, and when I would come to
you with questions and be sortof frantic about I need to do
this, by this time, you wouldalways help me slow down and
really think through it.
So can you tell us about yourbusiness and then also sort of
(03:00):
the approach behind that?
Lindsay (03:02):
Yes, so I mean, first, I just want to be clear that
sometimes I'm totallyoverwhelmed, right, and
sometimes - like I don't thinkthat there's any escape from
just feeling that way sometimes.
But I do know for myself, likewhen I got into coaching and
when I started my business,before that I had worked with my
own life coach for quite awhile, and one of the reasons I
(03:23):
did is because I was overwhelmedall the time and I was very,
like, very opposite from whatyou see now, Although I may have
appeared actually still prettycalm on the outside, but on the
inside I was just losing my mindall the time, just overwhelmed
with life in general, and socoaching like really helped me
(03:44):
calm that down.
So just a plug for coaching ingeneral.
I started my business - so Ihired a coach in 2014, worked
with her for about a year and ahalf before I started my
business, and I have abackground in psychology, so
it's kind of like coaching waslike a very natural next step.
It felt like, oh my gosh, thisis what I've been looking for
(04:06):
for so long.
And then I think, because ofthat, because I just refuse to
kind of let myself go back tothat place of being super
overwhelmed and being - becauseI, you know, I love to be good
at things, I love to be busy,and I used to let that drive,
right?
Like, just like busy all thetime, like that's kind of where
I would find my, I'm gonna say,like, "worth in quotes, like my
(04:29):
worth as a human right, Justbeing extra busy, making sure
everyone is taken care of, likedoing things for everyone else.
And I think one just thing thatI learned along the way is I
can't I can't say yes toeverything, I can't do all the
things for everyone else.
And really, when I kind ofpause and put myself first and
(04:49):
like lead with that, before youknow doing all the things, not
that I don't still do the things, but just really being a lot
more intentional.
And then I think I brought thatinto my business as I was
building it.
Michelle (05:02):
Okay, perfect.
I feel like I could havewritten out for you what would
be the perfect thing to say tothis audience.
I feel like you just coveredall the stuff that we talk about
.
Just that.
Perfect.
Overwhelmed, putting everybodyelse first.
When we're afraid to sit withour own thoughts, then just do
something for everyone else.
Never think about yourself, allof that.
So it's good to know that youonce were there, and I think the
(05:25):
other important point you madeis you're still totally
overwhelmed sometimes.
So am I, so is everybody who'slistening, and that's okay.
Our end goal isn't to never getthere, but just how to know how
to live our life intentionallyfrom a place where we don't
start off that way every day ofour life, which I used to.
Lindsay (05:48):
And now I just notice, right?
"Why is that?
And I and I have the tools toquestion it, right, to see, to
like pause and say why, insteadof, this is just the truth of
like, how, how you're supposedto feel, how you're supposed to
live, like that's I feel likethat's how I kind of used to
think about it before c oaching,was like, yeah, this is normal,
like every woman's overwhelmed,right?
Michelle (06:12):
Yeah, and I think that's true, but they don't have
to be forever and always.
For sure.
Okay.
So how do you run your business?
What does it look like?
First of all, tell us aboutyour business, brag a little,
tell us how big and successfulyour business is, and then how
you run that from that place ofintentional calm.
Lindsay (06:26):
So I think actually, this answer will be really
interesting, thinking aboutrunning a business with a lot of
intentionality.
So I am a coach, like I said, Ihave right now I have two
things that I run.
I have something called theCoach Lab which has - it's a
program, it has hundreds ofcoaches in it.
It's a lifetime access, so youjust like join once and you're
just there.
So I have hundreds of clientsin that program.
(06:48):
And then I have an advancedcertification which has, like,
while recording this, maybearound 20, 15 to 20 people per
round that I'm really helping onthe more - in the more advanced
level of coaching mastery.
And one thing that happened thisyear is I tried to create a
third offer.
I did create a third offer andI sold it and I was totally
(07:12):
overwhelmed.
It was just like this is toomuch, I can't, because I love
like if I'm going to dosomething again, I like to be
very intentional about it.
I like to make sure that I'mgood at it and that the delivery
like I always put my clientsfirst, so I'm always thinking
about like delivery first, and Ifelt that slipping and so I
(07:33):
canceled an offer and I canceledthe launch and I just kind of
took a bunch of things off theplate because I started feeling
that overwhelm and then seeingit affecting my clients and I
just knew, like this is not,this isn't what I want, this
isn't for me.
Michelle (07:49):
First of all, that's huge, that's amazing.
So I think a lot of people areafraid to leave money on the
table.
So how did you get your mind tothe place that you were willing
to leave it behind?
Lindsay (08:00):
Yeah.
So the simplest answer is whenI always lead with my values.
So this is actually something Iteach in my certification,
where we, like I, really help myclients define their values and
their values in their business.
And I think anytime you'releading through that and using
that as the lens to make allyour decisions, the answers
become a lot more clear.
Even when they feel hard.
(08:20):
Right, and I knew because I'vemade quite a bit of money in my
business and worked with abookkeeper and people that
helped me manage the money Iknew like there's money here,
it's gonna be fine, right?
There's no, I had a businessreserve.
It wasn't like if I cancel thisoffer, oh no, where's the money
gonna come from?
Or like what am I gonna do?
And, honestly, I took my brainto the place where I was like,
(08:44):
in the long run, it kind offeels like it might be more
detrimental to my business tolaunch this anyway, to do this
thing anyway, and then not beable to deliver at the level
that I like to or that myclients are used to getting from
me.
So, to answer one of thequestions you asked earlier,
when you're like brag about yourbusiness, I have made close to
(09:05):
a million dollars.
Just not myself personally, butmy business has over the last
couple of years.
But this year I'll probably endcloser to about 400,000.
And I feel great about it.
It's really interesting.
It's like there were momentswhen I was like what am I doing?
Oh no, this feels really bad.
Am I ruining it all?
(09:26):
And I'm kind of on the otherside of it now and it's like
that was the best decision Icould have made to really make
sure that my business stayedsimple, which I think simplicity
is one of the answers to all ofthis like, how do I do it all,
how do I run a business withoutfeeling constantly overwhelmed?
(09:46):
I think simplicity is one ofthe main answers.
Michelle (09:49):
Yep, and it's simplicity in having two
specific offers and thenchoosing to not have that third
offer.
I think that's just amazing,because I think a lot of times
when people come to work with me, they wanna be not overwhelmed,
but when push comes to shoveand you have to feel
uncomfortable about turning awaysomething, every time we're
saying yes to something, we'resaying no to something else.
(10:11):
So if you're gonna say no tothat offer, you're gonna open up
space to serve your clientsbetter, et cetera, but you're
also saying no to the potentialof more money from that
particular offer.
So I love that you chose beingcalm and not overwhelmed and
being in line with your valuesover anything else.
That's awesome.
Lindsay (10:28):
Yeah, and I think maybe not everybody has the luxury of
saying like, okay, well, I havethe reserves, I can do this, if
I don't make money for the nextX amount of months, that'll be
totally fine.
But I still think that there isa middle ground there where
it's like you can still say,okay, but what is the way that
works for me?
Like, how can this be simple?
How much money do I actuallyneed to bring in right now,
(10:51):
which might be a very differentanswer than what was I thinking
I was going to do, or what waslike the big goal that I set
right, which is a lot of - like,those are very different
answers usually.
Michelle (11:01):
Yeah, and I think that's such a big example.
But there's so many day-to-daylittle trade-offs, like I'm
gonna stop caring what otherpeople think about me and I'm
gonna start going home from workat five o'clock or whatever it
is.
So yours is a really bigexample, and I'm sure you have
lots of small ones too in yourbusiness, but that's great.
That's fantastic.
How many hours a week do youwork?
Lindsay (11:26):
The simple answer to that is I don't know exactly how
many hours, but on theday-to-day I work about, let's
say, like 10 to four or five,depending on the day, but my
brain is sometimes a little allover the place, so I don't - I'm
not a person that has like avery strict schedule that I
follow every single week, sosome days I might start a little
(11:48):
later, or even if I'm in themiddle of something like work a
little later, if that's possible, if my husband's home and he
can be running the kids whereverthey need to be and cooking and
whatever.
Michelle (12:04):
Okay, okay, that's awesome and I think, too, it's
important because a lot of timespeople think, in order to be
not overwhelmed, I need to justdo time blocking and work these
specific hours and all that.
So I love that you have sort ofa general schedule, but if you
want to work less or more,whatever, you can allow yourself
to do that.
And again, I'm sure there arepeople who are like, oh, I wish
(12:25):
I had that option, but think,where do I have that option?
If it's not with your hours,what is something that you can
have flexibility on or say no to, like, for example, letting
your kid join three activitiesin one season?
Lindsay (12:37):
Oh, we have lots of rules about that.
They can only do one thing.
I mean we have made someexceptions where they overlap
every once in a while, but it'slike nope.
One thing, that's it.
Simplify right?
Michelle (12:50):
Yep, I just made an exception this fall and I was
very sorry about it and I waslike but now I have to see this
out because I said, yes, Iintentionally chose to break my
own rules and I'm paying theprice.
Yes, yes, okay, and so do youhave help in your business and
do you have help at home?
Lindsay (13:09):
I do have help in my business.
I have several contractors likeyou know podcast editor,
bookkeeper, those types ofpositions and then I do just
this year, hired or this yearit's been about a year, I think
that I've hired her full-time.
I have a full-time businessmanager, which I mean that is
like amazing.
She is my saving gracesometimes, like she is, but I
(13:32):
did it myself until then and soI think it's totally doable
without that.
But yeah, when I hired herfull-time, that felt like a huge
lift for me.
It was amazing.
Michelle (13:44):
Yeah, did you have any thoughts about giving away some
of your work to someone else?
Lindsay (13:50):
It was awful, awful, until she just kept convincing
me like no, no, this is - I'mactually really good at this.
Michelle (13:56):
You're paying me, let me do it.
Lindsay (13:58):
And I hired someone specifically who, that is her
job, she loves her job, she'sexcellent at her job.
She's kind of like anoperations person in my business
, so she does all the details,all the things that I would for
sure forget or let slip throughthe cracks, or she kind of like
keeps me on task.
But yeah, it was really hard inthe beginning.
(14:20):
For sure, she had to just prythings away.
Now I don't know what I woulddo without her.
Do you have help at home too?
So I don't, I mean I do, myhusband, but I'm like that, he's
not helping, that's just a partof his job what he signed up
for right.
But we are pretty fortunate thatsince so, he works for a
(14:40):
hospital and he's in tech, butsince 2020, they moved his job
to be more remote, so he is homea lot.
Not that he -like when he'sworking he's pretty checked out
and whatever, but he's here ifI'm like, hey, I need you to
take them to soccer or to takeHarper to h orse lessons or
(15:01):
whatever, and he's really goodat that kind of thing and he's
an excellent cook and he doesmost of the cooking.
Michelle (15:08):
That's amazing, oh my god.
Sometimes I hesitate to saythat because I know people are
like, "I had that in my life.
That's why she's making amillion dollars a year because
her husband cooks dinner everynight.
Lindsay (15:19):
But, to be fair, we also have just come up with a
little bit of a workaround forthat, because he does work a lot
.
Like he probably should workwith you.
He's not a mom, but he needs, Imean, he's overwhelmed all the
time.
He works insane hours anddoesn't know how to not do that,
and so even when he's drivingthem to lessons or whatever,
(15:41):
sometimes he'll be on thespeaker in the car doing a
meeting or I'm like what ishappening.
But it's fine, he gets tochoose.
These are his decisions.
Yeah, I used to do that too.
Yeah, but we've come up with akind of a plan where it's like
he cooks on Sunday, then we haveleftovers for one or two nights
.
The girls are old enough thatthey also make their own dinner
(16:05):
once or twice a week usually,and they have options.
They have things that they knowhow to make and it's just like
their go-tos and that's whatthey do.
And then I just have to ignorethe mess.
They make the giant, giant mess, and then maybe he'll cook
another night like grill a bunchof chicken, and then we have
that to do a few things with.
So even that, it's like we'repretty strategic about it.
(16:28):
It's not like he's just off at4 and cooking a big meal every
night.
Michelle (16:34):
Yeah, that sounds lovely.
Both of those versions soundlovely.
Both sound great.
Oh my gosh.
Yes, my 13-year-old loves tocook and she's actually good at
it, but the mess is something.
Lindsay (16:47):
We have the same kids.
Yeah, my 11-year-old is, she'lljust get in there and sometimes
I hear that I'm like what ishappening?
I go there, she's like choppingthings.
I'm like, oh no, OK, please becareful, Don't cut off a finger.
We definitely don't have timefor that right now.
Michelle (17:02):
Yes, I have to tell other people who come to our
house like she uses that knifeall the time, like a chef's
knife.
She chops stuff up, yeah, butshe knows what she's doing.
I wish she would cook everynight.
Maybe we'll get there.
I'd be happy to do the dishes.
Lindsay (17:16):
I know I actually told my husband we have these cooking
lessons by us and they havekids classes and that might be
an exception I would make forthe two activities, like the one
versus two.
Michelle (17:29):
Yeah, yeah, if that was one of them.
Mine's taking home ec at schoolright now and they're cooking
cookies from a package mix andshe's like what the heck mom?
I know, Josie, you couldprobably teach that class if you
needed to.
Lindsay (17:43):
Yes, that's all my daughters.
Michelle (17:46):
Maybe that's the benefit of not doing everything
for them.
Lindsay (17:53):
Yeah, my older daughter , she's like learned to cook
eggs, that's about it.
But she is really good atcooking eggs, so she'll cook
herself like egg sandwiches.
I mean, it's like all versionsof eggs.
I'm like, fine, go for it.
I mean, could be way worse.
Yeah, eat some eggs.
Michelle (18:09):
Exactly.
Another question I wanted toask you about your business is
if you ever feel caught up, andbecause we're both coaches I
don't know about you, but myfeed is full of other coaches
and I see other coaches'businesses all the time.
So how do you sort of stay inyour own lane and not get caught
up with what other people aredoing?
Lindsay (18:30):
That's a really good question.
I think I'm just going to bereally honest and say first, I
just don't tend to be a personwho sees what other people are
doing and compare myself to it,like if I know, or maybe I'm in
a business mastermind or spaceswhere I know other people are
(18:50):
making more money than me orwhatever I always just feel so
inspired by that.
It's very rare that I feel likethat, I'm comparing myself that
way, but what I get caught upin instead is that I've had to
just kind of shut down, isregulating the industry more,
like those types of thoughts.
Because of what I do, because Iteach coaching, because I think
(19:12):
being an excellent coach isreally important, I get really
caught up in the people postingabout coaching, if that makes
sense, because there are timesthat I'm like that's wrong, like
that's not even true or this isridiculous or those kinds of
things.
So that's the part that dragsme in more and I think again it
(19:32):
comes back to being veryintentional when I notice myself
being maybe on social mediamore and just scrolling just to
scroll, for no other reason.
I just kind of put someboundaries around it.
First of all, all notificationsare turned off on my phone
always, so I'm never seeing thelike oh, you have one Facebook
(19:53):
notification or whatever.
Like that's just not a thingbecause they're off.
Then when I do find myselfgetting pulled more in that
direction, it's usually becauseI'm feeling somehow like more
uncomfortable in my business.
So I'm starting to like paymore attention to what's going
on outside of my business.
So it's just always a gentlereminder of like oh, let's just
(20:14):
refocus, let's like bring backthe attention to what it needs
to be on, because overall, likethe net gain of this is like
negative.
Yeah, of the comparing and thescrolling and the judging or
like whatever else I would bedoing when I'm in that space.
Michelle (20:33):
Yes, absolutely.
I find myself doing that, notwith business, but when I see
people who have families of fouror five or whatever, where the
dad is in all the pictures anddoing things and like helping
the kids with stuff, and I willdo the compare and despair, like
, oh, that's the kind of familyI wanted to have and I'm sad
that I don't have that andthere's nothing good to come
(20:56):
from that, and I feel like Ijust same like you're talking
about.
I just have to get intentionaland be like why am I looking at
this?
Like, what am I hoping to dofor myself here?
Lindsay (21:06):
Yeah, one thing that used to get me that might be
really useful for your listenersis especially when I had a
newer business, before I wasmaking much money, I would see
photos of maybe like a stay athome parent on a field trip or
like those types of things and Iwould think, well, okay, I'm
(21:27):
not making that much money in mybusiness right now and I could
do all of that.
I could go on the field tripsand I could be the room mom and
I could XYZ, whatever, like allof those things.
And I just really had to createboundaries for myself of like,
first do I want to do thosethings?
Like what?
(21:48):
And if I do, which of thosethings do I want to do?
So I would make rules like okay,I actually love going on field
trips, so that's like the onlytime I volunteer at my kids
schools, because it's beingaround their friends, it's being
around them.
It's not like going and makingcopies in the office or like
whatever other jobs the teachersneed done.
(22:10):
And so I just thought like andit had to be on Fridays, like
there were just things that itwas like this is what I do,
everything outside of this ofcourse, there are always
exceptions, right, but, like forthe most part, it just made it
a lot easier to say, oh no, Ican't do that, it's on a Tuesday
.
Yeah, it just made a very - itjust like took so much time out
(22:30):
of my day even thinking about itor comparing myself to the
people that were doing it orwhatever.
Michelle (22:38):
Yeah, I think that's awesome.
That's such a great example andwe talk about that a lot which
is just anywhere where you don'thave to decide because you've
already decided and you couldalways go against your own rule,
but you're doing itintentionally and that's totally
different.
Just like I was talking aboutat the beginning of doing
several sports this season.
I went against my own rule andI chose to do it.
It wasn't like, well, I don'tknow what happened.
(23:00):
She just made me sign her upfor all this stuff.
I chose to do it.
I realized that wasn't good.
Now I'm going to have a morestringent version of that rule
for next fall, so we don't endup in that situation.
So that is a great example.
Lindsay (23:13):
Yeah, I think that's the answer.
Just so much of it right.
It's just like making thedecisions ahead of time so that
when it comes time to actuallydecide on a case by case basis,
it's just a really clear answerand if you want to go against
your decision, you're just awarethat you're doing it right.
There's just so much moreintentionality around all of it,
(23:35):
versus just like I don't knowwhat happened, like they're just
in ten sports, I don't know.
Michelle (23:39):
And if you think about how much time in your brain -
if every situation is a newdecision versus, like, for
example, something I don't do isI just do not go out during the
week, I just don't.
I mean, I'll take my kids towherever they have to go, but I
don't like go out and do things.
I don't enjoy it.
I don't like leaving my kids athome.
You know that whole thing.
But this week on Monday I wentto a birthday party of a high
(24:01):
school friend and I was like, oh, it's on a Monday and it's
daylight savings, where it'sdark at like 4 pm in the Midwest
, but I really want to go, soI'm going to go.
And when I went, when I wasdriving there, I was like I
can't believe I'm goingsomewhere at this.
It was like six o'clock.
Lindsay (24:14):
I can't believe I'm going somewhere.
Oh, I'm the same.
Michelle (24:16):
Yeah, I want to be in my pajamas.
Lindsay (24:18):
It is bedtime.
What is happening?
Oh no, it's six, Okay.
Well, it feels like bedtimethough.
Michelle (24:23):
Yeah, but it felt good , because I know my default
answer is no usually on thosekinds of things.
But in this case I reallywanted to go and I went, and I
was glad that I went and I camestraight home and put on my
pajamas and got in bed at like8: 30 and everything was fine.
The world kept spinning.
Lindsay (24:39):
Yes, when I was working from home, I used to have like
the most arbitrary rules, butthey were for a very specific
reason.
So, for example, I wasn'tallowed to like unload the
dishwasher or do dishes or cleanthe kitchen or any version of
that, between certain hours,between, like I don't know, 10
and four or whatever.
Like whatever my work hourswere.
(24:59):
It was just like, even if I had, even if I was like I have an
extra 20 minutes, it was just Iwasn't allowed to do it because
I would distract myself withthose things all the time and I
really had to show myself likeno, like my husband's not at the
office unloading dishes rightnow, right?
Now, of course, now I do itevery once in a while because I
(25:22):
just it's like I learned theskill and then you can like
loosen up a little bit.
Michelle (25:26):
Yeah, yeah, exactly, you can decide to do it, and I
think too - in fact, my daughterwas home sick yesterday and
she's home sick today, but shewas in my office.
I have like this little swingthat I put in my office that
hangs from the ceiling and I waslike this is gonna be so fun
and but my kids love to hang outin here.
I don't know what I wasthinking with that.
Lindsay (25:43):
This is amazing, because I told you before we
started that I'm about to redoan office and I've been looking
at this chair that's like aswing and I keep wondering if
that will just mean that my kidswill only want to be in my
office.
Michelle (25:57):
That is correct.
But I like it.
You know, sometimes I liketheir aroundness, just hanging
around.
Lindsay (26:01):
Totally.
Michelle (26:01):
Sometimes I'll come home from somewhere and my son
will be like sitting in my chairand yeah, I do like it.
But yesterday she was sittingin there and I said I really
have to work.
I don't have clients, but Ireally have to work.
So you can sit in there andwatch videos with your
headphones on, you can be inhere with me, but I can't talk.
And she would be like, "oh, mom, I thought she's 13.
I found a video of what I wantmy dorm room to look like when I
(26:22):
go to college.
Can I show you?
And I'm like, hey, okay, thenI'll get on to something else
and then you know something else.
But every time you getinterrupted, it's how long does
it take you to get back into,"Okay, what was I thinking about,
what was I doing, what was Iwriting, whatever".
So I can see why making that nointerruptions with the
dishwasher rule could besomething really important.
(26:42):
Yeah, okay, here's my lastquestion for you, and I don't
know if you have an answer forthis right off the top of your
head, but if someone just cameto you and said I'm so
overwhelmed, I'm a woman and Iwork, which is like every woman
I know, and you know, probably.
What's like your number onepiece of advice that you would
give them?
Lindsay (27:02):
So I think I mean, of course this is such a coach
answer, right, but because I'm acoach, I would just ask a
question.
My question would be what canwe - like, what things are you
doing that you don't actuallywant to do, or that you don't
love to do, or that you know youfeel like you're doing for
reasons that aren't reasons thatyou love, or and not?
(27:23):
We're not gonna necessarilycancel all of them, but let's
just look at them and say, okay,here's a whole list of things
you don't like to do.
Which ones - like are there anythat can just be that we just
decide you're not doing thatanymore?
And then, are there any thatare like can somebody help you
with those?
Can this be someone else's job?
Can we pay someone?
(27:43):
Can we ask a friend?
Is there like a carpool, youknow just, is there another
solution?
And then sometimes I even thinkthe ones that we do love to do
and that we want to keep on thelist, I think just noticing that
we choose them sometimes takesome of the overwhelm out of it,
because I think half of theoverwhelm comes from the I
(28:04):
should be doing this other thing, I should be doing this, like
when you're in one activity andthinking about what you should
be doing over here, over here,and so a lot of it is - like of
course, a lot of us are justbusy in general and have busy
schedules, but to me, the actualfeeling of overwhelm comes from
that constant, like your brainbeing in another place when
(28:26):
you're like, instead of justbeing present.
Michelle (28:29):
Yes, exactly, it's kind of fighting with itself.
It's like a 10-part answer.
I know as a coach we just can'tgive advice.
We have to ask a question.
I mean it's a question, but Ithink someone could do that
themselves.
Lindsay (28:42):
You know, just like, look at your schedule.
What are the things that youdon't like?
Just start there, what are thethings that we can - like, can
we start to whittle it down?
Michelle (28:51):
Yeah, I love that.
That's great, and I think thebiggest message that I'm taking
from this whole interview isthat it's just about thinking
about things ahead of time anddeciding and intentionally
following your own rules.
I hear that from you in yourhome and your business and your
life overall.
Lindsay (29:09):
Yeah, and it certainly doesn't work perfectly right.
Sometimes we get off track andwe are not in my house.
Then we're not very intentional.
But I think when you do makethe decisions ahead of time, you
notice it quicker.
Right, like, oh, this is likenot what we decided we were
gonna do, why is this happening?
I think that's very differentthan it just kind of feeling
like it's all outside of yourcontrol.
Michelle (29:31):
Yes, why am I talking about dorm decor to a seventh
grader is a question, but then Idon't feel bad
Lindsay (29:39):
I don't know.
Michelle (29:40):
Yes, I don't know.
I don't feel bad, just tellingthe truth and being like I'm
glad you're here, I'm glad I getto stay home with you, like
when I worked corporate, thatwould stress me out when my kids
were sick.
I'm like you can totally besick, you could be in here, but
you literally cannot talk to meand I think a lot of people
would feel bad about that.
But I don't feel bad about that.
Like that's the rule.
At five o'clock we'll watchGilmore Girls or do one of our
special things that we dotogether.
Lindsay (30:01):
Yes, oh, I'm like I can't wait to see that tonight.
Oh my, my daughter's reallyinto snakes and she's like look
at this snake I found.
No, no, I am working.
First, we're not getting - wehave one snake, so we're not
getting more snakes, and I lovethat, you love that, and I can't
wait to see it later, and rightnow it's just not the time.
(30:23):
But thank you.
Michelle (30:25):
Is that your older one or your younger?
Lindsay (30:26):
Younger.
Michelle (30:28):
Okay, my older one loves lizards, snakes too, but
lizards is the main thing.
Lindsay (30:32):
We have the same kids.
Michelle (30:33):
Yeah, I've seen a lot of lizard videos in my time.
Most of our communication rightnow is Mom, can I show you this
video?
Mom, can I show you this coolvideo I found?
Yes, okay, all right.
Well, thank you so much.
It was so fun to have you on andI feel like I've never spent a
ton of time with you, but justin the small amount of time I
did spend with you when you werecoaching me, you just give off
(30:53):
this totally calm, intentionalenergy.
So when you were like, how doesshe know?
This is true, I guess I didn't,but you have proved it's true
that you are living a calm andintentional life.
So thank you for sharing thatwith us and thank you for
encouraging me, as a coach, thatI could be like that.
You know, stay in my own lane,do the things the way that they
felt good to me, instead offollowing that hustle culture
(31:15):
that we see so much.
Of course, I'm so glad I couldhelp.
Okay, so if people want to findout more about you and what you
do, where should they go?
Lindsay (31:24):
So I keep things again just really simple.
Everything is just my name,Lindsay Dotzlaf.
So on Instagram I'm just@Lindsay Dotzlaf that's probably
the place that it's like bestto find me, and then I have a
pretty popular podcast calledMastering Coaching Skills.
Those are probably the two mainplaces.
And then I have a website,lindsaydotzlafcoaching.
com, but Lindsay with an
Michelle (31:46):
Lindsay with a A.
That's what I always thinkabout you saying when you're up
on your podcast Lindsay Dotzlaf.
Lindsay with an A, I'll put itin the show.
D-o-t-z-l-a-f, l-a-f.
Yeah, exactly, I can spell yourname from listening to your
podcast, which is great, by theway.
It's a great podcast.
I love it, thank you.
Yes, your episode about how tostart a podcast is really one of
(32:11):
the main things that got megoing on my podcast.
Lindsay (32:14):
I love that.
Oh my gosh, that's so fun.
Michelle (32:16):
Yes, yes, you had this great approach.
I basically followed everythingyou said and here you are on my
podcast, all right, thanks somuch.
I appreciate it.
Lindsay (32:25):
Of course, thanks for having me.
Michelle (32:41):
Thank you for listening to the Overwhelmed
Working Woman podcast! If youwant to learn more about my
work, head over to my website atmichellegauthier.
com.
See you next week.
Hey, I'm Michelle Gauthier and you're listening to
the Overwhelmed Working Womanpodcast.
Thanks for joining OverwhelmedWorking Woman.
This week we have a guestexpert and our guest is Lindsay
Dotzlaf.
She used to be my coach and Iasked her to be on the podcast
because she taught me some veryimportant things, many of them
(00:25):
just by being herself.
She was always so intentionaland calm and she's extremely
successful.
I feel like there's so much outthere today, lots of hustling
and doing as much as possible asquickly as you can do it.
Lindsay just does not take thatapproach and I admire that and
I love that.
I actually don't know very muchat all about her family life or
(00:47):
how she balances that andmanages to pull off not being an
overwhelmed working woman, orat least appearing so.
You can tell me, Lindsay, maybethat's not true! Thanks for
being with us today.
Say hi, tell us a little bitabout yourself and your business
and your family.
Lindsay (01:04):
Hi, I'm so happy to be here and it's so funny you said
that, because when I read theemail you sent me I was like how
does she actually know?
What if I get on here and I'mlike, "my life is a mess!"?
It just made me laugh.
Michelle (01:14):
I just can't imagine it.
You have such a calm demeanor.
You're either an amazingactress or it's true.
Lindsay (01:23):
It is mostly true.
I think that you're on theright path, but I'm so glad to
be here.
Thank you for asking me.
My name is Lindsay Dotzlaf.
I am a coach.
I teach coaching skills.
I help coaches be amazing atwhat they do and build
businesses that they just reallyfeel settled in.
A lot of what you see for me isso much of what I just help
(01:44):
teach my clients when it comesto structuring their businesses
and just knowing how to coach ina way that just feels great to
them.
Michelle (01:53):
Awesome.
Good.
And family- wise you have twokids, correct?
Lindsay (01:57):
Yep, I'm married.
I have two kids.
I've been married for almost 18years, I think?
That's a really long time.
I have two kids, two girls.
They are 11 and 13.
Michelle (02:09):
Okay, perfect.
I have a 13-year-old girl too,so I know that.
I know how that feels for sure.
Lindsay (02:14):
The 13-year-old is like pretty great.
The 11-year-old, she's thesassy one.
Michelle (02:19):
That's funny because my 16-year-old's an older one,
so the 13-year-old's the sassyone.
I feel like the second one isusually the sassy one.
For sure, yes, and I'm theoldest.
Are you the oldest?
Yes, of course.
Yeah, I feel like we have theoldest child personality.
We do, yes, for sure.
Okay, so first of all, tell usa little bit about your business
(02:39):
and I'm looking at it from thespin of how you run your
business, from a place of calmand intention, like I said in
the intro.
That always impressed me aboutyou, and when I would come to
you with questions and be sortof frantic about I need to do
this, by this time, you wouldalways help me slow down and
really think through it.
So can you tell us about yourbusiness and then also sort of
(03:00):
the approach behind that?
Lindsay (03:02):
Yes, so I mean, first, I just want to be clear that
sometimes I'm totallyoverwhelmed, right, and
sometimes - like I don't thinkthat there's any escape from
just feeling that way sometimes.
But I do know for myself, likewhen I got into coaching and
when I started my business,before that I had worked with my
own life coach for quite awhile, and one of the reasons I
(03:23):
did is because I was overwhelmedall the time and I was very,
like, very opposite from whatyou see now, Although I may have
appeared actually still prettycalm on the outside, but on the
inside I was just losing my mindall the time, just overwhelmed
with life in general, and socoaching like really helped me
(03:44):
calm that down.
So just a plug for coaching ingeneral.
I started my business - so Ihired a coach in 2014, worked
with her for about a year and ahalf before I started my
business, and I have abackground in psychology, so
it's kind of like coaching waslike a very natural next step.
It felt like, oh my gosh, thisis what I've been looking for
(04:06):
for so long.
And then I think, because ofthat, because I just refuse to
kind of let myself go back tothat place of being super
overwhelmed and being - becauseI, you know, I love to be good
at things, I love to be busy,and I used to let that drive,
right?
Like, just like busy all thetime, like that's kind of where
I would find my, I'm gonna say,like, "worth in quotes, like my
(04:29):
worth as a human right, Justbeing extra busy, making sure
everyone is taken care of, likedoing things for everyone else.
And I think one just thing thatI learned along the way is I
can't I can't say yes toeverything, I can't do all the
things for everyone else.
And really, when I kind ofpause and put myself first and
(04:49):
like lead with that, before youknow doing all the things, not
that I don't still do the things, but just really being a lot
more intentional.
And then I think I brought thatinto my business as I was
building it.
Michelle (05:02):
Okay, perfect.
I feel like I could havewritten out for you what would
be the perfect thing to say tothis audience.
I feel like you just coveredall the stuff that we talk about
.
Just that.
Perfect.
Overwhelmed, putting everybodyelse first.
When we're afraid to sit withour own thoughts, then just do
something for everyone else.
Never think about yourself, allof that.
So it's good to know that youonce were there, and I think the
(05:25):
other important point you madeis you're still totally
overwhelmed sometimes.
So am I, so is everybody who'slistening, and that's okay.
Our end goal isn't to never getthere, but just how to know how
to live our life intentionallyfrom a place where we don't
start off that way every day ofour life, which I used to.
Lindsay (05:48):
And now I just notice, right?
"Why is that?
And I and I have the tools toquestion it, right, to see, to
like pause and say why, insteadof, this is just the truth of
like, how, how you're supposedto feel, how you're supposed to
live, like that's I feel likethat's how I kind of used to
think about it before c oaching,was like, yeah, this is normal,
like every woman's overwhelmed,right?
Michelle (06:12):
Yeah, and I think that's true, but they don't have
to be forever and always.
For sure.
Okay.
So how do you run your business?
What does it look like?
First of all, tell us aboutyour business, brag a little,
tell us how big and successfulyour business is, and then how
you run that from that place ofintentional calm.
Lindsay (06:26):
So I think actually, this answer will be really
interesting, thinking aboutrunning a business with a lot of
intentionality.
So I am a coach, like I said, Ihave right now I have two
things that I run.
I have something called theCoach Lab which has - it's a
program, it has hundreds ofcoaches in it.
It's a lifetime access, so youjust like join once and you're
just there.
So I have hundreds of clientsin that program.
(06:48):
And then I have an advancedcertification which has, like,
while recording this, maybearound 20, 15 to 20 people per
round that I'm really helping onthe more - in the more advanced
level of coaching mastery.
And one thing that happened thisyear is I tried to create a
third offer.
I did create a third offer andI sold it and I was totally
(07:12):
overwhelmed.
It was just like this is toomuch, I can't, because I love
like if I'm going to dosomething again, I like to be
very intentional about it.
I like to make sure that I'mgood at it and that the delivery
like I always put my clientsfirst, so I'm always thinking
about like delivery first, and Ifelt that slipping and so I
(07:33):
canceled an offer and I canceledthe launch and I just kind of
took a bunch of things off theplate because I started feeling
that overwhelm and then seeingit affecting my clients and I
just knew, like this is not,this isn't what I want, this
isn't for me.
Michelle (07:49):
First of all, that's huge, that's amazing.
So I think a lot of people areafraid to leave money on the
table.
So how did you get your mind tothe place that you were willing
to leave it behind?
Lindsay (08:00):
Yeah.
So the simplest answer is whenI always lead with my values.
So this is actually something Iteach in my certification,
where we, like I, really help myclients define their values and
their values in their business.
And I think anytime you'releading through that and using
that as the lens to make allyour decisions, the answers
become a lot more clear.
Even when they feel hard.
(08:20):
Right, and I knew because I'vemade quite a bit of money in my
business and worked with abookkeeper and people that
helped me manage the money Iknew like there's money here,
it's gonna be fine, right?
There's no, I had a businessreserve.
It wasn't like if I cancel thisoffer, oh no, where's the money
gonna come from?
Or like what am I gonna do?
And, honestly, I took my brainto the place where I was like,
(08:44):
in the long run, it kind offeels like it might be more
detrimental to my business tolaunch this anyway, to do this
thing anyway, and then not beable to deliver at the level
that I like to or that myclients are used to getting from
me.
So, to answer one of thequestions you asked earlier,
when you're like brag about yourbusiness, I have made close to
(09:05):
a million dollars.
Just not myself personally, butmy business has over the last
couple of years.
But this year I'll probably endcloser to about 400,000.
And I feel great about it.
It's really interesting.
It's like there were momentswhen I was like what am I doing?
Oh no, this feels really bad.
Am I ruining it all?
(09:26):
And I'm kind of on the otherside of it now and it's like
that was the best decision Icould have made to really make
sure that my business stayedsimple, which I think simplicity
is one of the answers to all ofthis like, how do I do it all,
how do I run a business withoutfeeling constantly overwhelmed?
(09:46):
I think simplicity is one ofthe main answers.
Michelle (09:49):
Yep, and it's simplicity in having two
specific offers and thenchoosing to not have that third
offer.
I think that's just amazing,because I think a lot of times
when people come to work with me, they wanna be not overwhelmed,
but when push comes to shoveand you have to feel
uncomfortable about turning awaysomething, every time we're
saying yes to something, we'resaying no to something else.
(10:11):
So if you're gonna say no tothat offer, you're gonna open up
space to serve your clientsbetter, et cetera, but you're
also saying no to the potentialof more money from that
particular offer.
So I love that you chose beingcalm and not overwhelmed and
being in line with your valuesover anything else.
That's awesome.
Lindsay (10:28):
Yeah, and I think maybe not everybody has the luxury of
saying like, okay, well, I havethe reserves, I can do this, if
I don't make money for the nextX amount of months, that'll be
totally fine.
But I still think that there isa middle ground there where
it's like you can still say,okay, but what is the way that
works for me?
Like, how can this be simple?
How much money do I actuallyneed to bring in right now,
(10:51):
which might be a very differentanswer than what was I thinking
I was going to do, or what waslike the big goal that I set
right, which is a lot of - like,those are very different
answers usually.
Michelle (11:01):
Yeah, and I think that's such a big example.
But there's so many day-to-daylittle trade-offs, like I'm
gonna stop caring what otherpeople think about me and I'm
gonna start going home from workat five o'clock or whatever it
is.
So yours is a really bigexample, and I'm sure you have
lots of small ones too in yourbusiness, but that's great.
That's fantastic.
How many hours a week do youwork?
Lindsay (11:26):
The simple answer to that is I don't know exactly how
many hours, but on theday-to-day I work about, let's
say, like 10 to four or five,depending on the day, but my
brain is sometimes a little allover the place, so I don't - I'm
not a person that has like avery strict schedule that I
follow every single week, sosome days I might start a little
(11:48):
later, or even if I'm in themiddle of something like work a
little later, if that's possible, if my husband's home and he
can be running the kids whereverthey need to be and cooking and
whatever.
Michelle (12:04):
Okay, okay, that's awesome and I think, too, it's
important because a lot of timespeople think, in order to be
not overwhelmed, I need to justdo time blocking and work these
specific hours and all that.
So I love that you have sort ofa general schedule, but if you
want to work less or more,whatever, you can allow yourself
to do that.
And again, I'm sure there arepeople who are like, oh, I wish
(12:25):
I had that option, but think,where do I have that option?
If it's not with your hours,what is something that you can
have flexibility on or say no to, like, for example, letting
your kid join three activitiesin one season?
Lindsay (12:37):
Oh, we have lots of rules about that.
They can only do one thing.
I mean we have made someexceptions where they overlap
every once in a while, but it'slike nope.
One thing, that's it.
Simplify right?
Michelle (12:50):
Yep, I just made an exception this fall and I was
very sorry about it and I waslike but now I have to see this
out because I said, yes, Iintentionally chose to break my
own rules and I'm paying theprice.
Yes, yes, okay, and so do youhave help in your business and
do you have help at home?
Lindsay (13:09):
I do have help in my business.
I have several contractors likeyou know podcast editor,
bookkeeper, those types ofpositions and then I do just
this year, hired or this yearit's been about a year, I think
that I've hired her full-time.
I have a full-time businessmanager, which I mean that is
like amazing.
She is my saving gracesometimes, like she is, but I
(13:32):
did it myself until then and soI think it's totally doable
without that.
But yeah, when I hired herfull-time, that felt like a huge
lift for me.
It was amazing.
Michelle (13:44):
Yeah, did you have any thoughts about giving away some
of your work to someone else?
Lindsay (13:50):
It was awful, awful, until she just kept convincing
me like no, no, this is - I'mactually really good at this.
Michelle (13:56):
You're paying me, let me do it.
Lindsay (13:58):
And I hired someone specifically who, that is her
job, she loves her job, she'sexcellent at her job.
She's kind of like anoperations person in my business
, so she does all the details,all the things that I would for
sure forget or let slip throughthe cracks, or she kind of like
keeps me on task.
But yeah, it was really hard inthe beginning.
(14:20):
For sure, she had to just prythings away.
Now I don't know what I woulddo without her.
Do you have help at home too?
So I don't, I mean I do, myhusband, but I'm like that, he's
not helping, that's just a partof his job what he signed up
for right.
But we are pretty fortunate thatsince so, he works for a
(14:40):
hospital and he's in tech, butsince 2020, they moved his job
to be more remote, so he is homea lot.
Not that he -like when he'sworking he's pretty checked out
and whatever, but he's here ifI'm like, hey, I need you to
take them to soccer or to takeHarper to h orse lessons or
(15:01):
whatever, and he's really goodat that kind of thing and he's
an excellent cook and he doesmost of the cooking.
Michelle (15:08):
That's amazing, oh my god.
Sometimes I hesitate to saythat because I know people are
like, "I had that in my life.
That's why she's making amillion dollars a year because
her husband cooks dinner everynight.
Lindsay (15:19):
But, to be fair, we also have just come up with a
little bit of a workaround forthat, because he does work a lot
.
Like he probably should workwith you.
He's not a mom, but he needs, Imean, he's overwhelmed all the
time.
He works insane hours anddoesn't know how to not do that,
and so even when he's drivingthem to lessons or whatever,
(15:41):
sometimes he'll be on thespeaker in the car doing a
meeting or I'm like what ishappening.
But it's fine, he gets tochoose.
These are his decisions.
Yeah, I used to do that too.
Yeah, but we've come up with akind of a plan where it's like
he cooks on Sunday, then we haveleftovers for one or two nights
.
The girls are old enough thatthey also make their own dinner
(16:05):
once or twice a week usually,and they have options.
They have things that they knowhow to make and it's just like
their go-tos and that's whatthey do.
And then I just have to ignorethe mess.
They make the giant, giant mess, and then maybe he'll cook
another night like grill a bunchof chicken, and then we have
that to do a few things with.
So even that, it's like we'repretty strategic about it.
(16:28):
It's not like he's just off at4 and cooking a big meal every
night.
Michelle (16:34):
Yeah, that sounds lovely.
Both of those versions soundlovely.
Both sound great.
Oh my gosh.
Yes, my 13-year-old loves tocook and she's actually good at
it, but the mess is something.
Lindsay (16:47):
We have the same kids.
Yeah, my 11-year-old is, she'lljust get in there and sometimes
I hear that I'm like what ishappening?
I go there, she's like choppingthings.
I'm like, oh no, OK, please becareful, Don't cut off a finger.
We definitely don't have timefor that right now.
Michelle (17:02):
Yes, I have to tell other people who come to our
house like she uses that knifeall the time, like a chef's
knife.
She chops stuff up, yeah, butshe knows what she's doing.
I wish she would cook everynight.
Maybe we'll get there.
I'd be happy to do the dishes.
Lindsay (17:16):
I know I actually told my husband we have these cooking
lessons by us and they havekids classes and that might be
an exception I would make forthe two activities, like the one
versus two.
Michelle (17:29):
Yeah, yeah, if that was one of them.
Mine's taking home ec at schoolright now and they're cooking
cookies from a package mix andshe's like what the heck mom?
I know, Josie, you couldprobably teach that class if you
needed to.
Lindsay (17:43):
Yes, that's all my daughters.
Michelle (17:46):
Maybe that's the benefit of not doing everything
for them.
Lindsay (17:53):
Yeah, my older daughter , she's like learned to cook
eggs, that's about it.
But she is really good atcooking eggs, so she'll cook
herself like egg sandwiches.
I mean, it's like all versionsof eggs.
I'm like, fine, go for it.
I mean, could be way worse.
Yeah, eat some eggs.
Michelle (18:09):
Exactly.
Another question I wanted toask you about your business is
if you ever feel caught up, andbecause we're both coaches I
don't know about you, but myfeed is full of other coaches
and I see other coaches'businesses all the time.
So how do you sort of stay inyour own lane and not get caught
up with what other people aredoing?
Lindsay (18:30):
That's a really good question.
I think I'm just going to bereally honest and say first, I
just don't tend to be a personwho sees what other people are
doing and compare myself to it,like if I know, or maybe I'm in
a business mastermind or spaceswhere I know other people are
(18:50):
making more money than me orwhatever I always just feel so
inspired by that.
It's very rare that I feel likethat, I'm comparing myself that
way, but what I get caught upin instead is that I've had to
just kind of shut down, isregulating the industry more,
like those types of thoughts.
Because of what I do, because Iteach coaching, because I think
(19:12):
being an excellent coach isreally important, I get really
caught up in the people postingabout coaching, if that makes
sense, because there are timesthat I'm like that's wrong, like
that's not even true or this isridiculous or those kinds of
things.
So that's the part that dragsme in more and I think again it
(19:32):
comes back to being veryintentional when I notice myself
being maybe on social mediamore and just scrolling just to
scroll, for no other reason.
I just kind of put someboundaries around it.
First of all, all notificationsare turned off on my phone
always, so I'm never seeing thelike oh, you have one Facebook
(19:53):
notification or whatever.
Like that's just not a thingbecause they're off.
Then when I do find myselfgetting pulled more in that
direction, it's usually becauseI'm feeling somehow like more
uncomfortable in my business.
So I'm starting to like paymore attention to what's going
on outside of my business.
So it's just always a gentlereminder of like oh, let's just
(20:14):
refocus, let's like bring backthe attention to what it needs
to be on, because overall, likethe net gain of this is like
negative.
Yeah, of the comparing and thescrolling and the judging or
like whatever else I would bedoing when I'm in that space.
Michelle (20:33):
Yes, absolutely.
I find myself doing that, notwith business, but when I see
people who have families of fouror five or whatever, where the
dad is in all the pictures anddoing things and like helping
the kids with stuff, and I willdo the compare and despair, like
, oh, that's the kind of familyI wanted to have and I'm sad
that I don't have that andthere's nothing good to come
(20:56):
from that, and I feel like Ijust same like you're talking
about.
I just have to get intentionaland be like why am I looking at
this?
Like, what am I hoping to dofor myself here?
Lindsay (21:06):
Yeah, one thing that used to get me that might be
really useful for your listenersis especially when I had a
newer business, before I wasmaking much money, I would see
photos of maybe like a stay athome parent on a field trip or
like those types of things and Iwould think, well, okay, I'm
(21:27):
not making that much money in mybusiness right now and I could
do all of that.
I could go on the field tripsand I could be the room mom and
I could XYZ, whatever, like allof those things.
And I just really had to createboundaries for myself of like,
first do I want to do thosethings?
Like what?
(21:48):
And if I do, which of thosethings do I want to do?
So I would make rules like okay,I actually love going on field
trips, so that's like the onlytime I volunteer at my kids
schools, because it's beingaround their friends, it's being
around them.
It's not like going and makingcopies in the office or like
whatever other jobs the teachersneed done.
(22:10):
And so I just thought like andit had to be on Fridays, like
there were just things that itwas like this is what I do,
everything outside of this ofcourse, there are always
exceptions, right, but, like forthe most part, it just made it
a lot easier to say, oh no, Ican't do that, it's on a Tuesday
.
Yeah, it just made a very - itjust like took so much time out
(22:30):
of my day even thinking about itor comparing myself to the
people that were doing it orwhatever.
Michelle (22:38):
Yeah, I think that's awesome.
That's such a great example andwe talk about that a lot which
is just anywhere where you don'thave to decide because you've
already decided and you couldalways go against your own rule,
but you're doing itintentionally and that's totally
different.
Just like I was talking aboutat the beginning of doing
several sports this season.
I went against my own rule andI chose to do it.
It wasn't like, well, I don'tknow what happened.
(23:00):
She just made me sign her upfor all this stuff.
I chose to do it.
I realized that wasn't good.
Now I'm going to have a morestringent version of that rule
for next fall, so we don't endup in that situation.
So that is a great example.
Lindsay (23:13):
Yeah, I think that's the answer.
Just so much of it right.
It's just like making thedecisions ahead of time so that
when it comes time to actuallydecide on a case by case basis,
it's just a really clear answerand if you want to go against
your decision, you're just awarethat you're doing it right.
There's just so much moreintentionality around all of it,
(23:35):
versus just like I don't knowwhat happened, like they're just
in ten sports, I don't know.
Michelle (23:39):
And if you think about how much time in your brain -
if every situation is a newdecision versus, like, for
example, something I don't do isI just do not go out during the
week, I just don't.
I mean, I'll take my kids towherever they have to go, but I
don't like go out and do things.
I don't enjoy it.
I don't like leaving my kids athome.
You know that whole thing.
But this week on Monday I wentto a birthday party of a high
(24:01):
school friend and I was like, oh, it's on a Monday and it's
daylight savings, where it'sdark at like 4 pm in the Midwest
, but I really want to go, soI'm going to go.
And when I went, when I wasdriving there, I was like I
can't believe I'm goingsomewhere at this.
It was like six o'clock.
Lindsay (24:14):
I can't believe I'm going somewhere.
Oh, I'm the same.
Michelle (24:16):
Yeah, I want to be in my pajamas.
Lindsay (24:18):
It is bedtime.
What is happening?
Oh no, it's six, Okay.
Well, it feels like bedtimethough.
Michelle (24:23):
Yeah, but it felt good , because I know my default
answer is no usually on thosekinds of things.
But in this case I reallywanted to go and I went, and I
was glad that I went and I camestraight home and put on my
pajamas and got in bed at like8: 30 and everything was fine.
The world kept spinning.
Lindsay (24:39):
Yes, when I was working from home, I used to have like
the most arbitrary rules, butthey were for a very specific
reason.
So, for example, I wasn'tallowed to like unload the
dishwasher or do dishes or cleanthe kitchen or any version of
that, between certain hours,between, like I don't know, 10
and four or whatever.
Like whatever my work hourswere.
(24:59):
It was just like, even if I had, even if I was like I have an
extra 20 minutes, it was just Iwasn't allowed to do it because
I would distract myself withthose things all the time and I
really had to show myself likeno, like my husband's not at the
office unloading dishes rightnow, right?
Now, of course, now I do itevery once in a while because I
(25:22):
just it's like I learned theskill and then you can like
loosen up a little bit.
Michelle (25:26):
Yeah, yeah, exactly, you can decide to do it, and I
think too - in fact, my daughterwas home sick yesterday and
she's home sick today, but shewas in my office.
I have like this little swingthat I put in my office that
hangs from the ceiling and I waslike this is gonna be so fun
and but my kids love to hang outin here.
I don't know what I wasthinking with that.
Lindsay (25:43):
This is amazing, because I told you before we
started that I'm about to redoan office and I've been looking
at this chair that's like aswing and I keep wondering if
that will just mean that my kidswill only want to be in my
office.
Michelle (25:57):
That is correct.
But I like it.
You know, sometimes I liketheir aroundness, just hanging
around.
Lindsay (26:01):
Totally.
Michelle (26:01):
Sometimes I'll come home from somewhere and my son
will be like sitting in my chairand yeah, I do like it.
But yesterday she was sittingin there and I said I really
have to work.
I don't have clients, but Ireally have to work.
So you can sit in there andwatch videos with your
headphones on, you can be inhere with me, but I can't talk.
And she would be like, "oh, mom, I thought she's 13.
I found a video of what I wantmy dorm room to look like when I
(26:22):
go to college.
Can I show you?
And I'm like, hey, okay, thenI'll get on to something else
and then you know something else.
But every time you getinterrupted, it's how long does
it take you to get back into,"Okay, what was I thinking about,
what was I doing, what was Iwriting, whatever".
So I can see why making that nointerruptions with the
dishwasher rule could besomething really important.
(26:42):
Yeah, okay, here's my lastquestion for you, and I don't
know if you have an answer forthis right off the top of your
head, but if someone just cameto you and said I'm so
overwhelmed, I'm a woman and Iwork, which is like every woman
I know, and you know, probably.
What's like your number onepiece of advice that you would
give them?
Lindsay (27:02):
So I think I mean, of course this is such a coach
answer, right, but because I'm acoach, I would just ask a
question.
My question would be what canwe - like, what things are you
doing that you don't actuallywant to do, or that you don't
love to do, or that you know youfeel like you're doing for
reasons that aren't reasons thatyou love, or and not?
(27:23):
We're not gonna necessarilycancel all of them, but let's
just look at them and say, okay,here's a whole list of things
you don't like to do.
Which ones - like are there anythat can just be that we just
decide you're not doing thatanymore?
And then, are there any thatare like can somebody help you
with those?
Can this be someone else's job?
Can we pay someone?
(27:43):
Can we ask a friend?
Is there like a carpool, youknow just, is there another
solution?
And then sometimes I even thinkthe ones that we do love to do
and that we want to keep on thelist, I think just noticing that
we choose them sometimes takesome of the overwhelm out of it,
because I think half of theoverwhelm comes from the I
(28:04):
should be doing this other thing, I should be doing this, like
when you're in one activity andthinking about what you should
be doing over here, over here,and so a lot of it is - like of
course, a lot of us are justbusy in general and have busy
schedules, but to me, the actualfeeling of overwhelm comes from
that constant, like your brainbeing in another place when
(28:26):
you're like, instead of justbeing present.
Michelle (28:29):
Yes, exactly, it's kind of fighting with itself.
It's like a 10-part answer.
I know as a coach we just can'tgive advice.
We have to ask a question.
I mean it's a question, but Ithink someone could do that
themselves.
Lindsay (28:42):
You know, just like, look at your schedule.
What are the things that youdon't like?
Just start there, what are thethings that we can - like, can
we start to whittle it down?
Michelle (28:51):
Yeah, I love that.
That's great, and I think thebiggest message that I'm taking
from this whole interview isthat it's just about thinking
about things ahead of time anddeciding and intentionally
following your own rules.
I hear that from you in yourhome and your business and your
life overall.
Lindsay (29:09):
Yeah, and it certainly doesn't work perfectly right.
Sometimes we get off track andwe are not in my house.
Then we're not very intentional.
But I think when you do makethe decisions ahead of time, you
notice it quicker.
Right, like, oh, this is likenot what we decided we were
gonna do, why is this happening?
I think that's very differentthan it just kind of feeling
like it's all outside of yourcontrol.
Michelle (29:31):
Yes, why am I talking about dorm decor to a seventh
grader is a question, but then Idon't feel bad
Lindsay (29:39):
I don't know.
Michelle (29:40):
Yes, I don't know.
I don't feel bad, just tellingthe truth and being like I'm
glad you're here, I'm glad I getto stay home with you, like
when I worked corporate, thatwould stress me out when my kids
were sick.
I'm like you can totally besick, you could be in here, but
you literally cannot talk to meand I think a lot of people
would feel bad about that.
But I don't feel bad about that.
Like that's the rule.
At five o'clock we'll watchGilmore Girls or do one of our
special things that we dotogether.
Lindsay (30:01):
Yes, oh, I'm like I can't wait to see that tonight.
Oh my, my daughter's reallyinto snakes and she's like look
at this snake I found.
No, no, I am working.
First, we're not getting - wehave one snake, so we're not
getting more snakes, and I lovethat, you love that, and I can't
wait to see it later, and rightnow it's just not the time.
(30:23):
But thank you.
Michelle (30:25):
Is that your older one or your younger?
Lindsay (30:26):
Younger.
Michelle (30:28):
Okay, my older one loves lizards, snakes too, but
lizards is the main thing.
Lindsay (30:32):
We have the same kids.
Michelle (30:33):
Yeah, I've seen a lot of lizard videos in my time.
Most of our communication rightnow is Mom, can I show you this
video?
Mom, can I show you this coolvideo I found?
Yes, okay, all right.
Well, thank you so much.
It was so fun to have you on andI feel like I've never spent a
ton of time with you, but justin the small amount of time I
did spend with you when you werecoaching me, you just give off
(30:53):
this totally calm, intentionalenergy.
So when you were like, how doesshe know?
This is true, I guess I didn't,but you have proved it's true
that you are living a calm andintentional life.
So thank you for sharing thatwith us and thank you for
encouraging me, as a coach, thatI could be like that.
You know, stay in my own lane,do the things the way that they
felt good to me, instead offollowing that hustle culture
(31:15):
that we see so much.
Of course, I'm so glad I couldhelp.
Okay, so if people want to findout more about you and what you
do, where should they go?
Lindsay (31:24):
So I keep things again just really simple.
Everything is just my name,Lindsay Dotzlaf.
So on Instagram I'm just@Lindsay Dotzlaf that's probably
the place that it's like bestto find me, and then I have a
pretty popular podcast calledMastering Coaching Skills.
Those are probably the two mainplaces.
And then I have a website,lindsaydotzlafcoaching.
com, but Lindsay with an
Michelle (31:46):
Lindsay with a A.
That's what I always thinkabout you saying when you're up
on your podcast Lindsay Dotzlaf.
Lindsay with an A, I'll put itin the show.
D-o-t-z-l-a-f, l-a-f.
Yeah, exactly, I can spell yourname from listening to your
podcast, which is great, by theway.
It's a great podcast.
I love it, thank you.
Yes, your episode about how tostart a podcast is really one of
(32:11):
the main things that got megoing on my podcast.
Lindsay (32:14):
I love that.
Oh my gosh, that's so fun.
Michelle (32:16):
Yes, yes, you had this great approach.
I basically followed everythingyou said and here you are on my
podcast, all right, thanks somuch.
I appreciate it.
Lindsay (32:25):
Of course, thanks for having me.
Michelle (32:41):
Thank you for listening to the Overwhelmed
Working Woman podcast! If youwant to learn more about my
work, head over to my website atmichellegauthier.
com.
See you next week.
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