February 6, 2025 • 32 mins
Episode Summary
In this episode, Natasha welcomes back Robin for a powerful conversation on self-love, self-pleasure, and the journey to embracing our own sensuality.
As we navigate the month of love, they discuss why Black women, in particular, need more self-love and how Robin’s 21-day journal, Body Bliss, can serve as a transformative tool.
Robin dives into the inspiration behind Body Bliss, how it evolved from their personal journey and work with clients, and the importance of setting the stage for self-love practices.
They explore the challenges of developing new habits, overcoming societal and religious conditioning around pleasure, and giving oneself permission to experience joy without guilt.
Meet Our Guest: Robin Denise
Robin Denise is a grief and pleasure coach who specializes in helping individuals navigate the complexities of grief. With her compassionate approach and wealth of experience, she empowers her clients to find light even in the darkest times.
[S5 Ep8-Finding Pleasure While Grieving]
Connect with Robin Denise
- Website: https://www.robindenise.com/
- Instagram: @robin_denise_
- Tiktok: @robin.denise
- Youtube: @robin_denise_
- Body Bliss: A guided journal for exploration and self-love 2nd. Ed.
- 21 Days to Freedom: A self-love challenge
- Orgasmic Bliss: Learn to use Tantra to heal womb wounds, mother wounds and more so YOU can live in Orgasmic Bliss!
Links Mentioned:
- Join Our Email List: Be the first to know about upcoming episodes, special offers, and more. Sign up here.
- Book a Free Consultation: Feeling stuck or need support? Schedule a free 15-minute consultation with Javery Integrative Wellness Services here.
- Get 10% Off with Our Sponsor: Use code Javery Wellness at Organic Loven for 10% off your order and experience pleasure-centered, body-safe products.
Connect with Us:
- Instagram: @natasha_is_satisfied
- Facebook: @NatashaChentille
- YouTube: @NatashaChentille
- Website: www.javerywellness.com
Sponsor: Organic...
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Thank you so much for joiningme for another episode of owning
pleasure as a black woman.
I appreciate you being here, whetheryou are here in the U S or if you're
in Germany, if you're in the UK, ifyou're in wherever you are, thank
you so much for taking the timeto listen to this episode today.
Now, before I get into who our guestis, which you probably already I
(00:24):
want to remind you that all thegood things, all the exclusive, All
the events, all the workshops, all,everything is in the newsletter.
As you know, I am transitioning off ofthese social media streets and I very much
appreciate intimate spaces where everyonedoesn't have access to us and everybody
(00:44):
doesn't know what we're talking about.
So definitely go to the show notes,join the newsletter so that you
are kept up to date on what'sgoing on and what I have to say.
Exclusively just for you now, myguest has been a guest before.
And if you have listened in the lastcouple of weeks, then you heard Robin
Denise bless us with a wonderfulepisode about pleasure and grief.
(01:06):
It was so needed andcontinues to be needed.
And I'm going to drop that in the shownotes because the way the world is
going, we need to listen to that episodeprobably every other day, if not every
day, with us being in February and itbeing, you know, dubbed the love episode.
It's also Black History Month andI wanted to shine a light on you
(01:30):
showing love to yourself in all ways.
And Robin Denise has a wonderful 21 daychallenge that is getting ready to kick
off that I'm going to be a part of.
That focuses on self love, solopleasure, pleasing yourself
without another entity there.
Yes, we are talking aboutmasturbation in a very subtle way.
(01:55):
Okay.
Very subtle way.
However, following this example.
I am going to bring you one thatexpresses the importance of solo
intimate time because it's necessary.
How is it that we are givingourselves to people and we don't know
ourselves, we don't know our bodies.
So definitely tune in becauseRobin Denise has a journal.
And you hear me talk about my,my feelings about the journal and
(02:19):
how my perfectionism comes up.
But either way, I'm dropping all ofthe links for you to be able to join.
There's an event that's goingon in Atlanta and joining
the 21 day challenge with me.
So I hope you enjoy this episode.
I will see you on the back end.
All right, Robin.
So you are back.
You are back to havea lovely conversation.
(02:41):
Um, I think this is an importantconversation because one,
we are in the month of love.
By the time this comes out, wewill be all up in through February.
And I think Us black folk, weneed a little bit of self love,
especially us black women.
So I thought you would be theperfect person to come back and
talk about your journal, Body Bliss.
(03:04):
Yes, let's talk about it.
Now y'all, I have the journal and ithas always been my intention to do the
21 days, but as soon as I start readingthrough and planning, I'm like, Okay,
we gonna come back to this, but I, Iam going to join your 21 day challenge
to help with the accountability.
And figure out why it overwhelms me somuch to do 21 days of self pleasure.
(03:31):
I love that.
Yay.
Join the chat.
So let's talk about howthis book was birthed.
Is
that the question?
Are we ready?
Okay.
Yes.
Go.
Well, last time we talked about like myjourney to sensuality and I asked myself
(03:52):
and the principles and habits and all ofthe things that I started to question.
Um, that's where, where it came from,because as I would question, I'd write
down the question and then journalabout my answer, or I'd be journaling
something that was on my heart.
(04:13):
And it led me to a question of, wow,Why didn't I see, how, how did I miss
this or how has now this unlocked thisnew thing in my brain and in my body?
And so the questions in the, in thejournal are questions that I asked
myself and some more that I cameacross when I worked with clients.
(04:34):
Um, yeah, that's really how it developed.
And then the other thing was, Iwas, uh, in one of my sexology
courses and we had to journal daily.
I remember I was like, I mean,I journal, but not every day
(04:58):
daily.
We have to do that.
That's dedication right there.
Cause I can, I can get a smoothfive days in after that I fall off.
But I'm like, okay, well, I'm goingto do this, like I'm really going
to try to journal daily, even ifit's a sentence or just the date.
(05:21):
Sometimes it was just the date.
It was like Tuesday.
I was here today.
Because that's all I had togive, but I knew I wanted.
It took continue.
I knew I owed it to myself to lovemyself enough to do it, right?
(05:46):
Like it took somebody else being like,Hey, this is something you should do.
But so I started doing that.
And the more I journaled daily.
The more I was seeing revelations ofmyself and I felt it was so powerful.
So then combine it with the questions Iwas already asking myself, you know, and
so it takes 21 days to make somethinga habit and I was doing that for 30.
(06:14):
And again, sometimes it was a period.
And other times it'd be likepages and monologues, you know?
Yes, I love that.
And I was going to ask, like,where did the 21 days come from?
But like 21 days to make a habit.
So looking at mywonderful, wonderful book.
(06:35):
First of all, it's beautiful.
It is absolutely.
The, the way it's designed and the pagesand the colors is absolutely beautiful.
I will not be writing in my journal.
I will be writing on a piece ofpaper or a notebook or something.
I'm not writing in this.
Um, so in the beginning, Ilike how you set the stage.
(06:57):
Why is setting the stage for aself love practice so important?
Because when we do things withoutintention, we don't reach our goals.
Uh, so setting the scene is about settingyour intentions and like putting things
(07:20):
in place for you to follow through onwhat you're, you're deciding to start.
And then it also like, we can think ofit in terms of your environment too.
So what in your environment doyou think might have to shift?
Thinking through like, What thingsyou want to bring in to support
(07:40):
you and make you feel comfortable.
And that stuff gets delved intodeeper later on in the book, but
it kind of starts that trigger ofthinking through what do I need?
Yeah, I think that might've beenwhat got me, despite the fact
that I'm a very sensual personand I like things around me.
It's something about the idea of.
(08:01):
Okay.
Every time I do this for 21days, I'm going to set the stage.
And then there's like thisvoice in the back of my head.
That's like, Oh man, wegot to do this again today.
Let's pull out all the candles, get thegood draws on like, you know, and it
just becomes, I think for me, it was.
(08:22):
Like, eye opening of how much I think ofit as a burden, do I want to say burden?
Heavy, right?
Like, it's a, it feels like anextra step that I have to do.
Why do I feel like it's anextra step that I have to do?
And my conclusion was I use myself pleasure to go to sleep.
(08:45):
Like, that has become, like,we got a goal here, let's knock
this out and let's go to bed.
So to think of it as Okay, so we'rejust gonna take time, we're just
gonna slow down, we're just gonnalevel on the self, there is no rush,
there needs to be no true ending.
My brain trying to calculate that.
(09:06):
So, when you have someone that's likeso used to getting to the end, how
do you work them through a journallike this, especially if they're
by themselves trying to do this?
Which version do you have?
Do you have?
I think I have the first one.
Because when we talked, youwere like, I got another one.
I was like, oh, so I'll buy it.
(09:26):
Okay.
So, after,
after that version, when I sat withit and I did it again by myself and et
cetera, I came across what you just said.
Okay.
And I was like, oh, this could actuallybe one of the first spots of like barrier
(09:49):
for getting through the rest of this.
Um, and what I realized was, I reallywant people to have a preparation week.
So the second version has a prep, afull five days of reassuring you what's
going to happen, supporting you in likegetting from one step to another so that
(10:14):
you feel prepared for success when youactually start the journey, and then also
talking to you about What is pleasure?
Because I think when we remove Pleasureas orgasm or like that height of
blissfulness and remember that pleasureis faster than that and it encompasses
(10:38):
deep belly laughs and snuggles, you know,and so recognizing that your pleasure
for that day can be any of those things.
So the preparation week, thepreparation week supports in
that so that it kind of, it helpssoothe and reassures in my opinion.
(11:04):
Okay.
And do you feel like this is the typeof practice That would support someone
that has never experienced self pleasureor continues to have that, like, that
church hurt around the fact that,like, you don't touch yourself, you
don't do X, Y, and Z, or, you know,what, who you are if you do that.
(11:26):
Is this a good starting point, or is theresomething that should be done before this,
besides therapy?
This is, there is somethingthat can be done before this.
And I say this from a place of, like,having gone through it again, right?
(11:48):
It's time I go through it.
New Revelation.
Right.
Um,
and actually, the book I'm writingis, like, I'm writing another book.
Uh, and it is answering, it'sgiving the first piece to this.
I look, Sam asking allthe questions y'all.
She's already in the work.
(12:08):
She's like, no, I realized thatnow after the fact, the question
that you're asking, I got it.
I got you.
Hold, please.
I'm working on it.
I can only move so fast.
Um, all that to say,it doesn't mean don't.
(12:29):
peruse, right?
Right.
Like if you don't do the whole systematic21 days, I don't always read a book
all the way through the first timeI'd be putting that thing down, coming
back years later and still findingthe nuggets are finally completing.
So there's.
(12:50):
I have this hope that like, even ifyou don't take out, I'm going to do
28 days to do this, um, still cometo the journal for those questions.
Still allow the book to like, remindyou that your pleasure should be the
forefront, and we should get to a placewhere we can feel comfortable sacrificing.
(13:13):
Hold on, hold on, not really a sacrifice,but sacrificing our pleasure for other
things or for the like restlessnessthat we might be feeling or anything
else that comes with how we thinkpleasure is to look in our life.
I like that.
I like that.
For my recovering perfectionistand high achieving mind to hear
(13:38):
the writer of the journal sayyou don't have to do this piece.
It's okay.
Just read the journal prompts.
It's almost like something in me went
Thank you so much, right?
Because the questions are like,the journal prompts are amazing,
like the gratitude and all that,but there's something, and I know
(14:00):
the people that listen to this arelike me, the type A personality.
Well, if Robin said, I need to doall this, then I need to start from
day one and I need to go to day 21and I need to do all the things.
Getting the permission tosay, just do it how you can.
And then continue to come back to it.
It's not like you don'tfinish the journal.
(14:21):
You keep coming back to it.
So I appreciate the permission.
I really do.
Um,
what is self?
Self seduction to you.
I looked at that journal promptand I was like, Oh, that's sexy.
I want to talk about self seductionbecause I think these words, these
(14:44):
juicy words, um, seduction andsensual and all of those things.
I feel like they don't get the recognitionthat they deserve as an individual.
It always has to be coupledwith someone or something.
Oh, that's yummy.
Uh, so.
(15:05):
First, so on that day, um, a part of thechallenge that I'm doing that you said
you're going to do, there's videos thatgo with each day in those videos are
somatic exercises, breathing exercises,tools, helps things that help us get
deeper into what the question couldpotentially uncover for a person, right?
And so on that specific day, Italk about what self seduction
(15:30):
is, and I walk us through that.
Through a visualization of.
The starting points of how to self seduce.
I like that.
So basically you're saying they need tojoin the challenge to get the answer.
I'm like, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Wah, wah.
Y'all thought y'all was getting an answer.
(15:54):
That's so funny.
Okay.
Okay, well, I mean, there you go.
She gave you the answer.
Okay, so here's my next question.
For someone that does not center themself,they are in able, unable, unable.
To figure out what it means toseparate themselves from all the
different pockets in their life andhow they show up for everyone else.
(16:17):
How can they get to a place to centerthemselves to even do a journal like this?
Just read.
Like, start, start readingthe first few pages.
Read the author's note.
Read the preparation pages.
and then breathe.
(16:38):
By that time you would have beenwalked through breath exercises too,
because on day two, there are three.
There's breath exercisesto talk you to help.
So that would be my like, whenyou pick up the book, don't pick
up, I'm starting day 21 today.
Pick up the book with, again, let mejust see, let me read these first couple
(17:03):
of pages and see, and check in withmy body, do a body scan, and breathe.
Is that part of the videos too?
Because what if they don't knowhow to do a body scan, right?
Okay, see, basically.
What she's saying is, y'all need tojust go ahead and join the challenge
with me, because clearly I can't,I can't, I can't help y'all out.
Y'all got to pay for it.
(17:23):
You got to pay the coins.
You got to pay the coinsto get the good stuff.
But I, I think thepermission in itself, right?
Cause someone could reallybe turned off from, Oh, okay.
So just, and just in case forshits and giggles, somebody is
listening to this and they'relike, what are y'all talking about?
We are talking about masturbationjust in case, like, I know everyone.
(17:47):
It's I know y'all got commonsense, but there's gonna be that
one person that's listening like,what, what are they talking about?
Like, what, what?
So just in case, y'all don't know,that is what we are talking about.
But I think the permission in itself thatthat doesn't have to be a part of it.
Because I could see someoneclicking on the link and seeing
(18:08):
it and saying, I can't do that.
Like, I don't touch myself.
I don't even know.
Like I'm not comfortable with that partof my body, or I've experienced a sense
of trauma that I haven't worked through.
So this isn't for me.
But what I hear you sayingis it's absolutely for you.
And it's probably mostly for youto get reconnected to yourself.
(18:31):
Right.
Yeah, sure enough.
And, um, I'm grateful for yourcomment and the way you succincted
because one, it lets me know.
I need to go back to that page and make itclearer that that's one of my intentions.
(18:52):
One of the four faults of my intentionis just start giving yourself permission
to do something a little different.
Um, to know that there's no perfect here.
You just need to do whatfeels right for you.
Yeah.
We need our own little tip.
Like they do in the four dummiesbooks for the perfectionists.
(19:15):
Just put like a little tip.
All perfectionists comehere and read this excerpt.
Because that's what we're gonna need.
Cause I really feel likethat is what stopped me.
Cause I was reading, I waslike, Oh, this is beautiful.
And then I got to day oneand I was like, Oh yeah.
We'll be back.
(19:35):
We'll be, we'll be back to thisbecause you think about for me, what
it is, is I have a family, right?
And like, when am I gonna have the time todo things for myself and trying to figure
out, okay, when is no one gonna be here?
Do I need to lock the doors?
They be knocking on the doorsand they get frustrated.
Now, I'm frustrated.
Now, I can't do it.
I don't want people toknow what I'm doing, right?
(19:56):
Like, There's all these things,overwhelming things that start to
come up when you say, okay, I wantyou to just create this space.
Not that it's not something I've neverdone before, but it's something about
creating that sacred space for that,that it just, it was like a rush of
overwhelm of everyone invading my space.
(20:17):
And so because I will feel invaded,this is not a safe space to do it.
Right.
And I'll just say, The amount thatyou just held and processed, right?
By just considering it.
(20:38):
And I, I really, I want that to be, that'swhat I consider something, that is what
I consider something to be a sacred work.
Meaning, just by its being, itcauses you to come into question.
Your surroundings and what youhave available to support you in
something like this, and how thingsmight be coming up as obstacles.
(21:01):
And do I, is this the time for me to dothis with these things that I'm facing?
Am I, is it time for me to prioritizethis because this thing with, with
this child is happening right now?
And then I can come backand prioritize here later?
Or am I ready to, or I want to say, Hey,I'm prioritizing me first this time.
(21:23):
And I'm going to lean on my community,or I'm going to find a community to
start to lean on to support me inthese other ways that I know it's time
for me to shift from showing up as.
So like the sheer question of.
Goddamn, do I got the time for this?
This is a lot.
Everything make, that starts toturn the wheel in our brain to
(21:48):
asking the more deeper questions.
I see what you did there.
I was just saying to me, that'sthe mark of a sacred work.
Okay.
When it makes you a question.
Before you even really start, it'sjust everything just makes you
question like, oh, the crystal,even with the crystals, right?
(22:10):
Like what am I, what am Ifeeling called to right now?
Like where, where is my head at?
And, but yeah, now, now that you'resaying it, I definitely had to
sit and think about like, this is,this is not the place to do it.
No one is reallyrespecting the boundaries.
So now what do I need to do to getpeople to respect the boundary so
that I can have this sacred space?
Because.
(22:31):
If I don't have sacred space for that,then I don't have sacred space for
other things that aren't, you know, asintimate of even just, I want to sit in
the corner with the light low with my teaand look out the window, but somebody.
Always coming and talking to me.
I just want to look out the window.
So I get it.
Ah, it's clicking, it's clicking.
(22:53):
I remember the way I definepleasure is that is pleasure.
Right.
And you should be able toset out sacred time for that.
Yeah, and even being a sex therapistand a coach and all the things like
there's never, there's never notanything to learn about yourself.
(23:16):
The layers continue to shedand that's why I do things
like this and get books, right?
And join challenges.
So I'm like, Oh, I know, I knowwhere you could go like this.
This is the place for you, um,because I want to be able to share
in like my awakening or my awareness.
First, because I always, people think thatthere's a cap to learning about yourself.
(23:41):
We're forever changing.
We're forever growing.
We're forever evolving.
So thank you for the littlecoaching moment, Robin.
And I mean, you know, that's a, that'sanother piece of having the journal.
Like you mentioned, you're notgoing to write in it, you're
going to write somewhere else.
(24:03):
That is cool because sometime later youmay pick it up again and be like, Oh,
let me, it was some of these questions.
I mentioned I've gone throughit three times and each time.
Now you gotta write another versionof it because I've learned something
else and I know they need thisand I gotta do edition number 225.
(24:27):
So the book that you arecreating, is it, it's, it's the,
the prequel to the journals?
Is it a package deal?
Like what, what's the book?
Can I get a little sneak background oflike what this book is bringing to us?
Yeah.
Um,
(24:49):
so this book, oh, this book has like.
So we've talked about like,how did you get there?
Right.
This book has storiesabout how I got there.
It's, it gives you the story thatcomes with these journal prompts.
(25:10):
Um, and it walks you through a lotof the exercises that I've done
with myself that I do with clients.
Um, and it also provides.
insight into our, our being bothspiritually, ancestrally, and physically,
like understanding your nervous system.
(25:33):
So, um, yeah, that's, that's theprequel and it's got to have, you
know, all of the juiciness andjournal pops and shit, you know.
I love it.
I love it.
I think With the world doing what it'sdoing just to have something tangible,
(25:56):
right, to just sit down even if it's for15, 20 minutes to myself to get back to
myself, because being a helper and beinga therapist and, you know, going out here,
taking on other people's stuff, tryingto figure out how do I balance supporting
people maneuvering through this world.
(26:16):
While also still grounding myself everyday and to have a journal like this that
says, okay, even if I do one prompt.
And just read it.
I don't even have to like, fill it out.
Just reading it gets the brain going.
I love it.
Right.
(26:36):
These are the permissions I had togive myself as a moon and rising Libra.
Perfection is a skill.
Serious thing.
And I had to get to the place whereI was like, this is also perfection.
This because it is perfect for howRobin Denise needs to show up today.
So this is perfection.
(26:58):
Okay.
Calm your brain.
Yeah, my little Libra son islike, but, but what do we do?
It's got to be perfect.
What do we do?
And then now it's been like,what, a year or something?
And it's just been sittingthere and I'll look at it and
I'm like, we're not ready yet.
(27:23):
Yes, it will.
It will.
Clearly it's going to call you out in all.
The best ways, and I can'twait to read the book, Robin.
I cannot wait.
So I'm definitely going to make surethat we drop this episode in time for
people to join the challenge becauseI'm going to join the challenge.
(27:48):
And I'm not even goingto set an expectation.
I'm just going to show up and whatevercomes from it is what comes from it.
Because, uh.
Robin Denise has given me permissionto do it how I want to do it.
Yes.
Yes.
Exactly.
All y'all got that permission out there.
(28:10):
That was good, right?
I told you.
Veronica Denise does not show up on thispodcast and not give you information.
It's like the more you know, and Iwould have loved to give you more
information, but y'all know y'allgot to purchase the challenge.
Some things you gotta do.
Some things are behind a paint wall.
Some things we have to, we haveto pour into, we have to invest
(28:33):
in, in order to dive deeper.
So again, all of the informationto Robin Denise's challenges
and how to get in contact withthem is you have access to it.
It's about what are you goingto do with the information?
And don't forget to join the newsletter.
Y'all this year, this year we're goingin and I want you to be a part of it
(28:57):
and you're not always going to be onthe know by listening to the podcast.
So definitely rate, review,share this with a friend.
Let me know what topicsyou want to hear about.
So some of y'all talk back to me, butsome of y'all are in the back lurking.
And I love you being a listener,but let's talk, talk back to me.
I like when you talk dirty to me.
(29:18):
So
I love you so much.
I will see you talk toyou in the next episode.
And don't forget that pleasure is yourbirthright because you deserve it.
Bye.
Thank you so much for joiningme for another episode of owning
pleasure as a black woman.
I appreciate you being here, whetheryou are here in the U S or if you're
in Germany, if you're in the UK, ifyou're in wherever you are, thank
you so much for taking the timeto listen to this episode today.
Now, before I get into who our guestis, which you probably already I
(00:24):
want to remind you that all thegood things, all the exclusive, All
the events, all the workshops, all,everything is in the newsletter.
As you know, I am transitioning off ofthese social media streets and I very much
appreciate intimate spaces where everyonedoesn't have access to us and everybody
(00:44):
doesn't know what we're talking about.
So definitely go to the show notes,join the newsletter so that you
are kept up to date on what'sgoing on and what I have to say.
Exclusively just for you now, myguest has been a guest before.
And if you have listened in the lastcouple of weeks, then you heard Robin
Denise bless us with a wonderfulepisode about pleasure and grief.
(01:06):
It was so needed andcontinues to be needed.
And I'm going to drop that in the shownotes because the way the world is
going, we need to listen to that episodeprobably every other day, if not every
day, with us being in February and itbeing, you know, dubbed the love episode.
It's also Black History Month andI wanted to shine a light on you
(01:30):
showing love to yourself in all ways.
And Robin Denise has a wonderful 21 daychallenge that is getting ready to kick
off that I'm going to be a part of.
That focuses on self love, solopleasure, pleasing yourself
without another entity there.
Yes, we are talking aboutmasturbation in a very subtle way.
(01:55):
Okay.
Very subtle way.
However, following this example.
I am going to bring you one thatexpresses the importance of solo
intimate time because it's necessary.
How is it that we are givingourselves to people and we don't know
ourselves, we don't know our bodies.
So definitely tune in becauseRobin Denise has a journal.
And you hear me talk about my,my feelings about the journal and
(02:19):
how my perfectionism comes up.
But either way, I'm dropping all ofthe links for you to be able to join.
There's an event that's goingon in Atlanta and joining
the 21 day challenge with me.
So I hope you enjoy this episode.
I will see you on the back end.
All right, Robin.
So you are back.
You are back to havea lovely conversation.
(02:41):
Um, I think this is an importantconversation because one,
we are in the month of love.
By the time this comes out, wewill be all up in through February.
And I think Us black folk, weneed a little bit of self love,
especially us black women.
So I thought you would be theperfect person to come back and
talk about your journal, Body Bliss.
(03:04):
Yes, let's talk about it.
Now y'all, I have the journal and ithas always been my intention to do the
21 days, but as soon as I start readingthrough and planning, I'm like, Okay,
we gonna come back to this, but I, Iam going to join your 21 day challenge
to help with the accountability.
And figure out why it overwhelms me somuch to do 21 days of self pleasure.
(03:31):
I love that.
Yay.
Join the chat.
So let's talk about howthis book was birthed.
Is
that the question?
Are we ready?
Okay.
Yes.
Go.
Well, last time we talked about like myjourney to sensuality and I asked myself
(03:52):
and the principles and habits and all ofthe things that I started to question.
Um, that's where, where it came from,because as I would question, I'd write
down the question and then journalabout my answer, or I'd be journaling
something that was on my heart.
(04:13):
And it led me to a question of, wow,Why didn't I see, how, how did I miss
this or how has now this unlocked thisnew thing in my brain and in my body?
And so the questions in the, in thejournal are questions that I asked
myself and some more that I cameacross when I worked with clients.
(04:34):
Um, yeah, that's really how it developed.
And then the other thing was, Iwas, uh, in one of my sexology
courses and we had to journal daily.
I remember I was like, I mean,I journal, but not every day
(04:58):
daily.
We have to do that.
That's dedication right there.
Cause I can, I can get a smoothfive days in after that I fall off.
But I'm like, okay, well, I'm goingto do this, like I'm really going
to try to journal daily, even ifit's a sentence or just the date.
(05:21):
Sometimes it was just the date.
It was like Tuesday.
I was here today.
Because that's all I had togive, but I knew I wanted.
It took continue.
I knew I owed it to myself to lovemyself enough to do it, right?
(05:46):
Like it took somebody else being like,Hey, this is something you should do.
But so I started doing that.
And the more I journaled daily.
The more I was seeing revelations ofmyself and I felt it was so powerful.
So then combine it with the questions Iwas already asking myself, you know, and
so it takes 21 days to make somethinga habit and I was doing that for 30.
(06:14):
And again, sometimes it was a period.
And other times it'd be likepages and monologues, you know?
Yes, I love that.
And I was going to ask, like,where did the 21 days come from?
But like 21 days to make a habit.
So looking at mywonderful, wonderful book.
(06:35):
First of all, it's beautiful.
It is absolutely.
The, the way it's designed and the pagesand the colors is absolutely beautiful.
I will not be writing in my journal.
I will be writing on a piece ofpaper or a notebook or something.
I'm not writing in this.
Um, so in the beginning, Ilike how you set the stage.
(06:57):
Why is setting the stage for aself love practice so important?
Because when we do things withoutintention, we don't reach our goals.
Uh, so setting the scene is about settingyour intentions and like putting things
(07:20):
in place for you to follow through onwhat you're, you're deciding to start.
And then it also like, we can think ofit in terms of your environment too.
So what in your environment doyou think might have to shift?
Thinking through like, What thingsyou want to bring in to support
(07:40):
you and make you feel comfortable.
And that stuff gets delved intodeeper later on in the book, but
it kind of starts that trigger ofthinking through what do I need?
Yeah, I think that might've beenwhat got me, despite the fact
that I'm a very sensual personand I like things around me.
It's something about the idea of.
(08:01):
Okay.
Every time I do this for 21days, I'm going to set the stage.
And then there's like thisvoice in the back of my head.
That's like, Oh man, wegot to do this again today.
Let's pull out all the candles, get thegood draws on like, you know, and it
just becomes, I think for me, it was.
(08:22):
Like, eye opening of how much I think ofit as a burden, do I want to say burden?
Heavy, right?
Like, it's a, it feels like anextra step that I have to do.
Why do I feel like it's anextra step that I have to do?
And my conclusion was I use myself pleasure to go to sleep.
(08:45):
Like, that has become, like,we got a goal here, let's knock
this out and let's go to bed.
So to think of it as Okay, so we'rejust gonna take time, we're just
gonna slow down, we're just gonnalevel on the self, there is no rush,
there needs to be no true ending.
My brain trying to calculate that.
(09:06):
So, when you have someone that's likeso used to getting to the end, how
do you work them through a journallike this, especially if they're
by themselves trying to do this?
Which version do you have?
Do you have?
I think I have the first one.
Because when we talked, youwere like, I got another one.
I was like, oh, so I'll buy it.
(09:26):
Okay.
So, after,
after that version, when I sat withit and I did it again by myself and et
cetera, I came across what you just said.
Okay.
And I was like, oh, this could actuallybe one of the first spots of like barrier
(09:49):
for getting through the rest of this.
Um, and what I realized was, I reallywant people to have a preparation week.
So the second version has a prep, afull five days of reassuring you what's
going to happen, supporting you in likegetting from one step to another so that
(10:14):
you feel prepared for success when youactually start the journey, and then also
talking to you about What is pleasure?
Because I think when we remove Pleasureas orgasm or like that height of
blissfulness and remember that pleasureis faster than that and it encompasses
(10:38):
deep belly laughs and snuggles, you know,and so recognizing that your pleasure
for that day can be any of those things.
So the preparation week, thepreparation week supports in
that so that it kind of, it helpssoothe and reassures in my opinion.
(11:04):
Okay.
And do you feel like this is the typeof practice That would support someone
that has never experienced self pleasureor continues to have that, like, that
church hurt around the fact that,like, you don't touch yourself, you
don't do X, Y, and Z, or, you know,what, who you are if you do that.
(11:26):
Is this a good starting point, or is theresomething that should be done before this,
besides therapy?
This is, there is somethingthat can be done before this.
And I say this from a place of, like,having gone through it again, right?
(11:48):
It's time I go through it.
New Revelation.
Right.
Um,
and actually, the book I'm writingis, like, I'm writing another book.
Uh, and it is answering, it'sgiving the first piece to this.
I look, Sam asking allthe questions y'all.
She's already in the work.
(12:08):
She's like, no, I realized thatnow after the fact, the question
that you're asking, I got it.
I got you.
Hold, please.
I'm working on it.
I can only move so fast.
Um, all that to say,it doesn't mean don't.
(12:29):
peruse, right?
Right.
Like if you don't do the whole systematic21 days, I don't always read a book
all the way through the first timeI'd be putting that thing down, coming
back years later and still findingthe nuggets are finally completing.
So there's.
(12:50):
I have this hope that like, even ifyou don't take out, I'm going to do
28 days to do this, um, still cometo the journal for those questions.
Still allow the book to like, remindyou that your pleasure should be the
forefront, and we should get to a placewhere we can feel comfortable sacrificing.
(13:13):
Hold on, hold on, not really a sacrifice,but sacrificing our pleasure for other
things or for the like restlessnessthat we might be feeling or anything
else that comes with how we thinkpleasure is to look in our life.
I like that.
I like that.
For my recovering perfectionistand high achieving mind to hear
(13:38):
the writer of the journal sayyou don't have to do this piece.
It's okay.
Just read the journal prompts.
It's almost like something in me went
Thank you so much, right?
Because the questions are like,the journal prompts are amazing,
like the gratitude and all that,but there's something, and I know
(14:00):
the people that listen to this arelike me, the type A personality.
Well, if Robin said, I need to doall this, then I need to start from
day one and I need to go to day 21and I need to do all the things.
Getting the permission tosay, just do it how you can.
And then continue to come back to it.
It's not like you don'tfinish the journal.
(14:21):
You keep coming back to it.
So I appreciate the permission.
I really do.
Um,
what is self?
Self seduction to you.
I looked at that journal promptand I was like, Oh, that's sexy.
I want to talk about self seductionbecause I think these words, these
(14:44):
juicy words, um, seduction andsensual and all of those things.
I feel like they don't get the recognitionthat they deserve as an individual.
It always has to be coupledwith someone or something.
Oh, that's yummy.
Uh, so.
(15:05):
First, so on that day, um, a part of thechallenge that I'm doing that you said
you're going to do, there's videos thatgo with each day in those videos are
somatic exercises, breathing exercises,tools, helps things that help us get
deeper into what the question couldpotentially uncover for a person, right?
And so on that specific day, Italk about what self seduction
(15:30):
is, and I walk us through that.
Through a visualization of.
The starting points of how to self seduce.
I like that.
So basically you're saying they need tojoin the challenge to get the answer.
I'm like, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Wah, wah.
Y'all thought y'all was getting an answer.
(15:54):
That's so funny.
Okay.
Okay, well, I mean, there you go.
She gave you the answer.
Okay, so here's my next question.
For someone that does not center themself,they are in able, unable, unable.
To figure out what it means toseparate themselves from all the
different pockets in their life andhow they show up for everyone else.
(16:17):
How can they get to a place to centerthemselves to even do a journal like this?
Just read.
Like, start, start readingthe first few pages.
Read the author's note.
Read the preparation pages.
and then breathe.
(16:38):
By that time you would have beenwalked through breath exercises too,
because on day two, there are three.
There's breath exercisesto talk you to help.
So that would be my like, whenyou pick up the book, don't pick
up, I'm starting day 21 today.
Pick up the book with, again, let mejust see, let me read these first couple
(17:03):
of pages and see, and check in withmy body, do a body scan, and breathe.
Is that part of the videos too?
Because what if they don't knowhow to do a body scan, right?
Okay, see, basically.
What she's saying is, y'all need tojust go ahead and join the challenge
with me, because clearly I can't,I can't, I can't help y'all out.
Y'all got to pay for it.
(17:23):
You got to pay the coins.
You got to pay the coinsto get the good stuff.
But I, I think thepermission in itself, right?
Cause someone could reallybe turned off from, Oh, okay.
So just, and just in case forshits and giggles, somebody is
listening to this and they'relike, what are y'all talking about?
We are talking about masturbationjust in case, like, I know everyone.
(17:47):
It's I know y'all got commonsense, but there's gonna be that
one person that's listening like,what, what are they talking about?
Like, what, what?
So just in case, y'all don't know,that is what we are talking about.
But I think the permission in itself thatthat doesn't have to be a part of it.
Because I could see someoneclicking on the link and seeing
(18:08):
it and saying, I can't do that.
Like, I don't touch myself.
I don't even know.
Like I'm not comfortable with that partof my body, or I've experienced a sense
of trauma that I haven't worked through.
So this isn't for me.
But what I hear you sayingis it's absolutely for you.
And it's probably mostly for youto get reconnected to yourself.
(18:31):
Right.
Yeah, sure enough.
And, um, I'm grateful for yourcomment and the way you succincted
because one, it lets me know.
I need to go back to that page and make itclearer that that's one of my intentions.
(18:52):
One of the four faults of my intentionis just start giving yourself permission
to do something a little different.
Um, to know that there's no perfect here.
You just need to do whatfeels right for you.
Yeah.
We need our own little tip.
Like they do in the four dummiesbooks for the perfectionists.
(19:15):
Just put like a little tip.
All perfectionists comehere and read this excerpt.
Because that's what we're gonna need.
Cause I really feel likethat is what stopped me.
Cause I was reading, I waslike, Oh, this is beautiful.
And then I got to day oneand I was like, Oh yeah.
We'll be back.
(19:35):
We'll be, we'll be back to thisbecause you think about for me, what
it is, is I have a family, right?
And like, when am I gonna have the time todo things for myself and trying to figure
out, okay, when is no one gonna be here?
Do I need to lock the doors?
They be knocking on the doorsand they get frustrated.
Now, I'm frustrated.
Now, I can't do it.
I don't want people toknow what I'm doing, right?
(19:56):
Like, There's all these things,overwhelming things that start to
come up when you say, okay, I wantyou to just create this space.
Not that it's not something I've neverdone before, but it's something about
creating that sacred space for that,that it just, it was like a rush of
overwhelm of everyone invading my space.
(20:17):
And so because I will feel invaded,this is not a safe space to do it.
Right.
And I'll just say, The amount thatyou just held and processed, right?
By just considering it.
(20:38):
And I, I really, I want that to be, that'swhat I consider something, that is what
I consider something to be a sacred work.
Meaning, just by its being, itcauses you to come into question.
Your surroundings and what youhave available to support you in
something like this, and how thingsmight be coming up as obstacles.
(21:01):
And do I, is this the time for me to dothis with these things that I'm facing?
Am I, is it time for me to prioritizethis because this thing with, with
this child is happening right now?
And then I can come backand prioritize here later?
Or am I ready to, or I want to say, Hey,I'm prioritizing me first this time.
(21:23):
And I'm going to lean on my community,or I'm going to find a community to
start to lean on to support me inthese other ways that I know it's time
for me to shift from showing up as.
So like the sheer question of.
Goddamn, do I got the time for this?
This is a lot.
Everything make, that starts toturn the wheel in our brain to
(21:48):
asking the more deeper questions.
I see what you did there.
I was just saying to me, that'sthe mark of a sacred work.
Okay.
When it makes you a question.
Before you even really start, it'sjust everything just makes you
question like, oh, the crystal,even with the crystals, right?
(22:10):
Like what am I, what am Ifeeling called to right now?
Like where, where is my head at?
And, but yeah, now, now that you'resaying it, I definitely had to
sit and think about like, this is,this is not the place to do it.
No one is reallyrespecting the boundaries.
So now what do I need to do to getpeople to respect the boundary so
that I can have this sacred space?
Because.
(22:31):
If I don't have sacred space for that,then I don't have sacred space for
other things that aren't, you know, asintimate of even just, I want to sit in
the corner with the light low with my teaand look out the window, but somebody.
Always coming and talking to me.
I just want to look out the window.
So I get it.
Ah, it's clicking, it's clicking.
(22:53):
I remember the way I definepleasure is that is pleasure.
Right.
And you should be able toset out sacred time for that.
Yeah, and even being a sex therapistand a coach and all the things like
there's never, there's never notanything to learn about yourself.
(23:16):
The layers continue to shedand that's why I do things
like this and get books, right?
And join challenges.
So I'm like, Oh, I know, I knowwhere you could go like this.
This is the place for you, um,because I want to be able to share
in like my awakening or my awareness.
First, because I always, people think thatthere's a cap to learning about yourself.
(23:41):
We're forever changing.
We're forever growing.
We're forever evolving.
So thank you for the littlecoaching moment, Robin.
And I mean, you know, that's a, that'sanother piece of having the journal.
Like you mentioned, you're notgoing to write in it, you're
going to write somewhere else.
(24:03):
That is cool because sometime later youmay pick it up again and be like, Oh,
let me, it was some of these questions.
I mentioned I've gone throughit three times and each time.
Now you gotta write another versionof it because I've learned something
else and I know they need thisand I gotta do edition number 225.
(24:27):
So the book that you arecreating, is it, it's, it's the,
the prequel to the journals?
Is it a package deal?
Like what, what's the book?
Can I get a little sneak background oflike what this book is bringing to us?
Yeah.
Um,
(24:49):
so this book, oh, this book has like.
So we've talked about like,how did you get there?
Right.
This book has storiesabout how I got there.
It's, it gives you the story thatcomes with these journal prompts.
(25:10):
Um, and it walks you through a lotof the exercises that I've done
with myself that I do with clients.
Um, and it also provides.
insight into our, our being bothspiritually, ancestrally, and physically,
like understanding your nervous system.
(25:33):
So, um, yeah, that's, that's theprequel and it's got to have, you
know, all of the juiciness andjournal pops and shit, you know.
I love it.
I love it.
I think With the world doing what it'sdoing just to have something tangible,
(25:56):
right, to just sit down even if it's for15, 20 minutes to myself to get back to
myself, because being a helper and beinga therapist and, you know, going out here,
taking on other people's stuff, tryingto figure out how do I balance supporting
people maneuvering through this world.
(26:16):
While also still grounding myself everyday and to have a journal like this that
says, okay, even if I do one prompt.
And just read it.
I don't even have to like, fill it out.
Just reading it gets the brain going.
I love it.
Right.
(26:36):
These are the permissions I had togive myself as a moon and rising Libra.
Perfection is a skill.
Serious thing.
And I had to get to the place whereI was like, this is also perfection.
This because it is perfect for howRobin Denise needs to show up today.
So this is perfection.
(26:58):
Okay.
Calm your brain.
Yeah, my little Libra son islike, but, but what do we do?
It's got to be perfect.
What do we do?
And then now it's been like,what, a year or something?
And it's just been sittingthere and I'll look at it and
I'm like, we're not ready yet.
(27:23):
Yes, it will.
It will.
Clearly it's going to call you out in all.
The best ways, and I can'twait to read the book, Robin.
I cannot wait.
So I'm definitely going to make surethat we drop this episode in time for
people to join the challenge becauseI'm going to join the challenge.
(27:48):
And I'm not even goingto set an expectation.
I'm just going to show up and whatevercomes from it is what comes from it.
Because, uh.
Robin Denise has given me permissionto do it how I want to do it.
Yes.
Yes.
Exactly.
All y'all got that permission out there.
(28:10):
That was good, right?
I told you.
Veronica Denise does not show up on thispodcast and not give you information.
It's like the more you know, and Iwould have loved to give you more
information, but y'all know y'allgot to purchase the challenge.
Some things you gotta do.
Some things are behind a paint wall.
Some things we have to, we haveto pour into, we have to invest
(28:33):
in, in order to dive deeper.
So again, all of the informationto Robin Denise's challenges
and how to get in contact withthem is you have access to it.
It's about what are you goingto do with the information?
And don't forget to join the newsletter.
Y'all this year, this year we're goingin and I want you to be a part of it
(28:57):
and you're not always going to be onthe know by listening to the podcast.
So definitely rate, review,share this with a friend.
Let me know what topicsyou want to hear about.
So some of y'all talk back to me, butsome of y'all are in the back lurking.
And I love you being a listener,but let's talk, talk back to me.
I like when you talk dirty to me.
(29:18):
So
I love you so much.
I will see you talk toyou in the next episode.
And don't forget that pleasure is yourbirthright because you deserve it.
Bye.
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