Victim Blaming and Selective Compassion

In this episode, we discuss victim blaming, how this impacts survivors of sexual violence, and why people victim blame. We also discuss what selective compassion is and how this relates to the work we do with victims of sexual violence. We discuss how victim blaming and selective compassion are harmful and how we can do better.

To find a local rape crisis center in PA, call 1-888-772-7227 or visit https://pcar.org/help-pa/locations

Learn More:

• Observer's reaction to the "innocent victim"
• Sexual Assault and Victim Blaming
• Implicit Bias Test from Harvard
• Crisis Pregnancy Centers: Faith Centers Operating in Bad Faith
• How ‘empathy gap’ among social workers can affect services for people of color
• PCAR Website

 

Episode Transcript

(00:08):
Welcome to PA Centered, a podcast designed to help listeners be a part
of the solution to end sexual harassment, abuse and assault. Each episode,
we will take on a topic or current event to help spark conversation
and break down barriers to building communities free from sexual violence.
Hi. I'm Mallory Michel, I use she her pronouns, and I am the

(00:30):
Prevention and Evaluation Coordinator at the Pennsylvania Coalition Against
Rape. I'll be your host today as we're joined by my PCAR colleagues,
Jamie and Zozan, to talk about victim blaming and selective compassion.
Welcome Zozan and Jamie. Hi, everyone. Hi. Thanks for having us.
So we're going to start our conversation today discussing victim blaming.

(00:50):
Victim blaming occurs any time someone says or implies that a sexual assault
was the victim's fault. Victim blaming can be defined as someone saying,
implying or treating a person who has experienced harmful or abusive behavior,
like sexual assault, as if it was a result of something they did
or said, instead of placing the responsibility where it belongs on the person

(01:11):
who harmed them. When victim blaming occurs in the media, in response to
what we see happen to others, from people we know it not only
discourages survivors from coming forward, but it actively shifts focus
away from holding the person doing the harm accountable.
So Jamie, why do people even victim blame or blame victims?

(01:31):
So the big term I like to use for this is cognitive dissonance,
which really is just the idea that our brains cannot hold space for
two contrasting beliefs at the same time. So I like to think of
maybe personally... So let's say you know somebody

(01:52):
that is a perpetrator in a sex abuse case in your town,
some thoughts that might come to your head are the situation doesn't align
with my values or my idea of the world, and you also might
be thinking, personally, how could I know this person and them do these
awful things. I think this is also compounded whenever we know the
alleged perpetrator personally, if that's like your doctor or even a friend

(02:17):
or a colleague. I think too about an experiment that was done in
1966, it's really telling about victim blaming, so it's the study of women
in a rather large study where groups of women were watching just one
other woman being shocked if she answered some questions incorrectly.

(02:38):
So she would receive these shocks and they would be able to see
that, of course, this woman wasn't actually being shocked, she was just
an actor, but a good one. So initially, these participants were really upset
about this happening to this woman. She looked like she was in a
lot of pain, visibly upset and continuing to happen.

(02:58):
So then they shifted one group in the experiment and they were offered
the ability to compensate the woman with money, when she answered correctly,
and when she did that, that also stopped the shocks for the wrong
answers, so she was compensated for good answers, and it also stopped the
shocks. So they did this, they did surveys at the end and the
results were overwhelming that participants in the group that was able to

(03:23):
stop the shocks had viewed the woman as a good person,
but the group that had no control, viewed her as a bad person
who deserved to be shocked, they saw this overwhelmingly in the result,
so why? Why does this happen? And it goes back to this idea
of experiencing a lack of control, watching this happen.
And if we're able to have this idea and

(03:46):
make up our own thoughts about people in the world, it allows us
to keep a positive view of our world and it reinforces an idea
that bad things only happen to bad people,
it also personally allows us to feel safer this wouldn't or couldn't happen
to me personally because I'm a good person,
so bad things don't happen to me. It literally is just easier and

(04:09):
feels safer for us to blame a victim than to face the reality
of a situation. Thank you so much, Jamie. Yeah, I like that you
said that it just feels safer for us to put the blame on
somebody else than what's actually happening. Yeah, so this leads into our
next idea of selective compassion. Zozan, can you tell us what that is?

(04:32):
Yeah, of course, so selective compassion or selective empathy really is
a concept that suggests we subconsciously or even consciously choose where
we put our empathy and what causes we engage with, and particularly to
whom we are providing empathy and compassion. Often we see certain cultural
expectations and influences surrounding individual behavior, identity and

(04:56):
with experience, the meaning of empathy varies in this practice differently
across cultures, but generally, we understand an empathetic person to be
one to understand and sit with others in their emotions, can share their
pain and would likely care enough to help to the best of their
ability. Empathy, it may come from love or obligation, so it's easy to

(05:21):
say that most people have empathy for their friends, their family,
and those in their close community, but it can be more difficult to
be able to provide that same empathy or compassion for people outside of
the circle, because they may not share the same culture, the same ethnicity,
the same beliefs or the same lifestyle as you,
this really is what encompasses selective empathy, you can look at this

(05:46):
in the global sense as well, where we can see societies often caring
more about the global conflicts that they can relate to,
for example, the war in Ukraine was covered by ABC, CBS and NBC
for a total of 562 minutes in the first month of the war,
that's more coverage than the invasion of Afghanistan in 2001, which was

(06:09):
306 minutes from these top three US networks.
Not to mention, while there was ample coverage of Ukraine, the wars in
Yemen or Ethiopia were simply pushed to the side,
why is that? We can all empathize with the atrocities that are happening
in Ukraine, but why hasn't the response been the same for Ethiopia,

(06:33):
where there have been thousands of casualties and millions of people displaced
as well, this in of itself is reflective of many forms of discrimination,
a lot of political things are involved here, but it really is a
model of what selective compassion and selective empathy look like.
Thank you, Zozan. So how does this relate back to our work with

(06:54):
victims of sexual violence? So when we tie this concept into victim blaming
and how this affects victims of sexual violence, it's important to notice
how and where adequate services are provided, particularly to
who is receiving these services, LGBTQ+ survivors and survivors of color

(07:16):
are generally not provided with the same level of care and compassion as
their white, straight and cisgender counterparts, one of the most re traumatizing
experiences survivors have to face is this constant seeking help, they have
to explain their story, their experiences and their emotions over and over
again, so if you're trying to get help but continue facing barriers such

(07:40):
as racism and discrimination, it would be increasingly difficult and painful
trying to seek out these much needed services, but this is a gap
in the victim service provider community. There are providers that genuinely
want to do good for their communities and care about survivors of sexual
violence, but there are also ones that are not publicly funded and don't

(08:06):
really need to follow certain regulations or oversight, which creates the
perfect situation for what you might think is a provider that is accessible
to all survivors, that actually is not and doesn't have to be.
On the flip side, what's great is that many victim service providers are
focusing on filling this gap and ensuring trauma informed and survivor centered

(08:29):
services, such as many of the rape crisis centers across Pennsylvania who
really adhere to and practice non discriminatory practices.
Well, let's discuss why exactly these practices of victim blaming and selective
compassion are harmful, so they contribute to a victims feeling of shame,
guilt, and it delays healing, victims feel less safe to report and defenders

(08:52):
are less likely to be prosecuted. It also reinforces a dangerous societal
and systemic attitude that defends a perpetrators actions.
The reality is, survivors of sexual violence who are constantly faced with
social barriers that keep them in cycles of trauma and systemic oppression
are those who absolutely need support and should not have to face the

(09:13):
same barriers when seeking help. So Jamie and Zozan, how do we do
better? I think the first thing that comes to my mind is just
challenging and bringing awareness to our own implicit biases, we bring
so much to the table and so much baggage ourselves, and a lot
of the time we are not even aware. It's unconscious. So just not

(09:35):
being afraid to question our own reasoning and to hear if we're making
mistakes, if we do that, we acknowledge it and we move forward in
our learning. That's such a good point, Jamie. And another thing to point
out here is that we know language is powerful,
it's important to actively ensure that we use language that uplifts survivors

(09:56):
of sexual violence and does not stigmatize or discriminate.
I've heard some programs across the nation that
talk about how they work to restore dignity in survivors of sexual violence,
as if they had done something wrong, or just this idea that we
have to restore anything for survivors of sexual violence is horrible to

(10:19):
their healing, to their self esteem, and to society's collective ideas of
what it means to be a survivor of sexual violence. I agree that
language is so important, and I'm such a strong advocate of the idea
that survivors are not broken, and really, I don't think that people can
be broken, survivors don't need corrective or micro managed care to be adequately

(10:41):
supported. And really just listening and learning from the survivor, learning
how to best offer your tools and your support to help meet their
goals, and do that in a way that's trauma informed and with a
public health approach, it's imperative if we want to help pave a path
for survivors to heal and to succeed. Right, exactly.
There are some programs that could benefit from a more introspective evaluation

(11:05):
and it can certainly be a great opportunity to adopt trauma informed and
non discriminatory practices and policies that truly help the survivor and
keep them safe and adequately supported. Programs can also ensure
that their guidelines or stipulations are as clear as possible to survivors
and other providers as well, and they can also learn from other programs

(11:27):
that are prioritizing this kind of equality for survivors.
Great, thank you, Jamie and Zozan. So it sounds like we need to
be aware of the language we're using, how we're saying things,
how we're describing things, meeting the survivors where they're at and
not pushing them to be at a place that we want them to
be, and doing some data and some evaluation, seeing what we need to

(11:51):
do and what we need to continue to change to do better.
If you suspect someone may be in danger or in a situation where
violence or abuse is occurring, please contact 911 and additionally contact
a crisis center or hotline for more information, referrals, trainings or
guidance on the situation. You can always visit the PCAR website at pcar.org.

(12:15):
To find help near you. Additionally, we'll put more resources in our show
notes, including the implicit bias test from Harvard that Jamie mentioned
earlier, and a lot of other great resources for you to continue learning
about this. Thank you both. Thank you. Thanks again. Any views or opinions

(12:39):
expressed on PA Centered by staff or their guests are solely their own
and do not necessarily reflect the opinions of PCAR or PCAR's funders.