April 6, 2024 • 31 mins
As the sun sets on another April, we welcome a time of acceptance that extends far beyond a single month. Imagine shifting this conversation to the heart of summer, when the world is in full bloom, or perhaps as we turn the page to a new school year—moments ripe for the seeds of awareness to take root. Today, I'm going to share a lunar eclipse story, one that unveils the unexpected beauty and chaos of parenting a child with severe autism. It's a tale that might sound familiar to those who walk this path, a narrative that intertwines the challenges of the unexpected with the triumphs of communication breakthroughs.
Parenting a child with severe autism means embracing complexity in every facet of family life. From the mystery of an unusual dark spot to the heartwarming surprise of my son's first full sentences, this episode peels back the curtain on our intricate family dynamic. Hear how the need to collect belongings and a misadventure in the night turn into a moment of pure joy and connection. As I recount how autism has reshaped our routine, including a reduced work schedule to meet home needs, you'll be reminded that sometimes, the messiest moments lead to the greatest leaps forward.
The trek through autism parenting is an uncharted one, filled with day-to-day hurdles and the pivotal moments that test our resolve. Join me as I grapple with the home safety vigilance needed to protect my wandering son, and the delicate dance of balancing his routines with our own self-care, particularly in public spaces like the gym. We're preparing to dive deep into the heartache and hope, acknowledging the solidarity that holds us together. So, I invite you to lean in, share your stories, and find comfort in the shared journey of raising a child with severe autism.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Shannon Chamberlin (00:17):
Hello and welcome to the Parenting Severe
Autism Podcast.
I am your host, shannonChamberlin.
I'm so happy that you're herewith me today.
It is April, Autism AcceptanceMonth now, I believe, and I am
back.
I believe that I am back to beposting regularly scheduled and
posted episodes.
To start out with, there isthat company I mentioned before,
(00:41):
AngelSense, and that's thetracking and monitoring service
with the little thing that getsattached to the child's clothing
.
And for April, for AutismAcceptance Month, they're having
a wonderful sale.
So if you're not a customerthere, you get a free unit and
you just pay the monthly, whichI believe is like $40.
(01:02):
So the unit itself it was over$100 the last time I had to buy
one.
But if you could be so kind asto click my link, because it
doesn't cost you any extra andit helps me earn a little money
off of just being the one thatrecommended it to you, that
would be awesome.
Please listen to my episode oneloping if you would like to
(01:23):
know more about the benefits wehave received by just employing
the AngelSense tracking andmonitoring system and service,
and then you can click my link.
Go right over there during themonth of April 2024 and get
yourself one of those for free.
So you know, just to start offwith April being autism, I
(01:44):
thought it was autism awarenessbut now it's autism acceptance.
Just.
You know, I don't think Aprilis the right month.
I wish it would be more likeJune or July, because that's
when things really seem tomatter, at least for our family,
you know, with you've got July4th, so it would be really nice
(02:04):
for people during the summermonths to become aware of the
things that happen over thesummer, the things that they
might do.
That would affect kids likeours.
And I think that it's also agreat time for teachers and
educators and therapists andanyone involved in the school
system to begin understandingexactly what is going on with
(02:28):
children who have severe autismthat may be coming to their
school for the first time,because the way that my child
was treated in school was likeyou could just erase that autism
off of him and he should fallin line with mainstream classes.
And I just don't think thatApril is a great month to bring
awareness to the sensitivity ofthese kids.
(02:51):
I think it could be plannedbetter.
I think April is a stupid monthfor it to be.
Who cares?
You know who really cares inthe month of April?
Who does it really benefit?
I think it would be much betterif people had it in their face
to accept autism when it'scloser to the 4th of July and
(03:11):
the start of school, or at leastwhen teachers may be thinking
about lesson plans and thingslike that.
Hey, recently there was a lunareclipse and in a couple days
there's gonna be a solar eclipse.
But we had the weirdestexperience - at least, I did.
My spouse was sick and he wasin bed for over a week, so I was
(03:33):
doing all the momming and thedadding and during that time we
also had this lunar eclipse.
And so the night just in caseyou think that moon phases and
moon poles and stuff like thatdon't have anything to do with
our kids, check this out.
The night of the lunar eclipse,everyone seemed to be sleeping
(03:54):
fine.
I didn't get awakened for anyreason.
I woke up in the morning.
It was like five o'clock.
I went upstairs and I noticedthat there was shit all over the
bathroom.
There was just shit everywhere.
So there was shit all over thetoilet seat, all over the side,
like one particular side of thetoilet seat, and it was the side
(04:15):
closest to the tub, which madeno sense.
There's no room there.
But I was thinking what didsomeone like scrape their ass on
the side of the toilet?
Is there?
Did someone like scrape theirass on the side of the toilet?
Is there?
Are we out of toilet paper?
No, everything was in order,but there is just shit
everywhere all over the toilet,and it was so early that that's
all I noticed was it was on theseat and I had to pee.
(04:35):
So that's what I noticed.
Well, I cleaned the toilet seatoff and it was caked on there.
I mean, it took quite a whileto get this thing clean.
Finally, I get it clean and Isee in the tub, right about
where my son's butt wouldnormally go and he was in the
bath the night before there's ashit stain, a big circle of shit
in the tub.
(04:56):
And I'm like, oh my gosh, didhe, did I miss this?
Did he shit himself in the tub?
And so now this is my wake up,right?
I'm trying to make sense of allthese weird things.
I start looking around and Isee little shit smudges on the
floor, on the tile in thebathroom, just here and there.
Weird, weird pattern.
I could not figure it out.
(05:16):
So I'm cleaning this stuff upand couldn't really see because
it's dark in the hall andeverything.
But as time went on that morningI started to notice more and
more things with shit on them.
So I'm just beside myself, Idon't know what is going on.
So there's shit all over thetoilet seat, all over the one
(05:39):
side of the toilet seat.
Got that cleaned up?
Got the floor smudges cleanedup?
Then I notice there's some shitin the hallway on the
unfinished wood floor, just likewhen he was 17 and he dropped
that big ball of shit in thebathroom and stomped it all over
the floor.
So we're back to that and I'mthinking, well, this can't be my
(06:00):
spouse, this has got to be mykid.
I mean, it's got to be him andhe's not up yet and I didn't
want to go in there.
I mean you know, you don't wantto wake it until it's ready.
So I'm just trying to figureeverything out.
I'm wiping down light switchesand doorknobs and handrails and
anything I can think of thatmight have this on there and it
(06:20):
took me altogether about eighthours to put this together, okay
?
So once my son woke up he cameout and he seemed okay when I
went in his room after he wokeup.
The smell was awful.
I go in his room and I see thathe has taken his blankets off
of his bed and put them acrossthe room on this huge pillow
(06:43):
that I got him.
That serves no purpose.
And I tried to ask him whathappened and he's like you know,
jacob poop, jacob poop.
And I'm like, okay, did you,did you put these blankets?
Yes, yes, I put the blankets,or whatever he said, you know.
And I'm like, oh, okay, so Iimmediately take those and put
them in the washing machine.
He won't sleep with a sheet onhis bed, so there's nothing else
(07:06):
to wash but his blankets andhis pillow.
He doesn't have anything on hisbody that I can see, but I was
wondering why there's a perfectcircle of shit stain in the tub.
Over the course of eight hoursI figured out what happened.
So here's what happened.
I think I have seen him and I'veprobably complained about this
in other episodes the way thathe wipes himself.
(07:34):
He takes the toilet paper, dipsit down in the toilet water and
then wipes his butt with it,and I cannot make him stop.
He won't stop.
It's what he does.
It's horrifying, but that'swhat he does and I tried to make
sure that he's at leastflushing the toilet.
But he's 23 and I am notmonitoring his adult bowel
movements.
He goes when he goes and Idon't even know.
(07:54):
But I know what he does and ithorrifies me.
I can't get him to wash hishands properly.
It's just a huge nightmare,okay.
So anyway, knowing how he wipeshis butt, I started to put it
together.
I have also seen when he wasmasturbating into his underwear,
which is another story.
He used to take his underwearoff and try to clean them in the
(08:16):
toilet and if he ever made amess anywhere that was from
below the belt, I would catchhim dipping his underwear in the
toilet water, flushed toiletwater and then trying to remedy
the situation with freshlysoaked underwear out of the
toilet.
I don't know why, I don't know.
Okay, it's just what's going onin his head.
(08:38):
So I realized he said he didpoo and I.
I asked him to the best that wecould communicate with each
other.
I asked him to show me whathappened and it looked like
there might have been anaccident in his bed.
His, his mattress top is brownvelour and very difficult to see
(09:00):
anything, but there was a largedark spot in the middle of the
mattress and that's right wherehis butt lays and that's right
where he is kind of breakingdown the mattress with his
conniptions that he throws inthe bed.
So it's very difficult to tell.
And I got a fresh, clean cottonrag and blotted all over where
(09:22):
this dark spot is and nothingcame up.
It wasn't wet, it wasn't brown,nothing came off of it at all.
So I was very confused.
He kept insisting that hepooped right there in the bed
and it sure smelled like it, butthere was no.
I don't know, I couldn't tell.
So anyway, here's the situationIn my head.
(09:43):
This is what happened.
He thought he was going to fartin the bed.
He shit himself got up,possibly took his underwear off
in his room or walked to thebathroom with his underwear on.
Either way he ended up gettingpoop all the way down the
hallway and on the bathroomfloor.
(10:04):
That could have happened whilehe was in the bathroom or you
know whatever, but one way oranother, during transit, he
dropped some poo everywhere.
He went to the bathroom, tookhis soiled underwear and began
dipping them in the toilet, likehe has done before for other
reasons, and then he used theside of the toilet to kind of
(10:25):
scrape them off and wring themout at the same time, like a
washboard, if you will.
And then he took the wetunderwear to his room and
applied the soaking wetunderwear to his mattress and
who knows how much toilet waterwent through his mattress at
this point.
But he attempted to clean hismattress with the wet, soiled
(10:49):
underwear that he has washed outin the toilet.
Then, when he was done, he wentback to the bathroom and threw
the soiled underwear in the tub.
That's what he always does inthis house with his swimming
trunks.
He's supposed to hang them up,but he throws them in the tub.
So I guess that makes sense,right?
And then he somewhere removedthe most of the blankets from
(11:12):
his bed.
He has three.
He took two of them off and thenwent to bed nude on a wet spot,
I guess.
To the best of my ability,that's what I can figure out.
It is horrifying.
I couldn't get rid of thatsmell for days and I there was
nothing on the floor under thebed.
No water had gone through it.
(11:34):
I don't know, it's a bigmystery, and the only thing I
can think of is that it musthave been some kind of energy
from the full moon and eclipse.
That had happened, the lunareclipse.
He wasn't actually sick, he wasjust tired that morning because
he had been up for hoursdealing with this poo and then
(11:54):
at some point he ran back in thebathroom and got those
underwear out of the tub and putthem in his room.
He does that a lot.
If he knows that some of hisclothing is somewhere else in
the house whether it's in thebathtub to dry, like his
swimming trunks, or if it's likesome socks, just anything If he
has left anything in the house,he won't sleep all night.
(12:17):
He will get up in the wee hoursand he'll collect his stuff and
he'll still obsess over itbecause it's not where he wants
it to be, which is in my room inhis laundry basket.
I hated every minute of that.
There was also anotherdevelopment during the full moon
and after the lunar eclipse orsomething like that.
(12:38):
I don't know right around thattime, but definitely after the
lunar eclipse, he actually useda few different complete
sentences and the one that stoodout the most to me that I
remember.
Right now I wasn't in aposition to write them down.
Usually I write them down toshare them with you.
But the one that I remember isthat he came down here and he
said maybe just leave shoesdownstairs.
(13:00):
As you know, he doesn't getaccess to his shoes.
So he had his shoes on, he tookthem off, put his slippers on,
brought the shoes down herewhere he needs to put them, and
said yeah, maybe just keep shoesdownstairs.
I said, yeah, okay, buddy, andhe goes yeah, maybe just stay
inside because it's too coldoutside.
And I was so proud because henever makes a causal statement.
(13:23):
So if he says he wants to dosomething and you say why, or he
says he feels a certain way andyou say why, if you ask him why
anything, he'll just saybecause of, because of, because
of, and then he'll say somethinglike Superman or Spider-Man or
Batman or something that hasnothing to do with anything.
Right?
So he came up with that all byhimself.
I didn't even ask him why, buthe made a complete sentence and
(13:45):
it was a causal statement, whichwas great, and I don't know if
I'm saying that correctly, butto me that's a correct way to
say it.
He's giving me the because tothe why, and that was really
cool.
That's the first time ever thathe has done that.
So, yay, he had a lot ofbreakthroughs with speech that
week.
They haven't really beenhappening since, but I'm really
(14:08):
the only one to work with him onhis speech and insist that he
tries to talk.
So you know, if I'm not aroundand everyone else, just lets him
do whatever and say whatever hewants, any way he wants to.
Of course we're not going tokeep the gains that we notice,
right?
So, speaking of that theinfluence from me and everyone
else around I mentioned in mylast episode that I may have to
(14:31):
cut down on my work, and I did.
I went down from three days aweek to two days a week, largely
because of the autism.
So the first two weeks of thatadjustment of just me being home
one extra day was absolute hell.
Our son was very upset and wedidn't really talk about it.
(14:51):
I, you know I forgot to mentionto him that I was going to be
around a whole extra day and hewas pretty pissed off about it.
But after that is when Istarted noticing the speech
improvements and yeah, it wasalso around the full moon and
everything.
Who knows if it's me or the moon, but I have been a little more
involved, just by one extra dayhome a week.
(15:14):
So I'm actually home five daysa week, but I have a lot of
other things going on.
I'm trying to make money forour family and I'm not involved
with him constantly like I usedto be for our family and I'm not
involved with him constantlylike I used to be.
So, anyway, I did cut downbecause my spouse, you know he
just can't seem to hold ittogether like I can.
I have been taking care of thischild almost every night of the
(15:37):
week and lots of the afternoonswhen school's not in session,
and I always do the cooking inthe morning.
I mean ever since he was abouteight years old.
Over the last five years I'vebeen, of course, the one working
outside the home and his dad isthe paid caregiver and
everything is different.
But his dad just can't handlethings the way I do and I just
(16:00):
I'm tired of him being somiserable.
That's my spouse now.
I'm tired of him being somiserable and always saying that
he is, you know, a slave.
And I mean we are, we both feelthat way and it sucks, but he's
miserable.
He's much more miserable, Ithink, than I was, at least
verbally.
You know, maybe I didn'tcomplain as much.
(16:20):
I still had a lot of otherthings going on, but I just can
hold it together better.
You know I can multitask better.
I get stuff done better.
I'm not a slave to the cooking.
He insists on just doing theslave cooking all the time and I
, just I, I.
I hate the way things are goingand I want to be around more.
Everything is a fucking fit andI can't take it.
(16:44):
So I'm home from work now alittle bit more.
So if you're out there andyou're wondering why you guys
are not getting along, it's mostlikely because the autism has
made you extremely unhappy andyou don't get to live for
yourself.
You still have to live for theperson who can't function
because of the autism and youhave to do everything.
If you have to do it foryourself, then you also have to
do it of the autism and you haveto do everything.
(17:04):
If you have to do it foryourself, then you also have to
do it for your child, and whenyour child is a full-grown adult
, the needs are greater.
You would think that the adultcould just function, but he
can't, you know.
So everything sucks and we'retrying really hard, he does
still get to go to camp.
I do feel that his anxietycould be reduced more, which
(17:28):
would require another medadjustment, and we just don't
want to mess with the meds.
You know, I've seen some reallybad stuff.
And then New York had a verystrong earthquake and when I
came home from work, this issupposed to be because of the
(17:49):
lunar pull causing such a shiftthat it's causing earthquakes.
I don't know if you've seenthis, but when I got home from
work the boy's energy was offthe charts, intense and angry,
and he was giving me the angry,ugly face constantly and he knew
it and I would tell him stop itand he would go oh you know,
and try to fix it.
But he was.
I mean, you could just see itall over him.
(18:10):
He just wants to be adestructive asshole and he is
looking for a reason and atarget.
So that sucks and we can thankthe upcoming solar eclipse for
that.
You know, with the moonshifting everything around and
it really does make a differencefor our son Maybe not yours,
but it really really sucks.
(18:32):
We did get to get away, me andmy spouse, for three nights last
week.
We left our son with hisgrandfather in this house and we
did allow him to have access toour little apartment downstairs
so he could watch TV by himselfand stuff like that.
And I made sure that hisgrandpa knew to make him take a
break every once in a while andget him out of the apartment and
(18:55):
get him back upstairs and maybetake him for a walk, give him a
bath, do something.
And who knows if that happenedor not, the bathtub did not get
used the entire time we weregone.
So there's that.
But when I did get home I hadalready divvied up his cannabis
and his regular meds and putthem in these little pill boxes
and asked his grandfather tolock them up.
(19:15):
And there was one cannabisgummy left in this container and
I was getting ready to hide itbefore we left and I thought, eh
, you know, screw it.
If he wants to eat an extragummy, then let him eat an extra
gummy.
I don't care, you know, and Idon't know, it was kind of just
a little test and I know itwon't hurt him and he, you know,
all he's going to do is go tosleep or get real giggly.
(19:36):
So when I got home there hadbeen a box of muffins I was
saving for him, that entire boxwas gone and that's the brand is
Bobo's, b-o-b-o-s, I think, andthey're gluten free and they're
delicious.
The apple ones are the onesthat we use really good and it
makes him happy to havesomething new.
So if you ever catch those onsale they're worth it.
(19:57):
So anyway, that box of muffinswas completely gone and sitting
right on top of my garbage.
So you know he wasn't trying tohide it or anything.
And then that medicine gummywas also gone and I was a little
bit shocked and my spouse and Italked about it, just
mentioning that you know it'sjust a reminder of how dependent
(20:19):
he is and how we still reallyhave to watch everything,
because he can open anythingexcept like a safe.
He can't do combinations, butyou know he can open anything
else and you know you just haveto watch it.
And there is another thing I hadto have a discussion with the
grandfather again not too longago because, as you know, our
(20:39):
doors are padlocked from theinside during certain times of
flight risk and we always keepthe front door padlocked at
night because of the things thathad happened in the past.
So the grandfather has beenleaving that padlock.
He'll put it together, but hewon't lock it.
And I mean, there's quite adifference.
You can tell when it's lockedand when it's not.
(21:02):
I don't care how well you lineit up, there's a big difference.
And I've been asking him andasking him, and I haven't.
I have to lock it every singlenight.
Grandfather will go to bed andleave that thing unlocked and I
have to go and lock it.
And finally I went and I toldhim.
I locked it right in front ofhim and I said you need to lock
this lock every night becauseJacob is not stupid and I am so
(21:25):
tired of him being treated likehe is stupid.
I told him he's not stupid andif he gets pissed off and he
decides he wants to run, heknows exactly where to go.
He can get out that door, justlike.
A few weeks before that, my sonwas in the garage when he
shouldn't have been.
It was way too cold for him tobe in there and he was trying to
hang out and watch the TV inthere and the door is supposed
(21:47):
to be locked and I said what thefuck are you letting my kid in
the garage?
For?
Oh well, I didn't let him inthere, but he's in there and no
one else opened the door, youknow.
And he says oh well, he musthave figured out how to open the
lock.
And I had to remind him again.
He is not fucking stupid, hehas autism.
He's not stupid, he knows howto work stuff.
(22:09):
It just I'm so sick of it.
You know, there are so manythings that I need to worry
about, and the last thing Ishould have to worry about is
how his relatives, who live withhim and see him all day, every
day day, think he is fuckingstupid.
When you take it for grantedthat someone is just dumb, you
know, you're not careful anymore, you start leaving shit where
(22:31):
it shouldn't be.
You start opening the door foropportunities for that person to
be put in danger, and this isProbably one of the hardest
lessons that I have to teachpeople and no one wants to learn
this lesson that my child isnot stupid.
So how about that?
Oh, my son and my spouse are nolonger allowed to go to the gym
(22:53):
with me.
This ever really try to sayanything tactfully, as you know.
So I'm just going to tell youthis quick little story.
When we go to the gym, daddywalks around the track with me.
I then go and lift weights.
(23:13):
My thing is keep the child atan acceptable vocal level and
when you're in a large gymnasiumthose sounds echo terribly.
In a large gymnasium thosesounds echo terribly.
Now, for me, certain soundsthat he makes are triggers for
my PTSD that I've developed fromthe way he has been attacking
me for years, and I can't havethat when I'm lifting heavy
(23:37):
weight by myself with no spotterat the gym.
So when I take the child out inpublic I let him know inside
voices, let's be quiet, we don'tmake that noise in here, things
like that.
And all of a sudden he's likeoh okay, I understand why
Because I've raised him for allthese years to be respectful of
(23:58):
other people and use his outsidevoice in an outside space.
But when I am lifting theseheavy weights and he starts
making these heavy, heavy noises, they distract me and I have
gotten hurt every single time.
I am not trying to get hurt atthe gym and all I need is for
him to control himself, and theonly way for him to know to do
(24:20):
that is for the other parentwho's watching him to say hey,
let's not use that voice in here.
Inside voices, we don't makethat noise here, wait until we
get home All of the regular cuesthat he is used to receiving.
And this last time I left theweight room, walked over to
where dad was playing on hisphone and talking to some
(24:41):
stranger and letting the kid dowhatever the hell he wanted, and
I said this is way too loud, Ineed you to control it.
And I went back to the weightroom and he made no effort to
control that noise.
When we left I told him look, Idon't want you to come to the
gym with me anymore.
And he got mad.
We had a huge fight and he saysoh, okay, sure, I'll just tell
(25:01):
my son you can't be autistichere and you know that's not
fair.
That's not fair because I knowfrom experience and from raising
the child that all you have todo is ask him to be good.
He was in a good mood, he justneeded to be redirected.
And it's not fair to tell aperson who is negatively
affected psychologically andgetting hurt physically because
(25:24):
of it that they're being anasshole.
Nobody likes those sounds.
Nobody likes those sounds.
Just because they come with theterritory of having severe
autism doesn't mean it's okay.
All the time he can't regulatehimself.
He relies on us to give him hiscues.
(25:45):
He can't pick up on that byhimself and he knows where his
inside voice is supposed to beused and where his outside voice
is supposed to be used.
But he will always push thelimit until you tell him to do
otherwise, because mentally heis five.
Life is stressful for us rightnow.
I can't seem to stop fightingfor my right to exist.
(26:10):
I've always fought for mychild's right to exist, but now
I have to fight for my peace andmy freedom.
Because the other parentdoesn't want to ruffle the kid's
feathers.
He doesn't want to make thingsworse in the moment.
But let me tell you somethingIf that's the way that we all
functioned, everything is madeworse later.
(26:31):
You have to deal with what isgoing on in the moment and you
have to find a creative,non-destructive way to deal with
it.
The kid needs guidance.
We used to make fun of mybrother-in-law, who has passed.
He used to say about hisgirlfriend's children that you
know, these kids need structure.
(26:52):
They need structure and myspouse thought that was just
really funny and I, you know, Ididn't think anything of it one
way or the other, but we used tolaugh about how my spouse
thought that was really funny.
And you know, the truth is ourchild needs structure and he
relies on us to give it to him.
There is no one else in hislife.
He doesn't have counselors, hedoesn't have teachers, he
(27:15):
doesn't have therapists, it'sjust us.
And if we don't provide himwith that structure and rules
and expectations, he's justferal and it's not okay because
he can't do or think for himself.
It's different if you're justan independent person and you
want to act feral, but he is notindependent and it's not okay
(27:38):
to let him be feral.
It's a full-time job and thensome to keep this child alive.
I noticed when he got a littlebit sick recently and you know
what, that also happened on afull moon he got the pukes.
Yeah, he got the pukes during afull moon.
This recent moon cycle has beenreally crazy, and not all at
(27:58):
once, he wasn't sick like thewhole time, he just I don't know
, but he got the pukes all overthe place and I realized that
you know, geez man, I got toteach him everything.
I have to remind him every yearhow to cough, how to blow his
nose.
I recently had to remind himhow to drink water.
Every day for a week I had toremind him how to drink water
without drowning.
(28:18):
I have to teach him how tothrow up.
He will just let it fly with notarget and it's just everywhere
.
And I, you know, come on, man,I mean you don't learn anything.
You don't remember anythingfrom the other few times in your
life that you have thrown up.
You don't remember that youneed a target, like a bowl or
(28:40):
something.
You just really you're justgoing to let it fly and hit
everything in your path.
You're not even going to try.
You know, I'm still trying toteach him how to wash his hands.
This is a daily thing.
He had been touching me on myhead for a couple months and
I've been wondering why is myhair just getting so dirty so
fast?
It's just greasy all the time.
(29:01):
Well, he ate pizza a couple ofweeks ago and he came down and
his fingers looked really shinyand I was like, did you wash
your hands?
And of course he says my handsare dry.
Well, that's not the answer andit never is, and he always
gives it and I let it slide.
But that day I said let me seeyour hands and I took a paper
towel and wiped his hands andall this orange grease came off
(29:22):
of his fingers and I was likethat's why you have been putting
your food in my hair, damn man.
So I mean, it's just everything.
Everything you know, I'm havinga really hard time with this.
I want to tell you guys aboutwhen things started to go
downhill for us.
I guess I'll have to wait tillmy next episode because I just
(29:42):
keep getting hit with new stuffand I want to go back for you
guys.
I want you to know what hashappened in the past and how
we've come to this point and allthe things that maybe you can
look out for, and I'm justconstantly held up with the new
stuff that's developing.
So, anyhow, in my next episodewe will talk about when things
(30:02):
started to change for the worse.
I'm kind of wondering, you know, is it our fault or is it the
autism?
So that's my next episode,still working on getting dad
nailed down to get a dad'sperspective episode.
Remember to send me yourquestions for dad.
If you have any questions fordad, send them to my email,
that'scontactparentingsevereautism at
(30:25):
gmailcom.
And remember you can buy me acoffee on my Buzzsprout channel.
I think you can do it from anyof the hosting channels,
wherever you find this podcast.
I think there's a little cointhing you can click if you
wanted to help support thepodcast.
But I'm just happy that youfound my podcast.
Thank you for all the downloads.
I've got just over 120downloads on most of my episodes
(30:48):
and that is just amazing.
Every time I get a new followeron my Facebook page or podcast
itself, it's a bittersweet thing.
I'm happy that someone elsefound me, and then I'm just sad
that someone else had to find me, found me, and then I'm just
sad that someone else had tofind me.
This life is hard, you guys.
We just have to keep believingthat right around the corner
(31:09):
there is going to be some kindof help, some kind of relief.
And if you watch the otherparents in the Facebook groups,
if you're on any of those groups, you know you do see once in a
while that something nicehappens for families like ours.
You hang in there, you're asuperhero.
Hello and welcome to the Parenting Severe
Autism Podcast.
I am your host, shannonChamberlin.
I'm so happy that you're herewith me today.
It is April, Autism AcceptanceMonth now, I believe, and I am
back.
I believe that I am back to beposting regularly scheduled and
posted episodes.
To start out with, there isthat company I mentioned before,
(00:41):
AngelSense, and that's thetracking and monitoring service
with the little thing that getsattached to the child's clothing
.
And for April, for AutismAcceptance Month, they're having
a wonderful sale.
So if you're not a customerthere, you get a free unit and
you just pay the monthly, whichI believe is like $40.
(01:02):
So the unit itself it was over$100 the last time I had to buy
one.
But if you could be so kind asto click my link, because it
doesn't cost you any extra andit helps me earn a little money
off of just being the one thatrecommended it to you, that
would be awesome.
Please listen to my episode oneloping if you would like to
(01:23):
know more about the benefits wehave received by just employing
the AngelSense tracking andmonitoring system and service,
and then you can click my link.
Go right over there during themonth of April 2024 and get
yourself one of those for free.
So you know, just to start offwith April being autism, I
(01:44):
thought it was autism awarenessbut now it's autism acceptance.
Just.
You know, I don't think Aprilis the right month.
I wish it would be more likeJune or July, because that's
when things really seem tomatter, at least for our family,
you know, with you've got July4th, so it would be really nice
(02:04):
for people during the summermonths to become aware of the
things that happen over thesummer, the things that they
might do.
That would affect kids likeours.
And I think that it's also agreat time for teachers and
educators and therapists andanyone involved in the school
system to begin understandingexactly what is going on with
(02:28):
children who have severe autismthat may be coming to their
school for the first time,because the way that my child
was treated in school was likeyou could just erase that autism
off of him and he should fallin line with mainstream classes.
And I just don't think thatApril is a great month to bring
awareness to the sensitivity ofthese kids.
(02:51):
I think it could be plannedbetter.
I think April is a stupid monthfor it to be.
Who cares?
You know who really cares inthe month of April?
Who does it really benefit?
I think it would be much betterif people had it in their face
to accept autism when it'scloser to the 4th of July and
(03:11):
the start of school, or at leastwhen teachers may be thinking
about lesson plans and thingslike that.
Hey, recently there was a lunareclipse and in a couple days
there's gonna be a solar eclipse.
But we had the weirdestexperience - at least, I did.
My spouse was sick and he wasin bed for over a week, so I was
(03:33):
doing all the momming and thedadding and during that time we
also had this lunar eclipse.
And so the night just in caseyou think that moon phases and
moon poles and stuff like thatdon't have anything to do with
our kids, check this out.
The night of the lunar eclipse,everyone seemed to be sleeping
(03:54):
fine.
I didn't get awakened for anyreason.
I woke up in the morning.
It was like five o'clock.
I went upstairs and I noticedthat there was shit all over the
bathroom.
There was just shit everywhere.
So there was shit all over thetoilet seat, all over the side,
like one particular side of thetoilet seat, and it was the side
(04:15):
closest to the tub, which madeno sense.
There's no room there.
But I was thinking what didsomeone like scrape their ass on
the side of the toilet?
Is there?
Did someone like scrape theirass on the side of the toilet?
Is there?
Are we out of toilet paper?
No, everything was in order,but there is just shit
everywhere all over the toilet,and it was so early that that's
all I noticed was it was on theseat and I had to pee.
(04:35):
So that's what I noticed.
Well, I cleaned the toilet seatoff and it was caked on there.
I mean, it took quite a whileto get this thing clean.
Finally, I get it clean and Isee in the tub, right about
where my son's butt wouldnormally go and he was in the
bath the night before there's ashit stain, a big circle of shit
in the tub.
(04:56):
And I'm like, oh my gosh, didhe, did I miss this?
Did he shit himself in the tub?
And so now this is my wake up,right?
I'm trying to make sense of allthese weird things.
I start looking around and Isee little shit smudges on the
floor, on the tile in thebathroom, just here and there.
Weird, weird pattern.
I could not figure it out.
(05:16):
So I'm cleaning this stuff upand couldn't really see because
it's dark in the hall andeverything.
But as time went on that morningI started to notice more and
more things with shit on them.
So I'm just beside myself, Idon't know what is going on.
So there's shit all over thetoilet seat, all over the one
(05:39):
side of the toilet seat.
Got that cleaned up?
Got the floor smudges cleanedup?
Then I notice there's some shitin the hallway on the
unfinished wood floor, just likewhen he was 17 and he dropped
that big ball of shit in thebathroom and stomped it all over
the floor.
So we're back to that and I'mthinking, well, this can't be my
(06:00):
spouse, this has got to be mykid.
I mean, it's got to be him andhe's not up yet and I didn't
want to go in there.
I mean you know, you don't wantto wake it until it's ready.
So I'm just trying to figureeverything out.
I'm wiping down light switchesand doorknobs and handrails and
anything I can think of thatmight have this on there and it
(06:20):
took me altogether about eighthours to put this together, okay
?
So once my son woke up he cameout and he seemed okay when I
went in his room after he wokeup.
The smell was awful.
I go in his room and I see thathe has taken his blankets off
of his bed and put them acrossthe room on this huge pillow
(06:43):
that I got him.
That serves no purpose.
And I tried to ask him whathappened and he's like you know,
jacob poop, jacob poop.
And I'm like, okay, did you,did you put these blankets?
Yes, yes, I put the blankets,or whatever he said, you know.
And I'm like, oh, okay, so Iimmediately take those and put
them in the washing machine.
He won't sleep with a sheet onhis bed, so there's nothing else
(07:06):
to wash but his blankets andhis pillow.
He doesn't have anything on hisbody that I can see, but I was
wondering why there's a perfectcircle of shit stain in the tub.
Over the course of eight hoursI figured out what happened.
So here's what happened.
I think I have seen him and I'veprobably complained about this
in other episodes the way thathe wipes himself.
(07:34):
He takes the toilet paper, dipsit down in the toilet water and
then wipes his butt with it,and I cannot make him stop.
He won't stop.
It's what he does.
It's horrifying, but that'swhat he does and I tried to make
sure that he's at leastflushing the toilet.
But he's 23 and I am notmonitoring his adult bowel
movements.
He goes when he goes and Idon't even know.
(07:54):
But I know what he does and ithorrifies me.
I can't get him to wash hishands properly.
It's just a huge nightmare,okay.
So anyway, knowing how he wipeshis butt, I started to put it
together.
I have also seen when he wasmasturbating into his underwear,
which is another story.
He used to take his underwearoff and try to clean them in the
(08:16):
toilet and if he ever made amess anywhere that was from
below the belt, I would catchhim dipping his underwear in the
toilet water, flushed toiletwater and then trying to remedy
the situation with freshlysoaked underwear out of the
toilet.
I don't know why, I don't know.
Okay, it's just what's going onin his head.
(08:38):
So I realized he said he didpoo and I.
I asked him to the best that wecould communicate with each
other.
I asked him to show me whathappened and it looked like
there might have been anaccident in his bed.
His, his mattress top is brownvelour and very difficult to see
(09:00):
anything, but there was a largedark spot in the middle of the
mattress and that's right wherehis butt lays and that's right
where he is kind of breakingdown the mattress with his
conniptions that he throws inthe bed.
So it's very difficult to tell.
And I got a fresh, clean cottonrag and blotted all over where
(09:22):
this dark spot is and nothingcame up.
It wasn't wet, it wasn't brown,nothing came off of it at all.
So I was very confused.
He kept insisting that hepooped right there in the bed
and it sure smelled like it, butthere was no.
I don't know, I couldn't tell.
So anyway, here's the situationIn my head.
(09:43):
This is what happened.
He thought he was going to fartin the bed.
He shit himself got up,possibly took his underwear off
in his room or walked to thebathroom with his underwear on.
Either way he ended up gettingpoop all the way down the
hallway and on the bathroomfloor.
(10:04):
That could have happened whilehe was in the bathroom or you
know whatever, but one way oranother, during transit, he
dropped some poo everywhere.
He went to the bathroom, tookhis soiled underwear and began
dipping them in the toilet, likehe has done before for other
reasons, and then he used theside of the toilet to kind of
(10:25):
scrape them off and wring themout at the same time, like a
washboard, if you will.
And then he took the wetunderwear to his room and
applied the soaking wetunderwear to his mattress and
who knows how much toilet waterwent through his mattress at
this point.
But he attempted to clean hismattress with the wet, soiled
(10:49):
underwear that he has washed outin the toilet.
Then, when he was done, he wentback to the bathroom and threw
the soiled underwear in the tub.
That's what he always does inthis house with his swimming
trunks.
He's supposed to hang them up,but he throws them in the tub.
So I guess that makes sense,right?
And then he somewhere removedthe most of the blankets from
(11:12):
his bed.
He has three.
He took two of them off and thenwent to bed nude on a wet spot,
I guess.
To the best of my ability,that's what I can figure out.
It is horrifying.
I couldn't get rid of thatsmell for days and I there was
nothing on the floor under thebed.
No water had gone through it.
(11:34):
I don't know, it's a bigmystery, and the only thing I
can think of is that it musthave been some kind of energy
from the full moon and eclipse.
That had happened, the lunareclipse.
He wasn't actually sick, he wasjust tired that morning because
he had been up for hoursdealing with this poo and then
(11:54):
at some point he ran back in thebathroom and got those
underwear out of the tub and putthem in his room.
He does that a lot.
If he knows that some of hisclothing is somewhere else in
the house whether it's in thebathtub to dry, like his
swimming trunks, or if it's likesome socks, just anything If he
has left anything in the house,he won't sleep all night.
(12:17):
He will get up in the wee hoursand he'll collect his stuff and
he'll still obsess over itbecause it's not where he wants
it to be, which is in my room inhis laundry basket.
I hated every minute of that.
There was also anotherdevelopment during the full moon
and after the lunar eclipse orsomething like that.
(12:38):
I don't know right around thattime, but definitely after the
lunar eclipse, he actually useda few different complete
sentences and the one that stoodout the most to me that I
remember.
Right now I wasn't in aposition to write them down.
Usually I write them down toshare them with you.
But the one that I remember isthat he came down here and he
said maybe just leave shoesdownstairs.
(13:00):
As you know, he doesn't getaccess to his shoes.
So he had his shoes on, he tookthem off, put his slippers on,
brought the shoes down herewhere he needs to put them, and
said yeah, maybe just keep shoesdownstairs.
I said, yeah, okay, buddy, andhe goes yeah, maybe just stay
inside because it's too coldoutside.
And I was so proud because henever makes a causal statement.
(13:23):
So if he says he wants to dosomething and you say why, or he
says he feels a certain way andyou say why, if you ask him why
anything, he'll just saybecause of, because of, because
of, and then he'll say somethinglike Superman or Spider-Man or
Batman or something that hasnothing to do with anything.
Right?
So he came up with that all byhimself.
I didn't even ask him why, buthe made a complete sentence and
(13:45):
it was a causal statement, whichwas great, and I don't know if
I'm saying that correctly, butto me that's a correct way to
say it.
He's giving me the because tothe why, and that was really
cool.
That's the first time ever thathe has done that.
So, yay, he had a lot ofbreakthroughs with speech that
week.
They haven't really beenhappening since, but I'm really
(14:08):
the only one to work with him onhis speech and insist that he
tries to talk.
So you know, if I'm not aroundand everyone else, just lets him
do whatever and say whatever hewants, any way he wants to.
Of course we're not going tokeep the gains that we notice,
right?
So, speaking of that theinfluence from me and everyone
else around I mentioned in mylast episode that I may have to
(14:31):
cut down on my work, and I did.
I went down from three days aweek to two days a week, largely
because of the autism.
So the first two weeks of thatadjustment of just me being home
one extra day was absolute hell.
Our son was very upset and wedidn't really talk about it.
(14:51):
I, you know I forgot to mentionto him that I was going to be
around a whole extra day and hewas pretty pissed off about it.
But after that is when Istarted noticing the speech
improvements and yeah, it wasalso around the full moon and
everything.
Who knows if it's me or the moon, but I have been a little more
involved, just by one extra dayhome a week.
(15:14):
So I'm actually home five daysa week, but I have a lot of
other things going on.
I'm trying to make money forour family and I'm not involved
with him constantly like I usedto be for our family and I'm not
involved with him constantlylike I used to be.
So, anyway, I did cut downbecause my spouse, you know he
just can't seem to hold ittogether like I can.
I have been taking care of thischild almost every night of the
(15:37):
week and lots of the afternoonswhen school's not in session,
and I always do the cooking inthe morning.
I mean ever since he was abouteight years old.
Over the last five years I'vebeen, of course, the one working
outside the home and his dad isthe paid caregiver and
everything is different.
But his dad just can't handlethings the way I do and I just
(16:00):
I'm tired of him being somiserable.
That's my spouse now.
I'm tired of him being somiserable and always saying that
he is, you know, a slave.
And I mean we are, we both feelthat way and it sucks, but he's
miserable.
He's much more miserable, Ithink, than I was, at least
verbally.
You know, maybe I didn'tcomplain as much.
(16:20):
I still had a lot of otherthings going on, but I just can
hold it together better.
You know I can multitask better.
I get stuff done better.
I'm not a slave to the cooking.
He insists on just doing theslave cooking all the time and I
, just I, I.
I hate the way things are goingand I want to be around more.
Everything is a fucking fit andI can't take it.
(16:44):
So I'm home from work now alittle bit more.
So if you're out there andyou're wondering why you guys
are not getting along, it's mostlikely because the autism has
made you extremely unhappy andyou don't get to live for
yourself.
You still have to live for theperson who can't function
because of the autism and youhave to do everything.
If you have to do it foryourself, then you also have to
do it of the autism and you haveto do everything.
(17:04):
If you have to do it foryourself, then you also have to
do it for your child, and whenyour child is a full-grown adult
, the needs are greater.
You would think that the adultcould just function, but he
can't, you know.
So everything sucks and we'retrying really hard, he does
still get to go to camp.
I do feel that his anxietycould be reduced more, which
(17:28):
would require another medadjustment, and we just don't
want to mess with the meds.
You know, I've seen some reallybad stuff.
And then New York had a verystrong earthquake and when I
came home from work, this issupposed to be because of the
(17:49):
lunar pull causing such a shiftthat it's causing earthquakes.
I don't know if you've seenthis, but when I got home from
work the boy's energy was offthe charts, intense and angry,
and he was giving me the angry,ugly face constantly and he knew
it and I would tell him stop itand he would go oh you know,
and try to fix it.
But he was.
I mean, you could just see itall over him.
(18:10):
He just wants to be adestructive asshole and he is
looking for a reason and atarget.
So that sucks and we can thankthe upcoming solar eclipse for
that.
You know, with the moonshifting everything around and
it really does make a differencefor our son Maybe not yours,
but it really really sucks.
(18:32):
We did get to get away, me andmy spouse, for three nights last
week.
We left our son with hisgrandfather in this house and we
did allow him to have access toour little apartment downstairs
so he could watch TV by himselfand stuff like that.
And I made sure that hisgrandpa knew to make him take a
break every once in a while andget him out of the apartment and
(18:55):
get him back upstairs and maybetake him for a walk, give him a
bath, do something.
And who knows if that happenedor not, the bathtub did not get
used the entire time we weregone.
So there's that.
But when I did get home I hadalready divvied up his cannabis
and his regular meds and putthem in these little pill boxes
and asked his grandfather tolock them up.
(19:15):
And there was one cannabisgummy left in this container and
I was getting ready to hide itbefore we left and I thought, eh
, you know, screw it.
If he wants to eat an extragummy, then let him eat an extra
gummy.
I don't care, you know, and Idon't know, it was kind of just
a little test and I know itwon't hurt him and he, you know,
all he's going to do is go tosleep or get real giggly.
(19:36):
So when I got home there hadbeen a box of muffins I was
saving for him, that entire boxwas gone and that's the brand is
Bobo's, b-o-b-o-s, I think, andthey're gluten free and they're
delicious.
The apple ones are the onesthat we use really good and it
makes him happy to havesomething new.
So if you ever catch those onsale they're worth it.
(19:57):
So anyway, that box of muffinswas completely gone and sitting
right on top of my garbage.
So you know he wasn't trying tohide it or anything.
And then that medicine gummywas also gone and I was a little
bit shocked and my spouse and Italked about it, just
mentioning that you know it'sjust a reminder of how dependent
(20:19):
he is and how we still reallyhave to watch everything,
because he can open anythingexcept like a safe.
He can't do combinations, butyou know he can open anything
else and you know you just haveto watch it.
And there is another thing I hadto have a discussion with the
grandfather again not too longago because, as you know, our
(20:39):
doors are padlocked from theinside during certain times of
flight risk and we always keepthe front door padlocked at
night because of the things thathad happened in the past.
So the grandfather has beenleaving that padlock.
He'll put it together, but hewon't lock it.
And I mean, there's quite adifference.
You can tell when it's lockedand when it's not.
(21:02):
I don't care how well you lineit up, there's a big difference.
And I've been asking him andasking him, and I haven't.
I have to lock it every singlenight.
Grandfather will go to bed andleave that thing unlocked and I
have to go and lock it.
And finally I went and I toldhim.
I locked it right in front ofhim and I said you need to lock
this lock every night becauseJacob is not stupid and I am so
(21:25):
tired of him being treated likehe is stupid.
I told him he's not stupid andif he gets pissed off and he
decides he wants to run, heknows exactly where to go.
He can get out that door, justlike.
A few weeks before that, my sonwas in the garage when he
shouldn't have been.
It was way too cold for him tobe in there and he was trying to
hang out and watch the TV inthere and the door is supposed
(21:47):
to be locked and I said what thefuck are you letting my kid in
the garage?
For?
Oh well, I didn't let him inthere, but he's in there and no
one else opened the door, youknow.
And he says oh well, he musthave figured out how to open the
lock.
And I had to remind him again.
He is not fucking stupid, hehas autism.
He's not stupid, he knows howto work stuff.
(22:09):
It just I'm so sick of it.
You know, there are so manythings that I need to worry
about, and the last thing Ishould have to worry about is
how his relatives, who live withhim and see him all day, every
day day, think he is fuckingstupid.
When you take it for grantedthat someone is just dumb, you
know, you're not careful anymore, you start leaving shit where
(22:31):
it shouldn't be.
You start opening the door foropportunities for that person to
be put in danger, and this isProbably one of the hardest
lessons that I have to teachpeople and no one wants to learn
this lesson that my child isnot stupid.
So how about that?
Oh, my son and my spouse are nolonger allowed to go to the gym
(22:53):
with me.
This ever really try to sayanything tactfully, as you know.
So I'm just going to tell youthis quick little story.
When we go to the gym, daddywalks around the track with me.
I then go and lift weights.
(23:13):
My thing is keep the child atan acceptable vocal level and
when you're in a large gymnasiumthose sounds echo terribly.
In a large gymnasium thosesounds echo terribly.
Now, for me, certain soundsthat he makes are triggers for
my PTSD that I've developed fromthe way he has been attacking
me for years, and I can't havethat when I'm lifting heavy
(23:37):
weight by myself with no spotterat the gym.
So when I take the child out inpublic I let him know inside
voices, let's be quiet, we don'tmake that noise in here, things
like that.
And all of a sudden he's likeoh okay, I understand why
Because I've raised him for allthese years to be respectful of
(23:58):
other people and use his outsidevoice in an outside space.
But when I am lifting theseheavy weights and he starts
making these heavy, heavy noises, they distract me and I have
gotten hurt every single time.
I am not trying to get hurt atthe gym and all I need is for
him to control himself, and theonly way for him to know to do
(24:20):
that is for the other parentwho's watching him to say hey,
let's not use that voice in here.
Inside voices, we don't makethat noise here, wait until we
get home All of the regular cuesthat he is used to receiving.
And this last time I left theweight room, walked over to
where dad was playing on hisphone and talking to some
(24:41):
stranger and letting the kid dowhatever the hell he wanted, and
I said this is way too loud, Ineed you to control it.
And I went back to the weightroom and he made no effort to
control that noise.
When we left I told him look, Idon't want you to come to the
gym with me anymore.
And he got mad.
We had a huge fight and he saysoh, okay, sure, I'll just tell
(25:01):
my son you can't be autistichere and you know that's not
fair.
That's not fair because I knowfrom experience and from raising
the child that all you have todo is ask him to be good.
He was in a good mood, he justneeded to be redirected.
And it's not fair to tell aperson who is negatively
affected psychologically andgetting hurt physically because
(25:24):
of it that they're being anasshole.
Nobody likes those sounds.
Nobody likes those sounds.
Just because they come with theterritory of having severe
autism doesn't mean it's okay.
All the time he can't regulatehimself.
He relies on us to give him hiscues.
(25:45):
He can't pick up on that byhimself and he knows where his
inside voice is supposed to beused and where his outside voice
is supposed to be used.
But he will always push thelimit until you tell him to do
otherwise, because mentally heis five.
Life is stressful for us rightnow.
I can't seem to stop fightingfor my right to exist.
(26:10):
I've always fought for mychild's right to exist, but now
I have to fight for my peace andmy freedom.
Because the other parentdoesn't want to ruffle the kid's
feathers.
He doesn't want to make thingsworse in the moment.
But let me tell you somethingIf that's the way that we all
functioned, everything is madeworse later.
(26:31):
You have to deal with what isgoing on in the moment and you
have to find a creative,non-destructive way to deal with
it.
The kid needs guidance.
We used to make fun of mybrother-in-law, who has passed.
He used to say about hisgirlfriend's children that you
know, these kids need structure.
(26:52):
They need structure and myspouse thought that was just
really funny and I, you know, Ididn't think anything of it one
way or the other, but we used tolaugh about how my spouse
thought that was really funny.
And you know, the truth is ourchild needs structure and he
relies on us to give it to him.
There is no one else in hislife.
He doesn't have counselors, hedoesn't have teachers, he
(27:15):
doesn't have therapists, it'sjust us.
And if we don't provide himwith that structure and rules
and expectations, he's justferal and it's not okay because
he can't do or think for himself.
It's different if you're justan independent person and you
want to act feral, but he is notindependent and it's not okay
(27:38):
to let him be feral.
It's a full-time job and thensome to keep this child alive.
I noticed when he got a littlebit sick recently and you know
what, that also happened on afull moon he got the pukes.
Yeah, he got the pukes during afull moon.
This recent moon cycle has beenreally crazy, and not all at
(27:58):
once, he wasn't sick like thewhole time, he just I don't know
, but he got the pukes all overthe place and I realized that
you know, geez man, I got toteach him everything.
I have to remind him every yearhow to cough, how to blow his
nose.
I recently had to remind himhow to drink water.
Every day for a week I had toremind him how to drink water
without drowning.
(28:18):
I have to teach him how tothrow up.
He will just let it fly with notarget and it's just everywhere
.
And I, you know, come on, man,I mean you don't learn anything.
You don't remember anythingfrom the other few times in your
life that you have thrown up.
You don't remember that youneed a target, like a bowl or
(28:40):
something.
You just really you're justgoing to let it fly and hit
everything in your path.
You're not even going to try.
You know, I'm still trying toteach him how to wash his hands.
This is a daily thing.
He had been touching me on myhead for a couple months and
I've been wondering why is myhair just getting so dirty so
fast?
It's just greasy all the time.
(29:01):
Well, he ate pizza a couple ofweeks ago and he came down and
his fingers looked really shinyand I was like, did you wash
your hands?
And of course he says my handsare dry.
Well, that's not the answer andit never is, and he always
gives it and I let it slide.
But that day I said let me seeyour hands and I took a paper
towel and wiped his hands andall this orange grease came off
(29:22):
of his fingers and I was likethat's why you have been putting
your food in my hair, damn man.
So I mean, it's just everything.
Everything you know, I'm havinga really hard time with this.
I want to tell you guys aboutwhen things started to go
downhill for us.
I guess I'll have to wait tillmy next episode because I just
(29:42):
keep getting hit with new stuffand I want to go back for you
guys.
I want you to know what hashappened in the past and how
we've come to this point and allthe things that maybe you can
look out for, and I'm justconstantly held up with the new
stuff that's developing.
So, anyhow, in my next episodewe will talk about when things
(30:02):
started to change for the worse.
I'm kind of wondering, you know, is it our fault or is it the
autism?
So that's my next episode,still working on getting dad
nailed down to get a dad'sperspective episode.
Remember to send me yourquestions for dad.
If you have any questions fordad, send them to my email,
that'scontactparentingsevereautism at
(30:25):
gmailcom.
And remember you can buy me acoffee on my Buzzsprout channel.
I think you can do it from anyof the hosting channels,
wherever you find this podcast.
I think there's a little cointhing you can click if you
wanted to help support thepodcast.
But I'm just happy that youfound my podcast.
Thank you for all the downloads.
I've got just over 120downloads on most of my episodes
(30:48):
and that is just amazing.
Every time I get a new followeron my Facebook page or podcast
itself, it's a bittersweet thing.
I'm happy that someone elsefound me, and then I'm just sad
that someone else had to find me, found me, and then I'm just
sad that someone else had tofind me.
This life is hard, you guys.
We just have to keep believingthat right around the corner
(31:09):
there is going to be some kindof help, some kind of relief.
And if you watch the otherparents in the Facebook groups,
if you're on any of those groups, you know you do see once in a
while that something nicehappens for families like ours.
You hang in there, you're asuperhero.
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