Parenting a Defiant Teen: How to Set Limits When Consequences Don't Work

Are you stuck in constant battles with your teen—no matter how many consequences you hand out? You're not alone. In this episode of Parenting Teens with Dr. Cam, I sit down with renowned psychologist and TEDx speaker Dr. Paul Sunseri, author of Gentle Parenting Reimagined. With over 40 years of experience, Dr. Sunseri offers parents a powerful shift: how to stay calm, set firm boundaries, and transform behavior—without yelling or giving in. If you’ve got a strong-willed or defiant teen, this episode will be a game-changer.

 

WHAT YOU'LL LEARN IN THIS EPISODE

• What to do when consequences no longer work with your teen

• How to set effective boundaries without yelling or power struggles

• The difference between gentle parenting and permissiveness

• How to tie privileges (like screen time) to responsibility

 

5 KEY TAKEAWAYS FOR PARENTS OF TEENS

1. Shift from “Fixing the Kid” to Changing the Dynamic: Teen defiance is often about the relationship, not just behavior. Focus on how you respond.

2. Speak Calmly and Clearly: Avoid emotional reactions. Use matter-of-fact requests to maintain authority without fueling conflict.

3. Use Privileges Strategically: Tie screen time and other privileges to daily responsibilities—then follow through consistently.

4. Expect Resistance, But Stay the Course: Change won’t happen overnight. Stay patient and consistent even when it’s tough.

5. Believe in Their Ability to Grow: Set high (yet compassionate) expectations. Let them fail and learn—it’s how resilience is built.

 

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RESOURCES MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE

• Gentle Parenting When to Lean Out Instead of Leaning In – Psychology Today

• Consequences Don’t Work With My Kid – Psychology Today

• Gentle Parenting Deserves Another Chance – Today’s Parent

 

CONNECT WITH OUR GUEST: Dr. Paul Sunseri

• Website: myIFFT.org

• Instagram: @dr_paul_challengingkids

• YouTube: Dr. Paul Sunseri

 

CONNECT WITH YOUR HOST: Dr. Cam Caswell

• Website: AskDrCam.com

• Instagram: @DrCamCaswell

• TikTok: @the.teen.translator

• YouTube: Parenting Teens with Dr. Cam

• Facebook: @DrCamCaswell

 

EPISODE CHAPTERS:

00:00 Understanding Defiance in Teens 05:13 The Bi-Directional Influence of Behavior 10:05 Common Mistakes Parents Make 18:10 Navigating Emotional Regulation 28:03 Strategies for Managing Household Responsibilities 30:36 The Autonomy Dilemma in Parenting 32:26 Effective Communication Strategies with Teens 34:20 Flexibi