July 28, 2025 • 45 mins
In today's episode, we had the great opportunity to speak with an amazing author who is changing the outlook on aging! Dr. Corinne Auman, a care management expert and author of "Keenagers: Telling a New Story About Aging," joins us to challenge the overwhelming negativity surrounding the aging process.
Drawing from both professional expertise and personal experience caring for family members with dementia and Parkinson's, Dr. Corinne reveals a profound truth: how we think about aging largely determines how our aging journey unfolds. Those with positive attitudes toward their later years tend to prepare comprehensively, not just financially but emotionally, socially, physically, and spiritually. Meanwhile, those dreading age-related decline often avoid planning altogether, inadvertently creating the very crises they fear.
The language we use matters deeply. When searching for words to describe aging positively while writing her book, Dr. Corinne discovered our vocabulary is dominated by negative terms. This linguistic limitation reflects and reinforces our cultural attitudes. "Keenagers"—older adults who are highly developed and maintain strong interests—offers a fresh alternative that celebrates continued engagement rather than withdrawal.
For caregivers, especially, this perspective shift is transformative. Whether you're currently caregiving or simply wanting to approach your future with greater intention, Dr. Corinne's insights will inspire you to write a new story about aging—one filled with purpose, possibility, and continued growth.
Have you started planning for your aging journey?
To learn more about Dr. Auman, visit corinneauman.com.
Host: J Smiles Comedy
Producer: Mia Hall
Editor: Annelise Udoye
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
When I was trying to write a book about let's talk
positively about aging.
It is really really difficultto do that because so much of
the language around aging isnegative.
If you just go Google synonymsfor older, adult or for aging,
the words are really terrible.
We have a lot of negative wordsabout aging and a few kind of
(00:23):
neutral ones, but very fewpositive words.
I mean about the best you getis like active ager or elder,
but just there's not much justbecause you turn 50, 55, 60 and
your body may be doing.
Speaker 2 (00:40):
maybe your body has limitations it didn't have when
you were 30.
But your body also can do somethings and so I love this, the
way you're marrying these twothoughts.
It's like the problems andissues of one allow you to see
the possibility and optimism incatching people before you need
(01:07):
to hire my care managementcompany.
So okay, before you need,before you're in the crisis, you
can start over here in thisbook and maybe set your own
course, and the crisis might notever happen.
Speaker 1 (01:20):
How you think about your own aging is going to shape
how that aging journey goes foryou.
So what I see in my caremanagement practice is people
who are looking forward togrowing older.
They are thinking the bestyears are ahead of me, this is
(01:40):
going to be great, I'm going tohave a good time right.
Those are the people who.
Speaker 2 (01:46):
Parenting Up caregiving adventures with
comedian J Smiles is the intensejourney of unexpectedly being
fully responsible for my mama.
For over a decade I've beenchipping away at the unknown,
advocating for her and pushingAlzheimer's awareness on anyone
and anything with a heartbeat.
(02:07):
Spoiler alert this shit isheavy.
That's why I started doingcomedy.
So be ready for the jokes.
Caregiver newbies, ogs andvillage members just willing to
prop up a caregiver.
You are in the right place.
Hi, this is Zeddy.
(02:27):
I hope you enjoy my daughter'spodcast.
You double K Day supporter.
Shout out Cassandra Wheeler.
Ah Lord, three exclamationpoints.
(02:51):
This was so good.
I put it on while I'm workinghere at my desk from home, made
me miss a meeting and everything.
With the emoji with the girlwith her hand all in her face.
Y'all know what I'm talkingabout.
Thank you, janae, for not onlychampioning and journaling your
journey with Zetty, but forcreating this platform and
sharing your story with theworld and opening up an avenue
(03:16):
for all caregivers to learn.
Share love and laugh.
Love and laugh.
Appreciate you so much, sis.
Congrats on your continuedsuccess With all kind of emoji
(03:37):
kissy faces, hearts, the littleheart extra with the fingers,
praying hands, fist bumps andall the good jazz.
Now, if you want to be therecipient of a supporter, shout
out.
You know what to do.
Leave a review on ApplePodcasts, ig, youtube or join
the text community.
(03:58):
You know what it is Today'sepisode Keen Aging how Modern
Elders Are Rewriting Growing Old, parenting Up Community.
I know you all are like JaceMiles.
How are you excited again?
Well, I'm excited whenever Ifind good people doing the work,
(04:19):
the hard work, of being acaregiver, and they have
personal experience,professional experience and they
want to share.
It's not a lot of people whohave the courage or the guts or
the personality to want to share, and I have one such individual
with me right now.
Dr Corrine, how are you doing?
Speaker 1 (04:41):
I'm doing great today .
How are you?
Speaker 2 (04:43):
I'm fantastic.
Thank you for joining us.
Speaker 1 (04:46):
Yeah, thanks for having me.
Speaker 2 (04:48):
Now you have a multitude of caregiving hats.
You've cared for people in yourbloodline and you care for
people in your legal line, somein-laws.
I don't know which one youwould prefer to choose.
To start with you, let us know.
Speaker 1 (05:07):
Oh, the in-laws have since passed away, so they're
they're done.
I'm currently involved with myown parents and their care, so
we can talk historical or we cantalk current either one.
Speaker 2 (05:25):
Absolutely.
I would like you to give us alittle bit of both, because
caring for an in-law has adifferent emotional and
psychological vantage point thancaring for one's parent
typically, and once a caregiver,always a caregiver.
So, to the extent that you'recomfortable sharing what your
(05:46):
capacity was for your in-laws,what involvement you had with
their care and what diseasesthey were diagnosed with, Sure.
Speaker 1 (05:57):
So this is, in particular, my father-in-law who
had dementia father-in-law whohad dementia, and I'm in a
little bit of a unique situationbecause I do run a company that
is a care management agency, soI do have more experience in
the field than a typicalcaregiver might have, and so
(06:20):
that's a little bit.
Speaker 2 (06:21):
Hold on, dr Corrine, I'm going to look, I'm going to
go ahead and spice that up.
Honey, you have way moreexperience, not only the family
caregivers been doctors andgeriatricians because I've been
in these mean streets for over13 years, yeah and an individual
who is running a caremanagement company.
(06:41):
The name is in the title andwe're going to dig into that
even a little bit more.
So, but thank you for lettingus know a little bit more about
your expertise.
Speaker 1 (06:53):
And that really played into the situation.
Because when we realized, youknow kind of what was happening
with my father-in-law, it waskind of this moment where
everyone in the family just kindof turned and looked at me and
said what are we?
What are we going to do?
(07:13):
Right, how are we going to findhim?
Cause he needed he was livingalone, it was not safe, how are
we going to find him Placementin a memory care?
And so it really fell upon me,because of my background, to
then try to find an appropriatememory care.
(07:33):
He was going to qualify forMedicaid sorry, medicaid and get
him into a community that wouldthen accept Medicaid and then
monitor him right, Go visit,make sure he's doing everything,
(07:55):
getting everything he needed.
He also had all his health carethrough the VA.
So we would pick him up fromthe memory care and take him to
the nearest VA in order to gethis health care and then get him
back.
And if you've ever tried totransport someone who has
dementia to a doctor'sappointment and convince them
(08:15):
that that's where they need tobe and then get them back in the
car to go back to the community, I mean.
And so all of those thingsreally fell upon me.
But again I had an unfairadvantage because I do run this
agency and so not only do I haveexpertise in the field, but I
also have team members who I canlean on and say, hey, can you
(08:39):
help me get these things done?
Because they are also expertsin the field.
So you know, that whole process, I think, really fell upon me
because of my background, whichmaybe it would have anyway, as a
daughter-in-law who lives closeby right, we see that all the
time.
Speaker 2 (09:00):
From what I've heard, dr Corrine, the live close by
already puts you toward the topof the list, and when you have
daughter or sister or anythingthat sounds female-ish, it seems
that they look to us faster aswell.
(09:20):
How long had you been managingor in the world of care
management?
Has that been your career, themajority of your adult life, or
how did you get involved withthat?
Speaker 1 (09:32):
Well, so I started my company in 2012.
So we've been doing this now 13or so years and prior to that
my background is in gerontology,so it is in working in the
aging world in the field.
But it was really like as acollege professor, teaching
about older adults and teachingabout, you know what we know
(09:55):
about growing older and workingwith college students who want
to learn about that sort ofthing.
So when I made, the transitionfrom here is theory and research
into here is everyday,practical.
Let's go out and work in thisfield.
It's really two differentworlds.
Yes, it is, yeah, really,really different.
(10:18):
So I always had an interest inworking with older adults, and
part of that came from livingnext door to my grandparents
growing up and then alsowatching my mom and her sister
become caregivers for theirmother.
My grandfather passed awayfairly suddenly and they
(10:40):
realized almost overnight thattheir mother could not be left
alone because he had been doingsuch a good job of protecting
her that my mom and her sisterreally didn't realize that her
dementia was as bad as it was,and so she moved in with us very
quickly after my grandfatherpassed, and that was when I was
(11:04):
in eighth grade and she passedaway when I was a junior in
college.
So from eighth grade till I wasa junior in college my mom and
her sister were managing mygrandmother's care and that made
a real impression on me becauseit was hard me because it was
hard, they made mistakes.
(11:25):
And I just remember thinking atthat time why isn't there
somebody who helps you with thisRight, like, why can't you just
pick up the phone and callsomebody and they tell you like
here are your options for homecare or here's where you go for
this kind of care?
And that would have made it somuch better.
Speaker 2 (11:47):
And I think that kind of planted the seed for me to
then go on middle school, highschool, college, when normally,
(12:10):
if you let mainstream tell it,you're just supposed to be
caring about your friends orgoing to a frat party or getting
to a football game or whateverit is that they believe that
adolescents do.
Yet and still, you were beingimpacted and absorbing what was
happening in your immediatefamily, so much so you were like
I'm going to do something aboutit.
(12:31):
So while that was a difficulttime, then there are people like
me who have the benefit of youjoining this career field from a
place of passion and purpose,and I can tell you that has made
all the difference for me as acaregiver for my mom.
You can tell when someone isdoing a job, because they happen
(12:53):
to have a skillset or talentsthat kind of leaned into it
versus that plus.
This is personal, and that'swhat I'm hearing from you right
now, dr Corrine.
This entire world of the agingpopulation is very personal for
you.
Speaker 1 (13:13):
Yeah, 100%.
Speaker 2 (13:14):
Yep, I love it.
So what was your?
So actually, when I look backat it, if I take it back, well
then you know you've been acaregiver since the eighth grade
maybe, like if your grandmothermoved in, I'm certain, while
you weren't the primarycaregiver, you were a secondary
or a tertiary caregiver, becauseI'm sure there were moments
(13:34):
where your mom or your aunt orothers in your family said, hey,
can you do this?
So we need you to do this, orpitch in or things in that way.
And you became aware, likeyou've already shared with us,
of what the needs were and howmany gaps there were in the
system that you thought shouldexist by.
Some adult ought to be able tofix this.
But back to your father-in-law.
(13:56):
What was his dementia?
Speaker 1 (14:00):
You know, we never got a clear answer about that.
He was fairly young, he was inhis early 60s, he'd been in the
Vietnam War and had been exposedto like Agent Orange and things
like that during that time, andso we don't.
We assume it's something to dowith that because it didn't
(14:20):
really run in his family oranything, but we don't really
know.
We never pursued getting aclear diagnosis.
It was just clear he haddementia.
Speaker 2 (14:29):
I got you, I understand, and what was your?
You ran through a litany ofitems that you had to do and I
got to tell you my head and myheart were both spinning.
I was cheering you on and I washappy for your family members
and I was also exhausted at thethought of, you know,
(14:50):
identifying all of thoseresources and then scheduling
and then the execution and thenthe follow up.
That is, you can't just Googlethat stuff.
You know you can't.
You can't, you can't go toYahoo, you can't.
There's no singular source.
Well, obviously, can't, youcan't.
You can't go to Yahoo, youcan't.
There's no singular source.
Well, obviously now and we willtalk about this more at the end
but they can call your company,but other than finding a
(15:14):
company like yours or aconsultant, there's no specific
journey to do it.
So I, if I was in your family,I would have also turned to you
and looked and said, okay, sonow what do we do?
Speaker 1 (15:30):
It's fair.
It was a fair thing to havehappen, yeah.
Speaker 2 (15:33):
Yeah, yeah.
Do you feel that it was tougheron you because of the emotional
component as well as theprofessional component?
Or did you just kind ofcompartmentalize and say I just
got to check these boxes and getthis paperwork in for your
father-in-law?
I?
Speaker 1 (15:53):
think I compartmentalized for the most
part.
You know, I think theremight've been a few moments in
my marriage where where I, myhusband, might have gotten the
brunt of.
You know, this is not my parentand all the things that, and
(16:17):
and to be fair, you know it'snot his fault that he doesn't
know the things I know.
I mean, of course he's going tobe looking at you know, to me,
for those answers, those answers.
But again, I don't.
You don't know how differentthat would be if I didn't have
my expertise, because we see somany adult daughters and sisters
and daughters-in-law who do getput in that position.
(16:39):
I mean, most of my phone callsare from people in those
positions in a family and so,but no, I think that just every
once in a while there was justsort of this.
I think that just every once ina while there was just sort of
this.
You know, right, you know.
Speaker 2 (16:55):
Your dad.
There's a there should be someseparation here, a dotted line,
and not this solid line pointingdirectly at me.
Right, I get it, I follow whatyou're saying.
And now you?
You said, both of your in-lawshave passed on.
They have, yes, and, but you'recontinuing in your role of
(17:16):
caregiving now for your parents.
Speaker 1 (17:19):
Sure, and it's more so.
My dad has Parkinson's and isdoing well but, you know, is
needing more things as time goeson.
I'll tell you a funny storythat's one of the funny stories
I have but my mom is his primarycaregiver and primary, you know
, help around the house andshe's doing really well, but
(17:42):
it's more the kind of thetertiary right, the supporting
right, Make.
You know, she calls and, youknow, tells me things that are
going on and I maybe give hersome feedback or advice of
things we might try or things wemight do differently, which I
think is helpful most of thetime.
But there's also this sort ofunwritten rule that if somebody
(18:05):
changed your diaper, they don'thave to listen to you, they
don't have to listen to you.
So the there there is alwaysthis sort of you know they
listen, but do they listen?
They listen.
Speaker 2 (18:23):
But will they actually take the advice?
It's a question Not in myfamily.
Everyone who changed my diaperor blew my nose with a q-tip or
whatever that stuff is, yeah,they don't listen at all, dr
corinne.
So I, I do.
I'm far, I'm picking up whatyou're putting down um a bit of
a helpful.
Um.
(18:44):
One thing that has been veryhelpful to many people in the
parenting up community isknowing symptoms or signs.
Do you recall what your fatherwas exhibiting that led y'all to
say, hey, something's not quiteright?
You know, prior to hisdiagnosis, that even made you
(19:06):
say dad needs to go to thedoctor.
Were you involved in thatprocess?
Speaker 1 (19:11):
I was only involved in it again, kind of on the
outside, in terms of my mom kindof telling me what was
happening, the changes that werethat they were seeing.
And it's funny now looking back.
You know, one of the firstthings you see or notice with a
lot of people who eventuallydevelop Parkinson's is they
(19:33):
start to kind of lose facialexpressions.
And now I can go back and kindof look at some of the pictures
from you know Thanksgiving, whenmy son was a year old, and go,
oh yeah, like I can see thatlike my dad he doesn't smile
anymore, like he wasn't able tohave those same sorts of or they
(19:54):
think they're smiling, butthey're they're not, like their
face doesn't really show it.
And so I can go back now andsee some of those signs.
But did I notice them at thetime?
Not necessarily.
And and it you know my dad isproud and maybe a little
stubborn and I think you know ithad to different things.
(20:31):
We think somehow not knowing isbetter than knowing right, and
we see this so much withdementia, where people have they
know something is wrong.
And that should be the momentthat we go and we get tested and
we get a diagnosis so we canget on the medication to slow
(20:51):
things down and we can prepareand do all the things.
But that is exactly opposite ofhow people actually react,
which is they know something'swrong and they do not want to go
to the doctor.
They do not want to know.
They it's like if they neverget a diagnosis, that means it's
not really happening.
Speaker 2 (21:09):
I have.
I have heard the same thing andwitnessed the same thing.
So much, dr Corrine, and I'mgoing to ask you this, because
you are a professional in thisspace Do you think it leans more
from the well, I'm going to dieof something anyway, and so
just if I don't know about it,then I won't be paranoid or have
(21:30):
anxiety?
Just if I don't know about it,then I won't be paranoid or have
anxiety?
Or is it possibly because,since the dementia-related
diseases do not have a cure andthey can't fix it, whereas,
let's say, if you thought youwere having problems with your
heart or your cholesterol oryour kidneys or diabetes, and
there have been treatments andor cures, people may be more
(21:54):
likely to go to the doctor forthat?
Do you feel like that hasplayed a role in any of these
lack of efforts to go to thedoctor?
Speaker 1 (22:03):
I actually think it's something different.
Not one of the things youmentioned.
I think it is fear of loss ofcontrol.
So if I get diagnosed with someform of dementia, my kids are
going to try to take over mylife, my kids are going to try
(22:24):
to take over my finances,they're going to try to move me
into a home.
I'm so.
I really think it comes fromthat internal fear that, as that
, I'm going to lose my mind orI've already lost it, and that
(22:55):
sort of fear of losing control Ithink is a huge driver of not
wanting to get an officialdiagnosis.
Speaker 2 (23:05):
That makes a lot of sense in the world.
I never thought about that, butyeah, that tracks.
That really tracks.
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(23:27):
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(23:48):
Slash JilesStudios with an S.
Well, I see, for those of youwho are listening and not
watching this podcast, or shallI say vodcast our video, I see
behind you, dr Corrine, aphenomenal book cover An Owl on
(24:13):
a Tree and the title isTeenagers with a K, telling a
New Story About Aging.
And you wrote it.
I did Because some people havebooks behind them, great books
that they love, but it doesn not.
They doesn't mean they're theauthor.
This is your book.
(24:33):
Tell us about teenagers.
Speaker 1 (24:35):
Yeah, so I'm going to .
I'm going to make a littlejuxtaposition for you.
So I work in care management,where I'm dealing with people
who are often in crisis aroundaging, right, and I've written
this book where I'm trying toget people to change their views
on aging.
(24:56):
Instead of thinking of it in anegative way, let's think about
it in a positive way.
And people kind of look atthese two things and they go
this makes no sense, right?
Because you're dealing withpeople who are in like the nitty
gritty and maybe not so greatpart sometimes, and then you've
written this book.
That's like, hey, let's tell anew story.
But so I want to explain wherethat comes from, that the way
(25:33):
you think about your own agingand the journey that's in front
of you really shapes and impactshow well that journey is going
to go.
Speaker 2 (25:41):
So, for example, Wait , wait, dr C, that's so powerful
I'm going to need you to saythat again.
That is the well.
However you want.
It doesn't have to be exact,but that is like grasping the
sun and putting it in my pocket.
Please, however you want toword it, do your best.
(26:04):
Rendition of a rewind.
Speaker 1 (26:06):
Okay.
So how you think about your ownaging is going to shape how
that aging journey goes for you.
So what I see in my caremanagement practice is people
who are looking forward togrowing older.
They are thinking the bestyears are ahead of me, this is
(26:28):
going to be great, I'm going tohave a good time right.
Those are the people who planand prepare.
They do all their documents,they talk to their family,
they're planning financially fortheir future, but they're also
planning for their spirituallife, their physical life, their
intellectual life, theiremotional life and their social
(26:51):
life.
In all these retirement I'mgoing to put retirement in
quotes retirement years ahead ofthem.
They're looking, they're going.
This is going to be good, Ican't wait, let's do it.
And they're making a plan.
The people who have a negativeoutlook about their aging, like
they're going oh man, this isgoing to be awful.
This is, it is all downhillfrom here.
(27:12):
This sucks.
Aging sucks.
You know the whole thing.
Those are the people who kindof bury their head in the sand
and they don't plan and theydon't prepare.
And because of that lack ofplanning and preparation guess
what they don't plan it becomesa self-fulfilling prophecy of
(27:35):
this is going to suck and guesswhat it does.
So the book is really aboutlet's tell a new story, like,
instead of this story that ourculture tells us all the time
about aging is terrible and youcan never show that you're aging
, you can never age, you knowit's all downhill.
Let's tell a new story like nota Pollyanna, everything's
(27:57):
perfect, but a story that's true.
And what's true is that, yeah,we're all going to have health
issues there's probably nogetting away from that but it's
also a time in our lives when wecan reinvent ourselves.
We can retire from one career,start something completely new,
we may become caregivers, we maybecome grandparents and
(28:19):
caregiving for our grandchildren, we may volunteer.
There's just all kinds ofpossibilities for what this time
in your life can be if you areplanning and preparing for it in
a way to make it amazing ratherthan just going boy.
I just hope this doesn't suck,and so I'm very passionate about
(28:43):
that idea that we can shape ourown journey.
And the book is filled withinterviews with people who are
doing just that.
So they're not some sort ofsuper senior, they're not out of
the ordinary.
They're people with real livesand real problems.
But they're also starting newnonprofits and running companies
(29:05):
and caregiving and just doingall sorts of things that our
traditional stereotypes aboutaging don't tell us about.
They don't tell us that thosethings are even possibilities.
Speaker 2 (29:18):
Yeah, that is so powerful.
It sounds like they've chosento embrace aging Like it's going
to happen, and I would ratherlean into it and do it as much
as I can on my own terms, versusto your point put my head in
the skate, put my head in thesand, act like it's not going to
(29:39):
happen, right, because thinkabout it from when we are
teenagers.
I love the teenagers with the K.
I want to.
I want to ask you in a secondabout, about the title.
I have a.
I have insight on what I think,but I want to.
I want to hear about you withthe title.
But we there's no way that youknow when you're 10 years old if
(30:02):
your teenage years or your 20sare going to suck or not, just
because everybody's saying it'sgoing to be so great when you
can drive a car, or you're 21,you can get in the club or you
can, you know, get your owninsurance and get a job and live
on your own.
They say it's going to be great, right, but hey, newsflash,
it's not great for everybody.
(30:22):
I have family members and veryclose friends where 15 to 25 was
the worst decade of their life.
Various things happened thatthey couldn't have seen.
They couldn't control it and itjust sucked.
But they did have plans forsomething very different and to
the point you were making.
They were intentional aboutwhat they thought they wanted to
(30:48):
do.
So, just because you turn 50, 55, 60, and your body may may be
do maybe your body haslimitations it didn't have when
you were 30.
But your body also can do somethings.
(31:09):
The problems and issues of oneallow you to see the possibility
and optimism in catching peoplebefore you need to hire my care
management company.
So, okay, before you need you,before you end the crisis, you
can start over here in this bookand maybe set your own course.
(31:31):
And the crisis might not everhappen, right?
Maybe you don't even get to acrisis, right?
I love it.
So I'll take the titleteenagers.
How'd you come up with that?
Speaker 1 (31:43):
So it's not my original word in the sense that
when I was trying to write abook about let's talk positively
about aging, it is reallyreally difficult to do that
because so much of the languagearound aging is negative.
If you just go Google synonymsfor older, adult or for aging,
(32:05):
the words are really terrible.
We have a lot of negative wordsabout aging and a few kind of
neutral ones, but very fewpositive words.
I mean about.
The best you get is like activeager or elder, but just there's
not much.
And language really shapes ourperception of things.
(32:27):
How we talk about somethingshapes how we see it in our
society and in our own minds.
And so I was trying to come upwith a word.
Right, I got to have a positiveway to talk about older people,
and a friend of mine, her mom,said oh, we like to be called
keenagers because the definitionof keen is highly developed or
(32:50):
having a strong interest insomething.
And I think that's a perfectdescription of older adults
today.
They are highly developed,right, and they do have keen
interests, right, they're notready to go sit on the front
porch in a rocking chair andwithdraw from life.
They are still wanting tocontribute, to do things, to
(33:12):
start a new business, tovolunteer, to do all kinds of
stuff into their 60s and 70s,which are stereotypes about
aging.
Don't tell us that's whatyou're supposed to go do or that
that's what people do ingeneral.
So a new word to describe olderadulthood, so that we can talk
about it in a new way, becauseit's really different than it
(33:37):
used to be for our parents andgrandparents, and it's different
in that we have to have ifwe're going to think about aging
in a positive way, we have tohave positive words.
Speaker 2 (33:50):
I am.
So I am so hopeful and in avery positive way, you have
filled me with thoughts andideas around, right, why can't
we make up new words, like wecan make up new words, new
concepts?
Because if we don't do it, whowill do it?
And it's up to those of us inthis community Caregivers
(34:18):
primarily family caregivers tokeep pushing the narrative and
keep the gas pedal to the metal,so to speak, to make sure that
adequate, appropriate andsustainable change occurs.
And attitude is everything,like what you're saying.
(34:38):
If we don't have a positiveattitude around what aging is,
then how can we really even showup really good for our carees,
show up good for ourselves tomaybe not end up needing as much
care, like for myself, my goalis okay, I may need a caregiver
at some point in my life, right,but I would like to minimize
(35:01):
how much they need to do and Iwould hope not to get dementia.
I am trying because I know moreabout it and I am trying to do
things that will skew me awayfrom that umbrella of diseases.
So that is really powerful whatyou took from what you've been
(35:22):
exposed to, right, Many of usare exposed to things and it can
more smash us and make usdepressed or make us jaded and
instead you found innovation,and congratulations and cheers
to that.
This has been such a wonderfulconversation with you, dr
(35:45):
Corinne.
I appreciate you being with ushere on the Parenting Up podcast
.
I appreciate the conversationon the Parenting Up podcast.
I appreciate the conversation.
I want you to let all of thecommunity know where they can
find you, where they can findthe book, where they can
interact with you if they wantto engage with you and your care
(36:07):
management services.
Speaker 1 (36:09):
Sure, so the best place to find me is just my
website, which is my name,corinneallmancom, and there's
links to the book there and tomedia, and you can contact me
through that site as well.
If you're looking for like caremanagement services, if you're
in North Carolina I'm in NorthCarolina then I would be happy
to talk to you and my company isChoice Care Navigators.
(36:30):
And I would be happy to talk toyou and my company is Choice
Care Navigators, but if you'renot in North Carolina, probably
the best thing to do would be goto our professional website,
our professional network, andthat would be aginglifecareorg,
and there they have a searchbutton on there where you can
(36:51):
search by zip code to findprofessional care managers in
your area.
And that's what you really want, because you want somebody who
knows the local resources, whoknows all the rules and
different things in your state,and so I would recommend that.
Speaker 2 (37:07):
That is.
I love that organization.
I am so happy that you said itand that is a resource that you
also believe in and champion.
I have given several speechesfor various colleagues of yours
(37:29):
and it's such a comprehensiveorganization.
It's a lot of y'all know a lotof stuff.
I mean there's so manydifferent layers of expertise
that it's really it'sfascinating to see so many
people in the medical field getalong.
There's not a lot oforganizations where you have
(37:49):
people from disparate places ofexpertise and then they actually
get along in this oneorganization to institute change
in the community.
So thank you all for that.
Speaker 1 (38:04):
I think that happens because almost you know if
you're in that organization,you're in it because you are
passionate about helping peopleget through the system, get
through caring for their lovedones, and you know you can be a
gerontologist, you can be anurse, you can be a social
worker, you can be coming from alot of different backgrounds,
(38:26):
but we all have the same goal.
Speaker 2 (38:29):
Get through the system.
Speaker 1 (38:30):
Get through the system With some sanity, we hope
.
Speaker 2 (38:34):
Oh yeah, Because if you get through it does help, if
you're still sane.
Otherwise, you know what Doc,you won't even know if you threw
it or not.
I think that's a perfect button.
Ending point.
Thank you so very much.
You are welcome back anytime.
This is so fantastic, and nexttime I'm in North Carolina I'm
(38:57):
going to try to look you up.
Speaker 1 (38:59):
Okay, that'd be great .
Speaker 2 (39:01):
Okay, the Snuggle Ups .
Number one what is your planfor aging?
I'm talking to you, caregiversOkay, what is your plan for
aging?
I'm talking to you, caregivers.
Okay, you're already takingcare of a person where they're
not independent anymore.
Has that made you stop andthink?
(39:22):
What the hell do I want myaging to look like?
Pretty much.
I've already started thinking.
You know what?
When I hit 65, I got to livenear the water Something A lake,
a stream, the ocean, not a pond, and not a swimming pool,
because that keeps my mind right, it keeps my soul good.
(39:45):
I need to have sunshine most ofthe days of the year.
These are things that right nowit's a preference, but I
believe as I age, it will becomethat much more important to
keep me psychologically in themiddle of the road.
I've also been thinking aboutwhat kind of activities can I
(40:08):
dive into more right now so thatas I get older, they can still
age with me, like yoga,meditation, swimming.
If you're in the MMA, that'scool, but I don't know how well
MMA ages.
I don't know about wrestlingand aging, but golf, yeah,
(40:32):
because you can get in the cartand you can play a three-hole
course, you know.
Think about activities likethat so you can stay engaged
with life, but your body'slimitations won't limit you from
the activity.
So I was so happy to hear drcorinrine deposit those kind of
(40:53):
questions and I know for a factI'm going to tell my nieces, who
will likely be in charge of meas I get older, what the hell I
consider to be acceptable livingarrangements Like Hefas listen
here.
I got to have this kind ofenvironment and I don't want
(41:13):
only girl nurses and caregivers.
I'm gonna need a dude that'syounger than me and fine anyway.
Number two how do you support acarry?
That's an in-law.
Y'all this is real.
Okay, I've never been marriedbut lord knows, I have watched
(41:38):
the struggles and the trials andthe tribulations.
This is the bottom line.
Your mama ain't his mama.
I need all y'all people thatgot partners and husbands and
wives and whatever you want tocall it, where you think y'all
supposed to be doing lifetogether for life, Doing life
together for life.
You feel what I'm saying.
(41:59):
Your parent ain't their parent.
Please don't put that kind ofexpectation on them, unless that
person that you are married to,engaged to or living with life,
partner thing, unless they lookyou in the face, and not right
(42:19):
during the middle of sex either,unless they look you in the
face when they are sober, justhad a cup of coffee, it's the
top of the day.
They say, hey, you know what?
I want you to give me all theresponsibilities for your mama,
just like we're siblings.
Give me all theresponsibilities for your mama,
just like we're siblings.
Unless they say that, no, don'tplace that kind of
(42:40):
responsibility.
It's hard enough that they'rehaving to watch you change and
struggle under the pressure ofcaring for your parents, and if
they're loving and pitch in toassist you, awesome.
Well, let's be reasonable withwhat people signed up for when
(43:06):
they decide to marry us.
This is sickness and health foryour ass, not your daddy's.
This is sickness and health foryour ass, not your daddy's.
Number three I need y'all to goto quick, fast and in a hurry.
Don't walk, don't pause, don'tscroll.
(43:26):
Run to aginglifecareorg.
Thank me later.
You're welcome in advance.
They have so many resourcesthat we ain't never even heard
of or thought about needing.
(43:47):
It's kind of like if you're ayoung girl and you've never had
a menstrual cycle.
You don't even have any ideawhat you're going to need.
You don't know what to ask forbecause you don't know what this
thing is going to do to you.
That is what theAgingLifeCareorg organization is
(44:08):
about.
I've had the opportunity tospeak with a number of their
chapters throughout the UnitedStates, but they have all of the
expertise that we need to helpus assist our loved ones in
aging.
You can be healthy in aging andthese folks can assist you in
(44:31):
that, and they can assist youwhen you are not healthy.
What in the whole hell Yo getat them?
Holler at them.
It's better to create yourrelationships and identify who
you want your care partners tobe.
Before it's 9-1-1 and your liveris hanging out of your knee,
you feel what I'm saying?
Nice, thank you for tuning in.
It's 9-1-1, and your liver ishanging out of your knee.
(44:52):
You feel what I'm saying?
All right, thank you for tuningin.
I mean really, really, really.
Thank you so very much fortuning in.
Whether you're watching this onYouTube or if you're listening
on your favorite podcast audioplatform.
Either way, wherever you are,subscribe, come back.
(45:14):
That's the way you gonna knowwhen we do something next.
Y'all know how it is.
I'm Jay Smiles.
I might just drop something hotin the middle of the night.
When I was trying to write a book about let's talk
positively about aging.
It is really really difficultto do that because so much of
the language around aging isnegative.
If you just go Google synonymsfor older, adult or for aging,
the words are really terrible.
We have a lot of negative wordsabout aging and a few kind of
(00:23):
neutral ones, but very fewpositive words.
I mean about the best you getis like active ager or elder,
but just there's not much justbecause you turn 50, 55, 60 and
your body may be doing.
Speaker 2 (00:40):
maybe your body has limitations it didn't have when
you were 30.
But your body also can do somethings and so I love this, the
way you're marrying these twothoughts.
It's like the problems andissues of one allow you to see
the possibility and optimism incatching people before you need
(01:07):
to hire my care managementcompany.
So okay, before you need,before you're in the crisis, you
can start over here in thisbook and maybe set your own
course, and the crisis might notever happen.
Speaker 1 (01:20):
How you think about your own aging is going to shape
how that aging journey goes foryou.
So what I see in my caremanagement practice is people
who are looking forward togrowing older.
They are thinking the bestyears are ahead of me, this is
(01:40):
going to be great, I'm going tohave a good time right.
Those are the people who.
Speaker 2 (01:46):
Parenting Up caregiving adventures with
comedian J Smiles is the intensejourney of unexpectedly being
fully responsible for my mama.
For over a decade I've beenchipping away at the unknown,
advocating for her and pushingAlzheimer's awareness on anyone
and anything with a heartbeat.
(02:07):
Spoiler alert this shit isheavy.
That's why I started doingcomedy.
So be ready for the jokes.
Caregiver newbies, ogs andvillage members just willing to
prop up a caregiver.
You are in the right place.
Hi, this is Zeddy.
(02:27):
I hope you enjoy my daughter'spodcast.
You double K Day supporter.
Shout out Cassandra Wheeler.
Ah Lord, three exclamationpoints.
(02:51):
This was so good.
I put it on while I'm workinghere at my desk from home, made
me miss a meeting and everything.
With the emoji with the girlwith her hand all in her face.
Y'all know what I'm talkingabout.
Thank you, janae, for not onlychampioning and journaling your
journey with Zetty, but forcreating this platform and
sharing your story with theworld and opening up an avenue
(03:16):
for all caregivers to learn.
Share love and laugh.
Love and laugh.
Appreciate you so much, sis.
Congrats on your continuedsuccess With all kind of emoji
(03:37):
kissy faces, hearts, the littleheart extra with the fingers,
praying hands, fist bumps andall the good jazz.
Now, if you want to be therecipient of a supporter, shout
out.
You know what to do.
Leave a review on ApplePodcasts, ig, youtube or join
the text community.
(03:58):
You know what it is Today'sepisode Keen Aging how Modern
Elders Are Rewriting Growing Old, parenting Up Community.
I know you all are like JaceMiles.
How are you excited again?
Well, I'm excited whenever Ifind good people doing the work,
(04:19):
the hard work, of being acaregiver, and they have
personal experience,professional experience and they
want to share.
It's not a lot of people whohave the courage or the guts or
the personality to want to share, and I have one such individual
with me right now.
Dr Corrine, how are you doing?
Speaker 1 (04:41):
I'm doing great today .
How are you?
Speaker 2 (04:43):
I'm fantastic.
Thank you for joining us.
Speaker 1 (04:46):
Yeah, thanks for having me.
Speaker 2 (04:48):
Now you have a multitude of caregiving hats.
You've cared for people in yourbloodline and you care for
people in your legal line, somein-laws.
I don't know which one youwould prefer to choose.
To start with you, let us know.
Speaker 1 (05:07):
Oh, the in-laws have since passed away, so they're
they're done.
I'm currently involved with myown parents and their care, so
we can talk historical or we cantalk current either one.
Speaker 2 (05:25):
Absolutely.
I would like you to give us alittle bit of both, because
caring for an in-law has adifferent emotional and
psychological vantage point thancaring for one's parent
typically, and once a caregiver,always a caregiver.
So, to the extent that you'recomfortable sharing what your
(05:46):
capacity was for your in-laws,what involvement you had with
their care and what diseasesthey were diagnosed with, Sure.
Speaker 1 (05:57):
So this is, in particular, my father-in-law who
had dementia father-in-law whohad dementia, and I'm in a
little bit of a unique situationbecause I do run a company that
is a care management agency, soI do have more experience in
the field than a typicalcaregiver might have, and so
(06:20):
that's a little bit.
Speaker 2 (06:21):
Hold on, dr Corrine, I'm going to look, I'm going to
go ahead and spice that up.
Honey, you have way moreexperience, not only the family
caregivers been doctors andgeriatricians because I've been
in these mean streets for over13 years, yeah and an individual
who is running a caremanagement company.
(06:41):
The name is in the title andwe're going to dig into that
even a little bit more.
So, but thank you for lettingus know a little bit more about
your expertise.
Speaker 1 (06:53):
And that really played into the situation.
Because when we realized, youknow kind of what was happening
with my father-in-law, it waskind of this moment where
everyone in the family just kindof turned and looked at me and
said what are we?
What are we going to do?
(07:13):
Right, how are we going to findhim?
Cause he needed he was livingalone, it was not safe, how are
we going to find him Placementin a memory care?
And so it really fell upon me,because of my background, to
then try to find an appropriatememory care.
(07:33):
He was going to qualify forMedicaid sorry, medicaid and get
him into a community that wouldthen accept Medicaid and then
monitor him right, Go visit,make sure he's doing everything,
(07:55):
getting everything he needed.
He also had all his health carethrough the VA.
So we would pick him up fromthe memory care and take him to
the nearest VA in order to gethis health care and then get him
back.
And if you've ever tried totransport someone who has
dementia to a doctor'sappointment and convince them
(08:15):
that that's where they need tobe and then get them back in the
car to go back to the community, I mean.
And so all of those thingsreally fell upon me.
But again I had an unfairadvantage because I do run this
agency and so not only do I haveexpertise in the field, but I
also have team members who I canlean on and say, hey, can you
(08:39):
help me get these things done?
Because they are also expertsin the field.
So you know, that whole process, I think, really fell upon me
because of my background, whichmaybe it would have anyway, as a
daughter-in-law who lives closeby right, we see that all the
time.
Speaker 2 (09:00):
From what I've heard, dr Corrine, the live close by
already puts you toward the topof the list, and when you have
daughter or sister or anythingthat sounds female-ish, it seems
that they look to us faster aswell.
(09:20):
How long had you been managingor in the world of care
management?
Has that been your career, themajority of your adult life, or
how did you get involved withthat?
Speaker 1 (09:32):
Well, so I started my company in 2012.
So we've been doing this now 13or so years and prior to that
my background is in gerontology,so it is in working in the
aging world in the field.
But it was really like as acollege professor, teaching
about older adults and teachingabout, you know what we know
(09:55):
about growing older and workingwith college students who want
to learn about that sort ofthing.
So when I made, the transitionfrom here is theory and research
into here is everyday,practical.
Let's go out and work in thisfield.
It's really two differentworlds.
Yes, it is, yeah, really,really different.
(10:18):
So I always had an interest inworking with older adults, and
part of that came from livingnext door to my grandparents
growing up and then alsowatching my mom and her sister
become caregivers for theirmother.
My grandfather passed awayfairly suddenly and they
(10:40):
realized almost overnight thattheir mother could not be left
alone because he had been doingsuch a good job of protecting
her that my mom and her sisterreally didn't realize that her
dementia was as bad as it was,and so she moved in with us very
quickly after my grandfatherpassed, and that was when I was
(11:04):
in eighth grade and she passedaway when I was a junior in
college.
So from eighth grade till I wasa junior in college my mom and
her sister were managing mygrandmother's care and that made
a real impression on me becauseit was hard me because it was
hard, they made mistakes.
(11:25):
And I just remember thinking atthat time why isn't there
somebody who helps you with thisRight, like, why can't you just
pick up the phone and callsomebody and they tell you like
here are your options for homecare or here's where you go for
this kind of care?
And that would have made it somuch better.
Speaker 2 (11:47):
And I think that kind of planted the seed for me to
then go on middle school, highschool, college, when normally,
(12:10):
if you let mainstream tell it,you're just supposed to be
caring about your friends orgoing to a frat party or getting
to a football game or whateverit is that they believe that
adolescents do.
Yet and still, you were beingimpacted and absorbing what was
happening in your immediatefamily, so much so you were like
I'm going to do something aboutit.
(12:31):
So while that was a difficulttime, then there are people like
me who have the benefit of youjoining this career field from a
place of passion and purpose,and I can tell you that has made
all the difference for me as acaregiver for my mom.
You can tell when someone isdoing a job, because they happen
(12:53):
to have a skillset or talentsthat kind of leaned into it
versus that plus.
This is personal, and that'swhat I'm hearing from you right
now, dr Corrine.
This entire world of the agingpopulation is very personal for
you.
Speaker 1 (13:13):
Yeah, 100%.
Speaker 2 (13:14):
Yep, I love it.
So what was your?
So actually, when I look backat it, if I take it back, well
then you know you've been acaregiver since the eighth grade
maybe, like if your grandmothermoved in, I'm certain, while
you weren't the primarycaregiver, you were a secondary
or a tertiary caregiver, becauseI'm sure there were moments
(13:34):
where your mom or your aunt orothers in your family said, hey,
can you do this?
So we need you to do this, orpitch in or things in that way.
And you became aware, likeyou've already shared with us,
of what the needs were and howmany gaps there were in the
system that you thought shouldexist by.
Some adult ought to be able tofix this.
But back to your father-in-law.
(13:56):
What was his dementia?
Speaker 1 (14:00):
You know, we never got a clear answer about that.
He was fairly young, he was inhis early 60s, he'd been in the
Vietnam War and had been exposedto like Agent Orange and things
like that during that time, andso we don't.
We assume it's something to dowith that because it didn't
(14:20):
really run in his family oranything, but we don't really
know.
We never pursued getting aclear diagnosis.
It was just clear he haddementia.
Speaker 2 (14:29):
I got you, I understand, and what was your?
You ran through a litany ofitems that you had to do and I
got to tell you my head and myheart were both spinning.
I was cheering you on and I washappy for your family members
and I was also exhausted at thethought of, you know,
(14:50):
identifying all of thoseresources and then scheduling
and then the execution and thenthe follow up.
That is, you can't just Googlethat stuff.
You know you can't.
You can't, you can't go toYahoo, you can't.
There's no singular source.
Well, obviously, can't, youcan't.
You can't go to Yahoo, youcan't.
There's no singular source.
Well, obviously now and we willtalk about this more at the end
but they can call your company,but other than finding a
(15:14):
company like yours or aconsultant, there's no specific
journey to do it.
So I, if I was in your family,I would have also turned to you
and looked and said, okay, sonow what do we do?
Speaker 1 (15:30):
It's fair.
It was a fair thing to havehappen, yeah.
Speaker 2 (15:33):
Yeah, yeah.
Do you feel that it was tougheron you because of the emotional
component as well as theprofessional component?
Or did you just kind ofcompartmentalize and say I just
got to check these boxes and getthis paperwork in for your
father-in-law?
I?
Speaker 1 (15:53):
think I compartmentalized for the most
part.
You know, I think theremight've been a few moments in
my marriage where where I, myhusband, might have gotten the
brunt of.
You know, this is not my parentand all the things that, and
(16:17):
and to be fair, you know it'snot his fault that he doesn't
know the things I know.
I mean, of course he's going tobe looking at you know, to me,
for those answers, those answers.
But again, I don't.
You don't know how differentthat would be if I didn't have
my expertise, because we see somany adult daughters and sisters
and daughters-in-law who do getput in that position.
(16:39):
I mean, most of my phone callsare from people in those
positions in a family and so,but no, I think that just every
once in a while there was justsort of this.
I think that just every once ina while there was just sort of
this.
You know, right, you know.
Speaker 2 (16:55):
Your dad.
There's a there should be someseparation here, a dotted line,
and not this solid line pointingdirectly at me.
Right, I get it, I follow whatyou're saying.
And now you?
You said, both of your in-lawshave passed on.
They have, yes, and, but you'recontinuing in your role of
(17:16):
caregiving now for your parents.
Speaker 1 (17:19):
Sure, and it's more so.
My dad has Parkinson's and isdoing well but, you know, is
needing more things as time goeson.
I'll tell you a funny storythat's one of the funny stories
I have but my mom is his primarycaregiver and primary, you know
, help around the house andshe's doing really well, but
(17:42):
it's more the kind of thetertiary right, the supporting
right, Make.
You know, she calls and, youknow, tells me things that are
going on and I maybe give hersome feedback or advice of
things we might try or things wemight do differently, which I
think is helpful most of thetime.
But there's also this sort ofunwritten rule that if somebody
(18:05):
changed your diaper, they don'thave to listen to you, they
don't have to listen to you.
So the there there is alwaysthis sort of you know they
listen, but do they listen?
They listen.
Speaker 2 (18:23):
But will they actually take the advice?
It's a question Not in myfamily.
Everyone who changed my diaperor blew my nose with a q-tip or
whatever that stuff is, yeah,they don't listen at all, dr
corinne.
So I, I do.
I'm far, I'm picking up whatyou're putting down um a bit of
a helpful.
Um.
(18:44):
One thing that has been veryhelpful to many people in the
parenting up community isknowing symptoms or signs.
Do you recall what your fatherwas exhibiting that led y'all to
say, hey, something's not quiteright?
You know, prior to hisdiagnosis, that even made you
(19:06):
say dad needs to go to thedoctor.
Were you involved in thatprocess?
Speaker 1 (19:11):
I was only involved in it again, kind of on the
outside, in terms of my mom kindof telling me what was
happening, the changes that werethat they were seeing.
And it's funny now looking back.
You know, one of the firstthings you see or notice with a
lot of people who eventuallydevelop Parkinson's is they
(19:33):
start to kind of lose facialexpressions.
And now I can go back and kindof look at some of the pictures
from you know Thanksgiving, whenmy son was a year old, and go,
oh yeah, like I can see thatlike my dad he doesn't smile
anymore, like he wasn't able tohave those same sorts of or they
(19:54):
think they're smiling, butthey're they're not, like their
face doesn't really show it.
And so I can go back now andsee some of those signs.
But did I notice them at thetime?
Not necessarily.
And and it you know my dad isproud and maybe a little
stubborn and I think you know ithad to different things.
(20:31):
We think somehow not knowing isbetter than knowing right, and
we see this so much withdementia, where people have they
know something is wrong.
And that should be the momentthat we go and we get tested and
we get a diagnosis so we canget on the medication to slow
(20:51):
things down and we can prepareand do all the things.
But that is exactly opposite ofhow people actually react,
which is they know something'swrong and they do not want to go
to the doctor.
They do not want to know.
They it's like if they neverget a diagnosis, that means it's
not really happening.
Speaker 2 (21:09):
I have.
I have heard the same thing andwitnessed the same thing.
So much, dr Corrine, and I'mgoing to ask you this, because
you are a professional in thisspace Do you think it leans more
from the well, I'm going to dieof something anyway, and so
just if I don't know about it,then I won't be paranoid or have
(21:30):
anxiety?
Just if I don't know about it,then I won't be paranoid or have
anxiety?
Or is it possibly because,since the dementia-related
diseases do not have a cure andthey can't fix it, whereas,
let's say, if you thought youwere having problems with your
heart or your cholesterol oryour kidneys or diabetes, and
there have been treatments andor cures, people may be more
(21:54):
likely to go to the doctor forthat?
Do you feel like that hasplayed a role in any of these
lack of efforts to go to thedoctor?
Speaker 1 (22:03):
I actually think it's something different.
Not one of the things youmentioned.
I think it is fear of loss ofcontrol.
So if I get diagnosed with someform of dementia, my kids are
going to try to take over mylife, my kids are going to try
(22:24):
to take over my finances,they're going to try to move me
into a home.
I'm so.
I really think it comes fromthat internal fear that, as that
, I'm going to lose my mind orI've already lost it, and that
(22:55):
sort of fear of losing control Ithink is a huge driver of not
wanting to get an officialdiagnosis.
Speaker 2 (23:05):
That makes a lot of sense in the world.
I never thought about that, butyeah, that tracks.
That really tracks.
Hey, what's up?
Parented Up family.
Guess what.
Have you ever wanted to connectwith other caregivers?
You want to see morebehind-the-scenes footage?
Want to know what me and Zeddyare doing?
I know you do All things.
(23:27):
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(23:48):
Slash JilesStudios with an S.
Well, I see, for those of youwho are listening and not
watching this podcast, or shallI say vodcast our video, I see
behind you, dr Corrine, aphenomenal book cover An Owl on
(24:13):
a Tree and the title isTeenagers with a K, telling a
New Story About Aging.
And you wrote it.
I did Because some people havebooks behind them, great books
that they love, but it doesn not.
They doesn't mean they're theauthor.
This is your book.
(24:33):
Tell us about teenagers.
Speaker 1 (24:35):
Yeah, so I'm going to .
I'm going to make a littlejuxtaposition for you.
So I work in care management,where I'm dealing with people
who are often in crisis aroundaging, right, and I've written
this book where I'm trying toget people to change their views
on aging.
(24:56):
Instead of thinking of it in anegative way, let's think about
it in a positive way.
And people kind of look atthese two things and they go
this makes no sense, right?
Because you're dealing withpeople who are in like the nitty
gritty and maybe not so greatpart sometimes, and then you've
written this book.
That's like, hey, let's tell anew story.
But so I want to explain wherethat comes from, that the way
(25:33):
you think about your own agingand the journey that's in front
of you really shapes and impactshow well that journey is going
to go.
Speaker 2 (25:41):
So, for example, Wait , wait, dr C, that's so powerful
I'm going to need you to saythat again.
That is the well.
However you want.
It doesn't have to be exact,but that is like grasping the
sun and putting it in my pocket.
Please, however you want toword it, do your best.
(26:04):
Rendition of a rewind.
Speaker 1 (26:06):
Okay.
So how you think about your ownaging is going to shape how
that aging journey goes for you.
So what I see in my caremanagement practice is people
who are looking forward togrowing older.
They are thinking the bestyears are ahead of me, this is
(26:28):
going to be great, I'm going tohave a good time right.
Those are the people who planand prepare.
They do all their documents,they talk to their family,
they're planning financially fortheir future, but they're also
planning for their spirituallife, their physical life, their
intellectual life, theiremotional life and their social
(26:51):
life.
In all these retirement I'mgoing to put retirement in
quotes retirement years ahead ofthem.
They're looking, they're going.
This is going to be good, Ican't wait, let's do it.
And they're making a plan.
The people who have a negativeoutlook about their aging, like
they're going oh man, this isgoing to be awful.
This is, it is all downhillfrom here.
(27:12):
This sucks.
Aging sucks.
You know the whole thing.
Those are the people who kindof bury their head in the sand
and they don't plan and theydon't prepare.
And because of that lack ofplanning and preparation guess
what they don't plan it becomesa self-fulfilling prophecy of
(27:35):
this is going to suck and guesswhat it does.
So the book is really aboutlet's tell a new story, like,
instead of this story that ourculture tells us all the time
about aging is terrible and youcan never show that you're aging
, you can never age, you knowit's all downhill.
Let's tell a new story like nota Pollyanna, everything's
(27:57):
perfect, but a story that's true.
And what's true is that, yeah,we're all going to have health
issues there's probably nogetting away from that but it's
also a time in our lives when wecan reinvent ourselves.
We can retire from one career,start something completely new,
we may become caregivers, we maybecome grandparents and
(28:19):
caregiving for our grandchildren, we may volunteer.
There's just all kinds ofpossibilities for what this time
in your life can be if you areplanning and preparing for it in
a way to make it amazing ratherthan just going boy.
I just hope this doesn't suck,and so I'm very passionate about
(28:43):
that idea that we can shape ourown journey.
And the book is filled withinterviews with people who are
doing just that.
So they're not some sort ofsuper senior, they're not out of
the ordinary.
They're people with real livesand real problems.
But they're also starting newnonprofits and running companies
(29:05):
and caregiving and just doingall sorts of things that our
traditional stereotypes aboutaging don't tell us about.
They don't tell us that thosethings are even possibilities.
Speaker 2 (29:18):
Yeah, that is so powerful.
It sounds like they've chosento embrace aging Like it's going
to happen, and I would ratherlean into it and do it as much
as I can on my own terms, versusto your point put my head in
the skate, put my head in thesand, act like it's not going to
(29:39):
happen, right, because thinkabout it from when we are
teenagers.
I love the teenagers with the K.
I want to.
I want to ask you in a secondabout, about the title.
I have a.
I have insight on what I think,but I want to.
I want to hear about you withthe title.
But we there's no way that youknow when you're 10 years old if
(30:02):
your teenage years or your 20sare going to suck or not, just
because everybody's saying it'sgoing to be so great when you
can drive a car, or you're 21,you can get in the club or you
can, you know, get your owninsurance and get a job and live
on your own.
They say it's going to be great, right, but hey, newsflash,
it's not great for everybody.
(30:22):
I have family members and veryclose friends where 15 to 25 was
the worst decade of their life.
Various things happened thatthey couldn't have seen.
They couldn't control it and itjust sucked.
But they did have plans forsomething very different and to
the point you were making.
They were intentional aboutwhat they thought they wanted to
(30:48):
do.
So, just because you turn 50, 55, 60, and your body may may be
do maybe your body haslimitations it didn't have when
you were 30.
But your body also can do somethings.
(31:09):
The problems and issues of oneallow you to see the possibility
and optimism in catching peoplebefore you need to hire my care
management company.
So, okay, before you need you,before you end the crisis, you
can start over here in this bookand maybe set your own course.
(31:31):
And the crisis might not everhappen, right?
Maybe you don't even get to acrisis, right?
I love it.
So I'll take the titleteenagers.
How'd you come up with that?
Speaker 1 (31:43):
So it's not my original word in the sense that
when I was trying to write abook about let's talk positively
about aging, it is reallyreally difficult to do that
because so much of the languagearound aging is negative.
If you just go Google synonymsfor older, adult or for aging,
(32:05):
the words are really terrible.
We have a lot of negative wordsabout aging and a few kind of
neutral ones, but very fewpositive words.
I mean about.
The best you get is like activeager or elder, but just there's
not much.
And language really shapes ourperception of things.
(32:27):
How we talk about somethingshapes how we see it in our
society and in our own minds.
And so I was trying to come upwith a word.
Right, I got to have a positiveway to talk about older people,
and a friend of mine, her mom,said oh, we like to be called
keenagers because the definitionof keen is highly developed or
(32:50):
having a strong interest insomething.
And I think that's a perfectdescription of older adults
today.
They are highly developed,right, and they do have keen
interests, right, they're notready to go sit on the front
porch in a rocking chair andwithdraw from life.
They are still wanting tocontribute, to do things, to
(33:12):
start a new business, tovolunteer, to do all kinds of
stuff into their 60s and 70s,which are stereotypes about
aging.
Don't tell us that's whatyou're supposed to go do or that
that's what people do ingeneral.
So a new word to describe olderadulthood, so that we can talk
about it in a new way, becauseit's really different than it
(33:37):
used to be for our parents andgrandparents, and it's different
in that we have to have ifwe're going to think about aging
in a positive way, we have tohave positive words.
Speaker 2 (33:50):
I am.
So I am so hopeful and in avery positive way, you have
filled me with thoughts andideas around, right, why can't
we make up new words, like wecan make up new words, new
concepts?
Because if we don't do it, whowill do it?
And it's up to those of us inthis community Caregivers
(34:18):
primarily family caregivers tokeep pushing the narrative and
keep the gas pedal to the metal,so to speak, to make sure that
adequate, appropriate andsustainable change occurs.
And attitude is everything,like what you're saying.
(34:38):
If we don't have a positiveattitude around what aging is,
then how can we really even showup really good for our carees,
show up good for ourselves tomaybe not end up needing as much
care, like for myself, my goalis okay, I may need a caregiver
at some point in my life, right,but I would like to minimize
(35:01):
how much they need to do and Iwould hope not to get dementia.
I am trying because I know moreabout it and I am trying to do
things that will skew me awayfrom that umbrella of diseases.
So that is really powerful whatyou took from what you've been
(35:22):
exposed to, right, Many of usare exposed to things and it can
more smash us and make usdepressed or make us jaded and
instead you found innovation,and congratulations and cheers
to that.
This has been such a wonderfulconversation with you, dr
(35:45):
Corinne.
I appreciate you being with ushere on the Parenting Up podcast
.
I appreciate the conversationon the Parenting Up podcast.
I appreciate the conversation.
I want you to let all of thecommunity know where they can
find you, where they can findthe book, where they can
interact with you if they wantto engage with you and your care
(36:07):
management services.
Speaker 1 (36:09):
Sure, so the best place to find me is just my
website, which is my name,corinneallmancom, and there's
links to the book there and tomedia, and you can contact me
through that site as well.
If you're looking for like caremanagement services, if you're
in North Carolina I'm in NorthCarolina then I would be happy
to talk to you and my company isChoice Care Navigators.
(36:30):
And I would be happy to talk toyou and my company is Choice
Care Navigators, but if you'renot in North Carolina, probably
the best thing to do would be goto our professional website,
our professional network, andthat would be aginglifecareorg,
and there they have a searchbutton on there where you can
(36:51):
search by zip code to findprofessional care managers in
your area.
And that's what you really want, because you want somebody who
knows the local resources, whoknows all the rules and
different things in your state,and so I would recommend that.
Speaker 2 (37:07):
That is.
I love that organization.
I am so happy that you said itand that is a resource that you
also believe in and champion.
I have given several speechesfor various colleagues of yours
(37:29):
and it's such a comprehensiveorganization.
It's a lot of y'all know a lotof stuff.
I mean there's so manydifferent layers of expertise
that it's really it'sfascinating to see so many
people in the medical field getalong.
There's not a lot oforganizations where you have
(37:49):
people from disparate places ofexpertise and then they actually
get along in this oneorganization to institute change
in the community.
So thank you all for that.
Speaker 1 (38:04):
I think that happens because almost you know if
you're in that organization,you're in it because you are
passionate about helping peopleget through the system, get
through caring for their lovedones, and you know you can be a
gerontologist, you can be anurse, you can be a social
worker, you can be coming from alot of different backgrounds,
(38:26):
but we all have the same goal.
Speaker 2 (38:29):
Get through the system.
Speaker 1 (38:30):
Get through the system With some sanity, we hope
.
Speaker 2 (38:34):
Oh yeah, Because if you get through it does help, if
you're still sane.
Otherwise, you know what Doc,you won't even know if you threw
it or not.
I think that's a perfect button.
Ending point.
Thank you so very much.
You are welcome back anytime.
This is so fantastic, and nexttime I'm in North Carolina I'm
(38:57):
going to try to look you up.
Speaker 1 (38:59):
Okay, that'd be great .
Speaker 2 (39:01):
Okay, the Snuggle Ups .
Number one what is your planfor aging?
I'm talking to you, caregiversOkay, what is your plan for
aging?
I'm talking to you, caregivers.
Okay, you're already takingcare of a person where they're
not independent anymore.
Has that made you stop andthink?
(39:22):
What the hell do I want myaging to look like?
Pretty much.
I've already started thinking.
You know what?
When I hit 65, I got to livenear the water Something A lake,
a stream, the ocean, not a pond, and not a swimming pool,
because that keeps my mind right, it keeps my soul good.
(39:45):
I need to have sunshine most ofthe days of the year.
These are things that right nowit's a preference, but I
believe as I age, it will becomethat much more important to
keep me psychologically in themiddle of the road.
I've also been thinking aboutwhat kind of activities can I
(40:08):
dive into more right now so thatas I get older, they can still
age with me, like yoga,meditation, swimming.
If you're in the MMA, that'scool, but I don't know how well
MMA ages.
I don't know about wrestlingand aging, but golf, yeah,
(40:32):
because you can get in the cartand you can play a three-hole
course, you know.
Think about activities likethat so you can stay engaged
with life, but your body'slimitations won't limit you from
the activity.
So I was so happy to hear drcorinrine deposit those kind of
(40:53):
questions and I know for a factI'm going to tell my nieces, who
will likely be in charge of meas I get older, what the hell I
consider to be acceptable livingarrangements Like Hefas listen
here.
I got to have this kind ofenvironment and I don't want
(41:13):
only girl nurses and caregivers.
I'm gonna need a dude that'syounger than me and fine anyway.
Number two how do you support acarry?
That's an in-law.
Y'all this is real.
Okay, I've never been marriedbut lord knows, I have watched
(41:38):
the struggles and the trials andthe tribulations.
This is the bottom line.
Your mama ain't his mama.
I need all y'all people thatgot partners and husbands and
wives and whatever you want tocall it, where you think y'all
supposed to be doing lifetogether for life, Doing life
together for life.
You feel what I'm saying.
(41:59):
Your parent ain't their parent.
Please don't put that kind ofexpectation on them, unless that
person that you are married to,engaged to or living with life,
partner thing, unless they lookyou in the face, and not right
(42:19):
during the middle of sex either,unless they look you in the
face when they are sober, justhad a cup of coffee, it's the
top of the day.
They say, hey, you know what?
I want you to give me all theresponsibilities for your mama,
just like we're siblings.
Give me all theresponsibilities for your mama,
just like we're siblings.
Unless they say that, no, don'tplace that kind of
(42:40):
responsibility.
It's hard enough that they'rehaving to watch you change and
struggle under the pressure ofcaring for your parents, and if
they're loving and pitch in toassist you, awesome.
Well, let's be reasonable withwhat people signed up for when
(43:06):
they decide to marry us.
This is sickness and health foryour ass, not your daddy's.
This is sickness and health foryour ass, not your daddy's.
Number three I need y'all to goto quick, fast and in a hurry.
Don't walk, don't pause, don'tscroll.
(43:26):
Run to aginglifecareorg.
Thank me later.
You're welcome in advance.
They have so many resourcesthat we ain't never even heard
of or thought about needing.
(43:47):
It's kind of like if you're ayoung girl and you've never had
a menstrual cycle.
You don't even have any ideawhat you're going to need.
You don't know what to ask forbecause you don't know what this
thing is going to do to you.
That is what theAgingLifeCareorg organization is
(44:08):
about.
I've had the opportunity tospeak with a number of their
chapters throughout the UnitedStates, but they have all of the
expertise that we need to helpus assist our loved ones in
aging.
You can be healthy in aging andthese folks can assist you in
(44:31):
that, and they can assist youwhen you are not healthy.
What in the whole hell Yo getat them?
Holler at them.
It's better to create yourrelationships and identify who
you want your care partners tobe.
Before it's 9-1-1 and your liveris hanging out of your knee,
you feel what I'm saying?
Nice, thank you for tuning in.
It's 9-1-1, and your liver ishanging out of your knee.
(44:52):
You feel what I'm saying?
All right, thank you for tuningin.
I mean really, really, really.
Thank you so very much fortuning in.
Whether you're watching this onYouTube or if you're listening
on your favorite podcast audioplatform.
Either way, wherever you are,subscribe, come back.
(45:14):
That's the way you gonna knowwhen we do something next.
Y'all know how it is.
I'm Jay Smiles.
I might just drop something hotin the middle of the night.
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