February 27, 2025 • 56 mins
What does it mean to parent with a purpose in today's ever-changing world? Join us as we unpack this essential question and explore the art of empowering children to thrive in uncertain times. We promise you'll gain insights into the ripple effects of shifting government policies on family life and how community collaboration can be a beacon of hope and innovation. Discover how parents can remain steadfast as the guiding force in their children's lives, equipping them with the values and skills needed to navigate a complex world.
Experience the power of storytelling, as we share heartfelt narratives illustrating the profound impact of nurturing values like caring and generosity in children. Through personal anecdotes and age-old wisdom, we reflect on the importance of raising kids who are not only prepared for their future but are also capable of making meaningful contributions in the present. From the inspiring story of young Victoria's candy gram kindness to the timeless lessons from the biblical tale of Josiah, we celebrate the potential of children to lead and inspire.
Come along as we discuss practical strategies for investing in children's experiences and teaching them the invaluable lesson of letting go. From redefining luxury spending to prioritizing educational and travel opportunities, we highlight ways to enrich children's lives beyond mere material comfort. Parents, imagine yourselves as bows guiding arrows—providing direction and support without stifling independence. Tune in for an episode filled with laughter, reflection, and actionable insights, all designed to empower you on your parenting journey. Join the conversation on Audible and other podcast platforms, and connect with us on Facebook and Instagram under Donna Janelle.
Parents are the Bows and Children are the Arrows they will land wherever we aim them eventually!
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hey everybody, welcome back to Parenting with a
Purpose.
I am your host, donna Janelle,I'm your co-host, pamela, and,
as you know, here at Parentingwith a Purpose, our aim, our
strive, our mission is to bringthe responsibility, nobility and
beauty back into parenting.
As we know, parenting there'schallenges.
It doesn't matter what age yourchildren are.
There are challenges inparenting.
(00:20):
However, even though there'schallenges, there's so much
beauty in parenting.
Right, though there'schallenges, there's so much
beauty in parenting right, it'sso much there's some tears of
joy and tears of sadness, but atthe end of the day, we want to
make sure that our kids aresuccessful.
Right, every parent wants tomake sure that their kids are
successful.
And you know, with that beingsaid, the other thing is listen,
our saying around here is thatparents are the bulls, our, our
(00:42):
children arrows, and they willland wherever we aim them, as
long as we, as parents, givethem the proper tools to be
successful.
And with that, you know whatthat means, because you can't
give what you don't have.
So here at Panther with Purpose, we are equipping you to have
so that you can give.
Maya Angelou quote says whenyou, when you learn, you teach.
Right, so that's what we'redoing here, and when you have,
(01:05):
you give.
So you can't pour from an emptycup, right?
I know that's like an oldsaying and I don't even know, is
it an African proverb, an Asianproverb, an English proverb?
I don't know what proverb it is.
However, it is true to the factthat you cannot pour out of an
empty cup because all you'regoing to do is right there,
right here.
(01:26):
So today, you know, we've beentalking about I don't have any
stories about my 17 year old,right?
I don't have any stories about,you know, my, the one that
touched my end of gangers.
Surprisingly, y'all and I don'tknow if it's surprisingly or
through prayer that this girl isokay right now.
She did just have the flu andpneumonia, so she's probably
just still trying to recoverfrom that, because she has not
(01:47):
done anything to me right now,y'all, I don't know, she's
requesting a lot of hugs.
Lately, though, she'srequesting a lot of hugs, so
that's the space she in rightnow.
So I ain't got nothing to sayabout her testing my inner
gangster.
She's trying to test my innerlove right now.
That's all um.
(02:12):
But you know we're we've beentalking heavy, pam and I.
We've been talking heavy abouta mandate on parents.
All right.
What does that look like?
Um, with the climate that we'rein, given the things that the
government are now, uh, removingfrom under our feet different
services, right, and how itaffects our children and affects
how we parent in general?
So we want to continue.
The government are now removingfrom under our feet different
services, right, and how itaffects our children and affects
how we parent in general.
So we want to continue thetopic about one I believe and
Pam correct me if I'm wrong doyou believe there's a mandate on
(02:35):
parenting right now?
Speaker 2 (02:36):
Absolutely, you definitely have to pull up, yeah
, pull up.
Speaker 1 (02:41):
I'm curious what the real parents step up.
Pam, you're saying it's likelisten, pull up.
I'm curious.
What the real parents step up,pam, you're saying, is like
listen, pull up.
Right.
So that's what we're going totalk about today.
It's like what is parenting?
You know, here we talk aboutparenting with a purpose.
What does that actually mean?
What does that look like?
How do that?
You know that we grab a hold ofand really be able to
(03:08):
strategize of how we need to dothis differently, right, and
that what we were doing in ourparenting is wrong.
But there are some shifts thatneed to be changed, because we
are the ones who are the firstteachers, the first advocates,
first lovers, like we are theones who are with our children
and if they're going to getanything from us, it is really
(03:30):
going to be tools of how to besuccessful in life.
Yes, so, pam, what you got tosay about that?
Speaker 2 (03:35):
I agree with you, but what's the thing you said?
I said parents gotta pull up.
You said it's time for the realparents to stand, step up.
Speaker 1 (03:44):
Listen, we talk about standing 10 toes down.
Speaker 2 (03:47):
I'm so serious, I don't care if you got 10 toes
and nine toes, you better standon what business right in a
parenting, it's gonna stand onbusiness yeah, because I feel
like every so often like as I'vegotten older, I realized every
so often certain things likethis happen, whether it's in a
month, month time frame, or yousay, years, like every three to
(04:10):
five years I feel like somethingtraumatic like this happens.
And I was watching a clip fromum CNN and the lady wanted to
talk about something and the guywas basically like well, is
this affecting you?
And she was like no, it's notaffecting me.
It's like so what are wetalking about then?
And she was like hold up,you're being very rude because
(04:31):
just because it's not affectingme or affecting you or your
family doesn't mean it's not atopic to talk about.
So, with that being said, likeme personally, I'm not being
affected by it, but I am becauseit affects some of my family
members.
So it affects how they thinkthey're going to be able to show
up, or they're debating if theyhave to quit their job and then
(04:53):
go find another job, or they'rereally like scrambling right
now, almost like being a kid,like what do I do?
Like I got to make sure my kidsare good.
I use the transportationservices, I use the different
before and after care programs.
So what are we going to do ifthey're taking a funding form,
is it going to increase?
How am I going to pay when I'monly making this much a month?
(05:14):
You know, as I said on the showbefore, we might got to go back
to what we know.
Speaker 1 (05:22):
Remember, it was somebody in the community who
would keep all the kids yep, Ithink that is so and and I was
talking to akil, you know and Italked about the same thing,
like when we, back in the day,you know, when we were fighting
for civil rights, human rights,voting rights and all those
rights, like, even though wewere fighting against them to do
it, but we still made a way inour community of how to get
(05:43):
these things done, even whilewe're fighting government.
So it's a such thing as you canfight for what's right, but in
the meantime, in between time,what we gonna do?
Like we ain't just gonna sitaround and wait for you to hand
us what's already ours becausewe paid our tax money for, like
yeah, we know that's a fight.
We paying you to do stuff thatyou're not doing okay, that's a
fight.
But in the meantime, in betweentime, what does that look like
(06:05):
in my everyday?
Speaker 2 (06:05):
living absolutely does that.
Do we put everything on pauseor freeze?
You know, no, you, you stillgotta work.
You still gotta show up for thepull up for the children at
this point, for you showing, youknow you gotta pull up and do
what you gotta do.
You know we gotta put our ourbig boy, big girl pants on and,
like you were saying before,it's being firmly ten toes down,
(06:29):
like, don't be afraid to reachout to the community.
You know, because, whether youknow it or not, you have a voice
in your community and all ittakes is a knock on somebody's
door.
Yeah, what does your schedulelook like?
Just going around surveyingwhat everybody's schedule look
like?
Because, as I stated before,you're not the only one going
(06:51):
through it.
Some people don't want to speakup.
They, like you know I've beenused to figuring it out.
I'm gonna figure this out, youknow.
But what, what, what is itgonna hurt you by knocking on
the door to survey and thenletting your community know?
Hey, I realize 78% of us havechildren that are still in
(07:11):
school, that can't be left alone100% by themselves.
I noticed that 25% of theparents do not work, or this is
their work schedule.
We can alternate days.
We can do this to make it work.
You know what I'm saying.
Speaker 1 (07:27):
Come together instead of allowing the division to
separate us even more like that,because the whole concept when
we talked about parents with thepurpose all right, we talked
about it takes a village likelet's get to the village.
Like let's get back to.
Everybody in the communityknows our children, can correct
our children and really beresponsible to, knows our
children, can correct ourchildren and really be
responsible to raising ourchildren together.
I think that you know thiswhole the way that the world has
(07:50):
turned.
It's like you don't even knowwhat your neighbor's doing
anymore.
Like and then your neighborkids, like that's not how it's
supposed to work.
Like they're not supposed totrust that my kids can play with
your kids.
I don't even know how youoperate.
Like it don't make no sense,right?
You know, I think, even thoughwe are in the time, it may seem
dark.
You know, akil said somethingon the last show.
(08:11):
He said that it's the best thatit could be.
It's the worst of times, butyet it's still the best of times
Because we can really stand upand really create some great
things right now.
Speaker 2 (08:21):
There you go, that create word.
I was thinking that when we wastalking previously, the
creativity is is now beingtapped into and that that's the
source we can tap into.
My main source is god.
I'm gonna keep it funky withyou.
But that that source rightthere, creativity.
(08:42):
When you get some hard tryingtime, that creativity come out a
whole another way, listen themusic now.
Speaker 1 (08:51):
I know that you you might be familiar with some of
this music pair don't start.
You know, back in the day wesaid make a dollar out of 15
cent, like when we were able tomake things happen with the
little bit that we have.
So I feel like now is the timefor us to really, like you said,
be creative and just being ableto man do life like.
I feel like this is not like arestart, but it's like a reboot,
(09:15):
like like yeah, really rebootsomething that I think in order
for the community, the state andeven our country as a whole, as
a world, I think the mandate onparenting is so necessary
because we are the ones that arecreating these children and
building these children to makechange.
(09:35):
So if any change is going tohappen, it's really going to
happen in our households, right?
How do we do life?
How do we communicate withothers?
And you know it trickles fromyour household to your community
, from your community to to yourcity, to your state, to the you
know to the country, into theworld.
That's how it's supposed towork.
It's all, it's growth in allthose areas.
(09:57):
So if we don't have ourhouseholds together, we are
scrambling and chaotic like ohmy god, what's going on?
We might have have taxes, wemight not have taxes.
You know using taxes, you knowas a savings account, right, we
don't know what they're doingwith the government.
But, as you said, I'm abeliever, just like you, pam,
and I know that God knowseverything and he sees
(10:19):
everything, but I also know thathe has given us the ability and
he has empowered us to be ableto do what is necessary to make
sure that we're successful inparenting and in life, because
you keep hearing life be lifing,but I know God is still God,
that's all I know.
Maybe lifing, but yes.
Speaker 2 (10:36):
God, absolutely.
But hold on.
I think I might gotta disagreewith you when you said you think
it's a reboot.
No, I think it's honestly areset, reset, a restart like,
because, if you think about it,every day that we get to wake up
and be in the land of theliving, we are getting a restart
at what we didn't do yesterday,what we didn't get to do.
(10:59):
It's a whole new experience.
I call each day an experiencebecause you, you don't know what
, what doors you're going towalk into, what doors you're
going to have to leave.
So each day is an experienceand at this point we're getting
a reset, just like when covidcovid happened.
What happened?
That was a reset and a restartfor so many people.
(11:20):
Look how many businessesevolved.
Look how many businesses cameout of COVID.
Look how, look how people cametogether came together.
Speaker 1 (11:31):
Yo listen, fam, they was coming together when we
weren't supposed to cometogether.
Right, and do you get?
Speaker 2 (11:36):
what I'm saying.
So it's like, right now, Ithink it's a charge, whether
people want to believe or not.
It's a charge that, whetherpeople want to believe or not,
it's a charge that are on thepeople of God.
Mm-hmm, yeah, what are yougoing to do in trying times If
you say you got faith, you sayyou believe.
(11:57):
What are you really going to doin trying times when times get
difficult?
Speaker 1 (12:04):
Like you said, it's already been given into us, so
go ahead and let that thing burnand you know, I think, again,
when we talk about parenting,this is such a teachable moment
Like what we're dealing with issuch a teachable moment, like
you know, if we can show ourkids how to strategize, how to
really, you know, be creativeeven at such a young age.
I think that this is a time,honestly, parents going to shine
(12:27):
because we're able to give ourkids, because it's like we're
being forced.
You know, some of us arealready have been attention with
parenting right, but there'speople who really didn't really
see the, the urgency in it,right, but now that's like
you're back against the wall,like hold up, like you said.
I love how you mentioned COVID,because I've seen like people
(12:48):
came together we weren'tsupposed to come together but
they're like, listen, theyhomeschooling these kids.
I know nothing about no dadgoing zoom.
I got them sitting here.
I'm still in my nightgown.
How do we come together wherethey all have class even in the
same house?
Like it was crazy becauseyou'll have.
You have somebody on zoomthat's in kindergarten, somebody
that's in first, somebody's inmiddle school, somebody's in
(13:09):
high school.
Then you got your college kidswho are being zoomed, like I
literally had every age beingzoomed.
It's like, okay, we don't needa community for this, but no,
and then it was like parentswho've never been technology
savvy, who didn't even know,grandparents who's never been in
this position, where peoplecame together to help them
(13:31):
navigate the system.
So I'm like, hey, it's time tonavigate the system again.
What are we going to do?
Speaker 2 (13:38):
how you guys seriously and, um, how ironic is
it that it's happening duringBlack History Month?
You know like we're getting allthis information right.
Mm-hmm, I mean, take it, peoplecan take it how they want, but
I've never really been into like, oh, this is Black history.
(14:00):
Yeah, I feel like you shouldlearn about things all
throughout the year.
Right, sorry if I make thatignorant to some, but I just
feel that way.
Like why are we waiting for amonth to teach our children and
generations about what's takingplace to get us to where we are?
That's just like my whole takeon it.
So I'll be interviewing mydaughter and let me tell you
(14:26):
what's her career day.
And I literally have beentalking to the girl because she
always tell me like I want to dowhat you do.
You know I want to.
I want to work in the banks.
And I was like, well, the wayyou get money in, you know, make
money.
I think you're gonna own thebank.
And she said, for real, mom.
She said, and you know they'regonna call me and I'm gonna say
(14:46):
this is victoria, how can I sitthis shit?
She said, mom, and people gonnabe working for me.
So I said, on that this day,yesterday, we in the car and I'm
like you know who are you goingto be for the birthday.
She was like you already know,keep doing this.
You think my answers going tochange?
So I was like nah, becausesometimes they do what you want
(15:09):
to be.
She was like mom, sometimes Ireally don't know said and you
know what.
That's what I love about you.
Because she loves the arts.
Victoria has loved painting,drawing, everything in that area
of the arts since before shewas one, because I introduced it
(15:29):
, introduced her to that by thetime she was like two months.
So we was always think everyweek.
So then she got like she lovesmusic, she loves singing.
Now she's into like dancing,but she still does all three.
So she was like mom, like Idon't know if I want to be a
dancer.
I I like helping people and Ilike money, so like maybe I
(15:52):
could do all of it.
And I was like yeah, there's away that you can.
She was like so maybe I'm gonnabe a, um, a professional
ballerina, nurse.
And I was like okay, god, no,no, and she's so serious, like
she's so serious.
So today I was like what's gonnabe your speech?
She was like you know, when Igrow up, she's like mom, I'm not
(16:13):
not going to tell them theballerina nurse because they're
not going to understand me.
I said, ok, so what you wantwhen I grow up?
I want to be a nurse.
And the reason why I want to bea nurse is because I watch how
they help people.
I watch how some nurses carefor people and I love to care
and help people, make peoplefeel better.
I say and you keep thatregardless if you become a nurse
(16:39):
the professional nurse,ballerina, whatever it is you
keep that in you because, likeyou said, you love to see people
caring for people.
You love to help people feelbetter keep that inside of you.
So, going back to what are weinstilling in our children, what
are we teaching our children?
And right there, that's alesson where I can pull up
people in the past Martin LutherKing, cleopatra connecting them
(17:07):
, saying hey, we talk about thismonthly because, like I said,
she changes.
Speaker 1 (17:14):
I really don't know what I want to be, but I know I
want to care and help people andI think that is so important,
pam, and I like how she did thatbecause, again, like you said,
things change, we get exposed.
The more things that we'reexposed to is trees are our
interest, right, it was like,okay, oh, peaks our interest a
little bit.
That might be somethingdifferent and being so young,
but I like how you said listen,the core of that, right, the
(17:36):
core and the foundational pieces, that caring and helping people
.
And I thought about, you know,when I think about in a Bible.
You know, again, I love theLord and I love to incorporate
some of those stories intoeveryday living because when we
think about it we think aboutthe boy in the Bible when Jesus
went to feed the 5,000, and itwas a young man and his mother
(17:57):
packed his lunch.
Like the loads of bread, right,two fish and five loads of
bread he packed in his lunch.
Now, first of all, that's a lotof food, but you know she know
her son be out there in thestreets, I guess.
Well, she knows the heart ofher son.
Who might want to pray, rightand be caring.
So I thought about I constantlythink about that who might want
to share, right and be caring.
So I thought about I constantlythink about that when we talk
(18:18):
about what we're instilling inour kids like, what are you
packing up for lunch thatthey're able to share with
someone else?
And what you just said to me isthat how Victoria Foundation is
caring and loving with people,so that's something she's packed
with, right, so now she canshare with others.
And that's what it is reallygotta pack our kids lunch so
that they can share with others.
And you can look at it.
(18:38):
Even I know when my kids wereyounger, I would pack their
lunch and they wanted extrasnacks to help those around,
right?
So that story is always dear tomy heart.
Because if he didn't pack hislunch, how was the 5,000 got fed
, like whatever it looked, thatlittle bit that he had, how God
blew on it and made it moreright.
So his benefit is to feed herson, but her son is able to feed
others.
(18:59):
So how are we pouring our kidswhere they can feed others?
Speaker 2 (19:03):
Yes, oh, so look, yesterday was sunglasses day,
right, it's spirit week, howabout?
She didn't think that I hadpacked her stuff and I was like
if you don't stop playing withmommy, you know I'll be on.
It had packed her stuff and Iwas like if you don't stop
playing with mommy, you knowI'll be on it.
She was like oh um, I thoughtyou were gonna pack these hard
ones and I'm like well, theother ones are hard, but they're
(19:24):
just not as fancy as those ones.
If you want to wear those ones,it's fine.
She was like okay, and I waslike well, let me get the other
pair back.
She was like no, I think theyshould stay.
And I was like like well, whyshould they stay?
And she was like just in casesomeone else forgets theirs,
they won't feel left out, mommy.
And she was like Mom, you know,I always have something to be
(19:45):
able to give somebody else.
She said because the only thingI can't help with is when we
don't have to wear a uniform andsomebody comes with their
uniform.
That's the only thing I can'thelp with, but like with my food
and like my other stuff, yeah,I could help with that.
And I was like okay, how about?
Somebody forgot their glassesand he came running out the
(20:06):
building.
Both are in.
Mom.
Mom, guess what?
I'm so happy you let me keepboth pairs because I was able to
help somebody.
I said what is it?
She said you let me keep bothpairs because I was able to help
someone.
I said what?
Speaker 1 (20:18):
is you?
Speaker 2 (20:19):
she said yeah, and she gave them back to me.
Speaker 1 (20:20):
I didn't have to ask that.
Look at that.
I'm like wow, wow, that that's.
That's amazing and that's whatI'm talking about those
foundational pieces.
Like you know, we always, wealways hear that my cat, my
child, is going to be back.
What are you going to be whenyou grow up?
Right?
A basketball star, a lawyer?
This than yet.
And like so much parenting hasbeen focused on to getting our
kids to be those things and yetmissing the whole foundation
(20:41):
piece, because you can be, youknow, the wealthiest person and
have just a disgusting character, bad integrity, right.
So a lot of times that we lookat these external things with
our kids like, all right, whatmakes our kids successful?
Because they got a good job,because you know they're famous
or whatever.
No, what makes our kidssuccessful is what are we
instilling in them, like whatkind of character they have,
(21:02):
what are their integrity?
And I think for so long we'vemissed out on what is the
foundational pieces in parenting, like the shelter.
That's all we kept hearing,right?
Food, clothes and shelter.
And we're making our kids beable to.
You need a job so you canprovide your own food, your own
clothes and your own shelter,right?
Speaker 2 (21:19):
now, what age they starting?
Speaker 1 (21:21):
they starting like 18 yeah, so it's like those things
that you just talked about.
Victoria has is like thosefoundational pieces we're
talking about, because don't goin the long gone ways of food,
clothes and shelter.
Now.
I need my babies to eat, I needthem to be warm, right, I need
to have security, but I alsoneed them to have a sense of
self.
(21:41):
Yes, who?
Speaker 2 (21:43):
am.
Speaker 1 (21:43):
I, yeah, I'm walking in Like I am royalty, like we
did.
You know the girls and men.
I'm confident, I'm bold, I'mlovable.
All those things affirm aren't,aren't just words that we're
telling our kids.
These are words that we'reshowing our kids how to be.
Yes, and that is, and that isparenting, one-on-one, teaching
your kids, because when youfirst born, you know your
(22:05):
identity.
Listen, I didn't realize myidentity until I was literally
probably like 39, 40 years old.
I'm literally early learningwho I am right.
So just imagine a kid and weare solely responsible of making
sure they realize who they are.
The world closed them.
It's like we're giving themsome foundational pieces, some
(22:26):
character, some value, somemorals, some integrity, so that
when they do go on the run,they're not just getting picked
because, oh, they can do the job.
They're getting picked becausethey are an asset to the company
.
Oh, they can do the job.
They're getting picked becausethey are an asset to the company
, not only they can do the jobbut who their character is.
So with this mandate on parentsand that's just what it is Like
we got to really pour into ourkids so they can pour into
(22:47):
somebody else.
There you go, and you don'teven know.
Speaker 2 (22:51):
By it's two things I want to hit by pouring into them
who they'll even reach, becausemy six-year-old I had a teacher
who's a special ed teacher.
She's not even in my child'sclass or anything they had.
They didn't have to, but mydaughter chose to do candy grams
(23:12):
for other teachers because wealways get her teacher stuff,
but for other teachers she'slike I want to get them stuff
too.
Mom, like they work at theschool, they help with the kids
and shout out to miss Holmes.
She said she's seen me today.
She said I've been looking foryou and I said yes, I said
everything.
Okay.
She said I cried.
(23:32):
She said what that note said onthat candy gram, like that meant
more than everything that wasin there.
She said those words.
I said, and those were not mywords, those were not my words,
those were Victoria's words.
She asked me to write it onthere.
How I write nice and fancy foryou guys.
(23:52):
Those were her words.
I had to do a rough draft onsticky notes and then write it
nice and fancy, her exact wordsand victoria's.
Right.
There she goes, because weappreciate you and sometimes we
have to get in the building sofast we can't tell you that.
And she said please don't do it.
Please don't do it.
She said I already had fourdays of.
(24:13):
She said I just kept looking atit and it let me know that what
I am doing doesn't go unnoticed.
So that's a six-year-old to.
I don't even know how old thisfucks is, but the impact and she
was just I have to walk awayright now because I'm about to
start and I was like oh.
And then another teacherfollowed up and was like she's
(24:35):
always blessing someone.
And I said oh, she was likevictorious.
She was like she's alwaysblessing someone and I said she
was like victoria.
She was like I don't know whothis little large person is.
She was like but she's so greatand we look forward to seeing
her like I hope she returns nextyear because we look forward to
seeing her presence in thebuilding, because it's just like
(24:55):
I don't care what they're doing.
It's not dictating what's goingto happen today yo and I'm just
like, wow, I get to see myparenting, I get to see how I'm
pulling up me and her father,like those times when we like
girl, you are not listening.
No, she really is, because sheis a product of us and she is
(25:19):
showing what we're instilling inher, regardless if we think
she's listening or not.
She really is because it comesback to us tenfold, you know.
And then back to the community.
Remember, when we had thecommunity, people knew each
other way better.
People were more in touch waybetter.
So there was more love, therewas more unity.
(25:40):
Now that everybody has put theirseparate ways, like you
previously said, I don't evenknow what my neighbor does for a
living, like I don't know ifthey have children, I don't.
I don't know what goes on overthere, why.
Why don't we know who livesnext door to us or across the
street, and so we need to getback into that.
That's pulling up.
Yeah, that being intentional,with parents and with a purpose
(26:04):
knowing who your neighbors are,whether you're on the in street,
whether you're an apartmentbuilding, you should definitely
know lives with with you in theapartment building, because
that's even closer than it.
So what they got going on intheir house could be coming
through your walls.
Speaker 1 (26:19):
Yeah, and I think you know I like.
There's two things that yousaid, and I know you got more,
but I like the first thing whenyou were saying how you never
know who they're going to impactand so for so many years I
don't know if you heard thiswhen you were younger what are
you going to do in the future?
What are you going to do in thefuture?
(26:40):
Oh, they're going to besomething when they grow up.
Instead of they are somethingnow, like right, right now, like
we're not just creating stuffjust for their future.
Yes, we're creating stuff tofor they to be successful in our
future, but we need our kids tobe successful right now like
what are we right now, when theyget older, this is going to
happen.
No, they can make such an impactright now.
Josiah in the bible and and Iknow I keep going back to the
Bible, pam but there are so manystories and so many things when
we think about parents and I'mlike yo, who is Josiah's parents
(27:01):
, because that boy was nineyears old, nine-year-old king
Like for real, being able toreally pull up and show our kids
, like you know, that song is byour children of the future.
Yes, they are the future, butour children are supposed to
skip out the first 18 years oflife and say, oh, when you're 18
, you're going to be this, orwhen you're 18, you're going to
be that or like that.
(27:22):
I can't wait to see you whenyou're 18.
Why are you acting at one yearsold?
What are we going to do aboutall these temper tantrums?
Speaker 2 (27:28):
Hello, that is so good.
I never looked at that is likeway until you're 18.
Speaker 1 (27:33):
But then here's the other, the caveat to that right
18, it has the time.
I'm telling you, I've beencoaching parents for a long time
now, pam, they 18, and now, at18, you're ready for that.
Oh, you 18, you on your own toget out, but you ain't give them
that all 18 years.
I'm so confused how they'resupposed to go when they own
where you done skipped out thefirst 18 of really intentional,
(27:54):
impactful parenting.
And now, oh, the law saysyou're 18.
I ain't responsible for you, nomore.
Well, ma'am, sir, these other18s with years, so that when
they turn 18, that we don't haveto do things that we didn't do
the first 18 years.
I get baffled of people whenI'm coaching families.
(28:16):
Oh, they're 18.
They need to find their ownplace.
I get baffled of people whenI'm coaching families.
Oh, they're 18.
They need to find their ownplace.
First of all, what age did youfind your own place and how did
that look out and how did?
Speaker 2 (28:24):
that work Like where?
Let's go into that, Becausewere you setting them up to buy
18 to have their own place?
Speaker 1 (28:34):
Right.
Did you invest in some business?
Did you show them financialliteracy?
What did you do to set them upAgain?
It's not about I'm just hereproviding food, clothes and
shelter.
Parenting is more than that.
I think we got to understandparenting is more than food,
clothes and shelter.
That's the parents who want toknow, recognize and understand
that it's more than food,clothes and shelter.
I just need for all the parentsout there to understand it is
(28:56):
more than food, clothes andshelter.
Young, old.
Speaker 2 (29:01):
It don't matter, all ages.
Parenting is more than that,and I get bad food, pam by.
Speaker 1 (29:07):
You know people in the generation above me, older
generation, when they say, well,that happened to me when I was
younger.
Look at me, I turned off, fine.
I'm like did you, did you?
Okay?
Speaker 2 (29:21):
silence in a room, okay all right, there's some
things that's okay to keep, butthen you have to remember that
you have to move with the times,like you like, like you said oh
, what should I categorycategorize you as?
Because you love making your,your little side remarks about
me.
Now listen down.
So what should I categorizepeople with at this moment?
(29:43):
No, but they'll be like youever hear them say like oh, that
baby grown, or that baby movingtoo fast, or it's another one
on the way.
No, you guys were just treatingthe baby so baby-fine that you
thought they were slow andreally your child could have
been doing this.
Right, right, you just wasn'tallowing them.
Speaker 1 (30:06):
The smart girl was hilarious girl the parents back
in the day was hilarious forreal, I'm so serious.
And then they got offended whenwe started doing it a little
different.
They like, uh, uh, don't bringthat baby over here, but it's
crazy.
Like, oh, my god, it's so.
(30:27):
It's so funny, though, becausesome stuff you hear you like no
for real though, and then whenthe kids come back to you
talking about that, doesn't evenmake no sense.
Now they're disrespectfulbecause they tell them what you
said ain't even adding up.
That don't make no sense.
I remember a situation with my.
She was younger and she wastalking to my dad and you know
my dad from an older generationand my daughter is having a
(30:48):
conversation with him, right andshe was saying and she wasn't
being malicious or anything, butshe was like, oh well, that's
just pure ignorance.
What the hell?
Ignorance, ignorance.
You never call him ignorant.
She said, based on theconversation, you're ignorant.
And she's using the wordignorance as if the lack of
(31:09):
knowledge, like she's using itin a proper, proper way.
You know, my dad got sooffended, so hard not to ever
come back to his house.
The girl was fingers old, shewas nice.
Oh, don't you disrespect me, Iwas mean.
She was so confused.
I never called him ignorant.
I was saying that, based on theconversation, that was an
ignorance, just lack of notknowing.
Like that's all I'm saying.
(31:30):
And then she said Mom.
Speaker 2 (31:35):
I went to the dictionary and tried to show him
the definition of.
She made it worse.
Speaker 1 (31:40):
She said I don't know how you're writing them kids
down there, but you're writingthem kids to be disrespectful to
that.
I was like what?
When they told me the wholestory and I was like, well, yeah
, they were kind of in ignorance, but not on her behalf, it was
more on his behalf, but I didn'twant to say it because the next
thing, you know, I might not beable to come to the house.
(32:00):
It don't need to be both ofy'all, we don't need to be bad,
right so, but just in that, andI think like we really have to
be open-minded and reallyunderstanding, hearing our
children, our children, isoperating from a different
system, right?
So back in the day, um,especially particularly for
african americans, they weren'teducated, right, they weren't
able to be educated, and theyweren't educated in a way where
(32:23):
there's certain words that wasbeing used.
Right, they was like more oflike keywords or whatever.
They weren't really, you knowEnglish standard dictionary,
right, because that's how wecreated our onyx, right?
This is what we say.
You know, each culture hastheir own language.
However, I know for a fact thatmy mom didn't graduate high
school and my mom I had to teachher.
I started teaching her when Iwas younger of how to read Right
(32:46):
.
So you have you coming from ageneration who aren't as
educated as our children are now, so where our children are
using words and using terms in aproper way and then the older
generation is getting offendedand they don't understand Right.
So it's like generations areunderstanding each other and
that's where a lot of conflictcomes in.
Aren't understanding each other, and that's where a lot of
(33:08):
conflict comes in.
But if we go to the root ofthings and get some
understanding and be open-minded, that I think we will be in a
better place.
When we talk about crossinggenerations and our in a
generation where they even knowmore than what we know, so as
parents we got to be like ohokay, I'm telling you there's
some stuff that my kids say anddo and my old school parents in
ways would have been like what?
But now I'm listening to thembecause, yeah, you can teach me
(33:29):
how to do this.
Like it saves a lot of time ifwe just listen to our children.
Speaker 2 (33:33):
It sure will.
I know cooking in the kitchensaves me time.
Speaker 1 (33:38):
Me too With that Darnay.
She is such a chef and I knowlike even then, being younger,
not being able to cook in thekitchen and not being able to
kid being in the kitchen, kidsare supposed to be here.
Kids are supposed to be there.
Unless you're raising a kid tobe a kitchen maid or something
like that, you really are reallyexposed to, like really
domestic things, domestic thingsin the household, unless it was
(33:58):
going to be either their job orhow they're going to serve
their spouse.
And but my daughter, he cooksfor us and she cooks, and I had
to myself restrain myself.
It's like, oh, you cooking withthis expensive stuff?
We gotta test and trial somecheap stuff, but why did I want
it?
That's her standard of cooking,this is the one that operated.
And who am I to say, oh no, youneed a lighter, you need a
(34:21):
watered down version of this.
Are you crazy?
And that's what we do.
On parenting, sometimes we think, because we don't want to a
make the sacrifice, put theinvest in it, and say, nah, I
want you to be lesser than whoyou are and we don't do it
intentionally, right, but it'sbased on, again, how we feel
that what's going on.
It's like it could be how wewere raised too.
We weren't able to do certainthings because how we were being
(34:45):
raised.
But now we're not responsiblehow we were raised, but we're
responsible how we raise ourchildren.
Yes, if you want, I had tolearn.
Listen.
She cooks with the mostexpensive stuff, I'm like and
it'd be good and it's gourmet,and she's telling me the
difference of why she showsthese products.
It's not.
I need the best.
You know this because of this.
And it ain't about form andfashion.
(35:06):
It is about service, excellentand the taste and on your palate
like for her to be able todescribe that to me made me say
cool, I'm okay paying forwhatever you want, because the
way that you want your standardto be and who am I to make you
water down and you just learningwho you are that just learning
who you are, and I'm wateringdown everything that you're
(35:29):
trying.
Speaker 2 (35:30):
You're trying or want to experience yeah that's crazy
.
Yeah, wow, are we?
Are we watering down ourchildren's ideas in their
thoughts?
Because when we were helpingthe young ladies do the budget
board and I gave them a word, Isaid your vices how much money
(35:51):
do you spend on your vices?
They were like vices.
I was like, yeah, things thatyou do outside that you really
probably shouldn't do or spendmoney on.
And one one young lady oncealready had a mission to be set
her child up.
She said I, I could pull moneyfrom my wife.
So that goes back to oh, I'mtrying, you want the most
(36:14):
expensive and it's that.
Third, but why would I want totake that from you?
Her thing is why not take thisfrom myself when I know I really
don't need it?
So now I can invest in my child.
So what?
So what are some things that wecan pull back from that we
really don't need so we caninvest in our children, so they
can get the best experience,even if it's just a one-time,
(36:37):
they experienced it.
At least they experienced it.
Speaker 1 (36:41):
Right, I like that opportunity Because I thought
about this.
Like, sometimes, a lot of times, you hear parents say I can't
afford to do this, I can'tafford to do that.
And I'm not saying that, youknow, it's called like what are
we willing to do so that we canget this?
Not this whole.
I can't afford this.
Right, when I'm coachingfamilies, right, I'm asking them
about family vacation, what doyou do?
(37:02):
What kind of time you spend?
Do what kind of time you spend?
Because I don't know.
I think I mentioned on here,like, when my kids were growing
up, my goal was for them to seeevery state in the united states
and figure out the historicalfact in that state.
Right, whatever um is going onin that state is that's part of
teaching, right?
I don't school tell, teach mykids about history of each state
(37:24):
.
So that was my goal.
We're going to every state inthe United States to figure it
out.
So that costs money, right, butit also costs investigation and
research so that you don't haveto spend as much money.
So a lot of times, parents saythey can't afford that.
But I also see them buyingGucci, prada, michael Kors.
It's like sometimes I get it,you want some name stuff.
(37:45):
That's why Marshall's TJ Maxxis there, because you can get
some real name stuff on acheaper budget.
I'm just telling y'all,absolutely you want Michael Kors
, you want Prada?
Okay, but go to TJ Maxx andMarshall because you're going to
get a 50% off and it's still instyle a little cute.
You want the name on, okay?
So I'm just saying we investour money in the wrong things,
and I won't even say invest,because when you buy in those
(38:06):
purses, whatever, I don't knowhow, what's the return on that
right?
so we put our money in somewasteful things instead of so,
pam, when we talk about pull up,that's what we're talking about
.
How are you?
Yes, it don't take much to look.
Listen, parents, every statehas stuff national.
Anything that's national isfree the national national parks
(38:26):
, the national museum, thenational zoo.
It's all free because it's not.
Only thing you might have to dois pay for some parking.
Okay, put that in your budget,but you can plan stuff to take
your kids and expose them tothings that they're not
typically exposed to.
And it's a norm for them now.
And let me tell you, when theygo in class and they start
talking about different parts ofthe world and stuff like that,
(38:48):
oh, your kids already know,because you already taught them
that they already.
Yeah.
So now don't, don't cancel itout because you think you can't
afford it.
Pull back so that you can pullup.
Speaker 2 (39:00):
There you go and I like that, Not only the national
, but there's alsotransportation out here too.
Certain trains they offerdifferent things throughout the
year.
Greyhound, they offer differentspecials and then if you get
their membership, oh, theirtickets are like, during certain
(39:26):
periods of months and timeframes they are so cheap.
So even if you don't have a caror you know you don't want to
get on a plane and differentstuff, there's other ways for
you to travel also.
Speaker 1 (39:38):
Exactly you need to be.
We talked about beingresourceful.
You said resetting, likethere's things that we need to
do to be able to teach our kidslike, again, it starts with us.
I'm not waiting for my kids tolearn about history based on
what the school system decides,what they decide they want to
omit so if, if I did that, mydaughter is six now, say I
(39:59):
started when she was one, thatmeans she don't.
Speaker 2 (40:02):
That's crazy, yeah, it's crazy.
Yeah, that's crazy.
That's a little goofy, likelet's reset some stuff, that's
what.
Speaker 1 (40:11):
Yeah, yeah, and I think we don't think that,
though I think a lot of times,parents don't think that again
because they focus on food,clothes and shelter, like really
, how I'm going to make endsmeet.
Well, understanding that if wedon't want our children to have
the struggle that we have right,or we've had, there are some
things that we need to do withour parents and now to set them
up successfully.
When we talk about giving themtools right, like we're talking
(40:32):
about, how do we, you know, setthem up now?
And I think again, everythingis a teachable moment.
Everything is really not like.
I feel like we have to be sointentional with this parenting
that, you know, in order forthis world to change, it starts
in our house, man, yes, yes, aswe say that in our home just
(40:55):
take a moment to reset.
Speaker 2 (40:58):
I don't even say if it's broke, don't fix it, but
something's not neat if it's notbroken.
Speaker 1 (41:04):
Wait, wait, wait.
That was your young mom.
They say if it's not broken,don't fix it.
Yeah, you said, if it's brokedon't fix it.
There you go.
I'm doing that.
Oh, I'm sorry if it's notbroken.
Don't fix it.
Speaker 2 (41:16):
You were trying to call an older an older thing and
that's why it shouldn't be asaying, because some things need
to be reset exactly yeah, justbecause it's not not broken,
that doesn't mean you leave itthere either.
Right, some things can find anew home, some things need to be
removed after y'all you know,so you can reset properly,
(41:39):
because little do we know.
We pull things from thegenerations before us and we
don't even realize it yeah, italready put into our bank.
So, like you ever see people whohoarder or like hold on to
stuff my, my oldest brother, mymom, they do that thing like,
like I'm bad, like to the point.
(42:01):
It's like you need to shake,you need to shake.
Speaker 1 (42:04):
You need to shake, but that is what mine said.
That is because my daughter,the one that's in the Marines,
lizzie, she said to me she waslike Mom, you know you're a
hoarder.
When she calls me TT, you knowthat you're a hoarder.
I got so offended for hercalling me a hoarder.
I said I'm not a hoarder.
I was so mad, pam Pam, I waslike Pam Pam, I was like this
(42:27):
generation.
I felt like my dad Get out ofmy house.
Speaker 2 (42:30):
Like no, seriously, and I was my mom is the baby out
of 14 children, right?
But then my brother is theoldest, so it's kind of like
well, what would be what ifthere's no excuses Like don't do
it?
You now both are, are well off,you should not still be
(42:50):
carrying this tray.
And guess who does it?
My little person.
She wants to keep the tab andit's.
She went to her birthday partyat age three.
My girl told me who birthdayparty it was from and I was like
pause, pause to her.
Like no, no, this bag.
How do you still have thisgoodie bag?
Like I didn't even travel withher.
(43:10):
Like what?
Speaker 1 (43:13):
Yeah, and it's crazy because we end up building a
scarcity mindset in our childrenand not realizing by things
that they're exposed to.
So when my daughter told me Igot offended.
I ain't going to lie, parentingwas the purpose.
I was not parenting, I said forreal.
(43:34):
But the real thing she wastelling again, we gotta be open
and, um, welcome, open-mindedwhen we talk to our children and
a different generation.
Because she just was sayingwhat is the point, what's the
purpose of keeping this?
How?
Speaker 2 (43:40):
does this?
Speaker 1 (43:41):
help us to evolve and grow.
When she said that to me, Isaid you sound like me what you
talking about, but it's true.
So now even my son like thesame thing, like and because
it's crazy, because it'ssomething I'm teaching them not
to do, like, not to hoarder, butyet I was still hoardering and
hopefully I was still hoarderingand it was a scaredy mindset of
(44:03):
I don't want, maybe I mightneed this later.
What if I won't have later, notunderstanding that god supply
all our needs and even thingscan be built again and if you're
not, you know why keep holdingon to it.
That's like you walking aroundwith all these bags, right, and
it's like well, you got thesebags for a bag lady, can you put
your bags down?
(44:23):
Like, but for real, I love that.
So just teaching our childrenlike it's okay to let things go,
it's okay to let things go andnot hold on to everything, and
even if you want to think aboutit in holistic living, it's okay
to let things go, let people go, so that you can grow.
Yes, yeah, and a lot, a lot ofus had challenges in that.
(44:46):
I'm not sure about yourgeneration, because your
generation be like I ain't doingit ain't having it.
But my generation, thegeneration before us, is like,
no, okay, we got to hold on you,we got to fix you, we got to do
this, so we got to do it.
Your generation said, uh-uh,that ain't even my fight.
No, seriously.
(45:08):
And my kids' generationgeneration like why would you do
that?
Like so stupid.
Sometimes we're like, but thatdoesn't even make any sense.
Well, why would you do that?
And I'm saying, yeah, but whenthey're younger, we telling our
kids, well, why would you dothat?
Now they're, they're teenagers,they're like mom, why would you
do that?
All right, yo, a flag on theplay.
What we doing.
That is good, though, yeah.
So when we talk about pullingup, standing 10 toes down or how
(45:29):
many toes you got like, when wetalk about that, we really talk
about what does this look likeeveryday living, the things that
we're just like everyday living.
This is not something we'reconjuring up to say you know,
this is how you run yourhousehold.
We just want you to beintentional, we want you to be
impactful and we want you tounderstand that our role as
parents is really to lead andguide our children and if we got
(45:51):
to pull them back, prune back alittle bit so that they can
grow.
That's just what happened.
In order for do that, thatmeans that we had to learn how
to prune ourselves so that wegrow period.
so again, this mandate onparenting is serious.
Absolutely, absolutely.
Ain't no government going torun my kids, my household, you
know, around here we put in thework and that way, when our
(46:13):
children go out in the world,things that will try to attach
themselves to them, they havewax skin.
Well, it just roll off of them.
Yes, Say that again, when ourkids go out in the world and the
world try to attaches itself tothem, they have built such a
wax skin that things just rolloff.
It won't penetrate.
(46:33):
Yeah, because they're going tohave a sense of identity, a
sense of power.
They're going to understandtheir power.
And how did they do that?
Yeah, mom, be a powerful.
I see my dad be powerful, I seemy, I see my mom.
And that's one of the thingsthat I don't recommend parents
hide the struggle from theirkids like.
They're things that I don'trecommend parents hide the
struggle from their kids likeage appropriate.
Now you don't need to be sayingeverything to everybody.
Your kids tell your business,y'all out there, your kids will
(46:54):
tell your business, but ageappropriate.
Age appropriate so that theyunderstand that everything is
not always perfect.
You know, talked about, you know, with my oldest daughter she
said you know I talked about youknow, with my oldest daughter
she said Ma, why do we have tolive a porcelain lifestyle?
It hit my heart.
I mean, like porcelain, weain't fake.
She was like not saying thatit's a fake lifestyle, but
everything has to be perfect andin its place and on the shelf.
(47:17):
It really is.
There hasn't been nothinghappen to it.
That's not how we're supposedto live.
We really have to live.
We really have to live.
We're supposed to experiencelife and we need to teach our
children to experience life andwhatever we're dealing with and
how to handle it.
And if we teach our children atsuch a young age, by the way,
we respond even to them.
They didn't respond to peopleappropriately too.
(47:41):
Well, they ain't always poppingoff.
Talk about what?
Speaker 2 (47:43):
You was waiting to do that.
How you do that?
No, no, how you do that, no, no, because you know my little
person, she wants things done.
Sometimes I'll be like lookhere, it's a place, it's a place
to be in time.
She be like her here, like whatdo you mean?
She's like if it needed to besaid, it needed to be said.
(48:06):
And I'll be like what do youmean she's like if it needed to
be sang?
It needed to be sang, and I'llbe like okay, I see, we got to
cultivate this thing, boy.
My friend said if looks couldkill.
She said what did I do toVictoria?
I said, oh, you gave her thelittle finger, like finger wave
thing, but you gave me a hug.
She wasn't feeling it, she waslike boy, because she gave me
(48:29):
this look and it pierced me onthe end.
She said I didn't even realize.
She said I would never notacknowledge her.
I said, well, that's not aconversation, but maybe that's
the conversation.
But she said, and we had such agreat conversation.
She said I had to keep lookinglike this is not a stitch, this
a picture.
She said, because she wasbasically let me know, don't
play with me.
(48:49):
You give me a hug because Ineed to get my mama like or you
don't get nobody, because that'swhat she thought.
You don't leave people out.
You shouldn't leave people out.
Speaker 1 (48:59):
You say hi to everyone and you know what, and
then the older generation wouldthink that's disrespectful.
But that's her standing up andI love love that.
I love that and I think if moreparents are not afraid to let
our children be true tothemselves in such a respectful
manner and just really speak upfor us.
So I think sometimes you knowand I know we about to have to
(49:20):
wrap this up, but we've been,we've been cooking Sometimes
that we forget as parents, thatwe're raising our children to
grow up, not keeping them asbabies right where you have to
defend everything that happensto them, or but teaching them
how to be assertive, right, yeah, and and have it with
(49:40):
confidence.
I think something that reallyneeds to happen, because where
our children are not going to bebabies forever, and because
here's the thing, it'sinteresting I hear people say
you know, and I think I feellike I've done it myself, where
I'm trying to take care of mykids so much, giving them
everything they need, but then,but it's not giving them
(50:02):
everything they need so thatthey can go out and be
themselves.
It's literally what I need foryou to do right now.
Like I still have a wholeperson.
Like when I said, when Lizziesaid to me and I was telling her
about ironing her uniforms forthe Marines and I didn't
understand why she couldn't ironthem the way that she was like,
but you got to remember, younever taught me how to iron.
And I was like wait a minute,hold up.
(50:23):
She said, no, you done that forus, said, no, you did that for
us.
And I said what?
Say what?
She said I thought I wasteaching you.
Yeah, but that's that wholeintentional thing.
We think that we're doing onething, we're doing something
else.
It's good that you done it.
She said when we were youngeryes, but you didn't teach us how
(50:45):
to do that for ourselves.
So now she's 18 and she doesn'tdidn't know how to correctly
iron her uniform, because I didit for her.
And she said I'm at the agewhere I need to do it myself so
it's literally a drawing boardand teach her how to do it.
And what I said?
All that to say is thatsometimes we think that we're
teaching stuff, but we'reactually doing it for us.
Again, we're doing it for themso that they don't have to do it
(51:06):
ourselves, because, again, wethink that we're supposed to do
everything for our kids.
No, our kids have to be able todo stuff because we want them
to grow up and get out and besuccessful.
So and there was another lifelesson in that parenting thing I
thought I was I'm like yo I'mtrying to get attention.
She said you never taught me.
Don't you say I ain't treat you, do nothing, girl.
Speaker 2 (51:24):
And it was.
Speaker 1 (51:25):
I showed you the tools, but I didn't let you use
the tools yeah, I showed youwhat was going on, but I didn't,
I didn't, so that's why, sowhen we talk about, there's a
lot of.
Speaker 2 (51:38):
There's a lot of points and tips in here yeah,
yeah.
Speaker 1 (51:42):
So when we talk about pulling up, what does that
really look like?
Speaker 2 (51:45):
Yeah, mm-hmm, even when it doesn't apply directly
to you at this moment, you knowRight, what can you do to help
even someone else, your neighbor, you know.
Speaker 1 (51:59):
Right, and that's what I'm saying.
How does that look in equippingour kids to be able to even be
impactful at such a young age?
Speaker 2 (52:09):
are we?
Are we just showing them?
Speaker 1 (52:11):
the tools.
We include in a minute of howto use the tools.
Parents are our bows, ourchildren are arrows.
So, yeah, we're, we're the bow,so the bow is required to have
a certain stance for that rightfor a bow.
But also including because ifI'm pulling you, if I'm pulling
an arrow back, why am I doingthat?
If and how am I showing andteaching that arrow to go
(52:31):
forward you?
know I mean the weight of that,and I think that we really have
to consider one.
If you really want a parent,and if you're going to do it,
you're going to do it withpurpose, or what are we doing?
And what does that look like inreal life?
And I think in this episode wewe have so many different tools
in here and just some things tothink about, some like for us to
(52:53):
say, wow, interesting.
So we thank you guys forjoining Panther Purpose.
We're going to have to wrapthis up and come back with you
again, because this right herewas some deep conversation.
I love always my co-host islike the best.
I love talking to Pam, becausewe cut up, as you see, but yet
we give you guys some tools andwe live this stuff on a daily,
real life stuff we help parents.
(53:14):
We coach other parents becausewe want you guys to be the best
parents possible, right?
The best parents for your childand not everybody else's child.
We're talking about you, yourhousehold, your family, and what
does that look like in real,real life?
So we thank you guys forjoining parents of the purpose.
There are so many things thatyou could take away from this
session today, like, if we startnaming it will be in another
session, because there are somany things that went on.
(53:34):
So we want you guys to, if yougot to repeat rewind, put it on
pause, write some notes just toget back into it and you can
find us everywhere.
Now, pam, you know we're audiblenow so you could just it's a
podcast on audible absolutelyanywhere you listen to your
podcast, you can listen toparenting with a purpose and you
(53:56):
will find every episode thatwe've done in season three.
Season one and two episodes arenot up there, but season three
episode is out there in theworld and I believe, pam, it's
like 36 episodes for seasonthree.
That's how parents can justlisten to as you're driving,
however you want to do it, asyou're taking a shower, whatever
(54:16):
you want to do, really listento it and pause and take some
notes, because there are somegood things that have been
coming through here and again.
We just want to equip you withthe tools to know that you can
parent with a purpose, like itdoesn't matter who you are, how
you were raised, how you weren'traised, like whatever it is,
that there is such a mandate onparenting that requires you to
(54:39):
dig deep and we say stand 10toes down and pull up go ahead
and just remember um, as we said, you take time to listen back
on um previous podcast that it'sokay to reset it's.
Speaker 2 (54:54):
It's good that you realize that you need a change.
So if you gotta pause, reset soyou continue to evolve in life.
So we can not just show ourchildren the tools, but also
include them in there so theycan be evolved, and that we're
setting them.
We're not just setting them upfor success, but we're setting
(55:15):
them up to have character and tobe somebody, not just in the
future, but right now as well.
Speaker 1 (55:21):
All right, yes, yes, yes, until next time.
We're Parenting with a Purpose.
Again.
I am your host, donna Janelle,and I am your co-host, pamela,
and we are here to bring theresponsibility, nobility and
beauty back into parenting.
We are the bows and ourchildren are arrows and they
will land wherever we aim themeventually.
Now we're not promising they'regoing to do this tomorrow,
because it ain't happening.
(55:41):
We didn't do it the next day,right, but they will land and
they will be successful, giventhe proper tools.
So, again, tune in to Parentingwith a Purpose.
We are on Facebook, parentingwith a Purpose.
We are on Instagram under DonnaJanelle, and also you can go to
the website underdonnagenellecom and you will
find our episodes and you willfind other resources and other
(56:02):
things on how to really tap intous.
Where you know we can come anddo a session, group session.
We do the coaching, parenting,whatever you need.
We are here, we are tools foryou to be successful.
So, again, we thank you guysfor joining Parenting with a
Purpose.
Until next time, where we canlaugh and have fun and talk
about this right here.
So you guys have a great day.
Hey everybody, welcome back to Parenting with a
Purpose.
I am your host, donna Janelle,I'm your co-host, pamela, and,
as you know, here at Parentingwith a Purpose, our aim, our
strive, our mission is to bringthe responsibility, nobility and
beauty back into parenting.
As we know, parenting there'schallenges.
It doesn't matter what age yourchildren are.
There are challenges inparenting.
(00:20):
However, even though there'schallenges, there's so much
beauty in parenting.
Right, though there'schallenges, there's so much
beauty in parenting right, it'sso much there's some tears of
joy and tears of sadness, but atthe end of the day, we want to
make sure that our kids aresuccessful.
Right, every parent wants tomake sure that their kids are
successful.
And you know, with that beingsaid, the other thing is listen,
our saying around here is thatparents are the bulls, our, our
(00:42):
children arrows, and they willland wherever we aim them, as
long as we, as parents, givethem the proper tools to be
successful.
And with that, you know whatthat means, because you can't
give what you don't have.
So here at Panther with Purpose, we are equipping you to have
so that you can give.
Maya Angelou quote says whenyou, when you learn, you teach.
Right, so that's what we'redoing here, and when you have,
(01:05):
you give.
So you can't pour from an emptycup, right?
I know that's like an oldsaying and I don't even know, is
it an African proverb, an Asianproverb, an English proverb?
I don't know what proverb it is.
However, it is true to the factthat you cannot pour out of an
empty cup because all you'regoing to do is right there,
right here.
(01:26):
So today, you know, we've beentalking about I don't have any
stories about my 17 year old,right?
I don't have any stories about,you know, my, the one that
touched my end of gangers.
Surprisingly, y'all and I don'tknow if it's surprisingly or
through prayer that this girl isokay right now.
She did just have the flu andpneumonia, so she's probably
just still trying to recoverfrom that, because she has not
(01:47):
done anything to me right now,y'all, I don't know, she's
requesting a lot of hugs.
Lately, though, she'srequesting a lot of hugs, so
that's the space she in rightnow.
So I ain't got nothing to sayabout her testing my inner
gangster.
She's trying to test my innerlove right now.
That's all um.
(02:12):
But you know we're we've beentalking heavy, pam and I.
We've been talking heavy abouta mandate on parents.
All right.
What does that look like?
Um, with the climate that we'rein, given the things that the
government are now, uh, removingfrom under our feet different
services, right, and how itaffects our children and affects
how we parent in general?
So we want to continue.
The government are now removingfrom under our feet different
services, right, and how itaffects our children and affects
how we parent in general.
So we want to continue thetopic about one I believe and
Pam correct me if I'm wrong doyou believe there's a mandate on
(02:35):
parenting right now?
Speaker 2 (02:36):
Absolutely, you definitely have to pull up, yeah
, pull up.
Speaker 1 (02:41):
I'm curious what the real parents step up.
Pam, you're saying it's likelisten, pull up.
I'm curious.
What the real parents step up,pam, you're saying, is like
listen, pull up.
Right.
So that's what we're going totalk about today.
It's like what is parenting?
You know, here we talk aboutparenting with a purpose.
What does that actually mean?
What does that look like?
How do that?
You know that we grab a hold ofand really be able to
(03:08):
strategize of how we need to dothis differently, right, and
that what we were doing in ourparenting is wrong.
But there are some shifts thatneed to be changed, because we
are the ones who are the firstteachers, the first advocates,
first lovers, like we are theones who are with our children
and if they're going to getanything from us, it is really
(03:30):
going to be tools of how to besuccessful in life.
Yes, so, pam, what you got tosay about that?
Speaker 2 (03:35):
I agree with you, but what's the thing you said?
I said parents gotta pull up.
You said it's time for the realparents to stand, step up.
Speaker 1 (03:44):
Listen, we talk about standing 10 toes down.
Speaker 2 (03:47):
I'm so serious, I don't care if you got 10 toes
and nine toes, you better standon what business right in a
parenting, it's gonna stand onbusiness yeah, because I feel
like every so often like as I'vegotten older, I realized every
so often certain things likethis happen, whether it's in a
month, month time frame, or yousay, years, like every three to
(04:10):
five years I feel like somethingtraumatic like this happens.
And I was watching a clip fromum CNN and the lady wanted to
talk about something and the guywas basically like well, is
this affecting you?
And she was like no, it's notaffecting me.
It's like so what are wetalking about then?
And she was like hold up,you're being very rude because
(04:31):
just because it's not affectingme or affecting you or your
family doesn't mean it's not atopic to talk about.
So, with that being said, likeme personally, I'm not being
affected by it, but I am becauseit affects some of my family
members.
So it affects how they thinkthey're going to be able to show
up, or they're debating if theyhave to quit their job and then
(04:53):
go find another job, or they'rereally like scrambling right
now, almost like being a kid,like what do I do?
Like I got to make sure my kidsare good.
I use the transportationservices, I use the different
before and after care programs.
So what are we going to do ifthey're taking a funding form,
is it going to increase?
How am I going to pay when I'monly making this much a month?
(05:14):
You know, as I said on the showbefore, we might got to go back
to what we know.
Speaker 1 (05:22):
Remember, it was somebody in the community who
would keep all the kids yep, Ithink that is so and and I was
talking to akil, you know and Italked about the same thing,
like when we, back in the day,you know, when we were fighting
for civil rights, human rights,voting rights and all those
rights, like, even though wewere fighting against them to do
it, but we still made a way inour community of how to get
(05:43):
these things done, even whilewe're fighting government.
So it's a such thing as you canfight for what's right, but in
the meantime, in between time,what we gonna do?
Like we ain't just gonna sitaround and wait for you to hand
us what's already ours becausewe paid our tax money for, like
yeah, we know that's a fight.
We paying you to do stuff thatyou're not doing okay, that's a
fight.
But in the meantime, in betweentime, what does that look like
(06:05):
in my everyday?
Speaker 2 (06:05):
living absolutely does that.
Do we put everything on pauseor freeze?
You know, no, you, you stillgotta work.
You still gotta show up for thepull up for the children at
this point, for you showing, youknow you gotta pull up and do
what you gotta do.
You know we gotta put our ourbig boy, big girl pants on and,
like you were saying before,it's being firmly ten toes down,
(06:29):
like, don't be afraid to reachout to the community.
You know, because, whether youknow it or not, you have a voice
in your community and all ittakes is a knock on somebody's
door.
Yeah, what does your schedulelook like?
Just going around surveyingwhat everybody's schedule look
like?
Because, as I stated before,you're not the only one going
(06:51):
through it.
Some people don't want to speakup.
They, like you know I've beenused to figuring it out.
I'm gonna figure this out, youknow.
But what, what, what is itgonna hurt you by knocking on
the door to survey and thenletting your community know?
Hey, I realize 78% of us havechildren that are still in
(07:11):
school, that can't be left alone100% by themselves.
I noticed that 25% of theparents do not work, or this is
their work schedule.
We can alternate days.
We can do this to make it work.
You know what I'm saying.
Speaker 1 (07:27):
Come together instead of allowing the division to
separate us even more like that,because the whole concept when
we talked about parents with thepurpose all right, we talked
about it takes a village likelet's get to the village.
Like let's get back to.
Everybody in the communityknows our children, can correct
our children and really beresponsible to, knows our
children, can correct ourchildren and really be
responsible to raising ourchildren together.
I think that you know thiswhole the way that the world has
(07:50):
turned.
It's like you don't even knowwhat your neighbor's doing
anymore.
Like and then your neighborkids, like that's not how it's
supposed to work.
Like they're not supposed totrust that my kids can play with
your kids.
I don't even know how youoperate.
Like it don't make no sense,right?
You know, I think, even thoughwe are in the time, it may seem
dark.
You know, akil said somethingon the last show.
(08:11):
He said that it's the best thatit could be.
It's the worst of times, butyet it's still the best of times
Because we can really stand upand really create some great
things right now.
Speaker 2 (08:21):
There you go, that create word.
I was thinking that when we wastalking previously, the
creativity is is now beingtapped into and that that's the
source we can tap into.
My main source is god.
I'm gonna keep it funky withyou.
But that that source rightthere, creativity.
(08:42):
When you get some hard tryingtime, that creativity come out a
whole another way, listen themusic now.
Speaker 1 (08:51):
I know that you you might be familiar with some of
this music pair don't start.
You know, back in the day wesaid make a dollar out of 15
cent, like when we were able tomake things happen with the
little bit that we have.
So I feel like now is the timefor us to really, like you said,
be creative and just being ableto man do life like.
I feel like this is not like arestart, but it's like a reboot,
(09:15):
like like yeah, really rebootsomething that I think in order
for the community, the state andeven our country as a whole, as
a world, I think the mandate onparenting is so necessary
because we are the ones that arecreating these children and
building these children to makechange.
(09:35):
So if any change is going tohappen, it's really going to
happen in our households, right?
How do we do life?
How do we communicate withothers?
And you know it trickles fromyour household to your community
, from your community to to yourcity, to your state, to the you
know to the country, into theworld.
That's how it's supposed towork.
It's all, it's growth in allthose areas.
(09:57):
So if we don't have ourhouseholds together, we are
scrambling and chaotic like ohmy god, what's going on?
We might have have taxes, wemight not have taxes.
You know using taxes, you knowas a savings account, right, we
don't know what they're doingwith the government.
But, as you said, I'm abeliever, just like you, pam,
and I know that God knowseverything and he sees
(10:19):
everything, but I also know thathe has given us the ability and
he has empowered us to be ableto do what is necessary to make
sure that we're successful inparenting and in life, because
you keep hearing life be lifing,but I know God is still God,
that's all I know.
Maybe lifing, but yes.
Speaker 2 (10:36):
God, absolutely.
But hold on.
I think I might gotta disagreewith you when you said you think
it's a reboot.
No, I think it's honestly areset, reset, a restart like,
because, if you think about it,every day that we get to wake up
and be in the land of theliving, we are getting a restart
at what we didn't do yesterday,what we didn't get to do.
(10:59):
It's a whole new experience.
I call each day an experiencebecause you, you don't know what
, what doors you're going towalk into, what doors you're
going to have to leave.
So each day is an experienceand at this point we're getting
a reset, just like when covidcovid happened.
What happened?
That was a reset and a restartfor so many people.
(11:20):
Look how many businessesevolved.
Look how many businesses cameout of COVID.
Look how, look how people cametogether came together.
Speaker 1 (11:31):
Yo listen, fam, they was coming together when we
weren't supposed to cometogether.
Right, and do you get?
Speaker 2 (11:36):
what I'm saying.
So it's like, right now, Ithink it's a charge, whether
people want to believe or not.
It's a charge that, whetherpeople want to believe or not,
it's a charge that are on thepeople of God.
Mm-hmm, yeah, what are yougoing to do in trying times If
you say you got faith, you sayyou believe.
(11:57):
What are you really going to doin trying times when times get
difficult?
Speaker 1 (12:04):
Like you said, it's already been given into us, so
go ahead and let that thing burnand you know, I think, again,
when we talk about parenting,this is such a teachable moment
Like what we're dealing with issuch a teachable moment, like
you know, if we can show ourkids how to strategize, how to
really, you know, be creativeeven at such a young age.
I think that this is a time,honestly, parents going to shine
(12:27):
because we're able to give ourkids, because it's like we're
being forced.
You know, some of us arealready have been attention with
parenting right, but there'speople who really didn't really
see the, the urgency in it,right, but now that's like
you're back against the wall,like hold up, like you said.
I love how you mentioned COVID,because I've seen like people
(12:48):
came together we weren'tsupposed to come together but
they're like, listen, theyhomeschooling these kids.
I know nothing about no dadgoing zoom.
I got them sitting here.
I'm still in my nightgown.
How do we come together wherethey all have class even in the
same house?
Like it was crazy becauseyou'll have.
You have somebody on zoomthat's in kindergarten, somebody
that's in first, somebody's inmiddle school, somebody's in
(13:09):
high school.
Then you got your college kidswho are being zoomed, like I
literally had every age beingzoomed.
It's like, okay, we don't needa community for this, but no,
and then it was like parentswho've never been technology
savvy, who didn't even know,grandparents who's never been in
this position, where peoplecame together to help them
(13:31):
navigate the system.
So I'm like, hey, it's time tonavigate the system again.
What are we going to do?
Speaker 2 (13:38):
how you guys seriously and, um, how ironic is
it that it's happening duringBlack History Month?
You know like we're getting allthis information right.
Mm-hmm, I mean, take it, peoplecan take it how they want, but
I've never really been into like, oh, this is Black history.
(14:00):
Yeah, I feel like you shouldlearn about things all
throughout the year.
Right, sorry if I make thatignorant to some, but I just
feel that way.
Like why are we waiting for amonth to teach our children and
generations about what's takingplace to get us to where we are?
That's just like my whole takeon it.
So I'll be interviewing mydaughter and let me tell you
(14:26):
what's her career day.
And I literally have beentalking to the girl because she
always tell me like I want to dowhat you do.
You know I want to.
I want to work in the banks.
And I was like, well, the wayyou get money in, you know, make
money.
I think you're gonna own thebank.
And she said, for real, mom.
She said, and you know they'regonna call me and I'm gonna say
(14:46):
this is victoria, how can I sitthis shit?
She said, mom, and people gonnabe working for me.
So I said, on that this day,yesterday, we in the car and I'm
like you know who are you goingto be for the birthday.
She was like you already know,keep doing this.
You think my answers going tochange?
So I was like nah, becausesometimes they do what you want
(15:09):
to be.
She was like mom, sometimes Ireally don't know said and you
know what.
That's what I love about you.
Because she loves the arts.
Victoria has loved painting,drawing, everything in that area
of the arts since before shewas one, because I introduced it
(15:29):
, introduced her to that by thetime she was like two months.
So we was always think everyweek.
So then she got like she lovesmusic, she loves singing.
Now she's into like dancing,but she still does all three.
So she was like mom, like Idon't know if I want to be a
dancer.
I I like helping people and Ilike money, so like maybe I
(15:52):
could do all of it.
And I was like yeah, there's away that you can.
She was like so maybe I'm gonnabe a, um, a professional
ballerina, nurse.
And I was like okay, god, no,no, and she's so serious, like
she's so serious.
So today I was like what's gonnabe your speech?
She was like you know, when Igrow up, she's like mom, I'm not
(16:13):
not going to tell them theballerina nurse because they're
not going to understand me.
I said, ok, so what you wantwhen I grow up?
I want to be a nurse.
And the reason why I want to bea nurse is because I watch how
they help people.
I watch how some nurses carefor people and I love to care
and help people, make peoplefeel better.
I say and you keep thatregardless if you become a nurse
(16:39):
the professional nurse,ballerina, whatever it is you
keep that in you because, likeyou said, you love to see people
caring for people.
You love to help people feelbetter keep that inside of you.
So, going back to what are weinstilling in our children, what
are we teaching our children?
And right there, that's alesson where I can pull up
people in the past Martin LutherKing, cleopatra connecting them
(17:07):
, saying hey, we talk about thismonthly because, like I said,
she changes.
Speaker 1 (17:14):
I really don't know what I want to be, but I know I
want to care and help people andI think that is so important,
pam, and I like how she did thatbecause, again, like you said,
things change, we get exposed.
The more things that we'reexposed to is trees are our
interest, right, it was like,okay, oh, peaks our interest a
little bit.
That might be somethingdifferent and being so young,
but I like how you said listen,the core of that, right, the
(17:36):
core and the foundational pieces, that caring and helping people
.
And I thought about, you know,when I think about in a Bible.
You know, again, I love theLord and I love to incorporate
some of those stories intoeveryday living because when we
think about it we think aboutthe boy in the Bible when Jesus
went to feed the 5,000, and itwas a young man and his mother
(17:57):
packed his lunch.
Like the loads of bread, right,two fish and five loads of
bread he packed in his lunch.
Now, first of all, that's a lotof food, but you know she know
her son be out there in thestreets, I guess.
Well, she knows the heart ofher son.
Who might want to pray, rightand be caring.
So I thought about I constantlythink about that who might want
to share, right and be caring.
So I thought about I constantlythink about that when we talk
(18:18):
about what we're instilling inour kids like, what are you
packing up for lunch thatthey're able to share with
someone else?
And what you just said to me isthat how Victoria Foundation is
caring and loving with people,so that's something she's packed
with, right, so now she canshare with others.
And that's what it is reallygotta pack our kids lunch so
that they can share with others.
And you can look at it.
(18:38):
Even I know when my kids wereyounger, I would pack their
lunch and they wanted extrasnacks to help those around,
right?
So that story is always dear tomy heart.
Because if he didn't pack hislunch, how was the 5,000 got fed
, like whatever it looked, thatlittle bit that he had, how God
blew on it and made it moreright.
So his benefit is to feed herson, but her son is able to feed
others.
(18:59):
So how are we pouring our kidswhere they can feed others?
Speaker 2 (19:03):
Yes, oh, so look, yesterday was sunglasses day,
right, it's spirit week, howabout?
She didn't think that I hadpacked her stuff and I was like
if you don't stop playing withmommy, you know I'll be on.
It had packed her stuff and Iwas like if you don't stop
playing with mommy, you knowI'll be on it.
She was like oh um, I thoughtyou were gonna pack these hard
ones and I'm like well, theother ones are hard, but they're
(19:24):
just not as fancy as those ones.
If you want to wear those ones,it's fine.
She was like okay, and I waslike well, let me get the other
pair back.
She was like no, I think theyshould stay.
And I was like like well, whyshould they stay?
And she was like just in casesomeone else forgets theirs,
they won't feel left out, mommy.
And she was like Mom, you know,I always have something to be
(19:45):
able to give somebody else.
She said because the only thingI can't help with is when we
don't have to wear a uniform andsomebody comes with their
uniform.
That's the only thing I can'thelp with, but like with my food
and like my other stuff, yeah,I could help with that.
And I was like okay, how about?
Somebody forgot their glassesand he came running out the
(20:06):
building.
Both are in.
Mom.
Mom, guess what?
I'm so happy you let me keepboth pairs because I was able to
help somebody.
I said what is it?
She said you let me keep bothpairs because I was able to help
someone.
I said what?
Speaker 1 (20:18):
is you?
Speaker 2 (20:19):
she said yeah, and she gave them back to me.
Speaker 1 (20:20):
I didn't have to ask that.
Look at that.
I'm like wow, wow, that that's.
That's amazing and that's whatI'm talking about those
foundational pieces.
Like you know, we always, wealways hear that my cat, my
child, is going to be back.
What are you going to be whenyou grow up?
Right?
A basketball star, a lawyer?
This than yet.
And like so much parenting hasbeen focused on to getting our
kids to be those things and yetmissing the whole foundation
(20:41):
piece, because you can be, youknow, the wealthiest person and
have just a disgusting character, bad integrity, right.
So a lot of times that we lookat these external things with
our kids like, all right, whatmakes our kids successful?
Because they got a good job,because you know they're famous
or whatever.
No, what makes our kidssuccessful is what are we
instilling in them, like whatkind of character they have,
(21:02):
what are their integrity?
And I think for so long we'vemissed out on what is the
foundational pieces in parenting, like the shelter.
That's all we kept hearing,right?
Food, clothes and shelter.
And we're making our kids beable to.
You need a job so you canprovide your own food, your own
clothes and your own shelter,right?
Speaker 2 (21:19):
now, what age they starting?
Speaker 1 (21:21):
they starting like 18 yeah, so it's like those things
that you just talked about.
Victoria has is like thosefoundational pieces we're
talking about, because don't goin the long gone ways of food,
clothes and shelter.
Now.
I need my babies to eat, I needthem to be warm, right, I need
to have security, but I alsoneed them to have a sense of
self.
(21:41):
Yes, who?
Speaker 2 (21:43):
am.
Speaker 1 (21:43):
I, yeah, I'm walking in Like I am royalty, like we
did.
You know the girls and men.
I'm confident, I'm bold, I'mlovable.
All those things affirm aren't,aren't just words that we're
telling our kids.
These are words that we'reshowing our kids how to be.
Yes, and that is, and that isparenting, one-on-one, teaching
your kids, because when youfirst born, you know your
(22:05):
identity.
Listen, I didn't realize myidentity until I was literally
probably like 39, 40 years old.
I'm literally early learningwho I am right.
So just imagine a kid and weare solely responsible of making
sure they realize who they are.
The world closed them.
It's like we're giving themsome foundational pieces, some
(22:26):
character, some value, somemorals, some integrity, so that
when they do go on the run,they're not just getting picked
because, oh, they can do the job.
They're getting picked becausethey are an asset to the company
.
Oh, they can do the job.
They're getting picked becausethey are an asset to the company
, not only they can do the jobbut who their character is.
So with this mandate on parentsand that's just what it is Like
we got to really pour into ourkids so they can pour into
(22:47):
somebody else.
There you go, and you don'teven know.
Speaker 2 (22:51):
By it's two things I want to hit by pouring into them
who they'll even reach, becausemy six-year-old I had a teacher
who's a special ed teacher.
She's not even in my child'sclass or anything they had.
They didn't have to, but mydaughter chose to do candy grams
(23:12):
for other teachers because wealways get her teacher stuff,
but for other teachers she'slike I want to get them stuff
too.
Mom, like they work at theschool, they help with the kids
and shout out to miss Holmes.
She said she's seen me today.
She said I've been looking foryou and I said yes, I said
everything.
Okay.
She said I cried.
(23:32):
She said what that note said onthat candy gram, like that meant
more than everything that wasin there.
She said those words.
I said, and those were not mywords, those were not my words,
those were Victoria's words.
She asked me to write it onthere.
How I write nice and fancy foryou guys.
(23:52):
Those were her words.
I had to do a rough draft onsticky notes and then write it
nice and fancy, her exact wordsand victoria's.
Right.
There she goes, because weappreciate you and sometimes we
have to get in the building sofast we can't tell you that.
And she said please don't do it.
Please don't do it.
She said I already had fourdays of.
(24:13):
She said I just kept looking atit and it let me know that what
I am doing doesn't go unnoticed.
So that's a six-year-old to.
I don't even know how old thisfucks is, but the impact and she
was just I have to walk awayright now because I'm about to
start and I was like oh.
And then another teacherfollowed up and was like she's
(24:35):
always blessing someone.
And I said oh, she was likevictorious.
She was like she's alwaysblessing someone and I said she
was like victoria.
She was like I don't know whothis little large person is.
She was like but she's so greatand we look forward to seeing
her like I hope she returns nextyear because we look forward to
seeing her presence in thebuilding, because it's just like
(24:55):
I don't care what they're doing.
It's not dictating what's goingto happen today yo and I'm just
like, wow, I get to see myparenting, I get to see how I'm
pulling up me and her father,like those times when we like
girl, you are not listening.
No, she really is, because sheis a product of us and she is
(25:19):
showing what we're instilling inher, regardless if we think
she's listening or not.
She really is because it comesback to us tenfold, you know.
And then back to the community.
Remember, when we had thecommunity, people knew each
other way better.
People were more in touch waybetter.
So there was more love, therewas more unity.
(25:40):
Now that everybody has put theirseparate ways, like you
previously said, I don't evenknow what my neighbor does for a
living, like I don't know ifthey have children, I don't.
I don't know what goes on overthere, why.
Why don't we know who livesnext door to us or across the
street, and so we need to getback into that.
That's pulling up.
Yeah, that being intentional,with parents and with a purpose
(26:04):
knowing who your neighbors are,whether you're on the in street,
whether you're an apartmentbuilding, you should definitely
know lives with with you in theapartment building, because
that's even closer than it.
So what they got going on intheir house could be coming
through your walls.
Speaker 1 (26:19):
Yeah, and I think you know I like.
There's two things that yousaid, and I know you got more,
but I like the first thing whenyou were saying how you never
know who they're going to impactand so for so many years I
don't know if you heard thiswhen you were younger what are
you going to do in the future?
What are you going to do in thefuture?
(26:40):
Oh, they're going to besomething when they grow up.
Instead of they are somethingnow, like right, right now, like
we're not just creating stuffjust for their future.
Yes, we're creating stuff tofor they to be successful in our
future, but we need our kids tobe successful right now like
what are we right now, when theyget older, this is going to
happen.
No, they can make such an impactright now.
Josiah in the bible and and Iknow I keep going back to the
Bible, pam but there are so manystories and so many things when
we think about parents and I'mlike yo, who is Josiah's parents
(27:01):
, because that boy was nineyears old, nine-year-old king
Like for real, being able toreally pull up and show our kids
, like you know, that song is byour children of the future.
Yes, they are the future, butour children are supposed to
skip out the first 18 years oflife and say, oh, when you're 18
, you're going to be this, orwhen you're 18, you're going to
be that or like that.
(27:22):
I can't wait to see you whenyou're 18.
Why are you acting at one yearsold?
What are we going to do aboutall these temper tantrums?
Speaker 2 (27:28):
Hello, that is so good.
I never looked at that is likeway until you're 18.
Speaker 1 (27:33):
But then here's the other, the caveat to that right
18, it has the time.
I'm telling you, I've beencoaching parents for a long time
now, pam, they 18, and now, at18, you're ready for that.
Oh, you 18, you on your own toget out, but you ain't give them
that all 18 years.
I'm so confused how they'resupposed to go when they own
where you done skipped out thefirst 18 of really intentional,
(27:54):
impactful parenting.
And now, oh, the law saysyou're 18.
I ain't responsible for you, nomore.
Well, ma'am, sir, these other18s with years, so that when
they turn 18, that we don't haveto do things that we didn't do
the first 18 years.
I get baffled of people whenI'm coaching families.
(28:16):
Oh, they're 18.
They need to find their ownplace.
I get baffled of people whenI'm coaching families.
Oh, they're 18.
They need to find their ownplace.
First of all, what age did youfind your own place and how did
that look out and how did?
Speaker 2 (28:24):
that work Like where?
Let's go into that, Becausewere you setting them up to buy
18 to have their own place?
Speaker 1 (28:34):
Right.
Did you invest in some business?
Did you show them financialliteracy?
What did you do to set them upAgain?
It's not about I'm just hereproviding food, clothes and
shelter.
Parenting is more than that.
I think we got to understandparenting is more than food,
clothes and shelter.
That's the parents who want toknow, recognize and understand
that it's more than food,clothes and shelter.
I just need for all the parentsout there to understand it is
(28:56):
more than food, clothes andshelter.
Young, old.
Speaker 2 (29:01):
It don't matter, all ages.
Parenting is more than that,and I get bad food, pam by.
Speaker 1 (29:07):
You know people in the generation above me, older
generation, when they say, well,that happened to me when I was
younger.
Look at me, I turned off, fine.
I'm like did you, did you?
Okay?
Speaker 2 (29:21):
silence in a room, okay all right, there's some
things that's okay to keep, butthen you have to remember that
you have to move with the times,like you like, like you said oh
, what should I categorycategorize you as?
Because you love making your,your little side remarks about
me.
Now listen down.
So what should I categorizepeople with at this moment?
(29:43):
No, but they'll be like youever hear them say like oh, that
baby grown, or that baby movingtoo fast, or it's another one
on the way.
No, you guys were just treatingthe baby so baby-fine that you
thought they were slow andreally your child could have
been doing this.
Right, right, you just wasn'tallowing them.
Speaker 1 (30:06):
The smart girl was hilarious girl the parents back
in the day was hilarious forreal, I'm so serious.
And then they got offended whenwe started doing it a little
different.
They like, uh, uh, don't bringthat baby over here, but it's
crazy.
Like, oh, my god, it's so.
(30:27):
It's so funny, though, becausesome stuff you hear you like no
for real though, and then whenthe kids come back to you
talking about that, doesn't evenmake no sense.
Now they're disrespectfulbecause they tell them what you
said ain't even adding up.
That don't make no sense.
I remember a situation with my.
She was younger and she wastalking to my dad and you know
my dad from an older generationand my daughter is having a
(30:48):
conversation with him, right andshe was saying and she wasn't
being malicious or anything, butshe was like, oh well, that's
just pure ignorance.
What the hell?
Ignorance, ignorance.
You never call him ignorant.
She said, based on theconversation, you're ignorant.
And she's using the wordignorance as if the lack of
(31:09):
knowledge, like she's using itin a proper, proper way.
You know, my dad got sooffended, so hard not to ever
come back to his house.
The girl was fingers old, shewas nice.
Oh, don't you disrespect me, Iwas mean.
She was so confused.
I never called him ignorant.
I was saying that, based on theconversation, that was an
ignorance, just lack of notknowing.
Like that's all I'm saying.
(31:30):
And then she said Mom.
Speaker 2 (31:35):
I went to the dictionary and tried to show him
the definition of.
She made it worse.
Speaker 1 (31:40):
She said I don't know how you're writing them kids
down there, but you're writingthem kids to be disrespectful to
that.
I was like what?
When they told me the wholestory and I was like, well, yeah
, they were kind of in ignorance, but not on her behalf, it was
more on his behalf, but I didn'twant to say it because the next
thing, you know, I might not beable to come to the house.
(32:00):
It don't need to be both ofy'all, we don't need to be bad,
right so, but just in that, andI think like we really have to
be open-minded and reallyunderstanding, hearing our
children, our children, isoperating from a different
system, right?
So back in the day, um,especially particularly for
african americans, they weren'teducated, right, they weren't
able to be educated, and theyweren't educated in a way where
(32:23):
there's certain words that wasbeing used.
Right, they was like more oflike keywords or whatever.
They weren't really, you knowEnglish standard dictionary,
right, because that's how wecreated our onyx, right?
This is what we say.
You know, each culture hastheir own language.
However, I know for a fact thatmy mom didn't graduate high
school and my mom I had to teachher.
I started teaching her when Iwas younger of how to read Right
(32:46):
.
So you have you coming from ageneration who aren't as
educated as our children are now, so where our children are
using words and using terms in aproper way and then the older
generation is getting offendedand they don't understand Right.
So it's like generations areunderstanding each other and
that's where a lot of conflictcomes in.
Aren't understanding each other, and that's where a lot of
(33:08):
conflict comes in.
But if we go to the root ofthings and get some
understanding and be open-minded, that I think we will be in a
better place.
When we talk about crossinggenerations and our in a
generation where they even knowmore than what we know, so as
parents we got to be like ohokay, I'm telling you there's
some stuff that my kids say anddo and my old school parents in
ways would have been like what?
But now I'm listening to thembecause, yeah, you can teach me
(33:29):
how to do this.
Like it saves a lot of time ifwe just listen to our children.
Speaker 2 (33:33):
It sure will.
I know cooking in the kitchensaves me time.
Speaker 1 (33:38):
Me too With that Darnay.
She is such a chef and I knowlike even then, being younger,
not being able to cook in thekitchen and not being able to
kid being in the kitchen, kidsare supposed to be here.
Kids are supposed to be there.
Unless you're raising a kid tobe a kitchen maid or something
like that, you really are reallyexposed to, like really
domestic things, domestic thingsin the household, unless it was
(33:58):
going to be either their job orhow they're going to serve
their spouse.
And but my daughter, he cooksfor us and she cooks, and I had
to myself restrain myself.
It's like, oh, you cooking withthis expensive stuff?
We gotta test and trial somecheap stuff, but why did I want
it?
That's her standard of cooking,this is the one that operated.
And who am I to say, oh no, youneed a lighter, you need a
(34:21):
watered down version of this.
Are you crazy?
And that's what we do.
On parenting, sometimes we think, because we don't want to a
make the sacrifice, put theinvest in it, and say, nah, I
want you to be lesser than whoyou are and we don't do it
intentionally, right, but it'sbased on, again, how we feel
that what's going on.
It's like it could be how wewere raised too.
We weren't able to do certainthings because how we were being
(34:45):
raised.
But now we're not responsiblehow we were raised, but we're
responsible how we raise ourchildren.
Yes, if you want, I had tolearn.
Listen.
She cooks with the mostexpensive stuff, I'm like and
it'd be good and it's gourmet,and she's telling me the
difference of why she showsthese products.
It's not.
I need the best.
You know this because of this.
And it ain't about form andfashion.
(35:06):
It is about service, excellentand the taste and on your palate
like for her to be able todescribe that to me made me say
cool, I'm okay paying forwhatever you want, because the
way that you want your standardto be and who am I to make you
water down and you just learningwho you are that just learning
who you are, and I'm wateringdown everything that you're
(35:29):
trying.
Speaker 2 (35:30):
You're trying or want to experience yeah that's crazy
.
Yeah, wow, are we?
Are we watering down ourchildren's ideas in their
thoughts?
Because when we were helpingthe young ladies do the budget
board and I gave them a word, Isaid your vices how much money
(35:51):
do you spend on your vices?
They were like vices.
I was like, yeah, things thatyou do outside that you really
probably shouldn't do or spendmoney on.
And one one young lady oncealready had a mission to be set
her child up.
She said I, I could pull moneyfrom my wife.
So that goes back to oh, I'mtrying, you want the most
(36:14):
expensive and it's that.
Third, but why would I want totake that from you?
Her thing is why not take thisfrom myself when I know I really
don't need it?
So now I can invest in my child.
So what?
So what are some things that wecan pull back from that we
really don't need so we caninvest in our children, so they
can get the best experience,even if it's just a one-time,
(36:37):
they experienced it.
At least they experienced it.
Speaker 1 (36:41):
Right, I like that opportunity Because I thought
about this.
Like, sometimes, a lot of times, you hear parents say I can't
afford to do this, I can'tafford to do that.
And I'm not saying that, youknow, it's called like what are
we willing to do so that we canget this?
Not this whole.
I can't afford this.
Right, when I'm coachingfamilies, right, I'm asking them
about family vacation, what doyou do?
(37:02):
What kind of time you spend?
Do what kind of time you spend?
Because I don't know.
I think I mentioned on here,like, when my kids were growing
up, my goal was for them to seeevery state in the united states
and figure out the historicalfact in that state.
Right, whatever um is going onin that state is that's part of
teaching, right?
I don't school tell, teach mykids about history of each state
(37:24):
.
So that was my goal.
We're going to every state inthe United States to figure it
out.
So that costs money, right, butit also costs investigation and
research so that you don't haveto spend as much money.
So a lot of times, parents saythey can't afford that.
But I also see them buyingGucci, prada, michael Kors.
It's like sometimes I get it,you want some name stuff.
(37:45):
That's why Marshall's TJ Maxxis there, because you can get
some real name stuff on acheaper budget.
I'm just telling y'all,absolutely you want Michael Kors
, you want Prada?
Okay, but go to TJ Maxx andMarshall because you're going to
get a 50% off and it's still instyle a little cute.
You want the name on, okay?
So I'm just saying we investour money in the wrong things,
and I won't even say invest,because when you buy in those
(38:06):
purses, whatever, I don't knowhow, what's the return on that
right?
so we put our money in somewasteful things instead of so,
pam, when we talk about pull up,that's what we're talking about
.
How are you?
Yes, it don't take much to look.
Listen, parents, every statehas stuff national.
Anything that's national isfree the national national parks
(38:26):
, the national museum, thenational zoo.
It's all free because it's not.
Only thing you might have to dois pay for some parking.
Okay, put that in your budget,but you can plan stuff to take
your kids and expose them tothings that they're not
typically exposed to.
And it's a norm for them now.
And let me tell you, when theygo in class and they start
talking about different parts ofthe world and stuff like that,
(38:48):
oh, your kids already know,because you already taught them
that they already.
Yeah.
So now don't, don't cancel itout because you think you can't
afford it.
Pull back so that you can pullup.
Speaker 2 (39:00):
There you go and I like that, Not only the national
, but there's alsotransportation out here too.
Certain trains they offerdifferent things throughout the
year.
Greyhound, they offer differentspecials and then if you get
their membership, oh, theirtickets are like, during certain
(39:26):
periods of months and timeframes they are so cheap.
So even if you don't have a caror you know you don't want to
get on a plane and differentstuff, there's other ways for
you to travel also.
Speaker 1 (39:38):
Exactly you need to be.
We talked about beingresourceful.
You said resetting, likethere's things that we need to
do to be able to teach our kidslike, again, it starts with us.
I'm not waiting for my kids tolearn about history based on
what the school system decides,what they decide they want to
omit so if, if I did that, mydaughter is six now, say I
(39:59):
started when she was one, thatmeans she don't.
Speaker 2 (40:02):
That's crazy, yeah, it's crazy.
Yeah, that's crazy.
That's a little goofy, likelet's reset some stuff, that's
what.
Speaker 1 (40:11):
Yeah, yeah, and I think we don't think that,
though I think a lot of times,parents don't think that again
because they focus on food,clothes and shelter, like really
, how I'm going to make endsmeet.
Well, understanding that if wedon't want our children to have
the struggle that we have right,or we've had, there are some
things that we need to do withour parents and now to set them
up successfully.
When we talk about giving themtools right, like we're talking
(40:32):
about, how do we, you know, setthem up now?
And I think again, everythingis a teachable moment.
Everything is really not like.
I feel like we have to be sointentional with this parenting
that, you know, in order forthis world to change, it starts
in our house, man, yes, yes, aswe say that in our home just
(40:55):
take a moment to reset.
Speaker 2 (40:58):
I don't even say if it's broke, don't fix it, but
something's not neat if it's notbroken.
Speaker 1 (41:04):
Wait, wait, wait.
That was your young mom.
They say if it's not broken,don't fix it.
Yeah, you said, if it's brokedon't fix it.
There you go.
I'm doing that.
Oh, I'm sorry if it's notbroken.
Don't fix it.
Speaker 2 (41:16):
You were trying to call an older an older thing and
that's why it shouldn't be asaying, because some things need
to be reset exactly yeah, justbecause it's not not broken,
that doesn't mean you leave itthere either.
Right, some things can find anew home, some things need to be
removed after y'all you know,so you can reset properly,
(41:39):
because little do we know.
We pull things from thegenerations before us and we
don't even realize it yeah, italready put into our bank.
So, like you ever see people whohoarder or like hold on to
stuff my, my oldest brother, mymom, they do that thing like,
like I'm bad, like to the point.
(42:01):
It's like you need to shake,you need to shake.
Speaker 1 (42:04):
You need to shake, but that is what mine said.
That is because my daughter,the one that's in the Marines,
lizzie, she said to me she waslike Mom, you know you're a
hoarder.
When she calls me TT, you knowthat you're a hoarder.
I got so offended for hercalling me a hoarder.
I said I'm not a hoarder.
I was so mad, pam Pam, I waslike Pam Pam, I was like this
(42:27):
generation.
I felt like my dad Get out ofmy house.
Speaker 2 (42:30):
Like no, seriously, and I was my mom is the baby out
of 14 children, right?
But then my brother is theoldest, so it's kind of like
well, what would be what ifthere's no excuses Like don't do
it?
You now both are, are well off,you should not still be
(42:50):
carrying this tray.
And guess who does it?
My little person.
She wants to keep the tab andit's.
She went to her birthday partyat age three.
My girl told me who birthdayparty it was from and I was like
pause, pause to her.
Like no, no, this bag.
How do you still have thisgoodie bag?
Like I didn't even travel withher.
(43:10):
Like what?
Speaker 1 (43:13):
Yeah, and it's crazy because we end up building a
scarcity mindset in our childrenand not realizing by things
that they're exposed to.
So when my daughter told me Igot offended.
I ain't going to lie, parentingwas the purpose.
I was not parenting, I said forreal.
(43:34):
But the real thing she wastelling again, we gotta be open
and, um, welcome, open-mindedwhen we talk to our children and
a different generation.
Because she just was sayingwhat is the point, what's the
purpose of keeping this?
How?
Speaker 2 (43:40):
does this?
Speaker 1 (43:41):
help us to evolve and grow.
When she said that to me, Isaid you sound like me what you
talking about, but it's true.
So now even my son like thesame thing, like and because
it's crazy, because it'ssomething I'm teaching them not
to do, like, not to hoarder, butyet I was still hoardering and
hopefully I was still hoarderingand it was a scaredy mindset of
(44:03):
I don't want, maybe I mightneed this later.
What if I won't have later, notunderstanding that god supply
all our needs and even thingscan be built again and if you're
not, you know why keep holdingon to it.
That's like you walking aroundwith all these bags, right, and
it's like well, you got thesebags for a bag lady, can you put
your bags down?
(44:23):
Like, but for real, I love that.
So just teaching our childrenlike it's okay to let things go,
it's okay to let things go andnot hold on to everything, and
even if you want to think aboutit in holistic living, it's okay
to let things go, let people go, so that you can grow.
Yes, yeah, and a lot, a lot ofus had challenges in that.
(44:46):
I'm not sure about yourgeneration, because your
generation be like I ain't doingit ain't having it.
But my generation, thegeneration before us, is like,
no, okay, we got to hold on you,we got to fix you, we got to do
this, so we got to do it.
Your generation said, uh-uh,that ain't even my fight.
No, seriously.
(45:08):
And my kids' generationgeneration like why would you do
that?
Like so stupid.
Sometimes we're like, but thatdoesn't even make any sense.
Well, why would you do that?
And I'm saying, yeah, but whenthey're younger, we telling our
kids, well, why would you dothat?
Now they're, they're teenagers,they're like mom, why would you
do that?
All right, yo, a flag on theplay.
What we doing.
That is good, though, yeah.
So when we talk about pullingup, standing 10 toes down or how
(45:29):
many toes you got like, when wetalk about that, we really talk
about what does this look likeeveryday living, the things that
we're just like everyday living.
This is not something we'reconjuring up to say you know,
this is how you run yourhousehold.
We just want you to beintentional, we want you to be
impactful and we want you tounderstand that our role as
parents is really to lead andguide our children and if we got
(45:51):
to pull them back, prune back alittle bit so that they can
grow.
That's just what happened.
In order for do that, thatmeans that we had to learn how
to prune ourselves so that wegrow period.
so again, this mandate onparenting is serious.
Absolutely, absolutely.
Ain't no government going torun my kids, my household, you
know, around here we put in thework and that way, when our
(46:13):
children go out in the world,things that will try to attach
themselves to them, they havewax skin.
Well, it just roll off of them.
Yes, Say that again, when ourkids go out in the world and the
world try to attaches itself tothem, they have built such a
wax skin that things just rolloff.
It won't penetrate.
(46:33):
Yeah, because they're going tohave a sense of identity, a
sense of power.
They're going to understandtheir power.
And how did they do that?
Yeah, mom, be a powerful.
I see my dad be powerful, I seemy, I see my mom.
And that's one of the thingsthat I don't recommend parents
hide the struggle from theirkids like.
They're things that I don'trecommend parents hide the
struggle from their kids likeage appropriate.
Now you don't need to be sayingeverything to everybody.
Your kids tell your business,y'all out there, your kids will
(46:54):
tell your business, but ageappropriate.
Age appropriate so that theyunderstand that everything is
not always perfect.
You know, talked about, you know, with my oldest daughter she
said you know I talked about youknow, with my oldest daughter
she said Ma, why do we have tolive a porcelain lifestyle?
It hit my heart.
I mean, like porcelain, weain't fake.
She was like not saying thatit's a fake lifestyle, but
everything has to be perfect andin its place and on the shelf.
(47:17):
It really is.
There hasn't been nothinghappen to it.
That's not how we're supposedto live.
We really have to live.
We really have to live.
We're supposed to experiencelife and we need to teach our
children to experience life andwhatever we're dealing with and
how to handle it.
And if we teach our children atsuch a young age, by the way,
we respond even to them.
They didn't respond to peopleappropriately too.
(47:41):
Well, they ain't always poppingoff.
Talk about what?
Speaker 2 (47:43):
You was waiting to do that.
How you do that?
No, no, how you do that, no, no, because you know my little
person, she wants things done.
Sometimes I'll be like lookhere, it's a place, it's a place
to be in time.
She be like her here, like whatdo you mean?
She's like if it needed to besaid, it needed to be said.
(48:06):
And I'll be like what do youmean she's like if it needed to
be sang?
It needed to be sang, and I'llbe like okay, I see, we got to
cultivate this thing, boy.
My friend said if looks couldkill.
She said what did I do toVictoria?
I said, oh, you gave her thelittle finger, like finger wave
thing, but you gave me a hug.
She wasn't feeling it, she waslike boy, because she gave me
(48:29):
this look and it pierced me onthe end.
She said I didn't even realize.
She said I would never notacknowledge her.
I said, well, that's not aconversation, but maybe that's
the conversation.
But she said, and we had such agreat conversation.
She said I had to keep lookinglike this is not a stitch, this
a picture.
She said, because she wasbasically let me know, don't
play with me.
(48:49):
You give me a hug because Ineed to get my mama like or you
don't get nobody, because that'swhat she thought.
You don't leave people out.
You shouldn't leave people out.
Speaker 1 (48:59):
You say hi to everyone and you know what, and
then the older generation wouldthink that's disrespectful.
But that's her standing up andI love love that.
I love that and I think if moreparents are not afraid to let
our children be true tothemselves in such a respectful
manner and just really speak upfor us.
So I think sometimes you knowand I know we about to have to
(49:20):
wrap this up, but we've been,we've been cooking Sometimes
that we forget as parents, thatwe're raising our children to
grow up, not keeping them asbabies right where you have to
defend everything that happensto them, or but teaching them
how to be assertive, right, yeah, and and have it with
(49:40):
confidence.
I think something that reallyneeds to happen, because where
our children are not going to bebabies forever, and because
here's the thing, it'sinteresting I hear people say
you know, and I think I feellike I've done it myself, where
I'm trying to take care of mykids so much, giving them
everything they need, but then,but it's not giving them
(50:02):
everything they need so thatthey can go out and be
themselves.
It's literally what I need foryou to do right now.
Like I still have a wholeperson.
Like when I said, when Lizziesaid to me and I was telling her
about ironing her uniforms forthe Marines and I didn't
understand why she couldn't ironthem the way that she was like,
but you got to remember, younever taught me how to iron.
And I was like wait a minute,hold up.
(50:23):
She said, no, you done that forus, said, no, you did that for
us.
And I said what?
Say what?
She said I thought I wasteaching you.
Yeah, but that's that wholeintentional thing.
We think that we're doing onething, we're doing something
else.
It's good that you done it.
She said when we were youngeryes, but you didn't teach us how
(50:45):
to do that for ourselves.
So now she's 18 and she doesn'tdidn't know how to correctly
iron her uniform, because I didit for her.
And she said I'm at the agewhere I need to do it myself so
it's literally a drawing boardand teach her how to do it.
And what I said?
All that to say is thatsometimes we think that we're
teaching stuff, but we'reactually doing it for us.
Again, we're doing it for themso that they don't have to do it
(51:06):
ourselves, because, again, wethink that we're supposed to do
everything for our kids.
No, our kids have to be able todo stuff because we want them
to grow up and get out and besuccessful.
So and there was another lifelesson in that parenting thing I
thought I was I'm like yo I'mtrying to get attention.
She said you never taught me.
Don't you say I ain't treat you, do nothing, girl.
Speaker 2 (51:24):
And it was.
Speaker 1 (51:25):
I showed you the tools, but I didn't let you use
the tools yeah, I showed youwhat was going on, but I didn't,
I didn't, so that's why, sowhen we talk about, there's a
lot of.
Speaker 2 (51:38):
There's a lot of points and tips in here yeah,
yeah.
Speaker 1 (51:42):
So when we talk about pulling up, what does that
really look like?
Speaker 2 (51:45):
Yeah, mm-hmm, even when it doesn't apply directly
to you at this moment, you knowRight, what can you do to help
even someone else, your neighbor, you know.
Speaker 1 (51:59):
Right, and that's what I'm saying.
How does that look in equippingour kids to be able to even be
impactful at such a young age?
Speaker 2 (52:09):
are we?
Are we just showing them?
Speaker 1 (52:11):
the tools.
We include in a minute of howto use the tools.
Parents are our bows, ourchildren are arrows.
So, yeah, we're, we're the bow,so the bow is required to have
a certain stance for that rightfor a bow.
But also including because ifI'm pulling you, if I'm pulling
an arrow back, why am I doingthat?
If and how am I showing andteaching that arrow to go
(52:31):
forward you?
know I mean the weight of that,and I think that we really have
to consider one.
If you really want a parent,and if you're going to do it,
you're going to do it withpurpose, or what are we doing?
And what does that look like inreal life?
And I think in this episode wewe have so many different tools
in here and just some things tothink about, some like for us to
(52:53):
say, wow, interesting.
So we thank you guys forjoining Panther Purpose.
We're going to have to wrapthis up and come back with you
again, because this right herewas some deep conversation.
I love always my co-host islike the best.
I love talking to Pam, becausewe cut up, as you see, but yet
we give you guys some tools andwe live this stuff on a daily,
real life stuff we help parents.
(53:14):
We coach other parents becausewe want you guys to be the best
parents possible, right?
The best parents for your childand not everybody else's child.
We're talking about you, yourhousehold, your family, and what
does that look like in real,real life?
So we thank you guys forjoining parents of the purpose.
There are so many things thatyou could take away from this
session today, like, if we startnaming it will be in another
session, because there are somany things that went on.
(53:34):
So we want you guys to, if yougot to repeat rewind, put it on
pause, write some notes just toget back into it and you can
find us everywhere.
Now, pam, you know we're audiblenow so you could just it's a
podcast on audible absolutelyanywhere you listen to your
podcast, you can listen toparenting with a purpose and you
(53:56):
will find every episode thatwe've done in season three.
Season one and two episodes arenot up there, but season three
episode is out there in theworld and I believe, pam, it's
like 36 episodes for seasonthree.
That's how parents can justlisten to as you're driving,
however you want to do it, asyou're taking a shower, whatever
(54:16):
you want to do, really listento it and pause and take some
notes, because there are somegood things that have been
coming through here and again.
We just want to equip you withthe tools to know that you can
parent with a purpose, like itdoesn't matter who you are, how
you were raised, how you weren'traised, like whatever it is,
that there is such a mandate onparenting that requires you to
(54:39):
dig deep and we say stand 10toes down and pull up go ahead
and just remember um, as we said, you take time to listen back
on um previous podcast that it'sokay to reset it's.
Speaker 2 (54:54):
It's good that you realize that you need a change.
So if you gotta pause, reset soyou continue to evolve in life.
So we can not just show ourchildren the tools, but also
include them in there so theycan be evolved, and that we're
setting them.
We're not just setting them upfor success, but we're setting
(55:15):
them up to have character and tobe somebody, not just in the
future, but right now as well.
Speaker 1 (55:21):
All right, yes, yes, yes, until next time.
We're Parenting with a Purpose.
Again.
I am your host, donna Janelle,and I am your co-host, pamela,
and we are here to bring theresponsibility, nobility and
beauty back into parenting.
We are the bows and ourchildren are arrows and they
will land wherever we aim themeventually.
Now we're not promising they'regoing to do this tomorrow,
because it ain't happening.
(55:41):
We didn't do it the next day,right, but they will land and
they will be successful, giventhe proper tools.
So, again, tune in to Parentingwith a Purpose.
We are on Facebook, parentingwith a Purpose.
We are on Instagram under DonnaJanelle, and also you can go to
the website underdonnagenellecom and you will
find our episodes and you willfind other resources and other
(56:02):
things on how to really tap intous.
Where you know we can come anddo a session, group session.
We do the coaching, parenting,whatever you need.
We are here, we are tools foryou to be successful.
So, again, we thank you guysfor joining Parenting with a
Purpose.
Until next time, where we canlaugh and have fun and talk
about this right here.
So you guys have a great day.
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