Creating Strong Family Bonds Through Purposeful Parenting

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Imagine parents as the bows that guide their children, the arrows, towards their future. This episode, featuring insights from our guest Briel, promises to provide you with fresh perspectives on "Parenting with a Purpose." We tackle the weighty yet crucial topics of parental guidance, community support, and the delicate balance of screen time, all while addressing the ever-present concern of school safety. Through engaging anecdotes and practical advice, we aim to arm parents with the tools needed to build strong partnerships with educators and foster a nurturing environment for children to thrive.

Join us as we explore the profound responsibility that comes with parenting and its impact on children's behavior. With a touch of humor, we reflect on how our reactions as parents can influence our children, discussing themes ranging from the need for discipline versus the pitfalls of punitive measures. Our discussion takes a thoughtful look at the role of education and the importance of parents as proactive role models, sharing enlightening stories about the surprises—and sometimes challenges—of raising kids. Plus, you'll hear about the inspiring opportunities available during HBCU week, showing how investing in education can open doors for young minds.

Finally, we shift focus to the necessity of self-care for parents, an essential yet often neglected aspect of nurturing better relationships with our children. Through personal stories, we highlight the importance of healing, personal growth, and the metaphorical "empty cup" theory. We emphasize that taking care of oneself is not only a form of true wealth but a crucial element in the journey of parenting. By utilizing community resources and embracing the support available, parents can find balance and intention in their roles, ultimately fostering a healthier, more supportive environment for their families.

Parents are the Bows and Children are the Arrows they will land wherever we aim them eventually!

Episode Transcript

Speaker 3 (00:00):
cnpradionet the voice of chester my name is omar
skinner my name is brielle myname is veneer chapman my name
is pamela expecting father.

Speaker 2 (00:13):
I'm kind of nervous.
Don't really know what toexpect for it.

Speaker 1 (00:17):
I am a single father of two one boy, one girl I have
a husband of almost seven years.

Speaker 3 (00:22):
We have one child, which is a baby girl.
I have been a godmother forfive years now.

Speaker 1 (00:30):
Just show parents what a purpose gives you great
information to learn and seeother people's point of view
from different perspectives.
Just take it and take heed towhat they say and put it into
your lifestyle.

Speaker 2 (00:44):
Parenting with a purpose for me would be leading
my daughter into the world,showing her that she's not in
this world by herself.

Speaker 3 (00:53):
We all know that it takes a village to raise a child
, Just being there for otherindividuals to know like you're
not alone.
There's resources out here,there's villages out here for
you to be a part of.

Speaker 4 (01:27):
And when you're connected with Parents with a
Purpose, I am your host, donnaJanelle.

Speaker 3 (01:32):
And I am your co-host , pamela.

Speaker 4 (01:34):
Damn Pam, you're not even like.
I am your host, pamela.

Speaker 3 (01:38):
And our co-host.
No, that show was pretty coolso I got tuned in.
I'm sorry.

Speaker 4 (01:48):
Yeah, yo can't you tell this thing, life I, I
didn't even uh like that energythat pam just brought though
what's up with that?
Yes, let's try this hey,welcome to parenting with a
purpose I am your host donnajanelle and I am your co-host,
pamela, that's much betterso thank you for joining
parenting with the purpose.
As you can tell, we are sillyup in here today.
Um, remember that parenting.
We want to bring back theresponsibility, nobility and

(02:10):
beauty back into parenting.
Yes, parents are the bows andour children are arrows and they
will land wherever we aid them,as long as we give them the
proper tools.
We don't send them outsidenaked.
So last week, we're going tokind of talk about last week a
little bit before we get intothis week.
So, pam, break it down, what wewere talking about last week.

Speaker 3 (02:29):
Oh, we talked about a few things.
We had Brielle in here as aspecial guest and she dropped a
few nuggets on us in regards toit being a partnership between
parents and teachers.
So it's not all on the teachersand it's not all on the parents
having an open line ofcommunication with your teacher

(02:52):
and vice versa, findingdifferent ways that you could
communicate with your teacher oryour parent.
Also, we gave out a few tips todo to lessen your children
having screen time, so doingactivities such as puzzles,
reading books and even differentthings you can do when you're
walking into grocery stores orjust going about your everyday

(03:14):
life to encourage and enhanceyour children having a love for
reading.

Speaker 4 (03:20):
Okay, and we also talked about the shootings and
school violence and things likethat which is going to be.
We're going to pretty muchtouch that every week a little
bit of it because it's, it'sjust.

Speaker 3 (03:32):
And what was interesting is, a lot of schools
are doing the drills, but uh,brielle, let us know her school
hasn't done one yet yeah, theyhave.

Speaker 4 (03:41):
they haven't done one yet, especially in kindergarten
, because we know that somepreschools and stuff are doing
it, because remember, when welooked at the stats right, it
was from K to 12 was mostlyaffected by it.
Like, I think, out of the 46shootings, I think maybe 13 were
in college and the rest of themwere on school campuses of K to

(04:01):
12.
So we know it's important, weknow it's necessary to do these
drills.
So some schools are doing it,you know, and some schools
aren't.
I don't know if they're justnot comfortable with it yet or
whatever, but there are someschools, a lot of schools, are
doing it.
I think it's like a mandate,though I think they have to do
it.

Speaker 3 (04:18):
I mean clearly, when I was in high school, and that
was over 10 years ago, we had todo it.
Now you do fire drills.
I believe they have to do itlike once or twice a month.
Those drills, I think we didthem like every three months
because what it entailed in thetime that was involved in them
it wasn't a a hour drill or 35,45 minute drill.

(04:39):
That drill sometime was liketwo hours.

Speaker 4 (04:42):
Listen you said 10 years ago yes, man, that drill
sometime was like two hours.

Speaker 3 (04:45):
Listen, you said 10 years ago, yes, man, so they
should be doing them now.
They did active shooter drills10 years ago, yes.
Wow so.
I went to high school inMaryland, so I graduated from
Pinkator in Delaware but Istarted in Maryland.
We had to do them.

Speaker 4 (04:58):
I'm dating myself, because all we had was fire
drills, y'all Wow, you know, Igraduated in 1998.
I was a punk, oh you see, I wasa punk.
This is what I'm talking about.
You know what I mean?
I guess this is payback,because a lot of my friends and
my prayer partners and them aremuch older than I am, so I'm
always teasing them.

(05:18):
So now I'm here with a youngkid.
Okay, okay, okay, payback.
Alright, yeah, so we didn't haveto do that, so it's definitely
a different um time.
So tonight we want to talkabout, though, like something
that's really and we kind ofstarted it last week, though,
when we talked about parentalinvolvement, and I was thinking
about it and I'm seeing the news, I see a lot of things going on
and I'm just like, uh, wereally got to get into this.

(05:41):
Uh, parental involvement.
There's such a mandate onparenting that hold on, we got a
little one in the studio today.
Excuse me, ma'am.

Speaker 3 (05:51):
You are doing a flag on the flag we live, ma'am,
she's like.

Speaker 4 (05:59):
So we have come here, tor, come on, come on, come on,
we have Pam baby girl here.
Come here, Tor.

Speaker 1 (06:04):
Oh you come on, come on, we have Pam baby girl here.

Speaker 4 (06:06):
Come here, tor.
Oh, you said you wanted to geton the video.
Then you back here making allthat noise so you can say hi to
everybody.
So you'll be okay, and thenyou'll be quiet the rest of the
show, right, yeah, okay, comehere.
I'm going to give you the micright here.

Speaker 3 (06:28):
What you want to say to the people hi, that's it.

Speaker 4 (06:30):
That's it.
Yeah, oh, thank you.
All right.
So now we go quiet down.
All right, see, thank you, gohave a seat.
So it's funny because, tour, atthe beginning of before we
start filming, she asked can shebe on this show?
She was like can I be on there?
We're like, oh, we're gonna getyou your own show.
And then I guess, because weover here talking and she
decided to do her own show overthere without the camera, so we
had to bring her over here.
But yeah, really, a mandate onparenting, like, yeah, there are

(06:53):
so many different things goingon in parenting and I feel like
it is up to us and we touchedabout this last week Like in
order for things to change.
It is, I believe the parents.

Speaker 3 (07:05):
Yes, because we talked about how it begins at
home.
That foundation starts at home,so you can't expect the
teachers to do something orinput something that you're not
inputting at home.
It's just basically goingagainst everything they're
teaching at school and viceversa.
That's why we talked about thatopen line of communication.
But something that I seen hadgave me a wow, um.

(07:27):
It was like you know your kidsdo something and, before you
respond, take a moment.
The example was they dosomething that you don't like or
that you've told them not to do.
It was like take a momentbefore you respond to see if how
you're basically responding isgoing to produce an action that

(07:48):
you don't want right that's like.

Speaker 4 (07:51):
So I like that and I always say you got to kind of
take that pause right.
A lot of times, um, and this ishow, um, a lot of child abuse
has happened right, becauseyou're angry, you're upset and
you're disciplined out of angerand it becomes an abuse and it
goes too far.
So that's what happened kind ofwith this child abuse thing and
that's why it became this bigthing where parents shouldn't be

(08:14):
hitting our kids and stuff likethat a corporal punishment.
But it's really because peoplewere doing it out of anger what?

Speaker 3 (08:19):
kind of punishment.

Speaker 4 (08:20):
did you go Corporal punishment?
Oh, I thought you saidcorporate.
No, a whole society doing it.
You go to some of them schools.

Speaker 3 (08:27):
I'm trying to elaborate on that.

Speaker 4 (08:28):
You go to some of them schools.
Yo, you know what.
This is what I'm thinking.
You said corporate.
I'm thinking about back in theday, like in the neighborhood
you could say that's corporate,because I remember They'll whoop
you.
I remember They'll whoop you.
I remember before you even getto your mom, like your neighbor
done got you.
Your neighbor neighbor done gotyou.
So I would think that wouldhave been corporate punishment.

(08:51):
You're not thinking about it.
They had a whole union, theyhad a whole community.
It was a whole community tomake sure, because by the time
you got to your mom you reallyain't need nothing, but she
still was going to do it anyway.
You're embarrassing me.
That's corporate punishment, oh, but no, I'm saying corporal.
Like you know, a lot of peopledon't understand it the
difference between abuse anddiscipline you know, right so,

(09:12):
um, basically what we, how werespond.
All right, so, when we thinkabout what we want the outcome
to be like, I'm more like how doI want this outcome to be so,
then I'm going to actaccordingly, like.
If I want this outcome to belike I'm more like, how do I
want this outcome to be so, thenI'm going to act accordingly,
like.
If I want this outcome to belike a yelling match, I'm about
to snap out.
Right, if I'm angry, me and youabout to go at it and the kid,

(09:33):
why are you yelling me?
Why are you yelling me?
You know, back and forth.
Or, if I want it to be, insteadof talking to my child, talking
with them, right like at themyeah, yeah, like that yelling
and shooting down.
You did it.
Can you explain to me why thishappened?
Or something like that?
I think it's just a betterapproach, but I feel like it's
not even just the educationsystem, it's in life in general,

(09:55):
like how are we raising ourkids?
Like when we look at everythingthat's going on with our kids,
right, the number one thing islike my I always look, look, is
like where's the parents, whatthey doing, what they got going
on right, because here's thething we are responsible for our
kids, no, seriously.

Speaker 3 (10:12):
So okay, I want to touch on something are you
familiar with, like HBC, hbcu,uh, week, yeah, okay, and did
you hear what happened at thecollege?
break it down to us.
So every year, I think, uh,ashley, christopher, she's been
doing it for about like six,seven years forgive me if it's
been more um and it's like aweek full of different um events

(10:35):
, activities, right, and sheinvested a lot of time in that
stuff and it always turns outwonderful.
And one of the things they dois a college tour to give excuse
me, to give students theopportunity to get scholarships
on hand, so not waiting to hearback, like you find out that
same day.
And I actually have a niecewho's been attending since her,

(10:57):
I think maybe her freshman year,so I'm getting the experience
knowing how to write yourdifferent letters and different
stuff and just preparing her forthe future, also building
resources as well and acommunity, because she's not
sure where she wants to go tocollege.
Well, there was people who hadno intent to be proactive, to

(11:20):
utilize those resources and justwent there and started like
madness.

Speaker 4 (11:24):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (11:25):
Like it was fights.
It was over six fights, sixdifferent fights that broke out.
The chief of police had to showup, it was weapons, all kinds
of things, and it was just chaosto the point.
The event had to be shut downearly, so children who went
there and, you know, hadexpectation to receive were
basically like Denied it becauseof the actions of others and

(11:51):
different people you know madeposts and was talking about it,
gave their different opinionsand a lot of people were saying
you know, I blame parents.
And then you have parents onthere like well, I know some of
the kids who did this and theirparents want to prove of it.
But are you sure?

Speaker 4 (12:05):
Right.
So here's the thing with that,even though you know kids would
go wayward, like kids going todo what kids do.
But here's the thing, when it'slike behavior like that, that
makes me question, like becausethen you got to think about
morals and values and thingslike that and character,
integrity, like those thingsthat we're supposed to be
instilling in our kids.

(12:25):
So if a child feel like it'snecessary to go to demonize an
event, so that makes me wonderwhat's the foundation, not just
the foundation.

Speaker 3 (12:39):
What was that time that you let go?
That you thought was okay.

Speaker 4 (12:41):
That now has built a whole character in that child,
yeah, and that's why I saidparenting is so important
because, listen, our childrenhave their own mind, their own,
their own personality, right?
But if we understand how growthand development happens from a
baby right from the beginningand we're putting things into
them right now, don't get mewrong there are some, some

(13:03):
children that have some mentalillnesses and mental disturbance
.
That that we that's nothing wecan have done about it, right,
however?
But they're.
We are responsible to nurtureand grow our children to be
successful right so when they'reout, when kids are out here
doing all this crazy stuff, I dolook at the parents because,
let me tell you something, mychildren are a reflection of me.

(13:24):
So whether they do somethingright or whether they do
something wrong, they're still areflection, because how I
respond to that is myresponsibility.
There you go, right.
Just for example, the young manthat shot up the school in
Texas, right, his father gavehim the gun, so he had a problem
.
His father didn't address it.
Or his mom, his father, he hada problem, his father didn't

(13:45):
address it.
Or his mom.
His father purchased the gumknowing that he was dangerous to
society, and now people aredead because of that.
I'm blaming the parents forthese kids who are out one, two
or three o'clock in the morning,jumping that elderly man in
philadelphia a couple years agoand we're with the parents like
we're.
We're with the parents.
So I'm not saying that we needto blame parents for everything,
but we need to be heldaccountable Like parents, need

(14:07):
to step up the game.
We should not let society raiseour kids.
We should not expect the schoolto raise our kids, society to
raise our kids.
We should not expect us to workfive or six jobs and leave that
kid at home and think thatthey're going to do the right
thing.
We should not expect that we'regoing to go out clubbing and
partying and whatever hangingout with our friends and our
kids are going to do the rightthing.
We cannot expect that.
We cannot expect that we'resitting in front of a TV and

(14:28):
think that they're going tolearn some good lessons and be
good people in the world.
We cannot expect that you gotto put in the work for parenting
period.

Speaker 3 (14:35):
Absolutely, I agree.
I agree with you 100%, becauseit's something that kind of
almost like grinds your gearsright and then has you me
personally.
Let me speak for me.
Like what, what else can I dobetter?
So when I see different kidsand stuff, like I like to sit
outside on on my back patio andif I see people walk past like

(14:59):
hello speaking, and some of themkids, literally, I think they
started coming past mine insteadof going going to other
neighbor, going to otherneighbors in, and it's like they
look for me like hey, how much.
And then if my dad is there,he's a whole fireball.
So where's the old man at,where's?
The whole.
Thing because it's just likegreeting them, making them feel
noticed in a in a positive way.

(15:21):
Right, they don't have to beout here being loud or doing
certain things to get attention,just walking, chilling hello,
how are you how?
Was your day today.
How was school?
Y'all doing good.
Y'all showing up how y'allsupposed to.
Y'all need anything, blah, blah, blah.
Just taking care of my communitybecause at the end of the day,
they're a part of my communityeven though they're not my
children, have no relations tothem, I still just want to check

(15:45):
in on my community you saidsomething that was real key
there, because I see it oftenlike I hear too.

Speaker 4 (15:52):
I hear people, uh, complaining that, um, the kids
are rude, they don't speak topeople, just any other.
But are you making yourselfavailable?
Are you speaking to these kids?
Are you pleasant, um, oranything like that?
I'm making sure home girl don't,though is she over there y'all
with the, with the stuff for thestudio.
Little little mom over thereI'm trying to make sure that she

(16:12):
don't be touching no keys andrunning the show, so, uh, she
put a book down and everything Ihad to see y'all.
I don't know what's going onover here, but, um, like being
approachable, having aconversation, when you see kids,
like be pleasant, be smiling,like a lot of times I see adult
just give me mugging kids, likelike they got a problem with

(16:34):
kids.
You don't even know that kid.
Like what's wrong with you?
Like how do we expect our kidsto walk around with joy and
happiness when half the daggoneadults ain't even happy or got
joy?
They got problems there you go.
And then like and then if you,if the kids say like, then it's
a little battle.
Oh them kids, disrespectful,they smart, but do you, how did
you even just present yourselfLike you don't know, like you

(16:55):
can be the person that changedthe trajectory of that child's
life?
And some sunshine, because youdon't know what's going on
behind the scenes with thesekids?
These kids deal with dark stuff.
Yes, they deal with dark anddemonic things.
Yes, and we, as parents, we gotto really jump in.
I heard something at theleadership conference I was at
saturday and one of the thingsthat, um, he was telling us as

(17:16):
leaders is that you know,sometimes we want to do the
avoidance thing.
Oh, I'm, it's not my business,I'm not about that, let me mind
my business, whatever.
But sometimes you gotta jump inthe mess like step in the mess
as parents, you gotta step inthat mess and say, hey, what's
going on, what it do, what it dolearn the children that your
kids are hanging with.

Speaker 3 (17:37):
Learn their parents.
And that's not saying, oh, yougotta get a relationship with
them.
You can just watch them,observe them from afar, see the
things they do in thisenvironment.
See the things they're doing inthat environment.
Go on those field trips whenthey're saying, oh, I want to go
to the movies.
Drop them off at the movies.
Go watch a movie yourself.
I think that we.

Speaker 4 (18:01):
I would say we because I can do it a little
better too.
Right, as parents.
I know that life be out here,right that's just what it is.
I know that we have jobs, wehave different things that we're
involved in, but, at the end ofthe day, our children need us
and it is our responsibility tomake sure that they have the

(18:22):
proper resources that they needto be successful.
Like, think about this.
I had this conversation with mybonus mom.
Like children are a gift, right?
Yes, I believe children are.
I think I'm a gift.
Life is a gift.
Yes, like it's a gift.
So our children are definitelya gift to us, right?
How are we handling this giftand how do we view gifts right?
Because sometimes you can get agift, you pick it up and you

(18:53):
throw it down, or you ignore thegift, or you give the gift to
someone else, or like how it's.
How are you viewing your giftright?

Speaker 3 (18:56):
do you appreciate your gift?
Is it valuable?
When you just said something?
So it's like how are youre-gifting your gift?
Yeah, because if they're a giftto us, then now they're a gift
to the world, so how?
Are you?
Re-gifting your gift.
Are you using the same wrappingpaper that it came to you in?
Are you using the same bag?
Are you fixing it up?
Are you adding the tissue paper?
If you're using the bag, whatare you doing?

(19:17):
How you?

Speaker 4 (19:17):
presenting it.
I just thought about that whenyou said are we how we be
wrapping?
I'm like you know, when youtake off the wrapping of a gift,
like you're taking it off,you're ripping off whatever,
because sometimes you ain'tfragile with it, unless it's
real cute, right?
Or if it's real cute wrappingpaper, you want to reuse that
wrapping paper.
You real careful like, oh man,the tape got a little color off

(19:38):
of there, but I can use ahighlighter get that on.
There like how you and I thoughtabout like, are you using the
same rap?
Are you crumbling that gift?
Like, what are you doing withour gift?
So how we value our gift is howwe're going to like, present it
to the world.
So a lot of times I don't knowif parents realize that our

(19:58):
children are gifts, like someparents.
You know we just popped uppregnant, whatever.
I mean, we didn't just pop up,but you know kids in the room,
but something, things happen andyou end up pregnant, right.
But but now that you have thischild, what are you doing?
Because you can get everythingthat you like.
Your kids can look at TV, yourkids can look at this, that and

(20:18):
the other, but it's you who ismost impressive in your child's
life.
Right, like, we are the most.
We are the first cheerleaders,we are the lovers, we're
everything to our kids, becausewhat they see at home they will
exemplify.
Now, I'm not saying that kidsdon't cut up, listen, I'm
telling you.
I told you that time when Iheard my daughter was cussing

(20:40):
like that.
I'm like we don't even do thatat my house.
Where does this?

Speaker 3 (20:43):
come from.

Speaker 4 (20:44):
How long you thought her cussing at the house.
Listen, let me tell you what Idid.
I heard that she was cussing atschool.
She cussed the teacher out.
I was so livid, I was soembarrassed, I was so upset
because I'm like we won't evendo that.
Then I thought about when I wasyounger.

Speaker 3 (20:54):
I know she gave her that neck yeah my girl gives
listen.

Speaker 4 (20:59):
So the teacher was like I was so mad because we
don't do that in my household,right, and it's not.
I'm not one of those parentswho you see me one way at church
, you see me one way in thegrocery store, you see me
somewhere at home, you see whatyou get.
Like somebody said the otherday when we were at the
leadership conference they waslike we need minister Donna
today.
We don't need.

(21:19):
And then the other person waslike well, they're the same
people.
Just so, you know, ministerDonna, donna, janelle and Donna,
we're the same people.
Like I don't do the switchlisten.
When I was younger I did allthat switched up personality
stuff.
I'm getting too old for that,right, that's too much work I've
got to invest in to be multiplepeople in multiple places, okay
, so what you see is what youget.
I don't go off, I don't curseat my kids or anything like that

(21:42):
, and to hear my children useprofanity outside in the house
or outside the house reallydisturbed me.
I was was like is that whatyou're saying?
No, but again, kids are aroundother kids.
Kids are around other adults,like they see it.
So it's not like we can shelterthem from everything.
My concern is that, even thoughyou see it, why you be in it
Right and what made you feelcomfortable to do it.

(22:04):
Yes.
So when the teacher hit me upwith that and I believed her, I
didn't think she was lying,because my homegirl she got you
know, she tests my innergangster she tests my inner
gangster all the time.
So I was upset, but I had aconversation with her and I
asked her though I didn't go offand say you up here catching a
school to study what you doing.
I said what?
Oh, she said well, I ran out ofthe other words to use.

(22:25):
I needed something to stink,something that was significant
oh something that something thathit home.
I said, what hit home?
Hit him in the belly.
I said, oh, I said so.
She said she said typically Iuse a lot of big words but I
didn't feel like using thosewords.
I ran out of those words.

(22:46):
I decided to do something elsethat was going to sting them.
I said, oh, she was intentional, but her curse out.
So I explained to her likelisten, you get trust me, I
don't be cursing people out, butpeople think that I did without
profanity, like my sister whopassed away her mom.
She's like Donna.
I don't know whether, if youjust cuss me out without using

(23:08):
profanity, like I don't knowwhat, i'm't know how I'm
supposed to respond to you rightnow.
Like what just happened,because I will literally just
have a conversation and youdon't know what just happened.
Like you know, somethinghappened.
Right, and you don't know likeshe didn't use no profanity, but
she got me.
How did you?

Speaker 3 (23:25):
discipline her.

Speaker 4 (23:26):
Darnay.
Well, I just told her, um,don't do it again.
I didn't.
Um, oh no, I did.
She couldn't go to soccer orsomething that day or something
like the next day or something.
She had asked me something thatshe wanted to do and I didn't
let her do it because I was likeyou know, that behavior was out
of control, right.
So I didn't go in on herbecause this is the first time I
heard about it.
Okay, um, so I didn't go in andbasically the way that she

(23:52):
explained it to me, like I don'tknow, I couldn't even say
nothing to her when she wasexplaining to me why she did it.
You know what I mean.
But here's the thing, thereason there's never a reason to
disrespect anybody other, kidsor adults or anything.
Right.
And when she explained to mewhat was said to her and why her

(24:12):
response was her response, Itold her what was said to her
was not nice.
However, we don't fight backlike that, right, we do the
ignore thing so that they'relike they don't think that
nothing really happened, likethey, their words or whatever
they say is just in the air,like once you start
acknowledging stuff, you feed inthat situation.
So we talked about it and we'restill working on it.

(24:34):
You know what I mean?
She's 16 and she she's smallbut fierce and um, so we work on
it, but that's even example.
Even though I don't do it in myhousehold, she did that at
school.
So I'm not saying that parents,everything that kids do is
parents fault.
However, if we don't give thema foundation, though, if we
don't right, if we don't takeresponsibility and say okay,

(24:55):
this is giving them morals andand ethics and things like that
and the response.

Speaker 3 (25:01):
Like you said, you didn't go at her.
What the is your problem?

Speaker 4 (25:05):
you know, because then that's the same thing
you're doing exactly.

Speaker 3 (25:08):
So it's like in a lot times that's what's happening.
Yeah, that's what they get andthe kids is used to it.
So it's like I know this, thisis going to be one of the
consequences or this is going tobe one of the versus.
You change the game up on them,like talk to me, like take

(25:34):
what's going on.
Let's see where we both couldbe better at.

Speaker 4 (25:35):
You know, because maybe I'm lacking somewhere and
I didn't realize it, that thatyou out here feeling comfortable
to be embarrassed, but not eventhat, one of the things I do I
kind of tug on my kid's heartbecause this ain't even just
about me.
You're embarrassing God, you'reembarrassing yourself oh, you
walk in deep like yeah, I do,because it's like we are a
representation of God, right,and I'm a representation of you
and you're a representation ofme.
So what if I come outside doingall this ratchet, crazy stuff?

(25:55):
What does that say to you, like, how does that make you feel?
So, think about how it makes mefeel and what God sees in us
when we misbehave like that, andwhat examples are we setting,
like?
One of the things with her,though, is she is a leader and
she wants to be a leader, but Ikeep explaining to her, like, as
a leader, these are certainthings we need to curve right.

(26:16):
You know what I mean.
Like we're not perfect, but ifyou expect people to follow you,
you need to be doing the rightthing.
Don't have me follow you andyou all jacked up, and now we
all jacked up.
For example this is anotherexample, and I know, um, last
year, there was a couple kids umon their train tracks and got
killed, right.

(26:37):
So there was I think it mighthave been like three or four
kids and the uh, local, yeah,local here in chester.
I was on the show when ithappened, and, um, there was an
older lady.
She told the kids to get off thetrack, right she yeah, she told
, she told the kids to get offthe track and they's like no, no
, no, they're getting smart,whatever doing whatever.
Next thing, bam, the traincomes right.

(26:58):
So my question to to theparents is like are we, are we
raising our kids to berespectful to everyone?
Because, like you know, theyget smart with the old lady, and
old lady was just trying tosave their life.
Like, did children become sonumb to authority?
How does that happen, right?

(27:22):
So am I blaming the parentsthat those kids was on that
track?
Absolutely not.
But what I will question is,because of their character, of
how they were acting, where theyget that from?

Speaker 3 (27:33):
Wow.

Speaker 4 (27:36):
When I see stuff that happened with kids, I really do
question the parenting, becauseI think that sometimes parents
think the world is supposed toraise the children.
Oh, I'm putting food, clothesand shelter.
I ain't got to be home andspend time with my kids, I just
got to provide for them.
I ain't got to invest no timein them.
I ain't got to invest in theireducation.
I ain't got to invest in theirwell-being.

(27:57):
During this snappy day up heregiving kids like this crappy
food, I ain't even got to investin good food for them.
I'm feeding them right and Iknow, don't get me wrong.
It is hard, it's a challenge inparenting, but I'm telling you,
if we become really intentionaland take the time out and do
what we need to do for our kids,we will see a change in our
children and society.
In school, these teachers ain'tgot to deal with what they're

(28:19):
dealing with.

Speaker 3 (28:20):
yep yep, that's crazy , because it's not crazy.
But when you said, like youknow, basically I'm taking care
of the necessities and, um, Iwas reading something.
It was like the necessities,but please don't forget, um, you
know their uh, physical andmental well-being as well.

(28:43):
How are you feeding that by?
When you're clothing them withthose clothes, um, and when
you're, uh, when you'renurturing them with that food
that you are buying, like howare you really caring for their
physical and mental well-being?
And then it even like broke itdown going, like you know,

(29:04):
spiritually as well.
But I was just sitting therelike, yeah, sometimes you do get
caught up in the necessities.
Like you know, they got shelter, clothes and food to eat.
They good, but are you evenlike praying over that food that
you're feeding them?

Speaker 4 (29:19):
listen?
Are you listen?
I am tired of the parentingschool excuse.
I'm doing the best that I can.
Because, Because, are youreally?
Because the question is are youreally?
Because a lot of people use theexcuse of I'm only doing what I
can do, no, no, no, baby, youcan do more.
Are you investing?
Are you putting?
Here's the thing.
You know, my theme this yearhas just been around here we put

(29:42):
in the work.
That's just my thing.
Around here, we put in the work.
I think that with the challengeof parenting, sometimes parents
don't want to put in the work.

Speaker 3 (29:53):
Because you don't put in so much work in other areas
that you probably had nobusiness putting work in,
whether it be relationships,friendships, jobs, like some of
these jobs be a bit much.
I don't love a job, jobs with anS because of not just my peace,
but even how, how you're like,treated and respected on jobs,

(30:15):
like how they feel as thoughthey could talk to you as well.
So when it comes to that, like Iam a person, like I am a human
being, I just don't demandrespect, like you're either
going to give it or I'm going togo on my way.
Right, I'm not going to makeyou do something that you know
you should be doing, so I'm justgoing to remove myself because,
at the end of the day, when youare at work, when you do have
extracurricular activities, thedifferent things that go on,

(30:37):
whether you know it or not, itattaches itself to you and then
it'll start building roots.
Then those roots will starthaving foundation in you and
you're trying to figure out whyyou tripping out, why you
spazzing out, why you reactinglike this.
Like you said, I ran out ofthis vocabulary.
Well, since you ran out of thisvocabulary, I'm going to go get
you a different kind ofdictionary, because these are
the words you're going to learnnow you get what I'm saying,

(30:58):
that's how sometimes you got tonavigate and like.
I don't have enough of this overhere.

Speaker 4 (31:12):
So how can I re work whatever we want to put in work
where we feel that that's apriority, or or we're gonna
quote, unquote reap the bestbenefit so are your children not
your priority?

Speaker 3 (31:22):
oh, it's this guy.
He got a podcast or whateverand he, his thing is um,
identifying the dummy things wedid.
He's like little do we know?
We do a dummy things and we, wego in cycles.
And he was like um, like yousaid we and we invest.

(31:42):
He was like why are you sittinghere investing in your parents?
That's, that's not how it'ssupposed to go.
You're supposed to be investedin the next generation.
So if you don't got children,you, feel me, find, find
somebody younger or find anorganization to invest in the
deals with the youth, right,instead of investing in your
parents.
He said no, it was never said.
He said even if you look in thebible, he said I don't even get

(32:05):
down like that, but even thebible don't tell you.
It tell you respect yourparents, but it don't tell you
oh, go invest, go buy yourparents a house, go do this, go
do that.
Then you try to figure out whyyou broke or why your parents
keep calling you to do this andthat.
No, you were supposed to beinvested in them.
Kids, you were supposed to beinvested in the next generation.
Right, right, right so evenpeople who don't have children.

(32:27):
You know, parenting with apurpose is, whatever role you
play, whether it's auntie, uncle, you know the community aunt,
the community cousin you be thatbest version of you every day,
not just some days, not only onWednesdays.
You know every day.

Speaker 4 (32:45):
Right.

Speaker 3 (32:45):
So find something that you didn't get to do on
monday, do it on tuesday right,I think you know the whole thing
to do this.

Speaker 4 (32:54):
Yeah, I love to do this, you know, I got I got a
whole list to do, I think, likeI don't know if I'm a.
So when, when, uh, myex-husband left, right, and I
had the two children and I wasone who worked all the time and
I was also active in my churchand stuff like that, right?

(33:15):
So when he left, one personsaid to me oh, what you going to
do now that he's not there?
How you going to raise yourkids?
And I was like what you mean?
I was so confused with thequestion Because, primarily, I
was more of a provider, thoughright.
Because primarily I was more ofa provider, though right.
But I didn't think because ofwhat other people said to me, I

(33:39):
didn't think I had it in me tobe a single mom to raise my kids
, right.
I didn't think that I hadenough strength, fortitude or
power to actually do iteffectively.
So in the beginning, when Ifirst was single, well separated
, I was really trying my best toprove people wrong.

Speaker 3 (33:54):
So you was working extra hard.

Speaker 4 (33:55):
I was working extra hard and one of my oldest told
me that I was living a porcelainlifestyle.
Everything looks pretty fragile.
I was so micromanaged,overmanaged, everything, that
everything had to look nice onthe shelf, everything had to be
in its proper place, right.
But that was because I had toprove.
I felt like I had to provethose people wrong about me

(34:19):
parenting Like I can really doit.
Time goes on and one of thethings that really shift my
parenting honestly is when mysister and her husband passed
away and I got my girls thatreally shift my parents.
And because it was no longer me, it was me having to address my
own issues, though, because Iknow when I first got the girls,

(34:40):
I had said to God, like becauseI felt like I was still broken
from a lot of childhood thingsRight, and I felt like I was
parenting out of fear and I feltlike I wasn't healed, but I
wanted to make sure that mychildren was okay.
But you can't really make sureyour children are okay if you
don't get healed, so you reallycan't.
A lot of times we try to makeit because, as parents, this is

(35:01):
what I must do you must getyourself healed so that they can
get the best of you, absolutelyso.
I, um, I had said to God I waswhy you give me broken kids?
When I'm broken, I am able to.
And God was like well, who toldyou it was broken?
So I was deeming myself asbroken because of life
experiences and things thathappened to me, but he was like
you're not broken.
You may be bent, but you ain'tbroken.

(35:22):
So but he showed me that I wasa person for the job.
So me that I was a person forthe job.
So, through me, getting themmade me actually parent my
biological children better.
And that's how Parenting with aPurpose started.
It's through God showing me howto do this parenting thing
right.
I remember we talked about that,yeah so a lot of times we think

(35:43):
that we're doing things acertain way and it's right,
because this is all I know, orI'm afraid, or things like that.
But when we sit down and welisten to our kids and we have
these conversations and we thinkabout what is the outcome we
want, and we are evaluating andsay, okay, that don't look like
it's hitting to the outcome.
Now, don't get me wrong kids goleft right, upside down,
because sometimes, but at thesame time is, what are we doing

(36:07):
as parents?
I feel like we are in such atime, a crisis time, where there
is a true mandate on realparenting.
There is a mandate.
I think our children's livesdepend on it.
Yeah, go ahead, because I saida lot.
You just be like yeah, go ahead, d, you got it.

Speaker 3 (36:28):
I was literally taking in everything you was
saying, like I don't know.
It's like you know, you.
It's important to take a moment.
It's really important to take amoment because, like you said,

(36:50):
life be life and we get caughtup in so much and, like, like
you said before, you was tryingto prove a point to the point,
you ain't even realized not onlywas you hurting yourself, but
you was bleeding out on the kids.
And then here here you go, yes,here you go, getting a whole
new set of children, and it'slike that made you pull up, but

(37:16):
not only that.
It made you realize andself-evaluate.
So, when we're taking thatmoment, what are we taking that
moment to really do?
Are we self-reflecting?
Are we sitting there justpicking at the wounds like, well
, they did this to me.
We already know that happened.
You're not responsible for that, but you're responsible about
how you move forward in life.

Speaker 4 (37:36):
Yeah, You're not responsible how you were raised.
You're responsible how youraise yourself.
Exactly Now, pam, you just saidsomething and I want you to
touch on that because I want toknow kind of what that looks
like.
When you said, I thought aboutlike, taking that moment right,
taking a moment, and taking amoment, I thought about one of
the things that we always say,about what we want to do as
parents is protect our children,and I think taking a moment

(37:59):
protects our children.
Yep, can you tap on that?

Speaker 3 (38:01):
because if you don't, sometimes you'll be
overprotective, so you'll beshielding them so much that
they'll be oblivious to everylittle thing, like you ever been
around a little kid.
They're like what's that?
What's that?

Speaker 4 (38:12):
and you're like girl.
You know that.

Speaker 3 (38:15):
I'm gonna be honest.
It used to tick me like yo I'mto have to go talk to your
parents.
What's going on here?
You act like you don't knownothing.
But it be dead serious.
It be dead serious.
It's not the whys that get me,it's the what is that?
Why are you doing that Like,look here, look here, look here.

(38:37):
I guess y'all don't communicateor something.
They can't just be innocent.
All you know is rainbows andsprinkles over there.
They can't just be.
Pam, the happy kids made youmad.
No, you wasn't happy, you don'tknow nothing.
You don't know nothing.
You can't open this bottle ofwater.

(38:57):
You can't do nothing.

Speaker 4 (38:59):
Okay, one of those.

Speaker 3 (39:00):
Oh, what's that?
That's water too.
What kind of water do you drinkout of?
Only certain kind of bottles,only stainless steel, like
what's going on here.
I cannot but taking that moment.
What it looks like for me isliterally taking a moment like
not doing nothing, even if it'sfor literally just like three
minutes, taking a few deepbreaths.

(39:22):
I might step outside, you know,just taking the air and just
try to really think aboutnothing.
And then I have moments whereI'm taking a moment.
It's like hold on, we got torevise some stuff.
Let's take a look.
Let's come back to the drawingtable.
Last month we were doing we didthis, we did that.

(39:43):
This is the way we went aboutit.
How can we go about it inOctober?

Speaker 4 (39:47):
Right.

Speaker 3 (39:47):
To get a different outcome.
Not that September was bad, butwe want more.

Speaker 4 (39:52):
Right, yeah, we want better.

Speaker 3 (39:53):
So when we come back to the drawing table,
remembering what happened, tookself-notes of September.
So when we get to october, wecan have a.

Speaker 4 (40:04):
We can have better outcomes with other things right
, such as our children yeah, I,I think one of the the hardest
things right now or I would saythe most challenging thing, is
really getting parents tounderstand that you have the
power like I got the power tomake sure that my kids because I
think that God has givenchildren as a gift and that when

(40:28):
we look at the school system,we look at sports, we look at
all these extracurricularactivities they are just
resources, like they're justextension of what you already
created right and put, and a lotof times we're using those
things as the base and it's notthe base Like you are the base,

(40:48):
home base, yeah, the home base.
Like you are the one who setthe standard, you are the one
who put things in order.
And it starts young and even ifyou didn't do it right or there
was a challenge, even when thekids were younger they're older
now you still could do itbecause you're still the parent
like, do you understand you?

Speaker 3 (41:06):
do you understand?
So, do you think some parentsdon't realize that they have the
power?

Speaker 4 (41:12):
I think that's what it is, or abuse.
Oh, we can get both sides, wecan have.
I got the power and I abuse it.
I have the power, I just don'tknow.
I have the power Also.
I have the power and I don'tfeel like doing nothing with it.
The ball is in my court, yeahbut I'm not even shooting Like,

(41:33):
make that, make sense, you can,but I think it's just the work.

Speaker 3 (41:38):
I feel like parenting is work it is it's a lot of
work.
It's it's work when you don'teven want it to be work right
you ever be sleeping.
Just wake up like thinkingabout the kids, yeah like hold
up what's going on righteverything be okay.
But no, it is.

(41:59):
It's it's work, even when youdon't want it to be work.
So that's why, when you havethe time, it's very important to
utilize that time wisely andinstilling different things in
them.
And, once again, if you don'tknow what to instill with your
kids, step into parenting with apurpose, because we have those
resources.
Uh, we'll talk with you, we'llencourage you.

(42:20):
You will be a part of a villagethat will continue to uplift
you, but you also gotta bewilling to put the work you've
got to put in the work.

Speaker 4 (42:29):
I can't say that enough, pam.
Like really put pamela, reallypamela's, in the house y'all.
Oh, really putting in the work.
Um, because we put work on ourwork, because we put work on our
cars right, we put work in ourhouse, we invest.
Some people don't, I know theydon't.
You know, they changed thething at the.

Speaker 3 (42:49):
DMV what are you talking about For when you get
your car inspected?
They changed certain thingsbecause we're getting those temp
tags.
You know you can go get a temptag if you had something wrong
with the car.
Oh, for real, they changed it.
It used to be 30 days, now it's15.
And it's more money.
Wait, temp tags used to be 30days, $20.

(43:13):
You know, huh?
Yes, because one time ithappened to me with my old
school, with your old school.
Yeah, with my old school, withyour old school, so wait and
when I had to get it I was like,oh man, I'm gonna get pulled
over there.
It's like, no, you get a umtemp tag.
I'm like, how does that work?
And it was like $20.
I was like, well, by then Icould have got my.
They was like, yeah, but youdidn't know, we ain't got to fix

(43:35):
them, all taken care of, butyeah, so they had to change that
up.
So sometimes you need to changethings up.

Speaker 4 (43:42):
Right.
You need to invest and reallyput it on.

Speaker 3 (43:44):
Stop covering stuff up, stop putting a band-aid on
stuff, for things get exposed inthe way you don't want to do.

Speaker 4 (43:52):
That's not where I was going with that.

Speaker 3 (43:54):
That's where I went with it.
That was not going.
Oh, Pam you hard Because that'sbleeding out on your tits.
Yeah, I was gonna say I wasgonna say a little bit.

Speaker 4 (44:08):
I was gonna say stop putting band-aids on stuff that
needs to be sutured, likehealing from the inside out okay
, first, that's what this leg isI'm just saying, like,
sometimes we cover up, and bywhat I'm saying we covering up
by giving our children materialthings like that's the cover-up.

(44:32):
Letting them go hang out withfriends that you don't even know
nothing about, because you wantto please your kid that's the
cover-up.
Because you are in the businessof trying to please your kid
instead of parenting your kid.
That's the cover-up.
So what I'm saying is that whenwe talk about putting band-aids
on, like healing ourselves, sothat we don't bleed on our kids,
like killing our wounds, theseare wounds that happen from

(44:54):
childhood or even earlyadulthood or whatever life be
lifin.
And because we don't take careof these wounds, we're now
bleeding our kids and we'reputting band-aids on them, like
clothes, shoes, and because weuse clothes, shelters, food and
all that as band-aids, insteadof understanding that there's
some emotional stuff, there aresome mental stuff that needs to
be taken care of.
But first of all, I gotta takecare of myself.
So the mandate for parenting istake care of yourself so that

(45:17):
you can take care of your kids.
You, you know, we know the oldsaying, and I know you heard it,
even though you're not.
You know, oh, even thoughyou're not.
Oh, pam, um, you can't pourfrom an empty cup, right?
So what does that really mean,though?
Like you can't pour from anempty cup, but even if your cup

(45:41):
full, will you pour or not of it?
What's?
What's what's the fullness ofyour cup like?
How's your cup being filled,and is it being filled with the
good things?
Because our job as parents isfor the fill our children cup up
with good things.
So if I don't.
If I have a cup, I don't carehow full that cup is, how
running over that cup is, butwhat is in that cup?
What is running over?
Is it blood?
Is it blood?

(46:03):
Because now you're giving them,now you're feeding them blood.
They can't move, you know.
So I believe you can't pourfrom an empty cup.
But I also believe that ifwe're going to fill our cup up,
we need to fill it up with thegood stuff, so that what we are
pouring out we're givinggoodness, kindness, values,

(46:30):
morals, ethics.
And the only way we can do thatis if we invest in ourselves
and put in our cup.

Speaker 3 (46:36):
So there's a mandate on stand up, pull up, as you
said pull up, tap into theresources, tap in um to those
things that you're thecommunities that you're seeing
online, that you're like, oh no,I don't want to buy in my
business, you know right yothat's what it always be.
Oh, I want to buy in mybusiness.

(46:56):
I want to buy in my business,right?
some people don't even want tobe in your business, right, but
if you want to buy in mybusiness, right, some people
don't even want to be in yourbusiness Right.
You need to be in your ownbusiness to know what's really
going on in your life.
Do you know your business?

Speaker 4 (47:09):
Because you get tapped in.
So here's the thing Againpeople do what they want to do,
what they feel a priority.
If you think something's goingto make you money, you're going
to go tap into that.

Speaker 3 (47:25):
If you think something's gonna make you money
, you're gonna go tap into that.
If you think something's gonnamake you a certain status,
you're gonna tap into that,right.
So what else will make you acertain status?
When you talk about money, I'lljust say wealth, because some
people think wealth is about therichest, like financially.
But wealth is your health man,you can't buy the health taking
care of your, your your mentalwell-being, your physical

(47:45):
well-being, like all that.
So I think, why wouldn't youwant to invest in that?

Speaker 4 (47:52):
right, and one of the things that I do like people
laugh at me or whatever, becauseI'm always researching.
I'm always doing something likeI don't really watch regular TV
, like that.
Every once in a while I mightkick a movie, but I read like
crazy.
And I'm not reading just to sayI read books, but I really be
trying to learn some stuff.
I like to see how other peopleI like to see biographies,

(48:13):
because I like to see how peoplewere raised and what they did
with their life, even thoughthey were fumbled or whatever,
and it kind of makes me look atthings.
But also one of the things thatI do, I tap in different
Facebook groups Like really acommunity.
There is so much technology outhere.
There's really no excuse of whywe're not parenting well.

Speaker 3 (48:35):
No seriously.

Speaker 4 (48:36):
There's no excuse of why we're not parenting Like tap
into resources and everybodysay, well, it's not a book to
raise children.

Speaker 3 (48:43):
Well, listen, it's not, but look On them.
Groups.
You don't want nobody in yourbusiness.
Guess what I learned you couldmake a post anonymously.

Speaker 4 (48:53):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (48:54):
So they don't even got to know that it's you, you
could be chatting on there, andthis year they don't even know
Right.
This, you, you could bechatting on there, and this year
they don't even know right andthey respond and you, you're
getting answers or you'regetting solutions to your
problem right thing I say godwill never give you a problem or
a.
He always make a way of escapenumber one.

Speaker 4 (49:12):
But he always give you a solution too when you got
a problem the thing is that weneed to be looking for the
solution too much.
Too much we're looking at theproblem.

Speaker 3 (49:22):
We, we, we on the problem, add more to the problem
stressed out, frustrated,anxiety, blood pressure going up
.

Speaker 4 (49:28):
Now you're in the er who taking care of your kids.
I'm just saying.
I'm just saying I only saidthat because I did it, I did it,
I did it in my parenting.
I did so stressed out, doingeverything else or whatever.
And now what happened?
Hence, I had those strokes Backin 2020.
I had three strokes in 2020.

(49:49):
You know why.
You know what the doctor saidit was stress.

Speaker 1 (49:52):
And you know what he said you out there Trying to
move people, trying to fix.

Speaker 4 (49:55):
Trying to fix everybody Like I'm in line To
fix my life.
Let's know, donna, fix.
Fix everybody like I'm in lineto fix my life.
Let no, donna, fix your life.
How about that?
Like I was working, I was inschool and I was taking care of
my kids as a single mom of fourkids, um, and I felt like I had
to do it all, or I desired to doit all, and um, no, no, baby
girl, and not even doing that,but taking care of everybody

(50:16):
else too.
And that's the thing.
And you know what the doctorsaid to me.
That really woke me up and Ithought I was really about to
get smart with him.
I really was, but I reallycouldn't talk like that because
I had the strokes, I wasparalyzed on my left side, but I
was thinking some stuff in myhead.
He's going to say so what makeseverybody else more important

(50:36):
to you?
I said because I couldn't talk.
I said I could talk.
I said, huh, what was you goingto say?
He said why do you feel likeeverybody else deserve what you
give to them, but you deservenothing?
Why did you feel that way?
I said, oh man, I ain't say itto him, but in my head, I was
just in my head I was thinking Iwish I could really talk real

(50:59):
right now so I could lay him out.

Speaker 3 (51:00):
But why would you go and lay him out?
Because it hit home.

Speaker 4 (51:03):
It really was true, it really was true.

Speaker 3 (51:06):
So you were pissed off because he was telling you.

Speaker 4 (51:09):
So it's true, like he was challenging me on.
Like Donna, you doingeverything else for everybody
else.
But what about you?
Why do you feel like you needto be everybody's superhero?
Why do you think like you needto be everybody's superhero?
Why do you think that you'retheir savior?
Like, why?
Why are you trying to pleaseeverybody else and, yes,
depleting yourself?
Now, when you live a suffer andthis is one of the things I do
when I talk about because, asChristian, as people of God, a

(51:29):
lot of times we go around we saywe live a selfless life.
Right, but living a selflesslife does not mean you take care
of yourself less, and whathappens is when you take care of
yourself less and you're givingit to everybody else, you're
not giving it to them in the waythat they need it and you're
not being able to take care ofyour kids because now you're
tainted from everything else.
So you're not really livingyour best life, as you're

(51:50):
quoting, because you're nottaking care of you.
So, in order for us to parent,well, we need to.
I need to Donna, well, you needto Pam.
Well, pamela, pamela, you needto dine a whale.
You need to Pam, whale Pamela,you need to Pamela whale?
No, seriously.
But when he said it I was upsetBecause I was like yo, he
calling me on the carpet and Ican't even talk.
What you trying to talk I was,I was trying to talk.

(52:15):
Let me tell you I was so.
You know I'm a talker, so thisis so true.
I was there, and when I couldn'ttalk, I couldn.
You know I'm a talker, so thisis so true.
I was there, and when Icouldn't talk, I couldn't eat or
I couldn't swallow or anythingLike.
I was paralyzed on my left side, the IV or whatever, and I had
difficulty swallowing and Ireally couldn't speak.
So I literally stayed up.
They kept telling me to go tosleep, they kept trying to put

(52:36):
me to sleep, but I was talking,I was trying to talk and I was
saying, god, don't take my voiceaway.
Like I really was, like reallysounded One of the things that
helped me.
I was trying to quotescriptures, wow, while I
couldn't talk.
And next thing, you know I'mtalking, I'm talking some stuff.
And our lovely bishop, you knowwhat he said to me now, and I

(52:59):
was telling him.
I was so happy that I couldtalk, or whatever, I said yeah
and I was having a struggletalking.
He said yeah, I can hear it alittle bit.
I love Mark Bishop.
I said really lucky I couldtalk, talk.

Speaker 3 (53:12):
You know, you can't really be too serious, yeah, but
it may but it may need to tellyou to work.

Speaker 4 (53:17):
I'm like, well, if I still need some more work in
this talking area, but I saidall that to say is that,
honestly, if we don't take careof ourselves as parents and
parents we cannot parent wellyou really can't parent well.
So I said all that to say it'slike, really, there's a mandate
on parenting, yes, and in orderfor us to answer this call, we
have to take care of ourselves,and then we have to invest in

(53:38):
our kids, and when we talk aboutprotecting our kids, sometimes
we got to protect our kids fromourself.

Speaker 3 (53:43):
Because what we do matters, exactly, that's for
sure.
How we speak, how we respond,how we show up, it matters.
It really does matter.
And thinking that you're eithertoo loving, it's no such thing
right you know, some parents arelike oh, I'm too.

(54:04):
No, you're not right I mean yourchildren will will actually
teach you, uh, how to love themright, how to show up for them
if you have that line ofcommunication right.
You know you said something.
You said there's not such thingas too much love it, how to
show up for them if you havethat line of communication.

Speaker 4 (54:21):
Right, you know you said something.
You said there's not such thingas too much love.
I think these kids need all thelove they could possibly get.
There is not such thing as toomuch love.
You know, as a pediatric nurse,one of the things that I crack
up with is when people like putthat baby down and you spoil
them.
Well, first of all, they was inthe womb all that time and
you're just going to throw themout there and say you are on
your own.
No, you got to cuddle them.
You got to still nurture them,you still got to do that stuff

(54:42):
with them.
And it's not you're spoilingyour kids.
You love your child.
You want to make sure yourchild from the beginning knows
that their love.
Mommy got you, daddy got you.
I'm always got like you ain'tgot to be falling and wilding
out and all that stuff.
I got you.
And I think that we got to stoptelling parents they're loving
their kids too much.

Speaker 3 (55:00):
I feel like some people You're doing too much by
telling me that Now, in someaspects, if that baby sleep, lay
that baby down.

Speaker 4 (55:08):
Yeah, I get that there's a way to do things, but
I think you know, even if youhad a baby in the first seven
days and you telling that mom toput that baby down all the time
, I done carried that kid fornine months.
Like for real.
That kid was in the womb snug,hurt my heartbeat the whole time
, so you just going to snatch itaway.
I used to have a carrier.
I don't want to spoil no child.

Speaker 3 (55:29):
And the carrier, and as she got bigger, like I
literally would do everythingwith her on me, Like even to the
bathroom, Like I made sure wehad a certain kind of bassinet
that went in there and I wouldplay songs, because we ain't
going to talk about singing.
My baby loves when I sing, stillto this day but I would have

(55:51):
her in there and what I would dois I would shower her with me
and then I would wrap her up yes, stop, don't do me.
And then I would lay her in theback and she was like I'm
telling you that baby rightthere was like the most peaceful
.
You know, sometimes you try towatch my kid for a little bit.

Speaker 4 (56:11):
They were like nah, I'm going to watch some kids.

Speaker 3 (56:13):
How long Is it an hour?
Is it an hour and a half?
People used to be like yo y'allneed somebody to look after
Tori Right?

Speaker 4 (56:22):
Because she was just so kind.
I was just laughing, becausethe reason why I looked at you
that way I'm like Dad youcouldn't go to the bathroom by
yourself, I know.
No, because that's part ofself-care too.
I got to be able to just go inpeace and quiet.

Speaker 3 (56:34):
And guess what, neal, you closed that door.
What you doing in there?
See, that's what I'm saying.
You did that.
What you doing in there Now,you did that.

Speaker 4 (56:40):
I don't even be caring.
Oh, you did that.
I do not care what you doingthere, minding my business,
that's what I'm doing.
But that's funny though I thinkit's so important to really,
early on, really have that bondand nurturing that child.
Children need their protectorand they're safe.
That's one of the ways, earlyon, we can show them that
they're protected.
I got you, you know, sittingwith them, holding them,

(57:03):
nurturing them, you know, andthere's a time where they need
to kind of get off your lap andyou get them moving.
But that's a process and you'retraining for that.
I think sometimes people wantthese kids to come out, get out
walking and talking, and thenwhen they do that, they talk
about they're doing too fast.
It must be somebody else on theway.
You know how to get in yourbusiness.
You must be got another onecoming because this one doing

(57:24):
too much.
But no, really, we just sittalking and talking, and talking
.
But it is so funny of howpeople really view you as a
parent, versus checking theirown stuff in their parenting.
So again, I think tonight'stakeaways are there's a mandate
on parenting.
What you do matters, put in thework, put in the work, utilize

(57:49):
resources put in the work, tapinto those online groups,
parenting groups, whatevergroups tap into parenting with a
purpose.

Speaker 3 (57:59):
Yeah, and don't just be getting information and
getting all this information anddo nothing with it.
Honestly, put in the work.
If you don't know where tostart, reach out to someone in
those groups.
Reach out to Pamela, donna,janelle.
Like we make ourselvesavailable for these such things

(58:21):
that we talk about.
So we're not just talking aboutthem to be talking about them
Like.
We have real life practices.
We went through, we've beenthrough some things put together
separately, you know, asindividuals, but we've came
together for a purpose, so thatyou can know your purpose, you
can walk in your purpose and youcan fulfill your purpose as

(58:44):
parenting intentionally.

Speaker 4 (58:51):
Absolutely.
Wow.
You see why I got her as aco-host y'all.
That was fire, pam.
I ain't even had to put noflies on the place over there.
That was fire.
No, seriously, we reallyappreciate everybody.
Tuning in to Parental Purpose, Iwill say that we do have a
Facebook page out there.
It is Parental with a PurposeFacebook.
You can tap into that page.

(59:12):
You can send messages to us.
We will get back to you.
Anything, any questions youhave, any statements you have.
Parental with a a purpose ishere.
We're here to stay.
Y'all Like we out here, we inthese streets, we in these
social media rooms, we are outhere because we really want to
help you be the best parent thatyou could possibly be and live
in the fullness of parenting.

(59:32):
We know parenting is a challenge.
We know it's a challenge, butwe also know that there's beauty
in parenting.
Yes, there's a lot of beautyand parenting Right now it's a
challenge.
You know my 18-year-old is inthe Marines.
Yes, and she's right now, as wespeak, is doing the hardest
part of the Marines.
She's already been there formonths and now she's doing what
they call the crucible and thatthing is 54 hours of work.

(59:57):
It's challenging, but I alsoknow on the flip side that
there's going to be some beauty,because I can't wait to go down
to South Carolina and shegraduate and I just hug her
because I haven't heard hervoice in months.
There's challenges in parenting, but there's so much beauty.
We want you to experience thatbeauty, that part, right there.

(01:00:18):
We can overcome the challengesand experience the beauty part
of it.
You can even have beauty in thechallenges.
So thank you for pouring up,told you my speech will be off.
Sometimes go ahead, be likebishop, I hear it okay.
Thank you guys for joiningparenting with the purpose.
I am donna, janelle.
We would love for you to tap inum so that we can be a research

(01:00:41):
for you, so we can help you andclose us out.
Pam, what are we doing?
Oh, you said, just spew.
You done.

Speaker 3 (01:00:47):
Yeah, yeah, so you got our host Donna Janelle, our
co-host Pamela.
Catch us again next Thursday at7.
And we will have anotherspecial guest.

Speaker 4 (01:01:00):
Thank you guys for joining Parenting with a Purpose
.

Speaker 3 (01:01:02):
Have a great night thank you so much for tuning in
to another episode of Parentingwith a Purpose.

Speaker 4 (01:01:09):
Be sure to follow us every Thursday night at 7pm at
Parenting with a Purpose.
You can find us wherever youlisten to your podcast.
Be sure to look up Parentingwith a Purpose.