Shaping Future Generations with Intentional Parenting

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What if the chemicals in your child's food are hastening their journey through puberty? We tackle this unsettling question right off the bat as Pam and I explore the increasing onset of early puberty linked to dietary and environmental factors. From the hidden dangers lurking in seemingly harmless seaweed wraps to the health implications of chemical-laden produce, we stress the urgency for parents to be vigilant, informed, and proactive about their family's nutrition. Our discussion is a wake-up call for all parents to scrutinize what ends up on their children's plates and to consider healthier alternatives.

Parenting isn't just about setting rules; it's about shaping futures. Pam shares a heartwarming story about her godson's encounter with diverse identities, emphasizing the vital role parents play in nurturing empathy and non-judgment in their children. We delve into the beauty and challenges of equipping kids with the tools to make wise decisions while respecting their individuality. With heartfelt anecdotes, we reveal the powerful lessons hidden in everyday interactions and stress the importance of preparing children for the real world with compassion and understanding.

Does physical discipline teach valuable lessons or does it only foster fear and resentment? We navigate this contentious issue by examining different parenting styles and their long-term impacts. Personal experiences and professional insights illustrate the fine line between structured discipline and anger-driven punishment, highlighting the lasting effects on children's development. By sharing our perspectives, we aim to promote intentional, reflective parenting that fosters respectful, well-adjusted individuals, all while ensuring that the home remains a safe space for children to grow and thrive.

Parents are the Bows and Children are the Arrows they will land wherever we aim them eventually!

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (01:21):
Thank you.
Outro Music.
Bye, thank you, hey everybody.

(02:11):
Welcome back to Parenting witha Purpose.
I am your host, donna Janelle,the one and only you know my aim
.
You know my strive.
You know what I try to do outin this world is to bring back
the responsibility, nobility andbeauty back into parenting.
You know, parenting is not forthe weak.
You know my new word parentingis challenging.
What's up Pam?
Pam's in the house too, y'all.
I can't even do the introwithout saying what's up Pam?

(02:33):
You know Pam is a frequentflyer now.
She's my new eight-spoon coneso she's going to be up in here
talking about.
We just had a little slightdisagreement a couple minutes
ago, so we're about to getheated in a second y'all.
But you know, parenting is notfor the weak right.
Parents are the bulls and ourchildren are arrows and they
will land wherever we send them.
May not be today, might not betomorrow, it might not even be

(02:55):
the next five or ten years,y'all.
Honestly, I've been parentingfor 25 years now, y'all, and I
can see like it takes time andit's a process for our kids to
get where we want them to go.
You know the Bible does tell usto train up a child so they go.
So when they go they don'tdepart or they'll return back to
their original state.
Right, it's hard, it'schallenging, but you know it is

(03:18):
what it is right.
So it may be five, ten yearsdown the line, they'll laying
where you intend them to be, butnot in the way that you
probably thought that theyshould be, because our kids are
humans, individuals.
We don't own them.
They have their own life andprocesses and stuff.
As you know, Even from thesmallest baby, they don't even

(03:39):
do what you tell them to do.
It's crazy.
It's like they got a mind oftheir own.
So it's our job to train them,equip.
The most important job I thinkit's a parent that God has put
us in the earth for, if youcould agree with me or not, um,
pam is to really equip ourchildren, like give them the
tools, yes, to be able to maketheir own decisions, wise
decisions, and be able to besuccessful, whatever success

(04:00):
means to them yeah like.
I mean not success like you knowI'm going to need you to go
hustle.
You know what I mean Sell somedrugs, be a stripper, prostitute
not like that.
Like I don't want you to havethat type of success Like.
But I mean like other success,success that's not going to land
you in jail or cause some typeof harm to you or something

(04:21):
right, because things do happenin the middle, uh harm to you or
something right, because thingsdo happen in the middle, uh-huh
.

Speaker 2 (04:27):
So and like you said, we don't have any control over
that, but we know that we gavethem tools, so we should have
like a little bit more comfortand peace.
Yeah, knowing that I gave youthe tools and, as you just said,
you know, train up a child inthe way they should go, so when
they get older, they don't runfrom it, they come back to it.
So, even if they dip back it,oh, I still got this in the
piggy bank.

Speaker 1 (04:44):
Right, right right.

Speaker 2 (04:45):
I don't know if I should do it this way or that
way, but I'm going to try.
I know this is my end goal.
I know this is a goal.

Speaker 1 (04:52):
Right, yeah, like you have some starting point,
because I feel like if we don'tgive our kids the tools, like
we're literally sending themoutside naked, right Like, and
letting the world close them.
And you know as well as I know,pam, what's going on in this
world today.
Like the stuff that's going ontoday is like so scary, like oh,

(05:13):
it's eerie.
It's almost like you don't evenwant to send your child outside
, but you also can't shelteryour child because you really
need your child to be a part ofthis world, affect the the world
, make an influence, an impacton the world.
But it's like how do you dothat in the midst of all this
crazy chaotic I don't even knowwhat to call some of this stuff
that's going on between therights for children, parents'

(05:37):
rights, the political.

Speaker 2 (05:41):
So be sure, we're exposing them to it first, we're
teaching them to it first, weteaching them about it first.
Prime example my guy's son.
He was in a band His middleschool got to play at William
Penn High School for theirfootball games.
So William Penn's dance team.
Come out, they dance.
Well, it was guys in the danceteam.

(06:02):
Some of them had on certainclothing team, some of them had
on certain clothing, some ofthem had on dresses.
My child was able todifferentiate like hold up, he's
a boy, he's what is he doingout there being silly right he's
being so silly, like why is hedoing that?
and right there, I used it as aas learning.
Like you know, this is whatsome people choose to do.

(06:24):
Right, I'm not saying it's okay, but this is what some people
choose to do.
We're not going to bash themfor it.
I say if it's somebody that weknow, we still love them.

Speaker 1 (06:33):
Right.

Speaker 2 (06:33):
You know, I said we don't have to be around them.
I said, but at the same timewe're not going to treat them
any different, Right?
And she just was like butwhat's making him do that?
And I was like that would be aconversation you would have to
have personally with him rightin this world.

Speaker 1 (06:48):
You know, we teach our children not to judge and we
have to constantly remindourselves not to judge because
we've been here so long and welike certain things.
It's just, the math is not math.

Speaker 2 (06:57):
When I was younger that wasn't like a big thing
right right like you even usedto call people like, like studs
like you had certain names forit and it wasn't.
I don't know.
Like what?
What is the word that I'mlooking for?
Like, oh, everywhere you turnright.

Speaker 1 (07:14):
Right, it was a little bit of people were a
little bit more private and,well, we used to stay in a
closet, didn't really talk aboutit.
I think right now, because thispolitical atmosphere of giving
everybody what they want, youknow, trying to please everybody
for votes, and then also whenyou think about human rights too
right, like you think abouthuman rights, like people have

(07:35):
the right to be whoever theywant to be, so it's so inclusive
.
But I think the concern and youknow how, you know how
sometimes you let something go alittle bit, you give something
a little leeway and then ittakes off Like give an inch and
they take a mile.
And I think what happened waslike because of the freeness

(07:55):
that people as adults were beingout of the closet, then they
allowed their children to likebecause here's the thing about
children they explore that world, right.
And here's and this is thereason why the train up a child.
Kids don't know nothing, likethey literally come in this
world and some of them got somespiritual insight about some

(08:16):
stuff.
But, honestly, our job and ourrole is a parent, like if I got
a little girl who thinks thatthey're a little boy, I'm gonna
let them know that they're alittle girl.
If I have a little boy thatthinks that they're a little
girl, they I'm gonna let themknow.
So here's the thing if you havea boy who's raised with all
females, he's gonna start doingwhat the females do, right, but
it's your job to say listen, nah, that's not.
You know, under explaining therole of a boy in the role of a

(08:38):
girl, like the gender, thespecific gender, right, right,
um, but we come away fromexplaining that and just start
to accept everything and it'snot like like kids really don't
know.
So my concern is like we Idon't know how we got on this
topic, but like being a nurseand one of working in one of the
children's hospitals, my I'veseen like firsthand giving

(08:59):
children at six years oldhormones so they can change.
For, you know, transition.
It hurts my heart, and it'slike I'm not judging the
situation, but I mean, at sixyears old, you want to be a boy
today, tomorrow, you want to bea snake like you might, you
might want to be an elephantlike.

Speaker 2 (09:15):
What are your thoughts on the hormones to like
to like, going through puberty?

Speaker 1 (09:20):
right when they when they're giving them to like the
little girls now right littleboys, to calm them down or to
stop their menstrual, right,yeah, so I've been through that
too, working at the hospital,seeing a lot of it.
So it's different reasons whychildren go through puberty a
little bit earlier.
A lot of it has to do with thefood, right, a lot of it has to

(09:40):
do with the food that they'reeating and like the behavior,
like it's a whole inclusivething of why children are going
through puberty earlier thanthey were.
But then when you look back onit, though, honestly, like some
kids were already going throughpuberty at nine years old, right
, you know, back in the day, man, kids, people was having kids
at 12 years old I'm about to sayLike, but we had got away from

(10:03):
that.
So now that we start seeing itagain, we're like, okay, what's
going on?
Right, because, honestly, backin the day they were, puberty
was pretty early.
Yeah, um, but right now, Ithink the reason why these
children are going throughpuberty this early is definitely
the food.
There's a lot of stuff in thefood and yo, I was reading what
we had the other day.

(10:24):
Oh man, so these were like umwraps, right, but they were um
seaweed wraps, right, likethey're green, they're seaweed
wraps, right, so you can wrap itin vegetables and stuff.
Something told me to look atthe back of the packet yesterday
.
Now I'm thinking it's seaweedwraps, they healthy, right, why?
You know I'm looking at caloricintake and all this other stuff

(10:44):
, right, but don't you know atthe'm looking at caloric intake
and all this other stuff, right,but don't you know, at the
bottom of that packet it saysthis product is known to cause
reproductive cancer.
What Yo it be On the seaweedwrap.
It was on the food wrap.
Yo, if somebody had told mebefore, like really washed the
back of the food because they'dbe sneaking, they'd be sneaking,

(11:04):
it'd be so tiny.
Four like really watched theback of the food because they do
be, they sneak, they besneaking.
Yeah, because a lot of our foodthat's here in the us is banned
in other countries, like theycan't have other countries.
Like no, this costs cancer, wecannot have it.
So here in the us with the fd,like we're a little bit
different with the usda and weallow certain foods that known
carcinogen, right.
So when I read the back of that, my heart was broken.

(11:27):
That's crazy.
My heart was broken because youdon't think like.
You think that you're eatingone way and then something else.
It's like you know, even like I.
Just I don't even know how wegot on this subject y'all, but
we're going to talk about it.
I just read an article becauseit's all about our kids.
We talk about hormones andstuff like that.
What's going on in our kids,and as parents we really got to

(11:47):
be watchful of what's going on.
So there was.
You know how you go to theproduce store and you see the
mist coming out.
There's a spray over the thing.
You think it's water.
Yeah, you think it's water.
It's not.
Some depends on what grocerystore it is.
It's actually a chemical thatis banned in other countries.
Wow, Like I researched this.

(12:08):
I'm not going to get no namesout there because I don't have
no money for y'all to be suingme, but you can't really sue if
it's real right.
I don't know.
I don't trust y'all out here inthis world.
So I'm not going to give nonames, but do your research.
Research this spray that's inthe grocery stores.
That's spread, because when yougo to the pro, they really do
it like they use some of the.

(12:28):
I could give some names ofproduce stores that they do.
I mean regular grocery stores.
Produce stores don't do that.
If you notice produce stores,don't, yeah, but some of these
grocery stores, well-knowngrocery stores, have a mist
that's sprayed on the um thefruits and vegetables that's
what I used to do with that messwhat now you can't get the bags

(12:50):
open.

Speaker 2 (12:50):
Uh-huh, I used to wait put your finger.
I mean it's a chemical, it'slike licking my face uh-huh, I'm
like I'm touching everything Iused to write wait for that miss
and open a bunch of bags, yeahlisten, that mess is a chemical.

Speaker 1 (13:04):
It was, it was.
It was opening a bag.
So then the other thing I knowhow.
I don't know how we really goton this food talk, but,
seriously, because I'm like sostressed out and frustrated
about the food and I was likethis is why the bible tells us
to pray over our food.
Because you don't know, because, even like another thing I was
reading like you know how youwash your, your fruits, and
right, you scrub them, eitherwith baking soda or you scrub

(13:26):
them with vinegar, depends onwhich one it is.
You can't do it both, thoughyou should never do baking soda,
and because then you're goingto make it a base.
It's not going to neutralizeand it's not going to clean
anything you know or you mightpass out, but even though we're
scrubbing that, the pesticidesare grown inside of as it grows.

Speaker 2 (13:46):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (13:47):
So, even if we're thinking we're doing something,
we're scrubbing the outside ofit, which we should, because you
just never know but honestly, alot of our produce, if they're
using the pesticides and stuff,it's actually grown within.
Oh, that's a word.
Right there, it's grown, it'sas it grows, right.
It's not something that you'rejust right there, it's grown,
it's as it grow right.

Speaker 2 (14:05):
it's not something that you're just putting on the
outside, it's, it's in them itis because think about when the
farmers what they have to do toprepare their field for the
harvest for the next season, thedifferent things they have to
spray on it, the differentthings they have to use.
So, like you said, you really dogot to prepare your field.
A girlfriend of mine like Idon't even know what I'm eating
now, at this point I'm onlyeating packed tuna.

(14:28):
Listen, I'm like no, I feel you.
She was like because this is somuch.
She was like my chicken, I wantto soak it.
She was like everythingshredded, it looked like yarn or
cotton.
She was like I don't know whatit was.
She was like I and she was madbecause she wanted to make
chicken tacos.
And she was like like what?

Speaker 1 (14:45):
is it?
What is this?
It turned like white it wasyeah, so you gotta be careful,
man.
It's hard, it is really hardout here too my child.

Speaker 2 (14:55):
She don't eat meat.
She did it on her own, so it islike starches and grains and
fruits and veggies.
I'd be like Tori, you can shakeit.
You can shake it.

Speaker 1 (15:07):
My kids went through a phase.
I mean, we were pescatarians,vegetarians, and we went
straight vegan.
Really, going straight veganmessed us up, though, because we
didn't have the proper vitaminsand stuff.
My teeth start breaking, starthaving problems with my bones

(15:28):
and stuff because you, you needthe vitamins.
So, um, yeah, so we do eat meatbecause you know it is so much
better to get your protein in awhole form, and also, like
people don't understand what'sin some of these meats, like the
vitamins and stuff like thatand um, so I get people that
don't eat meat or whatever andyou try to supplement or
whatever, but honestly, yeah,we're not going to touch that.
So it is difficult.

(15:50):
You got to really be carefuleven getting the meat, like you
said, like I try my best to makesure that it's antibiotic-free,
just any other, and honestly, Ijust really pray with my food
because, at the end of the day,I got to eat, my kids got to eat
, but it's also just being awareof what's in the food, like we
just talked about.
Like a lot of this red dye reddye you know, red dye is banned
in other countries.

(16:10):
Like there's a lot of stuffthat we feed our kids that are
banned, like again, like one ofmy biggest things about when I'm
giving my godchildren likejuices and stuff like that, when
I give it to them, um, like Idon't have anything.
Well, even for myself, if Ican't see through it, we're not
drinking it, right?
Because you know, like thoseCapri Suns, like that pack, like
you cut that open, you can seea bunch of stuff, the cardboard,

(16:34):
I mean.
Think about it, it's cardboard,it's like it's paper, like
anything can grow, like theslightest little hole, mold can
grow in it.
So if I, if I can't see throughit, like I won't give it to
them and for the most part theydrink water, but every now and
then I do try to give them somejuice or something, but because
I I've seen the nastiness andI'm like literally growing
inside of those things do youknow what I like more?

Speaker 2 (16:57):
store brand stuff.
Oh yeah, I'm not really crazyabout a lot of the name brands
because where they have gone toextend their products so they
could basically produce moreLike when I was a manager at
Aldi's, that was something thatI've really gotten to because
they like to use local farmersfor certain stuff.

(17:20):
But as Aldi started to grow, ofcourse their demand went up.
And when people find out aboutthem.
It's like, oh, you know they'rereally not bad, so people are
coming in so they have toproduce more.
So now they're not just doinglocal farms, they're doing other
farms as well, and theirstandard did kind of dim me down
, if I'm being honest when itcomes to like meat wise, but as

(17:41):
far as their fruits and veggies,they're only getting them from
particular people.

Speaker 1 (17:45):
Right.

Speaker 2 (17:45):
But I saw that and I was just like it's crazy, right.

Speaker 1 (17:49):
So I always try to do local farms and things like
that.
So, first of all, because thenyou know exactly where it came
from in it, right, you know, andit's not that marked up stuff
in it.
You know, because for it totravel to us, like it got to go
through a certain process, likethat's why, like, if I don't get
fresh produce, like right there, locally fresh, like I do,

(18:10):
frozen, because that's when it'sbest, at least it's shipped and
it's frozen but it's so scary,like how we have to monitor
everything for our kids, for the, you know, because kids need
certain things for good, healthybrain and development, right,
right.
So a lot of times, like we tryto withhold things for our kids,
like we want to put them likeskin, milk and stuff like that,

(18:31):
but we need like whole fat stufffor them, kids, to bring.

Speaker 2 (18:35):
It has no purpose.
In all honesty, it's just likealmond milk yeah you're giving
that to them as a supplement,but is it?

Speaker 1 (18:44):
it's not really a supplement right, because it's
still lacking that.
So here's the thing, like thereason why you know when they
had whole.
First of all, I don't thinkanybody should be drinking whole
, not no whole milk and it'sfrom the cow, like I'm just
saying, but like, especiallyparticularly african americans
it's a study like africanamericans have the the highest
rate of lactose intolerance,right.
So lactose, lactose intoleranceis because we're drinking whole

(19:05):
milk.
We're drinking cow's milk,right, and that does not have a
nutritional value for us.
We can't tolerate that.
Adults can't, particularlyAfrican-Americans cannot
tolerate the lactose, which isthe sugar.
Right, milk is the sugar.
So we try to supplement withother things.
But the problem is when wesupplement with other things.
Like you know, when you buycertain milk in a grocery store,

(19:26):
like it's added vitamin D,vitamin C and stuff, but then
some of these other supplementsdon't have that in it and we're
still not getting enough.
Like we're still the highestlack, high vitamin D deficiency.
How did vitamin D?
Yeah, vitamin D.
African-americans have thehighest vitamin D.
African Americans have thehighest vitamin D deficiency,

(19:47):
but we need it the most.
Like vitamin D is not just foryou know, your muscles, like
your bones and stuff like that.
Like they tell you to docalcium and vitamin D mix,
because that's how I absorb, butit also helps with mental like
vitamin D.
People don't understand howimportant, like, if you look at
the levels of somebody who'sdepressed, I guarantee their
vitamin D level is low Right,and we're showing that low

(20:07):
vitamin D levels are in kids,too, so now we're making sure
that we give them vitamin D.
I don't know how we got on thistopic, but it's really
important, though, how we'regiving our kids, though it is
Because we talk about for themto be successful.
Well, we got to give them allthe tools.
That's part of the tools.
And well, we got to give themall the tools.
That's part of the tools.
In order for us to do that, wegot to research it ourselves,
like, and it's hard to find theright information, though, like

(20:27):
you're looking here, oh, oneminute, this is good for you and
one minute that well made it.
Maybe it's not, but you justbrought a point earlier, though.
So, at one point, something mayhave been good for you, but
because they maybe outsourced itor did something else and it's
no longer good for you andyou're still eating the same
thing, thinking it's good foryou Because I did not know that
Aldi doesn't just do localanymore.
Like that was one of thereasons why I was going there

(20:49):
For their meat.
Yeah, but that's why I wasgoing there for their meats,
though, because their meats wasalways so pure and whatever.
But you don't know that becausethey're not going to advertise
that.
You just know something thatthat they known for right, and
if we don't do our research andwe don't constantly check and
see what's going on, we're goingto continue to give our kids
bad stuff.

Speaker 2 (21:08):
yep because, like at one point, they even put limits
on me, like you can only get onepack, because it was.
It was just like going off theshelves so fast it was just like
everybody found out about audioat one time and started
swarming up.
If, if you notice, like inDelaware alone, we had the one
that was in Middletown and thenthat was like it for a while.

(21:34):
Then they built the one inSmyrna right and then they
started building them.
They actually came from lowerDelaware went their way up
before the one in Middletown,the closest one we had was like
Elkton right then we gotMiddletown.
Now we have the one on KirkwoodHighway and then we got one on
273.
So they're popping up all overthe place, almost like
McDonald's yeah but you thinkthey are really, these local

(21:56):
farmers, is really producingenough right or all these to get
it right, you know like, but Iwill say it's certain, it's
certain things that the veggies,the fruit, like it had.
It's a certain look, it's acertain standard that it had to
have.
I were trashing it rightsometimes I was.
We were trashing so much.

(22:16):
I'm like pause, this is gettingout of hand.
They're like no, it doesn'tlook like this, like we
literally have a checklist.
At 5 am, we had a checklist.
It had to look a certain way nobruises.
No this, no that wow, wow.

Speaker 1 (22:31):
You know a couple people I know they grow their
own stuff.
They have like their own.
Yeah, they they're growing thatstuff out of containers or even
um, in their backyard and I'mjust like that is so awesome
because you know what you putinside yourself.
First of all, you put your lovein it.
You're praying over your foodand nobody else is able to take
that.
It's just that it takes somework, but I do, and I'm gonna

(22:52):
have a couple guests on here.
We're gonna have a coupleguests on here who actually can
tell us and show us how to haveour produce and vegetables in
containers in our own backyard,in our own house house, and how
you can actually have yourbackyard certified from USDA as
a farm, like even your own localbackyard.
Wow, about growing your ownstuff, like you can actually,

(23:14):
and then you can start gettingfunds for a farm for your own
backyard.
Yeah, I know somebody and I'mgonna have her on here, but she,
she makes like berry jam, likewow, she, yeah, um, she, she's
amazing, she does.

Speaker 2 (23:28):
Oh yeah, jamaican farm mom well, I'm excited about
that because you know, withtour, um, like for tours, first
two years of life I did I madeeverything with my breast milk
that she would eat, but I onlywent to like little farms in our
markets to get her freshproduce and I made all her baby

(23:49):
food like on the stove.
No baby bullet, none of that.
On the stove, pouring it downlike freezing it, packing it,
storing it.
And I said, mom, I want agarden one day.

Speaker 1 (23:59):
I just want to get me a garden yo she was like, no,
you need one.

Speaker 2 (24:03):
And I was like I would cook for like everybody's
baby.

Speaker 1 (24:05):
Listen, I really do want.
My desire is to have a farmland, right?
Do you know like there's abunch of famous people who
stopped, like left music, leftacting, left the NFL, to build
their own farms?
Wow, now some of them did it,for you know the cannabis stuff.

Speaker 2 (24:25):
That was what I knew of.

Speaker 1 (24:27):
But no, these are like people who really have
their own farm.
Like real food, and the thingabout it is that after you, when
you have a farm, you get toproduce so much, so, after you
finish feeding your family, yourneighborhood, whatever you be
able to give it to other people,like we really can solve the
homeless crisis by literallyjust everybody having a farm and

(24:48):
trading food for each other.

Speaker 2 (24:50):
Like, like I grow this yeah, like this is what you
got.

Speaker 1 (24:54):
We meet together every week that's one of the way
to solve the food shortage.
Like we'll have surplus, likefor real.
That's how the countries do itand that that's why they're
shipping stuff over here.
What they're sending to us istheir surplus stuff.
They're selling it to us, yeah,when we can do it for ourselves
, all right, y'all.
So that's what we were talkingabout.
I don't know how we got on thatbut that's so important to talk
about, though I think that'ssuch.

(25:17):
We could go on as far as foodand snacks and all that other
stuff, like I.
Really it's a real oh, that's adeep topic and we can go far
with that.
But tonight you know for thenext 20 minutes, because we're
not already focused tonight whatour little disagreement was

(25:38):
before we came live, because Pamand I had a disagreement.
Y'all Most of y'all know me.
Anybody who knows me knows thatI don't lay hands on kids.
I don't lay hands on them.
That's just.
It's a lot of reasons why Idon't do it, and I think I
probably should have did it withthe one that touched my end of
the game.
So she's 16 now.
It's kind of too late, but Ithink if I would have laid my

(26:00):
hands on her earlier.
But anyway, I don't lay hands.
But Pam, on the other hand,just informed me that she does
lay hands.

Speaker 2 (26:09):
Yes.

Speaker 1 (26:09):
I don't like that, so we're going to talk about that.
So tonight we're going to talkabout different parenting styles
.
Y'all right.
We're going to talk about theauthoritative parent.
We're going to talk about thegentle parent.
A lot of people have amisconception.
Hold on, A lot of people have amisconception on what gentle
parenting is.

Speaker 2 (26:38):
Donna believes that I have a misconception on what
gentle parenting is, butsometimes I can't go that route
with my child.
You know, know those who laboramong you, and you got the no
tour.
What's she being?
Tour victoria or big girl?
And my mom calls her ladybugbecause she's like that ladybug,
just be everywhere listen, man.

Speaker 1 (27:02):
So here's my's, my take Everybody.
Take a deep breath Because myStop laughing, because I, oh God
.
So what I've seen and what I'venoticed and what I've
experienced is that a lot oftimes, parents are laying hands
on their children withoutactually educating them prior to
that situation.

(27:22):
So that's my concern.
Or or they kind of do it inanger and get out of hand, right
?
So when we talk about, you know,child abuse and discipline,
which are two different things,a lot of times what happened in
the reason why the courts andstuff got involved?
Honestly, it's because parentswas taking it too far, like
parents was killing their kids,breaking them, doing all types

(27:43):
of stuff.
Because parents was taking ittoo far, like parents was
killing their kids, breakingthem, doing all types of stuff,
because they were doing it inanger.
Right, so physicallydisciplining your child in anger
will always cause a biggerissue, right?
Because I'm telling you, sayyou're this is the thing too in
my mind you done smackedsomebody, you.
My child, like you, 10 yearsold, you done smacked somebody.
So then I come smack you.
So how am I teaching you not tosmack people?

(28:04):
Or we just smack people, right?
Yeah, like, how am I teaching.
How am I teaching you not to beso aggressive, but being
aggressive right?
So that's my take on it.

Speaker 2 (28:12):
Like I it's not with that part.

Speaker 1 (28:14):
It's not, um, that I don't believe in discipline, I
just think that there's astructured way of doing it.
So sometimes you know if, if akid is in danger, right you,
I've taught you you have tocross the street if you just
gonna run, okay, now you aboutto die.
Like I gotta get you to thatfear.
Understand like you'reliterally your life is is on the

(28:35):
line here.
But for other stuff, like youknow, you didn't do your chores
or something, even getting sassya little bit, stuff like that I
just in my in my mind and in myheart.
Just how am I teaching you notto do something by doing it?
It just doesn't add up to me.
But go ahead.

Speaker 2 (28:51):
Okay, so, like, if I talk to you and I tell you you
know, when you done playing withsomething, it gets put away.
And you got your days where youchoose to do it.
And you got your days where youchoose to do it, then what I'm
telling you, you're gettingsmart to me and you're rolling
your eyes thinking I'm notseeing it.
That don't deserve a littlepluck or a little pop in the

(29:11):
back of the head.
What, yes, you're?

Speaker 1 (29:16):
going to get a little pluck.
So let me ask so okay, so theywere basically showing their
emotions, like they were showinghow they feel about the
situation, right, okay?
So you're saying that if sherolls her eyes or something like
that, she deserves a pluck?

Speaker 2 (29:33):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (29:34):
What does that pluck teach her?

Speaker 2 (29:36):
Don't do that again.
She said Mommy, you saw what Idid.
If I catch her from the back,she'd be like Mom, you saw what
I did.
I'd be like, mommy, you sawwhat I did.
If I catch her from the back,she'd be like Mom, you saw what
I did.
I'd be like yeah, I saw you.
She'd say I shouldn't have didthat.

Speaker 1 (29:48):
Before you plucked her or after you plucked her?

Speaker 2 (29:50):
After I plucked her Because she was trying to figure
out why she plucked me in theback of her head.
I plucked her in the back ofher head, yeah, because I saw
you, or why did you get nastywith me?
So I get what you're saying,but we already had a
conversation before.
So you know, if you startbreaking the rules, these are
some of your consequences.
I've already tried to.
You can't have your iPad or youcan't ride your bike, you can't

(30:13):
go outside, you can't go toAunt Mary's or this person's
house.
We're not doing this this week.
I've already done that.
Some of the things she's almostimmune to.
Right week, I've already donethat.
Some of the things she's almostimmune to Right so.
I'm not like every day bop, bop,or every day like the screaming
and stuff.
Yeah, the screaming stuff, no,no, I'd rather pluck her before

(30:35):
I scream to you, because I don'twant you to think that somebody
should be yelling at you allthe time Now she know, people
shouldn't just be hearing.

Speaker 1 (30:41):
Oh, I was curious's crazy, so you want her to say
that.

Speaker 2 (30:43):
But my mom said somebody hit me in the back.

Speaker 1 (30:47):
She didn't hit somebody damn man, you were just
gangsta teaching her to so Ithink we have an understanding
that right just like my brother.

Speaker 2 (30:57):
He didn't never agree .
He doesn't agree with like beltbeating and, like you said,
being angry and hitting them.
But again, if I've warned youand I've told you not to do
something and then I tell youthe next time you do it this,
this is the consequence.
The next time to it you knowyou're gonna get a pop or
whatever.
So we have to understand itright.

Speaker 1 (31:20):
Well, let's talk about all right.
So we're gonna talk aboutbeatings and then we're going to
talk about other things, likeyelling and screaming at you
know, there's an issue too,right, um, calling kids names
and being like, yeah, like, anda lot of times angry because
you're not with the spouse, thethe part, and the child's mother
or father, whatever.
You start calling these kidsnice, um, but let's say what's

(31:43):
the pros and cons and, uh,physically disciplining your
children, like.

Speaker 2 (31:48):
Let's think about that like so for me, like I was
the child out of all four of us,like I got the most beatings I
could say like, I like, I didlike all the time, like, like,
what the heck like?
is it that necessary to thepoint where, sometimes, like you
shouldn't even got that B Yay,but you can't send your bag?

(32:08):
However, I feel like in certainways, they did like benefit me.
You know what I'm saying,because we had names for belts.
So when I got, if she's tellingme that I'm about to get a
certain one, like I'm stretchingmy life out.

Speaker 1 (32:23):
Wait.
Flag on the play what Y'all hadnames for.
Like each name.

Speaker 2 (32:28):
It wasn't like one Belda.
Harry by name on it Like youhad different.
We had Thunder Right in frontof Thunder.
I'm so serious.
If my mom is watching this sheknows she used to be like that.
Right there will get youthunder.
We used to be like no, we don'twant that.
So she had thickness anddifferent belts Because you know

(32:49):
, my mom was in correction.
So they had to have certainbelts for their gear.
You know so that one that shehad to wear for her gear, that
was thunder.

Speaker 1 (32:59):
We got thunder, we got tornado.

Speaker 2 (33:02):
Yeah, and then it was like some little simple one.
It was a little thin one I'mgonna ask her I'll come back and
tell y'all.
It was like a little thin one,so it was just like, oh, you
know, but with the thunder youonly needed one.
I mean, that's freaking athunder, I'm not doing it again,
wow.
My brother, on the other hand,like I didn't resent my mom for

(33:24):
beating me.
I used to just be like, becauseI got to the point, I'm like,
oh, I'm probably going to get introuble.
I'm going to layer up.
So like yeah, I was smart inthe game.
However, with my brother, heresented.
Like my brother, who was 11months from me, he resented my
mom for that.
She just found out, probablylike maybe like three, four

(33:47):
years ago.
Wow, he was like, like why didyou do that?
I hated you for that.
Like I didn't understand.
He's like because I feel likesome of that was from other
things and you didn't know howto communicate them so you used
to already come home on 10 likeyeah you got an attitude like we
just might didn't experiencesomething for the first time,
like right, yeah, that's whatI'm saying.

Speaker 1 (34:04):
Like sometimes we're so quick to to whatever we're if
we don't handle whatever we gotgoing on emotionally, because a
lot of times, even back in theday, we've never talked about
emotions like right nowemotionally intelligent, right
now emotionally available,unavailable.
These are new topics.
Right, right, these are wordsthat we have that back in the
day we just never talked about.
Like you know and and I don'tknow, like I feel like a lot of

(34:27):
stuff is really sprung fromslavery, where you're not, you
weren't supposed to haveemotions, you weren't supposed
to show that emotion.
And then it just comes togenerational and generational,
and that's how our grandparents,our great grandparents, and
just continue, and nobody beganto challenge some of these
things or why we're acting thisway.
Right?
So now, with this newgeneration, these kids like we,
different, why are y'all doingthat?

(34:48):
Like so?
It's different and it comes offdisrespectful, but it really
isn't.
It's just like they'requestioning why we're doing
certain things that we shouldhave questioned a long time ago.

Speaker 2 (34:57):
Right, like we take it on and they like they ain't
got nothing to do with it.

Speaker 1 (35:00):
But listen, listen.
Why are we doing?

Speaker 2 (35:02):
that.

Speaker 1 (35:02):
Why are you right?
So, yeah, sometimes back in theday, as parents they weren't
emotionally available.
So whatever went on outside ofthe house, those people in the
house got it.
Yeah, especially, and it alwayslanded on the kids, because the
kids are innocent and theycannot protect their self and
they're under your authority.
Because then you start hearingI brought you in this world.

(35:25):
That sounds like real abuse.
Then you start hearing Ibrought you in this world.
When you say it is, but it'sreally.
People don't realize that itsounds like real abuse, right,
but if you're not in tune withit, you're not thinking about it
like that's modern day slavery,like it's a lot of stuff going
on, and like you.
And then if you begin tochallenge, the first thing that
your parent will say is Ibrought you in this world, I'll
take you out now if don't scareyou.
I don't know what's scary.
Like you can take me out ofthis world.

(35:46):
I'm going to shut up and nevertalk again.
You will never understand myemotions because I'm never going
to show you those emotions.
Because you brought me in thisworld, whatever you had to do to
bring me in this world, but youalso have the ability to take
me out.
And the reason why kids becamescared because parents were

(36:06):
taking kids out.
It was a real thing.
No, you're right.
Or like they get you the guilttrip of I got.
I provide food, clothes andshelter for you, right.
And we never talked about theemotional point.
So parents weren't dealing withtheir own emotions.
Kids emotions would bottle upand then it was just kids be,
begin to behave a certain waybecause they weren't able to
express themselves.
And then the parents, who arenot emotionally intelligent

(36:28):
right, weren't able todiscipline their kids
appropriately or understand whatthey're going through.
So then they lash out and theywhoop them and they beat them
and they hurt them and theycrush their spirit in their
hearts.

Speaker 2 (36:39):
Yeah, Now that's why you got like low self-esteem.
You have all different kinds ofthings.
Wow, well, you just broke thatdeal like yeah, oh, that's crazy
, it's crazy.
But me as a kid, I'm just likeshe's mad at some of us.
I don't even care, yeah, soeven sometimes, when, when, like

(37:00):
I would get a, b and I'm like Iain't even do nothing, like it
was times I took it for thewhole team.
I wasn't even there, but I'mjust kidding, you get what I'm
saying and when I realized thatI'd be like yo, like mommy,
really mad, like what is sheupset about?
And then, like my dad, hewouldn't be as.
He'd be like Mary, don't beatmy kids, right.

(37:20):
So we used to crack up at that.
But I remember one time I askedMarry, don't beat my kids,
right.
So we used to crack up at that.
But I remember one time I askedmy dad to go somewhere.
Right, he told me, man, when hesaid it, like with this
demeanor, it was just like soharsh, and I said I walked
through.
I said I don't know who hetalking to.
I'm a girl, right, I gotgripped up.

(37:41):
I was 14.
I'll never forget, forget.
I got gripped up so quick.
I said you, you ready to getoff?
I told myself I'm gonna tell mymom he's having a parent too.
I said oh, yeah, I said, butyou ain't never did that.
I'm 14 years old and I never gotin trouble by my dad, so it was
just like he was the parent,like, come here what you do

(38:03):
right what made you do that?
They was messing with youwasn't there.
They did this or they did thathis thing was let's let's talk
about it.
Let's talk, don't be doing thatagain, because I gotta leave
work and come get you fromschool.
Or I gotta do this or you'regonna upset mommy like right
just do right and it's like okayyeah but my mom not hearing it,
yeah, no, so I.

Speaker 1 (38:23):
So I used to.
You know, in the householdgrowing up it was the four of us
when we were really young,before a lot of crazy stuff
happened, but I used to my momthere was a big belt.
It had holes in it and it hadeverybody's name on there.
Right, it was fat and it hadeverybody's name on it All of
them.
Yeah it, it was a real belt,like everybody.
It should have been a bigthunder.

(38:44):
It was a big thunder Something,because that thing was no joke.
But my mom used to go off allthe time.
Now that I look back on it,there's a lot of things I
process now, but back in the dayshe used to go off all the time
and me I never wanted to see mymom angry, right, I wanted to
be able to please her orwhatever.
So whenever she'd be likesomebody did something and

(39:09):
everybody come downstairs andline up and nobody wants to own
it or everybody's getting awhooping.
So me, I'm like I don't wanther angry and I don't want
everybody get a whooping, eventhough I didn't.
That, yeah, that's a lot likeeven though I didn't do anything
.
I used to take the beatings forthe team.
I was a tough one though.
I was a fighter and stuff likeI used to take the beating, but
it was a lot of us me feelingbad for my mom and then me
feeling bad for my siblings, sothat was me just trying to
please, even at a young age.

(39:30):
Trying to please everybody,even if it caused for me to be
the sacrifice.
wow, that's something like, yeah, I was just, I was like
dissecting it yeah now, becauseas an adult I had to figure out
why I always thought I was asacrifice, like I had to be the
sacrifice you talked about that,like with your marriage, and
everything like it went with youfrom a child.

Speaker 2 (39:51):
Like that cortex is real yo I just wow what you
learn seeing here is like yeah,yeah.

Speaker 1 (39:59):
So then the other reason why, one of the other
reasons why I'm very careful oflike, discipline, kids me
working in the nurses achildren's hospital, right For
so long I've seen in working asa foster care coordinator Right,
and now advocate for kids andfoster care.
I've seen the worst of theworst and a lot of it is out of
anger and frustration.

(40:19):
So I always tell people like,calm down before before you,
discipline, think about itbefore you do.
I had a young lady who was 15years old and her dad you know
she wasn't allowed to date oranything like we, you ain't
dating or whatever and she wouldhurt her.
She snuck a boy in the houseand they weren't doing anything
but the fact that it was a malein the house and the dad went

(40:40):
off and he shot her.
Yeah, he shot her, he shot hisown daughter because he was so
angry.
That's what I'm saying.
This is what anger would do sobecause he was upset or whatever
reason.
You know, as a, as a parent, youdon't want to see your kid go
down the same path you did.
You don't want to see your kiddone wrong.
You and then also you're theauthoritative parent you don't

(41:02):
want to see your kid dosomething that you told him not
to do, right?
So then you start to go and docrazy things, but he shot her
and she was in the hospital forlike over a year and and she
can't walk and she can't talk oranything like that, and, um, of
course he's in jail.
But like, her brain you can'teven like her face is sunk in
and everything like the girlsurvived, but at what cost?
Like so, because the dad was soangry and he shot her like, so,

(41:27):
like, do you say that?
That's like, oh, she deservedto get shot because she should
have did what he said?
No, then I have another casewhere the little boy was only
four years old and he stole aquarter off his mom dresser.
Now, you know, back in the daywe got in trouble for stealing,
right, but she decided.
But she decided to set hisfingers on fire.

Speaker 2 (41:46):
Now, well, well, well , see, that's what I'm saying.
Like you gotta have some limitsand some boundaries, because
just like Frank said, if I knowlike if I feel like I'm gonna
scream or I feel like my mom isaddressed, the thing right then,
and my mom thing was addressed,the thing right then.
And there, after a while, youdone forgot what you done, did

(42:09):
so like don't come back fromthat thing so my thing is, if I
can't address it the way I wantto be addressed, even right now
as an adult, like I'm not goingto address it with to her right
so if I feel like I'm going toscream and holler, I'm not not
going to say anything about it.
I'm going to come back to herlater, but I'm not going to beat
her then you give right, right,I'm not going to spend a block

(42:30):
and beat you and it done happenhours and hours and hours ago.
We're not doing that.
But what I am going to say,like next time you move like
this, it's going to be someother consequences right we're
not just going to have to throw.
Say bye to a toy or do thislike it's going to be some other
stuff that happens do youunderstand what I'm saying to
you?
She goes yes, I said no, butyou're not giving me eye contact

(42:50):
.
Do you understand?
So, like at that point, that'slike past anger, that's rage
that's rage and that's what'shappening a lot of times.

Speaker 1 (42:59):
Parents are parenting and rage.
They're parenting out offrustration and rage and they're
harming children the way thatyou just said it.
Now, like I constantly seepeople spin the block, about a
day ago or two days ago, you didthis and now I'm going.
No, I'm pissed off so much Ifeel like taking this anger out
on you.
They say you forget that, man.

Speaker 2 (43:17):
You forget that child and move on.

Speaker 1 (43:21):
Don't do that to them kids, yeah, so a lot of stuff
happened um so a lot.

Speaker 2 (43:26):
That's crazy.

Speaker 1 (43:27):
Set the fingers on fire yeah it, I got some stories
for you about what happenedstop saying that to her.

Speaker 2 (43:34):
I just said like, like my mom used to bring that
heat to you.
That means like uh-huh, but I'mlike girl'm going to set you on
fire, but I'm being like, I'mgoing to bake you out.

Speaker 1 (43:48):
Yeah, literally, people set their kids on fire.
Literally, a lot of thingshappen.
Now I can't even say that it'sreally.
I think parenting has to be sointentional, no matter what
style your parenting is Like.
What do you want your outcometo be?
Like we just talking about,like you know, raising our kids
so that they could be successful, right?
So what am I putting moredamage in you?

(44:09):
Am I hindering you?
Or am I causing you to not beable to grow and develop
properly?
Like, what am I doing to hurtyou?
Now, if I'm disciplining you,to teach you?
This is the way to go and I'vealready had I can't tell nobody
how to parent, but if I'vealready went through the steps
of having conversation, this isnot the first thing, that first
time you're hearing about this,and I'm not just going off to go

(44:31):
off like, for example, I toldyou, like I do, I have adult
temper tantrum.
Yeah, I'm listen, I'm trying,y'all, I'm trying.
But the one that touched myinner gangsta just be getting me
.
Or even my son.
Now, like you know these16-year-olds, like you know, his
whole thing is he don't bedoing what I tell him to do.
And, again, we don't controlour kids.

(44:53):
But if I already had aconversation with you about
taking the trash out and I comeback in the house and the trash
man is coming down in black andthat trash is not out, I'm upset
, get up.
What did I tell you?
Right?
And then, at the same time,though, I did have a
conversation with Kels, myprayer partner.
We were talking about thedifference between boys and
girls.
My girls, I could tell them,and they got it.
My son, he'd be like can youwrite that down?

(45:15):
Can you send it to me?
And he's serious.
He's so serious and I don'tunderstand why I got to write it
down.
I just told you, but now theresult of it, of him not being
able to write it down or me notsending it to him, it's not
getting done.
So even though he, yeah, eventhough he told me what he needed
me as a parent I didn't honorand respect it.

(45:38):
I'm telling you what I need youto take that trash out now.
But he's telling you, mom, Ineed you to write this stuff
down because I'm not going to beable to remember it.
And he proved that that's true.
But how can I get mad at himwhen he told me what?

Speaker 2 (45:52):
he needed.
He's telling you the tools thathe needs to be successful and
to be neglected to show up andserve in that area.
Dang Pam, Did you have to hitme like that?
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 (46:12):
That's wild Yo, that's something, but did you
have to hit me like that?
Yeah, yeah, that's wild yo, yothat's something, but did you
have to hit me?
Okay, you smacked me.

Speaker 2 (46:15):
Okay, that's payback, because I told you not to lay
hands on tour yeah, okay, I'mtrying to get better with it,
but it keep, keep continuing tobe a lot of talking it's like
talking.

Speaker 1 (46:24):
I think that communication but I really do,
because it helps themcommunicate with other people
too I think, like most of all,we don't realize how we
discipline our children is howthey're going to show up in the
world.
And if we're constantly beatingand yelling and screaming and
being aggressive to them ofthings that we don't like,
that's teaching them how to dothat to others and also for them

(46:48):
not to respond until somebodydoes that to them.
That's why these teachers arehaving trouble.
I'm not moving unless you'reyelling at me or you're
screaming at me.
That's why these teachers can'treally do education because
they're disciplined and they'vegot to threaten the kids with
different family members.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, because it'slike our children are so

(47:09):
accustomed to one way ofdiscipline, which is very
aggressive sometimes, thatsometimes it's necessary, but
it's just a way of doing things.
But it now circulates outsideof the house and into the
schools and we wonder why theseteachers are having so many
problems.
Because Johnny can't hear,because you done yelled at

(47:30):
Johnny all the time and Johnnycan only hear when I'm screaming
at him, why I gotta scream atJohnny, because that's the only
way that he responds, becausethat's what he's used to.
So we gotta just take parenting.
We gotta figure this out andparent appropriately to each.
Every, every child needs adifferent style of parenting.
Like I got the four and everyevery kid is different.
Like, oh, every kid isdifferent.

(47:51):
And then they think that I'mtaking like the one to test my
engagement all the time.
She's like you, let them getaway.
No, no, no, it's a difference,because they actually is
listening to me, but you're not.
So now I gotta handle you adifferent way.
Um, I am trying to be a littlebit better emotionally with her,
the 16 year old, because I'llbe walking away, because I'm

(48:11):
like I'm not going to jail forno kid, like because she be
doing stuff to make me so madand I think she wake up, be like
yeah yeah, like yeah, like sonow, and I'm just like okay,
yeah, yeah, like I feel like shewake up and say what I'm gonna
do today to her.
Let me see if we gonna get themattended, see how godly she is,

(48:31):
or see if the holy ghost stillin her.
I said I've been thinking thatshe be trying to test me, like I
wonder if she's still gonna be.
God, you know, I see her.
She ain't break yet, but I wanty'all to break her.
I feel like she be trying tobreak me, though I do, but
trying to, instead of walkingand saying I don't want to talk
to you because I can't controlmy emotions at the time, because

(48:51):
now I'm feeling disrespected,so now I'm going on a defense
and I'm not being able to parentproperly, because now I'm
emotionally a wreck, because youdone made me mad.
So I'm trying my best to get myemotions intact so that when
she does stuff she don'tunderstand and don't move me.
Like you know, like you notmake me so mad where I gotta
walk away and forget that I toldyou to clean that room for two

(49:13):
weeks straight.
Like we, we're not gonna dothat.
So I'm working on that.
So, as parents, that's what wegot to do like recognize, like
that area's a little weak.
But, like we, I'm not tellingpeople how to parent, I'm just
saying that what, what outcomedo we want and how do we work
towards that outcome?

Speaker 2 (49:27):
And do you even realize your style of parenting?
I would say is just take amoment to step back, be brief
and see the style that you areparenting, see the results that
you are getting and, as Donnasaid, like are those the results
that you want?

Speaker 1 (49:46):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (49:46):
What do you even just maybe getting a little feedback
see what they say like if, ifyou was the parent and you know,
give it to them that way.
You know some of them that areyounger just say now, did mommy
or daddy tell you to do this?
They say, yes, now.
Now, was that that was thatnice, was that good?

(50:07):
How did that make you feel?
Knowing that it upset me justasking them, them different
questions and going from thatfor the younger ones you know,
coming at it with differentangles for the different age.
You know age appropriate, but,like you said, so we can start
getting the results we can see,because then that has an effect
on the home, the neighborhood,the community, and then now you

(50:30):
know the schools, and then asthe work, right.

Speaker 1 (50:34):
Right, because, believe it or not, like again,
we talk about closing ourclothing, our children, so that
the world doesn't clothe them.
Because, like, I see so manychildren like disrespecting
adults out here in the world andmy first thing is like, well,
how do you treat your mom, howdo you treat your dad?
Or, and then I had to thinkabout, well, how are they
treating you?
Because we only act, you know,according to how we're treated

(50:58):
or whatever is going on in thehousehold.
So, whatever goes on, thehousehold, the house is, the is
is where you your firsteducation, your first love, your
how you learn, how tocommunicate and deal with people
.
You learned that the firstyears of life.
So if that is tainted, you'regoing to go out in the world and
do the same thing.
And we're wondering why thesekids are having so many problems

(51:20):
.
You don't want them resentingyou either.
Right, you got to check it.
Honestly, parents, we reallyneed to check ourselves before
we wreck our children.
It's really, it's really it'sreally they used to say check
yourself before you wreckyourself.
Now you won't wreck these kids.
Yeah, and, and it could benon-intentional, but we got to
be intentional of how we parent.

(51:41):
You know, whatever, whateversometimes, like, maybe you're
authoritative parent, meaningthat you're a dictatorship or
whatever, because that's how youwere raised, that's how your
mama was raised.
But then I would ask you, howdid that work for you?
How do you feel about that?
You didn't even like it, butthen you're going to do it for
your own kids.
So I think it's really justevaluating on what we want and

(52:06):
the approach of how to get to itkeeping our kids intact as much
as possible, like not breakingthem apart, you know, not with
our own.
You know, there's a scripturethat I always hear like a woman
breaks, um breaks up their homewith their own hands, and I
think that goes with breaking upour kids with our own hands.
Like we don't want to break ourchildren before they even have

(52:29):
a chance for a future oh yeahyeah, right, yeah, you know,
because we keep saying our kidsare the future.
Well, ain't gonna be a future ifwe breaking them.
We gotta stop, and especiallywith with everything going on in
the world.
These kids are different.
They're so intelligent and theycould just do stuff like in a
blink of an eye, like I reallybelieve that the generations

(52:50):
that are coming before us nowreally have a good insight of
even what this political war is,what the spiritual war is, with
a lot of stuff that we've beenfighting for years, a lot of
demons that we've been fightingthat or we haven't even choose
to, chosen to fight and just letit walk around.
And then our kids have to fightthese things.
And I think that these are thegenerations now who are making

(53:13):
parents aware and check theirself so that we don't continue
to break or bleed or do anythingdisruptive to our children.
Now, there's not such thing as aperfect parent, but I'm the
perfect parent for you.
You know what I mean.
I tell my kids, listen, I ain'tthe perfect parent, but I'm the
perfect parent, but I'm theperfect parent for you.
You know what I mean.
Like I tell my kids like that Iain't listen, I ain't the
perfect parent, but I'm theperfect parent for you.

Speaker 2 (53:31):
Yeah, I tell a story.
God, god gave me you, god gaveme to you for a reason.
Yeah, I think I know a littlebit of what.

Speaker 1 (53:41):
I'm doing something, something, something.
So I've been there for a minute, I'm doing something, something
.
You still here, right, but I'llbe telling.
I'll be telling the one thattest my integration.
I'd be like did you die, though?
Did you die?
Oh, okay now.
And because we, we did amonologue in church a couple
weeks ago, right, and we weretalking about, um, a lot of

(54:03):
tragedies that happen in family,and then she brought up um,
abraham, putting, you know, hisson on the altar, and she was
like, what kind of parent woulddo that?
And and I was like, well, godtold him to do it or whatever.
And then she was like but whywould you, why would you do that
to your child, right?
And then, um, she was like healmost killed his son.
I said, but did he die, though?

(54:24):
And she was like but he almost.
I said, almost doesn't count.
So now, when stuff happens,I'll be like did you die, though
?
Because that's the one I got tocheck that one like that.
The rest of them I don't dothat, but anyway.
So, parenting with a purpose wehave to really understand our
purpose into this parentingthing, like, what is our calling

(54:46):
?
I believe that parenting is aministry, that everything that
we do is really the success ofour children and teaching them
the way to go so that we're notgoing to be here forever.
Right, and we want them to beable to not just be influential
in this world but be impactfulin this world.
Absolutely, how you know, knowbeing, have such an awareness of

(55:08):
self-awareness, of how they areand their responses, their
emotions, under control and howto communicate with people and
how to get things done in thisworld, because we need them to
get things done in this world.
So, um, that's pretty much whatI got, yeah, as we wrap up, so
I don't care what styleparenting you have, just
evaluate it and see if it'sworking for you as we wrap up,
so I don't care what style ofparenting you have.

Speaker 2 (55:29):
just evaluate it and see if it's working for you what
you got to say, I agree.
Like you said, just take amoment, step back, be brief and
start asking more questions soyou can have that relationship,
have that rapport, even buildingthat bond back If some things
have been broken or, um, youknow, led astray.
Just have that open line ofcommunication and then evaluate

(55:51):
yourself, evaluate yoursituation.

Speaker 1 (55:54):
And I think most importantly as we talked about
throughout the show throughoutthis last year is repairing
yourself, healing yourself sothat you don't bleed over your
children Physically, mentally,financially, whatever area of
your life it is like.
Fix that so that your childrendon't carry that burden
absolutely um.
So whatever we got to do,whatever you got to do as

(56:14):
parents, you know, just beconscious and be intentional of
how you live it.
Um, you know stuff that don'twork out for you, like, why
would you think it work out forthe kids that way?
Or just thinking aboutholistically of this parenting
thing and how you want yourchildren to be successful and
how you as a person outside ofyour children want to live and
be successful, becauseultimately, how we treat
ourselves is how we treat ourchildren.

(56:35):
Period, that's how ourhousehold will run.
So thank you for joiningParenting with a Purpose.
I am your host, donna Janelle,and that is.

Speaker 2 (56:42):
Pamela Chapman.

Speaker 1 (56:45):
You're going to get on cue next time.
That's Pam, pam, and we're hereto bring back the
responsibility, nobility andbeauty back into parenting.
I know it's hard, but you cando it and we're here to help you
.
Thanks for tuning in.
Bye.