August 17, 2025 • 27 mins
Kelly Holden on Kintsugi Life: Finding Strength and Hope in the Face of Loss
A Kintsugi Life: Finding Strength and Hope in the Face of Loss: Holden, Kelly, Haggard, Lori, Hattabaugh, Kassondra: 9781955088701: Amazon.com: Books
In this episode of Peaceful Life Radio, we sit down with Kelly Holden, author of 'Kintsugi Life: Finding Strength and Hope in the Face of Loss.' Kelly shares her deeply personal journey through the illness and loss of her first husband Nick, and her path to finding new love and joy with her current husband Keith, who is also widowed. The discussion delves into the art of Kintsugi, a Japanese technique of repairing broken pottery with gold, and how it serves as a metaphor for piecing one's life back together after tragedy. Touching on themes of grief, resilience, and the importance of support systems, Kelly offers invaluable insights for anyone navigating loss. Join us as we explore how brokenness can be transformed into something beautiful, richer, and more meaningful.
00:00 Introduction to Grief and Loss
00:35 Meet Kelly Holden
02:07 The Concept of Kintsugi
03:02 Nick's Journey with Illness
06:44 Life After Nick's Passing
08:21 The Healing Process
11:35 Support Systems and Moving Forward
17:23 Reflections and Future Plans
26:02 Conclusion and Final Thoughts
Visit the Peaceful Life Radio website for more information. Peaceful Life Productions LLP produces this podcast, which helps nonprofits and small businesses share their stories and expertise through accessible and cost-effective podcasts and websites. For more information, please contact us at info@peacefullifeproductions.com.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Kelly Holden (00:00):
Grief is hard and comes in many different forms
(00:02):
and it's not just losing peoplewe love, it can be losing all
different types of things.
But for me it's realizing thatlife is really short and trying
to do what makes you happy,trying to give grace to other
people.
I don't believe we get overlosing someone.
I think you learn how to dealwith it.
Right.
I'm still gonna always be alittle bit angry that his life
(00:24):
turned out the way it was, thatmy kids don't have their father.
Those things are still alwaysgoing to upset me but I try to
focus on the positive and thegood and hopefully have way more
good days than bad days.
David Lowry (00:35):
That was Kelly Holden, our guest today on
Peaceful Life Radio.
She's an author of KintsugiLife: Finding Strength and Hope
in the Face of Loss, and she'sreally got some great ideas for
those of you who may be facingloss right now.
And all of us will, as you know.
And with me today, of course, ismy good friend Don Drew.
Don.
(00:55):
I'm glad to see you onlinetoday.
Wish our viewers could see howgreat you look.
But this is an audio program.
We always look better in audio.
Don Drew (01:04):
Thank you, David.
I'm doing really great today,and this week's guest, as you
mentioned, is Kelly Holden, theauthor of A Kintsugi Life,
Finding Strength and Hope in theFace of Loss, which is the story
of her and her husband Nick'sjourney with two bouts of
cancer.
She describes their 16 yearjourney in the aftermath of his
death in 2013 in the book, andthe story continues with finding
(01:25):
love and joy again in life withher husband Keith, who is also
widowed.
She believes that although lifecan be shattered and broken, it
is possible to put the piecesback together again to find
beauty and love and living.
Kelly is the mother of twochildren and two stepchildren
who are a fun family that lovesto vacation and be together.
She is an attorney byprofession, but her true love is
(01:47):
writing books and reading In herspare time.
She volunteers as a board memberat the local food pantry, and is
involved in her church St.
Veronica.
She loves to exercise, ski,cook, entertain, and travel
whenever possible.
Kelly, welcome to Peaceful LifeRadio.
Kelly Holden (02:02):
Thank you very much for having me today.
David Lowry (02:04):
Welcome Kelly.
So glad you're on our program.
We absolutely want to get intoyour personal story because it's
the core of your book.
But first, why don't we explorethis concept of Kintsugi, which
is the title of your book.
It's, as I understand, the artof gold joinery.
And frankly, the use of thisword or concept is what drew us
to your book in the first place.
(02:24):
Can you tell us more about whatKintsugi means to you?
Kelly Holden (02:28):
Sure.
So I read a lot and it's thisJapanese art of repairing broken
pottery with gold andtransforming it into something
new.
This idea of just becausesomething is broken or shattered
doesn't mean it can't be putback together.
So I thought, What an awesomemetaphor for life.
(02:49):
Certainly for my life and Ithink for most people's life,
because I don't believe that anyof us are immune from tragedy
and heartbreak.
I thought it was such abeautiful concept and a great
title for my book.
Don Drew (03:02):
Kelly, Kintsugi Life is a bit unusual in that it is
an extremely personal book andit recounts in detail the
illness and death of your firsthusband, Nick.
Having gone through a similarexperience myself, I can say
that much of the frustration youexperienced, I also experienced
in my life.
Can you describe what happenedto Nick and your family during
those years?
Kelly Holden (03:22):
Sure.
And I first wanna note that Ididn't start writing this to
write a book.
I was a journalism major incollege and always found solace
in writing and in reading.
So when he got sick, I basicallystarted journaling.
I'd never journaled in my life,but I started journaling,
sitting at a computer because ithelped me process my feelings.
(03:44):
I started journaling and keptadding to it and adding to it.
And then people kept saying tome as the years went by, you
should really publish a book.
That's how the book came about.
Nick and I met, I was 19, he was21 we met in college.
He was truly my best friend inthe whole world.
And to have this tragic thinghappen to him so young, he was
(04:05):
dealing with it physically andemotionally.
So I couldn't talk to my bestfriend about how hard it was for
me, because that seemedincredibly selfish for me to say
to him, while he's physicallygoing through it, This is really
hard for me.
He was a two sport athlete incollege.
He was six-foot-seven.
He was really cute and just thenicest person you'd ever, ever
wanna meet.
(04:25):
He didn't drink alcohol.
He didn't smoke.
He didn't do drugs.
And he was the guy who in theoryshould have lived to be a
hundred, right?
He was the picture of health.
And unfortunately got Crohn'sdisease early on in his life.
He battled through that in histwenties.
And then the summer, rightbefore he turned 30, he got
really sick.
He wasn't feeling well at all.
He was anemic.
He had a lot of really oddsymptoms.
(04:47):
We went through reams of teststhat summer of 1996.
And then at the end ofSeptember, his bowel perforated
while we at home.
I was 28, he was 30, took him tothe emergency room, transferred
him to another local hospitalhere in Cincinnati, and found
out that his bowel perforatedneeded emergency surgery on a
Sunday night.
And subsequently was diagnosedwith stage three Hodgkin's
(05:08):
disease.
I was shocked, is a completeunderstatement.
Right?
His mother was a nurse, she wasan emergency room nurse.
She lived a couple hours away,but she came in and helped us a
lot through that journey.
He went through about six monthsof chemotherapy, multiple
surgeries.
Anyone who's dealt with a cancerpatient knows you don't just get
cancer, right?
(05:29):
Like you get.
All these other problems.
So we were navigating throughall of that.
He recovered, felt great afterhe recovered.
Actually the chemotherapy, curedhis Crohn's disease, which was
nice.
And he had about nine reallygood years.
And then the Crohn's diseasecame back.
And when it came back, it cameback with a vengeance.
I mean, to the point thephysician here locally sent us
(05:51):
to Chicago to see an expert onhow to treat him.
And then, fast forward aboutseven years later the winter of
2013 started feeling sick again.
Again, he'd been sick a lot overthe years, so it wasn't anything
super concerning.
Come to find out he had acutemyelogenous leukemia caused by
(06:11):
his prior treatment from thechemotherapy.
He spent four months in twodifferent hospitals here in
Cincinnati trying to get hisleukemia into remission to get a
stem cell transplant from hissister who was a 10 for 10
match.
And he was not able to survivethat.
So on July 12th, 2013, ended uppassing away.
My son was 11, my daughter was15, so I had to come home and
(06:34):
tell my kids, and we sort ofwent from there.
There's so much more thathappened.
A lot of it's in the book.
Not everything is in the book,but that was his journey.
It was rough.
Don Drew (06:44):
During all this time, your life is going on.
You complete law school.
You're starting a practice.
You end up adopting Megan.
Three years later you give birthto your son.
And you're trying to raise afamily.
All of this is going on.
I mean, life continues, right?
Kelly Holden (06:58):
Honestly, I think back and I don't know how I
survived it.
You know, you think How did I doall of this?
It's day by day, like, you don'tknow what's coming in the
future.
I've said to my husband Keithnow, It would be nice to know
the future.
And his comment was, I don'tthink we wanna the future, it
would be paralyzing because it'snot always good.
Do it day by day and celebratethose really good days to get
(07:21):
through the dark days.
And Nick had a lot of reallydark days.
And for somebody who was anathlete and used to going out
and about and doing things andbeing sidelined on a couch or in
your bed for days on end wasreally difficult for him
emotionally and physically.
And then I'm having to be thecheerleader to say Everything
will be okay and get hismedicine, my kids, and my job.
(07:44):
There were days where I canremember going to work and
sitting at a light waiting toturn into work and falling
asleep in the car because I wasabsolutely exhausted, right?
But also, none of us get throughthis life alone.
I had family and friends whohelped me every step of this
journey.
I remember calling a neighborsaying, Nick needs IV
(08:05):
antibiotics.
He's got an infection in hislegs and has to go to the
oncologist's office for a twohour infusion.
Could you take him for me?
So I called in friends, family,neighbors all the time to help
us out.
Otherwise, I wouldn't havegotten through at all.
It would've been reallydifficult.
David Lowry (08:21):
Kelly, this is a very heartbreaking and personal
story.
Was it hard for you to put thisin a journal?
Were you worried about somebodydiscovering or seeing it?
Even though it was private atthe time, was this hard?
Kelly Holden (08:33):
You know, I never actually thought about that.
I never worried about it.
I just kind of wrote it down andkept writing.
And when people kept saying, youshould write a book, you should
write a book.
And I really didn't wannapublish a book that was just all
heartbreak, and poor me, feelingsorry for myself, and sorry for
Nick, I probably wouldn't havepublished it had the story not
turned out better, quitehonestly.
But when I met my husband,Keith, who's also widowed, as
(08:56):
you noted, and the journey oflife got better for me, for him,
for our four kids, I realizedthat believing again in love,
trying to stay positive despiteeverything that happened, is
really important.
And some people don't recoverfrom things like this.
You know, grief is a veryindividual journey and it's
really difficult for some peopleto ever get through it.
(09:18):
And I don't know that any of usfully get through it, and I
don't believe we get over losingsomeone.
I think you learn how to dealwith it.
Right.
I'm still gonna always be alittle bit angry that his life
turned out the way it was, thatmy kids don't have their father.
Those things are still alwaysgoing to upset me but I try to
focus on the positive and thegood and hopefully have way more
good days than bad days.
(09:39):
When I met Keith I kept writingthis story, I thought, Maybe it
is something worth publishing totell people.
Gosh, I got through it.
You can get through it.
It's not easy.
Here's what I did.
Maybe that doesn't work for thenext person or the next three
people, but maybe snippets ofit'll work for those people.
And if it's a book that can helpsomebody, that's when I decided
(09:59):
I wanted to publish it.
And it is really personal and itstill makes me cry.
Like, you know, 12 years laterthat, Gosh, like all this stuff
happened to poor Nick and hisfamily.
But after he passed away, I wasliterally looking for books or
stories of How do I get throughit?
You're looking for a manual,like I'm a person, I'm a fixer.
That's why I became a lawyer.
(10:20):
I like to fix people's problems.
I like to make the world betterfor people, and I wanna solve
everybody's problems.
But now I had the biggestproblem.
So I was looking for someone totell me This is what I did and
this is how I can get throughit.
And I loved reading storiesabout people or listening to
podcasts about Here's how I gotthrough it.
So I thought, Well, if this bookhelps somebody or it gives
(10:42):
somebody hope, then maybe that'swhat I need to do.
Don Drew (10:45):
Yeah, you write about embracing brokenness rather than
trying to hide it.
But quite often, that's not whatwe tend to do.
Why do you think that's soprevalent that we wanna try and
hide our brokenness?
Kelly Holden (10:55):
I think it's especially true for men.
Men have a harder time dealingwith mental illness or these
acute type situations.
For me it was really importantto process and to talk about it.
So I started by journaling.
Nick and I went to a cancersupport group the first time
that he was sick.
That was really helpful for meto be in a room with people who
(11:15):
really understood I was goingthrough.
I learned very quickly thatthere were some people who
really did wanna talk to you andhelp you through it.
And other people It was veryuncomfortable.
And when they said, how are you?
They actually didn't reallywanna know how you were.
So it's learning who yourfriends are or your family that
will let you process it.
After Nick passed away, my sonand I did a group in Cincinnati
(11:38):
called Fernside, which is aphenomenal organization here and
it's really for children who'vesuffered loss.
And it's that peer support.
And for my son, it's truly whatgot him through that first year,
which is always the hardest.
I also went to a group atFernside.
It was great.
And then I did individualcounseling because it's a lot.
It's really traumatic.
I was 44 years old and just lostmy spouse which is difficult on
(12:02):
so many levels for so manyreasons.
So for me, I don't understandwhy some people don't wanna
process it.
I don't feel that's healthy, butevery person's different.
Don Drew (12:11):
And your husband, Keith now, is also a widower if
I recall correctly.
Kelly Holden (12:15):
Correct.
His wife Tracy, died of multiplemyeloma at age 40.
So he was 39, she was 40, andtheir kids were 10 and 11.
It's a similar journey.
She was diagnosed.
She did have a transplant, whichwas not successful, and she
lived about 13 months fromdiagnosis to death.
David Lowry (12:32):
Kelly, I really like how you're encouraging
people to seek help fromorganizations and support groups
and things like this.
Events like this come at us atthe speed of life, and we cannot
process it all.
And these groups help us slowdown and learn from the wisdom
of other people.
You talk about the art ofKintsugi and taking something
(12:52):
that's valuable to us, gluing itback together with gold.
Taking all those pieces andputting'em together with gold
and, creating these goldenrepair lines.
I love that thought.
You lost a lot when Nick died,but something broken in your
life would become more beautifulin the repair.
So what did that Kintsugi looklike for you?
Kelly Holden (13:13):
If you're going through something, work at how
you get to a better place inlife.
Life is short.
I do believe that our loved oneswould want us to enjoy life.
Certainly, I think if the tablewas turned, I would've wanted
Nick to find happiness, whateverthat looks like.
And the other big thing is givepeople grace.
None of us know the journey thatsomeone else is going through.
(13:35):
I am not the same person that Iwas before everything happened
with Nick.
In some ways, I've improved,there's still pieces of me that
feel a bit shattered.
Grief is hard and grief comes inmany different forms and it's
not just losing people we love,it's, it can be losing all
different types of things, but Ithink for me it's realizing that
(13:56):
life is really short and tryingto do what makes you happy,
trying to give grace to otherpeople.
I don't think I'm as high strungas I used to be when I was 20 or
30 years old, and maybe some ofthat's just a little bit of
wisdom and aging, but I do thinkcertainly this experience has
helped me and I think thebiggest thing that helped me
(14:17):
with is being in empatheticperson.
Not just feeling sympathy forpeople, but really being
empathetic.
And I'm way more of a feelingperson than I used to be.
The inside of me is a littlecracked, but with some gold
everywhere, hopefully repairingthose pieces.
So that's what Kintsugi means tome as far as how I view myself
(14:39):
and my personal life, that Itook those little pieces and put
'em back together and it's notthe same, but maybe it's a
little bit better in some waysthan it used to be.
Don Drew (14:48):
So a lot of our listeners might be experiencing
some kind of loss or brokennessin their lives and so on, what
would you want them to know?
Kelly Holden (14:56):
There's a lot I'd want them to know.
The biggest thing is that you'renot alone.
There are so many people who'vewalked in your shoes in a whole
variety of different ways.
I would want them to know youcan get through it.
It won't be easy.
You're gonna have really gooddays and you're gonna have
really bad days.
And if you have a bad day, getup the next day and do whatever
(15:17):
it does to make you feel better.
I was with somebody who lost herspouse after almost 60 years.
Very close family friend, and mycomment to her was, Be a little
bit selfish right now.
Do what makes you feel better.
You have a lot of heartbreakright now and you may not be
able to do a lot of things forother people and that's okay.
(15:37):
I do recall that first yearafter Nick passed away thinking
I don't have time to help a lotof other people other than what
I needed to do for work.
But right now I have to focus onme and my kids.
I have to figure out what weneed to do to get through this.
It's a little bit like running amarathon.
it's emotionally and physicallyexhausting but knowing you can
(15:59):
get through it, but you're notgonna be able to do it without
wanting to get through it.
And getting whatever help youneed, whatever that looks like.
I said before, everyone'sjourney is individual.
That is so, so true.
What worked for me may not workfor other people.
I am a really big believer insupport groups or counseling.
There are people who areprofessionals trained in dealing
(16:21):
with grief and trauma that canhelp you get through it.
Without those two things, Ithink it would've taken me a lot
longer to be back to a spacewhere I felt more happy than I
felt sad.
It does take time.
You can't do this overnight.
Time will heal.
I hate it when people said thatto me initially.
I really did.
It made me mad.
Because part of me didn't wannaheal from it because if I felt
(16:42):
better, then maybe that meantthat I wasn't loving him or
missing him anymore.
And that's so not true, right?
Like, you're always gonna loveand miss that person.
But your mind does crazy thingsto you when you're going through
grief.
Do what you need to do thatmakes you feel better and I
literally wrote out a plan.
I'm the kind of person that Ilike to write a personal and
professional plan.
(17:02):
That's always my New Year'sresolution of, What do I want to
accomplish this year on apersonal level or a professional
level?
And I did the same with my griefjourney.
What do I need to do?
David Lowry (17:12):
Very wise words, Kelly.
I've never thought about writingthat kind of a personal plan.
That's what I love about doingthese programs.
I'm always learning new ways tolive.
We call this Peaceful LifeRadio, and one of the reasons we
have the show is because we wantpeople like you to talk about
these things that have brokenus, and yet you found your way
to a new life picking up thepieces and moving forward with
(17:36):
all of that.
You wrote this book severalyears ago.
Tell us some things that, if youwere writing it again, you might
put into the book.
Kelly Holden (17:43):
Oh my gosh.
Every time I go through it, I'mlike, why did I write that?
Why did I not say it this way?
Or why did I not add thisinformation?
Which I think all of us do inlife.
Part of being a journalism majoris you learn to write succinctly
and briefly.
I wish I wouldn't have been alittle more verbose in the book,
but I didn't start out writing abook.
Right.
Like it's truly vignettes andit's a journal and it's not To
(18:06):
Kill a Mockingbird by any means.
Right.
Like the greatest American novelever.
It was Kelly's heart heartachepouring out on a page at times.
So it's a little bit raw andrough but I kind of left it that
on purpose because these arethings that I started writing in
1996.
I didn't wanna change a lot ofit because that's truly how I
felt back then going through thejourney.
(18:28):
So I wish it was written alittle bit better, but I didn't
start out writing it to publishit.
I had so many people, like ourfriends and family said, I read
it in one sitting'cause it's notvery long.
I read it in one sitting and Ijust bawled my eyes out or like,
I had a cousin who reached outto me and she said, I feel like
a horrible cousin.
I had no idea you were goingthrough all of this and I didn't
(18:49):
help you.
I didn't do enough for you atthe time.
But back to what you said, likeyou don't fully share that.
Even in 1996 when I was goingthrough stuff and I would show
up at an event or a family partyor whatever and people would
say, how are you?
I'm like, Oh, I'm good.
How are you?
And you just move on with life.
You don't really tell people howyou are because you don't wanna
be Debbie Downer at the St.
Patrick's Day Party, forgoodness sake.
Don Drew (19:10):
It's very readable.
I think it's 97 pages long.
In the back, you've got a numberof poems and some things.
Can you tell us what that'sabout?
Kelly Holden (19:19):
That's actually my favorite, favorite part of the
book.
So my husband Nick was ateacher, an art teacher, and he
taught two to 300 students ayear.
His students loved him.
I wish I would've taken morepictures back then.
But his students sent us artworkand poems and I tried to hang
all this stuff in his hospitalroom,'cause he was in the
hospital for four months, tomake it seem more hopeful,
(19:42):
right?
And say there's all these peopleout here and you're changing
lives by teaching these studentsand these are the people that
you're fighting for, as well aslike me and the two kids, you're
fighting for these people too.
So when I decided to publish thebook, I thought I really wanted
to include some of the poems.
There's a paper by my son, apaper that his niece Rachel had
(20:02):
written when she was in highschool, a drawing from one of
his nieces, artwork from some ofhis students to show the
profound effect that he had onother people.
It's truly, truly my favoritepart of the book because they're
showing their love for him, andthen the heartbreak.
The poem that's probably themost appropriate for the podcast
'cause it's the shortest, is theone that called Coach by Riley
(20:23):
Kincaid.
And Riley was on my son's fifthgrade basketball team being
coached by my husband Nick.
And Riley was a really quiet kidback then.
A little shy.
He did not go to school with thekids.
He just played basketball withthem.
He wasn't as well known by thekids.
I came home from the hospitalone night and just found this in
my mailbox, and I hung it onNick's hospital room.
(20:45):
And I got Riley's permissionbefore I published this in the
book.
But I'd love to read this one toyou.
So it says, My coach believed inme when I didn't know a thing
about basketball.
My coach believed in me when itwas time to make my first
basket.
My coach believed in me to keepfighting for that rebound.
My coach believed in me to makethat three point shot.
My coach believed in me when mylung was not perfect, My coach
(21:08):
believed in us and never let usget down.
My coach believed in our teamand never let us give up.
I believe everything my coachtaught me.
I believe in my coach.
It's a great poem.
If you knew Riley and hiscircumstance and how he played
that year, it's such a coolthing.
This kid was 11 years old andwrote this little poem, and put
(21:30):
it in my mailbox, and he was soquiet.
So it was kind of a shock to getit from him.
And Riley had some health issueshe had gone through.
At the time he wasn't the mostskilled basketball player.
He was learning.
And the very last game theyplayed, Riley gets the ball
passed to him.
We are getting killed.
We're in the final four of thisFifth grade tournament.
We are getting annihilated,right?
(21:51):
We're losing by like 30 points.
So we're not gonna win thisgame.
And Nick knows it's gonna be thelast game these kids are gonna
play together.
So Riley gets the ball passed tohim, and Nick's standing right
behind him and he goes, Take theshot Riley.
Take that shot.
Because in the past, Riley wouldpass the ball.
Riley makes a three pointer.
You would've thought like wejust won the NCAA tournament.
(22:11):
I mean, every kid on that benchwent crazy.
It was the best thing.
But not only did Riley do that,then he goes down rebounds the
ball, like it's a defensiverebound, takes it back down and
scores another basket and scoredfive points.
That three point shot gave himconfidence to do that.
And I remember getting in thecar after we lose the game and
saying to my son, That was thecoolest part of your whole
(22:34):
season, to watch Riley haveconfidence to do that and know
that Nick gave him thatconfidence.
It was really cool!
David Lowry (22:41):
Wow.
As I've listened to some ofthese stories, I have to say
that, Don and Kelly, both ofyou, I'm riding a small line
between emotionality andrationality.
There's a part of me that feels,because I'm a very empathic
person, there's a part of methat says, Oh, I wish I could
make this good for you.
I wish I could make this betterfor you.
And I also feel it because of mypartner Don Drew, who lost the
(23:05):
love of his life after being ina lifelong marriage and
relationship with his belovedMarsha.
And Don, as you've heard Kelly'sstory, tell me some of the
things that are coming up foryou and how this is impacting
you in what she's saying.
Don Drew (23:19):
I thank you for asking that, David.
I love the book for a lot ofdifferent reasons.
Of course, Kelly and myexperience are gonna be
different.
I was married 39 years andMarsha's illness was relatively
quick.
It was over in 20 months, whichhad its own challenges.
There were many things thatstood out to me.
One was the very principle ofKintsugi, the idea of being
broken, but learning to put yourlife back together again, being
(23:44):
richer because of it, andunderstanding that just because
you lost your love doesn't meanyou lost your love.
You still love that person thatmeant so much to you.
And yet, like Kelly, I'veremarried, and I love my wife
dearly, and I love her just asmuch as I did Marsha.
And I love her in different waysbecause I appreciate the
experience I went through.
(24:05):
Her detailed description ofworking through the medical
system resonated with megreatly.
She's brutally honest there withmany of her frustrations.
And not only were they identicalto many that I had, but I think
also a lot of physicians andnurses and so on also, suffer
from the struggles of thesystem.
And that really comes out in herbook a lot.
(24:27):
There was just so much thatresonated with me I couldn't
even really begin to talk aboutall the details, but it's a very
simple book.
Like I said, it's very easy toread in terms of length, but
Kelly really pours herself intoit.
And what I really also love isthat she talks about the gold
part, her relationship withKeith and the fact that he
(24:48):
brought into the family twochildren, and so now they've had
to rebuild this family.
Neither family ever thought thatthey would be structured like
they are now, but they are.
And, that's just reallyincredible.
Kelly, what is next for you?
Kelly Holden (25:01):
Hopefully at some point I retire.
I would love to do that.
I have made some career changesin the past couple years and
those have been good.
It's given me more time, quitefrankly, to just enjoy life a
little bit more.
Our kids are now in theirtwenties and we have three who,
well, so let's say two and ahalf have moved out.
So two have fully moved out,one's in the process of moving
(25:23):
out.
And my son just graduated withhis master's in social work and
is finishing up licensure examand finding a job.
And I don't know that I have anybig goal next.
It's just have some fun, right?
Like enjoy life, continuetraveling, continue seeing our
friends and family.
Sometimes Keith and I, becausewe suffered so much loss and we
(25:45):
went through so much, we'realways looking for, What can we
do to have fun and what's thenext big fun thing we can do?
And we sometimes have to be alittle careful'cause we over
schedule ourself and then we'relike, we're exhausted from
having fun, which is a goodthing.
But yeah, so it's justcontinuing on and enjoying all
those good days that you have.
Don Drew (26:02):
Kelly's experience is unique to her in many ways, but
the experience of loss orbrokenness is not.
Loss does not need to be the endof the story.
As Kelly writes In the end, mylife has been put back together,
but I am not the same person inmany ways.
I like to believe that I am abitter version of myself.
I am happy and living a lifethat I never thought was
(26:22):
possible.
Although Keith has been thecatalyst for much of this, I had
to do a lot of this on my own.
I hope that most days my liferesembles that broken pot
repaired with gold.
Not the same, but in some waysmore beautiful.
Kelly's book, A Kintsugi Life: Finding Strength and Hope in the (26:37):
undefined
Face of Loss is available atAmazon in Kindle format.
Kelly Holden, thank you forjoining us on Peaceful Life
Radio.
Grief is hard and comes in many different forms
(00:02):
and it's not just losing peoplewe love, it can be losing all
different types of things.
But for me it's realizing thatlife is really short and trying
to do what makes you happy,trying to give grace to other
people.
I don't believe we get overlosing someone.
I think you learn how to dealwith it.
Right.
I'm still gonna always be alittle bit angry that his life
(00:24):
turned out the way it was, thatmy kids don't have their father.
Those things are still alwaysgoing to upset me but I try to
focus on the positive and thegood and hopefully have way more
good days than bad days.
David Lowry (00:35):
That was Kelly Holden, our guest today on
Peaceful Life Radio.
She's an author of KintsugiLife: Finding Strength and Hope
in the Face of Loss, and she'sreally got some great ideas for
those of you who may be facingloss right now.
And all of us will, as you know.
And with me today, of course, ismy good friend Don Drew.
Don.
(00:55):
I'm glad to see you onlinetoday.
Wish our viewers could see howgreat you look.
But this is an audio program.
We always look better in audio.
Don Drew (01:04):
Thank you, David.
I'm doing really great today,and this week's guest, as you
mentioned, is Kelly Holden, theauthor of A Kintsugi Life,
Finding Strength and Hope in theFace of Loss, which is the story
of her and her husband Nick'sjourney with two bouts of
cancer.
She describes their 16 yearjourney in the aftermath of his
death in 2013 in the book, andthe story continues with finding
(01:25):
love and joy again in life withher husband Keith, who is also
widowed.
She believes that although lifecan be shattered and broken, it
is possible to put the piecesback together again to find
beauty and love and living.
Kelly is the mother of twochildren and two stepchildren
who are a fun family that lovesto vacation and be together.
She is an attorney byprofession, but her true love is
(01:47):
writing books and reading In herspare time.
She volunteers as a board memberat the local food pantry, and is
involved in her church St.
Veronica.
She loves to exercise, ski,cook, entertain, and travel
whenever possible.
Kelly, welcome to Peaceful LifeRadio.
Kelly Holden (02:02):
Thank you very much for having me today.
David Lowry (02:04):
Welcome Kelly.
So glad you're on our program.
We absolutely want to get intoyour personal story because it's
the core of your book.
But first, why don't we explorethis concept of Kintsugi, which
is the title of your book.
It's, as I understand, the artof gold joinery.
And frankly, the use of thisword or concept is what drew us
to your book in the first place.
(02:24):
Can you tell us more about whatKintsugi means to you?
Kelly Holden (02:28):
Sure.
So I read a lot and it's thisJapanese art of repairing broken
pottery with gold andtransforming it into something
new.
This idea of just becausesomething is broken or shattered
doesn't mean it can't be putback together.
So I thought, What an awesomemetaphor for life.
(02:49):
Certainly for my life and Ithink for most people's life,
because I don't believe that anyof us are immune from tragedy
and heartbreak.
I thought it was such abeautiful concept and a great
title for my book.
Don Drew (03:02):
Kelly, Kintsugi Life is a bit unusual in that it is
an extremely personal book andit recounts in detail the
illness and death of your firsthusband, Nick.
Having gone through a similarexperience myself, I can say
that much of the frustration youexperienced, I also experienced
in my life.
Can you describe what happenedto Nick and your family during
those years?
Kelly Holden (03:22):
Sure.
And I first wanna note that Ididn't start writing this to
write a book.
I was a journalism major incollege and always found solace
in writing and in reading.
So when he got sick, I basicallystarted journaling.
I'd never journaled in my life,but I started journaling,
sitting at a computer because ithelped me process my feelings.
(03:44):
I started journaling and keptadding to it and adding to it.
And then people kept saying tome as the years went by, you
should really publish a book.
That's how the book came about.
Nick and I met, I was 19, he was21 we met in college.
He was truly my best friend inthe whole world.
And to have this tragic thinghappen to him so young, he was
(04:05):
dealing with it physically andemotionally.
So I couldn't talk to my bestfriend about how hard it was for
me, because that seemedincredibly selfish for me to say
to him, while he's physicallygoing through it, This is really
hard for me.
He was a two sport athlete incollege.
He was six-foot-seven.
He was really cute and just thenicest person you'd ever, ever
wanna meet.
(04:25):
He didn't drink alcohol.
He didn't smoke.
He didn't do drugs.
And he was the guy who in theoryshould have lived to be a
hundred, right?
He was the picture of health.
And unfortunately got Crohn'sdisease early on in his life.
He battled through that in histwenties.
And then the summer, rightbefore he turned 30, he got
really sick.
He wasn't feeling well at all.
He was anemic.
He had a lot of really oddsymptoms.
(04:47):
We went through reams of teststhat summer of 1996.
And then at the end ofSeptember, his bowel perforated
while we at home.
I was 28, he was 30, took him tothe emergency room, transferred
him to another local hospitalhere in Cincinnati, and found
out that his bowel perforatedneeded emergency surgery on a
Sunday night.
And subsequently was diagnosedwith stage three Hodgkin's
(05:08):
disease.
I was shocked, is a completeunderstatement.
Right?
His mother was a nurse, she wasan emergency room nurse.
She lived a couple hours away,but she came in and helped us a
lot through that journey.
He went through about six monthsof chemotherapy, multiple
surgeries.
Anyone who's dealt with a cancerpatient knows you don't just get
cancer, right?
(05:29):
Like you get.
All these other problems.
So we were navigating throughall of that.
He recovered, felt great afterhe recovered.
Actually the chemotherapy, curedhis Crohn's disease, which was
nice.
And he had about nine reallygood years.
And then the Crohn's diseasecame back.
And when it came back, it cameback with a vengeance.
I mean, to the point thephysician here locally sent us
(05:51):
to Chicago to see an expert onhow to treat him.
And then, fast forward aboutseven years later the winter of
2013 started feeling sick again.
Again, he'd been sick a lot overthe years, so it wasn't anything
super concerning.
Come to find out he had acutemyelogenous leukemia caused by
(06:11):
his prior treatment from thechemotherapy.
He spent four months in twodifferent hospitals here in
Cincinnati trying to get hisleukemia into remission to get a
stem cell transplant from hissister who was a 10 for 10
match.
And he was not able to survivethat.
So on July 12th, 2013, ended uppassing away.
My son was 11, my daughter was15, so I had to come home and
(06:34):
tell my kids, and we sort ofwent from there.
There's so much more thathappened.
A lot of it's in the book.
Not everything is in the book,but that was his journey.
It was rough.
Don Drew (06:44):
During all this time, your life is going on.
You complete law school.
You're starting a practice.
You end up adopting Megan.
Three years later you give birthto your son.
And you're trying to raise afamily.
All of this is going on.
I mean, life continues, right?
Kelly Holden (06:58):
Honestly, I think back and I don't know how I
survived it.
You know, you think How did I doall of this?
It's day by day, like, you don'tknow what's coming in the
future.
I've said to my husband Keithnow, It would be nice to know
the future.
And his comment was, I don'tthink we wanna the future, it
would be paralyzing because it'snot always good.
Do it day by day and celebratethose really good days to get
(07:21):
through the dark days.
And Nick had a lot of reallydark days.
And for somebody who was anathlete and used to going out
and about and doing things andbeing sidelined on a couch or in
your bed for days on end wasreally difficult for him
emotionally and physically.
And then I'm having to be thecheerleader to say Everything
will be okay and get hismedicine, my kids, and my job.
(07:44):
There were days where I canremember going to work and
sitting at a light waiting toturn into work and falling
asleep in the car because I wasabsolutely exhausted, right?
But also, none of us get throughthis life alone.
I had family and friends whohelped me every step of this
journey.
I remember calling a neighborsaying, Nick needs IV
(08:05):
antibiotics.
He's got an infection in hislegs and has to go to the
oncologist's office for a twohour infusion.
Could you take him for me?
So I called in friends, family,neighbors all the time to help
us out.
Otherwise, I wouldn't havegotten through at all.
It would've been reallydifficult.
David Lowry (08:21):
Kelly, this is a very heartbreaking and personal
story.
Was it hard for you to put thisin a journal?
Were you worried about somebodydiscovering or seeing it?
Even though it was private atthe time, was this hard?
Kelly Holden (08:33):
You know, I never actually thought about that.
I never worried about it.
I just kind of wrote it down andkept writing.
And when people kept saying, youshould write a book, you should
write a book.
And I really didn't wannapublish a book that was just all
heartbreak, and poor me, feelingsorry for myself, and sorry for
Nick, I probably wouldn't havepublished it had the story not
turned out better, quitehonestly.
But when I met my husband,Keith, who's also widowed, as
(08:56):
you noted, and the journey oflife got better for me, for him,
for our four kids, I realizedthat believing again in love,
trying to stay positive despiteeverything that happened, is
really important.
And some people don't recoverfrom things like this.
You know, grief is a veryindividual journey and it's
really difficult for some peopleto ever get through it.
(09:18):
And I don't know that any of usfully get through it, and I
don't believe we get over losingsomeone.
I think you learn how to dealwith it.
Right.
I'm still gonna always be alittle bit angry that his life
turned out the way it was, thatmy kids don't have their father.
Those things are still alwaysgoing to upset me but I try to
focus on the positive and thegood and hopefully have way more
good days than bad days.
(09:39):
When I met Keith I kept writingthis story, I thought, Maybe it
is something worth publishing totell people.
Gosh, I got through it.
You can get through it.
It's not easy.
Here's what I did.
Maybe that doesn't work for thenext person or the next three
people, but maybe snippets ofit'll work for those people.
And if it's a book that can helpsomebody, that's when I decided
(09:59):
I wanted to publish it.
And it is really personal and itstill makes me cry.
Like, you know, 12 years laterthat, Gosh, like all this stuff
happened to poor Nick and hisfamily.
But after he passed away, I wasliterally looking for books or
stories of How do I get throughit?
You're looking for a manual,like I'm a person, I'm a fixer.
That's why I became a lawyer.
(10:20):
I like to fix people's problems.
I like to make the world betterfor people, and I wanna solve
everybody's problems.
But now I had the biggestproblem.
So I was looking for someone totell me This is what I did and
this is how I can get throughit.
And I loved reading storiesabout people or listening to
podcasts about Here's how I gotthrough it.
So I thought, Well, if this bookhelps somebody or it gives
(10:42):
somebody hope, then maybe that'swhat I need to do.
Don Drew (10:45):
Yeah, you write about embracing brokenness rather than
trying to hide it.
But quite often, that's not whatwe tend to do.
Why do you think that's soprevalent that we wanna try and
hide our brokenness?
Kelly Holden (10:55):
I think it's especially true for men.
Men have a harder time dealingwith mental illness or these
acute type situations.
For me it was really importantto process and to talk about it.
So I started by journaling.
Nick and I went to a cancersupport group the first time
that he was sick.
That was really helpful for meto be in a room with people who
(11:15):
really understood I was goingthrough.
I learned very quickly thatthere were some people who
really did wanna talk to you andhelp you through it.
And other people It was veryuncomfortable.
And when they said, how are you?
They actually didn't reallywanna know how you were.
So it's learning who yourfriends are or your family that
will let you process it.
After Nick passed away, my sonand I did a group in Cincinnati
(11:38):
called Fernside, which is aphenomenal organization here and
it's really for children who'vesuffered loss.
And it's that peer support.
And for my son, it's truly whatgot him through that first year,
which is always the hardest.
I also went to a group atFernside.
It was great.
And then I did individualcounseling because it's a lot.
It's really traumatic.
I was 44 years old and just lostmy spouse which is difficult on
(12:02):
so many levels for so manyreasons.
So for me, I don't understandwhy some people don't wanna
process it.
I don't feel that's healthy, butevery person's different.
Don Drew (12:11):
And your husband, Keith now, is also a widower if
I recall correctly.
Kelly Holden (12:15):
Correct.
His wife Tracy, died of multiplemyeloma at age 40.
So he was 39, she was 40, andtheir kids were 10 and 11.
It's a similar journey.
She was diagnosed.
She did have a transplant, whichwas not successful, and she
lived about 13 months fromdiagnosis to death.
David Lowry (12:32):
Kelly, I really like how you're encouraging
people to seek help fromorganizations and support groups
and things like this.
Events like this come at us atthe speed of life, and we cannot
process it all.
And these groups help us slowdown and learn from the wisdom
of other people.
You talk about the art ofKintsugi and taking something
(12:52):
that's valuable to us, gluing itback together with gold.
Taking all those pieces andputting'em together with gold
and, creating these goldenrepair lines.
I love that thought.
You lost a lot when Nick died,but something broken in your
life would become more beautifulin the repair.
So what did that Kintsugi looklike for you?
Kelly Holden (13:13):
If you're going through something, work at how
you get to a better place inlife.
Life is short.
I do believe that our loved oneswould want us to enjoy life.
Certainly, I think if the tablewas turned, I would've wanted
Nick to find happiness, whateverthat looks like.
And the other big thing is givepeople grace.
None of us know the journey thatsomeone else is going through.
(13:35):
I am not the same person that Iwas before everything happened
with Nick.
In some ways, I've improved,there's still pieces of me that
feel a bit shattered.
Grief is hard and grief comes inmany different forms and it's
not just losing people we love,it's, it can be losing all
different types of things, but Ithink for me it's realizing that
(13:56):
life is really short and tryingto do what makes you happy,
trying to give grace to otherpeople.
I don't think I'm as high strungas I used to be when I was 20 or
30 years old, and maybe some ofthat's just a little bit of
wisdom and aging, but I do thinkcertainly this experience has
helped me and I think thebiggest thing that helped me
(14:17):
with is being in empatheticperson.
Not just feeling sympathy forpeople, but really being
empathetic.
And I'm way more of a feelingperson than I used to be.
The inside of me is a littlecracked, but with some gold
everywhere, hopefully repairingthose pieces.
So that's what Kintsugi means tome as far as how I view myself
(14:39):
and my personal life, that Itook those little pieces and put
'em back together and it's notthe same, but maybe it's a
little bit better in some waysthan it used to be.
Don Drew (14:48):
So a lot of our listeners might be experiencing
some kind of loss or brokennessin their lives and so on, what
would you want them to know?
Kelly Holden (14:56):
There's a lot I'd want them to know.
The biggest thing is that you'renot alone.
There are so many people who'vewalked in your shoes in a whole
variety of different ways.
I would want them to know youcan get through it.
It won't be easy.
You're gonna have really gooddays and you're gonna have
really bad days.
And if you have a bad day, getup the next day and do whatever
(15:17):
it does to make you feel better.
I was with somebody who lost herspouse after almost 60 years.
Very close family friend, and mycomment to her was, Be a little
bit selfish right now.
Do what makes you feel better.
You have a lot of heartbreakright now and you may not be
able to do a lot of things forother people and that's okay.
(15:37):
I do recall that first yearafter Nick passed away thinking
I don't have time to help a lotof other people other than what
I needed to do for work.
But right now I have to focus onme and my kids.
I have to figure out what weneed to do to get through this.
It's a little bit like running amarathon.
it's emotionally and physicallyexhausting but knowing you can
(15:59):
get through it, but you're notgonna be able to do it without
wanting to get through it.
And getting whatever help youneed, whatever that looks like.
I said before, everyone'sjourney is individual.
That is so, so true.
What worked for me may not workfor other people.
I am a really big believer insupport groups or counseling.
There are people who areprofessionals trained in dealing
(16:21):
with grief and trauma that canhelp you get through it.
Without those two things, Ithink it would've taken me a lot
longer to be back to a spacewhere I felt more happy than I
felt sad.
It does take time.
You can't do this overnight.
Time will heal.
I hate it when people said thatto me initially.
I really did.
It made me mad.
Because part of me didn't wannaheal from it because if I felt
(16:42):
better, then maybe that meantthat I wasn't loving him or
missing him anymore.
And that's so not true, right?
Like, you're always gonna loveand miss that person.
But your mind does crazy thingsto you when you're going through
grief.
Do what you need to do thatmakes you feel better and I
literally wrote out a plan.
I'm the kind of person that Ilike to write a personal and
professional plan.
(17:02):
That's always my New Year'sresolution of, What do I want to
accomplish this year on apersonal level or a professional
level?
And I did the same with my griefjourney.
What do I need to do?
David Lowry (17:12):
Very wise words, Kelly.
I've never thought about writingthat kind of a personal plan.
That's what I love about doingthese programs.
I'm always learning new ways tolive.
We call this Peaceful LifeRadio, and one of the reasons we
have the show is because we wantpeople like you to talk about
these things that have brokenus, and yet you found your way
to a new life picking up thepieces and moving forward with
(17:36):
all of that.
You wrote this book severalyears ago.
Tell us some things that, if youwere writing it again, you might
put into the book.
Kelly Holden (17:43):
Oh my gosh.
Every time I go through it, I'mlike, why did I write that?
Why did I not say it this way?
Or why did I not add thisinformation?
Which I think all of us do inlife.
Part of being a journalism majoris you learn to write succinctly
and briefly.
I wish I wouldn't have been alittle more verbose in the book,
but I didn't start out writing abook.
Right.
Like it's truly vignettes andit's a journal and it's not To
(18:06):
Kill a Mockingbird by any means.
Right.
Like the greatest American novelever.
It was Kelly's heart heartachepouring out on a page at times.
So it's a little bit raw andrough but I kind of left it that
on purpose because these arethings that I started writing in
1996.
I didn't wanna change a lot ofit because that's truly how I
felt back then going through thejourney.
(18:28):
So I wish it was written alittle bit better, but I didn't
start out writing it to publishit.
I had so many people, like ourfriends and family said, I read
it in one sitting'cause it's notvery long.
I read it in one sitting and Ijust bawled my eyes out or like,
I had a cousin who reached outto me and she said, I feel like
a horrible cousin.
I had no idea you were goingthrough all of this and I didn't
(18:49):
help you.
I didn't do enough for you atthe time.
But back to what you said, likeyou don't fully share that.
Even in 1996 when I was goingthrough stuff and I would show
up at an event or a family partyor whatever and people would
say, how are you?
I'm like, Oh, I'm good.
How are you?
And you just move on with life.
You don't really tell people howyou are because you don't wanna
be Debbie Downer at the St.
Patrick's Day Party, forgoodness sake.
Don Drew (19:10):
It's very readable.
I think it's 97 pages long.
In the back, you've got a numberof poems and some things.
Can you tell us what that'sabout?
Kelly Holden (19:19):
That's actually my favorite, favorite part of the
book.
So my husband Nick was ateacher, an art teacher, and he
taught two to 300 students ayear.
His students loved him.
I wish I would've taken morepictures back then.
But his students sent us artworkand poems and I tried to hang
all this stuff in his hospitalroom,'cause he was in the
hospital for four months, tomake it seem more hopeful,
(19:42):
right?
And say there's all these peopleout here and you're changing
lives by teaching these studentsand these are the people that
you're fighting for, as well aslike me and the two kids, you're
fighting for these people too.
So when I decided to publish thebook, I thought I really wanted
to include some of the poems.
There's a paper by my son, apaper that his niece Rachel had
(20:02):
written when she was in highschool, a drawing from one of
his nieces, artwork from some ofhis students to show the
profound effect that he had onother people.
It's truly, truly my favoritepart of the book because they're
showing their love for him, andthen the heartbreak.
The poem that's probably themost appropriate for the podcast
'cause it's the shortest, is theone that called Coach by Riley
(20:23):
Kincaid.
And Riley was on my son's fifthgrade basketball team being
coached by my husband Nick.
And Riley was a really quiet kidback then.
A little shy.
He did not go to school with thekids.
He just played basketball withthem.
He wasn't as well known by thekids.
I came home from the hospitalone night and just found this in
my mailbox, and I hung it onNick's hospital room.
(20:45):
And I got Riley's permissionbefore I published this in the
book.
But I'd love to read this one toyou.
So it says, My coach believed inme when I didn't know a thing
about basketball.
My coach believed in me when itwas time to make my first
basket.
My coach believed in me to keepfighting for that rebound.
My coach believed in me to makethat three point shot.
My coach believed in me when mylung was not perfect, My coach
(21:08):
believed in us and never let usget down.
My coach believed in our teamand never let us give up.
I believe everything my coachtaught me.
I believe in my coach.
It's a great poem.
If you knew Riley and hiscircumstance and how he played
that year, it's such a coolthing.
This kid was 11 years old andwrote this little poem, and put
(21:30):
it in my mailbox, and he was soquiet.
So it was kind of a shock to getit from him.
And Riley had some health issueshe had gone through.
At the time he wasn't the mostskilled basketball player.
He was learning.
And the very last game theyplayed, Riley gets the ball
passed to him.
We are getting killed.
We're in the final four of thisFifth grade tournament.
We are getting annihilated,right?
(21:51):
We're losing by like 30 points.
So we're not gonna win thisgame.
And Nick knows it's gonna be thelast game these kids are gonna
play together.
So Riley gets the ball passed tohim, and Nick's standing right
behind him and he goes, Take theshot Riley.
Take that shot.
Because in the past, Riley wouldpass the ball.
Riley makes a three pointer.
You would've thought like wejust won the NCAA tournament.
(22:11):
I mean, every kid on that benchwent crazy.
It was the best thing.
But not only did Riley do that,then he goes down rebounds the
ball, like it's a defensiverebound, takes it back down and
scores another basket and scoredfive points.
That three point shot gave himconfidence to do that.
And I remember getting in thecar after we lose the game and
saying to my son, That was thecoolest part of your whole
(22:34):
season, to watch Riley haveconfidence to do that and know
that Nick gave him thatconfidence.
It was really cool!
David Lowry (22:41):
Wow.
As I've listened to some ofthese stories, I have to say
that, Don and Kelly, both ofyou, I'm riding a small line
between emotionality andrationality.
There's a part of me that feels,because I'm a very empathic
person, there's a part of methat says, Oh, I wish I could
make this good for you.
I wish I could make this betterfor you.
And I also feel it because of mypartner Don Drew, who lost the
(23:05):
love of his life after being ina lifelong marriage and
relationship with his belovedMarsha.
And Don, as you've heard Kelly'sstory, tell me some of the
things that are coming up foryou and how this is impacting
you in what she's saying.
Don Drew (23:19):
I thank you for asking that, David.
I love the book for a lot ofdifferent reasons.
Of course, Kelly and myexperience are gonna be
different.
I was married 39 years andMarsha's illness was relatively
quick.
It was over in 20 months, whichhad its own challenges.
There were many things thatstood out to me.
One was the very principle ofKintsugi, the idea of being
broken, but learning to put yourlife back together again, being
(23:44):
richer because of it, andunderstanding that just because
you lost your love doesn't meanyou lost your love.
You still love that person thatmeant so much to you.
And yet, like Kelly, I'veremarried, and I love my wife
dearly, and I love her just asmuch as I did Marsha.
And I love her in different waysbecause I appreciate the
experience I went through.
(24:05):
Her detailed description ofworking through the medical
system resonated with megreatly.
She's brutally honest there withmany of her frustrations.
And not only were they identicalto many that I had, but I think
also a lot of physicians andnurses and so on also, suffer
from the struggles of thesystem.
And that really comes out in herbook a lot.
(24:27):
There was just so much thatresonated with me I couldn't
even really begin to talk aboutall the details, but it's a very
simple book.
Like I said, it's very easy toread in terms of length, but
Kelly really pours herself intoit.
And what I really also love isthat she talks about the gold
part, her relationship withKeith and the fact that he
(24:48):
brought into the family twochildren, and so now they've had
to rebuild this family.
Neither family ever thought thatthey would be structured like
they are now, but they are.
And, that's just reallyincredible.
Kelly, what is next for you?
Kelly Holden (25:01):
Hopefully at some point I retire.
I would love to do that.
I have made some career changesin the past couple years and
those have been good.
It's given me more time, quitefrankly, to just enjoy life a
little bit more.
Our kids are now in theirtwenties and we have three who,
well, so let's say two and ahalf have moved out.
So two have fully moved out,one's in the process of moving
(25:23):
out.
And my son just graduated withhis master's in social work and
is finishing up licensure examand finding a job.
And I don't know that I have anybig goal next.
It's just have some fun, right?
Like enjoy life, continuetraveling, continue seeing our
friends and family.
Sometimes Keith and I, becausewe suffered so much loss and we
(25:45):
went through so much, we'realways looking for, What can we
do to have fun and what's thenext big fun thing we can do?
And we sometimes have to be alittle careful'cause we over
schedule ourself and then we'relike, we're exhausted from
having fun, which is a goodthing.
But yeah, so it's justcontinuing on and enjoying all
those good days that you have.
Don Drew (26:02):
Kelly's experience is unique to her in many ways, but
the experience of loss orbrokenness is not.
Loss does not need to be the endof the story.
As Kelly writes In the end, mylife has been put back together,
but I am not the same person inmany ways.
I like to believe that I am abitter version of myself.
I am happy and living a lifethat I never thought was
(26:22):
possible.
Although Keith has been thecatalyst for much of this, I had
to do a lot of this on my own.
I hope that most days my liferesembles that broken pot
repaired with gold.
Not the same, but in some waysmore beautiful.
Kelly's book, A Kintsugi Life: Finding Strength and Hope in the (26:37):
undefined
Face of Loss is available atAmazon in Kindle format.
Kelly Holden, thank you forjoining us on Peaceful Life
Radio.
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