June 10, 2024 • 32 mins
What if you could finally unlock the full potential within you, held back only by a lack of self-belief? Join me, on this transformative episode of Pep Talk as we explore the profound impact of confidence on our ability to succeed. Drawing inspiration from William James, the father of modern psychology, we dissect how most individuals live restricted lives due to insufficient self-assurance. Through compelling personal stories and motivational insights, I challenge you to convert your latent abilities into dynamic productivity. This episode is a goldmine of practical advice on nurturing confidence to achieve your true purpose and make a significant impact.
Discover the secrets behind the unwavering confidence of elite athletes like Klay Thompson and Steph Curry, and learn how to build similar intrinsic belief in your own abilities. We'll delve into the vital process of accurate self-assessment, emphasizing that true confidence comes from within and is bolstered by positive visualization and tangible achievements. I’ll share personal anecdotes, illustrating how consistent practice and handling criticism productively can elevate your self-efficacy. Tune in to grasp actionable strategies to reinforce your belief in your abilities, handle challenges with grace, and ultimately, unlock your true potential. This empowering episode promises not just to inspire, but to equip you with the tools to elevate your confidence and achieve sustained success.
Email: Thepeppodcast@gmail.com
Insta: @_Jbspeaks
Twitter: peptalkpodcast
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
When's the last time you had a pep talk?
Pep talk, pep talk.
Yo, when's the last time youhad a pep talk?
Has it been a minute?
That's okay, you're in theright place.
I've got you.
Welcome to pep talk.
And today we're talking aboutconfidence.
Now let's get it.
(00:25):
Welcome to season three, episode2, of Pep Talk.
I'm your host, Coach J LifeCoach in DFW, and I'm so glad to
be here hanging out with youtoday for what is going to be a
really impactful episode.
But before I get there, I wantto let you know that this is the
podcast that cheers you on andcoaches you up.
Here in the Pep Talk world, webelieve that everybody needs a
(00:47):
cheerleader to encourage you andtell you how great you are, but
we also need a coach that cantake that and challenge us to go
deeper and to achieve higherheights, and I want to be that
cheerleader and that coach, andso I'm so thankful that you have
chosen to spend the first partof your week with us.
We drop episodes on everyMonday, and that's right.
(01:09):
You heard of the first.
This is season three, episodetwo, and we're just so happy
that you've chosen to give us alittle bit of your time to get
your week started on a good foot.
Get on a good foot, y'allListen.
If this is your first timecatching the podcast, we're so
glad that you're joining with us.
You are an honorary member ofthe Pep Squad.
(01:29):
You are deputized to go andspread pep encouragement,
motivation and inspiration toeverybody in your sphere of
influence.
Remember, a rising tide liftsall ships Now let's get into it.
Tide lifts all ships Now let'sget into it.
(01:49):
I ran across a quote and it wasby a man by the name of William
James, who was considered to bethe modern, the father of modern
psychology, really and thisquote really caught my attention
and I'm going to tell you whyafter I give you the quote.
So here's the quote WilliamJames said most people live in a
very restricted circle of theirpotential being.
(02:13):
I'm going to read that againMost people live in a very
restricted circle of theirpotential being.
Now, here's what he means bythis and I think if any of you
out there are like me, then Ithink this kind of will resonate
with you.
But he compared this to someonewho uses only a small part of
(02:37):
their body.
Like, let's just say that youwere choosing to go through life
only using your pinky toe.
Okay, now, we know the pinkytoe is important for balance,
but if you're only going throughlife intent on using your pinky
toe, then you are limitingyourself, quite literally to
(02:59):
maybe 1% of what you could bedoing if you had both of your
pinky toes.
And then the whole foot, ankle,legs, knees.
You know all of these thingsand so, in the same way, when he
says that most people live in avery restricted circle of their
potential being, what he'ssaying is most of us are living
(03:22):
lives that are restricted.
Our potential is restricted fora reason, and I believe that
reason is confidence.
Now, if you've listened to thepodcast at all, then you know
that I have a love-haterelationship with the word
potential, as someone who grewup hearing you have all of this
(03:44):
potential, this potential, thispotential.
For me, potential became like afour letter word.
You give me the spark notes,the cliffs notes, give me the
(04:07):
hacking code to be able to diginto that, to make that
potential something that isactualized Now.
But seeing this quote, it'salmost like a key going into a
keyhole.
Most people live in arestricted circle of their
potential being.
(04:28):
Most people live with thepotential of who they could be.
And it's restricted becausethat potential energy is never
just supposed to stay potential.
I mean, let's talk from ascience perspective, right,
energy at rest, that ispotential energy.
But that energy at rest shouldbe stored in order to be put
into motion, into an action, todo something.
(04:50):
So it should become kineticenergy at some point.
And, to that same token, thepotential that has been placed
inside of you has never justbeen meant to stay a seed, meant
to stay a seed, but insteadthat seed has been implanted
within you with all of theenergy that's needed to grow
(05:11):
roots so that, at appointedmoments in time, that potential
becomes something that leads youto productivity, that leads you
to your purpose, that leads youto the impact and the influence
that every one of us aresupposed to have, to varying
degrees, in our lives here onthe earth.
And so, as I think about myexperience with this word
(05:34):
potential, I understand now.
I understand now that thatthing that often keeps us in
this repetitive loop of livingonly in potential is confidence,
because I could have thepotential to be the greatest
(05:54):
speaker in the world.
However, if I don't believethat I can become that speaker,
then it's only potential.
I could have the potential tobe the greatest writer of
best-selling books in the world,but if I never have the
confidence and the belief in mywriting to actually write books,
the world will never know.
(06:15):
I could have the confidence tobe the greatest insert whatever
you want to insert, that appliesto you in that sentence.
But unless you have the beliefto get to that point and to do
something about it, y'all itwill always remain potential and
(06:35):
you'll be caught up in thisloop of potential where you can
see it kind of you kind of knowwhat it is, but when it comes
time to pull the trigger or toactivate that thing, something
pulls you back, something holdsyou back and keeps you stuck in
that potential loop.
(06:55):
Now I know that growing up manyof us, we saw a lot of different
types of people, but when we'retalking about this confidence
thing, I can remember believingthat there were people who just
seemed to be born with thisincredible, incredible,
unwavering amount of confidence.
From kindergarten, you know,kids say, oh, I can jump from
(07:21):
the top of the monkey bars andland on my feet and then guess
what?
They do it.
And so when we see things likethat, we begin to believe that
there are people who are bornwith this unwavering amount of
self-confidence, but I don'tthink that that's the right way
(07:42):
to think about it, because if wethink that there are people who
are born with confidence, thenoftentimes people think that we
were not born with this, so thatwe're not meant to have it, and
I think that a life that islived without confidence is
potentially a life that iswasted, because of the potential
(08:04):
in you, because of everythingthat has been implanted inside
of you.
And I think that when we thinkabout confidence as something
that we're born with, I thinkthat we're oversimplifying
things, because, while there maybe people who were born into
situations where theirconfidence is affirmed and built
, I think I would prefer tothink about confidence as a
(08:28):
skill set.
It's something that we candevelop over time, it's
something that we can build, andI think when we think about it
from that standpoint, like it'snot a fixed thing in our lives.
It's something that when wetake control of it, when we, you
know, when we devote ourselvesto, to building it, then we're
(08:49):
able to see the growth over time, almost like going to, almost
like going to the gym my, one ofmy, my, my second son, my
youngest son.
He has been doing workoutssince he got out of school this
summer and one of the coolthings, he came up to me and he
said Dad, you know, I used tocould you know, only do three
(09:13):
pushups, but now that I've beendoing pushups every day, I can
get up to 12.
And some days I think I can goabove 12.
And I'm like yo, that's cool.
And when I think about thatalong the vein of confidence, I
want you to equate it tosomething that we have to work
at and it's something that wehave to work out.
(09:33):
And so what that means for youis that, even if you have not
had confidence to this point,even if you've not been a
confident person to this point,there is still hope for you.
As long as you're breathing, aslong as you're drawing air,
there is still hope for you todevelop the kind of confidence
that allows you to live a fulland fulfilling life have.
(10:06):
Whether you were in a situationwhere you were grown into it or
whether you are just now, atthis stage in life, deciding, I
need to become a confidentperson because there's things
that I have to do, the good newstoday is that you absolutely
can and it is there for you tohold because, again, confidence
is a skill and skills are therefor us to acquire.
(10:28):
So I want to give you adefinition for what confidence
is, and I've looked at a lot ofdifferent articles, I've studied
on the psychology of confidenceand I think that this
definition kind of pullstogether.
It's an amalgamation of lots ofdifferent things that I've read
(10:48):
, but for the purpose of thisconversation, I think confidence
is the degree to which youthink and feel like your actions
will achieve positive results.
Again, it is the degree towhich you think or feel right
that your actions will achieve apositive result.
So I'm a huge basketball fan,ok, and right now you know you
(11:14):
have incredible, incredibleathletes like Luka Doncic.
I'm in Dallas, so you knowDallas is having a great season
right now and Luka is killing it.
Kyrie Irving is killing it andthey're playing the Timberwolves
and the Timberwolves haveAnthony Edwards on their team,
who is an up-and-coming younghooper who is just ridiculous in
(11:38):
what he's able to do with thebasketball no-transcript, but
he's not going to stop shooting,he's going to keep shooting.
And when you talk to people whoshoot the basketball like they
(11:59):
really have a gift for shooting.
Like Klay Thompson and StephCurry, the Splash Brothers in
Golden State, they will tell youthat they always believe that
the next shot is going in.
They believe they think theyhave this intrinsic battery
within them, have this intrinsicbattery within them, this
(12:22):
intrinsic thought pattern andloop that, no matter how many
shots they've missed to thatpoint, they believe the next
shot is going in.
And I think that is what reallyseparates some of the greats
from some people that we mightconsider to be, maybe, role
players and I believe everybodyhas a role on a team but when we
talk about great basketballplayers or great football
(12:42):
players like you know, michaelIrving, randy Moss no matter how
many balls they may have missedcatching, they always believe
that the next ball should cometo them, but also that they will
catch the next ball.
And I think this goes, you know, beyond this whole idea of the
little engine that could.
It's not necessarily I think Ican.
(13:04):
I think I can.
It's more along the lines of Ibelieve I can Because, again,
consider our definitionConfidence is the degree to
which you think or feel likeyour actions will yield positive
results and when you don't feellike your actions will yield a
results and when you don't feellike your actions will yield a
positive results, guess what?
You don't do it.
You really don't do it.
(13:25):
When I went through a phasewhere I did not feel like the
podcast was yielding positiveresults, my confidence in
podcasting took a hit.
You see what I'm saying Now.
I also need to clarify thatconfidence and self-esteem are
not the same.
Self-esteem refers to yourgeneral feelings about yourself,
(13:48):
but confidence is more specific.
Confidence refers to yourbelief that you can perform a
task successfully.
I could have good self-esteem,I can believe that I'm a good
person, that I do good things,but I could lack confidence
where specific things arerelated and, as such, because of
(14:14):
that lack of confidence, I canstill believe I'm a great person
and still live life stuck inthe restrictive circle of
potential.
And here's the thing thecatalyst here to bring
confidence to life is therealization and the belief that
(14:36):
your actions yield results.
So, in other words, it's up toyou.
If you choose to do something,then you can develop the
confidence for it.
But if you never choose to doit, if you never choose to
cultivate your potential, okay,if you continually are waiting
for people to give you aplatform and you're never making
use of the platform that youhave, no matter how tall it is
(14:59):
at the moment.
If you never take your goalsand your dreams seriously enough
to invest in them, then your,your actions are leading to, you
know, are they're beingproductive in a negative sense,
meaning that you're going to bestuck and you're going to be
very dissatisfied with life.
(15:19):
However, if you have theconfidence and I think no, let
me continue If you have theconfidence to believe that your
actions will yield a positiveresult, then I think that you're
more likely to just do stuff.
And I think a lot of times, weand when I say we, I'm pointing
(15:42):
back at myself we get so caughtup in, you know, the, the, the
all of the rigmarole ofeverything that we're trying to
do, that we just don't doanything.
And then you know, years go byand we look back and we're like
gosh, I wasted time.
I've wasted.
I've wasted so much time, andlack of confidence will cost you
(16:06):
.
A lack of confidence will yielda lifetime of regrets, because
the very things that you mayhave been created by God to do,
you will never get around todoing them.
You will never find it withinyourself to believe that you can
do them.
And listen, I grew up withpeople telling me I could do so
(16:26):
many different things, but Inever believed it.
That's why confidence, if it isto be it, has to start with you
.
It has to come from inside ofyou, because, while people can
encourage you along the way andthat's what I'm hoping this
podcast does encourages youalong the way At some point we
(16:47):
have to take up the mantle.
We have to take up the battlecry to say if this is going to
happen, I am going to have to doit and I'm going to have to
stick to it, through the highsand the lows, no matter how many
times I may fail, I have tobelieve the next attempt is
(17:08):
going to work.
I'm telling you, those aresustaining thoughts that will
help you to build yourconfidence.
Help you to build yourconfidence.
Now I want to talk about howyou can build your confidence,
this belief, this thinking, thisfeeling that your actions will
(17:31):
yield positive results.
Okay, you may want to takenotes or, better yet, listen to
the podcast again, right?
So I think the first place thatI want to start is we need to
be real with ourselves andengage in what's called accurate
(17:51):
self-assessment Now, accurateself-assessment.
So we tell our kids right and Itry not to tell my kids this,
but I know I've been guilty ofdoing it we tell our kids you
can do anything, you're great ineverything, you're talented,
you're beautiful, you're all ofthese things.
(18:12):
You're great in everything.
And I think when I say itsometimes I cringe, not because
it's not true, because my kidsare great.
I tell my students that they'regreat all the time.
However, telling a kid thatthey're great and everything,
it's just not true that they cando anything.
That's true to a degree, but asa whole, it's not necessarily
(18:36):
true.
Like you know, you could pickup a violin and you can learn to
play the violin.
You know lessons in YouTube,but maybe without the talent or
the gifting behind it, you maynever be able to bring that
music to life.
So I think, while there aremany things that we can do, I
think there are limits tocertain things that we're able
(18:57):
to do, and I think that's wheregifting and talented talent
abilities come in.
However, when we tell our kidsyou know when we are pumping our
kids full of smoke too much, wecan create this overconfidence
and this distorted selfperception that when a kid comes
up against something that ishard for them to do, they kind
(19:20):
of crumple, and I see this a lot.
Students who don't study fortests don't have the confidence
that studying for the test willhelp them right and see, it's
okay, because not every kid is agreat artist, not every
person's a great artist.
Not every podcast is meant tobecome the top 1%.
Not every preacher is meant tohave a huge church.
(19:44):
Not every singer is meant torecord an album or be a lead
singer.
And that's okay, so long aswhat you have to do, you are
confident in doing it.
And so confidence or anotherword for that is self-efficacy
is built by experiencingachievement.
And how else can you experienceachievement except through
(20:06):
doing stuff?
Hollow praise is like emptycalories, okay, and so if you're
going to conduct an accurateself-assessment, it starts by
being real with yourself.
You need to have a realisticappraisal of your abilities and
your gifts and know where youstand in any given moment.
Now, how do I know where Istand?
(20:28):
You're going to have to putsome things into motion.
You're going to have to putsome things into action to see,
because you'll never truly knowhow good you are at something
until you try doing that thing.
I remember when my wife and Igot married.
I could make a mean bowl offrosted flakes, I could make a
(20:50):
bomb oven pizza.
I could make some amazingburgers in a George Foreman
grill, but when we got pregnantwith our first child, something
happened with my wife's with hersense of taste or smell, and so
I had to take over the cooking.
Now, you know, almost 21 yearslater, I'm the primary cook in
(21:11):
the house and I'm confident init and I'm good with it too.
In it, and I'm good with it too.
And I say that having a trackrecord of making good meals If
you're going to have an accurateself-awareness and know what
you're good at, you're going tohave to develop a track record
(21:42):
in those areas.
Okay, that will allow you to berealistic and know who you are
and where you are, and it alsoallows you to develop a strategy
to become stronger in the areaswhere your confidence is really
pushing you, and it creates apositive feedback loop.
Now I believe I can.
It's not.
I think I can, it's, I know Ican.
I believe I can because, again,confidence is your belief, your
(22:04):
thinking or the feeling thatyour actions will yield a
positive result, and when youare aware of what you can do
well, it reduces anxiety whenyou enter pressure moments
associated with those things.
(22:26):
Number two engage in positivevisualization.
Now a lot of people will saythat this is new age
manifestation.
No, I don't.
I don't believe in manifestingstuff.
I believe you know, um, Ibelieve in faith, I believe in
work, um, and I, I believe, I dobelieve, I believe that
(22:49):
daydreams are powerful.
I used to daydream when I wassmaller, just like briefly, you
know.
I'd catch flashes of thingsthat I might be able to do as an
adult.
And even today, I sometimesfind myself caught up into these
moments where, like my dreams,my desires are so close that I
(23:09):
can almost touch them.
Mark of people who are confidenty'all Psychologists and
therapists have borne this outis that they visualize.
They have these positivevisualizations, these moments of
themselves being successfulwinning a beauty contest,
(23:33):
winning a Nobel Prize, speakingconfidently on a stage,
accepting an Academy Award, youknow, being president of the
United States, you know, openingthat business.
They have these moments wherethey visualize, they actually
see themselves inhabiting theirdreams, and I think that that is
(23:56):
a powerful, powerfulmotivationary activity.
So let's try it real quick.
I want you to close your eyesfor just a moment and I just
want you to visualize whateverthat dream is that you have for
your life.
Whatever that dream is that youhave for your life.
(24:18):
Close your eyes and I want youto visualize what it looks like
for you to be in that thing.
My daughter and I have talkedabout, you know, having a coffee
shop.
I can see it.
I can see it, you know,surrounded by books.
(24:40):
I can see people in therehaving coffee and vibing to
local artists.
I can see the drinks they're sogood.
I can see it.
What do you see when youvisualize success for your life?
How does it make you feel?
And actually I want you to sendme a note to at the pep podcast
(25:03):
at gmailcom.
Let me know what you visualize,what's your positive
visualization and what actiondoes it lead you to want to take
, because the next no, that'snot the next thing, sorry.
So the next thing is, if youwant to develop confidence, you
have to be able to takecriticism productively.
(25:24):
Now, I know that all thecriticism that we get in our
lives may not be positive, but Ithink even in criticism that
may not be positive, we canstill find a silver lining or a
vein of silver in it that we canuse to make ourselves better.
Now what that requires is thatwe commit to not taking every
(25:47):
ounce of criticism taking itnegatively, at face value.
Maybe we analyze it, maybe weexamine it, maybe we examine it
and see if there's somethingthat we can pull away from it.
Confident people they justhandle criticism differently.
They use criticism as a datapoint and they use that data as
information to drive what theydo or don't do next and, as a
(26:12):
result, studies have shown itboosts their productivity.
Criticism can boost yourproductivity.
And then I guess where I want toend is we need to experience
confidence building events.
We need to experienceconfidence building events, and
(26:39):
here's what that means.
In order to build confidence,we need to have events that
cause us to believe that we can.
You need to get that hit inlittle league that causes you to
think it in high school, incollege, you can play baseball.
You need to give that Leaguethat causes you to think that in
high school and college, youcan play baseball.
You need to give that speechthat causes you to believe that
you could be a great speaker ora great preacher or an orator or
(27:01):
a poet laureate.
We all need those moments inlife that encourage us to keep
going with something.
And I'm going to take it a stepfurther.
And I'm going to take it a stepfurther.
It's not just experiencing thosethings, it is also.
(27:29):
It's also because, see, peoplewith low self-esteem also have
confidence building events.
They can recall them, but theydon't have the same perspective
as people with high confidence.
They just didn't pay attentionto them and I believe that's the
reason why I a lot of times Ican remember the negative things
people say about me, but thepositive things, just I know
(27:52):
they happen, but they feel outof reach.
It's because of my perception,like we experience these good,
positive, event building,confidence building things in
our lives and we let them slipthrough, we don't hold on to
them, we don't perceive them ina healthy way.
That's going to help us be ourbest selves.
(28:14):
Confident people pay attention,they stop, they build an altar
to those confidence things sothat they can come back and
remember those watershed momentsand use those to propel them
further in life.
They place weight on thepositive experiences so they
don't want to let them just slipthrough their fingers like
(28:34):
water People with low confidencesomething good happens.
They keep on trekking towardthe negative.
They place more weight on thenegative, where the positive
things just continually fallfurther and further out of reach
, fall further and further outof reach.
(28:57):
If you want to become a moreconfident person, I challenge
you to pay more attention to theevents in your life that have
yielded positive results,because those are going to be
the energy sources that lead youto becoming more confident and
becoming a more action-orientedperson.
Listen, confidence followsaction.
It just does.
(29:19):
That's the way that it comes.
Confidence follows action, andwhen you begin to get to a place
where you can put action toyour dreams, action to your
words, then you will beastonished at how your
confidence skill, yourconfidence muscle, has increased
(29:39):
.
Now I know I've given you a lotof information over this episode
, and please understand that I'mtalking to myself as much as
you.
In my break, I've learned thatmy confidence is not where it
needs to be all the time.
We're remedying that and we'redoing it together as a community
(30:02):
.
So here's what I want from you.
I want to know what are youconfident?
What are you the most confidentabout yourself in when you
close your eyes and seegreatness and success for you.
Where do you see it Like?
What avenue?
What does it look like?
Better yet, what does it feellike?
(30:23):
Drop us a line atthepeppodcastgmailcom.
I want to hear from you, orholler at me at underscore
JBSpeaks on Instagram or onTikTok and let me know what does
it look like, what does it feellike for you, where is your
(30:50):
confidence level right now andwhy?
Because you believe that youractions will yield a positive
result.
I've given you some things tochew on and I can't wait to hear
back from you on these things.
Y'all.
This has been episode two ofseason three of the Pep Talk
podcast.
(31:10):
I'm so glad that you've chosenagain to spend some time with us
today.
I believe in you.
I think that you are anincredible person, but it's up
to you to believe that as well.
I hope to see you back herenext week for episode three of
the pep talk podcast with yourboy coach J and y'all know how
(31:31):
we end things Keep it love, keepit light and keep it peppy.
And don't forget tell yourfriends and family about the Pep
Talk Podcast.
Share it with your friends,with your enemies and especially
with your frenemies.
I love you guys.
I'll see you next time.
Y'all be blessed, peace.
When's the last time you had a pep talk?
Pep talk, pep talk.
Yo, when's the last time youhad a pep talk?
Has it been a minute?
That's okay, you're in theright place.
I've got you.
Welcome to pep talk.
And today we're talking aboutconfidence.
Now let's get it.
(00:25):
Welcome to season three, episode2, of Pep Talk.
I'm your host, Coach J LifeCoach in DFW, and I'm so glad to
be here hanging out with youtoday for what is going to be a
really impactful episode.
But before I get there, I wantto let you know that this is the
podcast that cheers you on andcoaches you up.
Here in the Pep Talk world, webelieve that everybody needs a
(00:47):
cheerleader to encourage you andtell you how great you are, but
we also need a coach that cantake that and challenge us to go
deeper and to achieve higherheights, and I want to be that
cheerleader and that coach, andso I'm so thankful that you have
chosen to spend the first partof your week with us.
We drop episodes on everyMonday, and that's right.
(01:09):
You heard of the first.
This is season three, episodetwo, and we're just so happy
that you've chosen to give us alittle bit of your time to get
your week started on a good foot.
Get on a good foot, y'allListen.
If this is your first timecatching the podcast, we're so
glad that you're joining with us.
You are an honorary member ofthe Pep Squad.
(01:29):
You are deputized to go andspread pep encouragement,
motivation and inspiration toeverybody in your sphere of
influence.
Remember, a rising tide liftsall ships Now let's get into it.
Tide lifts all ships Now let'sget into it.
(01:49):
I ran across a quote and it wasby a man by the name of William
James, who was considered to bethe modern, the father of modern
psychology, really and thisquote really caught my attention
and I'm going to tell you whyafter I give you the quote.
So here's the quote WilliamJames said most people live in a
very restricted circle of theirpotential being.
(02:13):
I'm going to read that againMost people live in a very
restricted circle of theirpotential being.
Now, here's what he means bythis and I think if any of you
out there are like me, then Ithink this kind of will resonate
with you.
But he compared this to someonewho uses only a small part of
(02:37):
their body.
Like, let's just say that youwere choosing to go through life
only using your pinky toe.
Okay, now, we know the pinkytoe is important for balance,
but if you're only going throughlife intent on using your pinky
toe, then you are limitingyourself, quite literally to
(02:59):
maybe 1% of what you could bedoing if you had both of your
pinky toes.
And then the whole foot, ankle,legs, knees.
You know all of these thingsand so, in the same way, when he
says that most people live in avery restricted circle of their
potential being, what he'ssaying is most of us are living
(03:22):
lives that are restricted.
Our potential is restricted fora reason, and I believe that
reason is confidence.
Now, if you've listened to thepodcast at all, then you know
that I have a love-haterelationship with the word
potential, as someone who grewup hearing you have all of this
(03:44):
potential, this potential, thispotential.
For me, potential became like afour letter word.
You give me the spark notes,the cliffs notes, give me the
(04:07):
hacking code to be able to diginto that, to make that
potential something that isactualized Now.
But seeing this quote, it'salmost like a key going into a
keyhole.
Most people live in arestricted circle of their
potential being.
(04:28):
Most people live with thepotential of who they could be.
And it's restricted becausethat potential energy is never
just supposed to stay potential.
I mean, let's talk from ascience perspective, right,
energy at rest, that ispotential energy.
But that energy at rest shouldbe stored in order to be put
into motion, into an action, todo something.
(04:50):
So it should become kineticenergy at some point.
And, to that same token, thepotential that has been placed
inside of you has never justbeen meant to stay a seed, meant
to stay a seed, but insteadthat seed has been implanted
within you with all of theenergy that's needed to grow
(05:11):
roots so that, at appointedmoments in time, that potential
becomes something that leads youto productivity, that leads you
to your purpose, that leads youto the impact and the influence
that every one of us aresupposed to have, to varying
degrees, in our lives here onthe earth.
And so, as I think about myexperience with this word
(05:34):
potential, I understand now.
I understand now that thatthing that often keeps us in
this repetitive loop of livingonly in potential is confidence,
because I could have thepotential to be the greatest
(05:54):
speaker in the world.
However, if I don't believethat I can become that speaker,
then it's only potential.
I could have the potential tobe the greatest writer of
best-selling books in the world,but if I never have the
confidence and the belief in mywriting to actually write books,
the world will never know.
(06:15):
I could have the confidence tobe the greatest insert whatever
you want to insert, that appliesto you in that sentence.
But unless you have the beliefto get to that point and to do
something about it, y'all itwill always remain potential and
(06:35):
you'll be caught up in thisloop of potential where you can
see it kind of you kind of knowwhat it is, but when it comes
time to pull the trigger or toactivate that thing, something
pulls you back, something holdsyou back and keeps you stuck in
that potential loop.
(06:55):
Now I know that growing up manyof us, we saw a lot of different
types of people, but when we'retalking about this confidence
thing, I can remember believingthat there were people who just
seemed to be born with thisincredible, incredible,
unwavering amount of confidence.
From kindergarten, you know,kids say, oh, I can jump from
(07:21):
the top of the monkey bars andland on my feet and then guess
what?
They do it.
And so when we see things likethat, we begin to believe that
there are people who are bornwith this unwavering amount of
self-confidence, but I don'tthink that that's the right way
(07:42):
to think about it, because if wethink that there are people who
are born with confidence, thenoftentimes people think that we
were not born with this, so thatwe're not meant to have it, and
I think that a life that islived without confidence is
potentially a life that iswasted, because of the potential
(08:04):
in you, because of everythingthat has been implanted inside
of you.
And I think that when we thinkabout confidence as something
that we're born with, I thinkthat we're oversimplifying
things, because, while there maybe people who were born into
situations where theirconfidence is affirmed and built
, I think I would prefer tothink about confidence as a
(08:28):
skill set.
It's something that we candevelop over time, it's
something that we can build, andI think when we think about it
from that standpoint, like it'snot a fixed thing in our lives.
It's something that when wetake control of it, when we, you
know, when we devote ourselvesto, to building it, then we're
(08:49):
able to see the growth over time, almost like going to, almost
like going to the gym my, one ofmy, my, my second son, my
youngest son.
He has been doing workoutssince he got out of school this
summer and one of the coolthings, he came up to me and he
said Dad, you know, I used tocould you know, only do three
(09:13):
pushups, but now that I've beendoing pushups every day, I can
get up to 12.
And some days I think I can goabove 12.
And I'm like yo, that's cool.
And when I think about thatalong the vein of confidence, I
want you to equate it tosomething that we have to work
at and it's something that wehave to work out.
(09:33):
And so what that means for youis that, even if you have not
had confidence to this point,even if you've not been a
confident person to this point,there is still hope for you.
As long as you're breathing, aslong as you're drawing air,
there is still hope for you todevelop the kind of confidence
that allows you to live a fulland fulfilling life have.
(10:06):
Whether you were in a situationwhere you were grown into it or
whether you are just now, atthis stage in life, deciding, I
need to become a confidentperson because there's things
that I have to do, the good newstoday is that you absolutely
can and it is there for you tohold because, again, confidence
is a skill and skills are therefor us to acquire.
(10:28):
So I want to give you adefinition for what confidence
is, and I've looked at a lot ofdifferent articles, I've studied
on the psychology of confidenceand I think that this
definition kind of pullstogether.
It's an amalgamation of lots ofdifferent things that I've read
(10:48):
, but for the purpose of thisconversation, I think confidence
is the degree to which youthink and feel like your actions
will achieve positive results.
Again, it is the degree towhich you think or feel right
that your actions will achieve apositive result.
So I'm a huge basketball fan,ok, and right now you know you
(11:14):
have incredible, incredibleathletes like Luka Doncic.
I'm in Dallas, so you knowDallas is having a great season
right now and Luka is killing it.
Kyrie Irving is killing it andthey're playing the Timberwolves
and the Timberwolves haveAnthony Edwards on their team,
who is an up-and-coming younghooper who is just ridiculous in
(11:38):
what he's able to do with thebasketball no-transcript, but
he's not going to stop shooting,he's going to keep shooting.
And when you talk to people whoshoot the basketball like they
(11:59):
really have a gift for shooting.
Like Klay Thompson and StephCurry, the Splash Brothers in
Golden State, they will tell youthat they always believe that
the next shot is going in.
They believe they think theyhave this intrinsic battery
within them, have this intrinsicbattery within them, this
(12:22):
intrinsic thought pattern andloop that, no matter how many
shots they've missed to thatpoint, they believe the next
shot is going in.
And I think that is what reallyseparates some of the greats
from some people that we mightconsider to be, maybe, role
players and I believe everybodyhas a role on a team but when we
talk about great basketballplayers or great football
(12:42):
players like you know, michaelIrving, randy Moss no matter how
many balls they may have missedcatching, they always believe
that the next ball should cometo them, but also that they will
catch the next ball.
And I think this goes, you know, beyond this whole idea of the
little engine that could.
It's not necessarily I think Ican.
(13:04):
I think I can.
It's more along the lines of Ibelieve I can Because, again,
consider our definitionConfidence is the degree to
which you think or feel likeyour actions will yield positive
results and when you don't feellike your actions will yield a
results and when you don't feellike your actions will yield a
positive results, guess what?
You don't do it.
You really don't do it.
(13:25):
When I went through a phasewhere I did not feel like the
podcast was yielding positiveresults, my confidence in
podcasting took a hit.
You see what I'm saying Now.
I also need to clarify thatconfidence and self-esteem are
not the same.
Self-esteem refers to yourgeneral feelings about yourself,
(13:48):
but confidence is more specific.
Confidence refers to yourbelief that you can perform a
task successfully.
I could have good self-esteem,I can believe that I'm a good
person, that I do good things,but I could lack confidence
where specific things arerelated and, as such, because of
(14:14):
that lack of confidence, I canstill believe I'm a great person
and still live life stuck inthe restrictive circle of
potential.
And here's the thing thecatalyst here to bring
confidence to life is therealization and the belief that
(14:36):
your actions yield results.
So, in other words, it's up toyou.
If you choose to do something,then you can develop the
confidence for it.
But if you never choose to doit, if you never choose to
cultivate your potential, okay,if you continually are waiting
for people to give you aplatform and you're never making
use of the platform that youhave, no matter how tall it is
(14:59):
at the moment.
If you never take your goalsand your dreams seriously enough
to invest in them, then your,your actions are leading to, you
know, are they're beingproductive in a negative sense,
meaning that you're going to bestuck and you're going to be
very dissatisfied with life.
(15:19):
However, if you have theconfidence and I think no, let
me continue If you have theconfidence to believe that your
actions will yield a positiveresult, then I think that you're
more likely to just do stuff.
And I think a lot of times, weand when I say we, I'm pointing
(15:42):
back at myself we get so caughtup in, you know, the, the, the
all of the rigmarole ofeverything that we're trying to
do, that we just don't doanything.
And then you know, years go byand we look back and we're like
gosh, I wasted time.
I've wasted.
I've wasted so much time, andlack of confidence will cost you
(16:06):
.
A lack of confidence will yielda lifetime of regrets, because
the very things that you mayhave been created by God to do,
you will never get around todoing them.
You will never find it withinyourself to believe that you can
do them.
And listen, I grew up withpeople telling me I could do so
(16:26):
many different things, but Inever believed it.
That's why confidence, if it isto be it, has to start with you
.
It has to come from inside ofyou, because, while people can
encourage you along the way andthat's what I'm hoping this
podcast does encourages youalong the way At some point we
(16:47):
have to take up the mantle.
We have to take up the battlecry to say if this is going to
happen, I am going to have to doit and I'm going to have to
stick to it, through the highsand the lows, no matter how many
times I may fail, I have tobelieve the next attempt is
(17:08):
going to work.
I'm telling you, those aresustaining thoughts that will
help you to build yourconfidence.
Help you to build yourconfidence.
Now I want to talk about howyou can build your confidence,
this belief, this thinking, thisfeeling that your actions will
(17:31):
yield positive results.
Okay, you may want to takenotes or, better yet, listen to
the podcast again, right?
So I think the first place thatI want to start is we need to
be real with ourselves andengage in what's called accurate
(17:51):
self-assessment Now, accurateself-assessment.
So we tell our kids right and Itry not to tell my kids this,
but I know I've been guilty ofdoing it we tell our kids you
can do anything, you're great ineverything, you're talented,
you're beautiful, you're all ofthese things.
(18:12):
You're great in everything.
And I think when I say itsometimes I cringe, not because
it's not true, because my kidsare great.
I tell my students that they'regreat all the time.
However, telling a kid thatthey're great and everything,
it's just not true that they cando anything.
That's true to a degree, but asa whole, it's not necessarily
(18:36):
true.
Like you know, you could pickup a violin and you can learn to
play the violin.
You know lessons in YouTube,but maybe without the talent or
the gifting behind it, you maynever be able to bring that
music to life.
So I think, while there aremany things that we can do, I
think there are limits tocertain things that we're able
(18:57):
to do, and I think that's wheregifting and talented talent
abilities come in.
However, when we tell our kidsyou know when we are pumping our
kids full of smoke too much, wecan create this overconfidence
and this distorted selfperception that when a kid comes
up against something that ishard for them to do, they kind
(19:20):
of crumple, and I see this a lot.
Students who don't study fortests don't have the confidence
that studying for the test willhelp them right and see, it's
okay, because not every kid is agreat artist, not every
person's a great artist.
Not every podcast is meant tobecome the top 1%.
Not every preacher is meant tohave a huge church.
(19:44):
Not every singer is meant torecord an album or be a lead
singer.
And that's okay, so long aswhat you have to do, you are
confident in doing it.
And so confidence or anotherword for that is self-efficacy
is built by experiencingachievement.
And how else can you experienceachievement except through
(20:06):
doing stuff?
Hollow praise is like emptycalories, okay, and so if you're
going to conduct an accurateself-assessment, it starts by
being real with yourself.
You need to have a realisticappraisal of your abilities and
your gifts and know where youstand in any given moment.
Now, how do I know where Istand?
(20:28):
You're going to have to putsome things into motion.
You're going to have to putsome things into action to see,
because you'll never truly knowhow good you are at something
until you try doing that thing.
I remember when my wife and Igot married.
I could make a mean bowl offrosted flakes, I could make a
(20:50):
bomb oven pizza.
I could make some amazingburgers in a George Foreman
grill, but when we got pregnantwith our first child, something
happened with my wife's with hersense of taste or smell, and so
I had to take over the cooking.
Now, you know, almost 21 yearslater, I'm the primary cook in
(21:11):
the house and I'm confident init and I'm good with it too.
In it, and I'm good with it too.
And I say that having a trackrecord of making good meals If
you're going to have an accurateself-awareness and know what
you're good at, you're going tohave to develop a track record
(21:42):
in those areas.
Okay, that will allow you to berealistic and know who you are
and where you are, and it alsoallows you to develop a strategy
to become stronger in the areaswhere your confidence is really
pushing you, and it creates apositive feedback loop.
Now I believe I can.
It's not.
I think I can, it's, I know Ican.
I believe I can because, again,confidence is your belief, your
(22:04):
thinking or the feeling thatyour actions will yield a
positive result, and when youare aware of what you can do
well, it reduces anxiety whenyou enter pressure moments
associated with those things.
(22:26):
Number two engage in positivevisualization.
Now a lot of people will saythat this is new age
manifestation.
No, I don't.
I don't believe in manifestingstuff.
I believe you know, um, Ibelieve in faith, I believe in
work, um, and I, I believe, I dobelieve, I believe that
(22:49):
daydreams are powerful.
I used to daydream when I wassmaller, just like briefly, you
know.
I'd catch flashes of thingsthat I might be able to do as an
adult.
And even today, I sometimesfind myself caught up into these
moments where, like my dreams,my desires are so close that I
(23:09):
can almost touch them.
Mark of people who are confidenty'all Psychologists and
therapists have borne this outis that they visualize.
They have these positivevisualizations, these moments of
themselves being successfulwinning a beauty contest,
(23:33):
winning a Nobel Prize, speakingconfidently on a stage,
accepting an Academy Award, youknow, being president of the
United States, you know, openingthat business.
They have these moments wherethey visualize, they actually
see themselves inhabiting theirdreams, and I think that that is
(23:56):
a powerful, powerfulmotivationary activity.
So let's try it real quick.
I want you to close your eyesfor just a moment and I just
want you to visualize whateverthat dream is that you have for
your life.
Whatever that dream is that youhave for your life.
(24:18):
Close your eyes and I want youto visualize what it looks like
for you to be in that thing.
My daughter and I have talkedabout, you know, having a coffee
shop.
I can see it.
I can see it, you know,surrounded by books.
(24:40):
I can see people in therehaving coffee and vibing to
local artists.
I can see the drinks they're sogood.
I can see it.
What do you see when youvisualize success for your life?
How does it make you feel?
And actually I want you to sendme a note to at the pep podcast
(25:03):
at gmailcom.
Let me know what you visualize,what's your positive
visualization and what actiondoes it lead you to want to take
, because the next no, that'snot the next thing, sorry.
So the next thing is, if youwant to develop confidence, you
have to be able to takecriticism productively.
(25:24):
Now, I know that all thecriticism that we get in our
lives may not be positive, but Ithink even in criticism that
may not be positive, we canstill find a silver lining or a
vein of silver in it that we canuse to make ourselves better.
Now what that requires is thatwe commit to not taking every
(25:47):
ounce of criticism taking itnegatively, at face value.
Maybe we analyze it, maybe weexamine it, maybe we examine it
and see if there's somethingthat we can pull away from it.
Confident people they justhandle criticism differently.
They use criticism as a datapoint and they use that data as
information to drive what theydo or don't do next and, as a
(26:12):
result, studies have shown itboosts their productivity.
Criticism can boost yourproductivity.
And then I guess where I want toend is we need to experience
confidence building events.
We need to experienceconfidence building events, and
(26:39):
here's what that means.
In order to build confidence,we need to have events that
cause us to believe that we can.
You need to get that hit inlittle league that causes you to
think it in high school, incollege, you can play baseball.
You need to give that Leaguethat causes you to think that in
high school and college, youcan play baseball.
You need to give that speechthat causes you to believe that
you could be a great speaker ora great preacher or an orator or
(27:01):
a poet laureate.
We all need those moments inlife that encourage us to keep
going with something.
And I'm going to take it a stepfurther.
And I'm going to take it a stepfurther.
It's not just experiencing thosethings, it is also.
(27:29):
It's also because, see, peoplewith low self-esteem also have
confidence building events.
They can recall them, but theydon't have the same perspective
as people with high confidence.
They just didn't pay attentionto them and I believe that's the
reason why I a lot of times Ican remember the negative things
people say about me, but thepositive things, just I know
(27:52):
they happen, but they feel outof reach.
It's because of my perception,like we experience these good,
positive, event building,confidence building things in
our lives and we let them slipthrough, we don't hold on to
them, we don't perceive them ina healthy way.
That's going to help us be ourbest selves.
(28:14):
Confident people pay attention,they stop, they build an altar
to those confidence things sothat they can come back and
remember those watershed momentsand use those to propel them
further in life.
They place weight on thepositive experiences so they
don't want to let them just slipthrough their fingers like
(28:34):
water People with low confidencesomething good happens.
They keep on trekking towardthe negative.
They place more weight on thenegative, where the positive
things just continually fallfurther and further out of reach
, fall further and further outof reach.
(28:57):
If you want to become a moreconfident person, I challenge
you to pay more attention to theevents in your life that have
yielded positive results,because those are going to be
the energy sources that lead youto becoming more confident and
becoming a more action-orientedperson.
Listen, confidence followsaction.
It just does.
(29:19):
That's the way that it comes.
Confidence follows action, andwhen you begin to get to a place
where you can put action toyour dreams, action to your
words, then you will beastonished at how your
confidence skill, yourconfidence muscle, has increased
(29:39):
.
Now I know I've given you a lotof information over this episode
, and please understand that I'mtalking to myself as much as
you.
In my break, I've learned thatmy confidence is not where it
needs to be all the time.
We're remedying that and we'redoing it together as a community
(30:02):
.
So here's what I want from you.
I want to know what are youconfident?
What are you the most confidentabout yourself in when you
close your eyes and seegreatness and success for you.
Where do you see it Like?
What avenue?
What does it look like?
Better yet, what does it feellike?
(30:23):
Drop us a line atthepeppodcastgmailcom.
I want to hear from you, orholler at me at underscore
JBSpeaks on Instagram or onTikTok and let me know what does
it look like, what does it feellike for you, where is your
(30:50):
confidence level right now andwhy?
Because you believe that youractions will yield a positive
result.
I've given you some things tochew on and I can't wait to hear
back from you on these things.
Y'all.
This has been episode two ofseason three of the Pep Talk
podcast.
(31:10):
I'm so glad that you've chosenagain to spend some time with us
today.
I believe in you.
I think that you are anincredible person, but it's up
to you to believe that as well.
I hope to see you back herenext week for episode three of
the pep talk podcast with yourboy coach J and y'all know how
(31:31):
we end things Keep it love, keepit light and keep it peppy.
And don't forget tell yourfriends and family about the Pep
Talk Podcast.
Share it with your friends,with your enemies and especially
with your frenemies.
I love you guys.
I'll see you next time.
Y'all be blessed, peace.
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