June 17, 2024 • 30 mins
Have you ever been held back by the fear of trying something new? Join me, as I confront neophobia head-on in this powerful episode of Pep Talk. Through heartfelt conversations with my wife and therapist, I tackle the paralyzing anxiety that uncertainty and past failures can cause. By exploring insights from Plato and Rumi, we discuss how even the smallest steps can lead to great beginnings. Whether you’re contemplating writing a book or launching a business, this episode aims to empower you to take that crucial first step.
Ready to transform your life in just six months? We'll explore the importance of leaping into action, recognizing your passions, and dedicating yourself fully to new ventures. Hear motivational stories and practical advice on how to overcome stagnancy, build confidence, and discover unexpected opportunities. Plus, I encourage you to share your progress with us—your journey might just inspire others on the show! So tune in, get inspired, and as always, keep it love, keep it light, and keep it peppy.
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Email: Thepeppodcast@gmail.com
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
When's the last time you had a pep talk?
Pep talk, pep talk.
Yo.
When's the last time you had apep talk?
Has it been a minute?
That's okay, you're in theright place.
I've got you.
Welcome to Pep Talk, where todaywe're talking about neophobia.
Now let's get it.
Yo, what's good everybody,welcome to episode 68 of Pep
(00:29):
Talk.
I'm your host, coach J, a lifecoach in DFW, and it is my
pleasure and my privilege to behere to start off another week
or whenever you listen duringthe week.
The mission of this podcast isto cheer you on and to coach you
up.
I believe that everybody needsa cheerleader to encourage you
and everybody needs a coach tochallenge you, and that's what
(00:50):
we try to do, bringing pep toyour week, and I hope that you
have been enjoying rocking androlling with us.
If you're new to the podcast,welcome.
You are officially deputizedinto the pep squad.
That is our community of peoplewho believe in delivering
encouragement, motivation andinspiration.
No matter where we are, nomatter who we're with.
(01:11):
We want to leave a situationand a person in a better
situation than we found them, ifat all possible, because we
believe that a rising tide liftsall ships, and as much as as
possible.
We want to be that rising tide.
Now let's jump into today'stopic Neophobia, the fear of
(01:34):
starting something new.
How many of y'all show of hands?
How many of you all strugglewhen it comes to starting
something new?
I'm going to pause, I'm goingto wait, even though I can't
even see your hands out there.
How many of you struggle withstarting something new?
(01:55):
Maybe you have a book idea andmaybe it's not completely lined
out, but if you were to start it, you could probably come up
with something amazing.
But you sit at your computerand you just stare at the keys.
Or, better yet, you doeverything possible to avoid
picking up a pen or a pencil.
(02:16):
You do everything possible toavoid typing on your computer.
As a matter of fact, when youthink about wanting to type, you
grab your phone and you scrollTikTok instead.
Or how many of you have a songidea and you can just imagine
the lyrics and theinstrumentation of the music,
but you never pick up yourinstrument to play.
(02:36):
Or you have a killer I mean anabsolute killer business idea,
but you won't make yourself sitdown and write the business plan
or even put what you have inyour head down on paper.
I'm asking how many of youstruggle with starting new
(02:59):
things?
Now, here's where this questioncomes from, because y'all know,
y'all know, like I told youlast episode, I am in this
journey with you.
Ok, I'm walking along besideyou, I'm trying to provide
coaching for you, I'm trying toprovide encouragement, but
please believe, a lot of thetopics that I speak with you all
(03:19):
about I deal with the samethings.
I don't have all the answers.
I'm trying to figure things out, just like you are, but I
realized that over the course ofmy life I have been a starter.
I'll start things Up untilrecently, I've noticed that the
(03:40):
idea of starting some things, itreally unnerves me, and I was
talking to my wife aboutsomething that I really know
that we probably need to startand I said, you know, this
scares me enough that I would bewilling to live with the regret
of not doing it.
(04:03):
Probably not my best moment, butit was an honest moment because
I realized that I no longer ama good starter.
A book idea I really don't wantto start that, even though I
know that I should.
Song idea I probably shouldpick up my guitar and try to
(04:23):
play something, write somelyrics down, but I don't Even
journaling y'all Even journalingthis whole idea of starting
something new, I've noticed thatI feel some type of way about
it, this whole idea of steppinginto the unknown, and it's not
(04:45):
in every situation, but I'venoticed that the things that
really mean the most to me, Ifeel all kinds of I don't even
know if it's anxiety, worry,it's a mix of them.
However, I have troublestarting or forcing myself to
(05:06):
start, even when I know that Ihave something good to start
with.
This makes me think about oneof my favorite quotes by Plato,
which simply says it'sattributed to Plato.
It says the beginning is themost important part of the work,
it's the starting.
And then I think about anotherquote by Rumi If all you can do
(05:30):
is crawl, then start crawling.
And there are so many quotesabout starting and about new
beginnings out there and yet somany of us again, because I'm in
that same avenue of thoughtwith so many of you the idea of
starting something.
(05:51):
It's triggering on so manylevels and, as I have done some
introspection on myself, hadsome discussions with my wife,
had some discussions hererecently with my therapist.
My wife had some discussionshere recently with my therapist,
I can narrow down and I'm sureone of these things is going to
hit you but I can narrow downwhy we struggle with starting
(06:16):
new things, and I'm going tooutline these things for you,
okay.
So we struggle to start newthings.
Number one because we haveuncertainty about the outcome.
Like we can't physically putour hands on the thing and say
this is how this is going towork from beginning to end.
Maybe because at some point inthe past we had an idea about
(06:39):
something and we wanted tocontrol it from beginning to end
, and it didn't work out thatway, and so it's caused us to be
gun shy, because when you stepout into something new, you're
stepping into unfamiliarterritory.
I don't care if your businessidea is the same thing as
somebody else's business idea.
For you it's going to be acompletely different thing, and
(07:00):
I think it is that lack ofassurance that the blueprint is
going to work in the exact sameway for you that it works for
somebody else.
It doesn't work that way.
You can never be sure if it'sgoing to work or not.
The only thing that you have tobe sure of is that you're going
(07:21):
to stick to it, and when you'reuncertain about what the
outcome is.
Sometimes that uncertainty isbig enough to cause you just to
not do it in the first place.
Another reason fear of failure.
Y'all there is a natural fearof not succeeding.
Some people call it failing ata new endeavor.
(07:41):
This fear can be absolutelyparalyzing.
I felt it myself because we endup worrying about the
implications of not meetingexpectations or we worry too
much about the mistakes that wemay make in the process.
Another reason is stepping outof our comfort zones, because it
involves us leaving what isfamiliar.
(08:02):
It involves us leaving thesafety of the boat and stepping
out onto the water.
We are creatures of habit, weare creatures of familiarity and
then nine times out of 10, Iwould say 90% of us will choose
what is familiar to us, what iscomfortable to us, rather than
(08:23):
the uncertainty of discomfort.
Another reason might beexpectations and pressure.
There might be some external orinternal pressure to perform
well and meet expectations, andthat pressure, those
expectations, might come frominternally, from you, or you may
feel it from outside sources.
Maybe you want to live up toyour parents' expectations, if
(08:46):
you want to make your parentsproud or a mentor proud or
somebody who's really pouredinto your life.
That pressure, that weight ofunfulfilled expectations is a
real thing.
I'm completely honest with you.
I've felt it before in my life.
I've talked about how I've hada lot of.
There were a lot ofexpectations for me growing up.
(09:08):
Some people thought that I wasthe golden child and to this day
, there are moments in my lifewhere I feel like I'm not
measuring up right.
I can trick myself into feelinglike I'm not living up to the
expectations of my parentsbecause of how my life looks
right now.
There's self-doubt.
We doubt our own skills andabilities and we don't believe
(09:31):
that what we have within us isenough for what we need to do.
And it's this lack ofconfidence that contributes
significantly to the fear thatwe feel you see how these things
go together yeah, significantly, to the fear that we feel you
see how these things go togetheryeah, okay.
There's also social and peerpressure, or perceived risks.
We don't want people to judgeus when we mess up and notice I
(09:54):
said when, okay.
And then you know, some newendeavors might involve risks
that seem daunting.
They might be financial risks,emotional risks with a new
relationship, or personal riskslike betting on yourself that
one might perceive asoverwhelming.
So any one of those things, anycombination of those things,
(10:17):
can be the reason why we sufferfrom neophobia.
And listen, before I go anyfurther.
If you find yourself in thatplace, if you are struggling
with starting something new,understand, I get it.
As I've said several times overthe course of this episode
(10:37):
already, I'm right there withyou in so many ways, in so many
ways, in so many ways, in somany ways.
But I also, so I also thinkabout the fact that and I
mentioned this a couple ofepisodes ago, uh, that I saw
this in a tiktok video that somany people will die with the
(11:00):
pocket full of some days, likewe say, say, someday I'm going
to do this, someday I'm going todo that, and that someday
involves doing something new,and we continue putting it off
and gosh, I don't want to diewith some days in my pocket, and
(11:23):
you shouldn't want to die withsome days in your pocket,
because the best friend ofsomeday is.
I wish I would have.
At some point, you're going towish that you would have done
the thing that you should bestarting to do now.
At some point, I'm going towish that I would have started
today on the things that I knowthat I should be doing so.
Why don't we take the somedayand turn it into today?
(11:44):
Why it's time to quit puttingthings off?
We only have so many heartbeats, we only have so many breaths,
we only have so many minutes andseconds and hours.
We only have so many days and,depending on where you are in
your life, you'd never know ifyou're on the upswing or the
downswing.
So what are we waiting on?
(12:05):
Why do we believe?
Ah, procrastination is the sinof believing that God owes you
more time.
Procrastination is the sin ofbelieving that God owes you more
time.
Time is not at our behest, asmuch as we want it to be, as
(12:29):
much as we want it to be, andallowing the feelings of
anxiousness and fear to hinderus Y'all.
There are many of us walkingaround with bulging pockets
filled with some days, but Ibelieve first we need to disarm.
(12:57):
We need to disarm all of thesethings that come along with
something new.
Right, and I think the firstpart about disarming it is
understanding that the fearassociated with trying something
new, risking something, doingsomething that innovating, being
a visionary, just doing itdifferently, it's normal.
Can we normalize it, y'all?
(13:18):
Can we normalize the fear anddiscomfort that comes along with
trying something new.
Can we normalize it?
And while we're normalizingthat, can we also normalize not
knowing what we're doing butdoing it anyway?
I mean seriously that somebodyout there is sitting on a
million dollar idea, amultimillion dollar idea, but
(13:40):
the fear and the lack ofcertainty and the not knowing is
keeping you from doing it,because you think that everybody
else does not experience thatsame fear, that everybody else
doesn't experience that same, uh, that same, you know, butterfly
, lack of confidence.
No, people feel it.
They may never tell you, but Ipromise if you could see on the
(14:02):
inside of people when they're onthe verge of doing something
that they've never done before,we all feel the same thing
before.
We all feel the same thing.
It's normal.
You're not weird, you're not analien, you're not strange, you
are human and this is a part ofyour learning and your growth
(14:23):
and your development.
If we were meant to be here onthis earth and in this life and
to never grow, to be here onthis earth and in this life and
to never grow, then we would beokay with the mundane, we would
be okay with the ordinary, andI'm not okay with the mundane
and the ordinary.
The ordinary is boring, themundane is boring, boring.
(14:58):
My prayers to God are that Iwould go on adventures through
life with him.
My prayer for you is that youwould live life of adventure,
daring to go where no one hasgone before.
Come on Trekkies To boldly gowhere no one has gone before.
I believe that that is yourdestiny, I believe that is my
destiny, I believe that is ourpurpose and I think, I think, I
(15:23):
think that when we can stopcomparing our experience to
other people's experience andunderstand that our lives are
unique books, volumes of stories, volumes of experiences that
are being written every day,then that should give us a
different perspective on ourlives, because there are so many
(15:45):
people, myself included, thatthe pages of our lives are
filled with someday I will,someday I want to, one day I'm
going to, one day I will.
And there are pages upon pagesupon pages of our lives that are
ordinary and mundane and blase,and that's accomplishing
(16:06):
nothing, when there is so muchmore for us to do.
If we would just turn the pagefrom someday and turn that
someday into today, now, why notnow?
Why not grow?
Why not go through the fear?
Why not be okay with crawlinguntil you can walk,
understanding that the processof something new, starting
(16:28):
something new, is gradual and,yes, there will be mistakes and
some days it's going to suck,and some days you're not going
to feel great about what you'redoing, and some days you're
going to pray God, I don't knowwhat I'm doing.
Please help me.
Some days he'll speak back,some days you'll have to wait on
the voice, but still you haveto choose a path and walk it.
Jay, you've got to choose apath and walk it out.
(16:56):
What would happen if that thingthat you started, that you've
always wanted to start that newthing?
What would happen if youdedicated six months of your
life to it, to the ups, to thedowns, to the celebrations, to
the defeats, to the feeling ontop of the world, to feeling as
(17:17):
low as you could possibly go?
What would happen if youstarted that new thing and wrote
a new page into your book,added a new experience to your
life and you dedicated yourselfto seeing that through for six
months?
What if you embraced thefeelings, acknowledged them and
used them as motivation and fuelto keep you going?
(17:40):
What if you developed thediscipline and the habits that
are necessary to sustain you forsix months of building that new
thing, of learning that newskill, of Come on somebody.
Who am I talking to right now?
Am I talking to you, do youhear me out there?
(18:01):
Because I think that if you do,if you are dedicated to the path
, the new path, then you willfind a rhythm in it and the
progress of walking the pathwill lead to a richness in your
(18:26):
life that you never would havethought possible.
See, it's not necessarily aboutthe new thing becoming an
amazing, big great, getting richthing.
The beautiful thing about thenew thing is what it creates new
and fresh and rich in you.
Even if it doesn't make yourpockets fatter, it makes your
(18:46):
life fatter.
Even if it doesn't lead togenerational wealth, it leads to
a generational infusion ofboldness and courage.
So you can't give up on the newthing and your someday needs to
become.
Today.
Your brain is craving somethingnew.
(19:09):
Your brain is craving somethingnew.
Your soul is craving somethingnew.
The stagnancy of life is slowlydraining every ounce of your
life force.
But you were created to beadaptable.
(19:30):
You were created with room togrow.
You were created to problemsolve.
You were created to remainrelevant.
You were created to buildconnections and as you're doing
all of these things, you'rebuilding confidence and there
are health benefits that comewith learning and doing new
things and you discoverfulfillment and you discover
(19:56):
doors that have always beenopened to you.
But you had to take the newpathway.
Come on, we always pray Godopen a new door, but when he
shows us a pathway to take, wesay nah, nah, nah.
So we never see the door thathas been opened for years, some
of us for decades.
So how do we start somethingnew?
(20:21):
How do we do the new thing?
Well, there are a lot ofdifferent ways to do it.
I think if I were just going tobe direct with you, I would say
(20:42):
just do it before you giveyourself a chance to think about
it.
Just do it.
Can I give you an honest moment?
Okay, so I initially had ablock when it came to starting
season three.
That's why it took so long forthis season to come back.
(21:03):
I had a block when I thoughtabout starting this new season.
There was just something that Icould not get over the hump
with.
And what I actually did.
I was sitting upstairs in mypodcasting space and you know
what I did I put my headphoneson, I attached my mic and before
my brain could say, bro, whatare you doing?
(21:25):
I was already off to the races.
I just jumped out and did it.
And for some of us, for some ofus, you're going to have to just
jump out and do it before yourbrain can say what are you doing
.
You're going to have to jumpout of that plane or go bungee
jumping or get on that rollercoaster.
You're going to have to shockyour system because for some of
(21:45):
you, that fear of startingsomething new is so deeply
ingrained it's going to takesomething deep, it's going to
take something dramatic andsystem shaking in order for you
to get over those challenges, toburst through those obstacles
and to start that new thing.
So if that's you, that's youradvice, that's how you do the
new thing Start, just start,just boldly, just jump into it,
(22:11):
just jump into it.
Figure it out as you go along.
But maybe you're not thatperson.
Okay, I get it.
Okay, maybe you can start withsome idea generation.
Where are your passions?
What problems are you trying tosolve?
(22:33):
What things interest you?
And we're not thinking aboutmaking money.
We're thinking about enhancingour lives.
We're thinking about writing anew story on a new page, maybe a
new volume of our story.
So generate some ideas, okay,and then see what comes out in
(23:02):
that.
I'm sure, though, most of youout there listening don't even
have to generate the ideas.
You know what that thing is.
It's always with you, it keepsnagging you, it keeps knocking
on your brain.
It keeps knocking on your brain.
It keeps knocking on your heart.
People keep telling you howgood you are at this.
You know you're good at it.
You know you can buildsomething out of it.
I just believe, right now, thatthat new thing.
(23:25):
You don't need to generateideas.
You don't even need to write,make a list of something.
You know what that thing is.
Yep, you've done all of theresearch and all of the planning
ideas.
You don't even need to write,make a list of something.
You know what that thing is.
Yep, you've done all of theresearch and all of the planning
.
You know what the goals looklike.
You know what.
(23:52):
I'm not even going.
You know what.
Scratch all of that.
You just need to do it, and ifyou are a careful person, yeah,
you have to count the cost forsomething that you want to do.
You have to think about thepluses and the minuses, but
again, but again, but again, butagain.
I just believe.
I believe this strongly in myheart that you just need to do
(24:13):
it before your brain has achance to stop you, before those
inner voices have a chance tostop you.
You need to take action.
And you take action,understanding that you're going
to have to be adaptable andflexible in the midst of it.
Right, you're going to have toseek knowledge and learn.
(24:34):
In the midst of it, you'regoing to have to stay persistent
.
In the midst of it, you'regoing to have to evaluate and
adjust.
In the midst of it.
You're going to have tocelebrate milestones.
In the midst of it.
You're going to have to lickyour wounds.
In the midst of it.
You're going to have toreadjust in the midst of it.
(24:54):
But you've got to take actionnow and seek support from the
people who roll with you.
If you don't have people whoroll with you, you just roll
with yourself and as you'rerolling with yourself, the
people who are attracted to thatenergy are going to come and
find you.
But you've got to start andyou've got to commit to the
(25:22):
starting and you've got tocommit to the continuing.
Come on, I'm speaking tosomebody out there.
You have to commit to thecontinuation.
Yeah, you've got to stay therewith the disappointment.
You've got to stay there withthe feelings of defeat and just
(25:43):
get back up and keep going,before those voices of defeat
can hold you down and feed youthe lies that have stopped you
so many times before.
Come on, I'm talking tosomebody out there who needs to
start today.
Listen, embrace the process,stay committed to the process
(26:10):
and remain passionate andprayerful about your endeavor,
and you will see a shift in yourlife the likes of which you've
never imagined, you would everexperience before.
But you have to start.
(26:30):
You have to start now.
I had a vision the other day.
I had a vision the other day.
We were riding around.
My wife and I were ridingaround and I saw a field, and it
(26:52):
wasn't a new field, but it wasan unworked field, and so my
wife and I got out of ourvehicle.
When we walked over to thefield, it had never been tilled,
the soil was fertile, and so wejust started working the field
(27:14):
hurdle, and so we just startedworking the field.
We started working the field,and as we worked the field,
people started coming out oftheir homes and watching us work
.
But we kept working.
And as we kept working, slowlypeople started joining us in our
work and soon what was just thetwo of us became four, then it
(27:35):
was eight, then it was 16.
Then, all of a sudden, thefield was full of people who
were working alongside us.
But those people would neverhave found us if we hadn't
started.
And that's my word to you thepeople will never find you.
(27:57):
The dreams will never happenunless you start, unless you
start.
So if you've been looking for asign, here's your sign You've
got to start, you have to start.
(28:19):
And with that I think we'regoing to close episode 68 of Pep
Talk.
I'm your host, coach J LifeCoach in DFW.
I am your biggest fan and I'mproud to be your coach.
I hope that this edition of thepodcast, I hope that it lights a
(28:40):
fire in you.
I hope it challenges you.
I hope something in it makesyou angry.
I hope something in it makesyou think.
Maybe it brings tears to youreyes.
I want to know.
Something in it makes you think.
Maybe it brings tears to youreyes.
I want to know.
I want to know.
Hit me up at thepeppodcast atgmailcom and let me know what
stands out to you about thisepisode.
(29:05):
Is there something that you needmore help with as far as
starting something new?
And if you're startingsomething new, tell us about it.
I'll share it.
Talk about it on next week'sepisode, because I want to give
you a shout out, I want toencourage you, I want people to
encourage you in this.
We want to come alongside youand just continue to be a voice
(29:27):
of encouragement, of motivation,of inspiration, encouragement
and motivation of inspirationand of pep, because y'all know
that's what we do here on peptalk, and so y'all know how we
end it.
Keep it love, keep it light andkeep it peppy.
And also don't forget, ifyou're enjoying what we're
giving.
Leave a five star ratingwherever you listen to podcasts
(29:49):
and let us know how you like it,and also help us out.
Share this episode withsomebody that you know needs to
hear this message of hope andthis message of challenge and
starting something new.
This has been episode 68 of thepep talk podcast.
Y'all be blessed.
I love you and I'll see younext week, peace.
When's the last time you had a pep talk?
Pep talk, pep talk.
Yo.
When's the last time you had apep talk?
Has it been a minute?
That's okay, you're in theright place.
I've got you.
Welcome to Pep Talk, where todaywe're talking about neophobia.
Now let's get it.
Yo, what's good everybody,welcome to episode 68 of Pep
(00:29):
Talk.
I'm your host, coach J, a lifecoach in DFW, and it is my
pleasure and my privilege to behere to start off another week
or whenever you listen duringthe week.
The mission of this podcast isto cheer you on and to coach you
up.
I believe that everybody needsa cheerleader to encourage you
and everybody needs a coach tochallenge you, and that's what
(00:50):
we try to do, bringing pep toyour week, and I hope that you
have been enjoying rocking androlling with us.
If you're new to the podcast,welcome.
You are officially deputizedinto the pep squad.
That is our community of peoplewho believe in delivering
encouragement, motivation andinspiration.
No matter where we are, nomatter who we're with.
(01:11):
We want to leave a situationand a person in a better
situation than we found them, ifat all possible, because we
believe that a rising tide liftsall ships, and as much as as
possible.
We want to be that rising tide.
Now let's jump into today'stopic Neophobia, the fear of
(01:34):
starting something new.
How many of y'all show of hands?
How many of you all strugglewhen it comes to starting
something new?
I'm going to pause, I'm goingto wait, even though I can't
even see your hands out there.
How many of you struggle withstarting something new?
(01:55):
Maybe you have a book idea andmaybe it's not completely lined
out, but if you were to start it, you could probably come up
with something amazing.
But you sit at your computerand you just stare at the keys.
Or, better yet, you doeverything possible to avoid
picking up a pen or a pencil.
(02:16):
You do everything possible toavoid typing on your computer.
As a matter of fact, when youthink about wanting to type, you
grab your phone and you scrollTikTok instead.
Or how many of you have a songidea and you can just imagine
the lyrics and theinstrumentation of the music,
but you never pick up yourinstrument to play.
(02:36):
Or you have a killer I mean anabsolute killer business idea,
but you won't make yourself sitdown and write the business plan
or even put what you have inyour head down on paper.
I'm asking how many of youstruggle with starting new
(02:59):
things?
Now, here's where this questioncomes from, because y'all know,
y'all know, like I told youlast episode, I am in this
journey with you.
Ok, I'm walking along besideyou, I'm trying to provide
coaching for you, I'm trying toprovide encouragement, but
please believe, a lot of thetopics that I speak with you all
(03:19):
about I deal with the samethings.
I don't have all the answers.
I'm trying to figure things out, just like you are, but I
realized that over the course ofmy life I have been a starter.
I'll start things Up untilrecently, I've noticed that the
(03:40):
idea of starting some things, itreally unnerves me, and I was
talking to my wife aboutsomething that I really know
that we probably need to startand I said, you know, this
scares me enough that I would bewilling to live with the regret
of not doing it.
(04:03):
Probably not my best moment, butit was an honest moment because
I realized that I no longer ama good starter.
A book idea I really don't wantto start that, even though I
know that I should.
Song idea I probably shouldpick up my guitar and try to
(04:23):
play something, write somelyrics down, but I don't Even
journaling y'all Even journalingthis whole idea of starting
something new, I've noticed thatI feel some type of way about
it, this whole idea of steppinginto the unknown, and it's not
(04:45):
in every situation, but I'venoticed that the things that
really mean the most to me, Ifeel all kinds of I don't even
know if it's anxiety, worry,it's a mix of them.
However, I have troublestarting or forcing myself to
(05:06):
start, even when I know that Ihave something good to start
with.
This makes me think about oneof my favorite quotes by Plato,
which simply says it'sattributed to Plato.
It says the beginning is themost important part of the work,
it's the starting.
And then I think about anotherquote by Rumi If all you can do
(05:30):
is crawl, then start crawling.
And there are so many quotesabout starting and about new
beginnings out there and yet somany of us again, because I'm in
that same avenue of thoughtwith so many of you the idea of
starting something.
(05:51):
It's triggering on so manylevels and, as I have done some
introspection on myself, hadsome discussions with my wife,
had some discussions hererecently with my therapist.
My wife had some discussionshere recently with my therapist,
I can narrow down and I'm sureone of these things is going to
hit you but I can narrow downwhy we struggle with starting
(06:16):
new things, and I'm going tooutline these things for you,
okay.
So we struggle to start newthings.
Number one because we haveuncertainty about the outcome.
Like we can't physically putour hands on the thing and say
this is how this is going towork from beginning to end.
Maybe because at some point inthe past we had an idea about
(06:39):
something and we wanted tocontrol it from beginning to end
, and it didn't work out thatway, and so it's caused us to be
gun shy, because when you stepout into something new, you're
stepping into unfamiliarterritory.
I don't care if your businessidea is the same thing as
somebody else's business idea.
For you it's going to be acompletely different thing, and
(07:00):
I think it is that lack ofassurance that the blueprint is
going to work in the exact sameway for you that it works for
somebody else.
It doesn't work that way.
You can never be sure if it'sgoing to work or not.
The only thing that you have tobe sure of is that you're going
(07:21):
to stick to it, and when you'reuncertain about what the
outcome is.
Sometimes that uncertainty isbig enough to cause you just to
not do it in the first place.
Another reason fear of failure.
Y'all there is a natural fearof not succeeding.
Some people call it failing ata new endeavor.
(07:41):
This fear can be absolutelyparalyzing.
I felt it myself because we endup worrying about the
implications of not meetingexpectations or we worry too
much about the mistakes that wemay make in the process.
Another reason is stepping outof our comfort zones, because it
involves us leaving what isfamiliar.
(08:02):
It involves us leaving thesafety of the boat and stepping
out onto the water.
We are creatures of habit, weare creatures of familiarity and
then nine times out of 10, Iwould say 90% of us will choose
what is familiar to us, what iscomfortable to us, rather than
(08:23):
the uncertainty of discomfort.
Another reason might beexpectations and pressure.
There might be some external orinternal pressure to perform
well and meet expectations, andthat pressure, those
expectations, might come frominternally, from you, or you may
feel it from outside sources.
Maybe you want to live up toyour parents' expectations, if
(08:46):
you want to make your parentsproud or a mentor proud or
somebody who's really pouredinto your life.
That pressure, that weight ofunfulfilled expectations is a
real thing.
I'm completely honest with you.
I've felt it before in my life.
I've talked about how I've hada lot of.
There were a lot ofexpectations for me growing up.
(09:08):
Some people thought that I wasthe golden child and to this day
, there are moments in my lifewhere I feel like I'm not
measuring up right.
I can trick myself into feelinglike I'm not living up to the
expectations of my parentsbecause of how my life looks
right now.
There's self-doubt.
We doubt our own skills andabilities and we don't believe
(09:31):
that what we have within us isenough for what we need to do.
And it's this lack ofconfidence that contributes
significantly to the fear thatwe feel you see how these things
go together yeah, significantly, to the fear that we feel you
see how these things go togetheryeah, okay.
There's also social and peerpressure, or perceived risks.
We don't want people to judgeus when we mess up and notice I
(09:54):
said when, okay.
And then you know, some newendeavors might involve risks
that seem daunting.
They might be financial risks,emotional risks with a new
relationship, or personal riskslike betting on yourself that
one might perceive asoverwhelming.
So any one of those things, anycombination of those things,
(10:17):
can be the reason why we sufferfrom neophobia.
And listen, before I go anyfurther.
If you find yourself in thatplace, if you are struggling
with starting something new,understand, I get it.
As I've said several times overthe course of this episode
(10:37):
already, I'm right there withyou in so many ways, in so many
ways, in so many ways, in somany ways.
But I also, so I also thinkabout the fact that and I
mentioned this a couple ofepisodes ago, uh, that I saw
this in a tiktok video that somany people will die with the
(11:00):
pocket full of some days, likewe say, say, someday I'm going
to do this, someday I'm going todo that, and that someday
involves doing something new,and we continue putting it off
and gosh, I don't want to diewith some days in my pocket, and
(11:23):
you shouldn't want to die withsome days in your pocket,
because the best friend ofsomeday is.
I wish I would have.
At some point, you're going towish that you would have done
the thing that you should bestarting to do now.
At some point, I'm going towish that I would have started
today on the things that I knowthat I should be doing so.
Why don't we take the somedayand turn it into today?
(11:44):
Why it's time to quit puttingthings off?
We only have so many heartbeats, we only have so many breaths,
we only have so many minutes andseconds and hours.
We only have so many days and,depending on where you are in
your life, you'd never know ifyou're on the upswing or the
downswing.
So what are we waiting on?
(12:05):
Why do we believe?
Ah, procrastination is the sinof believing that God owes you
more time.
Procrastination is the sin ofbelieving that God owes you more
time.
Time is not at our behest, asmuch as we want it to be, as
(12:29):
much as we want it to be, andallowing the feelings of
anxiousness and fear to hinderus Y'all.
There are many of us walkingaround with bulging pockets
filled with some days, but Ibelieve first we need to disarm.
(12:57):
We need to disarm all of thesethings that come along with
something new.
Right, and I think the firstpart about disarming it is
understanding that the fearassociated with trying something
new, risking something, doingsomething that innovating, being
a visionary, just doing itdifferently, it's normal.
Can we normalize it, y'all?
(13:18):
Can we normalize the fear anddiscomfort that comes along with
trying something new.
Can we normalize it?
And while we're normalizingthat, can we also normalize not
knowing what we're doing butdoing it anyway?
I mean seriously that somebodyout there is sitting on a
million dollar idea, amultimillion dollar idea, but
(13:40):
the fear and the lack ofcertainty and the not knowing is
keeping you from doing it,because you think that everybody
else does not experience thatsame fear, that everybody else
doesn't experience that same, uh, that same, you know, butterfly
, lack of confidence.
No, people feel it.
They may never tell you, but Ipromise if you could see on the
(14:02):
inside of people when they're onthe verge of doing something
that they've never done before,we all feel the same thing
before.
We all feel the same thing.
It's normal.
You're not weird, you're not analien, you're not strange, you
are human and this is a part ofyour learning and your growth
(14:23):
and your development.
If we were meant to be here onthis earth and in this life and
to never grow, to be here onthis earth and in this life and
to never grow, then we would beokay with the mundane, we would
be okay with the ordinary, andI'm not okay with the mundane
and the ordinary.
The ordinary is boring, themundane is boring, boring.
(14:58):
My prayers to God are that Iwould go on adventures through
life with him.
My prayer for you is that youwould live life of adventure,
daring to go where no one hasgone before.
Come on Trekkies To boldly gowhere no one has gone before.
I believe that that is yourdestiny, I believe that is my
destiny, I believe that is ourpurpose and I think, I think, I
(15:23):
think that when we can stopcomparing our experience to
other people's experience andunderstand that our lives are
unique books, volumes of stories, volumes of experiences that
are being written every day,then that should give us a
different perspective on ourlives, because there are so many
(15:45):
people, myself included, thatthe pages of our lives are
filled with someday I will,someday I want to, one day I'm
going to, one day I will.
And there are pages upon pagesupon pages of our lives that are
ordinary and mundane and blase,and that's accomplishing
(16:06):
nothing, when there is so muchmore for us to do.
If we would just turn the pagefrom someday and turn that
someday into today, now, why notnow?
Why not grow?
Why not go through the fear?
Why not be okay with crawlinguntil you can walk,
understanding that the processof something new, starting
(16:28):
something new, is gradual and,yes, there will be mistakes and
some days it's going to suck,and some days you're not going
to feel great about what you'redoing, and some days you're
going to pray God, I don't knowwhat I'm doing.
Please help me.
Some days he'll speak back,some days you'll have to wait on
the voice, but still you haveto choose a path and walk it.
Jay, you've got to choose apath and walk it out.
(16:56):
What would happen if that thingthat you started, that you've
always wanted to start that newthing?
What would happen if youdedicated six months of your
life to it, to the ups, to thedowns, to the celebrations, to
the defeats, to the feeling ontop of the world, to feeling as
(17:17):
low as you could possibly go?
What would happen if youstarted that new thing and wrote
a new page into your book,added a new experience to your
life and you dedicated yourselfto seeing that through for six
months?
What if you embraced thefeelings, acknowledged them and
used them as motivation and fuelto keep you going?
(17:40):
What if you developed thediscipline and the habits that
are necessary to sustain you forsix months of building that new
thing, of learning that newskill, of Come on somebody.
Who am I talking to right now?
Am I talking to you, do youhear me out there?
(18:01):
Because I think that if you do,if you are dedicated to the path
, the new path, then you willfind a rhythm in it and the
progress of walking the pathwill lead to a richness in your
(18:26):
life that you never would havethought possible.
See, it's not necessarily aboutthe new thing becoming an
amazing, big great, getting richthing.
The beautiful thing about thenew thing is what it creates new
and fresh and rich in you.
Even if it doesn't make yourpockets fatter, it makes your
(18:46):
life fatter.
Even if it doesn't lead togenerational wealth, it leads to
a generational infusion ofboldness and courage.
So you can't give up on the newthing and your someday needs to
become.
Today.
Your brain is craving somethingnew.
(19:09):
Your brain is craving somethingnew.
Your soul is craving somethingnew.
The stagnancy of life is slowlydraining every ounce of your
life force.
But you were created to beadaptable.
(19:30):
You were created with room togrow.
You were created to problemsolve.
You were created to remainrelevant.
You were created to buildconnections and as you're doing
all of these things, you'rebuilding confidence and there
are health benefits that comewith learning and doing new
things and you discoverfulfillment and you discover
(19:56):
doors that have always beenopened to you.
But you had to take the newpathway.
Come on, we always pray Godopen a new door, but when he
shows us a pathway to take, wesay nah, nah, nah.
So we never see the door thathas been opened for years, some
of us for decades.
So how do we start somethingnew?
(20:21):
How do we do the new thing?
Well, there are a lot ofdifferent ways to do it.
I think if I were just going tobe direct with you, I would say
(20:42):
just do it before you giveyourself a chance to think about
it.
Just do it.
Can I give you an honest moment?
Okay, so I initially had ablock when it came to starting
season three.
That's why it took so long forthis season to come back.
(21:03):
I had a block when I thoughtabout starting this new season.
There was just something that Icould not get over the hump
with.
And what I actually did.
I was sitting upstairs in mypodcasting space and you know
what I did I put my headphoneson, I attached my mic and before
my brain could say, bro, whatare you doing?
(21:25):
I was already off to the races.
I just jumped out and did it.
And for some of us, for some ofus, you're going to have to just
jump out and do it before yourbrain can say what are you doing
.
You're going to have to jumpout of that plane or go bungee
jumping or get on that rollercoaster.
You're going to have to shockyour system because for some of
(21:45):
you, that fear of startingsomething new is so deeply
ingrained it's going to takesomething deep, it's going to
take something dramatic andsystem shaking in order for you
to get over those challenges, toburst through those obstacles
and to start that new thing.
So if that's you, that's youradvice, that's how you do the
new thing Start, just start,just boldly, just jump into it,
(22:11):
just jump into it.
Figure it out as you go along.
But maybe you're not thatperson.
Okay, I get it.
Okay, maybe you can start withsome idea generation.
Where are your passions?
What problems are you trying tosolve?
(22:33):
What things interest you?
And we're not thinking aboutmaking money.
We're thinking about enhancingour lives.
We're thinking about writing anew story on a new page, maybe a
new volume of our story.
So generate some ideas, okay,and then see what comes out in
(23:02):
that.
I'm sure, though, most of youout there listening don't even
have to generate the ideas.
You know what that thing is.
It's always with you, it keepsnagging you, it keeps knocking
on your brain.
It keeps knocking on your brain.
It keeps knocking on your heart.
People keep telling you howgood you are at this.
You know you're good at it.
You know you can buildsomething out of it.
I just believe, right now, thatthat new thing.
(23:25):
You don't need to generateideas.
You don't even need to write,make a list of something.
You know what that thing is.
Yep, you've done all of theresearch and all of the planning
ideas.
You don't even need to write,make a list of something.
You know what that thing is.
Yep, you've done all of theresearch and all of the planning
.
You know what the goals looklike.
You know what.
(23:52):
I'm not even going.
You know what.
Scratch all of that.
You just need to do it, and ifyou are a careful person, yeah,
you have to count the cost forsomething that you want to do.
You have to think about thepluses and the minuses, but
again, but again, but again, butagain.
I just believe.
I believe this strongly in myheart that you just need to do
(24:13):
it before your brain has achance to stop you, before those
inner voices have a chance tostop you.
You need to take action.
And you take action,understanding that you're going
to have to be adaptable andflexible in the midst of it.
Right, you're going to have toseek knowledge and learn.
(24:34):
In the midst of it, you'regoing to have to stay persistent
.
In the midst of it, you'regoing to have to evaluate and
adjust.
In the midst of it.
You're going to have tocelebrate milestones.
In the midst of it.
You're going to have to lickyour wounds.
In the midst of it.
You're going to have toreadjust in the midst of it.
(24:54):
But you've got to take actionnow and seek support from the
people who roll with you.
If you don't have people whoroll with you, you just roll
with yourself and as you'rerolling with yourself, the
people who are attracted to thatenergy are going to come and
find you.
But you've got to start andyou've got to commit to the
(25:22):
starting and you've got tocommit to the continuing.
Come on, I'm speaking tosomebody out there.
You have to commit to thecontinuation.
Yeah, you've got to stay therewith the disappointment.
You've got to stay there withthe feelings of defeat and just
(25:43):
get back up and keep going,before those voices of defeat
can hold you down and feed youthe lies that have stopped you
so many times before.
Come on, I'm talking tosomebody out there who needs to
start today.
Listen, embrace the process,stay committed to the process
(26:10):
and remain passionate andprayerful about your endeavor,
and you will see a shift in yourlife the likes of which you've
never imagined, you would everexperience before.
But you have to start.
(26:30):
You have to start now.
I had a vision the other day.
I had a vision the other day.
We were riding around.
My wife and I were ridingaround and I saw a field, and it
(26:52):
wasn't a new field, but it wasan unworked field, and so my
wife and I got out of ourvehicle.
When we walked over to thefield, it had never been tilled,
the soil was fertile, and so wejust started working the field
(27:14):
hurdle, and so we just startedworking the field.
We started working the field,and as we worked the field,
people started coming out oftheir homes and watching us work
.
But we kept working.
And as we kept working, slowlypeople started joining us in our
work and soon what was just thetwo of us became four, then it
(27:35):
was eight, then it was 16.
Then, all of a sudden, thefield was full of people who
were working alongside us.
But those people would neverhave found us if we hadn't
started.
And that's my word to you thepeople will never find you.
(27:57):
The dreams will never happenunless you start, unless you
start.
So if you've been looking for asign, here's your sign You've
got to start, you have to start.
(28:19):
And with that I think we'regoing to close episode 68 of Pep
Talk.
I'm your host, coach J LifeCoach in DFW.
I am your biggest fan and I'mproud to be your coach.
I hope that this edition of thepodcast, I hope that it lights a
(28:40):
fire in you.
I hope it challenges you.
I hope something in it makesyou angry.
I hope something in it makesyou think.
Maybe it brings tears to youreyes.
I want to know.
Something in it makes you think.
Maybe it brings tears to youreyes.
I want to know.
I want to know.
Hit me up at thepeppodcast atgmailcom and let me know what
stands out to you about thisepisode.
(29:05):
Is there something that you needmore help with as far as
starting something new?
And if you're startingsomething new, tell us about it.
I'll share it.
Talk about it on next week'sepisode, because I want to give
you a shout out, I want toencourage you, I want people to
encourage you in this.
We want to come alongside youand just continue to be a voice
(29:27):
of encouragement, of motivation,of inspiration, encouragement
and motivation of inspirationand of pep, because y'all know
that's what we do here on peptalk, and so y'all know how we
end it.
Keep it love, keep it light andkeep it peppy.
And also don't forget, ifyou're enjoying what we're
giving.
Leave a five star ratingwherever you listen to podcasts
(29:49):
and let us know how you like it,and also help us out.
Share this episode withsomebody that you know needs to
hear this message of hope andthis message of challenge and
starting something new.
This has been episode 68 of thepep talk podcast.
Y'all be blessed.
I love you and I'll see younext week, peace.
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