July 1, 2024 • 32 mins
Have you ever caught yourself in the endless loop of comparing your life to others, especially on social media? In today's episode, we unpack the profound wisdom in Bob Goff's quote, "God does not compare, he creates," from his book "Dream Big," and how it serves as a powerful antidote to the destructive habit of comparison. Drawing inspiration from Goff's portrayal of his wife, Sweet Maria, we explore how embracing your unique gifts can lead to greater clarity and joy. I share my own personal struggles with comparison and offer insights on how focusing on our inherent worth can change our mindset and heartset for the better.
We also delve into Leon Festinger's social comparison theory to understand the psychological impacts of comparing ourselves to others. While it can sometimes be a motivator, especially in competitive fields like athletics, the emotional toll can be significant, particularly when amplified by the curated realities of social media. By redefining humility and embracing authenticity, we discuss the importance of appreciating our own unique journeys. This episode is a heartfelt invitation to compete with yourself, celebrate your personal growth, and recognize your unique potential. Tune in to find encouragement and practical advice on how to live a more joyful and authentic life.
Email: Thepeppodcast@gmail.com
Insta: @_Jbspeaks
Twitter: peptalkpodcast
"Soaring Confidence"- get your copy of the hit eBook NOW!
"Slaying the Lion"- Grab your copy of my FIRST published book with 5-star reviews across the board!
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
When's the last time you had a pep talk?
Pep talk, pep talk.
Yo, when's the last time youhad a pep talk?
Has it been a minute?
That's okay, you're in theright place.
I've got you.
Welcome to pep talk.
And in this episode, we'retalking about an awesome quote
God doesn't compare what hecreates.
Now let's get it.
Yo.
(00:27):
Welcome to Pep Talk, the podcastthat cheers you on and coaches
you up.
I'm your host, coach J, andyou're listening to the podcast
that is all about cheering youon and coaching you up, and
we're so excited that you'rehere with us.
Our belief is that everybodyneeds a cheerleader and
everybody needs a coach.
(00:47):
We need somebody to encourageus and be our hype man flavor
Flav style, but we also need acoach who can come in and say as
great as you are, I believethat there is another level for
you to achieve, there's anotherspeed for you to go, another
gear for you to hit, and that'swhat we endeavor to bring to you
every week on Pep Talk.
Again, this is episode 70.
We've been rocking with you for70 episodes.
(01:07):
Thank you so much forcontinuing to listen and to take
part in the mission.
If you're enjoying the content,please, please, please leave us
a five-star rating and a reviewwherever you catch our podcasts
.
And also, do us a favor andtell a friend, tell a family
member, about Pep Talk.
We would love to have more ofyou all.
(01:27):
Come and join our Pep Squadcommunity.
Now let's jump into the contentfor today.
So in the opener, I gave you aquote and I want to give you
that quote again because it isthe focus around today's episode
.
The quote was God does notcompare, he creates.
Let me say that again God doesnot compare, he creates.
(01:50):
Now that quote comes from BobGoff, from I believe it's his
latest book, dream Big, a bookthat I read at some point in I
believe it was 2022 or 2023.
And it is a fabulous read.
I would highly recommend it toyou.
But this quote specificallycomes from the first chapter of
(02:12):
the book and you can imagine,okay, this is a book that is
urging us to dream big, to takethe limits off of our dreams, to
take the limits off of ourfaith, to take the limits of
what we're believing for andjust go big, take the risk and
just go big.
And so in this first chapter,he is talking about his wife,
(02:33):
y'all and the way that Bob Gofftalks about his wife.
It is incredible.
He talks about her.
He calls her Sweet Maria Isn'tthat great?
He calls his wife Sweet Mariaand he just he speaks about her
in such glowing terms.
But I want to read somethingfrom chapter one to you in his
description of his dear SweetMaria.
(02:55):
And here's what he says.
Eventually Sweet Maria said yes, and we made a few kids to go
with my list of names.
It's 35 years later andwhatever I'm good at these days,
it's because sweet Maria Goffis better at it.
One of the many things she'sgood at is knowing herself and
finding joy in her unique set ofgifts, abilities and desires.
(03:18):
She doesn't compare herabilities and ambitions to
anyone else's.
She knows that God doesn'tcompare what he creates.
She also knows what she wants,why she wants it and what she's
going to do about it.
Having this kind of clarity israre and beautiful and
unstoppable.
Aim for this in your life andyou will find great joy.
(03:42):
God does not compare what hecreates, so why do we continue
to do it?
So this episode I really wantto focus in because I've done
episodes on this before, but Ireally feel like I need to hit
it again I don't think thatcomparison is an issue that we
can never hit too much.
(04:03):
When we're talking about ourmindset, you know how we think
about ourselves and how we thinkabout our world and our heart
set, how we feel about ourselvesand how we feel about the
things that are going on aroundus.
Comparison is one of thosethings that I don't know about
y'all, but I deal with it andyou know, in my latest therapy
(04:24):
session I was talking with mycounselor and we started talking
about comparison and he had metalk about some of the different
people that I have been enviousof because I have compared
myself to them.
Now I know some of y'all outthere listening.
You've never had that issue.
You have always been secure inwho you were.
Never had that issue.
(04:47):
You have always been secure inwho you were.
You've always been secure inyour ambitions, in your
abilities and the fact that youare a one of one.
You've always compared yourselfto yourself.
But for those of us who did notstand in line to grab that
portion of personal developmenton our way out of heaven, this
episode is for us, those of uswho still struggle with
(05:09):
comparison in some way, in someshape or in some form.
Yo, it was Teddy Roosevelt,president, teddy Roosevelt,
theodore Roosevelt, who saidthat comparison is the thief of
joy, and I thought about that.
Why would that be the case?
Because it is becausecomparison steals your joy, but
(05:33):
what it leaves you in exchangeis despair, because you can't
find anything within yourself tobe proud of, to be happy about.
And I'm going to tell you frommy vantage point.
Okay, I used to always believe.
I grew up in church and I usedto always hear how good it was
to be humble.
(05:53):
Okay, h-u-m-b-l-e.
Some people say humble.
I say humble because that'swhat I learned when I was in
grade school silent H and allthat stuff to be humble.
And somehow, in my own personaltheology, I began to equate
being humble with not thinking,with not only not thinking
highly about myself, but alsoputting myself on the very
(06:17):
lowest rung and consideringeverybody else as higher than me
but not equal to.
Well, let me tell you thedamage that that has done to me
over my life.
In my quest to be humble, okay,in my quest to place other
people, to consider myself less,what that has led to is me
(06:40):
putting people on a pedestalabove me and then looking at
their lives constantly andsaying, man, if only I could
speak as well as this person, ifonly I could get a crowd going
as well as this person, if onlyI could lead like this person,
if only I could communicate likethis person, if only my podcast
was pulling numbers like thisperson, I'd be happy, I'd be
(07:01):
great.
Oh, if only I was as thin asthis person, or if only I was as
this as this person.
And my life has been amurderer's row of
self-condemnation andself-loathing, because I have
always found a way to placeothers on pedestals above me and
(07:24):
look up to them wondering whatI could do to become more like
them.
Now, that is totallydisregarding the things that I
am good at, the things that Ihave been good at over my life,
the things that people have toldme countless times that I was
good at doing.
But because I struggled so muchwith this whole idea of
(07:48):
comparing myself to other people, I've done so much damage to
myself, and so I thought that itwould be cool in this episode
to look at some of thepsychology behind comparison, to
see if it can help us getfurther along.
If you're still struggling there, if you are a recovering uh,
(08:09):
comparison addict.
I'm hoping that the informationthat we talk about today will
be able to help you heal andbecome better, uh, and to
embrace the, the authenticity,the beautiful authenticity in
who you are, because, again, goddoesn't compare you to anything
else that he creates.
As far as God is concerned, youare a one of one, and that's
(08:34):
not by that, is not by accident.
It is purposeful, by design,because God wants you to know
that what you have, what he hasplaced inside of you, he hasn't
placed that exact samecombination of gifts and
abilities inside of no one else.
(08:54):
For the purpose that yourpurpose is your purpose, your
pathway is your pathway and itdoesn't matter who else can do
what you do.
It doesn't matter who does itbetter or who does it worse, for
whatever you have been given,for whatever you have been
gifted, for, however you havebeen created, it is more than
(09:16):
enough to accomplish the pathand the purpose and the plan
that has already been set forthfor your life.
And if it sounds like I'mpreaching to y'all, I am
passionate about this.
I've prayed for God to breakthis away from me.
I've had to work on my mind,I've had to work on my heart,
and so I'm coming to you todaywith so much passion and a
(09:39):
strong desire that if you weredealing with this spirit of
comparison strong desire that ifyou were dealing with this
spirit of comparison, thisdesire to compare yourself, that
something I say might open youreyes and you will find yourself
free from comparison forever,because you're awesome.
You've been created to beawesome.
(10:00):
You've been created to do goodworks that have been designed
for you in advance, before youwere even born.
God knew you and he didn't lookat you, and he didn't look at
you and say, oh, I wish thatJustin was more like Jason, or
that Justin was more likeJeffrey, or that Justin was more
like Jared.
No, that's not that, that's notit.
(10:23):
God looked at you and said OK,I'm happy with this, I'm proud
of this, and it is time for youto be happy with this and to be
proud with this as well.
So in psychology, there is atheory that was developed in
1954 by a psychologist namedLeon Festinger.
(10:44):
This theory is called thesocial comparison theory, and
what it says is basically thatas many as 10% of our thoughts,
on average, are thoughts ofcomparison of some kind that
fluctuates based on the person.
And this theory also goes on tosay that people who regularly
(11:05):
compare themselves to others mayfind motivation to improve, but
they may also experience deepfeelings of dissatisfaction,
guilt, remorse, which will leadthem to engage in destructive
behaviors like consistent lyingand eating disorders.
Now, I was reading this articleon psychology today about
(11:29):
social comparison, the socialcomparison theory, and it talked
about some of the benefits ofcomparison.
Okay, it talked about how somepeople are able to use
comparison as a competitivedrive, as a competitive streak,
and I know that there areathletes who do that.
Right, they want to be likeMike, they want to be better
(11:50):
than Michael Jordan.
They see, you know, maybe theywant to be a better passer than
Chris Fowler.
In football, somebody wants tobe a better quarterback than Tom
Brady, or to win more SuperBowls than Tom Brady, and they
use comparison as a positivemotivational tool to help them
continue to push through theworkouts, to push through the
(12:12):
pain and the discomfort, knowingthat there will be a payoff at
the end of that.
And you know, I kind of get that, but I don't believe that,
ultimately, comparison couldever become, could be a positive
thing, and I could be wrong.
And if I'm wrong, if comparisonfor you is positive, hey, send
(12:34):
me a fan mail.
I want to know, I want you totell me.
Help me, help me to understand,because from where I'm sitting
and from what the work that I'veseen of it in the lives of
other people, I have seen moreof the detrimental effects of
comparison than any positivebenefits improve.
(13:07):
But I think more often than notit leads to a person tearing
themselves down at the expenseof choosing to look up to
someone else.
It can cause us to bejudgmental, to think that we're
better than the people that werank ourselves above and to feel
inferior to the people that werank ourselves below, and that's
not good at all.
Comparisons are likelier tomake us feel bad when we make
(13:27):
the error of only comparingourselves to the paragons of
certain traits.
So, for example, many peoplebelieve they have a less active
social life than others, butwhen we make those comparisons,
we tend to compare ourselvesonly to the most social people.
Let's think about social media.
(13:48):
Right?
We look at social media, we are, we're bored, and so we get on
social media and we see peopleposting the highlights, not the
lowlights, the highlights.
And so we take those high orthose manufactured high moments
in time and we compare ourselvesto that.
Somebody's a millionaire andjust bought a new house,
(14:08):
somebody is posing next to aBugatti, somebody, you know, has
a happy wife and kids, and thecaption is there and the picture
is just that, and we see thesnapshot, but we don't see the
behind the scenes.
And when we don't see thebehind the scenes, guess what?
We find that we are comparingourselves to paragons, we are
(14:31):
comparing ourselves to thingsthat don't actually exist.
And so we have a faultybarometer for what success is.
We have a faulty barometer forwhat joy is.
We have a faulty barometer forwhat the highest of the heights
looks like.
Now, I'm not saying thateverybody on social media is
faking, but I wonder what wouldhappen if we had an entire
(14:56):
24-hour period where peoplecould only post the lowlights,
if people only posted what wasreally going on, how they were
feeling about the prayers thathaven't been answered yet, how
they were feeling about nothaving enough money to pay their
bills, how they were copingwith the divorce or the
separation, how they were copingwith not being able to get
(15:18):
along with their children or getalong to see their children.
And I know that there's some ofthat.
But y'all, I'm just saying whatare we comparing ourselves to
and what are we allowing it todo to our lives?
It's been proven that socialmedia is harmful to self-esteem
because we are comparingourselves to snapshots and not
(15:42):
the behind the scenes reality.
But even with all of that said,we have this natural human
beings have this naturalinclination to compare ourselves
to others.
When we meet people, whathappens?
Hey, my name is John.
You know, I live in GrandRapids, michigan.
Oh, yeah, my name's Trevor.
(16:03):
I live in, you know, galveston,texas.
What do you do for a livingTrevor?
What do you do for a livingJohn?
Whether we realize it or not,that is a way that we are
measuring ourselves up againstsomebody else.
Now, yeah, it could be somegenuine curiosity, but I wonder
if, in the background, we'relike oh, john just works in an
(16:26):
office, I own my own business,and so now that kicks my
masculine need for superiorityinto overdrive.
And so here's what I've had tolearn and I'm going to talk
about this from a personalstandpoint Is that I have had to
(16:49):
come to the realization and theI've just had to resolve this
within myself that I'm the onlyme that I have, and, come hell
or high water.
I have to learn how to becomfortable with me being who I
(17:10):
am.
I may not be the greatest atany given thing, but there are
things that I am good at and Ineed to start giving myself the
credit, and I'm not speakingfrom an arrogant state of point.
I want to go back to thathumility thing, being humble I
have a new definition for thatnow.
For me, it's not placing myselfat the very bottom.
(17:32):
To me now, humility is justtaking up the space that I was
meant to take up.
It's not me seeking to take upanybody else's space.
It's not me trying to useanybody else's gifts.
It's not me trying to live likeanybody else.
It's, basically, it's just medoing what I'm supposed to do in
(17:53):
my lane and not shrinking backfrom all that I have been
created to be.
You know, one of my favoriteverses in the Bible is from
Jeremiah, chapter one, versefive, where Jeremiah God is
talking to Jeremiah and he saysbefore I formed you in your
mother's womb, I knew you.
And he goes on to talk abouthow he's been chosen and called
(18:17):
and appointed to something great.
And if I have to latch on andanchor to anything in life.
For me, that is the verse,because I know that, because of
who my creator is, he did notmake a mistake in the way that
he crafted Justin.
Now, does Justin make mistakes?
(18:38):
Oh yeah, oh yeah.
But when I am seeking to live anauthentic and unique life, when
I am seeking not to be likeanybody else, but to just live
in my gifts and to live in whatI know I've been created to do,
then I find so much joy and somuch satisfaction in the way
(19:02):
that I've been created thatthere is literally no room for
me to look at what somebody elseis doing and take the time to
compare myself to them.
Y'all.
It's been a whole mindset shiftand I've had to deal with my
heart.
It's been a lot of prayer, it'sbeen a whole mindset shift and
I've had to deal with my heart.
It's been a lot of prayer, it'sbeen a lot, and I still slip up
at times.
But again, I think that if youare going to make that shift, if
(19:28):
you find yourself in a positionwhere you're looking at
everybody else's business andyou're wondering how they got so
big, if you're looking ateverybody else's podcast, or if
you're looking at everybodyelse's studio that they're
running, or if you're looking atsomebody else's skills and
singing or anything else.
We have to stop looking atother people and we have to
(19:50):
really start looking atourselves.
How was I created?
What do I do?
Well, and again, y'all it is amindset shift, and so, since I'm
giving out some strategies forstopping comparing yourself,
let's go ahead and do this, okay?
(20:11):
So I've talked about focusingon what you have, so when you
feel your mind wandering off towhat other people have, try to
focus on yourself instead.
Dr Claire Nakajima suggests thatif you focus on yourself and
you figure out what works foryou, rather than feeling like
you have to fit a mold thatworks for someone else that
(20:34):
works for someone else, you canbe open to learning from others,
but in a way that makes it yourown.
You're no longer trying to belike somebody else.
You're admiring what somebodyhas, but you're not trying to be
like them.
There is a fine line betweencomparison I'm sorry, between
(21:01):
jealousy and respecting whatsomebody else has.
When you're jealous, you wantto be like them, you want to
take what they have, but whenyou respect what somebody else
has, you understand they havetheir thing, just like you have
your thing and you can respectand honor what they have their
thing, just like you have yourthing and you can.
You can respect and honor whatthey have without putting
yourself down.
Think about what you weregrateful for in your life and
(21:23):
just write it down so that itstays fresh in your mind, so
that when you want to startbeing like somebody else, you're
like man, I'm kind of great too, I'm okay.
And now again, I'm not sayingbe arrogant, say that I don't
have anything else to work on.
No, that's not what I'm saying.
But what I'm saying is you haveto recognize what is good about
you and what is great about you, because within every person is
(21:47):
something that is worthy ofbeing recognized.
Next, compete with yourself.
You hear people say all thetime I don't compete with
anybody else.
I compete with myself to see ifI have grown.
Year to date, I look back atmyself a year ago to see if I've
(22:10):
grown, and I want to be grownin a different way a year from
now.
Compete with yourself, focus onyour personal goals, focus on
your personal success, yourpersonal development.
Think about how far you've comein the last five years, the
last three years, the last oneyear, even over the last few
months.
It's been said a lot and Ithink it bears saying here.
(22:34):
We often look at people andthink about how good they have
it, but we don't know whatthey've had to go through to get
to that point.
And I think sometimes for us tocompare ourselves to them and
say, oh, if I could only singlike so-and-so, my life would be
amazing.
But are you willing to pay thesame price that they've had to
(22:54):
pay?
Are you willing to go throughthe same ups and downs that
they've had to go through?
I mean seriously, seriously.
So, instead of looking tocompete with others and beat
others, compete with yourself,because there is enough room in
this world for everybody to bewho they've been created to be.
(23:16):
Next, let's talk about themindset piece, and this is
another strategy to help you getover the comparison.
So we know that mindset has abig impact, and if you've
listened to this podcast for anylength of time, you know that
I'm big on the mind.
So the next time you findyourself thinking that as an
individual, that an individualhas something you admire or that
(23:37):
you would like to have, try toshift your mindset, you may be
thinking why am I not like thisor what's wrong with me.
Instead, think about what youcan do to get closer to what
they have, or how you can betteryourself to get that quality.
You don't want to be them, butyou may be able to develop some
(23:58):
of what they have and twist itso that it becomes yours and it
is authentic to who you are.
Okay, yes, another person mayhave something that you don't,
but try to see it as anopportunity to grow and not an
indictment on who you are.
That eliminates the guilt thatinevitably comes when we compare
(24:24):
ourselves.
Celebrate your achievements Okay.
I think this one goes withoutsaying.
But again, dr Claire Nakajimasays that if you, that if
someone is good at something orhas a quality that you admire,
that doesn't mean that you don'thave your own strengths and
talents and abilities andattributes that deserve to be
(24:47):
admired as well.
You just have to take the time,come on.
You just have to take the timeto acknowledge, and I think, I
think that so many of us, that'swhere we fail.
We don't take the time toacknowledge what we do right,
(25:11):
what's going right in our lives,and when we don't take that
time to acknowledge and tocelebrate, then we let those
moments just slip through ourfingertips.
We only remember the bad things, but we never stop to celebrate
the good things.
And I'm challenging you to takethe time to celebrate what's
(25:33):
going right in your life,because I guarantee that even in
the darkest of the dark,there's still something.
There's still something I canremember.
There was a moment and thismight have been years ago when I
was so caught up in the throesof this person that I wanted to
(25:57):
be like.
This was someone in my lifethat I saw them getting all the
shine and I was like whySomething has to be wrong with
me, as to why nobody's noticingme.
We do the same thing.
How come nobody's noticing me?
How come nobody's giving me myflowers?
And it was such a toxic mindset.
(26:18):
And I remember sitting down andwriting a song and letting
somebody hear it, and they saidman, that's a beautiful song,
wow, wow.
And I had to stop for a minuteand say, well, I actually I
wrote a song and it is abeautiful song.
I don't have to be like thisperson.
They can be like them and I canbe like me, because evidently,
(26:42):
being me, that's the move.
Like that's cool.
I don't have to strive to beanybody else, and what I'm
telling you is that you don'thave to strive to be like
anybody else, because what's inyou is in you for a reason, it's
in you for a purpose and it'sto reach others through who you
are doing, what you do, the waythat nobody else can do it.
(27:05):
But you, so write that book,even if it's the same topic as a
book you've already read.
It's going to come from adifferent slant, right, it's
going to come from a differentslant, right, it's going to come
from a different slant becausethey're them and you're.
You, so write that song, evenif it, you know, has elements of
what somebody else is doing.
(27:26):
It's coming from yourexperiences and from your hearts
.
And no, we're not plagiarizingand we're not using chat, gpt to
get things across.
No, but what I'm saying is, ifit comes out of you, it's going
to naturally be different,because you're different than
every other person on the faceof the earth in your
(27:53):
authenticity, in the fact thatnobody can be you, no matter how
hard they try, and you can't beanybody else, no matter how
hard you try.
So you've got to reconcile it.
You have to reconcile and beokay with being who you are
(28:18):
Understanding that there willnever be another you.
There could never be anotheryou, and there will never be
another person to walk the faceof the earth who can do what you
do.
That thought in itself shouldeliminate every ounce of
comparison from your mind andfrom your heart.
(28:41):
Because I've said it before,I'll say it again you are quite
literally one of one.
Psalms 139, verse 14, says thisPsalms 139, verse 14, says this
I will praise you, o God, for Iam fearfully and wonderfully
(29:02):
made, and what that means isthat God took great care and
great concern and he was verydetail-oriented when he
constructed who you are and whoyou would be.
That is praiseworthy, that ishonorable, and the fact that
(29:25):
such care and concern wascreated with you and with me,
that has to be something that westop, consider and marvel over,
and then our hearts should befilled with gratitude because
we're not accidental.
There is no accident about us.
(29:46):
How we got here may or may nothave been planned, but the fact
that you're here is not anaccident.
It's not an accident that youexist at this time in the
history of the world.
It's not an accident that youhave your gifts, talents and
abilities at this time, at thispoint in the history of the
world, and you just gotta yougotta be okay with it.
(30:09):
You have to reconcile it, youhave to proudly be it.
You have to be it out loud.
You have to do it with humility.
Take up your space.
Don't shrink from who you are.
Be all that you have beencalled to be, be all of your
purpose, walk all of yourpathway, explore all of life
that's been afforded to you, andI believe if you do that, you
(30:33):
won't even have a modicum oftime to spend wishing that you
could be like everybody else.
You hear me All right?
So this has been episode 70 ofPep Talk.
I'm your host, coach J,encouraging you to take pride in
(30:55):
who you are and to recognizethat you are fearfully and
wonderfully made and you are atreasure, you are a gift, you
are a present that is evident inthe present.
I know that's corny, I knowthat's corny, but it's true,
(31:16):
it's still true, and so I wantto know your thoughts on today's
episode.
If you struggle with comparison, kind of tell me what specific,
what areas do you find yourselfmost comparing yourself to
others in?
If you don't struggle with it,tell me what are some strategies
that you use to get yourselfout of that mode of thinking.
(31:37):
When it wants to come up, justclick on the fan mail link in
the show notes the Buzzsproutshow notes and I will see you
all next week for episode 71.
But you know how we end everyepisode Keep it love, keep it
light and keep it peppy.
Reach out to us, let us knowwhat you're thinking.
We will see you next week.
(31:58):
Y'all be blessed, peace.
When's the last time you had a pep talk?
Pep talk, pep talk.
Yo, when's the last time youhad a pep talk?
Has it been a minute?
That's okay, you're in theright place.
I've got you.
Welcome to pep talk.
And in this episode, we'retalking about an awesome quote
God doesn't compare what hecreates.
Now let's get it.
Yo.
(00:27):
Welcome to Pep Talk, the podcastthat cheers you on and coaches
you up.
I'm your host, coach J, andyou're listening to the podcast
that is all about cheering youon and coaching you up, and
we're so excited that you'rehere with us.
Our belief is that everybodyneeds a cheerleader and
everybody needs a coach.
(00:47):
We need somebody to encourageus and be our hype man flavor
Flav style, but we also need acoach who can come in and say as
great as you are, I believethat there is another level for
you to achieve, there's anotherspeed for you to go, another
gear for you to hit, and that'swhat we endeavor to bring to you
every week on Pep Talk.
Again, this is episode 70.
We've been rocking with you for70 episodes.
(01:07):
Thank you so much forcontinuing to listen and to take
part in the mission.
If you're enjoying the content,please, please, please leave us
a five-star rating and a reviewwherever you catch our podcasts
.
And also, do us a favor andtell a friend, tell a family
member, about Pep Talk.
We would love to have more ofyou all.
(01:27):
Come and join our Pep Squadcommunity.
Now let's jump into the contentfor today.
So in the opener, I gave you aquote and I want to give you
that quote again because it isthe focus around today's episode
.
The quote was God does notcompare, he creates.
Let me say that again God doesnot compare, he creates.
(01:50):
Now that quote comes from BobGoff, from I believe it's his
latest book, dream Big, a bookthat I read at some point in I
believe it was 2022 or 2023.
And it is a fabulous read.
I would highly recommend it toyou.
But this quote specificallycomes from the first chapter of
(02:12):
the book and you can imagine,okay, this is a book that is
urging us to dream big, to takethe limits off of our dreams, to
take the limits off of ourfaith, to take the limits of
what we're believing for andjust go big, take the risk and
just go big.
And so in this first chapter,he is talking about his wife,
(02:33):
y'all and the way that Bob Gofftalks about his wife.
It is incredible.
He talks about her.
He calls her Sweet Maria Isn'tthat great?
He calls his wife Sweet Mariaand he just he speaks about her
in such glowing terms.
But I want to read somethingfrom chapter one to you in his
description of his dear SweetMaria.
(02:55):
And here's what he says.
Eventually Sweet Maria said yes, and we made a few kids to go
with my list of names.
It's 35 years later andwhatever I'm good at these days,
it's because sweet Maria Goffis better at it.
One of the many things she'sgood at is knowing herself and
finding joy in her unique set ofgifts, abilities and desires.
(03:18):
She doesn't compare herabilities and ambitions to
anyone else's.
She knows that God doesn'tcompare what he creates.
She also knows what she wants,why she wants it and what she's
going to do about it.
Having this kind of clarity israre and beautiful and
unstoppable.
Aim for this in your life andyou will find great joy.
(03:42):
God does not compare what hecreates, so why do we continue
to do it?
So this episode I really wantto focus in because I've done
episodes on this before, but Ireally feel like I need to hit
it again I don't think thatcomparison is an issue that we
can never hit too much.
(04:03):
When we're talking about ourmindset, you know how we think
about ourselves and how we thinkabout our world and our heart
set, how we feel about ourselvesand how we feel about the
things that are going on aroundus.
Comparison is one of thosethings that I don't know about
y'all, but I deal with it andyou know, in my latest therapy
(04:24):
session I was talking with mycounselor and we started talking
about comparison and he had metalk about some of the different
people that I have been enviousof because I have compared
myself to them.
Now I know some of y'all outthere listening.
You've never had that issue.
You have always been secure inwho you were.
Never had that issue.
(04:47):
You have always been secure inwho you were.
You've always been secure inyour ambitions, in your
abilities and the fact that youare a one of one.
You've always compared yourselfto yourself.
But for those of us who did notstand in line to grab that
portion of personal developmenton our way out of heaven, this
episode is for us, those of uswho still struggle with
(05:09):
comparison in some way, in someshape or in some form.
Yo, it was Teddy Roosevelt,president, teddy Roosevelt,
theodore Roosevelt, who saidthat comparison is the thief of
joy, and I thought about that.
Why would that be the case?
Because it is becausecomparison steals your joy, but
(05:33):
what it leaves you in exchangeis despair, because you can't
find anything within yourself tobe proud of, to be happy about.
And I'm going to tell you frommy vantage point.
Okay, I used to always believe.
I grew up in church and I usedto always hear how good it was
to be humble.
(05:53):
Okay, h-u-m-b-l-e.
Some people say humble.
I say humble because that'swhat I learned when I was in
grade school silent H and allthat stuff to be humble.
And somehow, in my own personaltheology, I began to equate
being humble with not thinking,with not only not thinking
highly about myself, but alsoputting myself on the very
(06:17):
lowest rung and consideringeverybody else as higher than me
but not equal to.
Well, let me tell you thedamage that that has done to me
over my life.
In my quest to be humble, okay,in my quest to place other
people, to consider myself less,what that has led to is me
(06:40):
putting people on a pedestalabove me and then looking at
their lives constantly andsaying, man, if only I could
speak as well as this person, ifonly I could get a crowd going
as well as this person, if onlyI could lead like this person,
if only I could communicate likethis person, if only my podcast
was pulling numbers like thisperson, I'd be happy, I'd be
(07:01):
great.
Oh, if only I was as thin asthis person, or if only I was as
this as this person.
And my life has been amurderer's row of
self-condemnation andself-loathing, because I have
always found a way to placeothers on pedestals above me and
(07:24):
look up to them wondering whatI could do to become more like
them.
Now, that is totallydisregarding the things that I
am good at, the things that Ihave been good at over my life,
the things that people have toldme countless times that I was
good at doing.
But because I struggled so muchwith this whole idea of
(07:48):
comparing myself to other people, I've done so much damage to
myself, and so I thought that itwould be cool in this episode
to look at some of thepsychology behind comparison, to
see if it can help us getfurther along.
If you're still struggling there, if you are a recovering uh,
(08:09):
comparison addict.
I'm hoping that the informationthat we talk about today will
be able to help you heal andbecome better, uh, and to
embrace the, the authenticity,the beautiful authenticity in
who you are, because, again, goddoesn't compare you to anything
else that he creates.
As far as God is concerned, youare a one of one, and that's
(08:34):
not by that, is not by accident.
It is purposeful, by design,because God wants you to know
that what you have, what he hasplaced inside of you, he hasn't
placed that exact samecombination of gifts and
abilities inside of no one else.
(08:54):
For the purpose that yourpurpose is your purpose, your
pathway is your pathway and itdoesn't matter who else can do
what you do.
It doesn't matter who does itbetter or who does it worse, for
whatever you have been given,for whatever you have been
gifted, for, however you havebeen created, it is more than
(09:16):
enough to accomplish the pathand the purpose and the plan
that has already been set forthfor your life.
And if it sounds like I'mpreaching to y'all, I am
passionate about this.
I've prayed for God to breakthis away from me.
I've had to work on my mind,I've had to work on my heart,
and so I'm coming to you todaywith so much passion and a
(09:39):
strong desire that if you weredealing with this spirit of
comparison strong desire that ifyou were dealing with this
spirit of comparison, thisdesire to compare yourself, that
something I say might open youreyes and you will find yourself
free from comparison forever,because you're awesome.
You've been created to beawesome.
(10:00):
You've been created to do goodworks that have been designed
for you in advance, before youwere even born.
God knew you and he didn't lookat you, and he didn't look at
you and say, oh, I wish thatJustin was more like Jason, or
that Justin was more likeJeffrey, or that Justin was more
like Jared.
No, that's not that, that's notit.
(10:23):
God looked at you and said OK,I'm happy with this, I'm proud
of this, and it is time for youto be happy with this and to be
proud with this as well.
So in psychology, there is atheory that was developed in
1954 by a psychologist namedLeon Festinger.
(10:44):
This theory is called thesocial comparison theory, and
what it says is basically thatas many as 10% of our thoughts,
on average, are thoughts ofcomparison of some kind that
fluctuates based on the person.
And this theory also goes on tosay that people who regularly
(11:05):
compare themselves to others mayfind motivation to improve, but
they may also experience deepfeelings of dissatisfaction,
guilt, remorse, which will leadthem to engage in destructive
behaviors like consistent lyingand eating disorders.
Now, I was reading this articleon psychology today about
(11:29):
social comparison, the socialcomparison theory, and it talked
about some of the benefits ofcomparison.
Okay, it talked about how somepeople are able to use
comparison as a competitivedrive, as a competitive streak,
and I know that there areathletes who do that.
Right, they want to be likeMike, they want to be better
(11:50):
than Michael Jordan.
They see, you know, maybe theywant to be a better passer than
Chris Fowler.
In football, somebody wants tobe a better quarterback than Tom
Brady, or to win more SuperBowls than Tom Brady, and they
use comparison as a positivemotivational tool to help them
continue to push through theworkouts, to push through the
(12:12):
pain and the discomfort, knowingthat there will be a payoff at
the end of that.
And you know, I kind of get that, but I don't believe that,
ultimately, comparison couldever become, could be a positive
thing, and I could be wrong.
And if I'm wrong, if comparisonfor you is positive, hey, send
(12:34):
me a fan mail.
I want to know, I want you totell me.
Help me, help me to understand,because from where I'm sitting
and from what the work that I'veseen of it in the lives of
other people, I have seen moreof the detrimental effects of
comparison than any positivebenefits improve.
(13:07):
But I think more often than notit leads to a person tearing
themselves down at the expenseof choosing to look up to
someone else.
It can cause us to bejudgmental, to think that we're
better than the people that werank ourselves above and to feel
inferior to the people that werank ourselves below, and that's
not good at all.
Comparisons are likelier tomake us feel bad when we make
(13:27):
the error of only comparingourselves to the paragons of
certain traits.
So, for example, many peoplebelieve they have a less active
social life than others, butwhen we make those comparisons,
we tend to compare ourselvesonly to the most social people.
Let's think about social media.
(13:48):
Right?
We look at social media, we are, we're bored, and so we get on
social media and we see peopleposting the highlights, not the
lowlights, the highlights.
And so we take those high orthose manufactured high moments
in time and we compare ourselvesto that.
Somebody's a millionaire andjust bought a new house,
(14:08):
somebody is posing next to aBugatti, somebody, you know, has
a happy wife and kids, and thecaption is there and the picture
is just that, and we see thesnapshot, but we don't see the
behind the scenes.
And when we don't see thebehind the scenes, guess what?
We find that we are comparingourselves to paragons, we are
(14:31):
comparing ourselves to thingsthat don't actually exist.
And so we have a faultybarometer for what success is.
We have a faulty barometer forwhat joy is.
We have a faulty barometer forwhat the highest of the heights
looks like.
Now, I'm not saying thateverybody on social media is
faking, but I wonder what wouldhappen if we had an entire
(14:56):
24-hour period where peoplecould only post the lowlights,
if people only posted what wasreally going on, how they were
feeling about the prayers thathaven't been answered yet, how
they were feeling about nothaving enough money to pay their
bills, how they were copingwith the divorce or the
separation, how they were copingwith not being able to get
(15:18):
along with their children or getalong to see their children.
And I know that there's some ofthat.
But y'all, I'm just saying whatare we comparing ourselves to
and what are we allowing it todo to our lives?
It's been proven that socialmedia is harmful to self-esteem
because we are comparingourselves to snapshots and not
(15:42):
the behind the scenes reality.
But even with all of that said,we have this natural human
beings have this naturalinclination to compare ourselves
to others.
When we meet people, whathappens?
Hey, my name is John.
You know, I live in GrandRapids, michigan.
Oh, yeah, my name's Trevor.
(16:03):
I live in, you know, galveston,texas.
What do you do for a livingTrevor?
What do you do for a livingJohn?
Whether we realize it or not,that is a way that we are
measuring ourselves up againstsomebody else.
Now, yeah, it could be somegenuine curiosity, but I wonder
if, in the background, we'relike oh, john just works in an
(16:26):
office, I own my own business,and so now that kicks my
masculine need for superiorityinto overdrive.
And so here's what I've had tolearn and I'm going to talk
about this from a personalstandpoint Is that I have had to
(16:49):
come to the realization and theI've just had to resolve this
within myself that I'm the onlyme that I have, and, come hell
or high water.
I have to learn how to becomfortable with me being who I
(17:10):
am.
I may not be the greatest atany given thing, but there are
things that I am good at and Ineed to start giving myself the
credit, and I'm not speakingfrom an arrogant state of point.
I want to go back to thathumility thing, being humble I
have a new definition for thatnow.
For me, it's not placing myselfat the very bottom.
(17:32):
To me now, humility is justtaking up the space that I was
meant to take up.
It's not me seeking to take upanybody else's space.
It's not me trying to useanybody else's gifts.
It's not me trying to live likeanybody else.
It's, basically, it's just medoing what I'm supposed to do in
(17:53):
my lane and not shrinking backfrom all that I have been
created to be.
You know, one of my favoriteverses in the Bible is from
Jeremiah, chapter one, versefive, where Jeremiah God is
talking to Jeremiah and he saysbefore I formed you in your
mother's womb, I knew you.
And he goes on to talk abouthow he's been chosen and called
(18:17):
and appointed to something great.
And if I have to latch on andanchor to anything in life.
For me, that is the verse,because I know that, because of
who my creator is, he did notmake a mistake in the way that
he crafted Justin.
Now, does Justin make mistakes?
(18:38):
Oh yeah, oh yeah.
But when I am seeking to live anauthentic and unique life, when
I am seeking not to be likeanybody else, but to just live
in my gifts and to live in whatI know I've been created to do,
then I find so much joy and somuch satisfaction in the way
(19:02):
that I've been created thatthere is literally no room for
me to look at what somebody elseis doing and take the time to
compare myself to them.
Y'all.
It's been a whole mindset shiftand I've had to deal with my
heart.
It's been a lot of prayer, it'sbeen a whole mindset shift and
I've had to deal with my heart.
It's been a lot of prayer, it'sbeen a lot, and I still slip up
at times.
But again, I think that if youare going to make that shift, if
(19:28):
you find yourself in a positionwhere you're looking at
everybody else's business andyou're wondering how they got so
big, if you're looking ateverybody else's podcast, or if
you're looking at everybodyelse's studio that they're
running, or if you're looking atsomebody else's skills and
singing or anything else.
We have to stop looking atother people and we have to
(19:50):
really start looking atourselves.
How was I created?
What do I do?
Well, and again, y'all it is amindset shift, and so, since I'm
giving out some strategies forstopping comparing yourself,
let's go ahead and do this, okay?
(20:11):
So I've talked about focusingon what you have, so when you
feel your mind wandering off towhat other people have, try to
focus on yourself instead.
Dr Claire Nakajima suggests thatif you focus on yourself and
you figure out what works foryou, rather than feeling like
you have to fit a mold thatworks for someone else that
(20:34):
works for someone else, you canbe open to learning from others,
but in a way that makes it yourown.
You're no longer trying to belike somebody else.
You're admiring what somebodyhas, but you're not trying to be
like them.
There is a fine line betweencomparison I'm sorry, between
(21:01):
jealousy and respecting whatsomebody else has.
When you're jealous, you wantto be like them, you want to
take what they have, but whenyou respect what somebody else
has, you understand they havetheir thing, just like you have
your thing and you can respectand honor what they have their
thing, just like you have yourthing and you can.
You can respect and honor whatthey have without putting
yourself down.
Think about what you weregrateful for in your life and
(21:23):
just write it down so that itstays fresh in your mind, so
that when you want to startbeing like somebody else, you're
like man, I'm kind of great too, I'm okay.
And now again, I'm not sayingbe arrogant, say that I don't
have anything else to work on.
No, that's not what I'm saying.
But what I'm saying is you haveto recognize what is good about
you and what is great about you, because within every person is
(21:47):
something that is worthy ofbeing recognized.
Next, compete with yourself.
You hear people say all thetime I don't compete with
anybody else.
I compete with myself to see ifI have grown.
Year to date, I look back atmyself a year ago to see if I've
(22:10):
grown, and I want to be grownin a different way a year from
now.
Compete with yourself, focus onyour personal goals, focus on
your personal success, yourpersonal development.
Think about how far you've comein the last five years, the
last three years, the last oneyear, even over the last few
months.
It's been said a lot and Ithink it bears saying here.
(22:34):
We often look at people andthink about how good they have
it, but we don't know whatthey've had to go through to get
to that point.
And I think sometimes for us tocompare ourselves to them and
say, oh, if I could only singlike so-and-so, my life would be
amazing.
But are you willing to pay thesame price that they've had to
(22:54):
pay?
Are you willing to go throughthe same ups and downs that
they've had to go through?
I mean seriously, seriously.
So, instead of looking tocompete with others and beat
others, compete with yourself,because there is enough room in
this world for everybody to bewho they've been created to be.
(23:16):
Next, let's talk about themindset piece, and this is
another strategy to help you getover the comparison.
So we know that mindset has abig impact, and if you've
listened to this podcast for anylength of time, you know that
I'm big on the mind.
So the next time you findyourself thinking that as an
individual, that an individualhas something you admire or that
(23:37):
you would like to have, try toshift your mindset, you may be
thinking why am I not like thisor what's wrong with me.
Instead, think about what youcan do to get closer to what
they have, or how you can betteryourself to get that quality.
You don't want to be them, butyou may be able to develop some
(23:58):
of what they have and twist itso that it becomes yours and it
is authentic to who you are.
Okay, yes, another person mayhave something that you don't,
but try to see it as anopportunity to grow and not an
indictment on who you are.
That eliminates the guilt thatinevitably comes when we compare
(24:24):
ourselves.
Celebrate your achievements Okay.
I think this one goes withoutsaying.
But again, dr Claire Nakajimasays that if you, that if
someone is good at something orhas a quality that you admire,
that doesn't mean that you don'thave your own strengths and
talents and abilities andattributes that deserve to be
(24:47):
admired as well.
You just have to take the time,come on.
You just have to take the timeto acknowledge, and I think, I
think that so many of us, that'swhere we fail.
We don't take the time toacknowledge what we do right,
(25:11):
what's going right in our lives,and when we don't take that
time to acknowledge and tocelebrate, then we let those
moments just slip through ourfingertips.
We only remember the bad things, but we never stop to celebrate
the good things.
And I'm challenging you to takethe time to celebrate what's
(25:33):
going right in your life,because I guarantee that even in
the darkest of the dark,there's still something.
There's still something I canremember.
There was a moment and thismight have been years ago when I
was so caught up in the throesof this person that I wanted to
(25:57):
be like.
This was someone in my lifethat I saw them getting all the
shine and I was like whySomething has to be wrong with
me, as to why nobody's noticingme.
We do the same thing.
How come nobody's noticing me?
How come nobody's giving me myflowers?
And it was such a toxic mindset.
(26:18):
And I remember sitting down andwriting a song and letting
somebody hear it, and they saidman, that's a beautiful song,
wow, wow.
And I had to stop for a minuteand say, well, I actually I
wrote a song and it is abeautiful song.
I don't have to be like thisperson.
They can be like them and I canbe like me, because evidently,
(26:42):
being me, that's the move.
Like that's cool.
I don't have to strive to beanybody else, and what I'm
telling you is that you don'thave to strive to be like
anybody else, because what's inyou is in you for a reason, it's
in you for a purpose and it'sto reach others through who you
are doing, what you do, the waythat nobody else can do it.
(27:05):
But you, so write that book,even if it's the same topic as a
book you've already read.
It's going to come from adifferent slant, right, it's
going to come from a differentslant, right, it's going to come
from a different slant becausethey're them and you're.
You, so write that song, evenif it, you know, has elements of
what somebody else is doing.
(27:26):
It's coming from yourexperiences and from your hearts
.
And no, we're not plagiarizingand we're not using chat, gpt to
get things across.
No, but what I'm saying is, ifit comes out of you, it's going
to naturally be different,because you're different than
every other person on the faceof the earth in your
(27:53):
authenticity, in the fact thatnobody can be you, no matter how
hard they try, and you can't beanybody else, no matter how
hard you try.
So you've got to reconcile it.
You have to reconcile and beokay with being who you are
(28:18):
Understanding that there willnever be another you.
There could never be anotheryou, and there will never be
another person to walk the faceof the earth who can do what you
do.
That thought in itself shouldeliminate every ounce of
comparison from your mind andfrom your heart.
(28:41):
Because I've said it before,I'll say it again you are quite
literally one of one.
Psalms 139, verse 14, says thisPsalms 139, verse 14, says this
I will praise you, o God, for Iam fearfully and wonderfully
(29:02):
made, and what that means isthat God took great care and
great concern and he was verydetail-oriented when he
constructed who you are and whoyou would be.
That is praiseworthy, that ishonorable, and the fact that
(29:25):
such care and concern wascreated with you and with me,
that has to be something that westop, consider and marvel over,
and then our hearts should befilled with gratitude because
we're not accidental.
There is no accident about us.
(29:46):
How we got here may or may nothave been planned, but the fact
that you're here is not anaccident.
It's not an accident that youexist at this time in the
history of the world.
It's not an accident that youhave your gifts, talents and
abilities at this time, at thispoint in the history of the
world, and you just gotta yougotta be okay with it.
(30:09):
You have to reconcile it, youhave to proudly be it.
You have to be it out loud.
You have to do it with humility.
Take up your space.
Don't shrink from who you are.
Be all that you have beencalled to be, be all of your
purpose, walk all of yourpathway, explore all of life
that's been afforded to you, andI believe if you do that, you
(30:33):
won't even have a modicum oftime to spend wishing that you
could be like everybody else.
You hear me All right?
So this has been episode 70 ofPep Talk.
I'm your host, coach J,encouraging you to take pride in
(30:55):
who you are and to recognizethat you are fearfully and
wonderfully made and you are atreasure, you are a gift, you
are a present that is evident inthe present.
I know that's corny, I knowthat's corny, but it's true,
(31:16):
it's still true, and so I wantto know your thoughts on today's
episode.
If you struggle with comparison, kind of tell me what specific,
what areas do you find yourselfmost comparing yourself to
others in?
If you don't struggle with it,tell me what are some strategies
that you use to get yourselfout of that mode of thinking.
(31:37):
When it wants to come up, justclick on the fan mail link in
the show notes the Buzzsproutshow notes and I will see you
all next week for episode 71.
But you know how we end everyepisode Keep it love, keep it
light and keep it peppy.
Reach out to us, let us knowwhat you're thinking.
We will see you next week.
(31:58):
Y'all be blessed, peace.
Popular Podcasts
Crime Junkie
Does hearing about a true crime case always leave you scouring the internet for the truth behind the story? Dive into your next mystery with Crime Junkie. Every Monday, join your host Ashley Flowers as she unravels all the details of infamous and underreported true crime cases with her best friend Brit Prawat. From cold cases to missing persons and heroes in our community who seek justice, Crime Junkie is your destination for theories and stories you won’t hear anywhere else. Whether you're a seasoned true crime enthusiast or new to the genre, you'll find yourself on the edge of your seat awaiting a new episode every Monday. If you can never get enough true crime... Congratulations, you’ve found your people. Follow to join a community of Crime Junkies! Crime Junkie is presented by audiochuck Media Company.
24/7 News: The Latest
The latest news in 4 minutes updated every hour, every day.
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.