March 11, 2024 • 32 mins
Ditch the stereotypes of silent, stoic guardians and tune in as we redefine what it means to be a true protector in our society. Gone are the days when physical strength was the sole measure of a man's courage—instead, we're examining the fortitude that comes with emotional intelligence and vulnerability. As we navigate the complexities of modern manhood, I'm here to champion a new era where the strongest men are those who can wield their emotional presence as confidently as a shield.
In this heart-to-heart, we’re not just looking at the caricatures of masculinity; we're peeling back the layers to reveal the power of being an emotionally present father, a thoughtful partner, and a mentor who leads with compassion. We're breaking down the outdated concepts of protection, fostering flexibility, trust, and a deeper sense of security that transcends the physical. No guests are needed in this intimate conversation—just an open mind and the willingness to engage in intentional manhood, for the betterment of ourselves and the ones we cherish. Join me on this transformative journey as we redefine strength and security from the inside out.
Email: Thepeppodcast@gmail.com
Insta: @_Jbspeaks
Twitter: peptalkpodcast
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
On this episode of the Pep Talk Podcast.
We're talking about Conan theBarbarian, denzel Washington and
possibly even John Wick.
But first I have a question foryou have you had your Doseph
Pep today?
No, don't worry, I've got you.
Now let's get into it.
We'll be right back.
We'll be right back.
(00:20):
We'll be right back, we'll beright back.
Welcome to the Pep Talk Podcast.
I'm your host, coach Jay.
This is the podcast that cheersyou on and coaches you up.
That's our mission to tell youevery week that you're great,
that you're amazing, that you'reawesome, but that there is
(00:41):
another level, there's anothergear, and I believe that about
every single person, everybodyneeds a cheerleader to encourage
them and to coach, to challengethem, and so that's what we do
with this podcast.
If you were new to the podcast,welcome.
Welcome.
I'm so glad to have you herewith us If you have been rocking
with us.
Thank you so much forcontinuing to be with us every
(01:04):
Monday, and last week we had twoepisodes.
We had one on Wednesday as well, so we're gonna be
experimenting with bonusepisodes here and there.
Listen if you're enjoying thePep, if you're enjoying the
motivation, if you're gettingsomething out of it, please
don't forget.
Leave a rating at a review Fivestars, five stars, five stars.
(01:25):
Leave a five star rating whereyou listen to podcasts.
If you're on YouTube, don'tforget to hit that subscribe
button, leave a comment to letus know where you're listening
from and, as always, feel freeto reach out at
thepepppodcastcom or atunderscore.
Jb Speaks on Instagram.
Now what are we talking abouttoday?
(01:45):
In my opener slash teaser, Italked about Conan the Barbarian
, denzel Washington and I alsotalked about John Wick Three men
, three ideals that I think lotsof men have in their head.
Now we have been talking aboutI took a brief departure from it
(02:06):
last week we've been in aseries for men about choosing
intentional manhood.
The idea about this series hassimply been that men, we need to
get better, and this series isspecifically pointed at men and
future men, but it's alsopointed at the people who love
(02:28):
us, the people who love men.
So that hits at everybody,right, but I wanted to
specifically talk to men becausethere are areas where I feel
like we're slacking, and maybewe don't even know that we're
slacking, maybe nobody's eventold us that we're slacking, but
(02:51):
I just I look at men and thisis not.
This is not a gender bias orany of those things.
But I look at men and I see somany things that would be better
if we were better.
The family structure would bebetter if we were better.
(03:12):
Our children would be better ifwe were better.
Our marriages could be betterif we were better.
And we can.
There are higher heights thatwe can achieve.
There are deeper depths that wecan achieve, and in today's
episode I wanna talk about thiswhole idea of men as protectors,
(03:38):
because I think that it's quitepossible that we have it wrong,
and so I wanna kind of digright into it.
So we have these tropes right.
We have Conan the Barbarian.
We have Arnold Schwarzenegger,all ripped up, yoked up, with
his loin skin on, carrying a bigsword.
(04:01):
We have Spartacus from the StarSeries, these big, yoked up
gladiators that are protectors.
We have John Wick, robertMcCall the equalizer right, this
protector of people.
He equalizes things right.
(04:23):
We have John Wick, who is anassassin, yes, but in a way he's
also a protector of the memoryof his wife and whoever was
stupid enough to kill his dog.
But we have this idea of men asprotectors, these stoic
unfeeling.
I'm going to do what needs tobe done to protect.
(04:46):
I have my guns, I have mybaseball bats, I have my blank
look on my face unless I'm angryand I'm growling and I'm
yelling.
And what if?
What if that kind of protectoris really a myth?
(05:08):
What if that type of protectoris not the protection that our
families need?
What if that's not the kind ofprotection that our children
need, that our communities need?
And listen, I'm not saying thatyou know you shouldn't be armed
and ready to protect yourfamily if somebody's running up
(05:30):
on them.
No, no, no, you should be,definitely you should be.
But what if this whole idea thatmen have to be, men have to
show strength, physicallyshutter our emotions, build the
(05:50):
walls around the castle, put themoat around the walls, put a
drawbridge across the moat andstation guards across the bridge
to make sure that nobody canget in to hurt us?
Because I think that when we dothat, what we're missing is the
most dangerous things that canhurt us are not from without,
(06:13):
they're from within, and oftenthe most vulnerable parts of our
security system are the thingsthat are already inside of the
walls, that are already insideof the castles.
It's the thing that are alreadyinside of our hearts, the
(06:33):
things that are already insideof our children, that already,
what if the way that we areprotecting is not?
It's not it.
And brothers, I'm not here toattack us, I'm just calling us
(06:54):
to consider, because you maylisten to this episode and you
may say, nabra, the kind ofprotection that my family needs
is for me to have my gat, tohave my Glock, to have my pistol
, to have my shotgun, to have myAK-47 and to be on guard and to
be on watch all the time.
(07:15):
I'm the watchman on the wall,I'm the last line of defense.
That's how I'm protecting.
And if that's what you believe,brother, I'm not gonna
necessarily tell you that you'rewrong.
But I am going to ask you toconsider that in your ADT
security system that you haveerected and constructed, what if
(07:38):
there are key things that youwere missing, that are leading
your families and your life andyour communities to not be as
safe as you think they are inyour patrolling?
So I don't want you to listento this and say, nope, I'm not
listening, I can't listen tothis anymore.
But I'm asking you to considerwith me that, as great as a
(08:03):
protector as you are, maybe thekind of protecting that you're
offering is not the kind ofprotection that is absolutely
necessary, and I know that thatis.
That's hard, that requires aparadigm shift.
It's a paradox for so many ofus, because for many of us, we
(08:24):
have grown up with these hypermasculine ideals of men as
conquerors.
We conquer sexually, we conquerin the workplace,
professionally, we conquereverything that we look at.
We're like, you know, simba andMufasa, and Mufasa is telling
us everything that the lighttouches is yours, you're
(08:48):
responsible for protecting it.
And I'm telling you, yeah, youare responsible for protecting
what's in your area, what's inyour arena, but the way that we
protect, I believe that it hasto look different, and so that's
what we are talking about.
That's what I'm going to try totalk about in this episode, so
just stick with me.
(09:08):
I was watching on Netflixrecently this continued remake
of He-Man.
I don't know how many of y'allhave ever watched He-Man, but
I'm gonna give you just a briefsynopsis of brief synopsis.
So there is a prince of Eternia.
His name is Adam.
I don't even know if he has thelast name, but he has this
power sword and when his archenemy, skeletor, and his minions
(09:34):
, there's always these clashesfor the fate of Eternia.
And when Skeletor comes, adam,adam is weak, right?
Adam is weak, so he can't fightSkeletor.
Skeletor has magic and monsters, and so what happens is the
sorceress gave Adam this swordand Adam, he holds this big
sword up and he says, by thepower of Grace Skull, I have the
(09:59):
power.
And then lightning comes downand strikes the sword.
And then Adam, he becomes thisbig, muscle bound dude and he it
transforms his cat Cringor intothis really masculine cat
called Cringor a battle cat,sorry, and that's how they fight
and he protects Eternia fromSkeletor.
(10:22):
I'm convinced that we havebrought into this myth that we
all have to be he-men, but Ithink that we often forget that
Adam, in his own right, thePrince of Eternia, adam, had a
lot going for him.
Adam was smart, adam was acreative problem solver.
(10:45):
What Adam was missing was justthe big muscles to go Hulk smash
on everything around him.
And I think you know in ourhearts we all want to be he-men.
We all want to be the bigmuscle bound dude going around,
being physically imposing.
We want to be the watcher onthe wall that, if people look at
us and see us, just to look inour eyes is enough to scare them
(11:08):
off, nobody's going to messwith me because I've got the
muscles, I've got the power,I've got the weapons.
Yes, but I think in doing thatwe really overlook that the
other parts of ourselves arejust as important in being a
protector.
As the muscles, as the weapons,as the martial arts, there are
other skills involved with beinga protector.
(11:30):
And see, there's this myth thatmen have to be this unyielding
fortress, impervious to fear ordoubt, decisive, ready to act in
a moment's notice.
But what if protection is notabout invincibility?
What if protection is not aboutnobody ever getting through?
(11:52):
What if protection is not aboutthe fortress?
What if real protection isabout vulnerability?
And man, I need you to listento me like, lean in, lean in
close and hear me.
Courage is not about the armorthat we wear or the muscles that
(12:15):
we build, like all of thatstuff is well and good.
But courage is not about thesize of the sword that we swing,
it's not about the caliber ofthe bullets that we spray, it's
not about the loudness of ourvoice when we're trying to
convey a point or proveourselves.
It's not about, it's notnecessarily about those things.
(12:40):
And to protect it does requireus to be courageous.
But courage is not just simplyarmor, it's also the trembling
hand that protects, that coversa fragile heart.
It's I think it was NelsonMandela who said courage is not
(13:07):
the absence of fear, but it isthe triumph over it.
Strength, it strength does notlie in muscles alone.
It resides in the spaces wherevulnerability meets resilience.
And guys Shrek said it bestogres are like onions, meaning
(13:29):
that ogres have layers.
And that's what he was tryingto convey, that he wasn't just
this big.
You know hulking ugly greendude.
Men are like onions, but we'reoften so afraid of peeling back
the layers and we're afraid ofshowing people the galaxies that
(13:51):
exist within us.
There are worlds within us menthat never come out, that are
never explored because we areafraid we are as much protecting
ourselves as we are protectingother people, and so we don't
talk when people ask what'swrong with us.
Our word choices are grunts andmonosyllabic.
(14:12):
They're very, very rarely arewe ready to express, or very
rarely do we feel like we havethe words to properly expose the
storms that are happening onthe inside of us.
And as we're trying to protectourselves and protect other
people, nobody is getting thecoverage that they need, because
we men don't often have thecourage to be vulnerable and to
(14:38):
expose ourselves.
Yes, men, we protect physically,but our true strength and I
will go down to my deathbelieving this the true strength
, the key to us being able toprotect others, lies in our
emotional intelligence.
It's in the father who wipesaway the tears.
(15:02):
It's in the brother who listens.
It's in the husband, thepartner, who can hold a space of
silence wholly to provide thatother person a chance to process
and to listen not to respond,but to listen, to understand and
to listen to love.
And I can tell that that'stripping somebody out.
(15:27):
That's tripping somebody outbecause here's what I know, guys
we're failing in our ability toprotect.
Oftentimes we're not protectingthe hearts of our loved ones.
We're not protecting ourchildren, because what they are
(15:47):
exposed to y'all.
I've realized recently thatthere are no safe spaces for our
children anymore.
They are exposed to so much andthey fight and they wrestle
with so much.
Why?
Because we don't have thecourage to ask the hard
questions.
We don't have the courage tojump into their lives in
(16:12):
intrusive and intense ways, tobattle the intrusive and intense
situations that they aredealing with on a daily basis.
That's something that we'verecently come up against.
It's caused me to reevaluatethe way that I protect the ones
that I love, and I need you toreevaluate how you're protecting
(16:34):
the ones that you love.
This episode, man, is aninvitation to peel away that
stoicism, to peel away, to takea sledgehammer to the castle and
to the walls and to drain themoat.
It's time that, if you're trulygoing to be the king and
protector of your realm, it istime to allow yourself to feel
(16:59):
more.
It is time to allow yourself tobe fragile and vulnerable with
those around you, because thestrength of your protection is
not in your muscles or in yourpunches, or in your kicks, or in
your insults or in your cursewords, or in your 40 ounces or
in all of those things.
It's not about how much moneythat you make, it's not about
(17:23):
physically how you're leadingothers, but it's in the
emotional aspect, in the softskills, in the areas that we're
most afraid to tackle, where theprotection really happens.
We were no longer in cavemandays, where we're fighting off
saber-toothed tigers.
We don't have to worry aboutbeing eaten like that.
(17:44):
We do have to worry about crime.
We do have to worry sometimesabout people trying to take what
hours, what we've worked for.
But being a protector, it'sspiritual.
Are you praying for your family?
Do you read the Bible with them?
(18:06):
If you don't read the Bible,are there devotionals that
you're doing with them that arefeeding them spiritually?
Because there are lots of menout here who are good providers
but they aren't good protectors.
And being a protector is aboutself-analysis, it's about
self-awareness, it's about notnecessarily warring against
(18:29):
people coming to kill anddestroy you physically, but it's
about the things in this lifethat are coming to kill your
spirit, to destroy your heart,to destroy your families from
the inside out.
And I'm telling you that it'sokay.
It is okay to go against thegrain and to believe that you
(18:56):
don't have to be unpatrolledphysically because you're
unpatrolled emotionally andyou're aware you're going up to
your kids and you're asking notjust how was your day, but what
was the best part of your day.
You're asking your spouse, yourpartner, when is the last time
that I'll let you down?
And you're allowing them thehonesty to do that.
(19:19):
You're asking your kids when'sthe last time I'll let you down?
And you're not blowing up whenthey tell you the last time that
you let them down.
That's the way that you protectthem.
The oftentimes, protection isjust about allowing people the
space to give you the kind ofcriticisms that will help you to
become better.
(19:41):
Just because you can make a lotof money and buy the house and
buy the clothes and providefinancial stability, behind the
curtain you find out that theWizard of Oz is not really a
wizard, it's just a scared man.
There are too many of us menwho are scared men putting on
the armor and the facade of aprotector when really we're
(20:02):
nothing more than scared boysjust hoping that we don't lose
everything that we're holding somuch, holding on so tightly to.
But, men, innately you are aprotector.
Innately you are a warrior.
But the war is not necessarilyhappening in the physical realm.
The war is probably morehappening spiritually and
(20:22):
emotionally and psychologically,not just in us but in those
around us, and I promise peoplewill value us more when we begin
to lean into those aspects oflife.
It's not the archetype of awarrior with the sword anymore.
It's not about being willing tokill to protect your family.
(20:44):
Are you willing to cry?
Are you willing to hold them?
Are you willing to beaccountable?
Are you willing to betransparent?
Are you willing to betransformative in your reactions
and in your relationships in away that creates a safe space
for the people around you to bewho they are and to feel safe
(21:08):
around you, that you willprotect them, that you will
protect their hearts.
I want my kids to know thatwhen they're in my presence,
they're safe, not because I'mgetting ready to fight somebody
on their behalf, but I'm readyto, I'm ready to war with the
(21:30):
negative influences in theirlives that are causing them to
make hard decisions.
That I'm willing to listen andlet them explain what's
happening to them on a dailybasis and offer advice from
where I've been, but also givethem the room to grow into that.
We've got to protect our kids.
(21:55):
We've got to protect ourmarriages.
We've got to protect ourcommunities, our families.
We've got to y'all.
It is our responsibility tomake others around us to create
a space where they feel safe andgood, to help others build
(22:16):
confidence, to help others feelcomfortable, growing into
themselves, to selflessly giveof ourselves, to serve others in
a way where the best parts ofthem are maximized, where the
opportunities for growth withinthem are realized and together,
collectively, we are creatingenvironments where the people
(22:44):
are safe, because I think that'sreal safety.
And, as I think about my ownlife, I think that there have
been many times where I haveshirked responsibilities as a
(23:08):
protector because I didn't thinkthat I was doing it right, not
realizing that the way that I'mwired as an emotionally aware
man is really what protects thebest ways.
I can get a gun and I can shoot, but can I wipe away a tear
(23:29):
when somebody's crying?
I can hold a sword and I canhack and slash I've played
enough video games, I know whatto do, right but when somebody
really needs to get somethingoff of their chest, can I be
present in that moment in a waythat is transformative, not
(23:51):
because I said anything, butjust because I was there?
Man, I am convinced that thisis the protection that is
lacking.
It is the protection that isnecessary and it is the
protection that is going torebuild proper walls, not to
(24:14):
keep people out, but to bringpeople in, man masculinity.
It demands that we protect, butI'll keep saying this again and
again and again it's how weprotect that makes a difference.
So how can we become betterprotectors?
(24:36):
All right, so I'm going off thedome with these, because these
are things that I really reallyfeel.
I really really feel in myheart that when I'm doing these
things, I am the best protectorthat I can be.
So I think, number one, we needto be flexible.
We need to be less resistant tochange and we need to
(24:58):
understand that there are newways of doing things.
Like I said earlier, we're nolonger protecting from saber
tooth tigers, but we areprotecting from porn on our
phones and our internet and howthat is detrimental to the lives
of our boys.
We need to learn to trustpeople.
(25:19):
We need to learn to let ourguard down and let people in,
because as people get to know usbetter, then they can trust our
intentions with them.
Our wives, our partners, willtrust our intentions with their
hearts when they know us better.
Our kids will trust us betterwith our input into their lives
(25:40):
when they know who we are andwhat we've been through.
I'm opening, honest with mykids about how I've messed up
and when I've messed up.
We have to trust people.
Remember, we're tearing downthe walls, we're destroying the
gate, we're draining the moat,we're bringing the bridge back
down.
We're removing the guards fromthe gate.
We have to let people in andembrace vulnerability as a
(26:03):
strength as a strength, becauseit's necessary.
Another way that we can be aprotector is to be a good friend
.
Be a good friend to other men,build those pockets, listen to
their problems and help resolvethem, without leaning towards
violence or confrontation withother people, but try to help
(26:26):
people confront the thingswithin themselves.
Be protective of your partner.
Be cautious with feelings.
Be cautious with hearts.
Men teach their sons to becautious with women, to be
cautious with their hearts.
I don't care if it's agirlfriend, a fiance, a wife,
(26:49):
whatever.
Be cautious, be protective, beconsiderate.
Guys, if we're not teaching oursons to do that, then we're
failing Bar none.
We are failing.
We are failing, we are failing.
I talk to my son all the timeabout being respective of any
(27:13):
young woman that you mightassociate yourself with, whether
a girlfriend, a friend orwhatever.
Now, does that mean that that'salways going to be the case?
No, but I'm a big believer thatwhen you train your people,
train your kids, train your sonsin the way that they should go,
while there will be mistakes,they will always come back to
(27:36):
the core of what you've taughtthem.
So you've got to teach them,we've got to teach them.
I see too many young men outhere just wild and being loose
and being free with women andthat ain't it.
That is not it, because ifthey're loose and free with
others and they're loose andfree with themselves and they
don't have the capacity toprotect themselves, much less
(27:58):
somebody else, because nobodyhas protected them Right.
And we need to be selfless, tobe a warrior, to be a protector.
You've got to be about otherpeople.
You've got to be about otherpeople.
You've got to know what youstand for, you've got to know
who you are, you've got to knowwho you're leading, who you are
(28:20):
protecting, and you've got to beselfless, going after them,
going hard for them, 100%.
But I'm going to add a caveatthere You're also going to have
to be a little bit selfish,because if you're going to
protect others 100%, you've gotto be dealing with yourself.
You've got to be askingyourself the hard questions how
(28:41):
can I be better, how can I dobetter so that I can turn, can
be better for others?
Y'all know I believe in God, Ibelieve in the Bible and I
believe that it is the role of aman to be that watchman on the
(29:03):
wall.
But I also believe that it isimportant, it is absolutely
necessary for us, as men, to doit right, because we weren't
just created with flesh.
We were created with the souland with the spirit, and we
neglect those way too often.
We elect our emotions way toooften.
(29:25):
We neglect our will way toooften until stuff hits the fans.
And guys, I am challenging you.
I am challenging you to dobetter.
The world demands a differentkind of protector now.
(29:47):
The world demands a kind ofprotector who is not just
willing to pull the trigger, butthe kind of protector who is
willing to consider feelings andis willing to talk about his
feelings first, to create acomfortable avenue for other
people to talk about theirfeelings.
(30:11):
I want to know what you think,guys, people who love them.
I want to know what you thinkabout this topic.
Do you still think that menneed to be protectors?
Why, why not?
I need you to drop a message,send it to the podcast at
(30:31):
gmailcom, hit me up at JBSpeakson Instagram.
I would love to know do youthink that the role of men as
protectors is it still relevant?
Is it still necessary?
And, if so, what kind ofprotection do you need the men
in your life to provide for you?
(30:52):
Yeah, that's what we need.
That's what I need from you.
Drop a comment, drop a line,shoot me a direct message.
I would love to hear from you,I would love your thoughts on
this episode and, as we begin toclose it out, men, we have to
choose intentional manhood andbeing the right kind of
(31:15):
protection, choosing to be thatright kind of protector, I think
, is a key portion ofmasculinity, of healthy
masculinity, of healthy manhood.
Remember, we're not doing thattoxic.
You know men are the greatestever.
We're not doing that in here.
We've got to be better thanthat.
We are not God's gift to womenunless we do the work and we
(31:41):
truly are a gift that is worthyto be given to our communities,
to our families and to the world.
We don't get to claim that ifwe hadn't done the work.
So I'm charging you withchoosing intentional manhood.
I'm choosing you to be the bestman that you can be.
All right, all right.
(32:02):
This has been another episodeof the Pep Talk Podcast.
Remember, subscribe, rate,review, reach out, let us know
what you think, but until nexttime, y'all know how we like to
end things.
Keep it love, keep it light andkeep it peppy and man.
Keep protecting.
I'm watching.
I'm proud of you, bro.
This has been the Pep TalkPodcast with your boy, coach Jay
(32:25):
.
We'll see you next week.
Y'all be blessed, peace.
On this episode of the Pep Talk Podcast.
We're talking about Conan theBarbarian, denzel Washington and
possibly even John Wick.
But first I have a question foryou have you had your Doseph
Pep today?
No, don't worry, I've got you.
Now let's get into it.
We'll be right back.
We'll be right back.
(00:20):
We'll be right back, we'll beright back.
Welcome to the Pep Talk Podcast.
I'm your host, coach Jay.
This is the podcast that cheersyou on and coaches you up.
That's our mission to tell youevery week that you're great,
that you're amazing, that you'reawesome, but that there is
(00:41):
another level, there's anothergear, and I believe that about
every single person, everybodyneeds a cheerleader to encourage
them and to coach, to challengethem, and so that's what we do
with this podcast.
If you were new to the podcast,welcome.
Welcome.
I'm so glad to have you herewith us If you have been rocking
with us.
Thank you so much forcontinuing to be with us every
(01:04):
Monday, and last week we had twoepisodes.
We had one on Wednesday as well, so we're gonna be
experimenting with bonusepisodes here and there.
Listen if you're enjoying thePep, if you're enjoying the
motivation, if you're gettingsomething out of it, please
don't forget.
Leave a rating at a review Fivestars, five stars, five stars.
(01:25):
Leave a five star rating whereyou listen to podcasts.
If you're on YouTube, don'tforget to hit that subscribe
button, leave a comment to letus know where you're listening
from and, as always, feel freeto reach out at
thepepppodcastcom or atunderscore.
Jb Speaks on Instagram.
Now what are we talking abouttoday?
(01:45):
In my opener slash teaser, Italked about Conan the Barbarian
, denzel Washington and I alsotalked about John Wick Three men
, three ideals that I think lotsof men have in their head.
Now we have been talking aboutI took a brief departure from it
(02:06):
last week we've been in aseries for men about choosing
intentional manhood.
The idea about this series hassimply been that men, we need to
get better, and this series isspecifically pointed at men and
future men, but it's alsopointed at the people who love
(02:28):
us, the people who love men.
So that hits at everybody,right, but I wanted to
specifically talk to men becausethere are areas where I feel
like we're slacking, and maybewe don't even know that we're
slacking, maybe nobody's eventold us that we're slacking, but
(02:51):
I just I look at men and thisis not.
This is not a gender bias orany of those things.
But I look at men and I see somany things that would be better
if we were better.
The family structure would bebetter if we were better.
(03:12):
Our children would be better ifwe were better.
Our marriages could be betterif we were better.
And we can.
There are higher heights thatwe can achieve.
There are deeper depths that wecan achieve, and in today's
episode I wanna talk about thiswhole idea of men as protectors,
(03:38):
because I think that it's quitepossible that we have it wrong,
and so I wanna kind of digright into it.
So we have these tropes right.
We have Conan the Barbarian.
We have Arnold Schwarzenegger,all ripped up, yoked up, with
his loin skin on, carrying a bigsword.
(04:01):
We have Spartacus from the StarSeries, these big, yoked up
gladiators that are protectors.
We have John Wick, robertMcCall the equalizer right, this
protector of people.
He equalizes things right.
(04:23):
We have John Wick, who is anassassin, yes, but in a way he's
also a protector of the memoryof his wife and whoever was
stupid enough to kill his dog.
But we have this idea of men asprotectors, these stoic
unfeeling.
I'm going to do what needs tobe done to protect.
(04:46):
I have my guns, I have mybaseball bats, I have my blank
look on my face unless I'm angryand I'm growling and I'm
yelling.
And what if?
What if that kind of protectoris really a myth?
(05:08):
What if that type of protectoris not the protection that our
families need?
What if that's not the kind ofprotection that our children
need, that our communities need?
And listen, I'm not saying thatyou know you shouldn't be armed
and ready to protect yourfamily if somebody's running up
(05:30):
on them.
No, no, no, you should be,definitely you should be.
But what if this whole idea thatmen have to be, men have to
show strength, physicallyshutter our emotions, build the
(05:50):
walls around the castle, put themoat around the walls, put a
drawbridge across the moat andstation guards across the bridge
to make sure that nobody canget in to hurt us?
Because I think that when we dothat, what we're missing is the
most dangerous things that canhurt us are not from without,
(06:13):
they're from within, and oftenthe most vulnerable parts of our
security system are the thingsthat are already inside of the
walls, that are already insideof the castles.
It's the thing that are alreadyinside of our hearts, the
(06:33):
things that are already insideof our children, that already,
what if the way that we areprotecting is not?
It's not it.
And brothers, I'm not here toattack us, I'm just calling us
(06:54):
to consider, because you maylisten to this episode and you
may say, nabra, the kind ofprotection that my family needs
is for me to have my gat, tohave my Glock, to have my pistol
, to have my shotgun, to have myAK-47 and to be on guard and to
be on watch all the time.
(07:15):
I'm the watchman on the wall,I'm the last line of defense.
That's how I'm protecting.
And if that's what you believe,brother, I'm not gonna
necessarily tell you that you'rewrong.
But I am going to ask you toconsider that in your ADT
security system that you haveerected and constructed, what if
(07:38):
there are key things that youwere missing, that are leading
your families and your life andyour communities to not be as
safe as you think they are inyour patrolling?
So I don't want you to listento this and say, nope, I'm not
listening, I can't listen tothis anymore.
But I'm asking you to considerwith me that, as great as a
(08:03):
protector as you are, maybe thekind of protecting that you're
offering is not the kind ofprotection that is absolutely
necessary, and I know that thatis.
That's hard, that requires aparadigm shift.
It's a paradox for so many ofus, because for many of us, we
(08:24):
have grown up with these hypermasculine ideals of men as
conquerors.
We conquer sexually, we conquerin the workplace,
professionally, we conquereverything that we look at.
We're like, you know, simba andMufasa, and Mufasa is telling
us everything that the lighttouches is yours, you're
(08:48):
responsible for protecting it.
And I'm telling you, yeah, youare responsible for protecting
what's in your area, what's inyour arena, but the way that we
protect, I believe that it hasto look different, and so that's
what we are talking about.
That's what I'm going to try totalk about in this episode, so
just stick with me.
(09:08):
I was watching on Netflixrecently this continued remake
of He-Man.
I don't know how many of y'allhave ever watched He-Man, but
I'm gonna give you just a briefsynopsis of brief synopsis.
So there is a prince of Eternia.
His name is Adam.
I don't even know if he has thelast name, but he has this
power sword and when his archenemy, skeletor, and his minions
(09:34):
, there's always these clashesfor the fate of Eternia.
And when Skeletor comes, adam,adam is weak, right?
Adam is weak, so he can't fightSkeletor.
Skeletor has magic and monsters, and so what happens is the
sorceress gave Adam this swordand Adam, he holds this big
sword up and he says, by thepower of Grace Skull, I have the
(09:59):
power.
And then lightning comes downand strikes the sword.
And then Adam, he becomes thisbig, muscle bound dude and he it
transforms his cat Cringor intothis really masculine cat
called Cringor a battle cat,sorry, and that's how they fight
and he protects Eternia fromSkeletor.
(10:22):
I'm convinced that we havebrought into this myth that we
all have to be he-men, but Ithink that we often forget that
Adam, in his own right, thePrince of Eternia, adam, had a
lot going for him.
Adam was smart, adam was acreative problem solver.
(10:45):
What Adam was missing was justthe big muscles to go Hulk smash
on everything around him.
And I think you know in ourhearts we all want to be he-men.
We all want to be the bigmuscle bound dude going around,
being physically imposing.
We want to be the watcher onthe wall that, if people look at
us and see us, just to look inour eyes is enough to scare them
(11:08):
off, nobody's going to messwith me because I've got the
muscles, I've got the power,I've got the weapons.
Yes, but I think in doing thatwe really overlook that the
other parts of ourselves arejust as important in being a
protector.
As the muscles, as the weapons,as the martial arts, there are
other skills involved with beinga protector.
(11:30):
And see, there's this myth thatmen have to be this unyielding
fortress, impervious to fear ordoubt, decisive, ready to act in
a moment's notice.
But what if protection is notabout invincibility?
What if protection is not aboutnobody ever getting through?
(11:52):
What if protection is not aboutthe fortress?
What if real protection isabout vulnerability?
And man, I need you to listento me like, lean in, lean in
close and hear me.
Courage is not about the armorthat we wear or the muscles that
(12:15):
we build, like all of thatstuff is well and good.
But courage is not about thesize of the sword that we swing,
it's not about the caliber ofthe bullets that we spray, it's
not about the loudness of ourvoice when we're trying to
convey a point or proveourselves.
It's not about, it's notnecessarily about those things.
(12:40):
And to protect it does requireus to be courageous.
But courage is not just simplyarmor, it's also the trembling
hand that protects, that coversa fragile heart.
It's I think it was NelsonMandela who said courage is not
(13:07):
the absence of fear, but it isthe triumph over it.
Strength, it strength does notlie in muscles alone.
It resides in the spaces wherevulnerability meets resilience.
And guys Shrek said it bestogres are like onions, meaning
(13:29):
that ogres have layers.
And that's what he was tryingto convey, that he wasn't just
this big.
You know hulking ugly greendude.
Men are like onions, but we'reoften so afraid of peeling back
the layers and we're afraid ofshowing people the galaxies that
(13:51):
exist within us.
There are worlds within us menthat never come out, that are
never explored because we areafraid we are as much protecting
ourselves as we are protectingother people, and so we don't
talk when people ask what'swrong with us.
Our word choices are grunts andmonosyllabic.
(14:12):
They're very, very rarely arewe ready to express, or very
rarely do we feel like we havethe words to properly expose the
storms that are happening onthe inside of us.
And as we're trying to protectourselves and protect other
people, nobody is getting thecoverage that they need, because
we men don't often have thecourage to be vulnerable and to
(14:38):
expose ourselves.
Yes, men, we protect physically,but our true strength and I
will go down to my deathbelieving this the true strength
, the key to us being able toprotect others, lies in our
emotional intelligence.
It's in the father who wipesaway the tears.
(15:02):
It's in the brother who listens.
It's in the husband, thepartner, who can hold a space of
silence wholly to provide thatother person a chance to process
and to listen not to respond,but to listen, to understand and
to listen to love.
And I can tell that that'stripping somebody out.
(15:27):
That's tripping somebody outbecause here's what I know, guys
we're failing in our ability toprotect.
Oftentimes we're not protectingthe hearts of our loved ones.
We're not protecting ourchildren, because what they are
(15:47):
exposed to y'all.
I've realized recently thatthere are no safe spaces for our
children anymore.
They are exposed to so much andthey fight and they wrestle
with so much.
Why?
Because we don't have thecourage to ask the hard
questions.
We don't have the courage tojump into their lives in
(16:12):
intrusive and intense ways, tobattle the intrusive and intense
situations that they aredealing with on a daily basis.
That's something that we'verecently come up against.
It's caused me to reevaluatethe way that I protect the ones
that I love, and I need you toreevaluate how you're protecting
(16:34):
the ones that you love.
This episode, man, is aninvitation to peel away that
stoicism, to peel away, to takea sledgehammer to the castle and
to the walls and to drain themoat.
It's time that, if you're trulygoing to be the king and
protector of your realm, it istime to allow yourself to feel
(16:59):
more.
It is time to allow yourself tobe fragile and vulnerable with
those around you, because thestrength of your protection is
not in your muscles or in yourpunches, or in your kicks, or in
your insults or in your cursewords, or in your 40 ounces or
in all of those things.
It's not about how much moneythat you make, it's not about
(17:23):
physically how you're leadingothers, but it's in the
emotional aspect, in the softskills, in the areas that we're
most afraid to tackle, where theprotection really happens.
We were no longer in cavemandays, where we're fighting off
saber-toothed tigers.
We don't have to worry aboutbeing eaten like that.
(17:44):
We do have to worry about crime.
We do have to worry sometimesabout people trying to take what
hours, what we've worked for.
But being a protector, it'sspiritual.
Are you praying for your family?
Do you read the Bible with them?
(18:06):
If you don't read the Bible,are there devotionals that
you're doing with them that arefeeding them spiritually?
Because there are lots of menout here who are good providers
but they aren't good protectors.
And being a protector is aboutself-analysis, it's about
self-awareness, it's about notnecessarily warring against
(18:29):
people coming to kill anddestroy you physically, but it's
about the things in this lifethat are coming to kill your
spirit, to destroy your heart,to destroy your families from
the inside out.
And I'm telling you that it'sokay.
It is okay to go against thegrain and to believe that you
(18:56):
don't have to be unpatrolledphysically because you're
unpatrolled emotionally andyou're aware you're going up to
your kids and you're asking notjust how was your day, but what
was the best part of your day.
You're asking your spouse, yourpartner, when is the last time
that I'll let you down?
And you're allowing them thehonesty to do that.
(19:19):
You're asking your kids when'sthe last time I'll let you down?
And you're not blowing up whenthey tell you the last time that
you let them down.
That's the way that you protectthem.
The oftentimes, protection isjust about allowing people the
space to give you the kind ofcriticisms that will help you to
become better.
(19:41):
Just because you can make a lotof money and buy the house and
buy the clothes and providefinancial stability, behind the
curtain you find out that theWizard of Oz is not really a
wizard, it's just a scared man.
There are too many of us menwho are scared men putting on
the armor and the facade of aprotector when really we're
(20:02):
nothing more than scared boysjust hoping that we don't lose
everything that we're holding somuch, holding on so tightly to.
But, men, innately you are aprotector.
Innately you are a warrior.
But the war is not necessarilyhappening in the physical realm.
The war is probably morehappening spiritually and
(20:22):
emotionally and psychologically,not just in us but in those
around us, and I promise peoplewill value us more when we begin
to lean into those aspects oflife.
It's not the archetype of awarrior with the sword anymore.
It's not about being willing tokill to protect your family.
(20:44):
Are you willing to cry?
Are you willing to hold them?
Are you willing to beaccountable?
Are you willing to betransparent?
Are you willing to betransformative in your reactions
and in your relationships in away that creates a safe space
for the people around you to bewho they are and to feel safe
(21:08):
around you, that you willprotect them, that you will
protect their hearts.
I want my kids to know thatwhen they're in my presence,
they're safe, not because I'mgetting ready to fight somebody
on their behalf, but I'm readyto, I'm ready to war with the
(21:30):
negative influences in theirlives that are causing them to
make hard decisions.
That I'm willing to listen andlet them explain what's
happening to them on a dailybasis and offer advice from
where I've been, but also givethem the room to grow into that.
We've got to protect our kids.
(21:55):
We've got to protect ourmarriages.
We've got to protect ourcommunities, our families.
We've got to y'all.
It is our responsibility tomake others around us to create
a space where they feel safe andgood, to help others build
(22:16):
confidence, to help others feelcomfortable, growing into
themselves, to selflessly giveof ourselves, to serve others in
a way where the best parts ofthem are maximized, where the
opportunities for growth withinthem are realized and together,
collectively, we are creatingenvironments where the people
(22:44):
are safe, because I think that'sreal safety.
And, as I think about my ownlife, I think that there have
been many times where I haveshirked responsibilities as a
(23:08):
protector because I didn't thinkthat I was doing it right, not
realizing that the way that I'mwired as an emotionally aware
man is really what protects thebest ways.
I can get a gun and I can shoot, but can I wipe away a tear
(23:29):
when somebody's crying?
I can hold a sword and I canhack and slash I've played
enough video games, I know whatto do, right but when somebody
really needs to get somethingoff of their chest, can I be
present in that moment in a waythat is transformative, not
(23:51):
because I said anything, butjust because I was there?
Man, I am convinced that thisis the protection that is
lacking.
It is the protection that isnecessary and it is the
protection that is going torebuild proper walls, not to
(24:14):
keep people out, but to bringpeople in, man masculinity.
It demands that we protect, butI'll keep saying this again and
again and again it's how weprotect that makes a difference.
So how can we become betterprotectors?
(24:36):
All right, so I'm going off thedome with these, because these
are things that I really reallyfeel.
I really really feel in myheart that when I'm doing these
things, I am the best protectorthat I can be.
So I think, number one, we needto be flexible.
We need to be less resistant tochange and we need to
(24:58):
understand that there are newways of doing things.
Like I said earlier, we're nolonger protecting from saber
tooth tigers, but we areprotecting from porn on our
phones and our internet and howthat is detrimental to the lives
of our boys.
We need to learn to trustpeople.
(25:19):
We need to learn to let ourguard down and let people in,
because as people get to know usbetter, then they can trust our
intentions with them.
Our wives, our partners, willtrust our intentions with their
hearts when they know us better.
Our kids will trust us betterwith our input into their lives
(25:40):
when they know who we are andwhat we've been through.
I'm opening, honest with mykids about how I've messed up
and when I've messed up.
We have to trust people.
Remember, we're tearing downthe walls, we're destroying the
gate, we're draining the moat,we're bringing the bridge back
down.
We're removing the guards fromthe gate.
We have to let people in andembrace vulnerability as a
(26:03):
strength as a strength, becauseit's necessary.
Another way that we can be aprotector is to be a good friend
.
Be a good friend to other men,build those pockets, listen to
their problems and help resolvethem, without leaning towards
violence or confrontation withother people, but try to help
(26:26):
people confront the thingswithin themselves.
Be protective of your partner.
Be cautious with feelings.
Be cautious with hearts.
Men teach their sons to becautious with women, to be
cautious with their hearts.
I don't care if it's agirlfriend, a fiance, a wife,
(26:49):
whatever.
Be cautious, be protective, beconsiderate.
Guys, if we're not teaching oursons to do that, then we're
failing Bar none.
We are failing.
We are failing, we are failing.
I talk to my son all the timeabout being respective of any
(27:13):
young woman that you mightassociate yourself with, whether
a girlfriend, a friend orwhatever.
Now, does that mean that that'salways going to be the case?
No, but I'm a big believer thatwhen you train your people,
train your kids, train your sonsin the way that they should go,
while there will be mistakes,they will always come back to
(27:36):
the core of what you've taughtthem.
So you've got to teach them,we've got to teach them.
I see too many young men outhere just wild and being loose
and being free with women andthat ain't it.
That is not it, because ifthey're loose and free with
others and they're loose andfree with themselves and they
don't have the capacity toprotect themselves, much less
(27:58):
somebody else, because nobodyhas protected them Right.
And we need to be selfless, tobe a warrior, to be a protector.
You've got to be about otherpeople.
You've got to be about otherpeople.
You've got to know what youstand for, you've got to know
who you are, you've got to knowwho you're leading, who you are
(28:20):
protecting, and you've got to beselfless, going after them,
going hard for them, 100%.
But I'm going to add a caveatthere You're also going to have
to be a little bit selfish,because if you're going to
protect others 100%, you've gotto be dealing with yourself.
You've got to be askingyourself the hard questions how
(28:41):
can I be better, how can I dobetter so that I can turn, can
be better for others?
Y'all know I believe in God, Ibelieve in the Bible and I
believe that it is the role of aman to be that watchman on the
(29:03):
wall.
But I also believe that it isimportant, it is absolutely
necessary for us, as men, to doit right, because we weren't
just created with flesh.
We were created with the souland with the spirit, and we
neglect those way too often.
We elect our emotions way toooften.
(29:25):
We neglect our will way toooften until stuff hits the fans.
And guys, I am challenging you.
I am challenging you to dobetter.
The world demands a differentkind of protector now.
(29:47):
The world demands a kind ofprotector who is not just
willing to pull the trigger, butthe kind of protector who is
willing to consider feelings andis willing to talk about his
feelings first, to create acomfortable avenue for other
people to talk about theirfeelings.
(30:11):
I want to know what you think,guys, people who love them.
I want to know what you thinkabout this topic.
Do you still think that menneed to be protectors?
Why, why not?
I need you to drop a message,send it to the podcast at
(30:31):
gmailcom, hit me up at JBSpeakson Instagram.
I would love to know do youthink that the role of men as
protectors is it still relevant?
Is it still necessary?
And, if so, what kind ofprotection do you need the men
in your life to provide for you?
(30:52):
Yeah, that's what we need.
That's what I need from you.
Drop a comment, drop a line,shoot me a direct message.
I would love to hear from you,I would love your thoughts on
this episode and, as we begin toclose it out, men, we have to
choose intentional manhood andbeing the right kind of
(31:15):
protection, choosing to be thatright kind of protector, I think
, is a key portion ofmasculinity, of healthy
masculinity, of healthy manhood.
Remember, we're not doing thattoxic.
You know men are the greatestever.
We're not doing that in here.
We've got to be better thanthat.
We are not God's gift to womenunless we do the work and we
(31:41):
truly are a gift that is worthyto be given to our communities,
to our families and to the world.
We don't get to claim that ifwe hadn't done the work.
So I'm charging you withchoosing intentional manhood.
I'm choosing you to be the bestman that you can be.
All right, all right.
(32:02):
This has been another episodeof the Pep Talk Podcast.
Remember, subscribe, rate,review, reach out, let us know
what you think, but until nexttime, y'all know how we like to
end things.
Keep it love, keep it light andkeep it peppy and man.
Keep protecting.
I'm watching.
I'm proud of you, bro.
This has been the Pep TalkPodcast with your boy, coach Jay
(32:25):
.
We'll see you next week.
Y'all be blessed, peace.
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