March 25, 2024 • 50 mins
🎙️ 🚀 Dive into this powerful dialogue with our special guest Ralph Bessard, where we navigate through the realms of self-discovery, authentic leadership, and the depths of masculinity. Ralph discusses his transformative path culminating in the creation of his book 'Shape to Lead', and explains his process in the vein of challenging men and manhood. Amidst laughter and reflection, they unravel the essence of manhood amid societal pressures, the power of mentorship, and the impact of introspection. This episode is a beacon for those seeking to understand their true identity and live purposefully. This conversation was too powerful to be contained within one episode, so listen in and prepare for the conclusion next week!
Tune in for inspiration, realizations, and that all-important pep talk!
To learn more about Ralph Bessard or to order his book, go to his website!
ralphbessard.com
Email: Thepeppodcast@gmail.com
Insta: @_Jbspeaks
Twitter: peptalkpodcast
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
On this episode of the pep talk podcast.
We are digging deep as we closeout this series on choosing
intentional manhood.
You don't want to miss it.
But first I have a question foryou.
Have you had your dose of peptoday?
No, don't worry, I've got you.
Now let's dig into it.
(00:25):
Welcome to the pep talk podcast,the podcast that cheers you on
and coaches you up.
I'm your host, coach J, a lifecoaching DFW, and I'm just glad
to be here with you today.
Like I said in the opening, weare closing out our mini series
on choosing intentional manhoodand today I have an absolute
gift for you.
This series is for men and forthose who love them, so there's
(00:50):
something here for everybody,and I want you to stay tuned.
This is going to be anincredible conversation that I
have with our guest for today,mr Ralph Besard.
We're going to meet him as soonas we get back and it's going
to be an amazing conversation,just absolutely incredible.
So stay tuned, don't goanywhere.
(01:11):
We will be right back with myconversation with Ralph Besard.
Stay tuned.
Welcome back to this episode ofthe pep talk podcast.
This is your boy, coach J, andI'm so happy that y'all are
hanging out with us as we closeout this series on choosing
intentional manhood.
(01:32):
I've gotten great feedback fromvarious places, from various
sources, and so that makes meparticularly excited about this
episode, because I believe thatthe guest that we have here,
someone that I've just met but Ialready consider to be a
brother, my best friend, the guythat I aspire to be like in the
(01:54):
future minus the hair, becausegenetics don't work like that,
but pep squad I want tointroduce to you Mr Ralph Besard
, the man, the myth, the legend,a leadership guru, an
entrepreneur, a coach, a speaker.
I really don't know what hedoesn't do, but he is, he's
(02:18):
gifted and we are blessed tohave him here on the pep talk
podcast.
Ralph, welcome to the podcastman.
Speaker 2 (02:27):
Hey, coach J Justin, thank you so much, man, for
allowing me to be here today.
It is my honor and privilege tobe with you and ready to talk
to the pep squad.
So I am just so blessed withmeeting you and again, I sit
with great expectation and justa wonderful amazement about what
(02:52):
we're going to be able to talkabout today.
In the short time that you andI have known each other, arc
discussions or conversationsHeck, even our just little
emails have been powerful andamazing.
So I'm excited for what's aboutto occur and hopefully we will
be able to share a little bitwith some people that helps make
(03:13):
their walk a little lighter andbrighter.
So again, thank you for havingme.
Speaker 1 (03:17):
Absolutely, absolutely.
So why don't you introduceyourself?
I know I gave just like areally, really broad overview of
what you do, but why don't youtell us, man, who are you
introduce yourself?
Speaker 2 (03:31):
Well, again, ralph Besard, and just a little bit
about myself.
I have been an entrepreneur nowfor over 30 years.
My wife and I started a companycalled Conker Credit Management
Incorporated.
We do help people withbasically the typical of credit
(03:52):
restoration.
We do consultation and coaching.
We've worked with a lot of highnet worth individuals I will
not name drop with some of themor household names.
I got involved in ministryprobably about 25 years ago a
little over, and I'm an ordainedpastor pastor a small church in
(04:14):
Southern California here andhave recently, over the last
decade now, moved intodiscipleship training and
leadership development.
You know most of my life I'vekind of been thrust in those
positions, albeit most of thetime during that time
reluctantly, not really seeingthat I was equipped for it or in
(04:36):
a place that I'm like trying tofigure out.
How did I hoodwink and bamboozlepeople to get into this place?
But you know, god definitelyhad something else for me, and
so with that, over this lastyear, I really settled down in
my spirit and understood thatthere was something that I
(04:56):
needed to leave with the world,and I think it was probably.
You know, understanding thatI'm looking at, you know, I have
two older boys, jordan andJustin.
One is third, jordan is 29,justin 27.
And then my wife and I had ourlittle how do you say?
Our little love child.
At the end there he's Julian,who is 12 years old and so just
(05:21):
kind of seeing them go into thenext stages with their life and
they're making you know theirconnections with their
girlfriends and fiance's, Irealized that, wait a second,
there's something else that Ineed to be able to share, that I
wanted to be able to leave withthem.
So, you know, you get into thatplace where you know your
mortality starts to kind of kickin.
(05:42):
Even though I'm young andvirile and in shape, I realized
that you know what, there'ssomething you can do to leave a
profound message, and that ishow I moved into that place to
then extend myself to be anauthor, and I was able to write
shape to lead, discover yourunique leadership style, empower
(06:04):
your team and create massiveimpact.
And that's what that was.
The hope is that I wanted tohelp a bunch of people anybody
that I can get beyond some ofthe debilitating thoughts,
limiting beliefs that they mayhave themselves, and realize
that they have a significantvalue here in life and that if
(06:27):
you walk on this planet, you'reprobably leading somewhere.
Someone is taking their cluesfrom you.
And so I wanted to take some ofall of that mystery out of it
and realize that when we beginto seek the sound of the genuine
voice that's within us, we cantap into a supernatural power
(06:50):
that comes from God.
That's our DNA.
And so I realized that I wantedto be able to create a book
that was, again, not so highbrow, that was conversational, that
was relatable, that wastransparent and, hopefully, let
people know that, hey, I reallysee them, and I wanted them to
(07:11):
be able then to begin initially,maybe, just to use my voice and
my eyes so that they can beginto see themselves and then begin
to embrace what I've come tolearn, which is that we all play
a part in making a difference,that we should be the difference
that we wanna see, and sothat's what Shape to Lead is all
(07:32):
about Really not necessarilytelling people what to do, but
trying to remind them of whothey are, and so that's a little
bit about.
I feel like the calling of mylife is to just kind of come in
and be like, hey, I'm here tolove with deep resolve.
And I want to make sure that youunderstand that you are
(07:53):
significant.
You are not here by chance,you're not here by happenstance.
You are not a mistake.
You are here for a time andseason such as this and let's
live the mission, thisassignment, and walk with
purpose.
Speaker 1 (08:05):
So I love that.
I love every single thing thatyou said there, especially when
you kind of talked about yourlife mission to really be able
to speak into the lives ofothers and say one you are
leading somebody.
Speaker 2 (08:21):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (08:22):
Right, I mean, it was Shakespeare.
I reference this all the time.
It was Shakespeare that saidall of life is a stage.
Speaker 2 (08:29):
Mm amen.
Speaker 1 (08:32):
Whether you know it or not, there is always somebody
in the peanut gallery somewherewho's watching what you're
doing.
Speaker 2 (08:39):
Absolutely.
Speaker 1 (08:40):
So you know, they're watching how well you handle
your adversity.
They're watching how well youhandle the mountaintop portions
of life.
Do you allow it to change youor are you using it to pull
other people up?
And then also the second thingyou mentioned that's something
that I deeply identify with isthe power of encouraging others,
(09:02):
like just having a word, justto say I don't care about the
circumstances around which yougot here, you're here, like the
fact that you're here is not anaccident.
So now let's talk about thereason why, and let's dig into,
as you said, those uniqueaspects of you and then how you
(09:23):
can use them to impact.
I told you we have five kids.
We have two boys and threegirls, and God bless you.
Speaker 2 (09:33):
That's amazing and awesome.
Speaker 1 (09:36):
So you talked about your love child.
That's 12 years old now.
My wife and I have 19, we have15, we have 10, 8, and we have a
six-year-old.
The six-year-old that was alove child, where we thought we
were done.
And then all of a sudden got tolove the love child man.
Speaker 2 (09:57):
Got to love the love child.
It's so funny.
I still remember when shecalled to tell me here I am.
My middle boy was on his way tobeing a sophomore in high
school and I'm like woo, we gotthree more years to go to
college, he'll be in college,we're good.
And she calls me on the freewayand says we're pregnant and I'm
like wait, what?
How did that happen?
(10:17):
And she says Ralph, you knowhow that happened.
Speaker 1 (10:22):
No, that's facts, man .
And so, yeah, for all of thosereasons, man, I'm excited to
really dig into and I reallywant to use your book as a
reference for this.
Number one is a way to plugyour book, but number two
because I think that what youtalk about in the book, this
(10:44):
whole shape method it tiesperfectly into this mini series
that I've been doing on choosingintentional manhood, and
including myself in that bunch,I would say that men we have
(11:05):
like our name out in thesestreets is not where it should
be.
Speaker 2 (11:10):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (11:12):
And so my charge has been men.
We have to do better.
And so I've talked about theimportance of being self-aware,
I've talked about the importanceof having male friendships,
because research shows thatthere are fewer male enriching
(11:33):
male friendships now than therehas been at any other time in
history in recorded history, andso we've been talking about
these things.
But I kind of want to talktoday about what it looks like
for a man to lead authenticallyand genuinely, because we don't
(11:56):
come into this world, let's faceit, we don't come into this
world knowing how to lead.
I remember when my son was,when my oldest daughter was born
, I was like OK, cool, I'vealways related, I think, more to
girls than I have to boys, justbecause I was the artistic kid
(12:17):
in school.
But when my son was born, I washorribly afraid.
Horribly afraid because Ididn't even feel like a man.
So how was I going to raise aman?
Speaker 2 (12:35):
Wow, wow.
You know I want, first andforemost, I just want to say
thank you for sharing that,because I think that you know,
when you alluded to the factthat you know how difficult it
is for men to make friendshipsor relationships, you know
something about women they're,they innately have the ability
(12:56):
almost to do that.
They create sisterhoods andthey can do it later in life.
You know.
To piggyback on that thoughtjust for a moment, you know we
think about, we make thoserelationships as men or, I
should say at the time, as boysfairly easily, whether it's
elementary, junior high.
And I think if you go back andkind of look over the history of
your life, you'll find out someof the boys that you still talk
(13:18):
to and run with, who reallyknow you in a very deep and
transparent way, are probablyyour boys from high school and,
you know, before high school.
I know I know that's initiallya little bit with me.
Now I've had some friends thatyou know.
Because we had kids that weregoing to school together and
because of the community wefound ourselves in, we started
(13:38):
to develop some relationshipsand I'm pretty cool with them,
but it's those guys that knew me, whether it was in junior high,
high school that really reallyknow me right.
And so what ends up happening?
A lot of times, if you're luckyenough to keep that
long-lasting relationship, maybeyou're able to go back to that
place and tell them some of yourfears, some of your doubts,
(14:01):
some of your struggles.
But very similar, very similarto you.
You know, I have three boys, butI remember when the oldest one
was born, my wife and I I was 21when I met my wife Wasn't
necessarily looking to get intothis place that I thought we
(14:21):
were going to be together forthe rest of our life.
I knew I loved her, but again,I grew up.
My mother and father weredivorced when I was very young,
and so I didn't have a whole lotof, you know, deep
understanding of that marriagerelationship because, believe it
or not, all my friends wereraised by single mothers.
(14:43):
Their parents were.
So here it was.
I'm now with my wife and we'retrying to make her.
She's 20 at the time and then,a couple of years later, I'm
turning 24, we find out we'repregnant.
Now I'm going to tell you verymuch, like you, I loved how you
said that you were so worriedabout bringing a male into the
(15:07):
world and how you didn't feellike one.
I had the very same feeling.
I was like I could barelybalance a checkbook.
And now I'm responsible forteaching this little boy or this
baby on how to become a man.
And I realized and here goesthe part because I was a pretty
(15:30):
precocious young man.
I was pretty astute.
Most of the time I was probablybecause I was self-aware a
little, very critical of myself.
So I was aware of what I knew,but I was also really aware of
what I didn't know.
And so I played it safe.
I leaned to the things thatwere my strengths and I learned
how to perform.
I learned how to kind of keeppeople off of me and I could
(15:54):
talk big, I could bark big, andso I learned how to perform.
But I was not going to stretch,I was not going to go over to
that area and let anybody knowwhat I didn't know.
So you want to know somethingcrazy?
And I don't know that.
My mother even knows this.
I'm sure she does, but I thinkmy wife was.
She was probably.
She was probably five monthspregnant before I told my mother
(16:16):
that we were pregnant.
Wow, I was so freaked out.
I didn't tell anybody.
I was spooked man.
I was going to work, I wasshowing up places and I was
spooked.
I was like I don't know howthis is going to go down.
I was spooked.
My wife was so proud and eventhough she you know my mother at
(16:38):
the time was living in Texas,we were in California.
So you know her, my mother andher had a relationship, but I
was really guarded about how Iwanted to tell my mother and I
know that probably hurt my wifefor a very long time.
You know those first couple ofmonths because I didn't want to
tell anybody.
And she was like, what's yourproblem?
(16:59):
And it was just because I washaving a hard time saying like
hey, do I know what it takes tobe a dad and be a father Because
?
Again, a little bit about myself.
I grew up in Oakland,california, and although I have
a great relationship with myfather, he was a couple hundred
miles away.
(17:19):
He was in Central California atthe time, so I saw him on
holidays and I could call him.
I always had access.
My mother and father had awonderful working relationship
and I can honestly tell you Idid not miss a beat in my
childhood.
I had a wonderful childhoodother than having your father
there to teach you how to be aman every day.
I didn't miss anything likethat.
(17:39):
I wasn't aware that I was untilI got to that place and I
realized I was making up manhoodthe whole time.
Speaker 1 (17:51):
Okay, so first off, big ups to your parents for
cultivating that relationshipfor your sake, because it's hard
, it's really hard.
But so I was adopted and myadoptive parents are my
(18:11):
grandparents.
So I was adopted into thefamily.
I really didn't get to know mybiological dad until I was
around 21, 22.
Because my wife told me I'm notgoing to marry you until you
know where you come from.
Okay, yeah, that's why we marryup man.
(18:34):
And so my grandfather.
He was a worker man.
He was from that generationwhere you show your love by
working.
So he worked two jobs.
He was a teacher, a driver's edinstructor and he also did old
school newspaper routes.
So he would get up at, you know, he'd go, come in, go to bed at
(18:56):
like five o'clock, wake up atone o'clock, two o'clock in the
morning, go throw his route,come home and go to work.
That was his thing.
Now he showed up for me in highschool.
He was a band boot, he was achoir booster, parent and all
that stuff.
But as far as us having thoseconversations like when I would
(19:17):
get in trouble, then I'd get thevery stern talking to.
But as far as here's what ittakes to be a man.
Speaker 2 (19:25):
Yes.
Speaker 1 (19:26):
And like you said, like you said, I performed my
way into a pseudo image of whatI thought manhood was, and I've
been thinking about that a lotover these last few weeks,
especially over the series man,when you said that you performed
(19:47):
like you weren't gonna letanybody know, that you didn't
know what you were doing.
Speaker 2 (19:50):
Absolutely Like listen in Oakland.
You're so funny.
I was talking to another friendof mine and we were kind of
having this conversation.
You know, my first inclinationof manhood.
You know, again, I'm gonna datemyself here and obviously it
was a little before my time butI got to see those reruns and I
just thought he was magic.
I saw John Shaft when I sawthat.
Speaker 1 (20:11):
Afro hey, I saw that.
Speaker 2 (20:13):
Afro, the turtleneck and the leather coat man, you
couldn't tell me nothing else,right?
It was like Shaft, was it?
Like?
That's what it is to be a man.
Now you gotta understand.
Now here I am coming of age inOakland, california.
Now I lived in an area where,you know, my mother sent me to
school, sent me to the bestschools, so you know I was
(20:33):
always around diversity.
But in Oakland, you know, nearBerkeley and in San Francisco,
very liberal area.
But here's the thing I learnedalso how to perform in different
scenarios.
Sometimes I was travelingthrough the hood, so you see
certain things and then you findyourself in suburbia and you
have to perform in that area.
(20:54):
And so here's what I've learneda lot of times, you know, you
pick up certain things in thestreet how to be tough and walk
with this presence, right, howto kind of talk to the ladies
and then begin to define yourmasculinity through how many
girls you date or whatever itmay be.
And so I got good at that.
(21:15):
I got good at being able Iremember me and my friends
actually be like man.
There's not really any place Ican't go.
It's like you know I ended upin, you know, in suburbia and
it's like I know.
I was raised by educators.
My mother was, you know,president of colleges.
My father was a teacher,grandparents were teachers, so I
(21:35):
can speak with the best of them.
So I know how to do thiseducation thing.
But then guess what?
I played in the hood.
I played football andbasketball in the hood, so it
was like I had cousins who werein the hood.
Speaker 1 (21:47):
So guess what.
Speaker 2 (21:48):
I knew how to handle myself there as well.
And so now you kind of feellike, wait, ooh.
I can always have this kind ofpurview where I felt like I had
a mountain view over the valley.
And so it's like, ooh, who do Ineed to be in this moment to
get what I want?
And so that is where theperformance came in, and so I
(22:09):
never really worried about mytime, about understanding or
developing in those weak areasto get to a place called
discovery where true growthoccurs.
I just tried to perform, to tryto get over.
I remember even telling mylittle brother like, hey, man,
sometimes it's just about fakingit to make it.
Just keep them off.
You like hustle, hustle, and itcatches up to you.
(22:30):
And so when my baby Jordan myyoungest, my oldest was coming
into the world, I realized howunprepared I was to play this
next role.
I was like, ooh, I'm not gonnabe able to fake this.
And my wife felt it as well,because she was like we're good,
like what's going on with you,like why are you so afraid of
(22:56):
this next section of life?
Now, again, she grew up in asingle parent family and her
family was not as tight as minewas, so she needed some level of
connection for me.
But because I'm running aroundlike an imposter, I performed
even in that relationship andstruggled sometimes with
(23:17):
intimacy with her and she becamevery aware of it when she was
having that child.
Speaker 1 (23:22):
That's crazy.
We have a lot of intersectingpoints, because I remember my
there was a.
I forget what happened, but Iremember my wife looked at me
and she said, the man that I sawwhen we were dating, the
(23:44):
confident, have it all togetherguy, where is what happened to
him?
Like the guy that I'm seeingnow, is so unsure and almost
fragile.
And I mean, my wife is really,really wise, she's really astute
, she can, she's very discerning, so she can see to the heart of
(24:07):
things in a really really, youknow, really easy way.
And that was one of thosemoments for me that really
showed me, yo, your performancelike it's not gonna take you any
further than it's taking youright now.
You're gonna have to.
You're gonna have to, you know,take the mask off and you're
(24:32):
gonna have to work your way intofinally becoming who you are
supposed to be.
Speaker 2 (24:39):
Ooh, talk about it.
Yes, I think you know, one ofthe things that became that was
a big moment for me was that,you know again, when we start
kind of having that very momentthat you just discussed, I mean
we become really aware that wait, something's missing, there's
something here that I need.
There's that old saying thatyou know when the student's
(25:00):
ready, the teacher comes.
And for me, I got to that placeas my child was coming into the
world and I became definitelyaware of I could not fake it to
make it here at this moment Istarted trying to put some
things together, but again Ireverted to only what I knew.
(25:20):
I tried to do some things in myown strength and I was crashing
and burning, just crashing andburning.
I was arguing with the wife alittle too much.
I know that she's a very strongwoman, had way more wisdom than
me at the time, and she was youknow, she's a fighter and so
she was like no, we're gonnamake this.
She got involved with church.
(25:42):
Now here's the funny thingabout it.
My wife and I, we have a mixedmarriage.
My wife grew up in the Jewishfaith and became a believer, and
what was funny was that shestarted going to church.
Now I had been to church, I hadgrew up and went to the
Christian schools and things,but I can honestly tell you I
(26:05):
did not have a workingrelationship with Christ.
So what ended up happening isthat she started going to church
and started asking me to comewith her.
You know I was heavily involvedin watching my football and
doing certain things, but at thetime I knew I was trying to
make it work with her.
Well, the moment you openyourself up, god can do some
(26:26):
great and amazing things.
And he brought a mentor in mylife and it was the exact mentor
who I needed in that moment andhe was.
I just remember he was a big,tall, strong man who loved his
wife, had peace in this house.
(26:47):
I remember the first time Iwent to visit his house.
It was clean, but, moreimportantly, it was something
about the air.
You just kind of went and youwere like, wow, this wait,
there's no chaos in this house.
Speaker 1 (26:59):
You can tell the difference.
Speaker 2 (27:01):
Yeah, the way his wife and his daughters were
operating with him and the wayhe had this spot on tenderness
and love with them, I was like,wait a second, this is possible.
Well, he met me exactly where Iwas and he hit me with that.
He was just Ralph.
He says I want you to stopkicking yourself, because if you
(27:22):
had known better, you couldhave done better.
And that sat with me.
And before he even introducedJesus to me on a deeper level,
he just loved me where I was at.
He didn't bring up the Bible,although he was talking about
biblical principles.
He didn't tell me what to do.
All he kept speaking to wasreminding me of who I was
(27:42):
created to be, and so he invitedme.
Finally, after several weeks,maybe even close to three months
, of just kind of working withme and mentoring me and loving
me, he invited me to Bible study, and that was when I gave my
life to the Lord.
I remember not being a personthat was really a hugger, always
(28:05):
trying to do things on my own,but on that particular day it
was as if he was reading my lifefrom scripture and I was almost
like how come nobody ever toldme this?
And albeit they were.
There had been people who hadbeen giving me certain seeds,
but again, I was unwilling.
Going back to what I've writtenin the book, I was unwilling or
(28:25):
unable at the time to embracemy unique shape Because I just
wasn't aware of it.
And through his help, Irealized that I had a unique
shape, that I had been shapedfor a time in a season such as
this, and him loving me the waythat he did and helping me to
find my mission, my assignmentand my purpose oh my goodness,
(28:50):
things really changed for me inthat moment, and so I'm so
grateful to this day, pastorMaxie James that's just a plug
for him.
He was just an amazing mentorwho had a wonderful way of
taking the word of God, makingit practical so that we could
apply it in our life.
And that's where I've kind oftried to grow from, and I
(29:14):
operate now with theunderstanding that the first and
foremost, what you have to helppeople to do is get them to
consider a new perspective.
I think that so much of what wedo sometimes is that we argue
and fight or we try tomanipulate people into a certain
place, and it's not aboutmanipulating, it's about
persuading them, and the firstway to do that is just getting
(29:36):
them to consider saying, hey, ifit was done this way, is it a
possibility that it could bedone another way?
And when you leave that open,what happens now?
You allow people to find it intheir kind of unique walk.
That then will allow them toalign with what you're talking
about, or the truth of thesituation.
You're giving them a new set offacts.
(29:57):
And when we get people to alignwith their significance, their
unique brilliance, you positionthem to the rise for impact and
I love acronyms, you'll find outabout me.
I call it the car.
It's the vehicle that you sayConsider, align and rise to find
(30:20):
your unique shape, and that'swhat I try to do, man.
Speaker 1 (30:24):
Got another book cooking?
Yeah, I got.
Speaker 2 (30:27):
All right, you know what, Now that I've gone through
this process, I'm walking in myunique shape.
I'm not going to stop.
I was trying to write, notnecessarily this book at first,
but I had been trying to write abook for the better part of the
last 10 or 15 years.
I got involved in ministry over20.
But I had been trying to writea book, stopping and starting.
(30:48):
But when things line up and youhear the unctioning of the
spirit working through you, someof the white noise, the things
that convolute your thoughtprocess or how you're dealing
with things, they get muted andyou're able to hear now with the
(31:10):
level of clarity that reallypromotes the vision that you
want to walk in, and that's whathappened for me.
It started again.
My wonderful wife, with all herwisdom, my mother, her and my
mother came together Last year.
They bought me this incrediblegift to work with another mentor
(31:31):
who helped me to just kind ofdevelop my thoughts, and that's
how the book got started a yearago.
I wrote this book within a yearand published it within the
same year, simply because I gotout of my own way, even though I
had been helping people for thebetter part of 25 years.
We can spend so much timepouring out.
(31:54):
We don't make room for peopleto pour into it.
And you've got to make room forthat.
You've got to set yourself up,and this is why I'm such a
proponent of coaching.
Again, if you're going tochoose intentional manhood, well
guess what?
You've got to be open to allowa man to coach you into being
(32:16):
intentional in finding yourmanhood and realizing that some
of the things that you picked upyou may have to lay down and be
open to new perspectives.
So that gift that they gave mein working with that coach, she
came along and again she helpedme get rid of all that white
noise and kind of get a littlemore focused.
And we got it done.
(32:37):
And again it just kind ofreminded me of the very call of
my life, which is to help unlockpeople's brilliance, help them
get out of their way and definetheir unique purpose in what God
created them to be.
Speaker 1 (32:55):
I think that's an incredible thing and a great
gift that your wife would investin you in that way.
I think for so many men I thinka lot of the times the thing
(33:16):
that we are missing is thatinvest in self peace.
Like you know, we look atathletes and you know, living in
Texas, you know we'resurrounded by superstar athletes
.
Speaker 2 (33:30):
Absolutely.
Speaker 1 (33:31):
You know Dak Prescott , cd Lam, you know Luca Dantich,
kyrie Irving and the thing thatthey've had to do.
They've invested millions, uponmillions, upon millions of
dollars into themselves.
Speaker 2 (33:49):
Yes.
Speaker 1 (33:50):
Their support system, have invested money in them
before they were even able toinvest money in themselves, and
I think, I really believe, thatevery man wants to step into
authentic manhood.
They want to be intentionalabout, you know, living out this
(34:12):
thing called being a man.
God doesn't create any bumps.
I don't think that there is asingle man alive right now who
said when I grow up, I want tobe a bum.
You know, I want to have brokenrelationships.
I want to have, you know,broken children.
(34:33):
No, no, no man grows up withthat mentality.
Speaker 2 (34:37):
Absolutely not.
Speaker 1 (34:38):
But I also think that I think it's hard, and I think
it's hard.
It's hard for women to.
But you know, being a woman ishard, but also we don't talk
about it enough man, being a man, it's hard.
Speaker 2 (34:53):
Yes.
Speaker 1 (34:53):
It is, and there are different kinds of hard, but
it's hard nonetheless.
And I think that a lot of times, by the time that we really
realize that I don't know whatmanhood really is, the hard
stuff is really hitting.
And then it's hard for us toeven break out and to ask for
(35:13):
help.
Like it's easy to say, yo,ralph, how about that?
You know, I don't know who yourteam is, but you know how about
that, that football game.
But I can't, I can't.
It's hard for me to callsomebody up and say, ralph, dude
, I'm struggling with porn rightnow.
Or you know, ralph, ralph, Ijust, man, I got caught up.
(35:35):
You know, I got caught up withthis woman and I don't know how
to do.
Like, ralph, I'm failing mykids.
Ralph, how about this one,ralph, I'm failing myself.
Speaker 2 (35:46):
Come on, listen.
Oh my goodness, those are suchamazing points because that is
where the rubber meets the road.
This is how so many men cannot.
They miss the opportunity togain traction because we're
unable, we feel unable, to talkabout those things that truly
(36:08):
matter.
What do we do?
We distract ourselves bytalking about the things that,
most of the time, really don'tmean a whole heck of a lot.
Right, we're giving part aboutbeing a part of this world and
again, I am not trying tocompare a man to a woman or in
the sense of you know the unique, the perspective can be
different.
(36:28):
But as a man, the thing thatbecomes really aware it's, you
know, that old thing that wekind of tell the little boys.
We're pulled aside and told notto cry on some level.
Right, you suck it up, you knowwhat I'm saying?
And they teach girls how to tapin, to become emotionally
(36:49):
intelligent, emotionally aware.
Now, some of those things havebeen misconstrued or kind of
convoluted as of recently, overthe last maybe 20 to 30 years,
but the fact is is that they tryto teach men how to suck it up,
right, and they'll call it likea warrior method or something.
But really what they do is theykind of cut, you know, a man
(37:11):
right below his knees, becauseyou know there's a reason why
God gave us tear ducts, there'sa reason why God gave us a heart
, there's a reason why we needto be able to tap into some
level of sensitivity so we canexperience empathy and sympathy
and actually walk with somelevel of humility, rather than
false humility.
Right, but what ends uphappening?
(37:33):
Because of what we pick up andthen the story we begin to write
, we continue, perpetuate, acycle that continues to move us
down the road that moves us frombeing truly, as you were
talking about a moment ago,about being self aware, right of
(37:53):
who we really are.
And I think that the onequestion that life asks and this
goes to men and women, the onething that life is going to
continue to ask us, right, iswho are you really?
Yes, who are, which comes inmany different shapes and sizes.
It comes in the forms of manydifferent questions, but at the
core, it's who are you really?
(38:15):
How will you express yourself?
I'm reminded of a line in John,one that still to this day gives
me goosebumps.
It's when John the Baptist was,you know, baptizing and Jesus
was just about to come on thescene and the Roman guards were
(38:35):
questioning John about who hewas going to say that he was.
And it says in this passagehere it says he did not fail in
his confession but confessedfreely.
And why?
That stands out to me?
Because if you read that wholechapter you find out very
quickly.
He starts with his confessionabout saying who he's not.
(38:56):
He speaks to the part like hey,I'm not this Messiah, I'm not a
prophet.
He speaks to the part aboutwhere he might, where some
people might seem it as a formof weakness.
He speaks in this way this iswhat I'm not, and he says.
But then it says he goes and hesays I'm the one, I'm the one
calling in the wind make thepath straight for the Lord.
He in professes who he is.
(39:19):
And this is how we fail in ourconfession when we are
uncomfortable in that placebetween what we call to be our
virtues and what we call to beour weaknesses, when we are not
fully aware of who we are andembrace who we are, because the
truth is we don't have anotherperson to take ourselves to
Right.
This is who we are when.
(39:39):
So when we're not in this placeof being able to accept all
that I am and all that I'm not.
We will make up who we are andthat's what we profess, and then
that's where things becomeproblematic for us.
And so, when I realized that somuch of my time was spent, I
thought I'm not going to getinto the world of what I thought
I was professing, somethingthat I wanted the world to see,
(40:01):
but in actuality I was hiding,right, I was just trying to keep
people from finding out what Iwas ashamed of.
But when I realized myquirkiness, the, the, the unique
way that I thought some ofthose things that are weaknesses
, that that guess what, theywill propel me further when I
acknowledge them and say, hey,this is what I'm not, but yet
(40:22):
and still, this is what I wasable to do, this is what I think
, but in spite of what I think,this is what I was able to, to
accomplish, right, right, whenyou speak like that, now you're
fully showing up, in a mannerthat's transparent, that now
guess what.
You're speaking to the, the,the, the shame and the and the
(40:43):
and the weakness in anotherperson, and you're shining a
light and say, hey, yes, whatyou're more than enough to.
I think that that is a one ofthe more profound gifts that we
can give to someone.
When we fully embrace who weare, when we embrace our unique
shape and that's what I reallyhope to help people get beyond
(41:06):
in their life and in theirleadership in one cause
somebody's waiting for you toget who you really are.
Speaker 1 (41:11):
That's right.
That's right I say it often.
Somebody is waiting on you toarrive.
Speaker 2 (41:17):
Absolutely.
Speaker 1 (41:18):
And this whole idea that life asks you who are you
really?
That question will never stopcoming to you over the course of
your life, because at one pointit is asking you to establish
who you want to be.
At another point it's going toask you again to see if you're
lining up with who you want tobe.
(41:40):
And then, at another seasonbecause we aren't supposed to
stay the same that question isgoing to come to see how were
you changing, how were youtransforming at this time of
life, cause I mean, yo, I'm, I'm43 now.
I forget that often.
I'm 43 now and I should not bethe same person at 43 that I was
(42:01):
at 23 or 33.
Now, now my 43 may not looklike what your 43 look like.
My 33 may not look like whatyour 33 look like, and I think,
because men, so many men, arewired for the competition
portion of it, I think we get introuble.
I think we get in trouble yeahOne when we are comparing
(42:25):
ourselves, our current self, tosomebody else's highlight or
whatever, or we're comparingourselves to the wrong people,
like there's so many young menwho are comparing their lives to
, you know, to Drake and toKanye, and to, you know,
kendrick Lamar.
Speaker 2 (42:43):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (42:44):
Or we're comparing ourselves to, you know, the top
athletes and all this stuff andwhile on, on some level, if you
identify with what they do,that's one thing.
Speaker 2 (42:54):
Yes.
Speaker 1 (42:55):
But your life will never play out the way that
somebody else's life plays out,because your life is for you.
Speaker 2 (43:02):
Amen.
Speaker 1 (43:03):
And so if, if go ahead, go ahead.
Speaker 2 (43:04):
No, no, please go ahead.
Finish, I want to that nextpoint.
Go ahead.
Speaker 1 (43:08):
I just I think that if, if we're really going to
lead, if we're really going tolead, if we're going to become
as you said, we have to be ableto answer that question who are
you really?
Because when you know who youare, it helps you to discover
why you will put here in thefirst place.
Speaker 2 (43:29):
Now yeah.
Speaker 1 (43:31):
And when you know the why, then the why becomes the
vehicle for everything else.
All of a sudden, the why beginsto the, the how begins to make
sense, then, then the, theavenues for impact really begins
to like I'm.
I'm going to tell you thereason why I started this
(43:52):
podcast is because I had gonethrough a phase when we moved
from.
We moved from Missouri to Texasabout four, four and a half
years ago.
I was on staff at a church.
I was a teaching pastor, wewere children's pastors, I was
speaking a lot, all this stuff.
Okay, when we move, when wemoved to Texas, I had this
(44:14):
expectation that because I feltlike I was gifted, that people
were going to see that andpeople were going to latch onto
that, then I could become, youknow, a speaker, then I could
become a coach, then I wouldjump on the staff at somebody's
church because I saw it in me.
So I assumed everybody saw itin me, right?
Speaker 2 (44:36):
Okay, okay.
Speaker 1 (44:38):
I'm tracking with you .
Move to Texas, bro.
I didn't step into a pulpituntil early of 2023.
Yeah, and so that was a lot oftime for me wondering am I
(44:59):
really even who I is?
Everything that I thought aboutmyself is that a lie?
Like you know, god, like whatis really happening, am I?
Maybe I'm not, because I'dgotten to a point, dude, right,
I said, well, maybe I'm.
Just I'm never supposed topreach again.
Speaker 2 (45:15):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (45:15):
Maybe I'm never supposed to speak or anything,
I'm just supposed to.
Maybe my job is just to be ahusband and a father, and
there's nothing wrong with that.
Speaker 2 (45:25):
Nothing wrong with that.
Speaker 1 (45:27):
However.
However, I could not get awayfrom the three hallmarks of my
life, which are I love tomotivate people, I love to
inspire and I love to encourage.
So I got to a point where Isaid, okay, if I'm not going to
be able to do this from a pulpit, I'll do it on social media.
Speaker 2 (45:52):
Yes.
Speaker 1 (45:53):
COVID.
You know, covid came around andstarted making videos and then
all of a sudden back I think in2023, I got this idea.
I started doing a series ofpodcasts called uh, your daily
pep with coach Jay.
Speaker 2 (46:07):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (46:09):
All of a sudden, I found it.
Amen, I found it, and you know,in launching this podcast now,
it allows me to do what's in myheart.
Speaker 2 (46:20):
Yes.
Speaker 1 (46:21):
Because when?
Because, man, when life asks mewho are you really?
Speaker 2 (46:25):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (46:27):
I had to lay down everything that I thought that I
wanted to be, everything that Ithought that I was meant to be,
and I had to really stop andsay okay, who am I really in
this moment?
I'm a person who loves people,I'm a person who wants people to
(46:47):
live their best life.
And whether, if that means Iget rich off of this, hallelujah
yes.
But if it means that I don'tget rich off of this and my
podcast only gets five listeners, can I be okay with that?
And my answer was yes, I can beokay with that.
Then I knew that I was doing theright thing and, even though
(47:09):
I've been doing this podcast foralmost a year and a half, I did
an episode last week where Italked about how I thought about
quitting because I had allowedmyself to be fooled by looking
at numbers numbers, you know,having grown the way that I
wanted them to.
Maybe nobody wants to know,maybe nobody's listening, but I
(47:32):
had a moment where life said whoare you really?
And I came back and I said I amthat person who, if I'm just
sent here to reach one person,if that one person is listening
to this podcast, I have to befaithful to my charge to that
one person.
Speaker 2 (47:52):
Okay, justin, oh my goodness, I got goosebumps while
you were talking.
I listen.
I'm a firm believer that Goddoes not do anything by just
like coincidence.
I think that when people comeinto your life, that definitely
(48:14):
it can be for a reason, for aseason or for a lifetime, you
and I finding each other orbeing introduced and coming
together.
The way that we did was not bymistake.
We are more kindred spiritsthan you could ever imagine.
Speaker 1 (48:31):
And we're back with this episode of the pep talk
podcast.
Wow, all I can say as well.
And I had to make the decisionto split this interview into two
parts because we talked for anhour and 40 minutes y'all.
An hour and 40 minutes.
And just what you got now inthis first episode, y'all.
(48:54):
It gets so much better inepisode two that's going to drop
next Monday.
So I'm telling you you don'twant to miss it, you want to be
here for it.
And also, you know, drop us aline, let us know what you think
at the pet podcast at gmailcom.
Hit Ralph up at RalphBassardcom.
Y'all, y'all this episode.
(49:14):
If you think it would makecrazy, next week's episode, next
week's episode, is just goingto be downright nuts.
I want you to share this withyour husbands, shared with your
brothers, with your cousins,with your sons.
If you're a man, if you'resomeone who loves men, then this
episode is for you.
Let us know what you got out ofit.
Hit me up at ad underscore.
(49:35):
Jb speaks on Instagram.
We want to hear from you.
Drop us a five star review andrating wherever you listen to
podcast and if you're catchingthis on YouTube, hit that
subscribe button.
Let us know what you think, butwe'll see you next week for
episode 35 of the pep talkpodcast, part two of this
amazing interview with myselfand Ralph Bassard.
(49:55):
But you know how we ended,y'all are you?
On this episode of the pep talk podcast.
We are digging deep as we closeout this series on choosing
intentional manhood.
You don't want to miss it.
But first I have a question foryou.
Have you had your dose of peptoday?
No, don't worry, I've got you.
Now let's dig into it.
(00:25):
Welcome to the pep talk podcast,the podcast that cheers you on
and coaches you up.
I'm your host, coach J, a lifecoaching DFW, and I'm just glad
to be here with you today.
Like I said in the opening, weare closing out our mini series
on choosing intentional manhoodand today I have an absolute
gift for you.
This series is for men and forthose who love them, so there's
(00:50):
something here for everybody,and I want you to stay tuned.
This is going to be anincredible conversation that I
have with our guest for today,mr Ralph Besard.
We're going to meet him as soonas we get back and it's going
to be an amazing conversation,just absolutely incredible.
So stay tuned, don't goanywhere.
(01:11):
We will be right back with myconversation with Ralph Besard.
Stay tuned.
Welcome back to this episode ofthe pep talk podcast.
This is your boy, coach J, andI'm so happy that y'all are
hanging out with us as we closeout this series on choosing
intentional manhood.
(01:32):
I've gotten great feedback fromvarious places, from various
sources, and so that makes meparticularly excited about this
episode, because I believe thatthe guest that we have here,
someone that I've just met but Ialready consider to be a
brother, my best friend, the guythat I aspire to be like in the
(01:54):
future minus the hair, becausegenetics don't work like that,
but pep squad I want tointroduce to you Mr Ralph Besard
, the man, the myth, the legend,a leadership guru, an
entrepreneur, a coach, a speaker.
I really don't know what hedoesn't do, but he is, he's
(02:18):
gifted and we are blessed tohave him here on the pep talk
podcast.
Ralph, welcome to the podcastman.
Speaker 2 (02:27):
Hey, coach J Justin, thank you so much, man, for
allowing me to be here today.
It is my honor and privilege tobe with you and ready to talk
to the pep squad.
So I am just so blessed withmeeting you and again, I sit
with great expectation and justa wonderful amazement about what
(02:52):
we're going to be able to talkabout today.
In the short time that you andI have known each other, arc
discussions or conversationsHeck, even our just little
emails have been powerful andamazing.
So I'm excited for what's aboutto occur and hopefully we will
be able to share a little bitwith some people that helps make
(03:13):
their walk a little lighter andbrighter.
So again, thank you for havingme.
Speaker 1 (03:17):
Absolutely, absolutely.
So why don't you introduceyourself?
I know I gave just like areally, really broad overview of
what you do, but why don't youtell us, man, who are you
introduce yourself?
Speaker 2 (03:31):
Well, again, ralph Besard, and just a little bit
about myself.
I have been an entrepreneur nowfor over 30 years.
My wife and I started a companycalled Conker Credit Management
Incorporated.
We do help people withbasically the typical of credit
(03:52):
restoration.
We do consultation and coaching.
We've worked with a lot of highnet worth individuals I will
not name drop with some of themor household names.
I got involved in ministryprobably about 25 years ago a
little over, and I'm an ordainedpastor pastor a small church in
(04:14):
Southern California here andhave recently, over the last
decade now, moved intodiscipleship training and
leadership development.
You know most of my life I'vekind of been thrust in those
positions, albeit most of thetime during that time
reluctantly, not really seeingthat I was equipped for it or in
(04:36):
a place that I'm like trying tofigure out.
How did I hoodwink and bamboozlepeople to get into this place?
But you know, god definitelyhad something else for me, and
so with that, over this lastyear, I really settled down in
my spirit and understood thatthere was something that I
(04:56):
needed to leave with the world,and I think it was probably.
You know, understanding thatI'm looking at, you know, I have
two older boys, jordan andJustin.
One is third, jordan is 29,justin 27.
And then my wife and I had ourlittle how do you say?
Our little love child.
At the end there he's Julian,who is 12 years old and so just
(05:21):
kind of seeing them go into thenext stages with their life and
they're making you know theirconnections with their
girlfriends and fiance's, Irealized that, wait a second,
there's something else that Ineed to be able to share, that I
wanted to be able to leave withthem.
So, you know, you get into thatplace where you know your
mortality starts to kind of kickin.
(05:42):
Even though I'm young andvirile and in shape, I realized
that you know what, there'ssomething you can do to leave a
profound message, and that ishow I moved into that place to
then extend myself to be anauthor, and I was able to write
shape to lead, discover yourunique leadership style, empower
(06:04):
your team and create massiveimpact.
And that's what that was.
The hope is that I wanted tohelp a bunch of people anybody
that I can get beyond some ofthe debilitating thoughts,
limiting beliefs that they mayhave themselves, and realize
that they have a significantvalue here in life and that if
(06:27):
you walk on this planet, you'reprobably leading somewhere.
Someone is taking their cluesfrom you.
And so I wanted to take some ofall of that mystery out of it
and realize that when we beginto seek the sound of the genuine
voice that's within us, we cantap into a supernatural power
(06:50):
that comes from God.
That's our DNA.
And so I realized that I wantedto be able to create a book
that was, again, not so highbrow, that was conversational, that
was relatable, that wastransparent and, hopefully, let
people know that, hey, I reallysee them, and I wanted them to
(07:11):
be able then to begin initially,maybe, just to use my voice and
my eyes so that they can beginto see themselves and then begin
to embrace what I've come tolearn, which is that we all play
a part in making a difference,that we should be the difference
that we wanna see, and sothat's what Shape to Lead is all
(07:32):
about Really not necessarilytelling people what to do, but
trying to remind them of whothey are, and so that's a little
bit about.
I feel like the calling of mylife is to just kind of come in
and be like, hey, I'm here tolove with deep resolve.
And I want to make sure that youunderstand that you are
(07:53):
significant.
You are not here by chance,you're not here by happenstance.
You are not a mistake.
You are here for a time andseason such as this and let's
live the mission, thisassignment, and walk with
purpose.
Speaker 1 (08:05):
So I love that.
I love every single thing thatyou said there, especially when
you kind of talked about yourlife mission to really be able
to speak into the lives ofothers and say one you are
leading somebody.
Speaker 2 (08:21):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (08:22):
Right, I mean, it was Shakespeare.
I reference this all the time.
It was Shakespeare that saidall of life is a stage.
Speaker 2 (08:29):
Mm amen.
Speaker 1 (08:32):
Whether you know it or not, there is always somebody
in the peanut gallery somewherewho's watching what you're
doing.
Speaker 2 (08:39):
Absolutely.
Speaker 1 (08:40):
So you know, they're watching how well you handle
your adversity.
They're watching how well youhandle the mountaintop portions
of life.
Do you allow it to change youor are you using it to pull
other people up?
And then also the second thingyou mentioned that's something
that I deeply identify with isthe power of encouraging others,
(09:02):
like just having a word, justto say I don't care about the
circumstances around which yougot here, you're here, like the
fact that you're here is not anaccident.
So now let's talk about thereason why, and let's dig into,
as you said, those uniqueaspects of you and then how you
(09:23):
can use them to impact.
I told you we have five kids.
We have two boys and threegirls, and God bless you.
Speaker 2 (09:33):
That's amazing and awesome.
Speaker 1 (09:36):
So you talked about your love child.
That's 12 years old now.
My wife and I have 19, we have15, we have 10, 8, and we have a
six-year-old.
The six-year-old that was alove child, where we thought we
were done.
And then all of a sudden got tolove the love child man.
Speaker 2 (09:57):
Got to love the love child.
It's so funny.
I still remember when shecalled to tell me here I am.
My middle boy was on his way tobeing a sophomore in high
school and I'm like woo, we gotthree more years to go to
college, he'll be in college,we're good.
And she calls me on the freewayand says we're pregnant and I'm
like wait, what?
How did that happen?
(10:17):
And she says Ralph, you knowhow that happened.
Speaker 1 (10:22):
No, that's facts, man .
And so, yeah, for all of thosereasons, man, I'm excited to
really dig into and I reallywant to use your book as a
reference for this.
Number one is a way to plugyour book, but number two
because I think that what youtalk about in the book, this
(10:44):
whole shape method it tiesperfectly into this mini series
that I've been doing on choosingintentional manhood, and
including myself in that bunch,I would say that men we have
(11:05):
like our name out in thesestreets is not where it should
be.
Speaker 2 (11:10):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (11:12):
And so my charge has been men.
We have to do better.
And so I've talked about theimportance of being self-aware,
I've talked about the importanceof having male friendships,
because research shows thatthere are fewer male enriching
(11:33):
male friendships now than therehas been at any other time in
history in recorded history, andso we've been talking about
these things.
But I kind of want to talktoday about what it looks like
for a man to lead authenticallyand genuinely, because we don't
(11:56):
come into this world, let's faceit, we don't come into this
world knowing how to lead.
I remember when my son was,when my oldest daughter was born
, I was like OK, cool, I'vealways related, I think, more to
girls than I have to boys, justbecause I was the artistic kid
(12:17):
in school.
But when my son was born, I washorribly afraid.
Horribly afraid because Ididn't even feel like a man.
So how was I going to raise aman?
Speaker 2 (12:35):
Wow, wow.
You know I want, first andforemost, I just want to say
thank you for sharing that,because I think that you know,
when you alluded to the factthat you know how difficult it
is for men to make friendshipsor relationships, you know
something about women they're,they innately have the ability
(12:56):
almost to do that.
They create sisterhoods andthey can do it later in life.
You know.
To piggyback on that thoughtjust for a moment, you know we
think about, we make thoserelationships as men or, I
should say at the time, as boysfairly easily, whether it's
elementary, junior high.
And I think if you go back andkind of look over the history of
your life, you'll find out someof the boys that you still talk
(13:18):
to and run with, who reallyknow you in a very deep and
transparent way, are probablyyour boys from high school and,
you know, before high school.
I know I know that's initiallya little bit with me.
Now I've had some friends thatyou know.
Because we had kids that weregoing to school together and
because of the community wefound ourselves in, we started
(13:38):
to develop some relationshipsand I'm pretty cool with them,
but it's those guys that knew me, whether it was in junior high,
high school that really reallyknow me right.
And so what ends up happening?
A lot of times, if you're luckyenough to keep that
long-lasting relationship, maybeyou're able to go back to that
place and tell them some of yourfears, some of your doubts,
(14:01):
some of your struggles.
But very similar, very similarto you.
You know, I have three boys, butI remember when the oldest one
was born, my wife and I I was 21when I met my wife Wasn't
necessarily looking to get intothis place that I thought we
(14:21):
were going to be together forthe rest of our life.
I knew I loved her, but again,I grew up.
My mother and father weredivorced when I was very young,
and so I didn't have a whole lotof, you know, deep
understanding of that marriagerelationship because, believe it
or not, all my friends wereraised by single mothers.
(14:43):
Their parents were.
So here it was.
I'm now with my wife and we'retrying to make her.
She's 20 at the time and then,a couple of years later, I'm
turning 24, we find out we'repregnant.
Now I'm going to tell you verymuch, like you, I loved how you
said that you were so worriedabout bringing a male into the
(15:07):
world and how you didn't feellike one.
I had the very same feeling.
I was like I could barelybalance a checkbook.
And now I'm responsible forteaching this little boy or this
baby on how to become a man.
And I realized and here goesthe part because I was a pretty
(15:30):
precocious young man.
I was pretty astute.
Most of the time I was probablybecause I was self-aware a
little, very critical of myself.
So I was aware of what I knew,but I was also really aware of
what I didn't know.
And so I played it safe.
I leaned to the things thatwere my strengths and I learned
how to perform.
I learned how to kind of keeppeople off of me and I could
(15:54):
talk big, I could bark big, andso I learned how to perform.
But I was not going to stretch,I was not going to go over to
that area and let anybody knowwhat I didn't know.
So you want to know somethingcrazy?
And I don't know that.
My mother even knows this.
I'm sure she does, but I thinkmy wife was.
She was probably.
She was probably five monthspregnant before I told my mother
(16:16):
that we were pregnant.
Wow, I was so freaked out.
I didn't tell anybody.
I was spooked man.
I was going to work, I wasshowing up places and I was
spooked.
I was like I don't know howthis is going to go down.
I was spooked.
My wife was so proud and eventhough she you know my mother at
(16:38):
the time was living in Texas,we were in California.
So you know her, my mother andher had a relationship, but I
was really guarded about how Iwanted to tell my mother and I
know that probably hurt my wifefor a very long time.
You know those first couple ofmonths because I didn't want to
tell anybody.
And she was like, what's yourproblem?
(16:59):
And it was just because I washaving a hard time saying like
hey, do I know what it takes tobe a dad and be a father Because
?
Again, a little bit about myself.
I grew up in Oakland,california, and although I have
a great relationship with myfather, he was a couple hundred
miles away.
(17:19):
He was in Central California atthe time, so I saw him on
holidays and I could call him.
I always had access.
My mother and father had awonderful working relationship
and I can honestly tell you Idid not miss a beat in my
childhood.
I had a wonderful childhoodother than having your father
there to teach you how to be aman every day.
I didn't miss anything likethat.
(17:39):
I wasn't aware that I was untilI got to that place and I
realized I was making up manhoodthe whole time.
Speaker 1 (17:51):
Okay, so first off, big ups to your parents for
cultivating that relationshipfor your sake, because it's hard
, it's really hard.
But so I was adopted and myadoptive parents are my
(18:11):
grandparents.
So I was adopted into thefamily.
I really didn't get to know mybiological dad until I was
around 21, 22.
Because my wife told me I'm notgoing to marry you until you
know where you come from.
Okay, yeah, that's why we marryup man.
(18:34):
And so my grandfather.
He was a worker man.
He was from that generationwhere you show your love by
working.
So he worked two jobs.
He was a teacher, a driver's edinstructor and he also did old
school newspaper routes.
So he would get up at, you know, he'd go, come in, go to bed at
(18:56):
like five o'clock, wake up atone o'clock, two o'clock in the
morning, go throw his route,come home and go to work.
That was his thing.
Now he showed up for me in highschool.
He was a band boot, he was achoir booster, parent and all
that stuff.
But as far as us having thoseconversations like when I would
(19:17):
get in trouble, then I'd get thevery stern talking to.
But as far as here's what ittakes to be a man.
Speaker 2 (19:25):
Yes.
Speaker 1 (19:26):
And like you said, like you said, I performed my
way into a pseudo image of whatI thought manhood was, and I've
been thinking about that a lotover these last few weeks,
especially over the series man,when you said that you performed
(19:47):
like you weren't gonna letanybody know, that you didn't
know what you were doing.
Speaker 2 (19:50):
Absolutely Like listen in Oakland.
You're so funny.
I was talking to another friendof mine and we were kind of
having this conversation.
You know, my first inclinationof manhood.
You know, again, I'm gonna datemyself here and obviously it
was a little before my time butI got to see those reruns and I
just thought he was magic.
I saw John Shaft when I sawthat.
Speaker 1 (20:11):
Afro hey, I saw that.
Speaker 2 (20:13):
Afro, the turtleneck and the leather coat man, you
couldn't tell me nothing else,right?
It was like Shaft, was it?
Like?
That's what it is to be a man.
Now you gotta understand.
Now here I am coming of age inOakland, california.
Now I lived in an area where,you know, my mother sent me to
school, sent me to the bestschools, so you know I was
(20:33):
always around diversity.
But in Oakland, you know, nearBerkeley and in San Francisco,
very liberal area.
But here's the thing I learnedalso how to perform in different
scenarios.
Sometimes I was travelingthrough the hood, so you see
certain things and then you findyourself in suburbia and you
have to perform in that area.
(20:54):
And so here's what I've learneda lot of times, you know, you
pick up certain things in thestreet how to be tough and walk
with this presence, right, howto kind of talk to the ladies
and then begin to define yourmasculinity through how many
girls you date or whatever itmay be.
And so I got good at that.
(21:15):
I got good at being able Iremember me and my friends
actually be like man.
There's not really any place Ican't go.
It's like you know I ended upin, you know, in suburbia and
it's like I know.
I was raised by educators.
My mother was, you know,president of colleges.
My father was a teacher,grandparents were teachers, so I
(21:35):
can speak with the best of them.
So I know how to do thiseducation thing.
But then guess what?
I played in the hood.
I played football andbasketball in the hood, so it
was like I had cousins who werein the hood.
Speaker 1 (21:47):
So guess what.
Speaker 2 (21:48):
I knew how to handle myself there as well.
And so now you kind of feellike, wait, ooh.
I can always have this kind ofpurview where I felt like I had
a mountain view over the valley.
And so it's like, ooh, who do Ineed to be in this moment to
get what I want?
And so that is where theperformance came in, and so I
(22:09):
never really worried about mytime, about understanding or
developing in those weak areasto get to a place called
discovery where true growthoccurs.
I just tried to perform, to tryto get over.
I remember even telling mylittle brother like, hey, man,
sometimes it's just about fakingit to make it.
Just keep them off.
You like hustle, hustle, and itcatches up to you.
(22:30):
And so when my baby Jordan myyoungest, my oldest was coming
into the world, I realized howunprepared I was to play this
next role.
I was like, ooh, I'm not gonnabe able to fake this.
And my wife felt it as well,because she was like we're good,
like what's going on with you,like why are you so afraid of
(22:56):
this next section of life?
Now, again, she grew up in asingle parent family and her
family was not as tight as minewas, so she needed some level of
connection for me.
But because I'm running aroundlike an imposter, I performed
even in that relationship andstruggled sometimes with
(23:17):
intimacy with her and she becamevery aware of it when she was
having that child.
Speaker 1 (23:22):
That's crazy.
We have a lot of intersectingpoints, because I remember my
there was a.
I forget what happened, but Iremember my wife looked at me
and she said, the man that I sawwhen we were dating, the
(23:44):
confident, have it all togetherguy, where is what happened to
him?
Like the guy that I'm seeingnow, is so unsure and almost
fragile.
And I mean, my wife is really,really wise, she's really astute
, she can, she's very discerning, so she can see to the heart of
(24:07):
things in a really really, youknow, really easy way.
And that was one of thosemoments for me that really
showed me, yo, your performancelike it's not gonna take you any
further than it's taking youright now.
You're gonna have to.
You're gonna have to, you know,take the mask off and you're
(24:32):
gonna have to work your way intofinally becoming who you are
supposed to be.
Speaker 2 (24:39):
Ooh, talk about it.
Yes, I think you know, one ofthe things that became that was
a big moment for me was that,you know again, when we start
kind of having that very momentthat you just discussed, I mean
we become really aware that wait, something's missing, there's
something here that I need.
There's that old saying thatyou know when the student's
(25:00):
ready, the teacher comes.
And for me, I got to that placeas my child was coming into the
world and I became definitelyaware of I could not fake it to
make it here at this moment Istarted trying to put some
things together, but again Ireverted to only what I knew.
(25:20):
I tried to do some things in myown strength and I was crashing
and burning, just crashing andburning.
I was arguing with the wife alittle too much.
I know that she's a very strongwoman, had way more wisdom than
me at the time, and she was youknow, she's a fighter and so
she was like no, we're gonnamake this.
She got involved with church.
(25:42):
Now here's the funny thingabout it.
My wife and I, we have a mixedmarriage.
My wife grew up in the Jewishfaith and became a believer, and
what was funny was that shestarted going to church.
Now I had been to church, I hadgrew up and went to the
Christian schools and things,but I can honestly tell you I
(26:05):
did not have a workingrelationship with Christ.
So what ended up happening isthat she started going to church
and started asking me to comewith her.
You know I was heavily involvedin watching my football and
doing certain things, but at thetime I knew I was trying to
make it work with her.
Well, the moment you openyourself up, god can do some
(26:26):
great and amazing things.
And he brought a mentor in mylife and it was the exact mentor
who I needed in that moment andhe was.
I just remember he was a big,tall, strong man who loved his
wife, had peace in this house.
(26:47):
I remember the first time Iwent to visit his house.
It was clean, but, moreimportantly, it was something
about the air.
You just kind of went and youwere like, wow, this wait,
there's no chaos in this house.
Speaker 1 (26:59):
You can tell the difference.
Speaker 2 (27:01):
Yeah, the way his wife and his daughters were
operating with him and the wayhe had this spot on tenderness
and love with them, I was like,wait a second, this is possible.
Well, he met me exactly where Iwas and he hit me with that.
He was just Ralph.
He says I want you to stopkicking yourself, because if you
(27:22):
had known better, you couldhave done better.
And that sat with me.
And before he even introducedJesus to me on a deeper level,
he just loved me where I was at.
He didn't bring up the Bible,although he was talking about
biblical principles.
He didn't tell me what to do.
All he kept speaking to wasreminding me of who I was
(27:42):
created to be, and so he invitedme.
Finally, after several weeks,maybe even close to three months
, of just kind of working withme and mentoring me and loving
me, he invited me to Bible study, and that was when I gave my
life to the Lord.
I remember not being a personthat was really a hugger, always
(28:05):
trying to do things on my own,but on that particular day it
was as if he was reading my lifefrom scripture and I was almost
like how come nobody ever toldme this?
And albeit they were.
There had been people who hadbeen giving me certain seeds,
but again, I was unwilling.
Going back to what I've writtenin the book, I was unwilling or
(28:25):
unable at the time to embracemy unique shape Because I just
wasn't aware of it.
And through his help, Irealized that I had a unique
shape, that I had been shapedfor a time in a season such as
this, and him loving me the waythat he did and helping me to
find my mission, my assignmentand my purpose oh my goodness,
(28:50):
things really changed for me inthat moment, and so I'm so
grateful to this day, pastorMaxie James that's just a plug
for him.
He was just an amazing mentorwho had a wonderful way of
taking the word of God, makingit practical so that we could
apply it in our life.
And that's where I've kind oftried to grow from, and I
(29:14):
operate now with theunderstanding that the first and
foremost, what you have to helppeople to do is get them to
consider a new perspective.
I think that so much of what wedo sometimes is that we argue
and fight or we try tomanipulate people into a certain
place, and it's not aboutmanipulating, it's about
persuading them, and the firstway to do that is just getting
(29:36):
them to consider saying, hey, ifit was done this way, is it a
possibility that it could bedone another way?
And when you leave that open,what happens now?
You allow people to find it intheir kind of unique walk.
That then will allow them toalign with what you're talking
about, or the truth of thesituation.
You're giving them a new set offacts.
(29:57):
And when we get people to alignwith their significance, their
unique brilliance, you positionthem to the rise for impact and
I love acronyms, you'll find outabout me.
I call it the car.
It's the vehicle that you sayConsider, align and rise to find
(30:20):
your unique shape, and that'swhat I try to do, man.
Speaker 1 (30:24):
Got another book cooking?
Yeah, I got.
Speaker 2 (30:27):
All right, you know what, Now that I've gone through
this process, I'm walking in myunique shape.
I'm not going to stop.
I was trying to write, notnecessarily this book at first,
but I had been trying to write abook for the better part of the
last 10 or 15 years.
I got involved in ministry over20.
But I had been trying to writea book, stopping and starting.
(30:48):
But when things line up and youhear the unctioning of the
spirit working through you, someof the white noise, the things
that convolute your thoughtprocess or how you're dealing
with things, they get muted andyou're able to hear now with the
(31:10):
level of clarity that reallypromotes the vision that you
want to walk in, and that's whathappened for me.
It started again.
My wonderful wife, with all herwisdom, my mother, her and my
mother came together Last year.
They bought me this incrediblegift to work with another mentor
(31:31):
who helped me to just kind ofdevelop my thoughts, and that's
how the book got started a yearago.
I wrote this book within a yearand published it within the
same year, simply because I gotout of my own way, even though I
had been helping people for thebetter part of 25 years.
We can spend so much timepouring out.
(31:54):
We don't make room for peopleto pour into it.
And you've got to make room forthat.
You've got to set yourself up,and this is why I'm such a
proponent of coaching.
Again, if you're going tochoose intentional manhood, well
guess what?
You've got to be open to allowa man to coach you into being
(32:16):
intentional in finding yourmanhood and realizing that some
of the things that you picked upyou may have to lay down and be
open to new perspectives.
So that gift that they gave mein working with that coach, she
came along and again she helpedme get rid of all that white
noise and kind of get a littlemore focused.
And we got it done.
(32:37):
And again it just kind ofreminded me of the very call of
my life, which is to help unlockpeople's brilliance, help them
get out of their way and definetheir unique purpose in what God
created them to be.
Speaker 1 (32:55):
I think that's an incredible thing and a great
gift that your wife would investin you in that way.
I think for so many men I thinka lot of the times the thing
(33:16):
that we are missing is thatinvest in self peace.
Like you know, we look atathletes and you know, living in
Texas, you know we'resurrounded by superstar athletes
.
Speaker 2 (33:30):
Absolutely.
Speaker 1 (33:31):
You know Dak Prescott , cd Lam, you know Luca Dantich,
kyrie Irving and the thing thatthey've had to do.
They've invested millions, uponmillions, upon millions of
dollars into themselves.
Speaker 2 (33:49):
Yes.
Speaker 1 (33:50):
Their support system, have invested money in them
before they were even able toinvest money in themselves, and
I think, I really believe, thatevery man wants to step into
authentic manhood.
They want to be intentionalabout, you know, living out this
(34:12):
thing called being a man.
God doesn't create any bumps.
I don't think that there is asingle man alive right now who
said when I grow up, I want tobe a bum.
You know, I want to have brokenrelationships.
I want to have, you know,broken children.
(34:33):
No, no, no man grows up withthat mentality.
Speaker 2 (34:37):
Absolutely not.
Speaker 1 (34:38):
But I also think that I think it's hard, and I think
it's hard.
It's hard for women to.
But you know, being a woman ishard, but also we don't talk
about it enough man, being a man, it's hard.
Speaker 2 (34:53):
Yes.
Speaker 1 (34:53):
It is, and there are different kinds of hard, but
it's hard nonetheless.
And I think that a lot of times, by the time that we really
realize that I don't know whatmanhood really is, the hard
stuff is really hitting.
And then it's hard for us toeven break out and to ask for
(35:13):
help.
Like it's easy to say, yo,ralph, how about that?
You know, I don't know who yourteam is, but you know how about
that, that football game.
But I can't, I can't.
It's hard for me to callsomebody up and say, ralph, dude
, I'm struggling with porn rightnow.
Or you know, ralph, ralph, Ijust, man, I got caught up.
(35:35):
You know, I got caught up withthis woman and I don't know how
to do.
Like, ralph, I'm failing mykids.
Ralph, how about this one,ralph, I'm failing myself.
Speaker 2 (35:46):
Come on, listen.
Oh my goodness, those are suchamazing points because that is
where the rubber meets the road.
This is how so many men cannot.
They miss the opportunity togain traction because we're
unable, we feel unable, to talkabout those things that truly
(36:08):
matter.
What do we do?
We distract ourselves bytalking about the things that,
most of the time, really don'tmean a whole heck of a lot.
Right, we're giving part aboutbeing a part of this world and
again, I am not trying tocompare a man to a woman or in
the sense of you know the unique, the perspective can be
different.
(36:28):
But as a man, the thing thatbecomes really aware it's, you
know, that old thing that wekind of tell the little boys.
We're pulled aside and told notto cry on some level.
Right, you suck it up, you knowwhat I'm saying?
And they teach girls how to tapin, to become emotionally
(36:49):
intelligent, emotionally aware.
Now, some of those things havebeen misconstrued or kind of
convoluted as of recently, overthe last maybe 20 to 30 years,
but the fact is is that they tryto teach men how to suck it up,
right, and they'll call it likea warrior method or something.
But really what they do is theykind of cut, you know, a man
(37:11):
right below his knees, becauseyou know there's a reason why
God gave us tear ducts, there'sa reason why God gave us a heart
, there's a reason why we needto be able to tap into some
level of sensitivity so we canexperience empathy and sympathy
and actually walk with somelevel of humility, rather than
false humility.
Right, but what ends uphappening?
(37:33):
Because of what we pick up andthen the story we begin to write
, we continue, perpetuate, acycle that continues to move us
down the road that moves us frombeing truly, as you were
talking about a moment ago,about being self aware, right of
(37:53):
who we really are.
And I think that the onequestion that life asks and this
goes to men and women, the onething that life is going to
continue to ask us, right, iswho are you really?
Yes, who are, which comes inmany different shapes and sizes.
It comes in the forms of manydifferent questions, but at the
core, it's who are you really?
(38:15):
How will you express yourself?
I'm reminded of a line in John,one that still to this day gives
me goosebumps.
It's when John the Baptist was,you know, baptizing and Jesus
was just about to come on thescene and the Roman guards were
(38:35):
questioning John about who hewas going to say that he was.
And it says in this passagehere it says he did not fail in
his confession but confessedfreely.
And why?
That stands out to me?
Because if you read that wholechapter you find out very
quickly.
He starts with his confessionabout saying who he's not.
(38:56):
He speaks to the part like hey,I'm not this Messiah, I'm not a
prophet.
He speaks to the part aboutwhere he might, where some
people might seem it as a formof weakness.
He speaks in this way this iswhat I'm not, and he says.
But then it says he goes and hesays I'm the one, I'm the one
calling in the wind make thepath straight for the Lord.
He in professes who he is.
(39:19):
And this is how we fail in ourconfession when we are
uncomfortable in that placebetween what we call to be our
virtues and what we call to beour weaknesses, when we are not
fully aware of who we are andembrace who we are, because the
truth is we don't have anotherperson to take ourselves to
Right.
This is who we are when.
(39:39):
So when we're not in this placeof being able to accept all
that I am and all that I'm not.
We will make up who we are andthat's what we profess, and then
that's where things becomeproblematic for us.
And so, when I realized that somuch of my time was spent, I
thought I'm not going to getinto the world of what I thought
I was professing, somethingthat I wanted the world to see,
(40:01):
but in actuality I was hiding,right, I was just trying to keep
people from finding out what Iwas ashamed of.
But when I realized myquirkiness, the, the, the unique
way that I thought some ofthose things that are weaknesses
, that that guess what, theywill propel me further when I
acknowledge them and say, hey,this is what I'm not, but yet
(40:22):
and still, this is what I wasable to do, this is what I think
, but in spite of what I think,this is what I was able to, to
accomplish, right, right, whenyou speak like that, now you're
fully showing up, in a mannerthat's transparent, that now
guess what.
You're speaking to the, the,the, the shame and the and the
(40:43):
and the weakness in anotherperson, and you're shining a
light and say, hey, yes, whatyou're more than enough to.
I think that that is a one ofthe more profound gifts that we
can give to someone.
When we fully embrace who weare, when we embrace our unique
shape and that's what I reallyhope to help people get beyond
(41:06):
in their life and in theirleadership in one cause
somebody's waiting for you toget who you really are.
Speaker 1 (41:11):
That's right.
That's right I say it often.
Somebody is waiting on you toarrive.
Speaker 2 (41:17):
Absolutely.
Speaker 1 (41:18):
And this whole idea that life asks you who are you
really?
That question will never stopcoming to you over the course of
your life, because at one pointit is asking you to establish
who you want to be.
At another point it's going toask you again to see if you're
lining up with who you want tobe.
(41:40):
And then, at another seasonbecause we aren't supposed to
stay the same that question isgoing to come to see how were
you changing, how were youtransforming at this time of
life, cause I mean, yo, I'm, I'm43 now.
I forget that often.
I'm 43 now and I should not bethe same person at 43 that I was
(42:01):
at 23 or 33.
Now, now my 43 may not looklike what your 43 look like.
My 33 may not look like whatyour 33 look like, and I think,
because men, so many men, arewired for the competition
portion of it, I think we get introuble.
I think we get in trouble yeahOne when we are comparing
(42:25):
ourselves, our current self, tosomebody else's highlight or
whatever, or we're comparingourselves to the wrong people,
like there's so many young menwho are comparing their lives to
, you know, to Drake and toKanye, and to, you know,
kendrick Lamar.
Speaker 2 (42:43):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (42:44):
Or we're comparing ourselves to, you know, the top
athletes and all this stuff andwhile on, on some level, if you
identify with what they do,that's one thing.
Speaker 2 (42:54):
Yes.
Speaker 1 (42:55):
But your life will never play out the way that
somebody else's life plays out,because your life is for you.
Speaker 2 (43:02):
Amen.
Speaker 1 (43:03):
And so if, if go ahead, go ahead.
Speaker 2 (43:04):
No, no, please go ahead.
Finish, I want to that nextpoint.
Go ahead.
Speaker 1 (43:08):
I just I think that if, if we're really going to
lead, if we're really going tolead, if we're going to become
as you said, we have to be ableto answer that question who are
you really?
Because when you know who youare, it helps you to discover
why you will put here in thefirst place.
Speaker 2 (43:29):
Now yeah.
Speaker 1 (43:31):
And when you know the why, then the why becomes the
vehicle for everything else.
All of a sudden, the why beginsto the, the how begins to make
sense, then, then the, theavenues for impact really begins
to like I'm.
I'm going to tell you thereason why I started this
(43:52):
podcast is because I had gonethrough a phase when we moved
from.
We moved from Missouri to Texasabout four, four and a half
years ago.
I was on staff at a church.
I was a teaching pastor, wewere children's pastors, I was
speaking a lot, all this stuff.
Okay, when we move, when wemoved to Texas, I had this
(44:14):
expectation that because I feltlike I was gifted, that people
were going to see that andpeople were going to latch onto
that, then I could become, youknow, a speaker, then I could
become a coach, then I wouldjump on the staff at somebody's
church because I saw it in me.
So I assumed everybody saw itin me, right?
Speaker 2 (44:36):
Okay, okay.
Speaker 1 (44:38):
I'm tracking with you .
Move to Texas, bro.
I didn't step into a pulpituntil early of 2023.
Yeah, and so that was a lot oftime for me wondering am I
(44:59):
really even who I is?
Everything that I thought aboutmyself is that a lie?
Like you know, god, like whatis really happening, am I?
Maybe I'm not, because I'dgotten to a point, dude, right,
I said, well, maybe I'm.
Just I'm never supposed topreach again.
Speaker 2 (45:15):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (45:15):
Maybe I'm never supposed to speak or anything,
I'm just supposed to.
Maybe my job is just to be ahusband and a father, and
there's nothing wrong with that.
Speaker 2 (45:25):
Nothing wrong with that.
Speaker 1 (45:27):
However.
However, I could not get awayfrom the three hallmarks of my
life, which are I love tomotivate people, I love to
inspire and I love to encourage.
So I got to a point where Isaid, okay, if I'm not going to
be able to do this from a pulpit, I'll do it on social media.
Speaker 2 (45:52):
Yes.
Speaker 1 (45:53):
COVID.
You know, covid came around andstarted making videos and then
all of a sudden back I think in2023, I got this idea.
I started doing a series ofpodcasts called uh, your daily
pep with coach Jay.
Speaker 2 (46:07):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (46:09):
All of a sudden, I found it.
Amen, I found it, and you know,in launching this podcast now,
it allows me to do what's in myheart.
Speaker 2 (46:20):
Yes.
Speaker 1 (46:21):
Because when?
Because, man, when life asks mewho are you really?
Speaker 2 (46:25):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (46:27):
I had to lay down everything that I thought that I
wanted to be, everything that Ithought that I was meant to be,
and I had to really stop andsay okay, who am I really in
this moment?
I'm a person who loves people,I'm a person who wants people to
(46:47):
live their best life.
And whether, if that means Iget rich off of this, hallelujah
yes.
But if it means that I don'tget rich off of this and my
podcast only gets five listeners, can I be okay with that?
And my answer was yes, I can beokay with that.
Then I knew that I was doing theright thing and, even though
(47:09):
I've been doing this podcast foralmost a year and a half, I did
an episode last week where Italked about how I thought about
quitting because I had allowedmyself to be fooled by looking
at numbers numbers, you know,having grown the way that I
wanted them to.
Maybe nobody wants to know,maybe nobody's listening, but I
(47:32):
had a moment where life said whoare you really?
And I came back and I said I amthat person who, if I'm just
sent here to reach one person,if that one person is listening
to this podcast, I have to befaithful to my charge to that
one person.
Speaker 2 (47:52):
Okay, justin, oh my goodness, I got goosebumps while
you were talking.
I listen.
I'm a firm believer that Goddoes not do anything by just
like coincidence.
I think that when people comeinto your life, that definitely
(48:14):
it can be for a reason, for aseason or for a lifetime, you
and I finding each other orbeing introduced and coming
together.
The way that we did was not bymistake.
We are more kindred spiritsthan you could ever imagine.
Speaker 1 (48:31):
And we're back with this episode of the pep talk
podcast.
Wow, all I can say as well.
And I had to make the decisionto split this interview into two
parts because we talked for anhour and 40 minutes y'all.
An hour and 40 minutes.
And just what you got now inthis first episode, y'all.
(48:54):
It gets so much better inepisode two that's going to drop
next Monday.
So I'm telling you you don'twant to miss it, you want to be
here for it.
And also, you know, drop us aline, let us know what you think
at the pet podcast at gmailcom.
Hit Ralph up at RalphBassardcom.
Y'all, y'all this episode.
(49:14):
If you think it would makecrazy, next week's episode, next
week's episode, is just goingto be downright nuts.
I want you to share this withyour husbands, shared with your
brothers, with your cousins,with your sons.
If you're a man, if you'resomeone who loves men, then this
episode is for you.
Let us know what you got out ofit.
Hit me up at ad underscore.
(49:35):
Jb speaks on Instagram.
We want to hear from you.
Drop us a five star review andrating wherever you listen to
podcast and if you're catchingthis on YouTube, hit that
subscribe button.
Let us know what you think, butwe'll see you next week for
episode 35 of the pep talkpodcast, part two of this
amazing interview with myselfand Ralph Bassard.
(49:55):
But you know how we ended,y'all are you?
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