April 1, 2024 • 53 mins
Who do you see when you look in the mirror each morning? Today, we're continuing our impactful conversation with Ralph Bussard, and together we peel back the layers of what it means to live a life of purpose and intention. As men, it's not just about facing the giant obstacles before us, but recognizing that our everyday decisions carve out the legacy we leave behind. We tackle the idea of being the authors of our own stories, not just heroes or narrators, in a raw conversation that encourages men to embrace the full spectrum of their experiences—challenging parts included—and how this shapes the impact we have on our families and communities.
Ralph and I also take a moment to reflect on the tender sensitivity of our spirit, exploring the need for regular 'spiritual EKGs' to maintain the purity of our hearts. We share tales of David and Goliath, drawing metaphors for our own lives and the importance of making ourselves available to opportunities that can lead us to our destinies. Our dialogue traverses the tales of networking events and the surprising outcomes of saying 'yes' more often. We also address the topic of diverse perspectives and how they strengthen leadership, relationships, and personal growth.
Closing our heartfelt exchange, the conversation naturally flows into the essence of manhood with Ralph imparting wisdom on embracing the bravery required to step into the unknown. We highlight the significance of living with intention and purpose, making choices that reflect the man you strive to be, and the profound effect this can have on those around you. Our chat isn't just about self-improvement—it's a rallying cry for men to honor their path with courage and conscious action, every single day.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
In today's episode we are continuing to dig deep in
what it means to become a shapedman with our special guest, mr
Ralph Bussard.
But first I have a question foryou have you had your dose of
pep today?
No, don't worry, I've got you.
Now let's dig into it.
Welcome to season two, episode35 of the Pep Talk podcast.
(00:20):
I'm your host, coach J, a lifecoach in DFW, and last week
y'all we started a conversationwith my guest, ralph Bussard.
That was incredible andriveting, and I heard from you
y'all let me hear from you whenyou told me that you all were so
ready for the second part ofthe episode and I'm so excited
(00:43):
to release that to you today.
I promise you know, take sometime with the men in your life,
your brothers, your uncles, yourhusbands, your cousins.
Just sit down and listen tothis episode, because it is for
men and for those who love them,and we're talking about
choosing intentional manhood.
This is the very last episode onthis topic that we've spent
(01:03):
about five episodes on in thisseason, and, y'all I am excited
about the results that thisconversation has had and will
continue to have, and I don'twant to waste any more time with
introductions.
I want to jump right into theepisode the remainder of the
(01:26):
episode with Ralph Bessard, whois an incredible speaker and an
executive leadership coach.
He is a published author and soI just know that you're going
to get something great out ofthis episode, and I will be back
at the end to wrap this episodeand to recap the conversation.
So, without further ado, hereis the second half of my
(01:47):
conversation with Ralph Bussardon becoming a shaped man.
Y'all be blessed.
Speaker 2 (01:55):
I tell everybody that your story is big.
It's a big deal.
It's significant.
That's right.
There's something else that'smore significant how you
interpret that story Right.
How you interpret your story isso much bigger than your story
alone, because how you interpretit will then be the way that
you choose to continue to authoryour story.
(02:19):
Well, check this out.
I don't want you to be the heroin your story.
Forget it just for a moment.
Do you realize the bad guy?
When he's writing his story, hesees himself as the hero.
That's right.
So forget about trying to bethe hero in your story.
And here's another thing Don'tjust be the narrator of your
story, because the narratornever has to get in the arena.
(02:41):
They're not experiencing lifeman, they're on the sidelines
talking about what could haveshould have been.
No dude, you need to be theauthor of your story, and the
only way that you can be theauthor of your story is that you
need to interpret your storycorrectly.
Paul writes and he says that allthese things happened to me so
that I could advance the gospel.
(03:02):
Well, everything that you wentthrough the good, the bad, the
indifferent okay, it's not meantto be the defining thing of
your life.
It's meant to reveal thepossibility of all that you
could be.
See, when I'm defined by who Iused to be, or defined from my
come from, I can realize, yeah,my come from equipped me and
empowered me right to now be inthis moment, in this space, to
(03:27):
do something or to respond to itin a unique, specific way.
Right, and so when I realizedthat wait a second, I don't need
to be Jake's, I don't need tohave this credential or all that
before I begin to write mystory, I could realize that wait
a second.
I've gone through some uniqueexperiences that have shaped me
in such a way that I can have aunique story that I now can
(03:51):
share and that can make a truedifference to those who hear it.
Speaker 1 (03:55):
Go for it.
Okay, okay, okay.
I feel like I need to grab anorgan and just have some ushers
pass around a collection.
Speaker 2 (04:03):
Okay, so I feel like I need to grab an organ and just
have some ushers pass around acollection.
Speaker 1 (04:07):
Okay so, brothers yes , I need to say this Brothers,
your story is your story.
I hope you heard everythingthat Ralph just said.
When we begin to and I like howyou said you can't be the
(04:27):
narrator.
You know what I'm saying?
Don't be the hero.
I tell people that they need toadopt that main character
energy.
Speaker 2 (04:33):
Yes, okay, I love it.
Speaker 1 (04:35):
You can't be the best supporting actor in your own
life story, yes, but, guys,here's the thing, and here's
what I think that Ralph issaying to us as men especially.
Speaker 2 (04:49):
Yes.
Speaker 1 (04:50):
Everything that has happened to us in our lives may
not look like a good thing, butin the end it is up to how you
interpret it.
Speaker 2 (05:00):
Yes.
Speaker 1 (05:00):
Because if you look back over every area of trauma,
every area you've messed up,every area people have messed
over you.
If you don't look forredeemable areas in those things
, you're only going to continueperpetuating the myth that you
were has no value, that yourlife has no virtue and that
there is nothing redeemableabout your life.
(05:28):
But when you understand,brothers, guys when we
understand that every part ofyour story, the ultimate aim of
it, is that there is glory thatis reproduced in your life, not
just for you, but for the peoplethat are, for our wives, for
our kids.
They deserve.
They deserve for us to put thework in so that even the good
(05:51):
and the bad parts about ourstories are not constantly
wrecking us and wrecking them.
Things become so much betterand we can finally begin to
become clear on what our role isas men in our families and in
our communities.
Speaker 2 (06:10):
Absolutely that the story, that interpretation is so
profound.
And when you gain, when you,when you take on that type of
perspective, now you realizethat you know the things that
come to, sometimes look likethey take us out, or like the
bad things, the things thatsometimes we want to not talk
about.
Those things are not there todefine you unless you let them,
(06:33):
unless you let them define youright.
If you see yourself in thevictim as the victim, well,
guess what?
You're going to write a story,or continue to write a story
that comes from the perspectiveof being a victim.
Right Now, you're upset ateverybody.
You think life is unfair.
You fail to attempt things thatmay try to move you out of your
(06:54):
victimhood, whatever it may be.
You become emboldened in theposition of that interpretation,
right, yes, so when I realizedthat the things that have
happened to me, even you know,even the good things, because a
lot of times we can go theopposite way Some really great
things happen to us.
People start blowing smoke.
Now we feel like, hey, I walkwith a level of privilege, the
(07:16):
way I'm rocking, and then youknow again, we miss that.
Wait a second.
You know we probably shouldtreat people a little
differently.
Now.
We're walking with thisnarcissistic kind of thought
process and we still don't allowourselves to grow, so we don't
get too up or down and we beginto see, like wait a second, this
is not here to define me.
This is about me taking a look,being self-aware of what I'm
(07:37):
supposed to pull from thosemoments to now author a story.
That is about revelation,revealing who I am, and so
that's what I try to help peopleunderstand.
With that first acronym, thatfirst letter in shape, you have
a story.
It's significant, but what'seven bigger deal is how you
interpret it so you can continueto write the story.
(07:58):
The next is H, and that speaksto the heart, right Again, my
background being in ministry.
Favorite life verse John 16,verse 33.
He says he leaves his peacewith us, but he says in this
world you're going to have sometrouble, but take heart, for
I've overcome the world.
I want to tell you straight up,and tell all the pep squad,
(08:22):
that a lot of times, when thingshappen to us or we are going
through things, we immediatelybelieve that we need to go
obtain something, or getsomething or achieve something,
or even bring another personinto the equation for us to find
some level of happiness or tobe equipped to get beyond the
circumstance or the situation wefind ourselves in.
(08:43):
The truth of the matter is thatyou're already more than enough
.
You have what it takes.
He says take heart, mean, lookwithin.
This is the time that it isthat that situation is not to
define you, it's to pull out ofyou.
You know the stock in which youare made, in.
You have what it takes.
You are more than a conquerorif you know where to look right.
(09:08):
And so here's the part that Itry to tell people is that so
many of us try to avoid thestorms of our life.
It's not a matter of if a stormis going to come, it's a matter
of when, right.
So when we stop trying toinsulate ourselves from trying
to feel things or go throughthings like no, going through
things is a very powerful thing,because that's where growth
(09:30):
occurs.
Speaker 1 (09:30):
So we don't want to go through.
Speaker 2 (09:31):
We want to grow through.
So take heart, let's lookwithin, because what you put
into your heart will be thethings that become a habit for
you.
That's where habits I have tofirst believe it, I have to
receive it right and thenembrace it so I can walk it out.
And so this is why it's soimportant that we take a full
(09:55):
understanding of what we'veallowed in our hearts Some of
these men.
What we need to do is we needto make sure that we're setting
up the right type of guards too.
You know, again, men don't feellike they can come and talk
about hey, I'm struggling withpornography.
Well, let's do the first thing,let's put up some guards right.
You know, if you struggle withpornography, maybe allow someone
(10:16):
you know that you trust to comeinto your life, share that with
them, and then, you know,position yourself like let me
guard my eye gates.
So, again, I wasn't one thatstruggled in that area, but
again I realized that when Iused to look at I was looking at
my GQ magazines, I'm looking atother magazines that might
distract me it's very easy toeven start just surfing on the
(10:39):
net and you might be reading thenews.
But if you don't begin to belike, wait a second.
That girl on that particular adis a little more scantily clad
you know, and now you're goingto look at it a little more.
What you've just done is you'veallowed it.
What is that An ad to then pullyou into?
Maybe some of the things thatyou weren't thinking were that
(11:00):
big of a deal, but now theytriggered something.
Now you're going down therabbit hole.
So what did I do?
Maybe I stopped reading some ofthe things that I used to read,
some of the things I took forgranted.
I realized a lot of times,especially when I was preaching
I'm a child of the hip hopgeneration, right?
So of course I'm listening toback then whether it was Public
(11:20):
Enemy, nwa, not tabbing anythingagainst any of those things.
I still love those, but therewas times I had to realize that
my spirit was sensitive to someof those things.
So you listen to Ice Cube,especially a young Ice Cube, and
you hear some of those things.
Speaker 1 (11:37):
Oh boy.
Speaker 2 (11:38):
Now you're trying to go up in the pulpit and you're
wondering why you might be alittle anxious or have a little
something to come out and Irealized, ooh, I better guard my
eye gaze because some of thisstuff's in my heart.
So, ultimately, we need to beaware and, again, we need to
dive deep in self-discovery tomake sure that we understand
(11:59):
where we're coming from, becausethat's what's happening.
Our come from begins in ourheart, so you need to know what
you Our come from begins in ourheart, so you need to know what
you've allowed to go into yourheart and see if you need to be
hooked up to some type ofspiritual EKG that allows you to
get rid of some of the nuanceor some of the craziness that
you may have allowed in there.
Now the next letter is A, whichis what I believe is our
(12:23):
greatest ability, and that wordis availability.
That's what A stands for.
Your greatest ability is to beavailable, okay, first and
foremost to what I believe to bethe spirit of God, but also
then be available to thosearound you that can pour into
you, that can love into you,that will help you to grow, to
(12:44):
become all that you were createdto be.
If you are not available tothose people, then you're also
going to find a way to hide andnot be available to the
opportunities that are comingyour way.
Absolutely Again, we go back.
All you have to do is look at avery quick thought process about
David when he faces Goliath,people forget that this kid was
(13:08):
just going to give his brothersome food that his father sent
to him and pay tribute to a king.
But in being available toprovide this task to his father,
he now goes into a place wherehe's available to a new destiny.
He hears the giant speaking in acertain way, he hears the
challenges, but because he wasavailable to God amongst these
(13:32):
hard men who had not known anydefeat any recent time, saul was
undefeated at the time whenthey were facing the Philistine
Goliath at that time, but he wasshaking in his boots.
But David was available and youknow again, I know it would be
years later that he would comeinto his kingdom ship.
I believe that on that day,being available to fight the
(13:55):
giant, that's the day he steppedinto being king, and I think
that so many of us do not makeroom for the small moments in
our life and so when the bigmoments come, we're not prepared
for them.
You have to be available tolife.
You have to be available to thearena, you need to get off the
sidelines and start to live yourlife, and you can only do that
with a little confidence andwith a little belief in who you
(14:16):
are.
Speaker 1 (14:18):
Okay.
So I think that's very poignantand the big reason that I'm
thinking about this wholeavailability thing.
You know, in sports they sayjust what you said the greatest
ability is availability,absolutely, and it's absolutely
true.
What are we really availablefor?
(14:39):
Because what we're availablefor is really going to determine
how far we go, the heights thatwe reach.
I was thinking just recently somy wife she just graduated, with
her, she's now a chiropractor,and so she got invited to a
(15:00):
networking event by a patientthat she had, and so my aim was
just to take her and drop heroff.
I've got to get better aboutnetworking.
I'm an introvert.
I like to be at home with mybooks, listen to my podcast and
stuff like that.
But she was like you're notcoming with me.
I was like, no, that's not myscene.
(15:24):
She was like but I need you tobe there with me.
She didn't really need me therebecause when she got there she
was a whirling dervish ofnetworking.
They don't need us, they justwant us to be there.
Exactly Right.
But because I made myselfavailable to be in that space, I
(15:44):
learned some things and I metsome people who were doing some
really cool things that I waslike maybe I could do that.
Or I got some business cards ofpeople who might be a good
connection on down the line andI like what you said about David
.
You said because he wasavailable, his availability led
(16:08):
him into an entirely differentdestiny.
It would have been easier forhim to say, I'm just going to
hang out with the sheep, yes,and then I mean that would have
been good.
He still would have become theking, but because he was
available to something new.
(16:28):
And I think, guys, we fall intothis rut and we make these
excuses about I have work, Ihave a wife, I have kids.
I'm not available to hang out,or some may be available to go
hang out at the bar for theafter work drinks, for the happy
hour, but we don't makeourselves available for the
(16:50):
opportunities that frighten us,we don't make ourselves
available for the things thatare really going to grow and to
challenge us, and that's why weend up staying stuck to grow and
to challenge us and that's whywe end up staying stuck.
Speaker 2 (17:05):
Yes, I love how you said that.
Like you know again, it's soeasy to miss the possibility or
the opportunity for growth.
And I'm very similar to you.
You know my wife is a trueextrovert.
You know, in our, in our, evenin our business at Conquer, you
know she was, she's the outsidesalesperson, she's the networker
and the one that connects.
I run the team on the inside.
(17:25):
You know again, that's that'skind of how our strengths have
been.
Like you know again, eventhough I'm a social kind of
conceptual person, you know Ican dream big and I love working
with people.
But this idea of going out andkind of soliciting business or,
you know, talking about myselfand networking, that's just not
really something that comes veryeasy for me.
(17:47):
And so much like you if Iwouldn't, if she had not at
times been the one unctioning melike hey, I need you there for
me or whatever it may be, orcome check this out and let's
just see what's possible.
When she doesn't use thatlanguage or speak, it's so quick
for me to be like that ain't myscene, I don't do that, I'm not
going to go.
Very much like you, Not even beavailable, not realizing that.
(18:11):
Wait a second.
This could be the opportunitythat God uses for transference
that brings some growth, thatbrings a possibility of
something new, that brings somegrowth, that brings a
possibility of something new, oreven the possibility for us to
then be moving into a new arenawhere we see ourselves
differently, and so that's whyit's so important that when we
(18:32):
are looking or we become awarethat wait a second it's time for
me to grow.
I am a person who has beenplaced here with purpose to lead
others, cause, as we saidearlier uh, much earlier we were
talking about everybody.
Um is leading someone, whetheryou're aware of it or not.
When you move into thisunderstanding, you have to be
intentional to not miss the um,the possibility or the
(18:57):
opportunities that God ispresenting to you to grow you.
And this is where, again, thenext letter comes into play,
which is P, and that isperspective.
You know I'm speaking to peopleall the time that you know,
most people live their life witha limited perspective about how
they see themselves in life andhow they see the world around
(19:18):
them, and it's not until we getexposed to different points of
view that our perspective can bewidened.
And so I think about.
I go back to when I firststarted in ministry.
You and I both said we had thissame commonality trait where we
(19:39):
talked about commonality traitwhere we talked about we were
really aware of our shortcomingsand maybe some of our
weaknesses.
I didn't realize until I grewand became much more mature,
maybe even when I was writingthe book.
I think I say this in the book,but I say how because I was
(20:00):
operating in a place where I wasfull on, at times feeling like
an imposter, and I was aware ofwhere I might have some
shortcomings.
I did not allow myself to betransparent sometimes with my
team and there were a lot ofpeople on my team that had some
incredible strengths, that coulddo some really wonderful things
(20:22):
, but because I was worriedabout their shine overshining my
own, maybe challenging theperspective that I had or
thought was needed in thatmoment, I did not make room for
those people to operate in theirplace that could have grew our
team or could have learnedcertain things Wow and because I
(20:43):
did not fully embrace differentperspective or diverse
perspectives.
I realized now that early on inministry there was a reason why
there was some real growth thatcould not have occurred is
because, hey, we were going todo it Ralph's way, and Ralph's
way was the only way.
Because, like, oh, you can'thave more shine than me.
I'm on my way to be Jake's.
You know what are you talkingabout.
(21:04):
It's gotta be like this, right?
So you know I wanna, you know,challenge me when you start to
find.
You know your unique shape.
You're not afraid of diverseperspectives.
Matter of fact, you encouragethem Because, again, I'm aware
of who I am.
I can walk with confidence inwho I am, knowing that I'm not
everything to everybody all thetime.
(21:25):
So now, when God gives you ateam or equips you with a
helpmate, like he's done withour wives, I'm so excited or so
I shouldn't say excited, but I'mso thankful for who my wife is,
because she's the other side ofmy coin.
You know we got each other'sback.
I'm the other side of my coin.
You know, we got each other'sback.
I'm the other side of her coin.
We're in areas where I'm notthat strong and she's amazing at
(21:46):
, and then she'll tell you inother areas that she may be like
, she may lack.
She was like thank God, I gotmy husband because he's able to
see some things Right.
So this is where you knowdiverse perspectives can really,
really bolster you, not just inthe leadership position but
just in life within your ownfamilies.
It helps you to really embrace,you know, those of us who have
(22:08):
kids, those men who arelistening to us, who are part of
the pep squad who have children.
When you have diverseperspectives that you're able to
pull from, you can kind of seenot only what your kids are
telling you, but sometimes youcan see what they're not telling
you, which really allows you to, you know, operate in the role,
or in that role that you havein their life.
(22:31):
The next letter is E forencouragement.
We talked about that earlier.
I truly believe thatencouragement is the catalyst to
empowerment.
I want to make sure that youknow again, I'm not saying that
we don't stay in a place wherewe can't give criticism, but I
believe if criticism given withthe right heart, the right
mindset, can be encouraging.
I think you know again.
(22:53):
I think you and I we weretalking about what was that
earlier in the week.
We were talking about thedifference between what was that
?
A coach and a cheerleader.
Speaker 1 (23:02):
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2 (23:04):
Yeah, we were talking about the difference between a
coach and a cheerleader, and Ithink that that's really really
powerful, because a coach willencourage us differently right
than just a cheerleader all thetime.
That's right.
He's going to give it to astraight, maybe sometimes a
little raw in art, but it'salways meant to speak to the
(23:30):
place that, hey, I believe inyou.
The cheerleader may be just therah-rah person, but again,
they're hyping you up, doingthose things, but it's about
empowerment.
And then go ahead, please.
Yes.
Speaker 1 (23:38):
And so, as you're talking, I have this image in my
head of like the big rage rightnow is hot honey.
Like Pizza Hut has a hot honeypizza.
Speaker 2 (23:51):
I love hot honey man.
I love hot honey.
I have some in the cabinet thatstuff is amazing.
Speaker 1 (23:56):
Me too.
It is boss.
It's boss love.
But you know you talk aboutwhen you have that criticism the
way that you give it is whatreally provides that boost.
And so, like a lot of peoplecan't handle cayenne pepper,
yeah, just straight.
But when you mix some honeywith that cayenne pepper and you
(24:21):
got a winner, you got a winner.
And so when we're able not justto give those crucial
conversations, but I think it'smore about how we receive them,
(24:48):
them Because for all of ourbluster, for all of our hardened
exterior, I am convinced thatmen are the more sensitive
species Because Nugget, hey, I'mgoing to be fair.
Speaker 2 (24:55):
Listen, the pep squad , listen up.
I just got to say that I'msorry I'm cutting you off.
That was a nugget.
Okay, that was feel like yes, Itruly believe what you just
said about men.
Go ahead.
Speaker 1 (25:10):
Because a woman can say one thing that doesn't just
dismantle us but it destroys usAbsolutely.
I remember we were at amarriage conference and my wife
she knows that my dream hasalways been to pastor a church
(25:30):
and I had not been living up tomy duties as a husband, as the
man of our house, and she said,she said, she said something to
the, to the, to the, to the, tothe tenor of I don't know how
you'll ever become a pastordismantled me.
Speaker 2 (25:55):
Yes.
Speaker 1 (25:55):
I had to excuse myself because I melted into a
bundle of tears.
It hurt me so deeply, itdestroyed me and I understood
immediately why she said it.
Speaker 2 (26:10):
Yes.
Speaker 1 (26:11):
And it allowed me to begin rebuilding myself into
someone who would be worthy ofher seeing.
Oh yeah, I think you'd be anexcellent pastor one day, or
you're already pastoring people.
I see you doing it in a realand in an authentic way.
But I'm also going to say this,guys If you don't have people
(26:34):
in your lives who you allow theprivilege to dismantle you, then
you don't know the blessingthat you're missing out of.
We will never be theintentional men that we were
created to be if we continue tosurround ourselves by yes, men,
if we continue to surroundourselves with people who were
encouraging our basest, mostdetrimental behavior.
(26:57):
Listen, you need somebody inyour life who's going to come
and tell you, bro, you wrong.
Speaker 2 (27:02):
You're not being a good dad.
Speaker 1 (27:05):
You're not being a good husband.
You're not being a good man.
You are making the rest of uslook horrible, and here's how I
know it's not happening enough.
I work in schools and I seethese young brothers who don't
know how to receive correctionOverall and if you look at again
(27:28):
.
Speaker 2 (27:28):
I don't like to venture off into politics, but
all you have to do is just lookfrom you know, from the, you
know the everywhere in all thesociety and all of mankind.
People do not know how toreceive criticism and usually it
even you know it dives intodeeper.
(27:50):
Now to to turning into just youknow, just flat out, um, the
misrepresentation of any type ofcorrection or anything that is
beneficial.
And so, like you said, like my12-year-old, I come and I'm
constantly talking to him aboutbecoming more aware of his
(28:13):
surroundings and how to beappropriate in those
surroundings.
I use simple things like allright, when you're on the
playground, what's theplayground?
Let's use just the termplayground.
What's it intended?
He says, well, you play, youhave a good time, you let go,
you release.
I said, right, you're throwingthe ball around, you're yelling
with your friends, maybe playingbasketball, you can be loud.
(28:35):
I said then the bell rings andyou go back into the classroom.
What happens if you go into theclassroom with the same
behavior that you have on theplayground?
What happens?
He says, well, they kick youout and they send you to the
office.
Okay, well, if it was okay inone place, why is it not okay in
another place?
And he was like because that'snot what the classrooms were.
(28:57):
Oh, so that's not where theclass?
I said okay.
So again, this is exactly whathappens when we surround
ourselves with just yes men orpeople who are saying yes, they
fail to define what'sappropriate or inappropriate.
They're just saying do youwhenever you want to do you,
(29:18):
however you want to do you, andit does not provide any level of
growth because you're nowcompletely unaware of what is
appropriate or inappropriate andtherefore now you're less
effective than you are effective.
And so this is why it's soimportant that we become aware
that, yes, when I, when I cometo correct someone's behavior,
(29:41):
I'm not coming at you orchallenging and say like hey,
you're just flat out wrong, yourwhole being is off and you're
just not a good person.
That's not what's happening,but that's how people receive it
Immediately.
They take it as an attack, theyimmediately get beyond and want
to move into a place of beingdefensive in what we're saying
to them and I'm like look, andwhat I've learned is that, yes,
(30:05):
there's going to be times thatI'm going to speak really
straight to 29 and 27,.
I had to tell my older boys theother day.
I said hey, look at it, checkthis out.
I'm your dad, I'm always goingto be your dad.
So guess what?
I'm never going to shut up, I'malways going to talk to you.
(30:26):
I said, but here's the thing,where were you were 18 and
younger, and I said I would justtell you and look at you and be
like I don't even want you toask me why.
I don't even I want you to doit because I told you to do it.
There was going to be timesthat I just said it that way.
But guess what?
That part of my job with youtwo is over.
(30:47):
I've planted the seeds, I'vewatered it, I've seen some of
the harvests of you being.
I know you have what it takes.
I said so.
Now, when I come to talk to you,I said I'm placing before you a
choice.
You get to choose, as they say,what the life or death of the
equation.
(31:07):
You get to choose what'seffective for you and
ineffective.
That's my job.
In that moment.
I'm asking you to consider thewisdom that I'm trying to impart
to you and then you get tochoose.
And the only thing I say to youthat, if you're going to walk
in your manhood, is that, afteryou make the choice, be able to
live with the consequences.
Because isn't that what mostpeople struggle with?
(31:28):
Is that?
Most people, they pretend notto know.
I laugh at them.
I hear people say, well, thishappened and I didn't think it.
I didn't think it.
I said, you know?
I hear people sometimes well,you know this happened and I
didn't think, I didn't think,and I said stop it.
And I, you know that's why somepeople do not want to talk to
me sometimes because I said no,you're pretending right now,
you're pretending not to knowthat this was a possibility,
that you were going to putyourself in that situation.
(31:50):
You knew that was a possibilityand you did it nonetheless.
And you did it nonetheless.
So why are you angry about it?
Right?
This is why it's so importantthat, again, my job as as a
(32:13):
leader, as a man who wants to,to provide a level of value to
those around, my job, is not todestroy the bridge of
communication, that that that Iwant to have with those around
me, and again, that that thatrequires us going right back
full circle to the cayennepepper and the honey.
Right, I need to know who I cangive cayenne pepper, cayenne
pepper to her, because itdoesn't matter if I'm giving
them valuable information, butI'm always giving it to me in a
(32:33):
package of cayenne pepper.
They're never going to receiveit, that's right.
So the idea is like Ralph,what's your goal?
Do you want to just be rightjust for the sake of being right
, or do you really want to bethe blessing that you were
created to be?
Speaker 1 (32:45):
Yes.
Speaker 2 (32:46):
So I've had to teach myself, because I was a great
debater when I was younger and Iwas always trying to win the
argument.
But I realized that sometimescreating teachable moments for
people by giving up your rightto be right, I'm not interested
in being right anymore, I'minterested in how do we become
collectively more effective?
Right that's how I try to lookthrough things is that when I'm
(33:11):
aware of who I am, I understandmy role and I now am able to
confess that freely.
How do I do it in a mannerthat's effective, that it
actually then provides theblessing?
When am I being ineffective?
And usually when I'm a littletoo much attached or I got too
many feelings involved and Ijust want to go off.
Ralph, you know what You'reoperating from a place of
(33:32):
offense, and that gives too muchroom for safety involved in
this equation.
Speaker 1 (33:37):
Yeah, that's a hard one that is a hard one.
Yeah, it does.
So one more thing on theencouragement piece, which I
think is so powerful.
So when I was younger you knowhow they used to have those
spiritual gift inventory surveys.
You take one, you answer thequestions.
(33:57):
So when I was younger myhighest spiritual gift would
always be encouragement.
As a young man I was like man,that is whack.
Who wants to be an encourager?
An encourager is never going toget paid.
Speaker 2 (34:14):
We never want to give ourselves too much credit.
We'd be like man, that's whack,I need something else, I get it
.
An encourager is never going toget paid.
We never want to give ourselvestoo much credit.
Speaker 1 (34:18):
We're like man, that's whack, I need something
else, I get it.
An encourager is whack yeah.
Speaker 2 (34:23):
How do I do that?
What is that going to lead to?
Right, right.
Speaker 1 (34:26):
No, nobody want to hear me tell them what in the
world?
Yes, but as I've gotten older,I realized just how powerful it
is to be able to tell somebodythat you are greater than you
think that you are.
You have more purpose in yourlife than you think that you are
.
And when I'm walking through myschool building, I love just
(34:47):
finding a random young man andjust saying I don't know you, I
don't know your name, I don'tknow your story, man, but you're
destined for great things.
There's greatness that'sresiding inside of you and some
of them look at me like dude ohdude, you're crazy.
Some of them are like you know.
Thank you, nobody's ever toldyou, told me that always have an
(35:09):
encouraging word in your heart,because when you wake up with
the intention that you want toencourage somebody, you're going
to meet somebody over thecourse of your day that needs
that exact word that you've beenmarinating on.
Or going back to the S, thestory, never stop telling your
(35:35):
story, because your story isseed that will always sprout in
the life of somebody else whenit's supposed to.
Speaker 2 (35:45):
That's so important and I love what you say.
Here's another piece that Iwant to add to that part about
encouragement that when you seekto be an encourager, guess what
happens?
You avail yourself or you arenow open to being encouraged.
So all of us are going to gothrough tough times, but when my
(36:06):
heart becomes to be a blessingto someone else, right, god is
going to provide blessings forme.
I tell people we need to liveour lives as if we're
distribution centers, right, themore that I continue to give
out, right, the more that Godwill pour in.
And Proverbs tells us that theone who looks to refresh will be
(36:30):
refreshed.
And so this is why it's soimportant that we understand the
reciprocal nature of what we'retalking about.
Right, when we seek to answerthe call to lead our families
and to help and to reach out toother men, to give haven to
those who might be a little lost, to create a community that
(36:52):
does just what you and I aredoing, you and I put ourselves
out there over social media.
God made way for us to connect.
We had two conversations andthrough some emails, we were
like oh, we've decided we're notgoing to allow this
relationship just to get awayfrom us.
We're going to encourage eachother, we're going to extend
ourselves, and from that we'vecome here today and begin to
(37:15):
talk about so many valuablethings that will go on and live
beyond just this moment thatpeople will be able to tap into
and be like, wow, they weretalking about that today and I
really needed to hear that.
And this is what you're talkingabout, this next piece, which is
the D being determined.
Staying in that place ofdetermination to continue to say
(37:36):
this is my life, regardless ifI ever, ever get to the 200, the
200,000, the 2 million.
The fact is is that when I staydetermined to live my life as
an encourager, to live out myunique shape, to operate with
the confidence in my own skin,to be all that I'm called to be,
(37:57):
oh, I, you know.
I think that, at the end of theday, that's what life is truly
all about.
We were created to witness theglory of God man being.
You know the image of thatglory, and so, when I peel back,
you know the limiting beliefs,the debilitating thoughts, all
(38:18):
the things that keep me from myunique personhood, and I then
begin to walk with a profoundunderstanding that I am exactly
who God called me to be.
And here's the thing there'snobody, nobody that's ever been
in creation quite like me.
There's nobody that's everwalked in creation quite like
(38:39):
you.
Speaker 1 (38:40):
You and.
Speaker 2 (38:41):
I are uniquely and specifically made for this time
and season.
God formed us in the wombperfectly to be exactly who we
were supposed to be.
We weren't meant to be here in1776.
You know what I'm saying.
We weren't meant here to be inthe 1800s.
We were designed for now.
(39:02):
Thank goodness.
Right, exactly right.
We were designed for now andregardless of whatever year you
came in I hate to sound morbid,but the truth is is that we know
we have an expiration date.
We're not going to be hereforever, so those two dates
don't really mean a whole heckof a lot.
You know what matters, whathappens in between, right in
(39:22):
between the dash.
What are we going to do withthe dash and that's?
But the dash requires that youknow what you live out, how
you're shaped.
You know it's funny.
I just look at it.
You know what is that shape?
A lot of the same letters thatare in shape are right there in
dash as well, right, yep, so?
(39:45):
So so you know.
The thing is is that it's soimportant that you, you know you
do this with a level ofconfidence that you may.
I'm not telling you that youneed to be confident tomorrow,
because there's such a thing asbeing, you know, fake or
overconfident.
What I am saying is is thatwhen you align yourself with who
(40:05):
God has called you to be, um,you are on the road to run the
race that's been marked out withyou.
Yes, with a whole newunderstanding and with an
intentionality that will allowyou to get to where God is
calling you to be.
And so my job I think you saidit earlier is that I'm always
arriving.
(40:25):
I'm not worried about adestination anymore, I'm just
going to stay on the course.
I'm going to keep running itwith running the race, with the
vigor needed to reach and touchas many people as I can, and I
think that in doing so, I havethe capacity, or we have the
capacity, to shine a light for alot of people and to bless them
(40:47):
.
And so, hopefully, you know, inwhat we were able to talk about
today, this requires a choice.
It requires that we walk thatchoice out with true
intentionality.
Manhood is not going to happenthrough osmosis.
It requires that we get focusedand we get about doing the
(41:10):
business according to the waythat God prescribed this order
for us to get it done in.
Speaker 1 (41:15):
Now that is a nugget.
Manhood is not going to happenby osmosis.
We have to choose it, and it'snot just choosing one day, we
have to choose it every day.
If we're not choosing it everyday, then it's going to get away
from us, and that's just ourfamilies, our communities.
(41:37):
They deserve better, theydeserve better from us and we
deserve better from us.
So, guys, I know I have beenencouraged, I've been just
inspired and motivated.
There's going to be a lot forme to think about as I'm
re-listening to this episode,but men and people who love them
(41:58):
, I hope that from this seriesand even if you haven't listened
to the entire series, just fromthis episode itself, so much
has been brought out, so muchencouragement, so much challenge
has been given that I hope thatyou can take a few things, or a
page worth of things, but atleast one thing that you can
(42:19):
take and you can live off of andwork with and meditate on for
this next week or for this nextmonth Finding your unique shape
of what being a man looks like.
And I think that if each of uscan commit to doing that, then I
think the reputation that wehave in these streets as men can
(42:46):
be improved and no longer willpeople talk about men like they
want to spit something out ontothe sidewalk.
But we can be men of honor, menof good reputation, because
that's who we were created to be.
Ralph, I can't thank you enoughfor coming on this conversation
(43:07):
.
I know at the beginning I saidI don't want to interview you, I
just want us to have aconversation, and I think that
we have done just that.
But before we go, I just wantto ask you and I didn't give
this to you before, so I'm goingto put you on the spot but when
I have a guest, I like to givethem about a good 60, 60, 90
seconds to give a pep talk.
(43:30):
So, whatever's churning in yourheart and I know you've already
given us so much, but do youhave just, you know, another 60,
90 seconds that you can justgive us a pep talk from Ralph
Bissard?
You know, acclaimed coachleader.
You know, husband, father, man,can you give us something?
Speaker 2 (43:49):
I can and you know.
Again, I'll say this my prayerand my hope I take from the
Apostle Paul in Philippians, andhe says my prayer for you is
that your love may abound inknowledge and insight, that you
may be pure and blameless on theday of Christ, filled with the
(44:12):
fruit of righteousness thatcomes through Jesus Christ to
the praise and glory of God.
My prayer and hope for the pepsquad, for all men and those who
love men, is that we don'tmerely focus on just the
divinity of Christ, but we learnfrom his humanity and follow
(44:32):
the example which speaks to thatwhen we understand who we are,
we do not have to fall victim toanother's perception of who we
may be.
We don't allow that to becomeour reality.
I say to all of you and I saythis with a clear heart and with
a clear mind that you arepowerful beyond measure, that
(44:54):
you were made for significance.
You have a mission andassignment that no one else can
quite walk out like you, andwhen you embrace that mission,
that assignment, you willunderstand what it means to live
with purpose.
But, more importantly, you willreceive the blessing that comes
from fulfillment.
And so I challenge you, I askall of you to not only consider
(45:18):
what we say.
Today.
I'm asking you to do the work,matter of fact.
Scripture says study thy wordto show yourself approved as
workmen unto God, needing not tobe shamed, rightly dividing the
word of truth.
If there's a right way, there'sa wrong way, and if you don't
study, you don't know which wayyou're dividing it.
And so I challenge you lookinto the depths of your heart.
Begin to look at your uniquestory.
(45:39):
Know what's in your heart, beavailable to the opportunities,
allow your perspective to grow,to get beyond what has been
given to you, only that you'renow walking out and just living
as a victim.
Begin to see yourself the waythat God sees you.
Be encouraged that you areloved and highly favored, and
(46:00):
then walk with thatdetermination.
Finally, I leave you with thislast thought a mentor left with
me.
We find ourselves a lot of timesjust at the precipice or at the
beginning of the abyss.
We're on the side of a cliffand the calling comes and says
hey, come, look what I have foryou.
We fight it.
We fight it.
We fight it Because we say whatif I fall?
(46:22):
What if I get hurt?
The calling happens again,because the call won't return,
void.
It says come to this cliff,look and see what I have over
for you.
You build up enough gumption totake a couple of steps just to
look over and just in thatmoment, opportunity and
possibility will push you off.
But that's not what you.
Falling off is not the end ofthe story, because it's in that
(46:44):
falling.
That's where you're going tolearn to fly.
Go ahead and fly, be all thatGod called you to be.
Begin to understand that thepossibility in life is never
going to be on the sidelines orthe side of the cliff.
It'll be in the abyss, youfinding out all that you were
created to be.
I am so thankful that youallowed me to be here with you,
(47:04):
justin.
I am just so blessed that wewere able to spend this time and
as a token of my appreciationI'd like to give to all the pep
squad, to all of your listeners.
I want to extend to them thepossibility of a free gift If
you just go to ralphbassartcomforward slash free gift.
I'd like to just send out toeach and every one of your
(47:25):
listeners just five practicalsteps on how to develop your
leadership.
It helps you with your missionstatement, your vision statement
and your governing values, andso again, that's what I'd like
to extend to all your believersfor allowing me to just chop it
up with you today.
Thank you so much, man, fromthe bottom of my heart.
Speaker 1 (47:45):
Man, I'm going to grab that free gift for myself
myself.
Man, that abyss thing.
Wow, that hit me differently.
I've never heard that before.
That's really really good.
Thank you for sharing it andthank you for just speaking into
(48:07):
our lives and also for lettingpeople know how they can get in
contact with you.
Listen, if you were looking forsomeone to be a speaker and to
bring this what you've justlistened to to your organization
.
If you're looking forone-on-one coaching, if you're
looking for group coaching,ralph has all of that available
(48:30):
on his website, ralphbassardcom.
It's a beautiful website too.
It's a really, really goodwebsite, and y'all just look him
up.
Purchase his book Shape to Lead.
You could get it on Amazon oryou can go through his website
to get it.
Get his book, and this won't bethe last time that we have you
(48:54):
on the podcast, ralph, becausethere's a lot more that we can
dig into Developmental things,more leadership things.
There's just a lot of things.
So this won't be the last timethat you all hear from Ralph
being on the Pep Talk podcast.
Speaker 2 (49:09):
Well, again, I thank you so much and I look forward
to it.
Man, god bless you.
You keep doing what you'redoing because, again, as I said,
how I found you was throughyour website and, as I said, I
truly feel like we're kindredspirits.
I immediately felt the synergyand I'm hey, I'm letting you
know, I'm a lifelong member.
Now I'm a part of the Pep Squad, so keep doing what you're
doing, all right.
Speaker 1 (49:31):
Appreciate you, brother, appreciate you and
everybody.
We will be right back to wrapup this amazing episode of the
pep talk podcast.
It's your boy, coach Jay, alongwith Ralph Bissard, and we will
be right back Now.
There is not much more that Ican say on this episode that was
(49:53):
not said over the last coupleof episodes, over the last
couple of over this conversation.
It in in a season where we'vehad some really dynamic guests.
I think this episode it reallytakes the cake as Ralph broke
down his shaped protocol forleadership.
You can easily see men, how, ifwe're choosing to be
(50:17):
intentional about our manhood,we can take each one of those
letters S-H-A-P-E-D and we canappropriate them into our lives
in an intentional way.
That is really going to help usto be better, to help men to
have a better representation inthe world.
(50:38):
We get angry when we see all ofthe money that's spent on
Mother's Day and how men are notquite as honored on Father's
Day and I think it comes down tothe way that we're presenting
and representing ourselves.
And what if we were to menfathers, brothers what if we
(51:01):
were to change that?
Just in our realm of influence,change how we are influencing
other men, younger men, oldermen, whoever Change how we're
mentoring, change how we'respeaking, change how we are
identifying ourselves and whowe're choosing to be when we
wake up in the morning.
Men, I'm going to tell you thatyou are shaped for a particular
(51:24):
brand of manhood.
You are equipped to be that man.
You can be that leader.
You can be that prophet, thatpriest, that king.
It's inside of you.
It's there, I promise you.
It is Just tap in and don't beafraid to let it come out of you
.
Be courageous, Be courageous.
And Ralph Bessard he left ushis contact information.
(51:49):
It'll also be in the show notesas well.
I want you all to reach out tohim.
If you're needing someone tospeak to your organization, if
you're looking for a mentor orfor a coach, hit Ralph up.
Hit Ralph up, and I can saywith extreme certainty that he
has within him what it will taketo bring out of you what has
(52:10):
been placed inside of you.
All right, so I'm going to wrapthis episode here and I'm going
to tell you that next episode,episode 36, is going to be.
It's going to be our lastepisode for this season.
I think it just feels right.
It feels right on the heels ofthis great two part episode to
wrap next week with one moreepisode before we take a break,
(52:31):
before we come back for seasonthree, which sounds so crazy.
Season three of the Pep Talkpodcast, and I'm excited about
it.
So y'all know how we like toend it Keep it love, keep it
light and keep it peppy.
And also let us know what youhave thought about these two
episodes as a whole.
What has stood out to you, whatis stuck?
(52:53):
What are you marinating on,what are you processing?
Reach out to us atthepeppodcast, at gmailcom or at
underscore JBSpeaks onInstagram.
I can't wait to hear from you.
I love you.
Y'all know the purpose of thispodcast is to cheer you on, to
coach you up.
So continue leaving thosereviews, leave those ratings and
(53:14):
I will see you next week.
Y'all be blessed, peace.
In today's episode we are continuing to dig deep in
what it means to become a shapedman with our special guest, mr
Ralph Bussard.
But first I have a question foryou have you had your dose of
pep today?
No, don't worry, I've got you.
Now let's dig into it.
Welcome to season two, episode35 of the Pep Talk podcast.
(00:20):
I'm your host, coach J, a lifecoach in DFW, and last week
y'all we started a conversationwith my guest, ralph Bussard.
That was incredible andriveting, and I heard from you
y'all let me hear from you whenyou told me that you all were so
ready for the second part ofthe episode and I'm so excited
(00:43):
to release that to you today.
I promise you know, take sometime with the men in your life,
your brothers, your uncles, yourhusbands, your cousins.
Just sit down and listen tothis episode, because it is for
men and for those who love them,and we're talking about
choosing intentional manhood.
This is the very last episode onthis topic that we've spent
(01:03):
about five episodes on in thisseason, and, y'all I am excited
about the results that thisconversation has had and will
continue to have, and I don'twant to waste any more time with
introductions.
I want to jump right into theepisode the remainder of the
(01:26):
episode with Ralph Bessard, whois an incredible speaker and an
executive leadership coach.
He is a published author and soI just know that you're going
to get something great out ofthis episode, and I will be back
at the end to wrap this episodeand to recap the conversation.
So, without further ado, hereis the second half of my
(01:47):
conversation with Ralph Bussardon becoming a shaped man.
Y'all be blessed.
Speaker 2 (01:55):
I tell everybody that your story is big.
It's a big deal.
It's significant.
That's right.
There's something else that'smore significant how you
interpret that story Right.
How you interpret your story isso much bigger than your story
alone, because how you interpretit will then be the way that
you choose to continue to authoryour story.
(02:19):
Well, check this out.
I don't want you to be the heroin your story.
Forget it just for a moment.
Do you realize the bad guy?
When he's writing his story, hesees himself as the hero.
That's right.
So forget about trying to bethe hero in your story.
And here's another thing Don'tjust be the narrator of your
story, because the narratornever has to get in the arena.
(02:41):
They're not experiencing lifeman, they're on the sidelines
talking about what could haveshould have been.
No dude, you need to be theauthor of your story, and the
only way that you can be theauthor of your story is that you
need to interpret your storycorrectly.
Paul writes and he says that allthese things happened to me so
that I could advance the gospel.
(03:02):
Well, everything that you wentthrough the good, the bad, the
indifferent okay, it's not meantto be the defining thing of
your life.
It's meant to reveal thepossibility of all that you
could be.
See, when I'm defined by who Iused to be, or defined from my
come from, I can realize, yeah,my come from equipped me and
empowered me right to now be inthis moment, in this space, to
(03:27):
do something or to respond to itin a unique, specific way.
Right, and so when I realizedthat wait a second, I don't need
to be Jake's, I don't need tohave this credential or all that
before I begin to write mystory, I could realize that wait
a second.
I've gone through some uniqueexperiences that have shaped me
in such a way that I can have aunique story that I now can
(03:51):
share and that can make a truedifference to those who hear it.
Speaker 1 (03:55):
Go for it.
Okay, okay, okay.
I feel like I need to grab anorgan and just have some ushers
pass around a collection.
Speaker 2 (04:03):
Okay, so I feel like I need to grab an organ and just
have some ushers pass around acollection.
Speaker 1 (04:07):
Okay so, brothers yes , I need to say this Brothers,
your story is your story.
I hope you heard everythingthat Ralph just said.
When we begin to and I like howyou said you can't be the
(04:27):
narrator.
You know what I'm saying?
Don't be the hero.
I tell people that they need toadopt that main character
energy.
Speaker 2 (04:33):
Yes, okay, I love it.
Speaker 1 (04:35):
You can't be the best supporting actor in your own
life story, yes, but, guys,here's the thing, and here's
what I think that Ralph issaying to us as men especially.
Speaker 2 (04:49):
Yes.
Speaker 1 (04:50):
Everything that has happened to us in our lives may
not look like a good thing, butin the end it is up to how you
interpret it.
Speaker 2 (05:00):
Yes.
Speaker 1 (05:00):
Because if you look back over every area of trauma,
every area you've messed up,every area people have messed
over you.
If you don't look forredeemable areas in those things
, you're only going to continueperpetuating the myth that you
were has no value, that yourlife has no virtue and that
there is nothing redeemableabout your life.
(05:28):
But when you understand,brothers, guys when we
understand that every part ofyour story, the ultimate aim of
it, is that there is glory thatis reproduced in your life, not
just for you, but for the peoplethat are, for our wives, for
our kids.
They deserve.
They deserve for us to put thework in so that even the good
(05:51):
and the bad parts about ourstories are not constantly
wrecking us and wrecking them.
Things become so much betterand we can finally begin to
become clear on what our role isas men in our families and in
our communities.
Speaker 2 (06:10):
Absolutely that the story, that interpretation is so
profound.
And when you gain, when you,when you take on that type of
perspective, now you realizethat you know the things that
come to, sometimes look likethey take us out, or like the
bad things, the things thatsometimes we want to not talk
about.
Those things are not there todefine you unless you let them,
(06:33):
unless you let them define youright.
If you see yourself in thevictim as the victim, well,
guess what?
You're going to write a story,or continue to write a story
that comes from the perspectiveof being a victim.
Right Now, you're upset ateverybody.
You think life is unfair.
You fail to attempt things thatmay try to move you out of your
(06:54):
victimhood, whatever it may be.
You become emboldened in theposition of that interpretation,
right, yes, so when I realizedthat the things that have
happened to me, even you know,even the good things, because a
lot of times we can go theopposite way Some really great
things happen to us.
People start blowing smoke.
Now we feel like, hey, I walkwith a level of privilege, the
(07:16):
way I'm rocking, and then youknow again, we miss that.
Wait a second.
You know we probably shouldtreat people a little
differently.
Now.
We're walking with thisnarcissistic kind of thought
process and we still don't allowourselves to grow, so we don't
get too up or down and we beginto see, like wait a second, this
is not here to define me.
This is about me taking a look,being self-aware of what I'm
(07:37):
supposed to pull from thosemoments to now author a story.
That is about revelation,revealing who I am, and so
that's what I try to help peopleunderstand.
With that first acronym, thatfirst letter in shape, you have
a story.
It's significant, but what'seven bigger deal is how you
interpret it so you can continueto write the story.
(07:58):
The next is H, and that speaksto the heart, right Again, my
background being in ministry.
Favorite life verse John 16,verse 33.
He says he leaves his peacewith us, but he says in this
world you're going to have sometrouble, but take heart, for
I've overcome the world.
I want to tell you straight up,and tell all the pep squad,
(08:22):
that a lot of times, when thingshappen to us or we are going
through things, we immediatelybelieve that we need to go
obtain something, or getsomething or achieve something,
or even bring another personinto the equation for us to find
some level of happiness or tobe equipped to get beyond the
circumstance or the situation wefind ourselves in.
(08:43):
The truth of the matter is thatyou're already more than enough
.
You have what it takes.
He says take heart, mean, lookwithin.
This is the time that it isthat that situation is not to
define you, it's to pull out ofyou.
You know the stock in which youare made, in.
You have what it takes.
You are more than a conquerorif you know where to look right.
(09:08):
And so here's the part that Itry to tell people is that so
many of us try to avoid thestorms of our life.
It's not a matter of if a stormis going to come, it's a matter
of when, right.
So when we stop trying toinsulate ourselves from trying
to feel things or go throughthings like no, going through
things is a very powerful thing,because that's where growth
(09:30):
occurs.
Speaker 1 (09:30):
So we don't want to go through.
Speaker 2 (09:31):
We want to grow through.
So take heart, let's lookwithin, because what you put
into your heart will be thethings that become a habit for
you.
That's where habits I have tofirst believe it, I have to
receive it right and thenembrace it so I can walk it out.
And so this is why it's soimportant that we take a full
(09:55):
understanding of what we'veallowed in our hearts Some of
these men.
What we need to do is we needto make sure that we're setting
up the right type of guards too.
You know, again, men don't feellike they can come and talk
about hey, I'm struggling withpornography.
Well, let's do the first thing,let's put up some guards right.
You know, if you struggle withpornography, maybe allow someone
(10:16):
you know that you trust to comeinto your life, share that with
them, and then, you know,position yourself like let me
guard my eye gates.
So, again, I wasn't one thatstruggled in that area, but
again I realized that when Iused to look at I was looking at
my GQ magazines, I'm looking atother magazines that might
distract me it's very easy toeven start just surfing on the
(10:39):
net and you might be reading thenews.
But if you don't begin to belike, wait a second.
That girl on that particular adis a little more scantily clad
you know, and now you're goingto look at it a little more.
What you've just done is you'veallowed it.
What is that An ad to then pullyou into?
Maybe some of the things thatyou weren't thinking were that
(11:00):
big of a deal, but now theytriggered something.
Now you're going down therabbit hole.
So what did I do?
Maybe I stopped reading some ofthe things that I used to read,
some of the things I took forgranted.
I realized a lot of times,especially when I was preaching
I'm a child of the hip hopgeneration, right?
So of course I'm listening toback then whether it was Public
(11:20):
Enemy, nwa, not tabbing anythingagainst any of those things.
I still love those, but therewas times I had to realize that
my spirit was sensitive to someof those things.
So you listen to Ice Cube,especially a young Ice Cube, and
you hear some of those things.
Speaker 1 (11:37):
Oh boy.
Speaker 2 (11:38):
Now you're trying to go up in the pulpit and you're
wondering why you might be alittle anxious or have a little
something to come out and Irealized, ooh, I better guard my
eye gaze because some of thisstuff's in my heart.
So, ultimately, we need to beaware and, again, we need to
dive deep in self-discovery tomake sure that we understand
(11:59):
where we're coming from, becausethat's what's happening.
Our come from begins in ourheart, so you need to know what
you Our come from begins in ourheart, so you need to know what
you've allowed to go into yourheart and see if you need to be
hooked up to some type ofspiritual EKG that allows you to
get rid of some of the nuanceor some of the craziness that
you may have allowed in there.
Now the next letter is A, whichis what I believe is our
(12:23):
greatest ability, and that wordis availability.
That's what A stands for.
Your greatest ability is to beavailable, okay, first and
foremost to what I believe to bethe spirit of God, but also
then be available to thosearound you that can pour into
you, that can love into you,that will help you to grow, to
(12:44):
become all that you were createdto be.
If you are not available tothose people, then you're also
going to find a way to hide andnot be available to the
opportunities that are comingyour way.
Absolutely Again, we go back.
All you have to do is look at avery quick thought process about
David when he faces Goliath,people forget that this kid was
(13:08):
just going to give his brothersome food that his father sent
to him and pay tribute to a king.
But in being available toprovide this task to his father,
he now goes into a place wherehe's available to a new destiny.
He hears the giant speaking in acertain way, he hears the
challenges, but because he wasavailable to God amongst these
(13:32):
hard men who had not known anydefeat any recent time, saul was
undefeated at the time whenthey were facing the Philistine
Goliath at that time, but he wasshaking in his boots.
But David was available and youknow again, I know it would be
years later that he would comeinto his kingdom ship.
I believe that on that day,being available to fight the
(13:55):
giant, that's the day he steppedinto being king, and I think
that so many of us do not makeroom for the small moments in
our life and so when the bigmoments come, we're not prepared
for them.
You have to be available tolife.
You have to be available to thearena, you need to get off the
sidelines and start to live yourlife, and you can only do that
with a little confidence andwith a little belief in who you
(14:16):
are.
Speaker 1 (14:18):
Okay.
So I think that's very poignantand the big reason that I'm
thinking about this wholeavailability thing.
You know, in sports they sayjust what you said the greatest
ability is availability,absolutely, and it's absolutely
true.
What are we really availablefor?
(14:39):
Because what we're availablefor is really going to determine
how far we go, the heights thatwe reach.
I was thinking just recently somy wife she just graduated, with
her, she's now a chiropractor,and so she got invited to a
(15:00):
networking event by a patientthat she had, and so my aim was
just to take her and drop heroff.
I've got to get better aboutnetworking.
I'm an introvert.
I like to be at home with mybooks, listen to my podcast and
stuff like that.
But she was like you're notcoming with me.
I was like, no, that's not myscene.
(15:24):
She was like but I need you tobe there with me.
She didn't really need me therebecause when she got there she
was a whirling dervish ofnetworking.
They don't need us, they justwant us to be there.
Exactly Right.
But because I made myselfavailable to be in that space, I
(15:44):
learned some things and I metsome people who were doing some
really cool things that I waslike maybe I could do that.
Or I got some business cards ofpeople who might be a good
connection on down the line andI like what you said about David
.
You said because he wasavailable, his availability led
(16:08):
him into an entirely differentdestiny.
It would have been easier forhim to say, I'm just going to
hang out with the sheep, yes,and then I mean that would have
been good.
He still would have become theking, but because he was
available to something new.
(16:28):
And I think, guys, we fall intothis rut and we make these
excuses about I have work, Ihave a wife, I have kids.
I'm not available to hang out,or some may be available to go
hang out at the bar for theafter work drinks, for the happy
hour, but we don't makeourselves available for the
(16:50):
opportunities that frighten us,we don't make ourselves
available for the things thatare really going to grow and to
challenge us, and that's why weend up staying stuck to grow and
to challenge us and that's whywe end up staying stuck.
Speaker 2 (17:05):
Yes, I love how you said that.
Like you know again, it's soeasy to miss the possibility or
the opportunity for growth.
And I'm very similar to you.
You know my wife is a trueextrovert.
You know, in our, in our, evenin our business at Conquer, you
know she was, she's the outsidesalesperson, she's the networker
and the one that connects.
I run the team on the inside.
(17:25):
You know again, that's that'skind of how our strengths have
been.
Like you know again, eventhough I'm a social kind of
conceptual person, you know Ican dream big and I love working
with people.
But this idea of going out andkind of soliciting business or,
you know, talking about myselfand networking, that's just not
really something that comes veryeasy for me.
(17:47):
And so much like you if Iwouldn't, if she had not at
times been the one unctioning melike hey, I need you there for
me or whatever it may be, orcome check this out and let's
just see what's possible.
When she doesn't use thatlanguage or speak, it's so quick
for me to be like that ain't myscene, I don't do that, I'm not
going to go.
Very much like you, Not even beavailable, not realizing that.
(18:11):
Wait a second.
This could be the opportunitythat God uses for transference
that brings some growth, thatbrings a possibility of
something new, that brings somegrowth, that brings a
possibility of something new, oreven the possibility for us to
then be moving into a new arenawhere we see ourselves
differently, and so that's whyit's so important that when we
(18:32):
are looking or we become awarethat wait a second it's time for
me to grow.
I am a person who has beenplaced here with purpose to lead
others, cause, as we saidearlier uh, much earlier we were
talking about everybody.
Um is leading someone, whetheryou're aware of it or not.
When you move into thisunderstanding, you have to be
intentional to not miss the um,the possibility or the
(18:57):
opportunities that God ispresenting to you to grow you.
And this is where, again, thenext letter comes into play,
which is P, and that isperspective.
You know I'm speaking to peopleall the time that you know,
most people live their life witha limited perspective about how
they see themselves in life andhow they see the world around
(19:18):
them, and it's not until we getexposed to different points of
view that our perspective can bewidened.
And so I think about.
I go back to when I firststarted in ministry.
You and I both said we had thissame commonality trait where we
(19:39):
talked about commonality traitwhere we talked about we were
really aware of our shortcomingsand maybe some of our
weaknesses.
I didn't realize until I grewand became much more mature,
maybe even when I was writingthe book.
I think I say this in the book,but I say how because I was
(20:00):
operating in a place where I wasfull on, at times feeling like
an imposter, and I was aware ofwhere I might have some
shortcomings.
I did not allow myself to betransparent sometimes with my
team and there were a lot ofpeople on my team that had some
incredible strengths, that coulddo some really wonderful things
(20:22):
, but because I was worriedabout their shine overshining my
own, maybe challenging theperspective that I had or
thought was needed in thatmoment, I did not make room for
those people to operate in theirplace that could have grew our
team or could have learnedcertain things Wow and because I
(20:43):
did not fully embrace differentperspective or diverse
perspectives.
I realized now that early on inministry there was a reason why
there was some real growth thatcould not have occurred is
because, hey, we were going todo it Ralph's way, and Ralph's
way was the only way.
Because, like, oh, you can'thave more shine than me.
I'm on my way to be Jake's.
You know what are you talkingabout.
(21:04):
It's gotta be like this, right?
So you know I wanna, you know,challenge me when you start to
find.
You know your unique shape.
You're not afraid of diverseperspectives.
Matter of fact, you encouragethem Because, again, I'm aware
of who I am.
I can walk with confidence inwho I am, knowing that I'm not
everything to everybody all thetime.
(21:25):
So now, when God gives you ateam or equips you with a
helpmate, like he's done withour wives, I'm so excited or so
I shouldn't say excited, but I'mso thankful for who my wife is,
because she's the other side ofmy coin.
You know we got each other'sback.
I'm the other side of my coin.
You know, we got each other'sback.
I'm the other side of her coin.
We're in areas where I'm notthat strong and she's amazing at
(21:46):
, and then she'll tell you inother areas that she may be like
, she may lack.
She was like thank God, I gotmy husband because he's able to
see some things Right.
So this is where you knowdiverse perspectives can really,
really bolster you, not just inthe leadership position but
just in life within your ownfamilies.
It helps you to really embrace,you know, those of us who have
(22:08):
kids, those men who arelistening to us, who are part of
the pep squad who have children.
When you have diverseperspectives that you're able to
pull from, you can kind of seenot only what your kids are
telling you, but sometimes youcan see what they're not telling
you, which really allows you to, you know, operate in the role,
or in that role that you havein their life.
(22:31):
The next letter is E forencouragement.
We talked about that earlier.
I truly believe thatencouragement is the catalyst to
empowerment.
I want to make sure that youknow again, I'm not saying that
we don't stay in a place wherewe can't give criticism, but I
believe if criticism given withthe right heart, the right
mindset, can be encouraging.
I think you know again.
(22:53):
I think you and I we weretalking about what was that
earlier in the week.
We were talking about thedifference between what was that
?
A coach and a cheerleader.
Speaker 1 (23:02):
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2 (23:04):
Yeah, we were talking about the difference between a
coach and a cheerleader, and Ithink that that's really really
powerful, because a coach willencourage us differently right
than just a cheerleader all thetime.
That's right.
He's going to give it to astraight, maybe sometimes a
little raw in art, but it'salways meant to speak to the
(23:30):
place that, hey, I believe inyou.
The cheerleader may be just therah-rah person, but again,
they're hyping you up, doingthose things, but it's about
empowerment.
And then go ahead, please.
Yes.
Speaker 1 (23:38):
And so, as you're talking, I have this image in my
head of like the big rage rightnow is hot honey.
Like Pizza Hut has a hot honeypizza.
Speaker 2 (23:51):
I love hot honey man.
I love hot honey.
I have some in the cabinet thatstuff is amazing.
Speaker 1 (23:56):
Me too.
It is boss.
It's boss love.
But you know you talk aboutwhen you have that criticism the
way that you give it is whatreally provides that boost.
And so, like a lot of peoplecan't handle cayenne pepper,
yeah, just straight.
But when you mix some honeywith that cayenne pepper and you
(24:21):
got a winner, you got a winner.
And so when we're able not justto give those crucial
conversations, but I think it'smore about how we receive them,
(24:48):
them Because for all of ourbluster, for all of our hardened
exterior, I am convinced thatmen are the more sensitive
species Because Nugget, hey, I'mgoing to be fair.
Speaker 2 (24:55):
Listen, the pep squad , listen up.
I just got to say that I'msorry I'm cutting you off.
That was a nugget.
Okay, that was feel like yes, Itruly believe what you just
said about men.
Go ahead.
Speaker 1 (25:10):
Because a woman can say one thing that doesn't just
dismantle us but it destroys usAbsolutely.
I remember we were at amarriage conference and my wife
she knows that my dream hasalways been to pastor a church
(25:30):
and I had not been living up tomy duties as a husband, as the
man of our house, and she said,she said, she said something to
the, to the, to the, to the, tothe tenor of I don't know how
you'll ever become a pastordismantled me.
Speaker 2 (25:55):
Yes.
Speaker 1 (25:55):
I had to excuse myself because I melted into a
bundle of tears.
It hurt me so deeply, itdestroyed me and I understood
immediately why she said it.
Speaker 2 (26:10):
Yes.
Speaker 1 (26:11):
And it allowed me to begin rebuilding myself into
someone who would be worthy ofher seeing.
Oh yeah, I think you'd be anexcellent pastor one day, or
you're already pastoring people.
I see you doing it in a realand in an authentic way.
But I'm also going to say this,guys If you don't have people
(26:34):
in your lives who you allow theprivilege to dismantle you, then
you don't know the blessingthat you're missing out of.
We will never be theintentional men that we were
created to be if we continue tosurround ourselves by yes, men,
if we continue to surroundourselves with people who were
encouraging our basest, mostdetrimental behavior.
(26:57):
Listen, you need somebody inyour life who's going to come
and tell you, bro, you wrong.
Speaker 2 (27:02):
You're not being a good dad.
Speaker 1 (27:05):
You're not being a good husband.
You're not being a good man.
You are making the rest of uslook horrible, and here's how I
know it's not happening enough.
I work in schools and I seethese young brothers who don't
know how to receive correctionOverall and if you look at again
(27:28):
.
Speaker 2 (27:28):
I don't like to venture off into politics, but
all you have to do is just lookfrom you know, from the, you
know the everywhere in all thesociety and all of mankind.
People do not know how toreceive criticism and usually it
even you know it dives intodeeper.
(27:50):
Now to to turning into just youknow, just flat out, um, the
misrepresentation of any type ofcorrection or anything that is
beneficial.
And so, like you said, like my12-year-old, I come and I'm
constantly talking to him aboutbecoming more aware of his
(28:13):
surroundings and how to beappropriate in those
surroundings.
I use simple things like allright, when you're on the
playground, what's theplayground?
Let's use just the termplayground.
What's it intended?
He says, well, you play, youhave a good time, you let go,
you release.
I said, right, you're throwingthe ball around, you're yelling
with your friends, maybe playingbasketball, you can be loud.
(28:35):
I said then the bell rings andyou go back into the classroom.
What happens if you go into theclassroom with the same
behavior that you have on theplayground?
What happens?
He says, well, they kick youout and they send you to the
office.
Okay, well, if it was okay inone place, why is it not okay in
another place?
And he was like because that'snot what the classrooms were.
(28:57):
Oh, so that's not where theclass?
I said okay.
So again, this is exactly whathappens when we surround
ourselves with just yes men orpeople who are saying yes, they
fail to define what'sappropriate or inappropriate.
They're just saying do youwhenever you want to do you,
(29:18):
however you want to do you, andit does not provide any level of
growth because you're nowcompletely unaware of what is
appropriate or inappropriate andtherefore now you're less
effective than you are effective.
And so this is why it's soimportant that we become aware
that, yes, when I, when I cometo correct someone's behavior,
(29:41):
I'm not coming at you orchallenging and say like hey,
you're just flat out wrong, yourwhole being is off and you're
just not a good person.
That's not what's happening,but that's how people receive it
Immediately.
They take it as an attack, theyimmediately get beyond and want
to move into a place of beingdefensive in what we're saying
to them and I'm like look, andwhat I've learned is that, yes,
(30:05):
there's going to be times thatI'm going to speak really
straight to 29 and 27,.
I had to tell my older boys theother day.
I said hey, look at it, checkthis out.
I'm your dad, I'm always goingto be your dad.
So guess what?
I'm never going to shut up, I'malways going to talk to you.
(30:26):
I said, but here's the thing,where were you were 18 and
younger, and I said I would justtell you and look at you and be
like I don't even want you toask me why.
I don't even I want you to doit because I told you to do it.
There was going to be timesthat I just said it that way.
But guess what?
That part of my job with youtwo is over.
(30:47):
I've planted the seeds, I'vewatered it, I've seen some of
the harvests of you being.
I know you have what it takes.
I said so.
Now, when I come to talk to you,I said I'm placing before you a
choice.
You get to choose, as they say,what the life or death of the
equation.
(31:07):
You get to choose what'seffective for you and
ineffective.
That's my job.
In that moment.
I'm asking you to consider thewisdom that I'm trying to impart
to you and then you get tochoose.
And the only thing I say to youthat, if you're going to walk
in your manhood, is that, afteryou make the choice, be able to
live with the consequences.
Because isn't that what mostpeople struggle with?
(31:28):
Is that?
Most people, they pretend notto know.
I laugh at them.
I hear people say, well, thishappened and I didn't think it.
I didn't think it.
I said, you know?
I hear people sometimes well,you know this happened and I
didn't think, I didn't think,and I said stop it.
And I, you know that's why somepeople do not want to talk to
me sometimes because I said no,you're pretending right now,
you're pretending not to knowthat this was a possibility,
that you were going to putyourself in that situation.
(31:50):
You knew that was a possibilityand you did it nonetheless.
And you did it nonetheless.
So why are you angry about it?
Right?
This is why it's so importantthat, again, my job as as a
(32:13):
leader, as a man who wants to,to provide a level of value to
those around, my job, is not todestroy the bridge of
communication, that that that Iwant to have with those around
me, and again, that that thatrequires us going right back
full circle to the cayennepepper and the honey.
Right, I need to know who I cangive cayenne pepper, cayenne
pepper to her, because itdoesn't matter if I'm giving
them valuable information, butI'm always giving it to me in a
(32:33):
package of cayenne pepper.
They're never going to receiveit, that's right.
So the idea is like Ralph,what's your goal?
Do you want to just be rightjust for the sake of being right
, or do you really want to bethe blessing that you were
created to be?
Speaker 1 (32:45):
Yes.
Speaker 2 (32:46):
So I've had to teach myself, because I was a great
debater when I was younger and Iwas always trying to win the
argument.
But I realized that sometimescreating teachable moments for
people by giving up your rightto be right, I'm not interested
in being right anymore, I'minterested in how do we become
collectively more effective?
Right that's how I try to lookthrough things is that when I'm
(33:11):
aware of who I am, I understandmy role and I now am able to
confess that freely.
How do I do it in a mannerthat's effective, that it
actually then provides theblessing?
When am I being ineffective?
And usually when I'm a littletoo much attached or I got too
many feelings involved and Ijust want to go off.
Ralph, you know what You'reoperating from a place of
(33:32):
offense, and that gives too muchroom for safety involved in
this equation.
Speaker 1 (33:37):
Yeah, that's a hard one that is a hard one.
Yeah, it does.
So one more thing on theencouragement piece, which I
think is so powerful.
So when I was younger you knowhow they used to have those
spiritual gift inventory surveys.
You take one, you answer thequestions.
(33:57):
So when I was younger myhighest spiritual gift would
always be encouragement.
As a young man I was like man,that is whack.
Who wants to be an encourager?
An encourager is never going toget paid.
Speaker 2 (34:14):
We never want to give ourselves too much credit.
We'd be like man, that's whack,I need something else, I get it
.
An encourager is never going toget paid.
We never want to give ourselvestoo much credit.
Speaker 1 (34:18):
We're like man, that's whack, I need something
else, I get it.
An encourager is whack yeah.
Speaker 2 (34:23):
How do I do that?
What is that going to lead to?
Right, right.
Speaker 1 (34:26):
No, nobody want to hear me tell them what in the
world?
Yes, but as I've gotten older,I realized just how powerful it
is to be able to tell somebodythat you are greater than you
think that you are.
You have more purpose in yourlife than you think that you are
.
And when I'm walking through myschool building, I love just
(34:47):
finding a random young man andjust saying I don't know you, I
don't know your name, I don'tknow your story, man, but you're
destined for great things.
There's greatness that'sresiding inside of you and some
of them look at me like dude ohdude, you're crazy.
Some of them are like you know.
Thank you, nobody's ever toldyou, told me that always have an
(35:09):
encouraging word in your heart,because when you wake up with
the intention that you want toencourage somebody, you're going
to meet somebody over thecourse of your day that needs
that exact word that you've beenmarinating on.
Or going back to the S, thestory, never stop telling your
(35:35):
story, because your story isseed that will always sprout in
the life of somebody else whenit's supposed to.
Speaker 2 (35:45):
That's so important and I love what you say.
Here's another piece that Iwant to add to that part about
encouragement that when you seekto be an encourager, guess what
happens?
You avail yourself or you arenow open to being encouraged.
So all of us are going to gothrough tough times, but when my
(36:06):
heart becomes to be a blessingto someone else, right, god is
going to provide blessings forme.
I tell people we need to liveour lives as if we're
distribution centers, right, themore that I continue to give
out, right, the more that Godwill pour in.
And Proverbs tells us that theone who looks to refresh will be
(36:30):
refreshed.
And so this is why it's soimportant that we understand the
reciprocal nature of what we'retalking about.
Right, when we seek to answerthe call to lead our families
and to help and to reach out toother men, to give haven to
those who might be a little lost, to create a community that
(36:52):
does just what you and I aredoing, you and I put ourselves
out there over social media.
God made way for us to connect.
We had two conversations andthrough some emails, we were
like oh, we've decided we're notgoing to allow this
relationship just to get awayfrom us.
We're going to encourage eachother, we're going to extend
ourselves, and from that we'vecome here today and begin to
(37:15):
talk about so many valuablethings that will go on and live
beyond just this moment thatpeople will be able to tap into
and be like, wow, they weretalking about that today and I
really needed to hear that.
And this is what you're talkingabout, this next piece, which is
the D being determined.
Staying in that place ofdetermination to continue to say
(37:36):
this is my life, regardless ifI ever, ever get to the 200, the
200,000, the 2 million.
The fact is is that when I staydetermined to live my life as
an encourager, to live out myunique shape, to operate with
the confidence in my own skin,to be all that I'm called to be,
(37:57):
oh, I, you know.
I think that, at the end of theday, that's what life is truly
all about.
We were created to witness theglory of God man being.
You know the image of thatglory, and so, when I peel back,
you know the limiting beliefs,the debilitating thoughts, all
(38:18):
the things that keep me from myunique personhood, and I then
begin to walk with a profoundunderstanding that I am exactly
who God called me to be.
And here's the thing there'snobody, nobody that's ever been
in creation quite like me.
There's nobody that's everwalked in creation quite like
(38:39):
you.
Speaker 1 (38:40):
You and.
Speaker 2 (38:41):
I are uniquely and specifically made for this time
and season.
God formed us in the wombperfectly to be exactly who we
were supposed to be.
We weren't meant to be here in1776.
You know what I'm saying.
We weren't meant here to be inthe 1800s.
We were designed for now.
(39:02):
Thank goodness.
Right, exactly right.
We were designed for now andregardless of whatever year you
came in I hate to sound morbid,but the truth is is that we know
we have an expiration date.
We're not going to be hereforever, so those two dates
don't really mean a whole heckof a lot.
You know what matters, whathappens in between, right in
(39:22):
between the dash.
What are we going to do withthe dash and that's?
But the dash requires that youknow what you live out, how
you're shaped.
You know it's funny.
I just look at it.
You know what is that shape?
A lot of the same letters thatare in shape are right there in
dash as well, right, yep, so?
(39:45):
So so you know.
The thing is is that it's soimportant that you, you know you
do this with a level ofconfidence that you may.
I'm not telling you that youneed to be confident tomorrow,
because there's such a thing asbeing, you know, fake or
overconfident.
What I am saying is is thatwhen you align yourself with who
(40:05):
God has called you to be, um,you are on the road to run the
race that's been marked out withyou.
Yes, with a whole newunderstanding and with an
intentionality that will allowyou to get to where God is
calling you to be.
And so my job I think you saidit earlier is that I'm always
arriving.
(40:25):
I'm not worried about adestination anymore, I'm just
going to stay on the course.
I'm going to keep running itwith running the race, with the
vigor needed to reach and touchas many people as I can, and I
think that in doing so, I havethe capacity, or we have the
capacity, to shine a light for alot of people and to bless them
(40:47):
.
And so, hopefully, you know, inwhat we were able to talk about
today, this requires a choice.
It requires that we walk thatchoice out with true
intentionality.
Manhood is not going to happenthrough osmosis.
It requires that we get focusedand we get about doing the
(41:10):
business according to the waythat God prescribed this order
for us to get it done in.
Speaker 1 (41:15):
Now that is a nugget.
Manhood is not going to happenby osmosis.
We have to choose it, and it'snot just choosing one day, we
have to choose it every day.
If we're not choosing it everyday, then it's going to get away
from us, and that's just ourfamilies, our communities.
(41:37):
They deserve better, theydeserve better from us and we
deserve better from us.
So, guys, I know I have beenencouraged, I've been just
inspired and motivated.
There's going to be a lot forme to think about as I'm
re-listening to this episode,but men and people who love them
(41:58):
, I hope that from this seriesand even if you haven't listened
to the entire series, just fromthis episode itself, so much
has been brought out, so muchencouragement, so much challenge
has been given that I hope thatyou can take a few things, or a
page worth of things, but atleast one thing that you can
(42:19):
take and you can live off of andwork with and meditate on for
this next week or for this nextmonth Finding your unique shape
of what being a man looks like.
And I think that if each of uscan commit to doing that, then I
think the reputation that wehave in these streets as men can
(42:46):
be improved and no longer willpeople talk about men like they
want to spit something out ontothe sidewalk.
But we can be men of honor, menof good reputation, because
that's who we were created to be.
Ralph, I can't thank you enoughfor coming on this conversation
(43:07):
.
I know at the beginning I saidI don't want to interview you, I
just want us to have aconversation, and I think that
we have done just that.
But before we go, I just wantto ask you and I didn't give
this to you before, so I'm goingto put you on the spot but when
I have a guest, I like to givethem about a good 60, 60, 90
seconds to give a pep talk.
(43:30):
So, whatever's churning in yourheart and I know you've already
given us so much, but do youhave just, you know, another 60,
90 seconds that you can justgive us a pep talk from Ralph
Bissard?
You know, acclaimed coachleader.
You know, husband, father, man,can you give us something?
Speaker 2 (43:49):
I can and you know.
Again, I'll say this my prayerand my hope I take from the
Apostle Paul in Philippians, andhe says my prayer for you is
that your love may abound inknowledge and insight, that you
may be pure and blameless on theday of Christ, filled with the
(44:12):
fruit of righteousness thatcomes through Jesus Christ to
the praise and glory of God.
My prayer and hope for the pepsquad, for all men and those who
love men, is that we don'tmerely focus on just the
divinity of Christ, but we learnfrom his humanity and follow
(44:32):
the example which speaks to thatwhen we understand who we are,
we do not have to fall victim toanother's perception of who we
may be.
We don't allow that to becomeour reality.
I say to all of you and I saythis with a clear heart and with
a clear mind that you arepowerful beyond measure, that
(44:54):
you were made for significance.
You have a mission andassignment that no one else can
quite walk out like you, andwhen you embrace that mission,
that assignment, you willunderstand what it means to live
with purpose.
But, more importantly, you willreceive the blessing that comes
from fulfillment.
And so I challenge you, I askall of you to not only consider
(45:18):
what we say.
Today.
I'm asking you to do the work,matter of fact.
Scripture says study thy wordto show yourself approved as
workmen unto God, needing not tobe shamed, rightly dividing the
word of truth.
If there's a right way, there'sa wrong way, and if you don't
study, you don't know which wayyou're dividing it.
And so I challenge you lookinto the depths of your heart.
Begin to look at your uniquestory.
(45:39):
Know what's in your heart, beavailable to the opportunities,
allow your perspective to grow,to get beyond what has been
given to you, only that you'renow walking out and just living
as a victim.
Begin to see yourself the waythat God sees you.
Be encouraged that you areloved and highly favored, and
(46:00):
then walk with thatdetermination.
Finally, I leave you with thislast thought a mentor left with
me.
We find ourselves a lot of timesjust at the precipice or at the
beginning of the abyss.
We're on the side of a cliffand the calling comes and says
hey, come, look what I have foryou.
We fight it.
We fight it.
We fight it Because we say whatif I fall?
(46:22):
What if I get hurt?
The calling happens again,because the call won't return,
void.
It says come to this cliff,look and see what I have over
for you.
You build up enough gumption totake a couple of steps just to
look over and just in thatmoment, opportunity and
possibility will push you off.
But that's not what you.
Falling off is not the end ofthe story, because it's in that
(46:44):
falling.
That's where you're going tolearn to fly.
Go ahead and fly, be all thatGod called you to be.
Begin to understand that thepossibility in life is never
going to be on the sidelines orthe side of the cliff.
It'll be in the abyss, youfinding out all that you were
created to be.
I am so thankful that youallowed me to be here with you,
(47:04):
justin.
I am just so blessed that wewere able to spend this time and
as a token of my appreciationI'd like to give to all the pep
squad, to all of your listeners.
I want to extend to them thepossibility of a free gift If
you just go to ralphbassartcomforward slash free gift.
I'd like to just send out toeach and every one of your
(47:25):
listeners just five practicalsteps on how to develop your
leadership.
It helps you with your missionstatement, your vision statement
and your governing values, andso again, that's what I'd like
to extend to all your believersfor allowing me to just chop it
up with you today.
Thank you so much, man, fromthe bottom of my heart.
Speaker 1 (47:45):
Man, I'm going to grab that free gift for myself
myself.
Man, that abyss thing.
Wow, that hit me differently.
I've never heard that before.
That's really really good.
Thank you for sharing it andthank you for just speaking into
(48:07):
our lives and also for lettingpeople know how they can get in
contact with you.
Listen, if you were looking forsomeone to be a speaker and to
bring this what you've justlistened to to your organization
.
If you're looking forone-on-one coaching, if you're
looking for group coaching,ralph has all of that available
(48:30):
on his website, ralphbassardcom.
It's a beautiful website too.
It's a really, really goodwebsite, and y'all just look him
up.
Purchase his book Shape to Lead.
You could get it on Amazon oryou can go through his website
to get it.
Get his book, and this won't bethe last time that we have you
(48:54):
on the podcast, ralph, becausethere's a lot more that we can
dig into Developmental things,more leadership things.
There's just a lot of things.
So this won't be the last timethat you all hear from Ralph
being on the Pep Talk podcast.
Speaker 2 (49:09):
Well, again, I thank you so much and I look forward
to it.
Man, god bless you.
You keep doing what you'redoing because, again, as I said,
how I found you was throughyour website and, as I said, I
truly feel like we're kindredspirits.
I immediately felt the synergyand I'm hey, I'm letting you
know, I'm a lifelong member.
Now I'm a part of the Pep Squad, so keep doing what you're
doing, all right.
Speaker 1 (49:31):
Appreciate you, brother, appreciate you and
everybody.
We will be right back to wrapup this amazing episode of the
pep talk podcast.
It's your boy, coach Jay, alongwith Ralph Bissard, and we will
be right back Now.
There is not much more that Ican say on this episode that was
(49:53):
not said over the last coupleof episodes, over the last
couple of over this conversation.
It in in a season where we'vehad some really dynamic guests.
I think this episode it reallytakes the cake as Ralph broke
down his shaped protocol forleadership.
You can easily see men, how, ifwe're choosing to be
(50:17):
intentional about our manhood,we can take each one of those
letters S-H-A-P-E-D and we canappropriate them into our lives
in an intentional way.
That is really going to help usto be better, to help men to
have a better representation inthe world.
(50:38):
We get angry when we see all ofthe money that's spent on
Mother's Day and how men are notquite as honored on Father's
Day and I think it comes down tothe way that we're presenting
and representing ourselves.
And what if we were to menfathers, brothers what if we
(51:01):
were to change that?
Just in our realm of influence,change how we are influencing
other men, younger men, oldermen, whoever Change how we're
mentoring, change how we'respeaking, change how we are
identifying ourselves and whowe're choosing to be when we
wake up in the morning.
Men, I'm going to tell you thatyou are shaped for a particular
(51:24):
brand of manhood.
You are equipped to be that man.
You can be that leader.
You can be that prophet, thatpriest, that king.
It's inside of you.
It's there, I promise you.
It is Just tap in and don't beafraid to let it come out of you
.
Be courageous, Be courageous.
And Ralph Bessard he left ushis contact information.
(51:49):
It'll also be in the show notesas well.
I want you all to reach out tohim.
If you're needing someone tospeak to your organization, if
you're looking for a mentor orfor a coach, hit Ralph up.
Hit Ralph up, and I can saywith extreme certainty that he
has within him what it will taketo bring out of you what has
(52:10):
been placed inside of you.
All right, so I'm going to wrapthis episode here and I'm going
to tell you that next episode,episode 36, is going to be.
It's going to be our lastepisode for this season.
I think it just feels right.
It feels right on the heels ofthis great two part episode to
wrap next week with one moreepisode before we take a break,
(52:31):
before we come back for seasonthree, which sounds so crazy.
Season three of the Pep Talkpodcast, and I'm excited about
it.
So y'all know how we like toend it Keep it love, keep it
light and keep it peppy.
And also let us know what youhave thought about these two
episodes as a whole.
What has stood out to you, whatis stuck?
(52:53):
What are you marinating on,what are you processing?
Reach out to us atthepeppodcast, at gmailcom or at
underscore JBSpeaks onInstagram.
I can't wait to hear from you.
I love you.
Y'all know the purpose of thispodcast is to cheer you on, to
coach you up.
So continue leaving thosereviews, leave those ratings and
(53:14):
I will see you next week.
Y'all be blessed, peace.
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