September 19, 2022 • 53 mins
After recognizing how her own familial traumas were impacting her every day life, Kathleen made it her mission to empower women to and break the generational & societal curses and rewrite their legacy.
Kathleen McDermott is serving up all the ways for you to design your legacy as a Stress & Lifestyle Coach, a Restorative & Adaptive Yoga guide and speaker & host of the Your Life Your Way Podcast.
Tune into this episode to hear more about:
- Living your own life on your terms
- The gift in taking personal responsibility
- Reflecting and learning from your time on the mat
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Kathleen McDermott (00:00):
because we are all different, just as if
(00:02):
you look at a skeleton ofmultiple skeletons and you look
at all their hip bones, youknow, they're all going to be a
little bit different in yogaposes, because their bones are
just different. Well, same withour journey we are all
different. We are allexperiencing the life in our own
way. And a lot of times sadly,we're experiencing life through
the light to the foods that werethat was a subconscious flower,
(00:23):
universal mistake, Freudian,Freudian slip vessel, but living
the lies that we have been toldand led to believe of how we
should live our life and how weshould lead.
Jamie Stephens (00:38):
Thanks for tuning in to another episode of
Breaking up with corporate eachweek I chat with everyday women
that ditch their nine to five tobet on themselves. We break down
their journey intoentrepreneurship, unpack the
lessons learned and create thevision of how this life gets to
be if you're willing to getuncomfortable and step into your
potential. I'm your host, JamieRenee, to time corporate escapee
(01:01):
and coach to burnout womenlooking to plan their escape.
Let's go.
Hello, and welcome back toanother episode of Breaking up
with corporate today I haveKathleen McDermott. And Kathleen
is a stress and lifestylemanagement coach, a restorative
and adaptive yoga guide, aspeaker and fellow podcaster,
(01:24):
who is passionate about helpingwomen build a legacy. Kathleen,
welcome to the show.
Kathleen McDermott (01:30):
Thank you, Jamie, I'm very happy to be here
and very thrilled and honoredthat you invited me.
Jamie Stephens (01:34):
Yeah, I'm excited for you to be here too.
I know that you have been out ofcorporate for a while. But
you've had an interestingjourney that I want to get into
today. So if you want to startby just giving us a little bit
of background of kind of whatyou were doing before you became
a lifestyle and stressmanagement coach,
Kathleen McDermott (01:55):
but I am what you would call a multi
passionate person. And I'venever been one who has felt that
I could be in a corporateposition for like my dad was he
retired, he was there for 3040years. And I just never felt me.
So I have dipped my toe intomany things through the years.
And I wanted to say most of ithas been sales of some kind. But
(02:19):
I never felt fulfilled. Andprobably one of the well then I
was very blessed to have twinsons. And that changed. Of
course, I stopped working for awhile because I was a wreck
every day going to work. I was awreck. So I stayed home with the
boys for a while and thenultimately wanted to do
(02:41):
something that fit theirschedule. And I actually became
a school bus driver for a fewyears actually, for 10 years. I
did not have that. Oh, that wasthat was fulfilling. It was
difficult work. It was veryhard. There's days I wanted to
bang my head against the window.
But it some days others. But Iloved it. I loved my middle high
kids. They were awesome. Andmost of my little ones were but
(03:05):
it was just I look at that as itwas part of my journey. Because
when my boys were about threeyears old, I started practicing
yoga. And I just fell in lovewith how that made me feel.
Yeah, so as both kind ofprogressed together. And I began
to do my own tank training ofbecoming a yoga teacher, but I
(03:26):
wanted to do it differently. Isee everybody is just being who
they are. And everybody has beengifted with this life. And we
don't live it based on our ownterms. Too many of us don't live
it on our own terms and justkind of all flow together and
taking that experience of ofsales, which I respect and love.
(03:47):
And people say well, you'restill doing sales, and I am but
it's in a different way. It'sfor me it's total service. And
if I can have a conversationwith someone and at least give
them something to take away.
Yeah, then then I'm happy. But Itake it all as being the path
that brought me to where I amtoday. Every bit of it.
Jamie Stephens (04:10):
Yeah, I've had kind of a multi passionate
journey myself. So I can totallyrelate to all the different
things that seem like totallyunrelated, like how they kind of
intertwine and weave into yourstory in your journey and just
kind of add to that richness ofwhat you bring to the table. So
Kathleen McDermott (04:29):
that's a beautiful word richness. I like
that.
Jamie Stephens (04:31):
Yeah, it's I mean, it just implies that it's
like you're, it's just more it'sjust more into what you enjoy
and what you like, you know,just kind of following those
pieces where they go and I justlove it.
Kathleen McDermott (04:46):
But I will add you find out what your
deadline is? For sure for sure.
Jamie Stephens (04:50):
You know, it's very good at I know what I don't
want more so than I know what Iwant sometimes. So it's really
easy to help make thosedecisions where you go into it
and you're like Oh yeah, we'llgive this a try. And you're
like, oh, no, no moving on. Sotell me a little bit about your,
your yoga journey. So youstarted whenever your boys were
(05:11):
three. And so they are grownadults, they have one of them
has a baby of their own. Yeah,you know, you've been doing that
a long time. So how did you getinto that? I mean, you said,
it's for adaptive, like, tell mekind of your journey on that.
Kathleen McDermott (05:30):
I wanted to teach, I had been taking my own
classes and having my ownpractice. And I hear so often,
and you probably have as well,maybe you've said it yourself,
Oh, I can't do yoga. And I kepthearing that I kept hearing
people say it. And I canremember being in certain
classes with certain instructorsthat would try to put me into
(05:52):
where they thought I should be.
And it's called assists. Andthey can be very dangerous, to
try to force someone intophysically into a position that
is not right for them. So Iwanted to teach differently, I
want to learn differently. So Ilearned to teach adaptively,
which means to use whatever, itcould be a chair, it could be a
bolster, a block a strap, itcould be a wall, it could be
(06:15):
your kitchen counter, it's aboutbecause everyone's journey is
different. And yoga is we all weall always think that when you
hear Yoga, you think the pose,and that's just one, one segment
of yoga, yoga is your journey.
It's your it's your journey ofself discovery, right. And if
(06:35):
you're trying to put yourselfinto a pose, that number one
isn't yours physically, becauseyour bones are different, you
might have a physical challenge,or it's just not meant for your
journey to figure out what iswhat, who you are, where you're
going, what you need. On and onand on. So I learned, I learned
(06:57):
differently. And that was justwhat a door opener whatever
window Wide World opening. Itwas. Because when I was
teaching, and even though I hadmet in the class, there was
something about the women andwhat I could see. And I feel
it's, it's a gift to be able tobe intuitive, and to look at
(07:21):
what was happening to somethingwas happening between them in
certain poses that they mighthave been in at the time. So
with certain poses, if they werestruggling, the question to ask
is, Is it physical pain? Becausewe absolutely want to go there
first, how can we make it morecomfortable physically for you?
Or are you fighting something?
Are you fighting the pose? Then?
(07:44):
Do we want to leave you whereyou are? Do we want to add a
block? Do we want to changesomething up? What do you need?
It's not where I think youshould be. Tell me what is going
on. And let's see. And that justbegan to grow. Yeah, and it was
so beautiful to watch. Sometimesthey would be in a particular
pose, in the class itself couldbe in the next one or two poses.
(08:09):
But they were just there, andthey needed to be there. And
that's okay. Because quite oftenwhen we're off our mat, we're
not where we really want to be.
And we have to know how tonavigate that Evan, you know,
ebb and flow through the changesin our life. So that was what
really opened the door when Irealized that more was going on,
I thought. And as I began toreally learn and Google Pay
(08:32):
attention, what's going on inthe world, I realized that it
really was blossoming into acoaching practice as well. I
decided to take thosecertifications. Right, and it
just grew, and I absolutely feelit chose me. It's a calling. And
when I really knew that it wasis when what the universe said,
(08:52):
Okay? You're doing really wellat this and you really like it.
So now I'm going to knock you onyour arse, more than once, more
than twice. And if you getthrough it, kudos, you know,
good for you, then you cancontinue. And having twins is a
beautiful thing. But they bothleave at the same time I've ever
(09:13):
thought there's that instantgone, empty nest. And you have
to ask yourself always as well,in that half what we do ask
ourselves, who am I now there?
Who's going to be watching now?
Who's protecting them now? Whoam I if I'm not being they're
being physically being theirmother? And that was a bit
(09:34):
interesting. That was hard. Thatwas hard? Well, I
Jamie Stephens (09:40):
think as a mom, I mean, our tendency is to just
like, go all in. Yeah. Whetherit's for our children, our
spouse are everybody butourselves is usually how we're
trained. And then I think as youget older and maybe have a
couple of crises under yourbelt, you got to start just see
like, Oh, I'm gonna have to takecare of me now. Or like, this is
(10:05):
not gonna work. I never thoughtabout like, everything happening
all at the same time. You don'thave any other children in the
house, right? It's it was justthem and then once they were
Kathleen McDermott (10:15):
older and and then on top of that it was
we we had the boys later in lifeI was we actually went to
fertility treatments because Ihad had trouble getting
pregnant. So it was a bit olderwhen I had the boys. And the
reason come to find out whywasn't getting pregnant pregnant
is I ended up going into earlyperimenopause like my mother
did. And so then you have raginghormones on top of everything
(10:38):
else. And then ultimately, myworst and biggest trauma was
going through a divorce, whichnow I know is the best thing for
me, for us. But the time Ididn't know. So with all of
that, I had to decide if it wasworking for my clients. Practice
what I was preaching. Yeah. Sowhether that was the I think it
(11:00):
was the ultimate combination ofgiving me permission to continue
and to do this work.
Jamie Stephens (11:05):
Obviously, that's not what are. Our goals
are, you know, it's like, it'snot like you go into marriage
wanting to you know, have thatoutcome. But the way that you
can show up for the people thatyou're serving with that
empathy, and with thatexperience yourself knowing that
you know, what you need, at thetime, whether it be physical, or
(11:26):
whether it be emotional, likethat changes every single day,
and being able to have thatempathy and to have that kind of
insight and intuition withpeople deepened by your own
struggles that you have. I mean,I can imagine that there's a
silver lining in there for herfor beneficials.
Kathleen McDermott (11:43):
There is and it's even though i i can say,
okay, yes, I've been there. Andwe can have 235 10 women in the
room, we've all gone through adivorce, but every single one of
us would have gone to itdifferently in their own way and
felt it in their own way. Andthen needs to be honored. And I
don't want to come to someoneand say, Oh, here's these five,
six steps do these and you're,you know, you're all good to go.
(12:06):
Because we are all different,just as if you look at a
skeleton of multiple skeletons,and you look at all their hip
bones, you know, they're allgoing to be a little bit
different in yoga poses, becausetheir bones are just different.
Well, same with our journey, weare all different. We are all
experiencing the life in our ownway. And a lot of times sadly,
we're experiencing life throughthe lie to the foods that were
(12:27):
that was a subconscious flower,universal mistake, Freudian,
Freudian slip vessel, but livingthe lies that we've been told,
and led to believe of how weshould live our life and how we
should be. And that really getsme on my soapbox.
Jamie Stephens (12:47):
Yeah, the shoulds. I mean, that's like,
I've really become aware of thatover probably just the last
year, year and a half of all ofthe shoulds. And the, I need to
do this, I should be doing this.
So and then it's like, reallyjust stopping to check yourself
and be like, really? Is thatwhat I want to do? Is that what
(13:10):
is going to move the needleforward? Or is that just
something that I'm expected todo? Because I'm done with those,
you know, that I'm done with,like, all of that junk? And I
think until you kind of start topay very close attention to
that, like your words and howlike your thoughts that are
showing up? Just will continueto rob you of what you want out
(13:32):
of life? Because you're doingwhat everybody else says you
should do. You know, and I getthat.
Kathleen McDermott (13:41):
My question is, whose life are you living?
Are you living? Your mother'syour father's your your friends
in school, your your church,your society? I call them
generational and societalcurses. Yeah, they're just
passed on the day, the day thatsay that, Oh, you should wear
white after Labor Day. Watch me.
For that they are the curses.
(14:04):
It's that perception ofperfection, which is a whole
other conversation.
Jamie Stephens (14:11):
Yeah, like,
Kathleen McDermott (14:12):
battles.
Yeah, we take these layers onand we just cover to our, from
the time we are born, it starts.
And all these layers just beginto cover up who we really are.
And it can be very difficult todo what you're exactly you're
saying is you're taking a lookat it now. And you're saying way
I'm done with that. It's veryhard to do that. If you come to
(14:34):
that process, and once you startit. Wow. Then once you have that
realization that hey, thesearen't my thoughts. These aren't
and then the work really begins.
Jamie Stephens (14:45):
Confirmed.
Because yeah, all of that juststarts to unravel. Do you think
that your yoga journey when youstarted well, let me back up for
a second. When you started youryoga journey wasn't or as like,
exercise practice, like awellness practice? Or did you
understand like the emotionalbenefits at the time, like when
(15:08):
you first started,
Kathleen McDermott (15:12):
I have to be perfectly honest, the boys were
three, when I went to my firstyoga class, and they are now 28.
To two, remember what I wasthinking and feeling at that
particular time as to why whenin I would probably say, knowing
myself as I do, it was amultitude of reasons. The
ultimate goal, I don't know if Ihad one. Gotcha. I just know
(15:35):
that it, it began to be a, I'vebeen a bit of a man, I'm a Leo,
I'm half Italian. I'm a strongpersonality, I'm an AI. And I've
been that way since I waslittle. And I can remember
fighting, and not understandingwhat I was fighting or why I was
fighting, but knowing thatthings weren't right for me. And
my poor dad, I think I put out asocial media post today who
(15:58):
thought me and my mom and justmy poor dad, He'll vouch for the
fact of what a fighter in justtrying to build a rebel just
wanting to be against thingsthat were I don't like the
status quo, stop telling me whatto do. That's the bottom line.
Right. But I think the yogapractice helped take that on a
(16:20):
different path, maybe a moregentler path. But it took a lot
of time. And even though it wasalready helping me so the years
and I began teaching, and whenwas and I was helping, holding
space, I like to call it holdingspace for for women to find
their way. It's it's hard to putit into words. But if you're in,
alright, look at it this way. Ifyou're in line somewhere, and
(16:43):
you're stressed, you're waiting,and you've got to get home, you
got to get this not to do that,to me is life off the map. And
what is happening there, youtake on the map. And once you're
on your mat, it almost gives youan okay to just breathe. Yeah.
And is a type A personality whowalks onto their mat that is
hard for them to do. So with mygetting a feel, and seeing
(17:09):
people that were next to me whenI was just another student in
classes they were and I'm stillanother student in class,
because we always are watchingthem watching myself feeling the
whole process, the teachers, theinstructors, it all just helped
me grow. I didn't understand it.
And really the depths of it atthe time. And that's the honest
(17:29):
truth. I really didn't. But I donow.
Jamie Stephens (17:33):
I don't remember if I was telling you or not. But
I actually started my yogajourney on the Wii Fit, like the
little Nintendo. Tell me Yes,yes, you did. But it was like,
You're right. It was that onetime like, as a mom to where you
were just stopping long enoughto where it's like, okay, I'm
claiming this time as my own.
And it's like, it helped me withthe poses, and my balance and
(17:55):
all of that. And then, you know,it just continued to grow
through there. But I didn'trealize that at the time, the
emotional benefits from justslowing down and pausing and
being in those poses and holdingthose poses. And, you know, it's
just all the junk that comes up.
(18:15):
And I mean, you were you're justkind of like, not expecting it
from like a quote unquote,exercise. You know, yeah. I was
just curious about how thatstarted. If if everybody goes
into it just for the wellnesspart, and then they stumble
upon, like the mental healthbenefits of it, or if some
people actually go into it, youknow, knowing the full benefits
(18:37):
of it.
Kathleen McDermott (18:37):
And it's a very good question. Even the men
in my class, although I wouldhave to say most of them came in
initially for the healthbenefit, physical benefit. They
were very open and sharing thatit was it ended up being more
than that. It was definitelymore than that. When you're in a
class, and you're watchingothers put themselves in poses,
(19:01):
and let's face it, when you hearYoga, you automatically or you
see pictures of yoga poses, yousee those, and I'm using finger
quotes, close and perfect poses.
They're perfect for theindividual that is following
their path in them. But they'renot necessarily mine and
unnecessarily yours. And if youare in a pose, it's hurting you
(19:22):
that you're that you're notcomfortable and physically, it's
not going to help youemotionally spiritually,
mentally, it's not going to helpyou at all or physically. Right.
And that hurts the whole entirejourney. And I think that is why
a lot of people walk out anddon't come back. And I've had
many people tell me that oh,yeah, I tried it. I just can't
(19:43):
do that. Or you know, I look atall those people in there and I
can't put myself into thosepretzel poses while you should
never have to write and whensomeone in please teachers mean
well, they mean well inassisting has been an old
process of teaching and itreally needs to go by the
wayside. because it is forcingsomeone to be where you as a
teacher think they should be,right. And that's why when I'm
(20:05):
also working with women, I am sonot telling you how to, I am to
help you find your how to. Andtree pose is a perfect example.
We think of that as a perfectpose. That stillness, that
rigid, hold, stiff breathe,don't breathe, where you're
(20:29):
supposed to breathe, but it'sjust that makes the whole body
tense. But if you're balancingyour we talked about ebb and
flow before you startedrecording, if your bottom of
your body, all four sides ofyour legs are strong, and you
have that, that safety, knowingthat you're grounded, and you're
safe, your upper body can be sorelaxed, and instead of being in
(20:49):
that stillness, we asked, wetalked ebb and flow, let your
body move with it. If they'relike, like the way the wind
blows through the trees, letyour body swear with it, don't
keep trying to fight it andbring it back. Because if you
want to do that, where I talkabout control issues, not that
you and I have any of those. Butit's a perfect way to and that's
(21:14):
how I use the poses to relate tolife and what you're going
through and where you want tobe. Right. And that ebb and flow
that you practice, in tree pose,or any type of I don't care if
it's a hedge in the front yard,if it's a mighty oak, it's
yours. How does that relate tooff the mat, and then you can
take that feeling and thosesensations and apply it to where
(21:36):
you might be fighting andwanting to control out here,
like the in Downward Facing Dog,if you're fighting, that's a
very, very strength buildingpost physically. But it's also a
very inner strength pose. So ifyou're fighting it, what are you
finding out here, therestorative poses, I don't feel
you can do the journey withouthaving you can't reduce stress
(21:59):
unless you have some stresstechniques, but you need to find
out what stress techniques workfor you. But if you're learning
to calm your nervous system,find some quiet and stillness,
come back to yourself, then youcan find the clarity to learn
and discover what path you wantto take for your things. Now,
for me, I love to ride my bike,I like to walk that might not be
(22:20):
yours. So what is yours. So it'sreally about coming back to
yourself in that stillness ofthe restorative, that ebb and
flow of in grounding andstrength and grace within your
body. So that you can use thatto create a new legacy. Because
we've spent enough time beingand doing how others think we
(22:41):
should have enough of that. Andwe don't want to pass that on to
our children, as it was passedon to us.
Jamie Stephens (22:49):
I really like how you just wrapped all that up
with like, the way that you canrelate yoga to your life and
kind of what's going on I I'lladmit, like I've never kind of
experienced that. So that Imean, not experienced it. But
I've never kind of put all thattogether. I like the way that I
can translate the things that Iknow into that same kind of
process outside. So thank youfor that.
Kathleen McDermott (23:13):
You're welcome. And you can take that
awareness and it doesn't have tonecessarily be a yoga pose. But
what would you compare it tothat fits your life?
Jamie Stephens (23:21):
Yeah, well, I do love yoga. I so I can relate to
all of those. But yeah. So let'stalk about legacy because I know
that is something that you arevery big on. Was it your divorce
that really kind of got youthinking about that? Or was it
happening before then?
Kathleen McDermott (23:39):
Now, it was definitely from the divorce
because I will say the thehardest thing if I had to pick
one thing that was the hardestfor me to admit to myself was
what was my role in the divorceevery time
Jamie Stephens (23:57):
every time that one
Kathleen McDermott (24:02):
took a while. Yeah, yeah, no, it's that
Leah will tell you her love themboth. But that was the biggest
thing and I used to legacy in myhistory was always what are you
leaving your kids? Now you leavein the house, you leave in the
investments you leave in thisthe rings that whatever you're
leaving is leaving tangible,right? That was in my mind
(24:25):
legacy. But as I realized, andadmitted what I was bringing,
which was all my stuff, you knowthat saying when you marry you
not only marry your spouse, butyou marry their family? Oh,
well, it goes way beyond that.
Jamie Stephens (24:44):
And all their generational trauma and
Kathleen McDermott (24:48):
yes, yes. So when you have a couple that
brings all their stuff to amarriage. And if you don't
realize you have that stuff, andhow to navigate it, man It
doesn't always work. So inadmitting my own role, and the
trauma that I was going through,and I had to reach that dark
(25:08):
point, so that I could reallychoose wisely and determine what
was most important to me. Andthat was Connor and Cameron.
Absolutely. And as I began to dothe work, which is not easy,
I'll never say it's easy, butit's worth it. I began to find
who I really was, stripped thelayers of crap I had been
carrying, and began to reallyexplore my life and how I wanted
(25:33):
to be. And I tell you, I loveit. This is the first of all
I've ever lived my life on myown, without someone telling me
anything. And I love it. Ireally do love it. But in the
process, my boys watched me atmy worst. They watched me and my
darkness. But they have watchedme come back. Yeah, they have
(25:55):
watched me grow. And we haveopen conversations about what I
see that we have passed to them.
And I'm very emphatic to say,Hey, you, you are not expected
to carry mine or your father'straumas. Those are ours, they
are not yours, this stops. Andwe have these conversations
(26:15):
about what their thoughts areabout things and how their
perceptions are. And they're,they're really good about
understanding what I'm sayingand that they don't need to
carry this stuff. Yeah. Now, andnow that I have a grandson, it's
even become more of just amission that I'm on to be the
best person that I can be. AndI'm not saying I will not use
(26:37):
the word perfect. You know, mymorning coffee, if it takes
great, that's perfect for me.
But there is, excuse me, in mymind, perfect as a as an
individual perception. And Iwill never be done doing the
work. But I want to be as bestdo the work to the best of my
ability. Because they'rewatching. Yeah. And when I began
(27:02):
to heal myself, I began to givethem the space to heal. And they
can continue to heal. And theydon't need to pass it on to
their children. Yeah. That isthe legacy. And I called them up
one day and I said, Okay,remember all the stuff I told
you I was leaving to Yeah, well,we're gonna talk about legacy,
because that's not what it's allabout. And they've been very
(27:25):
supportive. And the day that thetwo of them both on the same
day, it was Connors wedding day,when they both told me how proud
they were of me.
Jamie Stephens (27:33):
Did your little mama heart just melt? Oh,
Kathleen McDermott (27:36):
let me tell you I'm this is the first time
I've been able to say thatwithout crying. But it's it
makes it all worse, because Idon't want them to have the
pain. Yeah, I don't want mygrandkids to have the pain.
Yeah. Life is tough enough as itis.
Jamie Stephens (27:54):
Yeah. And you know, I mean, it's not that pain
is unavoidable in life. We allknow that. It's so
Kathleen McDermott (28:01):
narrow, but they don't want them to have
more. Right?
Jamie Stephens (28:03):
Exactly. You know, something you said, I'm
curious, because you were sayingyou were talking to them about
their perceptions, on differentthings and kind of things as
they grew up. And as you'redoing them now. So like, my
sister, for example, is fiveyears older than me. And
sometimes, we'll be talkingabout the same story. And it'll
seem like we are talking abouttwo totally different events.
(28:29):
Because, you know, she beingfive years old, or me being five
years younger. I mean, it's justlike, the gap and perception of
what's going on. And kind of theover arching theme of what's
happening. You know, she had alot more understanding about
events growing up than I did.
Whenever I'm thinking about someof the examples. Did you find
that your boys since they arethe same age, like had the same
(28:52):
perception on things? Or werethere instances where even as
you guys were talking alltogether, that they had a
different perspective, even fromeach other?
Kathleen McDermott (29:05):
was funny because some people say they're
twin. And so are they, first ofall, they're not identical.
They're fraternal. And I thinkeven if they were identical,
they're still their ownindividual soul, their own
individual person in many timesa very good question. And many
times they do have very similarperceptions. But for the most
part, they are who they are. Ican't speak for identicals. But
(29:26):
each individual human isexperienced life in their own
way. So even though they aretwins, they're still
experiencing their ownrelationship with Dave and I
that with each other, withseparate friends and
individuals, you know, friends,so they're experiencing life
(29:46):
differently, even though they'reof the same family. So I don't
think it's strange to havedifferent perceptions of the
same thing. Yeah. Because you'reprocessing life as it's
happening to you. And each oneof them they're each one of
their emotions. twins aredifferent in how they handle
their emotions and express theiremotions is different. And I
think it's kind of fun to seeyour, your sister must have some
(30:08):
great conversations. Yeah, Ithink
Jamie Stephens (30:10):
it's really interesting just because I'll be
like, Oh, well, whenever thiswhen this happened, and she's
like, oh, yeah, well, thishappened in mom's life. And this
had just happened. I'm like,Why? Because it adds just like
this whole other understandingof like, you know, me being
eight years old, didn'tunderstand, but her being 13,
she had, you know, differentlevel of understanding. So I was
(30:31):
just curious in thatconversation, like, if it was
more, if that's just an agething, or just, if it was closer
to having a similar perception,if they were closer in age, you
know, but you're right. I mean,everybody's the way they process
the way they experiences. Youknow, I used to think that I had
an effect, like on nature versusnurture, you know, where it's
(30:54):
like, oh, my kids will do youknow, this is before you had
kids. It's my kids will do XYZ,and it's like, oh, yeah, no,
they're individuals. They'll dowhat they want.
Kathleen McDermott (31:06):
Oh, yes, yes, you can
Jamie Stephens (31:08):
have a little bit of influence, but it's, it's
all them.
Kathleen McDermott (31:12):
And it's so fun to watch them grow. It is so
much fun. It is some stages infunner than others. And I used
to hate it when people say theterrible twos because to me,
there is no such thing. They'rejust trying to find their
Jamie Stephens (31:23):
way. Yeah. My eldest daughter is about to turn
two next month. And it is justit's like a grandbabies are just
like a whole other world. Imean,
Kathleen McDermott (31:35):
I'm still trying to wrap my brain around
it. And I was just well, youknow, I was, you know, I was
just there. And he is going tobe eight months old this month.
So he was seven months old. Andhe's learned how to hug already.
Oh, and he just and I thought,Oh, my God, I can't leave. How
do you leave. And he's just soin the dark, horrible want, you
know, the eggs, and he thinkshe's talking. And it's just so
(31:56):
Gosh, darn precious. And I stillfind it to be absolutely
amazing, bizarre, that one of mybabies and Connor was my, he was
the tiniest one and hit a littletrouble when he was born. And of
course, I'll never hear the endof that it was my fault. I
didn't react well to medicine.
So the Pitocin made me a littlesick, and it was hurting him.
(32:17):
But anyways, long story short,to see my baby have a baby now
just blows doesn't blow yourmind. I mean, it just blows my
mind.
Jamie Stephens (32:25):
Well, yes. And I mean, this is it's my
stepdaughter. But you know, Imean, it's so I, I was still her
mom whenever she was a baby. SoI didn't get but still it's
like, Oh, my goodness. I mean,we've my husband, I've been
married for 13 years. And soit's, it's still crazy, you
know, because she was I thinkshe had just turned 12 or 13
(32:45):
Whenever we got together. Soyeah, to see her with a baby.
And she's such a good mom. Soit's just so fun to watch and
just see your kids grow and allthe things, but it does, it
makes things like theconversations about just to
bring this full circle, youknow, the conversations about
legacy and the conversationsabout what we're passing on to
(33:05):
our children and grandchildren.
And that all of our crap, youknow, like, yeah, yeah, dealing
with it, and resolving it sothat you're not passing it on?
What are the some of the toolsthat you like to use to really
kind of process through some ofthat really old?
Kathleen McDermott (33:24):
trauma?
First of all, I always like tosay that I'm not a therapist. So
it was hard to put that outthere. Because there is that
area that needs to be, you know,professional. But as far as
processing, I always like tobegin with stress, physical
relief, which is therestorative, just introduce some
easy and somebody will go well,guy, I'm really trying to put
(33:47):
anything out of my day. Well, wehave a little, little, little
ways around that. But just tobegin that process of finding
that quiet and stillness,because if we're going into the
process of doing the work withall the noise and not knowing
how to block some of that noise,sometimes it can make it a
little bit tougher. So therestorative yoga itself is
always par. And that'severything I do is via zoom, and
(34:08):
less, it's not your local to me,but it's via zoom. So I always
go over at home props and thingslike that that can be used. So
the restorative is veryimportant in doing what I call
the deep dig, and looking at itnot harshly not with anger, not
with blame, but looking at thethoughts that we have and where
(34:28):
did they come from? Where are wehonest, taken an honest look at
where they come from? And Iremember certain things I felt
that well, that was by the way,my dad thought but you know,
that's not the way that I think.
And that's okay. So we do we dothat and we look at things as to
whether how deep they are. Andwe need to separate what's the
deep stuff from history, andwhat's just surface stuff, like
(34:52):
day to day stuff, and then issome of that deep stuff the
cause of that. But there is adifference between stuff that's
just in our day. Lee, you're notgetting the kids packed lunches
and off and stuff like that. Sowe look at that, and we do an
honest to God, deep dig as towhat is not working for you? And
why where did it come from?
Where did it start? How who, andthat opens the door to
(35:14):
forgiveness. Because you have anunderstanding that it's no one's
fault. Because it's just beenthe process of generations and
societies to how we think thingsshould be. So it's not about
blame, and being angry, but it'sabout forgiveness of everyone,
historically, generations back,and also of yourself, because
(35:35):
you didn't know. Yeah. Once weknow that's a whole different
ballgame.
Jamie Stephens (35:41):
So what if somebody has a lot of resistance
to understanding or tapping intowhere that stuff came from? I
don't want to venture into thetherapist room to where we're
talking about that kind oftrauma, but like, just kind of
understanding? I mean, I don'tknow, I feel like sometimes I'll
try to think of where did thatcome from, like some thoughts
(36:03):
that I just am observing, andlike, I can't seem to pinpoint
it back or there seems to beresistance around going back to
the thought or where it camefrom? Do you have people that
experience that? Or how do youhelp them through that.
Kathleen McDermott (36:17):
And I would say one of the areas that big
areas that it comes from is, islittle girl talk. So it's about
having a conversation with thatlittle girl. For some reason.
Even though we had a lot of goodhappen in our lives, as little
girls with the yucky stuff seemsto stay more to the forefront.
Yeah, so there is the talk withthat little girl. And it's
(36:40):
funny, because in my work astalking to my little girl, and
letting her know, she's safe.
And I and my relationship withmy mom, my mom lives with mom or
caregiver. And we just have awonderful time together most of
the time. But then I have toremember that sometimes I'm
dealing with her little girltrauma. So it's about
understanding that and weactually have conversations with
(37:02):
that little girl, I don't youdo, I have my own, you have your
own. But it's really about goingback and looking at that and
letting know that you're paststuff that you're safe now. And
I look at myself as as more butthree, the little girl, the
woman who was married and who Iam now. They're all still a part
of me. So we look at that. Andif you're resisting it, I can
(37:25):
only do so much I can I cancomfort and support and make you
feel as I hope create a spacethat you feel safe in to really
take a look at things. But ifit's to the point where it's
that you need professionaltherapy, that's one thing, if
you're just fighting it, andyou're just not ready, that's
(37:46):
another thing. And I respectthat you've got you have to be
ready. Yeah, you have to havehad enough and you're ready. But
I do have a lot of patients inthat area. Because it's your
path. It's your journey. And Iwill not cuddle. But I will
certainly support. So we'regoing to some of that is going
(38:08):
to be coming into the poses. Andhere might be an example of
maybe that ebb and flow with atree pose to get a feel for your
own body and recognize yourstrength and your grace, that
you're stronger than anything.
Look where you are today. You'vegone through it all you already
know, you know, you're alreadystrong. Recognize that. And
(38:28):
ultimately, what we'll do ispeel away the things that you've
you realize, okay, I'm just thatI'm ready to let it go. It's not
serving me and that way. It canalso be difficult because things
stay with us physically.
They're, they're part of usphysically. So our triggers
happen, just like that. Ourtriggers can be quick. But you
can get to the point where yousay, Oh, this happened a couple
times recently. And I say, okay,apparently I still have a little
(38:52):
bit of work to do when thatarea. So it becomes easier.
Yeah. You're not so hard onyourself. And then within that
process, we're finding thetools, the things that comfort
you that serve you and I'll giveyou an example with meditation.
When I say the word meditation,you're automatically going to
picture that pose. That crosslegged sitting down yoga, mudra
(39:12):
Hant, mudra pose. Well, manypeople are gonna say I can't
meditate, can't get into thatpose. Can't get my mind shut
off. No, it's not about makingyour mind blank. If you could
recognize those thoughts, youcan see those thoughts come in,
and you can breathe and you canwatch them, watch them flow out.
You can do that walking, you cando that sitting in your favorite
(39:35):
chair. You can do that. doinglaps in your pool. It has to be
something that serves you thatyou're coming to your breath,
you're coming back to yourself.
And as you're practicing how todetermine these things that are
right for you. That helps yousay okay, what's next? What's
what else is right for me? Andwith each step that you take the
(39:56):
response it's the people say,Oh, confidence comes first now
Courage comes first. Competencedoes not come first. Yeah,
Courage comes first. Yeah,action, and then the confidence
so that each time you dosomething, then the response is
what's next? What's next? Yeah.
And that's all part of theprocess. And it's a little, it's
going to be a little bitdifferent, obviously, because
(40:20):
every single person isdifferent. But it's going to be
the tools of doing that dig,doing the restorative yoga, and
then helping you find, whereaswhere else can you find that
stillness and quiet in yourlife, so that you can come back
to you when you need to, andstay grounded more than not. And
then begin to see where you mayalready be passing it on, if you
(40:43):
do have children. Or maybe youjust want to change something
else in the world. And you wantto share differently and with
someone else, or others, orhowever,
Jamie Stephens (40:55):
you know, one of the things I've heard you say a
couple of times. And it's seemslike a theme is the way you're
talking about. Everyone isindividual, everyone has their
own body, everyone has their ownperception, everyone has their
own mind, everyone has their ownjourney. And I mean, all of
(41:16):
those are true. I just feellike, I know, some of the times
whenever we teach things, or youknow what, in this line of work,
like you're drawn to the thingsthat the lessons you need to
learn and the things that you'vehad to repeat. So is that
something that you struggledwith, like maybe as part of your
(41:37):
marriage or, or like feelinglike, like you were in a role
that maybe wasn't for you, orlike in that cookie cutter type?
Feel? I mean, like, does thatfeel like a box that you were in
for a while. And that's why it'sso important now to make sure
that everything is so adaptiveto each individual, like with
(42:00):
what you're doing.
Kathleen McDermott (42:02):
I've always and I can remember back even as
a little girl, fighting thestatus quo, not understanding
why but fighting the status quo.
But I still fell into thosebecause I was an only child. So
my dad was very, let's just sayover protective. So I still
guess fell into that this is theway things are supposed to be
(42:22):
you're supposed to you know, youget married, you're the wife,
you're the mother, and you dothese things, and you and I
struggled to feel comfortableand making my own choices. And
it was an ebb and flow of bothof us. I'm never going to say it
was an epic Diplo of both is towhy the marriage did not work.
So it sure you know, I want tomake that very clear. Right. But
(42:46):
yes, and not understanding. Ihad no idea what I was going to
physically and had some of thatphysical that was actually
hormonal. And I know I wasreally out of whack. Well, a lot
more than just perimenopause.
And you know, trying to getdoctors to listen to you and all
that. That's a whole otherballgame. Very difficult. But
(43:07):
anyways, I had no idea what wasgoing on inside me. And I knew I
wanted to do I knew I neededsomething different. I knew I
wanted something more somethingbut I had no idea why. And it
wasn't that I wanted out of mymarriage. It wasn't that at all.
I was just fighting somethinginside me. And how I felt in the
world that this there was thispicture, and I didn't want to
fit into it that way. Yeah. Doesthat help answer it's very hard
(43:31):
to put into the right words,because I don't want to go into
depths of my marriage because Ihave a great respect. Yeah, I
have a respect for for him andmy sons.
Jamie Stephens (43:40):
Of course, and I didn't mean Oh, no, no, more of
like, big theme. Like, this issomething that I've had to deal
with over and over of being putin this box that I don't
necessarily want to be in
Kathleen McDermott (43:53):
society does. That's what society does.
And if we don't know, ascouples, and we don't have that
conversation ahead of time is tohelp each other continue to
grow. If we haven't dealt withour stuff, we can't help each
other grow. We can't because wedon't know how to grow
ourselves. Yeah. And so it is abox and it's a generational box.
(44:15):
It's a societal box, you know,and, and I'm really over it, I'm
really I'm done. And I'm over itfor other It breaks my heart
when I see women, and I knowsome that are very close to me.
And I'll ask the question, acouple of different questions.
(44:35):
So depending on who it is, butone question is what are you
running from what are youavoiding? Slow down? What are
you avoiding? I don't know,well, when you got to figure it
out, because ultimately, there'sgoing to come a day when you're
gonna regret and we don't wantto have those regrets in what
the number one regret andpeople's deathbeds is I did not
live life on my terms. And youhave my mom cut touched The most
(45:00):
beautiful soul, but she is ofthat generation. And she was the
way she her history is I do foreverybody else. I'm not, I'm not
worthy. I'm not. Yeah, that justsends me because you are no less
than anyone else. There isn't asingle person out there that is
less than anyone else. And wewomen have these tales that we
(45:20):
have in our mind these storiesthat we are less than we don't
deserve. We have to serve, whilewe can serve, but we can serve
ourselves too. And it is notselfish to live your life,
through the dreams and joys andpeace that you want and need and
deserve. It isn't and you're nottaking away from anyone else.
You're not hurting your kids,you're not hurting your, your
(45:42):
spouse or your partner, all thepeople close to you, you're
actually helping them, let themsee through you that it's
possible, be the person to showthem that it's possible to live
your life your way. But youreally you're teaching them to
be free.
Jamie Stephens (45:58):
No, I get it.
Whenever you start to do thatwork, and you start to take back
that power and you start to takewhat? Let's just be frank, like
what men just expect, you know,I mean, it's, oh, no, I can do
that, too. The more that there'sthese women that are doing that,
and claiming that and puttingourselves first. So that we can
(46:18):
serve, you know, it's not likethis act of selfishness. It's
like, okay, I'm gonna put on myface mask, my oxygen mask, so
that I can help those around me.
And I think that somehow societyhas led us to believe that
putting on our oxygen mask firstas women is unacceptable. And so
(46:41):
breaking well said, all of thosenorms. And like, that's hard
shit like that. It's hard work.
Yes. Especially if you're thefirst in a family or the first
and like a friend circle, likeall of those things. It's that's
a lot of pressure and a lot ofundoing. And yeah, I get fired
up about that stuff, too.
(47:03):
Because it's like, well, no, I'mdone living that way. I'm done.
Thinking that me putting myselffirst is selfish. Because if I'm
putting you first or if you'reputting you for, like, it's not
selfish of me to put my needsabove yours, like if everybody
did that as a whole, and tookcare of themselves first. I
(47:26):
mean, how much better would webe as a society?
Kathleen McDermott (47:28):
Right? Great question.
Jamie Stephens (47:31):
Right? I mean, it's like, solve yourself.
Kathleen McDermott (47:33):
And I'll say it, you you are not responsible
for my successes, my failures,my health, my dreams. They're my
responsibility. They're myresponsibility. And I just want
to be the example for my kids,for my grandkids for those
around me to say that, yes, youcan. You can, too. I did it. And
if I did it, yes, you can do.
Jamie Stephens (47:55):
Exactly. There's a lot of power in that.
Kathleen McDermott (47:58):
And I love doing.
Jamie Stephens (48:00):
Yeah. Tell me about how you're helping women
now and how people can work withyou.
Kathleen McDermott (48:08):
I have my website, which is your legacy
designer.com. And I do have aCalendly schedule on there. I
have no problem with peoplereaching out to me directly. If
it's just as easy to reach meand a DM on Facebook or
Instagram. On Instagram, it'scat Mc d nine, nine. Just reach
(48:28):
out, I'm very easy to talk to Ihate to be pressured. So the
last thing I do is pressureanybody else. Just want to have
a conversation and see if thisis the right time for you. If
this is the right program foryou, if we are the right fit.
It's just a very easyconversation. And I love to work
via zoom. I hear people say, Oh,I'm so sick. Well, I'm still I
(48:51):
love zoom. It's made I lovebeing able to reach out and be
able to see face to face withpeople on this way. Across the
world. Yeah, so it's a beautifulthing. I do have programs that
are simply our nervous systemwellness wellness plan that
includes the stress reductionthrough restorative yoga.
Sometimes folks aren't ready tomake that journey yet. But they
(49:12):
do want the stress reduction. Sowe do I do offer programs that
are just strictly therestorative yoga. And I will
offer a small if someone wantsto work on to something small.
With the restorative, we can dothat because I find I can never
just do yoga without doing alittle bit of support. It's just
this not me to do I just can'thelp myself. But then I offer
(49:36):
programs based on a three or sixmonth program. Gotcha. So but
yeah, and I'm really right nowdoing one on ones but I'm really
looking forward to getting backinto doing groups. I stopped my
group programs when I moved fromupstate New York to South
Carolina. So I'm looking to getthe group started again, because
that's it's fun to work togetherin a group. Yeah. And watch
(49:56):
people feed off each other. It'sa beautiful thing. Yeah,
Jamie Stephens (49:59):
that's exciting.
But if you want
Kathleen McDermott (50:01):
to email me at your legacy@gmail.com, and my
podcast is your life your way,and you can find that at your
life your way podcast.com
Jamie Stephens (50:11):
And I will link all of that in the show notes in
case anybody's driving, youdon't have to pull over to write
that stuff down. But thank youso much for your time. I've
really enjoyed this conversationtoday.
Kathleen McDermott (50:21):
Me too.
Thank you so much for having me.
I'm very honored and pleased.
Thank you so much.
Jamie Stephens (50:27):
Thanks so much to Kathleen for being on the
show. It was such a greatopportunity to reflect on my own
legacy that I've been doing workon as well. If you want more of
Kathleen, go check out herpodcast your life your way where
I was a guest on her show thispast week as well. But some of
the key takeaways from thisepisode are number one, embrace
(50:47):
your multi passionate self. Bytrying lots of different things
you discover a lot aboutyourself your likes and
dislikes. From this exploration,you can start to hone in on the
things that bring you happinessand fulfillment. Number two,
practice what you preach. Whenyou're coaching, teaching or
advising clients often become amirror for things that have
challenged us in the past whenthings are feeling tough.
(51:10):
Remember your own advice. Numberthree, ditch all the shoulds are
you living for you? Or are youliving based on the expectations
of others and how they believeyou should be every time you
hear yourself saying the wordshould pause to examine where
that's coming from. Number four,don't force it. As in yoga as in
(51:31):
life. Forcing yourself into apose or position that is
painful, is not bringing anyoneany value. It's not going to
help you physically, mentally orspiritually move toward what
feels good to you. Number five,consider your legacy. Break the
Cycle of unwanted patterns beingpassed down as part of your
legacy. It's hard work butwithout it the same shit gets
(51:55):
passed on to your children andgrandchildren. Number six, dig
deep. unearth the things fromyour past that are causing you
to behave in unwanted waystoday. When you do this and
start the curious inquiry youcan begin to separate yourself
from what are your reactionsversus what you've inherited.
And number seven, put youroxygen mask on first. It's not
(52:18):
selfish to care for yourselfbefore you care for others.
Remember, you can show up morefully when your own needs are
met. Okay, thank you friend forbeing here. That's it for this
week. And that is actually mylast interview of season one.
And what an uplifting note toend on. I really enjoyed my
conversation with Kathleen butbe sure to tune in next week for
the season one wrap up and tohear more about what's coming
(52:40):
next. I am so thankful that youhave been on this journey with
me. Go check out the show notesfor all of Kathleen's links and
let her guide you in creatingyour own legacy. If you've
enjoyed this episode or any ofthe episodes this season, please
take a couple of minutes andhelp more women find this show
by leaving a rating and reviewon Apple or Spotify. Until next
week. Find me on Instagram atJamie Renee
because we are all different, just as if
(00:02):
you look at a skeleton ofmultiple skeletons and you look
at all their hip bones, youknow, they're all going to be a
little bit different in yogaposes, because their bones are
just different. Well, same withour journey we are all
different. We are allexperiencing the life in our own
way. And a lot of times sadly,we're experiencing life through
the light to the foods that werethat was a subconscious flower,
(00:23):
universal mistake, Freudian,Freudian slip vessel, but living
the lies that we have been toldand led to believe of how we
should live our life and how weshould lead.
Jamie Stephens (00:38):
Thanks for tuning in to another episode of
Breaking up with corporate eachweek I chat with everyday women
that ditch their nine to five tobet on themselves. We break down
their journey intoentrepreneurship, unpack the
lessons learned and create thevision of how this life gets to
be if you're willing to getuncomfortable and step into your
potential. I'm your host, JamieRenee, to time corporate escapee
(01:01):
and coach to burnout womenlooking to plan their escape.
Let's go.
Hello, and welcome back toanother episode of Breaking up
with corporate today I haveKathleen McDermott. And Kathleen
is a stress and lifestylemanagement coach, a restorative
and adaptive yoga guide, aspeaker and fellow podcaster,
(01:24):
who is passionate about helpingwomen build a legacy. Kathleen,
welcome to the show.
Kathleen McDermott (01:30):
Thank you, Jamie, I'm very happy to be here
and very thrilled and honoredthat you invited me.
Jamie Stephens (01:34):
Yeah, I'm excited for you to be here too.
I know that you have been out ofcorporate for a while. But
you've had an interestingjourney that I want to get into
today. So if you want to startby just giving us a little bit
of background of kind of whatyou were doing before you became
a lifestyle and stressmanagement coach,
Kathleen McDermott (01:55):
but I am what you would call a multi
passionate person. And I'venever been one who has felt that
I could be in a corporateposition for like my dad was he
retired, he was there for 3040years. And I just never felt me.
So I have dipped my toe intomany things through the years.
And I wanted to say most of ithas been sales of some kind. But
(02:19):
I never felt fulfilled. Andprobably one of the well then I
was very blessed to have twinsons. And that changed. Of
course, I stopped working for awhile because I was a wreck
every day going to work. I was awreck. So I stayed home with the
boys for a while and thenultimately wanted to do
(02:41):
something that fit theirschedule. And I actually became
a school bus driver for a fewyears actually, for 10 years. I
did not have that. Oh, that wasthat was fulfilling. It was
difficult work. It was veryhard. There's days I wanted to
bang my head against the window.
But it some days others. But Iloved it. I loved my middle high
kids. They were awesome. Andmost of my little ones were but
(03:05):
it was just I look at that as itwas part of my journey. Because
when my boys were about threeyears old, I started practicing
yoga. And I just fell in lovewith how that made me feel.
Yeah, so as both kind ofprogressed together. And I began
to do my own tank training ofbecoming a yoga teacher, but I
(03:26):
wanted to do it differently. Isee everybody is just being who
they are. And everybody has beengifted with this life. And we
don't live it based on our ownterms. Too many of us don't live
it on our own terms and justkind of all flow together and
taking that experience of ofsales, which I respect and love.
(03:47):
And people say well, you'restill doing sales, and I am but
it's in a different way. It'sfor me it's total service. And
if I can have a conversationwith someone and at least give
them something to take away.
Yeah, then then I'm happy. But Itake it all as being the path
that brought me to where I amtoday. Every bit of it.
Jamie Stephens (04:10):
Yeah, I've had kind of a multi passionate
journey myself. So I can totallyrelate to all the different
things that seem like totallyunrelated, like how they kind of
intertwine and weave into yourstory in your journey and just
kind of add to that richness ofwhat you bring to the table. So
Kathleen McDermott (04:29):
that's a beautiful word richness. I like
that.
Jamie Stephens (04:31):
Yeah, it's I mean, it just implies that it's
like you're, it's just more it'sjust more into what you enjoy
and what you like, you know,just kind of following those
pieces where they go and I justlove it.
Kathleen McDermott (04:46):
But I will add you find out what your
deadline is? For sure for sure.
Jamie Stephens (04:50):
You know, it's very good at I know what I don't
want more so than I know what Iwant sometimes. So it's really
easy to help make thosedecisions where you go into it
and you're like Oh yeah, we'llgive this a try. And you're
like, oh, no, no moving on. Sotell me a little bit about your,
your yoga journey. So youstarted whenever your boys were
(05:11):
three. And so they are grownadults, they have one of them
has a baby of their own. Yeah,you know, you've been doing that
a long time. So how did you getinto that? I mean, you said,
it's for adaptive, like, tell mekind of your journey on that.
Kathleen McDermott (05:30):
I wanted to teach, I had been taking my own
classes and having my ownpractice. And I hear so often,
and you probably have as well,maybe you've said it yourself,
Oh, I can't do yoga. And I kepthearing that I kept hearing
people say it. And I canremember being in certain
classes with certain instructorsthat would try to put me into
(05:52):
where they thought I should be.
And it's called assists. Andthey can be very dangerous, to
try to force someone intophysically into a position that
is not right for them. So Iwanted to teach differently, I
want to learn differently. So Ilearned to teach adaptively,
which means to use whatever, itcould be a chair, it could be a
bolster, a block a strap, itcould be a wall, it could be
(06:15):
your kitchen counter, it's aboutbecause everyone's journey is
different. And yoga is we all weall always think that when you
hear Yoga, you think the pose,and that's just one, one segment
of yoga, yoga is your journey.
It's your it's your journey ofself discovery, right. And if
(06:35):
you're trying to put yourselfinto a pose, that number one
isn't yours physically, becauseyour bones are different, you
might have a physical challenge,or it's just not meant for your
journey to figure out what iswhat, who you are, where you're
going, what you need. On and onand on. So I learned, I learned
(06:57):
differently. And that was justwhat a door opener whatever
window Wide World opening. Itwas. Because when I was
teaching, and even though I hadmet in the class, there was
something about the women andwhat I could see. And I feel
it's, it's a gift to be able tobe intuitive, and to look at
(07:21):
what was happening to somethingwas happening between them in
certain poses that they mighthave been in at the time. So
with certain poses, if they werestruggling, the question to ask
is, Is it physical pain? Becausewe absolutely want to go there
first, how can we make it morecomfortable physically for you?
Or are you fighting something?
Are you fighting the pose? Then?
(07:44):
Do we want to leave you whereyou are? Do we want to add a
block? Do we want to changesomething up? What do you need?
It's not where I think youshould be. Tell me what is going
on. And let's see. And that justbegan to grow. Yeah, and it was
so beautiful to watch. Sometimesthey would be in a particular
pose, in the class itself couldbe in the next one or two poses.
(08:09):
But they were just there, andthey needed to be there. And
that's okay. Because quite oftenwhen we're off our mat, we're
not where we really want to be.
And we have to know how tonavigate that Evan, you know,
ebb and flow through the changesin our life. So that was what
really opened the door when Irealized that more was going on,
I thought. And as I began toreally learn and Google Pay
(08:32):
attention, what's going on inthe world, I realized that it
really was blossoming into acoaching practice as well. I
decided to take thosecertifications. Right, and it
just grew, and I absolutely feelit chose me. It's a calling. And
when I really knew that it wasis when what the universe said,
(08:52):
Okay? You're doing really wellat this and you really like it.
So now I'm going to knock you onyour arse, more than once, more
than twice. And if you getthrough it, kudos, you know,
good for you, then you cancontinue. And having twins is a
beautiful thing. But they bothleave at the same time I've ever
(09:13):
thought there's that instantgone, empty nest. And you have
to ask yourself always as well,in that half what we do ask
ourselves, who am I now there?
Who's going to be watching now?
Who's protecting them now? Whoam I if I'm not being they're
being physically being theirmother? And that was a bit
(09:34):
interesting. That was hard. Thatwas hard? Well, I
Jamie Stephens (09:40):
think as a mom, I mean, our tendency is to just
like, go all in. Yeah. Whetherit's for our children, our
spouse are everybody butourselves is usually how we're
trained. And then I think as youget older and maybe have a
couple of crises under yourbelt, you got to start just see
like, Oh, I'm gonna have to takecare of me now. Or like, this is
(10:05):
not gonna work. I never thoughtabout like, everything happening
all at the same time. You don'thave any other children in the
house, right? It's it was justthem and then once they were
Kathleen McDermott (10:15):
older and and then on top of that it was
we we had the boys later in lifeI was we actually went to
fertility treatments because Ihad had trouble getting
pregnant. So it was a bit olderwhen I had the boys. And the
reason come to find out whywasn't getting pregnant pregnant
is I ended up going into earlyperimenopause like my mother
did. And so then you have raginghormones on top of everything
(10:38):
else. And then ultimately, myworst and biggest trauma was
going through a divorce, whichnow I know is the best thing for
me, for us. But the time Ididn't know. So with all of
that, I had to decide if it wasworking for my clients. Practice
what I was preaching. Yeah. Sowhether that was the I think it
(11:00):
was the ultimate combination ofgiving me permission to continue
and to do this work.
Jamie Stephens (11:05):
Obviously, that's not what are. Our goals
are, you know, it's like, it'snot like you go into marriage
wanting to you know, have thatoutcome. But the way that you
can show up for the people thatyou're serving with that
empathy, and with thatexperience yourself knowing that
you know, what you need, at thetime, whether it be physical, or
(11:26):
whether it be emotional, likethat changes every single day,
and being able to have thatempathy and to have that kind of
insight and intuition withpeople deepened by your own
struggles that you have. I mean,I can imagine that there's a
silver lining in there for herfor beneficials.
Kathleen McDermott (11:43):
There is and it's even though i i can say,
okay, yes, I've been there. Andwe can have 235 10 women in the
room, we've all gone through adivorce, but every single one of
us would have gone to itdifferently in their own way and
felt it in their own way. Andthen needs to be honored. And I
don't want to come to someoneand say, Oh, here's these five,
six steps do these and you're,you know, you're all good to go.
(12:06):
Because we are all different,just as if you look at a
skeleton of multiple skeletons,and you look at all their hip
bones, you know, they're allgoing to be a little bit
different in yoga poses, becausetheir bones are just different.
Well, same with our journey, weare all different. We are all
experiencing the life in our ownway. And a lot of times sadly,
we're experiencing life throughthe lie to the foods that were
(12:27):
that was a subconscious flower,universal mistake, Freudian,
Freudian slip vessel, but livingthe lies that we've been told,
and led to believe of how weshould live our life and how we
should be. And that really getsme on my soapbox.
Jamie Stephens (12:47):
Yeah, the shoulds. I mean, that's like,
I've really become aware of thatover probably just the last
year, year and a half of all ofthe shoulds. And the, I need to
do this, I should be doing this.
So and then it's like, reallyjust stopping to check yourself
and be like, really? Is thatwhat I want to do? Is that what
(13:10):
is going to move the needleforward? Or is that just
something that I'm expected todo? Because I'm done with those,
you know, that I'm done with,like, all of that junk? And I
think until you kind of start topay very close attention to
that, like your words and howlike your thoughts that are
showing up? Just will continueto rob you of what you want out
(13:32):
of life? Because you're doingwhat everybody else says you
should do. You know, and I getthat.
Kathleen McDermott (13:41):
My question is, whose life are you living?
Are you living? Your mother'syour father's your your friends
in school, your your church,your society? I call them
generational and societalcurses. Yeah, they're just
passed on the day, the day thatsay that, Oh, you should wear
white after Labor Day. Watch me.
For that they are the curses.
(14:04):
It's that perception ofperfection, which is a whole
other conversation.
Jamie Stephens (14:11):
Yeah, like,
Kathleen McDermott (14:12):
battles.
Yeah, we take these layers onand we just cover to our, from
the time we are born, it starts.
And all these layers just beginto cover up who we really are.
And it can be very difficult todo what you're exactly you're
saying is you're taking a lookat it now. And you're saying way
I'm done with that. It's veryhard to do that. If you come to
(14:34):
that process, and once you startit. Wow. Then once you have that
realization that hey, thesearen't my thoughts. These aren't
and then the work really begins.
Jamie Stephens (14:45):
Confirmed.
Because yeah, all of that juststarts to unravel. Do you think
that your yoga journey when youstarted well, let me back up for
a second. When you started youryoga journey wasn't or as like,
exercise practice, like awellness practice? Or did you
understand like the emotionalbenefits at the time, like when
(15:08):
you first started,
Kathleen McDermott (15:12):
I have to be perfectly honest, the boys were
three, when I went to my firstyoga class, and they are now 28.
To two, remember what I wasthinking and feeling at that
particular time as to why whenin I would probably say, knowing
myself as I do, it was amultitude of reasons. The
ultimate goal, I don't know if Ihad one. Gotcha. I just know
(15:35):
that it, it began to be a, I'vebeen a bit of a man, I'm a Leo,
I'm half Italian. I'm a strongpersonality, I'm an AI. And I've
been that way since I waslittle. And I can remember
fighting, and not understandingwhat I was fighting or why I was
fighting, but knowing thatthings weren't right for me. And
my poor dad, I think I put out asocial media post today who
(15:58):
thought me and my mom and justmy poor dad, He'll vouch for the
fact of what a fighter in justtrying to build a rebel just
wanting to be against thingsthat were I don't like the
status quo, stop telling me whatto do. That's the bottom line.
Right. But I think the yogapractice helped take that on a
(16:20):
different path, maybe a moregentler path. But it took a lot
of time. And even though it wasalready helping me so the years
and I began teaching, and whenwas and I was helping, holding
space, I like to call it holdingspace for for women to find
their way. It's it's hard to putit into words. But if you're in,
alright, look at it this way. Ifyou're in line somewhere, and
(16:43):
you're stressed, you're waiting,and you've got to get home, you
got to get this not to do that,to me is life off the map. And
what is happening there, youtake on the map. And once you're
on your mat, it almost gives youan okay to just breathe. Yeah.
And is a type A personality whowalks onto their mat that is
hard for them to do. So with mygetting a feel, and seeing
(17:09):
people that were next to me whenI was just another student in
classes they were and I'm stillanother student in class,
because we always are watchingthem watching myself feeling the
whole process, the teachers, theinstructors, it all just helped
me grow. I didn't understand it.
And really the depths of it atthe time. And that's the honest
(17:29):
truth. I really didn't. But I donow.
Jamie Stephens (17:33):
I don't remember if I was telling you or not. But
I actually started my yogajourney on the Wii Fit, like the
little Nintendo. Tell me Yes,yes, you did. But it was like,
You're right. It was that onetime like, as a mom to where you
were just stopping long enoughto where it's like, okay, I'm
claiming this time as my own.
And it's like, it helped me withthe poses, and my balance and
(17:55):
all of that. And then, you know,it just continued to grow
through there. But I didn'trealize that at the time, the
emotional benefits from justslowing down and pausing and
being in those poses and holdingthose poses. And, you know, it's
just all the junk that comes up.
(18:15):
And I mean, you were you're justkind of like, not expecting it
from like a quote unquote,exercise. You know, yeah. I was
just curious about how thatstarted. If if everybody goes
into it just for the wellnesspart, and then they stumble
upon, like the mental healthbenefits of it, or if some
people actually go into it, youknow, knowing the full benefits
(18:37):
of it.
Kathleen McDermott (18:37):
And it's a very good question. Even the men
in my class, although I wouldhave to say most of them came in
initially for the healthbenefit, physical benefit. They
were very open and sharing thatit was it ended up being more
than that. It was definitelymore than that. When you're in a
class, and you're watchingothers put themselves in poses,
(19:01):
and let's face it, when you hearYoga, you automatically or you
see pictures of yoga poses, yousee those, and I'm using finger
quotes, close and perfect poses.
They're perfect for theindividual that is following
their path in them. But they'renot necessarily mine and
unnecessarily yours. And if youare in a pose, it's hurting you
(19:22):
that you're that you're notcomfortable and physically, it's
not going to help youemotionally spiritually,
mentally, it's not going to helpyou at all or physically. Right.
And that hurts the whole entirejourney. And I think that is why
a lot of people walk out anddon't come back. And I've had
many people tell me that oh,yeah, I tried it. I just can't
(19:43):
do that. Or you know, I look atall those people in there and I
can't put myself into thosepretzel poses while you should
never have to write and whensomeone in please teachers mean
well, they mean well inassisting has been an old
process of teaching and itreally needs to go by the
wayside. because it is forcingsomeone to be where you as a
teacher think they should be,right. And that's why when I'm
(20:05):
also working with women, I am sonot telling you how to, I am to
help you find your how to. Andtree pose is a perfect example.
We think of that as a perfectpose. That stillness, that
rigid, hold, stiff breathe,don't breathe, where you're
(20:29):
supposed to breathe, but it'sjust that makes the whole body
tense. But if you're balancingyour we talked about ebb and
flow before you startedrecording, if your bottom of
your body, all four sides ofyour legs are strong, and you
have that, that safety, knowingthat you're grounded, and you're
safe, your upper body can be sorelaxed, and instead of being in
(20:49):
that stillness, we asked, wetalked ebb and flow, let your
body move with it. If they'relike, like the way the wind
blows through the trees, letyour body swear with it, don't
keep trying to fight it andbring it back. Because if you
want to do that, where I talkabout control issues, not that
you and I have any of those. Butit's a perfect way to and that's
(21:14):
how I use the poses to relate tolife and what you're going
through and where you want tobe. Right. And that ebb and flow
that you practice, in tree pose,or any type of I don't care if
it's a hedge in the front yard,if it's a mighty oak, it's
yours. How does that relate tooff the mat, and then you can
take that feeling and thosesensations and apply it to where
(21:36):
you might be fighting andwanting to control out here,
like the in Downward Facing Dog,if you're fighting, that's a
very, very strength buildingpost physically. But it's also a
very inner strength pose. So ifyou're fighting it, what are you
finding out here, therestorative poses, I don't feel
you can do the journey withouthaving you can't reduce stress
(21:59):
unless you have some stresstechniques, but you need to find
out what stress techniques workfor you. But if you're learning
to calm your nervous system,find some quiet and stillness,
come back to yourself, then youcan find the clarity to learn
and discover what path you wantto take for your things. Now,
for me, I love to ride my bike,I like to walk that might not be
(22:20):
yours. So what is yours. So it'sreally about coming back to
yourself in that stillness ofthe restorative, that ebb and
flow of in grounding andstrength and grace within your
body. So that you can use thatto create a new legacy. Because
we've spent enough time beingand doing how others think we
(22:41):
should have enough of that. Andwe don't want to pass that on to
our children, as it was passedon to us.
Jamie Stephens (22:49):
I really like how you just wrapped all that up
with like, the way that you canrelate yoga to your life and
kind of what's going on I I'lladmit, like I've never kind of
experienced that. So that Imean, not experienced it. But
I've never kind of put all thattogether. I like the way that I
can translate the things that Iknow into that same kind of
process outside. So thank youfor that.
Kathleen McDermott (23:13):
You're welcome. And you can take that
awareness and it doesn't have tonecessarily be a yoga pose. But
what would you compare it tothat fits your life?
Jamie Stephens (23:21):
Yeah, well, I do love yoga. I so I can relate to
all of those. But yeah. So let'stalk about legacy because I know
that is something that you arevery big on. Was it your divorce
that really kind of got youthinking about that? Or was it
happening before then?
Kathleen McDermott (23:39):
Now, it was definitely from the divorce
because I will say the thehardest thing if I had to pick
one thing that was the hardestfor me to admit to myself was
what was my role in the divorceevery time
Jamie Stephens (23:57):
every time that one
Kathleen McDermott (24:02):
took a while. Yeah, yeah, no, it's that
Leah will tell you her love themboth. But that was the biggest
thing and I used to legacy in myhistory was always what are you
leaving your kids? Now you leavein the house, you leave in the
investments you leave in thisthe rings that whatever you're
leaving is leaving tangible,right? That was in my mind
(24:25):
legacy. But as I realized, andadmitted what I was bringing,
which was all my stuff, you knowthat saying when you marry you
not only marry your spouse, butyou marry their family? Oh,
well, it goes way beyond that.
Jamie Stephens (24:44):
And all their generational trauma and
Kathleen McDermott (24:48):
yes, yes. So when you have a couple that
brings all their stuff to amarriage. And if you don't
realize you have that stuff, andhow to navigate it, man It
doesn't always work. So inadmitting my own role, and the
trauma that I was going through,and I had to reach that dark
(25:08):
point, so that I could reallychoose wisely and determine what
was most important to me. Andthat was Connor and Cameron.
Absolutely. And as I began to dothe work, which is not easy,
I'll never say it's easy, butit's worth it. I began to find
who I really was, stripped thelayers of crap I had been
carrying, and began to reallyexplore my life and how I wanted
(25:33):
to be. And I tell you, I loveit. This is the first of all
I've ever lived my life on myown, without someone telling me
anything. And I love it. Ireally do love it. But in the
process, my boys watched me atmy worst. They watched me and my
darkness. But they have watchedme come back. Yeah, they have
(25:55):
watched me grow. And we haveopen conversations about what I
see that we have passed to them.
And I'm very emphatic to say,Hey, you, you are not expected
to carry mine or your father'straumas. Those are ours, they
are not yours, this stops. Andwe have these conversations
(26:15):
about what their thoughts areabout things and how their
perceptions are. And they're,they're really good about
understanding what I'm sayingand that they don't need to
carry this stuff. Yeah. Now, andnow that I have a grandson, it's
even become more of just amission that I'm on to be the
best person that I can be. AndI'm not saying I will not use
(26:37):
the word perfect. You know, mymorning coffee, if it takes
great, that's perfect for me.
But there is, excuse me, in mymind, perfect as a as an
individual perception. And Iwill never be done doing the
work. But I want to be as bestdo the work to the best of my
ability. Because they'rewatching. Yeah. And when I began
(27:02):
to heal myself, I began to givethem the space to heal. And they
can continue to heal. And theydon't need to pass it on to
their children. Yeah. That isthe legacy. And I called them up
one day and I said, Okay,remember all the stuff I told
you I was leaving to Yeah, well,we're gonna talk about legacy,
because that's not what it's allabout. And they've been very
(27:25):
supportive. And the day that thetwo of them both on the same
day, it was Connors wedding day,when they both told me how proud
they were of me.
Jamie Stephens (27:33):
Did your little mama heart just melt? Oh,
Kathleen McDermott (27:36):
let me tell you I'm this is the first time
I've been able to say thatwithout crying. But it's it
makes it all worse, because Idon't want them to have the
pain. Yeah, I don't want mygrandkids to have the pain.
Yeah. Life is tough enough as itis.
Jamie Stephens (27:54):
Yeah. And you know, I mean, it's not that pain
is unavoidable in life. We allknow that. It's so
Kathleen McDermott (28:01):
narrow, but they don't want them to have
more. Right?
Jamie Stephens (28:03):
Exactly. You know, something you said, I'm
curious, because you were sayingyou were talking to them about
their perceptions, on differentthings and kind of things as
they grew up. And as you'redoing them now. So like, my
sister, for example, is fiveyears older than me. And
sometimes, we'll be talkingabout the same story. And it'll
seem like we are talking abouttwo totally different events.
(28:29):
Because, you know, she beingfive years old, or me being five
years younger. I mean, it's justlike, the gap and perception of
what's going on. And kind of theover arching theme of what's
happening. You know, she had alot more understanding about
events growing up than I did.
Whenever I'm thinking about someof the examples. Did you find
that your boys since they arethe same age, like had the same
(28:52):
perception on things? Or werethere instances where even as
you guys were talking alltogether, that they had a
different perspective, even fromeach other?
Kathleen McDermott (29:05):
was funny because some people say they're
twin. And so are they, first ofall, they're not identical.
They're fraternal. And I thinkeven if they were identical,
they're still their ownindividual soul, their own
individual person in many timesa very good question. And many
times they do have very similarperceptions. But for the most
part, they are who they are. Ican't speak for identicals. But
(29:26):
each individual human isexperienced life in their own
way. So even though they aretwins, they're still
experiencing their ownrelationship with Dave and I
that with each other, withseparate friends and
individuals, you know, friends,so they're experiencing life
(29:46):
differently, even though they'reof the same family. So I don't
think it's strange to havedifferent perceptions of the
same thing. Yeah. Because you'reprocessing life as it's
happening to you. And each oneof them they're each one of
their emotions. twins aredifferent in how they handle
their emotions and express theiremotions is different. And I
think it's kind of fun to seeyour, your sister must have some
(30:08):
great conversations. Yeah, Ithink
Jamie Stephens (30:10):
it's really interesting just because I'll be
like, Oh, well, whenever thiswhen this happened, and she's
like, oh, yeah, well, thishappened in mom's life. And this
had just happened. I'm like,Why? Because it adds just like
this whole other understandingof like, you know, me being
eight years old, didn'tunderstand, but her being 13,
she had, you know, differentlevel of understanding. So I was
(30:31):
just curious in thatconversation, like, if it was
more, if that's just an agething, or just, if it was closer
to having a similar perception,if they were closer in age, you
know, but you're right. I mean,everybody's the way they process
the way they experiences. Youknow, I used to think that I had
an effect, like on nature versusnurture, you know, where it's
(30:54):
like, oh, my kids will do youknow, this is before you had
kids. It's my kids will do XYZ,and it's like, oh, yeah, no,
they're individuals. They'll dowhat they want.
Kathleen McDermott (31:06):
Oh, yes, yes, you can
Jamie Stephens (31:08):
have a little bit of influence, but it's, it's
all them.
Kathleen McDermott (31:12):
And it's so fun to watch them grow. It is so
much fun. It is some stages infunner than others. And I used
to hate it when people say theterrible twos because to me,
there is no such thing. They'rejust trying to find their
Jamie Stephens (31:23):
way. Yeah. My eldest daughter is about to turn
two next month. And it is justit's like a grandbabies are just
like a whole other world. Imean,
Kathleen McDermott (31:35):
I'm still trying to wrap my brain around
it. And I was just well, youknow, I was, you know, I was
just there. And he is going tobe eight months old this month.
So he was seven months old. Andhe's learned how to hug already.
Oh, and he just and I thought,Oh, my God, I can't leave. How
do you leave. And he's just soin the dark, horrible want, you
know, the eggs, and he thinkshe's talking. And it's just so
(31:56):
Gosh, darn precious. And I stillfind it to be absolutely
amazing, bizarre, that one of mybabies and Connor was my, he was
the tiniest one and hit a littletrouble when he was born. And of
course, I'll never hear the endof that it was my fault. I
didn't react well to medicine.
So the Pitocin made me a littlesick, and it was hurting him.
(32:17):
But anyways, long story short,to see my baby have a baby now
just blows doesn't blow yourmind. I mean, it just blows my
mind.
Jamie Stephens (32:25):
Well, yes. And I mean, this is it's my
stepdaughter. But you know, Imean, it's so I, I was still her
mom whenever she was a baby. SoI didn't get but still it's
like, Oh, my goodness. I mean,we've my husband, I've been
married for 13 years. And soit's, it's still crazy, you
know, because she was I thinkshe had just turned 12 or 13
(32:45):
Whenever we got together. Soyeah, to see her with a baby.
And she's such a good mom. Soit's just so fun to watch and
just see your kids grow and allthe things, but it does, it
makes things like theconversations about just to
bring this full circle, youknow, the conversations about
legacy and the conversationsabout what we're passing on to
(33:05):
our children and grandchildren.
And that all of our crap, youknow, like, yeah, yeah, dealing
with it, and resolving it sothat you're not passing it on?
What are the some of the toolsthat you like to use to really
kind of process through some ofthat really old?
Kathleen McDermott (33:24):
trauma?
First of all, I always like tosay that I'm not a therapist. So
it was hard to put that outthere. Because there is that
area that needs to be, you know,professional. But as far as
processing, I always like tobegin with stress, physical
relief, which is therestorative, just introduce some
easy and somebody will go well,guy, I'm really trying to put
(33:47):
anything out of my day. Well, wehave a little, little, little
ways around that. But just tobegin that process of finding
that quiet and stillness,because if we're going into the
process of doing the work withall the noise and not knowing
how to block some of that noise,sometimes it can make it a
little bit tougher. So therestorative yoga itself is
always par. And that'severything I do is via zoom, and
(34:08):
less, it's not your local to me,but it's via zoom. So I always
go over at home props and thingslike that that can be used. So
the restorative is veryimportant in doing what I call
the deep dig, and looking at itnot harshly not with anger, not
with blame, but looking at thethoughts that we have and where
(34:28):
did they come from? Where are wehonest, taken an honest look at
where they come from? And Iremember certain things I felt
that well, that was by the way,my dad thought but you know,
that's not the way that I think.
And that's okay. So we do we dothat and we look at things as to
whether how deep they are. Andwe need to separate what's the
deep stuff from history, andwhat's just surface stuff, like
(34:52):
day to day stuff, and then issome of that deep stuff the
cause of that. But there is adifference between stuff that's
just in our day. Lee, you're notgetting the kids packed lunches
and off and stuff like that. Sowe look at that, and we do an
honest to God, deep dig as towhat is not working for you? And
why where did it come from?
Where did it start? How who, andthat opens the door to
(35:14):
forgiveness. Because you have anunderstanding that it's no one's
fault. Because it's just beenthe process of generations and
societies to how we think thingsshould be. So it's not about
blame, and being angry, but it'sabout forgiveness of everyone,
historically, generations back,and also of yourself, because
(35:35):
you didn't know. Yeah. Once weknow that's a whole different
ballgame.
Jamie Stephens (35:41):
So what if somebody has a lot of resistance
to understanding or tapping intowhere that stuff came from? I
don't want to venture into thetherapist room to where we're
talking about that kind oftrauma, but like, just kind of
understanding? I mean, I don'tknow, I feel like sometimes I'll
try to think of where did thatcome from, like some thoughts
(36:03):
that I just am observing, andlike, I can't seem to pinpoint
it back or there seems to beresistance around going back to
the thought or where it camefrom? Do you have people that
experience that? Or how do youhelp them through that.
Kathleen McDermott (36:17):
And I would say one of the areas that big
areas that it comes from is, islittle girl talk. So it's about
having a conversation with thatlittle girl. For some reason.
Even though we had a lot of goodhappen in our lives, as little
girls with the yucky stuff seemsto stay more to the forefront.
Yeah, so there is the talk withthat little girl. And it's
(36:40):
funny, because in my work astalking to my little girl, and
letting her know, she's safe.
And I and my relationship withmy mom, my mom lives with mom or
caregiver. And we just have awonderful time together most of
the time. But then I have toremember that sometimes I'm
dealing with her little girltrauma. So it's about
understanding that and weactually have conversations with
(37:02):
that little girl, I don't youdo, I have my own, you have your
own. But it's really about goingback and looking at that and
letting know that you're paststuff that you're safe now. And
I look at myself as as more butthree, the little girl, the
woman who was married and who Iam now. They're all still a part
of me. So we look at that. Andif you're resisting it, I can
(37:25):
only do so much I can I cancomfort and support and make you
feel as I hope create a spacethat you feel safe in to really
take a look at things. But ifit's to the point where it's
that you need professionaltherapy, that's one thing, if
you're just fighting it, andyou're just not ready, that's
(37:46):
another thing. And I respectthat you've got you have to be
ready. Yeah, you have to havehad enough and you're ready. But
I do have a lot of patients inthat area. Because it's your
path. It's your journey. And Iwill not cuddle. But I will
certainly support. So we'regoing to some of that is going
(38:08):
to be coming into the poses. Andhere might be an example of
maybe that ebb and flow with atree pose to get a feel for your
own body and recognize yourstrength and your grace, that
you're stronger than anything.
Look where you are today. You'vegone through it all you already
know, you know, you're alreadystrong. Recognize that. And
(38:28):
ultimately, what we'll do ispeel away the things that you've
you realize, okay, I'm just thatI'm ready to let it go. It's not
serving me and that way. It canalso be difficult because things
stay with us physically.
They're, they're part of usphysically. So our triggers
happen, just like that. Ourtriggers can be quick. But you
can get to the point where yousay, Oh, this happened a couple
times recently. And I say, okay,apparently I still have a little
(38:52):
bit of work to do when thatarea. So it becomes easier.
Yeah. You're not so hard onyourself. And then within that
process, we're finding thetools, the things that comfort
you that serve you and I'll giveyou an example with meditation.
When I say the word meditation,you're automatically going to
picture that pose. That crosslegged sitting down yoga, mudra
(39:12):
Hant, mudra pose. Well, manypeople are gonna say I can't
meditate, can't get into thatpose. Can't get my mind shut
off. No, it's not about makingyour mind blank. If you could
recognize those thoughts, youcan see those thoughts come in,
and you can breathe and you canwatch them, watch them flow out.
You can do that walking, you cando that sitting in your favorite
(39:35):
chair. You can do that. doinglaps in your pool. It has to be
something that serves you thatyou're coming to your breath,
you're coming back to yourself.
And as you're practicing how todetermine these things that are
right for you. That helps yousay okay, what's next? What's
what else is right for me? Andwith each step that you take the
(39:56):
response it's the people say,Oh, confidence comes first now
Courage comes first. Competencedoes not come first. Yeah,
Courage comes first. Yeah,action, and then the confidence
so that each time you dosomething, then the response is
what's next? What's next? Yeah.
And that's all part of theprocess. And it's a little, it's
going to be a little bitdifferent, obviously, because
(40:20):
every single person isdifferent. But it's going to be
the tools of doing that dig,doing the restorative yoga, and
then helping you find, whereaswhere else can you find that
stillness and quiet in yourlife, so that you can come back
to you when you need to, andstay grounded more than not. And
then begin to see where you mayalready be passing it on, if you
(40:43):
do have children. Or maybe youjust want to change something
else in the world. And you wantto share differently and with
someone else, or others, orhowever,
Jamie Stephens (40:55):
you know, one of the things I've heard you say a
couple of times. And it's seemslike a theme is the way you're
talking about. Everyone isindividual, everyone has their
own body, everyone has their ownperception, everyone has their
own mind, everyone has their ownjourney. And I mean, all of
(41:16):
those are true. I just feellike, I know, some of the times
whenever we teach things, or youknow what, in this line of work,
like you're drawn to the thingsthat the lessons you need to
learn and the things that you'vehad to repeat. So is that
something that you struggledwith, like maybe as part of your
(41:37):
marriage or, or like feelinglike, like you were in a role
that maybe wasn't for you, orlike in that cookie cutter type?
Feel? I mean, like, does thatfeel like a box that you were in
for a while. And that's why it'sso important now to make sure
that everything is so adaptiveto each individual, like with
(42:00):
what you're doing.
Kathleen McDermott (42:02):
I've always and I can remember back even as
a little girl, fighting thestatus quo, not understanding
why but fighting the status quo.
But I still fell into thosebecause I was an only child. So
my dad was very, let's just sayover protective. So I still
guess fell into that this is theway things are supposed to be
(42:22):
you're supposed to you know, youget married, you're the wife,
you're the mother, and you dothese things, and you and I
struggled to feel comfortableand making my own choices. And
it was an ebb and flow of bothof us. I'm never going to say it
was an epic Diplo of both is towhy the marriage did not work.
So it sure you know, I want tomake that very clear. Right. But
(42:46):
yes, and not understanding. Ihad no idea what I was going to
physically and had some of thatphysical that was actually
hormonal. And I know I wasreally out of whack. Well, a lot
more than just perimenopause.
And you know, trying to getdoctors to listen to you and all
that. That's a whole otherballgame. Very difficult. But
(43:07):
anyways, I had no idea what wasgoing on inside me. And I knew I
wanted to do I knew I neededsomething different. I knew I
wanted something more somethingbut I had no idea why. And it
wasn't that I wanted out of mymarriage. It wasn't that at all.
I was just fighting somethinginside me. And how I felt in the
world that this there was thispicture, and I didn't want to
fit into it that way. Yeah. Doesthat help answer it's very hard
(43:31):
to put into the right words,because I don't want to go into
depths of my marriage because Ihave a great respect. Yeah, I
have a respect for for him andmy sons.
Jamie Stephens (43:40):
Of course, and I didn't mean Oh, no, no, more of
like, big theme. Like, this issomething that I've had to deal
with over and over of being putin this box that I don't
necessarily want to be in
Kathleen McDermott (43:53):
society does. That's what society does.
And if we don't know, ascouples, and we don't have that
conversation ahead of time is tohelp each other continue to
grow. If we haven't dealt withour stuff, we can't help each
other grow. We can't because wedon't know how to grow
ourselves. Yeah. And so it is abox and it's a generational box.
(44:15):
It's a societal box, you know,and, and I'm really over it, I'm
really I'm done. And I'm over itfor other It breaks my heart
when I see women, and I knowsome that are very close to me.
And I'll ask the question, acouple of different questions.
(44:35):
So depending on who it is, butone question is what are you
running from what are youavoiding? Slow down? What are
you avoiding? I don't know,well, when you got to figure it
out, because ultimately, there'sgoing to come a day when you're
gonna regret and we don't wantto have those regrets in what
the number one regret andpeople's deathbeds is I did not
live life on my terms. And youhave my mom cut touched The most
(45:00):
beautiful soul, but she is ofthat generation. And she was the
way she her history is I do foreverybody else. I'm not, I'm not
worthy. I'm not. Yeah, that justsends me because you are no less
than anyone else. There isn't asingle person out there that is
less than anyone else. And wewomen have these tales that we
(45:20):
have in our mind these storiesthat we are less than we don't
deserve. We have to serve, whilewe can serve, but we can serve
ourselves too. And it is notselfish to live your life,
through the dreams and joys andpeace that you want and need and
deserve. It isn't and you're nottaking away from anyone else.
You're not hurting your kids,you're not hurting your, your
(45:42):
spouse or your partner, all thepeople close to you, you're
actually helping them, let themsee through you that it's
possible, be the person to showthem that it's possible to live
your life your way. But youreally you're teaching them to
be free.
Jamie Stephens (45:58):
No, I get it.
Whenever you start to do thatwork, and you start to take back
that power and you start to takewhat? Let's just be frank, like
what men just expect, you know,I mean, it's, oh, no, I can do
that, too. The more that there'sthese women that are doing that,
and claiming that and puttingourselves first. So that we can
(46:18):
serve, you know, it's not likethis act of selfishness. It's
like, okay, I'm gonna put on myface mask, my oxygen mask, so
that I can help those around me.
And I think that somehow societyhas led us to believe that
putting on our oxygen mask firstas women is unacceptable. And so
(46:41):
breaking well said, all of thosenorms. And like, that's hard
shit like that. It's hard work.
Yes. Especially if you're thefirst in a family or the first
and like a friend circle, likeall of those things. It's that's
a lot of pressure and a lot ofundoing. And yeah, I get fired
up about that stuff, too.
(47:03):
Because it's like, well, no, I'mdone living that way. I'm done.
Thinking that me putting myselffirst is selfish. Because if I'm
putting you first or if you'reputting you for, like, it's not
selfish of me to put my needsabove yours, like if everybody
did that as a whole, and tookcare of themselves first. I
(47:26):
mean, how much better would webe as a society?
Kathleen McDermott (47:28):
Right? Great question.
Jamie Stephens (47:31):
Right? I mean, it's like, solve yourself.
Kathleen McDermott (47:33):
And I'll say it, you you are not responsible
for my successes, my failures,my health, my dreams. They're my
responsibility. They're myresponsibility. And I just want
to be the example for my kids,for my grandkids for those
around me to say that, yes, youcan. You can, too. I did it. And
if I did it, yes, you can do.
Jamie Stephens (47:55):
Exactly. There's a lot of power in that.
Kathleen McDermott (47:58):
And I love doing.
Jamie Stephens (48:00):
Yeah. Tell me about how you're helping women
now and how people can work withyou.
Kathleen McDermott (48:08):
I have my website, which is your legacy
designer.com. And I do have aCalendly schedule on there. I
have no problem with peoplereaching out to me directly. If
it's just as easy to reach meand a DM on Facebook or
Instagram. On Instagram, it'scat Mc d nine, nine. Just reach
(48:28):
out, I'm very easy to talk to Ihate to be pressured. So the
last thing I do is pressureanybody else. Just want to have
a conversation and see if thisis the right time for you. If
this is the right program foryou, if we are the right fit.
It's just a very easyconversation. And I love to work
via zoom. I hear people say, Oh,I'm so sick. Well, I'm still I
(48:51):
love zoom. It's made I lovebeing able to reach out and be
able to see face to face withpeople on this way. Across the
world. Yeah, so it's a beautifulthing. I do have programs that
are simply our nervous systemwellness wellness plan that
includes the stress reductionthrough restorative yoga.
Sometimes folks aren't ready tomake that journey yet. But they
(49:12):
do want the stress reduction. Sowe do I do offer programs that
are just strictly therestorative yoga. And I will
offer a small if someone wantsto work on to something small.
With the restorative, we can dothat because I find I can never
just do yoga without doing alittle bit of support. It's just
this not me to do I just can'thelp myself. But then I offer
(49:36):
programs based on a three or sixmonth program. Gotcha. So but
yeah, and I'm really right nowdoing one on ones but I'm really
looking forward to getting backinto doing groups. I stopped my
group programs when I moved fromupstate New York to South
Carolina. So I'm looking to getthe group started again, because
that's it's fun to work togetherin a group. Yeah. And watch
(49:56):
people feed off each other. It'sa beautiful thing. Yeah,
Jamie Stephens (49:59):
that's exciting.
But if you want
Kathleen McDermott (50:01):
to email me at your legacy@gmail.com, and my
podcast is your life your way,and you can find that at your
life your way podcast.com
Jamie Stephens (50:11):
And I will link all of that in the show notes in
case anybody's driving, youdon't have to pull over to write
that stuff down. But thank youso much for your time. I've
really enjoyed this conversationtoday.
Kathleen McDermott (50:21):
Me too.
Thank you so much for having me.
I'm very honored and pleased.
Thank you so much.
Jamie Stephens (50:27):
Thanks so much to Kathleen for being on the
show. It was such a greatopportunity to reflect on my own
legacy that I've been doing workon as well. If you want more of
Kathleen, go check out herpodcast your life your way where
I was a guest on her show thispast week as well. But some of
the key takeaways from thisepisode are number one, embrace
(50:47):
your multi passionate self. Bytrying lots of different things
you discover a lot aboutyourself your likes and
dislikes. From this exploration,you can start to hone in on the
things that bring you happinessand fulfillment. Number two,
practice what you preach. Whenyou're coaching, teaching or
advising clients often become amirror for things that have
challenged us in the past whenthings are feeling tough.
(51:10):
Remember your own advice. Numberthree, ditch all the shoulds are
you living for you? Or are youliving based on the expectations
of others and how they believeyou should be every time you
hear yourself saying the wordshould pause to examine where
that's coming from. Number four,don't force it. As in yoga as in
(51:31):
life. Forcing yourself into apose or position that is
painful, is not bringing anyoneany value. It's not going to
help you physically, mentally orspiritually move toward what
feels good to you. Number five,consider your legacy. Break the
Cycle of unwanted patterns beingpassed down as part of your
legacy. It's hard work butwithout it the same shit gets
(51:55):
passed on to your children andgrandchildren. Number six, dig
deep. unearth the things fromyour past that are causing you
to behave in unwanted waystoday. When you do this and
start the curious inquiry youcan begin to separate yourself
from what are your reactionsversus what you've inherited.
And number seven, put youroxygen mask on first. It's not
(52:18):
selfish to care for yourselfbefore you care for others.
Remember, you can show up morefully when your own needs are
met. Okay, thank you friend forbeing here. That's it for this
week. And that is actually mylast interview of season one.
And what an uplifting note toend on. I really enjoyed my
conversation with Kathleen butbe sure to tune in next week for
the season one wrap up and tohear more about what's coming
(52:40):
next. I am so thankful that youhave been on this journey with
me. Go check out the show notesfor all of Kathleen's links and
let her guide you in creatingyour own legacy. If you've
enjoyed this episode or any ofthe episodes this season, please
take a couple of minutes andhelp more women find this show
by leaving a rating and reviewon Apple or Spotify. Until next
week. Find me on Instagram atJamie Renee
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