How To Live In The Present Moment | Kevin Wathey #555 - Performance Coaching - The Man That Can Project

Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Kev, welcome back on the show.
Thank you for having me Beenthree years.
It was actually May 2021.
You're on last 306.
Yeah, be around 555.
So a couple of episodes havecome and come and gone and it's
been like seven or eight yearssince we've known each other.

Speaker 2 (00:18):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (00:19):
I know Wild, and I was saying when I walked in the
door it feels like a lifetimesince I've seen you.

Speaker 2 (00:24):
I know, and because we went two days.

Speaker 1 (00:26):
We were hanging out every day and then we've been
busy the last couple of days, soit's good to be back connected.
But I wanted to kick this.
Kick this off with the bio onyour website, because it does
cover a lot A bit of a recap,almost, of our last episode, and
it will also give people anunderstanding of your mindset,
which I think is a reallyimportant part that I do want to

(00:47):
dive into.
A lot of people listen to thisshow as they are high performers
or they're trying to developthat high performance mindset to
Get better outcomes in theirlife, and that could be
financially, that could beimproving their relationships,
that could be improving theirhealth, and you've seemed to
juggle it all, and I really getinspired by people who managed

(01:10):
to juggle it all.
I speak into James Lawrence, theIron Cowboy last week, rory
Farbarns, bradley Farqua, likeall these guys who are excelling
on an exceptional level, andthey're bringing their family
with them, they're bringingtheir friends with them, and I
find that fascinating is the oldway of thinking is like I have
to sacrifice everything tosucceed in my career, and I

(01:31):
think that's complete bullshit.
So trauma, a trigger word inour society, yet it doesn't
exist.
Mealier label, some place on aspecific reference point in time
to justify why they have yet tocreate the life of their dreams
.
I lost my mother to cancer at17, best friend at 19 and got

(01:53):
two DUIs while drinking myselfinto oblivion during the darkest
point of my life.
Some would never have recovered.
Yet I know these experienceswere happening for me and would
be a blessing.
I went on to play ice hockeysemi-professionally, acted
professionally for both stageand film, opened properties for

(02:14):
Fortune 500 hospitalitycompanies, have traveled
extensively and have foundedfour companies.
My past has uniquely preparedme to design my own destiny and
redefine what it means to carefor others along the way.
I now write about systems,psychology and technology, host
a podcast and maintain a selectlist of private clients,

(02:37):
facilitate three internationalwellness retreats per year and
you're opening a well-beingresort in Costa Rica.
That is a summary, a snapshot,which I want to dive further
into.
You lost your mom at 17, whichwe touched on, and you spiraled.
Can we start from there?

(02:59):
What that experience was like,what rock bottom was for you and
how you bounce back?

Speaker 2 (03:06):
So, growing up, I was always closer to my dad than my
mom, which was an interestingthing, because when she got sick
I became closer to her than mydad and I've had to rekindle
that relationship with him overthe past decade or so because I
almost pivoted, because Isubconsciously knew that my time
with her was finite, eventhough our time with everyone is

(03:28):
finite in some way.
So she was 16 when I got died.
When she got, I was 16 when shegot diagnosed and part of what
she had set out to do that yearwas to choose.
In the best shape of her life,she had set out to run a
triathlon and she trained forfour to six months, ran the

(03:51):
Tempe Town Lake Triathlon andafter the race had low back pain
, thought she had hurt herselfin the race, waited a couple
months to see if it subsided andthen it never did.
And then went and got an MRI,was told she had stage four
pancreatic cancer and they gaveher three months to live.
I was 16 at the time.
I was a junior in high schooland it took her a month to tell

(04:12):
me and a month.
So she has three months to live.
She waits a month, yeah, soit's January 2010.
She sits my younger sister andI down on the couch and she says
that she's been diagnosed withterminal cancer.
She has three months to liveand she's going to outlive the
prognosis by a year and spendone more Christmas with us.

(04:36):
And that year, the course ofthat year, was one of the most
challenging moments of my life,but also one of the most
beautiful, because she showed meby example that you're capable
of whatever you set your mind to.
She ended up passing awayDecember 26th at 10 am, so the

(04:58):
day after Christmas, and To beable to see someone fight like
that for their life.
But then, the moment they knowthat it's their time to go to
say I've done my part, like Letme pass the torch and then on to
the next.
It's something that I will.

(05:20):
It's just like seared into mymind and that I will.
I will recognize and see forthe rest of my life.
And it's also why I hold peopleto such a high standard too,
because it's you.
You don't know what you'recapable of until you actually
take a step back and recognizethat you're in control of
everything that you do in yourlife.
And when you recognize thatyou're in control, everything
you speak, everything you see,everything you hear, everything

(05:42):
that you interact with, everyperson that you surround
yourself with, is a reflectionon the life that you're creating
for yourself, and if you're notintentional with all of those
pieces, you end up taking somepath or you end up going down a
route that isn't meant for you,when you fall out of alignment.
And After she passed, I, thatwasn't rock bottom after she

(06:06):
passed.
After she passed, I wasconfused.
I didn't know who I was, Ididn't know what I wanted, but I
had a clear goal in life, whichwas to play Pro hockey.
And she passed.
I was 17,.
Three months later, I went andtried out for for a junior team
and ended up going and playingtwo years on the East Coast and
the Eastern Junior Hockey League, the EJHL, and that was always

(06:30):
the path that I knew that I wasgoing.
Like growing up.
You're like what are you goingto be when you grow up?
You're like pro hockey player,hard stop, like a period and and
so because I had that, it'salmost like a Victor Frankel
mentality, like you can getthrough any what as long as you
have a Y.

Speaker 1 (06:46):
Yep.

Speaker 2 (06:47):
My Y was that I knew where I was going, I had purpose
.
The second that hockey finishedand I knew that I wasn't
playing pro and like hung up theskates metaphorically, because
I still play a little bit thethat was when things got really
bad was because I didn't knowwhere I was going, I didn't know
who I was, I didn't know whatwas coming next.
There was this realm ofuncertainty that surrounded

(07:09):
everything that I did in lifeand that uncertainty led me to
search for importance and searchfor significance in drinking
and partying and girls, ineverything that was like
superficial but like some, likeyou feel it's tangible, you know
it's, it doesn't technicallyexist, but you're like, oh, I

(07:31):
can kind of grasp of that thingfor a little bit of time.
And I remember I, I, I partieda lot, I drank almost nightly
for four or five years and thatwas like I'm living the life
that I like this is awesome,like this is, this is the life
that you're supposed to have.
Until I realized what laid onthe other side of that, and it

(07:55):
wasn't until I don't think I hadthe aha of like shifting my
thought process and recognizingwhat I was capable of, until I
was Probably 27, 26, 27,.
I'm 30 now the, the.
The entrance to that, though,was when I discovered, when I

(08:16):
discovered yoga, and, and we candouble click on any pieces that
you want to there, but oh yeah,I've got a few pieces that I've
taken notes on.

Speaker 1 (08:25):
But finding out your mom's diagnosis because I often
think about death it shifts myperspective with the people that
I want to spend you know myparents, for example.
Time is finite.
How did it change how you livedin the relationships that you
develop during that period?

Speaker 2 (08:44):
It's a great question .
I think that my thought processand how I view relationships
now is different than how Iviewed them back then.
But I think that subconsciously, because I recognize that
things weren't infinite.
I had an immediacy of actionthat I don't see a lot of people

(09:04):
have.
So if I have an idea, I act onit in the moment.
I iterate as quickly aspossible until I get to the
solution that I want and thenI'm like okay, on to the next
thing.
And that's been a consistentpiece for everything that I've
done in my life, whether it'sbusiness, work or business
relationships, travel experience, whatever it ends up being.
If I have the idea, I act on itimmediately.

(09:26):
If I think of someone, I'lltext them or I'll call them, and
I think the biggest shift in itis recognizing that the only
thing that we have.
It sounds cliche, the onlything you have is right now, but
it's more through the lens thatI know that this could be the
last time.
Hard stop, and knowing thatthis could be the last time, I

(09:50):
never want to and it can be astrivial as I never want to I
throw a piece of trash at Mrsthe Bin.
I don't leave it because I knowthat that could be the last
time, kind of thing, and thenI'll know in my heart that I did
the moral piece.
It almost comes down to an OCDelement at some point.

Speaker 1 (10:07):
It's always a standard, though as well, right,
a standard that you've set foryourself, because some people do
do that and they walk away andthey think that's someone else's
problem.
You only got to walk down thestreet to see the trash and the
litter around the place.

Speaker 2 (10:18):
But through.
That's a very trivial elementto it, but it's the same thing.
It's like we talked about whenyou were on mine.
We talked about ourrelationship with our fathers
and it's like I intentionally goout of my way to tell them I
love them, because what if it isthe last time?
Or every time I see someonelike I don't want to go to sleep
on an argument, I don't want toend a conversation and say

(10:41):
let's just put this off totomorrow, because you don't
technically know if tomorrowexists.
And I think that myrelationship with death has, in
my experience with at an earlyage, has given me a beautiful
ability to be able to see thingsas if the future and the past
don't exist, and it's thispinpoint in time that nothing

(11:01):
else matters.

Speaker 1 (11:03):
How do you manage to juggle that, though?
Because for me, it's like Iwant to be present I think we
did speak about this but I'malso then thinking about the
future and relying on the pastto sort of guide me and a lot of
people you know living in themoment, being present as like
thrown out, it's like that'swhere we need to be, that's
where ultimate happiness andfulfillment is.

(11:25):
Yet marketing and having goalsand dreams and desires pulls us
towards the future and shiftsour focus.
So how do you manage that?

Speaker 2 (11:35):
So I'll give.
I'll give a story on this thatwill help tie it together.
That's something that Idiscovered this past year that
really summarized that elementfor me.
So I went and checked myselfinto Miravol, which is a
wellness retreat center inTucson, arizona, for my quote
unquote annual review, and itwas the first time that I had
taken I wrote about this too,but it was the first time I had

(11:57):
taken myself out of my ownenvironment in order to create a
container.
That was something that wasfresh.
So I was.
I was experiencing a place ofnews, so I was able to think in
new patterns, rather than thisis my home and here's the things
that are, that are routine tome.
You know, action show up, andso I'm.
I'm.

(12:17):
I've always been a very physicalperson, meaning like.
I've always challenged myselfphysically.
I've always played sports, I'vealways done different things
that pushed me outside of mycomfort zone, which I know we'll
talk about a bit today the.
So the.
The intention for the tripwasn't to focus on the physical.
It was to be more cerebral andmore introspective.
But they had this one activitycalled out on a limb, which is

(12:40):
you climb this 30 foot hightelephone pole, you walk across
a wooden beam and then you comedown the other side and you're
strapped in, obviously, but thisotherwise, and and so it was
the morning of my check-in.
So I, literally I woke up atlike five AM to drive there so I
could be there in time for theeight AM class, before I even

(13:00):
checked in for the hotel, and itwas like the only physical
thing that I wanted to do islike I'll be there for it,
because they didn't have it thenext day.
And so I'm not and I'm notafraid of heights.
I, I see the people before mego and everyone gets up there
and they're shaking and they'refreaking out, and I'm like
that's, this'll be, this'll beeasy.
And I get up there, I go shit,this is, this is higher than you

(13:24):
think, like I, the, I rememberspeaking to the guy and he and
he said, like be glad thatyou're a little bit nervous,
because if you weren't, youprobably wouldn't be alive,
because that's your defensemechanism of like regulating you
so that you can actuallysurvive.
And so I get to the top and Ilook across the beam and I see
the other side of the, the,where I'm getting to, and I'm
like I take a breath and I'mlike, all right, fuck it, let's

(13:46):
go.
And I literally started to runacross the beam and then I get
halfway through and he stops meand he goes no, stop, take a
breath, he goes.
The depth of your breath is thedepth of your experience.
And I took a deep breath and Ilooked up and it was the first
time that I got to see themountains and the horizon.
It was the first time that Iheard the birds chirping that
were on the beam next to me.

(14:07):
It was the first time I feltthe sun on my skin.
And all of these thingshappened, that they were
happening.
I was just not aware of them.
I took a breath, I walked therest of the way to the other
side.
I got to the other side and Isaid I want to challenge myself.
I'm going to do it backwards asI would.
Yeah, I go backwards.
And it was easier for me to gobackwards than it was to go

(14:29):
forwards.
I'll get to.
So watch, I, I, I come down, Irepel down, I get down there.
And I asked the guy.
I said I asked the guy to saythank you for this, but I have
an interesting.
I had an interesting experience, it was easier for me to go
backwards than it was to goforwards.
Why is that?
And he goes there's.

(14:51):
There's a couple of differenttypes of people, but up in this
in general, there's people whogo off of vision what you see
and there's people who go off offeel.
When I was walking forward, Iwas looking at where I was going
and I wasn't in tune with who,I, how I was feeling.
But when I was going backwardsI was tapped into, how I felt
and I trust myself more than Itrust anything or anyone else.

(15:13):
But by going backwards I wasable to feel with my feet and my
balance and I felt more stable.
And then, when I was walkingforward, I was trying to get to
a place but I wasn't tapped inand I wasn't.
I was aligned on where I wasgoing but I couldn't feel that
where that like gut connectionto where you're going.
So, to bring this all in, Ithink that there is an

(15:35):
importance of having vision ofwhere you're going and there's
an importance of seeing anoutcome, setting a goal, working
towards something, but not atthe expense of losing the
connection that you have toyourself.
And in my life and in business,the things that have happened,
like the Costa Rica acquisitionwas the largest acquisition I

(15:56):
did to date and it was the leastamount of work that you would
perceive someone to do forsomething like that and of
anything.
And I remember telling a friendI was like I'm playing life on.
I've been playing life andbusiness on hard mode up to this
point, but the interestingpiece was that I knew where I
was going, but in the in today,I felt aligned, like in the

(16:18):
moment.
I felt aligned and that'ssomething that I've expanded
upon a bit because it's it'sinteresting that if you, if you
break it down, the outcome andthe goals are relevant because
you're going to get somewhere.
Whether you set out to getsomewhere or not, there was
always a destination, whetheryou set the, the intention for
where you're going or not.
But if you focus on what youhave today, meaning if you focus

(16:41):
on the alignment to how youfeel right now, if you focus on
the thing that that you know inyour heart and you know in your
gut is meant for you, you don'tneed to worry about the outcome,
because you're going to getsomewhere and most of the time
it's going to turn out, if notall the time it's going to turn
out better than you everimagined, because when you're in
alignment today, you compoundthat over enough times, you get

(17:04):
somewhere that at the time wasonly limited by your imagination
, which is the goal that you'resetting.
So if you're only thinking interms of that's where I need to
get to, you only know thatthat's the goal you need to get
to, because you can see it.
But what if?
Where you?
What if?
What if?
What's meant for you issomething you can't see right
now because you haven't pulledthose layers back and you

(17:24):
haven't uncovered that piece foryou yet.

Speaker 1 (17:26):
So do you set goals.
Do you believe in goal setting?

Speaker 2 (17:29):
100% believe in goal setting, but I'm also completely
open to pivoting at any momentIf it feels right.
You know when you wake up andyou're excited to work and
there's a difference between.
There's a difference betweendoing something that's tedious
but required and doing somethingthat feels unaligned.
There are two very differentfeelings and two very different
energies in the body of like howyou show up.

(17:51):
If I go this is a line for meand I know that I'll do any
whatever the work is to to toaccomplish that thing, to move
the needle but if I show up andI'm like this, just it doesn't
feel right, there's somethingoff.
That is when let's take a stepback, let's simplify and then

(18:12):
let's recreate from there.

Speaker 1 (18:14):
How do you get comfortable with doing that?
When I set a goal or build aplan to work towards, I'd really
struggle to quit things becauseI've committed to it.
An example I'm doing the dailyhard.
I'm really over filming thatfucking thing immensely because
not because I've run out ofthings to say, but I'm like as a

(18:35):
consumer, I don't like watchingit, but I've committed to doing
it.
So how would you, what wouldthe process look like, to sort
of separate from something ifyou don't feel it's like jumping
you out of bed to get the jobdone?
How long did you commit to doit?

Speaker 2 (18:48):
for 366 days, oh, okay, the whole year, man and
you're 90, something in 94, 95today.
And what was the intention forrecording each?

Speaker 1 (18:58):
day.
The intent was to document mythoughts and my learnings and do
something hard that inspiredthat growth.
So, and that's just notphysically, because as we we
will talk about, it's like.
It's easy to.
I find it easy to challengemyself physically.
It's other components likesharing vulnerabilities or
learning new skills.
That's hard.
I think that's important forpeople to learn, so that's why I
chose to do it.

Speaker 2 (19:18):
So I would reframe it .
You're doing it for a yearbecause you assume that you're
going to get something fromdocumenting it.
Yes, yes, okay.
So I would reframe it tothrough the lens of.
The reason that I don't want todo it now is because this is
the point that I've gottencomfortable with getting to in
the past.
So in everything that you'vedone I know you did the rowing,

(19:40):
the marathons, and you've doneother physical tasks and you've
documented a lot of those thingstoo the thing is you
accomplished that task in 90days.
That thing's over.
Then you shift, now it's on tothe new novel thing.
But if you shifted the newnovel thing, now you're thinking
about sure, you're stilldocumenting, but you're
documenting something new.
So it's different and you'rekeeping it fresh.

(20:00):
But you're expanding yourselfright now to actually peel back
the layers of letting yourselfbe authentically you, which
correct me if I'm wrong In thepast you get to a place that is
90% of the way there or at 90days.
That's like the check mark, andthen you go oh, let me, let me
pivot rather than double down onthe consistency piece that is

(20:22):
actually going to allow you togo deeper.
And so there's there's twoelements to this and the first
thing that it comes to issomething that a friend of mine
told me last, last year, inwhich he focuses on deep, not
wide, friendships.
He focuses on he goes I.
For a lot of time I thoughthaving a strong and huge big
community and a big company waswhat I wanted, but I realized

(20:45):
that big and not always, but canoften be disguised for a lack
of self worth or lack ofimportance, because you feel
like you get it from associatingwith something else.
Deep is actually meaningful andis where you actually get your
importance, but we don'tperceive that because society
conditions us that more isbetter and through the lens of

(21:06):
this, like, my word of the yearfor 2024 is consistency, because
that's been something that hasbeen challenging for me in the
past two.
I'm really good at going fromzero to 80, 80 to 100 is
extremely challenging for mebecause it forces me to double
down on the boring, forces me todouble down on the tedium,
forces me to double down on thethings that I don't necessarily
enjoy in the moment, but I knowwe're going to get me the

(21:28):
returns and if we look throughthe lens of business, more often
than not the reason you're notwhere you want to be is because
you haven't done the boring worklong enough.

Speaker 1 (21:40):
It's a very good point and probably a good segue
into business.
So you went through and, justto recap, everyone bringing
everyone back up you your mom,passed away when you were 17,.
Your buddy passed away when youwere 19,.
And you went through peaks andtroughs, but success isn't
linear.
So you had this found momentwhen your mom told you she was

(22:00):
diagnosed with cancer.
It made you think about deathand how you were showing up.
You got on the right trajectory.
We were playing hockey at ahigh level for two years and
then you made past where you'vedipped again.
Then, all of a sudden I'msaying all of a sudden like
you're an overnight success allof a sudden you're built for

(22:20):
companies.
You've now acquired a resort,you're in the process of
acquiring a resort.
How did you get there?
What are some of the key pointsthat we need to fill in there
for the listener?
He wants to go.
Okay, I've gone through somepeaks and troughs, not happy
with my life.
I want to really start takingresponsibility and creating
something.

Speaker 2 (22:41):
The biggest piece for me is the recognition that
everything that you do uniquelyprepares you for what comes next
.
So if you're, if you're in theshit and you're going through it
, recognizing that that ispreparing, protecting and
propelling you towards whatcomes next, whether you know it
in the moment or not, it's very,very challenging to see it in
the moment, and when you're init and you're looking forward,

(23:01):
you think that it's this like aleads to F, leads to R, leads to
Z kind of like connect the dotskind of path.
But then, in hindsight,everything's linear and when you
look backwards, you have this2020 vision because you're like
oh yes, that connected to this,that connected to that, that
connected to that.
If you look at my path, I gofrom hockey to acting, to yoga,

(23:23):
to corporate hospitality, toretreats, to resorts, to resort
consulting, to a resortacquisition.
In hindsight, you go how doeshockey turn to acting?
How does acting turn tohospitality?
But they're all interconnected.
When you break down and like,go into the fine tune-ness of
each detail, and on that B.

(23:48):
The first things that I didhockey, acting and hospitality
were all based on the value ofwanting to feel important and
wanting to find my worth,because I felt like I lost that
when I lost my mom, because shewas the glue that held my entire
extended family together, andwhen she passed away I lost all
of that.
And I thought when I'm aprofessional athlete, I'll be

(24:13):
accepted.
When I'm a professional actor,I'll be important.
When I am a manager of a hotelor a GM of a property, I will be
XYZ.
And it was almost an element ofdependability, like I needed
people to depend on me.
Or I thought I wanted people todepend on me to prove my own
worth, because I didn't dependon myself.

(24:34):
And when, again, the thing inall those, I didn't know it was
an alignment at the time, but Iwas like this feels right, I'm
going to run with it, which ishow I discovered yoga.
So I acted and then I wasplaying hockey and then I
started acting.
Acting was a way for me tocathartically express who I was,

(24:57):
without actually expressing myown emotions.
It was expressing as acharacter.
But it gave me this.
Yeah, and my second year at uni,I got asked to go perform in
Asia, in Bali, and that waswhere I discovered yoga and we
lived in a commune for like twomonths.
It's like compound.
It was all of our entire groups.

(25:18):
That wasn't like this.
It wasn't like a hostile vibe.
It was our whole group that wasacting there.
But we did yoga every singleday at 6am and there was a day
like two, three weeks into itthat I came out of Shavasana and
the sky was bluer, the treeswere greener, I could smell
differently and like life wasdifferent.

(25:38):
And I remember making eyecontact with my vocal production
coach and I saw my mom and herand I just broke.
It was the first time I hadgrieved and cried and like of my
mom is passing and that wasfour years after she had passed,
five years after she had passed, and that was the first time
that I had ever allowed myselfto actually express as me.

Speaker 1 (25:58):
Why had you resisted that For long, for four years?

Speaker 2 (26:04):
I think in part, like I don't even remember my dad
crying after she passed, Iremember my dad crying when we
lost, when we lost his first dog, which was Bruxy, our golden
retriever.
Growing up I remember him likeand I don't know if this is just
, I've tuned it out because Idon't want to remember that
moment in time but I rememberwhen she passed I said goodbye

(26:33):
to her Christmas night.
I went to sleep 10 am the nextday my dad comes in the room,
wakes me up, says your mom'sgone, and I remember, like, rip
the covers off, run into theroom and like, go, like, jump on
her bed and body's there.
She's not.
And I immediately turned todrinking, to numb that out,

(27:01):
following like literally thatday, like I went and got a
couple beers and just like drankmyself to oblivion and I was 17
.
And I continued to do thatrepetitively as a way to.
At one point I almost made mefeel more connected to her
because I was like I don't know.
It was one of the things that Ialways wanted was to have a

(27:23):
beer with her on my 21st and Ifelt in some way drinking
removed this level of like wallthat I had put up, like released
inhibitions, so it allowed meto feel more, and that feeling
made me feel more connected toher, because I couldn't feel
that when I was sober.
So I think it was a removal.

(27:44):
Again, growth is a game ofsubtraction.
I was using alcohol to removethis wall that I had put up, but
and then acting was the samething.
It was a removal Interesting.
I never thought of it that waybefore, and so I take it back to
Bali.
I came out of this yoga class Isaw differently, saw my vocal

(28:06):
production coach, saw my mom andher, and that was the first
moment that I was like oh, it'sokay to feel, it's okay to
grieve, it's okay to be not okay.

Speaker 1 (28:16):
What was it in that moment, though, that allowed you
to give yourself permission?
Because, as I guarantee you,there's so many blokes listening
to this, or men listening tothis, or people listening to
this that have experiencedevents in their life and they
haven't allowed themselves tojust let go.
And so what was it about thatexperience?
Do you feel that just made itsit differently?

Speaker 2 (28:38):
I think there were two parts.
I think the first part it was Ihad bottled it up for so long
it was going to come out in someway or another.
Like yeah, it was, I wasunderwater and it was just like
an explosion.
Number one, number two, I thinkit was the community that I was
around, because the communitythat I was around was the reason
that I actually ended up likegoing into yoga teacher training

(29:02):
.
I had no desire to teach yogaat the time, but I remember
after that experience, I was sowell received by that community
and the people that I was withand all of them like yes, they
were actors, but all of the onesthat supported me were all also
yoga practitioners.
And so I remember coming backto the States and I said I don't

(29:24):
know what just happened, but Iwant to learn more about myself
and I want to do it through thisavenue.
And I came back to the States.
Two weeks later I was in a yogateacher training.
And this is you acting quickly.
This is me, yeah, yeah, this isme, then, acting quickly.
And so I enrolled in a teachertraining, strictly to deepen my
relationship to myself, and two,two months into the six months

(29:48):
training program, I was teachingfull time at the studio.
That I was getting mycertification at because I
already had the anatomyphysiology background from
playing sports.
So I already knew that I didn'tknow the spiritual side and and
the breath, the pranayama, thebreath and as well as the yogic
teachings, like the philosophyof it, but that was all I was
teaching, primarily like Asana,which is like physical movement,

(30:11):
as well as a core based yogaclass, so it was like a very
westernized take on on yoga.
So I think that, to answer thequestion, I think that the
people that you are around, ifyou feel comfortable being
yourself, like 100% yourself notI'm my way with you and they're

(30:35):
two different things, but likeI am, who I say I am in every
moment.
I think that was the firstpiece that allowed me to
actually let my guard down andsay, like this is me, take it or
leave it.

Speaker 1 (30:48):
Community is a very important thing and I believe,
like fitness experiences willfor me, obviously, and for
yourself that will provide thatenvironment for you to.
This is who I am and I alsofind that when we put men in
challenging environments likethat, they do let themselves
down, because the pain thatyou're going through, if you're
suffering with someone, it'slike unity Now you've.

(31:09):
That's why team sports is sucha unique thing.
You've got the common goal,which is to win the finals.
Really, like at the start ofthe season.
What do we want to do?
We want to win that youwouldn't be playing otherwise,
like, I guess, professionallyand semi professionally, and you
ride the highs and lows.
You go to the training sessionswhere it's freezing out, or
it's raining out or you could bedoing everything else.
You make the sacrificestogether and you become brothers

(31:30):
.
Ultimately.
You know what it's like to ridethat path and that's why you
cry when you win a final, youcry when you lose the game and
you let that guy down.
As you said, it's take it orleave it.
And I going back to sort of tieinto when you were talking
about going across the beam whenyou're walking backwards, your
feeling right, you're trustingyour instinct, you're trusting

(31:52):
your intuition, but runningforward, you're sort of looking
to the vision.
It triggered a memory for mewhen I had to choose school.
So I got a scholarship at acouple of schools, from primary
school to high school and all ofmy buddies we go into one
specific school and naturallyyou want to go where everyone
goes.
But some of you in my gut hadme wanting to go to the other
school.
And this is back.

(32:12):
You know, this is 2000, 2003.
So the thing at the time was,if you go to that school, you're
a gay.
But you know all of that's.
You know the world was a lotdifferent then and I was really
worried about that stigma that Iwas like man, I can't go to
that school because I don't wanteveryone to think I'm gay and
like, how crazy is that?
As a 12 year old boy, you'reworried about that, over what

(32:34):
you actually believe is going tobe the best fit for you.
And this school wasn't the mostprestigious school where I lived
, but I just didn't want to gobecause of what my mates were
telling me.
Anyway, I still remembersitting on the stairs, mom's,
like you need to make a decisionbecause we need to accept one
of these scholarships, like, isit this school or this school?
And I was like, yeah, that'scool.
I had to just trust my God, Ihave to go to that school.

(32:56):
I didn't tell anyone becauseyou know how, like the last
three months of school, whichschool are we in the same
classes?
And I'm like I don't know.
I haven't found out what classI'm in yet because I knew I
wasn't going to that school, butI didn't have the courage to
step up when I wasn't confidentin myself.
Two, I didn't want to be pickedon and three, I just didn't
know what it was like, how thatwas going to play out or what

(33:16):
was next, because there was alot of uncertainty.
But when I went to this school,there was this whole pattern of
trying to fit in.
I was, you know, this is whoI'll be for you guys, and which
is what led me to similarexperiences of you drinking
alcohol and a lot of confusion.
I then recognized, hey, this iswho I am, take it or leave it.
And from those moments I'vebuilt this incredible.

(33:38):
You know, people like yourselfhave come into my life and I am
the same person across the boardand if you don't like that it
doesn't impact me, but becauseof that, every year I seem to
have this whole new emotionalrelease.
It feels like an unimpeded pillback and the quality of my life
and the connection of myrelationships with the people
because, yeah, definitelystarted wide, you wanted to be

(34:01):
accepted by more people, youwant more followers on social
media, but now it's like that'snot important to me anymore.
I still I said it on yourpodcast I still feel like
there's something within me thathasn't released yet and I don't
know what it is, but I feelevery year I'm getting closer to
that because I'm havingconversations with people like
yourself or ending up at eventsor investing in coaching where

(34:26):
they're helping me peel thoselayers back, and because of that
my life just continues to go tothose whole new levels.
And that wouldn't have happenedif I didn't trust my gut in the
beginning.

Speaker 2 (34:35):
I think, a big piece for me too, and the expanding on
this belief has kind of pavedways in my life and I think that
, to summarize, I think thatwe're born complete, we're born
perfect.
Society convinces us otherwiseand we spend the rest of our

(34:56):
life should we have this ahamoment that we want to get back
to that state, that we spend therest of our lives working to
get back to where we started?
More growth is a game ofsubtraction, not addition.
It's peeling back the layers.
I also relate life to abaseball rather than an onion,

(35:18):
reason being I much prefer thatReason being an onion doesn't
really have a core.
You just keep peeling layersuntil there's no more layers to
peel.
But if you think of a baseball,you have a core.
Then there's a bunch of stringand rubber bands over it the
Aussies will use a cricket balland then there's a leather
covering and then there's nicered stitching and it's like tied

(35:38):
up with a bow.
So if you think of it that way,your external shell is this
white, shiny piece with redstitching and a bow, and that's
what you want to put out to theworld.
That's this like Instagram-ableviewpoint of here's my life,
here's Instagram versus reality,which is the inside core.
Well, some people come and theyhit the ball a couple of times

(36:01):
and you get shooken up.
Now you got some dents on itand people can see that because
you're like, oh, here's theexternal persona I want to have.
But, like shit, this got postedabout me.
Now, fuck, there's twocontracting and conflicting
beliefs.
Then they get a couple morehits, some of the string comes
off, maybe the leather peels offin a piece.

(36:22):
Now the inner workings areexposed and you continue to do
this until eventually you peelback enough of the layers and
you get to the core, which issolid, which is what you
actually are.
And in that whole philosophy, Ithink that in order to become
more so, we want to grow.
We want to become more.

(36:43):
Become more of what?
Well, if we're born perfect, wewant to become more of what we
already are.
So you don't need to do more,you need to be more.
And if you need to be more, howdo you do that?
You remove the things in yourlife that weren't actually meant
for you, that you've beenconditioned to think, that is
meant to be you and you've beenconditioned to say like on

(37:04):
retreats.
One of the first exercises wedo is we go around and say who
are you?
The correct answer is I am, buteveryone goes around.
I am Kevin, I am a businessman,I am this, and it's all these
labels that we place onourselves to add importance and
make sense of a world in whichwe don't need to make sense of
it, we only need to exist in it.

(37:24):
So, in order to become more, bemore of what you already are.

Speaker 1 (37:33):
A very important point, though good to dive into,
with the labeling, because it'show many of us find ourself
lost once that label getsremoved, because a lot of things
we do in our life, thepositions that we take, the
roles that we accept, they arefinite.
We've established everything'sessentially finite, even parents
.
They will come a point in timewhere your kids leave home and

(37:54):
they're like why now?
That's why it's so important togo back to the who you are like
, what you stand for, what youenjoy.
So there's so many elements toyou and that sort of segues.
A conversation.
Then, kevin, because you've donethe athlete acting, yoga, and

(38:16):
then business, how do you go toputting in pieces in these deals
together?
Because I know for those whofollow Kevin on social media and
even last year it was last yearyou came out and visited us in
Australia it's very rare thatsomeone from across the world is

(38:38):
like, yeah, I'll just come hangout for a couple of days and
we'll do the David Gogginschallenge and all of those sorts
of weird things.
It's like if they're going tomake an effort, they'll come for
like four weeks and plan aholiday around it.
You literally flew to hang outand you've designed that life
and it's something that I thinkis very unique in going back to
a goal and put a limitation onwhat, potentially, you think

(38:59):
you're capable of.
I do want other people tounderstand the process that you
went through to be able todesign this life, because there
are a lot of people who aredoing things that they don't
like.
They're not happy, they're notgetting paid their worth, maybe
they don't have the time freedomto spend with their family or
invest in their health.
You're doing all of that.
How the hell did you get there?

Speaker 2 (39:23):
I heard I believe it was Ed Milet say recently you're
only ever limited by your mostsuccessful thought.

Speaker 1 (39:30):
That's good, that is brilliant.

Speaker 2 (39:33):
And in my life I've consistently aimed to put,
consciously or unconsciouslymore so consciously now, but in
the past, less less consciouslyI've always aimed to put myself
into positions that made me feeluncomfortable, not because I
was trying to grow from themLike I'm putting, I'm forcing

(39:56):
myself to be uncomfortablesituations because I want to
grow from them, but becausethat's where I felt I felt most
at home.
So, losing my mom, losing mybest friend, and that entire
late teens, early twenties, Iwas living in uncertainty and I
was living in uncomfortability.
So that was where which iscrazy to think about that's

(40:17):
where I felt most regulated whenthings were in chaos.
And in doing so, I consistentlyput myself into these
situations saying, okay, I'vedone the thing up to 80%, I'm
like all right done, onto thenext thing, onto the next thing.
That way I say I've lived manylives, I've had multiple

(40:40):
different careers and then, asI've wanted to pivot, I have, if
we circle this up and try andfind us a sink like how have I
gotten to where I am today?
I think curiosity is probablythe number one piece of things,
that but it's like how is thattangible?

(41:01):
It's like, if there's eversomething that I'm interested in
.
I have this OCD, adhd, whateverlabel you want to put on it.
Monomaniacal, focus on aspecific thing, so much so that
I forget to eat.
The world, the world stops,literally the world stops and
like like, this room is kind ofsimilar to the room that I built

(41:21):
my first online course in whenI did the whole marketing craze
over the pandemic, and in thatroom I literally I blacked out
the curtains, I put LED lightsthat were on timers, so I
literally had no idea what timeof day.
It was Like a casino.
So I could just roll throughthings and if we, let me try and

(41:48):
piece together how thecuriosity led to each.
So when I lost my mom and I knewthat hockey was where I wanted
to go, hockey, I was curious, ifit was possible.
First piece when I left hockeyand I again I was searching.
Actually there was lesscuriosity in those first three

(42:14):
hockey, acting and hospitalityinitially, hockey acting and
yoga.
There was less curiosity inthose first three because they
were more self-worth andidentity focused.
The first time that thecuriosity stemmed was when I had
that breakthrough in Bali and Isaid, oh, I want to learn more
about myself.
That was the first time that Iled from curiosity rather than

(42:37):
because, if anything, at thattime it was like a guy going to
yoga teacher training.
You're like this is a littleweird kind of thing.
Yeah, 100%.
And that was the first timethat I was like I don't care
what people think, I'm curiousabout myself.
I want to know more about thewhy behind Kevin, who is the who
, and that transitioned and ledinto business in the way that,

(43:01):
when I so, I had a marketing andconsulting company that I still
run today, but I built itduring the pandemic and I had a
staff of 12 from all over NorthAmerica and I had never met most
of them in real life.
And so I remember gettingserved an ad for Tony Robbins
Unleashed the Power Within eventin Palm Beach, florida, and I

(43:24):
was like what a great.
I was wanting them to level up.
So I was like what a great way,I'll bring them to a seminar.
It won't be me coaching themwith someone else coaching them,
but we'll all get to learntogether and all expense paid
trip for the whole staff.
We had a team offsite in Floridaand I remember the second day
in that room, mike, they came upon on, they came up on the

(43:47):
screen and they said TonyRobbins Platinum partnership,
worked directly with Tony for afull year, kind of thing, huge
investment, and it's like120,000, right, 120,000 US, yeah
, and it's 85.
And then there's threeadditional events that are like
10 to 15 grand a piece on top ofit, and that was basically all
of the cash and then some that Ihad at the time.

(44:10):
I put the initial deposit on acredit card, but there was
something in me that I wascurious of who would be in that
room.
It was less about learning fromTony Robbins.
There were some great things tolearn from him, but that wasn't
the.
That's not why you go into thatthing.
The people who go into that arethe ones who let me tangent real

(44:30):
quick.
There's three people in thatroom.
There's people like you and Iwho go and get what they want,
learn what they want and leavethe shit.
There's people who want thenotoriety of working with Tony
Robbins, so it's like a status,very much status thing.
And then there's people who areaddicted to solving the same
problem year after year, whohave been going for 20 years,
but every single year they havethe same breakthrough and it's.

(44:53):
It's crazy.
It's the one sitting right infront and they're like hey John,
hey Tony, and they're likeyou've been here for 20 years.

Speaker 1 (44:59):
What are you doing, man?

Speaker 2 (45:02):
But so my my belief at the time was that I wanted to
gain proximity to the people inthat room.
So it was less about who was onstage, it was more about who
was to my right and my left.
And I went to the first twoevents in in Tony studio in Palm
Beach.
And then I came back and I gotreally interested in this

(45:23):
philosophy called infinitebanking, which is using cash
value life insurance to act asyour own bank and you can go to
the whole.
You could read plenty on that.
I got really interested in thisphilosophy and I read the week
leading up to what was the nextevent was called finance mastery
.
The week leading up to that Iread seven books in a week like
literally auto audible all daylong.

(45:44):
And it was just so.
I told you like I hyper fixateon something and that's the only
thing I think about.
I remember I was in Arizonaliving there at the time and I
sat in a hot tub for like threehours just listening to a book.
I came out on my fingers ofprune.
That was like a raisin, and soI go to this event.
And another piece about me is isanytime I learn something, I'm

(46:04):
fascinated by it.
I want to share it with others.
I'm like this is the next bestthing.
Let me teach it to you.
I'm the exact same and you, youI think I shared this when I
was on on the, when you had mespeak as well, the, the, the
learning pyramid.
Yes, teaching is the highestlevel of retention that you can

(46:24):
possibly have, and I thinkthat's why I've been able to
like, learn, teach, repeat,learn, teach, repeat so much in
my life.
Anyways, I I learned this thing.
I go to the event, I startteaching people this philosophy,
and the people like this isinteresting, how did you figure
this out?
It's a very like wow, how did Inot know about this kind of

(46:45):
thing?
And then one guy goes have youmet Andre?
I go who's Andre?

Speaker 1 (46:50):
Yeah, andre 3000.

Speaker 2 (46:52):
No, he goes.
Have you met Andre?
Who's Andre?
And he goes.
He owns an insurance company inin Scottsdale, arizona, where I
lived at the time.
I was like, oh cool, point himout to me next time you see him,
next intermission.
I go, yeah, point him out to me, where's Andre.
He goes, that guy over there.
And I literally just like belying straight to him.
And I go hey, I'm Kevin.
I think we're supposed to meet.
Like I was just curious, likethat was it.

(47:14):
We talked for like 15 minutes.
I go back to my seat.
We listened to the next thing.
Next intermission comes up.
We start talking.
Again.
He grills me, grills me on thisphilosophy, this topic.
I passed with flying colorsbecause I had actually read
these books.
And he goes.
He goes.

(47:34):
Why don't you come back with uson Monday?
And I'm like back where he goes?
Scottsdale, I go.
I live in Scottsdale, I go.
Where in Scottsdale do you live?
He goes the air park, I go.
I live in the air park, where'syour office?
And he was literally like fourminutes away from me is where
his office was of where I lived.
And so I go, okay, cool, whatflight are you on?

(47:56):
And I'm like I was like, whatflight are you on?
And he goes, what do you mean?
It leaves when I get there.
And I was like, oh shit, Bigdog, yeah.
So then we get to.
So then I'm like, all right,call American Airlines.
I'm like I got to cancel myflight, like I've got a better
offer.
I've got a better offer rightnow.
And so we show up, we get there, and he's like, oh, by the way,

(48:19):
I'm sorry, my plane's in theshop right now.
This is Robert Kiyosaki's jet,we're borrowing it for the
weekend.
And I was like, all right, well, cool, we're going to the same
place, right, robert?

Speaker 1 (48:30):
can I be on?

Speaker 2 (48:30):
there.
He wasn't, unfortunately, butwe ended up having a really good
conversation and nothing cameof it for almost a year and he
lived next to me and once amonth we'd get dinner and just
kind of chat about life.
But what was interesting was healways included me and he
always brought up like internalworkings of he has like five or

(48:53):
six companies.
He always brought the innerworkings of the companies up to
me at dinner and I was alwaysfascinated, like why is he
bringing up these internalissues with me at dinner?
And then one day this is likeafter we built some rapport and
this is like after knowing eachother for a little bit I was
like why do you keep?
I don't work for you and Idon't work with you and I'm like
I have no affiliation to any ofyour companies why do you keep

(49:15):
bringing up these topics to me?
He goes because you're extremelycurious and you always ask the
most insightful questions.
He goes when I bring up this toyou.
It's an unbiased point of viewand you ask a question that
causes me to think in adifferent way than I did before
and that has led to somebreakthroughs in some of my
other companies.
So I always bring things up toyou when I'm trying to figure

(49:37):
out a problem, because it's notabout you knowing the answer.
It's about you being curiousenough to ask the right question
for him to figure it out, or tofigure out who can then figure
out that problem.
So in all of this, the curiositypiece and Andre is now my
business partner with the CostaRica acquisition a diagnostic

(49:58):
protocol that is essentiallypre-retreat testing so your
entire retreat experience isbased on your own biology and an
app that integrates this.
The biggest problem we haveright now at Tech is fractional
data, so it integrateseverything into one seamless app
to get a baseline score.
Partner with me on those threethings.
But none of that would havehappened if I wasn't curious on

(50:20):
a philosophy that led to aquestion that led to me just
staying interested in whatsomeone else was doing.

Speaker 1 (50:27):
There's also a few other things that you invested
in yourself like a significantamount, and I want to touch on
value, because people look atinvesting in a coach or a
program as an expense, right,and when you look at it like
that, you're missing the point.
You invested in it to get inthe room and see who was in
there right, curious about whowas in there, because

(50:49):
connections are the biggestbeliever in community and
connections opening everything,even if it's just sparking an
idea for you to go down a rabbithole where, somewhere in the
future, that's going to paydividends.

Speaker 2 (51:02):
So the I mean double click on a couple of things here
.
The first thing is, my beliefis that in order to get what I
want out of life, I need tobecome the person capable of
having those things.
So it's less about doingsomething to get an outcome and
more about becoming the personcapable of handling that like

(51:23):
entrepreneurship.
You grow in entrepreneurshipdirectly proportional to the
level of risk that you'rewilling to entertain.
Like that's.
That's it Like.
Look at Musk.
Musk has an un-proportionateamount of risk and he just
continues to double down bets.
Often that leads to a negativeconclusion, because you double
enough that eventuallyeverything, like one bet, wipes

(51:45):
everything out.
But when you, when I, when Iinvested in in the partnership,
I remember calling my dad and Itold him what I had done and I'm
like.
The price of it came up and hewas what the fuck are you doing?
Like this is he goes.

(52:06):
This is the dumbest decisionyou've ever made.
Get your money back.

Speaker 1 (52:10):
Cancel that.

Speaker 2 (52:10):
Cancel that, fly home , fuck off, like don't do any of
this.
And I was like what do you mean?
Like it just feels right for meto do it.
There's, there's something inthis I didn't know what it was,
but there was something that wascalling me towards that and
he's like, well, I hope you getsome business out of this to pay
for it.
And I go, I just not aboutbusiness.

(52:30):
It's like I wasn't viewing itas a transactional thing.
He views a lot of things astransactional pieces and that's
a.

Speaker 1 (52:37):
I gotta get something for it.

Speaker 2 (52:38):
Yeah, yeah, it's like if, if this, then that kind of
thinking and I've worked a lotto remove that thought process
because life is exponential, notlinear.
Do you think that that's?

Speaker 1 (52:49):
from a financial gain Cause obviously you get the,
you know the relationships, youget the growth.
That is something that you doget from that.

Speaker 2 (52:56):
You do get a lot of it, yes, but I was going into
that room from a I wanted tolearn more about myself through
the lens of business, throughthe lens of relationships,
through the lens of community,similar to when I had invested
in the yoga teacher traininglike, similar to that.
He viewed it through the lensof I'm going there as a way to
network, to get business, not asa way to connect with people,

(53:19):
to learn and grow as a person.
And so if we, if we break itdown, that investment, I he's
like, I hope you, I hope you youget a couple of business to pay
for the involvement of it, justthe relationships I meant from
that.
It's like a 30 to 40 X on theinvestment from what I put into

(53:40):
it.
But I think that there'ssomething to be said about the
transactional ness, becausethat's something that I I think
I asked you this too.
It's like how do you avoid thetransactional relationship?
Because it's not like, yes, Iwant to align with people who
are where I want to be.

(54:00):
Yes, and maybe I don't havemuch to give them in this
present moment, but as as anexample, like I didn't have
quote, unquote anything tangibleto give Andre at the time when
we were having those dinners,like there was not, like guy who
has everything, what do yougive that person?
It's not and that's again afaulty belief that thinking that

(54:22):
in order to give him somethingis that I need to match him on a
on a playing field from aeither monetary or physical
standpoint Jump on my jet, sortof thing.
Yeah, and I remember one dayfollowing there was another meal
and this was before I asked himwhy he continues to bring these
things into uh looks.

(54:43):
This was uh, um.
I remember asking, before hebrought up the thing, saying why
, uh, before I brought up thething saying why, why, why are
you involving me in yourbusiness piece?
I remember saying like no, no,no, I got dinner tonight.
He goes no, no, no, looks, laydown, girly.

(55:05):
He goes no, no, no, no.
I go no, no, no, I got dinnertonight.
And he's like no, no, no, we'renot going to tit for tat,
that's not what this is.
I get dinner and, like yourcompany is invited to be with
dinner, like, don't steal theenjoyment I get from being able
to support people around me Wasthe environment and the vibe

(55:25):
that I got from it and thataltered how, then, I view
relationships?
Because I used to think Ineeded to surround myself with
people who I could get somethingfrom, but I never ended up
getting the thing I wanted,because I viewed it as this give
then take, or like take andtake, and you're not equating

(55:46):
out the balance sheet.
It's like I'm taking so muchaway from it.
I'm not actually returning thefavor or giving to it, and it
doesn't need to be one for one.
It doesn't need to be money formoney, which is obvious in this
scenario, and that's how I'vestarted to shift and view
relationships as well, and lessof a collaboration and more of a

(56:07):
partnership.

Speaker 1 (56:09):
Very interesting and just as you're attaching on that
, when we moved to Americawithin the first two weeks, one
of my old clients is like go tothis event.
Had no idea what it was.
Walked into the room, longstory short, it was like the
who's who of a lot of places andI was like what on earth are we
doing here and how did we endup here?

(56:29):
Anyway, fast forward, we'vemade some incredible, met some
incredible people and they justkept inviting us to stuff and I
was like this is like is thiswhat America is?
You?
Just you know we're in a bootbox at KISS and I'm at Queen and
then we're playing Shepard, areplaying at the Preds game, and
I started feeling guilty.
Like what do I have to givethese people?

(56:51):
I can't afford the lifestylethat they're living, so I can't
provide value.
So I started going internal andone guy who I've become really
good friends with literallyspeak to every couple of days
Chad.
He was on the podcast a fewweeks ago, successful dude in
his fifties and thinks reallywell.
He pulled me aside and he waslike dude, we don't want

(57:11):
anything from you.
Like there is some enjoyment toback up your point, for us to
be able to help you guys on yourjourney, wherever that ends.
We're not, you know we're notguaranteeing you anything, but
we're learning from you guys.
We're enjoying seeing thegrowth and that's enough.
I don't feel like you have togive something, because now
you're not being being who we.

(57:31):
You know who you are.
You're so focused on fuck, I'mnot enough, or I can't give this
back, or I'm not gonna havethat drink because I don't wanna
.
You know it's always likegetting yourself into debt and
it's not like that.
But I think that's a specificmindset that a lot of us grow up
having, because everything isso transactional and most people
are afraid of money becausethey never talk about money and

(57:53):
they don't understand it.
And then that whole philosophyor framework then goes into
other transactions in your life.

Speaker 2 (58:02):
I think that love in this carpet For those that are
listening and not watching.
My dog decided to enter theconversation and I have a very
soft carpet we're on and sheloves to scratch her back on it.
To continue down that path,though.
I think that I think that thetransactionalness and because

(58:33):
there's a fine line obviouslythere's a fine line between it
where you.
This is hilarious.

Speaker 1 (58:39):
I wish this was on camera.

Speaker 2 (58:42):
There's a fine line between it, because on one side
there's the guiltiness of takingsomething that you know that
you couldn't afford or wouldn'tbe able to, and I always I like
to be in positions where I knowthat I can, so that should hits
the fan and something happensand then I have to cover the

(59:04):
bill.
I can't be like, oh, I can'tcover this kind of thing.
I never wanna be in a situationwhere that's the case.
But I think that from she'sreally thrown, she's thrown us
for a loop right now.
Hey go to the couch.
Go to the couch, but she doeslisten well.
So fine line between the two ofactually being able to and then

(59:29):
taking advantage of.
I think there's a differencebetween the two, because I know
that there I have some friendsout here that have been very
successful or are verysuccessful, and they just have
people that assume that they'reowed something.
Now because of they're like wegrew up together you owe me this
.
I don't like that, but I thinkof earning your keep and then

(59:50):
showing up and saying how am Igoing to show up in a way that
is beneficial for thisrelationship?
Because it doesn't have to bemonetary, like we've talked
about.
It doesn't have to be any ofthis finiteness that we assume
is the only way to repay a debtor we assume is the only way to

(01:00:13):
build something up.
In the past and, if we go wayback before, we actually used
money as like a monetaryexchange.
I was good at X and you weregood at Y and someone was good
at Z, and we're all workingtogether in unison, which is
really what a company is.
A company is working togetherand focusing on your skill sets
in all these different places.
And a book that I read years ago.

(01:00:35):
That paved the way for a lot ofmy business.
Success was who, not how, andit's a great book.
I literally read that a fewweeks ago.
Incredible, amazing, incrediblebook.
Because we're conditioned tosay I or at least I was.
I need to figure out how to dothis thing because I need to be
in charge of everything and Ineed to be in control of
everything and anything thathappens must pass through me.

(01:00:57):
But then you're your ownbottleneck in life and business.
But when you start to ask thequestion who is better than this
than I will ever be?
Now, you start to plug peoplein into a position that is
actually better than you wouldever do it yourself and then you
skip the line.
So before the Costa Ricaacquisition, I knew that I

(01:01:18):
wanted to own property, like Iknew that I wanted to open a
retreat center.
I knew all of these things inmy gut.
Logically speaking, I thoughtthis had to lead to this, had to
lead to this, had to lead tothis, to get to that point.
And that's what I was workingtowards In the span of three
months.
In the span of three months, Iwent from not needing any of
that because of therelationships that I had built,

(01:01:38):
not because I was built them ontransactionalists.
I didn't meet him going to oh,I'm gonna open a property with
this guy one day.
I met him thinking that, okay,cool, I wanna learn how this guy
lives his life.
Because, again, the proximitypiece my belief is that they are
doing something, or my beliefat the time was that they're
doing something I'm not, which Ilearned was wrong.

(01:02:01):
They're not doing things that Iam.
That's the difference in thegrowth piece.

Speaker 1 (01:02:08):
That's hard to even, that's hard to believe possible.
Yeah, it just doesn't makesense.

Speaker 2 (01:02:15):
They're doing more of less is probably the best way
to put it.
So, rather than saying thisgoes here, this goes here, this
goes here, this goes here, andyou're putting 20% into five
different things, they'reputting 100% into one thing
until they're able to replacethemselves in that thing, and

(01:02:35):
then they replace themselveswith someone who does it better
than they ever could.
So it's the inverse way ofapproaching business, because
and that's from, like, anownership point of view If you
view it from an employee pointof view, which is how most of us
are trained to think it's I'mgoing to do the actions, but
someone else reaps the rewardfrom it because you're the who,

(01:03:01):
not the how, or someone elseYou're the who who acts as the
how.
So someone else is like okay, Ineed someone to do this, this,
this, this, I'm not going to dothat.
They're believing the who, nothow.
Philosophically, they plug youinto it.
You're the who.
That is the cog to for them tocreate what they want.
But and it's also tiered becausethen they also are with someone

(01:03:24):
else above them and above them,and this is very big pyramid.
But when you start to shift thebeliefs around this, you
recognize that everything thatyou are doing in your life from
business, from relationally,from consumerism when you start
to think, okay, who could dothis better than me, and what do

(01:03:45):
I need to?
What environment or who do Ineed to surround myself in order
to getting in connection withthem?
Same thing with finances andsame thing with with like
acquisitions.
It's not how much money do Ihave, it's how much money or
resources do I have access to.
And if you shift that thoughtagain, I could have access to

(01:04:06):
person one, but person one hasaccess to person two.
And if person two is the personthat I need we were two degrees
of separation you still haveaccess to it because you've
access to the resources.
It's never and I learned thisfrom the Tony Robbins world.
This is like one of his mostfamous quotes is it's never
about the resources, it's aboutyour resourcefulness.
Resources are infinite.
The only finite resource youhave in life is your time.

(01:04:31):
Yet we view it as infinite.
We view money as finite, butnot.
But.
Money's technically infinite,money's fake like money, 5% of
money's in circulation, if notless, and it's a number on a on
a keyboard, a number on acomputer.
And when you shift that belief,saying okay, I need to figure
out where I can become moreresourceful, because the

(01:04:54):
resourcefulness is what's goingto lead me to where I want to go
, you shift how you show up inthe world and you shift the
conversations that you starthaving.

Speaker 1 (01:05:05):
Such a powerful piece .
The thing that I'm thinkingabout is my ego would have not
now, but previously.
My ego would have held me backfrom doing that, and in a manner
of one I don't want to ask forhelp to what if they don't like
or appreciate who I am, or whatif I'm just not good enough.
But that then probably circlesback around to a few other

(01:05:26):
things we've discussedthroughout.
This is like for you.
It was yoga that said I need toimprove the relationship with
myself through improving therelationship with self.
You then start improving yourvalue because you start seeing
your strength, you start workingon your weaknesses and then you
start getting curious aboutother things that you want to
explore, and then, when you lockyourself in a room with LED

(01:05:47):
lights and go all in onsomething, you can provide
tremendous value.
I think it's Gary Vee talksabout it.
He's like most people don'teven do 20 hours worth of
research on anything beforethey're fucking throwing
opinions and stuff on theinternet.
So sorry in saying that, if youdo do 20 hours or more, you're
probably going to have a greaterunderstanding than most people.

(01:06:07):
It's how I found myselfthroughout COVID, helping a
company go on for an IPO Throughthat, as I was about to go
bankrupt.
And now they're listed and onceagain, that came from me
working with the CEO.
But then, yeah, it's like I wasasking good questions, I was
throwing different perspectivesin the mix and that became

(01:06:27):
valuable to them.
That wouldn't have happened.
How do I just go fuck it?
I'm prepared to sound stupid,I'm prepared to fail, I'm
prepared to look like I don'tunderstand things.
But it's going back to when youdon't understand things, you
ask the simple questions and yousimplify stuff and simplicity

(01:06:47):
allows for growth, I think, fromthe self-worth piece to their
response and their reaction isnot your responsibility, correct
.

Speaker 2 (01:06:57):
And when we, when we remove at least for me, when I
remove that, when I remove thatneed to control the situation
and control how someone else isgoing to respond to something, I
no longer have to shift how Ishow up and when I can show up

(01:07:18):
authentically of, authenticallymyself and authentically who I
want to be, you're no longerhaving to, like, put on
different hats and all thesedifferent situations and things
start to happen for you becauseyou're operating in this, in
this path of flow.
I say again, from simplifyingthings too, I've done a lot to

(01:07:38):
structure my days and tostructure my life so that I have
freedom, and I think I'mcurious what you're going to
pull up here, but I think thatpeople I used to at least think
that structure was the inopposition of freedom, exactly
what I was going to put up.

(01:07:59):
I used to think that structureis in opposition of freedom, but
a river without banks ceases toflow.
So you need structure in yourlife in order to create the
space that you in order to dothe things that you want to.
So I recognize the things thatweren't important to me and I
either removed them or Isimplified them to a way where I

(01:08:20):
was able to structure them sothat I didn't have to do them or
outsource them or delegate them, or just they're gone
completely, and that then freedup my ability to be like I'm
coming to Brisbane for five days, or like I'm, I'm, I want to
come to Vegas for a day and likemove these things around.
I always wanted to be.

(01:08:41):
I think it's a control piece,but I always wanted to be in
control of what I do, who, whenI do it, who I do it with and at
what rate I do it.
Those are, those are the biggestthings for me, because I
struggle with being told what todo.
A lot and if, if, let me let merephrase that I do, yes, but I

(01:09:08):
only struggle with it if there'snot a better way that we can
pose that may work.
It's something that may workbetter.
So if you tell me this is theway that it must be done,
because that's the way we'vealways done it huge red flag I'm
going to have a lot of problemswith that and I'm going to go
out of my way to find a way todo it easier, just to prove
you're wrong.
But if you go, here's how we'vedone it, because we've tried

(01:09:31):
this, this, this, this, this,nothing else has worked.
If you find a better way to doit, but this is the way that it
works right now, cool In in agrants it's.
It's the need for control forthe sake of control that
challenges me.

Speaker 1 (01:09:48):
Speaking of Vegas, we're heading there in literally
45 minutes, so we'll have towrap this up.
Unfortunately.
This is hugely insightful.
I've taken away so much and Ifeel like we're going to have to
do a part two when I'm back ina weeks as well.
Kevin, where can people findyou?
Obviously, you've got theincredible podcast, social pages

(01:10:08):
and newsletter.
Where can people plug in?

Speaker 2 (01:10:11):
anything on socials.
My name Kevin Wathi, and thatanything to do with the podcast
or newsletters.
Inputs onlycom.

Speaker 1 (01:10:17):
I'll have it all linked in the show notes so you
can check it out.
Definitely read the newsletter.
It is phenomenal Like when I'mreading it, a lot of my own
thoughts and things that arehappening in my life are just
really.
You're plugging the missingpieces in and it makes a lot of
sense.
So it's a brilliant newsletter.
Definitely subscribe.
If you got value from thisepisode, make sure you share it
head over, leave a rating reviewand then also find the links

(01:10:39):
below to follow Kevin.

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.css-14f5ked{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:2;overflow:hidden;}How To Live In The Present Moment | Kevin Wathey #555