March 21, 2024 • 40 mins
Embarking on a nine-year odyssey of love and partnership, Amy and I pull back the curtain on the real work that goes into a lasting relationship. Our living room transforms into a confessional as we chat about the strategies that have kept our bond strong amid life's rollercoaster—complete with insights from completing a monumental 30 marathons in 30 days. Find out how we navigate the complexities of communication, respect, and managing the tough talks that are the unsung heroes of a thriving partnership.
Celebrity or not, everyone craves that grounded connection where they're seen for who they truly are. We get real about how success can skew perceptions and the art of staying anchored when your world is spinning. From the seismic shifts following the hit "Geronimo" to the nuances of overcoming jealousy and building trust, we don't shy away from the messy, intricate dance of growing together. Join us as we lay bare the journey toward a secure and valued relationship, leaving toxic patterns in the dust to embrace a love built on mutual respect and understanding.
But what's love without laughter and those small, miraculous moments that make up the fabric of a shared life? Remembering our first dance, savoring morning coffees, and those city walks that turn ordinary days into cherished memories, we celebrate the little things that make a big difference. And as we ponder the athletic endeavors of our future offspring and the upcoming Patreon project that marries body positivity with the twangs of country music, it's clear—no matter the paths we tread, it's the steps we take together that truly count.
Celebrity or not, everyone craves that grounded connection where they're seen for who they truly are. We get real about how success can skew perceptions and the art of staying anchored when your world is spinning. From the seismic shifts following the hit "Geronimo" to the nuances of overcoming jealousy and building trust, we don't shy away from the messy, intricate dance of growing together. Join us as we lay bare the journey toward a secure and valued relationship, leaving toxic patterns in the dust to embrace a love built on mutual respect and understanding.
But what's love without laughter and those small, miraculous moments that make up the fabric of a shared life? Remembering our first dance, savoring morning coffees, and those city walks that turn ordinary days into cherished memories, we celebrate the little things that make a big difference. And as we ponder the athletic endeavors of our future offspring and the upcoming Patreon project that marries body positivity with the twangs of country music, it's clear—no matter the paths we tread, it's the steps we take together that truly count.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Today's guest is my lovely wife.
Off the back of the last coupleof podcast episodes around long
distance relationships, tips tomake stronger relationships,
also how to receive feedback Ithought why not get the wife
back on itself?
First podcast is husband andwife.
We've done a couple previously,but in this conversation, amy's
(00:24):
currently over in LA at themoment, so I haven't seen each
other for three or four weeksand I'll probably I'm flying
over in a week or so but wespoke about what we feel has
made our relationship stand.
You know, heading into ourninth year, learning how to
communicate effectively,learning how to show respect and
value each other, but also howto have tough conversations and
(00:47):
a whole other range of thingsthat have worked really well for
our relationship.
So, if you're in a relationship, if you're looking for, I guess
, what's worked well for us andnot saying that we've got all
the keys, because we definitelydon't but if you feel you could
learn something, this is goingto be a cracking episode for you
and I'm actually really proud.
Obviously, amy's come off awhole day of songwriting in LA,
(01:08):
so to have the energy and beable to, she dropped so many
bombs.
I was like, wow, this isawesome.
I can't wait to share this withwith the Manic Can community,
so you're going to get a heap ofvalue now If you're tuning in
for the first time.
Welcome, it's so awesome tohave you here and thank you for
investing your time.
We definitely always try to getthe best guests on and also
deliver valuable information andlong form content to help you
(01:30):
better improve areas of yourlife so you can really reach
your potential.
And if you return it back, well, awesome, great to still have
you guys here.
I have just finished my 30marathons in 30 days, which is
an unofficial world record.
I'm just waiting to hear backfrom Guinness World Record,
which is awesome.
It's been cool to have seen howmany other men and women
(01:52):
completed marathons and justalso the experiences or the
lessons that I had from thatexperience, and I've started
recording a podcast with Wes.
He's actually interviewing me,so I'm looking forward to
getting that out the next coupleof weeks, once I've had a bit
more time to rest and reflectand really make sure I share the
most powerful points from thatexperience.
But something that I'mdefinitely proud of, and also,
(02:14):
this is my first day not rowing,so pretty pumped about that.
But enough from me.
Let's dive into today's episodeand remember if you do get
value, please share it.
Please take the time to leave areview, because you're helping
the people in your communitiesgain value as well.
Speaker 2 (02:32):
The man Let Cam Project podcast, a podcast in
powering rear driven men to livemore fulfilling lives.
We are here to challenge yourbeliefs, redefine success and
talk about the important stuffin a relatable way.
Don't forget to subscribe andleave a review.
My name's Lockies Stuart.
Let's get into it.
Speaker 3 (02:54):
Guess who's back.
Speaker 1 (02:55):
Welcome back.
Welcome to exercise.
I was going to say exercisebecause I've been doing so much
of it.
Welcome to and you were.
You were about to steal myintro.
Speaker 3 (03:07):
Amy's back to the friend.
Speaker 1 (03:10):
This is your third time on the man Let Cam Project
podcast.
Welcome everyone who's tuningin for episode 396.
Wow, we've this is the firsttime you've been on the show as
my wife, though Previously youwere just my partner.
Yeah, my girlfriend.
Speaker 3 (03:29):
Yeah, but we said partner because it's just more
official than girlfriend, isn'tit?
Speaker 1 (03:33):
Yeah, you're right.
Speaker 3 (03:35):
I've been promoted, so they've been promoted.
Speaker 1 (03:40):
And it took me eight years or whatever it took.
But, aship, you're over in LAat the moment.
I'm sitting here in Brisbane.
It's funny, we're both on thesame time zone.
They, even though you're acrossthe world asleep.
So it's because you lovestaying up late and getting up
late, whereas I get up early.
Speaker 3 (04:02):
Yeah, it's 940 PM.
Speaker 1 (04:07):
So why you pass my bedtime?
Speaker 3 (04:09):
So that makes it three for you 239.
Speaker 1 (04:16):
Yeah, it's worked out well Now that the rows have
finished.
Up until the rows had finished,it was quite irritating because
as I was about to start my rows, you'd just finished work for
the day, so it was sort of yourdowntime, but then I was done
for the next couple of hours, soit was hard to chat.
Speaker 3 (04:33):
And then, obviously, when you're waking up, Unless I
stayed up super late into like1am 2am, we didn't really get to
chat.
Speaker 1 (04:42):
Which you enjoy doing , though.
Anyway, good excuse for you tostay up and scroll Reddit and do
various other things.
Speaker 3 (04:53):
Absolutely.
Speaker 1 (04:55):
The purpose of this podcast today is for the
gentleman out there who the lastcouple of episodes I've done
around long distancerelationships.
Obviously, at the moment you'reoverseas, I'm not, so there's a
bit of distance between us, butalso for the beginning of our
relationship, there was yourtraveling and touring a lot, so
(05:18):
we pretty much classifiedourselves as a long distance
relationship and we started outwith was it Snapchat or Viaba,
where you could video call,which was pretty fun.
Speaker 3 (05:27):
Oh my gosh, I forgot about.
Speaker 1 (05:28):
Viaba, remember that one.
Speaker 3 (05:29):
Yeah, it was Snapchat , but it was back when I don't
know, I hadn't used Snapchat inyears, like since then.
But you had to hold it becausethere was no such thing as
FaceTime, there was like noSkype, so it was like all about
Snapchatting each other.
But then they bought in thelive video but you had to hold
it down and we would hold it forhours in chat.
(05:50):
And if you were to go.
Speaker 1 (05:50):
I would get so sore.
Speaker 3 (05:53):
Sometimes you'd accidentally let it slip and
you'd be like, oh, you'd getdisconnected and you'd get back
on Sorry For all the youngpeople, you've got it so easy.
Speaker 1 (06:03):
now All you do is push a video call button and
it's satisfied.
But then, I've also had anepisode which I did with Sean
last week on how to not getdefensive with feedback and
obviously within relationshipsit's important from time to time
to give and receive feedbackwithin the relationship.
That was a really well receivedepisode and the one before that
(06:25):
was how to build a strongerrelationship, and I think it's
something that we can probablydive into a little bit today
really, which would be fun.
But there was someone postedthrough a question.
I'm really confused whether itwas directed at me or for you.
It was what's it like datingsomeone famous?
And obviously I've been on theradio a fair bit in the last 24
(06:45):
hours, so I assume that's foryou.
Speaker 3 (06:47):
Who's the celebrity now.
Speaker 1 (06:49):
Yeah.
I think, it's for you and,obviously, what's it like being
married to someone famous?
I can't remember whether weanswered this question last time
you were on the show.
Speaker 3 (07:00):
Well, let's answer it again.
Maybe I'll answer it different.
Speaker 1 (07:04):
Yeah, All right.
Well, for me it's really weird,because I don't even think that
you're famous.
I've never really obviously youare, but in my eyes you're
still.
You know the girl at home thatI know, which is.
You know, I get to see you 24,seven usually.
(07:26):
So I think people have a prettyconceived idea of Of you based
on what they see in the media,based on what they see in social
media and all that sort ofstuff, Whereas I don't really
pay attention to all that sortof stuff.
Speaker 3 (07:40):
I get to so funny because I Guess I could probably
relate to that what you'resaying, because when We've been
in a fortunate position to beable to have met a lot of famous
people, and when you meet themit's like I Don't know, just
they're not famous anymore.
Speaker 1 (07:59):
There's people.
Speaker 3 (08:01):
That fan girly like moment I don't know.
Yeah, you, for me, when I meetthe person, even if I'm like the
biggest fan, it's just like,yeah, well, that that kind of
All fades away and thatexcitement fades away and you're
like, oh, like they're legit.
Just a person.
Speaker 2 (08:18):
Yeah, exactly, and you weren't I guess.
Speaker 1 (08:21):
Fame, famous.
When I first met you, that'swhat I came after.
Fame, famous, now you didn't,you didn't have a super global
song.
Speaker 3 (08:32):
Yeah, we met, I had written, we had written drama
and I knew something excitingwas coming our way.
But I think we had really sleptme down easy and it like some
people knew it, some peopledidn't and I think it was like
two or three weeks before hereleased your on a mow that we
started hanging out.
Speaker 1 (08:54):
No, it was a bit more than that.
How can you not remember thistimeline of?
Speaker 3 (08:58):
our relationship.
We had written Geronimo.
Speaker 1 (09:03):
Yeah, you had written drone.
Well, you wrote, drawn a mobilephone.
Speaker 3 (09:07):
We hadn't really stood up.
Speaker 1 (09:08):
What do you feel All right.
So what do you feel helped usSustain our relationship through
that period, when Geronimo tookoff and you were traveling in
All around the world, etc.
And I was still building housesin to oomba?
What do you think enabled us toget through that challenging
time?
Speaker 3 (09:28):
It's a good question, but I think it was Snapchat.
Speaker 1 (09:35):
So if you're not on snapchat, get on snapchat.
I think whether boils down tothose probably Communication the
fact that we made the time, ofcourse to chat daily, even
though we weren't necessarilythere and we spoke as you said.
We spoke for fucking hours, tothe point where I had a sore
thumb and I'm gonna have oureyes.
Speaker 3 (09:53):
I just really appreciated having a bit of
normalcy and a bit of like Idon't know if someone to talk to
the end of the day, someone whoI knew didn't really care about
all that other stuff.
You know, it was such a weirdtime in my life for people who I
just, you know, hadn't heardfrom since school.
(10:15):
I hadn't heard from since I wasin primary school.
We're like reaching out,wanting to hang out, all that
crap.
So it was just nice to likehave someone to talk to every
day and not Someone who, like,really sees who you are is
important to have.
Speaker 1 (10:33):
And I think even from from my perspective, like I was
still I hadn't, I guess, reallybeen oh, I hadn't even started
my Growth journey, really,essentially, where I'd started
reading books and wanted to sortof better myself.
So I know, at the beginningthere was a lot of insecurities
on my end and Even jealousy,like I still remember one day
(10:57):
when I was like Amy's gonna dropmy ass, I'm gonna be kicked
back to twomba because I'minsignificant, she's gonna be
meeting all these famous peopleand you know people are gonna be
throwing themselves at at you,and I think that was a A
challenging time for me and Ithink it's definitely something
a lot of men can Relate to.
(11:18):
Is that that jealousy andinsecurity?
Speaker 2 (11:19):
and I.
Speaker 3 (11:21):
Was just probably feeling the same emotions, being
like, no, seeing if you wouldgo out, I'd be like who you were
, like what time did you gethome?
And you know, because you'refeeling this exact same emotion.
So it's funny how you just gotto let not let that get the
better of you, and we definitelyhad our moments where it did
probably get the better of us onseparate occasions.
(11:41):
But you know, what do youreckon?
Speaker 1 (11:44):
helped, like helped you from that aspect was there I
did or, I know it sounds weird.
Speaker 3 (11:52):
I think, just like me really pushing the boundaries
of like I don't know, like, well, just knowing that at the end
of the day, you would always bethere and like I did, some you
know wild things acted like acrazy person, but you were
always like there at the end ofthe day, you like we're still
(12:13):
okay.
Well, just, I guess, comingfrom other relationships and
realizing that maybe you're notsuch a safe Relationship, maybe
you're in toxic relationship andyou really aren't Feeling
secure, and then you bring thoseinto your new relationships,
all of those emotions, into yournew relationships as well.
And, you know, I think it takesa while to actually realize
(12:38):
that, oh, like, I'm actuallywith the right person and yeah,
locky went out, nothing happened, like or like yeah, in the
beginning of the relationship,you check each other's phones or
All of that crap.
Speaker 1 (12:51):
I never checked your phone.
Speaker 3 (12:53):
Just.
Speaker 1 (12:55):
Lie.
Speaker 3 (12:58):
Kidding, I did.
But then you realize that it'slike okay, like this person is
actually legit and it's safe,and that's when you can kind of
you start to let go of thoseinsecurities.
Speaker 1 (13:09):
Yeah, you can start to actually, yeah, really cement
the relationship and I thinkthat comes.
What was that?
Speaker 3 (13:17):
and you don't know in the beginning, you don't know
and you can't really it mightall fail and it is scary.
But yeah, you've just got tokind of go along for the ride
and Do your best to control youremotions and Hope that the
other person on the other end isthe person that you Hope and
(13:39):
think and then if they're notLike yeah.
If you don't feel like they'rethey are, then just yeah.
I would recommend not wastingany more time, because if it's,
if they're toxic, you're gonnaknow about it.
Speaker 1 (13:51):
Definitely, and I think it's about feeling valued
and heard, and I think we allcarry baggage Into the
relationship, so it's not justlike just drop it and forget it,
but it's, I guess, collectively, as a relationship or as a
couple, learn into, work throughthat.
And I think when you start outin a relationship, it's easy to
turn a blind eye to certainthings.
(14:12):
You know, obviously you kickedme out of a cabin in Thailand
when I was drunk and being anabsolute wanker, and that was
probably a good no.
I knew I had a, an issue withalcohol and that was probably
one of the defining moments inmy life as to why I stopped
Drinking a lot, because you knowyou can really Fuck things up
(14:33):
with with that and that's nothow I wanted to be.
But it's also you gave me theopportunity to, I guess, improve
.
And obviously it's not justsaying I'll be better, which a
lot of people do.
It's like I actually Back tothat up and I don't just even
still now, eight years later, Idon't Drink a hole here because
I don't want to put myself inthat situation, not saying I
(14:53):
ever would again, but it's alsojust, if you don't want to be in
that situation, why play withfire, you know, if you don't
want to get burnt.
So I think it's it's definitelyimportant to do that, but then
obviously, once that honeymoonperiod wears off, you know, it's
then starting to get clear onwhat the relationship Dynamics
(15:14):
look like and learning to reallytrust.
And I think, as you were sayingbefore, when you it's like you
hope that person is who youthink they are, a lot of people
hold back and they go andreserve because they have been
burnt in the past or whateverexperiences they've had and they
don't actually ever get tofully Give themselves to that
relationship.
So, even if it does fall apart,you know, I told yourself, but
(15:35):
it's like we never really gaveit the best shot anyway.
So you almost got a, if youwant, I guess, that incredible
relationship.
And I was talking to Benny aboutthis the other night because
he's like how do you, how didyou know?
Like Amy was the one like thatone.
And I'm like, well, at thebeginning it's like you're
obviously smitten by each otherand everything like that, but
(15:57):
then it's, you know, as I, Ialways started to work out who I
was and what I wanted in mylife, the things that I thought
I wanted a partying and all thatsort of stuff wasn't important
to me and I Think you're verysupportive with me in the
lifestyle, like you know, a bitmore health focused and Caring
and all of these sorts of thingsthat maybe in the beginning I
(16:18):
didn't really care about, Ididn't think I needed because I
was a tough, tough bloke.
So I think when I got Clearer,more clear on what I actually
wanted and what a good lifewould look like for me and what
a good relationship Was not atoxic one, because I've been in
and you know I was the mainculprit in toxic relationships
in the past Due to insecurities,jealousies etc.
(16:41):
I didn't want to bring any ofthat into this sort of one,
which obviously also, I'm sure,helped with your you know
whether it was, as you said,things that you needed to trust
in me to make sure that I wasn'tlike previous partners and
stuff like that.
Speaker 3 (17:00):
I think we just like met at the right time as well in
terms of Ready to for a maturerelationship, and I think that
helps as well.
Speaker 1 (17:11):
You're willing to go the extra mile to make it work
as well After, and it's not likeI don't annoy you now I
definitely do and sometimes I goout of my way to do it.
But I think one of the one ofthe important things as well as
and we don't actually fight likeI was saying that to Ben the
(17:32):
other day, I was like weliterally don't have those
screaming fucking fights.
It Maybe you see on movies andstuff and I you know I have
clients that talk about that andI'm like I just don't
understand.
I don't get me wrong.
I've done that with previouspartners Because I didn't
understand how to control myemotions.
But now it's like why would Idon't get me wrong?
(17:52):
I do sometimes be a dick, 100%,but I don't flip off, or
there's probably can count on ahand the amount of times that I
have and I think a lot of thatcomes.
Speaker 3 (18:07):
You see it a lot in relationships with.
They fight and it's likeawkward if you're there at the
time and in the middle of it.
Yeah, I think we've really Cometo learn how to communicate
properly With each other and saythings how it is and then or
just talk about it before itescalates.
(18:28):
I think that really helps aswell.
Just like, hey, that wasn'tcool, I didn't like that.
And then the other person Wouldactually and obviously it
doesn't sound like that.
Speaker 1 (18:40):
Sometimes we do get not like.
It's just like in the hiddenemotion there might be tears or
whatever want to say.
Speaker 3 (18:48):
Yeah, yeah, just yeah , pretty much like don't be a
dickhead, and then Actuallytaking that on board and making
a change, rather than gettingdefensive and arcing up back.
You know, I think that reallyhelps.
It's to like actually Iacknowledge when you're wrong as
well, take it on which I neveram, so I haven't had to do that
(19:09):
yet.
Speaker 2 (19:12):
No, I'm wrong quite often, but definitely.
Speaker 1 (19:16):
I think.
Speaker 3 (19:17):
And then moving on as well.
Speaker 1 (19:20):
Yeah, learning to actually let it rest.
I know there's so many peoplewho, for example, if they make a
mistake, like, okay, well, havewe agreed to let this sort of
settle and move forward.
People will bring it up in sixmonths time or nine months.
Speaker 3 (19:33):
I'm like well, Old issues into new fights just
means it's unresolved from mytime.
So I think we really do try andresolve things there and then.
Speaker 1 (19:45):
Exactly.
Speaker 3 (19:46):
I More.
Speaker 1 (19:48):
I definitely agree.
I was trying to Think about,like from a communication
standpoint, like there are often, you know, sometimes
conversations that you have tohave that, a, that, a challenge,
and sometimes uncomfortable,but you know, I guess, whether
you do it in what way works bestfor you, or even, hey, your
partner it chooses to best, Iguess Receive feedback because
(20:14):
you and I both obviously verybusy.
When I say busy, I mean we'vegot a lot of stuff happening.
So trying to make the time toactually we're not even trying,
just making sure we invest thetime together and all our needs
are met and we're prioritizingthe relationship, because it can
be very easy to Get phone callafter phone call, email after
(20:38):
email, and obviously we're bothheavy on social media as well,
so it's like you're constantlychecking things going on there
and it's you know, it's, it's atrap, but it's also, then, the
importance of actuallyprioritizing what you want from
the relationship date nights,time without phones, time with
other you know, our friends andeverything like that as well.
Speaker 3 (21:02):
Yeah, I think I would agree with that.
Speaker 1 (21:04):
I was hoping you were gonna help me leapfrog that,
that part of the conversation.
Speaker 3 (21:10):
But I think you just summed it up really nicely just
making the time and Making thetime and, yeah, committing to
that time as well it's, it iseasy to pick up the phone.
I know you tell me off for itall the time and vice versa.
I'm yeah, we try and haveDinner together.
I think that's like a reallyimportant thing for us is to
(21:32):
like have that.
Speaker 1 (21:35):
Dinner time.
Speaker 3 (21:36):
Yeah, we just don't have phones.
Nobody else is there, it's justus.
Speaker 1 (21:41):
You can't tell you what goes down there.
But Eating.
We eat food.
Speaker 3 (21:49):
I was like the fuck.
How erotic.
Speaker 1 (21:54):
Yeah, amazing those green vegetables.
Speaker 2 (21:58):
No but.
Speaker 1 (21:59):
I think, for a lot of people, because they, you know,
I think one of the things thatI really love about you and I
think is hugely benefited, Iguess, me and our relationship
and me being able to be morecomfortable and secure is the
fact that you're really clear onwho you are.
As a woman like you don'ttolerate any shit, so it's very
(22:22):
easy for you to pull me up whenI'm slacking or doing whatever,
which obviously holds me to ahigher standard, and I hope I
sort of do that, do that as well, and I think, obviously because
we're both quite ambitious itmotivates like that.
We're in a very driven household, but we also we're like really
(22:44):
equal household as well, fuckyeah.
Speaker 3 (22:47):
Like you're home and you're like I've been at work
all day and expect me to cookand clean, like that's obviously
was never going to happen inthis relationship.
Yeah, and it is a really nicemoment when we're both like
we're both cooking or bothcleaning, and you know we don't
expect the other person Like Idon't expect you to be the
(23:08):
breadwinner, and just like.
Speaker 1 (23:11):
I'm fucking not, I'm just fine.
Speaker 3 (23:14):
I worked in your relationship, but for us I feel
like we just do a lot of thetasks together and we make our
lives happen together and Ithink that's been very helpful
in our relationship, becausewe're directly.
Speaker 1 (23:29):
We do be we.
I feel like we never like.
Obviously we've spoken about ita few times when I've been a
bit lazy and things like thatbut I think we, because we had
such a respect for each otherand obviously we've had
relationships in the past andwe've learned what's not worked
(23:50):
well in those and things likethat We've just that that mutual
respect has helped us sort ofjust naturally go right over
famous cooking.
Tonight I'll clean, or viceversa, although sometimes when
I'm trying to cook you alwaysjump in because you don't trust
me.
Speaker 3 (24:07):
I forget, if I can salt and garlic.
Hey the onion garlic butterthat's all you need to do and
sugar for cooking.
That's the secret.
Speaker 1 (24:17):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (24:20):
But it is.
It's just treating your partneras a person and not just like a
slave or someone who you wantto mold or make, make your
perfect person, you know,because you've got to work
together to create a life thatyou want.
Sounds so cliche, but it's sotrue, like you have a partner to
(24:43):
share life with, not to makeyour life better.
Speaker 1 (24:48):
Yeah, exactly, they're not a loving slave.
Yeah, exactly we just come homeand everything's done.
But we know, yeah, I guess wenever really spoke about like we
obviously have since, but Ithink it just came from a place
of respecting each other that wenaturally just did those things
and obviously it's still notexpected Like I don't come home,
(25:10):
as you said, every nightexpecting dinner or vice versa
and I didn't expect all theseother things.
But it's like nice when you getthat in one of the books.
I remember when I first readthe five love languages because
I was always like I just don'tunderstand why Amy, you buy me
gifts all the time, like yoursis so thoughtful and caring with
(25:31):
that.
I was like I don't really carefor gifts.
And then I read the five lovelanguages and I was like it's
because Amy loves gifts, that'sher love language and I never
buy you stuff.
Speaker 3 (25:44):
Yeah, no, I don't know.
I think I'm over that, though.
Can your love languages change?
Speaker 1 (25:48):
I'm sure they can, Everything can change.
But yeah, I was always likethat's why when I bought you
flowers about five years ago isthe greatest day ever.
I'm still trying to pay off thewedding ring.
Speaker 3 (26:00):
Yeah, maybe I don't know, Maybe it is still my love
language.
Speaker 1 (26:04):
I think it definitely is, but like, definitely
definitely.
Speaker 3 (26:08):
It makes me sound so materialistic.
Speaker 1 (26:11):
No, it's not even that Like.
You just always do nice thingsfor me.
Like when you left to Americayou left a card in my drawer
saying well, you know I'm notgoing to give away all the juicy
details, but you left a card inmy sock drawer, like things
like that is still a gift.
It's like you're giving overyour time, you're giving.
You just do all these reallynice.
If you go to the shops, you'llbring home me a little chocolate
(26:33):
mousse, or there's alwaysthoughtfulness in everything.
Whereas like I'm really likeright, I'm going to the shop,
I'm just going to get steak andpotatoes, that's it, nothing
else, Whereas for me it's like Itry to give time or whatever,
because that's what I enjoyabout it.
So, obviously, then, going well, amy loves gifts.
(26:53):
I need to get.
And even saying this now, I'mlike fuck, I'm useless with that
.
I need to get better at that.
Speaker 3 (27:00):
Yeah, but it's as you said.
It's not always like it doesn'thave to be an expensive gift.
It can just be like a littlesomething to remind them that
you were thinking of them, or.
Speaker 1 (27:09):
Yeah, it's not even the expensive stuff, that isn't
what matters.
It's like the thoughtful stuff,like where you have to make a
time goes into it, or you know,like the wedding gift I gave you
Actually, you got me reallythoughtful one as well, but I
made the photo album for us, butit just didn't arrive in time.
It arrived the day after weleft, but you got it when you
(27:30):
got back, like for me, that'slike Bracelet.
Oh yeah, I did too.
I'm a jewelry king.
Lucky Hogan's a jeweler, yeah,and that bloody Whopper indeed.
But what, I guess, for peoplewho are struggling in
relationships or just feel likethey continually have bad luck
(27:53):
in relationships, what would you, what advice would you give for
them?
Speaker 3 (28:00):
For people who have bad luck in relationships.
Speaker 1 (28:02):
Well, just feel like obviously there's no bad luck.
It's just really we need to beaware of where we're fucking up,
or whether we're choosing thewrong people or we've got to
work on our communication or ouremotional management.
What would you sort of advicewould you give to them to?
Speaker 3 (28:20):
build a thriving relationship.
Yeah, could be all of the aboveand also just, I just think that
people have this idealisticview that their partner is going
to be this incredible soulmatethat's going to sweep them off
their feet and it's going to belike the movies and when,
realistically, it's probably notlike that.
(28:40):
You know, yeah, you have thehoneymoon phase, but you've got
to be aware that that dies offand then you've got to put in
some work and have commitment tothis person, commitment to
yourself that you're going toget better and you're going to
make it work because you lovethis person and you know that
you guys get along.
You're going to spend a lot oftime together and if you can't
(29:03):
see yourself really growing oldwith the person, then, yeah,
maybe move on.
Speaker 1 (29:09):
But what the fuck are you doing?
Speaker 3 (29:12):
Yeah, but I do think that people probably give up a
little bit too easily as well,because the person's not their
quote.
Unquote dream girl, dream guy.
I think just putting in alittle bit of effort goes a long
way.
Speaker 1 (29:27):
And just also not thinking the grass is greener,
like I had a conversation with aclient about it the other day
and I was like what do you likethe best way to appreciate what
you've got?
Because anything that you'vehad, or like if you've been in a
relationship for long enough,it's really easy to take even
the smallest things for granted.
Like you know, I bring mebringing you a cup of coffee
every morning, but things it'svery easy.
(29:49):
So you know, taking the timeeach morning to say what's one
thing I appreciate about mypartner because it's really yeah
.
Once you you know I'm sure youget frustrated at me for fucking
leaving my shoes at the door orvarious other things like that,
and it's like in the grandscheme of thing, it's not a big
fucking deal.
But when you see that you thenstart to notice all the other
(30:13):
things that irritate you, andthat irritation then grows and
can make you be a little bitpissed off with your partner.
So it's going okay.
Well, the shoes are there, fairplay, I can pick that up and we
can move on.
But what's one thing that Ireally appreciate about my
partner that you know, becauseyou know it's not giving you
anything about how many peopleprobably died today, which is
(30:35):
going very morbid, but if yourpartner were to walk out the
door, or wife or husband orwhatever, and they weren't to
come back, what would you missmost about them?
and it's those things that weneed to focus on, because
they're the things that we getevery day but we take for
granted.
Speaker 3 (30:53):
Yeah, so true.
Speaker 1 (30:55):
So, I get my 7.30 message from you every day.
Speaker 3 (30:59):
Yeah, yeah, and I think just that the grass isn't
always greener is like the pointI was trying to make.
It's like people are alwayslike, oh, this relationship's
gone stale.
But it's like has it, or haveyou just stopped putting an
effort because you know you'regoing to get into a new
relationship and it's going tobe all exciting again for the
(31:20):
first two months, and then, oh,it's gone stale again.
It's like we have so manyexciting adventures, but it's
not always like that, like mostdays it's just normal, you know,
like wake up, work, dinner,repeat, but then you have those
magical moments where you justremember like, oh, the little
(31:41):
honeymoon phase comes back for aminute, for a period of time,
and you know you can't expectthat to be real life and I think
as well.
Speaker 1 (31:53):
You know we fall into that trap, both of us.
But I think about remember whenwe started doing those walks,
the city loop, when you werewanting to walk and I started
coming and like as much as I wasalways like fuck, that's like
two hours out of my day, it wasstill so fun doing that, like
you know.
Moments like that, I think,because once again, we do fall
into those routines.
Monday to Friday.
(32:14):
Obviously, weekends we allow abit more flexibility in what we
choose to do.
However, on the weekdays it'slike I want to be in bed by a
certain time, we want to cookdinner, we want to do this, that
and the other.
We're getting emails, but whenyou can, actually it doesn't
hurt anyone, it doesn't doanything to especially yours and
my business for us to go.
Let's go for a fucking walk.
And it's so fun because it'sliterally just us checking out
(32:36):
whatever's going on and having agood time, and so I think for
me personally I just from whatyou said, then I'm like I take
those things for granted andit's probably when you get back
something we should re-git, evenwhen we caught the city cat,
like that was a fucking mission,but it was fun at the same time
, like just you know what Ithink was really, and like
(32:56):
little magic moments talkingabout those little, little
moments that you reallyappreciate and don't take for
granted.
Speaker 3 (33:04):
But when we were learning our wedding dance.
It's fun, but fun, weirdexperience that we probably
won't do again but it was justlike a moment where we just like
were fully focused on themoment and like trying to learn
dance moves, that was fun.
Speaker 1 (33:20):
We just like cleared out our little moments and we
were like we had this fun.
Speaker 3 (33:27):
We just like cleared out our living room space to try
and learn these dance moves and, yeah, that was a really
special time, I think well,maybe I was actually thinking
about this morning in Nashville,like surely we're going to do
some line dancing line dancingsurely there's going to be.
Speaker 1 (33:44):
I'm bringing my boots over you're going to buy me a
big hat, so one would only hopewe're going to do a bit of heel
and toe.
Speaker 3 (33:54):
I'm going to eat some fried chicken.
Speaker 1 (33:57):
Tell you that much definitely and once again, like
even for obviously we don't havechildren yet, but for those who
have children, you know we'vegot a lot of friends who have
children and one of the coolthings that I, I guess, watch
for them is they stillprioritise their relationship.
Obviously, you know, the kidbecomes the centre, but if you
(34:19):
neglect, what was the beginningof that life was the
relationship.
So making sure you do still goout with friends and make time
to do the things that you reallyenjoy, because otherwise you
can get obviously extremelytired, fucking agitated and
pissed off at each other andthen once again you get into
that bad feedback loop.
Speaker 3 (34:39):
We just need to be more aware around what's going
to bring you the bestrelationship yeah, it's going to
be interesting when we do getto that part of our lives
someone said to me the other daythey're like you guys are going
to have extremely athleticbabies because you wrote a
marathon and I wrote a marathon.
Speaker 1 (34:55):
They're like they're going to be fucking weapons and
I was like I can only hope younever know well, I do never know
, but you know, if people aresaying that, then let's hope
that it sort of brings it intoreality.
Speaker 3 (35:11):
I don't care, I'll be fine.
Well, as long as I don't haveto get up and watch the cricket
on a Saturday morning well, I'vebeen laughing.
Speaker 1 (35:17):
I've been laughing so hard because so I get to
Nashville in what eight days orsomething.
I said to you.
I was like let's go see somesport and every sport is
finished, except for baseball.
I've never.
I don't understand baseball,but I assume it's probably very
similar, hey.
Speaker 3 (35:33):
I said, at least we'll be in the same boat yeah,
but I assume it's much likecricket.
Speaker 1 (35:37):
You hate cricket, I enjoy cricket.
I think it's going to go forlike four or five hours.
We're going to eat a lot of hotdogs, drink some beers and
choose a team to barric for.
Eve after the first hot dog no,no, we'll make the most of it,
(35:57):
but I think we'll wrap it upthere for everyone who's tuned
in, if you have, if Amy does acameo appearance every 12 months
.
Speaker 3 (36:09):
I hope I give some okay advice.
Speaker 1 (36:12):
I just I think at the end of the day, it's not even
advice we're giving, it's aconversation around things
things that have helped us andeveryone who listened.
It's like it may help you or itmay not.
It may tell you what not to foryou.
You know, not everyone's thesame as us, obviously.
However, if you are wantingtips and tricks or just
(36:33):
different perspectives, and youdefinitely would have picked
something up- yeah because we'rewhat?
Speaker 3 (36:39):
nearly nine years old couple and now hmm, I still
look like I'm 21 and I wish Icould say the same thank you
thank you for coming on.
Speaker 1 (36:54):
You've got a patreon now, so if there's any shillers
listening and you want to jumpon some body positivity and
country music, which isobviously my favorite as well,
head over to our patreon justyour instagram patreoncom slash
amy shepherd pie and get intothe inside scoop of what's
(37:17):
happening there.
But thank you for coming on,darling.
I obviously this is our phonecall for the night, so this is
our date night while you'reabroad and I'm chilling in
Brisbane, but I'll be over ineight days, so for everyone
who's tuning in for the firsttime, thank you for tuning in.
Make sure you hit follow onwhatever platform you're now
(37:39):
watching, and leave a review aswell.
That's always helpful and Ilook forward to sharing the next
episode with you alright.
Speaker 3 (37:47):
Thanks for having me on.
Thanks for listening everyone.
Today's guest is my lovely wife.
Off the back of the last coupleof podcast episodes around long
distance relationships, tips tomake stronger relationships,
also how to receive feedback Ithought why not get the wife
back on itself?
First podcast is husband andwife.
We've done a couple previously,but in this conversation, amy's
(00:24):
currently over in LA at themoment, so I haven't seen each
other for three or four weeksand I'll probably I'm flying
over in a week or so but wespoke about what we feel has
made our relationship stand.
You know, heading into ourninth year, learning how to
communicate effectively,learning how to show respect and
value each other, but also howto have tough conversations and
(00:47):
a whole other range of thingsthat have worked really well for
our relationship.
So, if you're in a relationship, if you're looking for, I guess
, what's worked well for us andnot saying that we've got all
the keys, because we definitelydon't but if you feel you could
learn something, this is goingto be a cracking episode for you
and I'm actually really proud.
Obviously, amy's come off awhole day of songwriting in LA,
(01:08):
so to have the energy and beable to, she dropped so many
bombs.
I was like, wow, this isawesome.
I can't wait to share this withwith the Manic Can community,
so you're going to get a heap ofvalue now If you're tuning in
for the first time.
Welcome, it's so awesome tohave you here and thank you for
investing your time.
We definitely always try to getthe best guests on and also
deliver valuable information andlong form content to help you
(01:30):
better improve areas of yourlife so you can really reach
your potential.
And if you return it back, well, awesome, great to still have
you guys here.
I have just finished my 30marathons in 30 days, which is
an unofficial world record.
I'm just waiting to hear backfrom Guinness World Record,
which is awesome.
It's been cool to have seen howmany other men and women
(01:52):
completed marathons and justalso the experiences or the
lessons that I had from thatexperience, and I've started
recording a podcast with Wes.
He's actually interviewing me,so I'm looking forward to
getting that out the next coupleof weeks, once I've had a bit
more time to rest and reflectand really make sure I share the
most powerful points from thatexperience.
But something that I'mdefinitely proud of, and also,
(02:14):
this is my first day not rowing,so pretty pumped about that.
But enough from me.
Let's dive into today's episodeand remember if you do get
value, please share it.
Please take the time to leave areview, because you're helping
the people in your communitiesgain value as well.
Speaker 2 (02:32):
The man Let Cam Project podcast, a podcast in
powering rear driven men to livemore fulfilling lives.
We are here to challenge yourbeliefs, redefine success and
talk about the important stuffin a relatable way.
Don't forget to subscribe andleave a review.
My name's Lockies Stuart.
Let's get into it.
Speaker 3 (02:54):
Guess who's back.
Speaker 1 (02:55):
Welcome back.
Welcome to exercise.
I was going to say exercisebecause I've been doing so much
of it.
Welcome to and you were.
You were about to steal myintro.
Speaker 3 (03:07):
Amy's back to the friend.
Speaker 1 (03:10):
This is your third time on the man Let Cam Project
podcast.
Welcome everyone who's tuningin for episode 396.
Wow, we've this is the firsttime you've been on the show as
my wife, though Previously youwere just my partner.
Yeah, my girlfriend.
Speaker 3 (03:29):
Yeah, but we said partner because it's just more
official than girlfriend, isn'tit?
Speaker 1 (03:33):
Yeah, you're right.
Speaker 3 (03:35):
I've been promoted, so they've been promoted.
Speaker 1 (03:40):
And it took me eight years or whatever it took.
But, aship, you're over in LAat the moment.
I'm sitting here in Brisbane.
It's funny, we're both on thesame time zone.
They, even though you're acrossthe world asleep.
So it's because you lovestaying up late and getting up
late, whereas I get up early.
Speaker 3 (04:02):
Yeah, it's 940 PM.
Speaker 1 (04:07):
So why you pass my bedtime?
Speaker 3 (04:09):
So that makes it three for you 239.
Speaker 1 (04:16):
Yeah, it's worked out well Now that the rows have
finished.
Up until the rows had finished,it was quite irritating because
as I was about to start my rows, you'd just finished work for
the day, so it was sort of yourdowntime, but then I was done
for the next couple of hours, soit was hard to chat.
Speaker 3 (04:33):
And then, obviously, when you're waking up, Unless I
stayed up super late into like1am 2am, we didn't really get to
chat.
Speaker 1 (04:42):
Which you enjoy doing , though.
Anyway, good excuse for you tostay up and scroll Reddit and do
various other things.
Speaker 3 (04:53):
Absolutely.
Speaker 1 (04:55):
The purpose of this podcast today is for the
gentleman out there who the lastcouple of episodes I've done
around long distancerelationships.
Obviously, at the moment you'reoverseas, I'm not, so there's a
bit of distance between us, butalso for the beginning of our
relationship, there was yourtraveling and touring a lot, so
(05:18):
we pretty much classifiedourselves as a long distance
relationship and we started outwith was it Snapchat or Viaba,
where you could video call,which was pretty fun.
Speaker 3 (05:27):
Oh my gosh, I forgot about.
Speaker 1 (05:28):
Viaba, remember that one.
Speaker 3 (05:29):
Yeah, it was Snapchat , but it was back when I don't
know, I hadn't used Snapchat inyears, like since then.
But you had to hold it becausethere was no such thing as
FaceTime, there was like noSkype, so it was like all about
Snapchatting each other.
But then they bought in thelive video but you had to hold
it down and we would hold it forhours in chat.
(05:50):
And if you were to go.
Speaker 1 (05:50):
I would get so sore.
Speaker 3 (05:53):
Sometimes you'd accidentally let it slip and
you'd be like, oh, you'd getdisconnected and you'd get back
on Sorry For all the youngpeople, you've got it so easy.
Speaker 1 (06:03):
now All you do is push a video call button and
it's satisfied.
But then, I've also had anepisode which I did with Sean
last week on how to not getdefensive with feedback and
obviously within relationshipsit's important from time to time
to give and receive feedbackwithin the relationship.
That was a really well receivedepisode and the one before that
(06:25):
was how to build a strongerrelationship, and I think it's
something that we can probablydive into a little bit today
really, which would be fun.
But there was someone postedthrough a question.
I'm really confused whether itwas directed at me or for you.
It was what's it like datingsomeone famous?
And obviously I've been on theradio a fair bit in the last 24
(06:45):
hours, so I assume that's foryou.
Speaker 3 (06:47):
Who's the celebrity now.
Speaker 1 (06:49):
Yeah.
I think, it's for you and,obviously, what's it like being
married to someone famous?
I can't remember whether weanswered this question last time
you were on the show.
Speaker 3 (07:00):
Well, let's answer it again.
Maybe I'll answer it different.
Speaker 1 (07:04):
Yeah, All right.
Well, for me it's really weird,because I don't even think that
you're famous.
I've never really obviously youare, but in my eyes you're
still.
You know the girl at home thatI know, which is.
You know, I get to see you 24,seven usually.
(07:26):
So I think people have a prettyconceived idea of Of you based
on what they see in the media,based on what they see in social
media and all that sort ofstuff, Whereas I don't really
pay attention to all that sortof stuff.
Speaker 3 (07:40):
I get to so funny because I Guess I could probably
relate to that what you'resaying, because when We've been
in a fortunate position to beable to have met a lot of famous
people, and when you meet themit's like I Don't know, just
they're not famous anymore.
Speaker 1 (07:59):
There's people.
Speaker 3 (08:01):
That fan girly like moment I don't know.
Yeah, you, for me, when I meetthe person, even if I'm like the
biggest fan, it's just like,yeah, well, that that kind of
All fades away and thatexcitement fades away and you're
like, oh, like they're legit.
Just a person.
Speaker 2 (08:18):
Yeah, exactly, and you weren't I guess.
Speaker 1 (08:21):
Fame, famous.
When I first met you, that'swhat I came after.
Fame, famous, now you didn't,you didn't have a super global
song.
Speaker 3 (08:32):
Yeah, we met, I had written, we had written drama
and I knew something excitingwas coming our way.
But I think we had really sleptme down easy and it like some
people knew it, some peopledidn't and I think it was like
two or three weeks before hereleased your on a mow that we
started hanging out.
Speaker 1 (08:54):
No, it was a bit more than that.
How can you not remember thistimeline of?
Speaker 3 (08:58):
our relationship.
We had written Geronimo.
Speaker 1 (09:03):
Yeah, you had written drone.
Well, you wrote, drawn a mobilephone.
Speaker 3 (09:07):
We hadn't really stood up.
Speaker 1 (09:08):
What do you feel All right.
So what do you feel helped usSustain our relationship through
that period, when Geronimo tookoff and you were traveling in
All around the world, etc.
And I was still building housesin to oomba?
What do you think enabled us toget through that challenging
time?
Speaker 3 (09:28):
It's a good question, but I think it was Snapchat.
Speaker 1 (09:35):
So if you're not on snapchat, get on snapchat.
I think whether boils down tothose probably Communication the
fact that we made the time, ofcourse to chat daily, even
though we weren't necessarilythere and we spoke as you said.
We spoke for fucking hours, tothe point where I had a sore
thumb and I'm gonna have oureyes.
Speaker 3 (09:53):
I just really appreciated having a bit of
normalcy and a bit of like Idon't know if someone to talk to
the end of the day, someone whoI knew didn't really care about
all that other stuff.
You know, it was such a weirdtime in my life for people who I
just, you know, hadn't heardfrom since school.
(10:15):
I hadn't heard from since I wasin primary school.
We're like reaching out,wanting to hang out, all that
crap.
So it was just nice to likehave someone to talk to every
day and not Someone who, like,really sees who you are is
important to have.
Speaker 1 (10:33):
And I think even from from my perspective, like I was
still I hadn't, I guess, reallybeen oh, I hadn't even started
my Growth journey, really,essentially, where I'd started
reading books and wanted to sortof better myself.
So I know, at the beginningthere was a lot of insecurities
on my end and Even jealousy,like I still remember one day
(10:57):
when I was like Amy's gonna dropmy ass, I'm gonna be kicked
back to twomba because I'minsignificant, she's gonna be
meeting all these famous peopleand you know people are gonna be
throwing themselves at at you,and I think that was a A
challenging time for me and Ithink it's definitely something
a lot of men can Relate to.
(11:18):
Is that that jealousy andinsecurity?
Speaker 2 (11:19):
and I.
Speaker 3 (11:21):
Was just probably feeling the same emotions, being
like, no, seeing if you wouldgo out, I'd be like who you were
, like what time did you gethome?
And you know, because you'refeeling this exact same emotion.
So it's funny how you just gotto let not let that get the
better of you, and we definitelyhad our moments where it did
probably get the better of us onseparate occasions.
(11:41):
But you know, what do youreckon?
Speaker 1 (11:44):
helped, like helped you from that aspect was there I
did or, I know it sounds weird.
Speaker 3 (11:52):
I think, just like me really pushing the boundaries
of like I don't know, like, well, just knowing that at the end
of the day, you would always bethere and like I did, some you
know wild things acted like acrazy person, but you were
always like there at the end ofthe day, you like we're still
(12:13):
okay.
Well, just, I guess, comingfrom other relationships and
realizing that maybe you're notsuch a safe Relationship, maybe
you're in toxic relationship andyou really aren't Feeling
secure, and then you bring thoseinto your new relationships,
all of those emotions, into yournew relationships as well.
And, you know, I think it takesa while to actually realize
(12:38):
that, oh, like, I'm actuallywith the right person and yeah,
locky went out, nothing happened, like or like yeah, in the
beginning of the relationship,you check each other's phones or
All of that crap.
Speaker 1 (12:51):
I never checked your phone.
Speaker 3 (12:53):
Just.
Speaker 1 (12:55):
Lie.
Speaker 3 (12:58):
Kidding, I did.
But then you realize that it'slike okay, like this person is
actually legit and it's safe,and that's when you can kind of
you start to let go of thoseinsecurities.
Speaker 1 (13:09):
Yeah, you can start to actually, yeah, really cement
the relationship and I thinkthat comes.
What was that?
Speaker 3 (13:17):
and you don't know in the beginning, you don't know
and you can't really it mightall fail and it is scary.
But yeah, you've just got tokind of go along for the ride
and Do your best to control youremotions and Hope that the
other person on the other end isthe person that you Hope and
(13:39):
think and then if they're notLike yeah.
If you don't feel like they'rethey are, then just yeah.
I would recommend not wastingany more time, because if it's,
if they're toxic, you're gonnaknow about it.
Speaker 1 (13:51):
Definitely, and I think it's about feeling valued
and heard, and I think we allcarry baggage Into the
relationship, so it's not justlike just drop it and forget it,
but it's, I guess, collectively, as a relationship or as a
couple, learn into, work throughthat.
And I think when you start outin a relationship, it's easy to
turn a blind eye to certainthings.
(14:12):
You know, obviously you kickedme out of a cabin in Thailand
when I was drunk and being anabsolute wanker, and that was
probably a good no.
I knew I had a, an issue withalcohol and that was probably
one of the defining moments inmy life as to why I stopped
Drinking a lot, because you knowyou can really Fuck things up
(14:33):
with with that and that's nothow I wanted to be.
But it's also you gave me theopportunity to, I guess, improve
.
And obviously it's not justsaying I'll be better, which a
lot of people do.
It's like I actually Back tothat up and I don't just even
still now, eight years later, Idon't Drink a hole here because
I don't want to put myself inthat situation, not saying I
(14:53):
ever would again, but it's alsojust, if you don't want to be in
that situation, why play withfire, you know, if you don't
want to get burnt.
So I think it's it's definitelyimportant to do that, but then
obviously, once that honeymoonperiod wears off, you know, it's
then starting to get clear onwhat the relationship Dynamics
(15:14):
look like and learning to reallytrust.
And I think, as you were sayingbefore, when you it's like you
hope that person is who youthink they are, a lot of people
hold back and they go andreserve because they have been
burnt in the past or whateverexperiences they've had and they
don't actually ever get tofully Give themselves to that
relationship.
So, even if it does fall apart,you know, I told yourself, but
(15:35):
it's like we never really gaveit the best shot anyway.
So you almost got a, if youwant, I guess, that incredible
relationship.
And I was talking to Benny aboutthis the other night because
he's like how do you, how didyou know?
Like Amy was the one like thatone.
And I'm like, well, at thebeginning it's like you're
obviously smitten by each otherand everything like that, but
(15:57):
then it's, you know, as I, Ialways started to work out who I
was and what I wanted in mylife, the things that I thought
I wanted a partying and all thatsort of stuff wasn't important
to me and I Think you're verysupportive with me in the
lifestyle, like you know, a bitmore health focused and Caring
and all of these sorts of thingsthat maybe in the beginning I
(16:18):
didn't really care about, Ididn't think I needed because I
was a tough, tough bloke.
So I think when I got Clearer,more clear on what I actually
wanted and what a good lifewould look like for me and what
a good relationship Was not atoxic one, because I've been in
and you know I was the mainculprit in toxic relationships
in the past Due to insecurities,jealousies etc.
(16:41):
I didn't want to bring any ofthat into this sort of one,
which obviously also, I'm sure,helped with your you know
whether it was, as you said,things that you needed to trust
in me to make sure that I wasn'tlike previous partners and
stuff like that.
Speaker 3 (17:00):
I think we just like met at the right time as well in
terms of Ready to for a maturerelationship, and I think that
helps as well.
Speaker 1 (17:11):
You're willing to go the extra mile to make it work
as well After, and it's not likeI don't annoy you now I
definitely do and sometimes I goout of my way to do it.
But I think one of the one ofthe important things as well as
and we don't actually fight likeI was saying that to Ben the
(17:32):
other day, I was like weliterally don't have those
screaming fucking fights.
It Maybe you see on movies andstuff and I you know I have
clients that talk about that andI'm like I just don't
understand.
I don't get me wrong.
I've done that with previouspartners Because I didn't
understand how to control myemotions.
But now it's like why would Idon't get me wrong?
(17:52):
I do sometimes be a dick, 100%,but I don't flip off, or
there's probably can count on ahand the amount of times that I
have and I think a lot of thatcomes.
Speaker 3 (18:07):
You see it a lot in relationships with.
They fight and it's likeawkward if you're there at the
time and in the middle of it.
Yeah, I think we've really Cometo learn how to communicate
properly With each other and saythings how it is and then or
just talk about it before itescalates.
(18:28):
I think that really helps aswell.
Just like, hey, that wasn'tcool, I didn't like that.
And then the other person Wouldactually and obviously it
doesn't sound like that.
Speaker 1 (18:40):
Sometimes we do get not like.
It's just like in the hiddenemotion there might be tears or
whatever want to say.
Speaker 3 (18:48):
Yeah, yeah, just yeah , pretty much like don't be a
dickhead, and then Actuallytaking that on board and making
a change, rather than gettingdefensive and arcing up back.
You know, I think that reallyhelps.
It's to like actually Iacknowledge when you're wrong as
well, take it on which I neveram, so I haven't had to do that
(19:09):
yet.
Speaker 2 (19:12):
No, I'm wrong quite often, but definitely.
Speaker 1 (19:16):
I think.
Speaker 3 (19:17):
And then moving on as well.
Speaker 1 (19:20):
Yeah, learning to actually let it rest.
I know there's so many peoplewho, for example, if they make a
mistake, like, okay, well, havewe agreed to let this sort of
settle and move forward.
People will bring it up in sixmonths time or nine months.
Speaker 3 (19:33):
I'm like well, Old issues into new fights just
means it's unresolved from mytime.
So I think we really do try andresolve things there and then.
Speaker 1 (19:45):
Exactly.
Speaker 3 (19:46):
I More.
Speaker 1 (19:48):
I definitely agree.
I was trying to Think about,like from a communication
standpoint, like there are often, you know, sometimes
conversations that you have tohave that, a, that, a challenge,
and sometimes uncomfortable,but you know, I guess, whether
you do it in what way works bestfor you, or even, hey, your
partner it chooses to best, Iguess Receive feedback because
(20:14):
you and I both obviously verybusy.
When I say busy, I mean we'vegot a lot of stuff happening.
So trying to make the time toactually we're not even trying,
just making sure we invest thetime together and all our needs
are met and we're prioritizingthe relationship, because it can
be very easy to Get phone callafter phone call, email after
(20:38):
email, and obviously we're bothheavy on social media as well,
so it's like you're constantlychecking things going on there
and it's you know, it's, it's atrap, but it's also, then, the
importance of actuallyprioritizing what you want from
the relationship date nights,time without phones, time with
other you know, our friends andeverything like that as well.
Speaker 3 (21:02):
Yeah, I think I would agree with that.
Speaker 1 (21:04):
I was hoping you were gonna help me leapfrog that,
that part of the conversation.
Speaker 3 (21:10):
But I think you just summed it up really nicely just
making the time and Making thetime and, yeah, committing to
that time as well it's, it iseasy to pick up the phone.
I know you tell me off for itall the time and vice versa.
I'm yeah, we try and haveDinner together.
I think that's like a reallyimportant thing for us is to
(21:32):
like have that.
Speaker 1 (21:35):
Dinner time.
Speaker 3 (21:36):
Yeah, we just don't have phones.
Nobody else is there, it's justus.
Speaker 1 (21:41):
You can't tell you what goes down there.
But Eating.
We eat food.
Speaker 3 (21:49):
I was like the fuck.
How erotic.
Speaker 1 (21:54):
Yeah, amazing those green vegetables.
Speaker 2 (21:58):
No but.
Speaker 1 (21:59):
I think, for a lot of people, because they, you know,
I think one of the things thatI really love about you and I
think is hugely benefited, Iguess, me and our relationship
and me being able to be morecomfortable and secure is the
fact that you're really clear onwho you are.
As a woman like you don'ttolerate any shit, so it's very
(22:22):
easy for you to pull me up whenI'm slacking or doing whatever,
which obviously holds me to ahigher standard, and I hope I
sort of do that, do that as well, and I think, obviously because
we're both quite ambitious itmotivates like that.
We're in a very driven household, but we also we're like really
(22:44):
equal household as well, fuckyeah.
Speaker 3 (22:47):
Like you're home and you're like I've been at work
all day and expect me to cookand clean, like that's obviously
was never going to happen inthis relationship.
Yeah, and it is a really nicemoment when we're both like
we're both cooking or bothcleaning, and you know we don't
expect the other person Like Idon't expect you to be the
(23:08):
breadwinner, and just like.
Speaker 1 (23:11):
I'm fucking not, I'm just fine.
Speaker 3 (23:14):
I worked in your relationship, but for us I feel
like we just do a lot of thetasks together and we make our
lives happen together and Ithink that's been very helpful
in our relationship, becausewe're directly.
Speaker 1 (23:29):
We do be we.
I feel like we never like.
Obviously we've spoken about ita few times when I've been a
bit lazy and things like thatbut I think we, because we had
such a respect for each otherand obviously we've had
relationships in the past andwe've learned what's not worked
(23:50):
well in those and things likethat We've just that that mutual
respect has helped us sort ofjust naturally go right over
famous cooking.
Tonight I'll clean, or viceversa, although sometimes when
I'm trying to cook you alwaysjump in because you don't trust
me.
Speaker 3 (24:07):
I forget, if I can salt and garlic.
Hey the onion garlic butterthat's all you need to do and
sugar for cooking.
That's the secret.
Speaker 1 (24:17):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (24:20):
But it is.
It's just treating your partneras a person and not just like a
slave or someone who you wantto mold or make, make your
perfect person, you know,because you've got to work
together to create a life thatyou want.
Sounds so cliche, but it's sotrue, like you have a partner to
(24:43):
share life with, not to makeyour life better.
Speaker 1 (24:48):
Yeah, exactly, they're not a loving slave.
Yeah, exactly we just come homeand everything's done.
But we know, yeah, I guess wenever really spoke about like we
obviously have since, but Ithink it just came from a place
of respecting each other that wenaturally just did those things
and obviously it's still notexpected Like I don't come home,
(25:10):
as you said, every nightexpecting dinner or vice versa
and I didn't expect all theseother things.
But it's like nice when you getthat in one of the books.
I remember when I first readthe five love languages because
I was always like I just don'tunderstand why Amy, you buy me
gifts all the time, like yoursis so thoughtful and caring with
(25:31):
that.
I was like I don't really carefor gifts.
And then I read the five lovelanguages and I was like it's
because Amy loves gifts, that'sher love language and I never
buy you stuff.
Speaker 3 (25:44):
Yeah, no, I don't know.
I think I'm over that, though.
Can your love languages change?
Speaker 1 (25:48):
I'm sure they can, Everything can change.
But yeah, I was always likethat's why when I bought you
flowers about five years ago isthe greatest day ever.
I'm still trying to pay off thewedding ring.
Speaker 3 (26:00):
Yeah, maybe I don't know, Maybe it is still my love
language.
Speaker 1 (26:04):
I think it definitely is, but like, definitely
definitely.
Speaker 3 (26:08):
It makes me sound so materialistic.
Speaker 1 (26:11):
No, it's not even that Like.
You just always do nice thingsfor me.
Like when you left to Americayou left a card in my drawer
saying well, you know I'm notgoing to give away all the juicy
details, but you left a card inmy sock drawer, like things
like that is still a gift.
It's like you're giving overyour time, you're giving.
You just do all these reallynice.
If you go to the shops, you'llbring home me a little chocolate
(26:33):
mousse, or there's alwaysthoughtfulness in everything.
Whereas like I'm really likeright, I'm going to the shop,
I'm just going to get steak andpotatoes, that's it, nothing
else, Whereas for me it's like Itry to give time or whatever,
because that's what I enjoyabout it.
So, obviously, then, going well, amy loves gifts.
(26:53):
I need to get.
And even saying this now, I'mlike fuck, I'm useless with that
.
I need to get better at that.
Speaker 3 (27:00):
Yeah, but it's as you said.
It's not always like it doesn'thave to be an expensive gift.
It can just be like a littlesomething to remind them that
you were thinking of them, or.
Speaker 1 (27:09):
Yeah, it's not even the expensive stuff, that isn't
what matters.
It's like the thoughtful stuff,like where you have to make a
time goes into it, or you know,like the wedding gift I gave you
Actually, you got me reallythoughtful one as well, but I
made the photo album for us, butit just didn't arrive in time.
It arrived the day after weleft, but you got it when you
(27:30):
got back, like for me, that'slike Bracelet.
Oh yeah, I did too.
I'm a jewelry king.
Lucky Hogan's a jeweler, yeah,and that bloody Whopper indeed.
But what, I guess, for peoplewho are struggling in
relationships or just feel likethey continually have bad luck
(27:53):
in relationships, what would you, what advice would you give for
them?
Speaker 3 (28:00):
For people who have bad luck in relationships.
Speaker 1 (28:02):
Well, just feel like obviously there's no bad luck.
It's just really we need to beaware of where we're fucking up,
or whether we're choosing thewrong people or we've got to
work on our communication or ouremotional management.
What would you sort of advicewould you give to them to?
Speaker 3 (28:20):
build a thriving relationship.
Yeah, could be all of the aboveand also just, I just think that
people have this idealisticview that their partner is going
to be this incredible soulmatethat's going to sweep them off
their feet and it's going to belike the movies and when,
realistically, it's probably notlike that.
(28:40):
You know, yeah, you have thehoneymoon phase, but you've got
to be aware that that dies offand then you've got to put in
some work and have commitment tothis person, commitment to
yourself that you're going toget better and you're going to
make it work because you lovethis person and you know that
you guys get along.
You're going to spend a lot oftime together and if you can't
(29:03):
see yourself really growing oldwith the person, then, yeah,
maybe move on.
Speaker 1 (29:09):
But what the fuck are you doing?
Speaker 3 (29:12):
Yeah, but I do think that people probably give up a
little bit too easily as well,because the person's not their
quote.
Unquote dream girl, dream guy.
I think just putting in alittle bit of effort goes a long
way.
Speaker 1 (29:27):
And just also not thinking the grass is greener,
like I had a conversation with aclient about it the other day
and I was like what do you likethe best way to appreciate what
you've got?
Because anything that you'vehad, or like if you've been in a
relationship for long enough,it's really easy to take even
the smallest things for granted.
Like you know, I bring mebringing you a cup of coffee
every morning, but things it'svery easy.
(29:49):
So you know, taking the timeeach morning to say what's one
thing I appreciate about mypartner because it's really yeah
.
Once you you know I'm sure youget frustrated at me for fucking
leaving my shoes at the door orvarious other things like that,
and it's like in the grandscheme of thing, it's not a big
fucking deal.
But when you see that you thenstart to notice all the other
(30:13):
things that irritate you, andthat irritation then grows and
can make you be a little bitpissed off with your partner.
So it's going okay.
Well, the shoes are there, fairplay, I can pick that up and we
can move on.
But what's one thing that Ireally appreciate about my
partner that you know, becauseyou know it's not giving you
anything about how many peopleprobably died today, which is
(30:35):
going very morbid, but if yourpartner were to walk out the
door, or wife or husband orwhatever, and they weren't to
come back, what would you missmost about them?
and it's those things that weneed to focus on, because
they're the things that we getevery day but we take for
granted.
Speaker 3 (30:53):
Yeah, so true.
Speaker 1 (30:55):
So, I get my 7.30 message from you every day.
Speaker 3 (30:59):
Yeah, yeah, and I think just that the grass isn't
always greener is like the pointI was trying to make.
It's like people are alwayslike, oh, this relationship's
gone stale.
But it's like has it, or haveyou just stopped putting an
effort because you know you'regoing to get into a new
relationship and it's going tobe all exciting again for the
(31:20):
first two months, and then, oh,it's gone stale again.
It's like we have so manyexciting adventures, but it's
not always like that, like mostdays it's just normal, you know,
like wake up, work, dinner,repeat, but then you have those
magical moments where you justremember like, oh, the little
(31:41):
honeymoon phase comes back for aminute, for a period of time,
and you know you can't expectthat to be real life and I think
as well.
Speaker 1 (31:53):
You know we fall into that trap, both of us.
But I think about remember whenwe started doing those walks,
the city loop, when you werewanting to walk and I started
coming and like as much as I wasalways like fuck, that's like
two hours out of my day, it wasstill so fun doing that, like
you know.
Moments like that, I think,because once again, we do fall
into those routines.
Monday to Friday.
(32:14):
Obviously, weekends we allow abit more flexibility in what we
choose to do.
However, on the weekdays it'slike I want to be in bed by a
certain time, we want to cookdinner, we want to do this, that
and the other.
We're getting emails, but whenyou can, actually it doesn't
hurt anyone, it doesn't doanything to especially yours and
my business for us to go.
Let's go for a fucking walk.
And it's so fun because it'sliterally just us checking out
(32:36):
whatever's going on and having agood time, and so I think for
me personally I just from whatyou said, then I'm like I take
those things for granted andit's probably when you get back
something we should re-git, evenwhen we caught the city cat,
like that was a fucking mission,but it was fun at the same time
, like just you know what Ithink was really, and like
(32:56):
little magic moments talkingabout those little, little
moments that you reallyappreciate and don't take for
granted.
Speaker 3 (33:04):
But when we were learning our wedding dance.
It's fun, but fun, weirdexperience that we probably
won't do again but it was justlike a moment where we just like
were fully focused on themoment and like trying to learn
dance moves, that was fun.
Speaker 1 (33:20):
We just like cleared out our little moments and we
were like we had this fun.
Speaker 3 (33:27):
We just like cleared out our living room space to try
and learn these dance moves and, yeah, that was a really
special time, I think well,maybe I was actually thinking
about this morning in Nashville,like surely we're going to do
some line dancing line dancingsurely there's going to be.
Speaker 1 (33:44):
I'm bringing my boots over you're going to buy me a
big hat, so one would only hopewe're going to do a bit of heel
and toe.
Speaker 3 (33:54):
I'm going to eat some fried chicken.
Speaker 1 (33:57):
Tell you that much definitely and once again, like
even for obviously we don't havechildren yet, but for those who
have children, you know we'vegot a lot of friends who have
children and one of the coolthings that I, I guess, watch
for them is they stillprioritise their relationship.
Obviously, you know, the kidbecomes the centre, but if you
(34:19):
neglect, what was the beginningof that life was the
relationship.
So making sure you do still goout with friends and make time
to do the things that you reallyenjoy, because otherwise you
can get obviously extremelytired, fucking agitated and
pissed off at each other andthen once again you get into
that bad feedback loop.
Speaker 3 (34:39):
We just need to be more aware around what's going
to bring you the bestrelationship yeah, it's going to
be interesting when we do getto that part of our lives
someone said to me the other daythey're like you guys are going
to have extremely athleticbabies because you wrote a
marathon and I wrote a marathon.
Speaker 1 (34:55):
They're like they're going to be fucking weapons and
I was like I can only hope younever know well, I do never know
, but you know, if people aresaying that, then let's hope
that it sort of brings it intoreality.
Speaker 3 (35:11):
I don't care, I'll be fine.
Well, as long as I don't haveto get up and watch the cricket
on a Saturday morning well, I'vebeen laughing.
Speaker 1 (35:17):
I've been laughing so hard because so I get to
Nashville in what eight days orsomething.
I said to you.
I was like let's go see somesport and every sport is
finished, except for baseball.
I've never.
I don't understand baseball,but I assume it's probably very
similar, hey.
Speaker 3 (35:33):
I said, at least we'll be in the same boat yeah,
but I assume it's much likecricket.
Speaker 1 (35:37):
You hate cricket, I enjoy cricket.
I think it's going to go forlike four or five hours.
We're going to eat a lot of hotdogs, drink some beers and
choose a team to barric for.
Eve after the first hot dog no,no, we'll make the most of it,
(35:57):
but I think we'll wrap it upthere for everyone who's tuned
in, if you have, if Amy does acameo appearance every 12 months
.
Speaker 3 (36:09):
I hope I give some okay advice.
Speaker 1 (36:12):
I just I think at the end of the day, it's not even
advice we're giving, it's aconversation around things
things that have helped us andeveryone who listened.
It's like it may help you or itmay not.
It may tell you what not to foryou.
You know, not everyone's thesame as us, obviously.
However, if you are wantingtips and tricks or just
(36:33):
different perspectives, and youdefinitely would have picked
something up- yeah because we'rewhat?
Speaker 3 (36:39):
nearly nine years old couple and now hmm, I still
look like I'm 21 and I wish Icould say the same thank you
thank you for coming on.
Speaker 1 (36:54):
You've got a patreon now, so if there's any shillers
listening and you want to jumpon some body positivity and
country music, which isobviously my favorite as well,
head over to our patreon justyour instagram patreoncom slash
amy shepherd pie and get intothe inside scoop of what's
(37:17):
happening there.
But thank you for coming on,darling.
I obviously this is our phonecall for the night, so this is
our date night while you'reabroad and I'm chilling in
Brisbane, but I'll be over ineight days, so for everyone
who's tuning in for the firsttime, thank you for tuning in.
Make sure you hit follow onwhatever platform you're now
(37:39):
watching, and leave a review aswell.
That's always helpful and Ilook forward to sharing the next
episode with you alright.
Speaker 3 (37:47):
Thanks for having me on.
Thanks for listening everyone.
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