May 8, 2024 • 30 mins
Mentioned On Today's Show:
🤝 Critical importance of making conscious choices in your 30s to craft a fulfilling life by the time you hit your 60s
🤝 Prioritising progress, purpose, and supporting loved ones takes center stage
🤝 'if-then' fallacy
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Do Something Today To Be Better For Tomorrow
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Have you fallen into this trap?
Welcome back to the man thatCan Project podcast.
Today, we are diving deep intoa really exciting topic.
It's one that I'm gonna sharewith you, things that I'm
prioritizing now at 33 that aregonna help me avoid regrets or
mistakes when I'm 63.
It's a very important thing tothink about, because we're gonna
(00:20):
start talking about long-termthinking and how you, as a man,
can get more out of yourrelationship, your hobbies, your
health and earn more money atthe same time.
So, as you can see for those whoare watching on YouTube, I'm
away.
I'm traveling again, and I wastalking about this on social
media that I'm in a phase of mylife where the long-term
(00:41):
thinking is we've come over hereto support my wife's career.
I want to say yes to as manyopportunities because I know
this is a season.
Eventually, I'll move into aseason where we have children
and we're not traveling as much,so I want to maximize this, and
I've now found myself at a goodbuddy's place.
We just went fishing, which wasawesome, and I was like I'm
going to record my podcast afterthis and some work's getting
(01:02):
done to the house, so I'msitting down under the house
beautiful view, birds arechirping.
So if you hear the birds andthe nature, it's because I'm
standing outside for those whoare listening on Spotify or
Apple.
So great to have you here.
But let's dive into this episodeNow.
You're not too different fromme, right?
You grew up and you were soldthis dream life path that
(01:22):
includes going to school,getting a job, building a career
, getting married, starting afamily, purchasing that dream
home and then eventuallyretiring where you.
If you're in Australia, yougrab yourself that caravan and
you cruise around the country.
People flock to this because itgives them some order in their
life.
It gives them some structureThroughout our life.
(01:43):
We get told what to do, we gettold we have to be at class,
this is what we're going tolearn, this is when we get to
eat lunch, and that order bringsa sense of calmness, almost
peace, to our life, which isn'ta bad thing.
But when we go out into the big, bad world by ourself, a lot of
us crave that structure becausewhen you have an abundance of
(02:04):
opportunity, it can get quiteoverwhelming.
So that's why that I need to goto university.
I then need to get the house, Ineed to get married, I need to
have the kids I need to settledown is so attractive to so many
people.
You love progress, I loveprogress.
It truly gives our life purpose.
And if you've ever played videogames, right, it's the exact
same scenario.
(02:25):
We don't choose what the nextlevel looks like, but we trust
it's moving us to completion ofthe game.
Right, it sucks us in and itsteals moments in our life.
So the big problem that I havewith this path is that they
never talk about the order andthe impacts that it has on your
life.
Right, it didn't appear to beworking well for people.
When I finished school and Iwas looking around and I was
(02:47):
seeing divorce rates goingthrough the roof.
I was seeing people who weredrinking a lot of alcohol and
escaping from their familiesheading down to the pub.
They just did not seem happy.
And as I got into coaching, Iobviously got to speak to a lot
more people and I sort of backedthat up and recognized that,
hey, they aren't happy.
People are trying to escapefrom their lives, and I didn't
(03:09):
really like the idea of that.
I thought, well, we've only gotone life.
Isn't it supposed to beexciting?
Isn't this why we went toschool?
Some of us are getting ourtertiary educations, we want to
really just enjoy our time here.
The people who believe that byachieving that next milestone it
would solve their problem, itwould make them feel happier,
(03:31):
they were just giving themselvesa little dopamine hit that
would go oh man, ourrelationship isn't falling apart
because now we've just had akid or we've just bought a house
.
But it was no different to mewhen I was extremely insecure.
My life was at rock bottom.
I had just been through abreakup and I decided hey, this
is how I'm going to solve thisproblem.
(03:51):
I'm going to move over toFrance and play rugby, and I
thought that would solveeverything.
But what happened three monthslater was the insecurities, the
jealousy and the mental demonsthat I was facing came back
right.
They followed me.
So when I started experiencingthat for myself and I observed
other people were going throughit, I realized that this life
(04:14):
path and following thesemilestones and ticking it off
didn't guarantee success ordidn't guarantee happiness.
Right, because a problem willalways rear its head if you
don't deal with the issue athand, whether that is financial,
whether that is in yourrelationships, whether that is
with your health, whether thatis with your career.
You know, I've worked with over79 men one-to-one, hundreds,
(04:39):
over 800 to close to 1,000 nowin group scenarios within our
academy.
Most of the men that I workwith one-to-one have done
extremely well financially, butthey've now found themselves in
a position where they don't haveanyone that they love enough to
share the success with.
They don't have the strengthand energy to be able to pursue
their hobbies and do the thingsthat they told themselves that
(05:00):
they would do when they achievedthat outcome.
They focus so much on buildingwealth in their career that it's
caused them to lose the thingsthat really mattered.
And it got me thinking what ischasing money really costing me?
Have you actually ever thoughtabout that?
Because it's the reason why Ihave molded my life at 33 years
(05:21):
old.
That's what I am now to makesure that I'm doing these things
daily now, while I'm stillpursuing success.
I'm still pursuing my financialgoals so that when I am in my
60s, I have a great life'sresume.
Now one client that I workedwith for around three years
taught me some really incrediblelessons.
He ran a global company.
He had all the execs, he hadthe bloody PAs, eas, all the
(05:43):
executives and assistants, yethe was constantly working and I
would scratch my head becauseI'm like, from the outside
looking in.
You have the nice cars, youhave the nice watches, you have
the nice houses, you have theprivate travel man.
It looks awesome.
I want that.
I thought I wanted that, yet hewould constantly yo-yo with his
health.
He would be bouncing fromrelationship to relationship and
(06:07):
would mentally break down everycouple of months and I wondered
why somebody who had all thefinancial resources that you
needed to be happy or at least Ithought so still struggled so
much.
It was so hard to watch.
I like to think that I helpedgive him some form of structure
to guide him back on track so hewouldn't completely derail.
(06:29):
But he was just stuck in thiscycle and I truly believed his
pursuit for success in Korea andthe fact that he wasn't willing
to compromise in order to get agreat relationship, get his
health on track, really was thedownfall there.
But this confirmed to me thatmoney doesn't buy you happiness.
Regardless of how much you have, doing things that make you
(06:51):
happy brings happiness.
Look, money can buy you timeand it can buy you experiences,
which are both great things thatcan bring you happiness.
Right, but you have to affordyourself of that, and what I
mean by that is that you need tophysically, mentally and
emotionally allow yourself to behappy.
So many people that I've workedwith they'll be doing something
(07:15):
.
They might be on their holidayor their honeymoon or anything,
and then mentally they're notthere.
They're thinking about work,they're stressing about money
and they're just not present.
So to me, is that happinessAbility to emotionally, the
ability to physically, theability to mentally allow
yourself to experience happinessis something that you need to
work on.
It's something that you need tohave the daily deposits on, and
(07:37):
that means you have to do it inthe present in order to
experience it in the future.
I think about it in the contextof if I'm spending so much time
building my business and I'mnot developing the skills or
continuing to build theconnection with my wife, I
probably can't expect that in 30years time, when I retire and
(08:00):
we get to spend X amount of timetogether throughout the day,
that we're just going to hit itoff and it's going to be this
incredible relationship.
It just won't work like that.
We need to do the dailydeposits to build the connection
, to know that we're there foreach other to share value, to
share our wants, needs anddesires in order to build that
connection.
So all of these things that I'mtalking about so far is
(08:20):
something that I guide menthrough within our
self-discovery program that youcan find on our website at the
man that Can Project.
But I believe far too many menlack logical long-term thinking,
right?
So that is logical long-termthinking.
I get it.
You may be focused on yourcareer because you believe it's
going to set yourself up andyour family up, and then you can
(08:43):
have the holidays and get yourhealth in order.
It's the.
When I achieve X, I will thendo Y holidays and get your
health in order.
It's the.
When I achieve X, I will thendo Y the if, then or then when
fallacy, which never seems tohappen.
The likelihood of thishappening is extremely low.
We are what we repeatedly doEvery day.
You neglect exercise.
Every day you neglectrelationship.
(09:04):
Every day that you neglect yourhobbies is another day that you
forget how to do that.
And I don't mean you lose askill.
You may lose your confidencewith the skill, but you lose the
mental bandwidth to be focusedon the tasks that are new right.
We are hardwired to buildroutines.
We are hardwired to develophabits and these allow.
(09:27):
You know, ultimately we do thisbecause it saves us time and
thought, but then we can getbetter results with less energy.
But for me personally, Iexperienced this when I was
starting in business.
I stopped watching sportbecause, hey, I thought, if I
stopped watching football andthat I can spend that cold
calling and developing mybusiness.
And as a result of that, Ibecame socially awkward and
(09:50):
socially anxious and I waslosing my ability to be in
social settings.
And I started then justifyingthat to myself.
I started saying, oh man, I'mjust introverted and I recharge
at home and that allowed peopleto go.
Oh cool, lockie just needs torecharge at home.
But because of this logical,long-term thinking, I knew that
I wanted connection in my lifeand I'll go back and I'll give
(10:12):
you the framework in a moment.
But I knew that that wasimportant.
So I recognized that I had toget my confidence back in social
settings.
The only way you're going toget confident in a social
setting get in more socialsettings, learn to communicate,
learn to build rapport, learn tosit in the uncomfortableness of
it all and you will become moreconfident and comfortable in
(10:34):
that situation and orenvironment.
So think about that.
Confidence is built through therepetition, the thing that you
want to become or build upon.
You must do more of Exposeyourself to it.
There are more men than everwho are overweight, depressed
and socially anxious, and I wasno different.
I was depressed, I was sociallyanxious and I really fucking
(11:01):
sucked in relationships.
But it wasn't until I startedthinking about this logical,
long-term thinking about my lifethat I started changing my
actions.
I started building new skillsand building a better life.
I'm going to give you theframework to map this out now.
If you're listening to this andyou're driving, continue to
listen, but check out mynewsletter on the website and
you'll be able to take thisframework and plug it in,
(11:25):
because, as I was speaking aboutbefore, I think anything that I
say, the things that I'mworking on in my 30s now may not
be the things that you want towork on, because what a good and
great life looks like for youmay be different for me, but you
can take the frameworks that Ican give you in our programs and
make them for you.
That is what I believe leads toa great life, because otherwise
(11:47):
, if you just follow exactlywhat I do my morning routines or
how I build a business, or howI podcast, or how I network.
You're just plugging intoanother system, like that
traditional life plan systemthat we all build into the one
that I mentioned at thebeginning around going to school
, getting a good job, gettingmarried, having the kids, and
that may not be the plan and thetrajectory for you.
I want you to be able topersonalize this.
I want you to make the plan andthe trajectory for you.
(12:08):
I want you to be able topersonalize this.
I want you to make your lifeunique and special for you.
That's what we're here andthat's what I'm about, because I
believe far too many men arefollowing a plan that doesn't
excite them.
They're unhappy, depressed andoverweight as a result of that.
So if you've been following mysocial media content for a long
time, or the podcast as you'relistening to now, it is no
(12:31):
secret that I believe in doingthings today to be better for
tomorrow.
The things that I do today areto make sure that I don't set
myself up for a life of regrets.
Now, full disclosure.
We're always going to regretstuff.
We don't really know whether wewill regret something until we
do it and we don't really know100% what we want from our life
(12:52):
until we start living it.
So I have an idea of how Ithink I want to live my life.
I have an idea of what I thinkI will regret, and when you get
options you can have or make adecision around, I think I'll
regret this one more than thisone.
So therefore, I'm going to dothat, okay.
So I hope that makes sense foryou and it really puts you in
more control.
(13:13):
And the challenge with that iswhen you're taking
responsibility, you're going toreap the success, but you also
got to deal with the failures.
Okay, that is the trade-off.
There is always a price ofadmission.
Everyone I've met, my ownexperiences and the people that
I've interviewed have all taughtme things, but they have also
guided me on what not to do.
And I hope that if you reflecton your lifestyle and I have
(13:37):
this story framework, which isin the self-discovery program
that you can develop yourtimeline to use that to reflect
upon, to go.
This is what I value.
This is what I don't want moreof.
But that's the beautiful thingabout continuing to speak to
people, continuing to haveexperiences.
You can leverage that to builda better life right To have more
(13:58):
certainty around what you want.
It's given me an understandingof the things that I want to do
now so I can avoid having regretin my 60s I'm sure you probably
can experience this.
That's why you relate to this,that's why you're listening to
this podcast.
But my desire to live a greatlife had me filling time, or my
time, with things that the gurussaid I needed to do.
(14:20):
You know the morning routines,the networking, the work
meetings, and the list keptgrowing.
I kept becoming busier andbusier and I had no time for the
things that I wanted to do, andyou may be in that situation
right now.
I had moved from one system tothe other, as I was mentioning,
from that traditional life oneto the guru system, because I
(14:40):
thought that would be the thingthat made me live a good life.
But if I'd kept this up until Iretired, I'd be thinking did I
really enjoy this?
Have I just missed the bestyears of my life trying to live
a great life when I should havejust actually done the things
that would have allowed me tolive a great life?
Hence why I'm out here fishingand skiing and playing poker
(15:01):
this week, because this is life.
I've built this life thatallows me the flexibility and
the freedom to do these things.
If I only focus on work becauseI want it to grow, because I
want to grow a bigger business,to earn more money, to live a
better life, then I'm missingout on the life.
So I hope it lands with youthere.
This lesson that I learned isthat all the things that I tell
(15:23):
you to do, that I recommend thatI do, may not be the things for
you.
Try them, and if they add value, you can choose to continue
doing them or you don't have to.
But if they aren't working foryou, stop doing them.
They're just making you busier.
In order to live a better life,a more productive life and a
more fulfilling life, you needto do less.
(15:45):
You need to declutter, givemore energy and focus to the
main things.
Right, I knew I needed to doless.
You need to declutter, givemore energy and focus to the
main things.
Right, I knew I needed to dodifferent because I didn't want
to continue living such a busylife, and that's what has led me
to build my life in a way, so Idon't have regret for when I'm
63.
So let me talk to you aboutthis logical, long-term thinking
and then I'll share with youthe things that I'm focused on
(16:05):
right now.
So the logical, long-termthinking, essentially vision
setting let's just assume it'swhen you think five plus years
into the future and you definewhat you would like to have or
could have in your life.
Then you work backwards toachieve that right.
It doesn't need to becomplicated.
An example is in five yearstime I'll have children.
(16:25):
I want flexibility to traveland to be at home while still
making time for the experiencesthat I love.
Right, that's quite vague, butyou get the idea.
Potential questions that youcould ask yourself would be will
my career allow for that?
How much money do I need toearn to sustain that?
How do I get my family on boardif you have a family or if
you're choosing to have a familyin that time?
(16:47):
And the answer to thosequestions will bring new
questions and action steps tobuild upon that.
It's what's been happening forme since 2014.
When I met my wife, or 2013, Iknew she was traveling a lot, so
I knew that I wanted to have aflexible career so that I could
travel with her and get toexperience life together.
(17:08):
Career so that I could travelwith her and get to experience
life together.
So I started asking myself willmy career allow for that?
At that time it wouldn't,because I was working as a
builder.
I had to be on site.
I was living in a differenttown, so I had to make some
changes.
I then had to go.
Okay, working for myself seemslike a pretty good strategy.
How much money do I need toearn in order to do that?
(17:28):
What kind of business will Ihave?
How much will I charge?
How will I market myself?
And you get the picture right.
It's just an accumulation ofquestions and answers and giving
yourself things to do to makesure you're moving closer to the
outcomes that you want.
It doesn't need to be any morecomplicated than that.
But this is where the real workstarts.
You don't wake up with a greatlife.
(17:50):
You must build it.
So I became obsessed withbuilding a great life, as many
of us do.
We like the idea of it, but Ireally made sure I put it into
action.
It's why, 10 years later, I'mstanding here in America living
really my best life, and I'm sograteful for that.
I'm so proud of myself and Iwant to inspire more men like
(18:17):
you to take control of your lifein whatever context that looks
like.
But to really dive into how Icreated the logical, long-term
thinking framework, let's have alook at it.
So there's five steps and it'svery simple and, once again, if
you write this down, you canwork through it yourself.
But if you want help with it,go and enroll in the
self-discovery program.
You get a discount for being amember and you can see that in
the show notes or being apodcast listener.
(18:38):
Sorry, but the first one is yourstory, so reflecting on your
past and your current situationto set the stage.
The second one is your valuesIdentifying the core values to
guide your decisions and yourbehaviors.
The third one is envision yourbest life, so imagining the most
(18:58):
fulfilling and successfulfuture you can have for yourself
.
I've spoken about this a lotover the last couple of weeks
and I talk about this on myInstagram a lot as well.
When I was at rock bottom thiswas 2013, as well.
When I was at rock bottom thiswas 2013, 2012, sorry, 2014 when
I was just sort of starting todo personal development work, my
(19:19):
coach at the time said what doyou want your life to look like
if you could really dream, andat that point I was struggling
to pay for petrol.
So the one thing that I gotsuper excited about was just
having $1,500 a week coming in.
That would have coveredeverything, and that was a big
goal for me at that time.
And fortunately, joel said dude, that's awesome, but that's not
(19:41):
going to get you jumping out ofbed.
That's not going to besomething that compels you,
because you'll achieve thatquite comfortably.
Really, go out and think whatdo your relationships look like?
How does your physique, whatyou know?
If you're writing for your own,your own life story, what would
be the things that you want toput in there, almost like a
bucket list?
This is something I'll talkabout over the next couple of
weeks.
The next step is your impact.
So, considering your legacy andthe influence that you want to
(20:04):
have, I think it's veryimportant to think about that,
because that's when we startthinking bigger than ourself, if
we only focus on ourself.
Actually, let me shift this.
If you're having a bad day, thebest way to get yourself out of
that rut is to do somethingnice for someone else.
So if you're having a bad runin life, start thinking bigger
(20:25):
than yourself.
You may go help out at thelocal food shelter or, if you've
got your own business, you maydo philanthropy or work with
charities, with the man that CanProject.
We raise funds for Movember, weraise funds for the Mental
Awareness Foundation because weknow that we've got resources
and people in our network thatwe can do more for other people,
(20:46):
for people in need.
And finally, is your statementso you summarize the above
elements into a concise andmotivating statement right?
You've got essentially yourvision statement as such that
you can just read and it lightsyou up, it motivates you.
So this does take time to gothrough and it does take time to
cover these things and do themwell.
But if, like me, you loveframeworks, you love
(21:10):
step-by-step things, just go tothe self-discovery program and
enroll in that.
It's like measuring.
You know, I used to be abuilder, but you measure twice
and cut once, just so you makesure you get it right.
I see too many blokes who onlythink about how money is going
to impact their future.
They underestimate theimportance of giving time to
(21:32):
their health, giving time totheir wife, giving time to their
hobbies, whether it's surfingor running or golf even.
But how will that impact yourlife in the long term if you
don't give time to it.
How will it impact your life inthe long term if you do give
time to it?
If you feel like you don't havetime to do this or you don't
believe it's valuable, Ichallenge you to stop and I
(21:54):
challenge you to reflect on thelast five years of your life.
If you continue in this sametrajectory, will you have
connected relationships?
Will you feel comfortable withyour t-shirt off?
Will you be excited foradventure or will you be tied to
your career?
I have an idea of what I wantmy life story to be.
Like I said earlier, I onlyhave an idea.
(22:16):
I'm not 100% certain.
I don't think anybody is.
The experience gives us thefeedback, but it's not dedicated
by material things.
It's looked at through values,and the things that I'm focusing
on now, at 33, that are goingto help me avoid regret when I'm
60, are these, and they're notmaterial, as I said.
The first one is health.
Right, I think about will thisimprove my health so that when
(22:38):
I'm 60 plus, you know, going onto my older years I still have a
great quality of life?
Currently, I'm runningmarathons.
It's keeping me fit, it'skeeping me active and it's
keeping me excited.
Right, I'm learning a lot aboutrecovery.
I'm learning nutrition,sustainability, longevity, but
previously I've played rugby,crossfit, road and so much more,
(22:59):
and all of these are adding tomy life story while keeping me
healthy, so that, for me, isalways going to continue to
evolve and grow.
I might get into a bit moregolf as I get older, or who
knows what's next.
The second thing that I amreally prioritizing in my 30s is
connection.
So I think, does this personbring value to my life?
(23:20):
Do they care, challenge andleave me feeling energized?
I'm hanging around like-mindedpeople, those who value health,
growth and freedom of their time.
As I'm moving into a differentseason of my life, I'm hanging
around more people who havefamilies and people who travel
with their businesses.
That's the season of life thatI'm going through and something
(23:41):
that really lights me up.
The third thing that I'mprioritizing in my 30s is
freedom.
Will this allow me thefinancial means to do what I
want, or does it allow me tohave the flexibility with my
time?
Two things that are reallyimportant when it falls under
that freedom banner.
Now, my business has been builtonline for that exact reason.
(24:02):
I love being in control of myincome, and I absolutely love
being in control of my time,being able to design my days how
I want, so that I'm actuallyliving life.
I'm not living for work, andI've been building my business
for 10 years to be in thisposition, and this is what I
mean by the fact that you don'tjust wake up with a great life,
you build it.
(24:23):
The fourth one and the fourthpillar that I'm focused on in my
30s so I don't regret it in my60s is adventure.
Do I experience new things, doI meet new people and do I add
to my life story?
I'm currently living in America.
I'm traveling all around andevery day is a new experience
Traveling to different states,meeting so many epic people and
(24:46):
this is an adventure of alifetime, but it's also a season
.
My wife and I will often belaying in bed and we're
scrolling Instagram or chattingwith some of our buddies back
home and they've got their youngfamilies and their beautiful
homes and we're like, man, Iwant that.
That's exciting and that's agreat way to live, but then
we've got to remind ourselveshey, we're in a different season
(25:07):
and this is an adventure for usright now.
When we hit that moment,that'll be a different adventure
.
So don't wish away what you'vecurrently got.
So I have removed all thebusyness from my life so I can
give time and energy to thethings that matter, and I would
highly encourage you to do thesame.
As I've said, life is not whatwe're building.
It is what is happening.
(25:28):
If you can take away one thingfrom today's episode or this
newsletter, what are youcurrently neglecting in your
life that you will regret in theyears to come?
Invest in it now.
It could be time with your wifeor your friends, or on your
health.
It could be building an onlinebusiness.
It could be learning tocommunicate.
(25:49):
Whatever it is.
It could be doing crazychallenges, like I've done my 30
marathons in 30 days, and I'vegot another big one that I'm
working on at the moment thatI'll let you guys in on probably
in three to four months time,but it is huge and it's a world
first.
But that's where you want toput your time.
That is what life is about.
So I want to thank you guys forlistening.
In this week, as I said, I hopethe birds haven't been too noisy
(26:13):
.
I'm outdoors, but I'm alsoreally enjoying doing this
outdoors, but this week was hardto write.
I've been in South Carolina,atlanta and currently in
Kentucky.
The experiences are amazing,but I guess giving time to have
a big chunk to write has beenhard because there's been so
much happening.
But I've still made it happen.
(26:33):
I'm still committed toachieving what I want while
living my life.
If you're ready to build thelife that you want, enroll in
the self-discovery program today.
Head over tothemanthatcanprojectcom and you
will see, under work with me,the self-discovery program there
.
Click on it, get started.
You will have an absolute blastand you will come out the other
(26:54):
side with more clarity aroundwhat you need to do to build the
life that you want.
Finally, be sure to check outmy latest podcast with Ryan
Drake.
We spoke about how to turn yourpassion into a business.
Very exciting conversation, asalways.
Do something today to be betterfor tomorrow.
My name is Lachlan Stewart andyou're listening to the man that
(27:15):
Can Projects podcast.
Thank you.
Have you fallen into this trap?
Welcome back to the man thatCan Project podcast.
Today, we are diving deep intoa really exciting topic.
It's one that I'm gonna sharewith you, things that I'm
prioritizing now at 33 that aregonna help me avoid regrets or
mistakes when I'm 63.
It's a very important thing tothink about, because we're gonna
(00:20):
start talking about long-termthinking and how you, as a man,
can get more out of yourrelationship, your hobbies, your
health and earn more money atthe same time.
So, as you can see for those whoare watching on YouTube, I'm
away.
I'm traveling again, and I wastalking about this on social
media that I'm in a phase of mylife where the long-term
(00:41):
thinking is we've come over hereto support my wife's career.
I want to say yes to as manyopportunities because I know
this is a season.
Eventually, I'll move into aseason where we have children
and we're not traveling as much,so I want to maximize this, and
I've now found myself at a goodbuddy's place.
We just went fishing, which wasawesome, and I was like I'm
going to record my podcast afterthis and some work's getting
(01:02):
done to the house, so I'msitting down under the house
beautiful view, birds arechirping.
So if you hear the birds andthe nature, it's because I'm
standing outside for those whoare listening on Spotify or
Apple.
So great to have you here.
But let's dive into this episodeNow.
You're not too different fromme, right?
You grew up and you were soldthis dream life path that
(01:22):
includes going to school,getting a job, building a career
, getting married, starting afamily, purchasing that dream
home and then eventuallyretiring where you.
If you're in Australia, yougrab yourself that caravan and
you cruise around the country.
People flock to this because itgives them some order in their
life.
It gives them some structureThroughout our life.
(01:43):
We get told what to do, we gettold we have to be at class,
this is what we're going tolearn, this is when we get to
eat lunch, and that order bringsa sense of calmness, almost
peace, to our life, which isn'ta bad thing.
But when we go out into the big, bad world by ourself, a lot of
us crave that structure becausewhen you have an abundance of
(02:04):
opportunity, it can get quiteoverwhelming.
So that's why that I need to goto university.
I then need to get the house, Ineed to get married, I need to
have the kids I need to settledown is so attractive to so many
people.
You love progress, I loveprogress.
It truly gives our life purpose.
And if you've ever played videogames, right, it's the exact
same scenario.
(02:25):
We don't choose what the nextlevel looks like, but we trust
it's moving us to completion ofthe game.
Right, it sucks us in and itsteals moments in our life.
So the big problem that I havewith this path is that they
never talk about the order andthe impacts that it has on your
life.
Right, it didn't appear to beworking well for people.
When I finished school and Iwas looking around and I was
(02:47):
seeing divorce rates goingthrough the roof.
I was seeing people who weredrinking a lot of alcohol and
escaping from their familiesheading down to the pub.
They just did not seem happy.
And as I got into coaching, Iobviously got to speak to a lot
more people and I sort of backedthat up and recognized that,
hey, they aren't happy.
People are trying to escapefrom their lives, and I didn't
(03:09):
really like the idea of that.
I thought, well, we've only gotone life.
Isn't it supposed to beexciting?
Isn't this why we went toschool?
Some of us are getting ourtertiary educations, we want to
really just enjoy our time here.
The people who believe that byachieving that next milestone it
would solve their problem, itwould make them feel happier,
(03:31):
they were just giving themselvesa little dopamine hit that
would go oh man, ourrelationship isn't falling apart
because now we've just had akid or we've just bought a house
.
But it was no different to mewhen I was extremely insecure.
My life was at rock bottom.
I had just been through abreakup and I decided hey, this
is how I'm going to solve thisproblem.
(03:51):
I'm going to move over toFrance and play rugby, and I
thought that would solveeverything.
But what happened three monthslater was the insecurities, the
jealousy and the mental demonsthat I was facing came back
right.
They followed me.
So when I started experiencingthat for myself and I observed
other people were going throughit, I realized that this life
(04:14):
path and following thesemilestones and ticking it off
didn't guarantee success ordidn't guarantee happiness.
Right, because a problem willalways rear its head if you
don't deal with the issue athand, whether that is financial,
whether that is in yourrelationships, whether that is
with your health, whether thatis with your career.
You know, I've worked with over79 men one-to-one, hundreds,
(04:39):
over 800 to close to 1,000 nowin group scenarios within our
academy.
Most of the men that I workwith one-to-one have done
extremely well financially, butthey've now found themselves in
a position where they don't haveanyone that they love enough to
share the success with.
They don't have the strengthand energy to be able to pursue
their hobbies and do the thingsthat they told themselves that
(05:00):
they would do when they achievedthat outcome.
They focus so much on buildingwealth in their career that it's
caused them to lose the thingsthat really mattered.
And it got me thinking what ischasing money really costing me?
Have you actually ever thoughtabout that?
Because it's the reason why Ihave molded my life at 33 years
(05:21):
old.
That's what I am now to makesure that I'm doing these things
daily now, while I'm stillpursuing success.
I'm still pursuing my financialgoals so that when I am in my
60s, I have a great life'sresume.
Now one client that I workedwith for around three years
taught me some really incrediblelessons.
He ran a global company.
He had all the execs, he hadthe bloody PAs, eas, all the
(05:43):
executives and assistants, yethe was constantly working and I
would scratch my head becauseI'm like, from the outside
looking in.
You have the nice cars, youhave the nice watches, you have
the nice houses, you have theprivate travel man.
It looks awesome.
I want that.
I thought I wanted that, yet hewould constantly yo-yo with his
health.
He would be bouncing fromrelationship to relationship and
(06:07):
would mentally break down everycouple of months and I wondered
why somebody who had all thefinancial resources that you
needed to be happy or at least Ithought so still struggled so
much.
It was so hard to watch.
I like to think that I helpedgive him some form of structure
to guide him back on track so hewouldn't completely derail.
(06:29):
But he was just stuck in thiscycle and I truly believed his
pursuit for success in Korea andthe fact that he wasn't willing
to compromise in order to get agreat relationship, get his
health on track, really was thedownfall there.
But this confirmed to me thatmoney doesn't buy you happiness.
Regardless of how much you have, doing things that make you
(06:51):
happy brings happiness.
Look, money can buy you timeand it can buy you experiences,
which are both great things thatcan bring you happiness.
Right, but you have to affordyourself of that, and what I
mean by that is that you need tophysically, mentally and
emotionally allow yourself to behappy.
So many people that I've workedwith they'll be doing something
(07:15):
.
They might be on their holidayor their honeymoon or anything,
and then mentally they're notthere.
They're thinking about work,they're stressing about money
and they're just not present.
So to me, is that happinessAbility to emotionally, the
ability to physically, theability to mentally allow
yourself to experience happinessis something that you need to
work on.
It's something that you need tohave the daily deposits on, and
(07:37):
that means you have to do it inthe present in order to
experience it in the future.
I think about it in the contextof if I'm spending so much time
building my business and I'mnot developing the skills or
continuing to build theconnection with my wife, I
probably can't expect that in 30years time, when I retire and
(08:00):
we get to spend X amount of timetogether throughout the day,
that we're just going to hit itoff and it's going to be this
incredible relationship.
It just won't work like that.
We need to do the dailydeposits to build the connection
, to know that we're there foreach other to share value, to
share our wants, needs anddesires in order to build that
connection.
So all of these things that I'mtalking about so far is
(08:20):
something that I guide menthrough within our
self-discovery program that youcan find on our website at the
man that Can Project.
But I believe far too many menlack logical long-term thinking,
right?
So that is logical long-termthinking.
I get it.
You may be focused on yourcareer because you believe it's
going to set yourself up andyour family up, and then you can
(08:43):
have the holidays and get yourhealth in order.
It's the.
When I achieve X, I will thendo Y holidays and get your
health in order.
It's the.
When I achieve X, I will thendo Y the if, then or then when
fallacy, which never seems tohappen.
The likelihood of thishappening is extremely low.
We are what we repeatedly doEvery day.
You neglect exercise.
Every day you neglectrelationship.
(09:04):
Every day that you neglect yourhobbies is another day that you
forget how to do that.
And I don't mean you lose askill.
You may lose your confidencewith the skill, but you lose the
mental bandwidth to be focusedon the tasks that are new right.
We are hardwired to buildroutines.
We are hardwired to develophabits and these allow.
(09:27):
You know, ultimately we do thisbecause it saves us time and
thought, but then we can getbetter results with less energy.
But for me personally, Iexperienced this when I was
starting in business.
I stopped watching sportbecause, hey, I thought, if I
stopped watching football andthat I can spend that cold
calling and developing mybusiness.
And as a result of that, Ibecame socially awkward and
(09:50):
socially anxious and I waslosing my ability to be in
social settings.
And I started then justifyingthat to myself.
I started saying, oh man, I'mjust introverted and I recharge
at home and that allowed peopleto go.
Oh cool, lockie just needs torecharge at home.
But because of this logical,long-term thinking, I knew that
I wanted connection in my lifeand I'll go back and I'll give
(10:12):
you the framework in a moment.
But I knew that that wasimportant.
So I recognized that I had toget my confidence back in social
settings.
The only way you're going toget confident in a social
setting get in more socialsettings, learn to communicate,
learn to build rapport, learn tosit in the uncomfortableness of
it all and you will become moreconfident and comfortable in
(10:34):
that situation and orenvironment.
So think about that.
Confidence is built through therepetition, the thing that you
want to become or build upon.
You must do more of Exposeyourself to it.
There are more men than everwho are overweight, depressed
and socially anxious, and I wasno different.
I was depressed, I was sociallyanxious and I really fucking
(11:01):
sucked in relationships.
But it wasn't until I startedthinking about this logical,
long-term thinking about my lifethat I started changing my
actions.
I started building new skillsand building a better life.
I'm going to give you theframework to map this out now.
If you're listening to this andyou're driving, continue to
listen, but check out mynewsletter on the website and
you'll be able to take thisframework and plug it in,
(11:25):
because, as I was speaking aboutbefore, I think anything that I
say, the things that I'mworking on in my 30s now may not
be the things that you want towork on, because what a good and
great life looks like for youmay be different for me, but you
can take the frameworks that Ican give you in our programs and
make them for you.
That is what I believe leads toa great life, because otherwise
(11:47):
, if you just follow exactlywhat I do my morning routines or
how I build a business, or howI podcast, or how I network.
You're just plugging intoanother system, like that
traditional life plan systemthat we all build into the one
that I mentioned at thebeginning around going to school
, getting a good job, gettingmarried, having the kids, and
that may not be the plan and thetrajectory for you.
I want you to be able topersonalize this.
I want you to make the plan andthe trajectory for you.
(12:08):
I want you to be able topersonalize this.
I want you to make your lifeunique and special for you.
That's what we're here andthat's what I'm about, because I
believe far too many men arefollowing a plan that doesn't
excite them.
They're unhappy, depressed andoverweight as a result of that.
So if you've been following mysocial media content for a long
time, or the podcast as you'relistening to now, it is no
(12:31):
secret that I believe in doingthings today to be better for
tomorrow.
The things that I do today areto make sure that I don't set
myself up for a life of regrets.
Now, full disclosure.
We're always going to regretstuff.
We don't really know whether wewill regret something until we
do it and we don't really know100% what we want from our life
(12:52):
until we start living it.
So I have an idea of how Ithink I want to live my life.
I have an idea of what I thinkI will regret, and when you get
options you can have or make adecision around, I think I'll
regret this one more than thisone.
So therefore, I'm going to dothat, okay.
So I hope that makes sense foryou and it really puts you in
more control.
(13:13):
And the challenge with that iswhen you're taking
responsibility, you're going toreap the success, but you also
got to deal with the failures.
Okay, that is the trade-off.
There is always a price ofadmission.
Everyone I've met, my ownexperiences and the people that
I've interviewed have all taughtme things, but they have also
guided me on what not to do.
And I hope that if you reflecton your lifestyle and I have
(13:37):
this story framework, which isin the self-discovery program
that you can develop yourtimeline to use that to reflect
upon, to go.
This is what I value.
This is what I don't want moreof.
But that's the beautiful thingabout continuing to speak to
people, continuing to haveexperiences.
You can leverage that to builda better life right To have more
(13:58):
certainty around what you want.
It's given me an understandingof the things that I want to do
now so I can avoid having regretin my 60s I'm sure you probably
can experience this.
That's why you relate to this,that's why you're listening to
this podcast.
But my desire to live a greatlife had me filling time, or my
time, with things that the gurussaid I needed to do.
(14:20):
You know the morning routines,the networking, the work
meetings, and the list keptgrowing.
I kept becoming busier andbusier and I had no time for the
things that I wanted to do, andyou may be in that situation
right now.
I had moved from one system tothe other, as I was mentioning,
from that traditional life oneto the guru system, because I
(14:40):
thought that would be the thingthat made me live a good life.
But if I'd kept this up until Iretired, I'd be thinking did I
really enjoy this?
Have I just missed the bestyears of my life trying to live
a great life when I should havejust actually done the things
that would have allowed me tolive a great life?
Hence why I'm out here fishingand skiing and playing poker
(15:01):
this week, because this is life.
I've built this life thatallows me the flexibility and
the freedom to do these things.
If I only focus on work becauseI want it to grow, because I
want to grow a bigger business,to earn more money, to live a
better life, then I'm missingout on the life.
So I hope it lands with youthere.
This lesson that I learned isthat all the things that I tell
(15:23):
you to do, that I recommend thatI do, may not be the things for
you.
Try them, and if they add value, you can choose to continue
doing them or you don't have to.
But if they aren't working foryou, stop doing them.
They're just making you busier.
In order to live a better life,a more productive life and a
more fulfilling life, you needto do less.
(15:45):
You need to declutter, givemore energy and focus to the
main things.
Right, I knew I needed to doless.
You need to declutter, givemore energy and focus to the
main things.
Right, I knew I needed to dodifferent because I didn't want
to continue living such a busylife, and that's what has led me
to build my life in a way, so Idon't have regret for when I'm
63.
So let me talk to you aboutthis logical, long-term thinking
and then I'll share with youthe things that I'm focused on
(16:05):
right now.
So the logical, long-termthinking, essentially vision
setting let's just assume it'swhen you think five plus years
into the future and you definewhat you would like to have or
could have in your life.
Then you work backwards toachieve that right.
It doesn't need to becomplicated.
An example is in five yearstime I'll have children.
(16:25):
I want flexibility to traveland to be at home while still
making time for the experiencesthat I love.
Right, that's quite vague, butyou get the idea.
Potential questions that youcould ask yourself would be will
my career allow for that?
How much money do I need toearn to sustain that?
How do I get my family on boardif you have a family or if
you're choosing to have a familyin that time?
(16:47):
And the answer to thosequestions will bring new
questions and action steps tobuild upon that.
It's what's been happening forme since 2014.
When I met my wife, or 2013, Iknew she was traveling a lot, so
I knew that I wanted to have aflexible career so that I could
travel with her and get toexperience life together.
(17:08):
Career so that I could travelwith her and get to experience
life together.
So I started asking myself willmy career allow for that?
At that time it wouldn't,because I was working as a
builder.
I had to be on site.
I was living in a differenttown, so I had to make some
changes.
I then had to go.
Okay, working for myself seemslike a pretty good strategy.
How much money do I need toearn in order to do that?
(17:28):
What kind of business will Ihave?
How much will I charge?
How will I market myself?
And you get the picture right.
It's just an accumulation ofquestions and answers and giving
yourself things to do to makesure you're moving closer to the
outcomes that you want.
It doesn't need to be any morecomplicated than that.
But this is where the real workstarts.
You don't wake up with a greatlife.
(17:50):
You must build it.
So I became obsessed withbuilding a great life, as many
of us do.
We like the idea of it, but Ireally made sure I put it into
action.
It's why, 10 years later, I'mstanding here in America living
really my best life, and I'm sograteful for that.
I'm so proud of myself and Iwant to inspire more men like
(18:17):
you to take control of your lifein whatever context that looks
like.
But to really dive into how Icreated the logical, long-term
thinking framework, let's have alook at it.
So there's five steps and it'svery simple and, once again, if
you write this down, you canwork through it yourself.
But if you want help with it,go and enroll in the
self-discovery program.
You get a discount for being amember and you can see that in
the show notes or being apodcast listener.
(18:38):
Sorry, but the first one is yourstory, so reflecting on your
past and your current situationto set the stage.
The second one is your valuesIdentifying the core values to
guide your decisions and yourbehaviors.
The third one is envision yourbest life, so imagining the most
(18:58):
fulfilling and successfulfuture you can have for yourself
.
I've spoken about this a lotover the last couple of weeks
and I talk about this on myInstagram a lot as well.
When I was at rock bottom thiswas 2013, as well.
When I was at rock bottom thiswas 2013, 2012, sorry, 2014 when
I was just sort of starting todo personal development work, my
(19:19):
coach at the time said what doyou want your life to look like
if you could really dream, andat that point I was struggling
to pay for petrol.
So the one thing that I gotsuper excited about was just
having $1,500 a week coming in.
That would have coveredeverything, and that was a big
goal for me at that time.
And fortunately, joel said dude, that's awesome, but that's not
(19:41):
going to get you jumping out ofbed.
That's not going to besomething that compels you,
because you'll achieve thatquite comfortably.
Really, go out and think whatdo your relationships look like?
How does your physique, whatyou know?
If you're writing for your own,your own life story, what would
be the things that you want toput in there, almost like a
bucket list?
This is something I'll talkabout over the next couple of
weeks.
The next step is your impact.
So, considering your legacy andthe influence that you want to
(20:04):
have, I think it's veryimportant to think about that,
because that's when we startthinking bigger than ourself, if
we only focus on ourself.
Actually, let me shift this.
If you're having a bad day, thebest way to get yourself out of
that rut is to do somethingnice for someone else.
So if you're having a bad runin life, start thinking bigger
(20:25):
than yourself.
You may go help out at thelocal food shelter or, if you've
got your own business, you maydo philanthropy or work with
charities, with the man that CanProject.
We raise funds for Movember, weraise funds for the Mental
Awareness Foundation because weknow that we've got resources
and people in our network thatwe can do more for other people,
(20:46):
for people in need.
And finally, is your statementso you summarize the above
elements into a concise andmotivating statement right?
You've got essentially yourvision statement as such that
you can just read and it lightsyou up, it motivates you.
So this does take time to gothrough and it does take time to
cover these things and do themwell.
But if, like me, you loveframeworks, you love
(21:10):
step-by-step things, just go tothe self-discovery program and
enroll in that.
It's like measuring.
You know, I used to be abuilder, but you measure twice
and cut once, just so you makesure you get it right.
I see too many blokes who onlythink about how money is going
to impact their future.
They underestimate theimportance of giving time to
(21:32):
their health, giving time totheir wife, giving time to their
hobbies, whether it's surfingor running or golf even.
But how will that impact yourlife in the long term if you
don't give time to it.
How will it impact your life inthe long term if you do give
time to it?
If you feel like you don't havetime to do this or you don't
believe it's valuable, Ichallenge you to stop and I
(21:54):
challenge you to reflect on thelast five years of your life.
If you continue in this sametrajectory, will you have
connected relationships?
Will you feel comfortable withyour t-shirt off?
Will you be excited foradventure or will you be tied to
your career?
I have an idea of what I wantmy life story to be.
Like I said earlier, I onlyhave an idea.
(22:16):
I'm not 100% certain.
I don't think anybody is.
The experience gives us thefeedback, but it's not dedicated
by material things.
It's looked at through values,and the things that I'm focusing
on now, at 33, that are goingto help me avoid regret when I'm
60, are these, and they're notmaterial, as I said.
The first one is health.
Right, I think about will thisimprove my health so that when
(22:38):
I'm 60 plus, you know, going onto my older years I still have a
great quality of life?
Currently, I'm runningmarathons.
It's keeping me fit, it'skeeping me active and it's
keeping me excited.
Right, I'm learning a lot aboutrecovery.
I'm learning nutrition,sustainability, longevity, but
previously I've played rugby,crossfit, road and so much more,
(22:59):
and all of these are adding tomy life story while keeping me
healthy, so that, for me, isalways going to continue to
evolve and grow.
I might get into a bit moregolf as I get older, or who
knows what's next.
The second thing that I amreally prioritizing in my 30s is
connection.
So I think, does this personbring value to my life?
(23:20):
Do they care, challenge andleave me feeling energized?
I'm hanging around like-mindedpeople, those who value health,
growth and freedom of their time.
As I'm moving into a differentseason of my life, I'm hanging
around more people who havefamilies and people who travel
with their businesses.
That's the season of life thatI'm going through and something
(23:41):
that really lights me up.
The third thing that I'mprioritizing in my 30s is
freedom.
Will this allow me thefinancial means to do what I
want, or does it allow me tohave the flexibility with my
time?
Two things that are reallyimportant when it falls under
that freedom banner.
Now, my business has been builtonline for that exact reason.
(24:02):
I love being in control of myincome, and I absolutely love
being in control of my time,being able to design my days how
I want, so that I'm actuallyliving life.
I'm not living for work, andI've been building my business
for 10 years to be in thisposition, and this is what I
mean by the fact that you don'tjust wake up with a great life,
you build it.
(24:23):
The fourth one and the fourthpillar that I'm focused on in my
30s so I don't regret it in my60s is adventure.
Do I experience new things, doI meet new people and do I add
to my life story?
I'm currently living in America.
I'm traveling all around andevery day is a new experience
Traveling to different states,meeting so many epic people and
(24:46):
this is an adventure of alifetime, but it's also a season
.
My wife and I will often belaying in bed and we're
scrolling Instagram or chattingwith some of our buddies back
home and they've got their youngfamilies and their beautiful
homes and we're like, man, Iwant that.
That's exciting and that's agreat way to live, but then
we've got to remind ourselveshey, we're in a different season
(25:07):
and this is an adventure for usright now.
When we hit that moment,that'll be a different adventure
.
So don't wish away what you'vecurrently got.
So I have removed all thebusyness from my life so I can
give time and energy to thethings that matter, and I would
highly encourage you to do thesame.
As I've said, life is not whatwe're building.
It is what is happening.
(25:28):
If you can take away one thingfrom today's episode or this
newsletter, what are youcurrently neglecting in your
life that you will regret in theyears to come?
Invest in it now.
It could be time with your wifeor your friends, or on your
health.
It could be building an onlinebusiness.
It could be learning tocommunicate.
(25:49):
Whatever it is.
It could be doing crazychallenges, like I've done my 30
marathons in 30 days, and I'vegot another big one that I'm
working on at the moment thatI'll let you guys in on probably
in three to four months time,but it is huge and it's a world
first.
But that's where you want toput your time.
That is what life is about.
So I want to thank you guys forlistening.
In this week, as I said, I hopethe birds haven't been too noisy
(26:13):
.
I'm outdoors, but I'm alsoreally enjoying doing this
outdoors, but this week was hardto write.
I've been in South Carolina,atlanta and currently in
Kentucky.
The experiences are amazing,but I guess giving time to have
a big chunk to write has beenhard because there's been so
much happening.
But I've still made it happen.
(26:33):
I'm still committed toachieving what I want while
living my life.
If you're ready to build thelife that you want, enroll in
the self-discovery program today.
Head over tothemanthatcanprojectcom and you
will see, under work with me,the self-discovery program there
.
Click on it, get started.
You will have an absolute blastand you will come out the other
(26:54):
side with more clarity aroundwhat you need to do to build the
life that you want.
Finally, be sure to check outmy latest podcast with Ryan
Drake.
We spoke about how to turn yourpassion into a business.
Very exciting conversation, asalways.
Do something today to be betterfor tomorrow.
My name is Lachlan Stewart andyou're listening to the man that
(27:15):
Can Projects podcast.
Thank you.
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