July 31, 2024 • 24 mins
Today's Play:
Join us as our guest shares her firsthand experiences with the challenges college coaches face, especially the impact of parents’ unrealistic expectations on athletes’ development. Discover the importance of parental support for children’s growth and character development, along with the necessity for open communication between coaches and athletes. We also highlight the value of embracing failure as a chance for improvement.
Today's Coach:
Christy Thomaskutty is an analyst for ESPN covering sports across their basketball platform. Prior to that, she coached college basketball for 19 years in both Division I and III and also served as the Vice President of the Women's Basketball Coaches Association (WBCA). In college, she was a standout on the Tulane University women's basketball team where she ranked fifth all-time in Division I history for career three-point field goals and was honored as the national female winner of the Arthur Ashe Jr. Sports Scholar award.
To learn more about Bryant College Coaching, and download our new e-book, click here or go to www.bryantcollegecoaching.com
Picking Teams: A Playbook for Parents is produced by: Amy Bryant and Sasha Melamud
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Amy Bryant (00:00):
Amy Bryant, welcome to picking teams a podcast that
(00:11):
dives into the playbooks ofseasoned coaches. I'm your host.
Amy Bryant, a 23 year veterancollege coach, and my guests
hail from the professionalcollege and youth ranks.
Together, we'll share realstories from our coaching
experiences to empower you asparents to be positive forces in
your child's sports journey.
(00:38):
Our guest today is ChristyThomas Cuddy Christy is an
analyst for ESPN, coveringsports across their basketball
platform. Prior to that, shecoached college basketball for
19 years in both division oneand three, and also served as
the vice president of theWomen's Basketball Coaches
Association in college, she wasa standout on the Tulane
(01:00):
University women's basketballteam, where she ranked fifth all
time in Division One history forcareer three point field goals,
and was honored as the nationalfemale winner of the Arthur Ashe
Junior sports Scholar Award.
Well, how are
Christy Thomaskutty (01:15):
I'm good.
I'm good. You know, honestly,it's I enjoy this time of year,
you know, like we never had anoff season. And so that's the
biggest thing. From April untilOctober, I just, I'm house CEO,
you know, I do things to takethings off next flight so you
can just work. And I love it,you know. And then I grind, you
know, obviously October on. ButI love this time of year, minus
(01:38):
the heat. I love the summeryear.
Amy Bryant (01:41):
I feel like that's the way it was for us when we
were coaching, though a littlebit. I mean, yeah, we had to do
recruiting, but just at leastwhen we weren't with the team. I
mean, I always felt like I wasbored.
Unknown (01:53):
Yeah, I think what was hard in basketball is we have I
guess I felt that way. MaybeApril, May a little bit. But
then it was getting ready forcamps. Camps ended, and it was
recruiting, and then returningin and I had the Elite Camp, and
then it was school started, andso that, I guess that's where I
(02:13):
feel like I actually had summertime. Yeah,
Amy Bryant (02:16):
so I think my downtime when I got bored was
after the fall season, beforethe spring season, because there
we had already done recruitinglike we were already done. We
did it in the summer. Yeah, yougot the holiday
Yeah you never got the holiday.
That's it. That was thedifference. You're right. You're
right. So tell me what youexperienced this off season.
Unknown (02:39):
What I experienced this offseason in basketball was
parents getting greedy regardingnio happy where they are, but
parents seeing what other andthen forcing kids into a portal
they didn't want it. So I mean,I think that's another piece of
it as well, of what is the endgame for a parent with their
(03:01):
child like, don't be wrong. I'mnot saying they don't deserve
it, but at some point a kidseducate like, this is a kid
gotten to MBA school. Uh huh,happy starting her her skill set
fits the system, and dad thinksshe should get money like, like
Caitlin Clark. You know that'sthe guy thinks they should be
getting Caitlin Clark money.
She's once in a lifetime inWilliamsport, right? You know?
(03:24):
And I'm not saying lifeline, butit's going to be decade or so
again, and we've got kids acrosssports whose parents think they
should get, be getting paid thatway. And it's TV, it's TV and
all those it's social mediapresence, it's a lot of things
that parents just don'tunderstand, but they think their
kids should be their bank
Amy Bryant (03:45):
Exactly, exactly, and they're missing all of the
important aspects, like all ofthe reasons that we play sports.
They're they're totally chasingthe green versus chasing what
are the values we're teachingour children? Like, what is this
for?
Unknown (04:01):
What's not and Amy, my biggest thing right now is where
we are in collegiate athletics.
We're not going to have goodcoaches left, because the way
it's set is for at least in thedivision one space. Right now
it's set up for those coacheswho are happy. Go grab kids that
aren't. They're not culturekids. They're let me win now and
focus on me. And that's mybiggest concern. For college
(04:25):
sports, we're not going to havethe impact coaches left because
they're not going to besuccessful, and they know it's
not worth it, like we're seeingon the women's basketball side.
So many of the veteran coachesare out because they're like,
this is not what we signed upfor Portal and il all that
stuff, and now you got thesekids, these younger people, who
are just they're transactional.
Amy Bryant (04:47):
That's really fascinating, because in the
coaching side, the other pieceof that is the coaches that are
doing what's best for thesekids, holding them accountable,
seeking to Team expectations,building a positive team
culture, all of these things,they're getting in trouble by
(05:12):
the unhappy kids and theirparents that are pushing their
own agenda, and administratorsdon't want any noise, yep,
especially from the Women'sSports space, absolutely. So
they're willing, and more thanhappy to fire any of these
(05:35):
coaches that are standing up forthe bigger things, because it's
easier to get rid of that well,and
Unknown (05:41):
again, I mean, especially at a division three,
we're not getting paid much, itis easy. Like, I'm seeing more
and more, like, look at the UAwomen's side. There's four
coaches that'll be new next yearat women's basketball. I think
in my entire 14 years, we hadfour coaches changed. And this
is one cycle. And you know, Ialways said, our administrators,
what are you doing to supportour women's coaches, because
(06:01):
you're not going to have them.
So you can't talk out of bothsides your mouth, but you want
these positive role models forthese young women, and you're
not doing the things to supportthem, and you know, and to your
point about this, you know, thislegislation going through,
that's where I'm like, Hey,parents, our Olympic sports may
not be there. At the divisionone level, those scholarships
will not be there. So all thismoney you're investing to get
(06:22):
them a scholarship, you may bebetter off putting it into an
account to pay for tuition, andyour child will probably be
better off long term. Yeah,
Amy Bryant (06:33):
I mean 100% and we talked about this with one my
other guests on the show, it'slike you can't go into sports
thinking there's going to besome sort of payoff. You go into
sports because you want to teachyour kid valuable lessons about
life. You want to keep your kidout of trouble. I mean, sports
keep kids out of trouble, right?
And keep them engaged. They'reafter school activities, they're
healthy. They're so many greataspects to sports, but the
(06:58):
second that you start doing itfor the wrong reasons is the
second you start, you know,going crazy. See these crazy
parents.
Unknown (07:07):
Oh, I again, it is.
That's what I say. Like this,the club space is broke. Yeah,
we can blame coaches, but it'sthe parents who are paying
astronomical things, who aregetting their kids to play year
round for because this coachsays it, and again, I'm talking
the basketball space, and thesekids are getting hurt, or they
suck at the national exposuretime because they're exhausted.
(07:30):
And I'm like, where's theparents in this?
Amy Bryant (07:34):
What? What advice do you have for parents? I mean,
what would you say to parentsright now if you had, after all
of your years of experiencecoaching, right? And now you're
seeing things from a differentlens, right? You get to be kind
of an outsider slash insider.
You're not necessarily coachinganymore, but you're seeing all
of these female coaches andthese extraordinary athletes
(07:55):
perform, and you're you'rewitnessing team culture unfold
in front of you. So what's yourbiggest piece of advice for
parents?
Unknown (08:06):
I think it is about what I think what every parent.
And I'm not a parent, obviously,but Emma and I have been around
young children, and it's likeyou what you want for them when
they're adults. That should bethe endgame, in my mind, for any
parent, what do you want yourchild to portray when they are
2223 years old? I have alwaysbelieved athletics is a is a
(08:30):
vehicle to raise kids, meaningit gives them the social skills,
the survival skills, theirpersonal skills, and it just
teaches them to be a part of ateam. Again, I work for ESPN now
I can tell you everybody on ourcrew who played college
athletics and who didn't basedon how they interact, how they
(08:50):
handle stressful situations, howthey communicate during those
stressful times, and how theyengage with one another and
empower one another. It is askill that you don't just get.
It is through the hard times. Itis through grinding with your
teammates, getting up,sacrificing. That's what
athletics should give youngpeople, not a trophy, not a
(09:12):
scholarship. So for me, it's notthe end game of the notoriety.
It is, to me, a parent, whenthey look at their child at 2223
are they proud of the youngperson that they have helped
mold along with the people thatthey brought into their life, or
that coaches, college coaches,club coaches. That's to me, what
(09:34):
a parent should really befocusing on, not the
scholarship, not the collegiateawards, not the NIO money. It
should be that end game. Andthis is societal problem. Now it
is about now. It is not aboutthe grind. It is not about what
my goal is and what do I need todo to get there. It is about
right now, and that's where Ifeel like our parents need to
(09:55):
help support our young peopleand understanding failure is
part of life. It is that nextmoment that will define you. It
is that next moment that helpsyou grow into the outstanding
person you should be does notdefine you. But I feel like
parents right now want toprotect their kids from failure,
and that's not helping us.
That's not helping them.
Amy Bryant (10:17):
And one thing that I see when parents are protecting
their kids from failure is a lotof pointing fingers at coaches,
like it's the coach's fault thatmy child is feeling that way.
And what are your thoughts onthat?
Unknown (10:30):
Well, yeah, I remember feeling this way when I was at
Emory, like so many times, I wasthe first person to hold this
young woman accountable, whichmade me the bad guy on so many
levels. But yet, my job is todevelop chemistry on a team, to
have a culture, and that's whereparents have to understand, you
know. And I'll speak from an SECcoaches perspective. Now there
(10:51):
are staff, not just assistantcoaches, but grad assistants,
media member everything else isprobably about 15 people deep.
And the best coaches right noware the ones that aren't just
managing inputting time intotheir kids. It's also those
staff rooms, because those staffmembers have so much contact
with those kids, and so when Isay that, I always say this on
(11:13):
air, nobody understands what acoach goes through on a daily
basis. No idea, especially afemale coach, because of how
they take it personal, that kidsfee on a test affects a coach
because they want more for them,and they're trying to figure out
how to help them that mislay it,that mis free throw is personal
(11:34):
that coach because they feellike they failed them yet at the
same time, a parent, I thinkfirst thing, because they're not
in practice. And that's onechallenge, or one thing I say to
every parent before theycomplain about a coach. Are you
in practice every day? Becauseif you're not in practice every
day, you don't know how yourchild, I should say young
person, is responding to that.
And those are the decisions nocoach wants to lose. And no,
(11:56):
it's easy for a parent to thinkit's personal. And I'm not
saying it's not always, but frommy experience of sitting in
practice now it's not not that.
I'm saying it is about, what canyour child, young person, do to
help your team be successful?
And that is, how are youresponding in practice during
difficult situations, asmatchups, everything else, and
(12:17):
that's where it's easy foranything, any parent to sit
there who hasn't watched thefilm, who hasn't gone through
the analytics, who doesn't knowmatch ups, to say, my kids
should be playing well, no, atsome point when you are so
excited on signing day aboutyour young person signing with
this school, that's also yourleap of faith to support If you
(12:38):
want your child to be happy, andthat's what I see a lot right
now, is parents because theythink they're doing what's best
for their child, they're alsoputting the child between the
coaching staff and the parents,and that puts the kid in a
losing situation. And that isone thing that should never
handle. Well, I don't care ifit's a code for a parent, you're
(12:59):
both there to help elevate thatyoung person. There's so much
mental health issues out thereright now, and I see that as
something that parents can do tohelp support their child,
instead of where I know aparent's coming at it from a
good perspective. They thinkthey're helping and trying to
support but what you're doing isputting your young person in the
(13:20):
middle and causing doubts whenin college athletics, or any
athletics, it should be aboutconfidence. I
Amy Bryant (13:30):
100% agree with so many things, and there are so
many, so many examples kind ofcame flooding back to my mind
from when I was coaching, I usedto come home and I never left
work at work, right? It wasalways with me, and that's what
you're saying when you're sayingthat people don't understand
what coaches go through. Iremember vividly I would have to
(13:53):
go to yoga on Mondays, and thatwas a time that I had set aside
to work through my anxiety aboutone particular student athlete
and how she was partying toomuch, and I was very worried
about the path that she wasgoing down and how that would
impact her life and her future.
And I was also worried about howit would impact our team,
(14:15):
because she was an integral partof our success, but I was really
just worried about her. And ittook me, you know, an hour of
yoga, and I still would sitthere after yoga and worry, you
know, I could never get it offmy mind. It didn't matter what I
did. I could never shut it down.
You know, that's just oneexample for me, but, but to get
back to your point about, youknow, parents and the doubt
(14:38):
they're causing in their child'smind, or their young person's
mind, that, to me, is the singlesource, or the inability for a
young person to Excel or toimprove, because if they're
receiving that doubt from theirparents and they're frustrated
(15:00):
On the court. There's no way forthem to climb out of that. You
know what? I mean? It's likeit's weighing them down too
much. It conversely what aparent can do there if they come
home, or they get on the phonewith their parent, or they text
their parent and they startcomplaining about something that
they're frustrated about atpractice, or way a coach talk to
them, or whatever it is, and theparent says, work it out, talk
(15:25):
to your coach about it in apositive, productive manner.
Communicate with your coach, notyour coach is wrong, or your
coach should never be doingthat, or you are better than
that. Any of that causes selfdoubt, but that simple advice to
your kid to communicateproductively and positively with
your coach can solve so manyproblems.
Unknown (15:48):
I remember as a freshman in college calling
home, complaining about my headcoach, and it was like week two
of practice, and my dad said,you want to come home? And I
said, Yes. He said, Okay, yougot to figure out a way to pay
for your education, and that wasall he said. And he said, Do you
want to come home? I said, No,he said. I He said, I advise you
(16:08):
to talk to your coach. And thatwas the end of that discussion.
And it's funny, I had somefriends who had young kids over
at the house last week over theholiday, and they were talking
about how her daughter got movedup to an older club group in
soccer, played around aposition, and they're really
frustrated because the kid wasplaying on the younger group and
(16:29):
there was no communication. Andthe mom's like, you know, we
don't ever talk to the coaches.
We don't want to be thoseparents. And I said, Well, I
think there's a differencebetween being those parents and
encouraging said daughter to askthe coach why what she should
do, I said it's still about lifeskills. She doesn't need to sit
there frustrated and to see yourfrustration, I think that's
(16:51):
another piece for parents.
You're not a verbal say as muchas your verbal say to your young
person. And so to be aware ofthat, you know, I see parents in
the stands all the time, andtheir body language screams
negativity about what's going onthe floor. And, you know, again,
(17:12):
my parents are from India, and Imy mom, who did not, who knew
nothing about basketball,sitting up in the sands quiet
and just cheering. And that'swhat I wish I decided to get
back to. We cheer for our thing.
There's no booing. There's noyoung at coaches. And I'm young
kids or opponents. It's justsupporting your person. And I
know that's a nine stance. Iknow we are so far beyond that,
(17:32):
but I do, I don't think parentsunderstand that part of it too,
of what their young person seesfrom them, from a non verbal
perspective, and how thataffects them.
Amy Bryant (17:46):
Nor do I think that parents truly appreciate how
hurtful it is to a coach to seethat I can very vividly recount
two encounters that I had withparents that were non verbal
(18:07):
encounters where I went up andwas as professional as could be
to the parent. Hey, great to seeyou. Thanks so much for coming
to support and I received thecold shoulder cold as ice look
right through me. No, hello,certainly no. Thank you for
everything you're doing for mydaughter. In one of the
(18:27):
situations, it was because Ididn't play the daughter in
singles. In another situation,it was because the daughter
didn't play and it was her lastconference tournament always
centers around playing time, andin both cases, I remember, again
very vividly, the feeling that Ihad where it was like, almost
(18:49):
like a dagger to my heart, likeI just remember feeling so hurt
in no other area of my life hadI ever encountered that kind of
like venom and that kind ofhatred, it just felt awful, and
all I was doing was believing intheir kid and wanting the best
(19:12):
for their kid and doing what'sbest for the team, certainly not
putting their their child NumberOne. Nobody on my team was
number one. But you know, theseparents couldn't see past that.
Unknown (19:27):
I do think one part a byproduct of all this are
parents who have so much moneyin where they think their child
should get, and that is to ascholarship. Once they get to
that scholarship, it's then theproblem is that I think really
goes. Coach, college coaching,especially, is a have invested
(19:50):
money. You're supposed todeliver what their expectation
is, and that's not theexpectation or, nor should it be
for college athletics, if youwant be successful. I mean, Amy,
and that's the part for me thatI don't know what switches in
(20:24):
some parents from the SigningDay to where, all of a sudden,
the expectation is so muchdifferent once their child gets
on campus. That's why I say somuch about Are you watching
practices, or is it only hearingwhen your child reports in,
because that's going to be very,very one sided. You know, I have
(20:46):
a lot of coaching friends nowwho, and I think Dawn says a
great example of this, who has azoom with all her parents and
talks to them, so every parentis hearing the same message. And
again, we're talking about oneof the greatest basketball
coaches now of our generation,and she has said it's what I
have to do to keep everybody onthe same page, she said, but I
(21:08):
can do that because I'm alsohaving a lot of these
conversations with players, andI think that's what's hard too,
is the number of coaches whocan't have a one on one anymore
because of how it'sinternalized. And that's another
thing if I was a parent I wouldadvise my young person to do is,
when you go to talk to yourcoach, listen, don't be, don't
(21:33):
be already thinking about yourresponse or your next question.
Listen, because those I mean, Istill think about some of the
conversations I had with mycollege coach and how impactful
that was to me, because itwasn't necessarily what I wanted
to hear, but it's what I neededto hear. And that's the other
piece now, and this is what'shard, is the amount of money
(21:55):
involved in athletics. Yet weknow Studies show that the
cognitive development of ouryoung people is much slower than
what it used to be, and so nowwe're forcing and we're putting
even more responsibility onthese young people to handle
things, and they're not readyfor it, and therefore parents
jump in to protect their childand they don't have the
(22:18):
information. And that's what Ialways say whether, whether I
was coaching and recruiting ornot, knowledge is power, and
that's why I'm always aboutcommunicate. Talk to your coach,
talk to whichever coach you'reworking with, then make sure
you're talking to the headcoach. And that's what for any
young person you're not playing.
What do you need to do? What'sthe area now, that doesn't mean
(22:40):
you're going to play the nextgame, but it does put it in the
coach's mind of, hey, this kid'snot just sitting there, you
know. Do they see you in thegym, on the court, working on
witnesses? Or is it just amatter of you think practice is
enough? That's the number onelesson right now. Practice is
not enough for if you want to bea high achieving athlete,
(23:01):
showing up to practice is notenough. I'll also tell you, just
working with a trainer is notenough. Playing competing is the
way to get better, and thatmeans failing if you're going to
compete, that means embracingthe failure, and maybe the next
time you're going to fail, agiven maybe not as much. As
(23:21):
much, but you got to compete.
And this is where I thinksometimes, whether it's club
coaches or parents, they want toput their kids in this bubble.
Amy Bryant (23:32):
I totally agree with you. I mean, you're so right. We
have to show our young peopleand parents. You have to show
your children how to communicatewith their coaches so they can
manage failure in a positive andproductive manner. Christy,
thanks so much for being heretoday. Shared so many great
insights with our families.
We're definitely going to haveto have you back on the show
again soon.
(23:58):
Thanks for tuning in for today'splay join us next time to hear
(26:24):
more insights from anotheroutstanding coach. Until then,
(28:37):
remember, as you navigate theups and downs of your child's
(30:54):
sports journey, you're not justpicking teams, You're building
(33:18):
character, fostering resilienceand creating lifelong Memories.
Amy Bryant, welcome to picking teams a podcast that
(00:11):
dives into the playbooks ofseasoned coaches. I'm your host.
Amy Bryant, a 23 year veterancollege coach, and my guests
hail from the professionalcollege and youth ranks.
Together, we'll share realstories from our coaching
experiences to empower you asparents to be positive forces in
your child's sports journey.
(00:38):
Our guest today is ChristyThomas Cuddy Christy is an
analyst for ESPN, coveringsports across their basketball
platform. Prior to that, shecoached college basketball for
19 years in both division oneand three, and also served as
the vice president of theWomen's Basketball Coaches
Association in college, she wasa standout on the Tulane
(01:00):
University women's basketballteam, where she ranked fifth all
time in Division One history forcareer three point field goals,
and was honored as the nationalfemale winner of the Arthur Ashe
Junior sports Scholar Award.
Well, how are
Christy Thomaskutty (01:15):
I'm good.
I'm good. You know, honestly,it's I enjoy this time of year,
you know, like we never had anoff season. And so that's the
biggest thing. From April untilOctober, I just, I'm house CEO,
you know, I do things to takethings off next flight so you
can just work. And I love it,you know. And then I grind, you
know, obviously October on. ButI love this time of year, minus
(01:38):
the heat. I love the summeryear.
Amy Bryant (01:41):
I feel like that's the way it was for us when we
were coaching, though a littlebit. I mean, yeah, we had to do
recruiting, but just at leastwhen we weren't with the team. I
mean, I always felt like I wasbored.
Unknown (01:53):
Yeah, I think what was hard in basketball is we have I
guess I felt that way. MaybeApril, May a little bit. But
then it was getting ready forcamps. Camps ended, and it was
recruiting, and then returningin and I had the Elite Camp, and
then it was school started, andso that, I guess that's where I
(02:13):
feel like I actually had summertime. Yeah,
Amy Bryant (02:16):
so I think my downtime when I got bored was
after the fall season, beforethe spring season, because there
we had already done recruitinglike we were already done. We
did it in the summer. Yeah, yougot the holiday
Yeah you never got the holiday.
That's it. That was thedifference. You're right. You're
right. So tell me what youexperienced this off season.
Unknown (02:39):
What I experienced this offseason in basketball was
parents getting greedy regardingnio happy where they are, but
parents seeing what other andthen forcing kids into a portal
they didn't want it. So I mean,I think that's another piece of
it as well, of what is the endgame for a parent with their
(03:01):
child like, don't be wrong. I'mnot saying they don't deserve
it, but at some point a kidseducate like, this is a kid
gotten to MBA school. Uh huh,happy starting her her skill set
fits the system, and dad thinksshe should get money like, like
Caitlin Clark. You know that'sthe guy thinks they should be
getting Caitlin Clark money.
She's once in a lifetime inWilliamsport, right? You know?
(03:24):
And I'm not saying lifeline, butit's going to be decade or so
again, and we've got kids acrosssports whose parents think they
should get, be getting paid thatway. And it's TV, it's TV and
all those it's social mediapresence, it's a lot of things
that parents just don'tunderstand, but they think their
kids should be their bank
Amy Bryant (03:45):
Exactly, exactly, and they're missing all of the
important aspects, like all ofthe reasons that we play sports.
They're they're totally chasingthe green versus chasing what
are the values we're teachingour children? Like, what is this
for?
Unknown (04:01):
What's not and Amy, my biggest thing right now is where
we are in collegiate athletics.
We're not going to have goodcoaches left, because the way
it's set is for at least in thedivision one space. Right now
it's set up for those coacheswho are happy. Go grab kids that
aren't. They're not culturekids. They're let me win now and
focus on me. And that's mybiggest concern. For college
(04:25):
sports, we're not going to havethe impact coaches left because
they're not going to besuccessful, and they know it's
not worth it, like we're seeingon the women's basketball side.
So many of the veteran coachesare out because they're like,
this is not what we signed upfor Portal and il all that
stuff, and now you got thesekids, these younger people, who
are just they're transactional.
Amy Bryant (04:47):
That's really fascinating, because in the
coaching side, the other pieceof that is the coaches that are
doing what's best for thesekids, holding them accountable,
seeking to Team expectations,building a positive team
culture, all of these things,they're getting in trouble by
(05:12):
the unhappy kids and theirparents that are pushing their
own agenda, and administratorsdon't want any noise, yep,
especially from the Women'sSports space, absolutely. So
they're willing, and more thanhappy to fire any of these
(05:35):
coaches that are standing up forthe bigger things, because it's
easier to get rid of that well,and
Unknown (05:41):
again, I mean, especially at a division three,
we're not getting paid much, itis easy. Like, I'm seeing more
and more, like, look at the UAwomen's side. There's four
coaches that'll be new next yearat women's basketball. I think
in my entire 14 years, we hadfour coaches changed. And this
is one cycle. And you know, Ialways said, our administrators,
what are you doing to supportour women's coaches, because
(06:01):
you're not going to have them.
So you can't talk out of bothsides your mouth, but you want
these positive role models forthese young women, and you're
not doing the things to supportthem, and you know, and to your
point about this, you know, thislegislation going through,
that's where I'm like, Hey,parents, our Olympic sports may
not be there. At the divisionone level, those scholarships
will not be there. So all thismoney you're investing to get
(06:22):
them a scholarship, you may bebetter off putting it into an
account to pay for tuition, andyour child will probably be
better off long term. Yeah,
Amy Bryant (06:33):
I mean 100% and we talked about this with one my
other guests on the show, it'slike you can't go into sports
thinking there's going to besome sort of payoff. You go into
sports because you want to teachyour kid valuable lessons about
life. You want to keep your kidout of trouble. I mean, sports
keep kids out of trouble, right?
And keep them engaged. They'reafter school activities, they're
healthy. They're so many greataspects to sports, but the
(06:58):
second that you start doing itfor the wrong reasons is the
second you start, you know,going crazy. See these crazy
parents.
Unknown (07:07):
Oh, I again, it is.
That's what I say. Like this,the club space is broke. Yeah,
we can blame coaches, but it'sthe parents who are paying
astronomical things, who aregetting their kids to play year
round for because this coachsays it, and again, I'm talking
the basketball space, and thesekids are getting hurt, or they
suck at the national exposuretime because they're exhausted.
(07:30):
And I'm like, where's theparents in this?
Amy Bryant (07:34):
What? What advice do you have for parents? I mean,
what would you say to parentsright now if you had, after all
of your years of experiencecoaching, right? And now you're
seeing things from a differentlens, right? You get to be kind
of an outsider slash insider.
You're not necessarily coachinganymore, but you're seeing all
of these female coaches andthese extraordinary athletes
(07:55):
perform, and you're you'rewitnessing team culture unfold
in front of you. So what's yourbiggest piece of advice for
parents?
Unknown (08:06):
I think it is about what I think what every parent.
And I'm not a parent, obviously,but Emma and I have been around
young children, and it's likeyou what you want for them when
they're adults. That should bethe endgame, in my mind, for any
parent, what do you want yourchild to portray when they are
2223 years old? I have alwaysbelieved athletics is a is a
(08:30):
vehicle to raise kids, meaningit gives them the social skills,
the survival skills, theirpersonal skills, and it just
teaches them to be a part of ateam. Again, I work for ESPN now
I can tell you everybody on ourcrew who played college
athletics and who didn't basedon how they interact, how they
(08:50):
handle stressful situations, howthey communicate during those
stressful times, and how theyengage with one another and
empower one another. It is askill that you don't just get.
It is through the hard times. Itis through grinding with your
teammates, getting up,sacrificing. That's what
athletics should give youngpeople, not a trophy, not a
(09:12):
scholarship. So for me, it's notthe end game of the notoriety.
It is, to me, a parent, whenthey look at their child at 2223
are they proud of the youngperson that they have helped
mold along with the people thatthey brought into their life, or
that coaches, college coaches,club coaches. That's to me, what
(09:34):
a parent should really befocusing on, not the
scholarship, not the collegiateawards, not the NIO money. It
should be that end game. Andthis is societal problem. Now it
is about now. It is not aboutthe grind. It is not about what
my goal is and what do I need todo to get there. It is about
right now, and that's where Ifeel like our parents need to
(09:55):
help support our young peopleand understanding failure is
part of life. It is that nextmoment that will define you. It
is that next moment that helpsyou grow into the outstanding
person you should be does notdefine you. But I feel like
parents right now want toprotect their kids from failure,
and that's not helping us.
That's not helping them.
Amy Bryant (10:17):
And one thing that I see when parents are protecting
their kids from failure is a lotof pointing fingers at coaches,
like it's the coach's fault thatmy child is feeling that way.
And what are your thoughts onthat?
Unknown (10:30):
Well, yeah, I remember feeling this way when I was at
Emory, like so many times, I wasthe first person to hold this
young woman accountable, whichmade me the bad guy on so many
levels. But yet, my job is todevelop chemistry on a team, to
have a culture, and that's whereparents have to understand, you
know. And I'll speak from an SECcoaches perspective. Now there
(10:51):
are staff, not just assistantcoaches, but grad assistants,
media member everything else isprobably about 15 people deep.
And the best coaches right noware the ones that aren't just
managing inputting time intotheir kids. It's also those
staff rooms, because those staffmembers have so much contact
with those kids, and so when Isay that, I always say this on
(11:13):
air, nobody understands what acoach goes through on a daily
basis. No idea, especially afemale coach, because of how
they take it personal, that kidsfee on a test affects a coach
because they want more for them,and they're trying to figure out
how to help them that mislay it,that mis free throw is personal
(11:34):
that coach because they feellike they failed them yet at the
same time, a parent, I thinkfirst thing, because they're not
in practice. And that's onechallenge, or one thing I say to
every parent before theycomplain about a coach. Are you
in practice every day? Becauseif you're not in practice every
day, you don't know how yourchild, I should say young
person, is responding to that.
And those are the decisions nocoach wants to lose. And no,
(11:56):
it's easy for a parent to thinkit's personal. And I'm not
saying it's not always, but frommy experience of sitting in
practice now it's not not that.
I'm saying it is about, what canyour child, young person, do to
help your team be successful?
And that is, how are youresponding in practice during
difficult situations, asmatchups, everything else, and
(12:17):
that's where it's easy foranything, any parent to sit
there who hasn't watched thefilm, who hasn't gone through
the analytics, who doesn't knowmatch ups, to say, my kids
should be playing well, no, atsome point when you are so
excited on signing day aboutyour young person signing with
this school, that's also yourleap of faith to support If you
(12:38):
want your child to be happy, andthat's what I see a lot right
now, is parents because theythink they're doing what's best
for their child, they're alsoputting the child between the
coaching staff and the parents,and that puts the kid in a
losing situation. And that isone thing that should never
handle. Well, I don't care ifit's a code for a parent, you're
(12:59):
both there to help elevate thatyoung person. There's so much
mental health issues out thereright now, and I see that as
something that parents can do tohelp support their child,
instead of where I know aparent's coming at it from a
good perspective. They thinkthey're helping and trying to
support but what you're doing isputting your young person in the
(13:20):
middle and causing doubts whenin college athletics, or any
athletics, it should be aboutconfidence. I
Amy Bryant (13:30):
100% agree with so many things, and there are so
many, so many examples kind ofcame flooding back to my mind
from when I was coaching, I usedto come home and I never left
work at work, right? It wasalways with me, and that's what
you're saying when you're sayingthat people don't understand
what coaches go through. Iremember vividly I would have to
(13:53):
go to yoga on Mondays, and thatwas a time that I had set aside
to work through my anxiety aboutone particular student athlete
and how she was partying toomuch, and I was very worried
about the path that she wasgoing down and how that would
impact her life and her future.
And I was also worried about howit would impact our team,
(14:15):
because she was an integral partof our success, but I was really
just worried about her. And ittook me, you know, an hour of
yoga, and I still would sitthere after yoga and worry, you
know, I could never get it offmy mind. It didn't matter what I
did. I could never shut it down.
You know, that's just oneexample for me, but, but to get
back to your point about, youknow, parents and the doubt
(14:38):
they're causing in their child'smind, or their young person's
mind, that, to me, is the singlesource, or the inability for a
young person to Excel or toimprove, because if they're
receiving that doubt from theirparents and they're frustrated
(15:00):
On the court. There's no way forthem to climb out of that. You
know what? I mean? It's likeit's weighing them down too
much. It conversely what aparent can do there if they come
home, or they get on the phonewith their parent, or they text
their parent and they startcomplaining about something that
they're frustrated about atpractice, or way a coach talk to
them, or whatever it is, and theparent says, work it out, talk
(15:25):
to your coach about it in apositive, productive manner.
Communicate with your coach, notyour coach is wrong, or your
coach should never be doingthat, or you are better than
that. Any of that causes selfdoubt, but that simple advice to
your kid to communicateproductively and positively with
your coach can solve so manyproblems.
Unknown (15:48):
I remember as a freshman in college calling
home, complaining about my headcoach, and it was like week two
of practice, and my dad said,you want to come home? And I
said, Yes. He said, Okay, yougot to figure out a way to pay
for your education, and that wasall he said. And he said, Do you
want to come home? I said, No,he said. I He said, I advise you
(16:08):
to talk to your coach. And thatwas the end of that discussion.
And it's funny, I had somefriends who had young kids over
at the house last week over theholiday, and they were talking
about how her daughter got movedup to an older club group in
soccer, played around aposition, and they're really
frustrated because the kid wasplaying on the younger group and
(16:29):
there was no communication. Andthe mom's like, you know, we
don't ever talk to the coaches.
We don't want to be thoseparents. And I said, Well, I
think there's a differencebetween being those parents and
encouraging said daughter to askthe coach why what she should
do, I said it's still about lifeskills. She doesn't need to sit
there frustrated and to see yourfrustration, I think that's
(16:51):
another piece for parents.
You're not a verbal say as muchas your verbal say to your young
person. And so to be aware ofthat, you know, I see parents in
the stands all the time, andtheir body language screams
negativity about what's going onthe floor. And, you know, again,
(17:12):
my parents are from India, and Imy mom, who did not, who knew
nothing about basketball,sitting up in the sands quiet
and just cheering. And that'swhat I wish I decided to get
back to. We cheer for our thing.
There's no booing. There's noyoung at coaches. And I'm young
kids or opponents. It's justsupporting your person. And I
know that's a nine stance. Iknow we are so far beyond that,
(17:32):
but I do, I don't think parentsunderstand that part of it too,
of what their young person seesfrom them, from a non verbal
perspective, and how thataffects them.
Amy Bryant (17:46):
Nor do I think that parents truly appreciate how
hurtful it is to a coach to seethat I can very vividly recount
two encounters that I had withparents that were non verbal
(18:07):
encounters where I went up andwas as professional as could be
to the parent. Hey, great to seeyou. Thanks so much for coming
to support and I received thecold shoulder cold as ice look
right through me. No, hello,certainly no. Thank you for
everything you're doing for mydaughter. In one of the
(18:27):
situations, it was because Ididn't play the daughter in
singles. In another situation,it was because the daughter
didn't play and it was her lastconference tournament always
centers around playing time, andin both cases, I remember, again
very vividly, the feeling that Ihad where it was like, almost
(18:49):
like a dagger to my heart, likeI just remember feeling so hurt
in no other area of my life hadI ever encountered that kind of
like venom and that kind ofhatred, it just felt awful, and
all I was doing was believing intheir kid and wanting the best
(19:12):
for their kid and doing what'sbest for the team, certainly not
putting their their child NumberOne. Nobody on my team was
number one. But you know, theseparents couldn't see past that.
Unknown (19:27):
I do think one part a byproduct of all this are
parents who have so much moneyin where they think their child
should get, and that is to ascholarship. Once they get to
that scholarship, it's then theproblem is that I think really
goes. Coach, college coaching,especially, is a have invested
(19:50):
money. You're supposed todeliver what their expectation
is, and that's not theexpectation or, nor should it be
for college athletics, if youwant be successful. I mean, Amy,
and that's the part for me thatI don't know what switches in
(20:24):
some parents from the SigningDay to where, all of a sudden,
the expectation is so muchdifferent once their child gets
on campus. That's why I say somuch about Are you watching
practices, or is it only hearingwhen your child reports in,
because that's going to be very,very one sided. You know, I have
(20:46):
a lot of coaching friends nowwho, and I think Dawn says a
great example of this, who has azoom with all her parents and
talks to them, so every parentis hearing the same message. And
again, we're talking about oneof the greatest basketball
coaches now of our generation,and she has said it's what I
have to do to keep everybody onthe same page, she said, but I
(21:08):
can do that because I'm alsohaving a lot of these
conversations with players, andI think that's what's hard too,
is the number of coaches whocan't have a one on one anymore
because of how it'sinternalized. And that's another
thing if I was a parent I wouldadvise my young person to do is,
when you go to talk to yourcoach, listen, don't be, don't
(21:33):
be already thinking about yourresponse or your next question.
Listen, because those I mean, Istill think about some of the
conversations I had with mycollege coach and how impactful
that was to me, because itwasn't necessarily what I wanted
to hear, but it's what I neededto hear. And that's the other
piece now, and this is what'shard, is the amount of money
(21:55):
involved in athletics. Yet weknow Studies show that the
cognitive development of ouryoung people is much slower than
what it used to be, and so nowwe're forcing and we're putting
even more responsibility onthese young people to handle
things, and they're not readyfor it, and therefore parents
jump in to protect their childand they don't have the
(22:18):
information. And that's what Ialways say whether, whether I
was coaching and recruiting ornot, knowledge is power, and
that's why I'm always aboutcommunicate. Talk to your coach,
talk to whichever coach you'reworking with, then make sure
you're talking to the headcoach. And that's what for any
young person you're not playing.
What do you need to do? What'sthe area now, that doesn't mean
(22:40):
you're going to play the nextgame, but it does put it in the
coach's mind of, hey, this kid'snot just sitting there, you
know. Do they see you in thegym, on the court, working on
witnesses? Or is it just amatter of you think practice is
enough? That's the number onelesson right now. Practice is
not enough for if you want to bea high achieving athlete,
(23:01):
showing up to practice is notenough. I'll also tell you, just
working with a trainer is notenough. Playing competing is the
way to get better, and thatmeans failing if you're going to
compete, that means embracingthe failure, and maybe the next
time you're going to fail, agiven maybe not as much. As
(23:21):
much, but you got to compete.
And this is where I thinksometimes, whether it's club
coaches or parents, they want toput their kids in this bubble.
Amy Bryant (23:32):
I totally agree with you. I mean, you're so right. We
have to show our young peopleand parents. You have to show
your children how to communicatewith their coaches so they can
manage failure in a positive andproductive manner. Christy,
thanks so much for being heretoday. Shared so many great
insights with our families.
We're definitely going to haveto have you back on the show
again soon.
(23:58):
Thanks for tuning in for today'splay join us next time to hear
(26:24):
more insights from anotheroutstanding coach. Until then,
(28:37):
remember, as you navigate theups and downs of your child's
(30:54):
sports journey, you're not justpicking teams, You're building
(33:18):
character, fostering resilienceand creating lifelong Memories.
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