EPS 38 - The Hidden Cost of Breakups: Protecting Your Money (and Yourself)

In this Pride Month episode of Pink Money, host Jerry Williams reflects on the emotional and financial challenges of breakups—sharing personal stories of how money habits, debt, and resentment can intensify the stress of separation. Jerry explains how tracking expenses, setting common goals, and building financial independence can make or break a relationship, and why developing good money habits is essential both together and apart.

He also explores the bigger picture: what it means to live authentically, embrace who you are, and celebrate Pride in a world that doesn’t always make it easy. With humor, honesty, and heartfelt encouragement, Jerry reminds listeners—queer and allies alike—that being true to yourself is powerful, and being financially smart makes you even stronger.

💬 Have a question or comment? Contact Jerry here

Episode Transcript

UNKNOWN (00:03):
Thank you.

SPEAKER_00 (00:47):
I'm your host, Jerry Williams, and happy Pride,
everybody.

(01:14):
whole, you know, 30 days ofthings to do.
So hopefully you get out thereand enjoy yourself.
If nothing else, hey, wear yourpride on your sleeve, right?
Get a t-shirt or something elseand just go about and have some
fun.
Anyway, you know, what I wasthinking about recently was a
couple that I'm familiar withare going through a divorce and

(01:36):
You know, that always sucks,right?
Nobody really wants to gothrough a breakup because it's
very difficult.
And it's not only emotionallychallenging, but it's
financially challenging as well.
And it had me thinking about,you know, a circumstance that I
went through years ago.
And this is prior to me, youknow, meeting my husband and
getting married.
So, you know, I was in along-term relationship.

(01:58):
Long-term to me, it was sevenyears.
So, nevertheless...
We went through like a six weekadjustment period, if that's
what you want to call it, wherewe were together and then we
weren't together.
And this is before I moved out.
And so that six week transitionwas really, really stressful.

(02:18):
And it was stressful for a lotof different reasons, not only
emotionally, like I said, but,you know, financially as well.
And what happened was, you know,we were both really involved in
the community and we were verypublic and I took a step back.
for a lot of different reasons,but I won't go into right now.
But so as I step back, Isimultaneously had to step up in

(02:44):
terms of I had received apromotion at work.
And so I was a lot busier and Ihad a lot more things to do.
And I had to give that really100% of my attention outside of
my home life.
So that's what I did.
And it created some turmoil inour relationship from the
standpoint of I ended up payingall the bills and so because we

(03:09):
had a roommate I spliteverything three ways the rent
utilities everything I mean evendown to if I ordered a pizza and
we would split it three waysbecause I wasn't so petty as
let's say putting labels on milkin the fridge or anything like
that I didn't do that but youknow because I just if I went
grocery shopping I bought foreverybody and we all ate And we

(03:34):
ate a little lot, didn't matter.
We all ate.
And so I just split it threeways.
And one of the other things thatI did was I was paying all the
other bills, like the creditcard bills.
And at the time, he had hisAmerican Express coming in, and
I would pay it, as you do.
You pay it off full every month.
And American Express woulddetail not only what store you

(03:57):
went to and how much you spentat the store, but it also
detailed what you spent yourmoney on.
So I was able to see that he wasspending his money about every
other day or every two, threedays on like a fifth of bourbon,
whiskey, what have you, and asix pack.

(04:18):
And That was surprising to mebecause not only was he drinking
out in all the bars, of course,which is expensive in and of
itself, you know, when you'rebuying shots for people and all
that stuff.
But, you know, then on top ofthat, you're going to the liquor
store and you're drinking evenmore.
So whatever, you know, what Iended up doing was tallying

(04:39):
every month, you know, this ishow much you owe me.
This is how much you need toreimburse me because I would pay
everything and then just getreimbursed.
So.
What was surprising to him washow much he had spent.
And so when he was faced with,you know, the black and white
truth of how much he had spent,he would get angry.
Well, you didn't leave me withany money.
I'm like, I didn't leave youwith any money.

(05:01):
This is all your own spendinghas nothing to do with me.
You know, of course, when wewere together, we spent a lot
differently, right?
Because you got two incomescoming in.
But when we separated thingsthat ended, so he was on his
own, I was on my own.
And I didn't worry about him interms of, you know, my money is
my money, your money is yourmoney, at least that's how we
did it.
And So in that respect, he wasfaced with his own

(05:25):
out-of-control spending.
So he didn't really track hisexpenses because he wasn't
really used to doing it.
And again, he was reallysurprised that this is what it
ended up looking like.
So during that six weeks, it wasa very difficult time because
not only was I getting blastedemotionally, because he started
dating on top of this duringthis time, which I...

(05:48):
I didn't think it was, you know,whatever.
Do your own thing, but it didn'tmatter.
Anyway, because we were underthe same roof, you know, I had
to hear and see everything,things I never wanted to hear,
things I never wanted to see.
But that just came with theterritory.
But again, you know, when itcomes down to money, you know,
I...
detailed everything that he wasspending his money on.

(06:09):
Not like, you went to the liquorstore and you spent your money
on da-da-da-da.
And I didn't do that.
I just said, here, here's howmuch you owe on your American
Express.
I paid it, you owe me.
And so he already knew what hespent his money on, whether he
really, again, wanted to facethe facts or not, but here nor
there.
So the point I'm really tryingto make is that it became a very

(06:31):
difficult situation for himbecause he wasn't tracking his
money.
And because I was also makingmore money than him, he was also
resentful because he felt likehe was better educated and
should have been making moremoney, but he was in social
work.
And we all know social workdoesn't pay.
You know, at least it didn't.
Maybe it does today, but itdidn't pay much back then, and I

(06:52):
doubt that it really pays awhole lot now anyway.
Still, but it doesn't matter.
He just was angry about a lot ofdifferent things, and I think he
was more angry at himself thathe chose these– things instead
of making more you know betterfinancial decisions but those
were his choices so it was agood learning experience for me

(07:13):
because I realized that you knowmy behaviors ended up benefiting
me and his were more destructiveto him and so the point I'm
really trying to make is whenyou're getting into a
relationship especially whenyou're coming out of a
relationship you really want todevelop good habits and you
really want a bring each otheron board and talk about the

(07:36):
things that are important to youset common financial goals like
hey we need to build up at leasta six months worth of an
emergency fund we want to keepour credit cards to the bare
bones minimum and you know we'regoing to say for this trip
whatever whatever whatever areyour goals but if you have these
common goals then you guys canwork together and even if you're

(07:58):
the one let's say is the moreresponsible one and you're you
know you don't mind paying allthe bills and doing all that
okay have about it.
But again, as long as you aretogether, collectively together,
then I think it'll work outbetter for you in the long run.
And then in the same sense thatwhen you break up, you are

(08:18):
responsible for your ownfinancial situation.
And if you've been careful allalong, then that's only going to
benefit you.
You're going to come out of thatrelationship, a whole person,
financially, hopefullyemotionally, and you just carry
on, do your own thing.
And if you aren't the opposite,then you just are going to have
to face the consequences andyou're on your own.

(08:40):
If you're struggling, if you arethat one who didn't handle
things and you're finding itchallenging to save, track your
spending, pay off your creditcards, whatever it is, there's
so many different resources outthere.
So you definitely want to Get ahold of whatever the situation
is you're facing and get someexpert advice, guidance, work

(09:04):
with somebody or some device tohelp you do the right thing and
handle your money the right way.
Otherwise, again, you're goingto be caught on this
merry-go-round and it's notgoing to stop.
That's just a piece of advice.
I feel like I'm lecturing.
I'm really not trying tolecture.
I'm just trying to give you apersonal point of view and weigh

(09:26):
things that happened to me,which, again, were, I'm not sure
if I'd say life-changing, but itwas eye-opening at least.
And so I think that that's thelesson that it taught me.
Hopefully you can learn fromthat and, again, just make

(09:46):
better choices than he did.
Anyway, I appreciate the factthat you're listening.
I hope you're getting somethingfrom this.
And if you're a gay person,queer, transgender, what have
you, I think that you're amazingjust the way you are, quite
frankly.
I think, you know, queer people,if you like that term, I prefer

(10:08):
gay, but not everybody fallsinto that umbrella.
But that's a generationaldifference.
But anyway, I think that...
We're amazing and we were madejust the way we're supposed to
be.
And without us, the world wouldbe a very, very boring place.
And even if you're going throughthe change, let's say you're,

(10:31):
you're, you know, art and youwant to be April or you're
Samantha and you want to be, youknow, Stu, Sam, whatever, you
know, it doesn't matter what thechange is.
It's the fact that you are you,and you being the core you is
really what is significant andamazing, and you are an amazing

(10:53):
person.
So I appreciate the fact thatyou're listening to this.
I hope you gained something fromit.
If you're on the straight sideand you're listening, then I
would assume that you're anally, and I want to thank you as
well.
Thank you for being an ally, andthank you for listening to this
podcast.
Hopefully, again, you're gettingsomething from it.
You know, and speaking of...
Straight things.
This is kind of off topic too,but it's really something weird

(11:15):
that I saw.
I didn't even know that there'ssuch a thing as a straight pride
flag.
Right?
I mean, you can look it up.
It's like pink and blue and ithas the, you know, the symbol
for man and woman and they'relinked in the middle.
I just think that's weird.
I do think it's weird and kindof ridiculous.
From the standpoint of...

(11:37):
When have straight people beendiscriminated against from being
straight, for being straight?
I mean, when did they have tocome out?
And why would they need to comeout to be straight?
You're just assumed to bestraight, most people are,
right?
It's the default.
And so you don't need to comeout and say, hey, I'm straight,
by the way.
I mean, that doesn't come out.
You know, mom and dad, you'renot going to kick me out of the

(11:58):
house if I'm straight, right?
That's just not going to happen.
You might get kicked out forother things, but probably not
that.
And I just find it really oddthat they would need to come up
with something like that.
I mean, the reason that there'sgay pride, right, because we
have been discriminated against,not only in the past, but still
today.
Look at what's happening totransgender people.

(12:19):
I mean, they can't even serve inthe military.
It's completely ridiculous.
But the strangeness about it isrelating to the fact that We are
who we are.
We're proud of who we are.
You should be able to be upfront about who you are and be
your true, authentic self.
Sometimes it's scary.

(12:40):
Sometimes you have to becareful, right?
I mean, plenty of people, myselfincluded, you know, we've been
involved in some, you know, veryscary situations where even my
husband got gay bashed right infront of me.
And it was at a Whataburger ofall places.
So, anyway, another story foranother day.
But...
The whole point is this is amonth of pride.

(13:02):
Display your pride.
Be proud.
Because you're an amazingperson.
And I appreciate the fact that,again, you're here.
Hopefully you're gettingsomething out of this.
And if nothing else, just enjoythe rest of your day.
And I will talk to you nexttime.