August 11, 2025 • 44 mins
In ep 16 I give little details of one of the books I have been writing.
Bingo at almost 40 😂.
And trying to shift the stigma behind the conditioning to default to feeling sad for another human when they share with you that their relationship is taking a pause or ending.
The ending of a relationship doesnt have to always be sad. It can also be a much needed gift that deserves to be celebrated.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:01):
Hey, hey, hey, what? Oh, one of these days I'll have
AI don't know. I, I wish I could, you know,
just have like a unique type intro, But maybe the fact that I
don't have 1 is what makes it fucking unique.
(00:22):
I don't know. But hey, welcome to episode 16.
I'll play with your Dick, not me.
The number 16 is actually my favorite number.
I don't know why, but it is. I'm not doing a video episode
today because I don't fucking feel like it.
(00:42):
Just kidding. Well, I don't.
I actually don't. I today is Friday.
I woke up with a big strong caseof I don't want to fucking be
here today, you know, at work. I mean, I love my job, but I was
really just, I don't know, I'm burnt out.
There are, oh, I'm Capricorn. I'm Sadie, AKA Capricorn Clark.
(01:06):
You know, I'm trying to rememberto introduce myself because I,
I'm, I talk like the whole fucking world already knows who
I am. But yeah, welcome to another
episode of Play With Your Dick. Not me.
From what I hear, 6 planets are currently in fucking retrograde
right now. How the fuck are you all doing?
How the fuck are you all doing? It has been mentally,
(01:31):
emotionally, spiritually, physically draining fucking
week. I'm been doing this weird thing
where I have this habitual appetite or habitual like list
(01:51):
of things that I eat every day that are the same and I'm not
and I'm not like a meal prep type person.
I'm not someone that can eat thesame thing every fucking day.
Like I have to switch it up. But this is the second time in
two years where I just have thisroutine where I eat the same
fucking thing every day and justleave it at that.
The first time that happened, I was going through from what I
(02:18):
can, from what I understand, because I don't think I ever
went through it before, was my, my first dark night of the soul,
which then transitioned into my spiritual awakening.
So my, my appetite was just weird and it was just like I was
on autopilot or something or whatever.
Just every day the same thing. I ate the same thing every day
(02:42):
and that's the same like 3 things.
And then and I'm not, I'm not somebody that does stuff like
that. And I'm not somebody that like
like, I'm not going to explain the dark night of the soul.
Like people are just going to have to Google it.
I mean, maybe in another episodeI'll break it down, but I'm
(03:02):
still not 100% there of speakingabout all of that spiritual
journey and all that and, and, you know, meeting my soul in
another vessel in that whole journey.
I'm not there yet to discuss that and how it's completely
thrown my life upside fucking down.
(03:26):
But so yeah, I was I but like, Imean, I guess it's, it's not
depression. It's very different from
depression. I guess the best way the thing
that comes in my mind is the dementors in Harry Potter, how
(03:46):
they're like, what do they, how do they describe them?
It's like all the happiness of in the world has been sucked,
sucked away. I mean, I guess I could kind of
be a good description of a dark night of the soul.
You just feel completely empty. For me, it felt like I was
living my own personal GroundhogDay in hell.
(04:09):
Like the same thing every day, just got up, walked around like
I was functioning, like I was fine but I wasn't at all.
But I was some help somehow functioning and going throughout
my day. And then every single night I
(04:30):
would fall apart, cry, smoke, drink, cry some more, go to bed,
do it all over again the next day.
And it went on like that for months and months and months.
And I've had multiple dark nights of the soul where it is
repeated and happened again. But it is.
You just feel nothing, absolutely nothing.
(04:54):
But if you're interested in learning more of what it's like,
you can look it up because I imagine everybody's individual,
but it's, but it's not depression.
It's not. And even if it was, I'm not
somebody that loses weight when I'm depressed.
If anything, I gain weight, I gain it.
I don't, I don't lose it. But yeah, I just got into this
(05:16):
weird like habitual manner for months where I just ate the same
three things every day, same three things every day, and
without effort or without trying, because I just didn't
have much of an appetite. Without trying, I lost like 30
lbs, something like that, 2530 lbs within like a matter of
(05:37):
weeks. And so it's kind of happening
now again. But I'm also now on fuck.
I always forget what it's called.
It's not Ozempic, It's the one that starts with an S and I've
been taking that for the last four months, 444 or five months
(06:01):
and and she and this is like thehighest dose that I'm on.
So between me feeling like shit emotionally and mentally and
spiritually. I'm also on a higher dose of
this inject weight loss injection, but but like I'm back
to that same routine at the sametime where I'm eating like the
(06:22):
same three things. So Tiger accidentally broke my
coffee pot so I can't make coffee at home.
So I've been buying like the oatmilk Starbucks drinks that you
can get at Walmart with like a Starbucks energy drink or a
Celsius. And I just have both of those at
my desk and I drink both of those everyday.
(06:45):
And a water. Well, actually last couple days
I haven't even been finishing myenergy drink.
I've just been drinking the coffee, drinking the water,
maybe having like a bag of grapes and string cheese and
that's it for the rest of the day.
Like no appetite. But I don't know if it's from
the injection or because I'm probably entering into another
dark night of the soul. But they're horrible.
(07:09):
They're awful. You just feel like nothing, but
somehow you still get up and function every day.
But you're absolutely not OK. But yeah, I don't.
But aside from that, 6 fucking planets are in retrograde.
And so many people that I have talked to this week, they are
(07:32):
just going through it. So that could be me too.
Like, you know, But like, yeah, like there's so many people this
week that are just like everything's going wrong.
You know, they're just going through a lot.
And I'm just like, yeah, you know, I mean, I have a friend
that lives all the way in Australia and she's having the
(07:53):
same kind of fucking week. And so I'm like, yeah, planets
do really be affecting like our energy and our moods and shit
and how we feel and, you know, and everything is going wrong
and stuff. Like IA 100% believe that
planets and the way they move and align at certain times of
(08:13):
the month and all that, like it's all connected.
You know, when things are going wrong or you're arguing with
your spouse or things are going wrong at work or you know,
something that you really wantedyou didn't get, You know, like I
absolutely believe that depending on if we're in like a
waxing gibbous or planets are inretrograde, it has some effect.
(08:38):
And if this is like going over your head, familiar to you, like
look it up, like I encourage youto look it up.
But that, you know, that's just,but it's just something I
believe that they absolutely, absolutely contribute.
So I have a lot of Leo's in my life.
(09:02):
And a couple of my friends had abirthday this week.
Yeah, the majority of people that gravitate into my life seem
to be Cancers, Geminis and Leo'sand then a couple other Zodiac
signs sprinkled in there. But the majority is Cancers,
Gemini and Leo's. And so I have a lot of Leo
(09:27):
friends, lot of Leo friends, anda lot of them have birthdays in
August. So we celebrated Chelsea's
birthday on Monday. You guys remember Chelsea?
She was on my 1111 episode. So that was super fun.
And then my best friend Spencer,He is my oldest, best friend
(09:49):
I've had of all my friends in mylife, him and I have been
friends the longest. He is my ride or die.
All the different phases and cycles and shifts and changes
that we go through in life. And sometimes you lose people or
sometimes you no longer vibe with them anymore or your or
your paths just no longer, you know, cross anymore.
(10:11):
People change, people move people, you know, you know what
I mean? Like how sometimes people just
kind of fall away over the years, whether just transitions
or changes in their life or yours.
He's one of those per people that's just remained in every
fucking season of my life and the one person that I've never
(10:33):
lost along the way. So yeah, like, it doesn't matter
what I say to him or what decision that I want to make or
whatever, he's always just very supportive, like, well, it'll
work out or, you know, it'll be OK.
Like, doesn't matter what it is that I tell him, I can be
worried about something that I'mgoing to tell any other of my
(10:53):
friends, or I can be worried like, well, if I do this or make
this decision, am I going to lose all my friends?
And he's that one person that's like, I'm still going to be
here. Like I don't you know, like,
yeah, that's that's my fucking right.
Or die friend, like all, all my friends have their place and
their purpose and I love them for their all their individual
(11:16):
reasons. But Spencer's definitely the
GOAT. Like he's been there with me
when I had no friends and I was just a single mom with my with
my daughter and nobody wanted tobe my friend because I was a
single mom and he was that one person that was like, I don't
give a fuck. Like we let's hang up, you know,
we're I'm your friend, like let's hang out.
(11:37):
I don't care if we have if we have a child, like we're we're
going to hang out. So it was always like me, him
and Araya, you know, in tow, youknow, going to get pho going
shopping, you know, like that. That's just he's my fucking
buddy. I used to be like, am I cock
blocking you 'cause you're always with me and Araya and
he'd be like, Nah, you know, like that is my fucking brother,
(12:01):
like he's just been there for methrough everything.
So his birthday was on Thursday.Tuesday night I'm actually met
up with him and our friend Josh and his friend and Spencer's
friend Jason. I didn't know that they do bingo
at about time on Tuesday nights and they're like, yeah, we come
(12:25):
every week. And so they had brought Spencer
out from Salt Lake to join them and it was chill.
Like it was a vibe. Like I didn't get to play
because I showed up too late, but it was a vibe.
So I I told Jason and Josh that I that if they go every week,
you know, I'll try to join them more often.
And because like, who, who doesn't want to like go hang out
(12:47):
at about time and and drink and hang out with friends and then
we get to play bingo and win money.
Like hell. Yeah.
So I, I'm going to try and, and start going on Tuesdays.
It probably won't be every Tuesday, but I will try.
And while I was there, I ran into my wonderful, beautiful,
amazing, full of light friend Brady.
(13:10):
And Brady told me that he wrote a book, which inspired the fuck
out of me because I've always been told since I was a kid that
I should be a writer, that I should write a book.
And I used to write all the timeas a kid.
I used to write scripts. I wrote a whole song album like
(13:32):
like of lyrics. I used to write short stories.
I used to write like playwrightsand stuff like I would write
scripts for my stuffed animals. And as I got older, I started
writing like poems and, and stuff like that and, and
stories. And I would have a crazy ass
dream and be like, Oh my gosh, that would be an awesome movie.
(13:52):
And I'd get up and start, you know, typing out the screenplay.
But it's, it's been years, like it's been years since I've had
the motivation to write. And this past year I've just
been, you know, hit with all this motivation and this drive
to do all these things that I'veprocrastinated or, you know,
(14:16):
used to make my soul, you know, feel alive.
But I put all those things to the wayside years ago and had no
motivation and no drive to do any of those things.
And over the past year or so, I've just got in this burst of,
of motivation and, and drive to like, no, do all those things
that you used to love, start that podcast that you wanted to
(14:39):
do a few years ago. So yeah, I like, I, I think I've
mentioned this before, I've beenwriting two books.
I've kind of been dragging ass. And so, you know, I, I have to
be in the right mindset and mental and emotional state to
write these books. One of them's a little bit more
(15:02):
triggering than the other. The other one, we'll all all go
into it in a minute. But but yeah, like seeing,
seeing Brady, who I love hearinghim talk about his book and he
and he's like, yeah, it's on Amazon.
And I was just like, damn, that's fucking awesome.
And it just, I don't know, it just kind of gave me like and
(15:23):
like a like, like reaffirm for me, like you need to do this.
Like you want to be able to say you had a book on Amazon.
Like, And so it just kind of gave me like a burst of like
new, breathe new life into, you know, because I just, I've kind
of just been coming out of it again a little bit.
And like seeing him so excited and so proud and I'm so proud of
(15:46):
him. And like, I was just like, yeah,
fuck yeah. And I'm just, I don't know.
I'm in like this space where like I only want to be around
people that are creating things and have big fucking dreams and
big fucking goals. Like, yeah, like I, I'm, I want
to radiate towards that. I want, I only want that around
(16:10):
me, the people that are fucking like, I'm going to do this and
they're doing it. They're not just fucking talking
about it. Like they're like actually
pursuing their fucking dreams. Like that is like just awesome
as fuck. Like that's the kind of light
that I want radiating on me, andthe kind of light that I want to
(16:30):
gravitate towards is people thatare actually fucking doing shit
and creating and and making their dreams come to life.
So yeah, that was awesome. I felt like that was like
divinely planned for me to run into Brady because the universe
knows that I've been sitting on these books and that I need to
finish them. So I'm not going to talk about
(16:52):
one of them because it was kind of something that I started
writing just to cope from what Iwas going through two years ago.
And I don't know if I'll ever get to a place of being able to
finish that one because it's tootriggering because I'm have to
be taken back to a place when I was the saddest I've ever been.
(17:13):
And so when I go back and read what I had written at that time,
I'm just brought to tears. So I don't know if I'll ever be
able to finish that one. But the current one that I've
been working on, I actually had the, I've been wanting to write
these characters for years. Like, I don't know if I, I
don't, can't remember. I think I might have dreamt of
them years ago. And I've been wanting to write
(17:37):
them for years. I've been wanting to create them
and bring them to life for years.
So the story is about a girl named Michaela and a boy named
Aiden. Where I'm currently stuck right
now is trying to bring life to Aiden, trying to evolve Aiden's
character. And I've gone back and forth
(17:59):
with the do I just need more of a male perspective to help me
better shape and evolve Aiden? Because I don't want him to be
like, you know, a like a base level personality or what am I
trying to say? Like I want Aiden to be deep.
(18:20):
I want him to have depth to him.I don't want him to be surface
level. And so like, I'm like, I can do
this. I can write Aiden like, I don't
need a male's perspective, right.
Like there's there's people thatwrite their own books all the
time, you know, and write all the, you know, are able to my
(18:43):
baby's laughing in the background.
I love listening to my kids giggles.
So freaking cute. But Aiden like there's, there's
zillions of authors that solo write books.
I mean, I don't know. I mean, I imagine a lot of them
(19:05):
do get research and do get insight and, and, and and do
maybe reach out to other people to help them of all the
character they're having troublewith.
So I don't think it's like out of the realm of book writing to
be like be able to admit that I need help writing Aiden.
Like I know I can do it, but I don't know.
(19:27):
I just, I just want to make sureI get them right.
But so I don't know they, I think they both came to me in a
dream years ago and I only just started a few months ago writing
their story. So I'm only I'm maybe like, I
(19:47):
don't know, 8 chapters in. And then it just dawned on me
the other day that I forgot thatI wanted Aiden and Michaela to
be from a fucking beach town because I wanted like surfing to
be something that Aiden did. And I totally fucking forgot.
I wrote them in like a small town, which could still be a
(20:10):
small town with a beach, you know, could be a small town like
with an ocean, you know, or at least an island or something.
But like I've already. Like written into Michaela
having like this lake that she goes to, you know, it's kind of
like her, her quiet place. And like I would, I think I'd
(20:33):
have to do a lot of research on surfing if I wanted to write
Aiden as a surfer. So I'm not doing that.
But they're both from a small town, no particular place.
I think I even just made-up a pretend town, I think.
But I think when I was writing it, I think I was imagining them
in Texas, even though I don't know shit about Texas, but
(20:56):
that's where research comes in. But they're both from a small
town. Babies, can you guys get away
from the door, please? OK.
I love hearing you play and laugh, but I feel like it.
You might be getting a little too loud for my podcast episode.
That's all OK. But I love you and I love your
(21:17):
laughs. I'm almost done.
OK, Ask your daddy, baby. Umm.
So a little back story. I have to put myself in a very
emotional, very sad, very hurt, traumatized mindset to write
(21:44):
Michaela. And so that's probably why I've
been dragging my feet because I have to put myself in that
mindset to write her story. And I don't always want to be in
that mindset. I don't always want to have to
take myself to this dark, sad, emotional place because
sometimes I can pull myself out of it after I'm done writing and
(22:05):
sometimes I can't. And so that might be one of the
reasons, but I'm, I'm really trying to get to the place where
I can evolve Michaela and Aidan's love story.
But I, but I, I have to tell thewhole story.
So it makes sense. I have to give detail.
So Michaela was raised with two parents, 2 dysfunctional parents
(22:31):
that also had dysfunctional parents.
So, you know, they kind of just raised Michaela with the
conditioning of what they were raised with, which was much of
nothing and lots of abuse and alcohol drinking.
So Michaela's mom, she tries, she tries her best to break the
(22:53):
cycle, but she just can't do it.And so she eventually leaves and
doesn't take Michaela with her. So Michaela is left with her
dad, who is just like raging alcoholic.
And, you know, he's from there, from a small town, and everybody
kind of just feels sorry for herdad because he's like, you know,
(23:15):
a veteran. And it's a small town.
Everybody knows him. So there really isn't much
repercussions for his actions. I mean, they've put him in,
like, the drunk tank a few times.
But other than that, like, really, nobody has stepped in to
protect Michaela. And I mean, she's had friends.
She stayed with friends. She's, you know, But like she,
when her mom left, she felt obligated to care for her dad
(23:38):
for whatever reason. She felt like it was her
responsibility to stay in that House of so much pain and chaos,
to watch over her dad, even though sometimes her life is in
danger when he's in his raging alcoholic state.
So she literally had tried to goto college, had to drop out of
(23:59):
college to go back home and takecare of her dad.
He also guilt trips her a lot. And you, I have to kind of make
the audience understand why she hasn't moved out, why she hasn't
gotten out from under her dad and just all the chaos said that
he is. And it's because she just has
this innate built in guilt that if she were to leave and then he
(24:23):
also manipulates her a lot and, and makes her feel guilty for
even thinking about moving out or being on her own.
And so she's just kind of stuck.And so I'm, I need to make the
audience understand because of course you're going to think,
OK, well, she's like 1920 years old.
Why doesn't she just leave? And I need the audience to
(24:45):
understand why. And so, you know, she's quiet,
she's introverted, she's reserved.
And, you know, she's kind of just going on about her life but
trying to make a game plan to get away from her dad and, you
know, start her life on her own.But she has no idea where to
begin. She doesn't have any family
(25:05):
outside of her dad and so, you know Aiden, just they cross
paths one day and both of their worlds are turned upside down
upon meeting each other. He's instantly drawn to her and
he doesn't know why. And she's kind of more reserved,
you know, back in a way, like mylife is a total shit show.
(25:28):
You don't want any part of this.And so she's very reserved and
kind of wanting to distance herself despite, you know, this
nice, this nice young man, you know, just trying to, you know,
love her. So, you know, I'm currently at
that point where Aiden is and, and Michaela, without trying to
(25:55):
make it a parent, they're they're trying to find ways to
kind of be around each other more so Aiden trying to be
around her and her not willing to admit to herself yet that she
also wants to be around him. And they can't quite understand
the connection that they have toeach other and why they're so
(26:16):
drawn to each other. So, but I'm currently just stuck
right now since Aiden has been introduced to trying to evolve
Aiden's character because I wanthim to be deep and I want him to
question things. I want him to.
(26:37):
I just want to bring more to him.
So that's kind of what's been myhold up is just trying to adapt
and evolve Aiden's character. But yeah, but running into Brady
was definitely like the push I needed.
But then there's a part of me that's like, why was I
(26:58):
interested in writing such a sadbook?
You know, because I'm not a naturally sad person.
The spiritual journey I've been on for the past two days, two
days, please. Only the last two years, almost
two years that I've been on, youwould think I would have become
an extremely sad fucking person.But by nature I'm not.
(27:24):
So I'm just like, how in the world did I, you know?
But I don't want the whole book to be sad.
Like, I I need it to start off sad so people understand
Michaela's story and her personality, but I want it to
eventually evolve and shift. And it's just about their love
(27:46):
story and the trials and tribulations that they have to
kind of go through to be together.
So, you know, it's, it goes a lot faster in my head than it
does typing it out. Like, in my head, I've already
reached the end of the book, butto sit down and actually type
it, Yeah, that part's a little taking a little longer.
(28:07):
But running into Brady, it was just like, OK, yeah, girl, you
need to get to writing your book.
But yeah, one of these days, I might, you know, read some
chapters on a podcast episode and, you know, maybe we'll see.
(28:28):
But, yeah, so, you know, that's some new developments.
I might start going to. Bingo it's it kind of makes me
laugh that like me and my freaking, you know, 363839 year
old guy friends, we're all goingto bingo.
(28:50):
Like I feel like it's showing our age like what the fuck?
Not even like, I don't know, like it's just funny to me.
Like, look at us aging. Look at us aging.
Like fucking like, yeah, we're going to bingo.
Like we're freaking, you know, 70 years old or something.
(29:10):
It just cracks me up. I'm just like, Oh my gosh, we're
we're we're we're getting old. I mean, they are.
I'm not. But, you know, it's just funny
because I'm just like, This Is Us almost at almost to 40.
And we're like, yeah, we go to bingo now.
We're so cool. We go to bingo at the bar.
So. But yeah, I wanted to talk a
(29:36):
little bit about this and then Iwas just going to end it.
But I don't know. I've been having conversations
with people this week or this iskind of something that's come up
lately over the past couple years.
And I've noticed like the like the habitual nature of this.
(30:02):
So like when people announce that they're getting a divorce
or that they got a divorce or that they're separating or
temporary separating as a society like ending or, or, or,
or they broke up or broke up with their boyfriend or broke up
with their girlfriend or whoever.
As a society, as a collective society, we're so conditioned to
(30:27):
because it's still so stigmatized even in 2025 to like
end a relationship. And so we're so conditioned that
when someone tells us that they've ended a relationship
with another person, we're so conditioned to be like, oh, I'm
sorry. And it's so like fascinating to
(30:51):
me and weird. But like I can't fault anybody
obviously, because I also do it.I'm also conditioned when
someone tells me like, yeah, me and my husband divorced or, or
me and my husband are getting a divorce even I'm conditioned to
go, oh, I'm so sorry. And so like, it's just, it's
fascinating to me, but I know that the culture and the climate
(31:14):
of that is changing. It's shifting because like
people are throwing like divorceparties, like woo Hoo, I'm
divorced. And, and like, so like the, the,
the, the stigma is definitely changing a little bit.
But as a society, like we're still collectively conditioned
to go, Oh, I'm sorry. And so something that I've
(31:36):
personally have tried to do whensomebody tells me that is go,
oh, is this a good thing or a bad thing?
Are we celebrating or are we grieving?
And then I wait for them to respond.
And if they're like, no, this isa good thing.
Like I feel great. Which is the is, which is the
response I've gotten from a few people that I've asked over the
past couple years when they've shared that information with me.
(31:58):
And I've been like, oh, OK. Like, like they're like, oh, I
like, I like, have my spark back.
Like, like I look at pictures ofmyself and, and compared to now
and I just see like a big difference.
Like, you know, like just how drained this other person made
me. And even like my friends and
family are noticing. Like, you know, like you look so
much happier. You look so much better like,
(32:20):
you know, or, and they're like, I feel like I'm doing so much
better. Like, you know, this like, I
just feel amazing and, and, and like you want to celebrate this
person. You want to celebrate along with
them and you want to like, you know, be excited for them.
Like, like, like if they're excited, if they feel great,
then, you know, you also want tolike share that moment with
(32:41):
them. And I'm, I'm realizing that
like, yeah, it doesn't really help when someone's like, when
you're like, oh, I'm so sorry. And they're like, why this was a
good thing for me. Like it, you know what I mean?
Like it doesn't, it doesn't help, you know?
And so I feel like as a collective, people should just
(33:02):
take a beat, take a second and be like, OK, thank you for
sharing that with me. But is this a good thing or is
it a bad thing? Because you also don't want to
say like, yay good, you know, that's wonderful.
And then the person's actually sad about it, like, you know
what I mean? And so I just think like it's
important to like ask first to like, how are you feeling about
(33:24):
this? Like are you OK?
Is this a good thing or this is a bad thing?
Like, but I feel like as a society we need to move away
from automatically going, oh, I'm sorry.
And instead like flip it and take a second and ask, is this a
good thing? There's a bad thing, you know,
(33:44):
because I've had people that I've talked to and I've had
friends be like, I'm not sad. So I don't know why I just got
that reaction from you. Like, I feel great, you know?
And so, yeah, it was kind of just something that has been on
my mind this week because the end of a relationship, the end
of a connection with another person, no matter how long or
how short it was, it's not always a bad thing.
(34:06):
Like we talked about this in past past relationships, past
episodes with friendships. Like, it's not always a bad
thing. Like when when things come to an
end, like when you get to the end of the road with a friend.
Like it's not always a bad thing.
And it doesn't always mean it's the end either.
Like it could just mean that right now your story is
bookmarked with that person and you guys will eventually come
(34:29):
back together. And it's possible for when
people break up or get a divorceor separate, it's possible for
them to also come back together.But like, it doesn't have to be
a bad thing. Like a lot of good benefits
could come from. It could be like a blessing in
disguise to separate or divorce or break up with somebody,
whether it's permanent or temporary.
(34:50):
Because both people are then given the the, the gift.
I think the gift to go inward, to focus on themselves, to work
on themselves, to heal, to learnmore about themselves to if they
(35:11):
didn't have self love, grow and evolve and develop self love,
figure out what they like, don'tlike.
Cuz I mean, think about it, there's some people that never
even got to learn themselves because they got married so
young, because they got into a relationship so young.
And so they never even got to take the time to be like, who am
I? Do I like this?
(35:33):
Do I not like this? Did I only like those things
because the person I was with liked them?
Did I hate that because the person I was with hated that?
Did I have that opinion because the person I was with had that
opinion? And so, yeah, sometimes
separating, divorce and breakingup can be a good thing.
You know, Yes, it is sad when when something ends too.
(35:58):
Yes, of course we want to honor that.
But if the person that is telling you that is going
through this and is telling you this information and they're
doing fine, then mirror that feeling back to them, you know,
because it doesn't help them when they're like, I'm doing
great. This isn't a bad thing.
And they're like, but I know, but it's just so sad and I'm
(36:20):
going to miss doing things together with you guys.
It's not a no, no, it's not about you.
It's not about you. Like, I mean, you can be sad
about those things, but if this person in front of you that was
actually with that person and they're telling you they're
doing good, like keep it short and keep him and move on.
Like don't, don't try to make that person feel guilty or some
(36:44):
kind of way or, or that they made a mistake.
Like if they're telling you they're doing good and this was
for the right reason and and that it was, you know, they're
doing better and the person thatthey are were with are doing
better and this is just the bestpossible decision for them.
Just honor that and respect it. Like, don't you know, don't make
(37:06):
that person start to wonder if you know, or or feel guilty or,
or or like they made a mistake or whatever.
Like you can feel whatever you want to feel, but keep it short.
Like, oh, I'm so glad you're happy, but I'm going to miss
seeing you 2 together. OK, leave it at that.
Like because the end of the day,it wasn't your relationship.
You know, you don't know the real reasons why two people
(37:28):
decided to go their separate ways.
So, but like, my point is like separation, no matter what it
is, whether it's with a, a relationship or a friendship, it
doesn't have to be a bad thing. It doesn't have to be a bad
thing. And, like, I think it's just
important to ask people if they decide to share this information
(37:51):
with you, ask them first before you go into your conditioning of
being like, oh, I'm sorry. Or yay.
Like, 'cause like, it could be that you, like, hated their
spouse. And then you find out that
they're getting a divorce and you're like, yeah, I'm so happy.
OK, Well, your friend might not be.
Your friend might be in a deep state of grief and really sad
(38:12):
that this is ending, even thoughit needed to end, You know what
I mean? So I just feel like people
should, you know, take a second and just ask, read the room and
ask like, is this a good thing or a bad thing?
So, you know, this was just something that was on my mind
because it like it came up this week and then it kind of
triggered a memory for me of friends in the past.
(38:35):
And, you know, their response to, you know, when people, when
they would tell people, you know, that a relationship they
were in had ended. And then people respond how they
respond and then they respond how they respond.
And the last few people that I've had this experience with,
(38:55):
they've been happy about the endof their relationship, you know?
And so the stigma and the climate behind relationships
ending is changing and people's reactions to it are changing.
And the way people feel about the end of something is
changing. So it just honour how people are
feeling, you know, just respect it and honour it.
(39:18):
So, you know, but that is, I think it's going to be it for
this episode. So yeah.
Yeah, I'm going to let me get off here, as I say.
And then every, every episode, be fucking kind.
(39:38):
Be fucking kind. You don't know what people are
going through. You don't know.
You don't know if if if they have had the worst possible
fucking week ever. You don't know if their
relationship is coming to an end.
You don't know if their marriageis coming to an end.
You don't know if their friendship is coming to an end.
You don't know if their job thatthey love is coming to an end.
(40:00):
You don't know what's going on in their life.
You don't know if you know they attempted to unalive themselves
2 days ago. Be fucking kind.
We don't know what anybody's going through.
We really don't. You can ask and they still might
not tell you the truth. You can see their social media
and they're smiling and posting positive ass shit.
(40:23):
So you don't really know, you know, they can be posting
thousand pictures of them smiling in every fucking one,
but you do not know. You don't know.
So just everybody do their fucking best to just be kind to
everybody. You know, like commit to doing
one kind act today, you know, saying one nice thing to
(40:47):
somebody every single day. Like I have people, I have
friends on Snapchat who will send me or an Instagram that'll
send me like inspirational quotes almost every day.
And it means so much to me. Like I'm busy sometimes.
So I kind of just shoot them back a heart.
But it still means the world to me that they thought like, I
(41:09):
think Mercedes would like this, let me send it to her.
Like my sister-in-law Leilani will like, you know, send me
inspirational, like sweet things, like, oh, you matter and
all that stuff. Like you have no idea how much
that could be impacting somebody, you know, just by
sending them something like, oh,I just, I wanted, you know, like
(41:29):
to remind you what a great mom you are.
Like my friend Cassie will send me stuff like that, reminding me
what a great mom I am. Like, you have no idea.
Like, like how that'll make somebody else feel just like
sending them like, like a littlesweet gift for a sticker, like
a, you know, a sticker text or something, or like a meme that
you saw or quote or, you know, buying somebody ahead of you at
(41:54):
the drive through their food or sending a coffee to a friend.
Like, you have no idea. So you just, yeah, you know what
I mean? Like go outside, spread that
kindness around. So it just grows and grows and
grows and grows and grows and itjust, we spread it all over the
(42:16):
planet. And then hopefully eventually
everybody just practices kindness.
You know, like it starts at homewith raising good humans, you
know, giving them love and understanding and building them
up and respecting them and, you know, protecting them and taking
(42:37):
care of them and, you know, showing up for them and, and,
and just giving them and surrounding them with so much
love. And then they go out in the
world and spread that love around and you go out in the
world and spread that love around and it'll just continue
to spread. Like that is that is my hope.
That is my manifestation. That is, that is, that is my
(42:58):
theory is that you started at home and you fill your kids up
with all that love and, and kindness and, and care and, and
respect and all good things. And then they go out in the
world and spread it around and it just, it just grows, just
grows. And then before you know it,
(43:19):
everybody is fucking kind. Everybody is fucking kind to
everybody. You know, like, yes, we're
human. We all have a bad day sometimes,
but there's more compassion and more empathy because we've been
spreading it around, you know? That's my hope.
But I love you all. I hope you have a good weekend.
(43:41):
And thank you for tuning into another episode of Play With
Your Dick Nami. Bye.
Hey, hey, hey, what? Oh, one of these days I'll have
AI don't know. I, I wish I could, you know,
just have like a unique type intro, But maybe the fact that I
don't have 1 is what makes it fucking unique.
(00:22):
I don't know. But hey, welcome to episode 16.
I'll play with your Dick, not me.
The number 16 is actually my favorite number.
I don't know why, but it is. I'm not doing a video episode
today because I don't fucking feel like it.
(00:42):
Just kidding. Well, I don't.
I actually don't. I today is Friday.
I woke up with a big strong caseof I don't want to fucking be
here today, you know, at work. I mean, I love my job, but I was
really just, I don't know, I'm burnt out.
There are, oh, I'm Capricorn. I'm Sadie, AKA Capricorn Clark.
(01:06):
You know, I'm trying to rememberto introduce myself because I,
I'm, I talk like the whole fucking world already knows who
I am. But yeah, welcome to another
episode of Play With Your Dick. Not me.
From what I hear, 6 planets are currently in fucking retrograde
right now. How the fuck are you all doing?
How the fuck are you all doing? It has been mentally,
(01:31):
emotionally, spiritually, physically draining fucking
week. I'm been doing this weird thing
where I have this habitual appetite or habitual like list
(01:51):
of things that I eat every day that are the same and I'm not
and I'm not like a meal prep type person.
I'm not someone that can eat thesame thing every fucking day.
Like I have to switch it up. But this is the second time in
two years where I just have thisroutine where I eat the same
fucking thing every day and justleave it at that.
The first time that happened, I was going through from what I
(02:18):
can, from what I understand, because I don't think I ever
went through it before, was my, my first dark night of the soul,
which then transitioned into my spiritual awakening.
So my, my appetite was just weird and it was just like I was
on autopilot or something or whatever.
Just every day the same thing. I ate the same thing every day
(02:42):
and that's the same like 3 things.
And then and I'm not, I'm not somebody that does stuff like
that. And I'm not somebody that like
like, I'm not going to explain the dark night of the soul.
Like people are just going to have to Google it.
I mean, maybe in another episodeI'll break it down, but I'm
(03:02):
still not 100% there of speakingabout all of that spiritual
journey and all that and, and, you know, meeting my soul in
another vessel in that whole journey.
I'm not there yet to discuss that and how it's completely
thrown my life upside fucking down.
(03:26):
But so yeah, I was I but like, Imean, I guess it's, it's not
depression. It's very different from
depression. I guess the best way the thing
that comes in my mind is the dementors in Harry Potter, how
(03:46):
they're like, what do they, how do they describe them?
It's like all the happiness of in the world has been sucked,
sucked away. I mean, I guess I could kind of
be a good description of a dark night of the soul.
You just feel completely empty. For me, it felt like I was
living my own personal GroundhogDay in hell.
(04:09):
Like the same thing every day, just got up, walked around like
I was functioning, like I was fine but I wasn't at all.
But I was some help somehow functioning and going throughout
my day. And then every single night I
(04:30):
would fall apart, cry, smoke, drink, cry some more, go to bed,
do it all over again the next day.
And it went on like that for months and months and months.
And I've had multiple dark nights of the soul where it is
repeated and happened again. But it is.
You just feel nothing, absolutely nothing.
(04:54):
But if you're interested in learning more of what it's like,
you can look it up because I imagine everybody's individual,
but it's, but it's not depression.
It's not. And even if it was, I'm not
somebody that loses weight when I'm depressed.
If anything, I gain weight, I gain it.
I don't, I don't lose it. But yeah, I just got into this
(05:16):
weird like habitual manner for months where I just ate the same
three things every day, same three things every day, and
without effort or without trying, because I just didn't
have much of an appetite. Without trying, I lost like 30
lbs, something like that, 2530 lbs within like a matter of
(05:37):
weeks. And so it's kind of happening
now again. But I'm also now on fuck.
I always forget what it's called.
It's not Ozempic, It's the one that starts with an S and I've
been taking that for the last four months, 444 or five months
(06:01):
and and she and this is like thehighest dose that I'm on.
So between me feeling like shit emotionally and mentally and
spiritually. I'm also on a higher dose of
this inject weight loss injection, but but like I'm back
to that same routine at the sametime where I'm eating like the
(06:22):
same three things. So Tiger accidentally broke my
coffee pot so I can't make coffee at home.
So I've been buying like the oatmilk Starbucks drinks that you
can get at Walmart with like a Starbucks energy drink or a
Celsius. And I just have both of those at
my desk and I drink both of those everyday.
(06:45):
And a water. Well, actually last couple days
I haven't even been finishing myenergy drink.
I've just been drinking the coffee, drinking the water,
maybe having like a bag of grapes and string cheese and
that's it for the rest of the day.
Like no appetite. But I don't know if it's from
the injection or because I'm probably entering into another
dark night of the soul. But they're horrible.
(07:09):
They're awful. You just feel like nothing, but
somehow you still get up and function every day.
But you're absolutely not OK. But yeah, I don't.
But aside from that, 6 fucking planets are in retrograde.
And so many people that I have talked to this week, they are
(07:32):
just going through it. So that could be me too.
Like, you know, But like, yeah, like there's so many people this
week that are just like everything's going wrong.
You know, they're just going through a lot.
And I'm just like, yeah, you know, I mean, I have a friend
that lives all the way in Australia and she's having the
(07:53):
same kind of fucking week. And so I'm like, yeah, planets
do really be affecting like our energy and our moods and shit
and how we feel and, you know, and everything is going wrong
and stuff. Like IA 100% believe that
planets and the way they move and align at certain times of
(08:13):
the month and all that, like it's all connected.
You know, when things are going wrong or you're arguing with
your spouse or things are going wrong at work or you know,
something that you really wantedyou didn't get, You know, like I
absolutely believe that depending on if we're in like a
waxing gibbous or planets are inretrograde, it has some effect.
(08:38):
And if this is like going over your head, familiar to you, like
look it up, like I encourage youto look it up.
But that, you know, that's just,but it's just something I
believe that they absolutely, absolutely contribute.
So I have a lot of Leo's in my life.
(09:02):
And a couple of my friends had abirthday this week.
Yeah, the majority of people that gravitate into my life seem
to be Cancers, Geminis and Leo'sand then a couple other Zodiac
signs sprinkled in there. But the majority is Cancers,
Gemini and Leo's. And so I have a lot of Leo
(09:27):
friends, lot of Leo friends, anda lot of them have birthdays in
August. So we celebrated Chelsea's
birthday on Monday. You guys remember Chelsea?
She was on my 1111 episode. So that was super fun.
And then my best friend Spencer,He is my oldest, best friend
(09:49):
I've had of all my friends in mylife, him and I have been
friends the longest. He is my ride or die.
All the different phases and cycles and shifts and changes
that we go through in life. And sometimes you lose people or
sometimes you no longer vibe with them anymore or your or
your paths just no longer, you know, cross anymore.
(10:11):
People change, people move people, you know, you know what
I mean? Like how sometimes people just
kind of fall away over the years, whether just transitions
or changes in their life or yours.
He's one of those per people that's just remained in every
fucking season of my life and the one person that I've never
(10:33):
lost along the way. So yeah, like, it doesn't matter
what I say to him or what decision that I want to make or
whatever, he's always just very supportive, like, well, it'll
work out or, you know, it'll be OK.
Like, doesn't matter what it is that I tell him, I can be
worried about something that I'mgoing to tell any other of my
(10:53):
friends, or I can be worried like, well, if I do this or make
this decision, am I going to lose all my friends?
And he's that one person that's like, I'm still going to be
here. Like I don't you know, like,
yeah, that's that's my fucking right.
Or die friend, like all, all my friends have their place and
their purpose and I love them for their all their individual
(11:16):
reasons. But Spencer's definitely the
GOAT. Like he's been there with me
when I had no friends and I was just a single mom with my with
my daughter and nobody wanted tobe my friend because I was a
single mom and he was that one person that was like, I don't
give a fuck. Like we let's hang up, you know,
we're I'm your friend, like let's hang out.
(11:37):
I don't care if we have if we have a child, like we're we're
going to hang out. So it was always like me, him
and Araya, you know, in tow, youknow, going to get pho going
shopping, you know, like that. That's just he's my fucking
buddy. I used to be like, am I cock
blocking you 'cause you're always with me and Araya and
he'd be like, Nah, you know, like that is my fucking brother,
(12:01):
like he's just been there for methrough everything.
So his birthday was on Thursday.Tuesday night I'm actually met
up with him and our friend Josh and his friend and Spencer's
friend Jason. I didn't know that they do bingo
at about time on Tuesday nights and they're like, yeah, we come
(12:25):
every week. And so they had brought Spencer
out from Salt Lake to join them and it was chill.
Like it was a vibe. Like I didn't get to play
because I showed up too late, but it was a vibe.
So I I told Jason and Josh that I that if they go every week,
you know, I'll try to join them more often.
And because like, who, who doesn't want to like go hang out
(12:47):
at about time and and drink and hang out with friends and then
we get to play bingo and win money.
Like hell. Yeah.
So I, I'm going to try and, and start going on Tuesdays.
It probably won't be every Tuesday, but I will try.
And while I was there, I ran into my wonderful, beautiful,
amazing, full of light friend Brady.
(13:10):
And Brady told me that he wrote a book, which inspired the fuck
out of me because I've always been told since I was a kid that
I should be a writer, that I should write a book.
And I used to write all the timeas a kid.
I used to write scripts. I wrote a whole song album like
(13:32):
like of lyrics. I used to write short stories.
I used to write like playwrightsand stuff like I would write
scripts for my stuffed animals. And as I got older, I started
writing like poems and, and stuff like that and, and
stories. And I would have a crazy ass
dream and be like, Oh my gosh, that would be an awesome movie.
(13:52):
And I'd get up and start, you know, typing out the screenplay.
But it's, it's been years, like it's been years since I've had
the motivation to write. And this past year I've just
been, you know, hit with all this motivation and this drive
to do all these things that I'veprocrastinated or, you know,
(14:16):
used to make my soul, you know, feel alive.
But I put all those things to the wayside years ago and had no
motivation and no drive to do any of those things.
And over the past year or so, I've just got in this burst of,
of motivation and, and drive to like, no, do all those things
that you used to love, start that podcast that you wanted to
(14:39):
do a few years ago. So yeah, I like, I, I think I've
mentioned this before, I've beenwriting two books.
I've kind of been dragging ass. And so, you know, I, I have to
be in the right mindset and mental and emotional state to
write these books. One of them's a little bit more
(15:02):
triggering than the other. The other one, we'll all all go
into it in a minute. But but yeah, like seeing,
seeing Brady, who I love hearinghim talk about his book and he
and he's like, yeah, it's on Amazon.
And I was just like, damn, that's fucking awesome.
And it just, I don't know, it just kind of gave me like and
(15:23):
like a like, like reaffirm for me, like you need to do this.
Like you want to be able to say you had a book on Amazon.
Like, And so it just kind of gave me like a burst of like
new, breathe new life into, you know, because I just, I've kind
of just been coming out of it again a little bit.
And like seeing him so excited and so proud and I'm so proud of
(15:46):
him. And like, I was just like, yeah,
fuck yeah. And I'm just, I don't know.
I'm in like this space where like I only want to be around
people that are creating things and have big fucking dreams and
big fucking goals. Like, yeah, like I, I'm, I want
to radiate towards that. I want, I only want that around
(16:10):
me, the people that are fucking like, I'm going to do this and
they're doing it. They're not just fucking talking
about it. Like they're like actually
pursuing their fucking dreams. Like that is like just awesome
as fuck. Like that's the kind of light
that I want radiating on me, andthe kind of light that I want to
(16:30):
gravitate towards is people thatare actually fucking doing shit
and creating and and making their dreams come to life.
So yeah, that was awesome. I felt like that was like
divinely planned for me to run into Brady because the universe
knows that I've been sitting on these books and that I need to
finish them. So I'm not going to talk about
(16:52):
one of them because it was kind of something that I started
writing just to cope from what Iwas going through two years ago.
And I don't know if I'll ever get to a place of being able to
finish that one because it's tootriggering because I'm have to
be taken back to a place when I was the saddest I've ever been.
(17:13):
And so when I go back and read what I had written at that time,
I'm just brought to tears. So I don't know if I'll ever be
able to finish that one. But the current one that I've
been working on, I actually had the, I've been wanting to write
these characters for years. Like, I don't know if I, I
don't, can't remember. I think I might have dreamt of
them years ago. And I've been wanting to write
(17:37):
them for years. I've been wanting to create them
and bring them to life for years.
So the story is about a girl named Michaela and a boy named
Aiden. Where I'm currently stuck right
now is trying to bring life to Aiden, trying to evolve Aiden's
character. And I've gone back and forth
(17:59):
with the do I just need more of a male perspective to help me
better shape and evolve Aiden? Because I don't want him to be
like, you know, a like a base level personality or what am I
trying to say? Like I want Aiden to be deep.
(18:20):
I want him to have depth to him.I don't want him to be surface
level. And so like, I'm like, I can do
this. I can write Aiden like, I don't
need a male's perspective, right.
Like there's there's people thatwrite their own books all the
time, you know, and write all the, you know, are able to my
(18:43):
baby's laughing in the background.
I love listening to my kids giggles.
So freaking cute. But Aiden like there's, there's
zillions of authors that solo write books.
I mean, I don't know. I mean, I imagine a lot of them
(19:05):
do get research and do get insight and, and, and and do
maybe reach out to other people to help them of all the
character they're having troublewith.
So I don't think it's like out of the realm of book writing to
be like be able to admit that I need help writing Aiden.
Like I know I can do it, but I don't know.
(19:27):
I just, I just want to make sureI get them right.
But so I don't know they, I think they both came to me in a
dream years ago and I only just started a few months ago writing
their story. So I'm only I'm maybe like, I
(19:47):
don't know, 8 chapters in. And then it just dawned on me
the other day that I forgot thatI wanted Aiden and Michaela to
be from a fucking beach town because I wanted like surfing to
be something that Aiden did. And I totally fucking forgot.
I wrote them in like a small town, which could still be a
(20:10):
small town with a beach, you know, could be a small town like
with an ocean, you know, or at least an island or something.
But like I've already. Like written into Michaela
having like this lake that she goes to, you know, it's kind of
like her, her quiet place. And like I would, I think I'd
(20:33):
have to do a lot of research on surfing if I wanted to write
Aiden as a surfer. So I'm not doing that.
But they're both from a small town, no particular place.
I think I even just made-up a pretend town, I think.
But I think when I was writing it, I think I was imagining them
in Texas, even though I don't know shit about Texas, but
(20:56):
that's where research comes in. But they're both from a small
town. Babies, can you guys get away
from the door, please? OK.
I love hearing you play and laugh, but I feel like it.
You might be getting a little too loud for my podcast episode.
That's all OK. But I love you and I love your
(21:17):
laughs. I'm almost done.
OK, Ask your daddy, baby. Umm.
So a little back story. I have to put myself in a very
emotional, very sad, very hurt, traumatized mindset to write
(21:44):
Michaela. And so that's probably why I've
been dragging my feet because I have to put myself in that
mindset to write her story. And I don't always want to be in
that mindset. I don't always want to have to
take myself to this dark, sad, emotional place because
sometimes I can pull myself out of it after I'm done writing and
(22:05):
sometimes I can't. And so that might be one of the
reasons, but I'm, I'm really trying to get to the place where
I can evolve Michaela and Aidan's love story.
But I, but I, I have to tell thewhole story.
So it makes sense. I have to give detail.
So Michaela was raised with two parents, 2 dysfunctional parents
(22:31):
that also had dysfunctional parents.
So, you know, they kind of just raised Michaela with the
conditioning of what they were raised with, which was much of
nothing and lots of abuse and alcohol drinking.
So Michaela's mom, she tries, she tries her best to break the
(22:53):
cycle, but she just can't do it.And so she eventually leaves and
doesn't take Michaela with her. So Michaela is left with her
dad, who is just like raging alcoholic.
And, you know, he's from there, from a small town, and everybody
kind of just feels sorry for herdad because he's like, you know,
(23:15):
a veteran. And it's a small town.
Everybody knows him. So there really isn't much
repercussions for his actions. I mean, they've put him in,
like, the drunk tank a few times.
But other than that, like, really, nobody has stepped in to
protect Michaela. And I mean, she's had friends.
She stayed with friends. She's, you know, But like she,
when her mom left, she felt obligated to care for her dad
(23:38):
for whatever reason. She felt like it was her
responsibility to stay in that House of so much pain and chaos,
to watch over her dad, even though sometimes her life is in
danger when he's in his raging alcoholic state.
So she literally had tried to goto college, had to drop out of
(23:59):
college to go back home and takecare of her dad.
He also guilt trips her a lot. And you, I have to kind of make
the audience understand why she hasn't moved out, why she hasn't
gotten out from under her dad and just all the chaos said that
he is. And it's because she just has
this innate built in guilt that if she were to leave and then he
(24:23):
also manipulates her a lot and, and makes her feel guilty for
even thinking about moving out or being on her own.
And so she's just kind of stuck.And so I'm, I need to make the
audience understand because of course you're going to think,
OK, well, she's like 1920 years old.
Why doesn't she just leave? And I need the audience to
(24:45):
understand why. And so, you know, she's quiet,
she's introverted, she's reserved.
And, you know, she's kind of just going on about her life but
trying to make a game plan to get away from her dad and, you
know, start her life on her own.But she has no idea where to
begin. She doesn't have any family
(25:05):
outside of her dad and so, you know Aiden, just they cross
paths one day and both of their worlds are turned upside down
upon meeting each other. He's instantly drawn to her and
he doesn't know why. And she's kind of more reserved,
you know, back in a way, like mylife is a total shit show.
(25:28):
You don't want any part of this.And so she's very reserved and
kind of wanting to distance herself despite, you know, this
nice, this nice young man, you know, just trying to, you know,
love her. So, you know, I'm currently at
that point where Aiden is and, and Michaela, without trying to
(25:55):
make it a parent, they're they're trying to find ways to
kind of be around each other more so Aiden trying to be
around her and her not willing to admit to herself yet that she
also wants to be around him. And they can't quite understand
the connection that they have toeach other and why they're so
(26:16):
drawn to each other. So, but I'm currently just stuck
right now since Aiden has been introduced to trying to evolve
Aiden's character because I wanthim to be deep and I want him to
question things. I want him to.
(26:37):
I just want to bring more to him.
So that's kind of what's been myhold up is just trying to adapt
and evolve Aiden's character. But yeah, but running into Brady
was definitely like the push I needed.
But then there's a part of me that's like, why was I
(26:58):
interested in writing such a sadbook?
You know, because I'm not a naturally sad person.
The spiritual journey I've been on for the past two days, two
days, please. Only the last two years, almost
two years that I've been on, youwould think I would have become
an extremely sad fucking person.But by nature I'm not.
(27:24):
So I'm just like, how in the world did I, you know?
But I don't want the whole book to be sad.
Like, I I need it to start off sad so people understand
Michaela's story and her personality, but I want it to
eventually evolve and shift. And it's just about their love
(27:46):
story and the trials and tribulations that they have to
kind of go through to be together.
So, you know, it's, it goes a lot faster in my head than it
does typing it out. Like, in my head, I've already
reached the end of the book, butto sit down and actually type
it, Yeah, that part's a little taking a little longer.
(28:07):
But running into Brady, it was just like, OK, yeah, girl, you
need to get to writing your book.
But yeah, one of these days, I might, you know, read some
chapters on a podcast episode and, you know, maybe we'll see.
(28:28):
But, yeah, so, you know, that's some new developments.
I might start going to. Bingo it's it kind of makes me
laugh that like me and my freaking, you know, 363839 year
old guy friends, we're all goingto bingo.
(28:50):
Like I feel like it's showing our age like what the fuck?
Not even like, I don't know, like it's just funny to me.
Like, look at us aging. Look at us aging.
Like fucking like, yeah, we're going to bingo.
Like we're freaking, you know, 70 years old or something.
(29:10):
It just cracks me up. I'm just like, Oh my gosh, we're
we're we're we're getting old. I mean, they are.
I'm not. But, you know, it's just funny
because I'm just like, This Is Us almost at almost to 40.
And we're like, yeah, we go to bingo now.
We're so cool. We go to bingo at the bar.
So. But yeah, I wanted to talk a
(29:36):
little bit about this and then Iwas just going to end it.
But I don't know. I've been having conversations
with people this week or this iskind of something that's come up
lately over the past couple years.
And I've noticed like the like the habitual nature of this.
(30:02):
So like when people announce that they're getting a divorce
or that they got a divorce or that they're separating or
temporary separating as a society like ending or, or, or,
or they broke up or broke up with their boyfriend or broke up
with their girlfriend or whoever.
As a society, as a collective society, we're so conditioned to
(30:27):
because it's still so stigmatized even in 2025 to like
end a relationship. And so we're so conditioned that
when someone tells us that they've ended a relationship
with another person, we're so conditioned to be like, oh, I'm
sorry. And it's so like fascinating to
(30:51):
me and weird. But like I can't fault anybody
obviously, because I also do it.I'm also conditioned when
someone tells me like, yeah, me and my husband divorced or, or
me and my husband are getting a divorce even I'm conditioned to
go, oh, I'm so sorry. And so like, it's just, it's
fascinating to me, but I know that the culture and the climate
(31:14):
of that is changing. It's shifting because like
people are throwing like divorceparties, like woo Hoo, I'm
divorced. And, and like, so like the, the,
the, the stigma is definitely changing a little bit.
But as a society, like we're still collectively conditioned
to go, Oh, I'm sorry. And so something that I've
(31:36):
personally have tried to do whensomebody tells me that is go,
oh, is this a good thing or a bad thing?
Are we celebrating or are we grieving?
And then I wait for them to respond.
And if they're like, no, this isa good thing.
Like I feel great. Which is the is, which is the
response I've gotten from a few people that I've asked over the
past couple years when they've shared that information with me.
(31:58):
And I've been like, oh, OK. Like, like they're like, oh, I
like, I like, have my spark back.
Like, like I look at pictures ofmyself and, and compared to now
and I just see like a big difference.
Like, you know, like just how drained this other person made
me. And even like my friends and
family are noticing. Like, you know, like you look so
much happier. You look so much better like,
(32:20):
you know, or, and they're like, I feel like I'm doing so much
better. Like, you know, this like, I
just feel amazing and, and, and like you want to celebrate this
person. You want to celebrate along with
them and you want to like, you know, be excited for them.
Like, like, like if they're excited, if they feel great,
then, you know, you also want tolike share that moment with
(32:41):
them. And I'm, I'm realizing that
like, yeah, it doesn't really help when someone's like, when
you're like, oh, I'm so sorry. And they're like, why this was a
good thing for me. Like it, you know what I mean?
Like it doesn't, it doesn't help, you know?
And so I feel like as a collective, people should just
(33:02):
take a beat, take a second and be like, OK, thank you for
sharing that with me. But is this a good thing or is
it a bad thing? Because you also don't want to
say like, yay good, you know, that's wonderful.
And then the person's actually sad about it, like, you know
what I mean? And so I just think like it's
important to like ask first to like, how are you feeling about
(33:24):
this? Like are you OK?
Is this a good thing or this is a bad thing?
Like, but I feel like as a society we need to move away
from automatically going, oh, I'm sorry.
And instead like flip it and take a second and ask, is this a
good thing? There's a bad thing, you know,
(33:44):
because I've had people that I've talked to and I've had
friends be like, I'm not sad. So I don't know why I just got
that reaction from you. Like, I feel great, you know?
And so, yeah, it was kind of just something that has been on
my mind this week because the end of a relationship, the end
of a connection with another person, no matter how long or
how short it was, it's not always a bad thing.
(34:06):
Like we talked about this in past past relationships, past
episodes with friendships. Like, it's not always a bad
thing. Like when when things come to an
end, like when you get to the end of the road with a friend.
Like it's not always a bad thing.
And it doesn't always mean it's the end either.
Like it could just mean that right now your story is
bookmarked with that person and you guys will eventually come
(34:29):
back together. And it's possible for when
people break up or get a divorceor separate, it's possible for
them to also come back together.But like, it doesn't have to be
a bad thing. Like a lot of good benefits
could come from. It could be like a blessing in
disguise to separate or divorce or break up with somebody,
whether it's permanent or temporary.
(34:50):
Because both people are then given the the, the gift.
I think the gift to go inward, to focus on themselves, to work
on themselves, to heal, to learnmore about themselves to if they
(35:11):
didn't have self love, grow and evolve and develop self love,
figure out what they like, don'tlike.
Cuz I mean, think about it, there's some people that never
even got to learn themselves because they got married so
young, because they got into a relationship so young.
And so they never even got to take the time to be like, who am
I? Do I like this?
(35:33):
Do I not like this? Did I only like those things
because the person I was with liked them?
Did I hate that because the person I was with hated that?
Did I have that opinion because the person I was with had that
opinion? And so, yeah, sometimes
separating, divorce and breakingup can be a good thing.
You know, Yes, it is sad when when something ends too.
(35:58):
Yes, of course we want to honor that.
But if the person that is telling you that is going
through this and is telling you this information and they're
doing fine, then mirror that feeling back to them, you know,
because it doesn't help them when they're like, I'm doing
great. This isn't a bad thing.
And they're like, but I know, but it's just so sad and I'm
(36:20):
going to miss doing things together with you guys.
It's not a no, no, it's not about you.
It's not about you. Like, I mean, you can be sad
about those things, but if this person in front of you that was
actually with that person and they're telling you they're
doing good, like keep it short and keep him and move on.
Like don't, don't try to make that person feel guilty or some
(36:44):
kind of way or, or that they made a mistake.
Like if they're telling you they're doing good and this was
for the right reason and and that it was, you know, they're
doing better and the person thatthey are were with are doing
better and this is just the bestpossible decision for them.
Just honor that and respect it. Like, don't you know, don't make
(37:06):
that person start to wonder if you know, or or feel guilty or,
or or like they made a mistake or whatever.
Like you can feel whatever you want to feel, but keep it short.
Like, oh, I'm so glad you're happy, but I'm going to miss
seeing you 2 together. OK, leave it at that.
Like because the end of the day,it wasn't your relationship.
You know, you don't know the real reasons why two people
(37:28):
decided to go their separate ways.
So, but like, my point is like separation, no matter what it
is, whether it's with a, a relationship or a friendship, it
doesn't have to be a bad thing. It doesn't have to be a bad
thing. And, like, I think it's just
important to ask people if they decide to share this information
(37:51):
with you, ask them first before you go into your conditioning of
being like, oh, I'm sorry. Or yay.
Like, 'cause like, it could be that you, like, hated their
spouse. And then you find out that
they're getting a divorce and you're like, yeah, I'm so happy.
OK, Well, your friend might not be.
Your friend might be in a deep state of grief and really sad
(38:12):
that this is ending, even thoughit needed to end, You know what
I mean? So I just feel like people
should, you know, take a second and just ask, read the room and
ask like, is this a good thing or a bad thing?
So, you know, this was just something that was on my mind
because it like it came up this week and then it kind of
triggered a memory for me of friends in the past.
(38:35):
And, you know, their response to, you know, when people, when
they would tell people, you know, that a relationship they
were in had ended. And then people respond how they
respond and then they respond how they respond.
And the last few people that I've had this experience with,
(38:55):
they've been happy about the endof their relationship, you know?
And so the stigma and the climate behind relationships
ending is changing and people's reactions to it are changing.
And the way people feel about the end of something is
changing. So it just honour how people are
feeling, you know, just respect it and honour it.
(39:18):
So, you know, but that is, I think it's going to be it for
this episode. So yeah.
Yeah, I'm going to let me get off here, as I say.
And then every, every episode, be fucking kind.
(39:38):
Be fucking kind. You don't know what people are
going through. You don't know.
You don't know if if if they have had the worst possible
fucking week ever. You don't know if their
relationship is coming to an end.
You don't know if their marriageis coming to an end.
You don't know if their friendship is coming to an end.
You don't know if their job thatthey love is coming to an end.
(40:00):
You don't know what's going on in their life.
You don't know if you know they attempted to unalive themselves
2 days ago. Be fucking kind.
We don't know what anybody's going through.
We really don't. You can ask and they still might
not tell you the truth. You can see their social media
and they're smiling and posting positive ass shit.
(40:23):
So you don't really know, you know, they can be posting
thousand pictures of them smiling in every fucking one,
but you do not know. You don't know.
So just everybody do their fucking best to just be kind to
everybody. You know, like commit to doing
one kind act today, you know, saying one nice thing to
(40:47):
somebody every single day. Like I have people, I have
friends on Snapchat who will send me or an Instagram that'll
send me like inspirational quotes almost every day.
And it means so much to me. Like I'm busy sometimes.
So I kind of just shoot them back a heart.
But it still means the world to me that they thought like, I
(41:09):
think Mercedes would like this, let me send it to her.
Like my sister-in-law Leilani will like, you know, send me
inspirational, like sweet things, like, oh, you matter and
all that stuff. Like you have no idea how much
that could be impacting somebody, you know, just by
sending them something like, oh,I just, I wanted, you know, like
(41:29):
to remind you what a great mom you are.
Like my friend Cassie will send me stuff like that, reminding me
what a great mom I am. Like, you have no idea.
Like, like how that'll make somebody else feel just like
sending them like, like a littlesweet gift for a sticker, like
a, you know, a sticker text or something, or like a meme that
you saw or quote or, you know, buying somebody ahead of you at
(41:54):
the drive through their food or sending a coffee to a friend.
Like, you have no idea. So you just, yeah, you know what
I mean? Like go outside, spread that
kindness around. So it just grows and grows and
grows and grows and grows and itjust, we spread it all over the
(42:16):
planet. And then hopefully eventually
everybody just practices kindness.
You know, like it starts at homewith raising good humans, you
know, giving them love and understanding and building them
up and respecting them and, you know, protecting them and taking
(42:37):
care of them and, you know, showing up for them and, and,
and just giving them and surrounding them with so much
love. And then they go out in the
world and spread that love around and you go out in the
world and spread that love around and it'll just continue
to spread. Like that is that is my hope.
That is my manifestation. That is, that is, that is my
(42:58):
theory is that you started at home and you fill your kids up
with all that love and, and kindness and, and care and, and
respect and all good things. And then they go out in the
world and spread it around and it just, it just grows, just
grows. And then before you know it,
(43:19):
everybody is fucking kind. Everybody is fucking kind to
everybody. You know, like, yes, we're
human. We all have a bad day sometimes,
but there's more compassion and more empathy because we've been
spreading it around, you know? That's my hope.
But I love you all. I hope you have a good weekend.
(43:41):
And thank you for tuning into another episode of Play With
Your Dick Nami. Bye.
Popular Podcasts
NFL Daily with Gregg Rosenthal
Gregg Rosenthal and a rotating crew of elite NFL Media co-hosts, including Patrick Claybon, Colleen Wolfe, Steve Wyche, Nick Shook and Jourdan Rodrigue of The Athletic get you caught up daily on all the NFL news and analysis you need to be smarter and funnier than your friends.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
I’m Jay Shetty host of On Purpose the worlds #1 Mental Health podcast and I’m so grateful you found us. I started this podcast 5 years ago to invite you into conversations and workshops that are designed to help make you happier, healthier and more healed. I believe that when you (yes you) feel seen, heard and understood you’re able to deal with relationship struggles, work challenges and life’s ups and downs with more ease and grace. I interview experts, celebrities, thought leaders and athletes so that we can grow our mindset, build better habits and uncover a side of them we’ve never seen before. New episodes every Monday and Friday. Your support means the world to me and I don’t take it for granted — click the follow button and leave a review to help us spread the love with On Purpose. I can’t wait for you to listen to your first or 500th episode!
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com