"Don't let nobody play you while you out in these streets"

"PLAY WITH YOUR D!CK,

not me" 🎙

Ep #15

"Don't let nobody play you while you out in these streets"

I felt called in this episode to reconnect and bring forward the past, the younger me that was operating from a lower vibrational state me, me that hadn't quite discovered her worth yet to drop some much learned wisdom for those navigating the dating world for the first time or again for the first time.

Episode Transcript

(00:02):
Hey, welcome to actually, let's do this right, I'm Sadie AKA
Capricorn Clark. Welcome to episode.
Do this every episode. OK, where are we at?
I know last week I accidentally kept saying 13 and we were on

(00:24):
14. So episode 15.
Yep, welcome to episode 15 of Play with Your Dick.
Not me. I got some weird reactions this
week when people ask me about mypodcasts and if they didn't
already know the name and I tellthem the name and I don't know

(00:45):
why I feel like I need to put like a disclaimer on there or
not even a disclaimer, just likea before I get the question that
I've been asked. How'd you come up with that
name? Before I get that.
Question because I'm already tired of explaining it.

(01:05):
I will just when I send people the link or I'm telling them
about it, I'm like oh, you know then and they go what's the name
of it? And I go it's kind of out there,
but play with your Dick, not me.And then I feel like I have to
explain it. I don't know if it's because I
live in Utah, because in California there'd be no
explanation. They would just be like best
out, you know, and. I mean, I've I've gotten that

(01:28):
feedback too. But I just, I just, I just
noticed that I, I ran into, I don't know, I don't know if it
was just like the wrong audienceor I don't know, 'cause you just
don't know how people are going to react to such a crude name
for a show. And so I think I may have like

(01:53):
scared two people away 'cause I felt like I had to explain.
Well, this is what I mean. Like, This is why I named it
that. But this is what it really
means. Like, like, like, I know the
title is a little vulgar, but this is what it really means.
Like, so if I haven't, if I haven't already explained it, I
need to get my nails done. It's I'm inebriated.

(02:21):
So hopefully this won't be longer than it needs to be.
OK 219. Anyways, I just been seeing a
lot of Angel numbers lately and they have specific whatever.
Anyways, what the fuck was it? God.

(02:44):
OK so how I got the name Play with your Dick not me is I kept
hearing it in songs. I'm a fucking fool.
I kept hearing it in songs and Ihad went to sleep one night with
the intention, I guess because it was on my mind.
So I like created the intention I guess.

(03:06):
And I get a lot of answers and stuff, inner knowings and things
being revealed and messages and stuff.
I, I get a lot of those through dreams.
And so I had dreamt it just keptcoming to me in my dreams.
Play through Dick, not me, play through Dick not me.

(03:27):
And I just woke up and was like,Yep, that's going to be the
name. Because I, I mean, it's
self-explanatory despite its vulgarness.
But really I feel like it means like.
First and foremost, don't play with me.
Don't matter if you have a Dick or you have a clit.
Don't play with me. Like don't.
The what it means to me is you don't let people walk all over

(03:50):
you. Don't let people treat you less
than you think. The most high of yourself, but
not in a narcissistic egotistic way.
Just that you know that you're that bitch or that dude.
You know what I mean? Like you're the guy, you're
you're the girl. Like you know who you are, you
exude self love. Nobody's going to treat you like

(04:12):
a piece of furniture and nobody's going to walk all over
you. So I just feel like it has tons
of different meanings behind it and everybody can interpret it
however they want. It doesn't have, you know.
Or if I have. Reached audiences based on my
analytics, if I have reached audiences that are younger and,

(04:32):
and they're exploring the datingscene, like mid 20s, early 20s
and, and you know, they're, they're out there and they're
dating and, and, and stuff like that, they're, you know, if that
appeals to them literally like, you know, they might.
Tell a guy. That they're dating that just

(04:52):
keeps playing games with them. Play with your Dick, Nami.
You know, I've like it can applyin so many situations.
You know, just you're basically telling people don't don't fuck
with me and you're not going to walk all over me.
You're not going to take my kindness for weakness.

(05:13):
You know, like you know who you are and you stand for something
and can't nobody tell you who you are better than you can
basically. Like, there's just a lot of
ways. To go with it.
But I'm, I'm, I'm already like tired of explaining how, what I
think it means and how I came upwith it.

(05:34):
But I've got mixed reactions. I've got or mixed reviews I
guess, or I can tell the people that it doesn't resonate or it's
not their cup of tea because they they just don't talk to me
after that or they're silent. And versus the people that are
like, that's dope, that's cool. And that's OK.

(05:56):
That's OK when you know. Who you are?
And you're happy with who you are.
People's opinions just bounce right off of you.
You know, like lions don't listen to the opinions of sheep
and. I saw it yesterday actually.

(06:18):
Don't don't take shade from a tree bearing no fruit, something
like that. Or like, like don't let other
people's opinions get you when they ain't got nothing going on
in their lives. Like like I'm like, basically,
I'm trying to do something. I'm trying to elevate, I'm
trying to be a better person. I'm trying to create this

(06:38):
project. I'm trying to, you know, break
into this career and then you're, you're getting like
opinions from other people. And it's like, but do you have
anything going on? So like basically don't take
opinion of some people. Who?
Aren't out here taking a big leap, trying to pursue their
dreams, whatever they're trying to do, basically.

(06:59):
So yeah. So yeah, it's OK.
It's OK. I don't.
It's crazy because I've always been that person.
That cared a lot about what people thought.
And I don't know why I like no clue, no clue why, you know, so,

(07:23):
but anyways, I got up this morning because again, I kind of
try to set an intention and I thought that I would do this
episode kind of from a place of dating advice.
And I wanted to talk about relationships and marriage like

(07:48):
the five love languages I want to talk.
About that a little bit, but. 1st, I wanted to channel in
channel in because this is goingto be for for my audience that's
a little younger. They're just getting out into
the dating world and figuring all that out and, and navigating
the games and the texting bullshit and why hasn't he

(08:09):
called me back and all that. Even the women who or not women,
just who, even people who have just gotten out of a long term
relationship or got a divorce and they are new to the dating
scene and they're like, what thehell?
I've been locked to somebody. For 15 years.

(08:31):
The dating world is weird. I don't know what I'm doing.
Things are so different from when I got with my past partner
X amount of years ago or I've been married this long.
So I'm going to try and channel that single girl energy from
back when I was dating so I can try and give value like

(08:54):
beneficial advice to people either navigating to being newly
single and or people that are kind of new to the dating world.
I'm going to try to. I mean, here I am talking about
something like, bitch, you have been married for almost five
years, It'll be five years in December, and you have been with

(09:16):
this person for almost 13 years.What the fuck you don't know
what what the? Dating world looks like right
now either like you don't you don't know what the game I'm
still going to channel that energy from when 'cause I doubt
it's changed that much. And I also have.
Have single friends or previously had single friends

(09:39):
who are navigating it and heard their.
Stories, but it's so I'm. Just going to I'm going to give.
Advice of what helped? Me back when I was navigating
the land of. Fuck boys.
So OK, I feel like I needed to get into like my goddess energy
to try to bring this frequency, to bring this old version of me

(10:02):
forward. So like I found this in my room.
So this is just going to be the goddess crown.
You can't see if you're not watching on YouTube.
But we're I wore this for my wedding, but we're going to
pretend like it's a goddess crown and it has nothing to do
with me getting married. It's just this is going to help
bring forth the frequency or theenergy needed to channel early

(10:31):
20s dating Mercedes. OK, Hopefully I don't forget
what the hell I'm talking about since I'm lit right now.
It's Friday, I don't have to work tomorrow.
I'm stressed out. I almost had a panic attack on
my ride home. OK, this is so weird.
All right, channeling single, single, single, single.

(10:56):
Low self esteem, trying to figure out the world.
Mercedes. I was even a single mom then, if
you want to add that into yours.If that's part of your
situation, that resonates. OK, I was single.
I was trying to figure myself out.
I was on Plenty of Fish. Do not recommend.
I don't even know if that's still around.

(11:19):
OK, I was insecure, didn't quiteknow what I wanted yet.
Didn't know what I liked, didn'tlike what I would tolerate, what
I wouldn't. I was slowly figuring that out
about myself. OK.
Oh, the Single Ladies. Oh, the Single Ladies.
Oh, the Single Ladies. I wish you loved.

(11:41):
Me because I was just very just really, really just wanting to
be loved very much. Very much so wanting to be loved
to the point where I was sacrificing my inner wants,
needs and boundaries to just have attention 'cause I was
coming from a low vibrational, insecure, unhealed daddy issues.

(12:04):
Didn't realize I had them then. Girl, young woman, K single K FI
EE foot freak. Gotta worry about the foot G OK

(12:25):
I think. I think I got her K.
All right. OK, ladies, my dudes.
OK. I don't want to wear this
anymore. I think I can embody the goddess
energy without the crown. I already do.

(12:46):
OK. And so do you.
All right. OK.
All right, everybody, if he or she or they are not texting you

(13:08):
back, if they leave you on red, they leave you on red, not.
Just. For the whole day, but a couple
days leave? They ask.
Alone, they are not interested and I'll tell you why I know.

(13:28):
So this is for the people that are attracted to.
The male counterpart? Actually no, Actually no.
What am I trying to say? What am I trying to say?

(13:55):
OK fine, I'm making this too complicated this.
Is what I. Learned from dating men and then
marrying the one who set the standard for everybody else and
which he was like the ruler thatI measured all men by men.

(14:15):
Men into speaking about men for this moment are not that
complicated. They're not as women or those of
us who are attracted to men. OK, This is just going to be for
the ladies for a minute that areattracted to men because I can't

(14:36):
speak for, I can only speak frommy experience.
That's what we're going to do because I'm not, I'm trying, I'm
trying to to include everybody, but this is just getting
confusing in my head. So I will just explain it from
my experience and perspective. Men are not that complicated.

(15:01):
As women we tend to make them sound more complicated in our
heads I guess, and we question everything.
What did he mean by that? And you know what?
I have guy friends who do the same thing.
And, and they, they, they spirallike that too.
They do where they're like, well, what did she mean by that?
If I send you a screenshot of her text conversation, can you

(15:24):
decipher for me what she might mean?
And so men do this too, because I have guy friends that do that.
Like they want the female perspective.
And I'm just like, I can't give it to you.
I can tell you what I, you know what she may be saying, but you
need to ask her what she meant by that.

(15:45):
Only she truly knows what she meant by that.
OK. So yeah, for men, in my
experience, because as women, wewould make them sound more
complicated in our head and spiral or vice versa, We we all
do this where we're like, what did they mean by that?
You know, why aren't they texting me back?
Why did they text this? Why didn't they text this?

(16:07):
Or you know, we just we make a voice.
Men will tell you, they will tell you and they will show you
if they like you, if they are feeling you, if they are vibing
with you, if they are catching feelings you they will not leave
room for interpretation. They will not leave room for

(16:29):
confusion. If somebody that you are dealing
with who are into, if they are leaving room for confusion and
for you to wonder and overthink what they mean by that, what you
know what, why did they do that?If they are causing confusion,

(16:55):
either sit them down and talk tothem so they can clarify to
eliminate the confusion because there might have just been a
miscommunication. But if that doesn't help and
they continue to leave it wide open for you to spiral and
overthink, keep it moving. Keep it moving.

(17:19):
We waste way too many time, way too much time on the wrong
people, way too much time on thewrong people, because we will
start blaming ourselves or, or start being like, Oh, well, you
know, you know, we'll, we'll just start like, what's the word

(17:41):
I'm trying to say, doubting ourselves.
And we'll just make it so much bigger in our head.
And then the next thing you know, we're like, well, maybe
they were actually like this. And I just assumed this and and
I'm, you know, they're probably actually a really good person.
You know, we make excuses for these people.
We make excuses for their actions.
No, no, no, no, no. In my experience, men that have

(18:05):
actually liked me or won and I married him every he left.
No, from my personal experience,Tiger left no room for
interpretation. He left no room for confusion.
He left no room for me to even think anything.

(18:27):
I didn't even have to think. Why hasn't he text me?
Because he was already texting me.
I never had to think. Why hasn't he called me?
Because he was already calling me.
I could guarantee that every morning when I got up and I I
could almost clock it because itwas about the same every day.
I would be getting off the bus to go to my job.

(18:48):
This is when I lived in Salt Lake and I would be walking.
It was off of like 3500 S and because I work, I worked over at
the Walmart down there and thereused to be like a Kmart.
Now there's like a Boost Mobile.I forget the other stores, but I
would get off the bus. There's a Burger King right
here. I'd get off the bus and I would

(19:10):
be walking through these parkinglots to get to Walmart because
I, I worked at smart style when they did their beauty advisor
program years ago and I could guarantee as I'm walking through
the parking lot, I was going to get a good morning beautiful
text from Tiger and every singleday he would.

(19:30):
We texted all day long while we were at work and then as soon as
we were able to talk to each other on the phone, we were on
the phone. There was no room for me to
question anything because he wasconstantly showing me how
interested he was in me. I understand that sometimes

(19:53):
people are busy and they don't have the kind of schedule where
they can text and call all day. So I'm not saying if a guy is
not constantly contacting you, he's not into.
That's not what I'm saying. Or a person, not even just a
guy, just a person that you're that you're interested in.
I'm not saying that if they're not, that was just Tiger.
I had never met anybody like him.

(20:14):
I mean, in my opinion, water sign men are the best kind of
men. OK, Cancers in my.
Opinion being the motherfucking goat.
Like fight me if you don't agree.
Just kidding. I'm just kidding.
For me personally, cancer men are the motherfucking goats, OK?

(20:39):
They're very thoughtful. I could tell Tiger about
something that I liked or point out something that I liked.
And I forgot I even told him about it.
And he would surprise me with itfor my birthday or anniversary
or something. And I forgot about even liking
it or even showing him. And I'd be like, Oh my gosh,

(21:00):
like you. And he'd be like, yeah.
I remember we. Were at so and so and you and
you had said you liked it and I just, I just remembered, you
know, this man, I had had him drive me to Walmart to pay on
Araya's layaway for Christmas. And I was like, can you just

(21:23):
drop me off? I have to make this payment so I
can get her Christmas presents out in time.
And he's like, yeah, he goes with me.
I pay the layaway fee, you know,that I owed at that time.
We go home and I think it was like the day before Christmas,
he brought in a bunch of bags and I'm like, what is all this?
This man paid off my layaway balance for my daughter's

(21:46):
Christmas. Didn't ask him, didn't hint that
I needed help. I've always been a very
independent woman. He had to get used to it for a
lot of years that we were together because in his eyes,
men pay for everything. Women do not pay.
Like he would literally say thatall the time.
Like you are not a real man if you if you have your, if you

(22:07):
have a woman pay. I don't agree with this.
I don't, I don't think that's true, but that's my husband's
philosophy. You know, you better not have
your girl pay, you know, like a man is supposed to pay.
That's tigers philosophy. So it he had a hard time with
that, getting used to that for the first few years of our
relationship because I'd be like, well, I don't subscribe to
that. We can go half or some dates I

(22:29):
can pay for, you know, he had a very hard time with that.
It took him a long time. To get past that.
But my point is, besides cancer,men are the best men.
Water sign men in general, I think because they just have big
hearts. They love hard.

(22:49):
They're very deep. They're a bit emotional.
They're emotional babies they'rewith their water signs.
They they got all the feels, they got all the big feelings,
but we like it. You know, look at Drake.
He's also a water sign. Big ass baby women love him.
So you know we. We like the vulnerable,
emotional men that can be passionate and and, you know,

(23:13):
intense and and just. Spill the hell out of you like
you, you know. How they feel because they're,
they're, they're just very expressive about all their
emotions. A lot of them are.
Quick quick to get angry like I'm not saying at their woman,
just people in general. Like Tiger gets pissed off as

(23:34):
people pissed Tiger off at least8000 times within an hour.
I just people out in the world, but it's like a.
Split second thing like somebodyin traffic pisses him off or
something and he you know, and then he's back to being at
baseline for his person, you know, for his moods and like
every little thing but like cancers are are grumpy, so you

(23:58):
know, he just gets. Grumpy really easily.
But but yeah, my point is that, you know, they're very
passionate. They're, you know, they're all,
they're dreamy and you know, they will fantasize and just are
big on love and showing it. That's just my experience with
water, water sign men. And if you don't know what the

(24:19):
water signs are, if you're thinking, am I with a water sign
man, water sign men are Pisces, Cancer and Scorpio.
Anyways, moving on. So back to 'cause I feel like I
just went. Way off topic but anyways, no if

(24:39):
he if whoever you are, I don't know.
I just keep seeing. I just keep defaulting to he
because it's what I dated. But if the person that you are
interested in is not putting in the same amount of effort that
you are into getting you guys getting to know each other and
stuff. If you feel like you're
constantly texting them, constantly calling them,

(25:01):
constantly making plans with them, they're not pretty much
effort in like it's, it's, it's the math, not math in like
you're not both bringing the same amount of effort in.
Like again, it might be best to move on.
Like we don't got time to be outhere wasting our time.
You know, if they are not meeting you halfway, matching

(25:23):
the same amount of energy that you're putting in, you may not
be the only person that they aretalking to or they may not be
interested in a relationship. That's another thing.
Be intentional. Tell somebody up front, excuse
me, what your intentions are with them.
Like if she or he or they have made it clear that they are

(25:48):
looking for a long term commitment and you are just
trying to be friends or you're just trying to be fuck buddies,
convey that. Don't keep someone from their
blessing. Don't keep someone from their
soul mate because you don't don't want to be lonely.
Don't don't fuck with God. Don't don't fuck with people
like that. OK?
Don't fuck with people like that.

(26:10):
If you have made it clear that you want something more serious,
or you have made it clear that you want something casual and
their wants are not aligning with yours, don't waste each
other's time. It's just it's going to create
problems later on. Don't do that.
Be upfront about what your intentions are.
Don't waste people's time if youare not looking to get married
in the next three to five years.I don't.

(26:32):
I don't give a fuck how dope that person is.
Let them go, do not get in the way of their blessing.
Do not do not block their timeline of meeting who they're
supposed to be with. OK Like y'all can stay friends
but no this person is absolutelyserious about getting married in
the next few years, having kids,whatever.
And you are not at all interested in that.

(26:53):
Be upfront about it. Don't waste people's time OK?
Like if y'all are meant to be, you'll come back together but
don't get in people's ways of their you know?
I mean maybe you're supposed to be in their timeline, maybe
you're supposed to delay them a little longer, who knows.
My point is, be upfront with people about what you're looking
for. Don't waste people's time.

(27:15):
So if you feel like your time isbeing wasted, keep it moving.
If he only calls you or texted you at night but don't ever see
you during the day, you know he's out doing so during the
day. Again, I'm reverting to he
because that's what I've always dated.
If they are only hitting you up at night or sending you you up

(27:40):
texts, unless you're looking forthat, tell him to keep it
moving. Fuck them, don't fuck them, fuck
him, don't fuck him. Does that make sense?
Fuck him, don't fuck him, OK? Don't fuck him.
Let him go. Let whoever that person is go.

(28:04):
They have turned you into a nighttime situation.
No, you are better than that. You are meant to be seen at all
hours of the day and by everybody.
So if they are telling you abouttheir friends but you ain't met
them, they introduced you to your mom, to their Mama.

(28:25):
If you know they are out and they don't invite you, they
don't take you on dates or datesduring the day unless you are OK
with that arrangement, let them go.
Let them go. And I'm seeking some experience
because I've always been the long term commitment type of
type of girl. I want to be in it for the long

(28:48):
haul like I've never been able. To do the games and.
You know, people, people being players and all that.
Like I've never, I've never beenable to.
Oh, it froze again. Huh.

(29:09):
That's OK. Oh yeah, that sucks.
OK, I'm just gonna have to extract audio from the laptop.
It's OK. I got a it's OK anyways.
Yeah, I met a fuck boy like thaton Plenty of Fish back in my

(29:33):
dating game dating days and I didn't know.
I didn't know I was new to dating because I've always been
a long term relationship girl. I had been with Araiah's dad for
like 4 years and so this is me fresh out of being done with
that. Went back as many times as I
needed to until I figured out what I needed to figure out and

(29:55):
then I was ready to move on withmy life and just accepted being
a single parent. So I'm like early 20s.
I don't know how to play the text messaging games I don't
like. Oh, he texts?
So you're supposed to act like you didn't see it for two days

(30:18):
and then when and then when he texted you or takes three days
to respond to you, you you give him another three days and not
responding. Like I just no, like I'm, I
don't know if I'm from a different era or what, but I was
just like, Nah, I ain't got timefor that.
Like that's, that's messy. Like I don't want no, like

(30:38):
that's stupid. Like that's what we're doing.
Like I remember having to like consult with my guy friends who
were players and did shit like that.
Like why do y'all do that? Like what?
Like I was doing that too. I was sending screenshots to my
guy, my my best friend. That's a guy.
Like, what does this mean? Why?

(31:00):
Like what's the traditional amount of days I'm supposed to
wait, you know, until I go hello, like I text you 3 days
ago or, or, or the amount of days I'm supposed to wait to
respond to his text. It was just like, you know that,
you know that that meme worth the lady and they're all the
equations and she's like, that was me.

(31:22):
Like I didn't understand, Like Ididn't like.
The the whole Playa mentality thing and just whoever acts the
least interested is winning and like you're always trying to one
up each other and like let's seewho can pretend to care the
least and they hold the most power.

(31:43):
Like I just no, no, I couldn't do it.
I couldn't do it. I was just like, I was like, I'm
too evolved for you, you human, you creatures, whatever
subhuman, whatever the hell y'all are like I'm too evolved
for this. Like, so I didn't, I didn't do
well, OK, I didn't do well when I was single trying to navigate

(32:04):
the dating world because I didn't understand the games.
I didn't want to take myself to that level to play those stupid
ass games like, you know, So I just yeah.
So anyways, this fuck boy that Ihad been messing with for like a
couple months, I didn't know at the time that there that's a red

(32:28):
flag if they only come see you at 10:00 at night, like, oh,
where were you? I was at the club with my
friends and I wanted to come seeyou like, but but you didn't you
didn't think that I wanted to goto the club too.
You didn't think that I didn't want to shake my ass like, and
after like a while of this and I've never met your friends.

(32:50):
I've never met your family. Like, like I said, I, I was new
to this. I didn't know what that meant,
you know? And it's not like I even needed
to meet his Mama at that point. You know, we were just, you
know, like, it wasn't like. I don't know.

(33:10):
There's been that was a zillion years ago.
I mean, I think. He called me his girlfriend but
definitely didn't treat him likea girlfriend.
But I but I didn't know. I did not know.
OK, like, like like I said, I was new to all that and I just,
I think I at the time I, I mean,I must have been like.
I don't know. 2223 I must have thought that that's just how

(33:33):
boyfriend and girlfriends acted then.
No, no, no, no, no no no no. If he really wants you to, if he
really wants to be exclusive with you and it just be you,
he's not treating you like you're a night time thing.
No, like, no, if he's going out,he's wanting you to go with him.

(33:57):
You know, he's introducing you to his friends, he's taking you
on day dates. And none of that was happening
in like what, the three months that I wasted my time on this
person and then I, you know, found that out later.
You know that no, that's not howyou're supposed to be treated.
You know, it took being with Tiger and then me looking back

(34:20):
at those past situations I was in and being like, Oh yeah, big
difference. So you know, people that like
you, people that have feelings for you and want to build
something with you or become serious, They, they want you to
know, they, they, they will makesure you know, you won't have to

(34:41):
question it. They're going to be taking you
out on dates. They're going to be calling you.
They're going to be texting you.They're not going to leave big
room for confusion. OK, So I just, I don't know
this, this came to me this morning and I felt like I needed
to, it was like the universe wastelling me that you need to tell
somebody this. Somebody's going to need to hear
this, that no, we, we, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, ma'am, no.

(35:09):
Minimal effort. No, they better be putting in
just as much effort, just as much energy as you are.
And if you have to start questioning it, it's probably a
red flag. And you can try to 1st have a
conversation with them. And if they ain't trying to hear
that, keep it moving. Keep it moving, OK, If you have.

(35:30):
So by this time we're going to move the needle a little bit
channeling inner or younger yearMercedes, early 20s, we're going
to. So let's say we just talked
about age 22 Mercedes. Now we're going to move the
needle a little bit. I was probably age 23, age 24,
Mercedes, if you have made the decision.

(35:54):
Because for me, by this time, I remember I had kind of started
to figure out what I like, what I don't like, what I'll tell
her, what I won't. But there but but there was
still room to add to that. I was still at the very brink of
figuring it all out, the very beginning.

(36:14):
So there were still boundaries that hadn't been set.
There are still red flags that hadn't been, you know, seen and
dealt with. So even still, I was still
trying to figure it out, but I had at least decided at this
time that I wanted to respect myself more, try to be more

(36:40):
assertive because I never used to stand up to, I never used to
stand up for myself. Like it took me a very long time
to find my voice in a relationship.
If I wasn't OK with something orI didn't like something or
something hurt my feelings or something hurt me or something
make me mad. Earlier relationships, like

(37:02):
19/20/21, I hadn't found my voice yet.
You know, like I And then when you start to find your voice and
you're with someone, that just kind of silences you again and
then you don't have a voice evenlonger.
So that was kind of me. So I hadn't gotten to that place
at that time to feel confident enough of telling a person how I

(37:28):
felt. And I also was met with in some
in some relationships where if Itried to convey that I was
upset, they would in turn get mad at me for being upset.
And so then expressing feelings didn't feel like a safe space.

(37:48):
It wasn't until getting with Tiger that I didn't have to go
hold on where I didn't have to go.
It hurt my feelings when you did, you know, And brace for the
person's raft. Tiger was the first person where
he was like. Oh.
I didn't realize, I'm so sorry. You know I'm so.

(38:11):
Sorry, I'm so sorry that made you.
I'm, I'm sorry, like I didn't, Ididn't mean to do that.
And I was like. What 'cause I was not used to
that. So umm, so 2324 year old
Mercedes. She had also decided, besides

(38:35):
trying to be more assertive, seta little bit more boundaries for
herself. Umm, she had also decided I'm
not going to give it up on the first date because earlier me
fell for like any old thing, youknow?

(38:57):
Oh. You know, just whatever excuse
that men and my men that I had experienced had come what, come
up with whatever ridiculous excuse to convince me to sleep
with them. And I didn't know any better.
So I went along with it like even if in my mind it was kind
of like, no, I don't think you're ready for this or no.

(39:20):
So, but I didn't, I don't know, not I don't know.
Again, that went back to me not really knowing my own voice and
finding my own voice yet, you know?
And so I kind of got the wake upcall with that one.

(39:41):
So this was actually so obviously these are all before
Tiger. So I had had a few dates while I
worked at that smart style off of 3500 S We were right near
some truck stop places like likeCR England and stuff like that.
So there were a lot of truckers from out of state.

(40:05):
A lot of them were from like theSouth, Atlanta and Mississippi
and Tennessee and stuff. And I'm the first thing they see
when they walk in because the smart style is in front of
Walmart. So they would see me.
Obviously, like, I'm black, they're black and they're in
Utah, you know, and they're fromthe South.

(40:27):
And like me coming from California, they were used to
being surrounded around minorities.
And so to be in Utah for howeverlong we've been in Utah, they've
kind of stuck out because of themajor, the, the, you know, the
majority population in Utah, if you understand where I'm getting
at. So they would see me and be

(40:48):
like, Oh my gosh, another black person.
And every day, every single day.It got to the point where I
would have to go hide and my Co workers have to be like
Mercedes, not here because they were usuals that started coming
in every month. And they knew where I worked by
this point, and they'd all come to talk to me.
There were a few that just kept coming back every single month.

(41:09):
Can I take you on a date? Can I take you on a date?
Can I take you on a date? No.
No, thank you. No, I'm not interested.
I think I even started lying that I had a boyfriend.
I don't know, but there was one.There was one after months of
this that he was just like, whenI come back, I'm going to try

(41:29):
again. He came back and he was very
cute. He was, he was very charming,
which apparently like I'm a fucking idiot for charm.
I just, I just fucking melt. I guess.
I don't, I lose all, you know, inhibition and everything.

(41:53):
Not the other ones weren't trying to be charming, but I was
just like, no, I don't know. There was something different
about him. Can't even remember his name now
that's fine, it was a zillion years ago.
But I love when I can forget thename of men that I once had a
thing for. It makes me feel so
accomplished. Like so accomplished when I
can't. If they come to my mind and I'm

(42:15):
like what the fuck was that fool's name?
And I can't, I feel so accomplished.
And I also do this thing where if it hasn't been that long and
I still remember their name and they have the audacity to come
up to me and try and talk to me,I will pretend.
I will pretend like I've never seen them in my life.

(42:37):
Dead ass. Dead ass.
They will be like you, Mercedes.You know me.
Like don't. Don't you remember?
Like Jamal? No, I'm sorry.
Like dead ass, serious face. Even if I do remember you, even
if, even if I do remember the disrespect and the little bit of

(43:03):
my life that you wasted, even ifI do remember dead ass in your
face, I'm going to have you walking away looking stupid
because you're going to be like wow, wow, wow.
I meant that little to you that you don't remember who I am.
I will have you walking away thinking that dead ass.

(43:27):
I swear I will. I've done it and I get major
satisfaction from that too. Like I've literally have had
dudes. Like I remember I was working in
Old Navy in California before I moved to Utah.
Or no, I don't know I had. Moved When did I?
Yeah, I graduated early from high school, moved back to
California. I worked at a Old Navy and I had

(43:51):
dated this fool in high school for like 2 seconds.
And he stood there with me in the Old Navy jeans section
because he seen me at my job. Mercedes, come on, I know you
weren't. No, I'm sorry.
I I don't like I'm I'm. Working like can you go?

(44:11):
And they're just like, try it, try it, try it.
If there is somebody in your life that did some damage, that
fucking hurts you and years havegone by and they have the
audacity. To try to.
Approach you and all your goddess glory, all your

(44:35):
amazingness, all your shine. You have healed and moved on
from them. Do it.
Do it like straight face, legit full on poker face.
You can with practice you can make them believe that you do

(44:55):
not remember who the fuck they are.
They've never come into, you've never met them ever, ever.
Like they are sorely mistaken. Sorely.
I promise you to someone in yourlife, because I have
successfully done it at least 3-4 times in my life to guys

(45:16):
that I have dated that thought that it was OK for them to
breach my aura. I don't know where I learned it,
why I did it. I think it was an anxiety thing
initially because I'm like oh shit, why is he walking up to

(45:36):
me? Oh my God, Oh my God, what do I
say? What do I say?
Why is this person walking up tome?
So I don't know if it was like afight or flight thing, I don't
know. But I would just be like, I
would just go into like, no, I don't remember you.
I'm sorry. I don't.
And yeah, I don't know. It's one of the most brilliant

(45:58):
thing I've ever done, really. Like, just thinking about that.
Like, girl, you are brilliant. Yeah, I don't know.
But like I said, it could have started out as an anxiety thing.
Who the fuck knows? Anyways, I don't even remember.
But yes, OK so man worked at I think he worked for CR England.

(46:21):
He eventually gets the green light to take me on a date.
I didn't want to have sex with him.
I was trying to stick to my ruleof not hooking up on the first
date. Yep.
But this was so many years ago Idon't remember how he was able
to somehow get to the point thatI want to get to.

(46:43):
I'm not saying that it wasn't consensual.
I'm saying that it was consensual with my words, but in
the core of my being, in my soul, in my mind, in my heart, I
was like, I think I actually started crying.
Not because he was doing anything wrong, because he was
hurting me or it was against my consent.

(47:06):
I'm just saying I was crying formyself because I was so
disappointed because I had made this rule for myself.
I wanted to respect myself more.I wanted to make men respect me
more. I was like, you are.
No, you are not. I don't.
Doesn't matter what they say, I don't give.
A fuck if he's. Whispering in your ear, you are

(47:27):
so beautiful. Oh I've been dreaming about
this. I don't give a fuck if you made
that promise to yourself. I am not hooking up on 1st dates
anymore. You got a hold to that.
You got a hold to that. If you decide that you don't
want to have that rule anymore, that's fine.
That's totally fine. I'm just saying that if you had

(47:51):
set certain precedents, certain boundaries for yourself going
into your new season of dating and you don't hold to those
boundaries, to those rules that you set for yourself, you may
feel awful after. That's all I'm saying because I
did, I mean, I continued to likedate him for like a month until
I, you know, found an extra phone in his truck one day and,

(48:16):
you know, found out he wasn't just talking to me.
That was done because that was afirm boundary of mine, a very
firm boundary of mine. I've, I'm not, I've never been
a, I'm OK with sharing a human being person ever.
If there are people that are like that, that's wonderful, but

(48:38):
that's it's not me. I've never I'm very like a one
person woman. If you are my boyfriend, you are
only my boyfriend. If you were my girlfriend, you
were only my girlfriend. Unless we've created a different
arrangement, I am usually A1 whoever I'm dating type person.

(49:02):
There isn't like there's no there's nobody on the side, OK,
Like I've always been like a I'mnot sharing you.
I don't get jealous, but I do get possessive.
I don't get jealous. Who the fuck do I need to be
jealous of? Everybody should have that
mindset for themselves. Who the fuck do I need to be
jealous of? You don't need to be jealous of
nobody, OK? Like you are the biggest damn

(49:27):
deal. OK, so possessiveness, yes, I've
always struggled with that. I have, I even, I even can be
possessive over my friends. It's, it's something that I've
worked on over the years though,you know, so everybody can't
just belong to me. So.
But yes, I struggled with that for a lot of years.

(49:48):
I was possessive over my friendspossessive over or not even Did
I say possessive? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
no, no. That was not the word that I
meant. I'm sorry.
That was not the territorial. Territorial.
Forget get possessiveness out ofyour out of your head.
I've never been possessive. No, no, no, no, no, no, sorry.

(50:08):
Territorial. Territorial.
Never been jealous. But I am territorial Absolutely,
absolutely like this is mine. Stay away from mine.
So I, I, I have been that, but not jealous, not possessive.
Anyways, so yeah, I remember from that experience, initially,

(50:31):
the first time I hooked up with this person, it was not
enjoyable. It was not memorable by any
means, not for the right reasons.
And yeah, I went in the house feeling awful because I did not
hold to this rule that I had setfor myself.
Yeah. So, but I think that's all the

(50:54):
advice 'cause I feel like I feelthe the early 20s version of me
slowly, like leaving my body. Like, OK, you got that message
out. So.
But to sum that up, 'cause we'realready at 51 minutes.
Respect yourself. Make sure the person that you

(51:18):
are, you know, kicking it with respects you too, has the utmost
respect for you. What you put out is what you
will get back. If you expect things from a low

(51:39):
vibrational place, you're going to get back low vibrational
people in your life low vibrational situations.
But if you are coming from a high vibrational spot place of
you expect the very best quality, like high quality,

(52:01):
respect, consideration, all of that, you will get the most
highest of frequency high energythat you know back high
vibrational, you know what I mean?
So if you respect that living shit out of yourself, you're not

(52:25):
going to accept anybody that treats you less than if you get
up every day pissing at excellence thinking that you are
a big damn deal. And I'm not saying this an
artistic narcissistic way. If you just you know who you
are, you exude self love, you'regoing to attract everybody else

(52:51):
that also exudes self love and is available to give love and
highly respects himself. Also thinks they're a big damn
deal. There's nothing wrong with
thinking you're a big damn deal.There's nothing wrong with
having an abundance amount unconditional, you know, you
know, unending amount of self love for yourself and thinking

(53:16):
very highly of yourself with so much love.
There's nothing wrong with that because you're like Chelsea and
I talked about in a couple episodes back and like I stated
before, you're stuck with yourself forever, forever.
So. Fuck yeah.

(53:38):
You better think highly of yourself and love yourself very
much and just know how wonderfulyou are and that you only expect
other people to treat you wonderfully as well.
And you're also exuding that andtreating people wonderful as
well and being, you know, the best person you can be.

(54:04):
So yeah. But yeah, I just, I felt like I
needed to, like there was an audience that just needed some
of this. I mean, I'll do more episodes
like this sober so I can flick, I can give better information.
I know I've been out of the dating game for a while.
I had to try and channel that not married woman energy and

(54:27):
just kind of try and put myself back into that place of when I
was single and I was trying to navigate it and trying to learn
that it's OK to have boundaries.It's OK to say no, it's OK to
use your voice and it's OK to walk away from red flags.
You know, don't chase anybody, don't chase anybody.

(54:50):
If this person can't give you simple communication, can't
follow up, follow through with commitments, and you know their
word means shit, keep it moving.Like the person meant for you is
not going to waste your time. The person meant for you is not

(55:11):
going to leave you hurt, confused, wondering this
spiraling, overthinking, you know.
And if and if you do happen to just be a person that naturally
overthinks and you bring that information to them, they will
make sure. To.
Ease your anxiety, they will make sure to ease your
overthinking mind. They will be your anchor that

(55:34):
pulls you down from your spiral.You know they will tell you and
show you that they like you, love you, want to be with you.
They'll they'll leave no room for for guess guesswork.
OK, like from my experience, they won't leave room for
guesswork. You know, Tiger has always been
a man that says what he means and does what he says.

(55:57):
And that's what I think people that are your person, they will
present, they will exude that they will present that way.
That will that will be part of their core values is that, you
know, they're honorable. They'll say what they mean,
they'll do what they say. They, they won't leave you

(56:21):
confused, hurt, sad, trying to figure out what they're
thinking. You know, even if they're not
the best with words, if they cantell that you're hurt, confused,
overthinking, they will do what they can to clear that up.
Because if they really care and love you, they're not going to

(56:43):
want to see you hurt, sad, upset, anything like that.
OK. So but we we can expand on this
in later episodes. I feel like I even want to have
like a couple of of my female friends so we can all kind of
expand on this a little bit and give our own kind of what we
learned from when we were singlejust to kind of help anybody out

(57:06):
that's trying to navigate that. And I would even like some men's
perspective. So we'll do that later.
But quickly, I don't think I know what my love language is.
I don't think I know. And that's not Tiger's fault.
I just don't think I know because I was looking at it.

(57:27):
So the five love languages, actsof service, quality time, words
of affirmation, receiving gifts and physical touch.
Yeah. Like I I really can't say.
Like, I mean, these are all nice, but I really can't say

(57:49):
which one is actually me becausedo I like the tiger does nice
things for me or it's or remembers things that I forgot
or, you know, just, you know, ifI need my car washed, she just
goes and does it. If if you know he would used to
always take my car and put gas in it, you know, I don't know.

(58:13):
I could say quality time, but then there's times where I want
to be left the fuck alone. So can quality time still be
your major love languages of a lot of the time you want to be
left the fuck alone? Because.
I don't know, I feel like wouldn't that mean that you love
quality time all the time? Because like, Tiger likes to be

(58:34):
up under me 24/7. He likes to have me around all
the time. I don't even think that man
knows what alone time is becausehe always wants to be where I
am. And if and if he wants to do
alone time, he wants me to be with him while he does his alone
time. So if he this is his game room,
so if he is in here playing a game, he expects me to be in

(58:57):
here too. Like not I need some me time.
I'm going to go game for a little bit.
No, I'm going to go game and I would like you to be in here
with me. He won't.
He doesn't even want me to even be on my phone.
He wants me to be laid up next to him while he plays his game.
He wants me to watch him and be engaged while he plays his game.
That's fine. I don't mind doing that a lot of

(59:20):
more. More often than not I'm playing
the game with him. But if I'm not in the mood to
play a game, he wants me to be right next to him.
He doesn't want to just be alonedoing something.
Me. I need my alone time.

(59:41):
I need my space. I need to be able to be by
myself. So I don't know if quality time
is my love language. Like do I like quality time?
Yes. But I also need time to
decompress and be by myself. Sometimes I don't mind if I'm
decompressing and he's sitting next to me quietly, like we're
having quality time but it's silent.

(01:00:04):
But then there are times where Ireally just want to be by my
damn self. I want to be laying in bed
watching a comfort show by myself.
I want to go for a walk by myself.
I want to listen to music and just escape from the world for a
little bit by myself. He will want to do all those
things, but he wants to do them with me.

(01:00:26):
So if he's listening to his audio book, he wants to take a
headphone and give me the other one so I can listen to it with
him even if I'm not interested in and reading his fucking
anime. One man, six women who all want
to fuck him all the time book. But that would that what I

(01:00:47):
always forget what that kind of anime is called, where it's
always just one one man harem orsomething.
One man and there's like six women and.
Clearly. It's a male fantasy, OK, He, he
likes that kind of anime. And and so, you know, it's just,
it's not, it's like he's a demonSlayer and these girls are like
he's a master of some kind. And these girls are whatever,

(01:01:10):
doesn't matter, whatever it is, he wants me to do it with him.
Words of affirmation. I don't really need somebody
else to give me words of information.
I affirm myself. So I don't think that's me.
I mean, do I like being told nice things and that I love you
and I'll sure, but I can do thatto myself.

(01:01:33):
So receiving gifts? No, because I can buy myself
shit. See.
See why this is a problem for me?
I don't think I have a love language because I'm like, I can
do that myself. I can do that myself.
I like being left the hell alone.
Physical touch. Again, I don't always want to be
touched. Sometimes I want to be left the

(01:01:55):
fuck alone. That goes hand in hand, do I?
Yeah, I don't know. Because there will be times
where I'll get sick and tired ofTiger smacking my ass and he's
like, he's been told stop 50 times in one day, so he's like,
damn, OK, I guess I'll stop. And then as soon as I realize he

(01:02:17):
stopped, I'm like, why'd you stop smacking my ass?
I feel like I heard a whole bunch of women be like, I do
that too. Maybe.
I don't know, 'cause like if I'm, if it's that time of the

(01:02:39):
month or I'm just overstimulated, I'm like, don't
touch me. Yeah, I don't know.
I don't even know. I mean, I guess we can put in
order of most to least. Oh, I guess quality time would

(01:02:59):
have to be first because I, I dolike when we spend time together
because yeah, yeah, I guess it would have to be quality time
because even though I do need myalone time and he's gotten
better about giving me the spaceto have that and him not get his
feelings hurt by it. Yeah, I do like when we do stuff

(01:03:20):
together. So I guess I would say quality
time would be yeah, yeah, cuz I love to spend time with people
that I care about. So yeah, I guess, yeah, I guess
it would be quality time. Acts of Service would probably

(01:03:41):
be second for me. Words of affirmation or wait, no
physical touch, 3rd words of affirmation and then receiving
gifts last I guess so I don't know this doesn't even though
I'm saying all this, it doesn't feel authentic in my soul.

(01:04:07):
So I'm still, I feel like I'm still sitting here, like I
don't, I don't know what my lovelanguage is.
I don't know, maybe I need to sit with that a little longer.
That's so weird. You know, like been with Tiger
as long as I have been. And I'm like.
Yeah, I don't know. I really don't know.
I do know that it is important to show.

(01:04:32):
So when it comes to love languages with you and your
partner, you're not supposed to be expressing your preferred
love language. You're not supposed to be
expressing and displaying that towards your spouse.
You're supposed to be communicating their love
language to them. You're not supposed to like if

(01:04:54):
your spouse is big on physical touch, but your love language is
receiving gifts. So you're just constantly buying
your spouse, throwing gifts at them when that's not their love
language. They may not receive that well,
or they may be like, thank you, but deep down they're like, I

(01:05:15):
don't even care about gifts. That's your thing.
I just want you to touch me. So I mean, I guess it's a really
good conversation to have with whoever you're with.
It is 8:08 PM, so Tiger will be home any second.
So I think I'll have to ask him.If I had to guess, I would say
his was definitely quality time and physical touch.

(01:05:38):
He doesn't care about gifts. So for example, for us, if I was
just constantly buying him stuffand that's not his love
language, you're basically speaking the incorrect language
to each other because you're being like, well, my love

(01:05:58):
language is receiving gifts, so I'm going to give you gifts.
That's not how it works, no. So I hope that makes sense.
So if they, if they like qualitytime, you give them quality
time. If you like to receive gifts,
make sure it's communicated to them so they know.

(01:06:21):
So yeah, that kind of popped into my head, but I'm I'm going
to I'm going to sit on that a while longer because I am really
not sure which one mine is and I'm going to ask Tiger what his
is. This is so weird being together.
As long as we've been together, I think I know which ones his
are, but I would still like to hear from him and then I'll let
y'all know. So I'm going to leave it here.

(01:06:42):
I'm a little frustrated that I let it go this long of all my
rambling. But, you know, I appreciate you
guys that show up for it, and I hope that what I had to say
today made sense despite, you know, me being a little lit on a
Friday. I hope that it resonated.
You got something from it. You understood what I was saying

(01:07:04):
despite all my rambling. But you know what?
This made me feel better becauseI did come into this room a
little on edge today just from kind of trying to get myself to
not have a panic attack on the ride home.
Just a lot of, I guess I'm just a little overly stressed and

(01:07:25):
when it comes to my kids, it's even worse.
But OK. So I'm going to leave it here.
Thank you for listening. I'm sorry this one was a little
bit longer. I have appreciated the positive
feedback. People tagging me in their post
letting me know, you know how mypodcast, you know, has, you

(01:07:50):
know, been resonating with them,helping them.
They relate to it. I've been enriching.
It's you feel less alone. I I love getting those messages.
I love that kind of feedback. Keep sharing with me.
Keep, keep, you know, you know, telling me and expressing to me,

(01:08:16):
you know, what the things I talkabout may have brought up for
you and how you relate and, or how it helps.
Like I, I love to hear it. I love to hear it.
And you know, the, the feedback I've gotten about trying to get
Tiger on the podcast for his perspective, I'm still working
on that too. He will, he will.

(01:08:37):
He likes to tell me no, but he always ends up doing everything
I ask, everything I ask. So he likes to say no, to still
feel like he has. I don't know, some I don't know,
just, I don't know. But he never means it.
He he, he tells me no. I guess the kind of feel like he

(01:08:58):
still has some sense of power. I don't know.
I don't know, I don't know, but he always he he always does
anything I ask. Like no, it's never actually no,
I always get what I want. So I'm very well, I'm very well
spoiled. So and that's, I think that also

(01:09:19):
just helps me have, you know, tothink more wonderful of myself
because I have someone that makes me feel wonderful, not
that I need him to do that. And you shouldn't need anybody
to make you feel wonderful. It's all about self love.
It's all about inner self. You are supposed to make

(01:09:42):
yourself feel amazing and loved and, you know, make yourself
feel wonderful and just at the highest frequency.
Hey. Hey, are you owned by Sheriff?
I am. What's up?
Do you want me to sling? Do you want me to sling by with

(01:10:03):
that? Sorry it took me.
So long we're getting the kids off.
We just barely touched. Oh, no, you're OK.
I'm just finishing up a podcast episode.
I'm about to be done. What time do you think you'll be
here? OK.

(01:10:27):
I love you, you're so cute. OK.
I'll OK, I love you. I'll see you in 5-10 minutes.
OK. I love you.
Bye. I love my people.

(01:10:48):
That's my podcast. I can answer the phone if I
want. But yeah, my point is you
shouldn't be depending on somebody else.
I forgot to text Tiger you he just.
Wanted to make sure I got home OK.
You shouldn't be dependent on someone else to make you feel

(01:11:09):
like you're a big damn deal. Like you're amazing.
Like you need to already know that.
Does it feel amazing when other people also see that you're
amazing? Absolutely.
But it starts with you. It starts with you already
knowing that you are a big damn deal, that you are amazing.
So then you don't require other people to tell you you're
amazing because you already fucking know you're amazing.

(01:11:30):
Do you understand what I'm saying?
So yeah, even though he helped me build certain aspects of
myself esteem just by how how amazing he treated me, I still
had to build myself up. But anyways, be fucking kind.

(01:11:52):
Be fucking kind. Like I say, like I've been
saying in the past several episodes, this is going to be my
sign off message. You do not know what people are
going through. You don't, you don't, You don't.
Before I turned on this camera, I thought I was going to have a
panic attack. OK, so you don't, you don't know

(01:12:13):
what people are going through. Just be kind.
Just be kind. It's literally the easiest thing
ever. Easiest thing ever.
The world needs more of it loveness.
Loveness. Love, kindness, just be kind.
So I love you all. Thanks for tuning in to another

(01:12:34):
episode of Play Through Dick NotMe, and I will see you in the
next one. Bye.