March 24, 2023 • 8 mins
This episode covers :
- What does a healthy material boundary look like?
- How to prepare your kids for sharing toys before the playdate?
- What's your material boundary (do you have to buy everything for your child?
- Do you must share your belongings (let's say, smartphone) with your kids?
- What does material boundary violation look like?
Some food for thought:
- To whom do you feel comfortable borrowing things?
- For how long do you want to share those assets?
- How do you expect to have that back (clean? organized?)
- How do you encourage your kids to set their material boundaries?
Before you mentor your kids around time boundaries, do you need help clarifying what's your time boundaries?
Book your free 30 min session with me or leave a message.
I am here to listen and help you come up with a schedule that fits your need and will support your parenting journey!
Episodes mentioned:
- #21 Five Ways To Prevent Tech Tantrums And Develop Healthy Screen Habits! With Jennifer Strube Bochsler
- #26 Time boundaries for parents and kids
As a certified parent coach, I aim to help you set boundaries with compassion.
So grab your FREE Compassionate Parenting Guides now!
You can also:
- Join an ONLINE workshop
- Contact me
- Follow me on Instagram, Facebook, YouTube, and LinkedIn
- Learn how I can help you.
Remember to treat yourself and your children with compassion and curiosity. 🫶
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:01):
Hey.
And welcome to theplayground talks podcast.
I am Tammy Your host.
And today we'll continuetalking about boundaries.
So just as a quick reminder,Boundaries is all about
setting the expectation ofour needs and our wants.
(00:21):
Or as a parent it's too.
Encourage your kids to speakup and set their own burners
what their own needs and want.
And we started diving intothe six type of boundaries.
And if you haven't gotten thechance to listen to the first.
Discussion around time boundary.
I highly recommend.
To check episode number26 so today we'll talk
(00:44):
about material boundaries.
It's a nice one.
And I'm saying it because Iremember always thinking about.
Materials when I roll up,it's something that we just
must share all the time.
Like once I hit a snack,I just have to give it
to everyone around me.
Or if I'm having this toythat I just got from my
(01:05):
birthday, then it's obviousthat I need to share it.
You know, even with my siblings.
. So I want to startby asking you.
When you think about,let's say your car.
Would you loan yourcar to a friend?
Like, would you give it toevery single friend of yours?
(01:27):
Would you give it to.
The whole weekend orjust a couple of hours.
And what about your house?
If your spouse would come andsay, Hey, you know, we have
these slung tree power bout.
, swapping houses.
Which do that.
So, I guess some of you sayyes, of course I don't care.
And.
I've done this.
(01:48):
Lecture aboutsetting boundaries.
And most people.
Are saying no.
Like a big no-no.
When it comes to the house.
And when it comes to sentimentalthings such as my marriage
ring and stuff like that, we'renot willing To share that.
So when it comes to ourkids, Every item that they
(02:10):
have, like toys, closing.
You know, their Teddy bear,whatever they may have.
It's important to realizethat we need to help them set
their material boundaries.
. So healthy.
Material ground hers isunderstanding what you can,
what you cannot share and how.
(02:30):
You expect to.
Get these materials.
These assets back to you, howdo you want to be treated?
For how long do you want themto borrow whatever it is.
So let's dive in.
Some example of how toset material boundaries.
Are.
For example.
Your child is having thistrain in his hand and his
(02:52):
friend is coming over and say,Hey, I want to play with it.
And so the kid couldsay, well, you know what?
This is like the most precioustoy precious strain to me, and
I'm not willing to share it.
And if he saysthat that's okay.
I know that.
We tend to say a lotsharing is caring.
(03:15):
But as you already understand,Even as told or not
willing to share with us.
So here I want to.
Embrace Renee brown.
And she says clear is kind.
So for example, yourchild could say.
I would love foryou to try my toy.
Let's swap toys or.
Yeah, you can have my toy,but I want it back when I'm
(03:37):
coming back from the restroom.
So let's have like fiveminutes of sharing time.
The other thing is.
Your boundaries as a parent,for example, my smartphone.
It's not a toy.
the episode, we talkedabout screen time.
And I actuallyembraced that phrase.
From And ever since then, I.
Decided that mysmartphone is not a toy.
(03:57):
It's my tool.
And therefore, I am not sharingmy smartphone with my kids.
And it took a while.
You know, there was someresistance and some, whining
about, no, I want to phonejust to look at the picture.
And I was like,but you know what?
That's something thatmommy needs to have
some phone call with.
I'm looking at my emails.
I need to respond to someclients and If you want to play
(04:21):
with a toy, you can have a toy.
And if you want.
To look at the picture.
You can use your iPad andsee what picture you took.
So setting boundaries,it's not only encouraging.
Your key to set their own.
Boundary, but alsomodeling for them.
How do you assertively?
And nicely and respectfully set.
Your own boundary.
(04:41):
Another example, is itparent, could it be.
If you go to the store andthere's so many toys around
and your kids are saying,yeah, well these toys and
these toys, and also this one,then this is your place as a.
Apparent.
To say.
You know what you getto choose one toy.
You know,As a parent, that's your
material boundary, you knowhow much you want to spend.
(05:06):
All in the toy and you canshare that with the child.
Not a week and like PD.
Stand up point,but actually form.
Em, empowering pointto say, you know what?
We have the money.
And we choose to spend themoney on whatever you do.
Like, I don't know if acation afternoon classes.
(05:27):
Or.
restaurant, like whatever yourfamily opt to, and that's where
you want to spend the money on.
So you just.
Share it with your kidsand say, that's where
we spend the money.
And today , you canchoose only one toy.
The other thing that I wantto touch is some example of
material boundaries violation.
(05:47):
So that happens if you wereyour child board, this toilet.
And you've got it big.
Destroyed.
Or you never got it back.
Or there's this friendwho always borrow.
At toy, but he does it forso long and so frequently.
So , it's totally fine.
To teach your child to say.
(06:09):
You know what.
I give you the toy last time.
And I ask you.
To bring it back after a day.
Any, hold it for longer.
So today.
I'm not willing toshare it with you.
And also another thing isbefore you give the toy.
You can always talk about.
The specific, like for how longdo you want to give it and how
(06:30):
do you want to get it back?
So last thing I wantto attach is playdate.
When you bring peopleover to your place and
again, There is some.
Decree of expectation thateverything in the house and
in the room will be shared.
And the truth is, is not.
If someone is coming over tomy place, there could be some
(06:50):
rooms, you know, my officethat I'm not willing to have
someone getting in there.
So same with the toys.
It's okay.
Before the play dateto ask your children.
Is there anything thatyou're not willing to
share with the friend?
And if they say, you know,these precious Lego I just
got for my birthday, that'ssomething that I'm not willing
(07:11):
to share with my friend.
Then you can say, okay, ourrespect that let's put it away.
So there will be no temptationfor difference to play with it.
And so we put away some stuffthat we're not willing to share.
And we can also talk about,so what are the things that
you you would love to showwith your friends and, you
know, just grab the attentionFrom the beginning to those
(07:33):
things that your child is.
Really up to.
I have someone excitedwith him and play with him.
So Again, material boundary is.
Not about sharing is caring,but it's about clear, ease
kind is brunette brown said.
So whenever you or your child.
Is asked to share somethingor you're asking someone else,
(07:55):
just be sure, you know, what isit that you're asking for for
how long do you want to have itAnd how do you expect.
The thing.
When you get it back.
I hope it was helpful for you.
I would love tohear your comment.
So feel free to reach out to me.
Through Instagram.
Or through my website, whichis wanting that boost.com.
(08:18):
So it's B O N D I N G.
B O O S t.com.
Bonding boost.
And I hope you willhave a great weekend.
Bye.
Hey.
And welcome to theplayground talks podcast.
I am Tammy Your host.
And today we'll continuetalking about boundaries.
So just as a quick reminder,Boundaries is all about
setting the expectation ofour needs and our wants.
(00:21):
Or as a parent it's too.
Encourage your kids to speakup and set their own burners
what their own needs and want.
And we started diving intothe six type of boundaries.
And if you haven't gotten thechance to listen to the first.
Discussion around time boundary.
I highly recommend.
To check episode number26 so today we'll talk
(00:44):
about material boundaries.
It's a nice one.
And I'm saying it because Iremember always thinking about.
Materials when I roll up,it's something that we just
must share all the time.
Like once I hit a snack,I just have to give it
to everyone around me.
Or if I'm having this toythat I just got from my
(01:05):
birthday, then it's obviousthat I need to share it.
You know, even with my siblings.
. So I want to startby asking you.
When you think about,let's say your car.
Would you loan yourcar to a friend?
Like, would you give it toevery single friend of yours?
(01:27):
Would you give it to.
The whole weekend orjust a couple of hours.
And what about your house?
If your spouse would come andsay, Hey, you know, we have
these slung tree power bout.
, swapping houses.
Which do that.
So, I guess some of you sayyes, of course I don't care.
And.
I've done this.
(01:48):
Lecture aboutsetting boundaries.
And most people.
Are saying no.
Like a big no-no.
When it comes to the house.
And when it comes to sentimentalthings such as my marriage
ring and stuff like that, we'renot willing To share that.
So when it comes to ourkids, Every item that they
(02:10):
have, like toys, closing.
You know, their Teddy bear,whatever they may have.
It's important to realizethat we need to help them set
their material boundaries.
. So healthy.
Material ground hers isunderstanding what you can,
what you cannot share and how.
(02:30):
You expect to.
Get these materials.
These assets back to you, howdo you want to be treated?
For how long do you want themto borrow whatever it is.
So let's dive in.
Some example of how toset material boundaries.
Are.
For example.
Your child is having thistrain in his hand and his
(02:52):
friend is coming over and say,Hey, I want to play with it.
And so the kid couldsay, well, you know what?
This is like the most precioustoy precious strain to me, and
I'm not willing to share it.
And if he saysthat that's okay.
I know that.
We tend to say a lotsharing is caring.
(03:15):
But as you already understand,Even as told or not
willing to share with us.
So here I want to.
Embrace Renee brown.
And she says clear is kind.
So for example, yourchild could say.
I would love foryou to try my toy.
Let's swap toys or.
Yeah, you can have my toy,but I want it back when I'm
(03:37):
coming back from the restroom.
So let's have like fiveminutes of sharing time.
The other thing is.
Your boundaries as a parent,for example, my smartphone.
It's not a toy.
the episode, we talkedabout screen time.
And I actuallyembraced that phrase.
From And ever since then, I.
Decided that mysmartphone is not a toy.
(03:57):
It's my tool.
And therefore, I am not sharingmy smartphone with my kids.
And it took a while.
You know, there was someresistance and some, whining
about, no, I want to phonejust to look at the picture.
And I was like,but you know what?
That's something thatmommy needs to have
some phone call with.
I'm looking at my emails.
I need to respond to someclients and If you want to play
(04:21):
with a toy, you can have a toy.
And if you want.
To look at the picture.
You can use your iPad andsee what picture you took.
So setting boundaries,it's not only encouraging.
Your key to set their own.
Boundary, but alsomodeling for them.
How do you assertively?
And nicely and respectfully set.
Your own boundary.
(04:41):
Another example, is itparent, could it be.
If you go to the store andthere's so many toys around
and your kids are saying,yeah, well these toys and
these toys, and also this one,then this is your place as a.
Apparent.
To say.
You know what you getto choose one toy.
You know,As a parent, that's your
material boundary, you knowhow much you want to spend.
(05:06):
All in the toy and you canshare that with the child.
Not a week and like PD.
Stand up point,but actually form.
Em, empowering pointto say, you know what?
We have the money.
And we choose to spend themoney on whatever you do.
Like, I don't know if acation afternoon classes.
(05:27):
Or.
restaurant, like whatever yourfamily opt to, and that's where
you want to spend the money on.
So you just.
Share it with your kidsand say, that's where
we spend the money.
And today , you canchoose only one toy.
The other thing that I wantto touch is some example of
material boundaries violation.
(05:47):
So that happens if you wereyour child board, this toilet.
And you've got it big.
Destroyed.
Or you never got it back.
Or there's this friendwho always borrow.
At toy, but he does it forso long and so frequently.
So , it's totally fine.
To teach your child to say.
(06:09):
You know what.
I give you the toy last time.
And I ask you.
To bring it back after a day.
Any, hold it for longer.
So today.
I'm not willing toshare it with you.
And also another thing isbefore you give the toy.
You can always talk about.
The specific, like for how longdo you want to give it and how
(06:30):
do you want to get it back?
So last thing I wantto attach is playdate.
When you bring peopleover to your place and
again, There is some.
Decree of expectation thateverything in the house and
in the room will be shared.
And the truth is, is not.
If someone is coming over tomy place, there could be some
(06:50):
rooms, you know, my officethat I'm not willing to have
someone getting in there.
So same with the toys.
It's okay.
Before the play dateto ask your children.
Is there anything thatyou're not willing to
share with the friend?
And if they say, you know,these precious Lego I just
got for my birthday, that'ssomething that I'm not willing
(07:11):
to share with my friend.
Then you can say, okay, ourrespect that let's put it away.
So there will be no temptationfor difference to play with it.
And so we put away some stuffthat we're not willing to share.
And we can also talk about,so what are the things that
you you would love to showwith your friends and, you
know, just grab the attentionFrom the beginning to those
(07:33):
things that your child is.
Really up to.
I have someone excitedwith him and play with him.
So Again, material boundary is.
Not about sharing is caring,but it's about clear, ease
kind is brunette brown said.
So whenever you or your child.
Is asked to share somethingor you're asking someone else,
(07:55):
just be sure, you know, what isit that you're asking for for
how long do you want to have itAnd how do you expect.
The thing.
When you get it back.
I hope it was helpful for you.
I would love tohear your comment.
So feel free to reach out to me.
Through Instagram.
Or through my website, whichis wanting that boost.com.
(08:18):
So it's B O N D I N G.
B O O S t.com.
Bonding boost.
And I hope you willhave a great weekend.
Bye.
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