May 3, 2023 • 8 mins
This episode covers :
- What falls under Physical Boundaries? One private space? Your child's body needs?
- What is your aunty's demand for a kiss from your child on Christmas? How do models consent to your kiddos?
- How to respond when your child wants to eat right when it's bedtime??
Episodes mentioned:
- #11 What's Sex Education For Young Children? With Ruth Dollinger
- #23 "Healthy Eating Habits Is Not About Depriving Food Of Your Child But Rather Educating Your Child" with Karin Adoni
- #26 Time Boundaries For Parents And Kids
As a certified parent coach, I aim to help you set boundaries with compassion.
So grab your FREE Compassionate Parenting Guides now!
You can also:
- Join an ONLINE workshop
- Contact me
- Follow me on Instagram, Facebook, YouTube, and LinkedIn
- Learn how I can help you.
Remember to treat yourself and your children with compassion and curiosity. 🫶
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Tammy Afriat (00:00):
Hey, and welcome back to the
Playground Talks podcast.
I am Tammy Afriat yourhost, and today we keep
talk about boundaries.
So first thing, if you missthe three first episode
around boundaries, time,boundaries, material boundaries
and emotional boundaries,I highly recommend for you
to go and check that out.
Those are short soloepisode where I give
(00:22):
like really specificidea what Barnes are and.
How does healthy boundaries looklike for you and for your child?
And today we'll diveinto physical boundaries.
So when I started diving aboutthis topic, I was surprised
that physical boundaries isnot only about the personal
(00:43):
space, Like your room andyour house, but it's also about
your physical needs, such aswhen and what do you want to
eat and drink and even rest.
It also has some kind of overlapwith sexual boundaries because
physical boundaries also talkabout how you want or your
child want to be touched, so.
(01:06):
We'll cover that as well.
So, the main thing to rememberwhen it comes to help your child
set boundaries around physicalboundaries is to help them and
encourage them to say when theyhungry, when they're thirsty
when they tired, and they needto rest . How they want to be
touched and will now start anddive into specific examples.
(01:28):
So if you have this play datewith other family and you have
such a great time, and thenyour kids comes to you, and
he says, Hey mommy, I'm tired.
And you are like, oh, giveme just two more minutes.
I'm just gonna finish thisconversation at this moment.
It's hard to believe, but ifwe ignore the child expressing
the need to rest and sleepand we just keep talking to
(01:51):
our friends, that's kind of, physical boundary violation,
and I always remember and remindmyself to respect the fact
that the kids asked to go home.
And also to reinforce that,meaning that if I listen to
him and say, okay, let's puta timer, and in like five
minutes we'll wrap it upand go back home, he'll know
(02:12):
that next time he's tired, Iwill listen, we'll go home.
And there is no needfor, you know, tantrums.
Meltdowns , whatever youwanna call it, because he
can simply express his needs.
, another thing is, if the kidsays he's hungry, and in those
cases I know many times thereare some issues around food
because we think it might beattention and other stuff.
(02:35):
So I highly recommend tolisten to the Healthy Heating
Eating Habits episode, and Iwill attach this to the show
note because, Karina Doniactually talked about that, so
go ahead and listen to that.
Anyway, in terms of physicalboundaries, whenever my child
is telling me I'm hungry,Even if I think that he is
not as hungry and it justintention I'm like, okay,
(02:56):
so go grow cucumber or peppers.
So I do address theproblem and I give them
some healthy options.
I also know that sometimesbefore bedtime, all of a
sudden the kid like set 40minutes in front of the food
But when he's in his bed.
And right when I'm saying, okay,time for off the light, he's
like, no, mommy, but I'm hungry.
(03:18):
So again, I'm like, Thinkingto myself, is he really
hungry or is just an attention?
And in those cases, I'malso saying, you know what?
Let's wait for about 15, 20minutes, and if you can fall
asleep because you're sohungry, we'll go grab something.
But many times he confuseshungry with tiredness.
(03:38):
And he really falls asleep.
So this is kind of navigatingthe moment where you're
thinking, is this like areally physical boundary
that I need to address here,or there is something else
that we need to address.
Okay.
Moving on the physicalboundaries in terms of my body.
So, for example, one of my kidsat some point told me, you know
what , I don't like kisses.
(03:59):
I only like hugs.
So I was really happy to hearthat he can express what his
physical boundaries looks like.
So ever since then I said,okay, I'm not gonna kiss you.
Only hugs.
So not only to respectwhatever they say.
but Really encourage yourkids to say, I don't like
(04:20):
to be touched like that.
Or this doesn't feel comfortableto me, I don't like it.
Please stop it.
All those things are theway of your child expressing
physical boundary, and weneed to encourage that.
I also have an episode aroundsexual education for young
kids, and I highly recommendlistening to this episode
(04:42):
because one of the things shesaid and was so powerful she
said, you can start and modelfor your kids how consent look.
Like, for example, if youchange the diaper for your
child, you're gonna say, Hey,I'm going to change the diaper.
Is that okay?
So when you do it overand over again, if someone
else is coming, And doingsomething without the consent,
(05:03):
this will be a red flagfor your child saying, Hey,
something is weird here.
Maybe I shouldn't be here.
so basically this is one ofthe way that we can model for
our children how physicalboundaries looks like.
In terms of room and privatearea, I can tell because I'm
12 years old, so this isa really sensitive topic.
(05:25):
When you just when youjust enter the room
without permission, you'llprobably get yelled.
And you know, in myperspective, that's right, like
their room is their own spaceand I need to get permission
in order to get there.
With the younger kids, when wetalk about, entering the room,
so obviously having the habit ofknocking the door before getting
(05:45):
into restroom and explaining,so this is private area,
that's why we have to knock thedoor before we get in there.
So explain the why behind,why we respect each other.
Physical boundaries.
And model for them how to do it.
And then at first you do itwith them and then as time goes,
(06:05):
just prompt them, Hey, did youremember to knock the door?
Until they get independentand they just know
to knock the door.
There is another thingthat I really like about.
Your own space,which is the bubble.
I don't know if you heard aboutit, but actually when I came to
the US I was surprised that mykids was taught that in school.
And I thought, that's brilliant.
(06:25):
So the kids canspread their hands.
And this is the distant thatthey would want to keep from
other people to respect theirown private space in the room.
And so ever since thenI embraced that term of
saying, Hey, you know what?
I feel like youpopped my bubble.
(06:45):
Can you please step back a bit?
So I just thinkit's a great way to.
Teach kids and make it moretangible for them to understand
what is an acceptabledistance between people and
what it's too intrusive.
When we talk about physicalboundaries, violation, , we
can mention, you know,Christmas or any holiday,
(07:06):
you get to see people and.
They come too close and Forcingthe kids to give kisses and hugs
. So again, I highly recommendlistening to the episode when
we talked about sexual educationfor young kids because she gave
so many great tips of how tohandle it and how to approach
that here when we talk, I justwanna say if the kids is not
(07:28):
willing to give hugs and kisses.
It's okay.
He can wave, he can shake hands.
There are many ways to show yourgratitude of seeing someone.
It doesn't have tobe physical contact.
And so everything thatfalls under doing something,
touching someone withoutconsent, , touching , even if
someone said no, for someoneto keep walk even if they're
(07:52):
tired, not providing food ordrink when someone is hungry.
And entering someone roomwithout permission, all
those falls into physicalboundary violation.
And that's about it for today.
If you was intrigued withanything we said, if you
need and you feel like youwant to dive into that or
(08:14):
address it specifically towhat you are experiencing
with your kids, Please bookyour free call with me.
To see if it's a good fitfor us to work together.
I would love to support youon your journey of being
the parent you want to be.
And so that's it for now.
Treat yourself and your kidswith compassion and curiosity.
(08:38):
See you next time.
Bye.
Hey, and welcome back to the
Playground Talks podcast.
I am Tammy Afriat yourhost, and today we keep
talk about boundaries.
So first thing, if you missthe three first episode
around boundaries, time,boundaries, material boundaries
and emotional boundaries,I highly recommend for you
to go and check that out.
Those are short soloepisode where I give
(00:22):
like really specificidea what Barnes are and.
How does healthy boundaries looklike for you and for your child?
And today we'll diveinto physical boundaries.
So when I started diving aboutthis topic, I was surprised
that physical boundaries isnot only about the personal
(00:43):
space, Like your room andyour house, but it's also about
your physical needs, such aswhen and what do you want to
eat and drink and even rest.
It also has some kind of overlapwith sexual boundaries because
physical boundaries also talkabout how you want or your
child want to be touched, so.
(01:06):
We'll cover that as well.
So, the main thing to rememberwhen it comes to help your child
set boundaries around physicalboundaries is to help them and
encourage them to say when theyhungry, when they're thirsty
when they tired, and they needto rest . How they want to be
touched and will now start anddive into specific examples.
(01:28):
So if you have this play datewith other family and you have
such a great time, and thenyour kids comes to you, and
he says, Hey mommy, I'm tired.
And you are like, oh, giveme just two more minutes.
I'm just gonna finish thisconversation at this moment.
It's hard to believe, but ifwe ignore the child expressing
the need to rest and sleepand we just keep talking to
(01:51):
our friends, that's kind of, physical boundary violation,
and I always remember and remindmyself to respect the fact
that the kids asked to go home.
And also to reinforce that,meaning that if I listen to
him and say, okay, let's puta timer, and in like five
minutes we'll wrap it upand go back home, he'll know
(02:12):
that next time he's tired, Iwill listen, we'll go home.
And there is no needfor, you know, tantrums.
Meltdowns , whatever youwanna call it, because he
can simply express his needs.
, another thing is, if the kidsays he's hungry, and in those
cases I know many times thereare some issues around food
because we think it might beattention and other stuff.
(02:35):
So I highly recommend tolisten to the Healthy Heating
Eating Habits episode, and Iwill attach this to the show
note because, Karina Doniactually talked about that, so
go ahead and listen to that.
Anyway, in terms of physicalboundaries, whenever my child
is telling me I'm hungry,Even if I think that he is
not as hungry and it justintention I'm like, okay,
(02:56):
so go grow cucumber or peppers.
So I do address theproblem and I give them
some healthy options.
I also know that sometimesbefore bedtime, all of a
sudden the kid like set 40minutes in front of the food
But when he's in his bed.
And right when I'm saying, okay,time for off the light, he's
like, no, mommy, but I'm hungry.
(03:18):
So again, I'm like, Thinkingto myself, is he really
hungry or is just an attention?
And in those cases, I'malso saying, you know what?
Let's wait for about 15, 20minutes, and if you can fall
asleep because you're sohungry, we'll go grab something.
But many times he confuseshungry with tiredness.
(03:38):
And he really falls asleep.
So this is kind of navigatingthe moment where you're
thinking, is this like areally physical boundary
that I need to address here,or there is something else
that we need to address.
Okay.
Moving on the physicalboundaries in terms of my body.
So, for example, one of my kidsat some point told me, you know
what , I don't like kisses.
(03:59):
I only like hugs.
So I was really happy to hearthat he can express what his
physical boundaries looks like.
So ever since then I said,okay, I'm not gonna kiss you.
Only hugs.
So not only to respectwhatever they say.
but Really encourage yourkids to say, I don't like
(04:20):
to be touched like that.
Or this doesn't feel comfortableto me, I don't like it.
Please stop it.
All those things are theway of your child expressing
physical boundary, and weneed to encourage that.
I also have an episode aroundsexual education for young
kids, and I highly recommendlistening to this episode
(04:42):
because one of the things shesaid and was so powerful she
said, you can start and modelfor your kids how consent look.
Like, for example, if youchange the diaper for your
child, you're gonna say, Hey,I'm going to change the diaper.
Is that okay?
So when you do it overand over again, if someone
else is coming, And doingsomething without the consent,
(05:03):
this will be a red flagfor your child saying, Hey,
something is weird here.
Maybe I shouldn't be here.
so basically this is one ofthe way that we can model for
our children how physicalboundaries looks like.
In terms of room and privatearea, I can tell because I'm
12 years old, so this isa really sensitive topic.
(05:25):
When you just when youjust enter the room
without permission, you'llprobably get yelled.
And you know, in myperspective, that's right, like
their room is their own spaceand I need to get permission
in order to get there.
With the younger kids, when wetalk about, entering the room,
so obviously having the habit ofknocking the door before getting
(05:45):
into restroom and explaining,so this is private area,
that's why we have to knock thedoor before we get in there.
So explain the why behind,why we respect each other.
Physical boundaries.
And model for them how to do it.
And then at first you do itwith them and then as time goes,
(06:05):
just prompt them, Hey, did youremember to knock the door?
Until they get independentand they just know
to knock the door.
There is another thingthat I really like about.
Your own space,which is the bubble.
I don't know if you heard aboutit, but actually when I came to
the US I was surprised that mykids was taught that in school.
And I thought, that's brilliant.
(06:25):
So the kids canspread their hands.
And this is the distant thatthey would want to keep from
other people to respect theirown private space in the room.
And so ever since thenI embraced that term of
saying, Hey, you know what?
I feel like youpopped my bubble.
(06:45):
Can you please step back a bit?
So I just thinkit's a great way to.
Teach kids and make it moretangible for them to understand
what is an acceptabledistance between people and
what it's too intrusive.
When we talk about physicalboundaries, violation, , we
can mention, you know,Christmas or any holiday,
(07:06):
you get to see people and.
They come too close and Forcingthe kids to give kisses and hugs
. So again, I highly recommendlistening to the episode when
we talked about sexual educationfor young kids because she gave
so many great tips of how tohandle it and how to approach
that here when we talk, I justwanna say if the kids is not
(07:28):
willing to give hugs and kisses.
It's okay.
He can wave, he can shake hands.
There are many ways to show yourgratitude of seeing someone.
It doesn't have tobe physical contact.
And so everything thatfalls under doing something,
touching someone withoutconsent, , touching , even if
someone said no, for someoneto keep walk even if they're
(07:52):
tired, not providing food ordrink when someone is hungry.
And entering someone roomwithout permission, all
those falls into physicalboundary violation.
And that's about it for today.
If you was intrigued withanything we said, if you
need and you feel like youwant to dive into that or
(08:14):
address it specifically towhat you are experiencing
with your kids, Please bookyour free call with me.
To see if it's a good fitfor us to work together.
I would love to support youon your journey of being
the parent you want to be.
And so that's it for now.
Treat yourself and your kidswith compassion and curiosity.
(08:38):
See you next time.
Bye.
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