#30 "Your idea Is Stupid!" / How to set intellectual boundaries?

This episode is not only for kids, but it is also for us, the adults that sometimes unintentionally cross those intellectual boundaries between us...

So tune in and understand what are intellectual boundaries, how to set them, and how to coach your child to respond when it's being violated.

Relevant episodes:

• #26 Time Boundaries For Parents And Kids
• #27 Sharing is caring! Is that so?? What do healthy Material Boundaries look like?
• #28 What healthy emotional boundary look like for you and for your child?
• #29 What are physical boundaries?

As a certified parent coach, I aim to help you set boundaries with compassion.
So grab your FREE Compassionate Parenting Guides now!

You can also:

• Join an ONLINE workshop
• Contact me
• Follow me on Instagram, Facebook, YouTube, and LinkedIn
• Learn how I can help you.

Remember to treat yourself and your children with compassion and curiosity. 🫶

Episode Transcript

Tammy afriat (00:00):
Hey, and welcome back to the
Playground Talks podcast..
My name is Tammy Aatand I am the host of the
Playground Talks podcast.
This podcast is meant to forbusy parents who wants to own
their parenting style, andspecifically those episode is
around, setting boundaries.
And I think this is a hugepiece as a parent that we
have the role of settingboundaries, not only for our

(00:22):
kids, but also to model those.
Healthy boundaries for ourself.
And so today we'll diveinto what are intellectual
boundaries, but if you didn'tget the chance, check out the
last four episode where wetalked about time boundaries.
Material boundaries,physical boundaries, and

(00:43):
emotional boundaries.
Okay, so let's get started.
We talk about everythingthat refer to thought
ideas and curiosity.
That's what intellectualboundaries is all about.
And we includeunder that umbrella.
Respecting other people ideas.
For example, if your kidis drawing something, for

(01:06):
example, if your kid sayssomething and his sibling says,
oh my gosh, that's stupid.
That's totally a violationof intellectual boundaries.
And also intellectual boundariescan be violated when your
thoughts or your kids' thoughtsand curiosity are shut down,
dismissed, or belittled.

(01:27):
So while actually respectfulnessand willingness to dialogue
and understand, Are veryimportant part when we talk
about intellectual boundariesand let's give some examples.
So how.
Health, intellectual boundarieslooks like , I've heard

(01:47):
this a lot, but we'll mentionit let's agree to disagree.
It's a huge thing specifically,you know, sometimes kids
are getting into thislike one say.
Dog is the most importantanimal on earth, and the other
one says, no, it's just cats.
And then they startargue about this.
So for us, it seems so stupid,but it could be that for the

(02:09):
kids, you know, he has a dog andthis pet is just so important to
him and that's why he says that.
So as a parent, it's yourrole to sort of navigate
this discussion and say,it's okay for each and one
of us to think differently.
As long as we don't hurt eachother, of course, anyway.

(02:29):
There are situation whereyour kids might face some
kids at school that mighthave some dismissive behavior.
For example, you could say.
Something about basketball andthis guy will come and say,
oh my gosh, you have no cluewhat you're talking about.
You have no cluewhat the rules are.

(02:51):
Like how could you possiblysay something about that?
Oh, you're talking nonsense.
Or someone says, thisis a stupid idea.
Or something really cynical,such as do you hear yourself?
Or something likethis is not relevant.
Like whatever you raiseup in the topic is just
irrelevant for the discussion.

(03:12):
So all those things is actuallyan examples of this missing
and belittling other personthought or ideas, and so
the first step is to set theboundary and say, I can't
let you talk to me like that.
Please stop, or I don'tfeel comfortable when
you're talking like that.

(03:32):
Let's switch the topic.
Or I see we can't agree whichcolor is the most beautiful one.
So let's talk aboutwhat's your favorite food.
You know, you can alwayshelp your child to move
from one topic to another.
And the most powerfulthing you can advise your
child is just to walk away.

(03:52):
So for example, if it's school,he's facing such a scenario
where he's feeling that he'sbeing belittled or dismissed,
just let your child know andsay, well, if you said please
talk, I don't feel like youtalking like this, and the other
person is not respecting it.
Encourage your childand give him the.
Permission to just walk awayand he can even say, I can't

(04:16):
let you talk to me like that.
So I'm walking away andleave the room or leave
the playgrounds, whateverOf course that as a role
model for our children,it is so important to
model all those things.
You know, when you sit arounddinner table, lunch table,
you know, during the weekendsin the car, whenever we talk

(04:38):
to our children, it is soimportant to make sure we
also follow those healthy.
Intellectual boundaries.
Intellectual boundariesalso goes into ideas.
So if your child is, you know,played the piano and he made
up this piece, he wrote a song.

(04:59):
All those things that comesfrom curiosity and creativity.
If someone is diminishingthose things, that's the place
where you need to help yourchurch to set those boundaries.
And sort of filter thosenegative statement that he gets.
So basically that's about it forintellectual boundaries because

(05:21):
we talk about little kids.
I'm not gonna dive deeperand just summary it up.
So intellectual boundaries hasto do with your kids' thought
ideas, and curiosity and healthyintellectual boundaries is when
there is a mutual, respectfulapproach to one ideas.

(05:45):
And of IntellectualBarnes is when someone
is dismissing belittlingother person's
thoughts and ideas.
Okay, so this is actuallythe last episode around.
The type of boundaries.
And I don't think it's reallymatter what specifically

(06:06):
the type of the boundary is.
The point is, wheneversomeone doesn't feel good
about something, Wheneveryour child is feeling that
one of his boundaries wasviolated, encourage him to
set the boundaries by saying,no, or I don't like it.
I disagree, or I will not, orI choose not to, or please stop

(06:30):
it, or it hurts, or, I don'tlike it when you touch me there.
Stop it.
So all those kind ofsolid statement is a very
important tool for your childto be able to advocate for
himself and protect himself.
And you know, . I wasthinking, this week what's
the difference between protectyourself to defend yourself?

(06:52):
And I think that when youprotect yourself, it's
you do it from a morepowerful state of point.
You set a boundary and yousay, no, that's not acceptable,
versus when you defend yourself.
I'm thinking it's more whenyou already was bullied
and then you are in akind of weaker position.
So my goal as a parent isto give my kids the tool to

(07:15):
advocate for yourself andthe awareness to recognize
those places when thoseboundaries are being violated.
So once again, highlyrecommend go back and listen
to those four episode and.
Let me know what you think.
I would love to hear that.
That's it for today.

(07:36):
, if you want to dive intoshare with me what's going
on for you, I would loveto hear So go ahead and
book your free 30 minutesas always.
Treat yourself and yourkids with compassion
and curiosity by.