#33 How To Parent Without Power-Struggles?

Can you imagine your family free from power struggles?

How can you tell if you are being caught in a power struggle or if you genuinely setting boundaries?

This episode delves into the topic of creating a power struggle-free zone in your home. 
You will hear about three common areas of conflict between kids and parents: food, getting to shower, and screen time. Those examples will help you to understand the underlying reasons behind these boundaries, such as promoting healthy lifestyles and development, so you can effectively communicate to your children why you set those boundaries and what are the expectations from your kid.

Relevant episodes:

• #21 Five Ways To Prevent Tech Tantrums And Develop Healthy Screen Habits!
• #23 "Healthy Eating Habits Is Not About Depriving Food Of Your Child But Rather Educating Your Child" 

As a certified parent coach, I aim to help you set boundaries with compassion.
So grab your FREE Compassionate Parenting Guides now!

You can also:

• Join an ONLINE workshop
• Contact me
• Follow me on Instagram, Facebook, YouTube, and LinkedIn
• Learn how I can help you.

Remember to treat yourself and your children with compassion and curiosity. 🫶

Episode Transcript

Tammy Afriat (00:05):
Hey, and welcome back to the
Playground Talks podcast.
My name is Tammy Aatand I am your host.
I'm a certified parent coach,and a mother of three kiddos,
and I'm here to help youown your parenting style.
You might ask yourself, so whatare the types of parenting style
and what does it even mean?
So last episode, Iactually covered.

(00:27):
That in an episodecalled Roaring with
Compassion, discoveringyour Parenting style.
So , if you haven't tunedinto and listened to that, I
will add that to the shownotes and , I want to share
with you exciting news.
I am starting a new newsletter.
The idea is to keep it in ashort and sweet format, just

(00:47):
like this short episode soin the newsletter, I will
Summer Up topics, importanttopics so you can get your
parenting principles and Andfill confidence and joy
in your parenting journey.
So again, in the show note,you can find the link to
subscribe to the newsletter.

(01:09):
Okay.
Today we'll be talking howto create your home as a
power struggle free zone.
And in other words, it's like,when can you recognize that
You're not setting a boundary,but rather falling into this
power struggle with your kids.
And the main thing to understandthat is to ask yourself,

(01:32):
why do I set this boundary?
What's the value that I'mtrying to enforce here?
if you can.
Answer the question, whydo I set this boundary?
Most likely it's nota power struggle.
It's not that you are expectingyour kids to just comply because
you said so, but you reallyhave a long-term vision or

(01:54):
some value you want to enforce.
So let's take threedifferent example.
We'll start with food.
I know many of us has, youknow, conflict around food.
So the first questionagain, let's ask why do you
want to set the boundary?
There is a greatchance you want to set.
Boundaries around food.
For example, don't eat as manycandies, ice cream and sweet

(02:16):
stuff because you want foryour kids to have a healthy
lifestyles, meaning to havea healthy eating habits.
And that's why it's your roleto set those boundaries and say,
listen, first you're gonna eatyour meal with protein, with
meatballs, rice, vegetables.
Then you can have the dessert.

(02:37):
By the way, day.
First, then is a praytool to use in many areas.
So keep that in mind.
And so going back to theeating habits, as a parent,
you set the, framework of whatdo you serve on the table?
And the kids can choose so hecan get the sense of control,

(02:57):
because today he wants to eatpeppers and he's not touching
the cucumber, that's totallyfine, but he's not gonna
get a dessert unless he eatssomething that really helps
his body grow So that'sabout conflict around food.
Let's move on.
There's another topic that Ihear many parents struggle
with, which is shower,brushing their teeth, you

(03:18):
know, all these things.
And obviously when you ask, whydo I want my kids to do that?
That's because youwant, again, to develop
healthy hygiene habits.
And also, you know, kidsdevelop the perspective
taking along the years.
They don't have it whenthey're two years old.
They don't get why theyhave to brush their teeth
cuz it's not that theyhave cavity when they're two

(03:40):
years old there is a betterchance they will develop C
cavity when they grow up.
So they don't get why theyhave to do that, but you know,
they have to do it otherwisethey will suffer from pain and.
It'll cost money, obviously.
So the point is, there arearea in your kids' life where
it's still your responsibilityto set those boundaries.

(04:02):
When it comes to hygiene,it's totally for you to enforce
and saying, well, you get tobrush your teeth every day.
In terms of shower, it's again,to avoid inconvenience and rush
and itchiness in your body.
But with the shower, I wannasay something that sometimes we
spend a full day in the housewhen it's really cold out there.

(04:25):
And for example, if we did somany activities we did some.
craft Board game and I knowthat my kids was not sweaty
as much , if my kid comes tome and say, Hey mommy, I'm
too tired to take this shower.
Then I will show someflexibility and I'm gonna
say, you know what?
I get that todayyou are not feeling.
That's nasty It's yourchoice to take shower or not.

(04:48):
But tomorrow you willdefinitely do that.
So I think that when youuse some common sense, even
when you set those boundaries,really build the trust that
the kids understand that.
He can express himselflogically and you will hear
and listen to him and respondaccordingly.
So basically, you helpthem to sort of negotiate,

(05:11):
I would say, and I thinkit's another great skill.
Okay, moving on.
Screen time.
Screen time is the topicthat, wow, we always like this
generation is just addictedto screen and we struggle with
this so much So why do youwant to limit screen times?
You know, there are manyreasons you can do that.
Maybe because you know thatonce a kid's spending many

(05:34):
hours in front of a screen,he's not doing other activities
such as going out, running,so he wouldn't exercise and
again, it's not aligned withhealthy lifestyle to just sit
in front of the screen thewhole day also without screen.
Kids sometimes get bored andboredom brings creativity
cuz they have to come up withtheir own stuff of what to do.

(05:57):
What are they curious about?
Also, when the kids are justwatching screens, they're
not practicing and developingtheir social skills, so
this is just, you know, abit of point of why do you
want to limit screen time?
And so once you answer thatquestion, the next question
to ask yourself will be, howmuch time will you allow your

(06:20):
kids to watch screen ? Andnot only how much time, but
what does it actually mean?
Like, does it include video chatwith friends or grandparents?
Does this include educationalcontent or screen time is
only for educational content,so that's something that you
need to think with yourself.

(06:40):
And once you came up with sortof the plan of what do they
see for how long do they seethat, then you can come up
and talk to your child whenthey're four, five, and six.
You can explain.
The why to the kids andthen set the expectation
around how much time.
And then once you explain thatyou are gonna not only set the
boundary, but also hold theboundary and make sure they

(07:03):
turn off the devices on time.
there's a whole episodearound screen struggle.
. There are many great ideasof how to deal with it.
So go ahead listened to that, to up the main idea of
distinguishing betweenpower struggle and setting
boundaries, is that if youknow the why behind, why did
you set the specific boundary,and again, showing some

(07:24):
flexibility is totally fine.
Using some common sense istotally fine as long as you're
not accommodating things becauseyou are afraid of conflict.
That's it.
I hope that was helpful.
Once again, in the shownote, you can find the link
to the new newsletter, whichwill be short and sweet.

(07:45):
You'll find some additionalresources around establishing
healthy routines.
and as usual, treat yourselfwith compassion and curiosity.
Bye.