78. How to push back social perfectionism

When was the last time you had a social mishap in a conversation? Do you remember how it feels to say the wrong thing at the wrong time?

If you’re a shy person or are struggling with social anxiety or social perfectionism, you are holding onto the beliefs that you must sound smart, interesting, or funny; that there should never be awkward silences in conversations; that you shouldn’t stumble over words; that you should never mispronounce a word.

Ways that you may manage those thoughts and the anxiety that come with them are by avoiding social situations, rehearsing over and over what you are going to say and how you are saying it, only talking to people you feel comfortable with, or comparing your social performance with others’ social performance.

When you are unable to meet this perfectionistic social standard, you feel that you have failed. But the truth is that none of us can live up to this perfectionistic social standard or have perfect social performances. When we start to accept this and stop automatically playing-it-safe, we feel better about ourselves and have less anxiety in social situations.

In this conversation with Julian McNally, we discussed acceptance and commitment skills for anxiety related to social situations.

Key Takeaways

• How to live your values
• How to practice commitment
• Playing-it-safe 
• How to manage negativity biases
• How to deal with comparison thoughts
• Context sensitivity

(*) Show notes and resources of this episode

(*) Receive free weekly science-based, compassionate, and actionable skills to stop ineffective playing-it-safe

(*) Figure out your playing-it-safe profile in 5 minutes and identify the key thinking strategies that keep you living in your head

(*) Learn ACT skills for anxious achievers by taking Dr. Z. ACT courses

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