83. When self-compassion gets tough: navigating common barriers

Self-compassion is the willingness to respond to your pain and suffering in the same way a good friend of yours might–with warmth, patience, and understanding. That sounds easy, right? But you know it isn’t.

For many, self-criticism is a classic playing-it-safe move. It’s like your mind is a champion at criticizing you in response to those moments in which you feel anxious about something that has happened or could happen.

Which of the following fear statements resonate with you?

• If I’m kind to myself, I will become a weak person.
• I need to be hard on myself or I will never get everything done.
• I don’t deserve kindness.
• A harsh approach keeps me from making mistakes or keeps me disciplined.
• Self-criticism motivates me all the time.

Ask yourself: “Am I afraid of compassion?”

In this episode, I chat with Paul Gilbert, the developer of Compassion Focused Therapy.

Key Takeaways

• The beginnings of Compassion Focused Therapy (CFT)
• 4 steps to compassionately deal with your inner critic
• The difference between shame and guilt
• How to approach self-forgiveness
• The intersection of self-compassion and exposure practices
• Paul Gilbert’s self-compassion daily practice
• What to do if your mind thinks that “self-compassion is weak, it is being permissive with yourself, or that you’re letting yourself off the hook.”
• How to deal compassionately with anger

(*) Show notes and resources of this episode

(*) Receive free weekly science-based, compassionate, and actionable skills to stop ineffective playing-it-safe

(*) Figure out your playing-it-safe profile in 5 minutes and identify the key thinking strategies that keep you living in your head

(*) Learn ACT skills for anxious achievers by taking Dr. Z. ACT courses

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