September 12, 2024 • 31 mins
Have you ever wondered how much self-trust really influences your confidence? Join me, Steph, your Mojo Maven, on "Pocket Full of Mojo" as we explore the mantra, "I trust myself completely. I am capable, worthy, and ready for everything life brings my way." This episode unpacks how self-trust is the bedrock of unshakable confidence. Through reflecting on our past successes and embracing our imperfections, we discover that confidence is a skill that can be developed and strengthened over time.
We'll also dive into the fluid nature of confidence, examining how it impacts our mindset and actions. Drawing from my experience as a senior training specialist at Starbucks, I introduce a practical framework that breaks down tasks into quadrants of willingness and ability. This method helps us assess our confidence levels without judgment, fostering a more empowering environment. By understanding and reflecting on moments when we felt confident, we can apply these insights to new situations and navigate life's challenges with greater assurance.
Finally, we emphasize that confidence is cultivated through action, resilience, and persistence, rather than the pursuit of perfection. From positive self-talk to avoiding comparisons, we discuss actionable strategies to build a robust confidence database. As we wrap up, I encourage you to support the podcast by subscribing, leaving a review, and connecting with our community on Instagram. Share this episode with friends to foster meaningful conversations and remember to stay classy, kind, and loving. Ciao for now!
More Mojo:
Daily Mojo:
Mojo Website:
Music from #Uppbeat
https://uppbeat.io/t/mountaineer/run-away
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:16):
welcome to pocketful of mojo.
Where you're, you and I'm steph,and we tune in here to tap into
some mojo.
What do you mean?
What's mojo?
Mojo is that feeling ofunshakable confidence, booming
self-worth, like you're anunstoppable force of nature, and
I'm here to show you how youcan have that feeling every
(00:40):
single day.
You see, I think I've crackedthe code to being happy.
I'm happy all the freaking timeevery day, at least most of the
day, possibly to an annoyingdegree.
But hey, I wasn't always thisway.
And not to flex, but I've hadbreakdowns on multiple
(01:01):
continents and in two languages,on multiple continents and in
two languages, but by payingattention and with living with
more intention, I've curated aself-love first aid kit and it's
full of amazing tools that helpme out of life's most sticky
and stressful situations.
And I did so with grace andself-care.
And I'm not here to gatekeep.
(01:22):
In fact, I'm on a mission tohelp you tap into your best
stuff and remember that you haveeverything you need to live
your own life on your own terms.
In today's episode, I'm goingto review our mantra for the
week and then we're going to diginto today's main topic, which
is confidence.
(01:43):
But, plot twist, we're going totake it on the road again and
we're going to shake things up.
So you stick around and I'mgoing to make sure that you're
glad that you did.
Let's get started with today'smantra and get tuned in, tapped
in and turned on, tapped in andturned on.
(02:12):
Hello, hello, hello and welcometo the 34th episode of Pocket
Full of Mojo.
Once again, I'm your hostess,I'm Steph, I'm your Mojo Maven,
your soul sister, your emotionalSherpa, and I'm super glad that
you're here.
I'm here to reflect yourawesomeness back to you.
So let's settle in.
Let's start by digging intotoday's mantra, and today's
mantra is I trust myselfcompletely.
(02:35):
I am capable, worthy and readyfor everything.
Life brings my way.
Yes, okay, trust is at theheart of confidence.
So we are right on point fortoday's theme.
Let's dig in.
I trust myself completely.
I am capable, worthy and readyfor everything.
(02:56):
Life brings my way.
When we lack confidence, it'sbecause we're living in the gap,
the gap between where we areand where we think we should be,
when we've told ourselves wherewe ought to be, and often our
lack of confidence is based onhalf-truths and incomplete data.
(03:16):
Conversely, when we trust, whenwe have faith in ourselves, we
are able to tap into parts ofourselves that don't require
evidence, that the insecure partof our brains are putting in
the spotlight.
I trust myself completely.
I am capable, worthy and readyfor everything life brings my
(03:38):
way.
So what are we trusting exactly?
Well, in order to tap into theconfidence that you're looking
for, you need to zoom out andremember all that we've already
done, all the times that we'vewon, all the times that we've
lost and the world kept spinning, all the times that we fell
(03:59):
down and proved that we couldget back up.
It's in the remembering ofthose moments that we can trust
that we will endure whatevercomes, win or lose.
I trust myself completely.
I am capable, worthy and readyfor everything life brings my
(04:20):
way.
Now we want to remember thatconfidence is a skill.
It can be learned, honed, builtand lost, and if we don't flex
our muscles of intention and payclose attention, we can leave
our confidence to the whims ofresults, and those are finicky.
Trying something new.
(04:40):
Well, this doesn't mean thatyou have to approach it with no
confidence just because you'venever done it before.
You know why.
Because the outcome doesn'tmatter Truly.
Let yourself off the hook fordelivering perfection all the
time and see how much free timeyou have, so much room for
activities, and embracing theseflaws and failures of life
(05:03):
actually increases yourconfidence, because you're
taking action based on thebelief that, while you may not
achieve your desired result thefirst time, you will have
learned something, and nowyou're closer to your goal, and
that's confidence.
I trust myself completely.
I am capable, worthy and readyfor everything life brings my
(05:27):
way.
And remember why we use mantras.
We use them to anchor ourselvesin the truth as we define it
for ourselves.
If confidence is something thatyou think you struggle with,
this is your time to begin tobuild the narrative that you
desire, one where you arecapable, worthy and ready for
(05:48):
everything life brings you,because trust isn't built when
things are easy.
It's built when things are hard, when we're tested.
It's when we come out the otherside of the test intact, alive,
(06:10):
win or lose, and we're wiserfrom it.
So take the time to take stockof what you do know and what you
believe, and there you willfind more trust and examples of
just how capable you are.
I trust myself completely.
I am capable, worthy and readyfor everything life brings my
way.
Oh, my goodness, I know thatI've been going through it
(06:39):
lately, and I can definitely saythat my confidence has waned
over the last few days.
And when I think about it, theabsence of my confidence just so
happens to coincide with theabsence of my own self-talk,
reminding me how capable andempowered I am, and that's no
coincidence.
So let this be your cue to takea beat, check in with yourself
(07:05):
and take the time to reflect andremember that you can do hard
things and you bring a lot tothis world, and it's never too
late to bloom.
Failing means we're trying.
Resistance means that the easypart is on its way.
Keep going.
You've got this.
(07:27):
Now to dig into our main topictoday.
We are back on the road, mypeoples.
That's right.
We are back to the Mojo on theRoad format.
So let's go to our confidencecorrespondent.
Ladies and gentlemen andeveryone in between, mojo on the
Road.
Oh, my goodness, we arerecording.
(07:58):
Okay, here we go.
I'm way back home.
At least the parking brake.
Okay, we're doing it.
This is Park Full of Mojo onthe road.
Take three.
Oh, ladies and gentlemen, andeveryone in between, thanks for
(08:22):
being here.
We're going to talk aboutconfidence today.
And, man, today has been adelightful test of my confidence
and I'm being proven over andover again that I actually might
have more confidence than Ithought.
So I've had kind of a shittyweek, week and a half, and I
(08:49):
can't seem to get my footing.
I've been working on it, right.
It's been a little bit of astruggle bus and which, as you
know, that's not my jam, that'snot like me at all.
So time to record a podcast andof course it's on the subject of
confidence, what I'm feeling?
Pretty much anything.
But so there's the test, right.
(09:10):
There's the big old universegiving me a mirror to look at
and see my stuff, so I can do mything.
And that's what I'm here to dotoday.
And we're going to do thistogether and we're going to talk
about confidence, because it'skind of a beast, it's kind of a
super big topic, and one of myfavorite sayings when it comes
to confidence is just do thething.
(09:31):
Do the thing with theconfidence of a white guy with a
podcast, and I hope you seethat as being tongue in cheek,
because it really is anddefinitely should be.
Holy smokes.
People are flying through thisintersection and here I am
trying to pull a U-turn.
Now that's confidence.
Here we go, we're doing it.
(09:52):
I'm confidently taking myselfthrough this intersection,
nailed, the U-turn, okay.
So yeah, we're going to talkabout confidence today.
We do chase it, don't we?
So maybe if we had a littlebetter understanding of what
confidence is, we might becloser than we think.
So let's break it down.
(10:20):
Confidence, it's that feelingright, it's the, it's the way we
walk into a room, it's the waythat we approach things for the
first time.
It it's a lot of things, butit's not static.
It's not really something thatwe can just like, cross off our
list and be like there, I did it.
I'm a confident person becauseit depends, right, depending on
(10:42):
the environment, depending onthe situation, depending on what
we're doing.
It's not static.
So just knowing that confidenceis fluid kind of lets us off
the hook a little bit in termsof like when we think it should
be showing up, you know, andgiving ourselves a little bit of
slack and maybe some newinformation so that we can
(11:04):
inform our mindset next timewe're feeling a little less than
confident.
We can maybe interrogate that alittle bit differently to see
if it's actually true.
Because I think, despite popularbelief, confidence isn't just
feeling good, you know it's,it's more than that it's
(11:26):
definitely one of the majorindicators of mojo, that's for
sure.
So, in order to really get intouch with this idea of
confidence if it feels like it'selusive or it slips through
your fingers or it's somethingthat you've been chasing for a
while I want you to take a beatand kind of and think back to a
(11:46):
time when you felt confident and, like, really project yourself
into that moment.
Like, how did it feel in yourbody?
What were you doing?
What were you doing that ledyou to do that thing that you
(12:09):
felt so confident doing?
Because it's this quiet powerthat we have and no one can give
it to us and, at the same time,nobody can take it away from us
either, because one another.
One of my favorite sayings iswhether you think you can or you
can't.
You're right.
That one hit me like a ton ofbricks the first time I heard it
, because I was like, damn,that's actually super fucking
(12:32):
true.
And when we think back to thewhite guy with a podcast, do you
think anybody gave them theirconfidence?
No, they kind of took it andthere's no confidence police.
So, like, when I think aboutgoing through my affirmations
this morning, what I reallywasn't feeling my tippy top, to
(12:53):
say the least.
I'm going through my mantrasand I'm I'm like engaging with
them and I'm projecting myselfinto what it feels like if I
were to feel that way Right, andto trust that I have the
ability to feel that way.
And I was like, oh, this is howthey work Right, and to trust
that I have the ability to feelthat way.
And I was like, oh, this is howthey work Right.
(13:14):
And.
And we just forget there's somuch noise, there's so much
other data that when we peel itall back, we remember that we've
always been competent, we'vealways had the receipts to back
it up.
So we forget these things whenwe're confronted or we're faced
(13:34):
with a situation, a task, anaction, maybe, that we've never
done before.
Which makes me think about thiscourse that I used to teach.
So I used to be a seniortraining specialist for a little
coffee company called Starbucksand I spent I had a cute little
(13:56):
15-year career with them and itwas brilliant, and I got to
teach workshops, professionaldevelopment workshops, to
everybody, from baristas all theway up to store managers,
district managers, executivevice presidents.
We had the whole gamut ofprofessional development, and
one of them was calledsituational leadership.
(14:17):
Now, situational leadership wasdefinitely one of my faves and
I think we facilitated it toassistant managers and managers
because it was coaches.
We wanted to help them developtheir coaching skills.
So when I'm going through this,think of yourself in the both
(14:38):
the position of coach andlearner, because when we talk
about situational leadership, wetake a role.
In our case, our role is livinghuman being and we break it
down by task, either by taskaction, behavior.
And when you're assessingsomeone's readiness to do
(15:00):
something, in that moment youmeasure two things you measure
their willingness and youmeasure their ability.
Now ability is defined asactively doing it, like they can
actively do and perform thetask action or behavior to
standard that day.
(15:21):
Right, not you used to do it,or you've got the potential to
be able to do it based on otherskills.
No it's.
Are you actively doing it?
So that determines whetheryou're able or unable.
And then there's willingness,so that is completely driven by
the learner.
You're either willing orunwilling to do something.
(15:45):
So now we have four quadrantswhen we pair willingness and
ability.
So you're either willing andable, willing and unable,
unwilling and able or unwillingand unable.
So let's break this down.
Willing and able, amen.
(16:07):
Not only can I make the latte,I can make the latte all day and
I feel good doing it and itbrings me joy.
Boom, willing and able.
Now, that is not like a set itand forget it kind of thing.
You have to check in on it, youhave to challenge every once in
a while, but in that moment, inthat context, we want to be
(16:29):
able to find as many things thatwe can that we know we are both
willing and able to do, becausethat just makes for a
confidence building environment.
Now, when we have willingnessbut not ability, that's some
confidence right there.
I don't know how to make alatte, but, man, I'd really love
(16:49):
to find out.
And then we have unwilling andable.
So yeah, I'm making your stupidlatte and I'm doing it with
about this much enthusiasm.
So that would be unwilling andable.
And then unwilling and unableis never made.
A latte, not interested.
(17:11):
Coffee scares me.
I've got no business doing thisactivity.
So when we take the emotion outof it and we're able to measure
and look at these things in thisway, it's like it kind of takes
the judgment away.
Oh, okay, this is your lane too.
All right, we can share.
I am tuned in.
Oh okay, this is your lane too.
(17:33):
All right, we can share.
I am tuned in, okay, okay.
So then we're not judgingourselves so harshly, but it
does kind of give us a betterpicture of how we're doing with
our choices.
Are we filling our days and ourlives with shit that makes us
mad, with things that don't makeus feel good?
Because these are choices wetake.
(17:54):
Ladies and gentlemen, we aregrownups, we are the CEO of our
lives, and so, the more thatwe're able to leverage this
awareness, this knowledge, thisrelationship with ourselves and
the things that we do in ourdays, our weeks, our months, our
lives, we're then better ableto plan accordingly, to be a
(18:17):
little bit more strategic withour agenda, to be a little bit
more liberal with our no thanks,I can come to your party, I
just don't want to.
And that doesn't mean that weneed to talk to people this way,
but it means that we can passour choices through that kind of
a filter.
And really it mean that we needto talk to people this way, but
it means that we can pass ourchoices through that kind of a
filter and really it shows thatwe're tuned into ourselves and
dialed in and takingresponsibility for how we feel
(18:39):
when we do the things that we do.
And trust me, as you're workingto build confidence, it is a
huge test of your self-talk.
So let's dig into how to getsome of this confidence
everybody's talking about.
So we touched on that a littlebit with the situational
(19:01):
leadership, but just being ableto really tackle this with
awareness, because it's notsomething that you can think
your way into.
You have to do your way intoconfidence.
Confidence comes from takingaction.
Now, don't get it twisted.
Confidence does not come fromwinning, so it's not about the
(19:24):
doing or the perfection or theend result.
It's about trying.
So knowing that in order tobuild confidence it's an actual
skill we can take small,consistent and intentional
action, and then that gives usconfidence to do another five
minutes, and then another fiveminutes, and then, with this
(19:44):
self-awareness, we leverage ourstrengths.
We feel better doing it, wewant to do more and, oh my
goodness, I'm starting to feelconfident at this.
And again, this doesn't meanwinning, because confidence
comes from failing, and then youkeep going anyway.
So the other key, in addition tokeeping track of your self-talk
(20:05):
remember whether you think youcan or you can't, you're right.
So if you need to buy some redflags and call yourself out on
that shit when it happens,that's what you got to do,
because when you believe you can, you're already halfway there.
Because when you believe youcan, you're already halfway
there.
I think I saw that on like amug or something, but it's also
(20:27):
wicked, true.
So being sure to avoid thatcomparison trap is absolutely
that it's a trap knowing how tocall yourself out when you're in
that moment of like.
I should be here, I want to behere, but I'm not.
Look how far along this personis.
What am I doing with my lifecompared to this 25-year-old kid
(20:50):
who's made $25 million?
Who fucking cares?
We're all out here making it upas we go along and we don't
need to show receipts to be ableto walk around with confidence.
And we don't need to showreceipts to be able to walk
around with confidence.
The confidence card comes fromwhat you deposit in your own
bank, and action is the builder.
It's something that we need tonurture and feed, and along with
(21:14):
that comes that you know thatself-awareness I was talking
about.
It's catching yourself whenyou're doing it right and
celebrating it and being like,oh my God, me two weeks ago
would have responded to failinga lot differently.
Man, this is really working.
This, this work that I'm doing,and as you are folding these
things into your day-to-daypractice, it's not going to go
(21:38):
perfectly, but it's going to goforward.
Where attention goes, energyflows.
You're getting the whole rainshower of my favorite sayings
today, because that one applieshere too.
So when we look at what we'redoing, don't measure how
(22:00):
confident you feel about itfirst.
Take action first.
So often we get tangled up inour head and our feelings.
But remember, feelings aren'tfacts, right, so we can feel
confident and we don't have toback it up.
There's no confidence policethat's going to come for you and
(22:20):
being like oh, oh, you thinkyou are capable and worthy.
Prove it.
No one's coming to say that toyou.
I promise you.
And if, after all this, you'restill struggling and you're like
Steph, I still just don't knowwhere to tap into this
confidence, I'm telling you itis already inside of you.
You just need to quiet thenoise, tune into your own story
(22:44):
and I bet if you looked back onyour life, you would be able to
capture example after example oftimes where you tried something
, and then you tried somethingand then you failed, and then
you kept going anyway.
Or you failed and it opened upa whole new path that you
wouldn't have been able to seebefore that previous failure.
And the more you accumulatethese stories, this will be the
(23:11):
database for you to build yourconfidence upon, because I bet
you've shown the world time andtime again that you are capable,
that you are worthy, that youare exactly where you're
supposed to be.
So, as I alluded to in thebeginning, it's not always fluid
(23:39):
and it's not a guarantee, andthe more you chase confidence,
the more elusive it seems,because that's not where the
work, because that's not wherethe data comes from.
We can't look outside forexamples or reasons to feel
confident.
We have to go inside.
So that's where going over ourown story is that reminder of
(24:01):
everything that we've overcome,everything that we've achieved.
I had a day two days ago where Ifelt like doing absolutely
nothing and I just wasn'tfeeling it.
And not only was I not feelingit, I was feeling like low
(24:21):
vibration, I was feeling notgreat.
But I had signed up for thisnetworking call, and so I put on
my red top, washed my face, putsome makeup on and I showed up
for myself Because, yes, therewas a part of me that wanted to
just give the world the middlefinger and say I'm going to go
(24:43):
hide in a corner.
But I showed up for myself, Istepped through it and I did it
anyway, because confidence andresilience are this really
amazing loop and they feed eachother in this really great way.
That allows us to maintain ourgood mojo on the day-to-day and
it allows us to maintain and getthrough the potholes and come
(25:08):
out okay on the other side.
Because whether or not we do ordon't do the thing, the world
will keep spinning and whilesometimes confidence is
inflating our importance, it'salso important to stay humble
and deflate our importance alittle bit and remember that the
world's going to keep turningIf we do or don't do the thing,
(25:35):
if we fail or if we succeed.
Sometimes it's not that big ofa ripple, so it's good to check
ourselves and get perspective.
Like, let yourself off the hook, babe, because sometimes things
(25:59):
just aren't as serious as wethink they are.
Like, right now, I'm in themiddle of changing over my
learning platforms and I'm goingfrom a website to this other
site, and so I'm trying to dothis all at the same time and
make it seamless and stay on topof my schedule.
(26:22):
But now some of my sites arenot going to be accessible.
So I have like, where am I goingto put my blog if my new site's
not live yet?
And I'm on a timeline and I dothis once a week and you know
what?
I didn't post a blog on Sunday.
And you know what?
The world kept fucking turning.
And you know what the worldkept fucking turning.
(26:44):
And me of a year ago would havebeen so married to that
commitment I made to like postevery Sunday on the blog that
that would have crumbled me orforced me to operate in this
really resistant space where I'mtrying to do it all and I end
up not doing it very well.
But my confidence allowed me andmy resilience allowed me to
(27:05):
know that this is like a littledip in the road and there's
going to be a moment oftransition.
But that's not a permanentstate.
So I'm going to ride this out,I'm going to wait until I can
transition properly and thenI'll get back to my posting
schedule Like nothing's changed.
(27:27):
And you know what?
I didn't get a thousand angryphone calls on Monday morning
saying, hey, steph, where's myblog?
Because they're not thatimportant.
I mean, they're important to meand they're amazing and I hope
you love them.
And I know that the world'sgoing to keep turning.
So it was that confidence thatallowed me to navigate that,
that hiccup in my plans, becausewe know that there will be
(27:50):
hiccups and plans.
We know this.
So, arming ourselves andequipping ourselves and giving
ourselves the trust that we'regoing to make it through, even
if we don't know how yet, that'spretty cool, that's pretty sexy
and it looks good on everyone.
So, on that note, I'm going tosend it back to the studio.
(28:12):
I hope you found some confidenceand tapped into a bit of your
mojo today.
Please share this with a friend.
I'm so excited to talk to younext week.
We're going to talk about timeand, oh man, I'm going to have
to have a full tank of gasbecause I got lots to say about
that.
Oh time, what a sneaky, sneakydevil.
All right, until next time,peace out.
Ciao for now, back to thestudio.
(28:35):
Bisous, and that was pocket fullof mojo.
Road trip edition.
(28:55):
Tune in next week to see if wedo it again.
But seriously, thank you somuch for tuning in, and I hope
this has helped you tap intosome of that mojo of yours.
You're worth it, baby.
It's all there.
And next week we're going todig into the concept of time,
(29:16):
that weird little construct thatseems to rule our lives.
Well, I say it's time to fixour crowns and make time work
for us.
You, with me, tune in next weekas we figure out all the nuts
and bolts of it all.
In the meantime, if you feellike your mojo could use a tune
up, I've come with lots of waysthat we can do this again.
(29:38):
Make sure you take a coupleminutes to subscribe to this
podcast and for some extra goodjuju, you can leave a review.
Follow me on Instagram fordaily mantras and affirmations,
and be sure to show your lovewith all the likes and comments.
I'm a recovering people pleaser, so you know it means the world
when you do.
And look, you found me at thevery beginning of all things
(30:03):
mojo, and there's so much moreon the way.
All the cool links are found inthe show notes, so go have a
look.
I mean you're here anyway,right?
And while you're at it, sharethis episode with a friend.
It's not only good karma, butit'll give you something to talk
about when you go on your nextmental health walk together, and
I've got so much great stuff toshare with you guys, so be sure
(30:25):
to tune in next week and untilthen, stay classy, stay kind and
put love in everything you do.
Ciao for now.
Thank you.
welcome to pocketful of mojo.
Where you're, you and I'm steph,and we tune in here to tap into
some mojo.
What do you mean?
What's mojo?
Mojo is that feeling ofunshakable confidence, booming
self-worth, like you're anunstoppable force of nature, and
I'm here to show you how youcan have that feeling every
(00:40):
single day.
You see, I think I've crackedthe code to being happy.
I'm happy all the freaking timeevery day, at least most of the
day, possibly to an annoyingdegree.
But hey, I wasn't always thisway.
And not to flex, but I've hadbreakdowns on multiple
(01:01):
continents and in two languages,on multiple continents and in
two languages, but by payingattention and with living with
more intention, I've curated aself-love first aid kit and it's
full of amazing tools that helpme out of life's most sticky
and stressful situations.
And I did so with grace andself-care.
And I'm not here to gatekeep.
(01:22):
In fact, I'm on a mission tohelp you tap into your best
stuff and remember that you haveeverything you need to live
your own life on your own terms.
In today's episode, I'm goingto review our mantra for the
week and then we're going to diginto today's main topic, which
is confidence.
(01:43):
But, plot twist, we're going totake it on the road again and
we're going to shake things up.
So you stick around and I'mgoing to make sure that you're
glad that you did.
Let's get started with today'smantra and get tuned in, tapped
in and turned on, tapped in andturned on.
(02:12):
Hello, hello, hello and welcometo the 34th episode of Pocket
Full of Mojo.
Once again, I'm your hostess,I'm Steph, I'm your Mojo Maven,
your soul sister, your emotionalSherpa, and I'm super glad that
you're here.
I'm here to reflect yourawesomeness back to you.
So let's settle in.
Let's start by digging intotoday's mantra, and today's
mantra is I trust myselfcompletely.
(02:35):
I am capable, worthy and readyfor everything.
Life brings my way.
Yes, okay, trust is at theheart of confidence.
So we are right on point fortoday's theme.
Let's dig in.
I trust myself completely.
I am capable, worthy and readyfor everything.
(02:56):
Life brings my way.
When we lack confidence, it'sbecause we're living in the gap,
the gap between where we areand where we think we should be,
when we've told ourselves wherewe ought to be, and often our
lack of confidence is based onhalf-truths and incomplete data.
(03:16):
Conversely, when we trust, whenwe have faith in ourselves, we
are able to tap into parts ofourselves that don't require
evidence, that the insecure partof our brains are putting in
the spotlight.
I trust myself completely.
I am capable, worthy and readyfor everything life brings my
(03:38):
way.
So what are we trusting exactly?
Well, in order to tap into theconfidence that you're looking
for, you need to zoom out andremember all that we've already
done, all the times that we'vewon, all the times that we've
lost and the world kept spinning, all the times that we fell
(03:59):
down and proved that we couldget back up.
It's in the remembering ofthose moments that we can trust
that we will endure whatevercomes, win or lose.
I trust myself completely.
I am capable, worthy and readyfor everything life brings my
(04:20):
way.
Now we want to remember thatconfidence is a skill.
It can be learned, honed, builtand lost, and if we don't flex
our muscles of intention and payclose attention, we can leave
our confidence to the whims ofresults, and those are finicky.
Trying something new.
(04:40):
Well, this doesn't mean thatyou have to approach it with no
confidence just because you'venever done it before.
You know why.
Because the outcome doesn'tmatter Truly.
Let yourself off the hook fordelivering perfection all the
time and see how much free timeyou have, so much room for
activities, and embracing theseflaws and failures of life
(05:03):
actually increases yourconfidence, because you're
taking action based on thebelief that, while you may not
achieve your desired result thefirst time, you will have
learned something, and nowyou're closer to your goal, and
that's confidence.
I trust myself completely.
I am capable, worthy and readyfor everything life brings my
(05:27):
way.
And remember why we use mantras.
We use them to anchor ourselvesin the truth as we define it
for ourselves.
If confidence is something thatyou think you struggle with,
this is your time to begin tobuild the narrative that you
desire, one where you arecapable, worthy and ready for
(05:48):
everything life brings you,because trust isn't built when
things are easy.
It's built when things are hard, when we're tested.
It's when we come out the otherside of the test intact, alive,
(06:10):
win or lose, and we're wiserfrom it.
So take the time to take stockof what you do know and what you
believe, and there you willfind more trust and examples of
just how capable you are.
I trust myself completely.
I am capable, worthy and readyfor everything life brings my
way.
Oh, my goodness, I know thatI've been going through it
(06:39):
lately, and I can definitely saythat my confidence has waned
over the last few days.
And when I think about it, theabsence of my confidence just so
happens to coincide with theabsence of my own self-talk,
reminding me how capable andempowered I am, and that's no
coincidence.
So let this be your cue to takea beat, check in with yourself
(07:05):
and take the time to reflect andremember that you can do hard
things and you bring a lot tothis world, and it's never too
late to bloom.
Failing means we're trying.
Resistance means that the easypart is on its way.
Keep going.
You've got this.
(07:27):
Now to dig into our main topictoday.
We are back on the road, mypeoples.
That's right.
We are back to the Mojo on theRoad format.
So let's go to our confidencecorrespondent.
Ladies and gentlemen andeveryone in between, mojo on the
Road.
Oh, my goodness, we arerecording.
(07:58):
Okay, here we go.
I'm way back home.
At least the parking brake.
Okay, we're doing it.
This is Park Full of Mojo onthe road.
Take three.
Oh, ladies and gentlemen, andeveryone in between, thanks for
(08:22):
being here.
We're going to talk aboutconfidence today.
And, man, today has been adelightful test of my confidence
and I'm being proven over andover again that I actually might
have more confidence than Ithought.
So I've had kind of a shittyweek, week and a half, and I
(08:49):
can't seem to get my footing.
I've been working on it, right.
It's been a little bit of astruggle bus and which, as you
know, that's not my jam, that'snot like me at all.
So time to record a podcast andof course it's on the subject of
confidence, what I'm feeling?
Pretty much anything.
But so there's the test, right.
(09:10):
There's the big old universegiving me a mirror to look at
and see my stuff, so I can do mything.
And that's what I'm here to dotoday.
And we're going to do thistogether and we're going to talk
about confidence, because it'skind of a beast, it's kind of a
super big topic, and one of myfavorite sayings when it comes
to confidence is just do thething.
(09:31):
Do the thing with theconfidence of a white guy with a
podcast, and I hope you seethat as being tongue in cheek,
because it really is anddefinitely should be.
Holy smokes.
People are flying through thisintersection and here I am
trying to pull a U-turn.
Now that's confidence.
Here we go, we're doing it.
(09:52):
I'm confidently taking myselfthrough this intersection,
nailed, the U-turn, okay.
So yeah, we're going to talkabout confidence today.
We do chase it, don't we?
So maybe if we had a littlebetter understanding of what
confidence is, we might becloser than we think.
So let's break it down.
(10:20):
Confidence, it's that feelingright, it's the, it's the way we
walk into a room, it's the waythat we approach things for the
first time.
It it's a lot of things, butit's not static.
It's not really something thatwe can just like, cross off our
list and be like there, I did it.
I'm a confident person becauseit depends, right, depending on
(10:42):
the environment, depending onthe situation, depending on what
we're doing.
It's not static.
So just knowing that confidenceis fluid kind of lets us off
the hook a little bit in termsof like when we think it should
be showing up, you know, andgiving ourselves a little bit of
slack and maybe some newinformation so that we can
(11:04):
inform our mindset next timewe're feeling a little less than
confident.
We can maybe interrogate that alittle bit differently to see
if it's actually true.
Because I think, despite popularbelief, confidence isn't just
feeling good, you know it's,it's more than that it's
(11:26):
definitely one of the majorindicators of mojo, that's for
sure.
So, in order to really get intouch with this idea of
confidence if it feels like it'selusive or it slips through
your fingers or it's somethingthat you've been chasing for a
while I want you to take a beatand kind of and think back to a
(11:46):
time when you felt confident and, like, really project yourself
into that moment.
Like, how did it feel in yourbody?
What were you doing?
What were you doing that ledyou to do that thing that you
(12:09):
felt so confident doing?
Because it's this quiet powerthat we have and no one can give
it to us and, at the same time,nobody can take it away from us
either, because one another.
One of my favorite sayings iswhether you think you can or you
can't.
You're right.
That one hit me like a ton ofbricks the first time I heard it
, because I was like, damn,that's actually super fucking
(12:32):
true.
And when we think back to thewhite guy with a podcast, do you
think anybody gave them theirconfidence?
No, they kind of took it andthere's no confidence police.
So, like, when I think aboutgoing through my affirmations
this morning, what I reallywasn't feeling my tippy top, to
(12:53):
say the least.
I'm going through my mantrasand I'm I'm like engaging with
them and I'm projecting myselfinto what it feels like if I
were to feel that way Right, andto trust that I have the
ability to feel that way.
And I was like, oh, this is howthey work Right, and to trust
that I have the ability to feelthat way.
And I was like, oh, this is howthey work Right.
(13:14):
And.
And we just forget there's somuch noise, there's so much
other data that when we peel itall back, we remember that we've
always been competent, we'vealways had the receipts to back
it up.
So we forget these things whenwe're confronted or we're faced
(13:34):
with a situation, a task, anaction, maybe, that we've never
done before.
Which makes me think about thiscourse that I used to teach.
So I used to be a seniortraining specialist for a little
coffee company called Starbucksand I spent I had a cute little
(13:56):
15-year career with them and itwas brilliant, and I got to
teach workshops, professionaldevelopment workshops, to
everybody, from baristas all theway up to store managers,
district managers, executivevice presidents.
We had the whole gamut ofprofessional development, and
one of them was calledsituational leadership.
(14:17):
Now, situational leadership wasdefinitely one of my faves and
I think we facilitated it toassistant managers and managers
because it was coaches.
We wanted to help them developtheir coaching skills.
So when I'm going through this,think of yourself in the both
(14:38):
the position of coach andlearner, because when we talk
about situational leadership, wetake a role.
In our case, our role is livinghuman being and we break it
down by task, either by taskaction, behavior.
And when you're assessingsomeone's readiness to do
(15:00):
something, in that moment youmeasure two things you measure
their willingness and youmeasure their ability.
Now ability is defined asactively doing it, like they can
actively do and perform thetask action or behavior to
standard that day.
(15:21):
Right, not you used to do it,or you've got the potential to
be able to do it based on otherskills.
No it's.
Are you actively doing it?
So that determines whetheryou're able or unable.
And then there's willingness,so that is completely driven by
the learner.
You're either willing orunwilling to do something.
(15:45):
So now we have four quadrantswhen we pair willingness and
ability.
So you're either willing andable, willing and unable,
unwilling and able or unwillingand unable.
So let's break this down.
Willing and able, amen.
(16:07):
Not only can I make the latte,I can make the latte all day and
I feel good doing it and itbrings me joy.
Boom, willing and able.
Now, that is not like a set itand forget it kind of thing.
You have to check in on it, youhave to challenge every once in
a while, but in that moment, inthat context, we want to be
(16:29):
able to find as many things thatwe can that we know we are both
willing and able to do, becausethat just makes for a
confidence building environment.
Now, when we have willingnessbut not ability, that's some
confidence right there.
I don't know how to make alatte, but, man, I'd really love
(16:49):
to find out.
And then we have unwilling andable.
So yeah, I'm making your stupidlatte and I'm doing it with
about this much enthusiasm.
So that would be unwilling andable.
And then unwilling and unableis never made.
A latte, not interested.
(17:11):
Coffee scares me.
I've got no business doing thisactivity.
So when we take the emotion outof it and we're able to measure
and look at these things in thisway, it's like it kind of takes
the judgment away.
Oh, okay, this is your lane too.
All right, we can share.
I am tuned in.
Oh okay, this is your lane too.
(17:33):
All right, we can share.
I am tuned in, okay, okay.
So then we're not judgingourselves so harshly, but it
does kind of give us a betterpicture of how we're doing with
our choices.
Are we filling our days and ourlives with shit that makes us
mad, with things that don't makeus feel good?
Because these are choices wetake.
(17:54):
Ladies and gentlemen, we aregrownups, we are the CEO of our
lives, and so, the more thatwe're able to leverage this
awareness, this knowledge, thisrelationship with ourselves and
the things that we do in ourdays, our weeks, our months, our
lives, we're then better ableto plan accordingly, to be a
(18:17):
little bit more strategic withour agenda, to be a little bit
more liberal with our no thanks,I can come to your party, I
just don't want to.
And that doesn't mean that weneed to talk to people this way,
but it means that we can passour choices through that kind of
a filter.
And really it mean that we needto talk to people this way, but
it means that we can pass ourchoices through that kind of a
filter and really it shows thatwe're tuned into ourselves and
dialed in and takingresponsibility for how we feel
(18:39):
when we do the things that we do.
And trust me, as you're workingto build confidence, it is a
huge test of your self-talk.
So let's dig into how to getsome of this confidence
everybody's talking about.
So we touched on that a littlebit with the situational
(19:01):
leadership, but just being ableto really tackle this with
awareness, because it's notsomething that you can think
your way into.
You have to do your way intoconfidence.
Confidence comes from takingaction.
Now, don't get it twisted.
Confidence does not come fromwinning, so it's not about the
(19:24):
doing or the perfection or theend result.
It's about trying.
So knowing that in order tobuild confidence it's an actual
skill we can take small,consistent and intentional
action, and then that gives usconfidence to do another five
minutes, and then another fiveminutes, and then, with this
(19:44):
self-awareness, we leverage ourstrengths.
We feel better doing it, wewant to do more and, oh my
goodness, I'm starting to feelconfident at this.
And again, this doesn't meanwinning, because confidence
comes from failing, and then youkeep going anyway.
So the other key, in addition tokeeping track of your self-talk
(20:05):
remember whether you think youcan or you can't, you're right.
So if you need to buy some redflags and call yourself out on
that shit when it happens,that's what you got to do,
because when you believe you can, you're already halfway there.
Because when you believe youcan, you're already halfway
there.
I think I saw that on like amug or something, but it's also
(20:27):
wicked, true.
So being sure to avoid thatcomparison trap is absolutely
that it's a trap knowing how tocall yourself out when you're in
that moment of like.
I should be here, I want to behere, but I'm not.
Look how far along this personis.
What am I doing with my lifecompared to this 25-year-old kid
(20:50):
who's made $25 million?
Who fucking cares?
We're all out here making it upas we go along and we don't
need to show receipts to be ableto walk around with confidence.
And we don't need to showreceipts to be able to walk
around with confidence.
The confidence card comes fromwhat you deposit in your own
bank, and action is the builder.
It's something that we need tonurture and feed, and along with
(21:14):
that comes that you know thatself-awareness I was talking
about.
It's catching yourself whenyou're doing it right and
celebrating it and being like,oh my God, me two weeks ago
would have responded to failinga lot differently.
Man, this is really working.
This, this work that I'm doing,and as you are folding these
things into your day-to-daypractice, it's not going to go
(21:38):
perfectly, but it's going to goforward.
Where attention goes, energyflows.
You're getting the whole rainshower of my favorite sayings
today, because that one applieshere too.
So when we look at what we'redoing, don't measure how
(22:00):
confident you feel about itfirst.
Take action first.
So often we get tangled up inour head and our feelings.
But remember, feelings aren'tfacts, right, so we can feel
confident and we don't have toback it up.
There's no confidence policethat's going to come for you and
(22:20):
being like oh, oh, you thinkyou are capable and worthy.
Prove it.
No one's coming to say that toyou.
I promise you.
And if, after all this, you'restill struggling and you're like
Steph, I still just don't knowwhere to tap into this
confidence, I'm telling you itis already inside of you.
You just need to quiet thenoise, tune into your own story
(22:44):
and I bet if you looked back onyour life, you would be able to
capture example after example oftimes where you tried something
, and then you tried somethingand then you failed, and then
you kept going anyway.
Or you failed and it opened upa whole new path that you
wouldn't have been able to seebefore that previous failure.
And the more you accumulatethese stories, this will be the
(23:11):
database for you to build yourconfidence upon, because I bet
you've shown the world time andtime again that you are capable,
that you are worthy, that youare exactly where you're
supposed to be.
So, as I alluded to in thebeginning, it's not always fluid
(23:39):
and it's not a guarantee, andthe more you chase confidence,
the more elusive it seems,because that's not where the
work, because that's not wherethe data comes from.
We can't look outside forexamples or reasons to feel
confident.
We have to go inside.
So that's where going over ourown story is that reminder of
(24:01):
everything that we've overcome,everything that we've achieved.
I had a day two days ago where Ifelt like doing absolutely
nothing and I just wasn'tfeeling it.
And not only was I not feelingit, I was feeling like low
(24:21):
vibration, I was feeling notgreat.
But I had signed up for thisnetworking call, and so I put on
my red top, washed my face, putsome makeup on and I showed up
for myself Because, yes, therewas a part of me that wanted to
just give the world the middlefinger and say I'm going to go
(24:43):
hide in a corner.
But I showed up for myself, Istepped through it and I did it
anyway, because confidence andresilience are this really
amazing loop and they feed eachother in this really great way.
That allows us to maintain ourgood mojo on the day-to-day and
it allows us to maintain and getthrough the potholes and come
(25:08):
out okay on the other side.
Because whether or not we do ordon't do the thing, the world
will keep spinning and whilesometimes confidence is
inflating our importance, it'salso important to stay humble
and deflate our importance alittle bit and remember that the
world's going to keep turningIf we do or don't do the thing,
(25:35):
if we fail or if we succeed.
Sometimes it's not that big ofa ripple, so it's good to check
ourselves and get perspective.
Like, let yourself off the hook, babe, because sometimes things
(25:59):
just aren't as serious as wethink they are.
Like, right now, I'm in themiddle of changing over my
learning platforms and I'm goingfrom a website to this other
site, and so I'm trying to dothis all at the same time and
make it seamless and stay on topof my schedule.
(26:22):
But now some of my sites arenot going to be accessible.
So I have like, where am I goingto put my blog if my new site's
not live yet?
And I'm on a timeline and I dothis once a week and you know
what?
I didn't post a blog on Sunday.
And you know what?
The world kept fucking turning.
And you know what the worldkept fucking turning.
(26:44):
And me of a year ago would havebeen so married to that
commitment I made to like postevery Sunday on the blog that
that would have crumbled me orforced me to operate in this
really resistant space where I'mtrying to do it all and I end
up not doing it very well.
But my confidence allowed me andmy resilience allowed me to
(27:05):
know that this is like a littledip in the road and there's
going to be a moment oftransition.
But that's not a permanentstate.
So I'm going to ride this out,I'm going to wait until I can
transition properly and thenI'll get back to my posting
schedule Like nothing's changed.
(27:27):
And you know what?
I didn't get a thousand angryphone calls on Monday morning
saying, hey, steph, where's myblog?
Because they're not thatimportant.
I mean, they're important to meand they're amazing and I hope
you love them.
And I know that the world'sgoing to keep turning.
So it was that confidence thatallowed me to navigate that,
that hiccup in my plans, becausewe know that there will be
(27:50):
hiccups and plans.
We know this.
So, arming ourselves andequipping ourselves and giving
ourselves the trust that we'regoing to make it through, even
if we don't know how yet, that'spretty cool, that's pretty sexy
and it looks good on everyone.
So, on that note, I'm going tosend it back to the studio.
(28:12):
I hope you found some confidenceand tapped into a bit of your
mojo today.
Please share this with a friend.
I'm so excited to talk to younext week.
We're going to talk about timeand, oh man, I'm going to have
to have a full tank of gasbecause I got lots to say about
that.
Oh time, what a sneaky, sneakydevil.
All right, until next time,peace out.
Ciao for now, back to thestudio.
(28:35):
Bisous, and that was pocket fullof mojo.
Road trip edition.
(28:55):
Tune in next week to see if wedo it again.
But seriously, thank you somuch for tuning in, and I hope
this has helped you tap intosome of that mojo of yours.
You're worth it, baby.
It's all there.
And next week we're going todig into the concept of time,
(29:16):
that weird little construct thatseems to rule our lives.
Well, I say it's time to fixour crowns and make time work
for us.
You, with me, tune in next weekas we figure out all the nuts
and bolts of it all.
In the meantime, if you feellike your mojo could use a tune
up, I've come with lots of waysthat we can do this again.
(29:38):
Make sure you take a coupleminutes to subscribe to this
podcast and for some extra goodjuju, you can leave a review.
Follow me on Instagram fordaily mantras and affirmations,
and be sure to show your lovewith all the likes and comments.
I'm a recovering people pleaser, so you know it means the world
when you do.
And look, you found me at thevery beginning of all things
(30:03):
mojo, and there's so much moreon the way.
All the cool links are found inthe show notes, so go have a
look.
I mean you're here anyway,right?
And while you're at it, sharethis episode with a friend.
It's not only good karma, butit'll give you something to talk
about when you go on your nextmental health walk together, and
I've got so much great stuff toshare with you guys, so be sure
(30:25):
to tune in next week and untilthen, stay classy, stay kind and
put love in everything you do.
Ciao for now.
Thank you.
Popular Podcasts
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
I’m Jay Shetty host of On Purpose the worlds #1 Mental Health podcast and I’m so grateful you found us. I started this podcast 5 years ago to invite you into conversations and workshops that are designed to help make you happier, healthier and more healed. I believe that when you (yes you) feel seen, heard and understood you’re able to deal with relationship struggles, work challenges and life’s ups and downs with more ease and grace. I interview experts, celebrities, thought leaders and athletes so that we can grow our mindset, build better habits and uncover a side of them we’ve never seen before. New episodes every Monday and Friday. Your support means the world to me and I don’t take it for granted — click the follow button and leave a review to help us spread the love with On Purpose. I can’t wait for you to listen to your first or 500th episode!
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com