February 7, 2025 • 24 mins
Perfectionism can hinder our progress and self-worth, making us feel inadequate when we don't meet unrealistic standards. This episode explores the traps of perfectionism, offering strategies for embracing imperfection and reclaiming our confidence.
• Examines the mantra "I am allowed the grace of imperfection"
• Defines pitfalls of perfectionism: all-or-nothing thinking, validation loops, fear of failure
• Discusses the productivity paradox and its effects on our creativity
• Encourages listeners to apply the 80% rule and embrace unfinished work
• Promotes separating self-worth from work to reduce pressure and anxiety
• Suggests letting imperfection be a teacher and learning from mistakes
• Challenges listeners to share their imperfect wins and celebrate progress
Join us in boosting our collective mojo and learning to thrive in our imperfections.
Need help tapping into your Mojo? See ya later brain fog- these gummies are game changers! 15% OFF!
Disclaimer: This post contains affiliate links. If you make a purchase, I may receive a commission at no extra cost to you.
More Mojo:
Daily Mojo:
Mojo Website:
Music from #Uppbeat
https://uppbeat.io/t/mountaineer/run-away
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:22):
When you find yourself going over that email
for the 80th time or you getthat knot in your stomach
because the final result justdoesn't seem to be coming
together exactly as you wantedit to.
This is for you.
Chances are that email was goodenough, but you hold yourself
to some impossible standard.
(00:42):
How about you?
Do you ever feel like, nomatter how much you do, it's
never quite enough, to the pointwhere it takes your breath away
?
That's perfectionism talking.
And guess what?
It's lying to you.
Now, before you get it twisted,sister, this is not about
lowering your standards.
It's about recognizing whenhigh standards turns into
(01:05):
self-sabotage.
Let's unpack this together andremind ourselves that ready
isn't a feeling and get back todelivering our best and stop
waiting for perfection.
Welcome to Pocketful of Mojo,where you're you and I'm Steph,
and we tune in here to tap intosome mojo.
And if you're new here andasking what's mojo, well, mojo
(01:28):
is that feeling of unshakableconfidence, that booming
self-worth.
Like you're an unstoppableforce of nature, and I'm here to
show you how you can have thatfeeling every single day.
You see, I think I've crackedthe code to being happy.
I'm happy all the freaking timeevery day, at least most of the
(01:49):
day, possibly to an annoyingdegree, but hey, I wasn't always
this way.
And not to flex, but I have hadbreakdowns on multiple
continents and into languages.
And look, three years ago mywhole life was a dumpster fire
and today I'm better than I'veever been, and how Well?
By paying attention and byliving with more intention.
(02:12):
And I've curated this self-lovefirst aid kit full of amazing
tools that help me level up andnavigate life with that main
character energy.
The kind of tools I'm talkingabout are like confidence,
self-worth, boundaries and allof the things you were born with
.
They just might be taking a napand I'm not here to gatekeep.
In fact, I'm on a mission tohelp you tap into your best
(02:36):
stuff and remember that you haveeverything you need to live
your life on your own terms.
So in today's episode, we'regoing to discuss the traps and
the pitfalls of perfectionism.
We're going to unpackperfectionism and what to do
instead and how to untangle yourself-worth from an end result
Juicy stuff.
(02:56):
So settle in.
We are here for some positivechange, so let's dig in to where
your mojo meets the road.
Positive change, so let's digin to where your mojo meets the
road.
Hello and welcome to the thirdepisode of the second season of
Pocketful of Mojo.
Once again, I'm Steph.
(03:22):
I'm your mojo maven, youremotional Sherpa, that friend
that you can talk about yourfeelings with, and I'm so glad
you're here.
Quick reminder am I a therapist?
No, do I have a degree inpsychology?
Also, no, I'm a flawed humanand a recovering people pleaser.
Who's just happened to figureout how to tap into our best
stuff?
We are literally born witheverything we need.
So I'm here to reflect yourawesomeness back to you.
(03:45):
We're going to smash somelimiting beliefs and hook you up
with some inspiration andmotivation to live the life you
love and love the life you liveyou in.
Let's go.
Let's start with a quick mantraand set the stage for a great
show.
The mantra this week is I'mallowed the grace of
(04:06):
imperfection.
This one's going to be good.
Let's rip it apart and see whatwe can find here.
I am allowed the grace ofimperfection.
Here comes another amazing I ammantra.
And this one is poised not todisappoint.
Because here's the thing there'smany different schools of
thought about perfection.
(04:27):
Some say it doesn't exist, somesay it's all around us.
I like to think of nature whenI think about perfection.
It doesn't compare itself toanything else and it happens on
its own time or not, dependingon the environment.
And there's a lot of perfectionin beauty and nature.
But I think what's importantfor our purposes is to pull a
(04:48):
little from that and toreconsider and redefine what we
think perfection is.
And that's where grace comesinto play.
I am allowed the grace ofimperfection.
The grace of imperfection refersto the letting go.
This is your invitation torelease your clutch on that very
(05:10):
hyper-specific result or theoutcome, because this is where
fear lives.
This is where expectation comesto steal our joy.
This is where we get confusedand forget our inherent magic
and make the very human mistakeof tying our worth or worthiness
to this one specific outcome.
(05:30):
Now, this was a valuable system.
When we were little, we werelearning the basics.
Some things have a right and awrong way to do it.
But if we're not careful, weend up thinking that it's like
that for everything, and I'mhere to say that life is more
nuanced than that after the ageof about five.
Beauty lives in the mistakes,and it's in the chips and the
(05:53):
cracks that we uncover value.
We shouldn't fear these things.
So it's time to rebrand, it'stime to rewire, and that's what
we're here to do.
I am allowed the grace ofimperfection.
This mantra is you givingyourself the permission slip,
the permission to slip theagreement that you make with
(06:14):
yourself that you can fall, youcan get back up, you can try new
things, you can fuck it up.
You can start one thing and endup somewhere completely
different.
Because perfection, whilsttantalizing and shiny, it,
doesn't teach us anything.
And I believe that we're puthere on this earth for a teeny,
tiny amount of time to do twothings to serve and to
(06:36):
experience.
That's it.
There's no tally at the endwith a gold star for the person
who made the fewest mistakes,end with a gold star for the
person who made the fewestmistakes or was able to get the
most done.
There's no trophy for best atplaying it safe.
Because when you affordyourself this grace, when you
start to take bigger swings,when you fall and watch yourself
(06:58):
get back up again, this iswhere confidence lives, this is
where resilience is built, thisis where the next great idea
comes from.
It comes from imperfection.
I am allowed the grace ofimperfection.
Oh man, are you feeling firedup?
Because I am.
(07:19):
It's like losing 10 poundsovernight and feeling like
everything just fits a littlebetter metaphorically speaking,
of course and it just feels likewe're more free to just be.
So, now that we're sitting in anempowered place, let's dissect
this and fully understand wherewe stand when we're staring down
(07:40):
the barrel of that pesky pestknown as perfectionism.
Let's start by first looking atthe traps and the pitfalls of
perfectionism.
There's four towering trapsthat can creep in over time, and
if you feel like any of theseresonate with you, then know
that you're not alone and you'renot done, for this life is not
(08:00):
a one and done.
We are not one thing.
What we were does not definewho we are now or who we're
going to be, and with intentionand by paying attention, we can
unravel these traps, and when wesee them coming, they have less
power.
So let's dive in.
First, there's the all ornothing mindset, that if it's
(08:21):
not perfect, it's worthless, andwhat this does is it leads to
procrastination and burnout orjust never finishing things, and
this pops up quite often whenwe're starting something new and
we don't have a clear roadmapahead for how we want to get
where we want to go.
One of the other things thatthis mindset leads to is
(08:41):
overwhelm.
If I can't do all the things,then I will just do none of the
things.
And I felt this a lot when Ifirst started my business.
I wanted to have a podcast anda blog and the posts and the
marketing and the book and thecourse.
And guess what?
Burnout showed up to show mewho's boss.
And just because you're tryingto eat the elephant doesn't mean
(09:02):
that you have to take elephantsized bites.
So what you have to take,elephant-sized bites.
So what you want to rememberhere is that when you put one
foot in front of the other, onyour own time, at your own pace,
the path often reveals itself.
We can't always know wherewe're going from, where we are.
Sometimes we have to make ithalfway through the journey
(09:23):
before we can make decisions weneed to make to get us the rest
of the way.
This is where we need to remindourselves of our ability to
problem solve, to ask for helpand to have the humility to say
I don't know.
This mindset is often in placeas a protector of our ego and to
prevent us from having to bevulnerable.
(09:43):
If that's a place where youfeel uncomfortable, and that's
okay, take a beat, look aroundand find a safe way to loop in
an expert or do the researchthat you need to take the next
steps, because, babe, you can doanything, but you don't have to
do everything.
And next there's the validationloop.
(10:05):
Perfectionism often isn't aboutbeing great, it's often about
being approved of, and if yourworth is tied to how flawless
you appear, you are on anexhausting hamster wheel.
The most important opinionthere is is the one that you
have of yourself, period.
(10:25):
And that doesn't mean that wedon't want to have approval of
the people that we love andrespect, and it's not a bad
thing.
To be clear, the danger comeswhen your worth only comes at
the approval of others.
But what if nobody had anythingto say?
What if there was no one aroundto give you feedback?
And what if that feedback isflawed or incomplete?
(10:46):
There's a lot on the line ifyou're willing to hand over your
self-image and your self-worthto someone.
So this is your opportunity toreclaim your power, and remember
that opinions are like assholesEverybody has one, and what
other people think of you goodor bad is also kind of none of
your business.
Think of you good or bad isalso kind of none of your
(11:09):
business until you've developedthat solid feedback loop with
yourself and can stand firm intaking on feedback, unencumbered
by how it will impact how yousee yourself.
Then there's the costume ballthe fear that masquerades as
excellence.
Because here's the truth, folksperfectionism is just fear.
In a fancy outfit, you may stopyourself from doing something
(11:30):
or finishing something, orsharing something, because it's
not done to perfection in yourmind.
Or is it really?
I'm afraid of failing, I'mafraid of judgment, I'm afraid
of rejection, and this remindsme of a text message that I had
to send one time.
It took me over 40 minutes towrite one text message and I
(11:50):
almost had to phone a friend forvalidation, but I ended up
catching myself.
You see, I'd come to a place inmy life where I had to ask for
help, assert myself and stand upfor what I needed, and a few
years ago, these things toppedmy list of things that I was the
most scared of.
But I had to send this text tomy brothers and set boundaries
(12:11):
and be vulnerable, and I'llnever forget.
I was sitting in a mall, textingaway, deleting rewriting,
reflecting rewording, because Ididn't want to sound too bossy
and I didn't want the words toland wrong.
Blah, blah, blah.
Look, looking back now, it wasadorable how mindful I thought I
was being, and I wanted to sayit with just the right words.
(12:34):
And I wanted to say just theright thing and get my point
across in just the right way, orat least that's what I was
telling myself.
What I was doing in actualitywas delaying the hit send button
as long as I could because Ifeared that on the other end
would be rejection or I wouldn'tfeel heard or understood.
And I kept telling myself, if Ijust pick the right words,
(12:55):
it'll be fine.
But what I needed to do wasjust be me and trust the rest.
I realized that once I'dwritten my 700th draft of that
text that hitting send was theactual fear.
Then the smart voice inside myhead popped up and said you'll
figure it out.
There'll be more messages andbloop, just like that.
(13:17):
I hit send Done is better thanperfect, you'll figure it out.
And then there's theproductivity paradox.
The more you obsess over thedetails, the less you actually
get done.
Now this one can show up in acouple of different ways.
Have you ever ended your dayexhausted by doing a million
things that weren't on your list, simply because tackling the
(13:40):
big thing was too much to takeon.
Like I'll clean the whole housebefore sitting down to do that
task that I kind of know how todo, but I know I won't be
perfect at it right away, so I'drather fold towels, because I'm
an ace at that, or fiddlingaround with the font or the
color blocking on that post thatyou made when you could be
(14:02):
writing that novel that you'vebeen thinking about for years,
but you don't really know whereto start.
So you'll just do this a littlelonger and hopefully I don't
know maybe you'll be struck bysome magical inspiration that'll
get the book written for youSomehow right.
Look, the stories we tellourselves are not always in our
best interest.
(14:22):
We have to be the detectivesometimes and interrogate our
thoughts and the silly storiesin order to get to the root,
where the truth actually lives.
When we give ourselves grace,like we did in our mantra
earlier, we can call ourselvesout, lick the wounds of our
bruised ego and put on ourgrown-up pants and just do the
(14:45):
thing.
Do it wrong and maybe do it acouple of times, and then you'll
find your lane.
All that circling around isjust honoring the fear, the fear
that isn't serving you.
In fact, it's holding you back.
So remember who's in chargehere and go follow your biggest
dreams.
When you have the right mindset, you'll fail forward and learn
(15:07):
along the way and show up on theother side stronger, wiser and
resilient as fuck.
So let's shift into unpackingperfectionism.
This is what we're going to doinstead.
This is the juicy stuff.
This is where that comes in,and now that we know what we
don't want, we're going to haveto replace it with some
(15:28):
strategies and some tactics andsome actions that might be new,
but they are going to servedarling, because, remember, this
isn't about doing more, it'sabout doing differently.
So let's dig in Step one.
We're going to challenge theperfect or bust mentality.
So we're going challenge theperfect or bust mentality, so
we're gonna reframe.
(15:48):
Instead of perfect, we're gonnaaim for effective or meaningful
.
I want you to reflect for asecond and think what's one
thing that I've been holdingback on?
Because it's quote unquote notready yet, and we know ready is
not a feeling.
So then think a little bit more.
What's the worst that happensif you put it out there as it is
(16:11):
now?
And if you want to check, let'sgo to step number two.
It's the 80% rule.
Let's go to step number two.
It's the 80% rule.
Perfectionists tend to getstuck and hold things back from
being executed at about 95% to98%.
So the mantra here is done isbetter than perfect.
So my challenge to you trysubmitting or sharing or sending
(16:33):
something that's 80% done andjust notice if anybody sees
these quote-unquote flaws thatyou get so hung up about.
I personally used this tip whenI was launching my YouTube
podcast for the first time.
I had no idea what I was doing,but I thought about the time
when I was a brand new baristaand my first latte.
(16:54):
It probably wasn't great.
I likely made mistakes andmaybe even forgot a step or two,
but the 20th, the 100th latteway easier and with time and
grace, I was able to find myrhythm.
So I just applied that toediting videos.
I wasn't ready, I didn't knowwhat I was doing, but I was
(17:16):
prepared to do it messy andlearn along the way, which comes
way easier when we get intostep number three.
Separate your worth from yourwork.
Your work is not you.
Perfectionism comes frombelieving your mistakes and it
comes from believing that thosemistakes are failure and that
(17:36):
that failure means that you'reunworthy, which is a load of
bullshit.
So we need a self-compassionexercise.
When you think of it, it's timeto list three things that
you've done well recently andyou can't attach a but to it.
It's time to give yourself yourflowers, because
(17:57):
self-celebration is not onlysuper fun.
It's key Not only to remove thepressure of getting external
validation, but also to realizethat there's gold to be found
wherever you look for it.
Separating my worth from my workwas a lesson that I learned
with a kick to the teeth,metaphorically speaking.
(18:17):
I had my dream job and I pouredeverything I had into it.
I moved cities for it and Iloved it and I was really good
at it.
And then the economy crashedand I got laid off, and that
afternoon I wandered around themall like a zombie, completely
disconnected from who I was.
(18:38):
Without this job, I had nobalance in my life.
I had no hobbies, I had nofriends.
This job was my everything.
So it was a huge wake up call,and one that I don't recommend.
You can get ahead of it,because if you're only happy
when it's sunny out, what thefuck are you going to do when it
(18:59):
rains?
We need to diversify.
We need to link our value andour worth to something greater
than what the external world iswilling to give us.
So, moving on to step numberfour, this is where we let
imperfection be your teacher.
This is where we learn thatmessy action beats flawless
(19:20):
hesitation.
If you're not making mistakes,you're probably not doing a lot,
and the mindset shift here isthat every flaw is feedback, not
failure.
A useful tool that I use isthat I give myself a minimum of
five mistakes per day.
That is my budget and I'm hereto spend it.
I am here to expect mistakes,and I encourage you to do this
(19:45):
too.
It's so freeing.
Do things that cause you tomake mistakes, because this
allows you to show yourself howresilient you really are, and
doing this every day just makesyou stronger.
And remember that flaws andimperfections are what helps us
to stand out and it shows ourhumanity, and there is nothing
(20:06):
more beautiful than that.
When we say that every flaw isfeedback, it just means that
we're constantly learning, andthat's free advice plus
experience, and that's worth itsweight in gold, and now is the
time to go out there and minefor more.
So, to recap our adventurestogether today perfectionism
(20:27):
isn't about excellence.
It's about fear.
Action beats overthinking everysingle time and your work does
not define your worth.
So this week I challenge you todo one thing that you've been
putting off.
You know that thing I'm talkingabout, that thing that's not
quite perfect.
I just want you to hit, send,publish, launch, submit it
(20:51):
whatever it is, do it and I wantyou to see what happens next.
And then I want you to tag MojoMastery so that we can
celebrate your progress.
That's right.
I'm launching a new segmentwhere I'm inviting all of you,
lovely listeners, to share yourimperfect wins with me on
Instagram, on the email, there'slinks in the show notes and you
(21:14):
just might be featured in afuture episode.
That's right.
I am launching these challengesto you and I want to celebrate
you and uncover these everydaywins that we can have with the
world.
And if you want to get moreinto personal development but
you don't know where to start,I've got you.
I want to invite you to takethe Mojo quiz.
There's a link in the shownotes and it's just five quick
(21:38):
quiz questions.
You already know the answersand in the end I give you some
insight that will help youexplore your own personal growth
further and help you get whereyou want to go faster, no matter
where you're at on thisadventure, I'll meet you there.
And all of this today has beenbrought to you by Mojo gummies.
Cool right, these things havebeen a game changer for my
(22:02):
multi-passionate brain toactually get things done and
feel good doing it.
My friend turned me on to themas a substitute for Adderall.
So all my neurodivergent andneuro spicy friends out there,
these are for you.
They are all natural, they aredelicious I think I have the
strawberry kiwi ones they areaffordable, they're vegan
(22:22):
friendly and, most of all,they're effective.
This brain fog is a thing ofthe past.
I feel focused, undistracted,which really helps me turn into
my what, that's right, my mojo.
So click the link in the shownotes and you will get your very
own 15% off code and you cantry them today.
(22:44):
So thank you so much for tuningin today and remember, wherever
you are on your mojo journey,you're not alone.
You've got everything you needand you're doing great.
So be sure to tune in next week, where we're going to do a
little detox, how to stopapologizing for existing.
(23:04):
So you know what to do.
You're going to like, subscribe, share, comment, because it's
not only good for Juju.
It helps more people find theshow.
So before we close out, for now, remember perfectionism is just
fear in a fancier outfit.
Call it out, take action andget your mojo back.
This has been Steph, your MojoMaven with Pocketful of Mojo and
(23:28):
that's all the time we have fortoday.
And just like that, your pocketis officially packed with mojo.
Use it wisely.
Now go get out of here.
Show the world the unstoppableforce of nature.
We both know you are Toodle-ookangaroo.
You.
When you find yourself going over that email
for the 80th time or you getthat knot in your stomach
because the final result justdoesn't seem to be coming
together exactly as you wantedit to.
This is for you.
Chances are that email was goodenough, but you hold yourself
to some impossible standard.
(00:42):
How about you?
Do you ever feel like, nomatter how much you do, it's
never quite enough, to the pointwhere it takes your breath away
?
That's perfectionism talking.
And guess what?
It's lying to you.
Now, before you get it twisted,sister, this is not about
lowering your standards.
It's about recognizing whenhigh standards turns into
(01:05):
self-sabotage.
Let's unpack this together andremind ourselves that ready
isn't a feeling and get back todelivering our best and stop
waiting for perfection.
Welcome to Pocketful of Mojo,where you're you and I'm Steph,
and we tune in here to tap intosome mojo.
And if you're new here andasking what's mojo, well, mojo
(01:28):
is that feeling of unshakableconfidence, that booming
self-worth.
Like you're an unstoppableforce of nature, and I'm here to
show you how you can have thatfeeling every single day.
You see, I think I've crackedthe code to being happy.
I'm happy all the freaking timeevery day, at least most of the
(01:49):
day, possibly to an annoyingdegree, but hey, I wasn't always
this way.
And not to flex, but I have hadbreakdowns on multiple
continents and into languages.
And look, three years ago mywhole life was a dumpster fire
and today I'm better than I'veever been, and how Well?
By paying attention and byliving with more intention.
(02:12):
And I've curated this self-lovefirst aid kit full of amazing
tools that help me level up andnavigate life with that main
character energy.
The kind of tools I'm talkingabout are like confidence,
self-worth, boundaries and allof the things you were born with
.
They just might be taking a napand I'm not here to gatekeep.
In fact, I'm on a mission tohelp you tap into your best
(02:36):
stuff and remember that you haveeverything you need to live
your life on your own terms.
So in today's episode, we'regoing to discuss the traps and
the pitfalls of perfectionism.
We're going to unpackperfectionism and what to do
instead and how to untangle yourself-worth from an end result
Juicy stuff.
(02:56):
So settle in.
We are here for some positivechange, so let's dig in to where
your mojo meets the road.
Positive change, so let's digin to where your mojo meets the
road.
Hello and welcome to the thirdepisode of the second season of
Pocketful of Mojo.
Once again, I'm Steph.
(03:22):
I'm your mojo maven, youremotional Sherpa, that friend
that you can talk about yourfeelings with, and I'm so glad
you're here.
Quick reminder am I a therapist?
No, do I have a degree inpsychology?
Also, no, I'm a flawed humanand a recovering people pleaser.
Who's just happened to figureout how to tap into our best
stuff?
We are literally born witheverything we need.
So I'm here to reflect yourawesomeness back to you.
(03:45):
We're going to smash somelimiting beliefs and hook you up
with some inspiration andmotivation to live the life you
love and love the life you liveyou in.
Let's go.
Let's start with a quick mantraand set the stage for a great
show.
The mantra this week is I'mallowed the grace of
(04:06):
imperfection.
This one's going to be good.
Let's rip it apart and see whatwe can find here.
I am allowed the grace ofimperfection.
Here comes another amazing I ammantra.
And this one is poised not todisappoint.
Because here's the thing there'smany different schools of
thought about perfection.
(04:27):
Some say it doesn't exist, somesay it's all around us.
I like to think of nature whenI think about perfection.
It doesn't compare itself toanything else and it happens on
its own time or not, dependingon the environment.
And there's a lot of perfectionin beauty and nature.
But I think what's importantfor our purposes is to pull a
(04:48):
little from that and toreconsider and redefine what we
think perfection is.
And that's where grace comesinto play.
I am allowed the grace ofimperfection.
The grace of imperfection refersto the letting go.
This is your invitation torelease your clutch on that very
(05:10):
hyper-specific result or theoutcome, because this is where
fear lives.
This is where expectation comesto steal our joy.
This is where we get confusedand forget our inherent magic
and make the very human mistakeof tying our worth or worthiness
to this one specific outcome.
(05:30):
Now, this was a valuable system.
When we were little, we werelearning the basics.
Some things have a right and awrong way to do it.
But if we're not careful, weend up thinking that it's like
that for everything, and I'mhere to say that life is more
nuanced than that after the ageof about five.
Beauty lives in the mistakes,and it's in the chips and the
(05:53):
cracks that we uncover value.
We shouldn't fear these things.
So it's time to rebrand, it'stime to rewire, and that's what
we're here to do.
I am allowed the grace ofimperfection.
This mantra is you givingyourself the permission slip,
the permission to slip theagreement that you make with
(06:14):
yourself that you can fall, youcan get back up, you can try new
things, you can fuck it up.
You can start one thing and endup somewhere completely
different.
Because perfection, whilsttantalizing and shiny, it,
doesn't teach us anything.
And I believe that we're puthere on this earth for a teeny,
tiny amount of time to do twothings to serve and to
(06:36):
experience.
That's it.
There's no tally at the endwith a gold star for the person
who made the fewest mistakes,end with a gold star for the
person who made the fewestmistakes or was able to get the
most done.
There's no trophy for best atplaying it safe.
Because when you affordyourself this grace, when you
start to take bigger swings,when you fall and watch yourself
(06:58):
get back up again, this iswhere confidence lives, this is
where resilience is built, thisis where the next great idea
comes from.
It comes from imperfection.
I am allowed the grace ofimperfection.
Oh man, are you feeling firedup?
Because I am.
(07:19):
It's like losing 10 poundsovernight and feeling like
everything just fits a littlebetter metaphorically speaking,
of course and it just feels likewe're more free to just be.
So, now that we're sitting in anempowered place, let's dissect
this and fully understand wherewe stand when we're staring down
(07:40):
the barrel of that pesky pestknown as perfectionism.
Let's start by first looking atthe traps and the pitfalls of
perfectionism.
There's four towering trapsthat can creep in over time, and
if you feel like any of theseresonate with you, then know
that you're not alone and you'renot done, for this life is not
(08:00):
a one and done.
We are not one thing.
What we were does not definewho we are now or who we're
going to be, and with intentionand by paying attention, we can
unravel these traps, and when wesee them coming, they have less
power.
So let's dive in.
First, there's the all ornothing mindset, that if it's
(08:21):
not perfect, it's worthless, andwhat this does is it leads to
procrastination and burnout orjust never finishing things, and
this pops up quite often whenwe're starting something new and
we don't have a clear roadmapahead for how we want to get
where we want to go.
One of the other things thatthis mindset leads to is
(08:41):
overwhelm.
If I can't do all the things,then I will just do none of the
things.
And I felt this a lot when Ifirst started my business.
I wanted to have a podcast anda blog and the posts and the
marketing and the book and thecourse.
And guess what?
Burnout showed up to show mewho's boss.
And just because you're tryingto eat the elephant doesn't mean
(09:02):
that you have to take elephantsized bites.
So what you have to take,elephant-sized bites.
So what you want to rememberhere is that when you put one
foot in front of the other, onyour own time, at your own pace,
the path often reveals itself.
We can't always know wherewe're going from, where we are.
Sometimes we have to make ithalfway through the journey
(09:23):
before we can make decisions weneed to make to get us the rest
of the way.
This is where we need to remindourselves of our ability to
problem solve, to ask for helpand to have the humility to say
I don't know.
This mindset is often in placeas a protector of our ego and to
prevent us from having to bevulnerable.
(09:43):
If that's a place where youfeel uncomfortable, and that's
okay, take a beat, look aroundand find a safe way to loop in
an expert or do the researchthat you need to take the next
steps, because, babe, you can doanything, but you don't have to
do everything.
And next there's the validationloop.
(10:05):
Perfectionism often isn't aboutbeing great, it's often about
being approved of, and if yourworth is tied to how flawless
you appear, you are on anexhausting hamster wheel.
The most important opinionthere is is the one that you
have of yourself, period.
(10:25):
And that doesn't mean that wedon't want to have approval of
the people that we love andrespect, and it's not a bad
thing.
To be clear, the danger comeswhen your worth only comes at
the approval of others.
But what if nobody had anythingto say?
What if there was no one aroundto give you feedback?
And what if that feedback isflawed or incomplete?
(10:46):
There's a lot on the line ifyou're willing to hand over your
self-image and your self-worthto someone.
So this is your opportunity toreclaim your power, and remember
that opinions are like assholesEverybody has one, and what
other people think of you goodor bad is also kind of none of
your business.
Think of you good or bad isalso kind of none of your
(11:09):
business until you've developedthat solid feedback loop with
yourself and can stand firm intaking on feedback, unencumbered
by how it will impact how yousee yourself.
Then there's the costume ballthe fear that masquerades as
excellence.
Because here's the truth, folksperfectionism is just fear.
In a fancy outfit, you may stopyourself from doing something
(11:30):
or finishing something, orsharing something, because it's
not done to perfection in yourmind.
Or is it really?
I'm afraid of failing, I'mafraid of judgment, I'm afraid
of rejection, and this remindsme of a text message that I had
to send one time.
It took me over 40 minutes towrite one text message and I
(11:50):
almost had to phone a friend forvalidation, but I ended up
catching myself.
You see, I'd come to a place inmy life where I had to ask for
help, assert myself and stand upfor what I needed, and a few
years ago, these things toppedmy list of things that I was the
most scared of.
But I had to send this text tomy brothers and set boundaries
(12:11):
and be vulnerable, and I'llnever forget.
I was sitting in a mall, textingaway, deleting rewriting,
reflecting rewording, because Ididn't want to sound too bossy
and I didn't want the words toland wrong.
Blah, blah, blah.
Look, looking back now, it wasadorable how mindful I thought I
was being, and I wanted to sayit with just the right words.
(12:34):
And I wanted to say just theright thing and get my point
across in just the right way, orat least that's what I was
telling myself.
What I was doing in actualitywas delaying the hit send button
as long as I could because Ifeared that on the other end
would be rejection or I wouldn'tfeel heard or understood.
And I kept telling myself, if Ijust pick the right words,
(12:55):
it'll be fine.
But what I needed to do wasjust be me and trust the rest.
I realized that once I'dwritten my 700th draft of that
text that hitting send was theactual fear.
Then the smart voice inside myhead popped up and said you'll
figure it out.
There'll be more messages andbloop, just like that.
(13:17):
I hit send Done is better thanperfect, you'll figure it out.
And then there's theproductivity paradox.
The more you obsess over thedetails, the less you actually
get done.
Now this one can show up in acouple of different ways.
Have you ever ended your dayexhausted by doing a million
things that weren't on your list, simply because tackling the
(13:40):
big thing was too much to takeon.
Like I'll clean the whole housebefore sitting down to do that
task that I kind of know how todo, but I know I won't be
perfect at it right away, so I'drather fold towels, because I'm
an ace at that, or fiddlingaround with the font or the
color blocking on that post thatyou made when you could be
(14:02):
writing that novel that you'vebeen thinking about for years,
but you don't really know whereto start.
So you'll just do this a littlelonger and hopefully I don't
know maybe you'll be struck bysome magical inspiration that'll
get the book written for youSomehow right.
Look, the stories we tellourselves are not always in our
best interest.
(14:22):
We have to be the detectivesometimes and interrogate our
thoughts and the silly storiesin order to get to the root,
where the truth actually lives.
When we give ourselves grace,like we did in our mantra
earlier, we can call ourselvesout, lick the wounds of our
bruised ego and put on ourgrown-up pants and just do the
(14:45):
thing.
Do it wrong and maybe do it acouple of times, and then you'll
find your lane.
All that circling around isjust honoring the fear, the fear
that isn't serving you.
In fact, it's holding you back.
So remember who's in chargehere and go follow your biggest
dreams.
When you have the right mindset, you'll fail forward and learn
(15:07):
along the way and show up on theother side stronger, wiser and
resilient as fuck.
So let's shift into unpackingperfectionism.
This is what we're going to doinstead.
This is the juicy stuff.
This is where that comes in,and now that we know what we
don't want, we're going to haveto replace it with some
(15:28):
strategies and some tactics andsome actions that might be new,
but they are going to servedarling, because, remember, this
isn't about doing more, it'sabout doing differently.
So let's dig in Step one.
We're going to challenge theperfect or bust mentality.
So we're going challenge theperfect or bust mentality, so
we're gonna reframe.
(15:48):
Instead of perfect, we're gonnaaim for effective or meaningful
.
I want you to reflect for asecond and think what's one
thing that I've been holdingback on?
Because it's quote unquote notready yet, and we know ready is
not a feeling.
So then think a little bit more.
What's the worst that happensif you put it out there as it is
(16:11):
now?
And if you want to check, let'sgo to step number two.
It's the 80% rule.
Let's go to step number two.
It's the 80% rule.
Perfectionists tend to getstuck and hold things back from
being executed at about 95% to98%.
So the mantra here is done isbetter than perfect.
So my challenge to you trysubmitting or sharing or sending
(16:33):
something that's 80% done andjust notice if anybody sees
these quote-unquote flaws thatyou get so hung up about.
I personally used this tip whenI was launching my YouTube
podcast for the first time.
I had no idea what I was doing,but I thought about the time
when I was a brand new baristaand my first latte.
(16:54):
It probably wasn't great.
I likely made mistakes andmaybe even forgot a step or two,
but the 20th, the 100th latteway easier and with time and
grace, I was able to find myrhythm.
So I just applied that toediting videos.
I wasn't ready, I didn't knowwhat I was doing, but I was
(17:16):
prepared to do it messy andlearn along the way, which comes
way easier when we get intostep number three.
Separate your worth from yourwork.
Your work is not you.
Perfectionism comes frombelieving your mistakes and it
comes from believing that thosemistakes are failure and that
(17:36):
that failure means that you'reunworthy, which is a load of
bullshit.
So we need a self-compassionexercise.
When you think of it, it's timeto list three things that
you've done well recently andyou can't attach a but to it.
It's time to give yourself yourflowers, because
(17:57):
self-celebration is not onlysuper fun.
It's key Not only to remove thepressure of getting external
validation, but also to realizethat there's gold to be found
wherever you look for it.
Separating my worth from my workwas a lesson that I learned
with a kick to the teeth,metaphorically speaking.
(18:17):
I had my dream job and I pouredeverything I had into it.
I moved cities for it and Iloved it and I was really good
at it.
And then the economy crashedand I got laid off, and that
afternoon I wandered around themall like a zombie, completely
disconnected from who I was.
(18:38):
Without this job, I had nobalance in my life.
I had no hobbies, I had nofriends.
This job was my everything.
So it was a huge wake up call,and one that I don't recommend.
You can get ahead of it,because if you're only happy
when it's sunny out, what thefuck are you going to do when it
(18:59):
rains?
We need to diversify.
We need to link our value andour worth to something greater
than what the external world iswilling to give us.
So, moving on to step numberfour, this is where we let
imperfection be your teacher.
This is where we learn thatmessy action beats flawless
(19:20):
hesitation.
If you're not making mistakes,you're probably not doing a lot,
and the mindset shift here isthat every flaw is feedback, not
failure.
A useful tool that I use isthat I give myself a minimum of
five mistakes per day.
That is my budget and I'm hereto spend it.
I am here to expect mistakes,and I encourage you to do this
(19:45):
too.
It's so freeing.
Do things that cause you tomake mistakes, because this
allows you to show yourself howresilient you really are, and
doing this every day just makesyou stronger.
And remember that flaws andimperfections are what helps us
to stand out and it shows ourhumanity, and there is nothing
(20:06):
more beautiful than that.
When we say that every flaw isfeedback, it just means that
we're constantly learning, andthat's free advice plus
experience, and that's worth itsweight in gold, and now is the
time to go out there and minefor more.
So, to recap our adventurestogether today perfectionism
(20:27):
isn't about excellence.
It's about fear.
Action beats overthinking everysingle time and your work does
not define your worth.
So this week I challenge you todo one thing that you've been
putting off.
You know that thing I'm talkingabout, that thing that's not
quite perfect.
I just want you to hit, send,publish, launch, submit it
(20:51):
whatever it is, do it and I wantyou to see what happens next.
And then I want you to tag MojoMastery so that we can
celebrate your progress.
That's right.
I'm launching a new segmentwhere I'm inviting all of you,
lovely listeners, to share yourimperfect wins with me on
Instagram, on the email, there'slinks in the show notes and you
(21:14):
just might be featured in afuture episode.
That's right.
I am launching these challengesto you and I want to celebrate
you and uncover these everydaywins that we can have with the
world.
And if you want to get moreinto personal development but
you don't know where to start,I've got you.
I want to invite you to takethe Mojo quiz.
There's a link in the shownotes and it's just five quick
(21:38):
quiz questions.
You already know the answersand in the end I give you some
insight that will help youexplore your own personal growth
further and help you get whereyou want to go faster, no matter
where you're at on thisadventure, I'll meet you there.
And all of this today has beenbrought to you by Mojo gummies.
Cool right, these things havebeen a game changer for my
(22:02):
multi-passionate brain toactually get things done and
feel good doing it.
My friend turned me on to themas a substitute for Adderall.
So all my neurodivergent andneuro spicy friends out there,
these are for you.
They are all natural, they aredelicious I think I have the
strawberry kiwi ones they areaffordable, they're vegan
(22:22):
friendly and, most of all,they're effective.
This brain fog is a thing ofthe past.
I feel focused, undistracted,which really helps me turn into
my what, that's right, my mojo.
So click the link in the shownotes and you will get your very
own 15% off code and you cantry them today.
(22:44):
So thank you so much for tuningin today and remember, wherever
you are on your mojo journey,you're not alone.
You've got everything you needand you're doing great.
So be sure to tune in next week, where we're going to do a
little detox, how to stopapologizing for existing.
(23:04):
So you know what to do.
You're going to like, subscribe, share, comment, because it's
not only good for Juju.
It helps more people find theshow.
So before we close out, for now, remember perfectionism is just
fear in a fancier outfit.
Call it out, take action andget your mojo back.
This has been Steph, your MojoMaven with Pocketful of Mojo and
(23:28):
that's all the time we have fortoday.
And just like that, your pocketis officially packed with mojo.
Use it wisely.
Now go get out of here.
Show the world the unstoppableforce of nature.
We both know you are Toodle-ookangaroo.
You.
Popular Podcasts
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
I’m Jay Shetty host of On Purpose the worlds #1 Mental Health podcast and I’m so grateful you found us. I started this podcast 5 years ago to invite you into conversations and workshops that are designed to help make you happier, healthier and more healed. I believe that when you (yes you) feel seen, heard and understood you’re able to deal with relationship struggles, work challenges and life’s ups and downs with more ease and grace. I interview experts, celebrities, thought leaders and athletes so that we can grow our mindset, build better habits and uncover a side of them we’ve never seen before. New episodes every Monday and Friday. Your support means the world to me and I don’t take it for granted — click the follow button and leave a review to help us spread the love with On Purpose. I can’t wait for you to listen to your first or 500th episode!
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com