August 8, 2024 • 28 mins
Ever felt like you're talking, but no one's really listening? Or maybe you feel isolated even in a crowded room? Join me, Steph, your Mojo Maven, on a heartfelt journey through the transformative power of feeling supported in this emotionally enriching episode of Pocketful of Mojo. We start with the mantra "I am surrounded by support, seen and unseen," which has been a game-changer in flipping the narrative of feeling invisible. I'll share personal anecdotes and the quirky challenges of my nomadic lifestyle in our new segment "Mojo on the Go," all to show you how this powerful affirmation can cultivate a sense of belonging and self-worth wherever you are.
Moving forward, we dive into the struggles of finding your voice and visibility, especially in social settings or when you're speaking a second language. Drawing from my own experiences of feeling constantly interrupted and undervalued, I emphasize the importance of mindfulness and self-awareness. By establishing regular check-ins with friends and asking for the support you need, you can start filling your own cup and transforming your relationships. This episode is your warm blanket of support, filled with actionable insights to help you feel seen, heard, and valued. Tune in and let's create that sense of community and self-worth together.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:11):
Welcome to Pocketful of Mojo, where you're, you and
I'm, steph, and we tune in hereto tap into some mojo.
Well, what do you mean?
What's mojo, mojo, is thatfeeling of unshakable confidence
, booming self-worth, likeyou're an unstoppable force of
nature, and I'm here to show youhow you can have that feeling
(00:33):
every single day.
You see, I think I've crackedthe code to being happy.
I'm happy to a possiblyannoying degree, but that sounds
more like a you problem.
But hey, it wasn't always thisway.
And not to flex, but I've hadbreakdowns on multiple
continents and in two languages.
But by paying attention andliving with more intention, I've
(00:56):
curated a self-love first aidkit, and it's full of amazing
tools that help me out of life'smore sticky and stressful
situations, and do so with graceand self-care.
And I'm not here to gatekeep.
In fact, I'm on a mission tohelp you tap into your best
stuff and remember that you haveeverything you need to live
(01:19):
your life on your own terms.
So settle in.
We're here for some positivechange.
So let's dig in to where yourmojo meets the road.
In today's episode, I'm gonnareview our mantra for the week,
as usual, and then we're gonnadig into today's main topic, and
that topic is feeling invisible.
(01:40):
Now, plot twist, we're takingit on the road and we're gonna
shake things up a bit.
So you stick around and I'mgoing to make sure that you're
glad that you did.
Let's get started with today'smantra and get tuned in, tapped
in and turned on.
Hello, welcome to the 29thepisode of Pocketful of Mojo.
(02:07):
Once again, I'm Steph.
Hey, how you doing?
I'm your Mojo Maven, yourcheerleader, your soul sister,
and I'm so glad you're here.
I'm here to reflect yourawesome and your potential back
to you.
So let's settle in.
Let's start by digging intotoday's mantra, and today's
mantra is I'm surrounded bysupport, seen and unseen.
(02:32):
This one is awesome.
This one flips the wholenarrative of feeling invisible
right on its head, and that'stoday's theme.
But we're cracking it rightopen on the jump.
And when you say this mantra, itreleases that limiting feeling
that comes with feelinginvisible.
It surrenders to the idea thatwe're supported despite feeling
(02:56):
otherwise, and that underlinesthe lesson that feelings are not
facts.
I am surrounded by support,seen and unseen.
This is also a great reminderand an anchor to really take a
moment to proverbially lookaround and be grateful for the
(03:17):
support that you do have in theabsence of feeling that way and
it helps to, you know, take thatsting away a little bit.
I am surrounded by support,seen and unseen.
Now, what this also does isthat it lets the people around
you off the hook a little bitand stay with me when you
(03:38):
require less outward support, inthe knowing that it comes seen
and unseen.
Now you're in this powerposition to hold space for the
feeling of support, despite yourbrain's requirement to have
evidence of it.
And that's what faith is.
And why not Try having a littlebit of faith in the people in
(04:01):
your life that support you,maybe in a way that you just
haven't been able to see, and afaith in yourself that you're
deserving of it?
I am surrounded by support,seen and unseen.
Think of this mantra like awarm blanket.
It's the support you giveyourself.
Really.
It's that remembering that youhave evidence, if you look
(04:25):
around in your life, of peoplewho love and support you in all
kinds of ways.
I am surrounded by support,seen and unseen.
Now, for me, this mantra issomething that is essential.
As a nomad, I'm always poppingup in one city or another for
who knows how long.
I tend to have like a four-yearcycle and I have some deep
(04:49):
roots here in Winnipeg.
My sisters from another misterare here and living day to day
without that could feelincredibly isolating, and the
FOMO was real, I can tell you.
But when I repeat this, it'slike all of their love and
support and encouragement thatthey've ever given me comes
(05:10):
flooding back in just one momentand just like that I feel a
little more okay and a littleless alone.
I am surrounded by support seenand unseen.
Now that you've felt that shift, that can happen when you give
yourself over to this mantra andif it takes time, that's okay,
(05:31):
I support you.
So when you do feel this shift,you've proven that you can
self-soothe.
You've proven that the supportthat is more powerful than
anyone is the support that yougive yourself and you can access
(05:52):
it at any time.
I am surrounded by support seenand unseen.
And now over to ourcorrespondent on the road,
safely and hands-free, thanks toher new lapel mic.
Ladies and gentlemen, andeveryone in between, your Mojo
Maven Steph on the go.
Let's see if this thing canrecord for longer than 15
(06:22):
seconds.
Oh, my god, it's doing itHooray.
Oh my god, you guys, I've beentrying to do this all day.
Let me tell you about it.
Welcome to my 2009 Maroon FordFocus.
(06:45):
This is Mojo on the go.
Ladies and gentlemen, and thisis my third attempt this morning
I tried to do this on a walk,thinking like, yeah, we can go
for a walk together and I canjust like, literally put you in
my pocket and we can be apocketful of Mojo together.
Well, after about 25 minutes ofwalking around my neighborhood
you know, getting my mentalhealth walk in I've learned a
(07:05):
couple of things.
Number one I walk really fastand it's hard to talk and walk
really fast at the same time.
Number two my recording didn'trecord anything longer than 16
seconds, so virtually myneighborhood got a lesson in
feeling invisible today.
So that was a failed attempt.
Number one Then I was like,okay, I'm going back to my
(07:28):
original idea mojo on the go,coming at you live from the road
, we're taking a little roadtrip together.
Because, like, the initialprecipice for this podcast
format shakeup was that I waslistening and listening, always
trying to like improve mypodcast for you, and I wanted to
sound more authentic.
I wanted it to feel more like achat, but, like, the
(07:52):
perfectionist in me is like,make it written down, like write
out your thoughts and I writethe way I talk.
So I like to think that youknow some of that came through,
but it all sounds reallypolished and I wanted something
like more conversational, moreauthentic, and that I could come
through a little bit more, youknow, so we could get to know
(08:14):
each other.
So I thought, okay, steph, whatare you doing when you can just
like riff and like like talkout loud is basically what I'm
doing, like thinking out loud iswhat I mean, and I'm like I'm
driving.
So here we are, you're in mycar, the rattling is, you know,
the byproduct of it being a 200year old car that is destined
(08:37):
for a museum soon.
And welcome to Mojo on the GoBeta test Taking big swings,
trying new things, steppingoutside of our comfort zone, all
the things.
So I'm really excited to hearwhat you think.
I know this is a little bit ofa departure from me from the
classic well-polished audioquality that you get when I
(09:00):
record in my closet, but I'mstill going to stick to the
polished intro and outro so thatyou can still get that good
mantra focused without, like youknow, fire trucks going by or
you know, random distractingthings like that.
But today we're going to riffon feeling invisible Because I
(09:22):
think I finally got this audiofigured out and I'm done at
Staples, just printed off someQR codes for the podcast so that
wherever I go and find a littlecommunity board boop, there
goes the podcast.
Great idea.
Shout out to the People Pleaserpodcast for giving me this
great idea, because I want toshare it.
So this is also my shout out toyou, my good friends, to by all
(09:46):
means, if you're enjoying thispodcast, please share with a
friend.
It would really mean a lot tome.
And because it's all aboutspreading that message of
connecting with yourself,something that I think is like
it's a lifelong hobby.
You know, it's the best thingwe can do with our spare time.
(10:07):
And what we're going to talkabout today, which is feeling
invisible, you know we try tolock in on what the solution is
or how to fix it, which isobviously where monkey brains
like to go.
Um, you know it all comes backto that relationship that you
have with yourself.
(10:28):
So that feeling invisible haveyou ever felt invisible?
I felt invisible.
I can count a handful of times,probably, and I think about
like the most recent one andprobably one of the first ones
are what pop into mind.
The first one I was a littlegirl and I was like highly,
(10:54):
highly compliant, always wantingto be on time, show well, do
the right thing, like people,pleaser to the max, uh, big time
.
And I felt invisible.
And it came up because I feltno, this is how it expressed
(11:14):
itself.
I was in gym class and, forwhatever reason I don't remember
all the details, but I stolethis girl's shoes and I can't
remember if I hid them or oh,I'm thinking about this a second
time I think I may have putthem in the garbage, I don't
know.
It was really, really out ofcharacter for me and it was like
(11:36):
a really big thing and it washonestly, the most rebellious
thing I ever did.
As a we taught but like I had tosit down with a teacher and my
mom came in and we had to talkabout it and I remember it being
treated really seriously andone of the things that they
asked me was like why did you dothis?
And I remember being thatlittle girl looking up at the
(11:59):
two adults and all I wanted tosay was because I wanted the
attention.
I just wanted someone to payattention to me and I like that
was my answer, but I knew thatsomething told me that that
wasn't going to make sense orthat wasn't going to fly, you
know.
So I probably shrugged myshoulders and said I don't know,
or something adorably incorrectlike that.
(12:23):
But that's really what I wanted.
Like I lived in a busy house.
I had two older brothers, sixand eight years older, so we
were always going to like ahockey practice or going to a
recital or going to a tournament, or like we were always on the
go.
So I didn't get a lot of likeone-on-one time or time that was
(12:45):
just for me, or time that wasall about me.
And I think that in wanting tosolve that problem, I solved the
problem.
I got the attention, but mybrain didn't think it through to
be like is that, do you wantgood attention or do you want
bad attention?
So you know, I think that thatwas kind of the first time that
I kind of felt, you know,invisible.
(13:08):
But now, as an adult, I'm inthis much better place.
But even though I've like gonethrough it, that doesn't leave
me like invincible to thefeeling of feeling invisible, to
the feeling of feelinginvisible.
So it makes me think about whenI lived in France and I there
(13:32):
was an opportunity for me tofeel invisible at what felt like
every turn From the time that Igot there.
I got there in the summertimeand all my summer clothes, being
from Canada, looked a whole lotlike my winter clothes, because
we live with air conditioning.
We go from the air-conditionedcar to the air-conditioned house
, to the air-conditioned storeand so on.
So, yeah, love me some airconditioning, but don't own a
(13:56):
lot of shorts or like cutesundresses, you know.
So there I was, new girl inFrance, starting a new life,
let's get some French clothes.
So I go out shopping Money toburn, waving my dollar bills
around Someone, please take mymoney.
And then I learned that theFrench measure sizing
differently.
So I was like, oh, okay, goingto these cute little boutiques
(14:19):
and they're like okay, they'reeither a one, a two or a three.
Well, honey, I was a four and ahalf.
So talk about not feeling seen.
I couldn't even dress like alocal, let alone try to fit in
like a local.
Right, like I couldn't even.
So I started shopping at thegrocery store.
They have these super megagrocery stores with like the
(14:39):
cutest clothes in them, but thatwas a little bit humbling.
That really gave my self-esteema shot.
It gave my self-image a shot.
Um, that was a big test and youknow it took some dealing with.
And then, on top of that, I'mdoing all this in my second
language.
So I had a pretty good grip ofFrench getting there, but I had
(15:03):
no idea how much French I didn'tknow.
So, like I didn't know themovie references that everybody
had watched a thousand times, Ididn't know the songs that
everybody knew how to sing assoon as they came on, and these
are things that I'm usuallyreally good at in English.
And so to really see that gapand like not being on the joke
(15:24):
and not understand what they'resaying and not know the words to
the song, just made me feellike more and more of an
outsider and less and less likeI belonged.
So not having that sense ofbelonging, I did the next best
thing, which was try to fit in.
So you know, I try to insertmyself in conversations, try to
(15:46):
be brave and like not afraid tomake mistakes it's my second
language, give myself some graceand then I find myself
constantly being cut off in likethe middle of my sentences.
And then I slowly learnedpainfully that this is like a
cultural thing and this is justhow they do, but like sometimes
I would get cut off and theywouldn't even like expand on
(16:09):
what we were already talkingabout.
They changed the fuckingsubject and there's nothing that
has ever made me feel soinvisible as those moments
Because there was more than onetime that this happened where I
was just like, oh my god, am Ieven talking?
Do people even hear me?
Like is my accent so bad thatit's like incomprehensible?
(16:32):
So that again, huge hit to theego, huge check for like
self-worth and just like, oh myGod, am I in the right place?
So you do the next best thing,which is you try to fit in, and
you try to fit in, and nobodywakes up in the morning like,
(16:53):
hey, you know what I'm justgoing'm just gonna feel
invisible.
I'm gonna do whatever I can tofeel small and to debase myself,
like it.
It doesn't work that way.
It's like a slow drip.
It's like one littleaccommodation here and one thing
you wish you'd said but didn'tthere, and one little sacrifice
(17:14):
and then another accommodationand then all of a sudden, I was
surrendering to my environmentso much that I was like a shell
of a human.
I didn't know who I was, Ididn't know what my needs were.
I was trying to go with theflow so much that I ended up
(17:36):
with whatever, because I askedfor nothing and got exactly that
in return.
So, little by little, it chippedand chipped and chipped away,
and then I like observed thefeeling of feeling invisible,
(17:58):
and I observed the feeling oflike not wanting to do this
anymore, like not wanting to beconsistently feeling small and
unheard, and so I used a littlebit of oh okay, you can just
pull in front of me, that's fine.
(18:18):
So I used mindfulness and Iused observation and I I
separated it from myself and Istopped the feelings that came
along with it just momentarily,so I could circle back and feel
them with awareness, because Iwas deserving of those feelings,
(18:38):
because I had set all theexpectations without actually
asking for what I wanted.
So what I'd figured out waswhat I didn't want.
I didn't want to feel small, Ididn't want to feel unheard, I
didn't want to disappear everytime I walked into a room and
(19:01):
couldn't quite match thetemperature.
So I figured out what I didn'twant.
So then that allowed me tofigure out what I wanted.
So, okay, what do I want?
I want to take up some space, Iwant my voice to be heard.
Okay, staff, what do you wantto say?
Uh, I don't know.
So then that you know that lefta spot for me to do some more
(19:24):
growing.
Okay, what do I want to say?
Because I had spent so longjust going with the flow, I
didn't know what I wanted to say, and it's taken me a really
long time to get to this placewhere I now have a podcast to
share what I want to say.
But in that moment, a podcastwasn't going to solve my problem
, right?
So then, oh, it's getting hotin here.
(19:46):
There we go.
So then I observe it.
Right, it's not good, it's notbad, it just is.
This is what it is, this iswhat I don't want.
Now I can focus on what I want,and now I can, I'm in a better
position to start attractingwhat I need, right?
So you know, I think about whenI came back to Winnipeg and I'd
(20:07):
moved here after living inFrance, feeling invisible.
So I shouldn't be feelinginvisible here, right?
Because I'm in the house I grewup in.
I couldn't be in a safer space,right, I'm healing.
I'm surrounded by my family.
I've got friends here that I'veknown since I was five years
old, like they're my chosenfamily, they're incredible.
(20:31):
And so why am I still feelinginvisible?
Right, like, because I'mreaching out, I'm asking how
everybody's doing.
I'm wondering if everybody'sokay.
I'm checking in on people.
Why is no one checking in withme?
Well, I was holding themaccountable to answer a question
(20:51):
I never asked and that's justnot fair.
So, again, I don't beat myselfup over it, but I observe it and
I make adjustments to get whereI want to go To get what I need
.
So I set myself up with abestie Saturday morning
(21:11):
breakfast date Standing.
Every Saturday we meet, rain orshine, and that way I know I've
got someone I can check in withand I can ask them.
You know what I really need?
Your ear.
This is what I'm strugglingwith, and that was
transformational Just being ableto ask for.
What I wanted was filling myown cup, whether I got it or not
(21:33):
, or regardless of how much Igot it from the outside, from my
friends, from my family,because I was taking steps to do
something for myself.
I was taking action to fill aneed that I had observed within
myself, and that was huge,because we always miss wherever
we're not right.
(21:55):
Grass is always greener.
All that so, by getting backinto the present moment and
being mindful and intentionaland having the courage to be
vulnerable, allowed me to kindof see the full picture, to zoom
out of the pity party of likewhat about me?
And trust and believe.
(22:16):
I spent lots of time in thatwhat about me?
Space, but it wasn't cute.
I didn't like resenting thepeople I loved for not loving me
in the way I wanted to be loved, when I hadn't asked them to
love me that way, which I'mtotally entitled to do, which
you are too.
(22:47):
I got a phone call, so this partof the conversation may have
gotten caught up a bit, but thebottom line is we've got to be
able to ask for what we need andthen we can start to attract
the people who are actuallygoing to be able to provide that
for us.
And that doesn't make us needy,it makes us human.
And when we're able to giveourselves the time to connect
(23:09):
with ourselves, to figure outwhat those needs are, we can do
a better job of articulating itwith the people around us that
we love Coming up on SoapConstruction.
So this is really all aboutgetting to know yourself.
And when you're feelinginvisible and you're feeling
unseen, what you really want isto be seen and heard and
(23:34):
understood.
And just make the takeawaytoday that it's okay to put up
your hand and say, hey, I needto, I need some time, I need
some FaceTime, I need a coffee.
Let's go for lunch.
Let's go for breakfast.
Give time for a FaceTimetonight.
Let's go for breakfast.
Do you have time for a FaceTimetonight?
(23:54):
There's nothing wrong withasking for what you need, and
this is you showing up for youand asking for what you need.
I can talk all day long abouthow we can give ourselves what
we need, and sometimes we need alittle help, and the antidote
(24:18):
to feeling invisible is feelingseen, and we're tempted to get
into the place where we're goingto fit in, because that seems
like the path of leastresistance.
But we are going to have tolearn this lesson over and over
and over and over again until wetake the time to tap into who
we are, what we really need andgoing after that and not what we
think we need.
The answer for you is going tobe different than the answer for
(24:41):
someone else.
So trying to go after whatthey're getting may or may not
serve you, that may not be yourjam.
So when you find yourselfyou're able to tune into what
you need, when you can forgiveand love and thank yourself,
then you're on the right trackto attracting what you do want.
(25:04):
And it may take some trial anderror to figure out what that is
, but you're on the path so youcan not only give it to yourself
, but you now know that it'sokay to ask others to help you
get there.
So I hope you enjoyed this funlittle road trip with me today
and thank you for participatingin this beta version.
(25:26):
Road test Literal road test ofPocketful of Mojo on the go,
where I come and riff at youlive and unfiltered about our
topic of the day.
I'd love to hear your feedback.
So we're going to take you backto the studio to close out the
show, but I'd love to hear whatyou think about mojo on the go.
What are your thoughts?
Do I need a passenger?
Um, how is this all gonna towork out?
(25:49):
Should I keep doing it?
Maybe, maybe not.
Ooh, there's a deer.
Oh, I love it when I see a deer.
Oh, I live in a suburb, sodeers aren't usually just
chilling out, but you know,crazy times, oh, and when
there's one, there's two, oh,always.
They're so cute, okay.
(26:09):
So, yeah, back to the studio.
Thanks for tuning in.
They're so cute, okay.
So, yeah, back to the studio.
Thanks for tuning in.
Tune in next week to find outwhether we take this on the road
a second time or whether it wasan editing nightmare and we're
going back to a different format.
So stay tuned, stay funky,peace out, out.
(26:37):
And that, ladies and gentlemen,was the beta test of pocket
full of mojo, road trip edition.
Tune in next week to see if wedo it again.
But seriously, thank you somuch for tuning in and I hope
that this has helped you tapinto some of that mojo of yours.
You're worth it, baby.
(26:57):
So when you feel drawn to it,there's lots of ways that we can
do this again sometime.
If you'd like to read, I've gota weekly blog.
Sign up today and you'll notonly get your weekly blog link,
but you'll also get MojoMagazine, which is literally the
best thing in your inbox allweek.
We're talking memes, we'retalking Mojo playlists, and if
(27:18):
Insta is where you go for inspo,you can find me there as well,
with some mantras and some dailyaffirmations, and they all look
really pretty.
And that's it most definitely.
And finally, if you're anaction taker, then the 7-Day
Mojo Makeover is for you.
So all the cool links areeasily found in the show notes.
So go have a look.
You're here anyway.
(27:39):
I've got so much great stuff toshare with you guys, so be sure
to tune in next week and untilthen, stay awesome.
Ciao for now.
Welcome to Pocketful of Mojo, where you're, you and
I'm, steph, and we tune in hereto tap into some mojo.
Well, what do you mean?
What's mojo, mojo, is thatfeeling of unshakable confidence
, booming self-worth, likeyou're an unstoppable force of
nature, and I'm here to show youhow you can have that feeling
(00:33):
every single day.
You see, I think I've crackedthe code to being happy.
I'm happy to a possiblyannoying degree, but that sounds
more like a you problem.
But hey, it wasn't always thisway.
And not to flex, but I've hadbreakdowns on multiple
continents and in two languages.
But by paying attention andliving with more intention, I've
(00:56):
curated a self-love first aidkit, and it's full of amazing
tools that help me out of life'smore sticky and stressful
situations, and do so with graceand self-care.
And I'm not here to gatekeep.
In fact, I'm on a mission tohelp you tap into your best
stuff and remember that you haveeverything you need to live
(01:19):
your life on your own terms.
So settle in.
We're here for some positivechange.
So let's dig in to where yourmojo meets the road.
In today's episode, I'm gonnareview our mantra for the week,
as usual, and then we're gonnadig into today's main topic, and
that topic is feeling invisible.
(01:40):
Now, plot twist, we're takingit on the road and we're gonna
shake things up a bit.
So you stick around and I'mgoing to make sure that you're
glad that you did.
Let's get started with today'smantra and get tuned in, tapped
in and turned on.
Hello, welcome to the 29thepisode of Pocketful of Mojo.
(02:07):
Once again, I'm Steph.
Hey, how you doing?
I'm your Mojo Maven, yourcheerleader, your soul sister,
and I'm so glad you're here.
I'm here to reflect yourawesome and your potential back
to you.
So let's settle in.
Let's start by digging intotoday's mantra, and today's
mantra is I'm surrounded bysupport, seen and unseen.
(02:32):
This one is awesome.
This one flips the wholenarrative of feeling invisible
right on its head, and that'stoday's theme.
But we're cracking it rightopen on the jump.
And when you say this mantra, itreleases that limiting feeling
that comes with feelinginvisible.
It surrenders to the idea thatwe're supported despite feeling
(02:56):
otherwise, and that underlinesthe lesson that feelings are not
facts.
I am surrounded by support,seen and unseen.
This is also a great reminderand an anchor to really take a
moment to proverbially lookaround and be grateful for the
(03:17):
support that you do have in theabsence of feeling that way and
it helps to, you know, take thatsting away a little bit.
I am surrounded by support,seen and unseen.
Now, what this also does isthat it lets the people around
you off the hook a little bitand stay with me when you
(03:38):
require less outward support, inthe knowing that it comes seen
and unseen.
Now you're in this powerposition to hold space for the
feeling of support, despite yourbrain's requirement to have
evidence of it.
And that's what faith is.
And why not Try having a littlebit of faith in the people in
(04:01):
your life that support you,maybe in a way that you just
haven't been able to see, and afaith in yourself that you're
deserving of it?
I am surrounded by support,seen and unseen.
Think of this mantra like awarm blanket.
It's the support you giveyourself.
Really.
It's that remembering that youhave evidence, if you look
(04:25):
around in your life, of peoplewho love and support you in all
kinds of ways.
I am surrounded by support,seen and unseen.
Now, for me, this mantra issomething that is essential.
As a nomad, I'm always poppingup in one city or another for
who knows how long.
I tend to have like a four-yearcycle and I have some deep
(04:49):
roots here in Winnipeg.
My sisters from another misterare here and living day to day
without that could feelincredibly isolating, and the
FOMO was real, I can tell you.
But when I repeat this, it'slike all of their love and
support and encouragement thatthey've ever given me comes
(05:10):
flooding back in just one momentand just like that I feel a
little more okay and a littleless alone.
I am surrounded by support seenand unseen.
Now that you've felt that shift, that can happen when you give
yourself over to this mantra andif it takes time, that's okay,
(05:31):
I support you.
So when you do feel this shift,you've proven that you can
self-soothe.
You've proven that the supportthat is more powerful than
anyone is the support that yougive yourself and you can access
(05:52):
it at any time.
I am surrounded by support seenand unseen.
And now over to ourcorrespondent on the road,
safely and hands-free, thanks toher new lapel mic.
Ladies and gentlemen, andeveryone in between, your Mojo
Maven Steph on the go.
Let's see if this thing canrecord for longer than 15
(06:22):
seconds.
Oh, my god, it's doing itHooray.
Oh my god, you guys, I've beentrying to do this all day.
Let me tell you about it.
Welcome to my 2009 Maroon FordFocus.
(06:45):
This is Mojo on the go.
Ladies and gentlemen, and thisis my third attempt this morning
I tried to do this on a walk,thinking like, yeah, we can go
for a walk together and I canjust like, literally put you in
my pocket and we can be apocketful of Mojo together.
Well, after about 25 minutes ofwalking around my neighborhood
you know, getting my mentalhealth walk in I've learned a
(07:05):
couple of things.
Number one I walk really fastand it's hard to talk and walk
really fast at the same time.
Number two my recording didn'trecord anything longer than 16
seconds, so virtually myneighborhood got a lesson in
feeling invisible today.
So that was a failed attempt.
Number one Then I was like,okay, I'm going back to my
(07:28):
original idea mojo on the go,coming at you live from the road
, we're taking a little roadtrip together.
Because, like, the initialprecipice for this podcast
format shakeup was that I waslistening and listening, always
trying to like improve mypodcast for you, and I wanted to
sound more authentic.
I wanted it to feel more like achat, but, like, the
(07:52):
perfectionist in me is like,make it written down, like write
out your thoughts and I writethe way I talk.
So I like to think that youknow some of that came through,
but it all sounds reallypolished and I wanted something
like more conversational, moreauthentic, and that I could come
through a little bit more, youknow, so we could get to know
(08:14):
each other.
So I thought, okay, steph, whatare you doing when you can just
like riff and like like talkout loud is basically what I'm
doing, like thinking out loud iswhat I mean, and I'm like I'm
driving.
So here we are, you're in mycar, the rattling is, you know,
the byproduct of it being a 200year old car that is destined
(08:37):
for a museum soon.
And welcome to Mojo on the GoBeta test Taking big swings,
trying new things, steppingoutside of our comfort zone, all
the things.
So I'm really excited to hearwhat you think.
I know this is a little bit ofa departure from me from the
classic well-polished audioquality that you get when I
(09:00):
record in my closet, but I'mstill going to stick to the
polished intro and outro so thatyou can still get that good
mantra focused without, like youknow, fire trucks going by or
you know, random distractingthings like that.
But today we're going to riffon feeling invisible Because I
(09:22):
think I finally got this audiofigured out and I'm done at
Staples, just printed off someQR codes for the podcast so that
wherever I go and find a littlecommunity board boop, there
goes the podcast.
Great idea.
Shout out to the People Pleaserpodcast for giving me this
great idea, because I want toshare it.
So this is also my shout out toyou, my good friends, to by all
(09:46):
means, if you're enjoying thispodcast, please share with a
friend.
It would really mean a lot tome.
And because it's all aboutspreading that message of
connecting with yourself,something that I think is like
it's a lifelong hobby.
You know, it's the best thingwe can do with our spare time.
(10:07):
And what we're going to talkabout today, which is feeling
invisible, you know we try tolock in on what the solution is
or how to fix it, which isobviously where monkey brains
like to go.
Um, you know it all comes backto that relationship that you
have with yourself.
(10:28):
So that feeling invisible haveyou ever felt invisible?
I felt invisible.
I can count a handful of times,probably, and I think about
like the most recent one andprobably one of the first ones
are what pop into mind.
The first one I was a littlegirl and I was like highly,
(10:54):
highly compliant, always wantingto be on time, show well, do
the right thing, like people,pleaser to the max, uh, big time
.
And I felt invisible.
And it came up because I feltno, this is how it expressed
(11:14):
itself.
I was in gym class and, forwhatever reason I don't remember
all the details, but I stolethis girl's shoes and I can't
remember if I hid them or oh,I'm thinking about this a second
time I think I may have putthem in the garbage, I don't
know.
It was really, really out ofcharacter for me and it was like
(11:36):
a really big thing and it washonestly, the most rebellious
thing I ever did.
As a we taught but like I had tosit down with a teacher and my
mom came in and we had to talkabout it and I remember it being
treated really seriously andone of the things that they
asked me was like why did you dothis?
And I remember being thatlittle girl looking up at the
(11:59):
two adults and all I wanted tosay was because I wanted the
attention.
I just wanted someone to payattention to me and I like that
was my answer, but I knew thatsomething told me that that
wasn't going to make sense orthat wasn't going to fly, you
know.
So I probably shrugged myshoulders and said I don't know,
or something adorably incorrectlike that.
(12:23):
But that's really what I wanted.
Like I lived in a busy house.
I had two older brothers, sixand eight years older, so we
were always going to like ahockey practice or going to a
recital or going to a tournament, or like we were always on the
go.
So I didn't get a lot of likeone-on-one time or time that was
(12:45):
just for me, or time that wasall about me.
And I think that in wanting tosolve that problem, I solved the
problem.
I got the attention, but mybrain didn't think it through to
be like is that, do you wantgood attention or do you want
bad attention?
So you know, I think that thatwas kind of the first time that
I kind of felt, you know,invisible.
(13:08):
But now, as an adult, I'm inthis much better place.
But even though I've like gonethrough it, that doesn't leave
me like invincible to thefeeling of feeling invisible, to
the feeling of feelinginvisible.
So it makes me think about whenI lived in France and I there
(13:32):
was an opportunity for me tofeel invisible at what felt like
every turn From the time that Igot there.
I got there in the summertimeand all my summer clothes, being
from Canada, looked a whole lotlike my winter clothes, because
we live with air conditioning.
We go from the air-conditionedcar to the air-conditioned house
, to the air-conditioned storeand so on.
So, yeah, love me some airconditioning, but don't own a
(13:56):
lot of shorts or like cutesundresses, you know.
So there I was, new girl inFrance, starting a new life,
let's get some French clothes.
So I go out shopping Money toburn, waving my dollar bills
around Someone, please take mymoney.
And then I learned that theFrench measure sizing
differently.
So I was like, oh, okay, goingto these cute little boutiques
(14:19):
and they're like okay, they'reeither a one, a two or a three.
Well, honey, I was a four and ahalf.
So talk about not feeling seen.
I couldn't even dress like alocal, let alone try to fit in
like a local.
Right, like I couldn't even.
So I started shopping at thegrocery store.
They have these super megagrocery stores with like the
(14:39):
cutest clothes in them, but thatwas a little bit humbling.
That really gave my self-esteema shot.
It gave my self-image a shot.
Um, that was a big test and youknow it took some dealing with.
And then, on top of that, I'mdoing all this in my second
language.
So I had a pretty good grip ofFrench getting there, but I had
(15:03):
no idea how much French I didn'tknow.
So, like I didn't know themovie references that everybody
had watched a thousand times, Ididn't know the songs that
everybody knew how to sing assoon as they came on, and these
are things that I'm usuallyreally good at in English.
And so to really see that gapand like not being on the joke
(15:24):
and not understand what they'resaying and not know the words to
the song, just made me feellike more and more of an
outsider and less and less likeI belonged.
So not having that sense ofbelonging, I did the next best
thing, which was try to fit in.
So you know, I try to insertmyself in conversations, try to
(15:46):
be brave and like not afraid tomake mistakes it's my second
language, give myself some graceand then I find myself
constantly being cut off in likethe middle of my sentences.
And then I slowly learnedpainfully that this is like a
cultural thing and this is justhow they do, but like sometimes
I would get cut off and theywouldn't even like expand on
(16:09):
what we were already talkingabout.
They changed the fuckingsubject and there's nothing that
has ever made me feel soinvisible as those moments
Because there was more than onetime that this happened where I
was just like, oh my god, am Ieven talking?
Do people even hear me?
Like is my accent so bad thatit's like incomprehensible?
(16:32):
So that again, huge hit to theego, huge check for like
self-worth and just like, oh myGod, am I in the right place?
So you do the next best thing,which is you try to fit in, and
you try to fit in, and nobodywakes up in the morning like,
(16:53):
hey, you know what I'm justgoing'm just gonna feel
invisible.
I'm gonna do whatever I can tofeel small and to debase myself,
like it.
It doesn't work that way.
It's like a slow drip.
It's like one littleaccommodation here and one thing
you wish you'd said but didn'tthere, and one little sacrifice
(17:14):
and then another accommodationand then all of a sudden, I was
surrendering to my environmentso much that I was like a shell
of a human.
I didn't know who I was, Ididn't know what my needs were.
I was trying to go with theflow so much that I ended up
(17:36):
with whatever, because I askedfor nothing and got exactly that
in return.
So, little by little, it chippedand chipped and chipped away,
and then I like observed thefeeling of feeling invisible,
(17:58):
and I observed the feeling oflike not wanting to do this
anymore, like not wanting to beconsistently feeling small and
unheard, and so I used a littlebit of oh okay, you can just
pull in front of me, that's fine.
(18:18):
So I used mindfulness and Iused observation and I I
separated it from myself and Istopped the feelings that came
along with it just momentarily,so I could circle back and feel
them with awareness, because Iwas deserving of those feelings,
(18:38):
because I had set all theexpectations without actually
asking for what I wanted.
So what I'd figured out waswhat I didn't want.
I didn't want to feel small, Ididn't want to feel unheard, I
didn't want to disappear everytime I walked into a room and
(19:01):
couldn't quite match thetemperature.
So I figured out what I didn'twant.
So then that allowed me tofigure out what I wanted.
So, okay, what do I want?
I want to take up some space, Iwant my voice to be heard.
Okay, staff, what do you wantto say?
Uh, I don't know.
So then that you know that lefta spot for me to do some more
(19:24):
growing.
Okay, what do I want to say?
Because I had spent so longjust going with the flow, I
didn't know what I wanted to say, and it's taken me a really
long time to get to this placewhere I now have a podcast to
share what I want to say.
But in that moment, a podcastwasn't going to solve my problem
, right?
So then, oh, it's getting hotin here.
(19:46):
There we go.
So then I observe it.
Right, it's not good, it's notbad, it just is.
This is what it is, this iswhat I don't want.
Now I can focus on what I want,and now I can, I'm in a better
position to start attractingwhat I need, right?
So you know, I think about whenI came back to Winnipeg and I'd
(20:07):
moved here after living inFrance, feeling invisible.
So I shouldn't be feelinginvisible here, right?
Because I'm in the house I grewup in.
I couldn't be in a safer space,right, I'm healing.
I'm surrounded by my family.
I've got friends here that I'veknown since I was five years
old, like they're my chosenfamily, they're incredible.
(20:31):
And so why am I still feelinginvisible?
Right, like, because I'mreaching out, I'm asking how
everybody's doing.
I'm wondering if everybody'sokay.
I'm checking in on people.
Why is no one checking in withme?
Well, I was holding themaccountable to answer a question
(20:51):
I never asked and that's justnot fair.
So, again, I don't beat myselfup over it, but I observe it and
I make adjustments to get whereI want to go To get what I need
.
So I set myself up with abestie Saturday morning
(21:11):
breakfast date Standing.
Every Saturday we meet, rain orshine, and that way I know I've
got someone I can check in withand I can ask them.
You know what I really need?
Your ear.
This is what I'm strugglingwith, and that was
transformational Just being ableto ask for.
What I wanted was filling myown cup, whether I got it or not
(21:33):
, or regardless of how much Igot it from the outside, from my
friends, from my family,because I was taking steps to do
something for myself.
I was taking action to fill aneed that I had observed within
myself, and that was huge,because we always miss wherever
we're not right.
(21:55):
Grass is always greener.
All that so, by getting backinto the present moment and
being mindful and intentionaland having the courage to be
vulnerable, allowed me to kindof see the full picture, to zoom
out of the pity party of likewhat about me?
And trust and believe.
(22:16):
I spent lots of time in thatwhat about me?
Space, but it wasn't cute.
I didn't like resenting thepeople I loved for not loving me
in the way I wanted to be loved, when I hadn't asked them to
love me that way, which I'mtotally entitled to do, which
you are too.
(22:47):
I got a phone call, so this partof the conversation may have
gotten caught up a bit, but thebottom line is we've got to be
able to ask for what we need andthen we can start to attract
the people who are actuallygoing to be able to provide that
for us.
And that doesn't make us needy,it makes us human.
And when we're able to giveourselves the time to connect
(23:09):
with ourselves, to figure outwhat those needs are, we can do
a better job of articulating itwith the people around us that
we love Coming up on SoapConstruction.
So this is really all aboutgetting to know yourself.
And when you're feelinginvisible and you're feeling
unseen, what you really want isto be seen and heard and
(23:34):
understood.
And just make the takeawaytoday that it's okay to put up
your hand and say, hey, I needto, I need some time, I need
some FaceTime, I need a coffee.
Let's go for lunch.
Let's go for breakfast.
Give time for a FaceTimetonight.
Let's go for breakfast.
Do you have time for a FaceTimetonight?
(23:54):
There's nothing wrong withasking for what you need, and
this is you showing up for youand asking for what you need.
I can talk all day long abouthow we can give ourselves what
we need, and sometimes we need alittle help, and the antidote
(24:18):
to feeling invisible is feelingseen, and we're tempted to get
into the place where we're goingto fit in, because that seems
like the path of leastresistance.
But we are going to have tolearn this lesson over and over
and over and over again until wetake the time to tap into who
we are, what we really need andgoing after that and not what we
think we need.
The answer for you is going tobe different than the answer for
(24:41):
someone else.
So trying to go after whatthey're getting may or may not
serve you, that may not be yourjam.
So when you find yourselfyou're able to tune into what
you need, when you can forgiveand love and thank yourself,
then you're on the right trackto attracting what you do want.
(25:04):
And it may take some trial anderror to figure out what that is
, but you're on the path so youcan not only give it to yourself
, but you now know that it'sokay to ask others to help you
get there.
So I hope you enjoyed this funlittle road trip with me today
and thank you for participatingin this beta version.
(25:26):
Road test Literal road test ofPocketful of Mojo on the go,
where I come and riff at youlive and unfiltered about our
topic of the day.
I'd love to hear your feedback.
So we're going to take you backto the studio to close out the
show, but I'd love to hear whatyou think about mojo on the go.
What are your thoughts?
Do I need a passenger?
Um, how is this all gonna towork out?
(25:49):
Should I keep doing it?
Maybe, maybe not.
Ooh, there's a deer.
Oh, I love it when I see a deer.
Oh, I live in a suburb, sodeers aren't usually just
chilling out, but you know,crazy times, oh, and when
there's one, there's two, oh,always.
They're so cute, okay.
(26:09):
So, yeah, back to the studio.
Thanks for tuning in.
They're so cute, okay.
So, yeah, back to the studio.
Thanks for tuning in.
Tune in next week to find outwhether we take this on the road
a second time or whether it wasan editing nightmare and we're
going back to a different format.
So stay tuned, stay funky,peace out, out.
(26:37):
And that, ladies and gentlemen,was the beta test of pocket
full of mojo, road trip edition.
Tune in next week to see if wedo it again.
But seriously, thank you somuch for tuning in and I hope
that this has helped you tapinto some of that mojo of yours.
You're worth it, baby.
(26:57):
So when you feel drawn to it,there's lots of ways that we can
do this again sometime.
If you'd like to read, I've gota weekly blog.
Sign up today and you'll notonly get your weekly blog link,
but you'll also get MojoMagazine, which is literally the
best thing in your inbox allweek.
We're talking memes, we'retalking Mojo playlists, and if
(27:18):
Insta is where you go for inspo,you can find me there as well,
with some mantras and some dailyaffirmations, and they all look
really pretty.
And that's it most definitely.
And finally, if you're anaction taker, then the 7-Day
Mojo Makeover is for you.
So all the cool links areeasily found in the show notes.
So go have a look.
You're here anyway.
(27:39):
I've got so much great stuff toshare with you guys, so be sure
to tune in next week and untilthen, stay awesome.
Ciao for now.
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