November 5, 2025 • 32 mins
We trace how tiny moments of self-abandonment scatter your spark, then map a science-backed path to call it home. Quiet power replaces people pleasing through five practical steps, somatic anchors, and small choices that rebuild trust in yourself.
• micro moments that teach the brain to shrink
• rejection and shame as felt threats not facts
• survival mode turning into self-abandonment
• the kitchen floor clarity and choosing yourself
• manager codes and neural pathways for change
• the puzzle piece metaphor for gradual return
• five-step practice to reclaim power
• protecting reclaimed energy with alignment
• somatic anchors to make change stick
• quiet power, not volume, as the goal
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
SPEAKER_00 (00:10):
Hey hey my friends, it's Steph, your mojo maven, and
welcome back to another episodeof Pocket Full of Mojo, your
weekly antidote to burnout andself-doubt and that old wiring
known as people pleasing.
Now today's episode, it's a it'sa little wordy, it's how to
reclaim the parts of yourselfthat you gave away.
(00:33):
This one, this one's for theparts of you that you slowly and
quietly handed over.
Maybe to people or toexpectations, to sh to the
shoulds and the ought-to's.
The parts you forgot were evenyours to begin with.
And I want you to hear me when Isay this.
You were never meant to live alife where your joy, your power,
(00:55):
or your identity is scatteredacross everyone else's approval.
This is about calling it back.
So without further ado, let'sdrop in for another amazing
episode and get tuned in, tappedin, and turned on.
(01:16):
All right, all right, let's gethonest for a second.
Reclaiming yourself sounds boldand beautiful, but first, we
gotta talk about those piecesthat slipped away in the first
place.
Because nobody wakes up onemorning and says, you know what,
today I think I'm gonna giveaway my sense of self.
Now, that would be a weirdchoice.
(01:38):
No, giving parts of yourselfaway, it's it's more subtle than
that.
It's sneaky, it's a slow drip,and it happens in these little
micro moments.
Like maybe it was the first timethat someone told you that you
were too much, and so you justdialed it down a notch.
And maybe it was a time thatyour big idea, it got some
(01:59):
laughs, and it wasn't reallyfunny to begin with.
So you tucked it back in yourpocket like it never happened.
And maybe it was when someonesaid that they liked you better
when you were quiet and easy andaccommodating, and there was a
part of you that believed them.
And unfortunately, thosemoments, they don't just
disappear.
Your nervous system remembers.
(02:22):
Now, the nerdy-nerdyneuroscience tells us that
inside your brain, that amygdalathat I'm obsessed with, it think
of it like your emotional smokealarm, and it doesn't
distinguish between actualdanger and emotional rejection.
Just ask your girl Brene Brown.
Rejection, shame, embarrassment,your brain processes those as
(02:43):
threats.
So your system learns, well, ifI give away this part of me,
I'll be safe.
So bit by bit, you hand overthese pieces, not because you're
weak, but because your brilliantmonkey brain is trying to
protect you.
But here's the thing no onetells us it's that rejection,
shame, embarrassment, they'renot threats.
(03:05):
They're feelings.
And feelings aren't facts.
And when you live in survivalmode for too long, protection
starts to look likeself-abandonment.
Well, it doesn't just look likeit, it becomes self-abandonment.
And slowly, your voice, yourpower, your spark, they end up
(03:25):
scattered like puzzle piecesacross your past.
Like when I look back to my mostrecent low point, I was in a
failing marriage, I was feelinginvisible and powerless and
small and unimportant.
It was lovely.
And there were certainly nosparks in sight.
And I had spent all my timesurviving and protecting and
(03:46):
trying to like ninja my waythrough life in order to avoid
any conflict, any combat, anyconfrontation, which meant I
wasn't actually living and I wasbarely existing.
Like my goals, my dreams, myskills, they all just kind of
seemed to drift away anddisappear.
(04:07):
And all I was left with was thenoise and the harsh reality of
my choices.
I was effectively lost in aworld that I had created for the
sake of quote unquote safety,but the tax that I paid for that
safety left me in the red bigtime, energetically,
(04:29):
spiritually, mentally,physically, just spent.
Because when you give awaypieces of yourself, what's left
is a version of you that canleave you feeling really hollow
and like unmoored.
You show up, but it doesn't feellike you're the one doing the
living.
And the more and more that youfeel like you're putting on a
(04:52):
mask, the harder it feels to getback to yourself.
And this is why you can be busyand still feel lost.
Like why you can be out thereand achieving things but still
feel unseen because those aren'tyour things.
It's not really an achievement.
It doesn't set off those rewardmechanisms in your brain.
And it's also why no amount ofpraise or gold stars or outside
(05:16):
validation actually is gonnafill that ache.
Like maybe it does for a second,but then it peters out, and
there you are with less thanwhat you started with.
Because more applause isn'treally what you need.
You need more you.
Like your nervous system isgonna adapt, but it's also gonna
keep score.
(05:37):
So despite all the sabotage thatour brains pull on us sometimes,
our higher self, the person thatwe were born to be, is still
there, still wanting the bestfor us, still rooting for us and
trying to get us, you know, inalignment with that true self.
And when we abandon ourselves,we create this low hum of inner
(05:58):
dissonance, that nagging feelingthat something's off, a harmony
that's not in tune.
And that's your body whispering,hey, I'm still here.
Come get me.
Like I want to tell you a story.
Years ago, I was sitting in ameeting, you know, the kind
where everyone nods likebobbleheads and pretends that
everything's great.
Like there was a big wig in theroom, so everyone was all jacked
(06:21):
up on coffee and putting theirbest feet forward.
And we were in a discussion andI had an idea, and I was really
excited about it.
It was a good idea.
But then I swallowed it.
Mwomp, mwomp.
Why?
Because yeah, there was that onetime a couple meetings ago where
I'd spoken up and I'd beendismissed.
(06:41):
That's it.
That's all it took.
One time, one single moment thatI had tucked a piece of my
boldness into a box and justdecided to label it not worth
it.
I'm not gonna put myself throughthat feeling of rejection again.
And it wasn't about the meeting,it was about that earlier sting
that I'd never reclaimed.
(07:02):
So, like, if this soundsfamiliar, those old echoes,
yeah, they shape how we move inthe present day until we decide
to take those pieces back withawareness, with grace, and some
intention.
Because here's the thing thatnobody tells you when you've
spent years giving away piecesof yourself.
(07:23):
And it's not cute, so buckle up,buttercup.
No one is coming to rescue you.
No one is walking through thedoor with a neatly wrapped
little box saying, Here, this isthe part of your joy that you
gave away in 2014.
Um, I kept it safe for you.
There you go.
Please sign here.
(07:44):
No, that's not how it works.
The turning point isn't some bigcinematic moment with music
swelling in the background.
The reality is much more honest,it's quiet, because it's that
second when you finally stopwaiting for someone else to give
you permission to come home toyourself.
It's when the ache of wantingmore gets louder than the fear
(08:06):
of reclaiming who you are.
The fear of change will getquieter when you finally had
enough.
Like, here's another story.
Years ago, I was in this seasonwhere I had everything on paper.
I had the kind of stuff thatmakes people say, like, oh wow,
you're doing great.
But inside, I felt like I wasthis guest star in my own life,
(08:29):
showing up and smiling andnodding, but not actually
living, like prettydirectionless, pretty
uninspired, super depressed, andlike really feeling lost.
And one night after yet anothermeeting where I'd swallowed my
voice and made myself small, Icame home and I dropped my bag
(08:50):
and I just sat on the kitchenfloor.
Like I didn't have any music on,there's nobody else home, no
distractions.
It was just me and this gutlevel knowing that was like, I
can't keep doing this.
And it wasn't dramatic.
It was just super clear.
And in that stillness, in thatlike just me and my thoughts in
the kitchen moment, I realizedsomething that hit me like a
(09:14):
lightning bolt.
That every single piece I'dhanded out, whether it was my
voice or my boldness or my joy,my skills, my time, my energy, I
had participated in giving thataway.
Not out of weakness, not becauseI didn't matter, but because at
the time my brain genuinelybelieved that that was the
(09:36):
safest way to survive.
And the part that weunderestimate is that our magic
does this cool thing where wecan keep learning, we can keep
adapting, we can keep changing.
Because the truth is that I gaveaway my pieces through
repetition.
But the beautiful part is that Ican reclaim them the same way.
(09:56):
And you can too.
Like your brain isn't a lockedvault.
It's a it's clay, it'srewritable.
Which means that even if yourstory has been full of silenced
moments and people pleasing andshrinking and making other
people feel comfortable, itdoesn't have to end that way.
(10:17):
And this is the real turningpoint.
Because now you're not waitingfor someone to come and hand
your life back to you becauseyou know that you can decide to
bring everything you gave awayback home and reclaim your life
as your own, just one piece at atime.
Okay, so knowing that our brainloves the evidence, let's zoom
(10:40):
out and get a little nerdy for asecond because it this part
really matters.
Like when you give away yourpieces, what's actually
happening in your brain is thatmy BFF, the amygdala, your
brain's threat detector, it'sgoing off.
The alarm is sounding.
It's trying to protect you.
It doesn't like rejection,humiliation, conflict, pain, not
(11:01):
into it.
So the triggers are gonna showup.
So it triggers behaviors thatwill protect you.
The silence, the compliance, thebeing invisible.
And because you've got a habitcenter in your brain and it
loves repetition, but it doesn'tknow what's good for you and
what's not.
So all of those protectivebehaviors eventually become the
(11:23):
default.
And that's why so many peoplejust wake up years later saying,
like, wait a minute, when did Istop sounding like me?
When did I stop choosing myself?
And when did I stop being brave?
And finally, here's some goodnews.
Right here, right now, is wherethe power you were born with
(11:46):
comes in.
The prefrontal cortex, so thepart of your brain that's
responsible for consciouschoice, self-reflection, and
growth, it has manager codes.
That's right, you are capable ofoverriding all those old loops.
Because every time you make anew choice, even if it's a super
(12:06):
small one, you're carving out anew neural pathway.
Manager codes.
Because just because you're thatpart of your brain, that habit
center, just because it doesn'tknow what's good for you,
doesn't mean that you don't knowwhat's good for you.
And now you, with love andawareness, get to choose.
(12:27):
It's like blazing a trailthrough the woods.
First, it's hard, it'sunfamiliar, you don't know where
you're going, it's overgrown,there's branches everywhere,
deep roots that are tripping youup.
But the more steps you take, theclearer the path becomes.
And eventually what used to feelhard and difficult and foreign,
it just becomes this new normal.
(12:49):
And this is why the turningpoint isn't one giant leap, it's
a thousand differentreclaimings.
Now I want you to imaginesomething.
Imagine you're holding a puzzlein your hands.
The puzzle is you, you'relooking at it, but the image is
it's incomplete.
You can see the outlines andhints of who you are, but the
(13:11):
big chunks are missing.
And then one day you reach underthe table and you find, ooh, a
single piece.
And it's dusty and maybe alittle bent, but it fits.
And the moment you snap it in,something shifts.
The picture sharpens just alittle, and you can feel
yourself again.
That's what reclaiming a pieceof yourself is gonna feel like.
(13:35):
It doesn't have to be flashy.
Sometimes it's as simple asspeaking up in a conversation
where you used to just stayquiet.
Or saying no to something youdon't want to do, or finally
saying yes to something that youdo want to do, or simply just
letting yourself take up somespace without any apology.
And then another piece, and thenanother piece, and another,
(13:59):
until one day you realize, oh,I'm not lost.
I'm here and I'm just gettingstarted.
This is the heart of the turningpoint, not the grand return, but
the gradual one.
Let me give you a quick reallife example.
I worked with this woman and shespent most of her life being the
easy one, right?
She learned young that speakingup came with conflict.
(14:22):
So she just stopped doing that.
And she built a life where herneeds were always second, and
being agreeable was hersignature move.
Okay.
So one day she realized that shecouldn't even answer the
question, what do you want?
And I was like, Oh, tell me moreabout that.
And she's like, I don't knowwhat I want to eat, I don't know
(14:44):
what I want to watch, I don'tknow what I want to wear, I
don't know what I like, I don'tknow what I don't like.
Because she'd handed out everypiece of that answer over so
many years in almost everysingle role that she played.
And her turning point wasn'tsome big dramatic event.
It was sitting in her caroutside of work one day, like
(15:05):
hands on the steering wheel,just saying to herself, you know
what?
I matter.
My voice matters.
And that it just started there.
And like not even that day, Ithink it was like a week later.
She said she spoke up in ameeting.
And then she started saying noto the overtime that was burning
her out and making her feetsore.
(15:26):
And then she started taking upmore space in her own life and
signed up for a Spanish 101class instead of working
overtime.
And like a few months later, shesaid something that gave me
chills.
She was like, I didn't findmyself, I remembered myself.
Oh, so good.
That's it right there.
That reclaiming isn't aboutfinding something that was gone
(15:49):
or rebuilding from scratch.
It's remembering who you werebefore the world told you to
shrink, before it told you howto think, before it tried to
inform you what you liked anddidn't like.
And maybe your turning pointlooks a little different.
Maybe it's a whisper, maybe it'sa full body roar.
(16:11):
But either way, it begins withyou and a decision.
A decision to stop waiting forsomeone else to choose you, a
decision to stop apologizing forexisting, a decision to trust
that the real you isn't too muchor too messy or too late.
It's choosing to believe, evenif it's just a flicker, that you
(16:35):
can pick up your own pieces andbuild again.
And once you make that choice,you're unstoppable.
Because the moment that you stopgiving your power away, even a
little bit, the moment that youstart calling yourself back,
this is the exact moment thatyour comeback begins.
(16:56):
Because nobody's gonna come andgive you your power back.
It starts when you stop givingit away.
The power was always yours tobegin with.
Now, let's do this properly.
Let's get to the beating heartof the episode, the part where
inspiration turns into actionbecause we've peeled back the
(17:16):
layers, we've walked through theheartache.
So, this next section, mydarling listener, is the moment
that everything shifts.
And I want to show you exactlyhow to build your way back.
Let's talk about what reclaimingactually looks like.
Because here's the thingpersonal power isn't reclaimed
(17:37):
in one single main charactermoment with a perfect
soundtrack.
It's often bedlining and a messybun with the sound of a
lawnmower.
Like it's reclaimed in liketeeny tiny, deliberate,
sometimes awkward moments, butit's you choosing yourself
again.
(17:57):
And it's built like a muscle.
We just rewire it likecircuitry.
It's you remembering, likecoming home.
It's familiar, it's delicious.
So let's break it down.
So this it becomes like apractice.
Okay.
This isn't a to-do list, this isa way of moving through life,
(18:17):
and it actually belongs to youalready.
So we're gonna break it downstep by step.
Step one.
We can have lots of fun.
Step one, we're identifying theleaks.
Where did the pieces go?
Here's where you start.
You're gonna start with somequiet honesty.
Because most of us don't realizehow many small ways we've handed
(18:42):
ourselves out like confetti.
The laugh that we muted, thedream that we tucked away, the
boundary that we let slide, thejob that we took because someone
else thought that we'd be goodat it.
Now, this step isn't aboutblame.
Ain't nobody got time for that.
This step is about awareness.
(19:02):
So if you want to try this, justfind somewhere quiet with no
distractions, take a breath, andjust ask yourself a few
questions.
Where in my life did I startdimming my light?
Did I start shrinking?
Who was involved in that?
What were the circumstances?
What were the situations thatmade me feel like being myself
(19:28):
was too much or wasn't going tobe accepted?
Now remember, your nervoussystem keeps real good records.
It's very tit for tat that way.
And these memories aren't alwaysgonna be big and dramatic.
They could be fleeting momentsor really subtle times when you
learned that it was safer tojust be agreeable.
(19:50):
And this is important becauseyour brain's memory center, it
stores emotional experiences.
And when you can identify thesemoments, it takes them out of
the shadows and it takes theirkeys away and it brings it into
your consciousness, which meansthat you can finally work with
them instead of being ruled bythem.
(20:11):
And the pro tip here is thatwhen you're asking yourself
these big important questions,just don't judge what comes up.
Like if your brain says, Thetime I laugh too loud in grade
seven, trust it.
Just that moment stuck for areason and pull the thread.
Like you're safe.
These are just thoughts.
But don't be like, oh, that wasso dumb.
(20:33):
I shouldn't have laughed soloud.
You gotta be gentle withyourself.
It's a really perfect time to bereally aware and practice some
gentle self-talk.
Like this is grade seven youwere talking to.
We don't want to be a jerk tothem.
Which takes us to step two.
Step two.
There's so much we can do.
Name the piece.
(20:54):
Like what part of you was leftbehind.
Because once you find the leak,the next step is naming what
slipped through that leak.
So it's super powerful becausewhen you name something, you're
anchoring it in language.
And language is the bridgebetween your subconscious and
your conscious self.
(21:14):
So you ask yourself, what wasthe piece that I left behind?
Was it your voice, yourboldness, your joy, your
playfulness, your ambition, yourcreativity, your softness, your
boundaries, or maybe just yourspark.
And maybe it was the part of youthat believed that you were
(21:34):
allowed to want things withoutapologizing for it.
And when you give an emotionalexperience a label, that part of
your brain, it lights up.
And that's the part that'sresponsible for self-awareness
and regulation.
And this allows you to reclaimpower over a memory that used to
have power over you.
(21:54):
Like let's say you realized youstopped speaking up in front of
groups after being dismissedquite rudely, just that one
time.
You know the time.
Ouch.
Right?
And even thinking about it againstill stings a little bit,
right?
That means you're on the righttrack.
And that moment that you decidedto not contribute wasn't about
(22:17):
silence.
It was about giving away yourvoice.
And naming it lets you say, Thisis my voice.
It's mine, and I want it back.
Which takes us to step three.
That's right.
I'm talking about step three.
You're gonna call it back andyou're gonna speak your claim.
(22:38):
Now we bring it from thoughtinto embodiment, and you can
whisper it, you can shout it,you can write it in a journal,
you can say it in the mirror,but I really want you to say it
out loud.
I call back my voice, I callback my joy, I call back my
curiosity, I call back everypiece of me that I once
abandoned.
(22:59):
And this isn't about magicspells, this is about neural
anchoring.
It's a thing.
It's science.
Look it up.
Like when you pair emotion withvocalization, your brain gets
this message that it matters,that it's mine.
This is true for me.
This is you developing,creating, molding a belief
(23:21):
system.
And you can make it whatever youwant.
And this really, really mattersbecause vocalizing it engages
the part of your brain thatconnects your emotional
regulation system and speakingout loud exactly what it is that
you're taking back.
It actually activates yourparasympathetic nervous system,
(23:42):
which is grounding theexperience and making it real,
like for real, for real.
Like a listener once messaged meafter doing this and said, like,
I felt this surge in my chest,like something snapped back into
place.
Isn't that cool?
And that's not simply using yourimagination, that's your nervous
system recalibrating around yourtruth.
(24:05):
Step four, four, I can give youmore.
And in step four, you get torehearse.
This is your new story.
This is your you building thepath back to you.
And this is the part that a lotof people skip, but it uh it's
actually the secret sauce.
Because this act of reclaimingis not a single moment.
(24:26):
It's not, it's something tobuild into your practice of
being everyday, of being a humanbeing.
Because every time you take amicroaction that honors who you
are, you're laying down that newneural wiring.
And repetition makes themstronger.
It makes those new behaviorseasier and easier and more
(24:48):
instinctive over time.
And it think these things can besmall but powerful.
Like when you go to laugh, don'tcover your mouth.
Laugh at full volume.
Say what you actually want tosay, eat what you actually want
to eat, share your opinion.
Your voice matters.
Create something, do it for you,not for other people.
(25:08):
And these things might seemtiny, but when you do them with
awareness and you feel it inyour body, this is how your
brain learns to trust you again.
Like once I worked with somebodywho reclaimed their playfulness,
and they started by doing onesilly thing a day.
Like that was the goal.
Dancing in her kitchen, singingin the car.
And weeks later, she waslaughing freely at meetings,
(25:32):
showing up brighter, feelinglike she could take up space.
And this wasn't a coincidence.
This was the repatterning inaction.
And the payoff, well, I don'tknow.
Do you like freedom andconfidence and energy?
And she was like, I basicallyturned into this like magnet for
(25:53):
people in situations that arealigned with things that I love
and who I really am.
And that sounds worth it to me.
Now let's get some insurance onall these bold moves you're
taking.
So let's go to Step five.
Don't you know that the time?
Step five.
Because you want to guard andprotect what you've reclaimed.
(26:14):
You don't want to go back togiving it away.
So just remember that yourreclaimed pieces, you had to do
some work for those, and theyare sacred.
So once you call them back, youcan't just toss them into the
world for anybody to hold again.
So this step isn't aboutbecoming hardened, it's about
becoming intentional.
(26:36):
So ask yourself often, is thischoice aligned with me?
Does this moment really honorthat piece that I reclaimed?
Or does it go back to my oldways and actually compromise it?
Like if you reclaimed yourvoice, you might start noticing
how certain people talk overyou.
The old you would have let itslide and you would have stayed
(26:58):
small and you wouldn't haveruffled any feathers.
Now, the reclaimed you is goingto gently but firmly interrupt
back.
Not because you're combative,but because your voice is no
longer on the clearance rack.
Maybe she's on the feature wall.
Like protecting your energydoesn't mean that you shut
people out.
It just means that you stopabandoning yourself to let them
(27:21):
in.
And then the bonus step is toanchor it in your body.
And this part is oftenoverlooked, but super powerful.
And when you reclaim a piece ofyourself, you anchor that
feeling somewhere physical.
Like put your hand on your chestor tap your wrist or press your
feet into the floor and take abreath and tell your body, This
(27:45):
is mine, this is me.
Why?
Because your somatic memory isoften the first place that old
stories live, and it's the lastplace that they leave.
So physical anchoring, itconnects your new truth to your
body's memory, making it easierto return to when life gets
(28:06):
noisy and these new habits areharder to tap into.
And this really matters becausepairing emotional experience
with physical sensation, itmakes you stronger and it helps
your body regulate and rememberand tuning your reclaimed power
into a lived state.
It's not just a nice idea, it'san act.
(28:29):
Because reclaiming your pieces,it's not about becoming someone
new.
It's about remembering whoyou've always been and choosing
daily to be.
And you don't have to get itperfect, you just have to keep
coming home.
So, a quick recap you're gonnaidentify the leaks and bring the
(28:50):
hidden into the light.
You're gonna name the piecebecause your language anchors
your power, you're gonna call itback because your voice creates
that ownership.
And then you're gonna rehearsethe new story because repetition
rewires your brain.
You're gonna protect the energyand you're gonna guard what is
(29:12):
sacred.
It's worth protecting.
And finally, you're gonna anchorit in your body and make it
real.
And here's the part where myheart lights up.
This practice compounds.
The more pieces you reclaim, themore natural it becomes.
The more natural it becomes, themore fully you show up.
And the more fully you show up,the more your life begins to
(29:35):
reflect you instead of theversion of you that performed to
keep everyone else comfortable.
Remember, you didn't get hereovernight, and it won't be a
light switch that'll bring youback home.
A caterpillar doesn't become abutterfly in 24 hours.
But it's worth it becausereclamation is so sexy, it's
(29:58):
quiet power.
Because it's not about noise,it's not about being louder,
it's about alignment.
And once you decide to distanceyourself from the edited and
watered down andover-accommodating version of
yourself and take a step intothe strength of standing as your
(30:18):
full self, you're never gonnawant to live another way.
And good news, you don't have tobecause you're not the sum of
the pieces you've given away.
You're the architect of thepieces that you bring back home.
And the beautiful part, thoseparts of you aren't lost in some
dark abyss.
They've been waiting patiently.
(30:40):
They love you.
Sometimes for years, even ifit's been forever, they're just
waiting for you to say, okay,I'm ready.
So here's what I want you toremember reclaiming yourself
isn't about becoming louder orharder or shutting people out.
This is about you becomingwhole.
So if you've been walking aroundfeeling like something's
(31:02):
missing, you're not broken.
You're just being invited tocome home.
And take your time and begentle.
And don't underestimate thequiet revolution that happens
when you call yourself back.
Because when you do, oh honey,your mojo isn't just restored,
(31:23):
it's unstoppable.
Thank you so much for tuninginto this episode.
So if this episode spoke to yoursoul, you know what to do.
You want to share it with afriend, you know, they might
want to hear it too.
And if you want to startrebuilding your mojo that's
unapologetically you brick bybrick, just make sure you're on
(31:46):
that mojo mastery list becausethat next chapter of your story,
girl, she's gonna be fierce.
And be sure to tune in next weekbecause we're gonna tackle the
problem how to stop waiting tobe chosen.
So until next time, this hasbeen staff reminding you your
mojo's not gone.
It's just waiting for you tocome home to you.
(32:09):
That's it for me.
Ciao for now and TootalooKangaroo.
Hey hey my friends, it's Steph, your mojo maven, and
welcome back to another episodeof Pocket Full of Mojo, your
weekly antidote to burnout andself-doubt and that old wiring
known as people pleasing.
Now today's episode, it's a it'sa little wordy, it's how to
reclaim the parts of yourselfthat you gave away.
(00:33):
This one, this one's for theparts of you that you slowly and
quietly handed over.
Maybe to people or toexpectations, to sh to the
shoulds and the ought-to's.
The parts you forgot were evenyours to begin with.
And I want you to hear me when Isay this.
You were never meant to live alife where your joy, your power,
(00:55):
or your identity is scatteredacross everyone else's approval.
This is about calling it back.
So without further ado, let'sdrop in for another amazing
episode and get tuned in, tappedin, and turned on.
(01:16):
All right, all right, let's gethonest for a second.
Reclaiming yourself sounds boldand beautiful, but first, we
gotta talk about those piecesthat slipped away in the first
place.
Because nobody wakes up onemorning and says, you know what,
today I think I'm gonna giveaway my sense of self.
Now, that would be a weirdchoice.
(01:38):
No, giving parts of yourselfaway, it's it's more subtle than
that.
It's sneaky, it's a slow drip,and it happens in these little
micro moments.
Like maybe it was the first timethat someone told you that you
were too much, and so you justdialed it down a notch.
And maybe it was a time thatyour big idea, it got some
(01:59):
laughs, and it wasn't reallyfunny to begin with.
So you tucked it back in yourpocket like it never happened.
And maybe it was when someonesaid that they liked you better
when you were quiet and easy andaccommodating, and there was a
part of you that believed them.
And unfortunately, thosemoments, they don't just
disappear.
Your nervous system remembers.
(02:22):
Now, the nerdy-nerdyneuroscience tells us that
inside your brain, that amygdalathat I'm obsessed with, it think
of it like your emotional smokealarm, and it doesn't
distinguish between actualdanger and emotional rejection.
Just ask your girl Brene Brown.
Rejection, shame, embarrassment,your brain processes those as
(02:43):
threats.
So your system learns, well, ifI give away this part of me,
I'll be safe.
So bit by bit, you hand overthese pieces, not because you're
weak, but because your brilliantmonkey brain is trying to
protect you.
But here's the thing no onetells us it's that rejection,
shame, embarrassment, they'renot threats.
(03:05):
They're feelings.
And feelings aren't facts.
And when you live in survivalmode for too long, protection
starts to look likeself-abandonment.
Well, it doesn't just look likeit, it becomes self-abandonment.
And slowly, your voice, yourpower, your spark, they end up
(03:25):
scattered like puzzle piecesacross your past.
Like when I look back to my mostrecent low point, I was in a
failing marriage, I was feelinginvisible and powerless and
small and unimportant.
It was lovely.
And there were certainly nosparks in sight.
And I had spent all my timesurviving and protecting and
(03:46):
trying to like ninja my waythrough life in order to avoid
any conflict, any combat, anyconfrontation, which meant I
wasn't actually living and I wasbarely existing.
Like my goals, my dreams, myskills, they all just kind of
seemed to drift away anddisappear.
(04:07):
And all I was left with was thenoise and the harsh reality of
my choices.
I was effectively lost in aworld that I had created for the
sake of quote unquote safety,but the tax that I paid for that
safety left me in the red bigtime, energetically,
(04:29):
spiritually, mentally,physically, just spent.
Because when you give awaypieces of yourself, what's left
is a version of you that canleave you feeling really hollow
and like unmoored.
You show up, but it doesn't feellike you're the one doing the
living.
And the more and more that youfeel like you're putting on a
(04:52):
mask, the harder it feels to getback to yourself.
And this is why you can be busyand still feel lost.
Like why you can be out thereand achieving things but still
feel unseen because those aren'tyour things.
It's not really an achievement.
It doesn't set off those rewardmechanisms in your brain.
And it's also why no amount ofpraise or gold stars or outside
(05:16):
validation actually is gonnafill that ache.
Like maybe it does for a second,but then it peters out, and
there you are with less thanwhat you started with.
Because more applause isn'treally what you need.
You need more you.
Like your nervous system isgonna adapt, but it's also gonna
keep score.
(05:37):
So despite all the sabotage thatour brains pull on us sometimes,
our higher self, the person thatwe were born to be, is still
there, still wanting the bestfor us, still rooting for us and
trying to get us, you know, inalignment with that true self.
And when we abandon ourselves,we create this low hum of inner
(05:58):
dissonance, that nagging feelingthat something's off, a harmony
that's not in tune.
And that's your body whispering,hey, I'm still here.
Come get me.
Like I want to tell you a story.
Years ago, I was sitting in ameeting, you know, the kind
where everyone nods likebobbleheads and pretends that
everything's great.
Like there was a big wig in theroom, so everyone was all jacked
(06:21):
up on coffee and putting theirbest feet forward.
And we were in a discussion andI had an idea, and I was really
excited about it.
It was a good idea.
But then I swallowed it.
Mwomp, mwomp.
Why?
Because yeah, there was that onetime a couple meetings ago where
I'd spoken up and I'd beendismissed.
(06:41):
That's it.
That's all it took.
One time, one single moment thatI had tucked a piece of my
boldness into a box and justdecided to label it not worth
it.
I'm not gonna put myself throughthat feeling of rejection again.
And it wasn't about the meeting,it was about that earlier sting
that I'd never reclaimed.
(07:02):
So, like, if this soundsfamiliar, those old echoes,
yeah, they shape how we move inthe present day until we decide
to take those pieces back withawareness, with grace, and some
intention.
Because here's the thing thatnobody tells you when you've
spent years giving away piecesof yourself.
(07:23):
And it's not cute, so buckle up,buttercup.
No one is coming to rescue you.
No one is walking through thedoor with a neatly wrapped
little box saying, Here, this isthe part of your joy that you
gave away in 2014.
Um, I kept it safe for you.
There you go.
Please sign here.
(07:44):
No, that's not how it works.
The turning point isn't some bigcinematic moment with music
swelling in the background.
The reality is much more honest,it's quiet, because it's that
second when you finally stopwaiting for someone else to give
you permission to come home toyourself.
It's when the ache of wantingmore gets louder than the fear
(08:06):
of reclaiming who you are.
The fear of change will getquieter when you finally had
enough.
Like, here's another story.
Years ago, I was in this seasonwhere I had everything on paper.
I had the kind of stuff thatmakes people say, like, oh wow,
you're doing great.
But inside, I felt like I wasthis guest star in my own life,
(08:29):
showing up and smiling andnodding, but not actually
living, like prettydirectionless, pretty
uninspired, super depressed, andlike really feeling lost.
And one night after yet anothermeeting where I'd swallowed my
voice and made myself small, Icame home and I dropped my bag
(08:50):
and I just sat on the kitchenfloor.
Like I didn't have any music on,there's nobody else home, no
distractions.
It was just me and this gutlevel knowing that was like, I
can't keep doing this.
And it wasn't dramatic.
It was just super clear.
And in that stillness, in thatlike just me and my thoughts in
the kitchen moment, I realizedsomething that hit me like a
(09:14):
lightning bolt.
That every single piece I'dhanded out, whether it was my
voice or my boldness or my joy,my skills, my time, my energy, I
had participated in giving thataway.
Not out of weakness, not becauseI didn't matter, but because at
the time my brain genuinelybelieved that that was the
(09:36):
safest way to survive.
And the part that weunderestimate is that our magic
does this cool thing where wecan keep learning, we can keep
adapting, we can keep changing.
Because the truth is that I gaveaway my pieces through
repetition.
But the beautiful part is that Ican reclaim them the same way.
(09:56):
And you can too.
Like your brain isn't a lockedvault.
It's a it's clay, it'srewritable.
Which means that even if yourstory has been full of silenced
moments and people pleasing andshrinking and making other
people feel comfortable, itdoesn't have to end that way.
(10:17):
And this is the real turningpoint.
Because now you're not waitingfor someone to come and hand
your life back to you becauseyou know that you can decide to
bring everything you gave awayback home and reclaim your life
as your own, just one piece at atime.
Okay, so knowing that our brainloves the evidence, let's zoom
(10:40):
out and get a little nerdy for asecond because it this part
really matters.
Like when you give away yourpieces, what's actually
happening in your brain is thatmy BFF, the amygdala, your
brain's threat detector, it'sgoing off.
The alarm is sounding.
It's trying to protect you.
It doesn't like rejection,humiliation, conflict, pain, not
(11:01):
into it.
So the triggers are gonna showup.
So it triggers behaviors thatwill protect you.
The silence, the compliance, thebeing invisible.
And because you've got a habitcenter in your brain and it
loves repetition, but it doesn'tknow what's good for you and
what's not.
So all of those protectivebehaviors eventually become the
(11:23):
default.
And that's why so many peoplejust wake up years later saying,
like, wait a minute, when did Istop sounding like me?
When did I stop choosing myself?
And when did I stop being brave?
And finally, here's some goodnews.
Right here, right now, is wherethe power you were born with
(11:46):
comes in.
The prefrontal cortex, so thepart of your brain that's
responsible for consciouschoice, self-reflection, and
growth, it has manager codes.
That's right, you are capable ofoverriding all those old loops.
Because every time you make anew choice, even if it's a super
(12:06):
small one, you're carving out anew neural pathway.
Manager codes.
Because just because you're thatpart of your brain, that habit
center, just because it doesn'tknow what's good for you,
doesn't mean that you don't knowwhat's good for you.
And now you, with love andawareness, get to choose.
(12:27):
It's like blazing a trailthrough the woods.
First, it's hard, it'sunfamiliar, you don't know where
you're going, it's overgrown,there's branches everywhere,
deep roots that are tripping youup.
But the more steps you take, theclearer the path becomes.
And eventually what used to feelhard and difficult and foreign,
it just becomes this new normal.
(12:49):
And this is why the turningpoint isn't one giant leap, it's
a thousand differentreclaimings.
Now I want you to imaginesomething.
Imagine you're holding a puzzlein your hands.
The puzzle is you, you'relooking at it, but the image is
it's incomplete.
You can see the outlines andhints of who you are, but the
(13:11):
big chunks are missing.
And then one day you reach underthe table and you find, ooh, a
single piece.
And it's dusty and maybe alittle bent, but it fits.
And the moment you snap it in,something shifts.
The picture sharpens just alittle, and you can feel
yourself again.
That's what reclaiming a pieceof yourself is gonna feel like.
(13:35):
It doesn't have to be flashy.
Sometimes it's as simple asspeaking up in a conversation
where you used to just stayquiet.
Or saying no to something youdon't want to do, or finally
saying yes to something that youdo want to do, or simply just
letting yourself take up somespace without any apology.
And then another piece, and thenanother piece, and another,
(13:59):
until one day you realize, oh,I'm not lost.
I'm here and I'm just gettingstarted.
This is the heart of the turningpoint, not the grand return, but
the gradual one.
Let me give you a quick reallife example.
I worked with this woman and shespent most of her life being the
easy one, right?
She learned young that speakingup came with conflict.
(14:22):
So she just stopped doing that.
And she built a life where herneeds were always second, and
being agreeable was hersignature move.
Okay.
So one day she realized that shecouldn't even answer the
question, what do you want?
And I was like, Oh, tell me moreabout that.
And she's like, I don't knowwhat I want to eat, I don't know
(14:44):
what I want to watch, I don'tknow what I want to wear, I
don't know what I like, I don'tknow what I don't like.
Because she'd handed out everypiece of that answer over so
many years in almost everysingle role that she played.
And her turning point wasn'tsome big dramatic event.
It was sitting in her caroutside of work one day, like
(15:05):
hands on the steering wheel,just saying to herself, you know
what?
I matter.
My voice matters.
And that it just started there.
And like not even that day, Ithink it was like a week later.
She said she spoke up in ameeting.
And then she started saying noto the overtime that was burning
her out and making her feetsore.
(15:26):
And then she started taking upmore space in her own life and
signed up for a Spanish 101class instead of working
overtime.
And like a few months later, shesaid something that gave me
chills.
She was like, I didn't findmyself, I remembered myself.
Oh, so good.
That's it right there.
That reclaiming isn't aboutfinding something that was gone
(15:49):
or rebuilding from scratch.
It's remembering who you werebefore the world told you to
shrink, before it told you howto think, before it tried to
inform you what you liked anddidn't like.
And maybe your turning pointlooks a little different.
Maybe it's a whisper, maybe it'sa full body roar.
(16:11):
But either way, it begins withyou and a decision.
A decision to stop waiting forsomeone else to choose you, a
decision to stop apologizing forexisting, a decision to trust
that the real you isn't too muchor too messy or too late.
It's choosing to believe, evenif it's just a flicker, that you
(16:35):
can pick up your own pieces andbuild again.
And once you make that choice,you're unstoppable.
Because the moment that you stopgiving your power away, even a
little bit, the moment that youstart calling yourself back,
this is the exact moment thatyour comeback begins.
(16:56):
Because nobody's gonna come andgive you your power back.
It starts when you stop givingit away.
The power was always yours tobegin with.
Now, let's do this properly.
Let's get to the beating heartof the episode, the part where
inspiration turns into actionbecause we've peeled back the
(17:16):
layers, we've walked through theheartache.
So, this next section, mydarling listener, is the moment
that everything shifts.
And I want to show you exactlyhow to build your way back.
Let's talk about what reclaimingactually looks like.
Because here's the thingpersonal power isn't reclaimed
(17:37):
in one single main charactermoment with a perfect
soundtrack.
It's often bedlining and a messybun with the sound of a
lawnmower.
Like it's reclaimed in liketeeny tiny, deliberate,
sometimes awkward moments, butit's you choosing yourself
again.
(17:57):
And it's built like a muscle.
We just rewire it likecircuitry.
It's you remembering, likecoming home.
It's familiar, it's delicious.
So let's break it down.
So this it becomes like apractice.
Okay.
This isn't a to-do list, this isa way of moving through life,
(18:17):
and it actually belongs to youalready.
So we're gonna break it downstep by step.
Step one.
We can have lots of fun.
Step one, we're identifying theleaks.
Where did the pieces go?
Here's where you start.
You're gonna start with somequiet honesty.
Because most of us don't realizehow many small ways we've handed
(18:42):
ourselves out like confetti.
The laugh that we muted, thedream that we tucked away, the
boundary that we let slide, thejob that we took because someone
else thought that we'd be goodat it.
Now, this step isn't aboutblame.
Ain't nobody got time for that.
This step is about awareness.
(19:02):
So if you want to try this, justfind somewhere quiet with no
distractions, take a breath, andjust ask yourself a few
questions.
Where in my life did I startdimming my light?
Did I start shrinking?
Who was involved in that?
What were the circumstances?
What were the situations thatmade me feel like being myself
(19:28):
was too much or wasn't going tobe accepted?
Now remember, your nervoussystem keeps real good records.
It's very tit for tat that way.
And these memories aren't alwaysgonna be big and dramatic.
They could be fleeting momentsor really subtle times when you
learned that it was safer tojust be agreeable.
(19:50):
And this is important becauseyour brain's memory center, it
stores emotional experiences.
And when you can identify thesemoments, it takes them out of
the shadows and it takes theirkeys away and it brings it into
your consciousness, which meansthat you can finally work with
them instead of being ruled bythem.
(20:11):
And the pro tip here is thatwhen you're asking yourself
these big important questions,just don't judge what comes up.
Like if your brain says, Thetime I laugh too loud in grade
seven, trust it.
Just that moment stuck for areason and pull the thread.
Like you're safe.
These are just thoughts.
But don't be like, oh, that wasso dumb.
(20:33):
I shouldn't have laughed soloud.
You gotta be gentle withyourself.
It's a really perfect time to bereally aware and practice some
gentle self-talk.
Like this is grade seven youwere talking to.
We don't want to be a jerk tothem.
Which takes us to step two.
Step two.
There's so much we can do.
Name the piece.
(20:54):
Like what part of you was leftbehind.
Because once you find the leak,the next step is naming what
slipped through that leak.
So it's super powerful becausewhen you name something, you're
anchoring it in language.
And language is the bridgebetween your subconscious and
your conscious self.
(21:14):
So you ask yourself, what wasthe piece that I left behind?
Was it your voice, yourboldness, your joy, your
playfulness, your ambition, yourcreativity, your softness, your
boundaries, or maybe just yourspark.
And maybe it was the part of youthat believed that you were
(21:34):
allowed to want things withoutapologizing for it.
And when you give an emotionalexperience a label, that part of
your brain, it lights up.
And that's the part that'sresponsible for self-awareness
and regulation.
And this allows you to reclaimpower over a memory that used to
have power over you.
(21:54):
Like let's say you realized youstopped speaking up in front of
groups after being dismissedquite rudely, just that one
time.
You know the time.
Ouch.
Right?
And even thinking about it againstill stings a little bit,
right?
That means you're on the righttrack.
And that moment that you decidedto not contribute wasn't about
(22:17):
silence.
It was about giving away yourvoice.
And naming it lets you say, Thisis my voice.
It's mine, and I want it back.
Which takes us to step three.
That's right.
I'm talking about step three.
You're gonna call it back andyou're gonna speak your claim.
(22:38):
Now we bring it from thoughtinto embodiment, and you can
whisper it, you can shout it,you can write it in a journal,
you can say it in the mirror,but I really want you to say it
out loud.
I call back my voice, I callback my joy, I call back my
curiosity, I call back everypiece of me that I once
abandoned.
(22:59):
And this isn't about magicspells, this is about neural
anchoring.
It's a thing.
It's science.
Look it up.
Like when you pair emotion withvocalization, your brain gets
this message that it matters,that it's mine.
This is true for me.
This is you developing,creating, molding a belief
(23:21):
system.
And you can make it whatever youwant.
And this really, really mattersbecause vocalizing it engages
the part of your brain thatconnects your emotional
regulation system and speakingout loud exactly what it is that
you're taking back.
It actually activates yourparasympathetic nervous system,
(23:42):
which is grounding theexperience and making it real,
like for real, for real.
Like a listener once messaged meafter doing this and said, like,
I felt this surge in my chest,like something snapped back into
place.
Isn't that cool?
And that's not simply using yourimagination, that's your nervous
system recalibrating around yourtruth.
(24:05):
Step four, four, I can give youmore.
And in step four, you get torehearse.
This is your new story.
This is your you building thepath back to you.
And this is the part that a lotof people skip, but it uh it's
actually the secret sauce.
Because this act of reclaimingis not a single moment.
(24:26):
It's not, it's something tobuild into your practice of
being everyday, of being a humanbeing.
Because every time you take amicroaction that honors who you
are, you're laying down that newneural wiring.
And repetition makes themstronger.
It makes those new behaviorseasier and easier and more
(24:48):
instinctive over time.
And it think these things can besmall but powerful.
Like when you go to laugh, don'tcover your mouth.
Laugh at full volume.
Say what you actually want tosay, eat what you actually want
to eat, share your opinion.
Your voice matters.
Create something, do it for you,not for other people.
(25:08):
And these things might seemtiny, but when you do them with
awareness and you feel it inyour body, this is how your
brain learns to trust you again.
Like once I worked with somebodywho reclaimed their playfulness,
and they started by doing onesilly thing a day.
Like that was the goal.
Dancing in her kitchen, singingin the car.
And weeks later, she waslaughing freely at meetings,
(25:32):
showing up brighter, feelinglike she could take up space.
And this wasn't a coincidence.
This was the repatterning inaction.
And the payoff, well, I don'tknow.
Do you like freedom andconfidence and energy?
And she was like, I basicallyturned into this like magnet for
(25:53):
people in situations that arealigned with things that I love
and who I really am.
And that sounds worth it to me.
Now let's get some insurance onall these bold moves you're
taking.
So let's go to Step five.
Don't you know that the time?
Step five.
Because you want to guard andprotect what you've reclaimed.
(26:14):
You don't want to go back togiving it away.
So just remember that yourreclaimed pieces, you had to do
some work for those, and theyare sacred.
So once you call them back, youcan't just toss them into the
world for anybody to hold again.
So this step isn't aboutbecoming hardened, it's about
becoming intentional.
(26:36):
So ask yourself often, is thischoice aligned with me?
Does this moment really honorthat piece that I reclaimed?
Or does it go back to my oldways and actually compromise it?
Like if you reclaimed yourvoice, you might start noticing
how certain people talk overyou.
The old you would have let itslide and you would have stayed
(26:58):
small and you wouldn't haveruffled any feathers.
Now, the reclaimed you is goingto gently but firmly interrupt
back.
Not because you're combative,but because your voice is no
longer on the clearance rack.
Maybe she's on the feature wall.
Like protecting your energydoesn't mean that you shut
people out.
It just means that you stopabandoning yourself to let them
(27:21):
in.
And then the bonus step is toanchor it in your body.
And this part is oftenoverlooked, but super powerful.
And when you reclaim a piece ofyourself, you anchor that
feeling somewhere physical.
Like put your hand on your chestor tap your wrist or press your
feet into the floor and take abreath and tell your body, This
(27:45):
is mine, this is me.
Why?
Because your somatic memory isoften the first place that old
stories live, and it's the lastplace that they leave.
So physical anchoring, itconnects your new truth to your
body's memory, making it easierto return to when life gets
(28:06):
noisy and these new habits areharder to tap into.
And this really matters becausepairing emotional experience
with physical sensation, itmakes you stronger and it helps
your body regulate and rememberand tuning your reclaimed power
into a lived state.
It's not just a nice idea, it'san act.
(28:29):
Because reclaiming your pieces,it's not about becoming someone
new.
It's about remembering whoyou've always been and choosing
daily to be.
And you don't have to get itperfect, you just have to keep
coming home.
So, a quick recap you're gonnaidentify the leaks and bring the
(28:50):
hidden into the light.
You're gonna name the piecebecause your language anchors
your power, you're gonna call itback because your voice creates
that ownership.
And then you're gonna rehearsethe new story because repetition
rewires your brain.
You're gonna protect the energyand you're gonna guard what is
(29:12):
sacred.
It's worth protecting.
And finally, you're gonna anchorit in your body and make it
real.
And here's the part where myheart lights up.
This practice compounds.
The more pieces you reclaim, themore natural it becomes.
The more natural it becomes, themore fully you show up.
And the more fully you show up,the more your life begins to
(29:35):
reflect you instead of theversion of you that performed to
keep everyone else comfortable.
Remember, you didn't get hereovernight, and it won't be a
light switch that'll bring youback home.
A caterpillar doesn't become abutterfly in 24 hours.
But it's worth it becausereclamation is so sexy, it's
(29:58):
quiet power.
Because it's not about noise,it's not about being louder,
it's about alignment.
And once you decide to distanceyourself from the edited and
watered down andover-accommodating version of
yourself and take a step intothe strength of standing as your
(30:18):
full self, you're never gonnawant to live another way.
And good news, you don't have tobecause you're not the sum of
the pieces you've given away.
You're the architect of thepieces that you bring back home.
And the beautiful part, thoseparts of you aren't lost in some
dark abyss.
They've been waiting patiently.
(30:40):
They love you.
Sometimes for years, even ifit's been forever, they're just
waiting for you to say, okay,I'm ready.
So here's what I want you toremember reclaiming yourself
isn't about becoming louder orharder or shutting people out.
This is about you becomingwhole.
So if you've been walking aroundfeeling like something's
(31:02):
missing, you're not broken.
You're just being invited tocome home.
And take your time and begentle.
And don't underestimate thequiet revolution that happens
when you call yourself back.
Because when you do, oh honey,your mojo isn't just restored,
(31:23):
it's unstoppable.
Thank you so much for tuninginto this episode.
So if this episode spoke to yoursoul, you know what to do.
You want to share it with afriend, you know, they might
want to hear it too.
And if you want to startrebuilding your mojo that's
unapologetically you brick bybrick, just make sure you're on
(31:46):
that mojo mastery list becausethat next chapter of your story,
girl, she's gonna be fierce.
And be sure to tune in next weekbecause we're gonna tackle the
problem how to stop waiting tobe chosen.
So until next time, this hasbeen staff reminding you your
mojo's not gone.
It's just waiting for you tocome home to you.
(32:09):
That's it for me.
Ciao for now and TootalooKangaroo.
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