June 12, 2025 • 27 mins
This week's self-care surge took me from enneagram typing to chiropractic scans and theta healing, revealing the critical difference between authentic mojo and toxic positivity. The journey cracked me open, exposing blind spots I didn't realize were there and showing how my body was carrying stress my mind had rationalized away.
• Mojo is your authentic life force – the inner fire that gets you moving and showing up as yourself
• Toxic positivity is a "good vibes only" mask that overrides real emotions with forced sunshine
• True self-care makes you feel more like yourself, not someone you think you should be
• As an Enneagram 9, I discovered my tendency to numb out and avoid confrontation. If you'd like to learn more about Enneagram, check out Tamara Kroeker - she's the best
My parasympathetic nervous system was in the red zone despite feeling "fine" intellectually
• Nervous system dysregulation can cause chronic fatigue, emotional numbness, and withdrawal
• Gentle practices like deep breathing, nature time, and safe connections help restore balance
• Theta healing unlocked beliefs about safety and responsibility I didn't know were holding me back. To learn more about Theta Healing, you're in great hands with Megan at the Conscious Village!
• Reconnecting with my inner child became an unexpected part of my healing journey
• Real mojo comes from honesty, not forced positivity
If you haven't grabbed your copy of Small Shifts Massive Mojo yet, HERE IS YOUR LINK It's full of simple ways to build real momentum, one honest moment at a time.
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Disclaimer: This post contains affiliate links. If you make a purchase, I may receive a commission at no extra cost to you.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:10):
from chiropractic to theta healing to discovering my
enneagram type.
I've been on a self-care surgethis week and I'm low-key dying
to tell you about it and it hasunlocked so much and revealed so
many blind spots that I'mexcited to be on the verge of so
many new breakthroughs that Ithought I'd take a beat hit
record and unpack some of theinsights and aha moments that
(00:32):
have caused me to reflect on thequestion is it mojo or toxic
positivity?
Stay tuned while we peel backthe layers and ground ourselves
in the difference between thetwo and what role Mojo really
plays in who we are and how weshow up in this thing called
life.
So settle in, my friend, as wecontinue our mission to live a
(00:55):
life we love and love the lifewe live.
So let's get tuned in, tappedin and turned on in and turned
(01:16):
on.
Hey friend, welcome back toPocketful of Mojo.
I've been on a serious self-caresurge this week and I'm kind of
bursting to talk about it.
Let's just say this wasn't youraverage sheet mask and bubble
bath kind of week.
This was soul work, nervoussystem work, energy clearing,
blind spot busting kind ofself-care and I'm not going to
lie, it kind of got me thinkingam I chasing my mojo or am I
(01:37):
sugarcoating my stuff with a bigsmile and calling it growth?
So today we're diving deep, I'munpacking a few breakthroughs,
sharing some aha moments andreflecting on that big juicy
question is it Mojo or is it amask?
So let's go and I'm Steph, bythe way, your Mojo Maven, your
friend you can talk to aboutfeelings and I'm here for you.
(02:00):
So let's dig into it.
What is Mojo really?
Mojo is your authentic lifeforce.
It's that inner fire that getsyou moving, dreaming, showing up
and taking up space.
Like you mean it.
Mojo is aligned energy.
It's simply your confidencethat's rooted in your truth.
(02:22):
It's showing up with clarityand courage.
Mojo is feeling fully you, evenwhen things aren't perfect.
It's the stuff that lights youup and makes your days feel
alive, and not just full.
But here's the thing Mojodoesn't mean you're always on.
It doesn't mean you're alwaysupbeat or that you love every
(02:43):
moment.
In fact, true mojo often comesafter a breakdown, a messy cry
or a moment where you admit toyourself this isn't working for
me anymore.
That's mojo too.
In fact, that's where mojomastery was born.
My personal mojo came after theworst year of my life.
My mom took a nap and neverwoke up.
(03:06):
My marriage of 10 years haddisintegrated.
Found that out a couple of daysafter the funeral.
Cool, so I had to uproot mylovely life in France and come
home to Canada to be my dad'scaregiver.
Not exactly the environment formojo, the one wouldn't think.
But as it turns out, that turnof events stripped away all the
(03:26):
pieces of me that weren't me atall and reminded me of who I
really was.
But that took some time andhealing and grieving oh so much
grieving.
But it was the healing that Iwas dedicated to that led me to
the path of mojo.
But let's take a beat and lookat the flip side.
(03:47):
That mask, that toxicpositivity which is kind of a
buzzword right now.
And it's that relentless goodvibes only attitude that tries
to override the real emotionswith some fake sunshine.
And you're wearing that maskwhen you're smiling through
gritted teeth, when you'resaying I'm fine when you're
(04:08):
really not, or you're forcingthe silver linings before you've
allowed yourself to feel thestorm.
Or maybe it's based in goodintentions, using affirmations
to avoid pain instead ofprocessing it.
We're talking about that vibewhere self-care becomes
performative and healing getsreduced to a checklist, and it's
(04:29):
all surface and not soul, it'sall polish and not permission to
feel, because the truth is isthat that's not self-care, that
is self abandonment dressed inglitter.
And I want to say this again,mojo, is not the avoidance of
your truth, your experience oryour feelings Because I know
shit happens and there's nothingthat Mojo can do about that.
(04:52):
You have full permission and,dare I say, responsibility, to
address, acknowledge and feelwhatever is going on with you
good, bad and otherwise and whatthis podcast is here to do is
to help you navigate everythingthat life throws at you.
And you have the tools you needto work through your path and
(05:15):
feel empowered to do so, and doit with the faith that you're
right where you're meant to be,learning what you're meant to
learn as you walk your path andas you do that, you'll keep
unraveling the amazing versionof yourself that you've always
been.
And I want to start by sharinga particularly powerful insight
that I captured this week, andit's the simple truth that our
(05:37):
own experience can be more thanone thing.
Sounds simple, right, but likewe always hear about going
through whatever we areprocessing, and we have this
image in our minds or at least Ido that when I'm in the shit, I
sit in the shit, I deal with it, I process it, I experience it
and eventually, in good time,I'll arrive on the other side.
(06:01):
Shit free, right.
That's the theory, and then thegood feelings can start again.
But what I've come to realizethrough the power of mojo is
that, with consistent commitmentto my values, which include
things like joy and happinessand play, they don't have to be
on pause whilst I process myshit, because I can create a
(06:24):
personal container that isstrong and big enough to support
my grief and my light.
And my light can continue to befed and fueled with moments of
joy and happiness and play, evenif they're fleeting.
And that doesn't mean that I'vebetrayed my grief or the
process of healing.
They're just my values, they'remy vitamins, and I know, like I
(06:49):
know, that I operate better asa human, even and especially
when things are hard, if I havethose things nearby, because
there is no rule that says thatwe can only feel one thing.
There's no feelings police thatwill come and confiscate your
happiness while you're trying toprocess something difficult.
So remember you're in charge.
(07:10):
There are fewer rules than youthink, so I ask you to just give
yourself some permission andsee what happens.
So I thought it would be a goodidea for this next part that we
have a look at some red flagsthat maybe you're masking
instead of mastering.
Okay, so let's talk truth.
Here are a few signs that youmight be in what I like to call
(07:34):
sunshine masking, the storm mode.
So maybe you feel pressure tostay positive even when you're
struggling.
Or you're bouncing from oneself-care ritual to the next
without actually feeling anybetter.
Another sign is that you'reavoiding the hard conversations
or the deep emotions, but you'recalling it protecting your
(07:55):
peace.
It's like disguised as self-care, but it's really avoidance.
As self-care, but it's reallyavoidance.
Or when you're on the verge ofaddressing something difficult,
you just say to yourself thingslike well, it could be worse and
what you're doing there isyou're silencing your own needs.
Maybe you feel exhausted byyour own healing journey and
you're constantly working onyourself, but you're not feeling
(08:17):
any more like yourself.
If any of this sounds familiar,babe, you're not alone.
These are sneaky patterns,because on the outside it looks
like you're doing all the rightthings, but inside there's a
disconnect.
And that's the invitation rightTo pause, to check in and then
(08:39):
ask yourself the deeper questionIs this helping me return to
myself or helping me avoidmyself?
So let's flip the script.
Here's what it looks like whenyour self-care actually builds
your mojo, because life happensand sometimes shit gets real and
the dark times will come andpay a visit, but they don't have
(09:00):
an invitation to stay.
So here's how you know thatit's truly fueling you and not
just masking what's really goingon underneath.
Small shift, big difference.
So you're going to know it'sthe right self-care for you if
you feel more like you afterdoing it, not someone you think
(09:20):
you should be.
You can also know that theself-care is right for you if
you're more emotionallyavailable, and I don't mean
emotionally tidy.
So for me, like this one showsup for me right after a great
chat session with my bestie, Ijust feel like I've given
airtime to what's on my mind andin my heart, even if it's messy
, even if it makes me cry in themiddle of the cafe, and because
(09:44):
I know that, whatever I feel,I'm still loved unconditionally.
And you know that thatself-care is right for you if
afterwards you are feelinggrounded and clear and tuned in
again, even if things are stillmessy or unresolved, but you've
done something for yourself.
At that point that makes youthink yeah, I'm still in the
(10:04):
storm, but I know I have anumbrella, a rain jacket and
puddle boots and what's thatline?
I'd rather be dry, but at leastI'm alive.
Forgive the pop culturereference, but when you're doing
this, you're making choicesfrom love and not from fear or
for performance or to say thatyou did the thing.
(10:25):
But when it comes to self-care,it's not about sorting yourself
out so that it's more convenientfor other people, because it's
not your job to be on 100% ofthe time.
It's not your job to have aperfect attendance record for
your job, your friends or yourfamily.
Your number one priority is you, and if those other ingredients
(10:47):
matter to you, then you matterto you Because how you show up
for them starts with you,because real mojo comes from
real connection with your body,with your brain, your values,
your truth.
Sometimes that looks likejournaling, sometimes that looks
like setting a boundary,sometimes that looks like crying
(11:09):
on the bathroom floor, and Ican tell you that I have
personally tested all of thosemethods I just listed and they
all work.
It's about knowing which leverto pull to respond to your
actual needs, and that couldtake some time.
It's going knowing which leverto pull to respond to your
actual needs, and that couldtake some time.
It's going to take some trialand error, because self-care
that fuels your mojo doesn't askyou to fake anything.
(11:31):
It meets you where you are andinvites you home.
So here's the part where webring it back to you, because
here's the truth, mojorino, nomatter how many ideas and
thought starters I give you, theonly self-care that's worth a
damn is the thing that you pickfor yourself, not because
someone said it worked, notbecause that's the self-care
(11:54):
flavor of the day, but becauseit's an answer to a scratch that
only you know how to itch.
I mean, think about it.
A scratch that only you knowhow to itch.
I mean, think about it.
Who else is better equipped toknow what you like, what you
need, what doing a certain thingmakes you feel no one else can
be an expert on you?
That's your job.
Now you're like okay, steph,that's fine and all, but I'm
(12:16):
tuning in here to figure thatout.
So what do I do now that I'm onthe carousel?
Well, that's where I come in.
It's kind of my whole vibe, infact.
You can do it, I can help.
So here's the tea.
When it comes to figuring outyour ideal self-care, here's
what you need to do.
You're going to want to startby finding a quiet moment and a
(12:36):
cup of tea and then ask yourselfwhat does self-care feel like
when it's working?
What do I usually do when I'mtrying to avoid discomfort?
What's one feeling I've beenbrushing aside in the name of
staying positive?
And is there a small shift thatI could make this week that
feels honest and nurturing?
And if you're looking for ideason a small shift, I'll point
(13:00):
you to episode 10, where you canget a deep dive on a list of 20
things that will help youtackle one small shift that can
potentially change the game foryou.
You can write that down.
And if you're not sure to begin, start with this.
Ask yourself the question whatdo I need to feel more like
(13:20):
myself today?
That question, right.
There is a mojo, masteryclassic and a powerful compass.
So I promised you some behindthe scenes, right?
So this week I went deep.
Now to preface all this, I wasfeeling pretty good going into
the week.
My energy felt clean.
I had no impulse to cry at thedrop of a hat.
(13:41):
You know the feeling.
I'd been on top of my self-careand, other than a stiff
shoulder, I was feeling prettygood, mojo engaged right.
Then the week rolled on Firstup, enneagram typing Hello, type
nines, let's get into it.
It was fascinating.
If you're new to it, enneagramis a personality tool that helps
(14:05):
you understand how you're wired, how you think, how you feel
and behave at the core, and it'smade up of nine different types
, each with its own vibe,strengths, challenges and blind
spots.
And it's not about putting youin a box.
It's made up of nine differenttypes, each with its own vibe,
strengths, challenges and blindspots.
And it's not about putting youin a box.
It's about showing you the boxthat you're already in and how
to step out of it.
(14:25):
Think of it as a self-awarenesscheat code that helps you grow,
relate better to others andstop running on autopilot.
And Tamara, my fabulousfacilitator.
She explained to me that when anine is thriving, they're
grounded, inclusive, strong intheir values and really actively
creating peace rather thanavoiding conflict.
(14:46):
And I was like, yeah, that'sbang on.
And then she went on to explainwhat happens when a nine is
stuck.
They may numb out withdistractions like scrolling or
snacking or staying busy.
They avoid confrontation orstruggle to know what they
really want.
And I was like ding, ding, ding.
(15:07):
And so this discussion fullypulled this behavior of mine out
of the blind spot and into thespotlight.
I really hung on thedescription as a whole and fully
went down the rabbit hole ofdigging into all the different
things I could know and learnabout nines.
But this whole numbing outthing really resonated with me
(15:27):
Because as I was starting tounpack my inner people pleaser,
I realized that I had no ideawhat I wanted or needed, because
I had built a life based on theneeds and wants of others.
So by avoiding the question, Ididn't have to come up with
answers.
I didn't have.
But it was also a great tune into see how far I've come and
(15:49):
when I was answering thequestions.
It was really enlightening tothink about how I would have
answered that question fiveyears ago, compared to how I
would have answered it today.
It was all fascinating and Icould talk all day about it.
But anyway, the next day it wastime for the chiropractor.
So quick recap when I was 23, Iwas young and fancy free, and
(16:10):
one day I woke up and I couldn'tget out of bed.
Not like I don't want to facethe day, kind of get out of bed.
Not like I don't want to facethe day, kind of get out of bed.
I'm talking.
I was physically incapable ofgetting out of bed.
I remember using all of myenergy to push past the pain to
get on all fours and crawl intothe hallway to call a roommate
(16:31):
to help me A very what the fuck?
Moment for my 23 year old,invincible feeling self.
So a trip to the doctor, theReiki healer, the acupuncturist
and several, many chiropractors.
Later I was told that I had thespine of an 82 year old,
because you know how your spineis supposed to curve and make
(16:52):
kind of like an S shape.
Well, mine makes a questionmark.
All that pressure on my sciaticnerve and boom, I was at a
commission for 10 weeks, formost of which I was hopped up on
.
A morphine patch became awalking 90 degree angle, unable
to fully stand up Not cute.
So fast forward to today whereI have all the awareness and the
(17:17):
ability to live a life where Idon't have to go to the
chiropractor all the time.
But it was indeed time for atune-up.
My shoulder had been botheringme for some time and I finally
decided to take my own adviceand treat myself to some
professional attention.
So, because it had been a while, the chiropractor wanted to do
a scan so that he could set abaseline for treatment and see
(17:37):
what was going on.
Now maybe it's the Capricorn inme, but when I hear the word
scan, my brain thinks test andI've got to get a good score.
Yeah well, the scan had otherideas.
So the chiropractor comes intothe room after looking at my
scan and he's like are youstressed, have you got a lot
(17:59):
going on?
And I looked at him with acocked eyebrow and kind of
shrugged and I said, well, nomore than usual, secretly
knowing full well that my lifeis not entirely in alignment
with my goals and my vision, butintellectually had made peace
with my situation in the knowingthat this too shall pass.
But what came up on the scan wasthat my parasympathetic nervous
system was fucked Like in thered zone, as close to the edge
(18:22):
of the chart as scientificallypossible, angry, raging kind of
results that I was in no wayexpecting.
I mean, I was just there tocheck on my shoulder.
So this scan result paired withmy new insight that me and my
Enneagram 9 type have, amongother things, avoidant
tendencies, really underlinedthe universal truth the body
(18:46):
knows and the body never lies.
So we all know that there's apart of our nervous system
that's fight or flight right.
So what I learned next was thatyour parasympathetic nervous
system is the rest and digestside of the nervous system and
it's mega dysregulated and itmeans that my body is having a
(19:06):
hard time calming down andrecovering and feeling safe,
even when the stressor is gone.
So my body was carrying stressthat my brain couldn't logic
away and left untreated.
This can leave you feeling stuckin chronic stress, emotional
exhaustion or even shutdown mode, and instead of feeling calm
(19:28):
and grounded, you might feel acertain type of way.
So let's break it down so thatif you have any of these
symptoms, you can identify itand take action for yourself.
So you might be dysregulated ifyou've got a kind of tired that
no amount of sleep can fix, oryou feel numb, you disassociate
(19:48):
or you feel emotionally flat.
Other symptoms include lowenergy, sluggish digestion,
feeling foggy, shutting downwhen stress kicks in instead of
actually confronting the issue,or maybe you withdraw from other
people, even when connectionwould help, because you'd have
to admit that something is up.
(20:08):
So best not discuss it at all.
And remember how I said thebody never lies.
Check your heart rate, becauselow heart rate variability could
be a marker of a poor nervoussystem.
But all is not lost.
This does not have to be apermanent state.
So let's look at what helps.
The headline here is make itgentle, make it soft.
(20:30):
I'm talking slow, deepbreathing.
I'm talking gentle movement,like walking or stretching,
because, remember, it's movement, not punishment.
So I'm talking mindfulness,grounding practices like put
your feet in the grass barefoot,point your face to the sun.
And time in nature is a gift,not something to be taken for
(20:54):
granted.
Never underestimate the powerof even a small amount of time
in nature.
I used to think that if itwasn't a weekend at Lake of the
Woods, then what's the point?
But turns out an afternoon walkaround the local park can still
do wonders.
And then there's your tribe.
Community is key, and not justany community People that you
(21:17):
feel safe with, that you trustto hold space for you and your
process and your feelings.
This is safe connections withother people and that's
co-regulation.
And when I say community, itdoesn't is safe connections with
other people, and that's co-regulation.
And when I say community, itdoesn't have to be a million
people.
If you've got that one bestiethat just knows you and sees you
and helps you feel seen andheard, that's your community.
(21:38):
Because it's not about calmingdown on demand, it's about
creating conditions for safetyso that your body knows that
it's okay to relax.
So it turns out that mychiropractic care wasn't just
for my body but it was for theenergy that I was holding on to
and I realized I've beencarrying way too much on my
(22:00):
shoulders Anybody else, whichactually brings me to the third
component of my self-caretrifecta, and this is the theta
healing dude.
When I tell you that thisunlocked everything I didn't
know I needed to know, I mean itfrom the cockles of my heart.
Thanks to the amazing, skilled,talented, beautiful, insightful
(22:24):
, intuitive guide, me, who ledmy session, I unlocked a belief
that I didn't even realize washolding me back.
I have major internal conflictwhen it comes to safety.
My relationship with my dad isway more complex than I was
admitting to myself, and I havea huge avoidance blocks when it
(22:45):
comes to responsibility.
Shaboom, bombs dropped, insightsilluminated, blind spots
exposed and emotions released.
I felt cracked open after oursession, really exposed but like
in the best way.
And then from there I took heradvice and drank all the water
(23:07):
to recalibrate on a cellularlevel, because that healing was
intense in all the right ways.
And then I spent the next twodays being really gentle with
myself lots of rest, lots ofchecking in with myself and
being like how you doing, whatdo you need?
And tending to myself the bestway that I could.
(23:27):
And then the coolest thinghappened Feeling a little
uninspired by my regular to-dolist, I decided to clean my room
, clean space, clean mind right.
So in the process of doing so, Iaccidentally if you believe in
that kind of thing stumbled on aphotograph of none other than
little Steph, so cute, so sweet,so craving attention and love.
(23:53):
So I took that photo and Iimmediately placed it on my wall
so that I can rekindle myconnection with her, just bring
her into my consciousness andstart to show her some of the
love that she so desperatelycraved and really tend to that
part of myself.
That was a bit of an open woundthat had gone unchecked for
(24:13):
some time and, to be honest, itfelt like quite the responsible
thing to do.
I felt like I doubled down onmy self-awareness and had a
clearer picture of what myimmediate needs really were, and
had a clearer picture of whatmy immediate needs really were
and then from there, how to takethe first steps to connect with
my personal growth andresolution of the things that
I'd been hiding in theself-imposed shadows Because
(24:35):
fruit doesn't grow in the darkand each of these things created
a ripple, but none of it wouldhave mattered if I wasn't
willing to feel uncomfortablewhen all that stuff came up.
And that's the mojo magic Notjust doing the thing, but
letting them move you.
So here's what I want you toremember Is that mojo.
(24:58):
It's magnetic, but it's alsomessy and toxic.
Positivity it's a buzzwordflying around out there and it
is sneaky, but you don't have tofall for it, because real self
care won't always look pretty,but you'll know the difference,
because it will always bring youcloser to your truth.
And you don't have to fixeverything and I'm using
(25:20):
hardcore quote marks around thefix part, because you're not
broken, you're becoming, you'reremembering, and you certainly
do not have to stay positive100% of the time.
You just have to stay honestbecause when you choose real
over perfect presence, overperformance.
That's where Mojo lives.
(25:40):
Oh, friend, thanks for hangingout with me today, and if this
episode hit home or sparkedsomething for you, I'd love to
hear about it and definitelyshare this episode with someone
who needs a little mojo reminder.
And hey, if you haven't grabbedyour copy of Small Shifts
(26:02):
Massive Mojo yet, the link is inthe show notes and it's full of
simple ways to build realmomentum, one honest moment at a
time.
And just like that, you've gotyour very own pocketful of mojo.
So until next time, take careof you, be real with your
feelings and never forget.
You've already got the magic.
(26:24):
Now go use it.
So be sure to tune in next weekwhen we talk about how to go
from loneliness to loving thesolitude.
So until then, stay fabulous,stay kind and put love in
everything you do.
Ciao, for now, mwah.
from chiropractic to theta healing to discovering my
enneagram type.
I've been on a self-care surgethis week and I'm low-key dying
to tell you about it and it hasunlocked so much and revealed so
many blind spots that I'mexcited to be on the verge of so
many new breakthroughs that Ithought I'd take a beat hit
record and unpack some of theinsights and aha moments that
(00:32):
have caused me to reflect on thequestion is it mojo or toxic
positivity?
Stay tuned while we peel backthe layers and ground ourselves
in the difference between thetwo and what role Mojo really
plays in who we are and how weshow up in this thing called
life.
So settle in, my friend, as wecontinue our mission to live a
(00:55):
life we love and love the lifewe live.
So let's get tuned in, tappedin and turned on in and turned
(01:16):
on.
Hey friend, welcome back toPocketful of Mojo.
I've been on a serious self-caresurge this week and I'm kind of
bursting to talk about it.
Let's just say this wasn't youraverage sheet mask and bubble
bath kind of week.
This was soul work, nervoussystem work, energy clearing,
blind spot busting kind ofself-care and I'm not going to
lie, it kind of got me thinkingam I chasing my mojo or am I
(01:37):
sugarcoating my stuff with a bigsmile and calling it growth?
So today we're diving deep, I'munpacking a few breakthroughs,
sharing some aha moments andreflecting on that big juicy
question is it Mojo or is it amask?
So let's go and I'm Steph, bythe way, your Mojo Maven, your
friend you can talk to aboutfeelings and I'm here for you.
(02:00):
So let's dig into it.
What is Mojo really?
Mojo is your authentic lifeforce.
It's that inner fire that getsyou moving, dreaming, showing up
and taking up space.
Like you mean it.
Mojo is aligned energy.
It's simply your confidencethat's rooted in your truth.
(02:22):
It's showing up with clarityand courage.
Mojo is feeling fully you, evenwhen things aren't perfect.
It's the stuff that lights youup and makes your days feel
alive, and not just full.
But here's the thing Mojodoesn't mean you're always on.
It doesn't mean you're alwaysupbeat or that you love every
(02:43):
moment.
In fact, true mojo often comesafter a breakdown, a messy cry
or a moment where you admit toyourself this isn't working for
me anymore.
That's mojo too.
In fact, that's where mojomastery was born.
My personal mojo came after theworst year of my life.
My mom took a nap and neverwoke up.
(03:06):
My marriage of 10 years haddisintegrated.
Found that out a couple of daysafter the funeral.
Cool, so I had to uproot mylovely life in France and come
home to Canada to be my dad'scaregiver.
Not exactly the environment formojo, the one wouldn't think.
But as it turns out, that turnof events stripped away all the
(03:26):
pieces of me that weren't me atall and reminded me of who I
really was.
But that took some time andhealing and grieving oh so much
grieving.
But it was the healing that Iwas dedicated to that led me to
the path of mojo.
But let's take a beat and lookat the flip side.
(03:47):
That mask, that toxicpositivity which is kind of a
buzzword right now.
And it's that relentless goodvibes only attitude that tries
to override the real emotionswith some fake sunshine.
And you're wearing that maskwhen you're smiling through
gritted teeth, when you'resaying I'm fine when you're
(04:08):
really not, or you're forcingthe silver linings before you've
allowed yourself to feel thestorm.
Or maybe it's based in goodintentions, using affirmations
to avoid pain instead ofprocessing it.
We're talking about that vibewhere self-care becomes
performative and healing getsreduced to a checklist, and it's
(04:29):
all surface and not soul, it'sall polish and not permission to
feel, because the truth is isthat that's not self-care, that
is self abandonment dressed inglitter.
And I want to say this again,mojo, is not the avoidance of
your truth, your experience oryour feelings Because I know
shit happens and there's nothingthat Mojo can do about that.
(04:52):
You have full permission and,dare I say, responsibility, to
address, acknowledge and feelwhatever is going on with you
good, bad and otherwise and whatthis podcast is here to do is
to help you navigate everythingthat life throws at you.
And you have the tools you needto work through your path and
(05:15):
feel empowered to do so, and doit with the faith that you're
right where you're meant to be,learning what you're meant to
learn as you walk your path andas you do that, you'll keep
unraveling the amazing versionof yourself that you've always
been.
And I want to start by sharinga particularly powerful insight
that I captured this week, andit's the simple truth that our
(05:37):
own experience can be more thanone thing.
Sounds simple, right, but likewe always hear about going
through whatever we areprocessing, and we have this
image in our minds or at least Ido that when I'm in the shit, I
sit in the shit, I deal with it, I process it, I experience it
and eventually, in good time,I'll arrive on the other side.
(06:01):
Shit free, right.
That's the theory, and then thegood feelings can start again.
But what I've come to realizethrough the power of mojo is
that, with consistent commitmentto my values, which include
things like joy and happinessand play, they don't have to be
on pause whilst I process myshit, because I can create a
(06:24):
personal container that isstrong and big enough to support
my grief and my light.
And my light can continue to befed and fueled with moments of
joy and happiness and play, evenif they're fleeting.
And that doesn't mean that I'vebetrayed my grief or the
process of healing.
They're just my values, they'remy vitamins, and I know, like I
(06:49):
know, that I operate better asa human, even and especially
when things are hard, if I havethose things nearby, because
there is no rule that says thatwe can only feel one thing.
There's no feelings police thatwill come and confiscate your
happiness while you're trying toprocess something difficult.
So remember you're in charge.
(07:10):
There are fewer rules than youthink, so I ask you to just give
yourself some permission andsee what happens.
So I thought it would be a goodidea for this next part that we
have a look at some red flagsthat maybe you're masking
instead of mastering.
Okay, so let's talk truth.
Here are a few signs that youmight be in what I like to call
(07:34):
sunshine masking, the storm mode.
So maybe you feel pressure tostay positive even when you're
struggling.
Or you're bouncing from oneself-care ritual to the next
without actually feeling anybetter.
Another sign is that you'reavoiding the hard conversations
or the deep emotions, but you'recalling it protecting your
(07:55):
peace.
It's like disguised as self-care, but it's really avoidance.
As self-care, but it's reallyavoidance.
Or when you're on the verge ofaddressing something difficult,
you just say to yourself thingslike well, it could be worse and
what you're doing there isyou're silencing your own needs.
Maybe you feel exhausted byyour own healing journey and
you're constantly working onyourself, but you're not feeling
(08:17):
any more like yourself.
If any of this sounds familiar,babe, you're not alone.
These are sneaky patterns,because on the outside it looks
like you're doing all the rightthings, but inside there's a
disconnect.
And that's the invitation rightTo pause, to check in and then
(08:39):
ask yourself the deeper questionIs this helping me return to
myself or helping me avoidmyself?
So let's flip the script.
Here's what it looks like whenyour self-care actually builds
your mojo, because life happensand sometimes shit gets real and
the dark times will come andpay a visit, but they don't have
(09:00):
an invitation to stay.
So here's how you know thatit's truly fueling you and not
just masking what's really goingon underneath.
Small shift, big difference.
So you're going to know it'sthe right self-care for you if
you feel more like you afterdoing it, not someone you think
(09:20):
you should be.
You can also know that theself-care is right for you if
you're more emotionallyavailable, and I don't mean
emotionally tidy.
So for me, like this one showsup for me right after a great
chat session with my bestie, Ijust feel like I've given
airtime to what's on my mind andin my heart, even if it's messy
, even if it makes me cry in themiddle of the cafe, and because
(09:44):
I know that, whatever I feel,I'm still loved unconditionally.
And you know that thatself-care is right for you if
afterwards you are feelinggrounded and clear and tuned in
again, even if things are stillmessy or unresolved, but you've
done something for yourself.
At that point that makes youthink yeah, I'm still in the
(10:04):
storm, but I know I have anumbrella, a rain jacket and
puddle boots and what's thatline?
I'd rather be dry, but at leastI'm alive.
Forgive the pop culturereference, but when you're doing
this, you're making choicesfrom love and not from fear or
for performance or to say thatyou did the thing.
(10:25):
But when it comes to self-care,it's not about sorting yourself
out so that it's more convenientfor other people, because it's
not your job to be on 100% ofthe time.
It's not your job to have aperfect attendance record for
your job, your friends or yourfamily.
Your number one priority is you, and if those other ingredients
(10:47):
matter to you, then you matterto you Because how you show up
for them starts with you,because real mojo comes from
real connection with your body,with your brain, your values,
your truth.
Sometimes that looks likejournaling, sometimes that looks
like setting a boundary,sometimes that looks like crying
(11:09):
on the bathroom floor, and Ican tell you that I have
personally tested all of thosemethods I just listed and they
all work.
It's about knowing which leverto pull to respond to your
actual needs, and that couldtake some time.
It's going knowing which leverto pull to respond to your
actual needs, and that couldtake some time.
It's going to take some trialand error, because self-care
that fuels your mojo doesn't askyou to fake anything.
(11:31):
It meets you where you are andinvites you home.
So here's the part where webring it back to you, because
here's the truth, mojorino, nomatter how many ideas and
thought starters I give you, theonly self-care that's worth a
damn is the thing that you pickfor yourself, not because
someone said it worked, notbecause that's the self-care
(11:54):
flavor of the day, but becauseit's an answer to a scratch that
only you know how to itch.
I mean, think about it.
A scratch that only you knowhow to itch.
I mean, think about it.
Who else is better equipped toknow what you like, what you
need, what doing a certain thingmakes you feel no one else can
be an expert on you?
That's your job.
Now you're like okay, steph,that's fine and all, but I'm
(12:16):
tuning in here to figure thatout.
So what do I do now that I'm onthe carousel?
Well, that's where I come in.
It's kind of my whole vibe, infact.
You can do it, I can help.
So here's the tea.
When it comes to figuring outyour ideal self-care, here's
what you need to do.
You're going to want to startby finding a quiet moment and a
(12:36):
cup of tea and then ask yourselfwhat does self-care feel like
when it's working?
What do I usually do when I'mtrying to avoid discomfort?
What's one feeling I've beenbrushing aside in the name of
staying positive?
And is there a small shift thatI could make this week that
feels honest and nurturing?
And if you're looking for ideason a small shift, I'll point
(13:00):
you to episode 10, where you canget a deep dive on a list of 20
things that will help youtackle one small shift that can
potentially change the game foryou.
You can write that down.
And if you're not sure to begin, start with this.
Ask yourself the question whatdo I need to feel more like
(13:20):
myself today?
That question, right.
There is a mojo, masteryclassic and a powerful compass.
So I promised you some behindthe scenes, right?
So this week I went deep.
Now to preface all this, I wasfeeling pretty good going into
the week.
My energy felt clean.
I had no impulse to cry at thedrop of a hat.
(13:41):
You know the feeling.
I'd been on top of my self-careand, other than a stiff
shoulder, I was feeling prettygood, mojo engaged right.
Then the week rolled on Firstup, enneagram typing Hello, type
nines, let's get into it.
It was fascinating.
If you're new to it, enneagramis a personality tool that helps
(14:05):
you understand how you're wired, how you think, how you feel
and behave at the core, and it'smade up of nine different types
, each with its own vibe,strengths, challenges and blind
spots.
And it's not about putting youin a box.
It's made up of nine differenttypes, each with its own vibe,
strengths, challenges and blindspots.
And it's not about putting youin a box.
It's about showing you the boxthat you're already in and how
to step out of it.
(14:25):
Think of it as a self-awarenesscheat code that helps you grow,
relate better to others andstop running on autopilot.
And Tamara, my fabulousfacilitator.
She explained to me that when anine is thriving, they're
grounded, inclusive, strong intheir values and really actively
creating peace rather thanavoiding conflict.
(14:46):
And I was like, yeah, that'sbang on.
And then she went on to explainwhat happens when a nine is
stuck.
They may numb out withdistractions like scrolling or
snacking or staying busy.
They avoid confrontation orstruggle to know what they
really want.
And I was like ding, ding, ding.
(15:07):
And so this discussion fullypulled this behavior of mine out
of the blind spot and into thespotlight.
I really hung on thedescription as a whole and fully
went down the rabbit hole ofdigging into all the different
things I could know and learnabout nines.
But this whole numbing outthing really resonated with me
(15:27):
Because as I was starting tounpack my inner people pleaser,
I realized that I had no ideawhat I wanted or needed, because
I had built a life based on theneeds and wants of others.
So by avoiding the question, Ididn't have to come up with
answers.
I didn't have.
But it was also a great tune into see how far I've come and
(15:49):
when I was answering thequestions.
It was really enlightening tothink about how I would have
answered that question fiveyears ago, compared to how I
would have answered it today.
It was all fascinating and Icould talk all day about it.
But anyway, the next day it wastime for the chiropractor.
So quick recap when I was 23, Iwas young and fancy free, and
(16:10):
one day I woke up and I couldn'tget out of bed.
Not like I don't want to facethe day, kind of get out of bed.
Not like I don't want to facethe day, kind of get out of bed.
I'm talking.
I was physically incapable ofgetting out of bed.
I remember using all of myenergy to push past the pain to
get on all fours and crawl intothe hallway to call a roommate
(16:31):
to help me A very what the fuck?
Moment for my 23 year old,invincible feeling self.
So a trip to the doctor, theReiki healer, the acupuncturist
and several, many chiropractors.
Later I was told that I had thespine of an 82 year old,
because you know how your spineis supposed to curve and make
(16:52):
kind of like an S shape.
Well, mine makes a questionmark.
All that pressure on my sciaticnerve and boom, I was at a
commission for 10 weeks, formost of which I was hopped up on
.
A morphine patch became awalking 90 degree angle, unable
to fully stand up Not cute.
So fast forward to today whereI have all the awareness and the
(17:17):
ability to live a life where Idon't have to go to the
chiropractor all the time.
But it was indeed time for atune-up.
My shoulder had been botheringme for some time and I finally
decided to take my own adviceand treat myself to some
professional attention.
So, because it had been a while, the chiropractor wanted to do
a scan so that he could set abaseline for treatment and see
(17:37):
what was going on.
Now maybe it's the Capricorn inme, but when I hear the word
scan, my brain thinks test andI've got to get a good score.
Yeah well, the scan had otherideas.
So the chiropractor comes intothe room after looking at my
scan and he's like are youstressed, have you got a lot
(17:59):
going on?
And I looked at him with acocked eyebrow and kind of
shrugged and I said, well, nomore than usual, secretly
knowing full well that my lifeis not entirely in alignment
with my goals and my vision, butintellectually had made peace
with my situation in the knowingthat this too shall pass.
But what came up on the scan wasthat my parasympathetic nervous
system was fucked Like in thered zone, as close to the edge
(18:22):
of the chart as scientificallypossible, angry, raging kind of
results that I was in no wayexpecting.
I mean, I was just there tocheck on my shoulder.
So this scan result paired withmy new insight that me and my
Enneagram 9 type have, amongother things, avoidant
tendencies, really underlinedthe universal truth the body
(18:46):
knows and the body never lies.
So we all know that there's apart of our nervous system
that's fight or flight right.
So what I learned next was thatyour parasympathetic nervous
system is the rest and digestside of the nervous system and
it's mega dysregulated and itmeans that my body is having a
(19:06):
hard time calming down andrecovering and feeling safe,
even when the stressor is gone.
So my body was carrying stressthat my brain couldn't logic
away and left untreated.
This can leave you feeling stuckin chronic stress, emotional
exhaustion or even shutdown mode, and instead of feeling calm
(19:28):
and grounded, you might feel acertain type of way.
So let's break it down so thatif you have any of these
symptoms, you can identify itand take action for yourself.
So you might be dysregulated ifyou've got a kind of tired that
no amount of sleep can fix, oryou feel numb, you disassociate
(19:48):
or you feel emotionally flat.
Other symptoms include lowenergy, sluggish digestion,
feeling foggy, shutting downwhen stress kicks in instead of
actually confronting the issue,or maybe you withdraw from other
people, even when connectionwould help, because you'd have
to admit that something is up.
(20:08):
So best not discuss it at all.
And remember how I said thebody never lies.
Check your heart rate, becauselow heart rate variability could
be a marker of a poor nervoussystem.
But all is not lost.
This does not have to be apermanent state.
So let's look at what helps.
The headline here is make itgentle, make it soft.
(20:30):
I'm talking slow, deepbreathing.
I'm talking gentle movement,like walking or stretching,
because, remember, it's movement, not punishment.
So I'm talking mindfulness,grounding practices like put
your feet in the grass barefoot,point your face to the sun.
And time in nature is a gift,not something to be taken for
(20:54):
granted.
Never underestimate the powerof even a small amount of time
in nature.
I used to think that if itwasn't a weekend at Lake of the
Woods, then what's the point?
But turns out an afternoon walkaround the local park can still
do wonders.
And then there's your tribe.
Community is key, and not justany community People that you
(21:17):
feel safe with, that you trustto hold space for you and your
process and your feelings.
This is safe connections withother people and that's
co-regulation.
And when I say community, itdoesn't is safe connections with
other people, and that's co-regulation.
And when I say community, itdoesn't have to be a million
people.
If you've got that one bestiethat just knows you and sees you
and helps you feel seen andheard, that's your community.
(21:38):
Because it's not about calmingdown on demand, it's about
creating conditions for safetyso that your body knows that
it's okay to relax.
So it turns out that mychiropractic care wasn't just
for my body but it was for theenergy that I was holding on to
and I realized I've beencarrying way too much on my
(22:00):
shoulders Anybody else, whichactually brings me to the third
component of my self-caretrifecta, and this is the theta
healing dude.
When I tell you that thisunlocked everything I didn't
know I needed to know, I mean itfrom the cockles of my heart.
Thanks to the amazing, skilled,talented, beautiful, insightful
(22:24):
, intuitive guide, me, who ledmy session, I unlocked a belief
that I didn't even realize washolding me back.
I have major internal conflictwhen it comes to safety.
My relationship with my dad isway more complex than I was
admitting to myself, and I havea huge avoidance blocks when it
(22:45):
comes to responsibility.
Shaboom, bombs dropped, insightsilluminated, blind spots
exposed and emotions released.
I felt cracked open after oursession, really exposed but like
in the best way.
And then from there I took heradvice and drank all the water
(23:07):
to recalibrate on a cellularlevel, because that healing was
intense in all the right ways.
And then I spent the next twodays being really gentle with
myself lots of rest, lots ofchecking in with myself and
being like how you doing, whatdo you need?
And tending to myself the bestway that I could.
(23:27):
And then the coolest thinghappened Feeling a little
uninspired by my regular to-dolist, I decided to clean my room
, clean space, clean mind right.
So in the process of doing so, Iaccidentally if you believe in
that kind of thing stumbled on aphotograph of none other than
little Steph, so cute, so sweet,so craving attention and love.
(23:53):
So I took that photo and Iimmediately placed it on my wall
so that I can rekindle myconnection with her, just bring
her into my consciousness andstart to show her some of the
love that she so desperatelycraved and really tend to that
part of myself.
That was a bit of an open woundthat had gone unchecked for
(24:13):
some time and, to be honest, itfelt like quite the responsible
thing to do.
I felt like I doubled down onmy self-awareness and had a
clearer picture of what myimmediate needs really were, and
had a clearer picture of whatmy immediate needs really were
and then from there, how to takethe first steps to connect with
my personal growth andresolution of the things that
I'd been hiding in theself-imposed shadows Because
(24:35):
fruit doesn't grow in the darkand each of these things created
a ripple, but none of it wouldhave mattered if I wasn't
willing to feel uncomfortablewhen all that stuff came up.
And that's the mojo magic Notjust doing the thing, but
letting them move you.
So here's what I want you toremember Is that mojo.
(24:58):
It's magnetic, but it's alsomessy and toxic.
Positivity it's a buzzwordflying around out there and it
is sneaky, but you don't have tofall for it, because real self
care won't always look pretty,but you'll know the difference,
because it will always bring youcloser to your truth.
And you don't have to fixeverything and I'm using
(25:20):
hardcore quote marks around thefix part, because you're not
broken, you're becoming, you'reremembering, and you certainly
do not have to stay positive100% of the time.
You just have to stay honestbecause when you choose real
over perfect presence, overperformance.
That's where Mojo lives.
(25:40):
Oh, friend, thanks for hangingout with me today, and if this
episode hit home or sparkedsomething for you, I'd love to
hear about it and definitelyshare this episode with someone
who needs a little mojo reminder.
And hey, if you haven't grabbedyour copy of Small Shifts
(26:02):
Massive Mojo yet, the link is inthe show notes and it's full of
simple ways to build realmomentum, one honest moment at a
time.
And just like that, you've gotyour very own pocketful of mojo.
So until next time, take careof you, be real with your
feelings and never forget.
You've already got the magic.
(26:24):
Now go use it.
So be sure to tune in next weekwhen we talk about how to go
from loneliness to loving thesolitude.
So until then, stay fabulous,stay kind and put love in
everything you do.
Ciao, for now, mwah.
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