October 16, 2025 • 23 mins
What happens when the name tags come off?
We dive straight into the sticky truth: roles like “busy mom,” “rock star employee,” or “supportive spouse” can earn praise and belonging, but they can also erase the person underneath.
With humour, candour, and a little sass, we unpack how people-pleasing and external validation rent your worth—and how to take it back without burning your past to the ground.
We explore why labels feel safe (and why safety isn’t satisfaction), how communities push back when you change the script, and what to do when life transitions-kids leaving, jobs shifting, relationships evolving- leave an empty box where a role used to be.
Through real stories from Jason, Priya, Michelle, Dan, and Eleanor, we show the parent gap, career gap, relationship gap, and social gap in action, and how small, honest choices can rebuild identity from the inside out.
You’ll get practical tools you can use today: the Mirror List to name qualities beyond roles, the Desire Audit to reclaim wants that are actually yours, the “me date” to feed your energy, and the Stoplight Test to move your calendar toward green-light activities.
We share a powerful reframe—name the label, name the gift, name the cost, and choose the next step—so the you that kept you safe can shake hands with the you that’s ready to grow. Labels can explain what you do; they don’t define who you are.
If you’re tired of being the dependable one at half power, this is your permission slip to step back into your life, full voltage.
Ready to reclaim your identity with momentum and support? Tap the link in the show notes to join the seven-day Mojo Makeover Challenge, subscribe for more tools each week, and leave a review telling us which label you’re ready to outgrow. Your voice might be the spark someone else needs.
Need help tapping into your Mojo? See ya later brain fog- these gummies are game changers! 15% OFF!
Disclaimer: This post contains affiliate links. If you make a purchase, I may receive a commission at no extra cost to you.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
SPEAKER_00 (00:10):
Okay, lean in because I've got a hot take.
Busy mom, devoted husband, rockstar employee, those are not
your personality.
Not even a snippet of who youare.
They're labels.
And labels can be useful, sure,maybe for a can of soup, but
they're not you.
(00:31):
And if all the sticky name tagssociety slaps on you were
stripped away, let me ask atough question here.
Would you even recognize theperson underneath?
What do you even know aboutthem?
And listen, I get it.
Especially if you're arecovering people pleaser or
rebooting your relationship withyourself.
(00:51):
Those labels feel like goldstars.
They tell you that you're doingit right, that you're valuable,
that you belong.
But if you're exhausted,resentful, or feeling lost even
when everyone else calls youamazing, that's a sign those
labels are running the show.
So today we're gonna gently butfirmly rip them off like a
(01:14):
band-aid.
We're gonna get cheeky, a littlesassy, and very real about who
you actually are without thoselabels.
And why finding that person isthe single greatest act of
freedom that you can giveyourself.
This is Pocket Full of Mojo,where we trade people pleasing
for power, labels forliberation, and exhaustion for
(01:36):
energy.
Let's fill up your pocket withsome mojo and get tuned in,
tapped in, and turned on.
Let's be real.
Labels are like duct tape.
Once they're stuck on, they'rehard to peel off, especially if
(01:59):
you've been wearing them foryears.
But here's the kicker.
Half the time, you didn't evenchoose the label for yourself.
Someone else slapped it on you,and you thought, well, I guess
this is who I am now.
So why do these labels stick sohard?
Well, meet Sara.
She introduced herself at one ofmy workshops like this.
(02:19):
I'm a wife, mom of three, I workin human resources, and I'm the
go-to person in my friend group.
That's it.
She didn't say a word about her.
And when I asked, but who areyou outside of all that?
She just froze.
And I felt badly as her tearswelled up.
And as we walked through theemotions together, she did some
(02:40):
math and realized that shehadn't been asked that question
in over 15 years.
The point here is that labelsare easy, they're shortcuts for
others so that they canunderstand us.
Fuck, they're given to uswithout even asking.
And in this day and age, who gottime for details?
But for people pleasers, theselabels are also a trap.
(03:04):
They give us that sweet, sweetexternal validation.
Like if I'm a good mom, then I'mworthy.
And if I'm a hard worker, thenI'm matter.
But that worth is rented.
It ain't owned.
And we do love a gold star.
She's the reliable one, goldstar.
He's the best dad ever, goldstar.
She's the employee who neversays no, double gold star.
(03:28):
And every label becomes proofthat you're worthy and lovable
and acceptable.
And let's be honest, peoplepleasers live for that external
validation because for so long,our worth has been tied to
making other people happy.
But the problem here is that ifyour worth comes from a label,
(03:48):
you're gonna cling to it fordear life, even if it's burning
you out.
And if you're gonna pick alabel, it should light you up.
And I mean, labels provideclarity when life feels messy
because it's life iscomplicated.
You're juggling a thousandroles, but labels, well, they
simplify things.
(04:08):
I'm a mom.
Well, that explains myexhaustion and my priorities and
why my car smells like goldfishcrackers.
I'm a lawyer.
Well, that explains my longhours and why I never text back.
I'm the fun friend.
Well, that explains why I'malways the one planning the
girls' trips, even when I'drather be on the couch.
(04:30):
Labels give structure to thechaos.
They're neat, they'reinstructional, they're tidy,
they're recognizable.
But the problem here is thatwhen life changes and the kids
grow up and the job goes awayand the relationship shifts,
you're left staring at an emptybox where that label used to be,
wondering who are you now?
(04:52):
And we're human, we cravebelonging, and people pleasers
even more so.
And these labels tell us wherewe're gonna fit in the tribe:
the mom group, the work crew,the family role, like the
peacemaker or the helper or thefixer, or you know, the girl.
And every time you fit neatlyinto that label, you feel safe.
(05:15):
But the problem here is that ifbelonging is built on roles, not
on who you really are, then yourbelonging is fragile.
You're gonna contort yourself tokeep that seat at the table,
even when it means betrayingwhat you really want.
Like if you identify solely as amom, well then who are you when
(05:37):
your kid turns 18 and movesaway?
If you introduce yourself as alawyer or a soccer player, who
are you when the job goes awayor an injury takes you out of
the game?
And there's also the socialside.
Like people around you like yourlabels, it makes their life
easier.
If you're the dependable one,they know who to call.
(05:59):
If you're the strong one, theynever have to check in on your
needs.
But the problem here is thatwhen you try to change the
script, people are gonna pushback.
Wait, you're not hosting thisyear?
You don't want to be on thecommittee?
You're saying no to me?
And they don't like it becauseyour label serves them.
(06:21):
And if you've spent yearsplaying that role, it feels
almost rebellious or treasonousto step out of it.
And here's the biggie.
Sometimes labels are easier thanfacing the mystery of who you
really are.
Like if you've been thesupportive wife for 20 years,
digging underneath that labelmight mean confronting desires
(06:44):
that you've buried, dreams thatyou've ignored, or truths about
yourself and your choices thatyou've been kind of scared to
face.
I know that feeling.
And people pleasers, especially,we're very good at avoiding the
rocking of the boat.
We much prefer the calm waters.
(07:05):
So sticking with a safe andpredictable label, it just feels
less scary than sitting with theunknown or stepping outside of
the boat.
Because the problem here is thatsafety, it's not the same thing
as satisfaction.
If your inner spirit is callingfor the rushing rapids and
(07:26):
something a little bit moreexciting, then those calm waters
that you've worked your life tobe able to achieve, they're
gonna get real boring real fast.
Because eventually themisalignment will catch up with
you, and you're gonna feeldrained and you're gonna feel
resentful.
And worst of all, you're gonnafeel invisible.
(07:46):
Because the thing that trips usup when we go to ask the
question, well, what do I reallywant?
It's the labels that are gonnaget in the way.
Oh, the labels.
We collect them like meritbadges.
The reliable one, the nice one,the overachiever, the caretaker,
(08:06):
the responsible oldest daughteror son or sibling or best
friend.
You get it.
Some labels we choose, but mostwere handed to us before we even
had a say.
Some came from the familyexpectations, some of them came
from culture, some from a singlemoment where we did that one
(08:26):
thing that one time, and itbecame our role forever.
Typecast.
You make one joke and then allof a sudden no one's taking you
seriously.
You were kind that one day andsuddenly you become the fixer,
or you're good at calming peopledown, and now you're the
peacekeeper.
You got good grades, so now yourworth is tied to achievement.
(08:51):
Because labels they sneak inquietly, they shape how people
see you and more dangerously,how you see you and how you
introduce yourself in the world.
And then over time, those labelsthey start to sound like
identity.
I'm the strong one, I'm thedependable one, I'm the one who
(09:12):
always figures it out.
But here's the thing (09:14):
these labels are descriptions of
behavior, they're notdefinitions of being.
And they got you here, but theydon't have to take you there.
And that's where the inner tugstarts, right?
When who you're becoming startsto bump up against who you've
been expected to be.
(09:35):
It's like we make thisassumption that once we become
18, we have to we're like we'redone growing, and that's just
not the case.
So if we want to be reconcilingthe here we are now with who
we're becoming, thereconciliation doesn't mean
burning down every version ofyour past.
It means acknowledging it, like,hey, this version of me kept me
(09:59):
safe, it helped me belong, itgot me through some really hard
things.
And you can honor that labelwithout being imprisoned by it.
You're shifting yourrelationship with that label.
For example, being thepeacekeeper taught me to read
emotions, and that's a strength,but I don't have to fix
(10:20):
everything anymore.
Or being the high achieverpushed me forward, but I don't
have to earn my worth now.
Like that, just simply sayingthat to yourself in the mirror.
It's like you lose 10 poundsinstantly.
Or being the helper gave mepurpose, but I also get to have
my own needs.
(10:40):
This one opened all the doorsfor me.
Because then that became thequestion, like, okay, well, what
do I need?
And it was so eye-opening to beable to ask myself that question
and be able to have an answerbecause this is the part that no
one talks about.
Letting go of labels isn'trejection, it's evolution.
(11:02):
You're not betraying who youwere, you're integrating her,
you're expanding, you'restretching, you're making room
for the next version of you.
Here's a little reframe I love.
Every time you say, Well, thisis just who I am, I think it
automatically comes with like ashoulder shrug.
I just want you to check ifthat's actually you speaking.
(11:24):
Is it you or the label?
Because the real you, she'sallowed to grow.
She's allowed to outgrowexpectations, even her own.
So you start with the smallshifts, you name the label out
loud or in a journal or just toyourself in the car.
I've been carrying theresponsible one label or the
(11:46):
go-to gal label, and then youname what it gave you.
It may be dependable and strongand resilient, and then you're
gonna name what it's costing younow.
So being the responsible one,sure, it may be dependable and
strong and resilient, but it'salso made it hard to ask for
help.
And then finally you name whatyou're ready to step into.
(12:09):
I'm ready to be supported to,I'm ready to receive help.
Receiving is a whole othermuscle that we have to learn to
get good at because we've beendeclining it for so long,
because we don't want to be abother, that we have to affirm
to ourselves, I'm ready to besupported too.
(12:30):
I'm ready for somebody to comeand give me a breakthrough.
Because this is where who youwere and who you're becoming,
they're shaking hands, they'regiven high fives.
They're like, hey, nice to meetyou.
Because you don't have todemolish the old version of you.
You just have to stop lettingher drive the bus.
You're allowed to outgrow thelabels that made you lovable and
(12:53):
become someone who loves herselfwithout needing them.
So yeah, labels stick hardbecause they make us feel
validated, clear, connected,useful, safe.
But they also box us in.
If we don't pay attention, it'llkeep us small and it's gonna rob
us of the wild and messy andbrilliant truth of who we are.
(13:19):
And babe, you are way toomagical to spend your one
precious life being a walkingfucking name tag.
So let's get to it.
Let's point out some common gapsbetween the labels that you wear
and who you really are.
Maybe one of these are gonnaring a bell.
Here's some examples of wherethe cracks show up.
(13:42):
First, there's the parent gap.
Jason is the data too, he's anamazing provider, soccer coach,
PTA volunteer.
And then the kids go to camp fortwo weeks.
He did not know what to do withhimself.
He told me, I realized I don'thave any hobbies anymore.
I don't even know what I likewithout them around.
(14:04):
They were gone to camp and I wasseriously tempted to go to Toys
R Us because that was the lastplace I remember laughing and
having fun, but I'm adult.
That could get weird.
And that is the parent gap.
The space between parenting as arole and your identity as a
human.
And then there's the career gap.
Priya was the rock staremployee.
(14:26):
First in, last out, lived forpraise from her boss.
Then the company downsized her.
And her first thought wasn'tlike, how am I gonna pay my
bills?
It was who am I when I'm not thebest at work?
And that's the danger of tyingyour identity to career levels.
(14:46):
Then there's the relationshipgap.
Michelle was the supportivewife, always cheering on her
husband's big goals, putting herown on hold while she kept the
house and raised the kids.
And when he started thriving andshe felt left behind, good old
friend resentment came creepingin and she told me, I want to
(15:07):
keep up and have the same kindof fulfillment that he has, but
I don't even know what my dreamsare anymore.
And finally, there's the socialgap.
Dan was the dependable friend,always available, always
helping.
But inside, he was superdrained.
And when he skipped a birthdayto catch up on sleep, he felt
(15:28):
racked with guilt.
And the social gap is realizingthat your role as a good friend
has come at the expense of yourhealth.
So who are you without thelabels?
Imagine you had to show up at aparty, but you can introduce
yourself as I'm a mom or I'm anengineer or I'm so-and-so's
bestie.
(15:49):
No LinkedIn titles, no familyroles.
Just you.
Who are you?
In that moment, you're theperson who took three hours to
get ready because you considerthat self-care.
You're the person who had adance party in the car on the
way to the party because that'show you get your energy going,
or your mojo, so to speak,before you come into a social
(16:13):
situation.
That's the person we need toknow again.
So if you want a quick exerciseto get back into alignment, try
this.
Write down every single labelthat you carry.
Then cross them out one by one.
What's left?
That's the beginning of you.
(16:33):
Nancy, people pleasers cling tolabels because they offer clear
proof.
If others are happy, I'm good.
If others aren't, I failed.
But here's the kicker.
When you live like that, you'veoutsourced your entire identity.
Like Lisa.
She was the perfect friend.
(16:55):
She planned birthdays, shehosted all the baby showers, she
ran errands for people.
And when I asked her what sheloved to do, she said, I I don't
know.
I haven't picked in years.
She had confused being neededwith being known.
So was always on pocketfulemojo.
We're here for the practicaltools.
(17:16):
This is how we reclaim ouridentity.
We're not erasing labels, we'rechanging our relationship with
them.
So you want to start with themirror list.
Every morning for the next week,just name three things about
yourself that aren't tied tolabels.
Do it while you're brushing yourteeth.
You've got like 90 seconds rightthere.
(17:38):
Or three minutes.
How long are we supposed to bebrushing our teeth?
Whatever.
You're creative.
I'm curious.
I'm resilient.
I'm funny.
Another quick exercise you cando, the desire audit.
Simply write 10 things that youwant to do this month.
You got a whole month.
10 things.
Then circle the ones that areyours and not anybody else's.
(18:02):
Then just do one of them.
Like a great idea is the medate.
Just take yourself out and dosomething that feeds you, that
you like to do.
No partner, no kids, no boss.
Just you.
Try it, you might like it.
And then you could also try thestoplight test.
Take all your activities thatyou like to do and then start
(18:24):
labeling them green, yellow,red.
The green ones, those are theenergizing ones.
The yellow ones, you're kind ofmeh about them.
Like they don't set you on fire,but they're not a pain either.
And then there's the red ones.
So these are the drainingrole-based ones.
And then you've got awareness.
(18:44):
So slowly you're going to beworking your brain, working your
calendar, leveraging yourchoices to put more energy
toward the green.
See if you can outsource some ofthose yellows and reds.
Make some space.
Because here's the thing (18:58):
once you see the gap, you can't unsee
it.
And that can fucking sting alittle bit.
So it can also be your secretweapon.
It can be two things.
So don't get tripped up.
And instead of panicking, whichis gonna be the instinct, just
think GPS.
You're not lost, you're justrecalculating.
(19:21):
This isn't a race.
There's way fewer rules than youthink.
So grace looks like celebratingone small identity reclaim at a
time instead of beratingyourself for all those years
that you ignored your needs.
You know, but got time for that.
Like I love Eleanor's story.
So Eleanor retired at 62, andfor 35 years, she was her label
(19:47):
was the teacher.
And everyone respected her.
And then suddenly she wasn't theteacher anymore.
And she told me, she's like, Ifelt invisible.
But instead of fading, shejoined a pottery class and she
loved creating.
And then six months later, she'sover at the farmer's market
(20:08):
selling her mugs, glowing withpride.
And her identity, it wasn'tgone.
It was just waiting underneaththe label.
Cause you, my friend, in thismoment listening to this
podcast, you're not a supportingcharacter in everyone else's
movie.
You're the damn lead.
So how to start?
Well, write your own damnlabels.
(20:30):
Circle the ones that feelauthentic and just cross out the
ones that don't.
If you see yourself in a role ora label, start asking yourself.
It doesn't have to go.
You don't have to burn it alldown.
Just ask yourself, who am I whenI'm not doing this?
Who am I without this role?
And then make the commitment toyourself to do one thing a week
(20:53):
that's just for you.
The you that's underneath allthe labels.
And here's your permission slip.
You don't owe anyone youridentity.
Labels can help explain what youdo, but they'll never define who
you are.
You're bigger, brighter, andmore magical than any job title
(21:14):
or role.
So start today.
Strip off one label.
Do one thing for you.
And watch what happens when thereal you gets some breathing
room.
And if you want to fast trackyour glow up and really learn
how to collect some quick winsthat are going to spark that
inner work, I've got a seven-daymojo makeover challenge and it's
(21:37):
the perfect fit for you.
Challenge after challenge, Ihear of massive mojo shifts
happening simply by dedicatingseven days to feeling better.
I guide you through, and in oneweek, you're gonna feel more
empowered, more tuned in thanyou have in a long time.
So in the show notes, there's alink for you to get started.
(21:58):
And by this time next week, youare gonna be well on your way to
building a more loving andpatient and empowered version of
yourself.
And you can do it, and I canhelp.
Because remember, you're nothere to live at half power.
You've got a secret weapon, andit's your very own pocket full
(22:19):
of mojo.
So go use it.
So, my friend, that's it for metoday.
Thanks so much for being here,and be sure to tune in next week
when we learn how to answer thequestion what do I really want?
And it's gonna be a juicy one.
(22:39):
So I'll see you there.
But for now, stay fabulous.
Remember, labels are for cansand not for people.
Stay true to what's on theinside, and we'll see you next
time.
Ciao for now.
Love you, bye.
Okay, lean in because I've got a hot take.
Busy mom, devoted husband, rockstar employee, those are not
your personality.
Not even a snippet of who youare.
They're labels.
And labels can be useful, sure,maybe for a can of soup, but
they're not you.
(00:31):
And if all the sticky name tagssociety slaps on you were
stripped away, let me ask atough question here.
Would you even recognize theperson underneath?
What do you even know aboutthem?
And listen, I get it.
Especially if you're arecovering people pleaser or
rebooting your relationship withyourself.
(00:51):
Those labels feel like goldstars.
They tell you that you're doingit right, that you're valuable,
that you belong.
But if you're exhausted,resentful, or feeling lost even
when everyone else calls youamazing, that's a sign those
labels are running the show.
So today we're gonna gently butfirmly rip them off like a
(01:14):
band-aid.
We're gonna get cheeky, a littlesassy, and very real about who
you actually are without thoselabels.
And why finding that person isthe single greatest act of
freedom that you can giveyourself.
This is Pocket Full of Mojo,where we trade people pleasing
for power, labels forliberation, and exhaustion for
(01:36):
energy.
Let's fill up your pocket withsome mojo and get tuned in,
tapped in, and turned on.
Let's be real.
Labels are like duct tape.
Once they're stuck on, they'rehard to peel off, especially if
(01:59):
you've been wearing them foryears.
But here's the kicker.
Half the time, you didn't evenchoose the label for yourself.
Someone else slapped it on you,and you thought, well, I guess
this is who I am now.
So why do these labels stick sohard?
Well, meet Sara.
She introduced herself at one ofmy workshops like this.
(02:19):
I'm a wife, mom of three, I workin human resources, and I'm the
go-to person in my friend group.
That's it.
She didn't say a word about her.
And when I asked, but who areyou outside of all that?
She just froze.
And I felt badly as her tearswelled up.
And as we walked through theemotions together, she did some
(02:40):
math and realized that shehadn't been asked that question
in over 15 years.
The point here is that labelsare easy, they're shortcuts for
others so that they canunderstand us.
Fuck, they're given to uswithout even asking.
And in this day and age, who gottime for details?
But for people pleasers, theselabels are also a trap.
(03:04):
They give us that sweet, sweetexternal validation.
Like if I'm a good mom, then I'mworthy.
And if I'm a hard worker, thenI'm matter.
But that worth is rented.
It ain't owned.
And we do love a gold star.
She's the reliable one, goldstar.
He's the best dad ever, goldstar.
She's the employee who neversays no, double gold star.
(03:28):
And every label becomes proofthat you're worthy and lovable
and acceptable.
And let's be honest, peoplepleasers live for that external
validation because for so long,our worth has been tied to
making other people happy.
But the problem here is that ifyour worth comes from a label,
(03:48):
you're gonna cling to it fordear life, even if it's burning
you out.
And if you're gonna pick alabel, it should light you up.
And I mean, labels provideclarity when life feels messy
because it's life iscomplicated.
You're juggling a thousandroles, but labels, well, they
simplify things.
(04:08):
I'm a mom.
Well, that explains myexhaustion and my priorities and
why my car smells like goldfishcrackers.
I'm a lawyer.
Well, that explains my longhours and why I never text back.
I'm the fun friend.
Well, that explains why I'malways the one planning the
girls' trips, even when I'drather be on the couch.
(04:30):
Labels give structure to thechaos.
They're neat, they'reinstructional, they're tidy,
they're recognizable.
But the problem here is thatwhen life changes and the kids
grow up and the job goes awayand the relationship shifts,
you're left staring at an emptybox where that label used to be,
wondering who are you now?
(04:52):
And we're human, we cravebelonging, and people pleasers
even more so.
And these labels tell us wherewe're gonna fit in the tribe:
the mom group, the work crew,the family role, like the
peacemaker or the helper or thefixer, or you know, the girl.
And every time you fit neatlyinto that label, you feel safe.
(05:15):
But the problem here is that ifbelonging is built on roles, not
on who you really are, then yourbelonging is fragile.
You're gonna contort yourself tokeep that seat at the table,
even when it means betrayingwhat you really want.
Like if you identify solely as amom, well then who are you when
(05:37):
your kid turns 18 and movesaway?
If you introduce yourself as alawyer or a soccer player, who
are you when the job goes awayor an injury takes you out of
the game?
And there's also the socialside.
Like people around you like yourlabels, it makes their life
easier.
If you're the dependable one,they know who to call.
(05:59):
If you're the strong one, theynever have to check in on your
needs.
But the problem here is thatwhen you try to change the
script, people are gonna pushback.
Wait, you're not hosting thisyear?
You don't want to be on thecommittee?
You're saying no to me?
And they don't like it becauseyour label serves them.
(06:21):
And if you've spent yearsplaying that role, it feels
almost rebellious or treasonousto step out of it.
And here's the biggie.
Sometimes labels are easier thanfacing the mystery of who you
really are.
Like if you've been thesupportive wife for 20 years,
digging underneath that labelmight mean confronting desires
(06:44):
that you've buried, dreams thatyou've ignored, or truths about
yourself and your choices thatyou've been kind of scared to
face.
I know that feeling.
And people pleasers, especially,we're very good at avoiding the
rocking of the boat.
We much prefer the calm waters.
(07:05):
So sticking with a safe andpredictable label, it just feels
less scary than sitting with theunknown or stepping outside of
the boat.
Because the problem here is thatsafety, it's not the same thing
as satisfaction.
If your inner spirit is callingfor the rushing rapids and
(07:26):
something a little bit moreexciting, then those calm waters
that you've worked your life tobe able to achieve, they're
gonna get real boring real fast.
Because eventually themisalignment will catch up with
you, and you're gonna feeldrained and you're gonna feel
resentful.
And worst of all, you're gonnafeel invisible.
(07:46):
Because the thing that trips usup when we go to ask the
question, well, what do I reallywant?
It's the labels that are gonnaget in the way.
Oh, the labels.
We collect them like meritbadges.
The reliable one, the nice one,the overachiever, the caretaker,
(08:06):
the responsible oldest daughteror son or sibling or best
friend.
You get it.
Some labels we choose, but mostwere handed to us before we even
had a say.
Some came from the familyexpectations, some of them came
from culture, some from a singlemoment where we did that one
(08:26):
thing that one time, and itbecame our role forever.
Typecast.
You make one joke and then allof a sudden no one's taking you
seriously.
You were kind that one day andsuddenly you become the fixer,
or you're good at calming peopledown, and now you're the
peacekeeper.
You got good grades, so now yourworth is tied to achievement.
(08:51):
Because labels they sneak inquietly, they shape how people
see you and more dangerously,how you see you and how you
introduce yourself in the world.
And then over time, those labelsthey start to sound like
identity.
I'm the strong one, I'm thedependable one, I'm the one who
(09:12):
always figures it out.
But here's the thing (09:14):
these labels are descriptions of
behavior, they're notdefinitions of being.
And they got you here, but theydon't have to take you there.
And that's where the inner tugstarts, right?
When who you're becoming startsto bump up against who you've
been expected to be.
(09:35):
It's like we make thisassumption that once we become
18, we have to we're like we'redone growing, and that's just
not the case.
So if we want to be reconcilingthe here we are now with who
we're becoming, thereconciliation doesn't mean
burning down every version ofyour past.
It means acknowledging it, like,hey, this version of me kept me
(09:59):
safe, it helped me belong, itgot me through some really hard
things.
And you can honor that labelwithout being imprisoned by it.
You're shifting yourrelationship with that label.
For example, being thepeacekeeper taught me to read
emotions, and that's a strength,but I don't have to fix
(10:20):
everything anymore.
Or being the high achieverpushed me forward, but I don't
have to earn my worth now.
Like that, just simply sayingthat to yourself in the mirror.
It's like you lose 10 poundsinstantly.
Or being the helper gave mepurpose, but I also get to have
my own needs.
(10:40):
This one opened all the doorsfor me.
Because then that became thequestion, like, okay, well, what
do I need?
And it was so eye-opening to beable to ask myself that question
and be able to have an answerbecause this is the part that no
one talks about.
Letting go of labels isn'trejection, it's evolution.
(11:02):
You're not betraying who youwere, you're integrating her,
you're expanding, you'restretching, you're making room
for the next version of you.
Here's a little reframe I love.
Every time you say, Well, thisis just who I am, I think it
automatically comes with like ashoulder shrug.
I just want you to check ifthat's actually you speaking.
(11:24):
Is it you or the label?
Because the real you, she'sallowed to grow.
She's allowed to outgrowexpectations, even her own.
So you start with the smallshifts, you name the label out
loud or in a journal or just toyourself in the car.
I've been carrying theresponsible one label or the
(11:46):
go-to gal label, and then youname what it gave you.
It may be dependable and strongand resilient, and then you're
gonna name what it's costing younow.
So being the responsible one,sure, it may be dependable and
strong and resilient, but it'salso made it hard to ask for
help.
And then finally you name whatyou're ready to step into.
(12:09):
I'm ready to be supported to,I'm ready to receive help.
Receiving is a whole othermuscle that we have to learn to
get good at because we've beendeclining it for so long,
because we don't want to be abother, that we have to affirm
to ourselves, I'm ready to besupported too.
(12:30):
I'm ready for somebody to comeand give me a breakthrough.
Because this is where who youwere and who you're becoming,
they're shaking hands, they'regiven high fives.
They're like, hey, nice to meetyou.
Because you don't have todemolish the old version of you.
You just have to stop lettingher drive the bus.
You're allowed to outgrow thelabels that made you lovable and
(12:53):
become someone who loves herselfwithout needing them.
So yeah, labels stick hardbecause they make us feel
validated, clear, connected,useful, safe.
But they also box us in.
If we don't pay attention, it'llkeep us small and it's gonna rob
us of the wild and messy andbrilliant truth of who we are.
(13:19):
And babe, you are way toomagical to spend your one
precious life being a walkingfucking name tag.
So let's get to it.
Let's point out some common gapsbetween the labels that you wear
and who you really are.
Maybe one of these are gonnaring a bell.
Here's some examples of wherethe cracks show up.
(13:42):
First, there's the parent gap.
Jason is the data too, he's anamazing provider, soccer coach,
PTA volunteer.
And then the kids go to camp fortwo weeks.
He did not know what to do withhimself.
He told me, I realized I don'thave any hobbies anymore.
I don't even know what I likewithout them around.
(14:04):
They were gone to camp and I wasseriously tempted to go to Toys
R Us because that was the lastplace I remember laughing and
having fun, but I'm adult.
That could get weird.
And that is the parent gap.
The space between parenting as arole and your identity as a
human.
And then there's the career gap.
Priya was the rock staremployee.
(14:26):
First in, last out, lived forpraise from her boss.
Then the company downsized her.
And her first thought wasn'tlike, how am I gonna pay my
bills?
It was who am I when I'm not thebest at work?
And that's the danger of tyingyour identity to career levels.
(14:46):
Then there's the relationshipgap.
Michelle was the supportivewife, always cheering on her
husband's big goals, putting herown on hold while she kept the
house and raised the kids.
And when he started thriving andshe felt left behind, good old
friend resentment came creepingin and she told me, I want to
(15:07):
keep up and have the same kindof fulfillment that he has, but
I don't even know what my dreamsare anymore.
And finally, there's the socialgap.
Dan was the dependable friend,always available, always
helping.
But inside, he was superdrained.
And when he skipped a birthdayto catch up on sleep, he felt
(15:28):
racked with guilt.
And the social gap is realizingthat your role as a good friend
has come at the expense of yourhealth.
So who are you without thelabels?
Imagine you had to show up at aparty, but you can introduce
yourself as I'm a mom or I'm anengineer or I'm so-and-so's
bestie.
(15:49):
No LinkedIn titles, no familyroles.
Just you.
Who are you?
In that moment, you're theperson who took three hours to
get ready because you considerthat self-care.
You're the person who had adance party in the car on the
way to the party because that'show you get your energy going,
or your mojo, so to speak,before you come into a social
(16:13):
situation.
That's the person we need toknow again.
So if you want a quick exerciseto get back into alignment, try
this.
Write down every single labelthat you carry.
Then cross them out one by one.
What's left?
That's the beginning of you.
(16:33):
Nancy, people pleasers cling tolabels because they offer clear
proof.
If others are happy, I'm good.
If others aren't, I failed.
But here's the kicker.
When you live like that, you'veoutsourced your entire identity.
Like Lisa.
She was the perfect friend.
(16:55):
She planned birthdays, shehosted all the baby showers, she
ran errands for people.
And when I asked her what sheloved to do, she said, I I don't
know.
I haven't picked in years.
She had confused being neededwith being known.
So was always on pocketfulemojo.
We're here for the practicaltools.
(17:16):
This is how we reclaim ouridentity.
We're not erasing labels, we'rechanging our relationship with
them.
So you want to start with themirror list.
Every morning for the next week,just name three things about
yourself that aren't tied tolabels.
Do it while you're brushing yourteeth.
You've got like 90 seconds rightthere.
(17:38):
Or three minutes.
How long are we supposed to bebrushing our teeth?
Whatever.
You're creative.
I'm curious.
I'm resilient.
I'm funny.
Another quick exercise you cando, the desire audit.
Simply write 10 things that youwant to do this month.
You got a whole month.
10 things.
Then circle the ones that areyours and not anybody else's.
(18:02):
Then just do one of them.
Like a great idea is the medate.
Just take yourself out and dosomething that feeds you, that
you like to do.
No partner, no kids, no boss.
Just you.
Try it, you might like it.
And then you could also try thestoplight test.
Take all your activities thatyou like to do and then start
(18:24):
labeling them green, yellow,red.
The green ones, those are theenergizing ones.
The yellow ones, you're kind ofmeh about them.
Like they don't set you on fire,but they're not a pain either.
And then there's the red ones.
So these are the drainingrole-based ones.
And then you've got awareness.
(18:44):
So slowly you're going to beworking your brain, working your
calendar, leveraging yourchoices to put more energy
toward the green.
See if you can outsource some ofthose yellows and reds.
Make some space.
Because here's the thing (18:58):
once you see the gap, you can't unsee
it.
And that can fucking sting alittle bit.
So it can also be your secretweapon.
It can be two things.
So don't get tripped up.
And instead of panicking, whichis gonna be the instinct, just
think GPS.
You're not lost, you're justrecalculating.
(19:21):
This isn't a race.
There's way fewer rules than youthink.
So grace looks like celebratingone small identity reclaim at a
time instead of beratingyourself for all those years
that you ignored your needs.
You know, but got time for that.
Like I love Eleanor's story.
So Eleanor retired at 62, andfor 35 years, she was her label
(19:47):
was the teacher.
And everyone respected her.
And then suddenly she wasn't theteacher anymore.
And she told me, she's like, Ifelt invisible.
But instead of fading, shejoined a pottery class and she
loved creating.
And then six months later, she'sover at the farmer's market
(20:08):
selling her mugs, glowing withpride.
And her identity, it wasn'tgone.
It was just waiting underneaththe label.
Cause you, my friend, in thismoment listening to this
podcast, you're not a supportingcharacter in everyone else's
movie.
You're the damn lead.
So how to start?
Well, write your own damnlabels.
(20:30):
Circle the ones that feelauthentic and just cross out the
ones that don't.
If you see yourself in a role ora label, start asking yourself.
It doesn't have to go.
You don't have to burn it alldown.
Just ask yourself, who am I whenI'm not doing this?
Who am I without this role?
And then make the commitment toyourself to do one thing a week
(20:53):
that's just for you.
The you that's underneath allthe labels.
And here's your permission slip.
You don't owe anyone youridentity.
Labels can help explain what youdo, but they'll never define who
you are.
You're bigger, brighter, andmore magical than any job title
(21:14):
or role.
So start today.
Strip off one label.
Do one thing for you.
And watch what happens when thereal you gets some breathing
room.
And if you want to fast trackyour glow up and really learn
how to collect some quick winsthat are going to spark that
inner work, I've got a seven-daymojo makeover challenge and it's
(21:37):
the perfect fit for you.
Challenge after challenge, Ihear of massive mojo shifts
happening simply by dedicatingseven days to feeling better.
I guide you through, and in oneweek, you're gonna feel more
empowered, more tuned in thanyou have in a long time.
So in the show notes, there's alink for you to get started.
(21:58):
And by this time next week, youare gonna be well on your way to
building a more loving andpatient and empowered version of
yourself.
And you can do it, and I canhelp.
Because remember, you're nothere to live at half power.
You've got a secret weapon, andit's your very own pocket full
(22:19):
of mojo.
So go use it.
So, my friend, that's it for metoday.
Thanks so much for being here,and be sure to tune in next week
when we learn how to answer thequestion what do I really want?
And it's gonna be a juicy one.
(22:39):
So I'll see you there.
But for now, stay fabulous.
Remember, labels are for cansand not for people.
Stay true to what's on theinside, and we'll see you next
time.
Ciao for now.
Love you, bye.
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