July 3, 2025 • 15 mins
Ever found yourself second-guessing your needs or downplaying your desires for fear of being labeled "too much"? You're not alone. This fear of appearing high maintenance isn't random—it's carefully cultivated through messages that have taught us, especially women and people pleasers, that having clear boundaries makes us difficult to love.
But what if I told you that what's often dismissed as "high maintenance" is actually just having standards? Think about powerhouse women like Zendaya, Reese Witherspoon, and Serena Williams. They're frequently labeled "difficult" or "demanding" when they're simply refusing to compromise their worth. They demonstrate what it looks like to protect your energy without apology—and you deserve to do the same.
The difference between entitled behavior and healthy standards is crucial. Standards aren't about perfection; they're about alignment. They represent knowing what works for you, how you deserve to be treated, and having the courage to communicate those boundaries. When you start honoring your standards, something magical happens—relationships shift, with some people falling away and others rising to meet you. You begin attracting partners who respect your time, friends who value your honesty, and work that honors your boundaries. That's not high maintenance—it's simply healthy.
Remember this powerful mantra the next time you worry about asking for too much: "I'm not too much. I'm just no longer willing to accept too little." Because you're not here to be the most agreeable version of yourself. You're here to be the most aligned version. Ready to raise your standards? Your pocket full of mojo awaits.
Need help tapping into your Mojo? See ya later brain fog- these gummies are game changers! 15% OFF!
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:10):
welcome to pocket full of mojo, where we trade
burnout for boundaries, peoplepleasing for power and hustle
for happiness.
Let's fill your pockets withthe good stuff.
This is your space to breathedeeper, think bigger and start
living like you've got your ownback.
Let's do this.
And today we're going to lookat this fear of too much and
(00:35):
we'll look at how it shows up,especially for people pleasers,
and we're going to find outwhere it comes from, how it
messes with your self-worth.
And then we're going to learnhow to talk about our standards
a bit differently and startflipping that narrative for good
, because, god forbid, anybodythinks you're difficult.
And we're going to unpack thattoo.
(00:56):
Because here's the thingWanting what you want isn't high
maintenance, it's just calledhaving standards.
So, my sassy star lights, let'sget to it and get tuned in,
tapped in and turned on.
Hello, my friend, welcome backto Pocket Full of Mojo.
(01:18):
It's me, I'm Steph, your MojoMaven, and I'm the permission
slip giver outer for all yourpersonal needs and desires today
.
So this is the episode.
This is the episode where youget to rub the lamp and start
thinking and training your brainto make bigger dreams.
Because what if I told you thatA.
(01:39):
It's free.
Making wishes cost the same, nomatter how big you dream, and
in this economy that's worthsticking around for.
And number two, what you thinkyou deserve and what you
actually deserve.
All that dimes to donuts thatyou deserve way more than you
currently think.
So this is our exercise instretching that muscle to
(02:00):
practice thinking bigger thanseems possible in this moment.
Just for funsies, give me 20minutes.
Humor me, okay.
So today we're going to start bytalking about something that
trips up so many of us when itcomes to thinking big for
ourselves, and it's thisridiculous fear of being seen as
high maintenance or too much.
(02:20):
You know the one, that littleasshole voice that says Don't
ask for too much.
Don know the one, that littleasshole voice that says don't
ask for too much, don't rock theboat, just go with the flow, be
easy, be cool, don't have anopinion.
And to that voice inside all ofus I say shut up.
And I started really looking atwhere this high maintenance
(02:44):
fear really comes from.
And this fear doesn't show upout of nowhere, and I'm pretty
sure I'm not the only one whohas this fear.
So let's assume that I'm notalone.
And for many of us, especiallywomen, especially recovering
people pleasers.
We've been fed this message ourwhole lives Be easy, be likable
(03:07):
, don't take up too much space,don't be extra, don't
inconvenience anyone.
And maybe we weren't hit overthe head with these words
directly, or maybe you were.
But these messages can comedisguised in all kinds of ways,
like the way certain kinds ofpeople are portrayed in TV and
movies, or stereotypes ofstarlets and divas who knew what
(03:30):
they wanted and needed things acertain way, always exaggerated
, always on the superficial,always almost always women.
So, as a kid, we're learninghow people who behave that way
are treated by the rest ofsociety, and either it's your
jam or it's not, and then youlearn how to behave accordingly.
(03:53):
And for most of us peoplepleasers, we're hardwired to
keep the peace, so havingboundaries and preferences can
kind of be foreign or anafterthought.
Did you know that afterthoughtwas one word?
I did not know thatafterthought was one word.
Anywho, society wraps all thisup with a bow and calls it being
(04:13):
a good person.
But here's what's reallyhappening.
We're being conditioned toassociate having needs with
being selfish, and we're beingconditioned to believe that
having preferences is beingdemanding.
And we're conditioned tobelieve that asking for what we
want makes us difficult to love.
And so what do we do?
(04:34):
We shrink, we apologize for allthe things oh, and I'm Canadian
, so I like double that and wedownplay our desires.
We stop exploring them entirelyand we downplay our desires.
We stop exploring them entirelyand we find ourselves lowering
our standards to avoid the riskof being labeled too much.
Because if we are labeled toomuch, then that would be awful
(04:56):
and no one would love us and wewould be one of those people.
And we know what society doesto them they hate them.
I can't ask for too much, andevery time we do that, every
time we indulge in thatnarrative, we chip away at our
own self-respect.
And I'm holding your hand whenI say this ain't, nobody got
time for that.
(05:17):
So now I'd like to introduce alittle segment I like to call
high maintenance is just codefor standards, is just code for
standards.
You know what's wild?
We hear high maintenance likeit's an insult, and most of the
time it's just someone who knowswhat they want, isn't afraid to
(05:39):
say it and holds peopleaccountable to meet it.
Let me give you a few examples.
Because these women, they getcalled high maintenance all the
time.
Zendaya, zendaya, zendaya, totalsweetheart, sweetest mile in
Hollywood.
And yet she has tight standardsabout how her image is used and
(05:59):
who she works with and how hercareer is going to go down.
And she's turned down hugeprojects because they didn't
align with her values.
And that's not being a diva,that's self-trust, that's a
commitment to your own visionand not giving away your best
stuff to make somebody else'sdreams come true.
Which makes me think about ourLady Queen, reese Witherspoon.
(06:22):
She could have stayed America'ssweetheart forever.
Instead, she got tired ofreading scripts where the female
lead said what are we going todo?
And she built her own damnproduction company so that she
could create the kinds of rolesthat she knew that women
deserved and had the caliber todo.
Clear standards, highexpectations, zero apologies.
(06:44):
And you can't thank fiercefemale without thinking about
Serena Williams, powerhouse, oneof the greatest athletes in
history period.
And yet she gets intense andaggressive and too much To the
point where it sounds likeblatantly oppressive, because
she demands excellence fromherself and the people around
(07:07):
her.
And that's not high maintenance, that's owning your worth.
And the pattern here is thatit's only called high
maintenance when a woman hasclear standards, when she asks
for more than the bare minimum,the bare minimum, like we're
supposed to accept that, likeit's a gift, and when she's not
afraid to say this is what Ineed to do my best work, live my
(07:28):
best life and to protect mypeace.
That seems all very reasonable.
So the next time you startworrying, am I being too much?
I want you to picture thesewomen.
They're not shrinking, they'renot apologizing and they're not
lowering the bar so that otherpeople feel comfortable.
Not lowering the bar so thatother people feel comfortable,
(07:49):
and they're modeling what itlooks like to protect your
energy.
And you, you're allowed to dothe same.
You don't need to win 10 grandslams before you can protect
your peace.
You don't need to have your ownproduction company before you
start setting boundaries foryourself, because for people
pleasers, it's like this perfectstorm for us to not do that.
Naturally, because we're hyperattuned to other people's
(08:10):
comfort and we prioritize theharmony of everyone over being
honest with ourself first, andwe'd rather sacrifice our own
needs before riskingdisappointing someone else Fuck.
You'd rather sacrifice yourright arm before risking
disappointing someone else Fuck.
You'd rather sacrifice yourright arm before risking
disappointing someone else.
So how are we supposed to doall that and have boundaries and
(08:32):
standards and have everyonelike us?
Well, spoiler alert, you don't.
Because guess what, the moreyou bend to what you think is
good for everyone, the lesspeople actually get to know
about you, because you've becomea mirror of people around you
and there's no actual you in theroom.
(08:53):
So people don't actually expectmuch from you at all.
And that's not harmony, that'sself-abandonment.
And you, you've got so muchmore to give than that.
So let's rewire our coconutsand remember that standards are
not demands.
Say it with me now Standardsare not demands.
Let's break this down.
(09:13):
High maintenance isunreasonable, is being
inflexible, is being entitled.
You know the kind.
They're usually wearing boatshoes.
Now, having standards, it'sclarity, it's intention, it's on
purpose, it's self-respect.
Those things don't soundaggressive or violent or mean,
(09:35):
because having standards meansthat you know what works for you
and sometimes, more importantly, what does not.
And having standards means youknow how you want to be treated.
You know what your values are,and this last one's a be treated
.
You know what your values areand this last one's a kicker
You're willing to communicatethem.
Because that's the funny caveatabout boundaries they only
exist once they're enforced,otherwise they're just theory.
(09:58):
It's not like you demandperfection, that would be
unreasonable.
You're just asking foralignment, which is totally not
unreasonable.
So let's shift the self-talkfrom shit talk to pep talk.
(10:21):
Okay, how do we start flippingthis inside our own heads?
Because this fear isn't justout there, it lives in our
self-talk too.
So here's some language you canstart practicing.
Instead of well, I don't wantto be difficult, you can try.
Well, you know what, I'mallowed to have preferences.
(10:46):
And instead of talking yourselfdown and saying, well, you know,
I should just be grateful, try,I can be grateful and want
better for myself.
And instead of I don't want toinconvenience anyone, try, my
needs are valid and I'm not aninconvenience.
Or if that little voice in yourhead is trying to lie to you
and say, maybe I'm asking fortoo much, tell that bitch to
(11:10):
shut up and try instead, whatI'm asking for just meets my
needs.
That feels correct.
And my personal favorite mantrafor this work I'm asking for
just meets my needs.
That feels correct.
And my personal favorite mantrafor this work I'm not too much.
I'm just no longer willing toaccept too little.
And we can't do all this talkingand forget entirely about
(11:30):
Newton's third law of motion,because that would be silly.
You know the one Every actionhas an equal and opposite
reaction.
Now, I know this is law andphysics, but I'm pretty sure it
applies here too.
Stay with me, because when youstart holding standards for
yourself, there's a shift.
There's your relationshipsshift and some people fall away
(11:54):
and let them.
Right, please, god, let them.
They liked you because theymaybe they didn't have to do
anything right.
And when you start holdingstandards for yourself, the
people may rise to meet you andthey probably want in on what's
your secret sauce.
Because you feel more peaceful,not because life is perfect,
(12:15):
but because you're notabandoning yourself to keep the
peace.
It kind of feels badass, to behonest.
And then, before you know it,you start attracting partners
who respect your time, becauseyou're not giving it away for
free anymore.
You got friends who celebrateyour honesty and even seek it
out from you.
You got work that honors yourboundaries, because now they
(12:36):
actually know that you have some, because peace doesn't require
you to be exhausted, you don'thave to earn it, but you can
create the environment wherethat's just your baseline and
that's not high maintenance,that's just healthy.
So here's your reminder.
You are allowed to want more,you are allowed to hold
(13:01):
standards.
You're allowed to have needsand you should be able to name
them and know what they are.
And you're not here to be themost agreeable version of
yourself.
You're here to be the mostaligned version of yourself.
And that, my friend, is yourpocket full of mojo for today.
So if this hit home for you,I'd love to hear what standard
(13:30):
you're ready to race.
So DM me, tag me, send me acarrier pigeon and make sure
that you share that mojo, andboop this episode over to a
friend who needs this reminder.
And speaking of standards, is ittime to level up your mental
clarity game?
Are you tired of navigatingbrain fog and forgetting why you
(13:50):
walked in the room?
Well then, I want to introduceyou to my friend, the Mojo
Gummies.
Friends of the show get 15% offthis amazing, all natural,
delicious mushroom gummy thatmakes me sharp, focused,
productive, zero crash.
And did I mention they'redelicious?
And no, they're not those kindsof gummies.
(14:11):
But you can grab your promolink in the show notes today and
you can come back and thank melater.
Seriously, folks, these can bea game changer.
If you're at all neuro spicy,give them a try and be sure to
tune in to our next episodewhere we look at confidence and
(14:31):
we're not going to pull anypunches.
And, of course, until next time, I want you to stay kind, stay
curious and keep your pocketfull of love.
You ciao for now, bye.
welcome to pocket full of mojo, where we trade
burnout for boundaries, peoplepleasing for power and hustle
for happiness.
Let's fill your pockets withthe good stuff.
This is your space to breathedeeper, think bigger and start
living like you've got your ownback.
Let's do this.
And today we're going to lookat this fear of too much and
(00:35):
we'll look at how it shows up,especially for people pleasers,
and we're going to find outwhere it comes from, how it
messes with your self-worth.
And then we're going to learnhow to talk about our standards
a bit differently and startflipping that narrative for good
, because, god forbid, anybodythinks you're difficult.
And we're going to unpack thattoo.
(00:56):
Because here's the thingWanting what you want isn't high
maintenance, it's just calledhaving standards.
So, my sassy star lights, let'sget to it and get tuned in,
tapped in and turned on.
Hello, my friend, welcome backto Pocket Full of Mojo.
(01:18):
It's me, I'm Steph, your MojoMaven, and I'm the permission
slip giver outer for all yourpersonal needs and desires today
.
So this is the episode.
This is the episode where youget to rub the lamp and start
thinking and training your brainto make bigger dreams.
Because what if I told you thatA.
(01:39):
It's free.
Making wishes cost the same, nomatter how big you dream, and
in this economy that's worthsticking around for.
And number two, what you thinkyou deserve and what you
actually deserve.
All that dimes to donuts thatyou deserve way more than you
currently think.
So this is our exercise instretching that muscle to
(02:00):
practice thinking bigger thanseems possible in this moment.
Just for funsies, give me 20minutes.
Humor me, okay.
So today we're going to start bytalking about something that
trips up so many of us when itcomes to thinking big for
ourselves, and it's thisridiculous fear of being seen as
high maintenance or too much.
(02:20):
You know the one, that littleasshole voice that says Don't
ask for too much.
Don know the one, that littleasshole voice that says don't
ask for too much, don't rock theboat, just go with the flow, be
easy, be cool, don't have anopinion.
And to that voice inside all ofus I say shut up.
And I started really looking atwhere this high maintenance
(02:44):
fear really comes from.
And this fear doesn't show upout of nowhere, and I'm pretty
sure I'm not the only one whohas this fear.
So let's assume that I'm notalone.
And for many of us, especiallywomen, especially recovering
people pleasers.
We've been fed this message ourwhole lives Be easy, be likable
(03:07):
, don't take up too much space,don't be extra, don't
inconvenience anyone.
And maybe we weren't hit overthe head with these words
directly, or maybe you were.
But these messages can comedisguised in all kinds of ways,
like the way certain kinds ofpeople are portrayed in TV and
movies, or stereotypes ofstarlets and divas who knew what
(03:30):
they wanted and needed things acertain way, always exaggerated
, always on the superficial,always almost always women.
So, as a kid, we're learninghow people who behave that way
are treated by the rest ofsociety, and either it's your
jam or it's not, and then youlearn how to behave accordingly.
(03:53):
And for most of us peoplepleasers, we're hardwired to
keep the peace, so havingboundaries and preferences can
kind of be foreign or anafterthought.
Did you know that afterthoughtwas one word?
I did not know thatafterthought was one word.
Anywho, society wraps all thisup with a bow and calls it being
(04:13):
a good person.
But here's what's reallyhappening.
We're being conditioned toassociate having needs with
being selfish, and we're beingconditioned to believe that
having preferences is beingdemanding.
And we're conditioned tobelieve that asking for what we
want makes us difficult to love.
And so what do we do?
(04:34):
We shrink, we apologize for allthe things oh, and I'm Canadian
, so I like double that and wedownplay our desires.
We stop exploring them entirelyand we downplay our desires.
We stop exploring them entirelyand we find ourselves lowering
our standards to avoid the riskof being labeled too much.
Because if we are labeled toomuch, then that would be awful
(04:56):
and no one would love us and wewould be one of those people.
And we know what society doesto them they hate them.
I can't ask for too much, andevery time we do that, every
time we indulge in thatnarrative, we chip away at our
own self-respect.
And I'm holding your hand whenI say this ain't, nobody got
time for that.
(05:17):
So now I'd like to introduce alittle segment I like to call
high maintenance is just codefor standards, is just code for
standards.
You know what's wild?
We hear high maintenance likeit's an insult, and most of the
time it's just someone who knowswhat they want, isn't afraid to
(05:39):
say it and holds peopleaccountable to meet it.
Let me give you a few examples.
Because these women, they getcalled high maintenance all the
time.
Zendaya, zendaya, zendaya, totalsweetheart, sweetest mile in
Hollywood.
And yet she has tight standardsabout how her image is used and
(05:59):
who she works with and how hercareer is going to go down.
And she's turned down hugeprojects because they didn't
align with her values.
And that's not being a diva,that's self-trust, that's a
commitment to your own visionand not giving away your best
stuff to make somebody else'sdreams come true.
Which makes me think about ourLady Queen, reese Witherspoon.
(06:22):
She could have stayed America'ssweetheart forever.
Instead, she got tired ofreading scripts where the female
lead said what are we going todo?
And she built her own damnproduction company so that she
could create the kinds of rolesthat she knew that women
deserved and had the caliber todo.
Clear standards, highexpectations, zero apologies.
(06:44):
And you can't thank fiercefemale without thinking about
Serena Williams, powerhouse, oneof the greatest athletes in
history period.
And yet she gets intense andaggressive and too much To the
point where it sounds likeblatantly oppressive, because
she demands excellence fromherself and the people around
(07:07):
her.
And that's not high maintenance, that's owning your worth.
And the pattern here is thatit's only called high
maintenance when a woman hasclear standards, when she asks
for more than the bare minimum,the bare minimum, like we're
supposed to accept that, likeit's a gift, and when she's not
afraid to say this is what Ineed to do my best work, live my
(07:28):
best life and to protect mypeace.
That seems all very reasonable.
So the next time you startworrying, am I being too much?
I want you to picture thesewomen.
They're not shrinking, they'renot apologizing and they're not
lowering the bar so that otherpeople feel comfortable.
Not lowering the bar so thatother people feel comfortable,
(07:49):
and they're modeling what itlooks like to protect your
energy.
And you, you're allowed to dothe same.
You don't need to win 10 grandslams before you can protect
your peace.
You don't need to have your ownproduction company before you
start setting boundaries foryourself, because for people
pleasers, it's like this perfectstorm for us to not do that.
Naturally, because we're hyperattuned to other people's
(08:10):
comfort and we prioritize theharmony of everyone over being
honest with ourself first, andwe'd rather sacrifice our own
needs before riskingdisappointing someone else Fuck.
You'd rather sacrifice yourright arm before risking
disappointing someone else Fuck.
You'd rather sacrifice yourright arm before risking
disappointing someone else.
So how are we supposed to doall that and have boundaries and
(08:32):
standards and have everyonelike us?
Well, spoiler alert, you don't.
Because guess what, the moreyou bend to what you think is
good for everyone, the lesspeople actually get to know
about you, because you've becomea mirror of people around you
and there's no actual you in theroom.
(08:53):
So people don't actually expectmuch from you at all.
And that's not harmony, that'sself-abandonment.
And you, you've got so muchmore to give than that.
So let's rewire our coconutsand remember that standards are
not demands.
Say it with me now Standardsare not demands.
Let's break this down.
(09:13):
High maintenance isunreasonable, is being
inflexible, is being entitled.
You know the kind.
They're usually wearing boatshoes.
Now, having standards, it'sclarity, it's intention, it's on
purpose, it's self-respect.
Those things don't soundaggressive or violent or mean,
(09:35):
because having standards meansthat you know what works for you
and sometimes, more importantly, what does not.
And having standards means youknow how you want to be treated.
You know what your values are,and this last one's a be treated
.
You know what your values areand this last one's a kicker
You're willing to communicatethem.
Because that's the funny caveatabout boundaries they only
exist once they're enforced,otherwise they're just theory.
(09:58):
It's not like you demandperfection, that would be
unreasonable.
You're just asking foralignment, which is totally not
unreasonable.
So let's shift the self-talkfrom shit talk to pep talk.
(10:21):
Okay, how do we start flippingthis inside our own heads?
Because this fear isn't justout there, it lives in our
self-talk too.
So here's some language you canstart practicing.
Instead of well, I don't wantto be difficult, you can try.
Well, you know what, I'mallowed to have preferences.
(10:46):
And instead of talking yourselfdown and saying, well, you know,
I should just be grateful, try,I can be grateful and want
better for myself.
And instead of I don't want toinconvenience anyone, try, my
needs are valid and I'm not aninconvenience.
Or if that little voice in yourhead is trying to lie to you
and say, maybe I'm asking fortoo much, tell that bitch to
(11:10):
shut up and try instead, whatI'm asking for just meets my
needs.
That feels correct.
And my personal favorite mantrafor this work I'm asking for
just meets my needs.
That feels correct.
And my personal favorite mantrafor this work I'm not too much.
I'm just no longer willing toaccept too little.
And we can't do all this talkingand forget entirely about
(11:30):
Newton's third law of motion,because that would be silly.
You know the one Every actionhas an equal and opposite
reaction.
Now, I know this is law andphysics, but I'm pretty sure it
applies here too.
Stay with me, because when youstart holding standards for
yourself, there's a shift.
There's your relationshipsshift and some people fall away
(11:54):
and let them.
Right, please, god, let them.
They liked you because theymaybe they didn't have to do
anything right.
And when you start holdingstandards for yourself, the
people may rise to meet you andthey probably want in on what's
your secret sauce.
Because you feel more peaceful,not because life is perfect,
(12:15):
but because you're notabandoning yourself to keep the
peace.
It kind of feels badass, to behonest.
And then, before you know it,you start attracting partners
who respect your time, becauseyou're not giving it away for
free anymore.
You got friends who celebrateyour honesty and even seek it
out from you.
You got work that honors yourboundaries, because now they
(12:36):
actually know that you have some, because peace doesn't require
you to be exhausted, you don'thave to earn it, but you can
create the environment wherethat's just your baseline and
that's not high maintenance,that's just healthy.
So here's your reminder.
You are allowed to want more,you are allowed to hold
(13:01):
standards.
You're allowed to have needsand you should be able to name
them and know what they are.
And you're not here to be themost agreeable version of
yourself.
You're here to be the mostaligned version of yourself.
And that, my friend, is yourpocket full of mojo for today.
So if this hit home for you,I'd love to hear what standard
(13:30):
you're ready to race.
So DM me, tag me, send me acarrier pigeon and make sure
that you share that mojo, andboop this episode over to a
friend who needs this reminder.
And speaking of standards, is ittime to level up your mental
clarity game?
Are you tired of navigatingbrain fog and forgetting why you
(13:50):
walked in the room?
Well then, I want to introduceyou to my friend, the Mojo
Gummies.
Friends of the show get 15% offthis amazing, all natural,
delicious mushroom gummy thatmakes me sharp, focused,
productive, zero crash.
And did I mention they'redelicious?
And no, they're not those kindsof gummies.
(14:11):
But you can grab your promolink in the show notes today and
you can come back and thank melater.
Seriously, folks, these can bea game changer.
If you're at all neuro spicy,give them a try and be sure to
tune in to our next episodewhere we look at confidence and
(14:31):
we're not going to pull anypunches.
And, of course, until next time, I want you to stay kind, stay
curious and keep your pocketfull of love.
You ciao for now, bye.
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Dateline NBC
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